#i don't think i would change if i had the chance

[cressidagrey]

Holy Ground - Chapter 5

Summary:

Nobody knew that Azriel found his mate. Until she nearly died. This is the aftermath.

Warning:

Rhys Bashing (as usual), Inner Circle Bashing (kinda), Referenced/Implied Sexual Assault, Referenced/Implied Domestic Violence, Discussion of Religion(?), Chronic Injury/Pain/Illness, Minor Character Death (It's probably nobody you love), Magical Work Accidents, Explosions, Injuries

If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.

“You want to talk about it?” Her mate asked her flatly and Mor couldn’t help but grimace.

"No," Mor said simply, her tone clipped. She had been hoping to avoid this conversation, but it seemed as though Emerie was not willing to let her off that easily. "There's nothing to talk about."

Her mate just snorted. “Yeah, absolutely nothing,” she said sarcastically. “How about the fact that the male that spend 500 years being in love with you, met his mate 2 years ago and hasn’t said a single thing about it to any member of his family?”

"What do you want me to say, Em?" she asked with a sigh.

At the start…before Nesta had forced her to actually confront what she was feeling…Before she actually thought about the fact, that no…it wasn’t actually funny for Azriel to keep their mate from them…and it also wasn’t normal for him. Of course, Azriel liked his privacy, it was something that he fiercely guarded, but he was also…he wouldn’t have actually hidden away his mate from his family. He would have introduced her, would have invited her to birthdays and Winter Solstice and Starfall…

But he hadn’t. 

He had rather hidden away every trace of that relationship than actually talk to any of them about it. 

“Nesta told me that she laid into you,” Emerie said with a shrug. “You did use Azriel, you know that, Mor.”

Mor's expression hardened at Emerie's words. 

Emerie was right. She had used him. 

Of course, at the time…she had been desperate, afraid of the feelings that she had been having…willing to hide them… but the way she had gone about it hadn’t been…It hadn’t been fair. 

She just didn’t like to reflect on that. 

"It doesn't matter now, Em," she said flatly. "It's in the past."

“Is it?” Emerie asked, sharply. “You never tried to actually talk to Azriel about it. You just expected him to be alright with it. Alright with us,” she continued. “He has never once been anything but polite to me, but quite frankly he would have had every right to be pissed off.”

Mor just so managed not to grimace. 

Not a single word. Not a single gesture. Nothing but politeness and kindness had come from Azriel after her and Emerie’s mating bond had snapped. Nothing. 

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm racked with guilt every damn day?" she asked her mate, turning away from from Emerie, running a hand through her hair in frustration. "I know that I hurt him, Em. I know that I used him. But what do you want me to do about it now? It's in the past, it's done. I can't change it."

Emerie was silent for a moment, her expression softening slightly. "You can apologize," she said softly. "You can try to mend what you broke. And maybe, just maybe, he'll forgive you."

Mor let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. "Apologize? For what?" she asked, her voice dripping with self-mockery. "For using him? For making him think he had a chance with me when he never did? For breaking his heart when I knew damn well how he felt about me?"

Emerie's expression hardened again. "Yes," she said firmly. "For all of those things. Because at the end of the day, Mor, you used him. And he deserves better than that."

Mor's shoulders slumped, the fight leaving her all at once. She knew that Emerie was right. She knew that she had been selfish, that she had hurt Azriel in a way that could never be undone. But the thought of facing him, of admitting her mistakes and opening herself up to the pain and rejection that surely awaited her…it was terrifying.

“I imagine he had a few very good reasons to keep Irena a secret from all of us,” Emerie said softly. “Regardless of what feelings he once harboured for you…he was always your friend, Mor. And he kept his mate a secret from you.”

Mor sighed, her shoulders slumped. "I know," she said softly. "I know. I thought it was jsut Az being Az but it’s not, is it?”

Emerie reached out, placing a gentle hand on Mor's arm. "No," she said softly. "It's not. It's him protecting something that he loves. And I don't blame him for that."

***

“Are you hungry?” Azriel asked his mate softly.

Madja had checked on her the evening before…had told her to keep off her leg for a few days and plied her with more potions, bandages the bruises again… given her more sleeping draught. It hasn’t stopped Irena from waking up twice with nightmares.

"No," Irena said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don't have much of an appetite." She looked pale, her eyes dull and lacking their usual sparkle. It was clear that she hadn't slept well, and his heart ached at the sight of her discomfort.

Shock had dissipated and left his mate…grieving and sad and Azriel curled himself tighter around her.

He could feel the weight of her sadness and grief, and it broke his heart to see her this way. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her close and hoping to offer some comfort and support.

“You need to eat something, love,” he insisted softly. “Whatever you want.” 

He really didn’t care if all she had in her stomach were her favourite cookies, at least that would be something. 

Irena shook her head, burying her face in his chest. "I don't want anything," she said, her voice muffled against his shirt. "Just...just stay here with me."

Azriel's heart tugged at her words, and he pulled her even closer, cradling her against him. "Of course," he whispered, his lips brushing the top of her head. "I'm not going anywhere, love,” he promised her fiercely. “But you still need to eat something,” he whispered. “How about the shadows get you one of those blueberry pastries you like?”

Irena sighed, snuggling deeper into his embrace. "Alright," she said softly. "I do love those pastries." She looked up at him, her eyes still dull but a small hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

He didn’t even need to order the shadows to do anything, they had one of her favourite blueberry pastries on a plate on the bed side table in a breath. *Please tell me you left the money,* he told them mentally.

The shadows seemed almost indignant. *Of course we left it. Do you think we're thieves?* Azriel smiled at their tone."

"Of course not," he said aloud, reaching for the pastry and offering it to Irena. "You're just very efficient." The shadows swirled around him almost smugly at the praise, and he shook his head with a chuckle.

“Thank you,” Irena thanked them softly. The shadows preened.

Azriel chuckled again, watching as the shadows swirled around Irena, as if basking in her gratitude. It was cute how they seemed almost puppy-like in their desire for her attention. 

He was amazed, as always, by how much the shadows adored her.

He had never expected them to warm up to anyone else, especially not as quickly as they had to his mate. 

Suddenly…as soon as he had properly introduced his shadows to her…as soon as it was clear that she wasn’t going to start flinching away from them or from him if they showed up to badger her…as soon as that was clear, they had started to dote on her. Seemingly so pleased that there was another person that wasn’t scared off them. 

The shadows and Irena had formed a bond that defied explanation, and it made Azriel so happy to see the two things he cherished most in the world getting along so well.

(Even if he sometimes got jealous that the shadows never had doted on him like they did on Irena. He got porridge for breakfast but Irena got the ridiculous expensive pastries from the newest high end bakery. Irena got bubble bath, while he only got salt dumped into his bath water and got told that it was good for his muscles.) 

He watched as the shadows swirled around Irena, nuzzling against her like cats seeking affection. Irena laughed softly as they tickled at her ears and played with her hair.

He knew that his shadows were often feared and misunderstood, but with Irena they were playful and affectionate. It was like she had unlocked a whole new side of them, and he couldn't help but smile at the sight of them interacting so sweetly with her.

He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. "I never thought I'd see the day when my shadows would be so smitten," he teased, his lips curving into a small smile. "I should be jealous, but I can't help but find it adorable."

Irena laughed, her eyes sparkling for the first time that day. "They're so sweet," she said, reaching up to brush her fingers through the shadows that surrounded her. "It's like they're a different side of you."

Azriel chuckled, his gaze softening as he looked at her. "I guess they are a part of me, in a way," he said. "And they seem to have a mind of their own, especially when it comes to you." He watched as the shadows nuzzled against her cheek, almost vying for her attention.

"They're quite taken with you," he said with a grin. "I don't blame them. Still, it's strange to see them so affectionate towards someone else." He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

"But it makes me happy to see them like this," he said softly, his fingers lingering against her cheek. "It's like you're bringing out a side of them that I never knew existed. And it's a beautiful thing to witness." He leaned in, pressing another soft kiss to her forehead. "Just like you."

There was a knock at the door.

*The High Lord and the Ancient One,* the shadows offered. *And the healer.*

*I’ll deal with them,* Azriel said with a snort.

“Finish your breakfast, alright?“ he told Irena softly as he slid out of the bed. Irena nodded, a small smile on her face. 

"Thank you," she said softly, watching as he got up to answer the door.

“Madja,” he greeted the healer drily. “Irena just had breakfast. The bruises are already lightening,” he reported.

Madja nodded, her expression softening slightly. "Good," she said. "Keep an eye on her for the next couple of days, make sure she takes it easy. The leg needs to heal properly." He opened the door further, letting Madja slip in, and could just hear, "How are you feeling, my dear?" From Madja and Irena’s soft answer.

Which meant that Azriel turned towards his brother. “What do you want?” He demanded from Rhys, his voice sharp. 

Rhys held his hands up in surrender. "Calm down, Az," he said, his voice low. "I just wanted to check on Irena. Amren looked at the spellbook that Merrill was using,” Rhys explained.

“And?” Azriel asked flatly.

Did it actually matter? Merrill had been stupid and arrogant and a thousand other things. The spell didn’t seem to have done anything to Irena…her injuries had been thanks to the debris that had resulted in the spell going absolutely haywire, killing Merrill and seemingly exploding her office. 

“It was written in a language I do not know, but the best match is ancient Illyrian,” Amren gave back drily. 

Azriel's expression darkened at Amren's words. "Ancient Illyrian?" he repeated, his mind racing. "That can't be good."

Not at all. He didn’t even want to think about what his ancestors had come up with. 

"It seems to be a very old dialect," Rhys explained. "One that hasn't been spoken or written in centuries. It'll take some time to decipher it, but we're working on…”

“It seems to be a healing spell. Probably used in childbirth,” Amren cut him off. “When it didn’t find a pregnant female to latch onto, it redoubled back onto Merrill.”

"So Merrill's own spell backfired on her," Azriel mused. "And Irena got caught in the crossfire." He rubbed a hand over his face. “Has the spell done anything to Irena?” He demanded.

“Madja didn’t think so,” Rhys said carefully. “I wanted to check on Irena if that’s alright with you.”

He crossed his arms, not willing to entertain that even for a moment. 

“No,” he said flatly. 

“Let him in, Azriel,” his mate said softly, and he turned towards her, staring at Irena. 

The shadows were already dragging a fur around her shoulders, fluffing the pillows behind her, as Madja bandaged her leg.

Irena met his gaze, raising an eyebrow at him. 

He didn’t want Rhys anywhere near her, Azriel was certain of that. And still…an still…

“Fine,” Azriel growled, stepping aside to let Rhys through. "Don't overstay your welcome," he warned Rhys. 

Rhys nodded, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips at Azriel's protectiveness. He clapped a hand on Azriel's shoulder reassuringly. "I won't stay long," he reassured his brother. "I just want to make sure she's alright."

Amren rolled her eyes, but for once didn’t say another word as Azriel closed the door. 

“High Lord,” Irena greeted Rhys, every inch the perfect lady even while she was laid up in her bed.

Rhys inclined his head, smiling gently at Irena, while Azriel already crossed the room to sit at her bedside, taking her hand in both of his. She reassuringly squeezed it. 

"How are you feeling?" Rhys asked her. 

Irena gave him a small smile, shrugging her shoulders a little. "I've been better," she admitted. "But I'm healing, I suppose." She gestured to the leg, Madja was bandaging once again.  "Madja says I'll be good as new in a few days. And I’ve had worse,” she added flatly.

Rhys chuckled softly, his eyes softening with concern. "I don't doubt it," he said. "But still, it must have been quite a harrowing experience." He paused for a moment, looking at her intently. "I wanted to speak to you about what happened," he said gently. "If you feel up to it, of course."

Irena nodded, steeling herself for whatever questions Rhys might have. "Go ahead," she said quietly.

"I just wanted to ask you about what you saw when the spell hit you," Rhys said carefully. "Do you remember anything after the initial blast? Could you show me?”

“No.” Azriel snapped. “You are not going read her mind, Rhysand.” Not in a million years. 

He nearly bared his teeth at his High Lord in annoyance, already regretting letting him into their room. 

Irena was healing.

Rhys held up his hands in surrender, his eyes flickering to Azriel for a moment. "I wasn't going to do anything without her permission,  brother," he assured him calmly.

“It’s alright,” Irena agreed with him. “It’s fine, Azriel,” she assured him softly.  Azriel tensed for a moment, torn between wanting to protect her and respecting her wishes. "I want to do this." She turned her attention back to Rhys. "Go ahead."

Rhys nodded, his expression serious. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice low. "It might be difficult to recall the memories, but I need you to try."

Irena just inclined her head. "I'm sure," she said firmly. "Just...just go ahead."

Azriel watched, holding her hand tightly. Rhys was well trained at using his daemati abilities, but that didn’t mean that…

A moment later a soft shudder run through his mate, and Azriel growled. 

“Thank you, Irena,” Rhys said quickly, clearly already withdrawing from her mind.

“What kind of spell was it?” Itena asked her voice hoarse. 

Rhys sighed, "The spellbook was written in some kin of ancient language, we think some dialect of Illyrian. The spell itself was healing spell, probably used for childbirth," he explained. "The magic was searching for a pregnant female to latch onto, but when it couldn’t find one, it became more volatile," he said, his expression grave. "And that's when it found you, Irena. It was a complete accident, but the effects were still devastating."

“Did it do…anything to me?” Irena asked Madja quietly.

Madja looked up from the bandages she was applying to Irena's leg, her expression softening as she took in Irena's worried expression.

Madja studied her for a moment, her eyes flickering over the various scrapes and bruises on Irena's body. "Not as far as I can tell,” Madja said finally. "You're healing nicely, and there are no lasting effects to your body that I can see.”

It was something. It was reassuring to know that her physical injuries were being healed, and that there were no lasting effects.

Azriel squeezed Irena's hand, relief flooding through him at Madja's words. 

It was good. Some form of healing being found…

And the last thing Azriel had expected, where Irena’s next words, as she addressed Rhysand. 

“I’ll hand over my duties to Madja, as soon as I can,” Irena said softly. “I am aware that after what happened I am no longer suitable to make any more research involved decisions. I take full responsibility for what happened.“

Her voice was even, measured. Calm. 

Even when he could see the storm in her eyes…even when he could see…

She loved her job. He knew that she loved her job. She adored it in fact. And she excelled in it too. Irena seeme to be made for her job in the House of Wind. And to hear her contemplating giving it all up, just because of an accident that hadn’t been her fault at all…

Azriel opened his mouth to protest but Rhys spoke before he could say anything. "That won't be necessary," Rhys said firmly. "Irena, what happened was a complete accident. You had no control over what happened, and we all know that." He shook his head, his expression serious. "You can't blame yourself for what happened."

Rhys leaned forward slightly, his gaze intent on Irena. "If anyone is to blame, it's Merrill," he said softly. "She was the one who was messing with magic beyond her understanding, she didn’t follow your orders and she was the one who unleashed that spell. You were just an innocent bystander in all of this."

He paused, looking between Azriel and Irena, his expression softening. "We will need to take precautions going forward, so nothing like that can ever happen again." he said carefully. "But we can figure that out together. And you do not need to give up your duties, Irena. We need you."

Irena looked down at the blankets in her lap, her fingers fiddling with a loose thread. "But what if something like this does happen again?" she asked softly.

Rhys shook his head, his expression firm. "It won't," he said, his voice filled with conviction. “None of what happened was your fault,” Rhys repeated firmly.

Azriel nodded in agreement, his grip on Irena's hand tightening. "He's right," he said gruffly. "You didn't do anything wrong. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, love. This is on Merrill, not on you. "

“And you can’t quit because otherwise we’ll all drown under paperwork. Well, more than we already do,” Rhys said with a sigh.

Irena chuckled softly, a small smile pulling at the corners of her lips. "Well, I suppose I can't let that happen," she said wryly. "I can’t let the high Lord deal with even more paperwork, can I?“ she said drily.

Rhys moved to stand but then he suddenly froze. “You have been doing this on purpose,” he suddenly said, staring at her.

“Doing what?” Irena asked, cocking the head to the side. “Make sure that the library generates plenty of paperwork that needs the High Lord’s personal attention?”Rhys stared at her for a moment, his expression a mixture of surprise and awe. 

"You really are quite devious, aren’t you?" he said with a small laugh. "I never would have thought you’d be using your job specifically to ensure that I spend even more time doing paperwork."

“I don’t.” Irena said flatly. “It was petty revenge.”

Rhys chuckled, shaking his head. "Petty revenge?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow. "What on earth did I do to deserve such punishment?"

Irena just stared at him for a moment. “Maybe you should think a bout how you have been treating my mate.”

What? 

Azriel had had no clue that…

Azriel hadn’t known about that. Hadn’t had the faintest inkling. 

Irena had been making sure that Rhys had more paperwork to go through?!

Rhys looked at him for a moment before sighing, rubbing a hand over his face. "I suppose I deserved that one," he admitted. 

Azriel just grunted, his expression flat. "You deserved a lot more than that," he muttered. But there was no real anger in his voice. He was too tired for anger at Rhys. All he cared about right now was Irena. 

“You really are a perfect match,” Rhys said with some amusement. “And I do owe Azriel an apology,” he said simply. "I’ve been harsh on you, Azriel. And I haven’t been fair. I’ve been treating you like a tool, instead of like a brother, and I owe you an apology for that.”

Azriel was taken aback by Rhys's words. He had grown used to the way Rhys treated him - as a weapon first, and a brother second. Hearing Rhys acknowledge his mistakes was…certainly unexpected, and it left him feeling a little off-balance.

He paused for a moment, his mind racing as he tried to figure out how to respond. Finally he looked up at Rhys, his expression serious. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I appreciate the apology."

Rhys nodded, his expression sincere. "I mean it," he said quietly. "I'll do better moving forward."

[mekakitsune]

"you don't want me here? then why does your body say other wise?" jinx x fem piltover!reader - nsfw - minors dni

(requested by anon)

for as long as you can remember, your family did everything in their power to keep you from venturing into the undercity. topside was where you belonged, no doubts about it. you were polite, kindhearted and far too soft for that kind of lifestyle– or so you thought.

it wasnt until you met her, that your views changed. she showed you so much, taught things you never had the chance to know, all while being so incredibly...human?

did jinx use your piltover status against you? absolutely. when you first met, you could tell she hated you, just by seeing how you presented yourself. she made it her own personal mission to get as far under your skin as she possibly could.

"you really shouldn't be here jinx, my parents are sleeping downstairs..." you mutter as she pressed kisses along your neck, making sure she left bruises as she went. she ignored your plea, hands roaming under your shirt, making you shiver.

"then i guess you'll have to be quiet then, yeah?" she smiled deviously, hands tracing the underside of your breasts.

"jinx...im serious" you whined, voice low and slightly trembling. your parents would have both of your heads on a spike if they knew what was happening right now.

she slides herself off your hips and moves to dip her fingers into your pants, making you suck in a harsh breath of air. she smirks as her fingers trace over your underwear, relishing in the way you react to her touch.

"youre cute yknow? so sensitive..." she whispers, circling her finger around your clit through the fabric. you moan lowly, hips shifting as a silent plea for more, despite your better judgment. she seems to get the hint, and moves to slide your pants and underwear down– her eyes fixated on your now soaking cunt. feeling rather exposed, you attempt to close your legs, but shes inbetween them, and her hands grip the soft flesh as soon as she feels you hesitate.

"s'funny baby...you don't want me here? then why does your body say otherwise?"

she smirks as she runs her finger through your folds, bottom lip slipping between her teeth as she feels you soak her fingers. "practically dripping f'me" she purrs.

you whine as her fingers find your clit again, rubbing precisely where she knew would make you cry out.

"jinx.." you sigh, looking at her face to see a sinister smirk. she locks her eyes onto yours as she lowers her hand, easily slipping two fingers into you. you moan out, and before you can curse yourself her hand slaps over your mouth.

"shhh, youll wake em up, doll." she giggles, almost as if she didnt have her fingers deep inside of you. you whine against her hand as she thrusts her fingers in and out, curling them into that spot that makes your brain fuzzy. she can feel you getting close, with the way your practically dripping into her palm, and she decided she needed to make you cum, right here, right now.

her thrusts continue, the slick sound making your cheeks heat up as she works you closer to the edge. her chest is heaving softly, the sight of your like this always worked her up, not that she'd ever admit it.

"you close?" she whispers again, hand still over your mouth. you nod desperately, your sounds muffled by her palm. she picks up her pace, practically slamming her fingers into as you writhe beneath her. she groans quietly as she feels you tighten around her fingers like a vice grip, body stilling as you cum, hard.

she lets you ride it out, not stopping until your whine against her palm once more and your thighs are shaking. she removes her hand from your mouth and slams her lips onto yours, biting at your lower lip. your hands find her hips, and without warning, you flip her over so you are hovering over her form. her eyes widen at the sudden movement, a smirk growing on her lips.

"i think its only fair i get you back for that, yeah?" you lean down, face close to hers and you swear you feel her breath hitch in her lungs.

it was only fair, after all, she wanted you to cum? now its her turn.

"keep quiet, or i'll stop" you smirk as your fingers find the waist of her pants.

thank u for the req anon! more to come & feel free to leave me a prompt ;)

[cheshirewrites]

"Darling," a voice calls from the door, "we have another one."

Dahlia sighs, and gets to her feet. The harvest had been going so well, too, she thinks to herself, sparing a glance towards the basket at her feet. The basket, as big as it is, is barely halfway full. The bottom is lined with freshly picked fruits and fragrant herbs, the usual kinds of things you would expect to find at a witch's residence.

She had been looking forward to working in her garden, and once she was done with that, checking on the magical creatures that tended to roam their woods.

Still, Dahlia knows what her lover is talking about, and that is far more important.

When she steps into the kitchen, Ari is leaning against the counter. There's flour on her cheeks and on her dress, and the smell of something baking in the oven, and Ari is engaged in a rapid fire conversation with a stranger.

And that, of course, is where the problems usually begin.

The stranger -- a teenager, because fate has always favored youth -- looks at Dahlia and grins. "'Ello, my good lord." Their grin turns playful. "Or should I say, my dark lord?"

"Neither," Dahlia says, as she makes herself comfortable next to Ari. "It's Dahlia, no formalities needed."

Their expression doesn't change. "Miss Dahlia, then."

Ari shifts closer, like she's going to tell a secret. "Do you have a name, little traveler? If you don't, I'm sure I can come up with something to call you."

"Fox," they say, and the name certainly fits, with their pointed features and scruffy, auburn hair. When they smile, it's all teeth. "My name is Fox."

"Well, little Fox," Dahlia says, taking a thorough look at them. Worn clothes, prominent ribs, a smile sharper than knives. "Cut to the chase. I doubt you sought out a dead hero and tyrant for fun."

Fox snarls, agitation clear in every inch of their body. "You are not the tyrant here," they say, angrily. "You aren't the one tearing apart the ground and poisoning the water. You aren't the reasons that thousands of people no longer have a roof over their head. You aren't the reason my Prince-"

They cut off abruptly, lanky body curling in on itself as a frown takes over their face. It reminds her of Ari, when she still kept her hair cropped short and always had countless daggers on her person. Back before she died, and was being run ragged for months on end.

"You work with the royal family, don't you, little Fox?" Dahlia says, not unkindly. "Many people in similar positions would call this treason."

The words have an undeniable effect, as Fox straightens to their full height. "I only work for the Prince," they say, "I'd happily watch the rest of them rot."

At her side, Ari smiles. "I'm glad that the youth haven't changed," she says, and her bright tone doesn't fit her next words. "Would you kill him if you had the chance?"

Dahlia gives Ari a knowing look.

Dahlia might be the former dark lord, or whatever it was they call her these days, but Ari is not without her moments. She had to learn how to fight somewhere, after all, and she has done a lot of things that aren't written in the history books.

She hides her amused smile behind her hand, and gives the two heroes a moment to themselves. It isn't hard to check on whatever is baking, after all, and Dahlia doesn't want to see her lover upset if something burns.

Besides, Dahlia thinks, Ari knows all too well the dangers of being associated with royals, and the price that comes with their status.

Of course, it doesn't really take that long to check the bread, and know that it still has plenty of time to go, but Dahlia gives them their privacy. She catches whispers, snippets of conversations, but doesn't pay them any mind.

Ari is more than capable of having this conversation on her own, and Dahlia will leave them be until Ari suggests otherwise.

It happens sooner than she expects. Her lover tape her shoulder, lightly at first, and then firmer, when Dahlia doesn't immediately respond. Dahlia just hums, gently closing the oven before she straightens, opting to lean against the counter again.

"Dahlia, my love," Ari begins, her expression somewhere between fond and pleading. "How do you feel about committing a little regicide? Might make for a lovely vacation, hm?"

Between the look in Ari's eyes, and the hope written all across Fox's face, there is very little doubt about what her answer will be. Between a former hero and dark lord, and their new little Fox, Dahlia is certain that the king won't survive another two weeks.

Dahlia smiles.

After all, things had just gotten a lot more interesting on this little farm of theirs.

The hero and the dark lord have both disappeared after their battle, making everyone think they both perished. In reality, they are living on a farm, living the life of their dreams.

[livinghalfway]

Magic Mirror

Summary: A magic mirror shows what a person desires most in the world. It shows Damian his twin standing next to him. Word Count: 1202

“Come on Damian, all you have to do is stand in front of it.” Dick pleaded with him while gesturing for him to step closer to the magic mirror they had recently obtained from a villain’s lair. 

It was a rather plain mirror as well for being a rare magical item; nothing but a full length mirror with a simple black frame. The only interesting thing about it was that it had the ability to show what a person desired most in life when they stood in front of it. 

Once that little trick was discovered the others had quickly jumped at the chance to stand in front of it. Which was foolish in Damian’s opinion; allowing everyone in the room to view your deepest desire. 

“Tt, I think not Richard; I after all already know what the mirror will show me.There is no point in me standing in front of it.” 

Before Dick can continue his beseeching his case though Jason cuts in from across the room; next to the mirror. “Oh yeah? What do you think would show up, Demon brat; you dressed up as Batman?” 

“He wishes,” Tim snickers next to Jason, “It’s probably gonna be something embarrassing and that’s why he doesn’t want to do it.” 

"Drake, if you know what's good for you you'll stop talking!"

Tim gives Jason a nudge with his elbow before loudly whispering, "That sounds like a conformation if I've ever heard one." 

"Tt, how dare-" Damian is quickly cut off from his incoming tirade by Dick jumping back into the conversation.

"Okay! Let's not start arguing with one another." Dick says to all of them before directing his focus towards him, "Damian, if you really don't want to try out the mirror you don't have too. No one is going to force you to." 

Damian merely rolls his eyes as he walks towards the mirror. The only reason he does so is because being Robin is what he desires the most; he knows it. Looking into the mirror will merely be about proving Drake and Todd wrong. "I'll do it Richard if only to shut these two imbeciles up." 

The moment he stood in front of the mirror waiting for the magic to change the reflection Damian knew that he shouldn't have let Tim and Jason get to him. He had done something foolish and there was no going back now as the mirror swirls with a gold shimmer. 

When the distorted image clears once more Damian swears he feels his heart stop. The reflection shown is not one a million years could have prepared him for. It is not him standing at his father's side, Batman and Robin, as he thought it would have been. 

Instead it shows Damian exactly as he is at the moment. He would almost think the mirror didn't change anything if it weren't for the boy in the mirror standing next to him. Even after all these years it was someone he would never be able to forget. 

His twin brother, Danyal, and him standing side by side once more. While Damian stands rigid and shocked, Danyal's posture is relaxed. He's even smiling as he leaning towards him until their shoulders touch in the reflection.

He doesn't feel it though; he wants to feel it. 

All of a sudden it hits Damian that this is what he desires the most out of everything in the world. The only thing he wants is for his brother to be alive and with him at the manor. With the family Danyal not got the chance to know; the family that doesn't even know he exists. 

In the blink of an eye the magical gold swirls take over the mirror once more, and when it clears it is once again just himself looking back at him. 

After what must be an eternity of staring at the mirror Damian realizes that everything around him is too quiet. He snaps his head to the side where his brothers are, and sees the three of them staring back at him. All of them are in varying degrees of shock and curiosity at what they had just seen. 

He considers lying at first. Saying that he had no idea who the boy was. He can't find it in himself to do that though. Damian had kept his brother a secret long enough; maybe it would be good for the others to know. "That Richard was my twin brother; Danyal." 

With those words Damian practically collapses on the nearest chair; feeling drained and exhausted. The others follow suit as they too take seats next to him. 

"Danyal … Danyal was kind. He understood people much more than I ever will." He takes a deep breath, "He was smart and curious. Always asking questions and wanting to understand everything around him. It was always the stars that fascinated him the most."

"Sounds like a good kid," Jason starts, "must have gotten all the friendly genes in the womb."

"For once I think I agree with you, Todd." 

The silence that follows is thick and suffocating. It is luckily broken after a few seconds by Tim's hesitant question, "What happened to him?"

That was the big question wasn't it? What happened to Danyal; to the twin and brother that wasn't with him when he arrived at the manor?

"Danyal … died a couple years before I came here. The two of us were attacked by a group of rogue assassins after our study lessons." Damian swallows, his throat feels tight, "I wasn't as focused as I should have been, and Danyal ended up taking a fetal hit meant for me."

"Damian-" 

"Let me finish, Richard." He snaps. He doesn't think he would be able to finish if otherwise interrupted. "Danyal was dead by the time he was finally brought to the pits. I knew there was a chance it wouldn't work, but I didn't think it would take him completely. His body was never recovered from the pits.I never got to bury my brother." 

It's when his vision starts to blur that Damian realizes that he's crying. Danyal always did have a way of making Damian show emotions that he would rather keep hidden.

He feels himself being pulled into a chest, and for now he doesn't fight against it. Damian's not sure if he honestly could at the moment. 

“Father doesn’t know about this.” Damian continues after a few minutes of silently sobbing in Dick’s arms. 

“He needs to know.” Tim states, “Maybe not today, but soon.” 

“You tell him when you’re ready, short stack. The old man can deal with not being told right away.” Jason reassures him when he doesn’t answer Tim right away. 

"What am I not being told?" Damian feels as if he's been dunked in water when he realizes that his Father had heard the end of their conversation. 

"Father."

"Damian?" Bruce takes in his youngest son's appearance and it doesn't take a genius to know that he's in some kind of emotional distress.Which in of itself is very rare for him to be in.

"Father, please take a seat. There is something I need to tell you." 

[sahisan]

damn you for your chuuya being a literal heated blanket hcs because all I can think about now is how lovely of a cuddle partner he's gonna be and just the idea of melting into that comfort every time you go to bed aghh. Of completely suffocating him as you wrap yourself flush up against his body at every opportunity you get just because you can and no, he is not getting away, sorry babe

ma'am i am not okay, thanks for this

a heated blanket/heater chuuya ceo here !! hehe we all here loooove heated-blanket-slash-walking-heater chuuya because why not make a fiery redhead a literal walking fire as a cheery on top?

about the every opportunity you get— oh i bet he's already expecting what he's gonna have to endure once you start teasing him about his warmness and cling to him every possible moment—he's absolutely fine with the latter though.

he very quickly learns you like the mix of the heat and the cuddles when you start walking into his office at home when he's still working late at night and drowning himself in some reports he has to get reviewed rather urgently and just wrap yourself over him like a literal koala (he absolutely starts calling you his little koala every chance he gets to tease you back), making yourself careful on his lap with your face buried thoroughly in the crook of his neck with your arms around it in a circle from which he has no way out—and from the entire hug as well. not that he ever wanted an out, of course. he just makes sure to move your hair out of his face to be able to read the documents clearly and promises himself—and a sleepy you in his lap—to finish quicker so that you two could continue the cuddling already in bed. and this one particular position of a koala around him gives him the best opportunity to sense when you've loosened your hold around him and all in all relaxed, signalling that you've dozed off to sleep—it's like a mental clock to him to wrap the work up and carry you to bed so you two could continue cuddling there.

it's better when it's winter. you don't need extra layers anymore when you start living with chuuya—and it's absolutely not because of his floor heating. you can just absorb his heat by literally walking beside him—it's like an aura that radiates off of him. you're there, curled into him when you two watch the tv, cuddled on the couch—you don't even need blankets anymore, because right beside you is the best heater that ever existed.

it's worse when it's summer. summer in yokohama is humid and unbelievably hot, with sweat already rolling down your face and body and infecting your lightest clothes in the view of wet patches on your back and armpits, and during that time you actually try to somehow stop the cuddling for a while, as unfortunate as it may seem, because if during that heat you were going to hug an equally hot redhead living with you, it would actually be the end; like betelgeuse exploding and going supernova.

the withholding doesn't last long though. you're back at hugging chuuya by the time the temperature is down by a few degrees—it's not an exactly sensitive change in weather, but you can bear with it as long as you have some iced water by your side.

you genuinely don't understand how chuuya doesn't sweat in all these clothes he always wears. for as long as you remember him, he's always had layers and layers of clothes—an undershirt, a shirt, a harness, a vest, a cropped jacket, a coat and gloves on top of all that. in all honesty, you do not understand the man. you're pretty sure he could be walking outside in only briefs when it's -20C° and not be bothered a single damn moment.

well, at least it's convenient, not only for him but for you too.

[munsonsmixtapes]

would you do single dad eddie munson x reader and eddie is a little older than reader and eddie’s look for a baby sitter to look after his baby and reader is the baby sitter and at the end eddie and the reader end up togetherr? thank you 💗💗

When you saw the ad in the paper, you didn't really think anything of it as you just needed a job, but the second your eyes laid on Eddie, you knew you were done for. He was wearing his signature leather jacket, his hair was just the right amount of messy, and he had those beautiful brown eyes that you swore you could fall into.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile. "Come on in," he opened the door wide for you and you stepped inside, trying your best not to stare at him any longer.

"Nice to see you again," he said and nodded his head towards the living room where his daughter was lying in her portable crib. He picked her up and when you caught a glimpse of her face, you could definitely seen the resemblance between her and Eddie.

"you know Evie," he said, and the way he looked at her, you could tell just how much he loved her.

"Hi, Evie," you gave her a little wave and were so distracted by how much they looked alike even though you had already saw the resemblance when you met them for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Her eyes were just as brown as his were with a little glint in them and her smile mimicked his perfectly. You wondered how much she would look like him when she grew up.

“Do you want to hold her?" He asked, slowly handing her over to you and you hesitantly reach up to take her, noticing that she's reaching for you.

"S-sure," you nod and take her into your arms, noticing how quick she is to rest her head on your shoulder. Eddie stares at the two of you with a smirk and you feel your cheeks heat.

"She really likes you," he says knowingly. "I've cycled through so many sitters since I got custody of her and I don't think I've ever seen her take to any of them like she has to you."

"Really?" You ask, trying your best to look at her out of the corner of your eye.

"Yeah, you guys look real cozy," he nods then leans forward to kiss Evie's head. "Have a good night."

"You too."

With that, Eddie fled the house and you were left alone with Evie. You put her back in the crib so she could sleep then headed into the kitchen where Eddie had left a pizza for you. You happily help yourself, grabbing a plate from where you remembered seeing them when he had given you a tour when he had invited you over the first time. You then went back into the living room and turned on the TV and watched it while you waited for Eddie to get home. All in all, it wasn't a bad night.

You had been watching Evie every single week for a few months and over time, you and Eddie had been getting closer and closer. You could tell he was into you, but weren't sure how to go about it. He was technically your boss and you were scared that things were going to change between the two of you for the worse and you really didn't want to lose Eddie or your job.

You decided one night while he was out that you were going to take the chance and tell him how you felt. If he wasn't into it, you would back off and apologize for reading too much into your relationship and because you just couldn't work for him after being rejected like that, you'd have to quit and you really didn't want to.

Eddie walked through the door and you felt your heart race in your chest as you put Evie into her crib for the night then hurried out into the living room where you got there just in time to see Eddie collapse onto the couch with a sigh.

You took a deep breath and sat next to him, your heart now pounding and you were afraid that he could hear it. He turned to you, the TV glowing on the side of his face that was closest to it. He just looked so...pretty. And it was devastating.

"What are you thinking about?"

He knew you well and now that you were close, it was getting harder to hide things from him. So you supposed it was time to just come out with it.

"I need to tell you something."

"Shoot." He was fully facing you and you were even more nervous.

"I like you," you blurted and his eyes widened, but you weren't sure whether it's because of how loud your voice was or because of your words. But then he grinned and it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.

"I like you too," he replied with a nod, his hair moving as he did so.

"Maybe I should repeat myself," you said. "I like you."

"And I like you too," he replied, using the same tone. "Will this convince you that I understand?" He asked as his hand moved to rest on your knee as he scooted closer so that your thighs were touching.

All you can do is nod and you notice that he's leaning closer to you and you can't help but do the same. His other hand rested on your cheek and his lips touch yours. Slowly at first, but then you were both so into it, trying to get as close to each other as you possibly could with the way you were sitting.

And just as soon as his tongue swiped across your bottom lip, Evie begins to cry and Eddie was quick to tend to her but not before pressing his lips to yours again before hurrying down the hall to take care of his daughter.

As you waited for him to get back, you sat there, chewing on your bottom lip, noticing that it tasted whatever lip balm Eddie had been wearing. And when he comes back into the living room with the baby sleeping with her hear head on his shoulder and sits next to you, you decide there's no other place you'd rather be than there.

[runes-menagerie]

"At the cost of becoming a mindflayer at any moment. Honestly I'm not sure what will happen first. Him finding me or becoming a monster." Astarion replied bitterly. He once more wished there was some way to control the tadpoles to keep the benefits without the risks. He wouldn't have thought it possible but they hadn't turned yet so maybe there was a chance.

"I.... I think I'd like that. You aren't horrible company and would be a good idea to have a Warlock around when dealing with rituals and devil languages." He replied with a somewhat forced flippantness while staying relaxed in the Tiefling's arms.

Astarion listened and had to resist laughing at how similar they were. It made him wonder if there was some sort of divine comedy at work around them. Where the Gods laughing at all this? It wouldn't surprise him. Rather than laughing he decided to speak the words his younger self had wanted to hear.

"You do deserve to be treated gently. You deserve to be cared for." He said, his voice rough with emotions he refused to really express. He ended up huffing a laugh anyways while shaking his head. "Keep that up and we'll end up taking on the whole world. Not a bad thing since the world could certainly do worse than with us in charge but that would take a great deal of power darling. We just struggled up a thorny hill to avoid a fight. So unless you have some undisclosed tricks up your sleeves, I don't any of that will happen any time soon."

It wasn't a rejection exactly but more a statement of the practical side of their situation. Astarion wasn't at all opposed to killing their enemies and taking over but he had been powerless for so long that unless something bigger than some little worms in their heads changed, he honestly couldn't see them pulling off any of it.

“So… the tadpole had been good for something. You can walk in the sun light, the connection between you and him is intercepted and other rules don’t apply to you. It’s a good start to have gotten away. But we do need to work on freeing ourselves. Not sure if we should risk it and have him find you again when free from the tadpole. Maybe we could change the order of things…” He didn’t know how yet.

Caligo didn’t expect his companion to relax the way he did, but he was glad that he did. He’d find himself caring a lot about this one, more than he cared about anyone and they haven’t been together for long.

“If you want me with you, I will help you find out… together…”

He was silent for a moment and decided to share some of his experience, about his scars. “I changed my mind on how you could have me, from rough to something gentler, slower… because you made me feel I deserved it. My mother died giving birth to me and my father made me pay for it… in many, many ways… Which are what my scars are about. And I want to kill him for it and everyone who ever thought it was alright to take advantage of my father’s hatred for me.”

Caligo gave the vampire a little squeeze. “You don’t have to do things alone, Astarion… we could make those pay some day… Cazador… my father… everyone…” This was the moment where that hatred would either be encouraged or discouraged. Accepted, rejected… It would show where their morality lied.  

[yatagarasuhonyaku]

The Raven of the Empty Coffin: Chapter 1 "Shigemaru" Part 3

Disclaimer: This is a fan-translation japanese-english of the original novel. The events of this novel follow after what's already covered by the anime. For an easier understanding, I recommend first reading the few scenes of previous books I've already translated.

Blog version

For the Index, you can find it HERE

Previously: Shigemaru (Part 2)

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Chapter 1: Shigemaru (Part 3)

As they advanced through the practical courses, the instructors relentlessly rejected the skills Shigemaru and his fellow commoners had. In Archery, they asked them to fix their stance, denying them the chance to even nock an arrow, and this was hardly the only subject where their basics—or lack thereof—got them scolded: they were stuck practicing blocking in Martial Arts, and in Swordsmanship all they did was relearning how to stand and hold their sword from zero.

Day after day, all they got were corrections. It was all how to hold their bows, the proper methods to block, and sword practice swings. Understandably enough, it had taken a toll on everyone’s motivation.

“...... You know, I’m really starting to suspect they're discriminating against us.”

The moment was after having gone through all practical courses at least once. By that point, their group study sessions had become a nightly event. To call it that was, however, a bit of an overstatement—in practice, they just came together to copy Yukiya's homework. They had gathered in Shigemaru and Yukiya’s dormitory room at first, but the number of petitioners had just kept on growing. Once the new additions to their group became more than three, they had no option but to change locations to an empty room instead.

Their little gathering was strictly composed of commoners from all kinds of places. There, facing his blank homework with a sullen look, was Kitsupei, a boy from the Eastern Region and the one who had just voiced his suspicions about discrimination. He had been the target of more corrections than anyone else during Swordsmanship that very day.

“What's up, all of a sudden?” Shigemaru looked up from his own homework, dropping his brush on the inkstone.

“There's nothing sudden about it!” Kitsupei complained. He seemed incapable of holding it in any longer. “I've thought about it from the start. Theory? I can still accept it, you know. After being in the same class, I can tell how smart Akeru and the others are.”

The problem lied in the practical courses. Commoners like them came to the Monastery because someone had recognized their sword skills or their physical prowess. Yet, in truth, they hadn’t even been given a chance to shine and just got reprimanded nonstop. It made him suspect—what if this was just silent harassment? What if they were trying to make them quit?

“But the instructors aren’t saying anything to Akeru and his followers. This is just unfair!”

Immediately, the other trainees jumped at the chance to air out their grievances, all in unanimous agreement.

“I’ve been thinking that as well.”

“Me too!”

“I was the best with a sword back home, and here I am! Stuck on simple practice swings!” Hisaya, quite prone to outbursts himself, pouted.

“If only they let us join free training, we could show them all we are capable of,” even Tatsuto, who wasn’t usually the kind to complain, joined in on the conversation.

“I bet Kashin is actually ridiculing us behind our backs!” a furious Kitsupei interjected again.

If they kept going like that, things would surely end badly. Struck by such a premonition and concerned about the consequences this little venting session would have if left unchecked, Shigemaru clapped his hands in an attempt to clear the room’s heavy atmosphere.

“Come on, come on! If you have the energy to complain, start moving those hands instead. As long as you have the skill, it’s just a matter of waiting to show it to them once we start with matches.”

“But Shige! We don't even know if they'll let us participate in the first place.”

“Does it really not bother you too, Shige?”

The entire group turned to stare at him all gloomily, and Shigemaru was at a loss on what to do next. He hadn’t ever intended it to work this way, but ever since everyone started to imitate Yukiya’s nickname for him, he had, in practice, become the group’s unofficial leader and mediator. While with power came responsibility and the last thing he wanted was to provoke a fight with the Court Ravens, he was the first one to have concerns on the matter.

At the same time as Shigemaru’s group struggled with their assignments, those from noble families were apparently handling both theory and practice with marked ease, and of them all, Akeru, who acted as the year’s Court Ravens representative, stood out as particularly talented. Horsemanship aside, Shigemaru still had yet to ever see him get reprimanded even once, so the boy had started to become a target of resentment and jealousy among the suffering commoners.

Meanwhile, Shigemaru and the other commoners were being constantly put on blast by the instructors. Even if he didn’t believe it to be out of prejudice, there had to be some reason for it. One they just weren’t seeing.

Shigemaru was thinking, trying to somehow find a good answer to the situation, when someone’s oblivious, carefree voice interrupted the scene. 

“Good job, everyone!” Yukiya, who had been absent until a moment ago, had just returned. “I just went to the kitchen to get some tea leaves. I even ended up picking up some dried sweet potato to go with it, so how about taking a short break?”

Yukiya greeted them with a bright smile on his lips. Up until a moment ago, the rest of the group had all been bad-mouthing Court Ravens, yet now they found themselves looking away out of sheer embarrassment. Yukiya had been helping them so much that nobody in the room was about to say anything against him, not willingly at least.

“...... Is something wrong?” Yukiya soon asked them. It seemed he hadn’t missed the room’s odd atmosphere.

As a panicked Hisaya jumped to deny the notion, Shigemaru stopped him. Thinking about it, asking for Yukiya’s opinion was probably the best thing they could do given the circumstances. Indeed, once Shigemaru told him the truth of what had happened, Yukiya didn’t even seem bothered by the group’s criticism of Court Ravens.

“Oh, I see. But I think you’re misunderstanding something,” he calmly denied their suspicions. “Right now, what they’re teaching us are all techniques geared towards official tournaments.”

“Official tournaments? Why would they do that?”

“This is the Unbending Reed Monastery, remember? You can’t have the Imperial Family’s private guard acting like hooligans, can you? That’s why they’re teaching us how to battle in a respectable manner, not fight like thugs. Your average Yatagarasu, who’s had no formal training, is not going to know how to do that. Corrections are bound to happen. I really get why you’re so angry,” Yukiya answered as if to mediate. “But, over anything else, bad habits could ultimately lead to injury, so to obey now is for your own future’s sake as well. Sure, Instructor Kashin may be bad-mouthed, but there hasn’t been anything wrong with his corrections.”

“...... Really?”

Recognizing if there was anything off with the corrections they got was beyond the capabilities of Shigemaru and the others—their shared confusion must have been obvious, because Yukiya turned to them once more.

“There’s no need to worry,” he added in a bright tone. “Akeru wasn’t scolded at all, that’s true, but it has nothing to do with his status as a scion of the Western House. I would bet he had a very good master who trained him even before coming here.”

Which meant that Akeru didn’t get any corrections simply because there wasn’t any need for them in the first place. While it was a relief to know the instructors weren’t playing favorites, the group couldn’t help but to panic as well at the therefore unknown skill gap.

They all had difficult expressions on their faces, yet Yukiya didn’t seem particularly concerned about it. “I take it you're worried about the existing gap with the nobles, aren’t you? But, you know, your ability to perform some exercises in a dojo doesn’t determine your strength in actual combat. I’m sure that if you went against them in a match right now, you would be the clear winners.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I mean, they clearly aren’t used to fighting. You can tell just by looking at them,” Yukiya’s eyes partially closed and the corners of his mouth moved upwards, yet one couldn’t in good faith call that expression a ‘smile’. “I’ve been watching everyone long enough to tell how much potential everyone actually has. It shows, you know? That all of you were selected for your skills in arms. Few could surpass you as far as sheer physical capability goes.”

“Wait—you’ve spent all this time watching others during lessons!? And here I am completely overwhelmed just dealing with my own stuff!” Kitsupei exclaimed, equally amazed and exasperated. 

“Anyway, let’s put aside those who, like me, come from warrior families and are Court Ravens in name only. I have a strong suspicion that Akeru and his followers will show their true colors very soon,” Yukiya confidently affirmed.

In answer, the entire group glanced at each other.

“Fine. Then, let’s just trust Yukiya and work hard for now. How about that?” Shigemaru asked.

“Let’s do that!”

“Sure, let’s.” Even those who had been strongly complaining just a moment ago nodded along. Leaving aside the matter of how trustworthy Yukiya was on the subject, Shigemaru just found himself tremendously relieved after seeing everyone agree and calm down for the time being.

But then, it only took a few days for the group to discover that Yukiya’s predictions had been mostly correct.

First of all, it became obvious that the instructors weren’t discriminating against anyone. As soon as they learned how to move as taught, the commoners started to join free training as well. The wooden swords they used to practice their swings were henceforth replaced by bamboo ones instead. It brought Shigemaru joy to see his friends holding them, looking entirely revitalized. However, this was also when reality came in to prove Yukiya's guesswork fallible.

While Akeru’s followers were losing against his friends one after another, the boy himself managed to protect his position at the top. Those who held animosity against him went to challenge him as soon as they were deemed worthy to join, yet none of them proved capable of winning against him with any form of consistency. 

“He may not be accustomed to fighting, but he seems quite used to dojo swordfighting,” Shigemaru commented to Yukiya during one of their breaks while he wiped away his sweat.

Yukiya forced a smile. “It seems like it. At the very least, it’s clear he trained quite a lot before coming here.”

At the moment, their topic of conversation himself looked to be extremely angry. Shigemaru couldn’t quite tell why, maybe because of his followers’ terribly poor showing?

“I may have underestimated him.” 

There was an air of superiority to Yukiya as he said that, one which gave Shigemaru quite the urge to point out something. “You sure act like you’re above him, but you didn’t even make a good showing in your own matches.”

“Ah, were you watching me?”

“When waiting in between turns, yes. Won’t it be a problem for you if things keep going like that?” 

Even though Yukiya had been talking big behind others’ backs, his skills with a sword weren’t anything to write home about. His basics were just fine and he moved well and fast, so Shigemaru hadn’t had any cause for concern before they started free training instead. Then, when it came to the moment of truth, Yukiya didn’t try to attack even once. Even when instructors loudly scolded him for going on the defensive like that, Yukiya would only laugh and make no noticeable attempt to fix his ways whatsoever.

——Maybe, in reality, it was Yukiya who wasn’t used to fighting.

Most importantly, practical courses mattered a lot more than theory in the Monastery Trials. Shigemaru had been too worried about himself to pay any mind to others up until then, but, when he realized that Yukiya may be the one in danger of dropping out, it became his main concern instead.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry! I’ll figure it out by the Trial of Gale.” And yet the boy himself couldn’t be more happy-go-lucky.

With their break over, they went back to the dojo as they chatted. No matter how much they tried to ventilate it, the place still reeked of sweat but, fortunately, they had all gotten used to it by that point. Once inside, they put on protective equipment for their knees and elbows and covered their heads with newly woven feather robes, all before they were even told to do so.

What awaited them, despite Shigemaru’s expectations on the contrary, wasn't free training as before. Instead, the instructors announced that they would be moving on to proper, formal matches instead. In such a format, the victor was usually determined on a best of three basis but, to build up the trainees’ endurance and to get them used to it, they had decided to have three rounds no matter who took the points this time around.

The assistants moved to stand in the middle of the dojo, forming a square with their bodies to mark the limits of the venue. Meanwhile, Shigemaru and Yukiya sat together in the front row as spectators, just slightly behind the line formed by the instructors. 

Kashin took on the role of referee and stood right in the center as he started to call for different trainees.

“Red, 3-2’s Akeru. Come forward.”

Akeru immediately stepped forwards, taking the red strap, with an overflowing air of superiority. He must have been expecting Kashin’s call.

“White, 1-1’s Chihaya. Come forward.”

Shigemaru wasn’t particularly familiar with Akeru’s opponent. He could remember crossing paths with him during classes, but they had never actually talked and he had no memory of the boy saying anything during any of the many different self-introductions either. Chihaya hadn’t left much of an impression on him, that was for sure.

As Shigemaru reflected on that, he gave Chihaya a look. One could tell just from appearance alone that he was a man of few words. His mouth was sealed in one thin, straight line, so tightly attached together that one couldn’t be blamed for thinking he may have never opened it even once ever since he was born.

He was tall and had a good, firm build, yet, perhaps because of his long face and sharp cheekbones, he instead gave off the impression of being overly thin and sickly. He had long bangs covering his face, and sharp eyes with characteristic small irises(1) peeked through from under them.

The two of them being chosen for the first formal match most likely meant that they were the most skilled trainees at present, at least according to the instructors. Chihaya tied the white strap on his hips and went to stand in front of Akeru, who was already waiting for him at the starting line. Once both trainees were ready to proceed, Kashin exchanged looks with his assistants. They all nodded.

“Start!”

The moment the match began, Akeru raised his voice as he prepared to attack. On the other hand, Chihaya stood there motionless and silent, watching him. Akeru seemed to hesitate for a second, unnerved by something, only to ultimately still go on the offensive immediately after. For a trainee, Akeru was nimble. He moved remarkably fast as he closed in and slashed downwards with his bamboo sword.

And yet, the next second, that same sword was cutting air.

It all happened in a second. Chihaya had twisted his body ever so slightly to dodge the hit and, with his bamboo sword held only in his left hand, he struck Akeru’s torso. The blow was strong enough for the sound of it to fill the entire room. Two of the assistants raised their left arms simultaneously—white straps in their hands.

“White, one point!”

——It had been so fast, Shigemaru’s eyes were unable to keep up.

Finally, the main referee raised his left arm as well and, having confirmed his victory, Chihaya simply fixed the neck of his kimono. It wasn’t particularly out of place to begin with. Meanwhile, Akeru just stood there, in complete shock, for a while before he returned to the starting line. His expression was clearly strained.

“Start!”

This time around, Akeru didn’t raise his voice or rush to the offensive the moment the match started. He instead opted for slight movements, carefully swaying the tip of his sword as he watched for Chihaya to attack first.

After a while, Chihaya moved. He stepped forward with ease, so much so that it was hard to believe he could pull it off during an actual match. He had been initially holding his sword with both hands, but it was now only held in his right hand. Akeru tried to defend himself, but his sword was snapped away from him by an upwards swing.

The bamboo sword spun in midair as it flew in the direction of the spectating trainees. By the time it fell to the ground—the boys around it dodging it in a panic—Chihaya had taken another point with ease by hitting a weaponless Akeru’s head.

“What was that…?” Shigemaru heard someone murmur. Not like he had any idea either—the difference between the two was just too stark.

After losing two points in such rapid succession, Akeru was pale as a sheet and, while this would have been the end of it in a normal three-point match, he had no option but to go through another round due to the circumstances.

Once Akeru had taken back his sword, both opponents returned to their starting positions. At that point, their expressions couldn’t be more different from one another. While the determination in Akeru's face made it clear he wouldn't be satisfied unless he could get at least one hit in, Chihaya seemed to be completely indifferent towards his opponent either way.

“Start!” 

Akeru went for a stab with a loud yell the second the third duel commenced. Yet, Chihaya hadn’t even bothered to get into a proper stance anymore, and instead of making any big effort to dodge Akeru's sword, he opted for barely moving his neck to elude the attack. With his sword held only in his left hand, Chihaya immediately went for a slash and landed a hit on his opponent's temple.

It was enough to send Akeru flying, and he ended up falling harshly to the ground with no chance to do a proper landing. The exact kind of crash that tended to cause more worry for the spectator than the victim.

“White, one point! Hey, are you alright?”

As soon as he announced the initial verdict, a panicking Kashin rushed to Akeru's side. The boy soon sat up and, even though he seemed unharmed, the expression on his face made it obvious that he couldn't understand what had just happened to him. In the meantime, Chihaya merely returned to the starting line without even glancing in Akeru’s direction, as inexpressive as always. Afterwards, they both bowed to each other, marking the end of the match.

It was clear the instructors hadn't expected this kind of unilateral result. Although, after a short discussion between them, they finally started to call trainees again, and neither Chihaya nor Akeru took part in another match that day.

“You're amazing!”

“I had no idea you were that strong!”

“Who the hell taught you how to use a sword like that!?”

After the match, Chihaya became a bit of a celebrity.

A group of trainees had gathered around him, all trying to strike up a conversation at once. Although many of them seemed to be driven by their dislike of Akeru, as one could have guessed, plenty had simply been taken by his skill with a sword from the looks of it, and while Chihaya himself gave no sign whatsoever of answering any of their many rapid questions, the people surrounding him proved to be too excited to care about that.

The evening classes had reached their end, so the trainees were on their way back from the dojo. A good distance behind Chihaya and his group of admirers were the study group regulars, all walking together.

“Dammit. I wanted to be the first to crush Akeru.”

“Nonono. I could have won against him, I just had to land another hit on him.”

As Kitsupei and Hisaya said that, grinding their teeth, Tatsuto sighed. “So you two were also incapable of defeating him……”

“Shut up!”

“What the hell are you going on about? You didn’t get a proper win against him either, Tatsuto.”

Shigemaru, pointedly ignoring his friends’ argument, glanced in Akeru's direction instead. “That aside, is Akeru truly okay after that?”

Although Akeru himself was silent, simply holding a wet towel to his temple, Shigemaru could see his followers staring daggers towards Chihaya’s enthusiastic group of admirers. 

“Well, it may look otherwise, but Chihaya was almost certainly holding back. I doubt there's any real concern for injury. The actual problem is—” Yukiya started to explain something before stopping all of a sudden, noticeably blinking. 

“What's wrong?” Shigemaru followed Yukiya's gaze. Upon realizing, he let out an unconscious ‘yikes’.

“Chihaya! I've heard you got quite the achievement today.”

Silence fell upon the entire group of Seeds once they saw who was coming towards them. Nobody knew how he had learned about the recent events, but Kimichika of Minami-Tachibana was nevertheless approaching them from the direction of the dining hall. Even Chihaya’s admirers retreated one step, scared of the Sapling closing in. Kimichika, however, paid them no mind and amiably patted Chihaya's shoulder instead. 

“And on top of that, you thoroughly crushed that Western House brat! Is that true?” As Chihaya himself didn't say anything in answer, Kimichika instead looked up towards a certain group of trainees who, pointedly ignoring him, had tried to move along. “Hey, Akeru, is it true?”

At his call, Akeru stopped in his tracks. He turned around towards Kimichika with barely concealed rage. “......Yes, I lost. So what.”

“I see, I see. That's amazing. You seem to be unaware, my Lord, but Chihaya, the one to defeat you, is a Hill Raven working for my House.” Kimichika pointed at Chihaya with his chin, while Chihaya only stood there without uttering a single word. But then, if he served Kimichika's house, that only meant one thing—he was part of the Animiya faction. “For someone like you, who put on airs over being Wakamiya's faithful servant, that must be the last person you would want to lose against. Oh, what a shame for you, both as a Court Raven and a faction representative.”

Kimichika let out an unpleasant laugh. Meanwhile, Akeru remained expressionless, his lips trembling, before finally sighing quietly. All things considered, he had recovered his composure surprisingly fast.

“I'm sorry to say this when you're enjoying my loss so much, but this may be your last chance to do so.”

“Huh?”

“Well, His Majesty the Emperor is going to abdicate the throne in favor of His Highness. It has been decided already.”

“——What!?”

“There should be an official announcement very soon. Now I wonder—for how much longer will the South still be able to act like pretentious fools?” Akeru spoke decisively.

Clear shock replaced the boastful look on Kimichika's face. This must have been news to him. He wasn’t the only one—even the onlookers, incapable of containing themselves any longer, stopped holding their breaths and started a ruckus.

Seeing that from the corner of his eyes, Akeru smiled ever so slightly. “It’s just the truth of the matter. It’s why His Highness couldn't attend the entrance ceremony. The imperial council on the matter took longer than expected, it seems.”

Instead of targeting Kimichika, who was speechless and seemingly deep in thought, Akeru turned towards the so-far mute Chihaya immediately afterwards.

“Chihaya. What a shame. To get kicked out over politics with your master here despite your enormous talent. Luck sure doesn’t seem to favor you, tying you to someone like him. If only you were serving someone in the Wakamiya faction,” Akeru said sardonically.

Chihaya’s gaze was still downcast, fixed on the ground. Finally, he murmured something. “...... I don’t care about either faction.”

Although Akeru's eyes widened from surprise as well, it was Kimichika who seemed the most shocked by his words. “Hey! What the fuck are you saying? Come here, right now!”

Kimichika grabbed him and dragged Chihaya away from everyone without even giving him a chance to say his farewells. Having watched both of them disappear in the distance, a still dumbfounded Shigemaru let out a groan before speaking. “...... The situation is about to get real weird, ain't it?”

As a witness of those two’s relationship and their obvious lack of anything even resembling trust, Shigemaru was overcome by the most terrible feeling. And, just one hour(2) later, it too proved to be a reality at dinnertime.

“——You shit, would you stop with the damn attitude already!?”

The trainees were in the middle of cleanup when a furious scream resonated through the dining hall. Everyone immediately turned to the direction it came from.

“What's going on?”

“A fight?”

Usually, the instructors were the first ones to take care of their trays, followed by Evergreens and Saplings in that order, so by that point the only ones still present were Seeds. And yet, Shigemaru saw a familiar someone with a characteristic hooked nose striking a pose in the distance.

“Isn't that Chihaya and Kimichika?”

“Huh, where did Kimichika's followers go?”

“Useless when it truly matters.” As Shigemaru and Yukiya whispered among themselves, the conversation between Kimichika and Chihaya took yet another turn for the worse.

“I'll say it once more, Chihaya. Clean. My. Tray.” Kimichika’s voice was trembling, barely holding in the desire to scream at Chihaya.

Meanwhile, Chihaya remained seated, motionless and completely unfazed by Kimichika's overbearing attitude. “I refuse.”

“Why!?”

“No reason.” While Chihaya wasn't someone one would call talkative, that had been enough to grasp the situation. As Kimichika tried to drop his tray where Chihaya was, the other only refused stubbornly.

“I'm ordering you as your senior! You are supposed to listen to me, no matter what!” Kimichika yelled again.

Chihaya briefly looked up at him and snorted. Kimichika's face was twisted in pure rage—they must have repeated this particular exchange a bunch of times already. Shigemaru expected him to yell once more, yet Kimichika's expression suddenly changed into one of abnormal calm.

“You know what'll happen if you disobey me, right? You haven't forgotten, by any chance?”

Chihaya glanced back questioningly, and Kimichika’s lips curved. “It's not only a you problem, you know—or should I give you a reminder of that?” 

Kimichika’s words were dripping with confidence. That very second, the look in Chihaya’s eyes drastically changed. His until then characteristic indifference had been quickly replaced by unbridled anger. Even though Kimichika had been the one to provoke him first, he found himself balking at the abnormal atmosphere surrounding Chihaya.

“...... What. Do you plan to defy me?”

Chihaya stood up. He moved effortlessly and silently.

——Shit, things were about to get real bad.

At the realization, Shigemaru’s eyes darted around the hall and found everyone else standing frozen in place. Left with no alternative, Shigemaru finally steeled his resolve—just as someone else beside him moved first.

“Ooops, my bad, I slipped!”

A mix of grilled eggplant, chilled wheat noodles and miso soup splashed all over Kimichika's nape. As for who had screamed, it was none other than Yukiya, who had somehow managed to sneak behind him without making any noise. On top of that—and this couldn't just be Shigemaru's imagination—he had actually made a point to gather all of his leftovers before slipping unnoticed and throwing his entire bowl's contents on Kimichika.

Yukiya, you bastard, you did it! Shigemaru barely restrained himself from laughing out loud as he ran in their direction as well.

“Aah, I'm sorry! What a bad idea, though, to stand idly in the middle of the room. The other Saplings have already cleaned their trays and left, so what keeps you here?” Yukiya tried to apologize, but the delivery was the very picture of stiffness. He used his own sleeve to clean Kimichika’s face, or so he made it look. In practice, he was just smearing the mashed eggplant even further.

Incapable of comprehending the sudden development, Kimichika and Chihaya stood there as unmoving as statues for a while.

“You, fucking little runt!” As Kimichika finally came to his senses, he shook off Yukiya's hand and screamed in indignation. Truth be told, not even Shigemaru could blame him for that. This wasn’t the moment to laugh at Kimichika’s hysterics, however, so he instead rushed to the group and put himself in the middle.

“Now, now, please calm down. My friend here didn't mean to do anything bad! He's just tired from the practical courses, you see, so his footing wasn't that good. Right, Yukiya?”

“Yes, exactly! I didn't intend to do it,” Yukiya said as he meekly bowed in apology.

Understandably, Kimichika wasn't fooled by that. “Don't fuck with me! If you didn't intend to do it, then why were you here of all places!?”

The dining hall was huge. There was quite the distance from the spot of the incident to the place where everyone left their trays. Around nine meters(3), in fact.

Shigemaru and Yukiya exchanged glances. “Why were you here?”

“Taking a walk.”

“Taking a walk, he says.”

“Do you two fuckers want to die by my hand that badly?” Kimichika's tone was low, and one could see blue veins bulging in his forehead. Then, just as Shigemaru was wondering how to dodge the question, Kimichika took a better look at their faces out of the blue. “Ah, you two are from the North, right? Well, you Hill Ravens from the countryside may not know it, but the Minami-Tachibana are quite influential even in the Center.”

Stunned by the out of nowhere bragging, Shigemaru stared blankly at him.

“So?” It was just Shigemaru’s honest reaction, but the corners of Kimichika's lips twitched.

“...... You don’t even know that? Rokon, one of Lord Natsuka's first and most important retainers, was known by a different name before(4). None other than Michichika of Minami-Tachibana. He’s, in other words, my older brother. I wonder what kinds of inconveniences await you once he learns you made fun of his little brother?”

“Even if that may be the case, we won’t exactly come asking for your mercy. There’s no need for you to worry.” Before Shigemaru even got a chance to talk, Yukiya had already resolutely dismissed him. “Still, you sure are crude and boring, aren't you? Who brings up his brother's influence that easily? And just to bully a couple of juniors! Don't you have, I don't know, any better options?”

From Yukiya’s tone, he sounded as if he was about to sigh and, just like that, Kimichika's air of importance crumbled away.

“What’s a lowly servant like you doing talking back to me!? As if you know anything!” Kimichika grabbed him by the collar and raised his fist as if to hit him, yet Yukiya stared back at him as if the entire situation wasn't even his problem. Shigemaru could tell Yukiya was fully planning to take the incoming punch—but it never came.

The second before it came to happen, Shigemaru intercepted Kimichika's arm. “Could you wait a moment, please?”

With his arm seized, Kimichika stared at him in confusion. He wasn’t the only one—Yukiya, who had been quite accepting of his fate, did so as well.

“Why did you grab me!?”

“You see, had this been a senior fed up with his junior's attitude, I would get it. However, I can't just stand aside when you make it about status.” The Unbending Reed Monastery was a place where might makes right. Within its walls, one's family status had no bearing whatsoever. They had been told that much very recently. “What’s the point of coming here if we're going to be ridiculed for our birth!? And, of all people, you definitely have no right to do so!”

Shigemaru's shout resounded like thunder as it traveled through the entire hall. Kimichika gulped ever so slightly, but stubbornly stared back at him instead of balking. “Let me go.”

“First let Yukiya go.” Shigemaru was still a Seed, but he was larger than Kimichika. Admittedly, he had no idea how long he could keep up against a Sapling, someone with an extra year of experience over him, but he hoped to at least give him a scare if it came down to blows.

Then, in the middle of such a tense atmosphere, support came from the unlikeliest of places. “Sapling Kimichika, I would recommend you stop right there.”

“Huuh?” Kimichika’s natural enemy had arrived along with his followers. “Akeru, you shit, coming to talk back to your seniors as well?”

“It looked to me as if you were speaking not as their senior but as a Court Raven, or am I mistaken? So, as a fellow Court Raven, let me warn you about something.”

“About what?”

“The person you just derogatively called a ‘lowly servant’ and attempted to punch isn't who you think—but a legitimate scion of the Northern House.”

Shigemaru turned in astonishment to Yukiya, whose face looked like he had just eaten something foul. Akeru casted a glance at his reaction as well, yet he didn’t seem to care as he kept on dispassionately disclosing the details.

“He's the grandson of the man at the very top of all warrior families—the Northern Lord, Great General Gen'ya. Within the Northern House, he’s fourth in rank, only behind the Heir and his firstborn son. Truly a Court Raven among Court Ravens.”

“This guy…?” Kimichika blurted out, completely dumbfounded.

Yukiya, meanwhile, seemed to be completely done with the entire situation. “Eh, that may be the case, yes, I guess.”

Upon the sudden discovery of an unknown high noble among their midst, shock ran through the Seeds, who had been watching with bated breath. Whispers soon spread like ripples throughout the entire hall. However, as the murmurs continued, a figure appeared from the hallway—it was none other than Seiken. Someone had to have gone to call for him.

Kimichika softly clicked his tongue.

“What's happening here?”

That was a question with no easy answer.

They all went silent for a while. In the end, the first one to raise his hand was Yukiya. “I tripped and dropped some miso soup on my senior here.”

“Oh,” Seiken didn’t react at all beyond a murmur, his expression unchanged. He turned towards Kimichika. “Is that correct?”

Being the actual source of the problem as he was, Kimichika was left in no position to disagree or argue. He made a bitter face. “It is, yes.”

Seiken gave them a small nod. “I see, I get it now. First of all, Yukiya. A warrior shouldn’t be tripping and causing others harm. Apologize to your senior.”

“Yes. My apologies, Sapling Kimichika,” Yukiya obediently bowed towards him.

Seiken watched Kimichika as the boy looked down on Yukiya with a very sour face. As he proceeded, his manner of speech remained matter-of-factly. “Now, Kimichika. You should have been able to dodge something like that, I hope you realize. To explode like that and raise your voice against a Seed is also unbecoming of you.”

“...... I apologize.”

“Both sides were in the wrong, so it should be fine to leave it at that. Any issues?” Seiken said. Then, he just quietly watched both trainees.

“None.”

“It’s fine with me.”

So neither side had complaints. “Very well. You two, better learn from this. Your punishment shall be to work together to clean this mess. Understood?”

——In short, Seiken let them all go scot-free.

Both boys immediately agreed and saluted their instructor. Seiken gave them a pleased smile and, with that matter settled, he turned his gaze towards Akeru instead. “Good job mediating.”

“Oh, I couldn't simply stand aside as a Court Raven in the same faction as Yukiya,” Akeru calmly answered in turn.

“I won’t deny that but,” Seiken continued with his usual smile, “I don't recommend bringing up house matters like that in the Monastery. It may have worked here, but it wasn't really your place to reveal Yukiya’s status like that.”

Akeru was clearly not used to getting any warnings from the instructors. His eyes widened, caught by surprise, before he frowned and looked up at Seiken in defiance.

“...... Instructor Seiken, who do you side with? The Animiya Faction, or Wakamiya's?”

Prompted by Akeru's question, Kimichika’s gaze became piercing. He wasn't the only one either—all the trainees in the hall turned towards Seiken at once. Yet the man didn't hesitate—not even for a second—, that faint smile of his unshaken. Not even a situation like this was enough to break through his usual gentle demeanor.

“There's not much meaning in such a question. Lord Natsuka has expressed his wish to serve His Highness Wakamiya, so I don’t think such factions are a good fit for the current state of affairs.”

“That's just officially, isn't it? In practice, the Imperial Court is divided into them.”

“Even if that's the case,” Seiken calmly looked at the increasingly emotional Akeru, “The Monastery is a facility to raise members of the Yamauchi Guard, those who shall serve the Imperial Family. It would be wrong to pay undue attention to factions or any hierarchy beyond that of the Golden Raven himself. Even if the person is part of the Imperial Family. Besides, first and foremost, I'm an instructor here at the Monastery.”

Seiken's tone was no different whatsoever from what he used during lessons. “Whatever the state of politics may be, my duty is to support this facility's trainees.” Akeru was left with no arguments, and Seiken gave him a concerned look. “If you obsess so much over what's going on outside, you'll miss what's happening around you. Do be careful.”

“——So? Can someone explain to me what's going on?” Ichiryuu asked, his eye twitching.

“Well, as Instructor Seiken told us to do, we were cleaning the dining hall until a moment ago. Kimichika left early despite being told to do it too, though. It's honestly already a miracle we received no real punishment, which is why we have no intention to tell on him, all things considered. It was truly lucky for us that it was Instructor Seiken,” Shigemaru replied.

“No, no, I don't care about that part,” Ichiryuu grumbled. “What I actually want to know is why exactly this room has an additional Seed now!”

There were actually three boys sitting squarely in front of the scowling Ichiryuu. Yukiya, Shigemaru—and Chihaya.

“Oh, that’s because of Kimichika! He was the one in charge of mentoring Chihaya, but he went and kicked him out of their room.”

He had been the cause of the entire incident, yet Chihaya ended up being completely ignored midway through. As Shigemaru was painfully aware they had just made matters worse for him, he couldn’t bring himself to ignore his plight.

“As long as we make it in time for the morning roll call, I've heard that the instructors don't care what we do outside of lessons. Sapling Ichiryuu, he truly has nowhere to go. Won't you let him remain here in the tenth room with us?”

“No freaking way. The room is already tiny as-is, and you're asking me for permission to make it worse?” The main interested party, Chihaya, kept up his glum silence in a corner of the room, unwilling to cooperate. Meanwhile, the obviously dissatisfied Ichiryuu was at his wit’s end, holding his head. “Don't you get it? Mind to remember that due to your size, Shigemaru, my own space is already reduced to only a quarter of the entire? I'm a Sapling, I'm not supposed to have so little space to sleep!”

“Don't be so stingy! You're our senior, right?”

“Then tell me, juniors, who exactly are the ones forcing their senior to go through such a humiliation?”

“We just have to take the partition screen away, don't we?” Yukiya said, a rather blatant attempt to poke fun at him.

“No fucking way,” Ichiryuu growled in response before, finally, covering his face with his hands. “Besides, this entire mess was because of Kimichika, right? I told you not to get involved with him! I knew it already, somehow, but I see you truly don't listen to what I say,” Ichiryuu lamented to himself.

“Is Kimichika unpopular even among the Saplings?” Shigemaru asked him.

“Huh? Ah, yes……” Ichiryuu responded bitterly. “There are rumors that he only passed last year's trial because some instructor with ties to the South is playing favorites with him. His personality is awful and he's as dumb as a brick, so nobody outside his circle of Southern people likes him. He’s somewhat strong though, I’ll give him that.”

“Stronger than you, Sapling Ichiryuu?”

“Cut it out! Anyway, he's someone who you would expect to get kicked out because of his personality alone.”

That kind of insolent behavior was a constant of his and he was always surrounded by his own Southern followers, according to Ichiryuu. Taking care of their own trays after dinner was a rule that applied to everyone, be it instructor or trainee. Kimichika’s disrespect for the rules was, ultimately, the actual source of the problem.

——Disregarding the Monastery's rules was a massive issue in itself, so the house he came from didn't even matter. At that moment, just as that thought crossed his mind, Shigemaru happened to remember something else—the real identity of the boy sitting right beside him, Yukiya.

“Actually, now that we’re talking about that—so you were an actual young master,” Shigemaru nonchalantly said to him.

“Wait a moment!” Yukiya, on the other hand, panicked all of a sudden. “I didn’t lie per se when I said I was from Taruhi. It's just—my birth mother is from the Northern House. That's all! So, you see……” Yukiya's voice started to fizzle out until it completely died off. He looked at Shigemaru with an upwards gaze. “Are you angry?”

From the looks of it, Yukiya was genuinely scared of his reaction.

“Why would I be?” Shigemaru, puzzled, asked back. “I said it before, remember? I have no intention to judge others over the circumstances of their birth. If I hated you simply because you're a noble, then I wouldn't be any different from Kimichika, would I?”

“Shige!” Yukiya exclaimed. The boy was oddly yet clearly moved by his words and, to Shigemaru, that made for quite the amusing reaction.

“Ah, but don't ask me to treat you with that kind of respect after all this time. It won't happen,” Shigemaru took his chance to tease him.

“Who would say an idiotic thing like that!?” Yukiya shouted. “I'm actually glad to hear that.”

“And I thought you would say so! So, business as usual for us.”

After spectating the entire conversation with plain concern in his eyes, Ichiryuu finally sighed in relief. With that problem solved, he instead turned his head slightly, glancing at Chihaya, who hadn't uttered a word ever since he had arrived.

“...... Well, if there's no alternative, fine. Listen, Chihaya, I don't mind if you spend the nights here, but you better not cause any further issues. No fights and, please, let's coexist in peace.” Otherwise, Ichiryuu’s utter failure as a mentor would catch even the instructors’ attention.

However, Chihaya's answer was as blunt as it was cold. “I refuse.”

At first, Ichiryuu wasn't able to grasp what Chihaya had just said.

“W-What?” His voice shook. He hadn’t said anything strange as the room's senior, it could even be said to have been the absolute bare minimum. Why would Chihaya refuse like that? He couldn’t figure it out.

“Chihaya?” Yukiya too called out to him.

In the meantime, Chihaya’s sharp eyes were fixed dangerously on Ichiryuu and Yukiya.

“You and the runt. You're nobles, right?”

“Even if you call us nobles… Yukiya aside, I'm just from the rural nobility,” a stunned Ichiryuu answered.

“Then you have horses.”

“Eh? Well, yes.”

A Township Lord's residence couldn't even begin to function without horses. It would greatly affect the officers’ work. Shigemaru had visited the Shimaki Lord’s residence once, and he remembered seeing some impressive stables there. He truly doubted Taruhi was in any way different. It was all simply a given, yet Chihaya's gaze got even colder once he heard that.

“I hate Court Ravens. We can't get along then.” He glared at them, all stunned into silence, before rushing to the exit and leaving the room altogether.

“Wait, Chihaya!” Yukiya tried to follow after him, but Shigemaru quickly stopped him.

Once he got him to stop, Shigemaru turned towards a shocked Ichiryuu and deeply bowed his head. “I'm sorry, senior, but could you wait for a bit?”

“Wait, why are you apologizing in the first place?”

“As a fellow Hill Raven, it’s not as if I can't understand how he feels. Would you leave this to me?”

Unlike Court Raven, Hill Raven was often used to talk about commoners in a derogatory way. Making a point out of using those words in specific was apparently enough for Ichiryuu to get the gist of the problem. There was clear tension on his face as he gave him a still dazed nod.

“——Fine, I'll leave it to you. Bring him back here immediately.”

“Thank you.” Shigemaru took his ornamented blade and flew out of the room.

It didn’t take him long to find Chihaya. He was right behind the building, sitting with his back against the wall. The light leaking from the inside dimly illuminated him, and there was a small bundle of belongings at his feet. Kimichika had thrown it at him when he kicked him out. It was all of Chihaya’s luggage, a shockingly small amount even for a commoner.

“..... Both Ichiryuu and Yukiya were at a loss.” Shigemaru called out to him as he made sure to keep his distance. Chihaya glanced at him for a second, before dropping his gaze back to the ground.

“I don't care.”

“Well, you should be a bit more humble if you plan to secure a place to sleep. Don't tell me you plan to pass the night out here?”

“That was the idea, yes.”

“Wait, wait—are you for real?”

Shigemaru had been fully intending to bring Chihaya back to the tenth room, yet he had never imagined Chihaya was truly planning to sleep outside otherwise. After thinking for a while, Shigemaru leaned on the wall by Chihaya’s side with enough space between them that it was impossible to reach the other even if they extended their arms.

“I doubt Yukiya and Ichiryuu have ever considered how much the Yatagarasu who end up as horses must truly hate it, you know,” Shigemaru mused as he looked up to the sky.

There was the waning moon, floating dimly over the dormitories’ lined up roofs. Soft moonlight shone over the persimmon trees, already covered in young green leaves, leaving shadows all over the ground. Shigemaru inhaled deeply—the air was different now than when they had first joined. One could feel the approaching summer in it.

“....... And, if you think about it, the most likely reason they can't imagine it at all is because they haven't ever mistreated one, right?”

He heard Chihaya quietly laugh at his side. “If that’s enough for them to ignore the problem, isn't that more cruel than actual mockery?”

“Maybe it is,” Shigemaru felt Chihaya relaxing beside him, so he intentionally employed a nonchalant tone as he spoke. “You know, during a famine long ago, my grandpa on my mother's side was left with no options to survive. He refused to sell my mom to the Red Light District, so he chose to become a horse for the local landlord. I wouldn’t have even been born if he hadn't made that sacrifice.”

Chihaya didn't say a word in answer, but he changed his pose. He was listening to what Shigemaru had to say. “He made the decision himself, so he turned into quite the well-behaved horse. It seems his owners were very gentle with him too, so much so that the entire family took personal care of him in his last moments. Is it cruel? Yes, maybe, but I'm glad my grandpa wasn't whipped or didn’t have to suffer unnecessarily at least. I would rather have it that way.”

“...... He protected his daughter.”

Chihaya was still very much a man of few words, but Shigemaru nevertheless understood what he meant—that he found his grandpa admirable.

“Thank you,” Shigemaru softly laughed. “If I had to make a guess, both Yukiya and Ichiryuu are ‘good owners’ as well and haven't ever had a family member become a horse. They're nice people, but I very much doubt there's any fixing that. There are things you can't truly understand until you experience them yourself.”

Chihaya didn’t speak at all, but he made a point out of his own lack of reaction.

“But, even if that’s the case, I think it would also be your loss to reject them altogether over that. Just as we cannot become Court Ravens because we want to, it’s not like they have ever experienced the life of a Hill Raven either,” Shigemaru stretched as he said that. “I’m fine if we don't understand each other perfectly. I don’t care for the kind of person who will force said understanding. You know, what actually matters to me is whether they comprehend that there's no reason to ridicule or look down on others over the world they live in.”

“So you’re saying I should remain silent to the Court Ravens’ abuse?” Chihaya spouted sarcastically.

“No way!” Shigemaru laughed. “Mock those small-minded enough to accept only their own worldviews all you want. But if you sneer at people just because they happen to be Court Ravens, you aren’t really any different from them.”

Finally, Chihaya sighed weakly, his eyes still fixed on his feet. “I'll keep that in mind.”

“Good, that should be enough.”

They stayed there for a long while. Shigemaru gazed at the night sky and Chihaya at the ground, his arms crossed inside his sleeves.

“...... People like family to me were falsely accused of stealing. They had their legs cut. The son of the landlord at the farm they worked at was the actual perpetrator,” Chihaya murmured.

“I see,” was Shigemaru’s only response. Chihaya probably meant the third leg that appeared in bird form, given the context.

——Someone close to Chihaya was falsely incriminated and Disarticulated.

While those who became horses by contract had their third leg bound with a special cord by their owners, and they couldn't transform back to human form without permission, there was no going back for those who had their leg cut, their other form forever out of reach.

For the first time since their conversation had started, Chihaya raised his head to look at Shigemaru.

“Don't—”

“Say anything, right? I won't, don't worry. I'll wait until you're ready to tell them yourself.”

“Will that day ever come?” 

While Chihaya seemed to have no such expectations, Shigemaru nodded with full confidence. “It will. At the very least, I believe so.”

Next: Akeru (Part 1)

—————————————

1: Sanpaku eyes or three whites eyes (三白目) refer to cases in which the sclera around the iris is also visible due to it being comparatively tiny.

2: The time measurement here is actually done in koku (刻). Historically, koku has meant many things, with a day being divided differently depending on time period and area. Probably the most well known form of koku has night and day divided in 6 koku each, for a total of 12 koku, each one named after one of the animals of the chinese zodiac. While, in practice, this meant the length of a koku changed depending on the time of the year and whether it was a night koku or a day koku, the overall average length would be that of two of our modern hours. As far as I know, this and koku-as-half-an-hour are the most well-known standards, but due to pure narrative logic I'm interpreting the koku in Yamauchi as 12-koku-a-day. Finishing dinner and cleaning in 15 minutes for so many people is unrealistic.

3: Once more, ancient forms of measurement are used here. In this case, it's the Ken (間). Unlike the Koku and its flexible nature, a Ken is precisely 1,818 meters.

4: Rokon is what we would call a 'dharma name' (戒名), which are either given to buddhist monks after taking their vows or, within japanese culture at least, given to the dead posthumously. The first category is the one that applies here. This is also the case for other characters who have taken vows like, for example, Natsuka. The men aside, Masuho no Susuki most likely got a dharma name as well once she became a nun, but as she uses her alias or karina (仮名) we never get to learn about it. As one would expect of a setting based on the Heian era, when one could say Zen Buddhism was most influential, a lot of details are affected by it.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 103)

The nest was full of movement. Uzi was officially a week overdue… and justifiably moody.

She was getting colder, little needlepoints of chill bubbling up from underneath silicone, and so she kept getting up to throw more blankets over her- and then she'd have to rearrange them until she was satisfied with it.

She was getting to the point where she was making a nest within a nest, curled up tight in blankets.

N and Tera were together, sitting just outside the entrance to the nest. N's nerves on frayed ends, something was going to happen tonight. Something big- something life changing.

“Papa?” But before that, there was his daughter to tend to.

N smiled down at her, there was tiredness I'm his eyes, but he was never too tired for her.

“What is that stuff?” She pointed out to the creeping growths that could now be seen from the nest, soon there would be no more safe spaces.

“It's kinda gross looking isn't it?” He hummed. she held his hand with both of hers as they looked over the landscape. She nodded, making a disgusted face.

“Thats why Mommy and I are working so hard, to get away from it.” He explained; he didn't want to tell her the exact stakes, he didn't want to scare her.

“Danger?” She asked again. Cocking her head.

“Yeah. It is. But we'll keep you safe from it. Don't worry.”

She looked back at the distant tendrils and hissed threatingly, glaring at it.

N chuckled, “Or you can keep us safe!” He tickled her sides, making her squeal with laughter and kick her feet.

It was only after she got breathless when he stopped, laughing lightly along with her light giggles.

“Wanna help…” She said after a moment, crawling back into her dad's lap and wrapping herself in his coat. Looking up at him.

“You can help by being the most adorable kid in the world.” N booped her visor. And she laughed, blinking sleepily.

“I think it's naptime…”

Before either drone had a chance to make good on their naptime promise. Uzi yelped from inside the nest, followed by a whimper of pain.

N's core dropped into his stomach.

Tera popped awake as well, clambering to sit up. “Mama!’

N stuck his head into the nest, where Uzi was within her mini-nest, propped up on a pillow with a blanket covering her abdomen, she had a hand on top of it.

“N!” She called, sounding alarmed and distressed. “I think-!” She's interupted by a full body shudder and a warning on her HUD. [INTERNAL DAMAGE DETECTED!]

Cr-rack!

There's the sound of splintering silicone and Uzi whined, heat flooded her entire body and every single one of her internal fans kicked on at once.

“Oh! Oh it's happening!” N felt a mixture of joy and fear wash over him as he fumbled over everything trying to reach her, Tera crawled up onto his shoulder and held onto his hair for support.

Uzi blinked before tears came into her eyelights, pain and happiness mixing together into a powerful cocktail of emotion she couldn't contain.

Happiness was quickly ursurped by agony- another wave of pain and the sound of more silicone cracking like an egg.

“F-fuck!” She cursed, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes. “Oh gobo-JeSUS!” She yelped and reached for his hand which nearly crushes his own with how hard she gripped

He winced before smiling down at his girlfriend. “It's alright, you got this.”

He sat Tera down so he could take a peek underneath the sheet covering Uzi's bottom half, he's underneath for half a second before he came back out, gulping and eyelights hollow.

“oh…”

Uzi does not like his expression in the slightest, she gripped the bedding underneath her. “What?! What does that mean?!”

“You're uh…” His voice faded out. “You're open…uhm.” He made a gesture with his hands, splitting them apart down the middle almost like a bear trap.

Uzi gulped, but can't say anything due to the pain clogging her throat. N just returned to his place holding her hand.

CRACK!

She couldn't hold back the scream, so she instead bit into a pillow to muffle it, her grip tightened around N's hand so much he could feel the metal bend and hear it groan.

He didn't say anything though, just smiled and pet her hair, cooing to try and give some comfort to her.

“Breathe. Okay? We've prepped for this haven't we?” He suggested softly, and guided his mate through a breathing technique Uzi had written off as stupid before.

“In. One, two three. Out.” He did it with her, and it worked for a moment before she's squeezing his hand again, this time though, she felt all the extra weight she'd been carrying for six and a half months drop suddenly-

“Guess who's back!” Someone came sailing into the nest without a care in the world… it's V, holding a worker arm before dropping it the second she hears Uzi's unearthly scream.

“Oh shit!”

“V you have the words shittiest timing!” Uzi grunted, burying her head in N's shoulder as her body jolts from pain.

V crept up to Uzi's other side, offering a second hand for Uzi to punish mercilessly, which she does. And V doesn’t even wince when her hand bends.

N had to leave Uzi's side to dip his head underneath the blanket again, this time he stays a little longer before reamerging.

“You're gonna hate me… but you have to push!”

Uzi just nodded, whimpering as with another wave of pain, she pushed along with it, compounding it, it's so painful she saw stars.

She needed somewhere to bury her head, but N was to busy tending to another part of her that she couldn't- until V shoves her head into her shoulder instead.

She pet the back of her head, being a rock against crashing tides.

Uzi sobbed along with each push, gripping onto V like she's the only thing keeping her alive and then-

“One more! You can do it!”

“I-I Can't! I can't!” She trembled, voice scratchy from her screaming and sound watery from tears.

“Yes you can! One more! I promise!” Her mate encouraged her, and with a yell she did, one more time.

Snap!

Something shifted and she felt the pain let up immediately, she breathed heavily into her freinds embrace, and loosened her grip. V stroked her back, Uzi didn't complain.

An ear peircing cry broke into the nest, the sound of a very, very healthy set of new lungs breathing for the first time.

“You did it! Oh god… Uzi you did it!” N exclaimed happily, barely heard over the crying. She doesn't respond, she's still trying to catch her breath.

N feels the tears in his visor as he wipes his child clean.

In his arms was a small, squishy version of a dissasembly drone, with conical arms and booted legs that matched his own, wrapped around the tiny body is a tail with a nanite canister, glowing bright white; it lacked a stinger though… which was probably very good for Uzi.

The babies head was covered in locks of silvery blonde hair, five glowing balls rested on his head, and their eyelights were white though closed and still screaming.

“Hey! Shhhh, shhhh, It's okay, it's okay…” N brought the newborn up to his chest to listen to his core, they were quite a bit larger then a pillbaby, but still smaller then Tera.

The baby slowly stopped crying, turning into sniffles as their eyelights drifted around the nest.

“Thats it…” N hummed.

Uzi slowly lifted herself out of V's shoulder, soaked in sweat and still panting softly. V didn't rush her, instead just pushed purple hair out of her face.

Uzi made a breathless but appreciative noise in response. V laughed.

“You did it… you wanna see?” Her voice was soft, caring, if Uzi didn't know better, she'd probably assume it wasn't V.

Uzi slowly turned to look at N, who was enraptured in the sight of his new son, who was balling his little fists up and wriggling absently.

They made eye contact, tears welling up in both of their eyes as her son was gently placed on her chest, he farther calmed down with the sound of her core.

“Heh… oh my god…” Uzi croaked out, brushing some silvery hair out of the little one's face.

“Jesus, he's your mini-me N.” V commented, smirking as she leans back, watching the dents in her hand heal out of the corner of her eye.

“H-he is…” Uzi smiled though the dull pain still thrumming through her.

Tera silently crawled into V's lap, having been very quiet while all this was going on. V laid a hand on her head. “It's okay. It's over.”

N and Uzi embraced tightly, careful to mind the newborn between them.

“I love you. I love you so much.” N nearly sobbed, tail wrapping around them protectively, Uzi just tilted her head up and kissed him; locking them together for at least a minute.

V rolled her eyes and covered Tera's visor… which Tera just peeked over, not like she hadn't seen her parents kissing before anyway.

“I love you too…” Uzi sighed, nuzzling up into his chin. The newborn raised a little fist up at them.

“And you… Bishop.”

“Yeah… that's your name isn't it buddy?” N cooed down, Bishop babbled back up at them.

Uzi leaned back into V and Tera, startling the female dissasembler for a moment before she simply accepted it. “Don't get too comfortable with me now…”

“Mm. You just babied me like you were my mom. Hush.” Uzi quipped back tiredly, and V laughed back.

“Heh… yeah well… you need someone looking after you.”

“Hey…” N began to protest lightly.

“She needs another girl looking after her. You don't count. You're her boyfriend.” replied, though her statement lacked any bite.

Tera clambered up into her Mom's lap to look at the addition that caused so much commotion, cocking her head as both siblings locked eyes.

“Brother!” She beamed immediately, leaning in- but not too close. “Here! Not shy!”

The three adults laughed together. Uzi safe between two killing machines, and both her kits safe and sound.

“Yeah! He's here now! His name is Bishop!” N smiled back, lifting her into his arms so she could get a better look without putting pressure on an already worn out Uzi.

“Bi-Bis-” She struggled a little with his name. So she shortened it. “B!”

He wagged his tail; giving his first smile…

Uzi found a shoulder to bury into, not caring if it was V or N, she was exhausted… and a nap sounded pretty good right about now.

She got dual purrs in response, and she quickly booted off to recover. The last thing hitting her audials being N;

“We've got the kids… get some rest…”

[amethystpath-writes]

Could you please write a story where a fae and a human have been friends for about a year. However, the human finds out what the fae is, and freaks out, thinking the fae is toying with him or wanting to make him his servant or something. When in reality, the fae had always watched humanity from afar, and just wanted to play along to see what it was like to have genuine friends?

Always excited to see you in my inbox, love! <3

Listening to Stars

******

"You lied to me?" The human's voice cracked, and the fae felt the emotion like a whip.

"I would never," he responded, void of tone. It took control from the fae, to not respond how he wanted. To cry, or to yell, or to do anything with an overtly amount of emotion. He wanted to say, 'I would never lie to you; I can't,' but that felt like rubbing the fact in his friend's face.

"I never said I was human," he said instead, and instantly came to regret it. Rather than stopping while he was ahead, and possibly keeping his friend, the fae continued. "I wanted a friend! A real one. The fae..." He looked at his feet, not able to look the human in its eyes, then shook his head. "The fae are full of trickery and deceit. I didn't- I can't be friends with them."

The human could only scoff in return, obviously hurt by the fae boy, hurt that the fae would keep this a secret for so long. "You think I don't know your ways? That I haven't been warned all my life of the games you play?" He muttered to himself in the next moment. "A year. A whole year." It was surely meant for the human's ears only, but the fae heard it and wondered if his freind wasn't upset at himself as much as him for being fooled. Not fooled. I wasn't tricking him.

"Of course," the human started again, "a year is just a blink of the eyes to you. How many of you were in on this?"

"In on...this wasn't some elaborate plan!" The fae felt a heat like fire rise to the tips of his ears. "You all think we have the answer to everything, don't you? That our magic makes us so knowledgeable that we're bored and turn to trickery to entertain ourselves."

"Sounds about right."

Heat spread to the fae's hands as he clenched them in tight fists. He wasn't sure exactly what he was mad at. It could have been himself for hiding this secret for so long, ruining any chance of continuing to be friends with the human. If he had been transparent from the start, this moment could have been avoided. Then again, how could he blame himself when it was at the rest of the fae which created this perception of their entire race.

“What will it take?”

“What?”

“What will it take for you to believe me?”

Thinking, the human squinted. “Show me what you really look like.”

What he looked like? “And what would that prove?”

“Nothing, I just want to see.”

He didn’t change his appearance. It would just confirm his likeness to his human friend and push him away even more. “I’m not going to-”

The human shrugged. “I guess I’ll be going then. Have fun tricking the next”- he gasped.

Pale blue skin, freckles like stars, and a wicked point of the ear.

“So, can you really read the stars like they say?”

“Read them?” The fae’s brow lifted, and for two reasons. One, reading the stars? What did that even mean? Two, he expected a larger reaction from his friend, with all his demanding and suggesting there was so much distrust between the two of them.

“Yeah, like a book. They say fae can hear the stars, the stories of their creation and demise.”

A rumour. Humans loved to make those about the fae. Then again, this wasn’t the worst one he’d ever heard them spread.

“I thought you hated my kind. Now all of a sudden you want to know if we can speak to the stars?”

“Listen, not speak. You can hear their stories, but they don’t respond. The fae have their limits,” the human boy explained.

“Fae can’t hear the stars!” What an elaborate lie to create about something the humans know nothing about. “Your kind fears mine and here you are saying we talk- listen- to the stars? What do you even know of fae that’s true?”

A new argument sparked. “And what have you heard of humans?” Or so the human boy thought. He expected his friend to say something about pitchforks and torches or maybe even the fights that break out in pig pins, outside of village inns.

“I heard you make music. That you hold balls just to sway to said music and that there are people who specialise in twirly clothes. There are others that specialise in decor, plates of would coloured with berries or little…what did she call them?”

“She?” the human interrupted.

Memories flitted across the fae’s mind, but he kept his answer simple. “There was a girl, years ago, that ventured to our borders. The others fooled her into walking the way she came, but I followed her to a human town. She was a friend.” He stopped for a moment, looked the human boy in his eyes. “I did trick you, and I’m sorry, but I didn’t deceive you with magic. I knew your kind already. You make better friends than what the fae do.”

The anger from before melted away, and in its place was a melancholic blanket. It shrouded the fae boy’s mind, draped against his shoulders, and stained his teeth as he spoke.

“We can say goodbye now,” the fae said. “I won’t expect to see you again.”

“Your friend from before, do I know her?”

He didn’t expect the human boy’s to ask. In all honestly, he wished he wouldn’t have. “You did.” The pain he felt thinking about her was almost too much. At times, he would remember the human boy’s relation to her. At these times, the fae would make an excuse to go home, then hide somewhere deep in the woods so his own mind wouldn’t find him. They didn’t know about his relationship with the humans, but they knew something was odd.

“As in ‘used to?’ Was she from my village?”

“Your home,” he specified. “Do you remember the kid that visited your home, a friend of your sister’s?”

The human boy’s brows drew together, confused at the change of subject, no doubt. “When she was alive, yes. He was visiting his relative in another nearby village. Did you know them both?”

Nodding, the fae explained, “I knew her. I was him.”

Crickets chimed around the two of them, reminding both of the setting sun.

“It’s getting dark. I should go home before…anything happens.”

“The wolves don’t touch these woods.” But he understood. He hid beneath a guise, then did it all over again. “Take your time. I’ll be listening to the stars in the meanwhile. You can raise your torches and pitchforks.” He smiled as he caught the human’s eyes.

“So you don’t listen to the stars. You listen to my mind.”

“Only the second time I’ve done it, actually, but we’ll talk another time. Go home, friend.”

[ghouljams]

how does one become free of insecurity? i’m already doing therapy but i feel i’ve only moved away from hating myself so much i want to d*e into just thinking everyone’s better than me

It's a long journey, but well worth it.

I don't think anyone is ever truly free of insecurity, but I think there's also a lot that is unpacked simply through the language we use to describe ourselves and the jokes we allow other people to make at our expense.

Therapy is great at helping you deal with the big feelings, but sometimes little things get caught in your head and it's hard to shake them. Here are some things that I do to keep myself feeling good, and also some things that I'm working on:

No suicide jokes. I make it a point never to joke about "oh I'll just kill myself" or anything like that because ultimately it just makes me feel worse and nobody finds it funny. It's also a good way to change your thinking and direct your solution brain away from "I'll just end things when shit gets hard." This one is a constant battle.

I compliment myself whenever I have the chance. I take every compliment someone gives me. I pretend to be vapid and self-absorbed. I make kissy faces at myself in the mirror. I tell other people how pretty I am, and I don't fucking care if they think I'm a stupid bimbo because I'm trying to love myself and that's more important.

Being kinder to my younger self. This one feels weird but I found myself being mean to little Ghoul when I was really sad. It feels easy to take out your anger on a kid that didn't know any better, and it doesn't guilt you because that's you that you're hating. But look. You were just a kid. You weren't stupid or ugly or unlovable or evil, you were a kid. I just caught myself calling my teenage self ugly the other day on my way to visit my mom and I had to stop and go "why am I saying this? I was just a kid." And it made me cry a li'l bit ngl, but if felt... idk it felt good in a way.

Don't let fucking anyone tell you, you're not worth it. Does your friend make jokes about how dumb you are? Or how you're so cringey? Or so embarrassing or bad at something or forgetful or WHATEVER? Yeah, fuck that noise. Tell them to stop doing that. Tell them it hurts your feelings and if they still don't stop they aren't your friend, they're your bully. I fucking hate bullies. Don't let anyone talk down to you, I don't care if it was a joke at first, it's not funny anymore. Fuck them.

This is something I'm working on, but when you start fixing one insecurity another will probably pop up. I've been working for a long time on liking how I look, and it's gone really well. But now I'm insecure about my intelligence. So I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid or not answering questions. I just fucking rocked my work trivia party, and Mr. Ghoul thinks I'm smart, so I just gotta keep track of my wins. Sometimes you realize that making yourself secure in one thing makes you insecure about another, but that's ok! There's a learning curve to all of this.

Everyone thinks everyone else is better than them. You don't have to be the best at everything, you don't even have to be the best at one thing! What's important is that you're doing your best. People notice when you're working hard, even if you're not churning out the best product because it means you care about it. Which brings me to

Done is better than perfect. Sure it would be great if you were God's most specialist soldier, but think about how much work that would be! Ok so you're not the world's best knitter, but the scarf you made your friend is their favorite scarf anyway because you made it. So you're not a world class writer, but you had a story in your head and you wrote it down. That's better than it never being written at all. Also just because you think it's bad doesn't mean other people won't think it's a masterpiece. Hell, half of the fics I wrote when I first started this blog I could write better now but that doesn't make them bad, it just means I've gotten better.

We as humans are constantly improving and evolving. Don't let who you are no stop you from striving towards who you'll be in the future. Taking one step down the path towards loving yourself is better than giving up and hating yourself forever. It's slow going, but man I've been doing this shit for a decade and I'm so much happier than I was at 18.

You might think that the more you improve the harder and faller you'll fall back to the bottom, but the lows don't get that low again. You're doing great. I'm proud of you.

[beef-brisket]

Lucifer gulped and pulled at his collar: Uh... y-you don't think you'd want to come over-?

Charlie: Dad. Now.

Lucifer: Yes. Yes, right... Adam... well, you see. A few months ago, we met for our annual meeting, and it was going great! Wonderful! Amazing-!

Charlie: Dad.

Lucifer: Oops. Sorry, hun. I-I didn't mean to keep Adam. I just... didn't want him taking Avery away- I lost him once, I failed you, I couldn't fail her... I couldn't let her go.

Lucifer felt himself tear up, knowing that his daughter was gone, he didn't even get to say goodbye. To her or Adam.

Charlie: D-Daughter? She's... how?

Lucifer: A few months ago, I saw Adam at a bar we went to. H-He was fucking around! Blending in! I... I wanted to fuck with him- so I spent some time with him, got him drunk- but I had such a good time, Charlie... even though he knew it was me, he was... kind and funny. I really enjoyed my time with him... it almost felt like there was no bad blood between us. Then he said he wanted to go home with me. So, that's where we went. And I'm sure you can guess the rest...

Charlie was silent for a moment: I thought Adam was a man- how? How did you-?

Lucifer: I may be the Devil, but I used to be an angel. And angels cause the human male body to... do some weird things. I knew there could have been a chance- but I thought it could be funny! He was such as asshole to your mother! And who knows what he was like eith Eve-! She had over nine hundred kids, Charlie! I-I thought it would be funny...

Charlie sighed: It's not funny, dad. He's a man. He's not meant to have children. That's not what he was made for.

Lucifer: I know... I know. I didn't think anything came of it! I never saw him, not until our last meeting. I could barely tell anything had changed- his robe is so... robey. B-But he... he just- looked so uncomfortable and looked in pain at times. When he went to leave- he curled over! He nearly collapsed, Charlie! Then he told me... we went to Sloth- and... she's beautiful, Charlie. She looks like him. Like his twin. She's just... gorgeous. Like you. I could see you in her. In her eyes.

Lucifer covered his mouth, feeling tears come to his eyes. He knew he wasn't the best father. He didn't know what to do if she kept crying or wouldn't eat or sleep, but he loved her so much.

Charlie: Oh, dad... I'm so sorry.

Lucifer: I-It's okay, Charlie. She's holy... I don't know how, but she is. She can go to Heaven. And... and that's where she belongs. To be safe. To be loved. She deserves blue skies and clean are... not... this. You deserve it too, Char. So much. I hate that you had to live through exterminations. I hate that you had to deal with my horrible relationship with your mother. I-I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry I didn't do right by you! I failed you- and now I'm failing her!

Charlie: Dad- breathe. You didn't fail me. You've been so wonderful to me. And I know you love me, I can feel it.

Charlie looked at Vaggie, who was looking concerned. She definitely wasn't happy about learning that Adam was in Hell.

She wiped her eye as she heard Lucifer cry.

Charlie: Dad- dad, I'm coming over. Just me, okay?

Lucifer: ...p-please Charlie. Please come over, I-I need you.

Charlie quickly started packing some things into a bag.

Charlie: I'm coming, dad. I'll even pick up those little pastries you like, okay?

Lucifer: Okay Charlie- thank you.

Charlie: You're welcome. Okay, I'll see you soon. I love you, dad. So much.

Lucifer: I-I love you, Charlie. And I'm so sorry for everything.

Charlie: Don't be sorry, dad. We've moved on from those years- you've more than made it up to me.

Lucifer broke down after Charlie hung up. He missed his Avery so much. He missed both of his daughters. He even missed Adam.

He hates being alone again. Somehow, he always ended up alone. He tries so hard, with everyone, but they always leave.

Is this how Adam felt in Eden?

That made Lucifer feel even worse. He ruined his best friend. The loneliness changed him for the worse, and Lucifer could feel it changing him, too.

What about an au where Adam goes to Hell for night trips, wher ehe just parties and fucks. He has a disguise (it's just a slightly different looking helmet).

Lucifer joins his daughter and her friends at a bar, where he sees "Adam". He instantly knows it's him, but he's curious as to what he's doing.

So Lucifer spends hours flitting with him and buying him drinks to get him drunk. But Lucifer actually finds himself having a great time.

Long story short- they fuck, Adam doesn't let Lucifer know he's Adam. He goes back to Heaven and after a few months, he finds out he's pregnant.

Which is fucking weird cause he's definitely a dude, and he's very dead. But Lucifer's the Devil 🤷.

He basically has to play it off as him getting fat. It's working until the next meeting with Lucifer happens during his ninth month, and he's goes into labor right in front of Lucifer.

Lucifer: Why didn't you tell me your were fucking pregnant!?

Adam: Because you didn't know it was me!!

Lucifer: Yes I did! You have the same face!

Adam: ..... Oh..

[strangelysamantha]

jj x plus!reader story plz. jj always saying how much he loves your body, saying it’s something he can’t get enough of. he would always compliment you and stuff and then one day he random cheats on you with kie or a random tourist and since he’s so ashamed of himself and he’s a self destructer he starts to say nasty shit to you about your appearance and so you storm off upset and then you can chose the ending from there

lies, lies, and more lies ☆

jj maybank x plus!reader.

warnings: infidelity, jj being self-destructive, swearing, harsh speech, toxiccc, ect.

summary: after jj cheats on you, he can’t help but villainize himself by being rude to you and destroying any chance of redemption he had.

request? yes!

a/n: thank you for this request!! like and comment if you enjoyed! <3 my masterlist is pinned on my page!

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jj pulled you into a tight hug, his head in the crook of your neck. his lips hovered over your skin, softly pressing kisses on you. "you are so perfect, baby." you smile at his words, "i can't get enough of you, you don't understand." he pulled away, his eyes locked on yours. he slips his arms around your waist. you lean in, kissing him. "thank you, jj" you wrap your arms around his neck, holding him tightly. jj continued rambling, "i love your body so much, you are so sexy." he holds your hand, urging you to spin into a circle to show off your figure. he grabs your hips, pulling you close to him. his hands roam from your hips to your chest. "i just want you, in every way." he leads you to your bed, and you comfortably adjust. "jj you are so sweet to me." he smiles, his hand cups your cheek, and he gently pulls you closer to him. "do you blame me?" he lets out an airy laugh, "you're my girlfriend, anyone would kill to have you." you shake your head in denial, "no, it's true. i have to protect what is mine." you bite your lip, caught off guard at his confession. "i love you, jj." he smiles brightly. "i love you so much."

you sit up, climbing onto his lap. you wrap your arms around him, the tension rising. "jj, you are the sexiest man i have ever met." he chuckles, "thank you, but i'm the lucky one. look at you." you lay your head on his chest for a second, when his phone loudly rings. you glance over at his phone, but he quickly denies the call. "who is that?" you ask. nerves littered your stomach, and a feeling of unease washes over you. his previous demeanor quickly changing. "just john b, don't worry baby, its nothing." he flips his phone over, silencing it. you are puzzled, if it really was just john b, why was he suddenly defensive? despite him turning the phone off, it continued to buzz repeatedly.

"i think you should answer him, it might be important." he nods, grabbing his phone, he places a kiss on your head, and swiftly exits the room. you sit astonished alone on the bed. after a few minutes he comes back, "i told you it wasn't anything serious." you nod, "that's good, im glad." he joins you in the bed once again, cuddling you tightly. you melt into his touch, the earlier doubts immediately slipping your mind. you didn't want your insecurity to ruin a good relationship. jj loved you, and he treated you like a goddess. you decide to leave it be.

jj was comfortable in your arms, and after a few minutes of silence in the dimly lit room, he drifts to sleep. that uncertainty came back, and you knew you would regret not checking it. desperate for clarity, you carefully lean over, grabbing his phone. you unlock it, immediately checking the call logs. you frown at it, seeing an unnamed contact had blown his phone up. you click the number, going to the text thread. your heart sinks, it was kiara. she had sent him multiple topless pictures with a caption of, don't let her see these. you scroll up, seeing weeks of messages they had exchanged. more often than not, there was flirtatious banter. you look over, seeing jj peaceful in your arms. disgust takes over, and you have to resist waking him up.

you double check that is phone is on silent, then you screenshot the worst messages, and the photos. you send them to yourself, immediately deleting any evidence. you're looking at his gallery, seeing a graphic video of jj and kiara together. your breathing staggers, and you have to look away. you close out of all the apps, gently putting his phone back. you lay back in the bed, your eyes closed. your mind is wandering, and you realize jj still had a tight hold around your body. you slip out of the bed, heading downstairs. you enter the bathroom, closing the door, and locking it. you sink to the floor. you couldn't resist, you reread the messages, noticing that kiara made a comment about your weight, in which jj's only response was, at least she is good in bed.

all those things he said, the compliments, he meant none of it. the emotions overwhelm you; you turn your phone off. needing air, you step outside. the moon is high in the sky, and you find yourself sitting by the ocean. your legs dangle over the edge, just above the water. you realized it was getting pretty late, and the night air was crisp. with a slight chill, you head back inside. you find jj in the kitchen, he lights up when he notices you. "now where did you go?" he laughs, he grabs a blanket for you. he wraps it around you, feeling your hands. "you are so cold, baby." you frown, "i didn't realize it would be that cold." he nods, "well why'd you go out there anyway?" you shrug, "had too much energy to sleep, so i went for a walk." he smirks, "next time you have too much energy, just tell me." his eyes trace over your body, "i can help you with that." you laugh, but walk to the fridge to grab some water. he hugs you from behind, his hands grabbing your stomach. you slightly shiver at his touch, you shake your head, stepping forward so you escape his grasp. "i have to go to the bathroom." he nods, "okay, i'll be upstairs." you smile, he kisses your cheek before making his way to your room.

you stay in the kitchen for a few minutes, before going back to the bedroom. "hey so kiara called me while i was outside." his attention is fully on you now, "she wants me to spend the night." you walk to your dresser grabbing some clothes for the supposed sleepover. he scratches his neck, "did she say why?" you decide to continue lying, since that's what he's been doing to you for weeks. "i guess she had a bad hookup, and she wants to tell me about it. just a girls night type thing." you continue packing and his eyes watch you intensely. "i'm kind of surprised by that." he spits out firmly, you turn around. "why?" he looks around, "i don't know, it didn't seem like you two talked like that." you laugh harshly, "what do you mean jj? she's my best friend." his face drops. "i want to spend the night with you, can't you wait until tomorrow?" you sigh, "no, i spend the night with you all the time, kiara and i don't get to hang out a lot. i'm not cancelling." he looks down at his phone, and smiles. your heart burns at the sight.

"who are you really going to see?" he questions, standing up. "what do you mean?" he smirks, as if he's catching you. "you aren't seeing kiara, she just texted me." you fight back a smirk, "oh really?" he holds his phone up, and you grab it from him. you open her text; it's her asking if she could come over. he allows you to look, but then immediately regrets it. "what the fuck is this jj?" you show the photo of her, and he rips the phone from your hand. "that's old, its nothing." you place your hands on your hips. you pull out your phone and dial kiaras number. she answers, "hey kiara, what are you doing tonight?" she is silent for a moment, "i don't have any plans yet, what's up." you laugh, "oh, i guess jj never answered you." she quickly hung the phone up. you look back at jj, and his eyes are wide. "if it's not like that, let me see your phone." he looks down, "you won't like what you see."

"why would you do this to me?" your eyes are glassy, and a frown is hung on your lips. he shrugs, "i mean i like you, but kiara's just different." you nod, "she's skinner, and prettier, that's it right?" he shakes his head, "no, not at all." you stare at him, "so your comment, at least she's good in bed...? that had nothing to do with my looks?" his anger seeps out, and his voice rises. "you went through my phone? that's a huge invasion of privacy!" you roll your eyes, "you got caught cheating, can you be mature for once?" your words struck jj's nerve. "maybe i wouldn't have cheated on you if you would have actually showed me love." he crosses his arms, "you don't mean that."

he sighs, "it's not like we were actually serious, we started as a fling," his words are laced with venom, "i mean did you really think we could last? look at you, then look at me." tears stream down your face, his words harsh. "okay jj." your eyes are low to the ground. "im really sorry, i should have ended it before it got this far, but you were so happy from my attention, i didn't want to rip it away from you." he tries to step closer to you, but you instinctively back up. "don't." he looks away. "did you not love me?" he hesitates, "i did love you, but no one wanted us together." you finally lock eyes with him, "who said that? kiara?" he sheepishly nods, "yeah." you close your eyes, "what she has to say shouldn't matter to you. you were the one who had us become more than friends. this whole thing was a fucking lie."

"you know i don't settle down. especially with people who are like you." he isn't holding back, "im aware of how i look jj. you never said you had an issue with it. you complimented me all the time. you loved me once." he shrugs, sitting on the bed. "not anymore, i never want to fuck you ever again." you compose yourself, "if that's the case, then were done." he doesn't try and argue you about it. "okay. we can still be friends," you laugh, "no we can't, get out of my house." you throw his belongings in a little tub, shoving it in his arms. "i'm sorry." jj has soft eyes towards you, a pit of guilt was brewing. for some reason, actually being forced out of your house, hurt his feelings. "goodbye." he leaves the room, and you follow to lock the door behind him. you turn your porch light off, blocking jj's number.

[sunny-lynn606]

I drew a BillFord piece based on a poem I wrote yesterday !!! Huzzah ! Also they're furries because CRINGE BUT FREE ! I think a white-necked raven perfectly fits Ford , so I had to ; plus , a sphinx cat is great for Bill. (Plus... Metaphors maybe... Since cats eat birds. Yeah)

TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION AND EYESTRAIN BELOW THE CUT

COMPLETED VERSION

I feel like pre-betrayal Bill and Ford were the type to initiate really deep conversations that lasted for hours. Did I mention these conversations would happen in the dead of night. They're fucking insane. Anyways.

I promise Ford has 6 fingers , but the thumbs are usually not visible in poses. There's a few mistakes in this , but I'm proud of it anyways... FINALLY.

Also , the bg DOES say stuff , but it's mostly covered. They're other lines from my poem I referenced (and wrote). The quote you'll see the most is " this was doomed from the start " however I know there's also " is this love or obsession " and maybe " there's vomit stuck in my throat . " There's more but I forgot which parts I used ☠️ good luck !!!!!!

FLAT COLORS

I actually hadn't done a colored drawing of Raven!Ford before , so I saved a flat color version of this for future use. In regards to Furry!Bill , I HAVE done colored drawings of him (but not with the trenchcoat) , so this was a good chance for me to have an easy ref.

LINEART

This was saved because I felt proud of the progress , I took a break after this stage , and I wanted to share this with people who were interested in my progress !

OFFICIAL SKETCH

This... Is a sketch I'm glad I made , but my GOD is it MESSY. Kind of an eyesore. Oh , this wasn't the first sketch btw , it was the second !!! The first is on paper and looks pretty different !

CONCEPT SKETCH

Ignore the 2019!Exousia sketch , we don't talk about that version of him (especially on a 2024 Gravity Falls post).

Due to the fact this is a used sketchbook , I didn't have much room to draw. Therefore , this sketch turned out to be cramped. The composition wasn't right , and I wanted to show Bill's eye. So I changed majority of this up. At least the idea was there !!!

THE POEM

Far from the full thing , because the poetry isn't based on BillFord. It's based on an abusive relationship I was in for a couple years. I'm okay , there's no need to ask. I'm a Stanford kinnie on copium is all.

ANYWAYS BYEEEE sorry for yapping so much IM BORED

[evenyvn]

𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐄. — detective!alhaitham x troublemaker male!reader

chapter 03 ; tête-à-tête

cw : lowercase intended, alhaitham is kind of rude but what's new?

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[original work]

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　　　　a few days have passed since the awkward meeting and conversation between the genius detective and (m/n). alhaitham's cold attitude did not seem to discourage (m/n), the street fighter was even more attracted to the detective even though the man had clearly and firmly stated that he did not want any further conversation.

the local thug increasingly appeared at the police station even though he had no cases at all. initially, the police officers had repeatedly trying to kick out the (h/c) haired man, but (m/n) would come again the next day without exception.

the officees finally give up after trying to kick out the troublemaker of a man for tge nth time and just let him do whatever he wanted as long as he didn't cause any commotion.

(m/n) also seemed to follow alhaitham more often wherever he went, like a chick following its mother. at first, the genius detective ignored him and only focused on continuing his work, reading important documents and avoiding talking to (m/n).

as if alhaitham had the ability to create a giant wall between him and (m/n), maybe because that was alhaitham's natural trait but for some reason, (m/n) felt that there was more to it, he felt that alhaitham was hiding another side behind his cold attitude.

until one day, right at lunch break, (m/n) got the chance to talk to alhaitham without any work getting in the way. (m/n) caught the gray hatred detective walking into a coffee shop located quite close to the police station.

(m/n) followed alhaitham, he sat at a table not too far away from the gray haired man. his (e/c) eyes watched alhaitham who was ordering a cup of coffee in a very controlled and carefully planned manner. 'black coffee, no sugar'—how typical of him, (m/n) thought with a small smile spreading across his face.

a few moments after ordering, alhaitham finally walked to a seat right in the corner of the coffee shop, away from the crowd. (m/n) decided to take the move and walked towards the detective's table with a little anxiety in his heart.

"may i sit with you? mr. detective?"

alhaitham, who seemed lost in his own thought, turned to the source of the voice, with a not too happy expression on his face—green eyes stared sharply at the figure standing in front of him. "i prefer to sit alone," he answered softly but firmly and in control.

(m/n) chuckled, trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere. "oh come on, i know you're actually lonely, right?" with his casual way of speaking, he tried to convince alhaitham, "i just want to chat for a while, i won't bother you."

alhaitham continued to stare at the local thug, for a moment—a hint of suspicion crossed his green eyes—but he quickly looked away and returned to his cup of tea and some pastries on the table, "i'm not interested in talking," again, alhaitham replied in a monotone but firm tone.

unfortunately for alhaitham—(m/n) didn't give up so easily. he took off his leather jacket and pulled a chair then sat in front of alhaitham, still maintaining a smile on his face. "you must have your own reasons why you are so cold," he said in a more serious tone. "but i'm sure, behind your cold attitude, there are many things that you don't show."

"actually, there's nothing to show," replied the detective slowly, this time in a lower tone. "i just don't like dealing with people with no important matters, especially those who like to make trouble."

a smile spread across (m/n)'s lips, "i understand that i do like to cause trouble, it's like i'm a trouble magnet, but i'd like to think i'm more than that, just like i think how you're more than what you show right now."

the detective stared back at (m/n) sharply, but the expression on his face changed slightly. as if he was starting to get interested because of what the (h/c)- haired man had just said.

"then, what do you really want?" (m/n) shrugged, "i just want to get to know you better, do i have to get a reason for that?" alhaitham was silent, as if considering what (m/n) had just said.

to be honest, the detective was quite surprised by the local thug's words, it wasn't every day that he spoke to someone as honest and absurd (in a good way) as (m/n).

as a detective, reading and judging other people to know theit intention is like reading a children's story book to alhaitham, but (m/n)—such an eccentric and wild figure that makes it a little difficult for alhaitham to read the man's true desires.

the gray-haired detective just sighed as he sipped his cup of black coffee, that was the first time alhaitham really felt a little shaky. he didn't want to admit it but (m/n) really catch his interest now—more than he imagined.

the rising tension between the two of them was not just a matter of conversation, but rather an inner battle that had secretly begun.

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don't forget to support the original (Indonesian work) here!

✦ likes, reblogs, and comments are very appreciated ♡

[wosowffc]

RELATIVES

Part 3

A week in and me and Leah haven spoke once, the team noticed, the staff noticed, the manager noticed even the canteen noticed. I don't plan on talking to her, I don't know what to say "oh sorry for running away when I needed help" or " sorry thought I should take a 4 year trip" like no, so what do you say.

My relationship with people in the squad have gotten stronger after some bonding games and chilling at eachothers house. I was finding it a bit hard to stay calm and not be my energetic electrocuted self but, i try to find ways. Alessia had been great at that point if you went out side at lunch or after training she would join to give me company as i let energy out.

I had your first game in two days and i feel like i could be a posible substitute as your training and small matches have been unreal.

I got up this morning and Im on time for once -I've never been good at time keeping- i sat on the sofa and read the note pad in which I write down things I need to do the next day, so, I get some done and out of the way before .I get home and put the dishwasher on and clean up some dishes along with putting away washing, I put on the washer as I get dressed before leaving for the colony.

We have some recovery today and tactics which I already know means I'll have try try sit still. Ariving I pull up to Steph and Leah. Leah doesn't look at me as Steph calls me to follow them in so I do. Walking along with Steph I keep glancing at Leah I'm pritty sure she's doing it too when I'm not looking which is getting on my nerves.

We walk inside and almost as soon as we enter the room me and Leah are called by Renee to go to her office for a "chat" I like Renee but I don't think this is a good chat. You enter the office you first then Renee and lastly Leah you don't look at eachother as renee sits down.

"Is everything ok between you two?" Her first question and you already want to leave.

"I think we just havnt got properly got a chance to bond yet" leha answers nearly immediately, I look down at my feet my legs are rocking side to side.

"Alright well I want you two to partner today, I would like you to do an hour gym hour Recovary then go out for lunch together" Is. She. Serious. I'm not doing that I'm not end of.

"Yeah seems ok with me" LEAH shut up stop talking my god I don't want to do this, that's all I can say to myself in my head.

We leave the room in silence I try to go towards where Katie and vic was but leahs voice cuts through first words she has said directly to me.

"Come on bean." My nickname. Bean. She would call me that when we were younger..i....I can't do this.

"Leah...I- I umm" shit come on is find words iz, find words

Leah guides me to the gym she girls all take their looks as you walk together but you get on with what you planned to do putting head phones on taking the opportunity to not talk.

Now we're almost done in here so what now, we're ment to go talk about feeling. I'm not good at talking feelings. I get up bringing my water and phone and leave the room as Leah isn't looking going to the changing room.

"We need to talk iz" Leah. NO LEAVE ME ALONE.