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#i dont want a happy ending i want more story
romanarose · 3 days
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The River
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Joel Miller x Black!fem!reader
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Summary: Joel and Sarah's mom! reader the days he's conceived, written to Bruce Springsteen's The River in honor of his birthday today!
Warnings: Virginity loss for both, piv sex, skinny dipping, not a happy end, if you want the spoiler look at notes at the end. Classmate calls reader a name but its never stated so you can fill in the blank however fitting you feel, but its implied its either a slur or a derogatory word towards women. Story starts with joel and reader in HS and 17, but 18 when the smu happens. If this makes you uncomfortable, thats fine. Dont read it.Some drinking but everyone is consenting, and at 18 in the 80's in the us you can drink Immersivity: reader is at least biracial as fitting with the show TLOU. Not super descriptive there bc I wanted it to remain pretty open but I mentioned hair care for curls and dark skin
Happy birthday Bruce!!!! I love you
Dividers by @thecutestgrotto
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I come from down in the valley
Where, mister, when you're young
They bring you up to do like your daddy done
  It started at 17, just kids. You were like something out of a dream to a teen. Well, a wet dream. You dressed so unlike everyone around him, showing off skin in a way scandalous to the bible belt you were living in. Joel was taught that impure thoughts and sex before marriage was sinful, shameful.
A year later, it didn’t feel shameful with you. 
When you moved here during yours and Joel’s senior  year, you and Joel met at a party and it was all over for him the second he saw you in that pretty black dress that dipped so low… Dark, thick curls spiraled around your head in a halo and beautiful dark skin. Joel was certain you weren’t looking his way even once. Joel wasn’t unpopular by any means, but if he were honest a lot of his circle came from either playing baseball or being Tommy’s brother . 
Tommy was a linebacker on the football team, something much cooler than baseball was. Joel didn’t think himself ugly, he thought he was decent to look at, but his nose got in the way, just planted large smack in the middle of his face. Tommy had similar features, but for some reason they meshed together better. Tommy was also just so much more extraverted, friendly as they came. And none of it was fake, Tommy was genuine and that's why people liked him. That’s why Tommy lost his virginity long before Joel had his first kiss.
When you walked over and struck up a conversation with him of all people, Joel’s eyes nearly popped out of his face.
“Hey.” You told him your name. “I start school next week with y’all”
“”M Joel,” He reached out shaking your hand, a move that made you grin ear to ear. “Nice t’meecha”
“You’re cute, Joel, wanna talk outside?”
An hour later, you and Joel hadn’t spoken to a single otyour soul. He watched as envious eyes lingered on them, pride swelling in his chest at having the prettiest girl at the party wearing his jacket as you sat on the porch. 
“HEY MILLER!” A teammate of Tommy’s shouts at Joel from below the porch. “Gonna finally score a homerun?”
When you looked at him confused, Joel explained the metaphor. “I play baseball.”
“YEAH AND HE”S NEVER SCORED WITH A GIRL!”
“THANKS DAN I THINK You GOT IT!!” Joel shouted to the jeering boy who’d drawn a bit of a crowd. When he turns back to you, you weren’t weirded about him being a virgin still, instead you were smiling.
“I’m a virgin too, don’t worry. Wanna really show ‘em how stupid they look?” You whisper.
Joel laughs, smiling something dopey. “Please…”
Swinging one leg over the porch railing, a move that spread your legs and rode your skirt up. You grab his shirt, yanking him towards you and kissing him right tyoure in the porch light, getting bitten by mosquitos. This creates a bunch of loud whooping from everyone except Dan, more people gatyouring to watch the show. Joel about passed out, ready to fall off the porch and die a happy man. He didn’t, holding onto your leg as you giggled into his mouth at the reactions of everyone around them.
After that, only death could separate Joel from you. 
Me and Mary we met in high school
When she was just seventeen
We drive out of this valley
Down to where the fields were green
“Hey Miller!” Dan called after him in the hall, but Joel wasn’t interested in talking to him.
That school year had been a wild one to be sure. You joined the cheer team, but admitted later it was so that you could see Joel more, an excuse to talk to him. Joel was absolutely baffled at the concept that you thought you needed a reason to talk to him after he’d kissed you, but sweet nonetheless. 
Dan had tried in vain to steal you out from under him, but to Joel’s surprise you showed no interest. After that, he got mean. Joel frequently found himself telling Dan to shut the fuck up, defending you even though the relationship still didn’t have a name. It was stolen smiles in class, study dates, choosing to spend your 18th birthday with him at the local diner instead of a party.  DIdn’t matter. He wasn’t going to let Dan talk the way he did about you. It’d never escalated to more than a few shoves in the locker room, resulting in being separated by Tommy and anotyour teammate. Their coach said if Dan causes more problems to let him know.
And then, Dan crossed a line. The crowded hallway was loud, people pushing around to get the hell out of school and onto their next event but Joel heard him loud and clear. The hall got real quiet, everyone between Dan and you and Joel hearing with Dan called you, and it was over. 
“Joel…” You warn, feeling him squeeze your hand tighter. “Don-” but he was gone, letting go and lunging at Dan like he was tackling in a game.
The fight didn’t last long, Joel a little better off than Dan was by the time they were pulled apart, which is why the coach suspended Joel for 2 days instead of Dan. They told the coach, multiple students testifying, what Dan had called you but he never go any repercussions. That just makes Joel all the more happy he broke his nose.
You were his after that. Officially. Boyfriend and girlfriend and inseparable. Every game, you were there cheering him on and every night you worked he was there to walk you home. 
When the summer turned warm, Joel decided he wanted to share something special with you.
It was a secret spot, a place Joel grandpa used to take him and Tommy to fish before he passed. They pair had grown up swimming there when they could get their hands on a car in the summer, and it was somewhere that few people knew about. A quiet lake, the perfect place to fish and swim or just relax. Joel managed to borrow your brothers car, people trusting him as he was responsible, unlike Tommy. He even packed you a picknick, making it a nice date. He knew he was romantic as shit. He didn’t plan on what happened happening, but he knew it would be a special afternoon.
The week after graduation in Texas was already warm, the world bright and happy around him as college approached. You and him had plans to move to Austen together, he had gotten a few good grants for low income students and was going to attend the tech school, get into electrician work. He even knew a place where he could apprentice in the city, and hopefully by the time you graduate with your 4 year degree he would have his journeymans. You had gotten an excellent scholarship, and between that and the money saved from the last few years of both of you working, if you guys budgeted well you would graduate almost debt free. Then, find permanent jobs, get a house, get married, have kids… the entire world was in the palm of your hands.
You hadn’t taken the big step, even after 7 months of dating, you were still virgins. You wanted to… but wyoure? On the bottom bunk of the bunk bed Joel and Tommy still shared in the tiny mobile home? Or at your place, wyoure your mom made you keep the door open at all time? Joel certainly wasn’t going to deflower you in the back of a car, he wasn’t a fucking animal. Still, he liked to think what ended up happening was perfect.
You loved it.
We'd go down to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh, down to the river we'd ride
“Joel!!!” An excited squeal escaped your lips as he finished setting everything up. There were even a bundle of wildflowers on the blanket he sprawled out on the grass. 
“M’grandpa used to take me  n’ Tommy here ‘fore he died.” Joel explained, standing up and stepping back to admire his work. There was a tinge of longing, reminiscing on those old days, childhood that he was soon to leave behind for a life with you. There'll always be nostalgia, but he had to fear facing the future with you by his side. He’d do it all in your honor. Joel felt your hand on his back.
“He sounds great, baby.”
Joel smiled. “Yeah, he was.” But he turned to hug yo. The smell of your hair was always something he took his time to appreciate. Throughout these months, he’d learned a lot about taking care of your hair, and absolutely adored the smell of coconut oil. He'd gotten pretty damn good at braiding. Sometimes you’d even put the oil in his hair, and Joel loved the scalp massage too much he was practically purring. That;s how you learned he had a sensitive scalp. Very sensitive.
Got anything to drink?” You smiled, trying to distract him.
He paused for a bit, then finally smiled for the first time tonight. “Yeah, yeah I do.”
Joel pulled out the glasses, iced tea, rum, and sliced lemons; Long Island iced tea.
Joel insisted on holding the ice to your lip as You sipped through your straw and drank his own. Joel was more of a beer guy himself, the guys would never let it go if they caught him drinking this, but for your, he’d drink it. Plus, it actually tastes good. Beer does not.
Now, Joel was Joel again. He laughed along to your stories and shared quips about the guys at the shop as they sat on the blanket he laid out by the banks. He braided your hair back for you, tying it up nice and tight so the river water doesn’t ruin it.
“You ready to swim?” You asked.
Joel grinned “Absolutely. I brought some spare clothes, I figured you couldn’t exactly sneak out with swimwear.”
“Actually…” You stood up. “I was thinking we could just…” You took off your shirt. Joel quickly stood up. “Skinny dip?” 
Joel had felt your tits before. Plenty. You and him had explored things before… but never this. Seeing your breasts in that bra had his mind short circuiting. He was only a man. 
You turned away and began walking towards the river. The Texas sun was setting on your back as you slid your underwear off. Joel never really gotten a good look at your ass until now. Well now, he was taking it all in. 
“You gonna join me? Or just stare at my ass like a perv at a gas station?” He looked up at you and saw you glancing over your shoulder as you unhooked your bra. When you turned back and tossed your bra back to the shore, Joel scrambled out of his jeans and underwear comically fast, hopping out of his last pant leg. Joel grinned wildly as he giggled (did he just giggle?) and ran into the river as he pulled his shirt off.
By the time he reached you, you had dove into the water, swimming out. He caught up to you and pulled your wet frame in, finally taking yor in the kiss he had wanted to give all afternoon. He was careful, ever so careful, not to startle you or move too fast, but he hears you laugh. “Oh my god Joel, just kiss me.”
As the lady wished. He deepened the kiss as you ran fingers through his thick curls, massaging into his scalp. He could feel himself getting hard, so he pulled away. “Time to swim, sweetheart.” As he dove into the water, you got a quick peek at his ass before it re-entered the cool water. Oh man, you could not wait to get a hold of that latter tonight. You swam as the sun peaked, until your bodies were too tired to keep changing between kisses and splashes.
The evening was still warm, but could cool quick. Joel grabbed towels and another drink for the two of you on the blanket. While in the car, he opened his windows and turned up the radio. He helped dry off your hair and body before pulling a blanket over the two of you. The area was private, no one would be here except him. Snuggling into his chest, you signed contently. Joel was your safe place. Despite being naked under the blanket, You felt warm and secure. When “Sister Christian” faded out of the car radio, You listened to the DJ.
“This next song is a request, it goes out from Joel in Arlington. Joel wants you to know how much he’s enjoyed your time together and he hopes for many more nights like tonight. Well, isn’t that sweet. Here’s to you, this is You Make Loving Fun by Fleetwood Mac”
You turned to him with a broad smile. “Joel! That’s so sweet” You took him in for a kiss as the opening chords started playing, your dark, naked body pulling up against him.
Joel tried to keep his cool, but fighting his hard-on was getting a lot harder to control. “I wanted to play something by Stevie Nicks, but all the songs I knew that she sang sounded like break up songs.” Joel sucked on your neck.
You moaned out his name. “Oh god… mmm” You tried to keep the conversation going, but he felt so good on your skin. “True, but Silver Springs is a masterpiece…”
“You are a masterpiece…” He murmured between the soft kisses he placed along your stomach. your heart rate kicked up as he crept closer to your sex. 
“Joel…” You pleaded, begging him for more as he kissed the crease of your legs, so, so close to where you needed him to be. Something else entirely. Just when You thought he was finally going to take your in his mouth,  moved past your sex, his beautiful lips tantalizingly grazing over your folds to move towards your inner thighs. “Joel, please, stop teasing…”
“As the lady wants…” Finally, he dove into you.
Then I got Mary pregnant
And man, that was all she wrote
You tasted fantastic. He flattened his tongue as licked up, swirling around your clit, making your whimper. He loved the little sounds You made when he touched you, tasted you. Sliding two fingers inside, Joel worked your lower body with everything in him: his fingers deep inside your, his mouth licking and kissing everywhere in reach, his free hand massaging along your thigh.
In the freedom of the dark night, You felt free to be as loud as You wanted. “FUCK! Fuck Joel, just like that.”
“Fuck, you taste so good”
You gave a breathy laugh “Baby, I taste like river water”
“Like delicious river water” He muttered with an obvious smile;
You giggled “Ew”
Joel hummed “mmmm” the vibration sending another wave through you.
“Oh! Oh God, Joel!” You whimpered when You felt his teeth carefully draw along your sensitive inner thigh.
Joel continued working you, fingering you open carefully until you came on his tongue, tugging on the sweet curl and his oh so sensitive scalp.
You moved your hips up, sending a shock of electricity through him when he felt your thigh rub along his cock.
He kissed into your neck, fighting the strong urge to leave hickies. “If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I was presumptuous?”
“If I told you I brought a condom, would you think I’m easy?”
You could feel a shit eating, teasing grin being pressed into your neck. “I don’t believe in women being easy, I believe in men being lucky.”
With your soft hand, you guided his face back to yours and You gifted him with a kiss. “Do you think you’re lucky tonight?”
He couldn’t help the feral growl that escaped him as he nipped along your neck and chest. “Sweetheart, tonight, I think I’m favored by the gods.” He rolled over and pulled the condom out of his pant pocket and slid it over his length before lining himself up at your entrance and planting a soft kiss on your brow. He touched his forehead to yours. “You want this?” Joel spoke softly in your ear.
You smiled, eyes closed, and nodded, gently tracing the muscles on his back, toned from physical labour.
“More than anything, Joel. Do you?”
When you opened them, Joel was beaming down at you. “More than anything.”
 He felt your grip on his shoulder as he entered your, wet and hot in contrast to the cool air seeping into their little haven. He pulled the blanket over both of their heads to keep the heat between them, to keep the world outside. Right now, only they mattered, only you existed, nothing else could possibly be more important than making you feel beautiful and special and… loved.
You were ethereal. Nothing in the world felt better than you sweet pussy and there was nothing he loved more than you, his beautiful girl giving herself to him, just as he gave himself to you. 
In your little tent, you felt safe, appreciated and adored. Joel always had a way of taking away all your anxieties, his demeanor was always so light and relaxing but fiercely protective. You could feel him hitting deep inside you despite his movements being slow and steady, not wanting to hurt you. He was all kisses: your mouth your jaw, your breasts, your cheeks. As you stretched out your body and put your arms over your head, he ran his hands up your sides, over your breasts and shoulders, along your arms and finally pinning your hand above your. Joel held you to the ground and he picked up his pace, making your toes curl as your orgasm built back up again.
“Mmmm, Joel, baby you feel so good… so good honey”
Joel could feel your tightening around him, he knew you were close. He kissed deep into your mouth that opened for him. You aggressively kissed back, taking his lip between your teeth. “Please baby, I need to feel you.” You wiggled your wrists.
Joel complied, releasing your hands which You returned to his tan skin. When You came around him, he felt your fingernails digging into his shoulder blades, tipping him over the edge. His pace faltered as he rode out his orgasm, pressing tender kisses into your neck.
When they re-emerged from the cover of the blanket, night had completely fallen on the reservoir, the moon shone above the treeline illuminating You’s tan, wet body. “Keep on Lovin You” by REO Speedwagon was in full swing. They laid on the bank of the river, pulling your close just to feel each breath You takes.
There they laid, until Joel heard the rumble of thunder. “We should probably get going, don’t want to get rained on.” No answer. He looked down to see you sleeping against his chest. 5 more minutes won’t hurt… He thought to himself, and watched your sleep for 20 minutes, until you stirred to the sound of the thunder getting closer.
“Hm?” You grumbled into his chest, despite him not saying anything.
“I said we gotta go, it looks like rain.”
“Oh.” You rubbed your eyes and sat up. “Oh shit, I forgot we were naked.”
Joel stood up and gathered your clothes that You had practically stripped off for him, then got dressed himself.
It was that July you told him you were pregnant.
And for my nineteenth birthday
I got a union card and a wedding coat
We went down to the courthouse
And the judge put it all to rest
No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle
No flowers, no wedding dress
Everything changed after that, 
Not the love you had for each other, no, not that.
But everything else.
Your parents kicked you out when you told them, and Joel’s family let you move in, kind enough to let you take the couch, until a week later you and Joel were married at the courthouse. You spend your wedding night on the bottom of a bunk bed, Tommy staying with a friend for the night to offer you some privacy.
Life wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t the worst. No trade school, no apprenticeship, no journeymans, but Joel found a union job which was good. You continued working your job at the diner until Sarah was born, the best day of Joel’s life.
The next 5 years would be difficult, late bills and a sick baby, union going on strike, but no matter what, he had you. Always had you, his beautiful girl. Sometimes, Joel would ask Tommy to watch Sarah for a few hours, and he’d take you back to the river, back to where she was conceived. He couldn’t say he regretted it, but when this life brought him his baby. He couldn’t regret anything with you, honestly. Every struggle was worth it for his little family.
It was here you told him about the cancer.
Now all them things that seemed so important
Well mister they vanished right into the air
Now I just act like I don't remember
Mary acts like she don't care
Joel watched as a preteen Sarah swam around the river, Tommy and Joel parked with chairs close enough their feet were wet. Joel supposed she was technically a teen now… but it felt wrong to say his baby was a teenager of all things. 13 could be a preteen, just one more year. He had braided her hair back the same way he always did yours, the memory of which always tore at his chest. There were a few years there he didn’t take her, the last time Sarah had been was when she was 6.
 The chemo had taken its toll on you, but you wanted this last summer with your daughter. Joel had carried you in, your body to weak to stand for long but once you were in again, you were at ease. The water helped you move, taking pressure off your joints and Sarah, as little as she was played gently with you, knowing her mom was fragile. Joel loved how much you loved her, how much Sarah adored you, and it killed him. It killed him to know there wasn’t much longer left. 
Joel watched as you floated, taking in the sun on your skin as Sarah did the same. Two peas in a pod.
You died two days later.
But I remember us riding in my brother's car
Her body tan and wet, down at the reservoir
At night on them banks I'd lie awake
And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take
Now those memories come back to haunt me
They haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true
Or is it something worse
Joel didn’t take her again until she was 10. He couldn’t stomach it, so Tommy did, wanting to keep the family place alive.
“You alright, brother?” Tommy asked, cool beer in his hand.
Joel sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Just….” He shook his head, watching as Sarah went under to do a handstand. “She looks so much like her mom, doesn’t she?”
When Sarah popped up again, Joel and Tommy cheered for her in encouragement.
“Yeah, that she does.”
School was starting soon, and Joel would have less time with her, so he was savoring these little moments, just as their family. Just the three of them. Joel still felt you here, present with him in these ways, even after all these years. 
2003 marked 7 years since your death, and every day Sarah grew to look more like you.
Now those memories come back to haunt me
They haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true
Or is it something worse
That sends me down to the river
Though I know the river is dry
That sends me down to the river tonight
Down to the river
My baby and I
Oh, down to the river we ride
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SPOILER!!! Reader dies.
Thak you soooo muc for reading, i know my last fic and this one have been downers, and i gonna be honest, my final joel piece before leaving the fandom wil be bittersweet too ;-;
Thank you for all the love you've given me!!!
Taggint htose whove expressed interest. I think. if i mistagged you im sorry!!! its late for me
@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @msjarvis @grogusmum @hiroikegawa @jennaispunk @fandxmslxt69 @sweetlummie
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gonecartographic · 1 year
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Hardinge could write a book about Mosca, Clent and Saracen bringing about the apocalypse and toppling 5 more towns and I'd still love them
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copepods · 10 months
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i love suns and pebbles canon dynamic in my head its kind of weird and fucked up and i wish more people depicted it as that (tag ramble incoming)
#i have a lot of thoughts about suns as a character#since theres not much from them in the story its mostly headcanon though#i think suns is someone who desperately wants to be liked and admired#like maybe theyre one of the youngest in their local group (i think theyre in a separate neighboring group to moons)#and they're not really used to being looked up to in any capacity#so pebbles is the first person who really respects them in that way and because of that they have this weird contradictory relationship#where sometimes suns relishes in that dynamic a little too much and holds the power over pebbles head and gets a little mean#and sometimes because suns still wants pebbles to keep liking and admiring them they can get a little too indulgent of him#hence the gold pearl. i think suns gave it to him bc they wanted him to find some kind of happiness but there was also a selfish element#'if i give this to him he'll like me more' etc#i dont think suns is intentionally cruel i just think they had never had that kind of relationship before and fucked a lot of things up#after spearmaster they start to get better at it esp since spearmaster is kind of a second chance for them. so suns learns to be kinder#on pebbles' end. i like to think pebbles was a lil infatuated with them. esp because he felt like they were the only one who understood him#unreciprocated tho. suns cared about him but more from a mentorly point of view than anything#kind of a weird thing where he looked up to them as an authority figure but also really kind of wanted them to be on the same level#in conclusion: toxic robot yuri can be cool sometimes#text#rain world
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bellaroles · 1 year
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Finished reading Heaven official’s blessing. It’s so damn romantic! I can’t help but be moved by their journey. Still, there’re so many side plots that still not properly cleared up and I really want to know more.
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im curious, how did perkeo become immortal? you say theyre the dont age dont die type but theyve still aged to the point of an average adult. so was there a point where they became immortal? were they born immortal but still aged to the point where they seemed like the average human then stopped?
this is a bit more morbid but im curious about this too
how severe can injuries get if they cant die? how does their body handle situations where the average person would bleed out? would they heal faster? would they just have infinite blood? what if they got into a coma? would they ever wake up? or is it just not possible? how would they heal from injuries that would make it impossible for the average person to come back?
if youre not willing to answer the second stuff thats fine, im just really curious
They do not remember
The earliest memory they have is on the kingdom, and they were already a grown person by then
They remember kneeling, the agreement made with the king
They remember tests, and them stopping with lack of results
They remember doing their job afterwards, and the years that went on as they remained the same
They remember making people smile and laugh and how they cherished that feeling more than anything
That does not mean they never had a family, though
Morbid details under cut
Very. They had to crawl their way out of things no human could even dream of surviving, things no one should have survived — or even lived enough through it as it happened
They can still get dizzy, they can still faint, things can go to black, but eventually their brain will pull them back awake again. Die, but come back
The wound would close, but they can bleed out. They can feel the dizziness, the cold, the pain. If severe enough, they could pass out — either until the wound closes or until their brain decides it gotta keep fighting still. That said, they very likely could deal with a stab wound without passing out if outside factors are not included (if anything, they would just be annoyed)
Sewing a wound would likely make it close faster than leaving it alone
Their heart would always start beating again even after stopping, so I guess you could say they have infinite blood?
They would wake up from a coma I'm pretty sure (how long it would take would depend on the cause), unless it was like, medically induced (which would mean constant upkeep to keep em like that) because yk. Strong drugs
They do heal from injuries that would be impossible for a normal person to survive. Their body puts itself back together – and when it can't, it just makes a new part to compensate
So, for example: let's say they get decapitated. They could put the head back on the neck, and the body would work to glue the two together again
Now, let's say they lost a leg and for some reason could not try to put the leg back in place: then the body would make a new leg. It would take a lot longer, and be infinitely more painful, but it would be back in place one way or another
(Now for what happens to the lost limb — idk it probably rots as the body regens. They are already immortal, might as well throw some nonsense in the mix)
How can they grab their own head and put it back? Idk that's too much to keep track of. Maybe magic who knows
Also! Burned skin will heal and fade, take that was you will
Essentially I would say it's just kind of nightmarish but they do heal pretty fast (how fast? Idk, but pretty fast), and that they would also be pretty used to some level of pain rn
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rachedurst · 2 years
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I never really understood this idea that if you enjoy a piece of fiction you want it to keep coming and coming endlessly. No matter how attached I am to a group of characters, if I had the choice I'd always prefer a short but finished concluded piece than something where seasons get added On And On And On And On until everyone is flanderized and the entirety of it falls flat.
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i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.
oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making
#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at#act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way!#act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything#act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending'#but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen#but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine#even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive#but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know?#my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good#and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage...#i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me#perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic#i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end#so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au!#i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works!#i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise#sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc.#but anyway! anyway....#i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet
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supersecretnerd · 3 months
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Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean
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I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch
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#goodbye volcano high#i dont have the money to buy it but god i need to watch a playthrough when i have time it's so interesting to me#like; the theme of 'yeah we're going die but that doesn't mean we can enjoy what time we have left' sounds amazing to me love that#its so funny i was actually watching a review of it that was basically 'this game sucks and here's why'#and then it just started listing off shit like- 'the characters designs are pastel they're nonbinary you die no matter what'#and then my neurons just went off and went '👁️👁️ oh! sounds amazing i want to see more'#fuck yeah pastel nonbinary dinosaurs lets go#well i think its just fang thats nonbinary and then two other trans characters#i saw a cutscene! and it was about the experiences of being an apart of a family as sec-gen immigrant and trans-#and i thought that was cool as hell dont recall ever seeing that in any of thr arts ive seen before (but there's lots of art out there!)#heard it got some glitches tho (havent looked in depth of what those glitches are) hopefully it got patched out#also im so fucking pissed i saw the gator game before i saw this 😮‍💨 (context; apparently made by people who made a fangame where they#the mc of this game a datable side character and they only have a happy ending if they detransition? which fucking yikes😬)#i saw people say 'oh but they did it empathetically' like how the fuck is taking a canon nb character and making them only happy through#detransitioning empathetic that sounds super fucking shitty and gross#i think a character that detransitions can be done and would be interesting to see- but this just reeks of people being transphobic for real#oh also purple dino has a slug or worm or something apparently! seems cute! just a lil thing#apparently its a rhythm game; listened to some of the songs and it sounded good! sadly i suck at rhythm games#but apparently failing doesn't affect the story? kinda wish it would but honestly better for me lol-#pink one and fang end up dating i believe- from what i saw pink is like- soft spoken artist? dunno if accurate but she's cute#all the characters are cute just look at them!!! awesome#also they have to just continue school like normal before they die and honestly thats so real#also saw people dislike the fact you dont see the characters actual die or the meteor#which is ??? dunno i just think some things are better left implied than shown-#anyways man i keep trying to find neat stuff about the game and all i see is people bitchin about it or praising the shit fan on instead 😔#man if i had two nickles for a time i grew to become obsessed with a media only for loads of people to hate id have two nickles#first nickle is kat elliot she's such a cool character Internet wasn't ready for her#also yes i saw obsessed i can just tell this is something ill go bonkers for#i mean god look how much text is in my tags for this already! and i still need to see the game in it's fullness!#im sure there's other cool shit
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vaugarde · 9 months
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this is gonna sound so backhanded but after 3 letdowns in a row from pokemon (followed by a game which isnt terrible but i dislike because of how much it fucked up the plot of sm), then a game that i genuinely really love and want more in the style of and largely because of how it deviates from the main series, im genuinely so shocked that i love scarlet and violet as much as i do. like when i was going through that tutorial i was just cautious and waiting for the other show to drop and be bored at best, but like, graphic glitches aside, it never came. it stayed really fun and charming
#like is it acceptable that it came out so glitchy when its a $60 console release? absolutely not#i think the game has a lot of issues and i dont blame people for not being happy with it#but i think what makes this better than swsh to me is like. swsh sorta feels like it was made out of obligation sometimes#like. tpci and gamefreak treated galar like a kid would treat an art project in a medium they werent interested in#but they were being harassed for that good grade so they powered through and hated the result#and sorta just tried to hide it when they got home from school that day#not that there isn’t anything to like about galar or it has no substance whatsoever but when i played it i couldnt shake the feeling#that gamefreak was embarassed of it. like they did not want to linger too much on this game#i think the anime switching format was a good idea in the end cause just putting ash in another gauntlet after he won the alola league would#would have been weird but its veryyyy telling to me that they changed the format so drastically#that we didnt even spend all our time in galar. their home base wasnt even in galar#and in the game they emphasize that kantos got better pokemon and everyone loves them better and theres not a whole lot to do#and there was always just this feeling of insecurity and dissatisfaction with it#and for all its faults- i cant say the same thing about scvi. this game oozes with charm and care#the writing feels like someone genuinely cared about these characters and wanted the best for them and the story#the gameplay feels more involved and confident. they got more experimental with the format#idk it feels like people LIKED working on this game to a degree and wanted the player to have fun#echoed voice
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aroaessidhe · 6 months
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Saint of Bright Doors
a surreal Sri Lankan fantasy about colonialism, revolution, mixing fantasy with the modern world
follows a man raised by his mother to kill his father, a god-like cult leader
but as an adult he puts aside his life of violence and moves to the city for a quiet life
he becomes fascinated with ‘bright doors’ around the city that never open and have no other side, and joins a group studying them to find out more
and a support group for those with divine heritage that becomes increasingly revolutionary, until the task he was made for reemerges and his life upends
#the Saint of Bright Doors#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#this is kind of hard to explain I dont know if I did a very good job here lol#it is weird and full of so many interesting elements. I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it but?? I really liked it mostly???#It starts pretty small scale focused on the MC & slowly unravels the wider worldbuilding and narrative elements in a really interesting way#The first chapter or two I assumed it was typical high fantasy but then it’s like. oh this is a modern city. with emails and stuff.#The pacing is a bit weird - it’s quite meandering and also pivots significantly in the second half. tbh I’m still ????? about the ending lm#but also I am happy to float through on vibes.#and there’s some elements (like the doors that become….not that relevant) that I want to know more about. (as an aside - I saw someone say#that it’s a very clear retelling about Buddha’s son? which idk enough about but probably could give a deeper context to a lot of it)#writing style is kinda detached from the MC but also there is a reason for this that makes sense with the twist near the end!#which is a kind of twist i LOVE. Maybe I wish it had been emphasised a bit more over the story though? unsure.#I thought his mother's story was interesting also - you think she's an terrible parent just there for background context at the start but#then when she tells her story it's like ohh there's more context here.#also I hesitate to just say ‘if you like the spear cuts-- you should read this’ because I think the elements that are similar are done in a#kinda different way and might disappoint you if you’re expecting it to be the same as spear….but regardless the sort of dreamy writing#rich world; narrative with fantasy but also modern day elements; some of the writing style; mlm MC (tho not a romance)#idk. it will definitely not work for everyone but I enjoyed it overall#also it is full of queerness#bisexual books
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todayisafridaynight · 6 months
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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quietwingsinthesky · 7 months
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at some point i am going to have to force even to go back and deal with donna & tentoo & rose & all and everything they ran away from. and that will probably involve them losing tentoo’s chameleon arch watch by giving it back to its rightful owner, whether she chooses to open it or not. and that is. not going to be a very fun or stable time for them.
#this part is v vague and fuzzy because i want to watch the rest of 12 & 13 and finish the doctor/donna specials before i set anything in#stone about it. but i think i need to rearrange some things in the timeline here vis a vis when the doctor is also forced to go back and#deal with his baggage.#i dont think 14 exists in even’s universe for this reason. and for the reason of tentoo kind of taking on his role? the human part of the#doctor who can stay with donna & with rose.#she’s also trans to me because i love trans!tentoo. her name is johanna. i think it’s pretty. i make a singular exception to my rule of#never changing characters names when i trans them.#but i think. what im getting at here is that this cant be a happy ending. not so cleanly. its more bittersweet.#like i think this version of the story. what i have so far. donna does remember. (tentoo doesn’t but that’s because she’s become her own#person. the doctor is who she came from but she isn’t just the doctor anymore.) and rose knows her doctor is out there and loves her but#she has her wife at home.#and even. oh even. you can’t hold onto a heart that’s not yours forever. you have to give it back.#this. i think. is a moment of respite and recovery for the doctor. and a really really low point for even. however this works out.#its not perfect but there’s kindness in it. and there’s a home to go back to. if they can bear it. both of them.#but like i said. this is all preliminary based on what i might play around with here. and how watching more of the show changes my ideas.#but i think. whatever revelations come in 13’s arc. i think in even’s universe they have to come after donna. i’ll find a way to make it#work.#but mostly right now the important thing is forcing even to give up the watch because why would i let them have one single comfort object <3#dw oc
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g0thsoojin · 29 days
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i wanna go missing and have him hide me away and keep me safe in his attic forever... sighh
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renniethedwstan · 2 years
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Eleventh Doctor.
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I have a hot take, I think Eleven is better than Ten.
Reason?.......I'm not telling you guys the reason because it's just my opinion, and everyone is allowed opinions, so please just be respectful.
Also, just to clarify, I don't hate Ten at all. I love the Tenth Doctor era so much because Ten is my first Doctor, and he introduced me to Doctor who. but Eleven is the reason why I'm still obsessed with Doctor who.
#eleventh doctor#doctor who#matt smith#tenth doctor#david tennent#i just think Ten is a Doctor people always watch first because hes pretty so that means people always end up missing out on nine#then because they like ten so much they sometimes become very closed minded and have to much high expectations#yes its okay to have expectations but people wanting David Tennant back permanently as the doctor because they don't like the writing#or casting is a bit stupid. just enjoy the show mate#and if you dont like the new writing or casting just switch it off stop bloody moaning#Doctor who is for everyone and not everyone is going to like the same thing#and certainly not everyone wants to have david back just becuse youre feeling nostalgic and cant handle change#just accept that#i love eleven because hes the kind of doctor that acts happy but really hes just really good and putting on a face#hes super dark and his stories are absolutely amazing#some are scarily underrated like why is no one talking about these more#even though there was some romace in elevens run it wasn't constantly and i actually liked river#i cant stand s2 rose#she became so boring in s2 which sucked because i loved s1 rose she was so sassy and spunky#in s2 she just becomes......idk theres nothing she just becomes annoying#i used to love tens era as a kid but as ive gotten older the more ive actually gone......ughh cant be arsed to watch#and thats because its just....it takes a lot of effort for me to watch ten#and almost every person ive met saying ten is their favorite#doesn't helo at all especially when they say they only watch ten and completely ignore the others#it just makes me so bloody annoyed like if youre gonna watch it WATCH THE OTEHRS TOO AND DONT SKIP NINE#im so sorry for that rant im just so tired of hearing about ten#i just wanna hear people talk about 9#11#12#and 13
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pyrriax · 3 months
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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liathgray · 1 year
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I'm not asking you to spoil YROR, not at all, but do you think it will have a *happy* ending? I only ask because I know that I'm not the best at dealing with stories without knowing that, in the end, things will be some semblance of OK. I absolutely adore the writing, but have been unable to keep up with the recent chapters purely for the sake of-- self-preservation?????? I don't know what else to call it. Anyway, No harm done if it doesn't have a happy ending. That's not required for storytelling at all and it doesn't fit every story-, and I'm not trying to sway you one way or another, just a regular, information-gathering ask, genuinely.
Oh I totally get it, self preservation is a perfectly understandable way to put it. I’ll do my best to explain without giving it all away
(Mild/ thematic spoilers incoming)
Ive had the ending planned since the start, and while there are tragic elements to it, it’s ultimately a good ending. It’s an imperfect ending with a lot of adapting required, but things get better.
The reason its tagged as tragedy is because I am not changing how the future timeline turns out. Those versions of the characters don’t survive. Their tragedy happened before any of this even started and they don’t make it out at the end. Kinda. Its weird.
The present characters on the other hand, they will be okay, though its not without consequence. Everyone pulls through to the end. It’s a bit messy, but they pull through.
I hope this helps, if you want any more clarification I’ll do my best to explain without tooo big of spoilers! Stay safe ❤️❤️
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