#i dont have access to any kinds of diagnosis.

[jaca3rys]

Oh by the way not so friendly reminder

Not everyone has immediate access to a diagnosis. Being diagnosed is a privilege. Not everyone CAN get a diagnosis indefinitely. If you are professionally diagnosed good for you but not everyone has that privilege.

[3liza]

the Jason Genova/Del Rey Misfits story (ongoing) hasn't really gotten outside of bodybuilding YouTube despite several attempts (aborted Netflix show etc) but I think beyond it being a typical "being famous on YouTube usually fucks people up" situation theres a b-plot about the medical abuse of disabled people.

I found out recently that Genova is on monthly injections of long-acting haloperidol, a truly brutal first-generation antipsychotic that causes uncontrollable appetite and weight gain, neurodegeneration, akathisia and dystonia (this was prescribed to him on top of an active tourettes diagnosis which seems unlikely to have made it better). now despite his level of cognitive disability, Genova is a bad person to whatever level of "bad" a person can be blamed when he's got to be around 50 IQ, and level 2 autism, and I certainly dont like him, so this isn't a defense of his behavior. autistic people can be taught empathy and consideration if anyone bothers. so i think his mother absolutely fucked this kid up. but whatever doctor put this kid on monthly haloperidol is either 90 years old or incompetent or both because the only thing that will do for someone like Jason is make him sleepy (and thus easier to control) . people who take antipsychotics typically are constantly fighting brain fog and usually seek out stimulants to stay awake, just like Jason does.

so the antipsychotic weight gain and compulsive eating of junk food (I've personally experienced this with seroquel and it isn't something you can control even with full cognitive function. I used to get up in the middle of the night to eat sugar out of the bag) was being treated as laziness and lack of discipline by the Misfits and the fanbase the entire time. this is normal in bodybuilding, it's part of the culture. it was a cornerstone of the "plot" tension, Jason's "inability to commit" to weight training and cutting. none of his supposed professional coaches or trainers ever address this or consider what piling pre workout into a disabled kid on psychoactive drugs was going to do, and while it's possible they were never informed of his medical history they absolutely should have asked, and with Jason's known reputation as a compulsive liar , they should have double checked until they got a straight answer. Jason's mother enabled Jason to drive by himself, and of course he got into a half dozen serious accidents, injuring himself and god knows who else. this is mostly treated as a joke in the series. and that's kind of a different issue, how the boomer attitude towards disability of just ignoring it as much as possible and pretending the disabled person is average causes just as many bad outcomes as low expectations. Jason many times angrily denies being autistic, or minimizes it as barely diagnosable, when five seconds looking at him shows anyone with any familiarity with autism and other developmental disorders that the only reason he isn't in a care setting is that his mother is in denial and his friends don't have the background to see how bad it is.

it's clear that everyone involved is aware that Jason is "slow" but it's also clear that all the competent adults consider severe disability to be shameful and most of them seem genuinely unaware of the fact that Jason isn't just kind of a goofball who needs a good talking-to, he's developmentally delayed, cognitively struggling at all times to follow basic social interactions and conversations, is borderline illiterate, and has no impulse control. he's also constantly stimming both voluntarily and involuntarily in a way that interferes with his dexterity. he shouldn't have internet access or a smart phone, he shouldn't be allowed or enabled to use preworkout and especially not steroids and research chemicals.

and over the years he is documented, he degenerates badly in a predictable way, becoming more and more incoherent and impulsive. it's basically a moneymaking franchise centered on a profoundly sick man who is being medicated in a way that causes more monetizable outbursts and brain damage leading to compounding eccentricity, which is fairly common in bodybuilding even with participants who start out with average function and ability.

so what the fuck. I don't have a conclusion for this other than the level of dysfunction is impressive, and the amount of the exploitation that does genuinely appear to be occurring ignorant of the full extent of Jason's handicap. Jason really reminds me of the boyfriend I just kicked out, who wasn't nearly as disabled but had many of the same issues, just less severe. and people around him (also a white man) just assume he's a little goofy, and that his expressions of confusion or inappropriate comments are intentional jokes and not times when the masking isn't fully working.

[librarycards]

Hi! just want to preemptively say sorry for dumping such a big personal question on you (and also for how rambly this is), its just that everyone i try to talk about this with in real life doesnt seem to have the perspective id find useful on this. and also sorry but if its not too much hassle could you answer this without publishing the ask?

Do you work for a university by any chance? Because I recently received a job offer for a job with a university. In the haze of desperation to leave my current/now old job i accepted & went through the majority of the onboarding process. but now that ive calmed down a little, im realising im really struggling with how to reconcile my politics & ideologies & especially my understanding of the importance of divesting personally as much as possible from systems of oppression with like. the act of working for a university (and in specific one of the old universities in the uk, which are all so deeply steeped in the structures of colonialism & which are actively in partnership with companies integral to the genocide in palestine, among other things).

the job itself is basically my dream job (helping run the undergrad teaching science labs). but i cant see a way to go through with taking the job without some kind of compromise on my part of politics/moral lines. if you do work in a university, how do you do it? how do you reconcile and balance the understanding of what these institutions are and how they function in the large scale vs the act of deliberately existing within them & even benefiting or enjoying it as it pertains to your personal life, as someone opposed to colonialism/imperialism/etc?

(oh i shouldve mentioned earlier but of course if you dont want to answer this feel free to ignore or delete it! i dont want you to feel pressured or anything. thank you !)

so, i definitely relate to a great deal of this, as i am teaching and finishing my phd at an R-1 institution in the u.s. - i.e., the most supposedly 'elite' genre of university with the highest research output, done, of course, directly on the backs both of exploited research subjects and overworked, underpaid precarious knowledge workers (myself included). it's strange to be in this position, with a job in one of the few places i feel like i can do material good, and yet also knowing that it is a site of immense material harm.

no choice you make is going to be morally pure, and i think perhaps the bigger hurdle is not the question of whether you should take the job or not (i think you should, personally) but how you'll keep yourself generatively uncomfortable throughout your time there. that is to say that we should not be chill with being faculty -- enforcers, even on a small scale, of university policy -- when university policy facilitates genocide. equally, we need to be clear-eyed about the fact that there are students at our universities who need intellectual support and guidance, and that our abstaining from providing it does not make things better. in fact, a mass-quitting of faculty like ourselves would simply usher in the employment of more militaristic, zionist, reactionary faculty, for whom university-sponsored genocide is values-aligned.

we can both acknowledge that we are in a trap and make use of the opportunities it affords us - bringing lectures to encampments, giving students accommodations regardless of diagnosis, introducing conceptual frameworks to marginalized students that were quite literally not imaginable beforehand.

so, tldr, i think that my (and your) job is to teach, and i think we should do our jobs. i think that a lot of the teaching you do will be outside the formal purview of the lab, and i think you should take every opportunity to get students aware and active about the role of the university/scientific institutions in genocide. get organized with faculty and staff in and beyond the lab, too! share resources to which others lack access! from a position of being what Moten & Harney call "in, but not of, the university," we can do a lot. i know i'm trying to be a helping hand to students of all stripes committed to a better world, and teaching is a huge part of that. best of luck.

[queruloustea]

Hey! This will eventually have a question after this prelude.

I did not know that things were happening with your health. I dont quite know how to approach a subject like this (forgive me for my almost-17-year-old woes and inexperience) but I will try.

Even if you cannot fully recover, we will still be here to see and bear witness to all of your wonderful art that you have/will post. I am still very happy to hear about your slow recovery regardless. Ive been surrounded by chronically ill/disabled people for practically my whole life (and consider myself as mentally disabled) so I get that life will KICK YA IN THE ASS yaknow? Always the kind of shit with ups and downs. Irregardless of what happens exactly, lets hope youre able to manage it well enough sooner than later!

Heres the question: What would you say are the music taste of these two ocs? It can be a vague genre vibe or even specific bands. Forgive me for not knowing their name, I have not used Tumblr in a good 2 months or so. I am simply OBSESSED with music and discovering it…and perhaps you can use this as an excuse to reccomend me some music! Perhaps I may even comment my opinions on the music if you GAF.

(Your OCs are giving real “Sea, Swallow Me” by the Cocteau Twins ft. Harold Budd btw. I dont quite know what it is but your ocs look like they admire the ocean. Considering you like the rain, this tracks!)

thankyou, my friend, that is incredibly sweet. granted that full recovery looks unlikely with the current expected diagnosis, this is very very comforting to hear!! life really does have a habit of kicking one in the ass well-bad, though. goodness :'] i'll just keep ambling on at my own pace for now, and see how getting medicine goes.

and also!!!! thankyou for the lovely question :]] i will assume you mean randall and maverick, since those are the two i've posted most about :] i've got some ideas about music tastes!

mav's probably the most musically-interested person - i figure he listens to a lot of the same genre he plays. that is, gentle folk-country-blues-man-on-a-guitar (/aff) type songs. in terms of Play Music (as an instrument-player myself i think this counts), he also writes a lot of love letters to both his hometown and his very very platonic buddypalfriend. i think he'd be really into that

randy? hm, not as into Music That Isn't Morning Birdsong, but a friend and i have figured he'd be more of a classical guy if he did listen. and, later, he bonds with mav's little sister over music, too, so probably gets most of his recommendations at that point from a feral eight-year-old with access to radio - so, i suppose, the short answer is a bizarre mix of classical music and. whatever aforementioned eight year old makes him listen to.

i might have to think a little more about specific recommendations (memory fog), but if i or my dear friend come up with any i'll see if i can remember to rebloggle!

thankyou so so much, this was such a delightful ask to receive and think about :] made my day

[beesmygod]

reading the recent re-release of "the explosive child" for the first time because that axis of childhood behavior was completely off limits to me; i would have been a smear on a carpet. i want to know what drives that level of response to frustration and what you're supposed to do about it. it opens with a thesis statement that children who display these kind of behaviors are lagging in skills that the rest of us take for granted and are not skills widely recognized or flagged as being things to watch for until they hit adulthood, i.e. black and white thinking, inflexibility, difficulty "seeing the big picture".

the book appears to be aimed at all parents regardless of any formal diagnosis the child has and stresses that putting a name on this behavior doesnt (or didn't, this is a book from the 90s/early 2000s so the internet was not even close to as accessible as it was back then) inform the parent on how to exercise these skills. its a good point. if someone asked me to teach them how to be less explosive id be like "haha just close your eyes man". like its intuitive to a point where i wouldnt have the vocabulary to try to describe the processes my brain goes through when it hits a problem that isnt a problem, you know.

much to think about. i worry sometimes about how much psych books aimed at parents can be overly-weighted to the "rational" viewpoint because there's a refusal to understand why kids are "irrational". they just got here and are still learning how anything at all works and have to depend on us to teach them. they're irrational bc they dont know what rationality is coming out of the womb and whats important to a kid is not important to an adult. trying to find reads that balances empathy for kids, parents and pros who all seem to be flying by the seat of their pants

[violentviolette]

If it's not too invasive, how did you get diagnosed with ASPD, and has it changed anything for you?

i dont have on official diagnosis on my record, and frankly i dont think anyone should seek one out

while i was doing a pretty intense round of multiple therapies for 3-4years, my anger management and dbt therapists agreed on comorbid aspd/npd as my unofficial diagnosis. this was after a few years going through my childhood trauma and adult struggles. the biggest factors for deciding on aspd were my inability to regain empathy even after years in a safe environment, my oppositional defiance that persisted into adulthood, my pathological need for control, and my consistent struggles with impulse control, substance abuse, and anger management neither of them put anything on record tho. they agreed with me that it would only make things more difficult and put me at risk. my bipolar disorder dx already restricts a lot of my rights and i didnt want to make it worse

having an official aspd diagnosis on ur medical history has literally no benifit to u. it doesnt open up any pathways for treatment, it doesnt help u get any kind of help, and it doesnt help things be covered under insurance. any therapy or treatment or medication u want to get can be obtained without it, often easier

its just a genuine threat to ur agency and rights to have one attatched to ur medical history, which other ppl can get access to. it can be used against u to give u harsher legal penalties, longer jail time, involuntary hospitalizations and instintutionalization, it can be used to strip u of ur legal right to make decisions for urself long term, to take ur children away, to refuse u treatment at certain facilities, and more

i dont think anyone should seek one out. i promise u that whatever validation u think it will bring is nothing compared to risk to urself and ur safety that it poses

[compassionatereminders]

Hi Kat! Im thinking of going to the psychiatrist to get an evaluation if i have adhd and i want to get on some kind of medication, cause my executive function is mostly nonexistent and its really getting on my nerves. My boyfriend who i live with doesnt support me in starting medication. He says im managing and i can “fix” my brain without pills and he doesnt believe in this kind of medication. Like, im gonna do whats best for me anyway and he said he can deal with me taking meds. But its really disheartening. I want to do it less if i dont have his support. With his support i would just finally get into it and call the doctor, but now i feel like im making it up and i can manage without. Like im taking the easy way out. I guess im just looking for support to go through with it. And if you have any tips on how i can further try to convince him its a good idea. Thanks, u are lovely.

Ask him why suffering unnecessarily is the superior option. Like it's not that I literally can't navigate the world without my glasses, but it would be a lot harder than just wearing my glasses, and why should I choose the hardest option when someone invented glasses? Just like how many people in horrific pain wouldn't literally drop dead without pain killers, but why should they be expected to suffer through it if there's a well known way to reduce their suffering? Taking ADHD meds when you have ADHD isn't a shortcut or a cheat code, it's an accommodation which allows you to access most people's baseline. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting to suffer and struggle unnecessarily. I, for one, fully support your decision to seek out diagnosis and treatment - and I'm sorry your boyfriend has internalized so much ableism!

[spikeinthepunch]

i have no plans to talk about the Emotional side of this, but the many weeks i have spent with a neuropsych trying to pin down the specifics of my cognitive issues has certainly been interesting, and im gonna detail that below. its made me really realize that alongside my issues, that there is so little understanding in society about the extent of "learning disabilities". even everyone here, every person who sits with the ADHD and autism labels and knows its probably part of their learning issues- the fact that there is probably so much more to it than you can even realize. and most people wont ever have the knowledge of depth to see that, or the proof of tests to see that.

i deeply wish getting this kind of testing but its insanely expensive. like, way WAY expensive. and its super important to get a good doctor for this (any Californians, i would gladly name the guy i am seeing!) but its not accessible at all (this series of tests take like, 6+ weeks but more for me bc i am more than just Learning tests. i am on week 10), which is obviously the main problem. hardly anyone i know will be able to get with kind of depth on Why they struggle. i am in a very privileged position to get to do this. its not bad to sit with labels like ADHD, or just know about your diagnosis of Autism (your Autism wont go away with this. you still have it. you'll just see the specifics, the stems to your problems) is what makes you struggle. this isnt a means to shame people or to say you have to do this in order to get better or get help.

but for me and i assume others, i havent been able to get the right accommodations for anything. society will never try to understand anyone cognitive abilities further and they NEED to make this shit more availble. I tried many things but none of them worked for me, but i also dont know WHY they dont work for me. putting aside the emotional struggles i am also doing in these tests (there is Cognitive testing and Emotional testing- which also makes things more pricey), i have been really really wanting to learn. just Things. it is all i want but I cannot, and the future feels impossible due to that. I try so hard to learn but nothing happens. i want to code, i want to 3D model, i was to up my drawing game, etc etc- even if i went for my assumed "easy" choice (simply production in entertainment) i still struggle to keep it in my head. it always feel like laziness, to sit down at try and then it doesnt stick, and that just makes you feel worse. Still i'd go and learn 3D modelling consistently for a week, but quite literally the moment i looked away from the donut tutorial, i couldnt do it. genuinely everything was lost from my brain. id redo it, i would do the donut tutorial again, but then thats all i could do.

learning with coding is no different, but i try to try very hard because i feel like i know it all "in theory", i look at stuff and i kinda can see what it all means. but right now as i try to learn Narrat, i am very actively seeing how the results of these tests are spelling out the problem. i sit down and look at documents but i cannot take in the reading material, but i see images and i get it kind of so i try- i look at someone else's game for some help but i dont totally know it. but i ask for help in the discord a LOT because i cannot process the documents they hand me, i cannot peice together what the documents say in order to solve the error i got, and only kind of get it when i connect an image of the code to what im doing, but there arent many pictures of what i need step by step and i get stuck again.

so many little things-- things that i cant really add up to just being ADHD- at the very least no one knows how to accommodate to my specifics anyways so i never get it solved. the autism may explain some things but it doesnt explain it all. I can't count change even on my fingers, i cant add things up on paper and i forgot how to multiply and divide. i forget things when theyre not in front of me, nothing i read stays in my head, nor does anything i listen to. i may work fast, i may process movement and things presented surprisingly well, but those four things (math, memory, listening comp, reading comp) are key things to learning that are SO awful it explains every reason i have been this way. i take it in quick, but it goes away in the blink of an eye.

i dont have ADHD by the way- it was one of those labels slapped on for years because "well your memory is bad, and so is your attention, and you have a hard time learning". and i dont disagree exactly, if i hadnt done this i would have been going along w my life with that label and it would have been fine- aside from the fact none of the ADHD meds i have taken over the years have never work, of course. or the fact i still wouldnt really know how to learn things because i dont have accommodations that actually help me make progress. i think i would still be sitting around stuck, thinking i am just stupid and there is no way around it.

point is- there is a lot under the surface. there are a collection of things that explain parts of your cognitive function and they all work on their own. and because i know this now, i can get very specific help. i can properly understand why certain accommodations in the past didnt work, what will work, and what i can do to actually try and Learn Shit. going through years of utterly sucking at everything in school is awful, it really knocks you down. Especially when you want to learn, you feel like you are trying so hard.

for more recent years i have sat here just thinking i couldnt do anything. watching family make progress as they age and feeling unable to do that too feels like shit and i hate the idea of never being able to put anything out there. i am in a place where i can live just fine without any job really, but i dont want to do that? i dont want to do nothing- even if it weren't a job, why would i want to sit around doing the one think i know- draw- and never be able to do anything else? id like it as a job but even outside of that i just want to know things like anyone else.

the fact that i feel far more hopeful than ever before is really a nice feeling. for a while it was a kind of motivation that was more like fighting a brick wall to proceed because even though i wanted something to change, i had no idea how it could. this isnt a clear "ok go do A and B and youll learn!". this will still be a long time of build. it will be a process as it would be for anything with learning and i still get overwhelmed by the prospect too, its still terrifying because i still wonder if it will really work out. but goddamn i do not feel like these many weeks of testing have been a waste- i really do understand far more than ever. its kind of sad to see, to have gone for so long without help, but id rather know it now than to never know and to always feel helpless and stupid.

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Tips for someone closeted abt their disabilities? Asking for a friend

hiiii !!! love you, i hope you are doing fine!

hmmm, THAT IS A COMPLICATED TOPIC YEAH... you can only mask so many of your struggles and a lot of it depends on the relationship you have with others and the enviroment you are in. i am not sure i can help, but i will ramble for a bit, okay!!

generally speaking:

1. keep in mind you do not need to tell someone. and if you can deal with it, especially if you are in a stressful risky enviroment where telling people could have repercussions on you, sometimes it can be beneficial to remain hidden. your identity really decides what you can and cant do in society 2. what also factors into this is whether you have a professional diagnosis. i am Very pro self diagnosis but unfortunately not everyone is and professional/school/uni enviroments just straight up dont really care. being taken seriously is always a huge struggle, no matter the disability/chronic illness. 3. seeing how your health is on the line, its usually good to be honest and upfront about it, since it can really help!!! its still definitely worth it, may that be to ask for accomodations, clear up confusion, or just to get it off your chest. its freeing!!

from my own experience, here is what i found:

i am always as upfront and unapologetic about it as possible. this is difficult and it takes practice but it is worth it. i feel like the more confident you appear, the more people are likely to instinctively take you seriously. + it always sets a sign to yourself and others to not treat the topic with any shame!!

people can be ignorant on accident, when they dont understand smth. so instead of describing what your disability does, i find it helpful to tell others how it affects your life and, if necessary, what they can do to help you/create a safer enviroment for you.

i think its generally good to start out by using easy terms and categories other people will instantly recognize before getting into the details. to be relatable, as the kids say and love to be. depends on the situation though. (like, for example, i have narcolepsy. no one knows what that is but if i tell people its a neurological disorder, that includes seizures and excessive exhaustion and tiredness, they instantly get a vague idea.)

be prepared to provide whatever the other end may accept as "proof". this is upsetting and it sucks. but you have to expect it unfortunately, even in casual enviroments. if you dont have anything official, a clear definition of how disability affects your life can help get the serious nature of the situation across.

you will find yourself explaining your disability over and over and over, so lay out a "battle plan" in your head that contains the most important information (symptoms, how it affects your daily life, which kinds of aid you need with it) it gets tedious but private people will often just.... forget. we all have our own lives and disability is usually unfortunately not a topic on peoples minds. (we can change that however >:))) )

this one sucks but. take care of yourself and be prepared to treat yourself better than the people who may push your away bc of this. i have ended many relationships with friends and family because they treated me terribly in relation to my disability. there are always people who will love and understand you.

if you know someone who already knows and supports you, it can help to have them be present. just as backup you know. and even if thats unnecessary, as emotional support.

as for any sort of school or work enviroment: gotta bite the bitter pill and just hand a docs diagnosis letter to people and ask for what you need. in relation to this, look up what sort of benefits/accomodations you can receive in your country and hand info on that in alongside the diagnosis. sometimes theres also local social services who can provide accessible info on this. you gotta be direct and demanding about it or no one will do anything, in my experience.

this got kind of lengthy, so i hope some of it is helpful somehow?!??! aaaaaaa

also, everything depends on the kind of disability ofc and the specific stigma related to it. my personal issue is people keep hitting me with the "wow i wish i could sleep as much as you do" (bruh,... my days are like 10h long. with maybe 4h i can "work" in. permanently) so i always try to lead the conversation in a way that wont give others a chance to attack me in predictable ways o|<

its genuinely super hard but necessary and sometimes extremely good for you to be open about your disability. the world wasnt made with us in mind but with more information and social acceptance, it can be. never let others get you down!!! youre strong as hell!!

[alienaiver]

Hi Nohr, I hope I'm not being rude for asking but I read you have ARFID? What is it like for you? I think I may have it but Im afraid of 'self diagnosing' and being judged 😖

hiii sweetheart! ✨ youre not being rude at all, im very open about my issues and stuff, so ill be happy to talk to u about it !! (if u also wanna rant or open up abt ur situation more privately u can go off anon (if ur comfortable) and ill reply privately or thru dm's <3)

and yep, ive had arfid my entire life. its been different things that have been safe foods at different periods of my life !!

im putting the rest under a read more bcos i go into detail of my current restricted diet and stuff, so if that triggers anyone, they wont be forced to see it !! its also just a bit long lmao

rn its Very bad and the only things i can get thru my mouth is crushed corn flakes, gummy bears, a specific ice cream and on/off cucumbers. like ive eaten nothing else since sunday and very little of either. anything else i try makes me gag, nauseous or can even give me meltdowns if forced to eat. im dizzy all the time rn and very frustrated about it 🙂‍↕️ its also sooo embarrassing because like ??? my dude those safe foods are literally candy? and im afraid i seem like i just do it to eat candy but its not and i feel so ashamed 😭

i AM hungry tho; i feel the hunger and the low blood sugar, so i try to eat, get clammy and/or triggered and then thats that. cant try again until ive regulated back to a calm state of mind and feel ready to try again.

i also react strongly to my roomie's food/the smell. i have to go into another room if they eat anything with a strong scent, or sit in the opposite end of the living room. luckily, theyre VERY understanding of it so they dont get offended!!!

as i said im going thru a kind of extreme phase right now, but in my usual day-to-day life theres still tons of food i can eat. when im stressed, have my period, big decisions or other life crisis my food selection instantly limits themselves.

but like normally i have at least 10-12 different safe food meals, besides my 2-3 comfort foods and am usually more willing to try new stuff and comfortable exploring new things.

my current arfid flare-up started during early summer where i started repeating the same three meals (like last year when i lived off of onigiri and ramen) ill go to great lengths to prepare and make the food that is safe but as soon as its unsafe, i dont go thru the trouble anymore; thats usually my first warning sign. i repeat few meals and feel safe eating less and less varieties.

for me its not about calories or weight restrictions; its 100% sensory input. im not afraid of having adverse reactions like allergies, i just physically LOATHE the food in my mouth, it grows as i chew it and it instantly triggers my gag reflex.

theres little else to do about it but go thru it as best as i am able, drink lots of water and then supplement with shakes of fruit and protein powder. usually my arfid is a symptom of distress, which means i have to fix the underlying issue before it goes back to normal.

you should never fear self-diagnosing in any capacity, because the only thing an 'official' diagnosis is important for is a) treatment accessibility and b) inner understanding and comfort in knowing youre not alone. in a lot of countries, assessments like these cost so much with no insurance, so theres no shame in learning and figuring out yourself.

even if you end up not 'qualifying' for an arfid diagnosis, it does nOT take away your issues around food or the validity in your search for solutions !!!!

i wish no one would get judged for any 'quirky' eating habits but i think its something - depending on what youre able to eat - you may need to face daily or weekly. i have a very understanding circle of people around me, and ive been struggling with eating since i was a kid, so many people in my circle are also just. used to it. they worry and in the past theyve tried to force me to eat by taking me to restaurants that didnt have my safe foods to entice me to eat differently which is ALWAYS humiliating (they dont do it anymore). theyve since learned that taking it into consideration is way easier for everyone, and will make for a more positive experience if they want me included in the eating part of anything social.

a way to handle it is to practice how to respond to judgy comments, and figuring out what you want to get out of those. are you interested in educating them about arfid and why it is hard for you? maybe learn and remember some facts or offer some sources to send that they can read, and that youre happy to explain your experiences (if you are). maybe youre just looking to appease the situation and make your eating a non-topic? then shut it down 'nicely' with a smile and a laugh like 'yea, i definitelt am picky ahaha'. it can feel a bit like shooting yourself down choosing that road, but if its people u know you dont want to have the discussion with/will make it uncomfortable or youre just not that interested in opening up to them, you can shut it down like that. for me, practicing a few formulated replies in case anyone comments on it, have made it way less anxiety inducing for me to join in social gatherings and feel less blindsided !! (and if i have to go out to eat somewhere new i check the menu online beforehand!)

my twin has pretty hardcore arfid too and when we were kids, a little worse than me, so in some aspects ive never really been alone with my issues or felt completely ashamed because she was going through the same thing, which in my case, was lucky. i wasnt the odd one out or the weird kid (we were the weird twins tho lmao but we had each other !!!) but im sure finding community in facebook groups or even here (with me or others) can also really help on the shame around being so picky. let me know if you have any more questions or wanna talk about ur experiences, im genuinely genuinely always up for a chat and here for anyone who needs it !!! 🥰🧡

[possibly-eli]

the fucking wild thing about living around/with people who are like. yk. ableist in a Very Specific Way (and being bullied for being disabled) is how that kinda. internalises a lil weirdly or whatever

like i was terrified for fucking ages that i wouldnt be applicable for my country's disability allowance thing because im like. not the ~right kind~ of disabled (despite being. objectively disabled regardless).

i think its kinda like. related to the general lack of equity or something. im not looked at like im disabled (and having specific needs that need to be tended to), but just. someone who's lazy and doesnt want to do a thing. like i only got permission to wear my headphones in school THIS YEAR. i only got access to my school's disability support system like. what 2 years ago? after having my diagnosis for i think 4? 5 years at this point i think. i function so specifically that its just generally assumed that i dont need extra supports until its made APPARENT that i need them later on (though ofc the whole "me being aggressively suicidal at age 12/13" thing didnt actually lead to those supports. which i think is funny. i think my parents just assumed "erm. this is just a phase. if we address it once i SHOULD be fine and our child will never be suicidal AGAIN proceeds to. not ABUSE per se but. be kind of Wrong about that child (not taking emotional needs in to account, getting mad because that child reacted to having their boundaries knowingly crossed in regards to sensory overload from. the sensory processing disorder theyve been Diagnosed with. but thats not what im talking about right now so im going to stop thinking about it ok cool)

like how difficult can it be to comprehend that theres just things i Cant Do. i dont Care if youre able to block out things you dont want to hear, mom, i dont care if youre able to just get up and do things but i cant and i dont know how to dumb that down for you any more than i have already because you are actively not listening to me. and idk

im really fucking overwhelmed right now because my stupid godawful brother is snoring through the walls and. again. i cant just fucking Block That Out. so im wearing my headphones and listening to some rainworld videos but also i need to charge my headphones for the morning so i might just like. die

[deceptive-daydreams]

im just rambling, this is like my diary so i just put it here

i feel like genuinely no one around me understands the mental turmoil i am going through. i cannot walk around my house rn because its a mess and my mind literally won't allow it to be that way but its such a mess that i can't really do it all by myself without melting down and hyperventiliating. each time i try i have to lock myself in my room because i get to overwhelmed/overstimulated. there's a light in the kitchen that constantly flickers and it's enough to send me over the edge and i never wanna go in that room again.

i am not diagnosed but after doing lieral hours and hours of research this past year i heavily identify with autism spectrum disorder, it's the only thing that has made sense. i still feel shitty for "self diagnosing" even tho i know its an important part of the community cause not everyone has access to a diagnosis (i do not at this time). my family dont really take it seriously when i say that i think i am autistic and it really burns me out. basically it kinda feels like they're almost like "oh that can't be!" or like because autism presents differently in girls it feels like they're like "you can't have it, not possible". like my mom said she had some kind of "testing" done before I was even born to check if there were any disorders i guess? idk i think it uses dna to see what your child could possibly have if anything. But because she said that i didn't show up with anything that she doesn't think i have it. it's fucking draining because its almost like everyone thinks its a bad thing which it's really not??? yeah there are things that aren't the best that come with it but there's also things that make me, me.

anyway i find it super annoying that my mom rejects this because all my life i have only presented as autistic, basically. like ever since i can remember i have been stimming, i have always been shy and always felt like i was trying to fit in and act like a human, i've always had meltdowns over certain tasks, i have always needed some kind of routine, i can't even drive a car without having some kind of freak out. because no one believes me, i still feel like i'm psyching myself out and that im not valid.

i think i've finally hit full burnout because this christmas i just...didn't care. i did my best but i just don't care anymore. if no one else cares then i don't care. it sucks cause im such a people pleaser and i feel myself slowly getting mean with everyone but its like....y'all kinda did that to me so...

[delusionsofskin]

it absolutely fucking infuriates me that my dad thinks im just sensitive or whatever. like fuck off. work is hell life can be hell im not just an idiot loser who is too lazy to work more than 16 hours a week. there are things wrong with me but he thinks its different stuff like a lack of work ethic. he wants me to read self help books to get over my exhaustion over working, to not let my joint pain to take over my life. and im trying. i am. but after even a simple 4 hour shift now my wrist have stabbing pains, my feet lose circulation that i can only feel coming back 20 minutes after it ends and ive been sitting. im constantly exhausted, i fell asleep in a mall after a simple 4 hour shift. my entire bones ache, all of my joints hurt. my arms and legs begin to go numb, kind of hard to not let pain take over my life when its becoming an aspect in a significant part of it. and like. thats not even the part of me that wants to kms after a shift at work. he doesnt understand that when im at work i have to hold myself back from punching shit because im so overwhelmed, im constantly screaming at coworkers mentally, every single beep from the drivethru headset is a knife into my brain (not to mention when theres loud trucks, sirens, voices maxing out the speaker, etc). i am ready to cry at multiple points during any given shift these days, and now im not even getting shifts over 4 hours and its still the same deal. and i just feel so hopeless like i have to do this every day for the rest of my life. wake up, get dressed, go to work, suffer, come home exhausted and in pain, dont do any hobbies, rot in bed all day, struggle to brush my teeth and shower, i just. im not built for this shit man i dont want to do this for the rest of my fucking life. i broke stuff today over the feeling of food underneath my socks and i always wear socks because the feeling of stuff under my feet bothers me. but i cant get diagnosed because that will limit healthcare access if it is indeed autism. but i cant get accommodations without a diagnosis. im so tired. its 7:45pm and i want to sleep. im angry and disappointed in myself because i havent been working on my costume at all. i just wish i were normal.

[violentviolette]

ASPD diagnosis anon again.

Thank for responding, I really appreciate it.

You mentioned your bipolar diagnosis affecting your rights/freedoms, what did you mean by that? I ask because personally, I have lots of things i need to address, and process, but therapy as a whole just seems like a massive risk. I'm not asking for a "do this/dont do this," I guess, but more of your perspective and experiences.

Thanks again, just let me know if it's too personal. :)

so in the us at least, it can affect a lot. bipolar disorder is considered a legal disability tho and is protected under the ADA so some of these things u can fight, while others u cant

things like workplace or educational discrimination for example, both are required to provide accomodation for bipolar individuals, but them knowing ur diagnosis at all puts u at risk for discrimination. i know most places wont hire u if they know that upfront, and in some fields (like medical, govt work, ect) outright state that u cannot have a mental health diagnosis like bipd in their field and they straight up will not even consider hiring u

it can affect ur ability to get or renew a drivers liscence, especially specialty liscences like CDL's and motorcycle

it greatly affects ur medical treatment overall. ive had problems with some dr's not taking me seriously because they see i have a bipd dx. i had a bone tumor the size of a baseball in my shoulder for years and when i told dr's it felt like i couldnt breathe and that something was pushing my shoulder out they dismissed me as being a hypochonriac and told me to talk to my therapist. i also need to make a point to appear put together when i see certain dr's or else they take it as a sign im declining mentally

were often at an increased risk for involuntary hospitalizations, especially if healthcare workers believe u to be manic or having an episode. this leaves us more vulnerable to things like guardianships/conservatorships. it is much more likely for judges to rule against us in cases where someone is challenging our legal rights or trying to gain prolonged control. this can be especially dangerous for people in abusive relationships or with abusive parents.

it also counts negatively against us in family court proceedings. judges are much less likely to side with a bipolar parent in custody cases and it's much easier for partners, family members, and the state to seize control over ur children

we also cant buy or legally carry any kind of firearm or other weapons. even knives that are legal to carry for others can become issues for us if the law becomes involved. we're much more likely to be given harsher punishment and prison sentences, and more likely to be mistreated in police custody

overall tho it's about weighing the pro's and cons for u personally. for me with my bipolar, i Need medication or i will go insane and kill myself and so i really had no choice there. u need a diagnosis to access bipolar meds consistently, wheras with something like aspd, u dont need a diagnosis to access treatment so it was easy to keep that one off the books

generally tho, unless ur out here telling ur therapist ur about to shoot up the grocery store or kill ur dog or throw urself infront of traffic, getting hospitalized when ur just seeking average talk therapy is fairly unlikely. hospitals are overfull and the mental health system is way overworked and understaffed and most places dont want to fight with insurances that dont want to cover stays. so u do generally have to be saying some extream things to risk being coded currently, at least in my experience. ive been held for 24hr stays before, but never longer than that. they almost always dont have a bed and so unless ur really losing ur shit infront of them they dont want to have to keep u.

also if u seek out dbt centered therapy and resources they tend to be better about handling hearing the nasty symptoms without getting too nervous. things like issues with empathy and anger management are much more common for patients seeking dbt. it also helps if u tell them these things upfront. this makes u appear more self aware and in control, which works in ur favor and makes it less likely they'll view u as an active threat to urself or others. but it really just comes down to what ur looking for personally

[sp00ky-scary]

Why is trying to find out information about accessing hormones in australia so difficult. I cant even get a solid answer on whether or not informed consent is an option and I really hope it is because I dont have the ability to get to a gender clinic thats a minimum of 5 hours away or fork out hundreds of bucks for telehealth appointments to get a diagnosis and prescription. I dont even know if I have the money for hormones because I cant find any fucking information on how much they cost either, specifically T, whenever I find any kind of answer it's about E.

[deaniewithalittleweanie]

The last few days have been really bad pain-wise. The elevator wasn’t working in my parking deck, so I had to climb 5 flights of stairs to the 6th floor and it really felt like I had sandpaper in my kneecaps. My hip was popping in and out too. I really should start filing complaints about accessibility at my college BUT IT WOULD BE A HELL OF A LOT EASIER IF MY RHEUMATOLOGIST WOULD GIVE ME SOME KIND OF FORMAL DIAGNOSIS SO I COULD GET LITERALLY ANY KIND OF OF ACCOMMODATION BECAUSE I CANT RN BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A FORMAL DIAGNOSIS!!!!