#i feel bad because i might not attend a school event i have to play for

[mitternz]

i feel so sick

[threepandas]

Bad End: Cold War

The receiving room was beautifully furnished. Neither overly ostentatious nor fussy in design. But it had a... coldness to it. This entire god forsaken building was, artfully hidden fireplaces be damned.

And it wasn't just the temperature.

The North may be a cold place, but the people there had always been a hardy one. Kind, if stoic. Not the sort for empty words and flamboyant gestures. So to see a building like this? One so very, very COLD? It spoke of something rotten. Something gone terribly wrong and far beyond control, hidden away out in the countryside where no one could stop it in time.

And it had.

And it DID.

And oh, how we SUFFERED for it, didn't we?

I didn't understand what went wrong. I knew, KNEW, because I was no fool, that the Story would change. Since I was remove a load bearing antagonist, how could it NOT? But... well, I did not wish to die. Certainly not for some other girl's love story. I refused to suffer. To be humiliated. To lead a life of pain and degradation. Just so she might frolic about with men, only to ultimately end up on the throne.

She would either have to find her way to greatness on her own merit, or settle of mediocrity. But it would NOT be built upon the back of my suffering. I gracefully bowed out. Took leave of the stage. And? Comported myself as befit a daughter of my house.

They were not... the most open. In fact, they struggled to connect. To offer or even receive comforts of any kind. But my family LOVED with a fierceness that would lead armies and burn nations. We were ABSOLUTE. And we? Stand TOGETHER. Always.

I would never forget. No matter how many days pass by. WHO I first saw when I opened my eyes. Clustered around my tiny form, rumbled and undignified in a way I would never see them again, with eyes that shone with such RELIEF. I never saw my mother's make run like that again. I half believe she hopes I do not remember.

But I DO.

And I always will.

In the Story, my character was a terror. Haughty and cruel. Sadistic. A wealthy brat that played God right up until all her sins came due. She drove a great deal of the early plot. I? Did none of those things. I threw myself into being a good daughter and a shining reflection upon the parents I loved.

I took my etiquette lessons seriously, to the delight of my teachers. My school work was promptly finished and followed by clarifying questions, to the joy of my tutors. I was polite to my peers. Overlooked their embarrassing early fumbles and mistakes. Helped them navigate social disasters with dignity. Promised nothing yet remained approachable.

My prospects had been ABYSMAL in the Story. It was part of the Narrative's punishment, I think. Though in hindsight, it is an ugly thing to do. A wonder I ever found such a story interesting enough to read. I imagine, it is the difference between tales and lived events? Nonetheless. My father was FLOODED with letters.

My poor mother absolutely HARRASED. Not an outing could go by, without SOMEONE mentioning their DEAR, SWEET son or nephew. To maintain proper appearances and neutrality, I was forced to attend more party's and events then I EVER wished to see.

I felt like a slab of meat up for auction. A show pony. But I also knew it was temporary. That I need only keep an eye out for a good, respectful man. Listen to the rumor mills. Discreetly bribe a few servants for information that "everyone knew". It was, after all, the way of things.

Should have been, the way of things.

But trouble started. Strange infighting, that started between boys and escalated to entire households. Tense, unspoken, lines dividing garden parties that only the day before were amicable. The Protagonist and her Harem of powerful players? Were BLIND to it.

Two of them were PRINCE for God sake! How had they been RAISED, that they could not feel the sudden shift in the socio-political landscape of their Father's court? He certainly could. And it clearly unnerved him. Yet? The Harem, each son's, each HEIRS, of some powerful position? Seemed both blind and deaf to all but the painfully obvious.

And even THAT? Was apparently unconnected to each other in their empty little minds. Had they nothing but flowers and glitter between their ears? One had to assume.

People were... accidentally forgotten. When invitations were sent. Then deliberately. Then OPENLY. Then? They were SNUBBED. Events deliberately scheduled on the same day, at the same time, as another. So all of polite society would have to CHOOSE. It was escalation.

And if it had been on or two houses? It would have been scandalous. Depending on the house, perhaps even worrying. A handful of houses? The king might have tried to get involved. Forcefully mediate. But it... it was somehow so much WORSE. Was EVERYWHERE.

Like someone had carefully examined the entirety of the Court for fault lines, then SWUNG. Some silent, careful, machination that left everyone at everyone's throat. Divided. Weak.

Easy to manipulate and control.

I could not for the life of me find the source of it all. My social season becoming swiftly more and more dangerous. Politically charged. People pushing and PUSHING for alliances I could not and WOULD NOT give without consulting my family. The capital was no longer safe. So... I quietly left.

Letters of vague excuse. Family matters, cousin so-n-so in their time of need, I'm sure you understand. Too late to stop me and under the cover of darkness.

It... I tell myself it is not my fault. That it would have happened either way. That I could not have known. But... but guilt is a heavy thing. It sits like lead in your gut. Like chains around your soul. They were waiting, I think. More, I suspect. Because...

Because the capital all but EXPLODED.

The carnage was IMMEDIATE. Not even a full day later, at a hunting party, the heir to one house shot the second son to another.

He did not survive.

The powder keg finally sparked and it all went up in flames. Alliances that had stood for centuries, shattered. Brother turned against brother. A wedding turned into a bloodbath, as the bride turned on both her family AND the groom, escaped into the night. Fights broke out everywhere.

The festering tension that had gone for so long unspoken? Could no longer be ignored. Would not, be ignored. The king was helpless to stop it all. The gaurd could only do so much. The fluffy, happy, empty headed little world of comfort the Protagonist knew? Was shredded to pieces.

It became starkly clear that the royal family... couldn't handle it.

That their heirs were... Weak.

Captain of the Gaurd, the Prime Minister, even the King's strongest supporter, the Duke of the East, ALL of them had... weak and ineffectual heirs. One or two could be a failing of parentage, but all together? They had let someone sabotage their sons. Make them puppets to be used and discarded at convenience.

The natural suspicion, of course, fell to the one most benefiting from said son's empty headedness. Much to the Harem's horror. No! Not their beloved shared girlfriend! That the world was burning around them? Of no consequence. But upsetting their darling little mouse? Unforgivable!

It was an act of true, genuine, paternal love; that those fools were banished by the king. They would have been killed horribly had they remained.

My family and I? Retreated to our lands. We had enough to survive. Our House and our People came first. We sent no messages, we received none. I practiced my frankly terrible embroidery. My maids gently CORRECTED my frankly terrible embroidery. The country BURNED.

Powerful people were picked off, one by one.

And wouldn't you know it? A new star was rising from the chaos. A voice of reason. Charismatic. Driven. Handsome and powerful, with the bloodline to match. Conveniently allied already to all those people who had replaced the Old Guard in government! How very serendipitous. That those positions should just... open up, like that. That he just HAPPEN to have such qualified people at the ready.

What ARE the odds?

My House knew our monster know. We watched. Careful. As he smiled and smiled. One hand open in welcome, the other? Holding a knife, hidden just out of sight. The king saw him for what he was. And the monster saw a worthy foe in the king. They were, after all, both very Dangerous men.

It was likely swordsmen duel.

Deadly steel clashing, shining, swift as it dances, from attack to defend to attack again. Experience versus youth. Power against power. The king was an old dragon, stood against a tiger come to see him dead. And though the dance was breathtaking? In the end... the dragon was old. Tired. And not the man he had once been.

The tiger won.

The king died in his sleep. Of... natural causes. No one believed it. No one dared say otherwise. The crown princess ascended the throne. She had played the game well. Taken after her Father. Been neglected in favor of her idiot brothers. In the Story, she was to be married off. A side character never to be heard from again.

It seems she was not content with such a fate.

Now she was Queen.

My family and I applauded. Polite. I hoped it marked the end of the strangeness. So many had died. So much had changed. Surely... surely it was over, wasn't it? But then? In the cold light of the early morning hours? A letter. Pristine and on a fine paper. Sat like a viper upon the table before us. A bomb.

My Father had stared at it, over steepled hands, like if he glared long enough? It would simply catch fire and burn away. The Monster's crest. Pressed lovingly into the wax. What... what did That Man want with us?

I watched him grit him teeth. Run his letter opener through paper like he was imagining jerking it across flesh, slitting the bastards throat for DARING to threaten his family. I held my mother's hand as he read. Watched his grip on the pages go white knuckled.

He didn't even tell a servant to burn it.

He slammed his chair back, in a terrible fury, and marched straight to the nearest fireplace to consign the letter to the flames. Over his dead body. Was his announcement. I... I had a terrible feeling it might be, whatever was on those pages.

The letters kept coming.

My Father burned them all.

Then? Trouble started.

And I did not need to see history twice, to know how it would end. I got up early. Waited near the damn GATES. My Father could not burn the letter before I read it, if I was there first. It... it was a marriage proposal. I... I did not understand. Why? For what POSSIBLE reason would he...?

It did not matter though, ultimately. I would be saying yes.

For my family? Anything.

And so I packed. My Father knew he couldn't stop me. I was entirely too much his daughter. It was why he had burned the letters. I was doing exactly what he would have done. He vowed to kill him. Slowly. Held me a swore. He would make me the loviest widow to ever live. My Mother promised to go look up family recipes for poisons. For rats, of course.

I loved them so, so much.

I LOVE them even now.

It is why I sit, back straight, fragrant tea untouched, in this cold but beautiful receiving room. I wear my best dress. The one that makes me look coldly beautiful. Elegant but untouchable. I feel like a winter spirit in it. Something made of ice and bone. I wear it when I want to feel stronger. I don't know if it's helping.

If I hold myself still. Count my breathing and do not think. I can almost... ALMOST? Slip into a trance, I think. Let my mind unfocus. They are keeping me waiting. It's a power play. So be it. You will find me unaffected. Bored even, by your petty displays. I stare peacefully into nothing. A statue in a silent room.

I hope I fucking unnerve them.

Confident footsteps. How quite has it become, that I can hear them, even through the door? I do not turn my head. Note absent-mindedly that the tea before me has long grown cold. This whole damn place is cold. I dispise it. The door is opened for the master of this house. I pointedly do not greet him.

"Aaah~, So COLD" He sing song's, almost chiding, it'd be nearly playful if not for the hint of something darker threaded through his voice. He has an almost victorious little bounce to his step as he approaches. "But then again, I already knew that, didn't I? Frigid, untouchable, and unfeeling~ Now? Now you're MINE~"

He laughs. There is something half disbelieving, half euphoric in the noise. Like he's finally gotten everything he's ever wanted and doesn't know what to DO with himself. He invades my space. Looms. Eyes a touch too wide as he stares. Drinking in the sight of me sitting before him, like he can't believe it's real.

"Do you know, snowdrop? How long it TOOK? What I had to DO to achieve this? Ha ha!" The grin that spills across his feature is unhinged. All I can do is sit, tense and frozen before a madman, as he speaks. "The WHINING, the COMPLAINING, the 'what about meeeee'~! They never shut UP! Wretched and pathetic to the last, they panted after you like DOGS."

Hands slid from his pockets, to come to rest on either side of me on the arm rests, bracing and caging me in. Trapping me as he leaned down. Entirely too close. He smelled like winter air, sharp but clean. His eyes were a blue grey so hauntingly pale, they seemed to bore straight into the soul.

"But they were so GREEDY. So DESPERATE for power. It was EASY, to play them like fools against each other. Make them DANCE. And worth it. Because I get what I wanted~ The brat get her silly little throne, and you?" His grin was all teeth. One hand coming up to rest on my head. "Now you can NEVER escape me."

The hand slid, slow and fingers splayed, downwards. Possessive as each finger brushed, stroked, the side of my face. My jaw. My neck. His eyes following it down with something that could only be blatant lust. His grip tightened around my neck. Not enough to choke. Just, it seemed, to prove to himself that he COULD.

His thumb rest again my pulse, facinated.

Sliding back up to cup my chin, gently forcing my head up, so I had no choice but to meet his eyes. His eyes were dilated. I glared.

"I am going to RUIN you." He whispered, sounding entirely too reverent. As though it were some act of worship he had planned. "Take you apart at the seams. Pretty, pretty little thing. Mine, all mine~"

"I saw you first, you know. You couldn't even be bothered to look at me. I tried all night. That's when I KNEW. I was going to hunt you down. MAKE you mine. Marry you and destroy anyone and anything that stood in my way. And I DID~♡"

"I'm going to have each and every part of you, Darling. Love you and love you until you can't HELP but love me back. We are going to be BEAUTIFUL together. You don't have a choice~♡"

[wttcsms]

wttcsms wags blind bag, one shot collection ;

about poking fun at blind items & wanting to explore wag culture (and also looking for any reason to write about hot anime athletes), this fic collection's theme is inspired by/based off of... well, blind items about wags!

you're what i wanna love on, shugo meian

at the height of peak stardom, you're not just japan's pop princess — you're everyone's. with it comes controversy; your infamously short dresses, the late night parties you attend after every concert, your outrageously expensive concert tickets and merch, your racy performances that have concerned mothers going on social media saying you're a bad influence. adding to your list of typical pop star transgressions, you also have a hot, successful, wildly successful and just barely controversially older boyfriend!

but it would've been fun (if you could've been the one), tooru oikawa

from high school rivals to long-distance college sweethearts to perhaps the couple that got eloped way too early, it's no surprise that you and oikawa end up divorcing soon after getting married. while in your case it seems like love might be a losing game, you and oikawa both only play to win. when the olympics brings you two together once more, there's a good chance you two can reconcile and get your relationship back and better than it was before — or, go down with this sinking ship. with either outcome, at least you two are doing it together.

something to lose, shoyo hinata

heartbroken, jaded, and convinced that all men are garbage, you don't plan on anything happening when you're invited to an after party for a profession volleyball team in order to boost said team's publicity. you don't plan on making any friends or meaningful connections, and you certainly don't plan on getting the number of one of their star player's, shoyo hinata. then again, a lot of things don't go as planned when he's involved, and you don't expect yourself to be happy about these turns of event, but for once you are; happy, that is. and it's all his fault.

easy like sunday morning, wakatoshi ushijima

wakatoshi ushijima is notorious for his devotion to two things: volleyball and his family. during his post-game interview where he's been away from home for nearly two months, interviewers are asking him if he's excited to attend the rowdy after party to celebrate. ushijima's answer? he's taking a flight directly after this interview to head back home. he plans on celebrating the only way he knows how to: by finally being able to tuck in his sweet kids to bed, and then show his beloved wife how much he's missed her.

it's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender, koutarou bokuto

before he gets scouted by the msby black jackals and becomes one of japan's most famous athletes of all time, he's a struggling athlete trying his hardest to get a contract. during the off-season for recruiting, he decides to make some extra cash by using his looks and charms to become a contestant on a reality dating show, where he meets you: beautiful, intelligent, ambitious you, who is so clearly out of the league for anyone. you adore him, and you two have the strongest connection out of everyone on the show, so when he ends up picking someone who's not you, you're shocked. you don't know that he thinks he's doing you a favor because he believes he'll only ever hold you back. when the show invites you two for a reunion episode special, bokuto can only hope your feelings haven't changed.

burn out season, michael kaiser

what do you do when suffer a potential career-ending injury? hopefully not get diagnosed with depression, find out that because you devoted your whole life to your sport, you now have no sense of what to do without it, and then realize the only person who really Gets You is the only person who can irritate you like no one else does. hopefully you don't start to spend your newfound free time with him, and hopefully, you don't start to experience all the fun firsts in your life because of him and with him. or, maybe hopefully you do.

life could be a dream, yoichi isagi

getting together was no easy feat, and yoichi wants to show you how happy he is that you're his. he showers you with presents, shows you off at any given chance, always has a hand on the small of your back or around your waist. his possessive streak only grows when he finally slips that expensive engagement ring on your finger, and he shows you just how good married life is going to be for you.

i was supposed to sweat you out, michael beckenbauer

michael beckenbauer doesn't give a shit about japan, or the other subpar racers who have the nerve to get behind the wheel of the cars just to lose by a wide margin to him, or about how he's perceived by the media. he just wants to finish out this season, return home, and maybe find some worthy competition. he doesn't care if it's your job to try to brighten up his image; he never asked for a publicist, and in typical michael fashion, he's going to go out of his way to get you to quit. he has a bad tendency to underestimate his opponents, though, and off the track, you just might be his worthiest competition yet.

[project-sekai-facts]

do u know anything cool about the side characters i feel like they need more appreciation and more people to know about them.

my time has come (<- i really like the side characters)

because i don't own the fanbooks, and cannot find scans of them anywhere, this is all from memory or stuff written on the wiki or tvtropes. also characters who debuted physically in the last year (e.g Asahi, Mafuyu's mother, Arisa) won't have fanbook profiles yet, so i can only tell you what's mentioned in the story

so yeah some random trivia (a lot about favorite foods because all the side characters have that listed)

Leo/need

Iori and Mio are both 19 years old (currently)

Iori's favorite food is choco-banana crepes and she dislikes spicy food

Mio likes super spicy tantanmen ramen but dislikes fresh cream. She also collects teddy bears

neither Iori or Mio were ever given family names. This might mean that the names used in the story are stage names.

Youta is the same age as Leo/need (16). His younger sister Hanano is 14.

Saku is currently 16, the same age as the Leo/need members, and her family name is Kousaka

She's the singer and composer of her band, Anenome. They debuted professionally a few weeks prior to the Get Over It. event

When Shindou was younger, he was a bassist in a band with some school friends. He and the singer/guitarist were more skilled than the others, and were scouted for a different band. Shindou didn't want to quit because he wanted to be in a band with his friends, but the singer/guitarist quit and accepted the offer because his music would have more spread. In the end Shindou's band had to disband, and he doesn't know what happened to the guy that left.

MORE MORE JUMP!

Mai's favorite food is eclairs and she dislikes liver. She is also 15 years old currently

Yuina was the first side character to be shown with more than one outfit. Her live2D has a different outfit to the one in Minori's For "Your" Sake card

Yuina's hobby is handicraft, and she also plays basketball

Yuina's favorite food is potato croquette and she dislikes bok choy

Airi and Nanamin did a collab performance when they were both idols. They are the same age.

Nanamin has now retired as an idol and is currently a streamer with over 800 thousand subscribers. She likes fruit tarts and dislikes wasabi.

Riho is a high school first year (16) and is active as a song producer on the in-universe version of youtube

Riho's favorite food is pudding and she doesn't like hard and crumbly bread

Ayaka is 20 years old and attends college. She’s a big fan of Shizuku. She likes pork cutlets and doesn't like oysters.

Vivid BAD SQUAD

Ken likes meat dishes and dislikes umeboshi

He says he fell in love with his wife, Yuka, at first sight. They met in college and they've been married for over 20 years.

We don't know how old Yuka is but Ken is 43

Ken was a really good student and had good grades in both academics and sports. He also attended and graduated college.

Ken is very aware of An's feelings towards Kohane and is supportive of her. Go Ken-san

He was RADder's designated driver back in the day

Taiga dropped out of high school

Taiga likes whiskey but dislikes tsubuan

He is referref to as “partner” in the game data

Ken and Taiga have known each other since middle school. He thought Ken being an academic was boring and decided to get him into street music

Nagi had anemia. It's implied this is part of the reason she didn't realise she had cancer until it was too late, because she thought she felt bad because her anemia was playing up

Nagi's least favorite food was tomato, just like An. She liked coffee as well.

Arata's favorite foods are omelet rice and chocolate parfait, and his least favorite food is natto.

As pointed out by Taiga, Arata is one of the most talented performers on Vivid Street. Taiga seems to see himself in Arata, and relates to the feeling of losing a partner and can identify Arata’s weaknesses based on this

I’m not entirely sure if this is true, but based on observation Souma’s Live2D model has restricted movement. He doesn't lift his arms in any of his animations, only does small movements with them and his legs hardly move if at all. I'm assuming this is to convey that he was partially paralysed in the traffic accident

Both Souma and Arata are currently 19

Also their duo act nane was Gurney Flaps. Souma was the one who came up with that.

Souma and Arata were friends for an unknown amount of time before Rad Weekend. They may have been doing street music before the event I can't remember if this is ever mentioned.

Souma was involved in a traffic accident not long after he and Arata decided to surpass RW. He mentions that the accident was before Weekend Garage opened, and it's been open for a couple years at this point, because Ken decided to buy and open the cafe not long after the event.

Also they get a shoutout on KAITO’s costume from the Walk on and on event

Also I literally just learnt that the EN server localises Souma's name as Soma.

Even though he looks pretty old, Harumichi Aoyagi is only 53

Inferred based on his house, but he’s really rich as well. I think the Aoyagis might live in a penthouse, if you look at the window of their living room you can see the tops of trees.

Kotaro is called “cord nukio” in the game data, referring to him disconnecting the sound system during Vivids’ debut

He has a younger brother, and the reason he got into singing is because he wanted to be a cool big brother. He saw RW around the time his brother was born and the rest is history

Kotaro is 17, and presumably a high school second year (since first year side characters are 16). I’m guessing her doesn’t attend kamikou otherwise that probably would’ve been mentioned by now

His favorite food is strawberries. Ironically, he doesn’t like strawberry-flavored things.

Tatsuya is 22, making him the oldest NPC who isn’t a parent or mentor

He got into singing after being inspired by a senior in high school

WonderlandsxShowtime

Kigurumi-san is a rabbit. Please tell me how that is a rabbit costume.

According to Rui in Full Power! Wonder Halloween!, Kigurumi-san's hiding spot is a bush near the wonder stage. It is heavily implied that he is Emu's bodyguard.

Usa-chan (the bunny plushie) is the only NPC to have ever appeared in an area conversation

Usa-chan's name was picked by Saki. Tsukasa wanted to give her a weird name, but we don't know what this was.

Sakurako has been a fan of PXL since she was a kid, and getting to perform there has always been a dream of hers. Also she’s 17 (the same age as Rui and Tsukasa)

Sakurako is called “diva” in the game data

Her favorite food is roll cake and she dislikes konjac.

The Little Mermaid was Yuuka Kazamatsuri’s first ever leading role. She’s 31 now, so she was 21 at the time.

Yuuka's favorite food is deepfried horse mackerel. Her least favorite food is fish and chips, because she thought it would be horse mackerel. It was not.

Rakunosuke (Emu's grandpa)'s favorite food was taiyaki, the same as Emu. He disliked surströmming.

Rakunosuke died when he was 99 years old. Considering that Emu’s father is currently 55, that means he didn’t have kids until he was in his 40s (unless Emu has older aunts/uncles that aren’t mentioned).

Kounosuke's favorite food is candy apples and he doesn't like sugary candies

Keisuke and Shousuke are referred to as Little Keisuke and Little Shousuke in flashbacks to Emu’s childhood, even if they are probably university-aged in these flashbacks. I just think this is funny

Keisuke is 30. He likes dried horse mackerel and dislikes chocolate.

Emu mentions that one time when her family went on a beach holiday Keisuke took an encyclopedia about sea life with him. Maybe he has an interest in that?

Shousuke is 3 years younger than Keisuke. He likes corndogs and dislikes green peppers.

Hinata is 20 and is currently in college. Her favorite food is peaches. Like Emu, she doesn't have a least favorite food.

If it wasn't obvious at this point the Otoris all like theme park food. Except for Keisuke.

Jean Riley is the in-universe equivalent to Walt Disney. He's also still alive and only 54 years old.

25-ji, Nightcord de.

Mrs Asahina doesn’t appear physically until someone other than Mafuyu interacts with her (that being Kanade at the end of Immiscible Discord)

Also she frequently employs actual manipulation techniques - she is in complete control of her meeting with Kanade, she rarely disagrees with anyone and instead gives them suggestions (i.e “but wouldn’t X be better for you?” over “no i think you should do X”), and playing victim. Wonder how she learnt those.

Honestly we really don’t know that much about her

Mafuyu’s dad doesn’t show up that much but he can be seen in some family photos in the Asahina living room

Shin’ei Shinonome’s hobby is camping with his family

He has the same liked and disliked food as his children

Also he’s 48 years old

None of the photos in the Shinonome living room actually look like the family so god knows what Mrs Shinonome looks like

Mrs Shinonome puts carrots in the dinners she cooks to encourage her kids to try the things they don’t like

Futaba is 17 years old. Her favorite food is pancakes from a local shop, and she doesn’t like salty food

Mizuki’s sister studies fashion abroad. She gifted Mizuki one of her mannequins before she left, which can be seen in Mizuki’s room

Kanade’s mother died when she was 30 years old. Her favorite food was deepfried tofu, and she didn’t like goya.

Kanade’s mother liked gardening. She was fond of carnations and used to keep them around the house, which is why Kanade has a strong attachment to those flowers.

Kanade's dad is currently 46. We don't know how old Kanade was when her mother died but it still works out that he's a few years older than his wife.

Bonus: As the self-proclaimed #1 slash only Asahi fan here's my obligatory Asahi loredump

Sakurako and Asahi are friends, though they have never interacted on-screen

Asahi's not-Disneyland theme park actor career somehow managed to spin-off into him appearing in TV and film roles. It's also mentioned that he's worked at ArcLand for a long time

Asahi is a huge fan of WxS, and is very familiar with their work before he meets them. It's implied he became a fan through the show they perform in Wonder Magical Showtime!. His favorite character in that show was Tsukasa's character, Miles. Like, he really likes that character.

It’s implied that he likes Tsukasa. I have made two posts about this. I think this is a lot funnier than it actually is.

We don't have a confirmed age for him yet, but considering that he's friends with Sakurako and the way he interacts with Rui and Tsukasa, he's probably around the same age as those three (17). How young was he when he started working at ArcLand in that case?

Assuming he’s high school-aged, I think he straight up dropped out of school (high school is not compulsory in Japan). When he recruits Rui he says that since he’s good, they can get him up to a full-time job before the age of 18, and Rui realises this would require him to pull out of school. The way Asahi talks about this seems to imply that he already did this.

He keeps a notebook in his pocket when he practises. He notes down useful things about the performances he does and also notes about the people he performs with. He also people-watches because it helps him make characters act more like real people.

He's a huge fan of the director Tom Grey, one of Rui's major influences, and claims to have watched all of his works 100 times. Grey is the person who inspired Asahi to become an actor. The shared interest is a large part of why Asahi invites Rui to be the ArcLand director

Asahi grew up abroad because of his parents' work, but the country he lived in ended up getting involved in a war. The area he lived in was attacked and his family had to evacuate, but he got separated from his parents when they were running away. He didn't speak the country's language very well since he was very young, and couldn't communicate with the people at the evacuation centre to locate his family. Tom Grey happened to be volunteering there, since he lived in the neighbouring country, and met Asahi and helped cheer him up and find his parents.

He’ll be back. That'll be a fun event.

[childabusesurvivor]

Sharing - The Fun Is Why

New Post has been published on https://www.childabusesurvivor.net/reviews/2023/05/10/sharing-the-fun-is-why/

Sharing - The Fun Is Why

In his newsletter, Mike Sowdon shares the story of Sarah Merker, and her quest to document the best scones. He then tries to explain why so many of us will react “meh” to this story because we don’t get “why.”

“This is really about what I call the tyranny of usefulness: where the value of doing a thing, the “sense” bit of “it has to make sense”, goes back to two things.

Firstly, the old economic-based model of productivity that’s been haunting us since the industrial revolution – does it help me produce more widgets and therefore make more money and maybe help me retire a bit earlier? You know: “useful” stuff, not for “fun”.

And secondly: we can quantify the usefulness of it in advance. We’re doing it because we already know what we want to get out of it.”

I’m not going to tell you that I was fascinated by the details of her quest for scones. I wasn’t. That’s OK. She wasn’t doing that for me, she was doing it for herself. Maybe other people who love scones might find it interesting as well but that’s sort of beside the point. That’s the part of what Mike wrote that fascinated me.

Because I recognize it. I’ve looked at the world that way more than once and it was never to my benefit. The first time I remember it wasn’t because of work either. It was church. It was living a life where everything had to have a point. I had to be building relationships, having fellowship, studying, or attending a church-related event, not wasting my invaluable time doing something by myself just because it was fun. That was selfish. Rest was lazy. You only had a limited time on Earth in which to make a difference. Don’t waste any of it.

By the way, when introverts live with the expectation that spending time alone is selfish, bad things happen to them. Without the ability to recharge, this lifestyle is not sustainable. This is a lesson that many in the business world should take t heart as well. People need rest and fun. They need to have things they enjoy just because they enjoy them. No ulterior motives, just because we are human beings and we are allowed to enjoy our lives.

More recently, I’ve been feeling this pressure since being laid off from work. Time spent on anything other than job-searching, networking, learning new skills, or building my own potential business is a waste. I can’t afford to have fun. But, that’s not true at all. In fact, not taking some time to do something just because I have fun doing it, has caused me to struggle with manic thoughts, anxiety, and a lack of sleep. If there was anything that would make it harder for me to find work, that’d be part of it.

I feel like this is something that has gotten continuously worse over the years too. Kids who never get to just play, but are fully booked with one after-school activity after another. Teens are under constant pressure to spend their time doing things that look good on college applications. College-aged young adults are about filling out the resume or getting into the best graduate school programs, only to graduate into jobs that expect them to always be on call, to learn and grow themselves on their own time, all while social media culture tells them they should also have a side-hustle or three.

Having fun is time that could be spent on any of these accomplishments.

I’d flip that around. What’s the point of all of those accomplishments if you never have any fun?

Do me a favor. Go do something fun this week, just because it’s fun for you. No one else needs to get it, and it doesn’t have to serve some higher purpose. Having fun is purpose enough.

https://everythingisamazing.substack.com/p/the-fun-is-why

#Anxiety, #Book, #MentalHealth, #School, #SocialMedia, #Teens

[marshmallowprotection]

Ooooh matchups? I'm curious, if you don't mind!

I look like MC if she had green eyes and glasses. I don't go out much due to asthma and an orthopedic issue that causes pain sometimes, but I like to stay inside.

I enjoy playing videogames most, reading non-fiction, and drawing is a fun hobby too, though I mostly stick to sketched things instead of full works. I love to write poetry too sometimes. My favorite hobby is self teaching languages. I've always wanted to get into computer science and coding, but I'm too scared and not confident enough to know where to start.

I usually keep to myself to have fun. It's what I've always been used to. I don't have any siblings and I struggled a lot growing up with bullying. I was kept close to home with helicopter parents (with good intentions of course, considering my school experiences) and so I never really learned how to socialize.

I didn't have any friends my age, and when I DID talk to other kids, I could never... connect? I always felt different, always walking on eggshells watching what I'd say or how I acted, always wanting to be a people pleaser but never be myself, anything just to be wanted by someone. It never really worked out.

Now that I'm in college (I'm studying ecology!), I have this social freedom that I never really got as a kid. My freshman year I had no idea what I was doing. Something more social than high school? (Which I attended not one single dance or event for in all four years (I was doomed.)) My parents told me they just wanted me to finally be happy and to have good experiences. I didnt know how to do that. If I couldn't please my parents in the social department, I could do what I do best- be a study hermit and an obsessive perfectionist at the sacrifice of my physical and mental health. If I could be perfect academically, I'd be worth something as a child then, right?

...

It took a year to learn that that was a big mistake too.

I'm... getting better with that. Slowly but surely.

After some therapy, I'm learning to open up more. I've made a decently large group of friends (I have no idea how). I'm getting used to being involved in things now, and go out on outings, and have conversations.

I'm still too scared to do some things, and I'm still a bit too buried in my perfectionist study issues, but all this new stuff feels nice for once, despite it all being so foreign.

I'm still finding out who I am, so this description of myself was probably a bit vague, but I figured it's worth a shot nonetheless. Sorry if long, I get carried away writing a lot of the times ;-;

I match you with...

Jumin!

You're somebody who doesn't quite understand the rest of the world. It's not a bad thing, it just means you have difficulty seeing the ways that people adapt and communicate. In some ways, it gives you a bit of a benefit because you don't see the bias or the conflict that can arise in relationships. In other ways, it makes you feel like you're behind schedule and that you're not working fast enough to be at the point that your social peers are.

Once you've learned not to compare yourself to others, you don't need to worry about a thing. All you need to do is go at your own pace and find people that understand you the way that you are. In that sense, that's why the perfect choice for you is somebody you like Jumin. You probably wouldn't believe it but he struggles with the same thing. His upbringing kept him from interacting with other people in most capacities. He may be able to seem like he is an expert at communication, but that isn't really the case. People don't understand him the way that he can understand them. There might be a feeling of similarity in that for you. You might find him to be a kindred spirit. Somebody who knows where you're coming from when you feel you're most vulnerable. He gets it in a way that nobody else ever could.

That's why you'd feel the safest with him. There's no rush to be anybody or anything. You just get to be yourself with him and he the same with you. There isn't a push to communicate or be something you're not. You get to talk about the things you love and see what makes the other person tick. He is also someone who enjoys being a homebody, but it's even better now that he has the right person at home. It doesn't feel as lonely when he looks over from the book he's reading to see that you're sitting there with him. It's almost poetic in a way. Maybe you'll enjoy that with him just as much as he does with you.

[vogelmeister]

i wasn’t going to talk about this bc its opening old wounds but now i feel i have to and maybe this might help.

basically everyone here at vogel.com knows im a huge theatre nerd. its part of the reason goud is a play, and why i like ushering. in my time i’ve been in some plays and musicals as well, bc i adore performance and performing. i do the normal theatre kid route of advertising shows im in but never have pushed it hard.

enter my delightful ex friends. theatre was never for them, neither was the arts (one of them was even like “i could never pretend to be someone else” which is? honestly one of the best parts for me but whatever, it can be humbling and can make one vulnerable but its not for everyone) and i didn’t really care. their dad especially would look down upon it but would pretend he didn’t mean me. i would give then links to shows i was in and sometimes they’d come, but as we got older this became less and less. they’d always say they were busy and i never fought it. i do remember them mocking little shop of horrors after a friend’s birthday where we watched the movie, but i kinda brushed it off. i also remember discomfort when we went to see the local co-eds school’s musicals and i remember them being appalled that the friend we were supporting was only doing tech.

i will say a massive red flag was when i was house drama captain in my final year of high school and they still skipped out on the performing arts showcase even though their good friend (me) had written and directed a piece. they gave me flowers and i just accepted that bc they always skipped these events and thats how it was. yea those compulsory events were stupid especially when you weren’t into the Concept but they should have supported me.

anyways a few years ago i did two plays with my drama society. one, parfumerie, was in development hell bc of covid, so when we finally got the slot we were thrilled. i couldn’t believe it and sent my friends (these two girls and another friend) the links to come, as i normally do, and to my delight my friends came and i was so happy. it was a romcom so i thought hey they’ll even LIKE the show despite me being in it. anyways they attended closing and i left it at that.

they didn’t attend r+g. i never fought it but i was sad. my family all got covid so no one saw me in r+g in the end.

fast forward to 2024. i go to the netherlands, the netherlands makes me realise that i don’t like these two friends, i ghost them, we cool. im still friends with the other girl who attended parfumerie. shes cool. i saw her today. we will call my friend… susie. so susie and i were walking to maisie peters and we were talking about how we gatekept maisie from them and how they never listened to what we showed them anyway. this prompted me to go “yea they judged me so bad for liking theatre.” and so then susie was like remember when you were in that play 2 years ago? parfumerie. and i was like ye ofc i do it was literally in development hell. and then susie basically tells me that these two girls basically didn’t want to come, that the one with their license refused to drive the other two, and that susie basically had to beg them to come. not only that they hardly watched the show or even gave it a chance, and spent most of the time talking to each other about how the guy that liked me was sitting in front of them.

now idk why but every time i think about that now i get emotional, but its a mix of hurt and anger and sadness. because if the roles were reversed, i would have been given hell (this was proven actually). and secondly these two were awful people and i have so much hate for them. i already have enough reason to not like them. but this was something i loved, they knew i loved and they couldn’t care less for. like they knew it meant a lot to me and they still mocked it and pushed it to the side. they went into my room they saw my programs of shows i was in along the back wall. they saw me get excited whenever i had drama and they saw me excitedly post my program when i was at the theatre. they saw me exclusively listening to showtunes in 2018 and they met my theatre kid of an ex boyfriend. like would it not kill you to see me doing something i loved?

the worst part was one even asked me why i never showed her hamilton and i was literally like ‘i didn’t think you’d like it.’ she was shocked i thought that.

this is probably why we’re not friends. anyways-

the saddest sight in the world is a married couple at a musical and the wife is super excited and happy and the husband looks like he was dragged along and he’s making a big deal about how much he doesn’t want to be there and the wife gets embarrassed or ashamed. this isn’t a funny post, it’s actually heartbreaking and i see it happen at like every other musical i attend.

[nichase]

Anime Conventions, Fandom, and True Otaku

Fandoms are an important aspect of popular culture, they allow a consumer of media to express interest in a topic and also find other like minded individuals. Fandoms produce offshoot events and hobbies like role playing, conventions, and cosplay. These not only strengthen ones own association with an interest, but also allows people to find their community and bond with others. Fandoms are very prominent when it comes to anime, and it is something that fuels and allows it to grow.

Personally, I have never been to an anime convention and did not have time to during this semester. I have always wanted to attend one, as I feel like it would be very fun and also a super cool experience. But because I have not yet, in order to learn more about anime conventions and otaku culture itself I watched the documentary "True Otaku". The documentary was quite informative and taught me about what an otaku is and where the word came from. Despite the word basically just meaning someone with a deep interest in something, now the term can be seen as both a good and bad thing based on context.

I think that anybody who has a strong interest in any topic will often be seen in a judgemental light by others who do not share this same interest. For example, I am not very interested in watching sports, and so when I see people who get deeply upset when their favorite team loses, I will on occasion internally judge them. This is why when people who do not watch anime, or consume animation or even fictional pieces of media, they might be quick to judge them. This is why I believe that fandoms are important. They are a way for these people to meet others who share interest and find a sense of community. These fandoms can be digitally, through social media or online blogs, or physically like school clubs or conventions. Additionally, a convention is a product of fandoms that extend the way for these people to meet and interact, and I find them beneficial to both the piece of media they are celebrating and for the fans. Going back to the topic of sports, in a way they are similar to sporting events, where fans dress up, meet others who share their interests, and celebrate and get excited over the thing they like.

The closest thing to an anime convention that I have been to, are art fairs/markets. These are events hosted by famous artists on social media, local artists, or art schools, that allow artists to meet their fans, and sell their art. From what I learned about anime conventions they seem very similar to this. These art fairs are typically in one large building where everybody shares one common interest, art. There are booths for people to personally meet their favorite artists and help support them by purchasing their art. It is also extremely common to see people at these art fairs selling anime fanart, as there is a major overlap between art and anime fans. I have been to a couple of these art fairs and because of them I can understand the culture behind other conventions, and see their importance.

I think the strongest aspect that the documentary True Otaku does is provide history to the anime fandom, but also interviews with people who are apart of the fandom. This allows people who do not know anything about anime, or people who are not deeply part of the culture but still enjoy it (me) to understand, relate, and respect the people.

[oldfangirl81]

The hotel room in '09 I shared with a guy I barely knew and ended up involved in drama that felt soap opera like.

SO MUCH DRAMA! Especially for folks of all different ages but all still in their 20s when this happened. And I might be a little bitter still about how my friendship with Daphne (not her real name to be clear) ended so here is drama I got dragged into.

It was an event for young folks of a particular group(not religious). I was pushing the high end of young even then but whatever. So my friend(Daphne) was just getting out of a bad marriage and really wanted to go. Her boyfriend(Fred) was going to be driving his car. Daphne had a friend from high school (Ted) who just joined the group.

I was in my 20s and had only gone on a trip without my folks once, never a road trip. So I was feeling daring and agreed to go to this event taking place 9hrs away or so via car.

I also agreed to share a hotel room with Ted. Now I was single too at the time, starting to think about dating again. Daphne thought I would be great with Ted.

No. The man is fine as a friend. But we have zero things in common for a romantic relationship. He hates reading. He doesn't follow politics. And is pretty strong in his Christian faith.

But the big reason it was a no from me? Because he was so crushing on Daphne. And had been since high school. I'm not positive if she knew and was trying to toss me at him because it would fix things in her mind if he dated me. Her boyfriend wouldn't be jealous, Ted would be in a relationship with a good person so win win. Except as I said it was not a good match.

Still we all crammed in the car, the smoked and downed so many energy drinks. I fought the anxiety of trying to trust other drivers(my folks and friends from high school were who I was used to being driven by). All in all fun.

So we get there Daphne and Fred disappear for hours. I separate from Ted too.

After attending a few things I ended up in the 24 hr game room. I ended up playing cards with Betty who reminded me a lot of Daphne. Both physically and in mannerisms. We spent at least an hour together. Then go off in opposite directions.

I think I found a panel that was LGBTQ focused. And probably came across as a little too enthusiastic but I'd rarely interacted for queer folk offline at the time, except during protests.

At one point I run into Ted and....Betty. He shyly asked if I'd stay out of the room for a few hours. I agreed because honestly I found the whole thing amusing. He found the one woman who reminded me of Daphne among thousands. Like others were horrified when I told this but like I was genuinely like "okay you kids go have fun and be safe". I think I played cards with Betty at least once more before the weekend was over.

Now unknown to me while I was just trying to find some level of comfort at an event where my extrovert friends vanished at Daphne and Fred were fighting. Jealousy was a big thing for a lot of people that weekend. It was a hotel full of mostly 17-30 somethings.

So during the second night Daphne tracked me down because of their latest fight. She ended up sharing my bed with me. I honestly can't remember if Ted came back to the room at all during that period. But by morning Fred and Daphne had "fixed" things.

The weekend had a few more tiny things. But not long after Fred and Daphne broke up for good. About ten months after that Ted and Daphne had a baby together, six months after that they got married.

I got involved in so much ridiculous drama when I was friends with Daphne. Extra funny that I am still casual friends with 2 of Daphne's exes but not her or Ted. In fact Fred posts fantastic travel photos, it's neat to see someone check off life goals after struggling.

[harlowgold]

WELP okay I’m 99.99% none of my irls follow me on here so here comes the rant that I need to get off my chest.

I already only had like 4 friends because I moved around so much during my school years but had finally found a stable, amazing group of people.

Last year I befriended a girl through work and there were so many red flags I literally thought she hated me when I met her but for some reason my dumbass brain thought she would get better. Also at that point in my life I couldn’t accept that some people just might not like me (thankfully therapist has helped me move on from that) but this girl loved the amount of time and attention I was giving her and I didn’t see how much she was taking advantage. She was so selfish, would constantly cancel on me at the last minute even if we’d already spent money on booking an event to attend together, always told me she’d pay be back and never did. Also just straight up bullied me like would tell me she’s better at me at our job, was so patronising and rude about things I enjoyed, cut me off while talking and constantly lied about weird things like she would tell people she plays guitar just because I play but I know for a fact she can’t???

Anyway I don’t know HOW I didn’t see this girl was manipulating me but she basically convinced me my other friends hated me and I stupidly distanced myself from them and now I feel like it’s too late to try and get them back.

I started to realise this girl was toxic and a terrible friend so I stopped initiating contact for a while. Her MUM messaged me to try and gaslight me into saying I was being a bad friend and needed to contact her (we’re in our 20s like girl what why is your mum messaging me???) Then this girl messaged me to tell me she had changed and was less selfish (but the absolute lol of it all is that 2 hours later she followed that up with a text asking how I am because it’s like she realised if she wanted to sound less selfish she should maybe stop talking about only herself). I was polite because we still had to work together but didn’t go out of my way to initiate conversations or catch-ups outside of work.

I had to draw the line recently because she gave me covid on purpose (YEP). Still tried to remain pretty calm while she was literally making jokes about it as though it was funny even though I am living with my mum and stepdad right now who are both high risk and they ended up getting sick as well, I told her I was pretty upset about it and she tried to gaslight me by telling me she “didn’t know” she could give it to me (????), she “thought I wouldn’t mind” and that me being upset was a “shitty mentality” (!!!????!!!)

Anyway, cut her off, blocked her on socials and told her we couldn’t be friends outside of work. For the better but because I was blind to her being completely off her rocker and let it ruin my relationships with my other friends Iiiiiiiiiii quite literally have no friends now.

Anyway happy Christmas month lmao

[lowkeycasanova]

Down bad pt. 2

You invited Vinnie over to your friends house as there was a get-together happening and you thought not only y'all could hang out, but he could meet some of your good friends.

To say he was nervous was an understatement. He didn't want to be flustered around you, but as a result of not going out as much as his peers, he also knew that he'd be in a room with people he didn't know and he'd hate to make a bad first impression.

For a moment, he thought about not going. But he didn't want to disappoint you.

Upon arriving, Vinnie was greeted by your friend Cody at the front door, who recognized him immediately and let him in.

"Yo, you're Vinnie, right?"

"That's me."

"Y/N told us you might be here." Cody replied and shut the door behind them.

Despite the house being in the Hollywood Hills, a place well known for its outlandish parties, it was actually a small gathering with a few people, just like you said.

He took in his surroundings as the other guys came to greet him.

Your friend Maya bumped your shoulder. "There go your boyfriend."

You followed her eyes and saw Vinnie greeting the boys with that handshake guys always do.

"You're so annoying." you told her with a smile.

Vinnie's eyes scanned the room and you two made eye contact.

With as much confidence as he could muster up, he walked toward you and gave you a big ol bear hug.

He smells good, you thought.

Long story short, everyone wanted to get to know Vinnie, so y'all sat down on the white couch to get more comfortable and personal.

"So...what do you do besides the whole tik tok thing?"

"Um," Vinnie started off but was silent for a moment, feeling all eyes on him. You know like how you're in school and the teacher wants everyone to introduce themselves and suddenly you forget who you are for a second? Yeah.

"I've been modeling a lot. Or trying to get back into it. I did a photoshoot for Tings magazine and just recently came back from Paris. I attended the Ami Menswear show as a guest."

"Now that I'm thinking about it," Cody said. "I did see you. I mean, I wasn't there but I saw photos from the event."

"Pink vest?"

"Yeah!"

"That was me."

"How old are you?" someone else asked.

"I'm 20."

"No way? I would've guessed you were pushing 23."

***

You sat there smiling while Vinnie talked more about his interests. He mentioned cars, gaming, but the only thing you could relate to was anime. At least some of it. But nevertheless, you enjoyed listening to him talk and become more comfortable.

Everyone gets eventually gets up except for you and Vinnie and you inch closer to him.

"I like your outfit." you tell him.

He's wearing black sweatpants with a red shirt and red bandana to match.

"Thanks." he says sheepishly.

Internally he's so fucking happy. He was rummaging around in his closet for an hour.

“You know what’s funny?” He asks. You give him a look to keep going. “The fact that I’m here. I mainly meet people through my friends because I don’t go out a lot.”

“Meaning…because you’re on Valorant most of the time, right?” You laughed.

“Precisely. I find comfort in my PC.”

“At least you’re not out wasting money.” You shrugged. “So tell me more about this game.”

“It can get really annoying. And it’s bad because I spend so much time on it.”

“You any good?”

“I’m…pretty decent. What about you. You play anything?”

“Does Mario Cart on Nintendo Switch count?”

He laughed out loud.

“What?” You said defensively. “It’s fun!”

"No, I'm not laughing to make fun of you, I swear. That's a fun one. You'll have to let me play with you one of these days."

"Maybe we can hang out again before I leave to Chicago."

“Why you going there?”

"Oh, just a friend's birthday party and I have a couple brand events."

"I hope you have a good time. Keep me updated."

"Sure, what's your number?"

***

Your friend Blake announced that pizza was here and everyone scrambled into the kitchen. You and Vinnie got up from your spots on the couch and met up with them.

While getting food, you stood thisclose to Vinnie, able to better see the tattoos on his arm.

"I really like this one." You told him, referring to the skeleton on his bicep and then holding his arm to run your thumb across it.

He rolled up his sleeve so you could see it better and told you when he got it. Smiling, as he was proud to talk about it and would gladly explain each an every one of his tattoos if you'd be down to listen.

Vinnie grabbed his food and walked off and you turned to see Maya across the counter from you with a look on her face as if to say 'something you wanna tell me?'

She'd seen the interaction between you and Vinnie but you didn't know that.

"What? Just gave him a compliment." you shrugged.

She scoffed. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

***

He was prepared to come, say a few words to you, then back away in nervousness to stand in the corner on his phone.

He wasn't gonna lie. Vinnie did feel a little intimidated by being here, but you were so easy to talk to and he felt grateful that you and your friends made him feel included.

——-

Note:

Sorry the ending was shit

[straylightdream]

give yourself a try - b.c (m)

featuring: bang chan x f.reader

fake dating au

↳ She had to attend her estrange fathers wedding, and didn’t want to go alone. Chan offers to go as her fake boyfriend so she doesn’t have to face the wedding alone.

genre: 3rd person reader insert, romance, no idol au, fake wedding date, angst, family drama, smut, explicit sexual content, cussing

an: day 2 of my 8 days of Stray Kids. This a reworking of story on my old spidey-babe-parker tumblr.

At age eleven you learned the harsh reality that not all marriages work out. On one warm June afternoon you walked into the kitchen in the home you grew up in to find your parents in the middle of an argument. Your mother tearfully informed you that your mother and father were getting divorced. Your father left that day and you didn’t see him for about two months. When he finally came back around, you got to meet his new girlfriend that he had an affair with. At age eleven you built up walls around your heart without even trying. You learned a harsh lesson that love might not actually exist.

Sitting in Minho’s apartment you sat at the kitchen table working on your presentation you had to do for school. Your phone vibrated and you looked down to see a text from your father. As you read over the text, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

Minho watched as his friend groaned while reading something. “What are you annoyed about?” he asked before taking a drink from the bottle of beer that was sitting on the table.

“Well my father is getting married in two weeks and just decided to let me know,” you sighed. You weren't exactly surprised that he was getting married. You had met his girlfriend who you assumed was his new fiancé a few times. You weren’t exactly the biggest fan of hers. She was quite a bit younger than your father and pretty stuck up.

To say that your relationship with her father was stranded would be an understatement. When you were thirteen, he attempted to see you one weekend every month. He soon learned that he didn’t have much in common with you, and he went back to occasionally having dinner with you like once a month. In the last year he had only seen you maybe three times, and you didn’t even know that he was engaged to his new young girlfriend.

“Are you going to go?” Minho asked, knowing that you don’t have a great relationship with your father. There had been a handful of drunken nights, where you had breakdowns over the feeling that your father was never going to truly love you. You always felt as if you were never good enough for your father.

“I don’t think I have a choice, if I don’t go, my grandma, and dad won’t let me live it down,” you sighed. “Oh my god I don’t want to go to this alone.” You knew that this wedding was going to be a lot of people asking you why you're single, and if you’re going to have kids. All your cousins were married and had kids, and you’re the only single one. Every Christmas one of the few times you would see that side of the family would always harp on you and ask a million questions about your life.

“You should have someone go with you,” Minho said, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Do you want to go with me?” you asked, praying maybe Minho could save you from going to this alone. You knew that Minho could play the part as the perfect boyfriend. Your mother already loved him and constantly told you that you should date someone like Minho. You knew her father would love him too

“I can't because it's my mom’s birthday that weekend so I’m going to be at a family event out of town,” he said feeling bad. You could tell that he didn’t want you going alone, but he wasn’t able to go to help you out.

“Literally everyone is going to be in my business about not having a boyfriend, I need to get a boyfriend within the next two weeks,” you said with a sarcastic laugh knowing damn well that was going to be nearly impossible.

“What are you talking about?” Chan asked, walking into the kitchen where his two friends were sitting down. He sat down next to Minho and looked over at you.

“My dad is getting married in two weeks and I don’t want to go alone. I’m not looking forward to being asked the same questions about my dating life over and over again,” she sighed dramatically, leaning forward and resting her face in her hands.

“So, do you want someone to be your fake date?” Chan asked.

“Yes, she wants a fake date,” Minho said before taking another drink of his beer.

Chan shrugged his shoulders and said, “I mean I can go with you if you want. I think I would make a pretty good fake boyfriend.”

She looked up at Chan and knit her eyebrows together and stared at him wondering if he was serious. “Are you being serious about offering to be my fake date?”

He shrugged his shoulders again, “yeah why not? Weddings are great, there is free food, and normally there are free drinks.”

Shutting her laptop, she looked over at Chan who was smiling. “Bang Chan, you're a lifesaver.”

“What’s the plan for the wedding?” he asked, giving her a calming smile.

“Well we need to drive two hours away to the city they’re getting married in. My dad said he would book me a hotel for the weekend. I’ll let him know I’m bringing my boyfriend.”

-&-

It was the weekend of her father’s wedding and Chan and her were driving up two hours away to the wedding venue. She couldn’t lie she was pretty nervous about bringing Chan up as her fake boyfriend. She hated bringing dates to her family events, especially my dad’s side of the family. They always tended to ask people inappropriate questions and get into her business.

“So how long have we been dating?” Chan asked as he kept driving.

She looked over at him and realized that they needed to come up with a story on how long they were dating, and how they met. She hadn’t actually put any thought into this, luckily Chan knew they needed to have a game plan.

“I guess we can say six months that way I can say we started dating after Christmas.”

“Okay, sounds good, are we saying that we were friends before we started dating?” he asked.

“Yeah I think that sounds good?”

She liked that Chan seemed like he had put some effort into having somewhat of a backstory for their relationship. He wasn’t trying to half ass this.

They arrived at the fancy hotel that her father was getting married at. Chan got out of the car and walked over to help her get out of the car. He popped the trunk open and walked over to get their suitcases. She went to walk inside, but before she could walk away Chan reached down and grabbed her hand. She stopped walking and looked down at her and Chan’s hand. He gave her a small smile and nodded, she felt safe with him holding her hands.

They walked into the hotel lobby and were greeted by her dad and his new young wife. The nerves suddenly kicked in as they started walking towards her and Chan.

“Sweetie, I’m so glad you’re here,” her future stepmom said as she wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. She dropped Chan’s hand and looked over at him with startled eyes. She wasn’t exactly a fan of Dea. She thought she was shallow and she didn’t like that she was barely ten years older than her.

Dea let go of her and walked over and wrapped her arms around an unexpected Chan. “You must be her boyfriend, Chan.”

“Yep,” Chan said awkwardly.

Dea let go of Chan and walked over and stood next to her dad. “I’m glad you came sweetie” he said knowing that there was a chance his daughter wouldn’t come to this wedding.

“Which room are we in?” she asked, changing the subject. She desperately wanted to get away from her dad and Dea. She needed time to unwind from everyone and maybe spend some time with Chan.

“You guys are on floor three in room 389,” he said, reaching into his pocket to pull out her and Chan’s room keys.

“Thanks,” she said, taking the room key.

She reached down and took Chan’s hand and walked them over to the elevator. The moment they were in the elevator the moment the doors shut she let out a sigh of relief. Leaning against the wall she looked up at Chan wondering if he regretted coming along on this trip.

“Dea is very young?” he said, breaking the silence between them.

“Yeah my dad likes them younger than him,” she sighed. The elevator dinged and the doors opened, and they walked down the hall towards their room. Opening the door, they walked inside and they looked over at the queen size bed that was in the center of the room. She looked over at Chan as he sat his suitcase down.

“I can sleep on the couch if you want,” he said, walking over and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Chan were both adults. We can share the bed,” she said.

She couldn’t lie she had always had somewhat of a crush on Chan since she had known him. He was a handsome guy and was super charming, but Chan had always been somewhat of a heartbreaker. She also didn’t think that Chan would ever return the feelings to her, so she always just pushed them away. She knew if she didn’t have feelings for him, she couldn’t get hurt.

“Okay I don’t mind sharing the bed at all.”

She walked over and sat down next to him on the bed. He reached over and laced his fingers with hers and gently squeezed her hand three times.

“You’re going to get through this weekend. I’ll be here the whole time with you. I’ll be there to hold your hand whenever things get rough.”

She looked over at Chan who was giving her a soft smile, letting her know that this was going to be okay. That he was here to support her through all this, and she wasn’t alone.

“This is going to be an interesting weekend.”

They spent time in their room for a few hours. Chan took a nap while she sat on her laptop at the small table that was placed in front of the window. She took this time to work on a few projects she had for summer school.

As the sun started to set, she knew that Chan and her were going to have to get ready to go to the rehearsal dinner. This was going to be the moment when the rest of her family saw her with Chan. She stood in the bathroom putting on makeup as Chan was getting dressed. She put her hair into loose wavy and got dressed in a pale pink dress she had to buy just for the rehearsal dinner. Walking into the bedroom she found Chan sitting on the bed looking at his phone. He was dressed in a pair of grey dress pants, and white dress shirt without a tie. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked.

As he looked up and his bright eyes locked onto hers, he couldn’t help but smile. “You look beautiful,” he stood up and walked over to her.

They walked to the rehearsal dinner that was being held in the lavish ballroom that was connected to the hotel. The whole time they were attending the dinner, Chan rarely left her side. He was either holding her hand or he had his hand resting on the small of her back letting her know that he was always with her. He braved all of her family as every single one of them came up to badger the happy “couple” with a million questions. As her grandmother came up for her round of nosy questions, she had never been happier in her life to have Chan by her side.

Her grandmother seemed to instantly love Chan, and she couldn’t say she was surprised. Chan was extremely charming and seemed to know the correct answer to every question her grandmother seemed to throw at Chan. The night couldn’t have gone better and that was a major relief to (YN).

As the dinner ended the two of them made their way back to their room. The moment the door was shut Chan untuck his shirt and started unbuttoning it. She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed taking a moment to relax before she started getting ready for bed. Looking over at Chan who was shirtless she couldn’t help but stare at his bare torso. She looked up at Chan to find him staring back at her smiling. Her cheeks burned as she was suddenly embarrassed that he caught her checking him out.

He didn’t bother saying anything, he knew that she seemed quite embarrassed that he had caught her wandering eyes. Biting his lip, he held back a soft laugh.

She quickly stood up and walked off to the bathroom so she could remove her make up and get ready for bed. As she removed her make-up, she splashed water on her face and looked into the mirror and whispered to herself, “you don’t like him. This whole thing isn’t real, he’s flirting and acting nice because he’s your fake boyfriend.” She shook her head knowing she needed to snap out of it. She wasn’t allowed to have feelings for him.

As she got dressed in her pajamas, she walked back into the bedroom and found Chan under the covers laying down. She suddenly wondered if she should just sleep on the couch for the night so she and Chan didn’t have to awkwardly share a bed. Being so close to him while he slept only in pajama pants might just be too much for her.

Before she could even say anything, Chan spoke up, “are you okay if I sleep on this side of the bed.”

She nodded and walked over to the other side of the bed and slowly crawled into bed.

Laying on her side she looked over at Chan who was laying on his back staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his head. She knew he probably thought this side of her family was crazy, and she couldn’t blame him. She wasn’t a big fan of this side of the family either. She was basically an outcast and she was well aware of it.

He reached over and turned off the light that was on the bed side table, “why do I feel like at the moment you’re over thinking everything.”

Her and Chan had been friends for a while, and he knew her pretty well. She wasn’t going to get away with saying that everything was fine, because at the moment everything was very far from fine. This whole trip had her completely on edge and filled with anxiety.

“This whole weekend is just extremely stressful. I also feel bad that I dragged you into it,” she sighed.

He moved so he was laying on his side staring at her. He gently reached over and pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear that had fallen in her face, and softly said, “I’m fine, you don’t have to worry about me this weekend. I’m here to hold your hand and make it through this weekend.”

She nodded her head slowly and gave him a soft smile. There was something about knowing that Chan was just there as moral support made her feel better.

“Tomorrow at that wedding we are going to make such a hot couple that everyone is going to be jealous,” he smiled.

She couldn’t help but smile back at him, “well my family already thinks you’re an amazing boyfriend.”

“I can’t help it, I'm known to be pretty charming,” he reached over and laced his fingers with her causing her stomach to twist with the feeling of butterflies. “Also, for some reason grandparents always seem to like me.”

She smiled, “well I think you’re the first boyfriend I have ever brought to a family event that my grandmother actually likes. She’s pretty savage when it comes to asking personal questions.”

He squeezed her hand gently and said, “well I didn’t think she wasn’t too bad.”

Silently they stared at each other for a moment just enjoying each other’s company when she broke the silence, “I don’t think I could have done this without you.”

“I’m glad you asked me to come to this wedding with you. I don’t feel like we ever hang out without Minho, and it’s nice to finally have some one-on-one time.”

She nodded, “yeah I feel like we’re actually getting to know each other.”

“Yeah, and I like that a lot.” He put emphasis on a lot, and she couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Chan had feelings for her that she didn’t know about. What little time they spent together she was already questioning her feelings for him. She knew putting on a show tomorrow at the wedding wasn’t going to help her confusion at all.

- & -

As the morning light shined through the curtains, she woke up with Chan’s strong body curled up next to her. Her eyes popped open when she realized how close they were. Chan started to stir and his arm that swung across her soft stomach pulled her body closer to his tone body. He nuzzled against her back and her eyes stayed wide open. She wondered if he was aware of what he was doing.

He stayed close to her holding her for about five minutes before she gently lifted his arm and moved away from him. As she started to get out of bed Chan’s warm eyes slowly opened.

“Good morning,” he yawned.

“Morning.”

“What time is the wedding?” he asked.

“The ceremony starts at three,” she said as she got out of bed.

He nodded his head and yawned as he rolled onto his back, and slowly stretched. She couldn’t help but stare at his practically naked body as he put his body on display as he stretched. Looking away quickly she walked off to her suitcase.

“Did you need to use the bathroom before I take a shower?” she asked.

“Yeah let me go really quick,” he got out of bed and walked off to the bathroom.

She looked through her suitcase to pull out the dress she had bought to wear to the wedding. Turning around she found Chan walking out of the bathroom.

“Did we want to go grab brunch or something before the wedding?” he asked.

She nodded, “yeah that would be nice.”

“Should we get ready in normal clothes and get dressed for the wedding after brunch?” he sat down on the edge of bed.

She nodded, “yeah that sounds perfect.”

She pulled out the light blue dress she had bought for the wedding. She hung the dress up in the closet and then walked back to the suitcase to grab her sundress she had picked out to wear to brunch.

Walking into the bathroom she turned on the shower and let the water warm up, as she stripped away her clothes. Stepping into the shower she tried not to think about the stress of the day that was ahead of her. As she let the warm wash over her as she tried to not think about anything other than the fact that Chan was going to be by her side. Her mind started to wonder as she thought of the handsome man that she had cuddled with last night. She couldn’t help but think about how comfortable it felt waking up in his arms.

She finished showering and got dressed and put on her base make up so all she would have to put on when they got back from lunch would be her eye makeup.

Walking into the room she found Chan laying on the bed staring at his phone. Glancing up he sat his phone on the bed and gave her a smile. His smile had always gave her butterflies, from the first moment they had met, even as time passed nothing had changed.

“Ready to grab some food?” he asked.

She nodded as she put on her black flats and walked over to grab her purse. Chan jumped up and grabbed his wallet and the room key. They stepped into the hallway and without thinking Chan reached down and laced his fingers with hers. She couldn’t help the warm feeling in her stomach as he held her hand tightly leading her down the hallway. As they stepped into the elevator, he continued to hold her hand, never letting go. The doors opened on the main floor and they stepped out and immediately ran into her grandmother and her Aunt Rita.

They waved the two of them down and Chan leaned down and whispered into her ear, “we can make it quick and I’ll whisk you away.”

She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.

“Look at the adorable couple,” her aunt said, stopping right in front of them.

“Chan, where are you and my granddaughter off to?”

“We’re grabbing some brunch before we get ready for the wedding,” he smiled before leaning down and pressing his lips to her cheek. This was the first time they had ever shared any type of kiss, even if it was just a peck on the cheek.

“Oh, how romantic,” her aunt said.

“Well we’ll leave you two love birds alone then,” her grandmother said before walking away.

He leaned down once again with his lips brushing her ear and whispered, “I told you I was going to save you.”

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you for this weekend,” her tone was completely serious as she looked into his warm eyes. She didn’t understand how he could be such an amazing friend and so emotionally supportive for her.

He gave her his signature charming smile, “getting to spend a weekend with you is enough.”

Her heart started racing as she stared at him wondering if she had just heard him correctly. What little bit of alone time they had spent together was reminding her of her crush she had on Chan, and she was wondering if maybe it was more than a crush based on the way he was making her feel. She was also wondering if maybe he returned her feelings, based on what he had been saying.

They sat in the café that was connected to the hotel. They were both enjoying their waffles and making small talk. Her and Chan had been friends for a while, but she wasn’t as close with him as she was with Minho. This time they had spent together she felt like they had grown a lot closer. Just him spending time with her made her feel a lot more comfortable about everything.

She stopped eating and stared at Chan smiling while listening to him tell a story about him and Minho when they were kids growing up. She always loved hearing funny stories about Minho and Chan’s childhood. She met the boys during college and had grown extremely close with Minho, and she had become friends with Chan along the way.

They finished eating and walked back to their room hand in hand. Chan didn’t think twice about lacing his fingers with hers. She kept telling herself that he was holding her hand because he knew he had to play the role of her loving boyfriend. If she didn’t keep telling herself that she might start falling for him, and couldn’t handle it if he didn’t feel the same way. Her goal of this wedding was for her to keep her feelings under control.

Walking into the room she walked over to the closet and grabbed her cream and gold dress. She excused herself to the bathroom so she could curl her hair and put on the rest of her makeup.

As she placed the final curl in her hair, she grabbed her dress off the back of the door, and slipped it on. She couldn’t get the zipper up the rest of the way and held the dress up as she walked into the room to find looking extremely handsome in a suit and tie.

His eyes went wide and a huge smile formed on his face as he stared at her, “you look so beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, not even sure if she could speak at that moment. “Can you help with the zipper?” she turned around and lifted her hair out of the way of the zipper.

Silently he stepped forward and slowly dragged her zipper the rest of the way. His hand lingered on her exposed skin above her dress. He gently reached and moved her hair back.

Turning around she faced him once again and stared at him silently. Her stomach was doing flips at the way that he was looking at her. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked at her the way Chan was looking at her at that moment.

Looking over at the clock that was on the wall and saw they only had about twenty minutes until the wedding started. He reached down and took his hand in hers and said, “I think maybe we should head off to the wedding.”

She nodded, “okay.”

They walked through the hotel out to the garden where the ceremony was being held. Chan and her sat in the middle away from all her family. He had his arm over her shoulder and held her soft body close to his. He kept leaning over and whispering random things into her ear. She knew they were truly putting on one hell of a show, but she didn’t know how much of it was a show on her part.

As the ceremony started, she couldn’t lie she truly hated it. She didn’t like watching her father get remarried. It just meant she was going to see him even less, and most likely their relationship was going to grow even more strand. As they exchanged vows many people were crying happy tears in the crowd, and her eyes started to brim with tears but they weren’t happy tears. Chan noticed right away and leaned over and pressed his lips to her cheek kissing away the tears that slowly started to fall. He reached over with his free hands and laced his fingers with hers, and squeezed her hand three times.

She looked over at him trying to stop crying and he leaned over and whispered, “if you want to leave now, we can. Or we can walk off to get some air. I just want you to know you aren’t alone.”

“I’m going to be okay,” she whispered as she squeezed his hand.

The ceremony came to a close and the bride and groom exited, and everyone slowly started heading off to the large ballroom that was set up. She sat completely still not really moving, she was trying to gather herself as much as possible. Chan didn’t move or say anything, he just held her hand knowing that all this was extremely tough for her.

Chan had heard her talk about her relationship with her father before, and Minho had told him quite a bit about it. He knew going into this weekend she needed someone to let her know she wasn’t alone.

As they were left alone in the garden she finally slowly stood up and started smoothing out her dress. Chan stood up and watched her closely. Reaching up she brushed the tears away from one side of her face, but before she could reach the other cheek he reached over and gently rested his hand on her cheek and brushed away her tears with his thumb. His warm eyes were locked on her sad eyes as he stared at her for a long moment, before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead gently. She closed her eyes taking in his closeness as his lips lingered on her forehead. She reached for his hand and squeezed his hand just needing to be close to him for a moment.

“Are you ready for this?” she asked not even sure if she was truly ready.

He nodded, “I’m ready whenever you are.”

She pulled away, still holding his hand and led him towards the ballroom. Stopping right outside the doors of the room that was filled with over a hundred people. He reached up and placed hand on her cheek once again. She looked at him confused on why he stopped them, but she didn’t ask why, she just stared at him.

“I want you to know that you’re a very special girl, and I wouldn’t be just anyone’s fake boyfriend. I did this because you mean a lot to me, and you are so strong. I know this sucks, having to watch your father get married again. I know I’m rambling a lot right now, but I need you to know that you don’t need your father's approval on anything in life. If he doesn’t see how special you are and how talented and amazing you are. He’s fucking idiot, and he doesn’t deserve your love.”

She stared at him, blinking, taking in everything he had just said to her. His sweet words had her once again on the brink of tears.

“When all this is over and we go home, I want you to know that I’m still going to be there to hold your hand if you need me to.”

She nodded her head and smiled, “Bang Chan you are something else.”

“Is that a good thing?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Are you ready to put on a show?” she asked.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her cheek and with his lips still ghosting her skin he whispered, “this doesn’t have to be a show, this can all be as real as you want it to.”

Her heart raced and butterflies filled her stomach as she stared at him wide eyed, wondering if that meant that he might feel something real for her.

“Let’s go doll,” he moved away from her and led her into the ballroom that was already packed.

They walked over and found their seats. She was relieved that she was at least sitting with some of her cousins that she was at least a little close with. Chan leaned over and let her know he was going to find them some drinks and she stayed to talk to her cousin Irene who was her age and newly married.

“So where did you find that hot one?” Irene asked, smiling.

She couldn’t help but feel pretty proud that people were impressed with how hot her date was. “He’s a friend from college that I stayed close with.”

Irene brought a glass of wine up to her lips and took a sip and smiled at her cousin, “well you should keep him around and bring him to more family events, because he’s a babe.”

Before (YN) could even respond Chan walked over and sat a drink down in front of her. Chan pressed his lips to her cheek for a quick kiss as he sat down next to her.

“Did I miss anything?” he asked.

Irene shook her head, “nope.”

“Are you two not a big fan of PDA?” Irene asked, realizing that Chan only ever kissed her cheek.

(YN) knit her eyebrows together realizing that Chan and her hadn’t actually shared a kiss outside of his sweet kisses on her cheeks or forehead.

“I was just trying to be respectful of her family,” Chan chimed in knowing that she was probably at a loss for words.

“Believe me sweetie nobody is going to be offended if you kiss for real,” Irene said before taking another sip of her wine.

Chan turned to look at (YN) who still looked pretty caught off guard by everything. He reached over and rested his hand on her cheek and stared at her wondering if she was okay with them sharing a real kiss.

She mouthed, “yeah.”

Chan took that as his cue and leaned forward to connect his lips to hers for a searing kiss. The moment their lips touch, electricity courses through her veins. There was a spark between her and Chan that up until that moment she didn’t think existed. Their lips moved together, and Chan gently slid his tongue across her bottom lips asking to deepen the kiss. She reached forward and gripped his blazer as their lips danced.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused her to pull away from Chan. She looked up to see her father standing there.

“I see you two are having fun,” he father awkwardly said.

“Sorry about that sir,” Chan said, not really being sorry at all.

“Honey, I was wondering if we could have a father daughter dance?”

She wasn’t even able to fully process what had just happened between her and Chan, and she was being put on the spot to share a dance with her father that she really didn’t want to share.

“Sure,” she said awkwardly.

Following her father through the crowd they started playing a slow version of “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles. Her father reached out for her and they started slowly dancing together in front of the whole ballroom. They were completely silent; she didn’t even know what they should even talk about.

“So that Chan guy seems good for you,” he said, speaking up.

For some reason his statement annoyed her, “what does that mean?”

“I think he could give you a good life, and you wouldn’t have to worry about working. He could really take care of you,” her father smiled, completely unaware of how annoying his comments were.

“Am I ever going to be good enough for you?” she asked, staring at him.

“(YN) why would you even ask me that?” he didn’t seem to understand why his daughter was so upset.

“I could be a god damn rocket scientist who is a millionaire, and somehow or another you would still be disappointed in me.”

He shook his head, “that’s not true. I just have such high hopes for you,” he whispered, attempting to not cause a scene. They were supposed to be sharing a touching father and daughter dance, and not arguing.

“I had high hopes for you when I was a kid, but that didn’t matter, you still cheated,” she pulled away from her father as the song came to close.

He stared at her wide eyed, “(YN) that had nothing to do with you. That was and still is between your mother and I.”

“Well you left us, so I think it had something to do with me.”He silently stared at her wide eyed, not sure what to say to her. “I shouldn’t have even come to this,” she sighed, stepping away from him.

“(YN) I want you to know that I love you,” her father stated.

Silently she nodded and walked towards Chan. She didn’t say anything as she sat down, she reached for her drink that Chan had brought her and chugged it. Chan watched knowing that they had said things on the dance floor that had left her upset. As she reached for his drink, he placed his hand lightly on her wrist to stop her. He couldn’t have her getting wasted at this wedding, she would regret it in the morning if she did.

“I’m never going to be enough,” she whispered, staring into his bright eyes.

“That is not true, you are more than enough. You’ve always been enough to me.”

His statement suddenly made her world feel like it was spinning.

-

As music started playing loudly across the ballroom everyone that had been sitting at their table got up to go dance. The two of them stayed at the table. She was still trying to take in his statement when he said “That is not true, you are more than enough. You’ve always been enough to me.” Her world felt like it was spinning.

Her eyes were locked on his bright ones, and in that moment, she was completely lost in his warm eyes. After the interaction with her father she felt completely and utterly heartbroken, but right in that exact moment she felt like she was going to be okay. She had Chan sitting right across from her letting her know that her father didn’t matter. If he didn’t think she was enough, he was an idiot.

Her heart was racing a million miles an hour as her eyes started to brim with tears once again. Biting her bottom lip, she wasn’t even sure what she should say.

“Are you okay,” Chan asked, growing concerned about her.

Slowly she nodded and whispered, “Am I really enough?”

“I don’t think you are aware how much you mean to me,” he reached over and squeezed her hand. “I came here this weekend because I knew you needed a friend, and because I wanted a chance to see if you would maybe want more…” he hesitated. “(YN) I like you, a lot. I totally understand if you just want a friend, but I want you to know how I feel.”

Her eyes grew wide as shock took over her body. Silently she stared at him, not even sure what to say to him.

“You don’t have to say anything, but I want you to know how I feel. I also want to let you know that I don’t think you should give a single fuck what any of your family thinks about you. Especially your father.”

“Chan, I like you too,” she said, finally speaking up.

He smiled and reached over and rested his hand on her cheek, “did you maybe want to share a dance?”

The music had switched to a slow song, and she couldn’t lie she loved the idea of getting to dance with Chan.

She nodded and stood up, and reached her hand out. He laced his fingers with hers and she led him to the dance floor. They moved through the crowded dance floor that was filled with couples dancing. She stopped and Chan pulled her closer. She wrapped her arms around Chan’s neck and she wrapped his arms around her torso. He bit his bottom lip as he stared at her, it made him happy to see her smiling a little. She looked down at his shirt, suddenly nervous to make eye contact. They had just confessed their feelings to each other and suddenly they were sharing a slow dance.

“You know you are by far the most beautiful girl in this room,” his sweet words caused her to blush.

Glancing up at him through her eyelashes she couldn’t believe this moment was real between them. Suddenly everything seemed like a dream as they swayed to the beat of the song.

“You are quite the charmer Chan,” she blushed.

“I only want to be charming when it comes to you jiga.”

Looking up at him she couldn’t help the big smile that was on face, “I couldn’t have made it through this without you.”

“I’m going to be here for you even after we go home, and I will be your fake boyfriend forever if you need me to be,” he didn’t want to be just her fake boyfriend. “I could also be more if you would want that.” He was putting his heart and the ego on the line right then, but he needed to know that he would take more if she would give him more.

“I want more,” she whispered as they stopped moving and stared at each other.

Without a single word he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her. Their lips moved together as he deepened the kiss he reached up and placed his hand on her cheek holding her close. She knew they were probably causing a scene making out on the dance floor, but she didn’t care. The room could have been on fire and she wouldn’t have even noticed. At that moment nothing seemed to matter other than her and Chan.

Pulling away she whispered, “please take me to our room.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

She nodded and reached down, taking his hand. She led him through the ballroom and out the large white doors they had entered through. They silently made their way through the hotel and up the elevator. Nothing was said between them but Chan stared at her as if the two of them were the only people in the entire room. Her stomach was doing flips at the thought of what was about to happen.

As they entered the room she made quick work of removing her shoes and turned to look at Chan who was removing his suit jacket. He stared at her wondering if they should just watch a movie and not do anything in the heat of the moment. He was worried she was just acting on her emotions.

She reached behind her to start trying to remove her dress. She turned so her back was to Chan, she knew she was going to need his help removing the dress. He stepped forward and moved her hair to the side and placed a sweet kiss on the back of her neck. A shiver went down her spine at the feeling of his electric touch. Slowly he dragged the zipped down her light blue dress and kissed his way down her spine. She held her eyes closed tight taking in the feeling of his touch.

The dress was a pool at her feet. She turned to face him in nothing but her bra and panties.

They stood in the bedroom knowing that what was about to happen was going to change everything. They had confessed their feelings for each other, but they knew that this was a big step. Chan had made her feel like she was the most important person in the world, and she still wasn’t even able to figure out how to fully process that.

“Chan what is going on here?” she asked, needing to know if he wanted this to happen. Because right then and there she felt as if she needed him with every part of her body and soul.

He was staring at her with lust blown pupils, he had just laid his heart out on the line, and told her that he wanted more. He wanted to give her everything, but this all had to be on her terms.

“I don’t know what's happening,” he said softly.

“Chan, I want this but we’re not just caught up in the illusion of a fake relationship, right?” she sighed as she reached up and rested her hand on his cheek. She needed to make sure that what they felt for each other was real.

“Everything I feel for you has nothing to do with our faking a relationship. I know you think we’re caught up in the moment, but it’s real.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… damnit, I want you,” she sighed. “This has just been such a crazy weekend. I just need to know that this is all real.”

“I know this has been a crazy weekend, but I want you to know that I want you too,” he reassured her. He had a lot of thoughts going through his mind. “I want you so badly. I have for a while, but if you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to. I want you to know that everything I feel for you is real.”

“Promise me that even after we do this, you’ll still want me.” She needed to know that this was all real to him. That this wasn’t part of the illusion.

He leaned forward to give her a quick kiss, and slowly said, “I’ve wanted you for a while, and if you want this to be real. I’ll want you five seconds from now, and even five decades from here on.”

“Okay,” she whispered, stepping away from him.

He stared at her as she reached behind her to remove her strapless bra. As it fell to the floor Chan stared at her in awe for a moment before he started to remove his tie. He untucked his shirt and she stepped forward to help him unbutton his shirt.

Leaning forward he placed a sweet kiss on her forehead, “I’ll never get over how beautiful you are.”

She blushed some more as she finished unbuttoning his shirt.He quickly took off his shoes and removed his socks, and got his pants off.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, staring at her soft body.

She normally wasn’t the most comfortable person being naked, but the way he was looking at her made her feel comfortable.

Silently she nodded, and he reached out and gently massaged her breast. He leaned forward and started kissing her bare shoulder and worked his way up her neck placing gentle bites and wet kisses. She couldn’t help but let a soft moan pass her lips. His hand moved to the top of her undies, and slowly played with the seaming before his hand slid in. His fingers parted her folds and he gently stroked her sensitive nub.

She gasped at his touch, and reached out to palm him through his boxers. He grew harder in her hand as she continued to palm him as he pet her core slowly.

“I need you,” she murmured.

“Okay jiga,” he whispered, removing his hand from her panties.

He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his wallet to remove his “incase of emergency condom”, he had always carried with him. She removed her undies and crawled on to the bed, and watched as he kicked off his boxers and tore the foil packet open with his teeth. His eyes stayed locked on hers as he rolled the rubber down his length.

Crawling onto the bed he slowly parted her knees and stared down at her for a long moment before finally speaking, “(YN) are you sure you want this right now? We can always wait and do this another time.”

She nodded, “yeah, I want this. I want you.”

“Okay,” he slowly lined up with her entrance. “At any time this is too much for you, just tell me and we can stop right then. Don’t worry about upsetting me, I won’t be upset.”

“Chan I just want this,” she reached for his strong hand that was resting on her round hip.

“Okay,” he whispered as he slowly pushed in.

He leaned forward placing all his weight on his hands as he hovered over her. His hips started to slowly roll as he connected his lips to her for a passionate kiss.

She moaned into his mouth as he slowly picked up his speed.

Throughout her life she had slept with a few people, but sex with Chan was something completely different. She was overwhelmed completely in the best way possible by his touch. He whispered words of praise into her ear causing her to become speechless. Nobody ever in her life had ever said the sweet words he was whispering. It was almost as if he knew all the right things to say. He made her feel as if she was the only person in the world that existed.

He kissed his way down her neck as she moaned his name.

Reaching down to where they were connected, she started to slowly touch herself. The moment Chan realized what she was doing he stared at her in awe, he had seen nothing in his entire life as beautiful as she looked right then.

He moaned her name as he continued to stare at her in awe. She moaned his name back, as she reached up with her hand that wasn’t touching herself and rested it on Chan’s cheek. Their eyes stayed locked on each other as she hit her high. Chan only got about two more thrust in when he hit his own high. He stilled in her and leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers for a sloppy kiss.

Rolling off of her he laid on his back and looked over at her and smiled, “how about we watch a movie?”

She nodded and smiled.

Chan reached down and pulled the covers up to cover them, and reached over to grab the remote. She curled up next to him as they flipped through the list of movies.

-&-

She woke up in the middle of the night because she had to pee. She was completely naked, her and Chan didn’t even bother putting clothes on after they had slept together. They hadn’t even left the bed other than getting up to use the restroom. Chan had thrown a robe on once so he could grab them their room service, he had ordered them. She put a robe on just so she wasn’t naked while eating, but the moment they crawled back into bed they shed their clothes.

Crawling back into bed she moved closer to Chan who had woken up. He let out a yawn and smiled at her.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“It’s like four am,” she said softly, rolling on her side next to him.

“Okay,” he yawned, laying right behind her so they were spooning. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to her shoulder, “I want you to be my girlfriend.”

Her eyes went wide taking in what he had just said to her, “Chan are you sure about that?”

He leaned up and with his lips brushing her ear whispered, “I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

She couldn’t help the smile that was plastered across her face, “okay, let’s talk about it more in the morning when we’re both not half asleep.”

“Is that your way of rejecting me?” he asked with a soft laugh.

“No, I would never reject you Chan. I just don’t want to have this conversation at four in the morning when we’re both half asleep and naked.”

“Okay jiga,” he gently pressed his lips to her shoulder.

-&-

Around nine the both woke up and didn’t bring up their conversation they had shared in the middle of the night. Chan wasn’t going to bring up first, he knew that she had a lot going through her mind right then. If he had to, he planned on just bringing it up a couple days after they returned home.

They checked out at about ten thirty and they were on their way back home. About thirty minutes into their drive home she looked over at Chan who was focused on the road.

“Were you serious about what you said?” she needed to know if he regretted anything that had happened between them.

He glanced over at her for a quick second before looking back at the road, “I was one-hundred percent serious about every single thing I said this weekend.”

“Even the part about wanting to be my real boyfriend?” she asked, staring at him. She wanted nothing more than for her to be her actual boyfriend, but she needed to know that this was all real.

“I was very serious about that,” he reached over and rested his hand on her thick thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Chan please pull over.”

“Why?” he asked as he pulled over on the highway. He put the hazards on and looked over at her confused on why he was pulling over. Part of him was worried she was going to get out of the car and run away.

She reached over the center console and took his face in her hands and connected her lips to his for a sloppy kiss. She pulled away and smiled at him as he looked at her dumbstruck.

“What was that for?” he asked.

“I want you to be my real boyfriend, Chan.”

“I would love to be your real boyfriend,” he had a huge smile on his face.

“Okay you can start driving again,” she leaned back in her seat and buckled up again.

Chan had a huge smile plastered on his face as he turned back onto the highway. He reached over and laced his fingers with hers and squeezed her hand three times.

@straykisz​ @kosmoskookie @changbinscypher @planetdemon @ifhyun  @jeyelleohe  @rindomo @diamond-system-central @butterfly-skinnylegend @i-am-silver @stay-here-dont-stray @secretwhisperer @seunglob @jiggyjeon @xa16x  @hugs4chan @punkjisung  @bangcrispychannie @haseulreturns @jakepittsgirl @itsjustyvie @starrylino​  @avaskz

[forestlingincorporated]

I wanna talk about Janet Drake

I’m not against exaggeratedly evil versions of Tim’s parents, tbh. It’s fanfiction, if we can depict an Exaggeratedly Good version of Bruce (which we can, and I do, and I love) then we can depict the Drakes as Exaggeratedly Bad. As someone who personally identifies with Tim, and his brand of complicated parental abuse in particular, I find it cathartic to uncomplicate that abuse and rescue him from the Obviously Evil Bad People. 

That said, since much of comics lore is passed down word of mouth, the oral tradition surrounding Tim has developed this idea of Janet as The Worse Parent between her and Jack that was never really present in the comics. We see much LESS of Janet, and we have 20 years worth of comics depicting Jack as a neglectful hotheaded idiot who ultimate does love his son. More importantly, Jack isn’t very much LIKE Tim, so there is a habit to attribute Tim’s traits to his mother... and, as someone who really really identifies with Tim, Tim has... some negative traits. Tim can be a bitch sometimes. He’s fiercely intelligent and sweet and kind, with a strong sense of justice, but he can be cold and judgmental and unthinking - he fights those traits, but he does have them. 

And it is perfectly fine to depict Janet that way. I’ve enjoyed depictions of Cold Calculating Janet Drake, but it’s not the ONLY option, and I want to challenge fans to consider different avenues. Tim could pick up these traits from anywhere: a nanny, Mrs. Mc Ilvaine (”Mrs. Mac”), a teacher, tv, Sherlock Holmes novels, Bruce Wayne himself. Tim is capable of not being like EITHER parent. 

So, what do we KNOW about Janet? (I’ll also touch on Jack, but only in scenes he appears with Janet.) 

When Janet was first introduced she was depicted as a gentle but “modern” woman. This was written in 1989, told by a 13 year old Tim, so this theoretically was meant to take place in 1979. I’m not here to give a lecture on the history of sex discrimination in the united states, but much of the legislation protecting women in the workforce or surrounding women’s bodily autonomy would have been very very new in this initial depiction. 

Here, Janet is shown to be encouraging, emotional, maternal, and projects her own feelings onto Tim. Jack is shown to be slightly sexist, possibly discouraging, but not overbearing. And the artist is shown not to know how to draw children. 

To insert some speculation, I think it’s important to note all the Drakes witnessed a terrible murder/accident that day. I point this out, because this is the last time Jack and Janet are depicted this way. It’s possible they changed as a result of this event specifically. 

However, this is also a story being told by Tim. It’s also possible these events aren’t really “real” at all, and Tim is misremembering what his parents were like as a three-year-old, possibly projecting a more palatable version of his parents into the narrative. This is entirely up to personal interpretation. 

In fact, the Drakes are shown in Legend of the Dark Knight attending Haly’s Circus, and the artist knows what a toddler looks like and they’re depicted as already having a slightly strained relationship. Jack is clearly on the defensive, and Janet seems to be passive-aggressive, though she could just be attempting to explain the situation to her toddler honestly. The intended tone isn’t especially clear. 

I do want to point out, in this depiction, Tim isn’t being carried like he was in the previous one. He’s walking ahead of his parents, which isn’t a terrible horrible crime, but could be dangerous in a crowded place like the circus. Might be a subtle hint to his parents overall neglect. 

Back to A Lonely Place of Dying, in Tim’s memories of the night he discovered Robin and Dick Grayson were the same person at nine-years-old, his parents are home, and watching TV together while Tim played... trucks, idk, in the living room with them. (This is semi-interesting, because you could say “oh, Tim liked vehicle toys as a kid” or you could extrapolate that this is another subtle indication of Jack’s sexism, providing Tim with appropriately “boy toys.” Either interpretation is valid. If Tim was assigned female at birth, would they have been given “girl toys,” or allowed to play with whatever they wanted?) 

This is, to my knowledge, the only panel of the Drakes when Tim is between ages 3 and 13. They’re all together, which might indicate that the Drakes were home more often when Tim was 9, only later going on business trips when Tim was “old enough” but... 

This is Tim’s boarding school when he’s 13. While most boarding schools in the US are for grades 9-12, Tim is clearly not a freshman at age 13; look how much younger the other kids in this panel are. In the US, the youngest you can attend most boarding schools is 7. 

That means Tim could have begun going to boarding school anytime between 7 and 13. He most likely spent all of middle school in boarding school, at least. There are an almost infinite number of possible ways the Drakes handled having a business that required lots of international travel, an archeology hobby, AND a very young child. Janet staying home until Tim was 7, 11, 13, is equally possible as the Drakes having a nanny until 7, 11, 13. Tim just doesn’t talk about that period of his life very much.

(”What about Mrs. Mac?” - it is unclear when Mrs. Mac begins working for the Drakes. We only see her when Jack comes out of his coma. She could either be a long standing staff member, or a recent hire.) 

Note: I’ve seen it said that it’s canon that “According to Tim, when his parents were home, they made a point to try and include him in their activities, bringing him along to events that were normally adults only.” I have never seen this panel, or I don’t remember it, so I cannot confirm, but I also cannot debunk this because... comics. 

By the time Tim is 13, Jack and Janet are away on business trips a lot, with limited communication, and no firm return date. If I’m feeling generous, I’d say it was harder to communicate internationally in 1990 than it is today. If I’m not feeling generous, I’d say the Drakes are extremely wealthy, and international communication was easier than ever before in the 80s and 90s. They’re not even going home to see Tim in a week or two, they’re going home and calling Tim at boarding school in a week or two. 

Even Bruce thinks its weird, though he doesn’t say so to Tim’s face. It’s written almost as if Tim’s parents’ neglect was meant to be a plot point that just got forgotten about. 

Tim’s parents are fighting at this point (their poor assistant), but Janet still goes with Jack on these business trips. And she’s clearly involved in the business, somehow, but the comics never SAY what Janet’s JOB is. We’re told Jack is the exec, but Janet is ONLY ever referred to as Jack’s wife, though they’re later described as the “heads” of the company, plural. 

Just to be clear, this is Jack’s business. There’s a perception that Jack is a bad business man because he and Janet fight over company decisions, and Jack looses the business after Janet dies, but Jack looses the company YEARS after Janet dies, and maintains it for about a year after No Man’s Land at that. We’re not told how Jack looses the business, but he’s got to be doing something right. Janet isn’t necessarily the “real brains” of Drake Industries. 

And I’m not... gonna... touch the... exploitation and racism because... I’m not qualified to do that. But, here’s the panel. The Drakes sure seem exploitative and racist in their business decisions. Someone else can... analyze that with more nuance. 

Regardless how how long they’ve been fighting, when their lives are in danger, the Drakes fall back into a loving husband and wife. Their marriage may be falling apart, but they do care about each other. 

I want to show these panels because it shows that Tim and Jack do have things in common. They’re both level headed in a crisis and can be somewhat cold in their practicality. Janet meanwhile and silent. Jack is later willing rant and rave at their captors, but Janet remains silent. 

That is, until they’re alone, and she finally lets herself fall apart. 

God, Jack can be obnoxious. Janet just looks miserable and resigned. I actually think Tim takes after his parents in this respect in equal measure. Tim can have a temper, but he can also be fairly melancholy and defeatist. 

Jack keeps reminding Janet to be strong and in control, which could be period typical sexism? But Jack seems so practiced and ready with the words of encouragement, and with Tim’s history with depression, I wonder if Janet has an inclination towards it as well. 

As the end approaches, when Jack brings up Tim, Janet seems to have a lot of regret. She talks about “wasting” the good things, and I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to assume she’s talking about time spent with her only child. 

From this point on, Janet is at times spoken of, but not seen. Like here, when Jack says Janet wouldn’t approve of him and Tim being so “far apart.” He says this after he tells him he takes back his threat to send him back to boarding school, which might imply Janet was against the idea of boarding school? Though she obviously lost that argument when she was alive. 

Jack will of course renege on this later, but that’s Jack Drake for you. 

Or here in Tim’s illness induced dream, where he gets everything he wants. Though, since this is a fantasy of Tim’s, where his father and girlfriend are both more accepting and understanding than they are in real life, I would take this depiction of Janet with a grain of salt. 

After loosing Drake Industries, Jack thinks about Janet (though, they call her Catherine/Cathy for some fucking reason) during his depressive episode. And... uh... 

Hallucinates a Valkyrie???? Is this symbolic of suicidal thoughts, or is she... real? Or is he seriously hallucinating? 

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss Jack’s mental state, the fact that he forgot Tim’s birthday, or that concerning “I was going to knock some sense into you but you’re still bigger than me” statement from Tim, we’re here to talk about Janet. And even though this entire arc is about Jack mourning his first wife, they don’t SAY anything about Janet herself at all. I mean, they don’t even get her name right, so I guess what was I expecting. 

Then there’s Origins and Omens, which also doesn’t say anything about Janet, except that Tim’s memory of her is faulty - Janet was poisoned, her assistant Jeremy’s throat was slit on television, but Tim seems to have conflated the death he did see with the death he didn’t. 

The only piece of canon to suggest that Janet might be cold, is Tim compares her to Thalia. And even then, he’s really just saying Janet was protective of him. It’s kind of a scary look to make at your kid, but Bruce does the same thing, so. 

I do want to say... it’s not 100% clear if Tim is even talking about Janet. He could be talking about Dana. Dana was observably protective of Tim, though I don’t think he’s ever called her mom. He PROBABLY means Janet. 

And finally we have Tim visiting his mother’s grave (in a duel Christian/Jewish cemetery, make of that what you will), where Tim says she was “a little religious.”

And that’s it! That is all we know about Janet Drake in New Earth. Hardly the Mom From Hell, but she isn’t perfect. I’d be interested in seeing some alternate depictions of her within the fandom. 

I’m still gonna eat up Terrible Parents From Hell like a starving puppy dog, though. Just some food for creative thought. 

[lesser-vissir]

Anyways, I think the reason I got so upset about that post is because it really feels like every single indie game dev that primarily works through itch, or at least the ones big on Tumblr, have a fundamental misunderstanding of the hobby and have neither worked through, nor appreciate, the history of games that exist.

They will reinvent a wheel from the beginning of the hobby, and pat themselves on the back as if they have done something amazing, despite just straight up doing nothing.

I don't want to be cruel, but it truly does feel like they exclusively played D&D and then, idk, jump s from that to making (honestly kinda shit) indie games. It's like if you only read Harry Potter and then wrote your own novel and said shit like "I've never seen a children's book not set in a school so instead I've placed them in an orphanage with a Sunday school they attend regularly"

Like, that's literally what this is:

The mechanic isn't a new and really defined (or even particularly narrative focused) character creation system. It instead just defines three life events. That's it. That's the cool new feature.

It's not a bad feature but after hyping it up like that and making the telling claim that you've never seen a game that does more mechanically than assign an occupation (D&D and it's clones) it's really quite disappointing and even kinda infuriating for them to claim to have done something.

Especially when Google is fucking free. Actually one second...

Yeah so like I thought, other than Traveller which I already knew there's tons of games that have complex backstory mechanics. Including some big names like Apocalypse World, Blades in the Dark, and Shadowrun.

I just think that if you were trying to design a mechanic you've never seen before you might do a modicum of research and make an attempt to learn about what already exists within the scene instead blindly searching around and exclaiming you've discovered new niches.

Not gonna reply back but on God wtf do you mean it's possible to have a game with multiple players that features absolutely no conflict of any kind. If you and another person must agree on something that is a conflict.

My point is it that you're huffing indie gaming supremacy and it's making you say inane shit like "delegating authority through a seance is a conflict-free mechanic that does not include resolution".

Like, straight up just calling it a different thing and insisting that's true.

[expectingtofly]

Painted Nails and Pride

1.7k

internalized homophobia, john being an a**hole, bisexual dean, found family, happy ending

written for day 7 of @spnprideweek

Music boomed from the park down the street and Dean tried to focus on the newspapers spread out before him, front pages covered with news about a bear attack at a campsite a few miles west. Not actually a bear attack, of course. From the tracks they’d seen when they hiked out there yesterday, Dad's money was on wendigo.

Cheering drew his eyes from the table where he, Sam, and Dad sat outside a restaurant to the people heading down the sidewalk towards the music. Banners on streetlights along the road proclaimed that today marked Roseville's 3rd Annual Pride Parade. His eyes snagged on a group of kids his own age standing on the street corner, hugging and talking excitedly. One boy had painted nails and wore a cropped shirt that exposed his midriff. As he talked with his friends, he looked around, and his eyes met Dean’s. He smiled at him, and Dean ducked his head, face burning.

An announcer’s voice echoed down the street. “Welcome to Pride,” the voice boomed. Dean folded and unfolded the corner of the newspaper, listening to the cheering, rotating the ring on his thumb around and around.

Dad snorted, and Dean glanced up at him. Arms crossed, leaning back in his chair, he watched the proceedings with a scowl on his face. Dean studied the newspapers more intently, underlining words just to look like he was doing something productive. Part of him wanted to go down to the parade, just to see what it was all about, but that was ridiculous. Only affirmed by a derogatory comment Dad made low under his breath about the people in the street.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed verbally, jostling his leg under the table. He glanced sideways at Sam, who was giving Dad a glare. Dean gave him a look that meant, don’t start, but Sam ignored him.

“Don’t say that,” he said, and Dean froze, eyes snapping to their father. Dad pulled his eyes from the street to Sam, giving him a long, steady look.

“What?” he asked after a long moment. “You one of them?”

Sam only held his gaze for a second before it seemed his courage failed. He ducked his head. “No,” he mumbled, kicking at the table leg.

Dad stared at him for another long moment, expressionless, before turning his journal around and dropping it in front of Sam. “Shut up and make yourself useful. Sooner we figure out what’s killing these folks, sooner we can get out of this goddamn town.”

He waved down the waitress for another drink, and Dean glared at Sam, who was absently thumbed through the journal pages. Returning to his own work, he snapped one newspaper closed and opened another, skimmed an article about the victim’s family. The words didn’t really make sense in his head, though, and too soon he found himself watching the people in the street again. The boy who’d smiled at him had disappeared, though, probably watching the parade.

Finding a one-off line in an article about rumors of a strange being haunting the woods, he circled it and handed the newspaper across the table.

“Nice work,” Dad said, taking the paper, but instead of the usual warmth from his praise, Dean only felt sick.

He felt about the same now, standing in Jody’s kitchen—off to the side so he wouldn’t be in the way during the frenzied preparations to attend the Sioux Falls Pride Parade. Music played from Patience’s phone, some song he recognized from Cas constantly turning the radio dial to the pop music station. Sam helped Kaia finish a sign decorated with the lesbian flag, and Eileen signed with Alex who was learning sign language in high school. Claire sat at the table painting Jack’s nails, who wriggled in his seat excitedly.

Catching Dean’s eyes, he held up the hand Claire had finished. “Dean, look!”

Dean forced a smile. “Looks good.”

“Stay still,” Claire ordered, frowning down at Jack’s hand as she painted his pinky.

This was a bad idea, Dean thought. Jody had invited them for the week, mentioning off-hand that Sioux Fall’s pride events were going on, and Dean had pushed aside the mild panic at that comment, told her they’d come visit. He didn’t know he’d be roped into joining everyone at Pride, but here he was, feeling out of place in the corner of the kitchen. Who knew how he’d feel standing at the parade.

“Want me to do yours?” Claire asked, and Dean snapped his attention back to her. She was holding a bottle of nail polish, others lined up next to her on the table, and he froze, realizing what she was suggesting.

His first instinct was to spit out, “I’m not one of those,” but guilt rushed through him for how harsh the words sounded in his head. Defensive words, unnecessary ones because there was no threat here. He didn't mean them anyway.

Swallowing them down, he glanced around the kitchen for rescue. Cas was helping Donna pack water bottles because “It’s gonna be hot out there,” but he must’ve felt Dean’s gaze because he looked over and gave him a reassuring smile. No judgement in his eyes, or Claire's either, for that matter. He had a feeling he wouldn't find any judgement in this kitchen, which should've been a relief, but he had a hard time trusting it.

“Come on, Dean,” Jack said. “We can match!”

You can do this, Dean told himself. It's just Pride, not an Apocalypse.

He tried to smile. “Sure,” he said, going to the table and sitting down, chest tight.

He chose the color blue because it felt less ostentatious than the pinks and lilacs Claire presented to him. Even so, the color looked strikingly bright in the sunlight as he stood along the street marked off for the parade, and he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Hey,” Cas said, touching his shoulder. Dean tensed, then felt awful for his reaction, but Cas didn’t move away, only rubbed between his shoulder blades until Dean relaxed marginally. ��You okay?”

Dean nodded. “Fine,” he managed. Cas gave him a small smile and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder.

A float passed with people waving and dancing on top, a banner strung across the front declaring, “Protect Trans Kids.” Jack waved a rainbow flag around, cheering along with the crowd. Claire’s arm was wrapped around Kaia’s shoulders, a smile tugging at her mouth despite her attempts to look unbothered by the proceedings. Dean wished he could feel that nonchalant. Instead, he kept looking over his shoulder. He didn’t know exactly what threat he was looking for, but the press of the growing crowds and the heat and noise, the bright colors and waving flags everywhere he looked was making him nauseous.

Turning back to the parade, he met Sam’s eyes. “Never thought we’d both end up here, right?” Sam asked over the noise, attempting levity, and Dean wondered if he remembered sitting outside near a Pride parade, feeling so unsure. There were plenty of other instances to remember, plenty of times John made disparaging comments that Dean either pretended to not hear or agreed with out of a panic that if he wasn’t careful, they might be directed at him next.

“This is fun,” Sam commented, watching the parade, and Dean wished he could agree.

Easy for you to say, he thought. You have a girlfriend, people’ll assume you’re straight. But he felt bad for thinking it. He didn’t want Cas to move away from him—if anything, wanted him closer, wanted his arm around him. But he felt too tense to move.

A crowd of middle-aged people walked in the parade, t-shirts reading variations of MOM HUGS, DAD HUGS, GRANDPA HUGS. Dean watched as people stepped off the sidewalk and hugged the moms and dads, some crying as soon as arms wrapped around them.

Without his permission, he felt his own eyes growing teary and he ducked his head, scraped his heel on the sidewalk.

“Dammit,” Jody said. “Where can I get one of those t-shirts?”

“We gotta do that next year,” Donna decided, and Jack gave her a hug.

“You can hand out hugs without the t-shirt,” he told her, and she grinned.

“You’re right.” Lifting her arms, she announced, “Free hugs over here!” People around them laughed, and someone took her up on the offer, telling her, “You’ve got a lovely family.”

Donna beamed. “Why yes I do.” She pulled Claire into a half-hug that Claire resisted, protesting the whole time. “Come here, Sam,” she said, yanking Sam into a hug that he had to nearly fold himself in half for. Everyone else got their turn, then she turned to Dean, holding out her arms.

Dean stepped into it, wrapping his arms around her. A gentler hug, Donna rubbing his back. Dean sunk into the embrace, the chaos around him subsiding for a moment.

“We’re family now, right?” she asked, pulling away to meet his eyes, and Dean nodded. Smiling at him and patting his arm, she turned back to Jody, wrapping an arm around her.

It felt a little easier to breathe now, his chest not so tight. The crowds around them didn’t seem so threatening, just smiling people with their families like he was with his. Eileen cheered as a float passed with an Irish LGBTQ+ coalition, and Dean smiled, easier now, not forced.

Jody pulled Donna in for a kiss that turned into making out. Claire rolled her eyes. “Ew, guys, Gross.” Kaia elbowed her and Claire’s put-on air of displeasure broke into a grin as she elbowed her back. Cas nudged Dean with a small smile when a float of pink, purple, and blue streamers drove past. For a moment, Dean's chest seized, John's voice ringing in his head, but in all the noise around them, it quickly drowned out.

Pulling his hands from his pockets, he took Cas’ hand. Cas interlaced their fingers immediately, squeezing tightly, then lifted their hands and studied Dean’s nails. Dean had let Jack paint a smiley face on his pinky to match the one on Jack’s thumbs. Staring at them, he thought of a boy at Pride with painted nails, his own fears and wants tightening his chest, but then Cas looked up at him with a smile, and the memory faded into a warm glow.

“I like them,” Cas told him.

“Yeah," Dean said. "Me too.”

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 8

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 8

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language.

Words: ~2000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7

Part 8

Billy read through the file on his desk for the third time that day. After the night of the gala he’d hired an investigator to gather info on you, and now all the major events in your life were neatly encompassed in a red folder, ready for his perusal. Despite your refusal to share anything, he’d managed to learn a lot about you reading your file. Except instead of giving him clarity on you, the documents triggered an avalanche of questions and emotions that left him rattled.

You grew up in the projects, in a poor neighbourhood in Chicago, but had managed to wrangle your way into a state university. He knew how expensive those were, and even with the scholarships you’d earned it was almost impossible for someone in your socio-economic background to be able to attend college – but you had, and judging by your relatively low student loans it wasn’t simply due to luck. Billy had learned a long time ago that when opportunities presented themselves, he had to make quick and tough decisions to get ahead. Rawlins had presented such an opportunity, which had given Billy the cashflow he needed to start Anvil. Who was your Rawlins, he wondered.

Throughout college you interned at a moderately-sized company in Chicago and they hired you immediately upon graduation. You never looked back after that, moving from firm to firm while going up the corporate ladder. There were so many things about your life you didn’t share with Billy but you had been honest about one thing – Anvil couldn’t afford you. If he’d hired you, your salary would be on par with his.  

Billy still remembered when he’d signed his first lucrative contract. He’d been eyeing the Wraith for months prior to that, and as soon as he could justify the purchase he did. The penthouse in a luxury high-rise building came next. You, however, were the complete opposite of him. You owned your condo, and while it was nice and in a decent neighbourhood, it certainly wasn’t a luxury purchase. You were careful with your money, except when it came to shoes. Based on your credit card records, you bought a lot but the ridiculously expensive purchases weren’t as numerous. He guessed those were the ones you bought when you were especially troubled, like Davina had said.

Billy had pored over your life starting from where you were now all the way back to your childhood. The first time he read the child abuse investigation report in your file was two days ago, and it had taken him hours to finish because of the sheer rage it provoked in him. It was an incident reported by one of your teachers after you’d shown up to school with bruises and burn marks. Of course the child protective services had done nothing, you’d been returned to your parents. There were no other reports filed after that but abuse that vicious didn’t stop just because the cops came around. Your parents probably just learned not to leave visible bruises.  Billy was all too familiar with that kind of violence and realizing you went through the same made him want to destroy every fucking person in your life that ever hurt you.

“I fought like hell to make something of myself, to be safe and happy.”

Your words still rung in his ears. They had haunted him for a week now. He could still remember the strange look of apathy on your face even though your words were obviously coming from a place of hurt and anger. At the time he didn’t know what you meant, but now he understood and it both sickened and infuriated him that you felt threatened by him. What could he have possibly done to conjure the same fear in you as your goddamn family? How could you compare him to them?

“You will not destroy me.”

Your voice had been steady and calm when you said the words, a complete contrast to the confusion he’d been feeling. Fine, he may not have recognized your worth sooner before but that didn’t mean he wanted to hurt you. Yet you’d accused him of doing just that and it pissed the fuck out of him. Yeah he’d bragged about Anvil to Roger but that was to get you actual protection and keep you safe – something your precious fucking Roger should have done from day one. Corporations didn’t give a fuck about their employees until their bottom lines were threatened and knowing a competitor had access to that kind of info meant bad PR for Valiant. You were smart, you should have realized exactly why Billy had played that card but instead you chose to be willfully blind and accuse him of jeopardizing your job. It made him so angry that it had taken every bit of willpower he had not to shake the stupidity out of you.

The phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. Upon seeing who it was, he picked it up immediately. “Yeah?”

“Hey, boss. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Looks like she’s lost her tail. Didn’t even take her that long. The guy’s an idiot.”

Frustrated, Billy ran his fingers through his hair. The little talk with Roger had worked and Valiant had assigned a bodyguard to you, but like everything else about the company, the guard was ineffective. Fortunately Billy had already anticipated Valiant’s ineptitude so he’d made arrangements for one of his best trackers to keep an eye on you. “Think she knows about you?”

Andy snorted. “This ain’t my first gig.”

Even though Billy knew Andy was great at what he did - he was one of Anvil’s best - it still didn’t assuage his anxieties about you. “Where is she right now?”

“Driving out of town. I’m on her tail.”

“Headed for?”

“Not sure yet. Connecticut, I think.”

Billy exhaled an agitated sigh. “Okay, let me know if there’s trouble.”

“Will do.”

After hanging up with Andy, he called your number. As expected, it went to your voicemail automatically. Just like it had every time this past week. Obviously you’d blocked him, which irritated the fuck out of him, but he realized it was something you needed to do for yourself. And if you didn’t have some unhinged lunatic after you, Billy would have given you the space you needed - but now was not the time to respect your goddamn boundaries.

“Hey, it’s me. I get it. You’re pissed but we need to talk. Call me.” He paused, breathing. A part of him wanted to add a ‘please’ but he didn’t like the thought of pleading with another person, even you. Because if he begged and you still didn’t call back… he didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Reluctantly, he put your file down and returned to reviewing the contracts in front of him.

***

It was almost two in the morning. He’d gone out for dinner with some potential clients and schmoozed the hell out of them. After a lot of booze and ass-kissing, they finally shook on the deal. All in all, it was a pretty great night except he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

Every time his phone rang he hoped it was you; it never was. And now he was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking of you like some lovesick fool. It was pathetic. He should have gone home with the waitress that had slipped him her number. She’d been hot, fun, and more than happy to fuck him but some stupid part of him felt guilty – actually guilty even though you’d been ignoring him for a week – of sleeping with someone who wasn’t you. What the hell was wrong with him?

Yeah, sure, he’s been in some relationships before but they never lasted long. When things were bad, they were terribly, horribly bad and the good times just weren’t worth it. And so, in the past few years, he’d decided to keep things casual with everyone until you fucking came along and dropped a bomb and now he was right back in the middle of a hurricane. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you for making him feel like this. For making him feel desperate and clingy and pathetic. For making him worry about you. For making him care.

He grabbed his phone and called you. There was your fucking voicemail greeting again and the dreaded beep.

“I make you feel worthless?” A bitter laugh escaped his throat. “What the fuck did I do to make you feel that way? Tell me. Because you actually haven’t given me any reasons. You just spouted some bullshit about having feelings for me before you walked away. Now you’ve blocked my number and I’m sitting here trying to figure out what the fuck I did wrong.” He scooted off the bed and began pacing the floor. “Eleven fucking months we’ve been sleeping together and you tell me nothing about yourself. Nothing. You were a glorified sex doll. A fucking fleshlight who spoke and only told me things I wanted to hear. Yes, Billy. No, Billy. Fuck me, Billy. You kept everything bottled up! Not once did we have a real conversation. And then all of a sudden you come alive and I find out there’s more to you and I want to get to know you better but then you tell me you have feelings for me, that you might actually love me and instead of giving me a chance to process any of this shit you dump my ass and block me? Fuck you, Y/N!”  

He hung up the phone, feeling much better, but within seconds that feeling of euphoric release turned to anxiety. What if you misinterpreted what he meant? What if something he said inadvertently hurt you again? This time when he called you, his voice was calmer.

“This isn’t me, Y/N. I’m not the guy who calls a woman over and over again, especially when she wants nothing to do with me. But you’re in my head. You’re everywhere I look. I don’t want to think about you, I don’t want to give a fuck about you, but I do…” He took a deep breath. “You said you might love me but I think you’re full of shit. Because when you care about someone, you don’t leave them behind. Shutting someone out, abandoning them, that’s not love. That’s being a fucking coward.”

After putting his phone back on the nightstand table, he lay back in bed with his arm propped up behind his head. He pondered the message he left, realizing the truth. As hard as he’d fought it, as much as he didn’t want to, he had fallen for you. You. Not the woman he’d been fucking for eleven months who didn’t have any personality but the real you, the woman who challenged him, who made him laugh, who was brilliant and incredibly smart and so fucking beautiful he’d get a hard-on practically every time he looked at you. There was so much about you he didn’t know, but he wanted to spend the rest of his life discovering you, fucking you, making you his.

He didn’t believe in destiny or any of that romantic nonsense. The universe had fucked him over too many times for him to accept sentimental bullshit like that. But what he did believe in was himself. Everything he had he fought for and he destroyed anyone who got in his way. Something told him you were the same as him. You two were connected.

He reached for his phone again and dialed your number. His voice was strong, calm, and resolute as he left you a final message.

“I like you. I want you. I’m not walking away.”

He hung up, smirking.

Part 9

A/N - I’m back from lovely St Maarten, all tanned and relaxed :) I hope you guys had a wonderful week, and that you enjoyed this new chapter. I know it wasn’t plot-heavy, just thought-heavy but that was on purpose. I really wanted a chapter just for Billy to process his feelings about “You”. Hope the lack of plot wasn’t a disappointment. As always, thank you for the lovely feedback on the last chapter.  I’m sorry I didn’t respond in a timely manner while I was away!  Please know that I truly appreciate the likes, the reblogs, the wonderful feedback and the asks you guys left me.

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