#i dont remember writing that in the tags of a post i was probably half asleep

[shockwaifuafterdark]

To the anon who messaged me, thank you very much. It's a little personal so I'm not gonna answer it publicly but I really do appreciate the advice!

[rubyreduji]

omega envy — lc

summary: chan goes into rut while you two are wrestling and you offer to help him out

tags: smut (minors dni!), a/b/o dynamics, alpha!chan, beta!reader warnings: cringe omegaverse, play wrestling, reader is implied smaller than chan, rough play, explicit unprotected sex, oral (f. rec), fingering, (f. rec), breeding kink wc: 3.2k an: i made a post abt writing an a/b/o story months ago and i told mika i’d write one for her so mika this is for you (tbh i dont even know if ur still interested in this/remember but shhh)

Chan’s restless as you two sit on the couch, attempting to watch a movie that he picked out. You reach over for the remote and pause the movie before turning to Chan.

“What is your problem?”

He stops fidgeting and turns to you, caught off guard. His eyes are wide and he looks like a puppy. “What?”

“Sit still,” you tell him. “You’ve been jittery for the past hour.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he mutters. He turns away from you, pretending like he’s watching the movie again, but you can still see the way his fingers tap against his thighs and the slight bounce of his leg as he taps his heel up and down.

You’re not too annoyed by it, Chan has always been a restless body, but it seems to be even worse than usual. You think about what the other pack alphas would do if they were here right now. Mingyu and Cheol are pretty restless too and they often like to go to the gym to release some tension. You can’t exactly just drag Chan to the gym right now, but you can think of a couple other ways to get his jitters out.

You smirk to yourself before launching yourself across the couch at Chan, tackling him against the cushions. He lets out a yelp that quickly turns into a growl. He doesn’t question you, his instincts taking over as he grabs at you, trying to pin you back.

This is your favorite part about being a beta. The ability to blend well with both the alphas and omegas while still being your own thing. You can cuddle with the pack omegas while they’re in pre-heat or you can wrestle with the alpha when they get too rowdy.

Chan quickly flips you two around, so your back is against the couch as he hovers over you. You’re held down for only a second before you roll both of your bodies off the couch and onto the floor. You know that it’s probably a bit childish to be rolling on the floor, play fighting like you’re still pups, but it’s clear Chan needs this and you don’t mind indulging in some fun every once in a while. 

You can sense Chan’s scent getting thicker as he doubles his efforts, doing his best to overpower you. You’ve always liked the youngest alpha’s scent, a mix of spices like they’re being mortar and pestled right next to you. That’s one thing you’ve always been jealous of being a beta. You like not having to go through a heat or be so controlled by your instincts, but you always wished you had a strong scent. That your pack could better sense your emotions without having to say a word. Chan has always sworn you do have a scent, but you know it’s nothing like the one he has.

You’re not sure how but someone you and Chan are now completely on the other side of the room from the couch. Chan’s got his arms wrapped around your waist as you push at his head, your knee pushing against his stomach to get him off you.

Chan just barely loosens his grip on you, and you take the opportunity to pull yourself free, standing up quickly to regain some composure. Chan scrambles to his feet as well and you’re quickly throwing yourself at him again.

It’s clear that Chan is stronger than you, not only due to his size but also his orientation. That’s not going to stop you from trying to overtake him. You jump on his back, wrapping your legs around his waist as you hook your elbow around his neck, half choking him. Chan claws at your arm, trying to throw you off.

You’re stubborn though and only budge when Chan slams his back down onto the couch, crushing his weight on top of you. You dig your heels into his stomach and Chan squirms in your grip. You both eventually let up and Chan quickly spins his body around so he’s on top of you again. You reach up to grab him but his reflexes are quicker, slapping your hands out of the way so he can pin your shoulders down against the couch, the weight of his body heavy on top of your hips. You wiggle your hips though, trying to buck him off. You reach up and jab at his sides, forcing him to fall back off you.

You try to get up to try and push Chan down, but he gets the upper hand once more. He picks you up only to throw you back down onto the couch. You grab at him, pulling him closer, ready to throw both of you off the couch like you did earlier. Chan doesn’t allow though, holding you down so you can’t move at all. He stares down at you with a fire in his eyes.

And then you feel it. The distinguishable press of something hard against your thigh. Chan lets out a low groan and his hips rut forwards against your thigh even more, his strong scent suffocating your nostrils and throat.

“C-chan,” you gasp out. This seems to wake the boy up from the daze he was in and he quickly reels back from you, falling off the couch and onto the floor.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, his face quickly turning red. “I-”

You wrinkle your nose up at the way his scent turns sour, yet still tinged with arousal. You stare down at him on the floor, allowing your eyes to flick down to his crotch for only a second. His sweatpants protrude out, his hardened cock lying beneath the fabric.

You sniff the air once more, your mouth forming a small ‘O’ shape. “Are you…in pre-rut?”

Chan whimpers a bit, looking away from your piercing gaze. “I don’t know. I thought I still had another two weeks, but you know how irregular it can be for me. I- maybe you should go.”

“Are you sure?” You find yourself asking. You’ve never been a rut partner for anyone in your pack before. You’ve helped some of the omegas out before, but never an alpha. Not that you’d be opposed, especially if it was Chan.

“I mean, I think you’re right so like, it would be best if you weren’t here when I you know…succumb to the urges.” Chan shifts where he’s sitting, his hips lifting off the floor for a moment, exaggerating his bulge. You can see how he’s twitching to shove his hands down his pants.

“And what if I want to be here when you ‘succumb to the urges’?”

“Wh-what?” The sour scent in Chan’s smell fully disperses, the smell of his arousal increasing tenfold.

“Let me help you Channie,” you tell him softly, sinking to the floor next to him. “I know I’m not an omega, but betas can still be great rut partners. You can tell me fuck off you really want me to, but I know it will feel better if I’m here. I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.”

“Shut up,” Chan grits out.

You’re a bit taken back. “Excuse me?”

“I said, shut up. If you keep talking like that I’m gonna fucking mount you.”

“And what if I want you to?”

That’s all it takes for Chan’s resolve to break. He lunges at you, pushing you so you fall back onto the floor. Chan climbs over you so his body covers yours. His nose is at your neck, biting and licking and sniffing all over.

Chan whines. “You smell so good, jagiya.” His hands grip your hips, holding you down.

The feeling of Chan’s mouth all over your bare skin as you wriggle under him, your panties quickly dampening.

As much as you love being a beta, when you presented you had one mortifying thought that you’ve never shared with anyone. You hated that you didn’t present as an omega, because that meant you weren’t able to mate with Chan. You get embarrassed whenever you think about that thought, but it comes to your mind again now as Chan ravages you. If only younger you could see you now.

Chan paws at your shirt, desperate to reveal even more skin. You help put him out of his misery, tugging the article of clothing over your head. Automatically Chan’s mouth lowers, licking over your chest, kissing right above your breasts.

“I’ve wanted you for so long,” Chan mutters, barely lifting his mouth off of you. “You don’t even know.”

“But I’m not-”

“An omega? I don’t care. You’re you and that’s all I need.”

Fuck. Chan’s words send goosebumps down your arms. God, you need him horrendously.

“Bedroom,” is all you can choke out. Chan picks you up and throws you over his shoulder before carrying you to his bedroom. He throws you onto the bed before shucking his own shirt off.

You’ve seen Chan shirtless plenty of times, but you’ll never not drool a little when you see his nicely formed torso. He’s got the typical alpha physique with a thick chest and rows of abs to spare.

“I’m going to fucking destroy you,” Chan growls, low and primal, making the obsessive need for Lee Chan grow under your skin. Despite your hesitations when you first presented, you’re glad you’re a beta, because if you were an omega you’d have fully soaked your panties and your shorts with slick by now.

Chan pushes his pants down his legs as well and you follow suit, leaving you both in nothing but your underwear. You can see the way Chan takes shallow breaths as he stares at your body, laid out and vulnerable for him.

Chan knocks himself out of his stupor and he descends on you, attacking you with his mouth. His tongue laves over your collarbones and his fingers dig into your hips. His scent is thick in the air as he works himself up more and more, getting closer to hitting his rut.

You feel Chan’s hands push up your torso and dip under your bra, pushing it up your chest to expose your breasts. Chan doesn’t hesitate to get to work, his fingers kneading at your boob, rubbing your sensitive nipple, while his mouth attaches to the other one. It reminds you of a hungry dog, though you guess that’s exactly what he is.

The alpha’s hips are positioned right over yours and you can feel his cock bump up against your clit. You’re sure he can feel your wetness through the thin layers of both of your underwear and you push your hips up a bit to get more friction. Thankfully Chan takes the hint and he trails his hand downward, shoving his hand into your panties to connect his fingertips to your clit. He rubs at it roughly and you throw your head back with a gasp as the pressure starts to satisfy the ache in your core.

“You smell so good,” Chan growls, his voice deep and thick. “Even without my hands on your cunt, I can smell how wet you are.”

Chan moves down the bed, so he’s in between your legs. He hooks his fingers in the waistband of your panties and strips them down your legs. You go to close your legs, embarrassed at being so exposed, and not enjoying the sudden chill of the air hitting your bare pussy, but Chan is quick to grip your thighs and pry your legs open once more.

The boy groans at the sight of your bare pussy exposed to him. “Baby,” he mumbles, “I need to taste you.” He grabs you by the ankles, pulling you closer to him so he can line his face right up to your cunt.

“Wait, wait,” you tell him. “Don’t focus on me, you’re the one in rut.”

“Not yet,” he says. “So let me have this.” With that he dives right in, his tongue licking a thick stripe right through your folds. You gasp, quickly clenching your thighs down around Chan’s head. This just makes Chan bury his head further between your legs, his lips wrapping around your clit. He sucks at the bud harshly, sending jolts of pleasure down your spine.

His mouth is messy against your cunt, kissing and licking and sucking wherever he can. You can hear the soft growls he emits from his throat, the sound getting more aggressive the more he licks at your pussy. Your body is already buzzing with pleasure and all you can do is whine as he pushes your legs apart further, feeding his fingers into your dripping entrance.

You can’t help but throw your head back, moans flowing freely from your mouth as Chan’s finger pushes deeper and deeper into you. 

“Ch-chan!” You gasp as he brushes up against your g-spot. Your hand flies to the bed, gripping the sheets tightly as you lock your legs around his back. 

The smell of arousal in the room increases, overtaking your senses and driving your mind further away from coherency. As Chan prolongs his time between your legs, you can feel his rut creeping closer. You know he feels it too, by the way he starts to get more restless, his hips rutting down against the mattress.

“Can’t take it any longer,” Chan grumbles as he finally pulls his head up from your legs. His face is slick with your arousal and there’s a dark look in his eyes. “Need to fuck your cunt.”

Suddenly Chan’s scent changes, completely overtaken by lust. You gasp as Chan shoves his boxers down his legs, his leaking cock releasing from the confines. It’s huge, larger than you were expecting, and you don’t have time to warn Chan to be careful because he’s lining himself up and pushing his tip in.

Unlike any normal omega, you’re not made to take alphas in rut, but Chan isn’t thinking clearly anymore and continues to push into you, ignoring the tight fit and doing his best to put it all in. 

“Open up, baby,” Chan growls. “Let your alpha fuck you.” His thumb rubs at your clit mercilessly and you gasp and whine, doing your best to relax for his cock. Finally Chan is able to bottom out and he lets out a low groan at the feeling.

The alpha barely lets you adjust though, pull his hips back only to slam them back in. Your body is jostled at the sheer force of his thrust and this seems to entertain Chan, as he does it again and again, slamming into your cunt.

The feeling of his alpha cock inside of you has your mind reeling. You’ve never felt anything like it before and you need more, you want him to fill you up as much as he can, knotting you like you’re his omega.

“You’re so tight,” Chan says. “Pretty little beta pussy taking my alpha cock so nicely.”

The pace of Chan’s hips contrast his speech, like they have a mind of their own. His grip on your hips is tight, pinning you down to the bed so you stay in place for him to fuck into. You already feel so close to your orgasm, but you know Chan is only just starting, and even if he does cum, he’ll be insatiable for a while. 

“A-alpha!” You squeal, your fingers digging into Chan’s back. You’re sure his whole back will end all scratched up, but you don’t think Chan will care too much.

Chan leans down, pressing his mouth all over your bare skin. His lips and teeth clash against your shoulder and chest as he nips and sucks all over, marking up your skin. He lets out soft whines as he does this and you run your hands through his hair, petting him like the pup he is.

The alpha’s mind is completely gone now, his only thoughts now being on his growing knot. For the first time in years you start to wish you were an omega, once again. You wonder how it would feel to get lost in pleasure the way they do, going dumb at the feel of an alpha’s cock filling them up. Just the thought of an alpha and omega mating, nothing in their minds but each other, you can’t help but yearn for that feeling.

Almost as if Chan can sense your thoughts, he nudges his nose right into your neck. You can feel his nostrils brush up against your scent gland as he whines into your neck. “You smell so good. Fuck baby, you’re so perfect for me. You know that? Fuck my pretty, perfect beta. Just for me.” Chan grabs your legs, hiking them up around his waist so he can fuck into you at a new angle. “Gonna breed your little cunt. Fill you up with my pups and get you so round and pregnant.”

“C-chan!” You gasp at his words. Your pussy betrays your mind though, clenching at the thought of being bred by Chan.

“See baby, you want it, you need it. And I need to give it to you. You’ll let me, right baby? You’ll let me give you all my pups?” Chan’s mouth strays dangerously close to your scent gland, his teeth teasing the spot.

You can barely think about his words, your mind only on the mating bite you wish he could give you. You know it won’t do much, not in the way it would with an omega, but god do you want it nonetheless. You’re not like Chan, you’re completely in the right headspace, not overtaken by your hormones, but you still want it. You want his bite and his pups and to be his. His beta.

“Fu-fuck, yes!” You cry out. “Breed me, please. Give me your knot.”

Like Chan was holding off until your word, Chan grips your hips tightly and pulls his hips back until he’s nearly pulled out, and with one fell swoop he thrusts his cock back into you, shoving his knot into you as he does. As soon as your cunt clenches down around his knot he’s milking himself into you, his cock twitching as you feel yourself fill up to the brim with his cum.

“Good girl, so fucking good,” Chan mumbles against your skin as his body sinks down against yours. He’ll be satisfied for now, but you’re sure he’ll need a few more rounds until his rut is completely ebbed away. “My pretty beta.”

“Channie,” you say, lifting his head up in your hands. Chan gets what you want and leans forward to kiss you, letting your lips slide together as he deepens the kiss.

When you two pull away Chan rests his head on your shoulder. His mind should be clearing up for the time being, at least until the next wave hits. “Thanks for your help.”

“Of course. I know I’m not-”

“Shhh, don’t. I don’t care if you're not an omega. You’re even better than one, okay? Because you’re you. My beta.”

You flush at the term. You’re not sure if it's still his rut brain talking, but from the way he’s nuzzling his nose right into your scent gland, you doubt it is. You want to talk about it with Chan, but you’re still stuck on his knot and you will be for the next day or so until he’s in his post-rut.

You’re not worried though, because from what you can tell, being Chan’s beta is way better than being any regular omega. 

taglist (rip sorry of yall aren't into a/b/o lol): @ckline35 @toruro @jeanjacketjesus @namjoonbaby @n4mj00nvq @lovelyhan @ovai @scorpiobitch88 @im-gemmy @lllucere @tulipgarland4 @embrace-themagic @sulkygyu @leejihoonownsmyheart @synthetickitsune @yeosayang @miraclewoozi @d0nghyck @soonhoonietrash @violetvoo @yongi-lee @spilled-coffee-cup @morklee02 @17kwans @candidupped @ressonancee @m1nghaos @1-800-jeonwonwoo @anothershorthuman @chwecardcaptor @jwnghyuns @flwrshwa @valentxi @heavenly-mobo @pandorashbox @enhacolor @starlight-night0 @todorokiskitten @miriamxsworld @just-here-to-read-01 @sunnyteume @debsworld23 @seuomo @tinkerbell460 @feat-sun @blxckswxnxge @erwins-left-tittie @dinoissupreme @speaknowlwt

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[sunwarmed-ash]

WIP Thursday/[Sinful Sunday post??]

hey so im gonna be taking time off writing for another job all next week so I'm posting this so you have something to read. DONT WORRY Sinful Sunday will continue, I'll just be busy this sunday and next making that capitalist coin!

This may turn into a fic, it may not. I wrote it right after I finished QAF for the 36th time.

Tags: Angsty steddiegrove, sex work, HIV+ character, violence

"Where do you go at night?"

Steve and Eddie are lying on Steve’s bed smoking weed when Steve asks the question that will inevitably change the course of their relationship, their future, forever. 

"What," Eddie asks, trying and failing for aloof. He thought he had been so careful. 

“You sneak out, every night. Where do you go, when you leave?"

Lying is the only probable next course of action. If he wants to keep Steve in his life that is. The truth will sever everything they once had. 

“Dealing doesn’t exactly fit a normal 9-5," Eddie says. It’s a half-lie. 

"You were selling drugs in Lafayette at 3 in the morning? Do you think I’m stupid," Steve snaps.

Eddie’s entire body flashes hot with the amount of detail in that accusation.  

"What? No! Wait, how did you- hang on, have you been spying on me?"

"Answer the question Eddie!"

Eddie feels cornered, and that’s never a good place for him to be. Because when he feels trapped, he lies, and he can’t stop. He will say anything to cover his ass, even if its just to survive to see another minute. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you..."

Steve scoffs at Eddie’s attempt at self ownership. 

"Why can’t you tell me, Eddie? I mean, after everything we’ve been through!”

Eddie bites into his tongue. He wishes it was that easy. God, does he wish it could be that simple...  

“i can't, not with everything baby. I'm sorry.” 

“Why not?” Steve demands and now he’s angry. His eyes are lined with tears and Eddie can feel the beginning of the end coming like an approaching storm. 

“Because you won't love me anymore.” 

It’s the truth. And Eddie hates to even hear the words out loud. Because its gonna hurt so bad to hear it twice. From Steve’s lips. The soundbite will live with him for eternity. 

“Isn't that for me to decide,” Steve objects. 

“You've already decided.” 

Eddie remembers the shit Harrington pulled on Wheeler when she hurt his frail male ego by just existing in the same space as another man. He remembers the hateful way Steve spits the word ‘whore’ because he associates it with his father and all of his sins. It’s how everyone says the word. Like its poison in their mouth. 

Slut. Hooker. Whore. But that's what Eddie is. Until he can find something that pays better. Because he has to eat. He and Wayne won’t survive an Indiana winter without heat. And after Eddie was banished and then half-heartedly rewelcome into a unstable healing community, no one in Hawkins treats him the same. Weed sales have dried up. No one wants to hire him for any job. Not even the mechanic shop down the street that is desperately understaffed and Eddie is overqualified for. So what the hell else is he supposed to do? Wayne just turned 68. He shouldn’t need to work 12 hour shifts just to barely support the kid he didn't ask for in the first place. Eddie never should have been his burden. So this is Eddie’s way of giving back. Pulling his own weight so he didn't feel so much like a goddamn freeloader all the time. But could Steve understand that? Steve wasn’t stupid, but he also wasn’t, lets say as morally flexible as some other people.

"I can't- do this Eddie... If you’re going to lie to me." Steve says and one look into his eyes and Eddie feels what's left of the tie between them sever. 

"I'm not lying," He insists but its a half truth at best. 

"You're not telling me everything, that counts," Steve all but shouts. 

"You don't tell me everything."

He referring to whatever the hell went on between Hargrove and him two years ago. Eddie and Steve arent the only people different after an apocalypse. Their previous heated rivalry has all but burned out. So has Hargroves own personal brand of anger. They move around each other like chess pieces, always conscious of the others movement to limit interactions at school. But after school? Eddie’s seen Billy’s camero parked at Harrington’s more than it's parked in the trailer park. 

"That's different Eddie,” Steve huffs, scoffs as he pushes his hair back. “and you know it."

"How, how is it different Steve?" Eddie’s never brought it up before tonight. Eddie’s never been one for exclusivity, why the hell should he expect Steve to be?

"It doesn't involve you, or us. This does."

"Right,” Eddie scoffs, “Well, for argument's sake, it is safer for you not to know. For both of us."

Steve is silent for three beats too long.

Here it comes. 

Eddie can’t look at him. His face goes numb before the words can hit his ears. 

"Then you have my answer Eddie.”

It still hits him like a slap in the face. Steve’s done with him. And it hurts so much more than he anticipated it would. 

Eddie knew it was only a matter of time. He knew what Steve wanted in the end, and it was still someone more like Wheeler. A sweetheart. A family. Nothing Eddie can guarantee. Eddie doesn’t have much to say in his defense. So he doesn’t. 

"I'm sorry Eddie,” Steve, obviously uncomfortable in the silence, speaks again. “This is just, too much for me right now.”

"Okay,” comes out of Eddie’s numb mouth, even if it's the complete opposite. 

Eddie knew a clean break now would eventually be better than enduring their relationship fizzling out slowly. But it doesn't mean the inevitable failure of one more relationship doesn't hurt.

-two months later-

“Munson?”

Eddie blinks, of all the people to find him, here, he didn't think it would be Californian transplant, and fellow trailer trash bad boy Billy Hargrove from Hawkins. He just wants to disappear into the pavement. 

Eddie’s feet move to sprint, but Billy’s lighting reflexes catch him before he can. 

“Where the hell are you going now, Eddie?”

Eddie rips away from him. He hates the way his name sounds out loud. He hadn’t felt like ‘Eddie’ in weeks. He’s barely felt like anything. More like Nothing and no one. A nameless face in a sea of sex workers, businessmen, and bar patrons that he cycled through every day. 

“It’s none of your damn business,” Eddie spits, though it doesn't have much venom. He doesn't have the energy. He's sick, he’s cold, and he’s so fucking tired. He still has two more clients he can’t blow off tonight if he wants to have a prayer at ever getting unburied under his last hospital bill. Billy Hargrove and Hawkins and all that past shit is his lowest priority.  

“People are worried man,” Billy says, stopping Eddie from taking more than a step away. “Wayne especially. Don't you give a shit about him?”

Now Eddie is pissed, because who the fuck did Billy Hargrove think he was, telling him about what he should do? Talking to him about Wayne. As if he understood a goddamn thing about their lives! His anger flairs up his cough that only aggravates the pneumonia-scarred tissue and then Eddie’s coughing so hard it nearly knocks him over. 

When Billy moves close to ‘help’ Eddie slaps him off. 

“Everything I’m doing is for him! You don’t fucking know shit, Billy! How could you, you're just a kid!”

And while Billy was 17 and Eddie was 6 months into his 23rd lap around the earth, he felt so much older. His tragic sequence of life events had aged him decades. He’d be lucky to make it to 24 at this rate. 

Billy watches him curiously, putting together pieces Eddie doesnt mean him to. 

“Why did you take off Eddie?” 

“Why do you care?” Eddie doesn’t really think it's concern he sees in Billy's features. 

“Wayne doesn't have anyone else. You scared the shit out of him when you left.”

“Oh and what, you two are bffs now,” Eddie asks bitterly. 

Billy shrugged. 

“We've been spending a lot of time together, yeah.”

Eddie scoffs wetly. Fantastic. Now even Wayne has his own Eddie replacement. A better, nicer son. If Wayne didn’t need him anymore, well, he didn’t have any more ties back to Hawkins. He should be relieved, but instead he just feels empty. Forgotten. Unwanted. Billy had said people missed him, but the only name he offered up was Wayne’s.  

Eddie sniffs up the tears threatening to spill and reaches into his jacket. He takes out the seven hundred dollars and change he’s managed to squirrel away after his last AZT prescription refill and holds it out to Billy. 

“What is this?” Billy looks at the wad like its poisoned, and well, he's not entirely wrong, it's certainly dirty money. But its still green. And that’s all the world runs on. And speaking of money, the man he was currently scheduled to suck off is honking at him from across the parking lot, eyeing Billy with violent intent. Eddie needed to move quick before this escalated. 

“I’m not coming back. T-To Hawkins, I mean. I can’t, so I need you to give this to Wayne for me. Can I trust you to get it to him?”

Billy finally takes the money, counts it, and then his jaw drops. 

“There’s over seven hundred dollars here Eddie.”

“I know,” Eddie sighs dejectedly. “It should have been more but,” but you got stupid and believed some pretty, coked-up twink instead of following your gut. And now you get to live with the weight of that decision, forever… “It doesn’t matter. Just, please make sure he gets it. It should cover the next few payments on the trailer.”

Billy looks at him for a long time. 

“What the hell have you been doing Munson?”

Eddie scoffs before the car horn across the street blares loud, startling him right out of his skin. 

“Nothing you want to know about. Just please make sure he gets it, and knows, I’m sorry. For all of it.”

Billy’s eyes lower suspiciously. 

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Eddie shrugs.

“Because it has to be.” Eddie can’t feel anything below his neck anymore. The honk is starting up again. He’s really pushing his luck now. 

“Eddie, come on,” Hargrove begs and why does it sound like he’s actually pleading? Billy’s never had a nice word to say to him or Steve. And now he’s gone for what, a few weeks, and his enemy wants to become best friends? He doesn’t understand this plotline. He’s ready to get out of it. 

“I’m gotta go, Billy. Please, look out for Wayne.”

Eddie leaves the very next minute and sprints across the street, just narrowly avoiding being hit by the semi that blasts his horn.

[hermesgoestojuvie]

do you have any permes hcs or fic ideas?

oh anon u have no idea what you've unleashed. the permes fic ideas are all i have some days, alas, im not that accomplished at the whole idea to words transition as i wish i was. i'll go into a few more concrete ones under the read more

Quick note: So like. All the things I plan to write happen when he’s 18+. and there's no sibling or parent incest. (bringing that up cause i got an. interesting dm once.) So this is just a quick disclaimer of sorts. And I’m not hating on anyone who wants to write or read something dark! I mean for instance I have a time travel Percy/Hermes brainworm that is considered dark and probably not what a lot of people want to read, so i'll tag it as such.

The One Where There is a War

Explained a little more in detail here but I have no problem talking a little about it again. It was inspired by this one perpollo fic that I'm still looking for so I can link it, bc trust me, it is GOOD. (edit: FOUND IT!!!! HERE it’s by @ghost-bxrd)The premise of that fic was a war between the gods and demigods, and my fic is meant to draw from that as well as some elements from Lore by Alexandra Bracken. It takes place post-second Giant war, but I'm toying with the idea of having the war and all related events, like gaea's rising, happen when percy is maybe 19-20? I'm not sure yet though. I might keep the timeline as is instead. For now, just know that it is post-second giant war.

Anyways, the premise is the new war the demigods have waged on the gods, when Percy, already a conflicted party to the war, comes across an injured Hermes when he is separated from his group of scouts.

2. Warning: Untitled For Now But It Is The Dark!Hermes One

you ever read child surprise by aphroditesfavorite or the breezeblocks series by violetmoreviolent?

Both are perpollo, and while I've not caught up to child surprise (i'm two chapters in, its been in my marked for later for a while, and ive had the tab open for ages, i just keep getting distracted lol) i know that it does deal with a time-travel trope, with percy, post-second giant and titan wars, waking up in the past, the day athena and poseidon compete over athens.

from what i hear, where child surprise is perpollo, there is a dark, forcecful hermes scene, which is absolutely not meant to be shippy btw! i heard from a friend who has gotten farther than me that the aphroditesfavorite has also stated that the shippy comments received about that hermes scene has made them uncomfortable so like, dont go reading it for that guys please.

breezeblocks meanwhile has a take on dark!apollo, a more ancient apollo, in a way. an apollo that you remember IS an olympian and all that may entail. i actually have caught up with the latest updates, and it takes place in the present. i dont want to go spoiling, but I will say that like, the way its all unraveling and unfolding is just so interesting, im high key invested.

@ashilrak and @mrthology have also written an absolutely heartbreaking, gutwrenching, exceptionally glorious banger of a fic, HAUNT ME, THEN- that also really captures the otherness and ancient, almost older, aspect of the olympians.

anyways, the reason i bring these fics up is because i just really love the idea that percy was born from the sea, while also acknowledging that one of my favorite parts of the whole book series in the first place is percy's connection to mortality and to his mother. reading child surprise really was root of a lot of ideas of percy emerging from the saltwater fountain in athens at the time of poseidon and athena's competition, with the idea that the trip to the past coincides with unwanted percy's ascension. it is not the birth of percy jackson the demigod, but in half, percy jackson the deity (the other half near coming to fruition in tartarus before he forced himself to stop.)

all that^ was just a very long way to say, this fic, im not sure WHAT it is yet, or where the direction its going in is, but we have established permes in the modern era, the time slipping happens when percy is struggling with keeping his impending ascension at bay, and then percy deals with a hermes at his like. prime? if thats the word. having to reconcile that with the softer versions they know later.

3. The One I've Been Struggling With

i'm just gonna copy/paste some stuff from my outline, like just the first two pages. this is the most concrete fic wip i have lmao. its all very rambly bc thats how the process goes for me so sorry abt that! anyways, starts below:-

an au that is not modern times, but perhaps in the past? Ancient Greek times? So more “ancient greek minded hermes.” Or if you think there is a better alternative, that would work too, I’m all ears. Trickster god Hermes (which he is) and minor immortal(?) Percy.

i dont know what percy's situation is yet. need to figure that out

i was looking at a comic and thought, trickster god Hermes would definitely pull something like this on Percy. And then I thought, what if, trickster god Hermes, sees this one man (Percy) and falls in love with him. But this man seems to pine for a woman who doesn’t love him back, and so Hermes takes her shape. (I don’t know who this woman would be. Annabeth? It could be her, but I also love the bond Percy and Annabath have in general, she and him are incredible friends. Rachel? I loved her friendship with Percy too.)

Anyways, Hermes taking their shape made me laugh a bit because wow Percy is getting catfished by a god. And then I was like WHAT IF- Percy himself is a minor immortal like. A young nymph-ish type. A prince of Atlantis? A demigod turned prince of Atlantis? I am not sure what he is, but, I am going to use nymph as a placeholder until I figure this out. 

So sure, Percy is immortal, newly or otherwise, but he’s young and still not fully like, aware (I don’t know if that's the right word) about what it means to be immortal because he literally was born 20 years ago, which is normal mortal young man age. And Percy is like, “I’m as old as them and I want to live as them. I was them.”

His father is protective of course, he is aware of the way of the gods and how they chase pretty people. Poseidon warned him about gods, how they come and go, how he should never fall for one because loving one usually ends in tragedy or heartbreak- that to them hearts are easily won by tricks and discarded as easily. (Thinking again: mortal Percy turned immortal by marrying/mating with Hermes? Except, then I thought, Poseidon wants Percy to be immortal–if he thought Hermes showing interest and Percy reciprocating would allow for Percy to choose to be immortal he would probably begrudgingly allow it. So then….immortal Percy? Need to think)

The big Hermes reveal is when Percy is attacked or injured, or some other god shows up, and Hermes saves him but reveals his true form in the process. 

BACK TO THE PLOT!!!

Hermes was like, I will have this nymph, and that is FINAL. And Percy is kind even though he is not necessarily always NICE, (it may be ancient greek but new yorker percy is timeless) he's sweet and cares so much. he’s a hero and so loyal. he's brave and mischievous and genuinely good, and Hermes is just. Blown away, by the way Percy loves, so deep and it consumes you, to be the one Percy cares for, Hermes thinks there is no feeling like it.

Hermes tells himself that Percy can't possibly be deserving of mortal love. So what if golden haired Annabeth (placeholder for now, still dont know if we're going the annabeth route?) is a warrior who can run like the deer and loves the very woods Percy does. No, he needs a god's adoration, a force to be reckoned with at his beck and call to fulfill his every whim the way Percy himself makes others feel. If people would be loved the way Percy loves, everyone would be a god. 

I am laughing at Hermes taking the shape of Annabeth while talking to Percy, but also using the moment to talk up Hermes. Like if Percy is in his starry eyed about Annabeth phase, Annabeth wanting to have a sit down would be so exciting for him, and Hermes as Annabeth would be petty enough to be like lemme proselytize about myself, “have you heard of the great wonderful god Hermes?”

Percy being like, “Yeah my dad tells me every day, stay away from these people and then gives me a list of gods, why?”

Hermes immediately pissy

Percy is still talking, “so yeah Hermes is on the list too- why, Annabeth? Did something happen? you look...not well. Are you sick?”

Hermes, through gritted teeth, “with all due respect to... your father, I think you should hear about the god Hermes because he's not... whatever it is your dad said.”

Percy: Well, apparently the god Hermes fixates on pretty people and tries to get into their pants using trickery.

Hermes as Annabeth: CHOKES

Hermes-Annabeth: THAT IS SUCH SLANDER. I have never.... ahem, i have never heard of that about the god Hermes

^That was the first two pages. there's 11 more of me realizing writing is hard and i have commitment issues. but hopefully i finish at some point bc this is the fic ive poured some serious time in!

anyways, that was the three main fic ideas ive been tackling. i have had more that i immediately forget about, but just know, i can think about them all day!

[trevisos]

OC meme!

tagged by @aliasknives!! thank you love :3

tagging @menzoberranzans @elminsters @tadpole-apocalypse @undead-potatoes and anyone else who wants to do it :3c

B A S I C S

Full name: xarrai. just xarrai lol. they’ve never once used their last name and so that gave me an excuse to never make one up for them :)

Gender: sure. whatever. (transfem flavor)

Sexuality: bi/pan/who cares

Pronouns: any

O T H E R

Family: they don’t remember if they ever met their father or not, and while their mother and at least two half siblings live in neverwinter, they don’t speak at all

Birthplace: the outer city, somewhere between wyrm’s crossing and the basilisk gate

Job: bard, courtesan, information broker, pickpocket, con artist, professional drunkard, etc etc etc. post-game, they add adventurer and (reluctantly) bard college instructor. (jury is still out on if the xarrastarion harper ending is canon in which case they add harper to the list even more reluctantly LOL)

Phobias: loss of autonomy, The Church Of Bane As A Whole lol

Guilty pleasures: if you asked, xarrai would tell you they’re a true hedonist and would never feel guilty for any pleasure. but if you dig deep enough into the trunk they had stashed at the elfsong you will find a collection of some of the worst romance novels in faerun buried under fancy dresses and thigh high boots that they would VEHEMENTLY deny is theirs. they don’t Like these books but they are obsessed with them the way people hate watch reality television LMAO

Hobbies: reading, leather working, writing (mostly music or poetry), stick n poke tattoos, drunkenly making out with strangers at the blushing mermaid, petty theft. obvs they sing and play their lyre but that’s part of their day job so i’m not sure if it counts under hobbies? lmao

M O R A L S

Alignment: chaotic neutral, leaning a littleeee chaotic good by the end of act 3. a little.

Sins: most of them if we’re being fully honest. lmao

Virtues: self-control, vigilance, freedom (is that a virtue? whatever.)

T H I S O R T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert

Organized / Disorganized

Close-minded / Open-minded

Calm / Anxious / Restless

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between

Cautious / Reckless / In between

Patient / Impatient / In between

Outspoken / Reserved / In between

Leader / Follower / Flexible

Empathetic / Unempathetic / In between

Optimist / Pessimist / Realist

Traditional / Modern / In between

Hard-working / Lazy

this section was such a challenge for xar they r very much an Everything All At Once guy lol. take these answers with a grain of salt ig

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

OTP: astarion, unfortunately for everyone involved

Acceptable Ships: gale (but it never really works out for them,) technically they romance halsin in game as well but it’s not really romantic. tbh u could make an argument for them with most of the companions and it wouldn’t be That outlandish

OT3: i mean like astarion/xarrai/halsin is vaguely canon but they’re never Serious with halsin, though perhaps they get a little more romantically involved with him post-game? realistically i think xar just keeps a rotating cast of other partners coming in and out of their life until the end of time and i rly dont see astarion ever having an issue with it. they would get bored without hearts to break tbh. its enrichment.

Brotp: karlachhhh forever and ever. after she dies, they’re probably closest with gale (sorry gale lol)

Notp: it’s not technically a notp but i am obsessed with how badly xarrai wants jaheira and how she turns them down every time. ur never gonna get that milf honey but u can keep trying

[victimsofyaoipoll]

alright time to write an essay detailing whatever yaoi has done to my girl nancy wheeler. so like, even when it comes to yaoi shippers nancy has had stonathan, harringrove, AND steddie over four seasons with steddie already having massive popularity + the other shippers, wheras thankfully eleven only has to deal with byler shippers when it comes to the victimization. but not to diminish eleven any more because she has def gone through it in fandom, im going to get into nancy's stuff: you will notice all three ships she supposedly gets in the way of (ignoring jargyle because the shippers are chill in my experience) involve steve harrington, AKA the most popular character if i had to guess and the white boy of the month. see, they were dating at one point in s1 and s2. the breakup was messy. like he kinda was complicit in her slutshaming at one point and didnt let her grieve her dead best friend properly and she ambiguously (as in nobody can fucking decide when the break up was) cheated on him so yeah. messy. mutually. if not more on steve's side given he was a bit of an asshole in s1-2 but gets better. yadda yadda fast forward to harringrove in particular, AKA steve x the guy who attacked a black child and abused his younger sibling (and im not attacking anyone thats just. what happened). basically 90% of them try to convince people nancy is abusive for the two arguments that occurred and is a slut and privileged (never mind steve being probably the most well off member of the main cast + hes a white guy in the 80s) blah blah blah. also ironic they call her abusive OFTEN when billy (one half of harringrove) kinda like threatens his sister max and breaks her things and otherwise abuses her Often. but yeah. they hate her for breaking his heart. they hate her for getting in the wya of their ship possibly. they hate her in general. add that to the general fandom misogyny and suddenly a large number of people are writing essays about how much they hate her and how she's a piece of shit, actually. fast forward to s4 and steddie and a new problem arises: steddie shippers keep flooding her character and ship tags with primarily steddie. so now your options regarding her are mlm ships and mlm shippers shitting on her. also keep in mind there is now more content for half of that ship, a guy who shows up for an hour and dies in the same season, than nancy, a mc. and if you like nancy ships like jancy or ronance, too bad those tags are flooded as well. as in someone did analytics in august for ronance i think and at one point the majority of main pairings in the ronance ao3 tags itself was steddie. either way both ships usually end up as side ships or bait into a steddie centric fic or tumblr post. or nancy ends up third wheeling and getting them together. as a nice bonus (not really) recently steddie shippers have decided that they too hate nancy and have entire posts and common plots (i have seen tumblr ficlets/hc's and people discussing this as a common trope for steddie fics on ao3) about how nancy was a horrible person who damaged steve's self esteem and ability to be in a relationship or something from a break up, as if the relationship wasnt mutually harmful and compounded by nancy's whole dead best and possibly only friend thing. and whoops for ships like ronance that isnt allowed either because steve's friend isn't allowed to interact with his ex despite the fact that said friend literally said he was an ass in the s1-2 timeline. all of this making it impossible to find any positive content without it being interrupted for a character who, if i remember correctly, has almost as much screentime as eleven (and eleven at least has popular fan content and other ships that dont somehow loop around to byler/mike). and whats worse is that while canon doesnt have yaoi victimization it does have heteronormative bullshit in which she is forced into a love triangle with the same guys TWO TIMES. she literally cant win so let her win a poll maybe also sorry this is super fucking long <3

Whoooo Nancy

[thaliatimsh]

1, 5, 7, 19, and 20 for the fanfic ask game!

heehee hoohoo ty!!

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

oh GOD we're talking like. sixteen, seventeen years ago? (reading). i said on the tags of that post the other day like...... I still vividly remember the very first fic i read, which was awful, but also so addictive. i was 13 or 14 at the time smh.

i think i posted my first fic when i was 15? (I just checked my ancient ffnet account and i posted it nearly 15 years ago to the day. christ almighty may god have mercy on my soul)

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

i have SO many peeves and they make a huge difference lmao... i'm picky!!! probably the biggest one is when things are Too American, whether that's like. the language or the setting or whatever.

ACTUALLY my stupidest peeve is established non-canon relationship. im not reading that unless it's an OC specifically created to fuck that guy OR.. like. ok im deranged but the Joy of Shipping for me is finding out how they cross the path from what they had going in canon to whats going on in the ship universe and if you just dump me in the ship universe? fuck off lol

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

This is a good question! my favourite kinds of fics are the ones that are like 15k long. you can get your teeth into them, but they're easy to read in one session that you're probably not going to be interrupted in.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I am in a constant state of edit so by the time the fic is Completed I'm not gonna like. comb over it in detail i just give it a final once-over and hit post. sometimes send it to a friend like "is this in english?" but half of the time i get impatient and post it before my pal wakes up lol

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

uh. being a silly billy :) honestly idk! i like when i get possessed by the Spirit and just have to write to get the Idea out. and i like chatting with my frends about what happen. i dont like when i am Cursed (controversial opinion)

anyway these are the qweshchuns if anyone wishes to know

[cattyanon]

you got any more scrapnic stuff you want to share?

Gkdksgdktlabjdkgiuwvg I really do need to work on some more Scrapnic stuff, huh? I mean I have something but I just wanted to complain real quick about my brain for giving me that Sonic Prime AU idea I mentioned in the tags of that one post. And dont get me wrong! I want to work on that AU! But like now there's this other AU I wanna figure out too, ya know?

Anyways I will take this opportunity to expand upon the relationship between certain characters since I either 1. Only briefly mentioned them 2. Havent mentioned them at all or 3. Have talked about them to some degree and not in depth.

And since you've specifically mentioned Scrapnic, we'll focus on him and, in this specific post, a resident of Scrapnik Island seeing as I've talked about Scrapnic and Tails aplenty. Although before we start I wanna say I was actually considering doing Sigma first since I wanted to make these posts in the order they met... Then I realized I've barely touched on someone you guys (probably) really wanna know about.

So first up we have Scrapnic's view on Mecha Sonic!

Starting with getting something pretty obvious out of the way, it's definitely complicated between them for a while.

First we must take into consideration that the conditions for Sonic's arrival are different than canon. In this case it means it takes more than seeing that Mecha has taken up gardening to warm up to him, although it does help, as fast as in canon.

It starts out, which is also obvious, the way it does in canon with Scrapnic just straight up not trusting him. Whenever he sees Mecha it's very clear to literally everyone that Scrapnic is very skeptical of Mecha's change. When Scrapnic sees Mecha he will regularly glance at him to make sure he's up to no good. I mean sure, he's not attacking him, but who knows what he's up to! He also make sure theres a good distance between them at all times. This is because it would give him more time to react if Mecha were to attack him.

About a week of this goes by when Sigma eventually gets completely fed up with seeing Scrapnic's distrust towards Mecha. In an attempt to get him to warm up he convinces Mecha to let them show Scrapnic the flower. To their delight this actually seems to have helped. Scrapnic no longer starts regularly glancing at him when he sees him. Instead it's only whenever he gets too close for Scrapnic's comfort.

As time goes on Scrapnic starts to accept that Mecha isn't conspiring against again and might truly be good. So eventually, in a show of good faith, he decides to apologize to Mecha and give him an actual chance. He actually let's him get closer than he'd usually allow.

And as a clarification, I dont mean "closer" as his personal space. Just that he'd actually let Mecha stand next to him without scooting away. And as an additional clarification, that was just an example. I can't imagine theres many times they'd actually end up standing next to each other. Oh yeah and before moving on from this specific topic I do wanna mention something extra. Scrapnic gets a little anxiety around Mecha for quite some time, even when he starts officially giving him a chance. It does eventually completely go away though!

Scrapnic actually starts to converse with Mecha and teaches him sign language, as difficult as it might be in Scrapnic's current state.

And before anyone tries to question why he'd need to learn sign language since he speaks in the comics, it's due to an observation I remembered making. I even fact checked before I started writing the explanation below:

For more than the first half of all the issues, Mecha doesn't speak. The first time he does is through Tail's Tablet (aka the Miles Electric). But this is only after Tails had modified it to translate the Sprapniks.

There's a bit more I wanna say about this but I think I'll save it for Mecha's post.

Anyways they do eventually become friends! :D

...which will make it heart wrenching when Mecha malfunctions and reverts to old protocals.

[god-mouths]

11 and 14 for the arrist asks!

11. Favorite comment you’ve ever recieved on your work?

I love every comment on my artwork of course but i think my favorite is one time someone added a piece of mine to a tag on their blog that was like "#all time fave" that one made me really happy!! I also like it when people are like "im looking respectfully" etc! its like yes i have won the lottery in hot ocs. 14. How has your art changed over the years? putting this under a readmore cause its gonna be a bit long

once again, a very good question to ask as I just unearthed some older digital art but up in my room i have a catalogue of all of my work since i was in like the third grade, behold let me show you my wares

mountain of sketch books

secret under bed drawer i'm going to try to do this in the order i THINK the art pieces range in year which will be a little hard since i never write dates on any of my art which is a habit i should get into especially because i like looking back on old art

these few are most probably the oldest telling by the RVB art which has been my most long running interest. the anatomy is really stiff in some places and the faces are all circles, hair taking up half of the face shape and makin' the face all squished together.

these ones the anatomy gets better ish but you can see the start of my weird long neck thing that i started to do. also the clothes are way too wrinkled i didnt know how to draw them yet. this one is the most easily datable since it's bandersnatch fanart and i remember drawing this when bandersnatch first came out in my middle schools gym

here i'm experimenting with anatomy, had the most trouble with arms. face shapes becoming better and faces are less cluttered

here the clothes are less wrinkly, arms are less bad and more connected but i was having trouble doing fullbodies. necks still uncomfortably long

here are some drawings i found that i really enjoy! i really like the anatomy on the first one and that second one is the first ever drawing of bear! I also like the little cross hatching on the face, i should do that more

after that i stopped doing noses for a while because i didnt like them. around the time that homestuck 2 came out in 2016. big gaps in the face, necks still really long

a return to noses soon after! necks still long. noses and the shadows under the face are drawn like that because at the time Jelloapocalypse's Epithet Erased had come out, and it influenced my art style quite a lot! i still do the double-shadow thing for the neck

(sylvie for refrence - i def got the shadows and nose from this art style :])

all of this finally brings us to the first art piece i ever posted here! paul, from tgwdlm! ( i used to post on instagram but i dont anymore/deleted some stuff because i was really weird on there as a middleschooler and i dont want anyone having evidence that hasnt already survived the horrors)

my necks were still really long back then. if i draw any more long awful necks i think i should be killed by firing squad. thank you!

[wilt3d-r0zes]

Remember my post from like half an hour ago yeah i finished the fic

(it’s ba d guys im sorry (not badly written just... just bad)) also btw this is part of my rewrite AU but you dont have to read anything else from it to read this lol

Summary and AO3 link: 

(He’ll never hear Horace again. Never get scolded for messing up a procedure by him again, and never help him figure out parenting because he’s always wanted kids of his own and they were all learning how to have/be a dad together and he’ll never have that again–)

or, I wrote the missing scene of Oliver and Kaz returning to Mighty Med between Mighty Med and Lab Rats: Elite Force because I keep wanting to (I MIGHT write Oliver's meltdown that happens after this later idk) https://archiveofourown.org/works/45477223

Oliver and Kaz hadn’t found Mr. Terror. She’s in the wind, and her hideout they had been tracking her to had been blown to bits by the time they got there. The flight back to Mighty Med lasted maybe fifteen minutes, meaning their entire trip took an hour and a half max.

Which is why when they touched down outside of Mighty Med it was even more of a surprise to see nothing but a half-crumbled building. The Mighty Med logo was proudly on display at the top of it all, and there were superheroes, both dead and alive, strew about. Some were struggling under debris, some were standing, and some were helping others out of it all.

Some weren’t moving at all.

The one that stood out to them most was Skylar, who was digging through the rubble with the most panic they’d ever seen on her. She’d been at school, trying to live a normie life since she didn’t have much hope of ever getting her powers back.

Oliver and Kaz ran over to her, checking on anybody they passed– checking pulses, asking if people were okay, Oliver helped pull the rubble off a couple people too.

When they got to Skylar they realized why she was digging through that one spot. Horace’s name tag was sticking out from under a massive piece of debris that… probably killed him.

“Skylar, what happened?!”

“I don't know!” she’s crying, and it’s one of the first times they’ve ever seen her cry, “I came back from school in time to see the entire hospital collapse!” 

They take a panicked, gasping breath, and step back when Oliver gestures, “I got it, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

They watched him lift the rubble with an ease he shouldn’t be capable of. Underneath was the half caved in face of Horace Diaz.

The broken, half-scream, half-sob that was wrenched out of Skylar was anything but human. It was followed by barely a second of silence before she fell to her knees, one hand covering her face and the other reaching for Horace.

She’s sobbing, guttural, terrifying noises mixed with frantic gasps for air like a drowning victim suddenly coming back to life.

Oliver managed to drop the rock behind them, and stay around for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and muttered, “I’m gonna go help the others,” and ran from the scene, like he was gonna throw up if he stayed any longer.

(He might’ve, the sight was one more gruesome than they’d ever seen. His jaw was shoved back into his throat, blood and gore painting the entire scene and the rocks around him red. The right half of his skull was completely collapsed, bits and pieces of brain scattered to the right)

Kaz might throw up, but he can’t… move.

While Skylar’s reaction was visceral, deep, pained screaming, Kaz feels like he’s been disconnected.

Like his emotions shut off at the sight of a father figure just… being gone. 

Again.

(He’ll never hear Horace again. Never get scolded for messing up a procedure by him again, and never help him figure out parenting because he’s always wanted kids of his own and they were all learning how to have/be a dad together and he’ll never have that again–)

It? Hurts?

He’s not sure. 

Everything feels far away, he feels lost. Like someone kicked him into space and he’s just aimlessly floating. His thoughts have screeched to a stop for what might be the first time in his life. 

He’s confused.

Why did this happen?

He thinks someone might be touching him, but he doesn’t think he can focus on the real world when Horace’s body is right in front of him covered in blood and–

Skylar stopped screaming at some point, and it’s just enough to have him refocus on the world in worry. Enough to just barely process that she’s standing in front of him, alien pink snot and tears smeared on her face. Her too-big, unnaturally pink eyes are bloodshot, but her lips are moving.

What’s she saying?

He’s scared now, because he can’t understand her

He knows she’s speaking English but he can’t understand her, what’s going on? Why does it hurt? Horace is dead.

“Kaz!” 

He thinks he’s fallen. There’s a sharp pain in his leg, he must’ve hit a corner when he landed.

(When did he fall?)

“Oliver!” Skylar screams, unable to grab Kaz before he goes down to his knees. His pant leg rips loudly when it and his leg catches on the corner of a piece of the wall. He’s not responding, but he’s crying.

Face entirely blank, hands twitching. There were sparks around him, and that’s what brought Skylar out of her own misery. Something sparked and it popped against her skin and dragged her back to see Kaz.

Xe tried to get his attention, to no avail. He moved enough to look at her at one point, and for half a second his brows drew together in confusion before his glazed eyes dragged back to Horace’s body (his body, his body).

Then he was falling, and he’s still not responding.

Oliver is by her side in an instant, climbing over a still-half-intact wall to get to her from where he was unburying the body of Solar Flare, “What’s wrong?”

“He’s not responding!” xe shouts, and xe’s crying again, eyes burning in reaction to the kyiers pouring out of them.

“Kaz?” Oliver crouches down, grabbing Kaz’s other hand (Skylar had one of them, squeezing it in a pattern he’s only seen her use when scared or hurt), “Kaz, can you hear me?”

Nothing.

Oliver knows their powers are still out of whack because they’re suddenly filled with a cold panic that radiates out from their chest. Ice crackles as it forms across their clothes, assisted by the mid-march chill. 

They try to keep it from their hands, but when they feel cold water drip off their hands they’re reminded that Kaz probably won’t even notice it.

(He’s not noticing much of anything right now, which is freaking Oliver out because Kaz is always a creature of sound and movement, always doing something but now he’s just sitting there staring blankly at the corpse behind them and fuck Horace is dead dead DEAD–)

Kaz is cold.

His hand is, at least. It’s a weird feeling amongst the not-feeling he’s experiencing. It makes it feel like he’s ever so slightly less lost in space. Like he’s still out in space but he can see the spaceship he’s supposed to be on.

A moment later, he feels cold and wet, and that’s enough to make him rip his hand away from whatever is wet and shake it out, “Gross!” he squawks, wiping the water(?) off onto his dirty jeans, “What was that?!”

“Kaz!” Skylar sounds relieved, and he’s engulfed in a three-person hug a second later, “You’re back!”

“What? Where’d I go?”

(He’s back on his spaceship now, and his spaceship is emotional repression and pretending like there isn’t a body in front of him)

“You weren’t responding to anything,” Oliver sounds quiet, the kind of quiet he only gets when they’re having Sad Boy Hours at sleepovers.

“Sorry, man, I don’t know what happened,” he lets out an awkward laugh, eyes firmly trained on the weird vaguely heart-shaped rock that’s just beside Skylar’s too-big shoes, because he knows if he sees it he’s going to fall out of the window he’s still leaning from.

Oliver lets go a few minutes later, but Skylar keeps him buried in her arms. They’re shaking now, and he’s pretty sure they’ve started crying again, “I’m going back to helping people out of the wreckage, okay? If you need me just yell.”

He feels a spark of anger, because why isn’t Oliver crying? Why isn’t he screaming, why isn’t he pissed?! Why does he seem perfectly fine when Horace is dead!

“What the hell, man?!” He’s saying it before he can stop himself, shoving Skylar off and standing to his feet (Why does his leg hurt? Is he bleeding?)

Oliver doesn’t get a chance to say anything, furrowing his brows and opening his mouth to speak only for Kaz to cut him off.

“How are you not pissed?!” he gestures over where to knows the body is and pretends he’s just gesturing at the rubble, “He’s dead<, they’re all dead, Oliver, and you’re acting like everything is fucking fine!”

“Kaz–,”

“No, because this is bullshit! We should be mourning and you don’t seem like you care at all!”

“Kaz, please-,”

“Why aren’t you angry?!”

“Because I can’t be, Kaz!” Oliver raises his voice to match his best friends, “Because I need to help people out of the remains of our <i>only fucking safe place</i>, Kaz! Because if I feel a single thing right now, I’m going to have a meltdown and I can’t do that right now!” he runs a hand through his hair and looks away, breathing heavily, “I just can’t right now, Kaz.”

Kaz doesn’t say anything, just watching Oliver go. Watches him wave down one of the nurses he doesn’t remember the name of and ask her to help him search for survivors 

(and bodies.)

[willowaudreykeyes]

I posted 622 times in 2022

126 posts created (20%)

496 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@candied-peach

@stillebesat

@athanza

@nixie-writes

@milomeepit

I tagged 549 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#remy chats - 53 posts

#alastor hazbin hotel - 39 posts

#hazbin hotel incorrect quote - 38 posts

#remy's friendos!!! - 37 posts

#video - 28 posts

#angel dust hazbin hotel - 24 posts

#bruno madrigal - 23 posts

#janus sanders - 19 posts

#tw caps - 19 posts

#alastor x reader - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#some people did some hard research into colombian culture and i just dont want someone new to do a half-assed job in a money grabbing sequel

I sent 3 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Alastor’s redesign! Thank Lucifer his design barely changed... 

The little bits of white is a nice touch I think. And are his ears a little shorter? Can’t tell, doesn’t matter, he’s still very smiley and murdery and yes

12 notes - Posted March 20, 2022

#4

Boop

12 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

#3

... I wanna reader Reader/Alastor (Hazbin Hotel) fics before sleeping but I'm left with nothing but the fics with... undesirable tags.

Lemons. Smut. Whatever ya call em.

I wanna read about a cannibalistic Radio Demon being sweet with y/n before sleeping but I read all the ones without a certain, sour fruit. I want cuteness and I'm too deep in my writer's block to make my own.

I mean, I might skim through the 10+ chapter fics with Lemon tags and just skip that? But it feels like I'm missing stuff. And it feels like too much of the story revolves around that one part sometimes.

*falls face first onto floor*

I just want evil, smiley, murderous, very bad, not to be idolised deer-man to be sweet and sometimes stabby to help fill my very-lonely-Ace heart 🥲

13 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

#2

Husk: This is where Angel is probably hiding.

Charlie: ...

Charlie: This is a map of the entire Pride Circle.

Husk: Yeah. We have no idea where he is.

13 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

link me the Alastor/Vox fanfic you posted about pls I'm interested now

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37522864/chapters/93652975

It's not finished but the chapters are long and the author is still updating it (last update was the 24th so yay!!)

Remember to read the warnings before you read✌️

15 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[awkward-fink]

Hi, Fink! :D You know, I like your answers a lot! The one about the recipe book was really sweet, actually! :> I'm wishing you a very nice wedding! 13 years is a very long time, so I'm sure you and your partner will last :> Best of everything, though!!! And yeah, I never reblogged any of those games, actually, because I knew no one really cared about me as a person and that everyone was just here for my writing and nothing else ^^; I wanna make others feel appreciated, though! Especially other writers! I hope I can convey this through my nonsensical tags! If not, then I shall send you asks telling you how great your writing is :>

I hope you won't get overwhelmed, though! Because I used to get 2-3 requests per day and towards the end, I gotta admit, I hated most requests that I got ^^; So I hope you'll have more fun than I did :>

Anyway! How about 🖇 ⭐️ 📝 🌞?

I think that's most of the questions, actually! Some of those are rather personal, and I'm not sure if I should ask those, but I think the ones I asked should be okay! Anyway, have a nice day :>

Hello Seeks! (sorry I abreviated your name, hope it is alright to you?!) Yeah, 13 years sure are a long time. But it feels like so much longer and only a few years at the same time. I trust my other half completely and we are quite alright together. I would spam you if you ever posted something like this and I would be able to see it XD I can be a right menace about this! You make me feel very appreciated and I love your tags and your messages, i smile wide when I get something from you! Nonsensical tags are a love language on their own and I am here for this! You rule with those!

And really you can ask anything, if I dont want to answer something, I am going to speak up, for sure!

Wish you a wonderful evening!!

⭐️ what is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you?

Uff…. I don’t think I have one? I mean, I don’t count my relationship that’s going for 13 years now, I don’t count my university graduation. I think it would probably be me, holding out all alone 500km away from my family and my other half for the Covid time. The restrictions in the area I was in, were very strict. I couldn’t have visitors, I was not allowed out, I was not allowed to meet anyone at work. And so on. It was very lonely. But I held on for 2 years. Until I decided for myself, enough is enough. Quit work, looked for a new job more at my old home and my other half. Thankfully found something.

What did I take away from that? “Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.” (Winnie the Pooh.) 

📝 last thing you wrote

…. Porn.  Something I don’t think I will post on tumble. Maybe on Archive later on, but… we will see. Not many seemed to like my last work of that art here on Tumblr XD

🖇 what are your favorite asks to answer

….. O.O ehm.. Don’t know? I have fun writing so I try everything. I might prefer something slightly silly or slice-of-life, or Horror, but really, I like trying to write other things. And answering asks? Just gimme some and I will throw something out^^ And if I don’t like something, I am going to say so.

🌞 A show you would recommend to anyone

The Great British Bake Off or TopGear (the older ones) or MythBusters! Every one of those is fun and you learn something^^ Most of my science knowledge came from there, every one of those 3 shows holds precious knowledge.

[sajaffery]

..3....

there has to be a better title availible then that? I have to continue the series I suppose but i’m not officially blocked anymore. i dont think i am. i’m writing everyday, its shit, but its still writing. so im not a blocked writer anymore I’m just a shit writer now. its still progress if you ask me, eventually i’ll progress to being a mediocre writer and then i’ll die. because everyone dies and because the next step up is a good writer and to predict myself becoming a great writer would be immodest and i’m nothing if not modest. i broke another rule didnt i. i promised to write one of these everyday and i havent. this is my first...post (yech) in a week nearly. maybe two weeks. I cant remember now, i would have to go back to the old posts and then i would have broken two rules. technically the first one isnt a rule. it was a promise I guess. a mission statement if you think i’m a ponce, which you probably do, but if you do then you wont have reached this part yet, you would have clicked onto something else by now, in which case fuck you (dont worry its only there for dramatic effect), even though i dont blame you i can still hate you. i dont really, i just wanted to get rid of you and if you havent clicked off by now you will definietely will now. if you havent then youre just a glutton for punishment in which case welcome brother! have seat, let me get you a drink because we are gonna get along just fine. I’m adding hastags onto this so we’ll be able to find more people just like us, S&M seems to be a popular tag but i wont be adding that, i have enough weirdos following me who only seem to be intrested in half naked man. sorry new message from tumblr. i have no followers. awsome! i am so glad, freedom at last! i can finally be myself. i can finally let go and speak my mind. its so easy to say that but if i really think about it it can be exteremely confusing because it will essentially depend on where my mind is at that particular moment becuase there will be times i will just feel like screaming and shouting at and everything and everyone (which will be no one since it is the only time i wll truly let this happen) and other times there will essentially be no noticable change in me at all. except my clothes will come off ofcourse. of course! who in their right mind would possibly choose to remain clothed if they didnt have to. i totally understand people who move to naked communes and choose to spend the rest of their lives with all their bits hanging out. clothes are just another form of prison arnt they? a confinement designed to make you self concious of yourr real self. to hold you in and keep you hidden from the real word. why havent i moved to a naked commune uet? its fair questuon there are plenty of them around arnt there? atleast i think there are, thats certainly the impression television gives you. everyother person seems to be oving to a naked comune in bad movies and rubbish television shows. i dont wwatch bad movies and rubbish tv mind you, i just like keeping up with whats happening. sort ofna of like a cautionary....oh shit shit fuck fuck fuckity mutherfucker! my fucking laptopn just froze so i had to hold on kickeing and screaming to my train of thought in the fear that i might losee it have nothing to talk to you about, like that i bit i just wrote a little while ago about the state of your mind and when youll see a difference while letting go. that was so boring, i apologise for that, i wish i could delete it, but i cant ofcourse, see previous posts for details as to why, i wish there was a way to just put up a cautionary sign when you come onto this......webpage...(it is not a blog mutherfucker!) oh comon! my fucking laptop keeps freezing.

[virmillion]

current vibe is sticking a formal apology in the author's note for a chapter being almost 30k words

[iamthescalesofjustice]

it has been brought to my attention that i have at some point in the recent past Been Wrong On The Internet about something. my defense is perennial sleep deprivation, not having a clear timeline, and the fact that being wrong on a specific point of this vaguely remembered tag rant does not discredit any of the other points.

anyway.

okay so after his pr move of killing andraste directly and declaring it was divinely-inspired mercy hessarian publicly converted to pre-chantry andrastianism to avoid the consequences of his actions and save his own hide from a revolution, rather than, as i half-remember saying, used the execution of andraste to publicly launch the founding of the tevinter chantry as part of a structured plan fomented by a group including other tevinter nobles to suppress further revolution.

so the founding of the tevinter-specific chantry with its necessarily-divergent doctrine from that of the wider chantry used by the orlesian empire as a vector of institutionally-backed religiously-justified oppression was after the founding of said orlesian chantry by drakon as part of his campaign to expand the orlesian empire.

we really dont hear a lot about what pre-chantry andrastianism looked like, aside from some lore bits about a few groups. i would be interested, actually.

the tevinter chantry, being still a chantry, is also a bad news religious institution, but aside from the doctrinal changes regarding condemnation of magic, a few lines attesting a greater focus on the maker than on andraste herself, and what is either an opening of higher ranking official roles to men or an exclusion of women from the higher ranks in a counterpart to the other chantrys female-led rankings (as part of biowares 'oh yeah most of thedas totally doesnt have misogyny' while still writing multiple clearly patriarchal societies lol) , theres not a lot of information about what differences there are between the tevinter chantry and the orlesian chantry.

presumably that includes some kind of built in apologism of and justifications regarding slavery and the caste system.

i know there were some very strange twists to christianity within american slaving societies to that effect, the social and theological inertia of which are a factor in how and why modern american christianity came to be the way it is (particularly when it comes to modern evangelism, fundamentalism, and other assorted developments in conservative sects that get called 'fringe' but actually seem to have become increasingly mainstream).

anyway. specific timeline re founding of tevinter chantry mixed up, idea of deliberate group founding outright wrong. the chantry is still bad regardless of which one it is, an arm of the empire that founded it. in the case of the orlesian chanry, allowing them to explicitly supercede the authority of other governments, and implicitly allowing them to maintain a standing army in other countries territories as well even before getting to the human supremacy or the genocides or the circle.

my cat is eating my charging cord and i have to go stop him

goodnight

[xmascritter]

So, I have been dragged out of my internet slumber leading up to finals to see this mess, and i dont post much, but I do have to rant here because people keep saying something that gets on my nerves.

NSR/NO STRAIGHT ROADS PEOPLE: THIS RANT IS NOT AT YOU! This is tagged because I am using concept art of Sayu. Please go on with your day. :)

Now, for the Subma and/or Pokémon fans,

As Im sure everyone who has been under the ingo tab for more than 2 seconds today has learned, there's supposedly a leak of pages from the PLA concept art book of the concept art of Ingo with a receding hairline and no eyebrows. If you don't know what Im talking about, here is the picture.

Now, I feel I have to address this first before I move on to my actual problem here. I personally see no problem with Ingo having a receding hairline and no eyebrows. Honestly it's kind of funny. Will I personally be drawing and/or imagining him with a receding hairline? For the most part, probably not, but I support the people who do.

HOWEVER, what I AM pissed about are the people who are saying that this is canonical. You have to remember that this is an art book, and while it is still official concept art, it is just that, CONCEPT art.

CONCEPT 👏 ART 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 ALWAYS 👏 CANON!!! 👏

A perfect example of this is Sayu from the game "No Straight Roads" by Metronomik (hi NSR fans, sorry if you're still here and have decided to see the fuck is happening in the pokémon side of tumblr). The lovely crew behind the character designs for the game let us see A LOT of the concept art for these characters, and probably one of the most distinct evolutions of the characters design in the lineup and probably the best example of my case is Sayu, the bubbly mermaid popstar. Some of her earliest concept art shows her even before she was decided to be a mermaid!

Now, is this what sayu looks like? NO! Can you draw her like that or write fanfic about her looking like that? Yes! But JUST BECAUSE ITS AN OFFICIAL CONCEPT DOES NOT MEAN ITS CANON. Early concept art of her even in her mermaid form shows a vastly different design!!!

Later concepts do get a lot closer to what her official design is, but, well... thats how concept art works! The later concepts are going to a lot more closely resemble the final product because its what immediately lead to it!!!

Needless to say, we don't know all the changes Ingo's design went through during concept phases to his official artwork, since Gamefreak only shows us so much in these artbooks, we don't fully know how his design has evolved over time. However, this

And this

Are the official design and model that we got. Meaning his hairline could be fucking across his forhead for all we know. Please, do have fun and enjoy drawing bald Ingo, I look forward to seeing what this does to all the fanfics, headcanons (ha!), and the stories. But please, don't call that shiny head canon, I don't need to burst a blood vessel today. You can call me in denial all you want, but unless we see his hairline in some official artwork like pokemon masters or the anime or something, I will continue to sit on this hill until I too look like I've gone through hell after getting yeeted to the wrong time period.

TL,DR; girl gets irrationally mad at tumblr because they keep saying that because something is in the concept art that it is canon.

Thank you for reading through my half baked rant, and I am sorry.