#i dont even feel like food til like 2 pm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shytiff · 3 years

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Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know).

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

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abtoddler · 5 years

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Yay its finally bedtime. I put the vics on, and really love this NorthShore supreme over my normal night time diaper.

Im nervous cause in the morning i meet a new doctor. I dont like to think about all my fears ahead of me, i try and really embody my perspective of temperance and balance. However moments like this scare the daylights out of me. So im writing out what im going to copy and paste for my new doctor in the morning.

I have problems articulating everything clearly:

The reasons im super scared are because ive got nothing to think i will recover in anyway. The coldness, the discomfort; the burning sensations down from my knees, i cant move several of my toes, or feel much as far as pain anymore once the numbness comes on nearly as soon as i sit or lay on something.

The pain never stops, the golfball in my spine, the burning feet. And then all the horrible side effects of my ibs, digestive problems, and the pain of voiding stool. Which then causes me to throw up 1-4 times a day. Theres a point when i am feeling all the sensations of vomit, but nothing to very little comes out. The pain is what causes it when my entire body tries to expell the stool. It doesnt matter what consistency either. When the stool arrived and i did nothing to bring it on; it burns like its mucus and acid. When its hard, it hurts in different ways, and its generally this which i am trying to increase digestive health, but there are so many foods i cannot eat:

Pork- causes vomiting and diarrhea

Soda- swelling of my stomach

Certain fruits- cause immediate burning sensations as soon as they get eaten: anything with citric acid: lemon, orange, kumkuats

The lemonades, juice blends. Etc.

Some types of bread

Cereal: i had been eating oat based cereal like lucky charms, and got really sick my stomach got so much worse; this was three weeks ago, so ive been trying to recover colon health.

I need to know full food allergies so i can stop going through all of this. Trying to not get sick or be in pain every time i eat.

I have also stopped trying to manually control the void with an enema, or stimulating plug. And have tried compensating by taking chlorophyll vitamens to reduce odor. Its been helping, and has only been started in the last 3 weeks, when my stomach got so bad from the cereal (which happened in the same week that the roundup chemicals had been discovered in all oat based cerals from the major companies)

I have a hard time verbalizing a lot of things these days. Interactions with people outside of being able to sit and come up with a verbal or typed response. Its hard to talk to people, its hard to focus on conversations, its hard to process the comprehension of what im being told when im not on any medications. Its getting harder to interact with people outside of work, and home.

I practice mindfulness every day, i try and stay flexible. Ive gotten back to work and can stand for an hour or so, before the burning sensations and weakness to my knees and legs. The cold, the wet, was particularly hellacious this last month. Ive also noticed that my fingers will begin to go numb like my toes, when the upper part of my back (new area). There is also the sensation of someone sticking a sewing needle under my left hand, small-ring-middle finger. This sensation occurs a few times a day, and i wonder if its like the same sensation that occurs in my feet. But its super sharp and focused. So thsts why i think its something else. It doesnt feel like the constant pressure, restlessness, numbness, tingling, the “whitenoise” on an old tv if that visual was a feeling beneath the skin that never stops:

On my upper left thigh from my hip to my knee

On the outer side, has little to no sensation for things other then a buzzing: this occurrence was immedately after my radio frequency ablation.

The normal course of my day for the last 6-8 months. Where there is pretty much no deviation to the day:

4:30 am (last occurrence was on 4/11)

8:45 am when my alarm goes off, i have to wait for the feeling to return to my toes so i can stand up and get my day organized.

Within 1-3 hours of waking up, if i do not immediately get in the shower, and spend no less then 45 minutes-2 hours cleaning my rectum.

From that, i cant really eat much, or have much energy after. I usually take about 5 hours to try and get through as much of what ever it is, with out pain medication, so by the time my pain level is making it hard to focus, i take one of my pain meds, muscle relaxer, and benedryll to counteract the itching all over in random pressures and intendities, this occurs from 10:30- 3 pm and while the hour it takes to shower again when i get home or have to change my diaper. I have no energy left and sleep til 6:00-9pm. From 9-11 time watching tv with my partners. Then from10:30 pm i take all my meds. Then 11p-as late as 10 am, no sleep regardless of position, burning feet, numb feet, that burn. Constant hot flashes at night so by the time i was up its been 2-4 in the middle of the night.

Over the past 6 months, ive been running out of medication. If the day is cold, or if i have to drive anywhere, if i have to be on my feet. The one med i have when i get home from work, and then again so i can sleep, has caused me to not get anywhere with managing these sensations. There is not enough or its not effective. My doctors do not listen.

Opiates make me itch. Thats why i take benedryl, and hydroxizine to help reduce itching. There is mediation that they give me in the er to help, but no one has cared to explore if that’s something that would work for my vomiting as well which occurs due to pain expelling stool.

I usually eat about 9-11 pm each day as i try and have something in my stomach when intake my night pills after dinner.

My ability to drive; lasts about 20 minutes. So im able to get to and from single outings in a day, i dont have stamina or emotional endurace to go much beyond this routine.

I cannot travel, can barely work, walk with a cane, and have this is what my normal day is, and has been for nearly 2 years without reiable relief of any kind. No one seems able to understand how limiting it is, how much pain that never stops, how even eating or drinking the wrong thing creates even more problems.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

I dont have anything I can think to do next, i dont have anymore hope that i can go 6 hours without something going wrong. There isn’t anything ive been able to have reliable, consistent relief from since moving to san diego in 2012. Daily management has not occurred, from anything that has been recomended from the long term and my quality of life is between being unable to focus, or interact with others in a meaningful way, or without loosing sensations, stumbling on something, have panic attacks because of the anxiety problems from always being over stimulated to the point where body contact with my partner cannot happen. My skin feels like it burns when something touches it, i cannot wear much without it scratching and leaving marks on my skin, or causing more varieties of sensory hell. My shirts, pants, the pressure from then diaper if its not fitted well. The sensation can be anything from sharp like im being cut, or an another itching or burning in places where things touch me. I have no idea what will happen next.

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yooka-kazooie · 4 years

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liveblog of me watching the sonic movie courtesy of me yell-typing at my friend on discord

#long post #spoilers

6:48 PM] Me: well guess I'm gonna rent it on cable [6:50 PM] Me: ok so far the cc works [6:50 PM] Me: which is good news on optimum [6:50 PM] Friend: good [6:50 PM] Me: upp spoke too soon [6:50 PM] Me: where did the cc go [6:51 PM] Me: first the sound didn't work and now the cc goes I keep having to close the movie and resume [6:51 PM] Me: I already dont know this owl character [6:51 PM] Me: like I'm not a HUGE fan of sonic but who is she [6:51 PM] Friend: I don't think she was in the games [6:52 PM] Friend: just an owl who adopted sonic [6:52 PM] Me: oh no is she from the original archie comics [6:52 PM] Me: I've also never seen sonic younger than like 15 [6:52 PM] Friend: no idea [6:52 PM] Me: were those echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: the old sonic show (the good one) had an episode where sonic goes back in time and meets himself as a kid [6:53 PM] Me: oh good he's a cop good /s [6:53 PM] Me: the urkel one? [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah echidnas [6:53 PM] Friend: yeah [6:53 PM] Friend: there were two urkel ones [6:54 PM] Friend: aired at the same time [6:54 PM] Friend: or same year [6:54 PM] Me: he was in both of them??? [6:54 PM] Friend: yep [6:54 PM] Me: I never watched the "good one" [6:54 PM] Me: sat am? [6:54 PM] Friend: yeah [6:54 PM] Me: yeah I literally never saw it [6:54 PM] Friend: I think [6:54 PM] Me: til Nostalgia Critic [6:57 PM] Me: did crazy carl's drawing look like sanic I can't rewind with ondemand [6:58 PM] Friend: yes it did [7:05 PM] Me: whoops sonic emp [7:07 PM] Me: I assume these old people are describing eggman [7:07 PM] Me: so eggman is human [7:08 PM] friend: yeah [7:10 PM] Me: whos stone [7:10 PM] Me: like did Eggman need a human y.. [7:10 PM] Me: wait is he a robot [7:10 PM] Me: "a human yesman" is what I was going to say [7:10 PM] Me: it seems weird to me that he'd pay a human yesman instead of building a robot yesman [7:11 PM] friend: to be fair he has a human yesman in that old show too [7:11 PM] Me: the show I didnt watch? [7:11 PM] friend: yeah [7:11 PM] Me: I watched the pumpkin show [7:11 PM] Me: and sonic boom cartoon [7:12 PM] Me: and I played sonic adventure 2 [7:12 PM] Me: and sonic 06 [7:13 PM] Me: I'm just letting you know what I know [7:13 PM] Me: what sonic media I've consumed [7:13 PM] Me: I never played the 2D games [7:13 PM] Me: never saw Sonic Sat Am [7:14 PM] Me: uhh meow [7:14 PM] Me: oh neat I didn't know that's how the rings would work [7:14 PM] Friend: lol nice to know where you are in the movie [7:15 PM] Me: donut lord shouldn't be so confused this is at least his second time finding a small talking furry animal-like creature [7:15 PM] Me: I'm sorry but the fact that this dude had the same role in hop is hilarious [7:15 PM] Me: how do you get typecast like that [7:16 PM] Me: "where are the mushrooms and why am I still on earth" is a mood [7:16 PM] Me: his eyes are cool looking [7:16 PM] Me: I can't remember what the old design looked like and I'm scared to look it up [7:17 PM] Me: did I tell you someone proved that it wasn't a stunt and that was the actual real design [7:17 PM] friend: someone told me that [7:17 PM] Me: because they found the merch they were making and they actually made some with the old design [7:17 PM] Me: that was intentional [7:18 PM] Me: oh I like those videogame control gloves [7:18 PM] Me: they need to make those for VR [7:21 PM] Me: raccoons are so cute [7:21 PM] Me: I want one for a pet [7:23 PM] Me: no I'm calling it, Stone is secretly a robot [7:25 PM] Me: the more he says mushroom planet the more I realize it's a nintendo joke [7:25 PM] Me: the mushroom planet has to be the mushroom kingdom [7:25 PM] Me: he doesn't want to go where mario lives [7:26 PM] Me: now I want mushrooms (food) [7:26 PM] Friend: every time he talks about the mushroom planet I want them to make a nintendo cinematic universe [7:26 PM] Me: man Sonic's individual quills look weird? [7:27 PM] Me: whenever I focus on them [7:27 PM] Me: not that bad but it's weird [7:28 PM] Friend: the ones still on his body? I know the one not on his body was never changed [7:28 PM] Me: yeah the ones on him [7:28 PM] Me: it's fine looking when I don't focus on them [7:29 PM] Me: this movie has Antman vibes [7:29 PM] Me: similar humor [7:35 PM] Me: hipsters how do you even convince someone you're not that lol [7:35 PM] Me: oh here we go first standstill [7:36 PM] Me: it's really cool actually, like that one xmen scene [7:36 PM] Me: god that is just ridiculously fast [7:36 PM] Me: so far this movie is better than it looked [7:37 PM] Me: especially before the redesign [7:37 PM] Me: ugh [7:37 PM] friend: I do wonder how much, if any, the story changed with the design [7:37 PM] Me: I'm just guessing that it's the same but there could have been more changes [7:39 PM] Me: ok if mushroom world has no breathable air I'd say that's not a safe place to go [7:39 PM] Me: for sonic??? [7:40 PM] Friend: I do question how a planet full of mushrooms can have enough oxygen in it. there must be something producing more oxygen though [7:41 PM] Me: if Stone isn't a robot that eggman built I hope he's paid well [7:41 PM] Me: he literally just said it doesn't have breathable air [7:41 PM] Friend: I thought he said it did [7:42 PM] Me: ... [7:42 PM] Me: I can't rewind [7:42 PM] Me: a babysitter is infinitely better than a cop tho [7:42 PM] Me: acab [7:44 PM] Me: does he go super sonic in this [7:44 PM] Me: like gold [7:45 PM] Me: aaand he's flossing [7:45 PM] Me: how old is sonic [7:45 PM] Me: is this a child [7:45 PM] friend: idk they should have mentioned it somewhere [7:46 PM] Me: are those children fighting over a switch or a tablet [7:46 PM] Me: jesus sonic just killed eggman [7:46 PM] Me: like I understand but [7:46 PM] Me: oh he waasn't in that one [7:46 PM] Me: I guess [7:49 PM] Me: it seems weird that that exploded [7:49 PM] Me: what if it killed sonic [7:49 PM] Me: what if it damaged the remains [7:49 PM] Me: didnt eggman want to study him [7:50 PM] Me: ok well eggman just called Stone a human being so I hope he's being paid well [7:53 PM] Me: ok how is it fun to be chased by a holographic dinosaur [7:53 PM] Me: I literally have nightmares that are that [7:53 PM] Me: except in nightmares you can feel terror and pain [7:56 PM] Me: are those the shoes that had a deal with sonic adventure 2 [7:57 PM] Me: ah man this is the kinda guy who would either get fired because he's too good to be a cop or be corrupted by getting the job [7:57 PM] Me: I've been reading a lot of stories of what happens to "good cops" lately [7:58 PM] Me: and either they get fired for not being terrible or they become terrible [7:58 PM] Me: remember there are no good cops [7:59 PM] friend: well that is going to change soon [7:59 PM] friend: or it better [7:59 PM] Me: no more cops [7:59 PM] Me: abolish cops [7:59 PM] Me: freedom [8:03 PM] Me: oooo he called him eggman [8:03 PM] Me: took me a second to realize that wasn't just his name [8:03 PM] friend: he is eggman in japan and robotnic in america [8:04 PM] Me: I just think of him as Dr Eggman Robotnic [8:04 PM] Me: like bowser is King Bowser Koopa [8:04 PM] Me: Princess Peach Toadstool [8:04 PM] Me: ... I wasn't paying attention did sonic's speed just fail [8:05 PM] Me: *ring get noise* Me: oh no how many of those rings does he have [8:07 PM] Me: like not an infinite amount [8:07 PM] Me: wait [8:07 PM] Me: aren't the pyramids like [8:07 PM] Me: next to a city [8:08 PM] Me: and not in the middle of endless sand [8:08 PM] friend: yeah [8:09 PM] friend: from pictures there does seem to be a lot of sand around them [8:10 PM] Me: its the angle [8:10 PM] Me: the pyramids are like [8:10 PM] Me: inbetween endless sand and a city [8:10 PM] friend: sure [8:10 PM] Me: well he's going Blue Super Sonic [8:10 PM] Me: still not gold/yellow [8:11 PM] friend: well he does need all the chaos emeralds to go gold [8:12 PM] Me: so what is this form called [8:12 PM] Me: canonically [8:12 PM] friend: idk [8:12 PM] Me: blue lightning sonic [8:13 PM] friend: all that comes up is a truck [8:14 PM] Me: try tvtropes [8:17 PM] Me: well they're treating him like a child? I think? [8:17 PM] Me: like they adopted him [8:17 PM] Me: he's flossing and has a racecar bed [8:17 PM] Me: I think he's a child??? [8:18 PM] Me: hye look its eggman [8:18 PM] Me: he's gonna be so pissed when he gets back [8:18 PM] Me: pff stone isn't a human anymore [8:18 PM] Me: I guess the air is breathable [8:18 PM] Me: how does he get fat on msuhroom world [8:19 PM] Me: are the mushrooms edible [8:19 PM] friend: I would hope at least some of them are [8:19 PM] Me: wait why did he shave [8:19 PM] Me: I saw him do it but it's not explained why [8:19 PM] Me: did he get gum in his hair what did I miss [8:20 PM] friend: well if his mustache is any indication his hair might have gotten... idk weird, so he shaved it [8:21 PM] friend: remember end credit scenes [8:21 PM] Me: ah mood [8:21 PM] Me: I'm watching the credits yes [8:21 PM] Me: I mean I feel like shaving my head would feel infinitely weirder so I just buzz it short but mood [8:21 PM] friend: idr if there was a thing at the very end of the credits [8:21 PM] Me: oh here we go some woods TAILS [8:21 PM] Me: NO [8:21 PM] Me: they had to redesign tails [8:21 PM] Me: too [8:21 PM] Me: wait [8:21 PM] Me: uh [8:21 PM] Me: that was [8:21 PM] Me: really fast for tails [8:22 PM] Me: I guess he's not as fast as sonic but he's not supposed to be that fast [8:22 PM] Me: aaand more credits [8:22 PM] friend: well he can be fast in the games [8:23 PM] Me: he was slow in sonic boom cartoon [8:23 PM] Me: maybe???

#sonic the movie spoilers #sonic movie spoilers #gtxt

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icyblasty · 5 years

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Entry #6

Saturday July 13,2019

I keep expecting to see him one last time because the last time that I saw him was last Saturday and didn’t go well because I have no Idea he is going to quit his job. I have a 2-8pm shift today, I was just chilling a while ago when I realized that my dad is not at home. I texted him and he said that he cannot give me a ride because he is in the hospital and was having some check ups. I was rushing because during that time I was so scared of not seeing him and didn’t have a proper goodbye. I called the taxi and got to McDonald’s at 1:15 pm, yes, I am so freakin’ early. I WAS SO PRETTY EARLY and guess what? I DIDN’T SEE HIM. I was thinking that I should’ve said goodbye properly last saturday if only I knew. But then, JM (our manager) told me to stay til’ 10pm because he needs me. Bro, I was like I don’t wanna stay til’ 10pm when my day is not going well. I expect too much a while ago and just lead me to disappointment because I really didn’t see him. He didn’t even snapback me. When I started working, It went pretty smooth. Eileen told me that he didn’t work today, made me feel sad at that moment. Time goes by so fast. That I didn’t notice It’s almost 4pm. I was in the first booth, until Jax went there to take lane 2 and cash, while I was sent to the Window to help Taylor.

BUT THEN!!!!!! I was making something that time, probably a coffee or ice coffee. When Eileen called my name and said “He’s here” and I was like “what? who?” and she whispered it to me saying “Juan” “Juan is here”. OMYGOSH. Can you believe that??? I was actually thinking that he is not coming today. I keep telling Eileen “are u sure that’s him?” “for real??? omg, you’re joking right?” and then she smiled and said “No”. Taylor and Eileen starts teasing me and giving me this weird look because they know that I’m expecting to see him today. I was not really ready to say hello or what Until JM told me to get the trays at the back since we don’t have any trays left in the window. BRUH, I WAS THINKING OF SAYING NO BUT TAYLOR THAT TIME IS TAKING THE ORDERS. I went there and I said “I need more trays” and then he said “what? you need more? You can have just five trays” and I said “I need more TRAYS” and then he said “Okay, you clean it” and I was like “Clean or else. I need more trays. You are in the first booth then you have to clean those” and I went back in front after saying those. I am not really sure why I always act like that towards him. I don’t know why I give him so much attitudes when I am just not like this to everyone. AGAIN, Taylor and Eileen gaves me this weird look and I was like “Okay, I just said Hi and thats it” and they both laughed. As the time goes by, when JM sent me to check or somehow clean the lobby, I got the chance to collect some trays and go to first booth to see him. Even went to get a McDonald 🧢 because I thought it was the cap that one of the customer lost when they went to McDonald ‘s last week. When I go there, JUAN WAS LIKE “Okay what do you want from me?” BRUH I LITERALY IGNORED HIM and went back to the lobby to clean some dirty tables.

I got my break time around 5:30ish and because I don’t know what to do. I called my bestfriend JUNE and asked for the advice. Literally, I don’t know how to approach him because I’m very shy. I don’t know I feel so shy when he do something that makes me feel like i’m special. Balwinder and I was talking about something and I don’t know why Juan is like not going to the crew room when he found out we are there and talking something. I got back around 6:10pm and I don’t know why I keep avoiding him or making contacts with him or ignoring him.

UNTIL around 6-7pm there was this lady in the front and was looking for a timing to asks something from someone. I couldn’t help it because she was looking towards my way and when I went to the front, she looks suprised and when she goes near I RECOGNIZED HER! YES... SHE’S JUAN MOTHER! She was like “Hi dear, Okay so I came here because my son is working here and I think he is in the back. I need to asks something from him. I wonder if you could asks him about the keys.” and I was like “Oh you are Juan’s mother.” and she said “Yes yes. If you could asks him about the car keys” and I was like “yeah sure, I’ll just go and grab the keys to him or I’ll call him” and she smiled and said “Oh please thank you” BRO I JUST MEET JUAN RAMIREZ’S MOTHER and his half sister. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I went to the back and said to Juan “So... your mom... is in the window right now and was asking for the car keys or idk.” and He was like “Oh okay okay. You need to take this lane and cash for a second” and I freaked out because who will be left in the window since Taylor is off. and I was like “Bruh I need to run the window too.” and he said “well I need to go and give the key to my mom” and JM is shouting where I am already and I said “I’M HERE!!!!” and He was asking if why i am in the first booth and I said because Juan is talking with his mom at the moment and JM said it’s okay. Juan went back already and I was taking order that time. I was kinda sticking out my tongue so he said “why are you sticking out your tongue. u want a kiss dont you?” and BRUH HE LITERALLY DISTRACT ME FROM THE ORDER. He was laughing when I finish taking order and I just rolled my eyes and went back to the window. WHATS EVEN MORE COOLER IS THAT, I was the one who gives his mom’s order. It was a small coffee 1 cream, Brownie cookie, strawberry danish and a blueberry danish and when I gave it to her. She said “Thank you and Thank you for calling my son.” She’s very pretty ❤️🥰😍 and she’s very nice and very kind. I even loved her voice, it’s very calm. The best thing is that she even smiled at me.

After that, I was running the window and then Juan went there to annoy me once again. He tryna keep holding my hands but he failed as I don’t wanna do it when a lot of people can see it. BUT, MY HAND THAT TIME IS LIKE WAITING FOR THE FOOD AND HE FREAKIN’ HOLD MY HAND. 😩🥰 The guy in the kitchen was literally saw that and smiled at us. And I took Juan’s hand away because Ugh 😩 I feel shy. Juan is laughing that time because of what he did. The guy in the kitchen laughed out. Until JM went infront was kinda asking him why is he such a not nice guy while he’s mom is very nice. I just overheard that his parents are separated and he got to lived with his dad for now. and that the girl with her mom a while ago is his half sister. I was pretty shocked because how I wish my parents can be a good friends just like them. 😐 But yeah, I don’t know why he’s like that but I still like him no matter what.

A lot of things happened today that I will cherished and keep ♾ forever. He kinda didn’t say anything whenever Balwinder and I was annoying each other or maybe won’t come near when Balwinder and I was just talking and laughing. I even kinda hear him say something when Karan, Wei , Balwinder and I was talking about their 🧔 beards. Wei was like I like white guys more than brown guys and I tryna defending myself to them because Juan is really the guy that I like. Then, Juan said something that make us split up and shut up. When he was supposed to help me out when Wei is on break, Karan told him to stock up and I feel like he doesn’t wanna do those. He even stared at me and give me this weird look. I don’t know if he gets annoyed because I’m so noisy or what but he keeps doing things that I get annoyed... just like throwing boxes real hard, throwing dirty scotch taped on me, or even gives me the whole Bag B and wants me to stock it for him. 🙄🙄🙄 I hate it when he does that... But for sure, I’m going to miss it. ☹️ After stocking those, Balwinder thought that Juan and I didn’t talk anymore so he keeps singing “we don’t talk anymore” BUT HE HAS NO IDEA HOW EVERYTHING WORKS 😂 and I was like yeah yeah that’s true. He just did all the stock up and never helped me. 🙄🤧 Until Wei is back and Jax is off early so... Juan got to go in the first booth. He was there but he still keeps coming in front. Even make a joke like “Cledd and I would make a cute couple” and I said “wth” and then he said “I like your watch... Can I see it?” and I said no because bruh, it’s very cheap 😂 and Juan is saying something and even kinda slightly hugged me and said “no cledd, im just joking” Wei was just staring at us 🙅💁🏻‍♀️ But yeah he went back to the first booth and around 10:55 pm I got to changed my clothes because I was planning to have a picture or impressed him 🙄🙅😐 but he just do nothing.... so Ig idk. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was busy taking orders and running it. So I didnt bother him. Until JM, forgot to asks break time signs... he went in front and was looking for Juan because he didnt sign the break time sheet. and JM told him to go back to the first booth. I was left in the office and was looking at Juan in the CCTV 😂😂😂 IT MIGHT HARD TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE DID BUT ILL TRY. I was looking at him in the CCTV and when he passes by the office 😂 he literally stopped by and he knocked and the next thing that I know he is sticking out his lips for a kiss. He keeps begging for a kiss 😩🙄

It was already 10:20pm but JM is still doing something. I gotta wait them tho. So I went to first booth and saw Juan there. I just keep staring at him and Idk. I was just doing nothing and just blanky staring at him. I CANT STAY STILL BECAUSE I WANNA TAKE PICTURE WITH HIM AND I WANNA HUGGED HIM AND I WANNA DO THE HANDSHAKE FOR THE LAST TIME. DO EVERYTHING WITH HIM FOR THE LAST MOMENT!!! I Just wanna say goodbye properly. 🤧☹️ I just can’t stay still. Until JM keep saying that he is done we are going but then he is not yet done. It looks like it’s a sign for me to go for it. Karan and I was talking about him... Karan said go hug him I’ll look in the CCTV. I WAS SO BRAVE and went to the first booth and open my arms wide and said “come here give me a hug, its my last day too” and this tall guy ruined the mood 😂 just kidding. He said “tomorrow is my last day.” and I said “well I don’t work tomorrow” and he said “come here.” THEN WE HUGGED.

I just couldn’t stay still because a hug is not enough 🙄 dzuh I NEED SOMETHING THAT I WILL FOREVER KEEP IN MY MEMORIES. what is it? A PICTURE! I keep going back to the office and then walk around and then go to look at Juan and then go just stare at him and then go back to the office and that one just keep repeating. 🙄🙄🙄 ik, i’m so not straight forward. I went to Juan and Wei in the crew room and I was like “yow guys, did u know that they were talking about the two of you in the office” and then Wei was like “what is it all about?” and Juan is like “probably talking about how hot we are and how we captured girls heart” and i was like choking because wtf Juan. I was thinking of maybe I could left a note to Juan about how I like him because JM keep saying we are ready to go. Btw, JM just found out today that I like him and supported me ❤️❤️🥰😍😩 So I was silently writing in the tray liner until Wei is taking order in the first booth 🙄 and ruined my letter. I was like “omg wei, i forgot what to write now” and then I finished writing “I like you.” until Juan suddenly appear to take order 🙅 He first noticed the lowkey I like you words written on a Tray liner and was trying to get it but then I said “No. It’s for Wei” but then he stared at me and look at Wei and he stared once again and smiled. He comes near this time and said “For whom is that?” and I said “You” HE IS TAKING ORDERS THAT TIME, and he just need to hear those words. He said “what?” and I said “it’s for you.” He smiled and took the orders already. So I go back to the office. I am still cannot stay-still and keeps walking around. Until JM finally finished everything and wore is cap and said “We should go now.” JM went to the washroom and I was like “shet, this would be the last time. I gotta do something” and then when JM is finished using the washroom, I hold JM and said “JM... I don’t wanna go home... It’s Juan’s last day... I still want to take a picture with him” BRUH, it might not be exactly but thats how it started.

JM dragged me back to the first booth and said “Sus ako bahala” I was so shy and don’t know what to do. He dragged me and he said to Juan “Juan! let’s take picture bro since its your last day” and Juan said “Oh sure. Omg.” He was excited and he was supposed to take pictures with his phone but then I said “DONT USE UR FUCKING PHONE” I LITERALLY SWEAR 😂 and then he said “Okay...” Then we took pictures. I hugged him one more time and this time... tightly. It was just the two of us this time. ❤️ since JM went back infront. Until THAT ONE PICTURE IS NOT ENOUGH!!! Actually, it is not enough 😂😂 I stared at him and he said “now what?” and I said “I’m going now...I just wanna say bye.” and then he said “Oh shut up. You’ll be here tomorrow.” and I said “I don’t. Remember? I am not working.” then we are kinda holding out hands but not intertwined hands and then said to him “I am going to cry” and then he said “why?” and I said “because I’m going to miss you” Then he holds my hand and hugged me and then I probably he said this because he don’t want me to feel sad or what. He said “Oh shut up, we are still going to talk on snapchat” and I said jokingly to him “I am going to delete my snapchat.” and then he hold my hand and said “Okay so...Ig... good bye Cledd?” he looked in my eyes and I swallowed my saliva and confidently said this to him, “Let’s take a picture.” and said “Just the two of us” and then he smiled and said “Okay... JUST THE TWO OF US. First, we need to get good lighting. Second, good background and Third nice picture” That time his hands is on my shoulder while looking for the right spot... Until Wei 🙄🙄 suddenly appear and said “oh are you taking picture?? I wanna join!” and I was like being selfish that time and said “Go, just the two of us” and then Juan was like “Wei go away. Just the two of us first” and then Wei was doing the photobombing but Juan didn’t capture it because it was so annoying. We tryna make good picture. Wei even wanna take one with his pouty lips pointing at me but Juan was like “Wei!!! us first” and then when we finish taking ours. Wei was kinda sad 😂😂😂 so I said “okay wei, you can join now” and we got to take a picture together. We hugged once again. Then, yeah, I gotta say my last good bye. Wei even said it was a good thing we took a picture because this might be the last time that we will see each other unless we make plans outside from work. Then Karanbir and JM went at the back because I think JM needs to punch out and Karanbir was just following him. I hugged him one last time and tighly. Then Karanbir said “Oh give her a kiss Juan” and then I said “no way” and then Juan is pouting his lips toward me and when I face towards him wtf 😂😂😂 I slapped him and we all laughed. Karanbir suggest kissing my hands but then I said no thanks. Then, Juan sharing that there are lots of germs in the hands so better not. But then he said “If I see her tomorrow, I’ll kiss her” or like “If she’ll come over tomorrow, I’ll kiss her” but then yeah, that’s it we kinda hugged again and he said goodbye to Wei and Karanbir and he lastly said, “Bye Cledd.”

That’s how it all ends July 13 2019 ❤️🥰💕 I was very thankful to Karanbir and JM 😭😭🥰❤️💯💘

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yumenosakiacademy · 5 years

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metr0con 2019 thursday diary

Cosplayed: tsuka-sa suou, summer uniform, w my burger king crown n my leo sign. Breakfast: ramen. Snack: none, but i did bring a package of poptarts.

This is for future me, so i’d prefer if ya didnt read but i mean. w/e.

Okay so.. I had a crappy morning and I only slept for 2 hours BUT! Con tiiiime! I got there and arrived at the hetalia panel a few minutes late but that's okay, it wasn't by many. I remembered I asked sealand during truth or dare n he said dare n I asked him to reenact his favorite fortunate dance n he was like "oh I've been waiting for this" or smth and later, I asked him how his gamer youtube channel was doing n america was like “oh dude i was ur 5th subscriber!!” n sealand was like “subscribe to me plss” n america was like “dont forget to like n subscribe. n receive notifications.” n someone dared canada to b as loud as america n she yelled when they said “be as loud as you were when u lost to russia in hockey”. at another part, someone asked america if she would rather never eat fast food again or save sealand from falling into a volcano n she hugged sealand n said “my lil bro!”. someone dared america to speak in proper english and she was all “oh pip pip cheerio” and mocking england haha

at the end of the panel, a girl came up to me n she said she liked my costume n i was like “!! r u into ES??” and they said “almost” or like. kinda or smth but they took my picture n i felt so happy gjhns

OKAY then i tried to go to the adventure t!me sing-along n q+a panel but they only did truth or dare for a few minutes n im not big into AT anyway so i wasnt rly having fun then they decided to start the singalong when they got the wifi working via someone turning on their hotspot but i had a bad throat so i just left the panel and then had abt 4 hrs to walk around! aw jeez, right?

while on my walk i saw a riku n got their pic n i was like “male idols unite hell yea” n we talked for a bit n they were talkin abt a boy idol series they had heard abt called dank!ra n i mentioned i had also heard abt that! i also came across someone who said they liked my costume or knew who i was (someone in a red beret) n we were talking abt ES n i was like “best boys go” n they said shu and i think keito n i was like “chiaki n mika.. theyre baby” n they were like “ryuse!ta! n rabitz r the most baby in ES” n i was like “oh dude those r my fav units.....” at some point, i saw kuro again!! i saw them but was too shy then later they spotted me as i walked past them n went “tsukasa!!” n i turned around n i was like “erin!!!” n i hugged them n the beret person was there too bc they were their friend apparently and kuro said they were just gonna b kuro for thursday (they were cosplaying summer uniform!kuro like they did in a previous yr) n they just wore it cuz they were hot n went “summer uniform solidarity” (bc i was summer uniform!tsukasa) n we fist bumped and i was digging around my shirt pocket to show them my souma keychain n they were like “oh dude u reaching into ur pocket reminded me i need to get smth from my pocket. i hav Fangs” n they put on costume fangs! eventually they started looking at jojo figures at the stall we were next to n we eventually parted.

at some point, the person running the itabag booth (theyre an ES fan, i kno. their site has ens-tars itabags in the examples gallery n they cosplayed ES last yr) saw me n went “ousama!” bc of my sign n i went over n they were like “guess what ia ctually got to meet arashis va last week” n i was like “RLY??” n they were showing me their arashi itabag n they were like “yea i got to shake his hand n everything aaa. n during his talk/panel (?) i kept showing off my arashi stuff as if to say “I LOVE ARASHI” n i was like “arashi is best knights member.. ara-nee............”

at some point my crown fell off while i was on the escalator? i tried to go back for it but it was gone in the Minute it took me to ride te up escalator? i assumed someone took it to wear but kenyan said someone mightve thrown it away..

i went to metro night live n it wasnt all that funny?? idk what to talk abt from it. they did a “luigi being a gamer” video series n one of them was him playing hotl!ne miami (not knowing it was violent) n he was like “ive never been to florida but i guess this is a game to simulate it!” n it said “proloogue: the metro” n he was like “oh like the convention!” n when the mask selection came up he was like “oh look we can even cosplay!” n he went thru the door n saw one of the mafia members n went “look! a congoer! hello- oh” n accidentaly shoved one of the guys down n he was like “can i help you up-” but then the character (jacket) smashed the guys head in w the button press n luigi went “....o-oh. uh-” and some of the other games were fortnite n he played a violent game n he was like “THERE IS NO GOD HERE NOW” or w/e. they also had an “Edgelords anonymous” skit in which reaper was a new member of the group but it ended w ruby r0se describing brutal ways to kill people (while listing em cheerily) n the others being disturbed n alucard ending the session.

at 7 i had nothing so i walked around. then when 8 hit, i was gonna go to Whose Line Is It Anime but apparently its time had been changed to 7 pm?? the 8 in “8:00-9:00 pm” was scribbled out in sharpie on the schedule board in front of the room n it said 7 pm but now that i think abt it.. i think they meant 7-9 pm. ....shit. oh god damn it. anyway i got sad n left then since it was kinda empty/slow bc it was nighttime, i sat down on a wall thing to open up my sougo plush keychain n some guy next to me started talking to me abt my nails and we got ot talking n apparently he had wanted to go to the dealers room but didnt kno they closed @ 8 n he was here w friend n only had a single day pass bc he had work the other days (his name was spencer) so he was just lounging and i suggested he tell his friends what he wanted n they get it for him if they hav weekend passes n asked if he knew abt the game room n he said no so i invited him to go play smash w me so we went but couldnt figure out how things worked bc there were many consoles n screens w games, but mosst had no controllers but it turns out u borrow the contollers w ur con pass! kenyan was there running the controller borrower table. he said “psst” bc he saw me n i ws like “kenyan!!!” n hugged him n he was like “hows ur weekend going dear” n i said not that great but only bc it was thursday! also my throat hurt” n he was like “did u drink?” n i was like “well.. i have water but..” n he was like “drink juice. it’ll help. that’s what ur dad wwould say” (he woukdnt) anyway we got our controllrs and started playg smash n i went, in order: joker, robin, chrom, bayonetta, greninja n he was teaching me how to play w the gamecube controller (im used to a wiimote) n he beat me every time but i had fun!

after that i was GONNA go to the v-ld panel but i looked inside while walking by n there werent many ppl so i said “okay lets go to the BB panel then. take a look” so i went in there n there were a TON of ppl anyway it was kind of boring bc im not big on murder mysteries n stuff but apparently someone solved it by saying ciel slipped n fell, no one murdered him. then they did the raffle n i didnt win but thats okay! most ppl left after the raffle ended n q+a started n i couldnt hear many ppls’ questions anyway so i was bored n thought of goint to the vl-d panel but ended up not but w/e! oh! also everyone received candy at the beginning of the panel n i ahd a mystery lollipop n it turned out to b birthday cake flavor! id never had that before. it was Good.

after that i was just wandering around n i called dad to startdriving there but the ciel i asked for a picture of, them n their friends were gawking at my nails ns tuff n one of the teens’ dads was like “how do ya pick ur nose w it??” but after that, as i was wandering around, the gundam id sen earlier that day saw me n waved n i said oh hi n went over n they (it was them n an izuru) were like “wanna hang out w us for a while?” so i was like “oh. shoot. id luv too but im waiting for my dad to pick me up” n theyw ere like “it’s okay we can just hang out til then, then, if ya’d like” so i hung out w them n the gundam was talking abt how earlier, a mukuro complimented them on their outfit n they returned the compliment n went to leave n the mukuro was like “uumm arent u gonna hang out w me? we’re from the same series n all” n they were like “not w that f***in attitude” n i was like “did ya rly say that?” n they were like “yea. ppl dont expect me ta hav attitude” n we also talked abt piercings n how i said they seemed cool n goth (the gundam had a nose ring n the izuru had a piercing near their mouth) but how it must hurt n they said it just feels like a pinch. at some point i roled over my bag so my sougo wouldnt get dirty n the izuru saw my rei button n mentioned smth abt only findin one rei button at the idol table n i was like “UR INTO ES???” n they were like “i just kno undead n a few other characters. like [points @ my leo sign] i kno him” n i went “he’s dumbass supreme” n the gundam was talking abt getting the rythm game n i was like “jut read the stories on the wiki the game is boring imo” n the izuru backed me up by saying it wasnt a rhythm game n a lil while later, i showed them the 2 cool rei cgs n i was like “big sexe” n they agreed but the izuru had said theyd seen the croassroads one i showed em (the first of the 2) n the gundam said they wnted to cosplay bloody banquet rei (the other cg i showed em) n the izuru said they wanted to cosplay them All gjhnsm i showed them ryu-seitai too n showed them undead n gundam showed an interest in adonis! we also talked abt k!n stuff n all that! im not gonna go into detail on that (esp bc it’s so late rn as im typing!) but gundam was like “i dont trust junko k!n. like, evreyone else, yea, but junko? no. or like, any other character that’s just so irredeemably shitty”. oh they also talked abt this one messy, ugly, tangly junko wig they found for $300 which shouldnt have been that much n it was just a mess of tangles. anyway t’s getting late oh gosh. anyway they said they’d b on the lookout for me tomorrow so we can say hi again!

random fun fact: SO many ppl complimented my nails today gjhnsm

#i coulda added a lil more but this was already so long!! ah!! i need to sleep im dumb tired n i need to wake up early tomorrowww #diary #con diary

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living-valhalla-blog · 7 years

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Insomnia? Or something like that...

I fight the inevitable sleep my pharmacy of medications Always worsen. I can feel them pushing me into sleep even though my hypersomnolence caused me to sleep my entire day away til 7 pm. This, among many other disabilities, make everything harder for me. I do not want to sleep all day tomorrow. In fact I do not want to sleep at all. Because it’s all I do, yet I never feel rested. Its like I could sleep an eternity. Even my neuro plays it off like it’s nothing. He literally said oh it just means your tired all the time. Well duh. I already knew that before I took two sleep studies and a wake study. And proved Even without my meds for 2 weeks that I still felt this way. The meds just worsen the effect is all. I’ve done tons of research on hypersomnolence, through reputable sources like Mayo clinic, And pages dedicated to awareness. It is a lot like narcolepsy but you dont feel rested after the passed out nap. You are still tired. Its still important to be on stimulants, just like narcolepsy. I’ve also sleep walked, almost cooked spoiled food. Which was mortifying to find out the next day. My husband says I was stumbling like I was drunk but I don’t drink anymore, and he named off all kinds of stuff I did. I’ve been having nightmares again, as well as Lucid dreaming off and on, and sleep and wake hallucinations. Also, depending on the day, I will dissociate, I smell things that aren’t there, hear people talk when they all say no one did, forget short term memory things very easily to the point even shopping is impossible and it is hard to Even make sure my animals get fed. My husband helps me remember though on that. I sometimes forget to take my medications even! Ask me something from my past I can probably tell you. Ask me what point I had when I started this and I will tell you no really do not know I'm confused myself at this point. Oh and one last thing NEVER let me own actual big razor blades. part. I drink energy drinks like they are a script from the Dr. Since a Dr has yet to prescribe s stimulant and I need one. My bp has been low a lot of times and my HR runs low if it gets low enough I pass out my dog warns me and i check. As well as checking my sugar do low sugar which I get often w out knowing. I’ve been tiring about things I shouldn’t dare. And thank the stats I have my husband because he keeps me on the wagon. But I do miss cocaine. Out of everything it was the only thing that actually completely numbed the pain and helped me cope. If you’re reading this no I am not breaking my 6 hears sober streak I'm just putting myself out, laying in all on the gable, and starting to believe the saying incs an addict always an addict. If you crave it this much even if you don't indulge you might as well be an addict or you ate a hypocrite.

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shytiff · 4 years

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Jan 2021 Wins

ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing. there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨

1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.

2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)

3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo

4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom

5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.

6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row.

7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.

8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut

9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo

10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule

11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw

12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah

13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay

14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically

15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.

16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken.

17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30

18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks

19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.

20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm

21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm

22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.

23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)

24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd.

25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi

26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce

27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever

28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept

29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara

30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick

31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-

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kampasaur-blog · 6 years

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MY CITY IS BEING DESTROYED BY CHILDREN

So im picking up my son from monroe elementary after his bus ride home from camp. Bus arrives. I get out of the car and immediately i notice nearly all of the children, some with large bright red marks on both of their cheeks, sobbing so inconsolably that they could not breathe. Some were runnin away from the bus frantically lookin for their parents and some were already clutching their parents tightly and bawling, burying their lil tear soaked faces into their parents stomachs. they kept saying "please i dont ever wanna go back there, i dont wanna do this again, dont make me do this anymore, i was so scared, i didnt know what to do" let me tell you....these babies had the most traumatized faces ive personally ever seen on a kid and it just broke me. At this point i am very confused, concerned, and alarmed. my instincts kick in to try and help a little so i try to comfort some of em. im askin other parents what happened, but they understandably couldnt pay me attention as im sure their minds were probably as lost in all of this as mine. I keep aimlessly sayin wtf is going on and why is everybody crying like this. I start askin some of them if theyre hurt or if there was an accident but they couldnt even speak cuz they were too hysterical. Im trying to calm some of them down a bit like "hey its ok baby dont cry ur ok ur safe." still friggin looking around for adults who arent too absorbed in this mess to ask them wtf is happening. at the same time im searchin for my own kid in the crowd tellin ppl "hey, i cant find my son! is there another bus coming?!" A little girl said no this is the only one. So now im REALLY WORRIED. WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CHILD?! I run into a kid nate knows. him and a little girl are shouting, to what seems like essentially nobody in particular, about having the police called on them by the driver and that they coulda been tossed in juvi. (Honestly they should have been tossed in juvi! this particular kid brought a knife to camp and steals shit constantly from the kids at school especially my son) Grabbed his shoulder and said "calm yourself down and look at me! why?! what happened?! was there a fight? were u involved? Was nathan involved? Where is he??" The boy, (still shouting for some damn reason even tho he is right in front of me), says no nathan wasnt involved. He doesnt know where he is. (Turned out he knew where he was but lied cuz just minutes prior he threatened to beat him up and tried punching him, the little fucker, but staff grabbed his arm midswing) Then he tells me that almost the entire bus was gettin into fight after fight and there were kids punching, slapping, verbally abusing other kids, a lot of whom did nothing to warrant the abuse and continued being abused repeatedly for almost the ENTIRE 3 FUCKING HOUR RIDE, by much older kids whom they were afraid to defend themselves against. I was like "omg this is terrible. where in the hell is my son!" Some guy finally says "they are keepin some kids with staff up by the front of the bus" so i literally gotta force my way thru people who's kids were still hanging off of them in fear. now im crying, other parents are crying, some are screamin at the children who beat up their kids and the children who beat up their kids were screamin at them..... FINALLY.... I find nate. He had been slapped in the face by a 12 yr old girl but he was alright. they had made prior note of his behavioral disorder and quickly got him away from the situation while on the bus and sat him by camp staff. thank goodness. Im asking him, "are u ok?! did anyone hit u?!" before he can answer, suddenly i see an enraged mother almost attack an older girl who hit her kid in the head. The girl is shouting at the jefferson staff member who stepped in AND the mother. She yells out that she hit her in the head, at first, then 2 seconds later she says she didnt, and shouts "yea yea lady! bye bye! fuck off! shut up!!! i didnt hit her!! quit runnin ur damn mouth!! Shut your mouth!!". My. Jaw. Dropped. I saw her gramma or whoever she was doing absolutely nothing about this little shits behavior, actually trying to get the staff to stop speaking to her and leave her alone, and thats when i just plain SNAPPED. When i say snapped folks i mean i damn near deadass rowdy roddy pipered this child. It took every muscle i had to stop that train from derailing. I was pissed. Told her shes an awful disrespectful little shit and will go no where in life with that bullshit. She was like "thank u! Thanks bye! BYE!" Thats when i probably should have split. But i didnt. Conveniently forgot how to adult for a minute there. My bad! She was a repugnant little fart sniffing booger eater who felt a lil too validated from decking a much smaller kid in the head and just, just....fuck THAT... Then i word barfed. "good riddance to bad rubbish youre an awful AWFUL child and should be ashamed of yourself. Shame on you!" i looked at her gramma and shouted "good luck with your apparent lack of being able to deal with that mess of a child! Shes terrible! You have failed!" then basically i walked away tellin her shame on her for sucking. ****************************** A 16 yr old was shot n killed recently. A pastor was shot and killed recently. We got all ages of unsupervised kids vandalizing everything in site. Kids shootin off guns in parkin lots, stealin vehicles n crashin into buildings. breakin into cars 4 valuables or just breakin the windows cuz they feel like it. We got kids having knife fights n runnin round with gd knives, tellin other kids theyre gonna cut em or kill their siblings if they dont hand over cell phones money bikes hover boards u name it. Kids breakin into ppls homes. Kids stealing n vandalizing walmart 2-3 times a day. Kids stealin carts bringing em here and pushing each other around into ppls cars n then they run away. They beat on my son at school n bully him all the time stealin his things verbally abusing him. He got beat up by teenagers just playin with his toys in the backyard! Theres just hoards of em. Never supervised or disciplined. Not once have i seen the parents of any of the kids causing problems in my apt complex regardless of whether theyre 6 or 16. sumtimes theyre out there in the parkin lots screwin around til 2 am. They plain as day are simply not being parented and have no guidance. Sum of these piece of crap parents just dont wanna have the responsibility of raising their own kids period. Sum of em run away n their parents dont see em for days weeks months but never report em missing cuz they dont care. Theyre out there sleepin in abandoned sheds houses alleys parks n gotta steal their food. 12 yr olds smokin pot and having sex in ppls yards. Even when they mess up n end up at the police station n the police either cant even find their parents or they do n theyre told "i aint dealin with it find something to do with em urself" juvenile hall is FULL. There is no where to put them. And they just run away from annie whittenmeyer n nobody does anything. Im dead tired and fed up. I hate living here and im stuck. We dont feel safe anywhere. My kids cant have friends cuz u cant trust the kids nor their parents. Nate had a lil 9 yr old buddy next door and he would come to play n his mom would just leave n lock the door without saying shit to anyone not even him. He'd go home n come back like "nobody is over there" so i had no choice but to keep him with me even if i had shit to do or it was 10 pm n we wanted to go to bed. We have GOT to spread the word about this shit and try n get sum awareness. This is a crisis we are having in the qc. Im sick of the ever escalating crime here. I dont encourage ANYONE to move here. And i absolutely hate that i gotta raise my kids around this. Create a discussion about it. Get involved. if ur readin this n u kno ur kids causing mayhem but still u do nothin dont do right or make excuses then u better recognize UR JUST AS MUCH OF A PROBLEM. if u arent gonna give enuff of a shit about ur own offsprings lives 2 check n change urself then get u n ur kid the hell out of my city n away from me n mine!!

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laurenrobinsonlme-blog · 7 years

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Saving the best til last!

Creamfields, Daresbury, 2017. 20th Anniversary!

Friday 11th August 2017, I set upon the train on my journey back home north. First to spend the weekend back home with my friends and then to move onto my intern at Creamfields, the best one yet. I was first asked to come whilst I was at Wireless and I was slightly torn as I did have a ticket, however, I knew I would be an idiot to turn down such an amazing opportunity, so I sold my ticket and accepted. My job was health and safety intern, pretty much the same as Wireless, although this time I moved around a bit more.

So, my real Creamfields journey starts Monday 13th. As my mum only lives 10 minutes away from site, she gave me a lift in. This was also handy for getting free food whilst we didn't have catering! I was greeted by Libby, who I had previously met at Wireless. I was then handed over my little induction cabin and made myself at home. The first couple days were a bit slow, as everyone was at V-Fest and the majority of the site crew didn't need to arrive until a few days in. I went on a site tour to get a better understanding of where everything was going and it was really weird to drive the site and still be able to remember everything from coming last year as a punter! I also got to meet everyone on site.

This was pretty much the same the next day as the build still wasn’t really underway. In the afternoon I moved into the production office and helped the girls in accreditation get a head start on the catering vouchers. It was amazing to see the sheer difference in amounts from Wireless to a camping festival! Once these were finished, I helped the health and safety coordinator put out the fire extinguishers, which helped me to again get a better understanding of the site. The progress of the main stages were starting to take shape, as you can see below!

Wednesday and Thursday were slow again and I helped with the catering vouchers still to try and get ahead to show days. I also helped in the production office to sort out the residents passes to those who lived nearby. Some of the requests which they got for free tickets were funny, someone asked for free tickets because he couldn't walk his dog through one of our fields. Thursday evening we also went out for a family meal which was really nice. I got to meet the head of digital and creative at cream and I loved listening to everything which he had done, especially as Creamfields is my favourite festival!

Friday again was pretty much the same, more catering vouchers and inductions. Some of the site was starting to get finished off and most the structures were up and nearly ready to be signed off. I went to watch the hospitality tent get signed off which was good as I hadn’t really seen that part of the site yet.

Saturday and Sunday were more inductions and helping out in the office, with A LOT of laminating! I was soon crowned the laminating queen within the office! On Saturday I got together nearly everything to put in the campsite hub boxes, which were given to Festaff who were manning the campsites. Some of the things included signs, tea and suncream. Sunday involved making up the major incident box, which thankfully didn't have to be used! This involved getting local taxi numbers from Runcorn and Warrington, 5 close hospitals and what they specialised in and hi-vis vests with titles on so the crowd knew who was who in the case of an emergency.

After a pretty chilled week, I knew that it was going to get very busy at some point. Monday sure enough was this day. I pretty much didn’t stop all of Monday and left my cabin for all of about an hour I think! Everyone was arriving from V-Fest and all the catering units had arrived, there was around 150 of them! I did stuggle slightly as I also had to sort out peoples vehicle passes and people were signing the wrong sheets and not filling in the wrong information, but I soon got a system going to ensure everythig ran smoothly. Tuesday was still slightly busy from people arriving from V, but it had calmed down alot. I also had some help from Ellie, the festival directors daughter, which was nice to have the strain taken off, especially when large groups of people came!

1 day to go until show day!

Wednesday I stayed in the induction cabin to ensure that everyone got in safe and knew all the information they needed. In the afternoon I moved across to the production office to help them with little bits. At this point we did have a small problem with the build and break wristbands as we had used all of the original colour and only had overnight load out wristbands left. I ended up having to use 50 of these until the runner went to get some others from the office in Liverpool.

SHOW DAY

Thursday 24th. This was a really weird show day, as although the site was officially open to the public, the arena didn’t open until 5 pm so we had pretty much the whole day to get everything underway. The first night was a silent disco and so at the end of my shift, I went out to meet some of my friends who had tickets. It was really weird being in a silent disco and I thought my headphones were broken as I didn’t realise there were 2 channels on them, slightly embarrassing. During the day I moved into the accreditation office to help keep down the queues, as they were quite behind on accreditation. I really enjoyed being in there and picked up what I was doing really quickly. All I had to do was ask what company they were from, see some ID in exchange for a wristband. We had to write down the number next to their name to ensure we had a record of everyone on site.

Friday 25th. I was again in accrediation and it was a bit calmer as most people had picked up their wristbands. I went out into the arena a few times throughout the day to get a feeling of the crowd and it did make me abit sad that I sold my ticket, but looking back now, I dont regret it at all. After a long day in accreditation, I went and met my friends and went to watch The Chainsmokers, who I have wanted to see for so long! It was an amazing performance and i’m already looking forward to when I can see them again!

Saturday 26th. Again, I was in accrediation. As the majority of people have collected all of thier show day accreditation, I was counting out the used meal vouchers to ensure that all the companies had used the amount they asked for, or else they would be charged for them. Whilst waiting around in the office, Tom Zanetti arrived and I was able to meet him whilst be collected what he needed!

After a few more hours in the office data inputting, I was able to leave and left to go into the arena! I was extremely lucky to see Stormzy from the side of the stage! This was such an experience as this was one of the artists I really wanted to see and to be able to see him from the pit was amazing, especially as it was a closed stage! My plan was to go home after this, however I saw some people who I knew that worked as sound techs and so didn’t end up going back until 3:30am! 2 hours sleep for me that night!

Sunday 27th. After a very struggling wake up call, I made it back onto site to a thankfully chilled day. The day pretty much consisted of more data inputting and ensuring that everything was put into the system to pass onto festival management. At 8pm I was finished and went off to watch Chase and Status, who smashed it as always! After this I went to watch half of Martin Garrix and half of Tiesto. It was then time to say goodbye to my friends and went back to safety in production. After 4 very busy days I was looking forward to getting back to some much needed sleep!

On Monday and Tuesday, I started off in the induction cabin for anyone who was just coming for the break. Not many people came and so I went for a drive to see the site. The campsite smelt so badly from all the toilets and it was amazing to see the amounts of rubbish which was left behind! I also couldn’t believe that it only takes them 8 days to get the site back to normal, however the main stage was down within 2 days! It was then time for me to go finish, my last festival of the season was complete! 6/6 shows completed!

I can’t believe that my first ever festival season is now over! I finished it on an amazing show and I would like to thank every single person who I met over the last 3 weeks and made me feel at home. Thank you to the lads at cream, you do an amazing job every year and i’m still so amazed by your work. Thank you to everyone at festival republic for supplying me with such an amazing oppurtunity and guiding me through my first year. Thank you to my mum for all the free food when catering wasn’t on. And lastly, thank you to my amazing uni lecturers for getting me to this point. It’s been such an amazing year and i’ve made so many amazing new friends who will hopefully stay in touch.

Roll on 2018, more festivals and more friends!

WORK HARD, PLAY HARDER X

#CREAMFIELDS CREAM FESTIVAL SEASON

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cheswirls · 7 years

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tbh i dont even know why i bother anymore ive been trying to fix my sleep schedule for the past few days now and this is the millionth time in a row where its nearly 4am and im still awake and part of me wants t go to sleep but another part is jus like if i go to sleep now then i wont wake up until like 6pm and i dont wanna waste away another day like that and hm hm hmmmmmm

but the past couple days ive been awake until like 9-10 and going good but then i lay down to do something like watch a video or w/e and then i fall asleep and its 8pm. and ive wasted the day away

so i think the optimal solution ive come to is this: im gonna get coffee. maybe we have gingerale, i doubt we have soda, i jus need caffine. maybe some oreos, some food. cold water. and im gonna start going thru the first divided section of my room so at least that’ll be out of the way on the chance i do fall asleep and stay unconscious for the entire day again. that’s one of the things ive been meaning to do but that i dont really have the motivation to do when its evening/night soooo uh yh

and im hoping i can be on it doing stuff until morning, maybe go get breakfast again, get like a slush or some caffeinated drink from the sonic near the house, take care of the dog some, and continue working on that section of my room. theres a lot to do when you’re having to decide a if you want to keep your shit and b if you want to take it w you to college and then c if not where does it need to go. i can maybe still be doing that in four hours, when its 8 and i maybe feel like trying to wake dad up.

if i get done i got reminded today/yesterday eveningish -at this point everything rusn together ehfgkrwweb only the 4th is keeping me straight date wise like this many days til a holiday okay- shit

does dad even work tmrw? wow okay. maybe someone can wake me up if i fail myself but otherwise scrap that ig

k most things are still open so w/e mom still has work itll be fine.

i got reminded earlier than i have like two weeks until my arizona trip that turns into the southern west coast trip a few days after that. so i can start thinking abt packing/planning for that a little more. i can draw after that i need to draw more

so basically im gonna force myself awake until like 2 pm bc by then mom will be off and shes the person ican work out maybe going to like target or kirklands and looking at dorm stuff with, maybe lunch bc chances are she had maybe a bag of chips, some popcorn, w/e since its a tuesday and thatll tie me over until tonight where i can sit out nd talk w dad while he grills shit and talk abt how the fireworks are gonna get rained out maybe but if not ey good for those ppl its been soso dry for these past few years but theres been rain every night this week like. hard. hard rain. so its a good fireworks time now.

and then after i eat dinner i can conk out around 10-11 pm which is NORMAL PPL SLEEP TIME and hopefully ill be so tired from doing a +24hr circuit that ill sleep early and wake up decently.

ooor i can sleep in til 5 but even 2-5 is better than 7-8 bc i literally do nothing then eat and then have all this time to do w/e bc im not tired sooo yh. thats the plan we will see

#this actually rly isnt impt so like dont bother yourself #jus a rly long rant abt sleep scheds

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shytiff · 3 years

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Nov 2021

1 - PIS-PK with teh nabila @ kebon dalem. finished at 11. saw an SJS case that was initially told to be herpes. changed my bike brakes and oil (130k). Prof whatsapped me that a PPT that will be presented at 14 Nov was supposed to be submitted the day after tomorrow, also with abstract lol. felt anxious but chill at the same time (?). i also get to be alone at mess for a bit. it was raining. worked on Prof’s PPT. an unknown number called and it turned out to be hansel. of course people calls when sumn to do. Bought double shot kopi soe low fat bcs i was afraid of falling asleep. it was rly acidic for me, and within a few gulps my stomach started reacting. slept at 12-1ish.

2 - MTBS. bought kanayam for lunch, dinner (and spoiler alert 2mrw’s bfast). video called with kris in pkm. he called me again just as im about to rly finish this ppt. thank god i finished it. still had some energy to do abstract but i cant bring myself to do it. so i just slept.

3 - did abstract in the morning. it took ~30 mins lol. but maybe i cant think as clearly the night before. BP. solid’s bukang arrived for some of us. i still have to do the revision for that pancreatic Ca ppt. i ended up reading some fanfic, yubisaki to renren and fell asleep. woke up at like 11:30 pm ish, with my stomach bloated til the point of pain. made myself some warm matcha latte. tri was also awake and she bought nasgor at like 1 am. did that revision but cant bring myself to finish it even thought i still have energy. i laid down and read killugon fic.

4 - fell asleep. had a bit of sleep paralysis in my hand. cooked spinach and egg in the morning. KIA today with bu mutiah. thank god its chill bcs i get to quickly finish that revision bcs Prof chatted me AGAIN omg i feel bad. with his emails this will be the 3rd time he reminded me. thankfully he’s super kind and patient, and i have to be grateful for meeting kind people in life. bought nasi kebuli with rabeg sapi for lunch, with chicken and telur balado for later. Tried croffle from Rumah Kalingga and i also bought frozen risol. the risol was quite fulfilling. the croffle did not have that croissant feature lol.

5 - my dumb ass sent the wrong PPT to Prof, so i fixed it and sent what hopefully is the last one. Posyandu kb. dalem with bu vivi and bu ade. got free food for bfast and lunch hehe. stayed in mess. check in pwkt. Zoom with dr eva and kak rayhan. i need to pull myself togetherrr. bought 2 500ml coffee and bread from roti o for 39k lol. but i did not drink the coffee that day. i shouldve lol. i just slept

6 - mtbs today alone. ppl offered for me to move to BP but i love being alone and not having to interact lolll. tried to follow along to APICD webinar. attended bu ningrum daughter’s wedding with iship peeps in madison avenue, citangkil. drank rotio coffee to curb the sleepiness and managed to finish the word narration for Prof’s PPT in one sitting. fried the risol and frozen karage for dinner. suddenly had the urge to study lol webinars make me wanna study

7 - jogged a bit. saw stuff in CFD. originally wanted roti canai but it was full of queue so i only got kerupuk kulit. smelled the frozen chicken breast i bought ((i dont even remember WHEN)) and it smelled awfully sour and funky. so there goes my 20k. lesson learned: i dont even have the commitment to cook the food staples i bought myself,,,. APICD webinar. searched for kak tika’s package. ill try again 2mrw. bought wingstop. laid down while listening to webinar and i fell asleep in the important part of ECG :””” but managed to listen to the 2/3 rest of the total workshop. some caffeine sip to hopefullly give me courage. searched videos to put in Prof’s PPT.

8 - searched the package from kak tika in KS. thankfully its there. kak tika gave me Al-Quran and chocolates. lots of chocolates. i hope i can read more quran. leftover wingstop for bfast at pkm. posyandu kotabumi (rly close to mess!) w teh yuyun. she offered a ngamen opportunity in klinik tri husada. afternoon nap. a looot of denial until i finally opened dr eva’s work again, trying to move things along. it takes a lot of thinking and staring into nothing. but i guess there’s some mental progress (?). accompanied by rotio hazelnut coffee. still cant help myself so i played cafe white noise by 4AM Around the World. it has that sbux vibe minus the coffee smell. got boxed rice from fitri yay. always grateful for free foods. kind ppl inspire me to become a better person

9 - poli MTBS accompanied by red candy. dr eva said i can go to the next chap and suddenly i feel reinvigorated lol. sent her the revision i did for the last paragraph. my head hurts and its probable asking for some cofveve lol. didnt do anything useful even though i shouldve

10 - posyandu tegal bunder with bu elisna. saw two underweight twin neonates. nasi kotak for lunch yay. dinner was sponsored by renata uyey. another coffee withdrawal headache. fell asleep while reading ff

11 - bfast is sponsored by bang esa’s wife. BP umum with bu ade. had nasi padang for lunch. talked about BL w nessa while we’re the only one upstairs lol. did some exercise together with ren ness. drank the last of my roti O coffee and shit you not, the headache vanished. did Prof’s PPT and sent one.

12 - KIA with bu mutiah and bu imas. ate at RM bu mamak with bu ade, teh ayi, mendel. we all wore black top and jeans for hari kesehatan nasional, so we did some ‘photoshoot’ and tiktok creating at puskesmas lol. bought ayam bakar together with renata.

13 - MTBS w mendel. met kak tania 2013 and her child who came for mantoux. turns out she lives in BMW. Prof called out of the blue and turns out there will be plenty of stuff that i have to make. juggled that call with meeting dr anita for my “ngamen” at klinik tri husada. ended the call with Prof in front of dr anita. Some introduction on the clinic. did not make it back to mess bcs its already 12 ish. hurriedly packed and showered to leave to jkt. waited for arimbi but a primajasa kb jeruk showed up so i tried that. attempted zoom with dr eva (in the bus) that ended due to terrible signal. it was raining in kb jeruk. ate seirockya extreme in puri. its goddamn delicious due to the cold hunger and fatigue. picked up a pepperoni pizza from pizza e birra. it rains when going to devi’s. met up with thal dajen lau racheel dev. played some games (splendor, sushi go, exploding kitten). ate martabak orins omg i miss it. slept over at devi’s place.

14 - off to AR at 9-ish. when i arrived, grandma was sleeping, bou lia was showering, and the others are in living world lmao. showered and basked the silence. ate mom’s spaghetti. mom just laughed when she saw my hair. ‘listened’ to APICD while playing twitter. bou lia bought me matcha xiboba! assessed om amin bcs he’s having tremor. just lazed in the house, basically. lost my mood of going to bdg bcs mom said we will just go ‘pulang hari’.

15 - off from home 5:33 and arrived at 7. mom made lots of frozen food that are ready to heat. posyandu with bu vivi in kebon dalem. there’s also reps from krakatau medika. lotss of laundry to do. so much that the machine can barely spin. read kaiju no 8. matcha latte.

16 - posbindu w nessa bu elis teh dina. Te tekwan and bacang made by bu kader. Had a good nap in pwkt. Got fissure in my inner mouth and it hurts huft. Tried to finish PPTs with near dates so i can moveon to the next work. Slept at 12ish.

17 - BP with bu ade. Sent the PPT to Prof. Can finally relax for a bit. Exercised to pamela reif's vids. Ordered wingstop. Read some fanfic and fell asleep aaaa syit did nothing today. I shouldve started literature searching

18 - PIS-PK in tegal bunder with teh nabs (who didnt bring her motorbike so its a good thing i did). back to mess and had some nap and lunch. shareloc at purwakarta. tried kopsus from kopi baja. taste kinda weird but the music playing is bomb (kurosuke, sore, sal, and some other chill vibes that just make me more sleepy). tried to search some stuff for the proposal. off to klinik tri husada. teteh2 bidan were very kind and welcoming. nisa chatted me and she said it was ok for me to come with them in bdg so yay. immediately bought travel ticket. was given nasgor, martabak and rujak jeruk bali.

19 - originally posyandu with teh Vivi, but it was cancelled so we went for home visit. It finished quickly yay. went to mess. relaxed, ate and packed. took maxim back to pwkt. nebeng zihan to go to damkar. took primajasa to jkt and read assorted wilderness along the way. waited for mom in puri and i bought jiwa toast (26k with gofood pickup) while waiting. arrived maghrib at home. zoom meeting w dr eva and kak rayhan. finished the assorted wilderness manhwa lol. fell asleep without even showering and still in my scrubs lmao

20 - showered. packed for bandung. left at 8 and arrived at almost 12. tried to finish up Prof’s PPT on the way. lunch at ibis trans studio. lamaran bang ido with teh ghina in buah batu. ate again there. rested in the hotel for a bit. ate at sangkan hurip 2, the same place as tafakur alam trip. it was as if there’s AC. back in the hotel at 10-ish pm and i got a room for myself. i laid there, sheet mask on. trying to relax and be grateful for the blessings in life. its really cold and cozy.

21 - breakfast in the hotel. packed my stuff. lunch at kampung daun. checked in at papandayan hotel, 2 km away from ibis. the family swam except for kak owi, bang ido, nisa and me. i relaxed in the reclining chair, taking in the pretty sky and chilly wind. the girls and i went to braga (tried sweet cantina ice cream), cici claypot and primarasa. bang ido was calling us asking if we need to be picked up lol.

22 - woke up at 5. prepared to leave. said goodbye. bang ido drove me to buah batu pool and waited until i can enter the Hiace. and then i left at 7. i was weeping on the way back thinking of kind people and great time and thought and contemplated that i wrote sumn on my tumblr. read love for sale on the way. arrived in mess at 12. it was raining a bit. tidied up my stuff. laid down and read Payback lol. napped. woke. ate. slept again. I should’ve did something productive aaaaaaaa its a constant struggle of mine.

23 - BIAS at sd purwakarta with bu sektah. injected 20 kids. finished at 10. cooked veggies and made matcha latte in mess. went back to pwkt. gave kue balok box to bu aroh. mendel and i made the poster for evapro cibeber. tried to get some progress on Prof’s S1 lecture

24 - BP umum with bang esa. bujing lia gojeked me janjiw matcha and toast. watched color me true. in denial to start dr Eva’s chapterbook.

25 - MTBS today. watched Color Me True. Rested a bit. off to klinik tri husada. there was a patient with hyperglycemic crisis. did some work on dr eva’s book so there’s that. not gonna change the draft for now.

26 - BP umum w nessa. did laundry. ate superbubur alone in MTBS. zoom meeting with Prof and HCRC. evening stroll with renata in the hidden part of palm hills. supposed to do PPT but i ended up sleeping

27 - my throat hurts when swallowing huft. BP umum w nessa again. watched The Witch. basically just laid down and slept. ate indomie. still havent started Prof’s PPT

28 - cannot bring myself to do my sunday run. finally pulled myself together and showered. basically started the day at noon lol. off to jannor. it was raining there. pulled some decent progress. went back when the rain stopped but it turns out it rains in simpang. continued the ppt. ok a liiittle bit more to go.

29 - KIA w bu sekta (who i wrongly thought was bu mutiah). asked for MP at pharmacy. got to finish the rest of the (eng) ppt. sent it to Prof. kanayam for lunch. napped again in mess. started translating the ppt to indo. it was a lot huft. finished it at 10-ish. continued the second half of The Witch.

30 - MTBS w bang esa. home visit with teh erlina to the twin babies i checked at posyandu a while back. one of the baby passed away last night. tried driving manual again with bang esa’s car. he was a patient instructor lol. duplicated the mess key. seblak for dinner to scratch my throat. i should’ve done something useful today but its a chatty night and suddenly its 8 pm lol. have to sleep a bit early.

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shytiff · 3 years

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May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake.

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

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shytiff · 4 years

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Mar 2021 Wins

1 - Work againn except the medical record ran out. So we went back at 12 am. Relaxeddd at home. Fasted today (still got 2 fasting debts to go). Meeting with dr dafsah dr bayushi and dr debby at 20:30. I embarrassed myself lmao,,, and what you can say as "asal bunyi". Let the overthinking and fear begin. I actually woke up 3 times during the night, lmaoo is it anxiety? Never happened to me before.

2 - we need to take care of administrations to get more medical record so we did. Wasted almost half of the day but we finally managed. Immediately fell asleep at home lmao

3 - the usual day in harkit. Asked more medical records. Planned to go to cp to see slip ons but the tj i wanted to ride went straight to kalideres so like the sane person i am of course i went back home. Timing is very222 great sometimes in life. Zoom meeting with the ever so kind dr eva. Mahmud and dela joined the assistant gang

4 - magang. Met dr eva in pediatric icu. late late evening lunch was kungpao chicken sec bowl (which i exclaimed as sweet. And then my friend said kungpao is supposed to taste like that. Huh). I was picked up after maghrib. Laid down in bed, playing my phone until 22ish and i fell asleep. Damn i shouldve slept earlier yknow

5 - magang. Ate spicy salmon onigiri from lawson for lunch. Went to btkv basecamp with mahmud since RM was a bit crowded. Not even 10 mins in, and we excused ourselves because misuh2 btkv near the computer on our table. Went to nonama in le meridien after magang with ara ness gen cal hanin amal alya. The sushi was so so (too much rice). Yay for lots of sashimi. Salmon kushiage was tasty. Salmon aburi cheesy stuff was tasty. Soba so so. Takoyaki explodes in your mouth. While waiting for mom, saw live piano performance in the lobby. Shes playing alone. I hope she knows someone out there appreciates it *oddly melancholic*

6 - slept in. Felt good. Hurriedly showered and got ready bcs i thot it was getting a bit late and turns out i arrived in halte kalideres 9:11 am lmao. Breakfast slash lunch was penyetan cok ayam. The sambal was not THAT spicy but my tongue has weakened now. Picked up some data in RM. Went to central park with my heavy ass bag to search for slip ons. Didnt find one yet. Went to kkv for the first time. Went back home and its heavy rain on the tj but dry in kalideres. Snacked on fitz cookies (its basically vegan tuffis) on the bus since i felt hungryyy. Juan bought chicken satay and when i arrived theyre all eating but i didnt feel like eating with them lmao (its been a while since i last did) so i just went upstairs, finished that fitz cookies, fell asleep in my mukena (after maghrib) and skipping isya :(

7 - didnt feel like doing anything when i woke up, but forced myself to open laptop for nemo. Played a bit of keyboard. Ate last nights satay. Rly was in a rut until i managed to shower (i last showered yesterday morning,,,) and felt a bit better. Even did night skin care and mask (which i didnt do lately)

8 - magang as usual while listening to curhat babu. I was still feeling "off" even though i was outside already. Felt a bit more normal after i had lawson's ice arabica gayo covfefe. Lunch was spicy sec bowl with extra chicken. Coffee's effect is amazing im just blown away. Like im not tired. I feel normal. I dont feel like immediately going to bed when i arrive at the house. Read and finished starving anonymous before bed. Its... A lot to take in. Especially before bed lmaoo

9 - mencret2 in the morning and i blame it on spicy sec bowl. my pace in magang is so slow why :( lunch is carbonara spaghetti from Barilla (29k with discount). It does make you feel full, and it is creamy. But the beef bacon is so few 😐 it will be more delish if it has more bacon. Picked up by mom after maghrib today. At 19:30 ish my stomach hurtedddd bcs of rising acid.its been a while since it happened. Thankfully mom bought tan ek tjoan and brownies. The ache dissipated after i finished my bread. Its so cold in the car tfff or is it my poor metabolism

10 - magang til after isya since tomorrow is a holiday. powered by lawson’s arabica gayo after lunch (good habit’s minimal-taste fried rice lol). while on the way back, kapjagiii ukmppd result announcement. alhamdulillah i passed. congratulated by some. slept late seeing people’s social media update.

11 - woke up late. didnt feel hungry, so i ate at 13:00 ish (tuna, peanut-chocolate sandwich). slept after eating. ghosted mahmuda calling me regarding after zuhur liqo. didnt pick up atikah’s calls. cant seem to talk lmao. rly rly tried to do dr dafsah’s excel this day, but cant seem to start my day. i was like “i’ll take a shower” but i didnt. “i’ll start the excel at 20:00″ i didnt. i just slept. and woke. and slept. dreamed about going to dufan with clara but we bailed since there was no promo. i practically didnt no anything today lol

12 - finally showered (that was supposedly done yesterday lmao). my pink flats broke down. i was the only one who come lmao. did dr dafsah’s excel and finished at 10. went to TA and tried popolamama’s ayce. tried chicken arabiatta (very tomato-ey taste, not a fan), pepperoni, bolognese and banana caramel with vanilla ice cream. Managed to eat 4 small pizza out of 9 flavor choices. While eating i remembered i came to celebrate passing ukmppd. so in my mind i pat myself in the back and said (not out loud) congrats for passing ukmppd. it felt bittersweet, but a nice validation. tried to search for slip ons again but didnt find one. bought a black top in uniqlo. started reading here you are

13 - lazed and lazed and jhs friends wanted to meet up but i cant even muster the courage to shower lmao. after zuhur was the meet up time but i slept at 12. lets go. come on. out. suddenly i have to build up a will to socialize just like with running. and i managed. left the house at 13:30-ish. went to ali kopi dm and got thai tea. slowly warming up my social battery. and then things felt a bit better. and we moved to flavola (got the somay). and talked we did, until suddenly its near isya. and then i had to go back bcs mom was being restrictive as usual. if it werent for that i would stay longer w atikah and pupuy. felt energized afterwards, read more of here you are and slept at 00:00 ish

14 - woke up, played some keyboard. im not prepared for another monday. Mangago is down. Unboxed my knockoff airpods that arrived couple of days ago. The sound and function was ok. Showered near the end of zuhur.

15 - magang as usual. Got out of my gloomy (felt a bit better) after going out. Lunch was ayam pedas lawson with added fried chicken. Also bought arabica gayo. Went back home before maghrib. Why must i be here while my dad talk about whatever before sholat maghrib. I hate it here. Ara and redita stayed over bcs theyre 'supposedly' going to rsut to pick up samples. Except it was cancelled and in the morning they went back to rscm,,,

16 - its only morning but i yapped abt worrying in our future to poor ekal who just sat there lmaoo. I told him how i realized im easily bored. Tried K-Chop for lunch, bought kimchi bokkeumbap, pajeon and kimchi jeon. The fried rice tasted like fried rice but with a hint of kimchi. Kimchi jeon was good and refreshing. the pajeon was basically egg with added ingredients. But it did make me feel full. Suddenly felt like singing life goes on with the keyboard.

17 - tried fitfut for lunch. Got mushroom chicken steak and katsu wrap. Their katsu is,,, simply put, tasteless. Like those HEALTHY healthy foods. The (small) chicken steak was ok. The mushroom sauce tasted good. Zoom call with dr dafsah at 12 am. More work i guess,,,

18 - fasted today. Still got 1 debt to go. Sahur was indomie, banana and protein shake. Did not feel hungry in magang but i kinda felt lightheaded. And then i cant take it anymore and went home at 2 pm. Arrived after ashar. Theres PLENTY of time to do stuff, right? Nope. I just laid in bed playing my phone til maghrib (iftar was chicken noodle) and continued until i fell asleep. My dream was absurd lmaoooo

19 - had custom salad hut for lunch. felt suuuper fult. bought pop cookies since it was the last day of grabfood’s 50% promo. was picked up after isya by mom. we talked with the resident who’s doing his thesis stuff and it turns out he’s from the same shs as mahmuda lmao. he bought kopsus and donat kampung for us, how kinddd :”) i said “mantap ni kakak kelasnya mahmud” and he said “kamu kan adek kelas saya juga”. kind seniors. i hope they have great careers and be successful and im learning to be kind from kind people. i dont know, im just easily touched by simple gestures lmaoo. first time trying tuku’s coffee. it’s smooth and creamy (like the milk and coffee unites (?)) and it doesnt separate when you leave it. its milky but has a strong coffee taste. Slept at 11 pm-ish, playing my phone

20 - lazed. saw long covid webinar. ate mom’s salmon mentai, pop cookies matcha cream cheese and dark chocolate. the dark chocolate one, especially a bit cold, taste soooo good wtf. concentrated sugar and chocolate at its finest. played some keyboard. saw youtube vids about the genius jacob collier. lent my byu phone number so ara could use it to catfish in coffee and bagel lol. bought sbux green tea and caramel macchiato 1 L for 100k + delivery fee and my bro said it tasted good

21 - tried pop cookies red velvet this time. Its super sweet yall and i thought martabak orins was the epitome of d40 bolus. did pamela reif 10 mins calorie burn that wont kill you. except i got doms WITHIN the day of work out. also attempted sun salutation and my leg is so damn stiff. did some work on sunday!!! wow!!!! (after wasting 2 weekends) finished skimming air gear lol. it still made me feel glorious.

22 - volunteered to help vaccination at rptra planet senen w akis els yud kind. Finished at about 13:30. We got chicken noodle, nasi padang and mcd lol. Went to senen bus station. Prayed there. Called mahmud and turns out theres no new medical record so i went straight home. Ate the mcd and lazed in bed

23 - vaccine volunteer again, this time in sd 01 kramat, w regen nagit red adita. Observation table again. Except its twice the amount of pt compared to yesterday. Nebeng redita to gang IX and walked to nessa's place. Went to GI and we watched violet evergarden (tif gen ness kris indah ara). The ac in the screenX cgv theater wasnt even on. Picked up by mom at 20:30 ish so i hurried down. The movie was hilarious w indah's commentary

24 - sooo sleepy and lazy but finally went to harkit. Waiting for pak oji to get medicak records, i shopped at sociolla lol. Bought eyebrow pencil, eyeshadow palette, blush since i dont have those (i only have cheap 3 color mizzu eyeshadow). Did some work. Met kiki in RM. "planned" to do the rest of magang work at home and arrivd back at 3-ish pm but we all know thats a lie. Lazed. Maghrib. Bought sbux 1L to have some caffeine through the green tea. Sinau airway class by dr zeta (focused thanks to the caffeine). Had some "awake time" left and did not feel sleepy til 10:30ish pm but i had to sleep since i got 1 more fasting to go 2mrw. No progress on magang work aaaaa

25 - had indomie, boiled egg, banana and protein powder for sahur. magang. emir took a while to pick me up even though i already told him the time im arriving and i ended up ordering grab lmao and he showed up right before the grab. liqo w kak kartika and mahmud while sipping caramel macchiato. did some translation (job by dr triya)

26 - picked up pld medal, gown and buavita (lol) at salemba and then went to harkit. met kiki again. lunch was k-chop. quite good and fulfilling. waiting for mom to pick me up before maghrib. Was lazying around at night and it turns out clara came w kefas. She called but dumb ass me had my phone on silent. She surprised me and came all the wayyy with a little tayo cake and a line friends pillow. I was awkward w kefas bcs im awkward w new people :):):) she went back and then i cried afterwards in my room. Fianti sent me a wish before midnight (somehow havent fell asleep) and then i close my eyes and go to the dream world

27 - had mie goreng for breakfast. fell asleep again. woke to silvi and racheel calling me and as usual my phone was not ringing. there’s racil silvi devi reza outside the door lmao. they (including atikah) surprised me with gift (a bag). i asked them to come with me to gi since im gonna eat w regen. we tried yakiniku like and the meat was juicy and yum, better then kintan. racil dkk ate marugame udon just below. wanted to get banban but it was so crowded. went back by grab. racil and atikah stayed over. talked until like 12 am. forced myself to pray isya.

28 - talked for hours like we usually do, tried some makeup bcs i need to practice for pld lol. tarik tiga to their place bcs i needed to borrow pld clothes lol. rearranged my room and i was sweating. i should’ve drank macchiato and did some work but i cant bring myself to so i just sleep. hangovers post feeling normal are never the best feeling

29 - woke up super late. cant bring myself to go to harkit. i feel like shit. sick and tired of feeling sick and tired ((quoting jhene aiko)). mustered some will to shower. rode my on bike pretending im going to harkit except im going to mcd. got big breakfast and lemon tea. went to flavola, ordered kopsus coklat and indomie + telor. Went back home after isya.

30 - Binge watching sean and kaycee’s vids lol it all began with their leave the door open dance :). went to harkit by TJ after the redcap was unaccessible at 09:30ish. lunch was truffle belly chicken mushroom (somehow there’s 50% disc). Took some needed data and went back home at 14:20. did (new) translation for dr Triya. finally drank homemade matcha latte after a while.

31 - originally intended to go to flavola after zuhur, but i just cant muster the strength. did dr triya’s translation work. didnt do any ecmocard today. felt like shit. ate the tayo small cake from clara. quite good and not too heavy. gladi kotor pld today. did green screen using mukena lol. fell asleep. skipped isya and the next morning’s subuh :( basically i ended march feeling like utter shit lol

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shytiff · 4 years

Text

Small August Wins

1 - DL, did my part for PKP, read a bit about leprosy reaction (PKP related), watched a cute movie tune in for love, ara stayed over at my home, edited 1 pld article

2 - exercised a bit, edited 3 pld articles, DL, finished ppt tinpus PKP, walked to the nearby lake with ara, ate nasgor smoked chicken (been a while!) and jco donuts and my tummy is happy, felt afraid with DV exam huft. I hope I can prepare myself properly

3 - DL, edited 1 article, went to school together w ara, deep fried by dr adhi for my minicex (but i am grateful for the opportunity), emir took a while to pick me up (he left home 1530 and arrived 1715) so i did some status work, arrived at home super hungry but moms food is delicious and wow glucose is finally in (after previously supported by nasi uduk and 1 jco donut) and the pain from today sort of fades away.

4 - DL, tried to study as much as i could (the panic is real), went to kencana to get dr adhis signature at 12 but he replied my chat at about 1330 🙃 , finished self reflection, group called with my group for exam prep

5 - did not DL bcs i fell asleep!! Thank god for streak freeze, met up with dr adhi in poli regarding minicex bcs turns out he brought my status etc, hes very kind 🥺 dr yudo kindly took his time to answer questions via wa voicenote even though he had a tiring day 🥺 bless all the kind people in this world

6 - DL, alhamdulillah passed the exam with dr sondang and dr larissa even though i was being a dumb ass student (thankfully theyre patient enough). Honestly panicked during the morning, i was super afraid. Searched some drug dosage for renata. I hope she passes the remed!!

7 - slept and lazed all day :( edited 1 article, dv closing. Managed to say thanks to dr yudo even though i was lowkey near tears bcs i cant for the life of me say something even mildy emotional, DL at like 15 mins before midnight

8 - finally at lvl 3 DL by cheating with my notes lmaoo, ate burgers and half pizza by dcheese pizza but had mencret2 the next day lmaooo, watched bosscha virtual sky sightseeing

9 - DL, watched Summer Vacation, edited 2 articles, put some sheet mask on (the numbers surely diminished since my cousin took some 🙂 ), pretty much watched youtube all day. At night i dreamed going to a villa that kinda looks like matamori, and the villa near it was also booked by other groups of friend, and i was recording snow falling from the sky and snow on the cliffs, but there was also a snake under the bed, and writing patients resume -_-(?)

10 - DL, read pem psikiatri cbt batch 1 optima, 25 CBT PADI, a fruitful 2,5 hr discussion with dr Heriani, SpKJ

11 - DL, poli with mendel hari and dr Khamelia, SpKJ, mustered some courage to do the ppt, phoned the patient to ask a little bit more, fell asleep and thank god i’ve prayed isya

12 - DL, lazied and played get rich, felt sick and was sick, nose congested, head starting to hurt, i dont know what is it that triggered my emotions but when my dad asked "tiff kok bersin2?" i felt like i have no privacy and they were too intruding and i wept silently in my room (bcs ppl outside can hear) and yall my nose just goes 100% blocked. aint accepting air today. Massaged my face around the sinus area until i can somehow breathe nicely and fall asleep. (took about half and hour of snot cleaning, drinking and mulling around)

13 - since i felt bad abt lazying i started my day early. Woke up at 5. Put on tretinoin, 15 CBT PADI, DL, naskah psikiatri WIP (Work in progress). It rained today. The sky was grey half of the day, which I LOVE. I felt better and more cheery, especially at abt 4-5 pm when it was raining hard and im snuggled in bed. The laptop stand arrived and bitch it was fucking amazing. My back and neck muscles felt less awkward and/or sore working at my ergonomically-awful table and chair combo turned ok thanks to laptop stand!!

14 - DL, poli with dr cika, crashed aras place (drank thai tea, ate flip burger and sausages), it felt refreshing to be in a different place rather than seeing my room all day everyday. Afterwards ara indah and i ate po noodle bar, the taste was kind of herbal (not brothy) in a good way. Tried some sort of gyoza, it was good too. Juan got accepted at USU civic engineering. Went to atikahs place, passed a red light and i got ppl a bit annoyed lmao sorry :(((, talked with atikah until 1-2ish pm

15 - richeese and fried rice for brunch time, went back home (felt socially refreshed!) to see 2 bottles of sbux coffee i ordered, claras nastar and vit d supplement from tokped. Did RPS and ikhtisar for naskah. DL. Sbux' coffee still upsets my stomach lmao but it did keep me awake and focused enough til 11 pm

16 - DL, after staying over at friends place i feel.suer content to be just at home. Ate while watching erna limdaughs vids, sleeeept

17 - DL, naskah WIP, whipped myself to go do naskah by drinking caramel macchiato and playing coffee - bts. It tasted better when i hear jks soothing voice

18 - DL, finally panicked a bit and did ppt, read a bit abt bipolar, chugged hazelnut dolce latte and somehow its not bitter anymore it actually tasted good. Talked w mendel and hari a bit abt the patient

19 - the dr actually showed up to zoom while i was opening other screen and i didnt realize (ultra embarrassing!!!) basically my diagnosis for axis I and II were wrong. She was kindly explaining and i was more dissapointed with myself but at least its all over? Talked w hansel a bit. Revised a bit of naskah. Submitted hardcopy of naskah and refleksi to mbak Asma. Went to ara. DL, ate gwen's dimsum (quite good and fulfilling). Planned to go to kashiwa but we ended up getting bakmi akiaw. Went back "home" to DM, took only 35 mins.

20 - DL, slept half of the day since im on my period (what even is daily structure), woke up in the evening, decided to start “the folk of the air” series. Binged the first book in one go, from 8 pm to 1 am lmaoo

21 - DL, finished the series at night. it’s nice but not as good as six of crows duology. bts comeback with dynamite!! :) i love them. its scary to think they are still progressing and going up and getting better stats. When will it all stop?

22 - discussion with dr natalia spKJ at 7.30 am, DL, drank matcha latte at starbucks airport hub (been a while! It doesnt taste quite good as i remembered) while backing up HD data at drive and some padi CBT (finished TO 3. After all this time, only to 3?!), felt a bit better after i went out, read a falling cohabitation again

23 - DL, danced to baepsae, slept in the afternoon (my body is too weak nowadays)

24 - DL, psychiatry closing, 1 pamela reif vid, 2P (CBT PADI)

25 - DL, made latar belakang for propeks nemo

26 - DL, 4P, rapat nemo

27 - DL, met up with atikah pupuy @ toska, tried yogurt and fruit, mac and cheese, vegan mentai rice and had dinner @ bakmi gm. mom somehow told (and allowed) me to go back home (it was 9 am and i was abt to stay over at atikah’s)

28 - DL, i dont feel like doing anything helppp, i know there’s stuff that im supposed to do but i cant bring myself to do it. a week will pass by, a month, and before you know it exam will arrive

29 - DL, ordered burgushi, i literally have no strength to go at static bike (can only do for a couple of mins), didnt rly do anything else bcs im in a slump nowadays

30 - its scary that the month is almost over again. my life just goes away like that but i still dont feel like doing anything, DL, tried to follow some dances on youtube to move my body

31 - DL, 2A, 4P

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