#i dont have money for tests
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Taking pride in One's own appearance.
#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at#also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat.#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#doodlebyte#'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance...#you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral#anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn#sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town#i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming#id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country#plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure#all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities#and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this#which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match.#and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc.#just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it
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For reference about what i said about Enid's werewolf height the other day, this is how crazy her size is in wednesday's description in the novel and i hope SO MUCH they never change it cause it's both fun and funny as fuck
Example 1:
Example 2:
Example 3:
And now the side by side with my favorite werewolves one of them having until now the title of biggest werewolf
PLEASE NETFLIX THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IT OPENS SO MANY POSSIBILITIES, KEEP IT, like, bring it into the show, also because the novelization as many others more likely than not was based on the show's early development and then still got approved in the end means that despite the weird ass golden retriver we got they were probably really going for a horror inducing werewolf in the finale, in the final side by side specifically if she was on all fours like in the show she would still be around Van Helsing's own height, this is insane, can my fellow werewolf nerds come talk about this we got a gold mine here on teenage show territory and i need more
#wednesday addams#wednesday netflix#blood moon wolf fanfics just got more to work on#enid sinclair#wenclair#because wednesday who was crazy about werewolves as a child addams would have a bigger crush than she does in the start#werewolf tumblr#WEREWOLF NERDS ASSEMBLE#hell i also want to know which “type” of werewolf she is in the novel if its the same as the show#or if netflix is still not fully sure were she will land when it comes to being fully turned#she's a “hispo” in the show very ginger snaps like#but we know she can be a “glabro” because of the use of the claws and strenght in seaosn 1 as well as the leaks on season 2#maybe she can shift through the phases? im not sure they know were to land in werewolf mythology or if they will do their own thing#there are peculiarities about enid like how shes visibly in control or at least favorable to wednesday while turned#despite the show itself telling us there are cages for the werewolf students#aaaanyway please someone talk about this im so excited even if netflix dont have the guts(money) to do that level of cgi anytime soon lmao#hopes on a later or final season tho#werewolves#van helsing#mega lycan#tyler galpin is also around 3 meters tall as The Hyde but the show perspective make him seem smaller with the hunchback and the way he walk#wednesday would want to make tests and enid would be terrified but its nit like they are very good at saying no to each other
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(idk if anyone wants to keep hearing my opinions on totk book stuff but-)
apparently it says that rauru DID have kids, multiple even, which yeah... is kinda necessary for zelda to even be connected to them so much so that sonia can SENSE a blood connection (which, even with all the excuses with magic, is just a little too far for me to suspend my disbelief bc its over, OVER, ten thousand years worth of generations that seperate her from them that one lil touch of the hand can sense that (feels more like an attempt to make you care about them or .. see them as zeldas "better" parents just bc they exchange a few nice words, i never got the feeling they were 'better' parents and its also kinda disrespectful to her actual parents, like sure rhoam wasnt the best but i wouldnt call rauru better just bc he was polite)- i could see maybe the light power of hylia or sth but since its the coolest dude that ever lived rauru now that had it which still doesnt make sense and makes me unreasonably annoyed and she can sense BOTH of their powers in her? nah) the fact theres NOTHING about them in the game itself is just so ... no way they planned any of this
i dont think theres anything they can do or say that wont make be believe they either
are making it up alla 'fix it in post' mentality trying to hastily explain stuff the game never bothers to do to try and appease fans or let it appear as if they thought about it at all
something went really REALLY wrong during development, which kinda seems likely given how the game turned out (im sorry i cannot let go, its not just the writing, the game design too and how little was changed in the map while being so damn expensive, i dont know how people dont feel scammed q_q)
given that they (allegedly) spent the last entire year of development on polish (where??? where????? huh??? like it would make it more understandable (EXCEPT for the price) if there was alot of trouble, which was also bc it got delayed and ... turned out like this, but they dont want to say it, especially given their reputation, with that quote i have heard way too many times 'a delayed game blah blah') i just??
are they just gonna go and do it like they did with kashiwa (kass)? "they uuuh where flying around the whole time ony cool sonau tech maschines, you just dont see or hear from them ooooorrr they were uuuuh out of the country at the time" (sending invitations to other continents to join their glorious kingdom ;) )
(bet they are also gonna say they did all the stuff like ... moving the shrines around (lol?) and lifting the islands up into the sky- which is still weird bc ... didnt they also say they were living in the sky before coming to the surface?? so where?? did they park all their islands on the surface and the mystery kids had the keys so they had to repark them back into the sky after they returned off camera?? xD also why are the islands so different as an environment if they where from the surface? like even the STONE up there is different- and if they were first in the sky then on the surface and the nback in the sky .. why is there not a single yellow tree or grass in the past- you cant really argue that it changed bc they were up there so long bc .. nothing else changed, the suddendly and totally always there sonau buildings are largely in prime condition, only some slightly moldy, and what we see of the glorious past looks barely any different from the present, aside from like ... some standard trees shuffled, no castle yet and that glowy uwu filter DESPITE that stupidly long time frame between it)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#idk if others feel like that too but i cant shake the feeling there was something that either went horribly wrong during development-#-or the entire thing was neglected the whole time which is why its so .. i hesitate to even call it bare bones#...which is WILD given that its the supposed sequel to their best seeling zela game#like wtf where you doing#i get that the pressure can be immense but imo it wasnt that hard to make a sequel to thats better than totk#like i think it was harder to make totk like it is NOW bc it scraps and throws away so many things you could have easily used-#-as sequel material#its all so weird to me#my tin foil hat theory is still that they saw the success of the mario movie and immediately shifted everything to make more movies#bc it made so much money#and a movie is easier to make than a good game#so totk or botw2 at the time got the short end of the stick#which is why everything feels like .. so ... bare bones .. untested .. unfinished .. non sensical...#like an alpha build that got enough visual polish to look like a full game when its still an alpha build at its core#some main ideas like the abilities implemented and the basic map layers#mechanics functioning but untested on how it feels to play#like the sage controls and arrow fusing and ... contradictory game mechanics that dont work together#like the bulding WORKS but its clunky and underused- everything can be cheated so easily you dont even feel good cheating-#-bc it feels like the teacher just allowed you to mark your test with a green circle and you still got an A (or however USA grades work)#despite not even reading the questions- why attempt to solve a puzzle if you can just skip it#and how they tell you to be creative with it yet creativity gets punished and only efficiency is rewarded#which completely undermines the entire thing#...theres so much more you know i have ranted about it all before#ALSO rauru and sonia seemed like a rather newly wed couple to me- not one that had multiple kids that never appear-#since it only mentions rauru ..... if its only his then ... that doesnt explain anything bc zelda needs both sonia and rauru dna#................do sonau leave eggs to incubate somewhere heavenly or sth#watch out the springs where built to hatch rauru eggs bc they need the gods holy blessing bc they are oh so holy to hatch
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spent 3 hours last night panic searching for doctors to help me with my fibromyalgia. They are all either scams, extremely expensive boutique options (but are actually good apparently, if you have the money), extremely expensive scams, or have never heard of fibromyalgia and kick you out after 15 minutes.
#wrenfea.exe#apparently theres a thing called direct cost now#where the doctors spend like 2 hours with you and do all this testing and only take on a limited amount of patients#but they dont take insurance and are expensive#so you still need insurance for like. hospital stuff#but also have to pay out of pocket hundreds of dollars#if i had the money id do it since i already spend a ton of money on doctors that dont give a fuck about me#so might as well spend them on doctors that do#all the holistic care around me is scams for rich old ladies#my fibromyalgia symptoms are really holding me back#im so tired and achy and foggy and im so frustrated#i want to do things#i want to do my job well#but all the searching was fruitless#ive already seen a rheumatologist and she sucked#and none near me work with fibro patients#no neurologists do either#chronic disability#chronic pain#spoonie#fibromyalgia#disability
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Hi guys sorry for the lack of art whatsoever today i finally got diagnosed with the "mystery illness" that has been plaguing me for 2 months now that apparently no doctor could figure out and it was an internal bacterial infection that if went undiagnosed for more time that could have actually caused very serious trouble. Thanks doctors for telling me that i am a healthy, young woman and i need to drink more water <3 if your doctors try to gaslight you with shit like this instead of conducting actual tests run away and never look back !!!!
#personal#delete later#if your doctors dismiss you and you feel unjustified leave.please leave. dont do the same mistakes i did!#so much money. so much anxiety#i genuinely thought i was going insane. the tests they made me go through kept coming clean#and they kept telling me there's sth wrong with my head#while i was clearly in pain.so i tried to ignore it but it never went away and i sounded more crazy in my head day by day#time to bite some entitled doctors who should have their license snatched and burned
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That job called me back to say they accepted me but yet again the pay rate wasn't what they had listed, and I could tell the manager talking to me knew that too bc she kept trying to tiptoe around it. If your company site says 14/hr for a part time position as the *starting base pay*, don't tell me it's actually 9-10/hr and then move on! "Well pay raises and promotions are possible!" Im not gonna wait til ive worked 2 years for a $2.50 pay raise, ESPECIALLY when you're fightin so hard to talk about anything but that! That's not the pay I discussed with the store owners and the shit you're offering me would only stretch so far like cmon
#I AM SO TIRED#i cant pay my bills or help my aunt with 10 bucks an hour#ive worked for that wage and it didn't help at all I literally cannot make less than at least 13/hr if I wanna take care of myself#AND my family#why does it feel like im being tested#i dont wanna give up but Ive wasted so much time on this when I couldve been working on my tattoo portfolio#im so sure at this point thats just the way to go bc the sooner I start doing that the sooner i make the money I want#but ugh I hate that I have to lean on my family even more when we're all struggling as is#this just sucks#mag.txt
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some short felix stuff. also price is there for a second
#red vs blue#rvb#aiden price#price#felix#*24#mine#video#i dont think these are as good as the other one but i REALLY like the felix's eye shift thing i did so. im posting it#i dont get to draw price like ever. which is a shame cuz i love that guy. even if he was a manipulative pos ''counsellor'' who ruined live#so was hannibal!! at least price doesnt eat ppl you know. he just lets them be taken over by an ai and abuses his position to test his#''patients''. free my mans! also im putting quotes on all that bc (i think ive said this before) its a genuine fucking miracle if he has a#license. like post-pfl it def got revoked but UNSC's vetting process or the state of the intragalactic psych licensing sucks ass. idk which#it is! or if its a third options where price just didnt have a license/it got revoked way before pfl and there's just a small disclaimer of#''this is not medical advice im not a licensed professional'' hidden in his resume that no one ever read theyre just. yeah hes got a phd!#idk enough abt halo lore to know which one it is but considering the spartan program i wouldnt be surprised if their ethics board is just a#money-laundering front or smth. if they even HAVE one. ok im rambling i'll stop
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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Welp, Project ME just got re-announced as My Time At Evershine for the upcoming Kickstarter campaign and I'm ready to put my clown makeup theorizing hat on not a tinfoil hat I swear once more for this series, ah
#my time at#project me#my time at evershine#i was real undecided about whether or not i wanted to get into the development cycle on another game#but goddammit if dont miss tin foil my time at talk lol#and that new key visual has gears turning (between that and updated character art)#like rudy now bears a suspiciously striking resemblance to talon what the hell is up with that#and the one dude looks like aadit#the other dude kinda sorta a little looks like arlo but literally my only frame of reference for that is the red hair#(could be that other governor guy that was in the alpha testing too but damn that whole dandy thing really was an act if so huh)#the one silver fox looking dude could potentially be logan but older#but then looking at avery who by comparison doesnt seem much older at all compared to his brief appearance in mtas has me unsure#(unsuur...ha...ha ha...)#and then of course my money's on the woman at the top being logan's mom who may or may not have been a duvos merc the whole time#anyway im vibrating hello there
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i think the toughest part for me during all this is how fast it's been. going from being totally normal but with gas/bloating/farting....to suddenly having no gas/bloating/farting but experiencing difficulty breathing and high heartrate one time when i ate too much. then during the week having that happen more and more every time i ate. and then having it happen even if i ate hardly anything. and then starting the probiotics the next week and having that solve the difficulty breathing issue but introduce other side effects. and eventually getting to the point where that nerve pain and extreme reduced ability to move my legs/arms and mental confusion was a constant rather than just when i ate. i have felt so helpless through this whole thing and the doctors kept saying 'wait a week for your appointment and get a referral' while the ER was saying 'you need to see a specialist NOW'. and every day i was waiting it got worse. its just so frustrating because if i had been able to see a real doctor on the 27th of july when i ended up in the ER the first time, so much of this pain might have been slowed or prevented. im sitting here being dizzy and unable to do basic things like clean my house or move around much and am looking forward to spending the next four days just trying to survive till i can see a doctor.
my lovely neighbor went out and bought me these drinks called 'orgain' so im drinking that now and just hoping desperately its not going to trigger anything
#jrnlsht#i have an apppointment monday#i finally got fed up with insurance and found a private GI specialist in beverly hills lmao#grandma is gonna help me figure out how to financially afford it and hope that i wont have to pay thousands for the tests#but soooooo many patients dont even have that option of relatives who can help#this is common enough that when i explained my situation to the private doctors office#they said that they were acustomed to getting people with state health*care who were in emergency situations and couldnt wait#there are much better doctors in places like the hun*tington hospital but they are not allowed to accept cash#because if you are on state health*care you are not supposed to have money to pay cash to see a doctor even in emergency situations#its so profoundly stupid#like yes im on state healthcare because i cant afford 300$ a month insurance payments while unemployed#but that doesnt mean it isnt worth it to take 400$ out of my savings to see a doctor in an emergency situation#i fucking hate the united states so fucking much
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I did some digging and this was the best I could find 😭 but it does exist somewhere‼️‼️
The pain of knowing it's just beyond your reach
#answered#ive actually seen these books before but i dont have money to throw at eBay#god is testing my will to keep my wallet closed#if its sold anywhere near me lord knows I cant find it#submitted references
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AP SCORES RELEASED IN A COUPLE DAYS IM SCARED
#vammieposts#ap tests#im pretty sure i failed ap lang seeing as I DIDNT FINISH ONE OF THE ESSAYS HOLY SHIT#but ap world was kinda easy#but i cant be too optimistic or else ill be disappointed if i fail#if i believe i failed noth tests and i succeeded at one then HUZZAH ill feel really proud#thats my secret >:))#also anyways ap test scores dont relaly mayter#like if you succeed you save money and dont have to take that class in college#but youll provably learn more int he college class tbh#and just the fact that you TOOK a difficult class looks great to college and makes you feel VERY POWERFUL#a low score on a 3 hour long endurance test doesnt show your knowledge of a subject yk#it just shows how good you are at school and not melting your brain out your tear ducts and ears
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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i think i might have to put my dog down today. i was crying and holding him this morning but i dont feel as sad as i should especially given how sudden it all is. i love him so much and i cant imagine him not being around, but also i feel like it's just washing over me.
#he screamed suddenly yesterday and we didnt really think much of it because sometimes he just gets arthritis#but i think his spine is fucked up. his back legs are paralyzed and hes been panting and crying and throwing up all day#the vet near me doesnt open until 1#hes a dachshund too so i know this kind of thing just happens to them suddenly sometimes#and it can be fixed with surgery. but hes old and we dont have the money to put him through all those tests and operations
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still debating on what i should buy with my christmas money.. current idea is a pile of dvds to burn, jewel cases to put them in, an external dvd burner drive for my computer, and a cheap little composite to usb capture card
i want to pirate movies/shows so i can play them on my tv and the living room tv, and the capture card is so i can using my vcr to record a burned dvd of a slideshow of my art, and then capture the tape, so i can have crunchy vhs tape filter on my art entirely organically without needing to pirate fancy video editing software or photoshop. more of an investment but i think its more fun to do it this way
#wishy speaks#that might be more than the money i have now so the capture cable might need to wait#i just need a single vhs tape im ok with sacrificing for my art#ill probably just capture like. my jurassic park 2 tape or whatever#cuz i dont think im ever gonna watch it lol#assuming it works.. i bought a pile of vhs tapes like a year or two ago now and still havent tested them all#but yea i can just capture it to archive it and then record over it without guilt#i could theoretically put the movie back but i think theres be generational loss there
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Monday blues are hitting me hard today
#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings#but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl#and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back#which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like#i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt#so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me#1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and#it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics#even in pics where i was present at the time#and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts#i just want to be important to someone#i want to be someone’s person#not a last resort like#they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left#but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’#not even a fucking heart on insta stories#am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends#like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one#idk i must exude some sort of energy#i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years#(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day#ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life#it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets#i feel like hired entertainment sometimes#idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?#i have to stop
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