#i don't remember if we even had DNC the last time i did this

[sezja]

[haaam-guuuurl]

I first rebloged this after reading RWRB, and, now that I've seen TWW (in part because of this post) allow me to add even more brilliant lines from this wonderful show that perfectly fit with this wonderful book:

"This phone call that you're gonna set up (...) it's, like, for a White House bloopers reel or something?"

[at the DNC] "This is the week when we pull this party together and show we can lead with integrity and maturity. Okay, the speaking order: Rock, Paper, Scissors, on three."

"I'm from the United States of suck my -" "Alright!"

"About a week ago, I accidentally slept with [the prince of England]." "Accidentally?" "Yes" "I don't understand, did you trip over something?"

"J'accuse, mon petit fromage!" "You speak four languages, how come none of them is French?" "Nothing's wrong with my French." "You just called me your little cheese." "That's right."

"You gotta make people feel good about themselves." "Alright." [they enter the room] "Shut up, everybody, I've fired more people than you before breakfast."

[writing Christmas cards] "We like to spread holiday cheer." "Who the hell is this guy and why do I care if he has a merry Christmas?" "Just sign the damn thing!"

"Let's just take a minute and remember where you came from." "I can't remember!" "I didn't mean-" "I was born a poor black child. Close, but no, that's not right. (...) I was born in the bayou?" "That's not it either."

"The internet people have gone crazy."

"Just be wrong! Just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong, and get used to it!"

“Before I go, let me just say this... I’m seriously thinking about getting a dog.”

“What are you reading?” “«Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation» by George Washington. (...) What a tightass little priss he must’ve been.”

“I suppose you can’t blame [Alex] completely.” [Alex walks in] “Hi.” “This is entirely your fault.”

"You're what my mother calls «a pain in the ass»." "Well, that's what my mother calls it, too."

"Royal men are schooled in courtship. King George III sailed his bride up the Thames to music specially composed." "Yeah, that was just a few years before we opened a can of whoop-ass on them at Yorktown."

“I want you to call every Democrat that supported this resolution and say if they ever want White House support for another rubber-chicken fundraiser, they'd better start singing a rousing chorus of «Hail to the Chief».”

“I think it’s fine that people blow off a little steam, but now it’s done, and it’s time for one of you to be mature.” “Well, God knows [Henry]’s a lot more mature than I am!” “Hey!”

“How did you know?” “I had you tailed” “You had us tailed?!” “Yes.” “Why did you have us tailed?” “On the off chance that you’re as stupid as you look!”

“Don’t play dumb with me.” “No, honestly, I am dumb. Most of the time I’m playing smart.”

"WE LOVE YOU, [ALEX]!" "Thanks!" "It helps not to know him!"

"[Madam] President, we experienced a few public relations- What's the word?" "Catastrophes." "lncidents in the hours you were away."

"Let me be absolutely clear: l did not do that. Except, yes, l did that."

"So, can l ask? A guy in your job, do you know missile codes and that sort of thing?" "*clearly lying* Yeah."

“Pretend for the purposes of this conversation that I'm dumb.” “Let me try to conjure an image of you as a stupid person.”

“The President's daughter, the [Vice-president’s grand]daughter, a Georgetown bar and [Pez]. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Don't bring it up at the meeting.” “It might slip out.” “Shove it back in.”

“You know that line you're not supposed to cross with the President?” “I'm coming up on it?" “No, no. Look behind you.”

“Well, frankly, I thought he did something stupid and inconsiderate last week, but it turns out I was just in a bad mood.”

“We don't have to pander.” “On your birthday, don't we pander to you?" “Not as much as I'd like.”

“Listen, I know better then to stick my face in your personal life except, you know, for sport..."

“In your life you have never been on time to this meeting.” “Yeah, I wasn't, actually. I was just incredibly late to the meeting right before it.”

“Is there any chance I'm going to get an opportunity to speak in this conversation, or are you just writing out loud?” “I didn't even know you were in the room.”

“May I have your name please?” “I'm a citizen.” “I'm sure you are, sir, but if I have your name I can put your comment in our customer feedback form.”  “I'm... Joe Betherson...sen.” (...) “Your voice sounds very familiar to me.” “I do radio commercials for... products.”

“If you're not there they're gonna start right out insulted.” “I go to this meeting there's a decent chance we end it with them insulted.”

“You'd be amazed at how normal I can be."

“Just tell me who to call.” “Well, you could call 1-800-BITE-ME."

“What are you doing?” “Trying to get a little pizza in an uncivilized world.” “It's not easy being you, is it?” “No.”

“The anal-retentive side of you is not gonna to help you get girls.” “I do okay.”

“Whatcha' doin' on the floor?” “I don't know. I think it was just the closest thing.”

“What the hell are the two of you talking about?” “I assure you neither one of us knows.”

“«No response from the White House?» *blows raspberry* There's my response!”

"Do we still have to convince people we're not socialists?" "I think that, sometimes, and I work here."

"Your face is frozen in an odd way." "Unattractively?" "Not entirely."

"I've been appointed." "To what?" "Make sure you're okay." "I'm fine." "Ok, make sure your head's not actually gonna explode."

"The Majority Leader had his fly down." "Did he?" "I was gonna tell him, except I never really liked him, so I decided it was okay."

"It's complicated." "You want me to slap him around a bit? I can round up a few guys from the old neighborhood."

“Victory is mine! I drink from the keg of glory! Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land!”

“As hard as you might try, the Republican Party isn't going anywhere.” “You don't know that for sure, sir, they could all end up moving to Vancouver” “I don't think so.” “Me neither, but being in power means everybody else can take a seat for four years.”

“You think the New York Times is going to make fun of you?” “I do.” “Well, you're kind of used to that by now, right?”

“Oh, I just want to die.” “This is the White House, you get used to that feeling.“

“The Post is calling it «sleek, challenging, and often times witty.» Not unlike myself.”

“Listen, I can tell you're down in the dumps, but let's talk about me.”

“Guy's been here three months and he's got a nicer office than I do.” "He's got a nicer office than I do too.” “That matters less to me.“

*telling the President about him and Henry* “Well, [mom], it really boils down to this: I'm going to tell you a story and then I need you to tell me whether or not I've engaged 16 people in a massive criminal conspiracy to defraud the public.”

“The number of people whose permission I need before I can do whatever the hell I want... Let me tell you something, there's really a lot to be said for fascism.”

“What do you need?” “Some information, possibly a disguise, and a fast getaway car.“

“I want to call Senators. We'll start with our friends. When we're done with those two, we'll go on to the other 98.“

“You are the worst kind of snob.” “Well, I think there are snobs who are way worse but thank you.“

“So, you're gonna reveal state secrets?” “To be honest with you, I don't think I know any state secrets.” "Now he tells me.” "I can recite the members of Congress in alphabetical order, though.”

“I hate you and everything you stand for.” “[Alex], [we’ve only talked for about] four minutes. It usually takes people the better part of an hour to hate me and everything I stand for.” “I'm the [first son of the United States], Boo-boo. I don't have that kind of time.”

“Did you know that there's an underground tunnel out of here?” "Yes.” "I haven't been able to find it even though I search almost everyday.“

“He's selling his boat.” "How do you know?” "He tried to sell it to me, too.” "You don't have time for a boat.” "I know, but the 15 minutes I spent imagining what I'd name it were perhaps the happiest 15 minutes of my life.”

“I turned [the White House] down.” “Nobody turns us down. We're like the mob, but less violent.” “Yet ultimately responsible for more death and destruction.”

“I don't know if he likes us, but he doesn't hate us.” "Well, that's just because he doesn't know us.”

“Man, you have got a killer body, you know that?” “In fact, I do.”

“You're way round the bend. Can I get you a damp towel or something?” “No, but do we have any Yoo-Hoo?” “Yeah.” “I'll take one.” “I'm on it.”

“By the way, my [MIT Beavers] could whip your [Georgetown Hoyas] any day of the week.” “At what?” “Logarithms, possibly.”

“I think you’re drastically overestimating the political potency of my sex life.” “Not possible.”

“I’ve got (...) five interviews and three receptions this afternoon.” “Geez.” “Hell is a place where you got to keep smiling and you’re not allowed to take off your pantyhose.”

“You want to mock people or let me talk (...)?” “I want to mock people.”

“So, you know what? It took me (...) longer to figure it out than it took you. That doesn't make you smarter than me.” “Of course not.” “Thank you.” “My S.A.T. scores, on the other hand...”

“Everybody’s stupid in an election year.”

“Depending on who those people were that were standing near me, [we’ll have to deal with] the possibility of a story about me being good in bed.” "Good in bed?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because I am.”

“On the following days, we will be meeting with Reverend Al Caldwell, members of Beijing's Embassy and INS agents. The president has asked [the White House trio] to run these meetings so it's entirely possible that by week's end we'll have alienated Christians, China and our own government.”

“Well, it's an election year, Bill. We'd rather people didn't exercise common sense, but I agree with what you're saying.”

“Is she in there?” “Hang on. She's getting off...” *gets a look* “The phone.”

And probably even more I don't remember rn

previously on The West Wing...

aka, quotes that are oh so ready to be stolen by readers of red, white, and royal blue

[on the phone with the New York Times] "17 across. Yes, 17 across is wrong... You're spelling his name wrong... What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I am just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation."

"I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I am preparing appropriate retribution."

"I find these Cabinet meetings to be a fairly mind-numbing experience, but Leo assures me they are Constitutionally required."

"This, right here, this is the reason why you have a reputation as a pain in the ass." "I've cultivated that reputation."

"The theme of the Egg Hunt is "learning is delightful and delicious" - as, by the way, am I."

"Take it easy." "I won’t take it easy! Give me the phone. I'm gonna call the Senator and I'm gonna tell him that he can shove his legislative agenda up his ass!" "I've already done that." "I'll do it again."

"Since when are you an expert on language?" "In polling models?" "Okay." "1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?" "Since long before that."

"You're not going to spoil my good time for me." "Oh, sir, I think we both know from experience that's not true." "Yeah."

these are just from the first season. idealistic escapism from the american hellscape, ride or die found family, witty brilliant eloquent disasters, political administrations that want to do good, unresolved sexual tension, hope. join us.

For fun, let's include a quote from the last season featuring Pining™ so strong the character cannot finish their sentence and just stares with Heart Eyes™ and pain:

"And if you think I don't miss you every day-"

[taco-calamitous]

Ha-HA! Have THIS long-ass shit on your page!