#i dont want to be alone by the next summer but fuck i need my next birthday to come around and overwrite it

[andragoras-in-vanity]

i was feeling shitty about something that happend a few months ago and i reacted to it kinda harshly but then i remembered i am not in fact the biggest bitch i know and am once again at ease.

[phagodyke]

.

[diorsluv]

feather , part 27

“ not pretending to like the wine you like ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

rutgermcgroarty

liked by lhughes_06, _alexturcotte, yourusername, and 70,881 others

rutgermcgroarty 3️⃣🛞❌😁

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luca.fantilli respectfully what the fuck is this caption supposed to be saying

→ rutgermcgroarty 3rd wheeling is not fun

→ edwards.73 who the hell could figure that out

yourusername rutger sweetie you need to stop communicating in emojis we discussed this

→ rutgermcgroarty 😔

username18 will they ever get together 😞😞

mackie.samo now i know my memory’s a bit iffy but i swear to god they weren’t this bad before

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→ adamfantilli no i remember it very clearly and they were this bad

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trevorzegras someone fly me over there rn because i do not remember them being this touchy

→ rutgermcgroarty already got the tickets 🫡

jamie.drysdale what the hell

jamie.drysdale get this off my fucking feed rn

→ rutgermcgroarty LMFAOO SORRY

username27 absolutely soul crushing but in a good way

dylanduke25 how did you manage to get not one, not two, but THREE photos of them without them knowing

→ rutgermcgroarty a magician never tells his secrets 🙊🙊

username3 how are they not dating yet

→ username80 they have to be together by now

username77 yall why are neither of them saying anything 😦😦

colecaufield damn caught in 4k i guess

_alexturcotte 📸📸

→ rutgermcgroarty 🙉🙉

→ trevorzegras 🤣🤣

→ jackhughes 😱😱

→ _quinnhughes i’m too tired for this

yourusername mcgroarty.

→ rutgermcgroarty drysdale.

→ jackhughes last name basis is crazy

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→ mackie.samo what the balls is this

→ luca.fantilli what the balls is crazy

username78 LMAOOO RUT STOP EXPOSING THEM

username22 interesting!

_quinnhughes disgusting

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→ trevorzegras frfr

lhughes_06 yo

→ rutgermcgroarty the lack of reaction is insane

→ edwards.73 bro isn’t even pretending to be surprised

→ luca.fantilli dopey ass reaction

→ markestapa “yo” 🤓

edwards.73 let’s run it back to that caption cuz wtf LMFAO

→ rutgermcgroarty hey broski this is uncool 😟😟

username46 sometimes i worry for the whole friend group

→ username99 i think we all do

yourusername

liked by lhughes_06, luca.fantilli, markestapa, and 117,290 others

yourusername summer dayssss ☀️

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jamie.drysdale cover up

→ yourusername no ‼️

→ jamie.drysdale i will send this to mom

→ yourusername empty threat 🙄🙄

username87 mother?!?! 🫣

username45 i audibly screamed. in public. like i SCREAMED.

username78 if luke dont want you i will TAKE YOU like oh my god you’re so pretty

colecaufield i was wondering when you were gonna post your face again

→ yourusername have i fulfilled ur wishes then

→ colecaufield yes you’re like a genie in a bottle

→ yourusername CHRISTINA AGUILERA????

→ colecaufield i need to learn how to stop talking

_quinnhughes your hair looks very luscious today

→ yourusername thank you quinner

→ _alexturcotte her hair 💀💀 is that the best you could do

→ _quinnhughes at least i didn’t start talking about the fucking sky

_alexturcotte wow the weather looks great

→ yourusername LMAOAOOAOA

→ _quinnhughes ahem you were saying?? _alexturcotte

→ _alexturcotte i withdraw my previous claims

→ _quinnhughes i rest my case

username30 my jaw fell on the floor

username41 oh no whats happening 🐕🧎‍♀️🚶‍♀️

→ username66 😮🕶️🤏

trevorzegras did you go swimming alone??

→ yourusername yes i was very lonely

→ trevorzegras you should’ve asked me to come

→ jackhughes BRO. 😧😧

username97 trevor is absolutely down horrendous

→ username55 someone go humble him

→ username31 remind him she’s TAKEN

→ yourusername not taken yet 😔 username31

→ username24 THAT IS A DIRECT CALL OUT. A DIRECT FUCKING CALL OUT.

jackhughes yeah so how many pics did you take before you got these

→ yourusername ackshually 🤓🤓 i took them first try

→ jackhughes i regret asking

username10 yall…….. tell my why i fell to my KNEES 🛐🛐

username86 where’s luke’s comments

→ username62 fr i been waiting 🙁

lhughes_06 oh

→ lhughes_06 !

→ lhughes_06 i forgot to put the exclamation point

→ yourusername you’re so cute lukey

→ adamfantilli ayeeee

lhughes_06 wow !

→ yourusername wow to u too ! ☺️

lhughes_06 that tree is looking real fresh

→ yourusername yes it smelled very fresh too 🌴🌴

→ lhughes_06 i’m sure it did that’s great

→ markestapa bro is complimenting everything but her

lhughes_06 what a great day to go swimming

→ yourusername it was a very nice day actually i really enjoyed it

→ yourusername woulda been a lot more fun if i had someone to swim with tho, didn’t know who to invite so i went alone 😕

→ lhughes_06 that’s really unfortunate i’m sure a lot of people would love to go with you

→ edwards.73 operation mission task assignment is complete 🫡

→ mackie.samo move onto phase two

lhughes_06 and i like the jewelry too it’s a nice touch

→ yourusername aw you’re too sweet moosey i’m glad you noticed

→ trevorzegras phase two complete

→ _alexturcotte begin side quest number one

→ _quinnhughes you’re all so weird

luca.fantilli i can do better than him i promise

→ yourusername better than who? 🤔

→ luca.fantilli 🫤

→ lhughes_06 hey now bud

rutgermcgroarty pretty

→ yourusername thank

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→ youruserame away

→ jackhughes are you both speaking stupid rn or what

→ lhughes_06 that’s my line rut

username71 idk bout yall but it seems to me like mr “best friend” luke isn’t really best friend-ing rn 🤨🤨🤨

next chapter notes ) their time will come soon i promise i promise but for now we must bask in the mutual pining and the way the guys taunt lukey pooks and i lied again it’s not that late (it’s 7 pm lmaooo)

tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot @absolutelyhugh3s @jackquinnswife @freds-slut @love4ldr @blueeyedbesson @43hughes @v1olentdelights @dancerbailey3 @random-human02 @ho3forfakeguys @loveforaugust

[angel---eater]

we have this little stub of an au concept where a post-canon dave, while in a mental health fuckin tailspin and feuled by guilt and rage and wanting to know why, uses his godtier powers to wind so far back in time that he lands in a pre-scratch earth when beta bro is 17

and dave is expecting perhaps uncharitably to find bro the same as he was when he was in his early 30s, yknow as Dave's Bro, but he just finds a severely fucked around and sick kid. like this kid is very obviously mentally ill and has been failed at every turn. he barely speaks but the first thing he says to dave is ''it's you.'' because of course every dirk would know every dave by energy alone. of course he would. they end up spending a whole summer together because every time he tries, dave just cant fuckin leave him

beta dirk is a single year away of aging out of the system and hes been shipped from foster to foster. he sneaks out of his latest one to hang out with dave and ask him questions. dave is really hesitant to answer the ones about the future, about dirks future specifically, but he talks about his friends and what hes been doing hobby/interest wise. which would not be much but dirk would absorb every word anyway

i dont know what would make dave finally decide it was time to go but it might be the presence of lil cal. like dirk would bring him up and what he says to him more and more towards the end, especially about how lil cal says theyre going to '-have a baby. though i think i'm gonna call him my baby bro. i don't like the sound of being called 'dad'. but being an actual big bro sounds cool', and how its gonna happen soon, that the wait is almost over. and that would disturb the fuck outta dave. because on one hand heres dirk, 17 and a half and excited about this, with lil fuckin cal draped over his shoulders emmiting malicious intent for both of them like its a promise, and it is a promise. and dirk doesnt seem to notice at all. and dave cant tell him, he just cant. dirk is sitting there next to him smiling about being excited for a fucking baby, baby dave, and he cant. he'd need to get out of there and back to earth-c, so he does. dirk waits for him in their usual spot every night for a week, possibly 2, because he loves dave. dave feels like the big brother he never got to have himself, and he wants to be like dave for the sake of his own baby brother

and only a year or so later baby dave falls from the sky and destroys that record store

[sucharide]

. big bad vent, my life just took a bit of a turn and I am not coping very well.

well. i knew it was coming but I just... I hate that I have made nothing of myself. I have just gone so soft and weak and I don't know how to find my way anymore. I used to be so much braver. I don't know what happened to me.

Ive lived in this apartment for nearly 6 years and in that time I didnt get my life together. I just... let it collapse out from underneath me. I didn't build anything. I didnt make anything of myself. I didn't meet anyone to start a new chapter of life with. I just got more and more scared and made stupid, weak choices, and now I don't have any self-reliant security. I fucked up. And now I have to take another six steps backwards and move back in with my parents. I am just so fucking ashamed.

.

I don't even know how to start. i have to leave for 4 days on tuesday and I just, i dont want to think about that. I just want to be packed up and moved out so the stress is over and i can move on with my life and figure out what the fuck to do next. I don't know how i'm going to finish my degree from 3 hours away from uni. I just don't know what i'm going to do.

. (later)

Okay. I guess I start with buying boxes and tape for moving and I start packing up my craft supplies and the stuff I never use. I go through things as I pack and i discard things I no longer need. It's better I start now, because i'll need to deep clean everything before I leave. I have plenty of time and I know it's going to be hard and sad doing it alone, so I just have to start chipping away at it. Baby steps.

Today: boxes and tape. That's enough moping. time to brush my teeth and get dressed and go pick up what I need to get started. I had hopes for this summer but now that stuff doesn't matter and I don't have time to be sad about it. I just need keep moving forward. This fucking sucks but I just keep moving forward.

.

Alright. I bought cleaning supplies. looks suspiciously like it is going to rain, but it doesnt look like there is much around, so i'm going to brave the moving boxes. hopefully they wont be cardboard paste by the time I get home

I know i have until January to move, but I'll go crazy if I don't just get started. I have family to stay with in the interim, so I am grateful at least for that relief. Moving in a hurry is so hard. At least I can do it slowly.

.

boxes procured. they are small, but god, moving boxes are so expensive!!! I might see if my old job is cool with me dropping by to collect boxes from a couple deliveries. At least for now, I just want to get The Bits packed. Silver lining: I'll be able to use this chance to throw shit out.

[johnslittlespoon]

ok okokk i may be pushing it but i just cant stop picturing barry circa 2012 with leaving!bucky. i just feel like theyd have the cutest dynamic ever. he gives art student vibes like maybe hes studying film or literature. theyre childhood bestfriends and maybe they were eachother's homoerotic-codependent-friendship canon event. UGHH theyd be so cute stfuu. and maybe bucky and gale are already established and curt is just yearning for a whileee like over a year of slow burn until the three of them are a throuple... idk i just miss curtbuckbucky. you dont have to change your canon for the long fic i just needed to share this idea lmfao

au post | NO ur not pushing it this is such fun world building teehee <33 genuinely this is gonna help me later for drafting! (FUCK MY LIFE HOW IS THIS 2K WORDS. i thought i only had a few thoughts... i was so wrong. my bad chief. enjoy/suffer ig)

ok so this is so funny because i've actually been thinking ab how sweet those two would be together, cute little nerdy besties, and how they'd meet because of course curt has to be in this fic!!

and the first thing my mind went to was the cliche homoerotic codependent friendship trope too LMAO. i'm feeling like maybe they meet on the first day of highschool; neither of them share their english class with any friends, and they end up sat next to each other, and john keeps side–eyeing him because curt looks... interesting. (ie: deep into his emo phase. the fringe. the smudged eyeshadow. chipped black nail polish, band shirts– all things john does not let him live down as they grow up.)

but his eyes settle on some pin on curt's jacket that has some character from his favourite movie or something, and the yap jumps out, john can't control it. blurts out a "you like ___ too?!" and curt's head snaps over and he nods nervously and john takes one look at those big sad charcoal–ringed blue puppy eyes and is like yup. this is the one. will protect with my life.

(tiny headcanon that rly won't have a big effect on plot or anything, but i feel like it just fits very well with john/his character in leaving– dude's got madddd undiagnosed adhd. he's written off as a loud mouth/troublemaker in his childhood, but he wants to be a good kid, his mind is just always going too fast and sitting still is torture and his parents get frustrated and don't look into the root of the problem, trying to discipline it out of him instead. i will heal my inner child by healing him alright)

they're attached at the hip from that moment on and it makes sense to no one because they seem like complete opposites, curt more inclined towards the arts and bookish things and his friends are all the same, whereas john is more inclined towards athletics and science and hangs around that type of crowd as well. but they both love video games and movies and music and they bond over never really feeling like they fit in anywhere particular and both groups of friends get along just fine when they all get together. <3

but yk time goes on, they learn things about themselves as they grow up, and curt and john are so close and spend so much time together that they're already a lot closer than regular friends– they just don't realize it. they think nothing of cuddling up on the couch watching movies together, or sharing a bed when john stays over at curt's place after he gets into a fight with his parents, or being much more interested in spending time together than pursuing girls.

and curt's pretty– john nearly mistakes him for a girl that first day they meet. the summer before their senior year, john practically spends the whole summer at curt's house, and curt's mom doesn't mind; she works long hours and is glad her son isn't spending the summer moping around indoors alone, and she loves john and gets the feeling that her home is a sanctuary for him. one day they're in the backyard lazing around, and they get onto the topic of first kisses, and neither of them have had a proper relationship outside of those classic week–long middleschool flings that don't actually mean anything, so there's not much to talk about.

but being dumb teenage boys, they start worrying about "what if we're really bad at kissing and no girls wanna go with us to senior prom this year" etc. and one of them pops the suggestion of practicing together, and thus begins a summer of sweet stolen kisses and hand holding and experimenting and dancing around calling it something. it ends when the summer does because they realize that they both work better as friends, but they're as close as ever and both definitely learn they aren't straight (and they probably make a cute pact– "if we aren't in love by the time we're thirty, we'll just marry each other.")

i don't see them really doing much together because they're young and shy and inexperienced, but it's enough for john to decide that yeah, he definitely likes guys too, but that's all that really amounts to (until he meets gale) because he's growing up in a small town in wisconsin and it's not the easiest/most accepting place to find other queers. john probably ends up dating a real sweet girl during his last year of highschool, but she's going away for college and john's going to a local one so it ends amicably at the end of summer, both of them staying close friends. (if we wanna get sickeningly wholesome, maybe she ends up pining for a girl while john's pining for gale and they share their little stories and give each other advice and facetime every week to catch up <3)

(++ curt ends up falling head over heels for ken, who he meets through john when curt and john's friend groups get together for movie nights or summer parties. john pretends to be annoyed at how lovesick they are when they first start crushing, but he ends up matchmaking and being the one to push them to confess their feelings after graduation because he loves his friends.)

BUT THEN, leaving this fic's 'canon' to elaborate on the throuple stuff you said! i miss curtbuckbucky too </3

in a separate universe, curt doesn't end up with ken, and as much as he loves his friendship with john and agrees that a relationship wouldn't have worked at that time in their lives, he spends that first year of college pining. when john starts talking about some guy named gale during their second year, he's a little sad, but mostly protective, because "what do you MEAN he's in his 30s??" and "he's a BIKER?"

but john eventually introduces him to gale after a few months of telling curt about him, probably once he and gale actually start seeing each other, and curt immediately gets it. and then he's in double–hell because not only is he a bit (a lot) in love with his best friend, but he's blushing every time said best friend's new bf talks to him, and they're gonna notice eventually if they haven't already and he feels so guilty.

more yearning ensues and john is dense and doesn't realize but gale picks up on it, maybe even notices john doing a bit of pining of his own that john's not fully aware of. and his heart twists because his mind goes to his own insecurities about how john should be seeing someone his own age, so he sits john down and opens up a conversation about it. john is adamant that he's very, very happy with gale, but he tells gale about his and curt's past and admits that he has always still had feelings for him, but insists that it's not something he'd ever pursue, that he values curt's friendship more.

gale throws him off by saying he wouldn't mind if john wanted to explore those feelings, and at first john gets anxious gale is calling things off with the two of them and this is his way of softening the blow, but gale reassures him that's not the case, that he's very happy with their relationship. he just encourages that if he wants to talk to curt and feel things out, he wouldn't be opposed to john and curt seeing each other as well– gale's often busy, after all, so it would be nice for john to have someone else, as long as curt's comfortable with that kind of arrangement and as long as john keeps gale in the loop.

they decide to kinda just feel it out as they go, but soon enough gale starts coming home from work every so often to find the two of them curled up on his couch together, sweet and innocent. curt's wary at first, always slightly detaching himself from john when gale's around, but gale is always friendly and doesn't change up his routine, settling on the couch at john's other side like it's not a big deal at all, wanting to show curt he's welcome there, not wanting john to feel guilty.

it's another scenario where lines just sorta start to blur over time, curt spending a lot of time over at gale's house, and gale sees the way curt looks at him, probably noticed it from the first time they met but chalked it up to nerves at the time. curt's an angel and he's grown quite fond of him, but he doesn't want to overstep, so he leaves it up to curt, thinking maybe the boy will mention it to john one day and john will in turn come to gale to talk about it.

and eventually that happens, just like gale thought it might. curt's just gone home and john's head is in his lap on the couch while they watch tv, and john asks "what do you think about curt?" and gale tells him that he's sweet and he loves how much john smiles when he's around him, the usual. "so you like him?" john pushes, and gale immediately has a feeling where this conversation is going, drags his eyes away from the tv to look down at john.

says "of course" easily, and lets john take his time forming his thoughts. john ends up telling him that he and curt were fooling around earlier while gale was at work (and god help gale for the images that puts in his head) and that he'd made some offhand comment about how curt better hurry up if he doesn't want gale to come home and catch him half naked on their couch. and john's all shy when he says "and curt, uh. y'know. that... did it for him" with a vague gesture LOL. gale never fails to find it amusing how certain things can fluster john to talk about after all they've done together.

"so, anyway. i asked him about it after, if it was a coincidence, and he was real shy about it, but he did admit after a whole lot of apologizing that he likes you." gale listens to him nervously get his words out, petting his hair encouragingly, waits for him to be done before he asks "how do you feel about that?" only to watch the flush return when john mumbles "it's hot."

this is getting sooo long i need to take away my own typing privileges, but basically that's how things would start between the three of them– john and gale agree that gale will let himself be a bit flirty with curt and see how curt takes it. obviously this goes a little too well when curt gets hot and bothered sat between john and gale during a movie night with john's hand on his knee and gale's arm resting on the couch behind him while he plays with curt's hair.

the movie is forgotten when gale's finger catches on a tangled curl and curt doesn't bite back the little whine that slips out in time and john's head snaps over and he mumbles a "fuck" when he realizes what's happened, and his lack of filter comes out to play when he turns to curt and asks "curt, can gale kiss you?" and curt turns to gale with big doll eyes and nods.

john ends up palming himself over his shorts as he watches gale coax curt into his lap, face hot and pupils blown as he gets to see both his guys make out in front of him, almost dizzy seeing curt get so shy and needy and pliant because when it's just the two of them, he and curt are both very balanced in their dynamic. they've been such close friends for so long that not much gets the other truly shy like that, and they're always quick to voice their wants and crack jokes while fooling around and all. so to see curt get so flustered in that way with gale has him lightheaded, and by the time they all collapse into gale's bed at the end of the night, john's convinced this is the best decision he's ever made.

there's a lot of pining on curt's end because for a while it's kinda just sex when it's the three of them, and he loves it but he also finds himself wanting more but feeling too scared to voice it because he feels like he's intruding. but eventually they all get their shit sorted out; curt fits into their relationship just right in a way gale and john never intended or expected, and gale falls for curt just as much as john has and curt does the same with gale.

gale's got two sweet things glued to his side now and man, do they ever give him a run for his money, and if he'd thought john had too much energy (and stamina) it's nothing compared to keeping up with both of them, but he wouldn't have it any other way. <3

throuple things won't be happening in the actual fic, but i do love the idea of exploring the dynamic the three of them might have in a spin–off of that au so this was rly fun thx :-) maybe i'll write a pwp oneshot set in that universe as an excuse to write more curtbuckbucky once the fic is done LOL we'll see!

[canaidliafail]

untitled

streamer ellie Williams x dancer reader 🌿

Id call this an excessively long shitpost. It is in the same timeline with staygrounded but I wrote it down for self indulgent reasons such as -to no ones surprise- venting. It ain’t good btw but its getting better I think.

CW: first of all, reader is a dancer/ dance teacher || short mention of self harm || MDI: there are sexual themes if I remember correctly || Ellie being very gay

If you by any chance do enjoy this concept I don’t mind writing a part 2 tho. Requests are open ✨

“you blame it on the drugs I dont give a fuck cause the damage is done,

and you talk about suicide, its the way you manipulate”

1:35 ───ㅇ───── 3:47 ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

gossip, rumors, spreading a false narrative and falling in love with being a victim of life and most importantly a victim of you.

So many things that could have been said about her. So many and yet all sat stale at the tip of your tongue. You wanted to rip her to shreds, put a curse on her and considered spending life in prison for premeditated murder. Then you cried and just prayed she would leave you alone and that she would find happiness and that you would never hear anything about it. You scratched your arms, the stitches holding your flesh together getting irritably itchier day by day. flesh that you so willingly sliced a week ago and regretted right after.

It was fucking embarrassing to fall to such depths of despair and misery cause of love. In life we allow things to happen to us. Saying that was comfort of some sorts. It gave you control over a situation that you were dragged around like a puppet.

Could truly another person's venom poison you this irreversibly?

And while you did crave love and attention you refused to humiliate yourself by asking for it,let alone admit to it.

“she didn’t love you, she loved the idea of being with you. You have to realize it baby, You are a known figure now…People will do that to you. This is a whole new world you just entered”

You shook your head and dully stared at the screen playing lo-fi on loop

“New world ? Feels like I'm back in high school”

You sat on the other end of the couch numb and mute. It had been a week since you spoke to your roommate and two since you last saw your whole friend group. You warned them

“I can’t talk but I really need you”

and they came and would chime in to whatever little but you were willing to share that night.

You all woke up around the same time the next day, exam season not really willing to cooperate with your mental breakdown and started getting ready. You had already failed 2 subjects. shit was not going your way so on the fourth day you just gave up and decided to go with the flow

“how bad can it get”

bit of advice fellas, never fucking say that cause it CAN get worse.

While initially you were well prepared for exams, You mixed up the days when you were supposed to submit assignments and the days when you were taking a written exam.

2 failed subjects, 4 more to go.

4 failed subjects… 2 more to go

Hot girl summer just doesn’t feel the same once you hit your 20s it seems.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

You were aimlessly watching one story after the other,barely there and hardly caring what exactly you were looking at. Abby had just posted one cryptic photo with a girl you saw around in the community and smiled. You could tell something was going on with her and that other streamer girl and you smiled. You thought they were a good match and quite frankly you were just glad to see that some people were doing better in their love life than you ever could. It gave you hope that things like that still existed even if you weren't meant to experience them. Ellie had also just posted and you took a minute longer to appreciate her slender form dressed in tights and a top while horse riding. She was hot and she knew it and you liked that attitude of hers. You checked the next story which was a black screen with a text

*I fell off my horse two minutes after taking that pic*

And chuckled. Your eyes drifted off to the green square mark and cocked a brow

Oh?

So you were in her close friends ?

You sat up

“Wait since when has she-” You asked yourself out loud and noticed that indeed she was following you. In the midst of working on new content and getting out of your depressive slump you started checking your social less and less too busy with dance practice and trying to enjoy life and it seemed like in the middle of your subtle break things…. Happened

Maybe a few months ago when you were down bad for her this would’ve affected you but now you just shrugged and closed your phone. You need to get back to practicing a new dance combo for a video and you couldn’t be bothered. Your ex had scared you off from dating public figures for good. Dating was a strong word…You hardly wanted even a fling at this point.

You got dressed up and put on a wig, fixing your makeup in place and making a movement test before you went to the studio to record the new choreo so that you could only worry about the variation and not have any unnecessary technical issues. The studio was a few minutes away from your place by bus and you put on the songs you planned on rehearsing to get in the mood on your way there humming softly and tuning out any other thought polluting your mind.

There's was a text notification from the user

Elliefuckingwilliams

Which you forced yourself to ignore refusing to entertain whatever she could have texted you. If this was a month ago maybe you would have but now you didnt want to.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Ignoring her was your plan until you posted the new video of your dance which admittedly you did look good and may have been one of your best videos up to date. Ellie Was the third like on that post and she had shamelessly double texted you. You chewed on your lip nervous and uncertain

“She texted me again”

Ophelia, your roommate, peeked her head from her iPad and looked at you curious

“Who?”

“Ellie”

“ELLIE?! WAIT THE ELLIE?!” She jumped up and for a moment you for sure she came for your throat but instead clutched the blankets on your couch

“And what do you mean again ?! When did all of this happen ?”

“Relax it all started today and you know I wanted to tell you once we had time to properly hang out” You said fighting back a smile knowing that this was a victory. Ophelia had suffered you for months crying over your ex, then thirsting over Ellie and then back to square one. You owed her an update on your emotional affairs which you swore that they would stay stagnant.

“So what did she say ?”

You opened the Direct messages

Elliefuckingwilliams: Hey I have a question

Elliefuckingwilliams: Is your studio in Seattle ?

Elliefuckingwilliams: I have a project and am looking for a dance instructor. Let me know if you would be interested in a collab

“Ah. Just work stuff it seems”

“EXCUSES SHE JUST WANTS TO EAT YOU OUT AND IS LOOKING FOR A EXCUSE”

“You are shameless”

You stared at each other with a smirk fighting to break through, wanting to seem equally serious despite the ridiculous situation.

“She does not”

“She does. I’m betting 50 dollars”

Oh fuck off ill just roll you a blunt”

“A WIN IS A WIN” she said with her hands in the air “No come on! Respond already you are driving me crazy”

You rolled your eyes and considered her offer. You were taken aback cause Ellie didn’t seem like she would do anything with…dancing. However you weren’t new to influencers trying new things to get back on the algorithms favor so you brushed it off as her chasing new heights to her already growing fame.

-Hey, I’m not sure where you are exactly and it isn’t my studio. I am just renting the space but I could give you a lesson or two

Elliefuckingwilliams: Sweet! When are you available ? I have a gap next week otherwise it can be next month

You stared at her immediate response and quirked your brow in approval. Professional and straight to the point. You could respect that. Not what you were aiming for. You tried to ignore the previous conversations you two had that showed above her new messages. Your fruitless attempts at getting her attention in the most stupid of ways. Can’t blame a girl for trying. Shoot for the stars they say. You’ll land on dirt but hey, at least you gave it a fair shot and therefore no one could blame you for trying.

-This week is good. Say Friday ?

Elliefuckingwilliams: Yeah yeah cool! I'll text you the day before so that you can tell me your location and everything

You pursed your lips and turned to look at Ophelia who was on all fours on your couch desperately trying to steal a glance at your phone screen. You tossed it on one of the floor cushions

“Not a date. I’m just gonna be her dance instructor so looks like you owe me that blunt”

“Nu-uh. Bet you’ll be raw dogging in the studio. We will see who wins on Friday”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

“And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But oh, Lord you’ve never been so in love”

ELLIE’s POV

Ellie was convinced that God had specifically hand crafted her body to be incapable of dancing. She had no coordination and perhaps was even tone deaf which was ridiculous for someone who played the guitar and sang. Not that she was a pro at that either but who creates a musician who doesn’t understand how to step on notes in any way other than with an instrument ? So now that she had texted you she was frantic, bouncing her leg up and down and chewing on the flesh around her fingernails.

“What's gotten into you?”

Dina asked while folding clothes. She was at her and Jesse's apartment for the night and she had yet to tell them about her new crush and her impatient attempt at getting to see you as soon as possible. Ellie was aware of you as a creator. Be it from a post-share on her friends stories or you falling on her timeline she would see you here and there. She vividly remembered a month where you peaked and she went from seeing you once every two months at best to seeing you every week. And she was curious as to why was everyone going crazy over you and your content. You seemed to interact mostly with Abby’s girl.

That’s how Ellie referred to the girl Abby seemed to be crushing on. In a game of broken telephone and who told what, Ellie planned on seeing how close Abby was with her girl and if that was close enough for her to ask if she could…well ask her about you and then somehow for that information to get back to you.

But all that plan failed the second Ellie asked

“So is Cotton dating anyone?”

And Abby took that horribly wrong and now was set on gatekeeping her. Ellie was awkward and a mess and couldn’t communicate properly what she wanted because to her, what she asked was obvious and had no hidden meaning or intention but the world around her didn’t work like that and she struggled so fucking hard with it.

Ellie’s second grant failure was when she followed you back. She was sure that you wouldn’t have missed it. But the silence was so loud it was deafening. You were still posting but you were otherwise quiet everywhere else. You rarely even watched her stories at this point so Ellie decided to grow a backbone and some balls and directly message you.

She flinched at the dry responses she gave you to your previous interactions which back then seemed professional but now they seemed…So distant.

Finally, she texted you.

and you responded.

“Dina I did a stupid thing”

Dina tossed the clothes in the wardrobe and kicked close giving up on tidying Jesse’s shit

“Ok, stupid how? Like speaking money or-”

“I texted my crush-”

“You have a crush?”

“Yes and so I texted her and-”

“Who is she ?”

“A content creator, anyways so I texted her”

“WHo?”

“Dina can you let me talk?!” she said frustrated and Dina grinned. She went to the kitchen aisle to grab a bottle of water and tossed another one Ellie’s way. She leaned against the counter listening to her friend endless yawping about this new crush. she called her twice a day until Friday, and would recite every move and gesture she planned on using to seduce you. Dina would turn each one down by saying

“You do realize that when you see her you will just shit your pants from excitement and won't say anything right?”

So ellie would hang up and call a few hours later with a new plan that aligned more with how she typically acted.

When Friday came she showered twice and changed outfits over and over again, as a result she was late. She was proud of her fit since the sleeveless turtleneck did a nice job at hugging her slim, well built frame and showed off her toned arms that took years of calisthenics to build and paired with a baggy pair of sweatpants she felt like she had the biggest dick in the city.

But once she parked outside of the studio you mentioned cold sweat ran down her spine and her hands felt clammy and sticky from anxiety.

what the hell am I doing

she questioned and rested her head against the steering wheel. She drummed her fingers on the soft leather and hummed a melody to ease her nerves till she heard light tapping on the window. She lifted her head and looked up and there you were. hair loose, shorts and a baggy graphic T that had a faded graffiti-like artwork of spiderman.

She hated how much she loved the sight in front of her.

she opened her door and slid out trying to gather her stuff in a hurry

“Hi sorry, were you waiting long? I missed the bus and had to wait a bit until the next one came…”

“no no! Its cool I was just, ugh trying to calm down cause I'm nervous”

you smiled and lowered your brows in empathy

“I assumed you would. You don't have experience in dancing right? Or at least you haven’t mentioned it anywhere”

She winced at how obvious her lie was and she didn’t know how to answer to that

I don’t dance but If that’s what it takes to fuck you then sure I can learn how to do a Ronde de Jambe

“ah yeah you got me there, I’ve never danced before”

“That’s cool with me. Just curious on what piqued your interest to start now. New hobby or…?”

“yeah new hobby!” she hurried to answer, glad that you inspired her on what lie to use for the day.

You nodded while checking her out head to toe and before she had time to boost her ego and assume that you did because you found her hot you said-

“Hm. I will need you to wear tighter pants next time so that I can see what you are doing with your legs. But for today it's fine”

and took the keys out of your duffel bag

“Well. Ellie williams. Ready to start?”

“ah yeah just, be gentle…? I've never done anything remotely close to dancing with my body and I might be pretty stiff”

“Don’t worry about it. I've had every type of student and all of them managed to pull a few cool moves in their second month. If there’s a will there’s a way”

she smiled more nervous than before. You were formal and professional leaving little close to no space for her to get flirty and she was at a loss. She should’ve done more research on dancer etiquette so that she wouldn’t have looked like such an uneducated swine but there was no point in getting angry over that now.

“We will start with basic breathing exercises and a warm up just to get you in the swing of things. We will start with body isolations”

Ellie stared at you from the mirror as you showed her the first few basic motions

“Alright so for the warmup just follow my lead”

you grabbed the remote and put on “never ending song” by Conan Grey which had a pretty standard rhythm and was easy to dance along to. Ellie was in awe with the plasticity of your body, every move being a continuation of the previous one all like a rolling tide of emotions complimenting the beat and the beat complimenting you.

On the other end, Ellie was too embarrassed to look at her own reflection

“alright so first to isolate your hips from your chest” you said and let the next song play. You laid your palm flat on her back and pointed a bit below her collarbones holding your fist in the air

“move with me, breathe in” you said and she tried to copy your move watching your chest rise. You shook your head

“no, I need only your chest to move. Relax your shoulders love” you teased with an easy smile and Ellie by now was a mess, from the proximity and from the simple exercise of trying to move your breathing pattern

You were oblivious to it all going from one body part to another occasionally fixing up her posture and tapping the part that she had to focus on, but all hell broke loose in your brain when you laid your hand on her stomach asking her to clench and unclench her core hunching within herself.

“You were so dramatic before, look at you Els. You just needed a little basic guidance “ you encouraged and she smiled and looked at you in excitement, oblivious to the fact that when she turned her head she was a breath away from accidentally kissing you

“ah! I-“

you smirked and pulled away

“I've been rehearsing this one choreo, best way to understand these exercises is through a dance routine. How do you feel about that?”

Ellie agreed and while dancing she kept being thrown off balance at the sharp turns that she had to take which in return slowed her down and she would miss a few steps. You let the music play in the background and let out an awkward chuckle

“Fuck ok this is my fault see I forgot to tell you about spotting”

“Spotting?”

You nodded and you pushed her back by her shoulder freeing up a line for you

“See when we turn, we always have a spot” You said and stepped into the appropriate preparation to do 8 simple turns, your head always snapping the back to the invisible mark you held with your eyes

Ellie pursed her lips. Seemed like such an obvious trick but one that went completely over her head

“Now I see that you struggle to look at yourself in the mirror, Which is fine. I’m sure you'll get used to it eventually, so instead try taking a few turns while holding eye contact with me, yeah ?”

You offered and she took a couple steps back

“Ugh…what were all those moves you made before spinning?”

“Oh don’t worry about that,thats ballet stuff. Just spin. Bent your elbows and hold your arms against your chest if it helps”

Ellie started off slow, picking up the pace as she neared you, eventually losing sight of what was in front of her

“Wow-wow-wowwww I got you” you said and steadied her by her shoulders and held her in place. She looked up at you taking in deep breaths, cheeks flushed and eyes wide open with her lips parted in a soft smile

“That went well, How do you feel?”

You said and you gently rubbed your thumb against the naked skin of her biceps.

“Great, I… I liked this it makes more sense now”

She said filled with excitement

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Every time Ellie liked your story you felt your heart skip a few beats. You were in the studio for your solo dancing practice and kept bouncing from one leg to the other to keep your muscles warm while you scrolled through your phone to find some inspiration or a pic that you could post and in return give Ellie an opening to respond to. The image of her timidly trying to follow along through your every move, her flushed cheeks and her voice shaking did things to your brain chemistry, re-wiring its entire structure and flow. Every time she posted a story with a smug smile and pants lower than her boxer briefs you just laughed remembering what a shy and soft mess of words the girl was and felt an unhealthy amount of endearment. A spark re-ignited in your dead heart and you liked it. You liked ellie when you didn’t know her, and you liked her even more now that you did.

By now it had been…a good two weeks that consisted of 4 dance practices that you had with her. The first time you saw her up close all you thought was a “huh”

And then a “she is shorter than me-“ which for you was dangerous. You had an incredibly soft spot for masc lesbians who were shorter than you. Unfortunately they were never attracted to you though. You had always attracted the exact opposite of what you wanted and you blamed that on your overly dominant attitude.

On the second day you both had the same idea of treating each other to a coffee and so you ended up with 4 paper cups of iced almond milk lattes which you laughed about for a good 10 minutes

“We are so in sync!” You commented and she nodded excitedly, blushing all the way to her ears.

On the third dance practice you purposely pretended to assist her and correct her to find an excuse to touch her and when you saw how positively she reacted to it you pushed on the advantage that you had, heavily , which made you believe that maybe there really was some kind of ulterior motive as to why Ellie was so set on having you as a dancing coach.

On the fourth day there was a shift in the tide and something was in the waters. Ellie had her hair gathered and decided to wear the sluttiest outfit on earth ( aka a white top and grey sweatpants )

She went to greet you with a hug and you noticed her perfume, subtle but there to make you lust after it. She asked if she could record the Dance you were rehearsing for a post and you felt alright with that. And she excelled. She was a fast learner and her body had a good flow. It did need polishing but she wasn’t half as bad as she claimed to be. The fifth video take was close to perfection and in her excitement she yanked you towards her and wrapped you in a tight hug which you immediately reciprocated eager for the contact with the sex God standing before you. You took in the blended smell of her perfume and her sweat which had you feel insufferable discomfort with how tight your pants were. Something about her raw scent had you horny like a dog and you had to clench your jaw in patience not to act out of instinct and try to get closer than needed.

You both laughed and she yelled in excitement “I fucking did it”

And then your voice followed, a bit quieter “I told you, you could do it” she pulled back her arm still on your waist, her thumb caressing the skin as she watched the video a second time in excitement. You took the chance to stand a bit closer to her while she in sync wrapped her whole arm around you and leaned her head against your chest enjoying the dance and pointing out things that you could do differently next time, all in the comfort of each other’s embrace.

She posted the video and in the daze of the excitement of seeing what you two looked like next to each other you forgot to worry about the fact that you were yet again getting entangled with a public figure. An actually big one. While your previous relationship was just your ex leeching off of you and your success, this one…it had to be different. Ellie had nothing to gain from you and you put your trust in that and in the fact that the two of you seemed to genuinely get along

You decided to text her first

“You impatient fuck. We could’ve filmed a better take tomorrow”

“You are such an ass, let me enjoy my accomplishments”

You started tidying up the studio and decided to leave your bag with your ballet clothes and pointe there since you would come tomorrow for Ellie’s lessons anyways. You chatted back and forth all the way back and you almost tripped on your staircase too busy typing a response. You banged your head against your door though thinking you had unlocked it to find that you didn’t. Ophelia opened it for you

“Girl?”

You looked at each other and you immediately broke into a smile the split your lips

“Ellie posted our video. And she left in the part where she hugged me”

“Oh-hooooo” she exclaimed and rushed you in. She tossed the mop on the side of the wall and nudged you to the couch abandoning whatever housework she was in the middle of to listen to you

“Aaaand we are still talking” You said smiling and Ophelia clapped cheering for you while you swung your way inside the house and fell dramatically on the couch.

“Oh my, I’m so glad the Gods heard our prayers cause I was sure I was about to send you off to priesthood”

“It wasn’t that bad”

You said with an offended gasp and she scoffed

“Honey, one more month and you were about to grow back your virginity. I’m just happy to see you back out there and not just with anyone but with The Ellie fucking williams!” She said getting louder with every word. You joined her cheerful demeanor hopping on the couch and you both started bouncing on it like kids in a playground

“I can’t believe this. I wanna wear something good for our practice tomorrow”

“Shorts and that nice red bodysuit!”

“But-“

“No buts! I know it’s uncomfortable but she will see you and rip it off right away so how much will you really suffer, you know?”

Ophelia coming through with the obvious answer to any and every world known issue was exactly what you needed to finish off your day. Though to be fair, if there was anything you should have listened to regarding -making a move on your crush- that would have to be her. She had a banging record of pulling every single guy she set her eyes on and one night standing them for her own satisfaction. Of course now she had her sights on someone specific but that didn’t change or erase all previously acquired skills in the flirting department. Despite all of that, You ended up rejecting the bodysuit idea because that would be a hassle to actually get off if things would go anywhere and even if they wouldn't, anything that tight during summer was a nightmare in general.

“Hey can I borrow that white top you have?”

“Borrow whatever you want and do whatever you want just never let me know about it”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

on the day that you fully planned on making a move a couple things went wrong. First and foremost well, It decided to rain down which meant you had to run all the way from the bus stop to the studio in a hopeless attempt to preserve your hair and outfit. It didn’t do much since you ended up like a drenched cat either way but you refused to let your mood falter.

You tried texting Ellie to ask if she could bring coffee for you two.

Few minutes later she came in with two iced coffees, not a drop of rain on her which you were awfully jealous of. Her cropped hair was once again all gathered in a short ponytail and she wore two sports wristbands around her arms which did unimaginable things to you. It was good sight with her sleeveless baggy tshirt. Ellie just knew how to dress plain and attractive.

“Looking good” she teased when she found you furiously trying to dry the ends of your hair with a towel

“Shut up. Please shut up”

“So sensitive” she said and rolled her eyes making her way to you and taking the towel from your hands

“Let me help” it wasn’t so much of a request as it was a demand when she pulled the towel out of your hands and moved behind you, wrapping your hair in it and squeezing it to get most of the water out. You felt your body temperature rise at the awfully tender gesture and unsure of what to do you just fidgeted with your hands looking at the floor

“ I can drive you back to your place if you want”

“No, it's fine. Ill wait it out”

“No no, I insist. Let me drive you back and look cool while doing so”

A soft chuckle escaped your lips as she rounded you up to give you the towel with a small shy smile, her cheeks a shade of pink now.

Practice was good if you were to ignore that Ellie seemed a lot more focused on your assets rather than the moves you were showing. You knew the biker shorts you were gave her a 4K view of your ass but you didn't expect her to be this obvious about it. You stepped back after a moment and just watched as she rehearsed the dance on her own and you were in awe on how much more comfortable she seemed with her body now

“Good. This one was very good. Want me to film you so that you look at yourself?”

you asked and she shook her head satisfied with the progress. You slouched on the ground, legs spread and ankles on your knees wiping the sweat of your brow carefully as not wipe your brow completely off with it and looked at the time

“Well we are pretty much done then for today. Unless there’s anything you wanted to ask me or anything else you wanna try doing?” you asked and Ellie followed your lead walking over to you across the room and crouching down on her knees in front of you

“Oh yeah I did wanna ask something”

“go ahead then” you said dreading having to get up. You didn’t have to though

“Can I take you out on a date ? for coffee perhaps?”

[babydolly444]

he said i can email him anytime i like, but im nervous to do so, and i dont even know what i would message him about. now is too soon, anyways. it would make sense if i wrote to him maybe a week or so after arriving at college, but then i would be too far away to ever feel his sweet embrace.

i remember he mentioned something about one of his siblings having a home up in vermont, or something like that. this was before i got accepted to that particular college in vermont, but i told him that i was really hoping to go there. i think he also said something about wanting to go visit vermont sometime this/next year. i’m thinking about it now, him going to visit vermont, and we just so happen to meet up. there would be nothing stopping me from having me.

i think that’s what it was. he probably knew that he wouldn’t be able to control himself. i’m the same. all those afternoons spent with him alone in his classroom, and there would be so much amorous tension between us. but he never made a move on me, because he’s too smart to do that.

once i graduate, i have the whole summer to have him. i’ll spend my time out and about at bookstores, libraries, and coffee shops, hoping to run into him by chance. it’s not uncommon. i’ve run into people i know, so if i spend lots of time out, then surely i’d run into him. we’ll have free reign to flirt with each other, then.

fuck. i need him.

[madsmilfelsen]

hi mads hope you dont mind random advice anons

i think youve mentioned that you dont live where you grew up anymore maybe??

got any advice for making friends as an adult/homebody

from the type of person who could just read and craft alone forever but knows they probably shouldn't

First of all, I never mind and I like getting anons :)))) sorry I didn’t answer this yesterday but I’m gonna bum ya out lmao I moved 50 times before I turned 12 when my mama married a man in the navy and promptly sent us across the country, I’ve never lived where I grew up�� always the new kid, I didn’t really socialize correctly to develop the skills to make friends so yeah okay let’s talk about now… ish— I moved to the upper Midwest 11 years ago next month with my husband who I met in Alaska, known stuff, we lived with his parents for a few years because we couldn’t afford to contract our house to built, my husband did it himself (directly behind my in laws, people are always like omg?? like no no no they are my parents they dote on me I love them kids can ride their bikes to grandmas it’s the perfect set up and maintains a thousand mile+ between me and my parents)

So my husband built me a house that I fucking HATE leaving, that I have not left for more than a few days at a time until we went back to Alaska this summer. I have an office with all of beading/writing/school stuff, my favorite snacks, my dogs, I don’t even want to leave my property most days— I get it! Unfortunately to make friends and connections, especially locally, you have to leave the house. I’m not much of a drinker so I don’t got to bars all that often but I did attend my lil community college forever (bc kids) so I mainly made friends with my instructors because I’m a teachers pet for life, but I also tutored and made a few friends to at least chat with in class— otherwise I try to go to our small local events, an open house in the native studies dept. at the university im attending now, women’s night out (first day of hunting seasons and the shops give crazy discounts when our husbands are gone, the only time misogyny ever got me 75% off candles tbh), I went to two beerfests recently (tbh I oozed thc day out of my pores those days or packed rum and cokes, im not vice free here), nature trails, coffee shops, history talks, ballet studio, writing workshops at the library, old movies playing at the historical theater— if there’s something out there that sounds interesting, do it because you’ll likely find someone to strike a conversation up with and that’s all you need— if you happen to have kids the best thing I’ve done is make friends with other moms, especially if our kids get along

When feasible the best alternative is to go and meet the cool friends you made online, those are some of my favorite trips, and ski jumps are coming up so it’s going to be time where I start trying lure people to my very rural neck of the woods to participate in some honest love for physics defying sports day drinking

That being said it took me like ten years to leave my house but I finally have friends with routines in place, I have a weekly breakfast date and monthly girls dinner etc, or a group we can have side by side rides with— but a lot of that goes back to some of these people knowing my husband their entire lives lmao

[romanarose]

tw bulimia anxorexia talk, in the past.

My mom told me recently that when I was 14/15 she thought I had an eating disorder. She didn't do anything. Didn't talk to me until I was 17 and asked if I was bulimic bc she saw oatmeal in the sink? I said no and she said okay. I was bulimic in the sense my purges were excessive exercize.

But prior to that I told mom I was eating 50 calories a day and she said good job. I was bike riding like 3-5 hours a day that summer and she said good job?

When I was 17, after she asked me about the bulimia, I developed what became my severe and traditional bulimia. I was violently bulmic. At the peak, I was throwing up blood, and was also working out excessivly.

When my mom told me she thought i had an eating disorder (as it was developing but before it truly became a disorder.), she said "I mean, we all did it. I couldn't get it to stick with me"

When my parents found out I was suicicdal and actively selfharming my mom said I needed to go to therapy and i was like hell yeah! I've been wanting to go to therapy forever! and I was supossed to go to my school counselor who i love and get set up. The next morning mom was like actually you dont really need to go to therapy if you dont want to.

mom, you found posts I made talking about wanting to die, how I had cuts all over my body, I was bulimic, I was suffering every single day and you didn't think I needed therapy? I immidietly was like no Im going.

She once sat my 12 year old sister down and said she needed to stop eating so much because she was getting fat. (found that out last year)

Even after they found the social media of me talking about cutting and bulimia I continued cutting and being bulimic through high school and college. Not that mom had any control over college but still as a teen she never brought it up again, never asked how i was doing and continued to encourage when I was on an extreme restriction. She never hid razors even though she was sobbing telling me she was afraid to leave me alone in my room. She made that whole incident of finding out about her feelings.

I am constantly reminded by the difference of the mom i have now and the mom i used to have. My mom now is kind and understanding and listens to me.

My mom as a teen, I have to remind myself, was not a good mom. Im not crazy. I wasn't crazy.

I love my mom so much

But she did not take properly care of me.

Her and my dad and my grandma shamed my body my whole life, my dad being a fucking creep about it and I never had a fucking chance. Bulimia mixed with OCD is a fucking horrible thing and i spent years into recovery suffering esophageal spasms and ulcers and stomach issues due to my bulmia

[ikram1909]

Players' salaries in 2024 via capology

Frenkie de Jong 37,5M

Robert Lewandowski 33,33M

Ilkay Gundogan 16,750M

Ansu Fati 13,950

Our four biggest earners are either washed or a liability (or both) and are paid a total of 100M aprox. Frenkie and Lewandowski alone are at +70M per salary which is INSANE. Imagine if we got ridden of them, the FFP would be totally different becuse of this ginoumous and undeserved wages.

Frenkie is 26 years old, has been being paid for more than 5 years this wages and still refuses to renew because we all know he will leave as a free agent to get the biggest bonuses in hia next club while milking us. 2024 and we still dont know which position he plays (cant score, cant assist, cant create chances, cant defend, cant do NOTHING) and he is injury prone developing clearly a chronical issue in his ankle (by the way, its very ovvious since he has veen out for more than two months for just an ankle sprain). Lewandowski is the same, he helped us at the beggining of his years as culer and after the WC he came back as washed as ever. Last season he got exposed and his declining is very obvious but he still deludes himself into believing he will be on his prime now that Flick is here (spoiler, it wont) and then be a rat talking in interviews on how its his teammates fault that they dont provide for him. This yeta his wages augemented because of some stupid clauses that I still cant believe how stupid our club is (they never think of long term so they threw money to a grandpa to get him), he started with around 22M wages per year and ended up with fucking 33M, dont yall see the problem here?. Gundogan os declining too, he is by far tge player that less participates in defensive tasks and pressing whichis something Flick demands, just another liability because his de jong ball watching costed us a lot. Also this man is annoying as fuck i cant believe coolers want bvb grandpas be our captains when he already made statements that provoked quarries inside the lockerroom because he cant shut the fuck up and has come savioue complex because he thinks because he won a treble at City then everyone is worse than him somehow. I'm sorry for Ansu but that contract....yeah i cant blame him since they gave him that when he was generational and the biggest prospect before the terrible injury, but he eatsa lot of FFP money for someone who has been disappeared for 2 yearss and went on loan because he wasnt part of the coach's plan, and the fact that he is injufy prone like now....it doesnt help, much less now that we have reports that insist that Ansu is still in the exit list so the board doesnt put too much faith on him

Other players' salaries

Clement Lenglet 12M

Ferran Torres 10M

Iñigo Martínez 9M

Do I really need to talk about them.... especially the first two twins. Some people say Lenglet is on 16M sages but the source I used had different numbers. This guy is the definition of getting paid for nothing, useless guy that is also a fucking shit pf player that gets paid millions amd contract ends in two years because of Bartomeu hell's tenure. We try to get rid off him but he comes back like fleas. Ferran Torres is the definitoln of victim of his price tag (cant believe we got him for 55M....) and the fact that media used the "ferran reduced his wages because he wanted to help the club to sign more players! Poor him" tella you enough hoa protected this dude is because rhey acted like he was getting paid 5 pens and a handkerchief and not more than players like Pedri or Gavi lol. This dude deceived everyone by delivering washed stats but staying with the shark mentality that everyone loves (????) And he pisses me off when he acts like he is an importsnt player but never showing it ("i cant wait for preseason snd work under Flick" *gets vacations after warming up the bench the whole summer*) and whats worse is that he doesnt want to live oh my god he is so annyogin. I dont want to be that harsh on Iñigo, he has been an alright signing, but too injury prone and warms a lot the bench, and sometimes he vn yave brainfarts like Napoli first leg or this years Gamper, i just think his wages are totally undeserved for a man in his thirties

They will all be our by 2026 hopefully

The way the more I read your ask, the closer I got to the edge 😭😭 how are all our highest earners a liability one way or another wtf??? Also, this just shows that there's really no difference between Bartomeu and Laporte. They make the same dumbass deals with salaries too high. It's also crazy to me that all these people earn much much more than our actual most important players who give us everything... It's unfair.

[therosebunpost]

Summer Vacation Regrets

—————

Steve Harrington x Disabled! Disfigured!Fem!Reader

The Summer where you finally get that major surgery, but for some reason you don’t want to hang out with Steve before it happens. (A prequel/drabble to my Regret Series)

TW: Underaged drinking, heavily discussion of surgery, self esteem issues, hospitals, mentions of a near death incident, Reader is as neutral as possible but this story is heavily influenced by my life and experiences, so there may be some incidental coding. (Please feel free to give me feed back on anyway I can make this better!)

(Not beta’d, so I apologize for grammar)

—————

Steve was looking forward to summer. He already had it mapped out. Taking a job at the pool as a lifeguard, he was determined to save up for a car by the time he was 16 years old. His parents were proud, he was proud, and you were proud. Proud enough to promise him that you’d make the trek to hang out with him at the pool as many times as your parents let you, or you could sneak away on your big, clunky three wheeled bike.

It’s why getting that call was so confusing.

“I…I can’t hang out with you at the pool anymore. At least not for a few months.”

“Months? How many??”

There was some muttering on the line that Steve couldn’t quite make out. Not that he was really focusing on it too much. Months? You wouldn’t hang out with him for months?

“Two, two months.”

He says your name, exasperated. “That’s almost the entire summer! We’ll only have a month left!”

More muttering, now he can hear the sudden pain in your voice. “Wait, it…it might be…the whole Summer, Stevie.”

“What?!”

“I just came back from my doctor. They say it’s finally time, that I’m so close to getting my prosthetic. I just need to um, do something else first. That I need to recover from. So, no pool or anything.”

That gets him to calm down, just a bit. Right, your appointment. Your surgery. “Well, alright. Then we’ll just hang out another way! You know there’s that movie coming out, maybe you can ask your mom-“

“I can’t.”

Steve blinks, once again confused. “O…kay. I’ll bring stuff over then! Or you can come over! Oh, we could hang out in my pool. Does your mom know I’m a lifeguard? I promise we’ll be super safe, and she can even stay over with you, we have the room-!”

“I don’t want you to see me!”

There was that pain in your voice again.

"Oh god Steve it's, it's so awful. They have to put this implant inside of me, and it's gonna end up looking like this growth on my face. I hate it, I hate this so fucking much." You finally break down on the phone and Steve takes a moment to gather what your saying.

Sometimes the things you went through confused him. He's known you for years at this point but your condition still didn't make a lot of sense to him. From what you've told him, it didn't make sense to your doctor's either.

"...So I can't see you at all? You really are gonna spend all summer alone?"

"We can still call." You rush to tell him, and Steve can imagine the way you strangle the phone cord in your hands. "I dont…i just don't want to be seen. But I'll call you. i'll call you everyday."

"...When is it? The..implant?"

"Next week. Im going to home school for the last weeks of school."

"Holy shit, your serious?"

"Yeah. It's…Its bad, Steve. I…I cried after they told me the plan. Right in the room with mom."

"...Will you at least come over one more time this week? At least come hang out at the pool once?"

"..I'll ask mom."

-.-.-

Your mom does say yes, and hanging out at the pool was just as fun as Steve thought it would be. Sure, you couldn't swim but you hung out with him in the guard chairs. You spent the night, and you both sneak out to hang by his pool, alone.

Steve, ever the bad influence at times, passes you the bottle of beer. "...Are you really not going to do anything? Or see anybody?"

"...I just…I think I was finally starting to accept my appearance and now this? For months? I just…I hate it so much. Its like the universe hates me."

"It's probably won't be as bad as you think, I mean-"

"It's gonna be pretty damn bad. like, it's gonna be the size of my cheek. Maybe even bigger! I'll look gross." You lean back against the warm ground.

"The doctor said they could do a skin graph but they wanted to use the skin on my face first so it matches better. But like come on, it's all my skin, the difference can't be that much! It's not like they had that issue trying to use a part of my rib as a prosthetic!"

"....Didn't you say that your body…like…sucked it back in and that's why it didn't work?"

".....Okay, fair but still! A balloon?? On my face? It's like they don't even fucking care how awful that's going to be.The stares I'll get, the grossed out faces. It's like, how do they expect me to live with that?"

Steve laid down with you, and while he didn't know a lot about what you were going on about, he knows your frustrated.

"Remember when you got that bar on your face? The metal one?"

You gave him a look. "..Yeah?"

"You lived after that. You survived."

"I was like, five."

"So? You gonna let a five year old be braver than you?"

"Oh that is not the same-"

"Okay, what about when you got that thing out of your stomach? The feeding thing-"

"My G-tube?"

"Yeah. You literally bragged about having your stomach stuff coming out of you and just living with it. We were like, ten?"

"Im still not over the fact that the doctors didn't believe me about it not closing all the way, those jackasses."

Steve says your name and you sigh. "Okay fine, but that was then and this is now. I'm older, I care more about myself."

Steve snickers and you reach over and shove at him. He makes a show of nearly falling into the pool which you scoff at.

"Last summer, you and I went out on a canoe together without a person with us. Mind you, you could have died if we tipped over. We gave the counselors a heart attack."

You laugh at the memory, the rebellion rushing through your veins. "I had you with me!"

For a moment Steve is taken aback, but he's quick to shake his head with a smile. "Obviously. But anyway, are you gonna let this get you? Are you just not gonna hang out with me because of a bunch of assholes? Do you think I'm an asshole?"

That makes you whip around to face him, aghast. "No, Steve what-"

He levels you with a long stare. "Then why do you think I'd care about it? You're my friend. I wanna spend the summer with you. Not just over the phone, which is bullshit because you hate phone calls anyway."

It's a moment like this where you ponder the real reason you don't want him to see you. The real reason that you refuse to acknowledge because it will never happen.

Only in fairy tales, or movies, or books. Things that happened to Pretty Girls, like the ones Steve talks about sometimes.

"...I'm scared." You whisper, softly. "...I'm really scared, Steve. This…this is going to change my life. I dunno if I'm ready for that." You look out at the water, which glows from the pool lights. "I've been told my whole life how this will fix things. Fix me. Getting this prosthetic, getting my trach taken out. There's gonna be a lot of benefits, yeah, but…I'm angry that I have to do this shit. I'm angry that it's something I just have to grin, and bare because there's no other fucking alternative."

Steve watches you as you talk. His eyes trained on the shape of your lips, the way the sounds are altered, the light of the pool on your face. You look…tired. More tired than anyone your age should be.

"....You know uh…worms?" He snickers a little when you furrow your eyes at him. "They go through that thing, that change thing."

"Metamorphosis."

"Yeah, metamor-whatever."

"Okay, end? Also those are caterpillars."

"Your a worm!"

"Caterpillar."

"Oh my god, shut up-"

You laugh, silent but obvious with the way your shoulders shake and you lean your head back.

"But like yeah, this is you going through your meta-thing. You're gonna be a pretty butterfly or Oh! A Swan. Yeah."

Pausing at his words, you can feel the heat creep up your cheeks. "...Pretty?" You echo, shy and just a little uncertain.

"Well duh. Really pretty." Steve insists, beaming at you. It's a brash, kinda backwards compliment but he's trying. He's really trying, and you aren't sure if you can keep shoving those fluttering feelings away.

-—————-

Those last three weeks of school pass. Steve doesn't get to see you until the first week of Summer, where he bikes all the way to your house. He had called to tell you he was coming, so he doesn't knock when he gets there.

"So, how did it go- Whoa-"

Well, you were not kidding. The implant was obvious. Very obvious, and Steve forced himself not to stare at it. Not that it mattered, since you were already crumbling away from him.

"It's awful, I know-" You gush, devastated. "Feels weird too." Your eyes are red rimmed from crying and Steve stands there awkwardly. Fuck, he was not good with crying.

"No! It's…Its not that bad. I just had a hard time picturing what it looked like when you told me." He explains, the words spilling from him. It was the truth, he really didn't know what to expect. "It's not bad, I swear on my collection of baseball cards, it's not!"

You narrow your eyes at him. "...Even the signed ones?"

"Yeah."

Your shoulders slowly relax and you rub at your eyes. You were always good at coming back from crying. Steve, well, he wishes he could bounce back that fast.

"..Wanna watch a movie?" He suggests, already heading into the living room. "Any one you want!"

-----

After that, the weeks passed and you slowly grew bored of keeping yourself locked away like some princess, or troll. You slowly started joining your mother on her errands. The implant grew and grew, but after a while you got used to it. Steve barely glanced at it anymore, instead focused on spending the summer with you, whenever you had the chance.

You do end up hanging out with him during lifeguard duties. He jokes about having you as his assistant whenever you bring him water or snacks, but you always retaliate with squirting at his hair with a water gun.

It's not all perfect. You do get stares. People sometimes avoid you, and kids your age are cruel, but Steve is there. He's getting popular, and with whatever grade school cred he has, he makes sure to use some of it to protect you.

It all shifts when the surgery finally arrives. You and Steve are sitting out by his pool again, now a month and a half older. "...I'm gonna miss you, at camp." He states, taking a sip of another beer.

"...Your still going??" You raise an eyebrow at him. "Why?"

"Because I like it? Besides, I'm thinking about being a counselor. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Well, I…I mean I'm not gonna be there." You state, and the words sound ridiculous as soon as you let them out. Steve laughs and you shove at him. "I'm gonna miss you, sure, but I still wanna go! I need to defend my swimming record, and I already have what I'm gonna wear for theme night! Wouldn't you still go if I couldn't?"

The way he says it, it sounds like the answer should be obvious. The camp was for people like you, after all.

He says your name after a moment, confused. "...Wouldn't you?"

"...I dunno." You admit after a moment, breathing in slowly. "....It's kinda fun, but sometimes I hate the atmosphere. I hate the way the counselors talk to me at times, like I'm stupid. I don't feel like…I'm disabled enough to warrant even being there. Hanging out with you, it actually makes me enjoy it. It feels like an actual camp."

Steve doesn't say anything for a while. You watch the way his brows furrow, and the contemplative frown on his lips. "...Does that mean…last year was your last year?"

You ponder it before shaking your head. "...I want to go with you." You shrug, picking at a loose thread on your swim suit. "If you become a counselor, then I will too! Like hell am I gonna let you boss me around even more."

He laughs, loud and clear. You're jealous, and awed all at the same time. "But I will probably stop one day, I think."

Steve nods, and you wonder if the sadness in his eyes is just a trick of the light.

----

The next morning, you go in for early surgery. Steve is antsy the whole day, though he isn't sure why. You were a pro at this! He's heard countless stories about your various surgeries, so why does this one feel so…great? Monumental?

He doesn't get to come see you until the next day. He walks in, holding a bouquet of flowers and a plush of your favorite animal. He hopes he doesn't look as tired as he feels. He woke up early at 6 AM, zoning out to Twilight Zone reruns until 8, where he stumbled around to get ready to see you again. It hadn't been that long ago, but it felt like maybe you had gone three months without seeing each other.

As he makes his way over to your room, he's reminded of an episode he watched. A hospital themed one. It kind of confused him, really. The woman got surgery to be beautiful, but it failed.

Steve turns a corner, and passes a plastic surgery office where he can hear the distant sounds of a meeting.

He remembers watching the bandages being removed, and thinking he heard them wrong. The woman was beautiful. The surgery was a success and yet…the hospital staff had recoiled. He had been blown away by the revelation of what the doctors and nurses looked like, and something in the back of his mind wished you could have seen it with him.

He steps into the hospital room, his eyes landing on you. Your face isn't fully bandaged up, but there's a strip of cloth that keeps your mouth shut. You look as exhausted as he feels. Your eyes slowly open to see him, only to become slightly panicked.

"Hey." He greets, slowly walking closer and settling down in the plastic chair beside your bed. You don't say anything, you can't, but Steve does. "Y'know, I'm kinda confused." He admits, gently placing the tiny stuffed toy on your bed. “I don’t think the doctors did much.” You make a noise of confusion, gesturing at the bandage on your face. Obviously they did, what was he even getting at here?

"No, really. Like sure, the balloon thing is gone, but you look the same to me, Miss Butterfly." He admits, leaning on his arms and gazing up at you. Watching as the words slowly register. You slowly smile, eyes shining with tears before you wince and grab at your notepad.

'Stop making me smile, my face hurts like a bitch. >:('

He laughs, shaking his head and reaching over to grab the remote for the TV. "I'll ask the nurse for more drugs, maybe you'll be a little nicer to me." He grins, and flips through the channels. "But hey, there's this episode I want you to see.."

Midway through the re-runs, you fall asleep. The drugs and the pain dragging you under. Steve sits there, his hand in yours. He eyes the IV, his thumb brushing against the bandage keeping it inside. His gaze travels up your arm, and lands on your face. Your expression wasn’t exactly peaceful, but he was glad you were resting.

“I was scared this morning.” He admits, emboldened by the silence. “I know you’re like, super good at all of this, but…yeah.” He trails off, letting his eyes slowly drift closed. “You do look really pretty. In your hospital bed, or..anywhere really. You always have.”

[phagodyke]

god okay I'm gonna go back to taking it at 7am I can't start every morning feeling this shite

[pwblogarchive]

August 2008

August 4, 2008

i got the front of my car smashed last night

chasing you off my (intellectual)property.

yet i still want to believe as much as you.

or you less than me.

there is a code of words when inputed in the right order that will make sense:

Control Feral Obsessed Blackout,

sadly that is not it. alone.

if i believe does it make it real like a dragon or real like the last 4 years?

Posted by xoat 1:15 AM

August 4, 2008

its obvious right now this is where the party starts with you and me all alone.

the new klosterman book is pretty good. dude is definitely the ultimate geek.

i think he is probably either the most self aware person on the planet and a complete genius or completely oblvious and therefor a complete genius anwyay.

The verb “cleave” is the only English word with two synonyms which are antonyms of each other: adhere and separate.

ive been having crazy dreams. very colorful and memorable.

in the 80s there were quite a few movies made about robots wanting human emotions and babysitting experiences gone bad. both are really funny. where are all those movies now?

Posted by xoat 2:23 AM

August 12, 2008

crazy is just a perspective. (i am sid and nancy)

because we just need a more refined version of mayhem.

these days im always in and out of somnia

there is something pavlovian about all of this.

i know i am not allowed to explain it outloud.

i know i am not allowed to sign it.

but you understand.

i think youre getting it.

loud and clear.

Posted by xoat 1:26 AM

August 13, 2008

“to you (unfinished, off the top of my head)”

It all started with some friends and a van

a kick drum inside my ribs

Preaching electric into a microphone stand

Raise your red plastic cup

And Turn the laughter up

We fell asleep in the grass on the summer fest days

You'd never guess I'm still trying to get my head screwed on straight

All us believers still believe

Everytime we sing "two more weeks"

Someone shoulda thrown us in a cell and swallowed the key

Somebody shoulda told us to leave em be

The only news we tuned in to was the traffic update

Nothing feels as close to home as nightime windows down on 88

Lax to berlin and back

Wake up on the west coast inside a flask

The good books in the drawer next to the bed you pissed in

passports a blur, full of stamps from places I missed you in

They'll tell you everything about last night that you forget

Pack your suitcase, joes in the back smoking a jazz cigarette

They hated me before they ever loved me

I'm not ready for things to change

I miss you missing me in the good old days

Got stuck in the cell of you and me

I guess it still beat solitary

-----Worry worry

Put my head in such a flurry

Freckle freckle

What makes you so special-------

One of these days yr gonna wake up in heaven

Laugh about that night you got four stitches above your eye

when they let the guitars fly

Never trust a band that wouldn't bleed for you

Never believe in anyone who wouldn't drive through the night

(To you)

They never tell you in school you'll feel so alone

Wake me up again when were in the same time zone

The way I'd take a cornfield over a coast

Mulitply me times what you adore most

There were nights between yellow lines

When I confessed to you riding shotgun asleep under purple skies

They say

You get what you get

Well we Got lost in the middle of nowhere And you almost quit

Tonight Come together

Come apart

You can get lonely when u

Only read the charts

Called everybody I knew in this life

Can we get it together just for tonite

I miss old friends and "play it agains"

Please Send my love,

to everyone above

August 23, 2008

i hope

i dont miss you tommorrow.

i love the way this city looks at night.

Posted by xoat 2:45 AM

August 24, 2008

edit:

i meant fuck off and die.

not im sorry.

Posted by xoat 3:34 AM

[sleepyivoryrose]

so, now that i've got a little bit of fanboying out of my system...for the weather report the daily diary entry.

Well...maybe the weather report isn't so far off. It's over 30 degree Celsius over here. That's a lot for someone who tends to get psychosis through the heat (not enough drinking, too much staying indoors alone, high stress factors, yadda yadda yadda) so I'm trying my best off blocking out the sun and praying for the best. And I sure do hope it cools down, because I've been living for 3 days straight (or two...my memory keeps getting worse and worse) off potatoes with tuna, and slowly but surely I do miss a little bit of variety...I do have a few cans of chickpeas lying around, maybe I can boil them with the potatoes...

Other than that, I've been enjoying a lot of Alien Stage Fandom Postings around the block (or the internet, to be precise), even though I am way too shy to properly interact with them. It's always funny, after one hour of posting on the Alien Stage of Official Twitter, the fans go rabid in the comments. Honestly, if I had the guts they have, I would join in. But for now, observing has to suffice.

I want to create my own fanart and fanfics too, but fans go MAD when they see someone mischaractecized, and I'm not dealing with that. I can understand, they have a very exact image of how the characters have to be like, and maybe it's very nice to have an accurate canon depiction of the character you like, but...headcanons exist for a reason, yknow?

Maybe I'll do some for myself. Just to get the giddy out of my system.

My creative well is still as dry as the weather over here though. It's weird, not being creative the whole time and daydreaming about stuff. It's just...empty. So the next best thing I do, is looking at other peoples fansworks, as I said.

Last days I am throughruly interested in character design. Like, different races and stuff (orcs, elves, dwarves, you name it.) Dungeon Meshi inspired me a lot in that regard. I love seeing how the mangaka works, how she creates so many different looking characters out of a single race. It's amazing, really.

There's so many crazy creations on Deviantart. I found out I really like Ancient-Egypt-Core, and that mechanical shark tails are incredibly cool looking! (I could actually fuse both of those things together into a Mad Max looking scenario...!)

I also heard that Cara is supposed to be an awesome site who doesn't use the images for AI training at all...I don't worry too much about it (I wouldn't even call myself an artist, what I create are just sketches and doodles) because seriously, no one would get my art for AI training, but...I can understand. If you put so many hours of your life into something, you just dont want people taking it away from you without your clear consent.

(Warning, a bit of a disgusting topic coming up)

I am starting to get acne again, and I don't know why. This week...and the last I think? I didn't eat much sugar at all. Maybe it's the fatty food...? I have to cut back on that food too...but what the hell do I eat as someone who may have diabetes? No sugar (of course), no fat, no pasta, a little bit of fruit but not too much, no carbohydrates...I just can eat vegetables, and I don't really like them. They aren't exactly filling either, you need a little bit of protein and fiber to feel full after all...

Man...and if I start moving more, as planned (probably around September, or else I won't survive the summer) I do need at least a little bit of nutrition too...!

GAAAH.

You know what? Fuck this. I'm going to get myself some delicious, cool water, and then I'll kill time somehow. Washing the dishes in the kitchen is necessary...

Urk.

Well, no time like the present! Let's go....gooo....goooo (That's my echo as I speed into the distance)

[chronologicalhomestuck]

karkat pov liveblog: part 10 (i am ditching the act thing for now because i dont want to keep track of that and it has reached the point of being a stupid thing to attempt)

whoops its been a while since i last posted here. graduated highschool, lazed around home to celebrate summer beginning, yknow how it is. when i last posted, karkat had just finished trolling john for the second time, at the point in time when john had just had a poorly timed vriska-induced nap that caused the creation of bec noir. i think i fumbled the cause-and-effect and chronology a bit in that post, but whateverrr the minute details are unimportant. im more interested in seeing what karkat is gonna toss my way next!

looks like jade is his next target of torment.

CG: HI AGAIN, IDIOT. GG: oh nooooooo CG: SO I GUESS TODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP. GG: >:O CG: IS THERE NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?

oh, i saw someone point this out recently i think, but the parallel to calliope and jane's conversation here is pretty obvious

UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^ GG: Why, hellooooooo. UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better. GG: :B! [...] UU: is there nothing i can do to ease yoUr mind?

but back to jade and karkat! based on karkats messages and the timestamp, its the afternoon (13:04) of april 13th (in jade's timezone, at least, not that any of this matters much).

this conversation consists mostly of

karkat trying to contact the other most obviously responsible member of bec noir's creation

jade getting very mad at this guy! she blocked him already!! leave her alone!

jade blocking karkat again after just a few messages back and forth

from karkats pov this is quite funny.

like this is the entirety of this conversation. jade is already tired of him from conversations karkat hasnt had yet, and karkat is not getting off to a great foot!

i wonder if the way blocking works is that ... karkat wasnt blocked bc from his perspective he hadnt been blocked yet?? does that even work? what kinda paradox is this man ok. thats enough lingering on a 2 minute long conversation.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] -- EB: karkat!!! EB: hey buddy, you were making me worried there... EB: are you ok? CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF SWEET GLOBE TICKLING FUCK. CG: EGBERT, I JUST GOT DONE ERUPTING A WHOLE VOLCANO OF MERCILESS FUCK YOU ON THE PRIMITIVE VILLAGE LOCATED SQUARELY ON YOUR CROTCH. CG: ASSUMING THAT'S A SUITABLY TERRIBLE PART OF HUMAN ANATOMY FOR A VILLAGE IN JEOPARDY TO EXIST.

karkat receives a message from john out of nowhere. understandably, he is confused to receive such a caring check-in, given how their last conversation went.

CG: SHUT UP. HOW DARE YOU CONTACT ME WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACKWARDS MARCH OF HATE THROUGH YOUR TEDIOUS TIMELINE. EB: oh god, this is not right! EB: you aren't supposed to hate me anymore, you're supposed to be kinda my friend, sorta! EB: when is this? CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHEN IS THIS CG: OK, LET ME JUST CHECK THE UNIVERSAL CLOCK WHICH KEEPS CONSISTENT TIME FOR ALL FRAMES OF REFERENCE AND ALL PLANES OF REALITY. CG: IT'S HALF PAST YOU'RE A MORON. EB: ok, duh! i know that. EB: i mean, how many times have you talked to me before? CG: WE JUST GOT DONE WITH OUR SECOND CONVERSATION. HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THIS? EB: AUGH! EB: this isn't good, i need to talk to future you! CG: WHY EB: because it sounds like you're in trouble. EB: i think maybe you are running from jack? CG: OF COURSE WE'RE RUNNING FROM JACK, I JUST GOT DONE FUCKING TELLING YOU THAT.

everyone here is equally frustrated with the inconsistent timelines! karkat took a quick break to yell at jade that was interrupted by her blocking him and followed up by karkat getting these messages from a john looking for a future version of karkat. from karkats pov, these strike me as a bit ominous! obviously theyve already hidden from jack, but john makes it sound like he catches up and finds them. if i were karkat id be getting pretty worried abt what the future holds--not that theres much help in trying to avoid it!

EB: ultimate riddle shit? CG: I CAN TELL THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING TO BE A UTTER FUCKING JOY TO PARTICIPATE IN. CG: I HONESTLY ENVY ANYONE IN THE POSITION OF NOT HAVING TO PUT UP WITH READING IT. CG: BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT, JOHN, SO HERE WE GO. CG: ARE YOU READY EB: no, i just want to talk to future you. :( CG: NO YOU DON'T CG: TAKE IT FROM ME CG: THE GUY IS A BASTARD.

karkat starts attempting to make a point...but then makes the idiots boner of jumping back to troll a john...lets see...over 1500 pages in the past!

CG: SEE THIS IS A CASE IN POINT. EB: what point? CG: THE POINT I WAS JUST MAKING. CG: ABOUT THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE. CG: YOU BLITHERING FECULENT SHITHOLE. [...] EB: so what was the "case in point" you were making, anyway? CG: I WAS SCROLLING BACK AND NOTICED YOU WERE IN THE VEIL. EB: whoa, i am? CG: YEAH DUMBDUMB, YOU'RE TUMBLING AROUND ON A BIG GODDAMN METEOR.

seriously though karkat, what were you trying to achieve with that jump? im starting to think you might just be a bit of a dumbass on top of the shenanigans. maybe take another nap? you could really use the sleep!

EB: hey, i have an idea. EB: why don't you get back to me in a few minutes? EB: i mean like a few minutes of my time, not yours. EB: all of these little pink monkeys are getting way out of line and i have to tend to them. EB: if you message me in a couple minutes, we can continue conversing in a sane, linear fashion for a change! CG: UM, OK?

such a reasonable and logical idea!!! how about you try it?

CG: OK IT'S A FEW MINUTES LATER. CG: LOOK HOW SANE AND LINEAR WE ARE BEING. EB: yeah! CG: OK AWESOME, NOW FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE.

karkat...you strange little boy... how you enchant me.

CG: JOHN EGBERT, YOU HAVE ASSASSINATED MY PATIENCE. CG: ADIOS LOSER. EB: wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EB: get back to me in a couple minutes, ok? CG: SD;LKFJSD;LKFJSDLFKJ; CG: FINE.

SO ASTOUNDED BY THE MERE SUGGESTION OF MAINTAINING LINEARITY!

cmon, karkat, i believe in you! you can do it! keep this up!

you are doing so well bestie.

EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR. EB: who is jack noir? CG: AN AGENT OF DERSE. CG: WHO FLIPPED OUT AND ROSE TO POWER. CG: HE KILLED YOUR BLACK QUEEN AND KING AND NOW HE'S IN CHARGE. EB: so you didn't have him in your game? CG: NO, WE DID. CG: BUT HE WAS HARMLESS. CG: ACTUALLY, HE WAS AN ALLY, SORT OF.

he stabbed you, karkat. multiple times. but sure, "harmless" is fine.

CG: THE WORST IS YET TO COME. CG: FOR YOU. EB: oh no! EB: what is the worst thing? CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU. EB: dammit!

(psst. john. your sisters god dog is gonna give him some nasty powerups.)

and back we go again. nevermind about being in a reasonable order i guess!

CG: I KEEP SCROLLING BACKWARDS THROUGH YOUR ADVENTURE. CG: TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW YOU BOTCH THIS UP SO BADLY. CG: AND I KEEP FINDING THESE STRIKING POCKETS OF FOOLISHNESS. CG: LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING NOW. CG: RIDING YOUR LITTLE RED ROCKET.

for a lot of this, his trolling order isnt even "oh i fucked up and embarrassed myself time to jump back again and start fresh!" its literally just him being a sleep-deprived dumbass jumping to random points he comes across and thinking every single time that for some reason it wont be a fucking nightmare to attempt a conversation with john!

TIMELOOP PARADOX PRANK!!!!

EB: well, we're friends by then, aren't we? EB: or sort of like, uh, reverse anti-mutual friends. CG: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. EB: look, you're going to have to face it at some point... EB: that you're learning the meaning of this human emotion called friendship. CG: IS FRIENDSHIP REALLY AN EMOTION? EB: yes, absolutely.

friendship isnt an emotion, fucknuts!

CG: SO GO AHEAD, ASK ME ANYTHING. EB: ok... EB: what's the point of the game. CG: ASK SOMETHING ELSE. CG: ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT. CG: IT WAS THIS WHOLE BIG CONVERSATION WE HAD. EB: augh!

"ask me anything" (asks question) "no not that" teenage boys. am i right.

EB: where are you now? CG: IN THE MEDIUM. CG: A SEPARATE SESSION FROM YOURS. EB: no no, i know that! EB: you already told me. CG: I DID? EB: yes, in your future. CG: DAMMIT.

see karkat? how does it feel?

EB: derse? CG: THE DARK PLANET. CG: PROSPIT'S THE LIGHT ONE NEAR SKAIA. EB: well jeez, how am i supposed to know any of this?? CG: YOU'D PROBABLY FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER FROM YOUR DUMB GRANDMA. CG: BUT BY FUSING WITH THE SPRITE SHE HAS TO WITHHOLD STUFF AND BE MYSTERIOUS AND ALL. CG: TO MAKE YOUR ADVENTURE SEEM MORE "MAAAAAAGICAL!!!!" CG: IT'S INFURIATING

we dont get to see a lot of the trolls' session (compared to the kids', hardly any) and only catch a few glimpses of ... crabdadsprite? karkat sure makes it sound like hes speaking from experience. what sort of secrets did he have to pry from his crabdad? i would love to see his frustration there lmao.

i will give him this, though: hes actually been pretty helpful in this conversation! he gave john a ton of new information and all.

CG: I'M OUT OF HERE. EB: ok, but wait... EB: can you give a message to GC for me? EB: tell her nice try. CG: WHAT CG: WHY WOULD I GIVE HER A MESSAGE FOR YOU CG: DO IT YOURSELF, I'M NOT A RELAY SERVICE. EB: oh, well i thought you'd be cool with it since you asked me to give her a message for you last time. EB: but whatever.

"last time" being in karkat's future, i suppose.

CG: I FIND THAT HIGHLY IMPLAUSIBLE. CG: I'M NOT FALLING FOR ANY MORE OF YOUR HUMAN PRANKS. CG: "NICE TRY" JOHN CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

and on to the next conversation, where important discussions on con air are taking place:

EB: no, it's about these criminals on a runaway plane, and they've got to be stopped by nick cage and john cusack together as a team. CG: OH. CG: OK, THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD I GUESS. EB: it is sweet, so sweet, you would probably like it. CG: I'VE HEARD OF JOHN CUSACK I THINK. CG: WASN'T HE IN SERENDIPITY? CG: THAT WAS PRETTY GREAT FOR A HUMAN FLICK.

isnt it lovely, this disease called friendship?

EB: hahaha, oh man, that sucked so bad! CG: OK I DON'T SEE HOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH LIKE I'M WIGGLING A GNARLED TREE MONSTER'S DICK IN YOUR DIRECTION.

... and thus the blossoming friendship collapses like a house of cards.

EB: well, i've got one of your godly players helping me now, so we can't be in such bad shape. CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. EB: GC gave me a map. EB: and showed me a shortcut. CG: WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING. CG: THIS ISN'T WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT DOING AT ALL. CG: HOLD ON LET ME ASK HER ABOUT THIS... EB: ok.

now what could this human egbert be up to?

CG: OK... CG: NOW SHES JUST OVER THERE GIGGLING AT ME LIKE AN IMBECILE. CG: WHAT ARE YOU TWO UP TO, WHY ARE YOU IN CAHOOTS NOW? EB: umm... CG: OW FUCK!!! CG: OK SHE JUST WALKED OVER AND PUNCHED ME. CG: AND SAID IT WAS FROM YOU. EB: uh, sorry i guess?

not totally relevant but pitch johnkatrezi is really funny. can you imagine.

EB: i don't know why you guys are doing this to yourselves. EB: all this time jackassery, it's giving me a headache.

now that is exactly what i have been saying!

CG: OK IF YOU TALK TO HER AGAIN WHEN SHE TRIES HATCHING MORE PLANS GIVE HER A MESSAGE INTO THE PAST FOR ME. EB: ok.

now karkat...didnt you JUST say you would NEVER resort to relaying a message through john? i think you might need a good nights sleep! that month of no sleep really explains just about everything he does throughout this backwards convoluted trolling quest.

CG: TELL HER TO POLISH MY HEAVING BONE BULGE AND SET A TABLE FOR FUCKING TWO ON IT. CG: ITS FOR OUR CANDLE LIGHT HATE DATE.

the idea of a candlelight hate date is so fucking funny. i think one of those candles just might get used as a weapon.

EB: oh, did you talk to jade yet? CG: JADE, WHAT WHY WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO HER? EB: ummm, that's what you said you wanted to do last time you talked to me, i dunno. CG: OH DAMMIT. CG: ARE YOU SURE?

oh shit, is the timeline extension busted? i think we already saw that conversation, is it not supposed to happen yet? if i figure out the proper chronology, ill come back and edit this or something! whatever.

EB: but next time you talk to me, you might want to tell me to calm down first so i don't just block you.

lets see how that goes...

CG: HEY JOHN. CG: CALM THE HELL DOWN. EB: aaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!! EB: how did you find me????? CG: FIND YOU? CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN. EB: i changed my chum handle to ditch you guys.

so i guess this is one of the first conversations (or THE first?) they have from johns point of view, since john changed his chumhandle when terezi was trolling him a while before the events of the story!

EB: ok, this time i'll believe you that you aren't human. EB: because the skepticism center of my brain is starting to wear kind of thin i guess. EB: but you're still a major asshole and i don't actually want to talk to you, so bye. CG: WAIT. CG: BUT I'M NOT HERE TO TROLL YOU THIS TIME. CG: WE'RE FRIENDS OK? EB: hahahahahaha! EB: oh man, look at this outburst of little human words i'm saying! EB: from my human mouth!

yknow its pretty funny how the dynamic has turned on its head. now karkat is insisting they are friends while john responds more angrily!

CG: IT'S REALLY WEIRD. CG: THIS HUMAN EMOTION YOU CALL FRIENDSHIP. EB: friendship isn't an emotion fucknuts.

karkat- lets be friends and beat this game together john- ermmmmm no!

EB: i'm still not really sold on this friendship thing yet. EB: but i've got to go now and get on with my petty little quests. EB: so talk to you in the future i guess. EB: jerkface.

shouldnt have sent him all that hatemail karkat! look where it got you now!