#i dont want to live like this anymore im so tired | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovecrazedpup · 6 months

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i havent stopped crying today lol

#couldnt rlly sleep n i only got 3 hours #and ive got such a bad headache #and im fasting so im hungry but i wanna be pretty #which is funny bc the reason im crying is bc i cant stop thinking abt how ugly i am #i dont even rlly know what his ex looks like but i cant stop comparing myself to her #i wish i looked naturally pretty #why doesnt he love me #gonna kms #i dont want to live like this anymore im so tired #jamie.txt

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puppyeared · 9 months

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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant #its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things #we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an #me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could #feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly #accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore #what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back #with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used #to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting #for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our #bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70 #yapping #vent

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

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spacemilkbag · 7 months

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#i lasted less than 2 days without tumblr this is so sad #i logged out from one of my privs a few days ago and yesterday deleted twitter app from my phone #im just so bone tired of constant discoures like (shakes my 2020 self) HOW DID WE GET HERE #anyway my stance didn't change too much i hope she'll find some peace and better friends #not everything is forgotten and forgiven but im glad george acknowledged that she is hurt by what happened #and I'd rather leave on my own when im 100% not interested in their content anymore so yeah im staying #i dont want to be so invested in their lives anymore or at least not as much as i used to but I will watch some of their content #if you're not comfortable with that then you're free to unfollow or soft block me i wont hold it again you

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arinmoss · 2 months

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Sorry for all the depressing ass posts I'm just. So sad and tired all the time and I'm crying rn at like 3 am when all I want to do is sleep cause I rlly don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.

#my brain keeps circling the same thought #and unfortunately #that thought is that i should just kill myself and then i wont be such a fucking burden and nobody would have to deal with me anymore #but like i dont want to die. im just so fucking tired and habe never been good at anythiing in my life ever.#and its hard not to feel so small and pathetic and to live in poverty #and i always thought we'll i have family i can depend on so its not rlly poverty but no i dont think i can depend on them #which rlly fucking sucks #i dont know i just thought id matter more

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ghostlyheart · 3 months

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I'm trying desperately hard to stay positive and not give into depressive thoughts but I feel very very stuck and like I'm making no progress ahhhhhhhh

#fucked up my whole summer and my academic career which is like the one thing that i feel gives me purpose #i just feel like im not smart anymore if i ever even was #i know im young and that its the depression brain talking but i feel like i have no future and that i've ruined any chance at feeling happy #im just sad and tired all the time. i really try not to be and i feel lazy and guilty about it #my SI is the worst it's ever been in my whole life and i think i genuinely might live like this forever #there's a lot of cognitive distortions going on i know that i know!!! i want to get better and be a functioning person #it's just so lonely and i feel like i can't talk to anyone abt it because i dont want to freak them out #and also i recognize how exhausting it can be to talk to someone who shuts down every piece of advice or suggestion with something negative #so tumblr gets my splurge lol

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bpdonnie · 6 months

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im about to be such a stupid hater but as an aromantic person i hate the httyd 3 ending.

#YES i know its similar to the books ending #but idk man toothless leaving hiccup to go live far away with some random dragon he met like two days ago after he and hiccup have basically #grown up together just rubs me the wrong way #they've been through so much together #both literally saving the life of the other at one point #and YES i know they didn't just leave bc of that #but CMON THEIR FRIENDSHIP??? toothless and hiccup care so much about eachother #they're basically eachother's whole world #they're soulmates even /p #even valka tells her son that he has the soul of a dragon #idc what ppl say #idc if the ending was supposed to be ''realistic''#it's a fictional world they could've came up with a happier ending where they didn't have to get separated #also i love love love astrid #dont get me wrong #but even since i was a kid i never really cared that much about her's and hiccups relationship #← aka aroace person speaking #yeah they have a lot of cute moments together #just bc im aroace that doesn't mean i cant find their relationship really cute #but again the friendship between dragons and humans is what the story is all about #idk where im going with this anymore sorry #im tired n mad n i just wanted to talk about one of my favorite franchises in the world #i love to just pretend the actual stayed together at the end of the third movie n also the light fury doesnt really exist #sorry but thats a topic for another post #bc i feel like this one has too many tags already #not that i completely hate the light fury #its more complicated than that

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monachopism · 5 months

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being jewish with zero affiliation to israel and rather a generational line of activists for palestine is a hard line to walk and sometimes i wish i could just fall off

#i hate zionist jews i hate i stand with israel signs in my neighborhood i hate leftists who write and speak and act like theyve never met an #actual jewish person in their life and believe that were all genocidal monsters (in spite of our own genocide which i assume will eventuall #flip around to leftist holocaust denial) i hate that people are blaming israeli civilians for the faults of their deeply corrupt government #i hate that i cant say zionism is inherently antsemitic without getting fucking maimed i fucking hate it here the world is on fire just #fucking let me burn #anyways #sorry #free palestine #any other #jumblr #girlies (gn) relating to my vent #bc im started to feel ashamed of myself my culture and my people #and its such a fucking shitty feeling #like i can barely look in palestine / gaza / etc. tag without seeing blindingly blatant antisemitism coming from left right and center #like just say you hate jews and fuck off #i cant look at this shit anymore fuck #idk why im so worked up about this rn i just. btwn weeding out all the zionist blogs i didnt know i followed and just being so fucking-#and weeding out all the antisemitic leftist blogs i didnt know i was supporting its all just crashing down #im so fucking tired #and im so fucking tired of having to defend myself any time i talk about the jewish experience in any of this #and im so fucking tired of people equating judaism with religion only #and im so fucking tired of the double standard of also equating with only one race #like there arent jews of every race #the reason you cant see any of this shit is because nearly a century later were still dealing with the aftermath of the 6mil person murder #were always at the cross roads of some ridiculous double standard or the scapegoat for when things are going badly #like fuck i just #dont want to have this fucking identity anymore it makes me a walking talking breathing living fucking target #idk what to do I'm just #desolate

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bunnihearted · 6 months

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im the one society marked as avoidant yet im always the only one who wanna fucking talk things thru. y'all are a fkn joke!!! im sry but u rlly are 💀 im the avoidant one. the one scared of conflict nd afraid of talking.... yet im always the one staying and begging to talk while the other one just leaves or is a wall nd refuses to talk abt it 😹😹😹😹😹

#im sick nd tired of it #sooooo many ppl say they wanna talk #nd blah blah fucking blah #it's never ever true #!!!!! im so sick of ppl jesus fucking christ #im sick of society telling ME im the sick one the distubed one #im the one w a personality #w a personality disorder lmao***#yet every one else are x100000 more avoidant than me #it's a joke!!!!!! absolutely fucking ridiculous #i barely have patience w ppl anymore bc all they do is blah blah blah but 1% of what they say is actually true #yeah yeah blah blah you're just wasting air atp maybe just stfu #dont say things u cant stand for #god im so fucking angry like????? why is it so hard for y'all to fucking TALK. say what u mean!! say what u wanna!!!!#talk things our instead of running away like a dumb fkn coward everytime smth gets a bit tough #or it's more like everyone have these extremely high nd uttainable expectations nd demands of u #nd if u dont live up to them suddenly you're trash nd they dont even want to talk abt things #bc you're not the perfect little thing they made up in their head #ugh fucking yikes people are so incredibly infuriating #i wish i could just find my ONE person nd then just go off nd be w them nd not bother w everyone else jfc #ok i obvi cant speelll when im angry whatever

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anumacy · 3 months

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Im so close to crying

Me and my mom got in a fight right after me and my brother fight.

Love this life. I'm so bloody done. Screw this.

#im so tired of life #im so done #im so tired of living #i just dont want to #live like this #i don't want to live anymore

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ilovelickingrocks · 7 months

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being at work makes me so miserable

#its not even that bad #but my anxiety is at an all time high here #im just uncomfortable #retail isnt for me i don't like talking to strangers im tired of most of my coworkers I'm just kind of waiting for this place to shut down #i don't want a job at all honestly #i wish i could just perform live music and do art commissions and sell clothes for money #but alas this economy and my depression won't allow that #nothing seems worth doing #i have no motivation and give up on something as soon as i start #i watch too much tv and get depressed i listen to too much music and get overstimulated and i never feel at peace or fulfilled anymore #and capitalism is one of the main roots of that. i just know it #we could all be so much happier. there is so much more to life than this #i want to travel #i want to spontaneously quit my job and take a cross country road trip but my car is not in road trip condition #i need to put new rear tires on before i should be driving it anymore at all #i want to be w my boyfriend cuddling & laughing & i wanna see cool things & see my favorite band in all the cities I haven't been to yet #i dont want... this #whatever this society is #working the day away not being able to be my own person 5 days a week and being too exhausted & depressed to leave home the rest of the day #i want to be able to live #i want my brain to let me function and my body to be at full health #i want to run through the woods on a cloudy crisp fall day #ive become so sensitive to temperature and numb to everything that i don't even get the same joy from being outside that i used to #also global warming lmao #ok vent over

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semiotomatics · 9 months

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it appears i may have tmj disorder

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #im for sure experiencing excrutiating tmj pain rn #idk that its ever been this bad before #looking up tmjd symptoms it sure sounds like that could be the cause of some of the issues ive been having #and it seems like its often comorbid w eds/other connective tissue disorders which i believe i have #anyway. i want to die #this pain is unbearable #just as bad as my migraine #took some ibuprofen but if its anything like my migraine it wont do a thing #oh my god #i want to rip my jaw off #it feels like my skull is going to collapse #please god just let me die #please dont make me have to live in agony anymore #im so tired of being in pain #im so tired

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grandmasickomode · 2 months

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God dads outburst at me about the election really has left me shaken and fucked up

Spent the last few weeks feeling incredibly lost and tired. All it took was dad breaking my trust in him and losing his stupid ass to the right wing.

#Bro Im so mad about it but also too exhausted to fucking do anything as of this moment #But plans are being made to move in with the ol ex and just live there.#Its. Scary. Really really scary. But its okay.#Its his own fault for letting himself get so overly emotional and basically yelling about how he cares more for an ideal like that than lik #The daughter who wants him to be safe #Same goes for the reat of my family tbh #Theyre all just happily living their lives and Im jist sat here looking like a crazy person #Trying to have brunch while also tryibg to be normal #It sucks. I hate it. Im tired.#I feel so fucking disconnected from my family now and its a weird feeling #I feel like I dont actually belong anymore and its awful #But hey. Who cares right?#Eldest daughter + only child syndrome in an asian family is a HELL OFNA DRUG.

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goofnuggetkarlaa · 10 months

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well it seems youtube on firefox is no longer letting me play videos in anything higher than 720p, and some its only allowing me to view in 360p. and while duckduckgo's duck player works fine, if i stream it over discord, no audio can be heard on the stream (╬▔皿▔)╯

guess im stuck having other people be forced to stream the videos for me i guess until some tech genius starts having this problem as well and creates a workaround.

fuck youtube, fuck google, fuck every big tech company (and every non-tech company while we're at it), fuck every greedy capitalistic pig who is purposefully making my life more irritating and inconvenient for me just because they can. now where's that damn guillotine

#the nugget speaks #its annoying cause my phone is ALSO having issues it wasnt having before #due to a samsung update #so now i have a constant notification telling me that my data is turned off (i know it is)#and that i have to turn it back on (i dont want to)#and i cant get rid of it #and i spent over an hour with consumer cellular's support #just for them to eventually come to the conclusion there's nothing they can do about it either #im so sick and tired of this life #my bf and i live really far apart (like 15 hours)#so a huge part of our relationship relies on being able to stream videos and stuff online #and im SO irritated that i just cant do this anymore #and every big company out there #is making it harder and harder for us #whats next? is discord going to start charging me for every minute i spend in a voice call?#im fucking LOSING it #firefox is dying on me #duck duck go doesnt have all the features i need #chrome is right out (fuck google‚ have i mentioned i hate google?)

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archi-pelago · 1 year

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#ngl. im really tired of being brave #of having to be clever and witty in the face of people who want to hurt me #and other people thinking its funny or cool #its not fun. im not having fun. im anxious all the time #i cant eat solids much anymore because im so anxious all the fuckin time #and its just about wearing a fucking mask #but people take it so personal #and to be honest i have thin skin. i just pretend to have thick skin #but i come home and fall apart and sit staring for hours unable to process anything because im not safe anywhere #but i just have to ignore it. because there's consequences for trying to stand up for yourself in the hellscape i live in #like getting fucking shot #so i get to be quiet and clever and pretend like nothing's wrong #i dont get a sense of superiority about wearing a mask. im just fucking tired and i dont want my sister to die #i dont know if i would care if i died to be honest. i think it might bum out some friends #and i would like to do some things before then #but my coworkers already think im dying so

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lusalemaart · 1 year

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dooo tle. scrible.

#i. am on my seishin shit rn. seishit. i. cannot stop. thinking about him.#oh my god. so far im keeping up with posting my shit. woah. mostly bc ig locked me out actually but. whatever #....sittin on a mountain top well above the clouds i dont feel lik e im about todrop hanging in the palace i dont harbor any malice imma be #n up in the slums imma been up in that palace im INFINITY sacred geometry living SIM PA LY universe aligned i feel the SYNERGY #thats why they call me temple PRIEST mother FUCKA #....i...dont think you trusyt. in. my . self righteous su #i #cide #i. cry #.......#when angels deserve to DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE #I digress #muroi seishin #shiki #alright back on my unpriv grind aaaaaahhhhhh #seishin muroi #must i try anymore i really dont want to render i just want to scribble #i really do. im tired.#actually im not done i have more thoughts. sorry gotta talk a lot. but.#i just love seishin so much. i love sunako being like HMMM sobota seems perfect. i like the authors works. i bet hes all fucked up.#judging by the way he writes he sounds AWFUL and DEPLORABLE and REVOLTING to the EYES #and then she sees him for the first time and is just like Oh you're just a Guy. You're just a regular old Dude.#makes you wonder just what exactly his published works look like #love that. emo little lad.#on the outside i am fine. on the inside i am... god why have you forsaken me.

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