#i don't have the words or mental energy to explain right now

[domesticmail]

getting bullied in middle school destroyed my social development

[alxtiny]

can you do which ateez habit you would have picked up from being around them for too long?

I struggled with this more than I should have I’m sorry 😭😭😭😭 Happy reading!!!

Habits you pickup from Ateez

Synopsis: little habits you pick up from ateez

Pairing: ateez members x gn!reader, idol au

Genre: fluff

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: none:)

masterlist

• Hongjoong

Falling asleep in random places

You never thought you'd pick up such a peculiar habit from Hongjoong but here you were, dozing off on the couch in his studio. It had become somewhat of a routine lately. Hongjoong often found himself working late into the night, composing music and writing lyrics, and you couldn't bear to leave him alone. So, you stayed up with him, keeping him company and offering moral support.

Tonight was no different. The studio was dimly lit, save for the soft glow of the computer screen where Hongjoong was tirelessly tinkering away. You sat beside him, occasionally offering words of encouragement or fetching him a snack to keep his energy up. But as the hours passed, fatigue started to weigh heavily on your eyelids.

"You okay Y/n?" a familiar voice chimed in, bringing you back from the brink of slumber.

You blinked a few times, trying to shake off the drowsiness. "Huh? Who? What?" you mumbled, rubbing your eyes.

Seonghwa chuckled softly and gestured towards you. "You fell asleep in a chair, I think you’re spending too much time with Hongjoong. You should get some real rest before you start falling asleep in random places, like him, too."

Glancing over at Hongjoong, you realized he was completely absorbed in his work, oblivious to the conversation happening around him. You laughed sheepishly, realizing Seonghwa was right. Lately, you had indeed found yourself dozing off in various places – the couch, the kitchen table, even leaning against the wall.

"It's just... I can't leave him alone when he's working so hard," you explained softly, a small smile playing on your lips.

Seonghwa's expression softened as he understood. "I know, and I'm sure Hongjoong appreciates it too. But you need to take care of yourself as well, okay? "

You nodded, grateful for Seonghwa's concern. As you settled back into the couch, you made a mental note to try and get more sleep, even if it meant leaving Hongjoong to his work occasionally. But for now, you allowed yourself to succumb to the comforting embrace of sleep, knowing that Hongjoong was just a few feet away.

• Seonghwa

Acting motherly towards the members

Seonghwa watched with a bemused smile as you flitted around the dorm, straightening pillows, picking up stray socks, and tidying up the kitchen. It was a sight he'd grown accustomed to – you, inadvertently taking on the role of the dorm mom, just like he did. It wasn't something you consciously did, but rather a habit you'd picked up from spending so much time around him and the other guys.

You had a thing for neatness and sometimes acted much like a mom in your friend group, but lately, you found yourself slipping into Seonghwa's shoes more often than not. It was something he found endearing and amusing, seeing you scold the other members for leaving their belongings strewn about or for forgetting to do their chores.

"Y/N, what are you doing?" Seonghwa asked, leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

You turned to him, a blushi tinting your cheeks, wondering just how long he had been watching you. "Oh, just tidying up a bit. It was a mess in here."

Seonghwa chuckled softly, crossing his arms over his chest. "You don’t need to do all that, you know"

You laughed, shaking your head. "I can't help it. You guys are like family to me, and I just want to take care of you."

The other members wandered into the kitchen, groaning as they saw you fussing over the cleanliness of the space.

"Come on, Y/N, we already have one Seonghwa," Yunho teased, flashing you a playful grin. "We don't need you turning into another one."

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't hide the smile tugging at your lips. "I'm just trying to help keep things organized around here. Someone has to do it."

Seonghwa wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. "We appreciate it, really. Just don't forget to take care of yourself too, okay?"

You nodded, leaning into his side. "Of course. But someone has to keep you guys in line."

The others laughed, knowing deep down that they were lucky to have both you and Seonghwa looking out for them – even if it meant enduring occasional scoldings for their messy habits.

• Yunho

Picking at or biting your lips

Yunho had always been the type to immerse himself completely in whatever task he was working on, often biting or touching his lips in concentration. You, on the other hand, had never noticed this about yourself until Yunho pointed it out one day.

You were sitting together at the studio, both lost in your respective work. You were so engrossed in what you were doing that you didn't even realize your hand had wandered up to your lips, fingers lightly touching and occasionally biting at them in a habit you had unknowingly picked up from Yunho.

"Y/N," Yunho's voice broke through your concentration, causing you to look up, startled. "Don’t do that," he said, nodding towards your lips.

Confused, you furrowed your brows. "Hmm? What do you mean?"

Yunho sighed, his expression turning slightly serious. "You keep biting your lips. You might hurt them if you're not careful."

You blinked, suddenly becoming aware of what you were doing. "Oh," you muttered, feeling a flush of embarrassment creep up your neck. "I didn't even realize I was doing that."

Yunho's lips twitched with amusement, but he quickly composed himself. "It's a bad habit. You should try to stop."

You couldn't help but feel a bit defensive. "Well, you do it too," you scoffed and pointed out.

Yunho's cheeks flushed slightly, and he looked away. "I... I do?"

You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Yeah. Maybe we've just been spending too much time together," you teased.

Yunho's embarrassment was palpable now, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Maybe," he muttered, unable to meet your gaze.

But despite the awkwardness, there was a warmth in your chest knowing that even your unconscious habits were intertwined with his. It was just another reminder of how close the two of you had become, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for it.

• Yeosang

Clapping while laughing

You and Yeosang had spent such a long time together and over the course of it, you became attuned to each other's habits, quirks, and gestures without even realising it. One particular habit of Yeosang's that seemed to have rubbed off on you was the way he would clap his hands when he found something particularly amusing.

The way your hands would subconsciously come together and follow the rhythm of your laughter felt natural and neither of you actually noticed how a habit, once Yeosang’s, was now shared by you.

However, that was until one lazy afternoon when Yeosang excitedly showed you his phone, "Hey, check this out," he said with a grin, pushing it towards your face.

Curious, you glanced at the screen, finding yourself staring at a Twitter thread created by an ATINY. The thread was a compilation of gifs and videos, side by side, showing you and Yeosang laughing together. What caught your attention, however, was the caption accompanying the thread: "Am I the only one who noticed that Y/N and Yeosang have the same adorable habit of clapping while laughing? #YeoY/N."

"Oh my god they’re adorable."

"They look like cute little seals when they're laughing together, it's like they're synchronised."

You couldn't help but smile and giggle as you scrolled through the thread, amused by how certain things never went unnoticed by their fans, even if you yourselves were oblivious.

Yeosang glanced over at you, his expression softening. "I guess we really do spend too much time together, huh?"

You chuckled, leaning closer to him. "Maybe. But I wouldn't have it any other way."

• San

Covering your mouth while laughing

It was just one of those habits you picked up without even realising it – covering your face while laughing. It was something you'd seen San do countless times, his hand rising instinctively to his mouth as his laughter bubbled up. Maybe it was the contagiousness of his joy, or perhaps it was the familiarity that made you do it, but whatever the reason, you found yourself unconsciously mimicking his actions more and more as time went on.

You didn't think much of it, not until one fateful day when you and San were doing a live stream together. The comments were flooding in, a flurry of emojis and supportive messages from fans all over the world. Amidst the sea of text, one comment stood out:

"OMG, look how they laugh the same! 😍 SanYn are the cutest! 💕"

Curious, you glanced at the screen, only to see San's eyes widen in realisation. He turned to you, a playful grin spreading across his face. "Looks like we've been caught," he teased, nudging you lightly.

You felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment, but there was also a warmth spreading through you, a sense of fondness at the thought of sharing such a small, intimate detail with San. "Guess we spend too much time together," you joked back, unable to suppress a smile.

But as the live stream continued, you couldn't help but notice how often you and San found yourselves laughing, your hands rising simultaneously to cover your mouths. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes about the bond you shared, the way you seemed to sync up without even trying.

After the stream ended, you leaned in to press a gentle kiss to San’s cheek, you couldn't help but giggle at how much these little quirks affected you, maybe making life more comfortable along the way.

• Mingi

Making the 🥺 face

To the people outside, Mingi seemed to be very intimidating, with his deep voice and built 6ft stature but inside the comfort of his he couldn't be more different. He knew he was cute and he knew how to use it against people. One quick look sent your way with his puppy eyes and pouty lips and you would melt, at some point this habit of his rubbed off on you.

The members weren’t safe from it either, like when Seonghwa had just finished making a delicious batch of ramen for himself. The aroma wafted through the room, teasing your senses and making your stomach growl loudly. You and Mingi couldn't help but stare at the steaming bowl with longing eyes.

"Seonghwa hyung, that smells amazing," Mingi exclaimed, his eyes widening with hunger.

You nodded enthusiastically, finding yourself unintentionally mirroring Mingi's expression, your lips slightly pouting like the 🥺 emoji.

Seonghwa chuckled at your antics, shaking his head. "Sorry guys, this is just for me. I only made enough for one."

"But hyung, we're starving!" Mingi whined, his voice tinged with desperation.

You glanced at Seonghwa, your eyes pleading as you continued to unknowingly imitate Mingi's puppy-dog expression.

Seonghwa sighed, feeling the pressure of your combined adorable stares. "Oh no, I have to deal with two Mingis now, don't I?"

You and Mingi exchanged a glance before bursting into giggles, realising your unintentional synchronisation. Seonghwa couldn't help but laugh along with you.

"Fine, fine," Seonghwa relented, dividing the ramen between the three of you. "But next time, make your own!"

• Wooyoung

Smacking people while laughing

You couldn't help but laugh at the way Wooyoung told a recount of the recent Wanteez episode the boys shot, adding his own commentary in between. He always had a way of making you laugh wholeheartedly, even when you fought he would be the one to apologise first and crack a joke to make you smile. However, what you didn't realise was that you had picked up one of his habits along the way.

In the midst of your laughter, your hand instinctively swung out and smacked San's thigh, eliciting a surprised yelp from him. It wasn't until he looked at you with a mix of amusement and slight irritation that you realised what you had done.

"Oops, sorry, San!" you apologised, cheeks flushing with embarrassment as you tried to suppress your laughter.

San rubbed his thigh, shooting you a mock glare. "I already have to take abuse from Wooyoung, and now you're doing it too?"

You couldn't help but giggle at his playful complaint, but Wooyoung nudged you with a grin. "Looks like my habits are rubbing off on you, huh?"

You chuckled, realising how similar you two acted these days. "I guess so. Sorry, San, I’ll try not to do that but I can’t make any promises." You winked at him.

San shook his head and scoffed at your mocking, a smile breaking through his faux irritation. "Ahh so much I have to go through,"

You and Wooyoung giggled at his words, knowing how much he loved you both the same, with the occasional physical abuse of course.

• Jongho

Scrunching your nose while smiling/laughing

As you sat on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone, you stumbled upon a video compilation titled "JongYn Couple Moments" ,obviously your curiosity got the better of you and you clicked on it, not fully knowing what to expect. What unfolded on the screen was definitely not what you were expecting, it sent a sudden blush creeping up your cheeks.

The video was a compilation of moments featuring you and Jongho, through the fans’ eyes, complete with dramatic commentary about how cute you two were together. Especially about the way your noses scrunched and crinkles formed around your eyes as you both laughed, with your faces making the same endearing expression.

You couldn't help but be amused as you watched, realising that you had subconsciously copied Jongho's habit of scrunching his nose when he smiled.

Suddenly, you felt a presence beside you. Glancing over, you found Jongho peering over your shoulder, his eyes fixated on the screen. As he watched the video, a wide grin spread across his face, small giggles leaving his lips.

"Wow, we really do look alike sometimes," Jongho remarked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

You nodded, still giggling at the sight. "I never realized I picked up on your habit."

"It's adorable," Jongho said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your cheek. "I guess I've rubbed off on you, huh?"

You chuckled, leaning into his touch. "Looks like it. But hey, I don't mind sharing a few habits with you."

© alxtiny . Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, repost, or use my works on any platform in any way.

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DISCLAIMER: THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE MEMBERS OF ATEEZ IN REAL LIFE PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

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[genshin-obsessed]

Breaking Up hcs | Genshin & HSR

Have I done this before? I know I made that "what if we broke up?" post but I don't think I've done break up hcs before? I hope not anyway cuz i'm doing them now! Also, maybe I went overboard a little cuz even I felt bad lol and I usually don't feel sad when I write angst.

Characters: Aether, Diluc, Wanderer, Caelus, Jing Yuan, and Aventurine (lol I'ma try)

☽ Aether

That break up took a toll on him, more so than even he thought at first. Sleeping became his least favorite activity because he was constantly seeing your faces in his dreams. Constantly.

The entirety of Teyvat fell apart for the short time their favorite errand boy refused to do anything for them. Honestly, Aether didn't do anything for the first week or so. He was barely eating, barely sleeping, barely alive.

It was hard adventuring too, Paimon no longer wanted him to go because sometimes he'd just get distracted and take unnecessary hits. It was kinda bad. Eventually, she got Katheryne to no longer give him any combat requests because he just wasn't doing good enough.

All he wanted to do was talk to you, but you didn't want to talk to him, so that led him to just remaining in his teapot alone. He didn't even allow visitors for a short while. Paimon did her best to try and comfort him, but there were so few words that could actually get through that sorrow he was dealing with.

It took maybe a month before he allowed people to come visit him and under no circumstances were they allowed to bring you up. Mainly because he'd cry. Everyone did try in their own way to help him, even people like Wanderer or Arlecchino tried to give him some "words of wisdom". It... didn't work mainly because Aether wasn't receptive to it anymore.

☽ Diluc

He really did busy himself with work like he said he would. It's almost all hours of the day. He's rarely even seen at home anymore.

Ironically, Diluc is still very careful about getting hurt because if he did, then he'd need to remain at home and be on bed rest and he genuinely couldn't handle that.

He no longer sleeps in his bed either. Usually, he comes home later, collapses on the couch for a few hours until some dream about you wakes him up and he's back to work. He can't stand sleeping in that bed because you used to lay right beside him.

No one, I mean no one, is allowed to even say your name. Truth be told, Diluc is barely hanging on by a thread, someone saying your name and bringing your image to his mind's eye would ruin him.

Even Kaeya doesn't tease him. Actually, Kaeya keeps away because Diluc is quite irritable and not many people wanted to deal with that. While they understood the break up upset him... it was just too much.

☽ Wanderer

Oh boy. Breaking up with him was hard because he was angry and yelling (at the situation apparently), and just saying no. Eventually though, he relented and agreed. You didn't want to be with him and... well, it wasn't right to force you.

The aftermath was pretty bad. He was angry, didn't want to talk to anyone, and just up and vanished for a while. It wasn't until Aether and Paimon accidentally stumbled upon him while adventuring that they learned a little about what happened.

(W/n) explained that he never thought he'd lose you. Out of all the people he was "friendly" with, he never thought you would up and leave the way you did. It broke his heart- a heart he didn't even know started beating again.

Aether offered for (w/n) to join him on some adventures to just take his mind off of things and he, surprisingly, agreed. But it wasn't the same. Both Paimon and Aether noticed the lack of energy.

He was also constantly in his own mind. Most conversations happened between Aether and Paimon because (w/n) would just mentally check out and not even be paying attention. He didn't break down and cry physically but emotionally, he was a wreck. But it was so bad, he didn't know what to do. Cry, scream, try and take over the world, he didn't know.

What he did know was that the world didn't feel right without you.

☆ Caelus

You lived on the Astral Express with him and the others. Everyone thought you were the cutest couple and everywhere you went, you two received the same compliments. So, he definitely fell apart a little when you just up and ended the relationship.

The worst part was that he couldn't have time away from you. Not in the mean sense, but if you two were breaking up, he needed (for his own mental health) not to see you every single day. But... that wasn't possible.

It was extremely awkward for everyone on board. Welt and Himeko tried their best to keep things normal, the conductor did their best to keep conversations going, and Dan Heng just didn't bother coming out of his room. Caelus took a page from Dan Heng's books and just locked himself away for like two weeks.

When it was finally time for him to come out, he took time off of the express, choosing to go visit some old friends to regain some of that normalcy. Jarilo VI was where he spent most of his time as he hadn't been there in a while. He stayed there without the others for maybe two or so weeks, finding ample time to spend with Natasha, Seele, Bronya, Serval, and Gepard.

While he didn't openly state you two broke up, everyone knew. He did go and visit the Xianzhou which Dan Heng did join him in doing which was a good bonding experience for the two. It was when he finally opened up about losing you. According to Caelus, everything felt so wrong. Like a part of him was missing and that part was so close to his reach. But every single day, he had to pretend like it wasn't.

☆ Jing Yuan

He really didn't know what to do at the moment. He kinda stopped paying attention after you said you wanted to end the relationship. He tried to convince you otherwise, saying that breaking up wouldn't give him the chance to fix it but you were pretty adamant. He couldn't just say no... so he said ok and you were gone.

He tried to act normal. He did his job normally for the first day and that's when it all started to fall apart. The second he had time alone, it just hit him so painfully. You thought him losing his old friends was painful? This was a whole new level.

The second day, he couldn't really perform his duties as well and just handed them off to the first person he saw. Yanqing was most worried and desperately tried to get anyone's help because he didn't know what to do. It led him straight to the Astral Express and unsurprisingly, no one knew what to do.

Jing Yuan didn't even want help, honestly. He'd been hurting for years carrying the memories he did, so what was one more painful one? Maybe it was some sort of divine justice? Jing Yuan wasn't the most upstanding man, right? So he probably deserved this. What right did he have to just go and fix it?

Caelus did end up finding him out and about once, having the chance to share tea with Jing Yuan. The general explained he didn't know how to fix anything anymore. While it wasn't healthy to live life this way, it was his punishment probably. Caelus' concern led him to ask that burning question: why?

"I should've done better. Treated them better... maybe then... I'd still have them."

☆ Aventurine

He almost didn't register the words that came out of your mouth. You... break up with him? You were talking, explaining why, but he couldn't really follow. It's like his brain just stopped working and all he could think was 'this wasn't supposed to happen'.

At the end of it, you were gone and he was alone. Aventurine expected betrayal in his line of work, but he never expected it from you. Your "deal" with him was special. It wasn't like his normal deals. It was one that you two emerged equally victorious and no one lost anything. Right?

Even Ratio had pity for him. Aventurine waltzed around as if nothing happened but there was such a dramatic shift in his personality. He said the same things he always did, he acted as if he always did, but there was a distinct bitterness when he spoke of being let down.

When he told people to make use of him, there was a hint of resentment laced in his words. While he claimed he expected to be exploited at some point, there was still a twinge of fear. It never hurt before but for some reason, it scared him now.

He did briefly open up to Ratio, who was just berating him as usual, and it even took him by surprise. Aventurine didn't say much, but he did say how he figured everyone in the world to want to set him on fire for one reason or another. He just didn't expect it would be you to light the flame. Veritas called him an idiot and said you had every right to leave, which Aventurine wholeheartedly agreed with.

You did have every right to leave. You just didn't have the right to take whatever made him feel normal.

[bbyquokka]

fizzy pop

– yn has a habit of bottling up their emotions, chan comforts them & explains the importance of communicating about feelings/emotions.

pairing | bang chan x gender neutral reader

genre | angst w comfort – 18+ is strongly advised!

cw | established relationship, mental health (low moods, low/no motivation, lose of interest in hobbies/things), pet names.

words | 2k ~ ( 2,042 )

notes | idk why but i've been putting off on posting this for months, maybe bc im nervous 🤔 don’t forget to leave feedback, reblog and tell me what you think here. i hope you all enjoy! ‹3

m.list — wips list — you can also read it on my ao3

dont repost. dont translate. minors, ageless & default blogs; dni! feedback and reblogs are highly advised and appreciated!

it's just another day. another day of just being there. another day of feeling like you have no purpose in life except to please others. another day of wondering “what is the purpose of me being here?” you fake smiles, say you're "ok" because saying how you actually feel is exhausting.

aside from it feeling exhausting, you also don't want to draw attention to yourself and when you do speak, you feel stupid for doing so, so you keep it all in, bottle it up until it's too much for you to handle. some days you wonder why you even bother to get out off bed.

is it because of the birds you hear outside? the sun's heat that you want to feel on your skin? could it be the laughter and chitter chatter of others? or maybe you want to hear the rain on the leaves–who knows. all you know is that everyday is the same and it's tiring.

the days merge into one. what day is it even? monday? tuesday? oh wait, it's saturday morning. time doesn't exist anymore. in your mind you see no point in getting up out of bed because again, what's the point? 

so why is it that your boyfriend is gently shaking you, asking, no, begging you to get up.

“darlin'. please get up.” chan whispers as he gently shakes you by the shoulders. you sigh deeply, a tired sigh that causes chan to swallow and his suspicions to come to light.

you pull the duvet over your head, body curled in a small and fragile ball. the curtains are still drawn providing darkness despite the morning rays that wish to peak inside. 

chan has been up since the crack of dawn. he has showered, made breakfast and managed to get dressed. he gave you some extra time to sleep in because he knows you're not a morning person but when the number nine on his watch turned to twelve and you're still not up and out, does he grow concerned.

he's had his suspicions for a while. he's noticed how defeated you sound. how there is little to no energy in the words you speak. he's tried everything to cheer you up, thinking, hoping you were just having an off day. but that off day turned into an off week which slowly, but surely, turned into an off month.

you lost your passion for being creative, lost the will to make anything which you despise. being creative is one of the many pleasures you have in life, to be able to make something and share your creations with others is exhilarating but when you feel like this, your mood turns bitter and cold towards everything you do which results in you resenting everything you create.

you lost the energy to speak to people. to pick up the phone and just talk. you're not deliberately ignoring nor trying to be difficult but keeping conversations flowing is just too hard right now and when you think they're giving you the same energy back do you feel so guilty. 

what have i done to deserve this? why am i forced to feel like this. you find yourself questioning everything late at night. your head loud as soon as it hits the pillow and no amount of music you blast down your ears can silence those thoughts.

everything is so exhausting. everything is the same. you just want to disappear whether that be for a few days or forever, you're not quite sure, but certain people around you wont allow that to happen. they are keeping you afloat, head above water. you desperately and silently wish they never let you go, no matter how hard you fight and push them away.

“baby, please.” chan's words dripped with desperation. his knees on the bed behind you as he kneels causing the mattress to dip. his hands on your shoulders gently as his eyes bore into the duvet, burning holes into it until he is burning holes into you. tears threaten to spill down his soft cheeks as he becomes increasingly worried for you.

“chan..“ you whisper, your words shaking. “please.. leave me alone.” 

he swallows. those three last words he hates to hear. now he is left in a difficult position. should he do as you say and leave you? leave you to fester and rot in your own thoughts and feelings. watch you melt into the mattress and become nothing but a lifeless shell. or should he force himself, force you to acknowledge him. show you, tell you that's it's going to be ok–even if you don't believe him in the beginning.

but this is chan and you know more than anyone how stubborn chan can be.

“lets go take a shower yn, together! and maybe we can go out and get lunch at that café you love so much?”

silence. 

“or how about we go to that art shop! pick up those water colours you've been eyeing up for months?”

silence.

“ok well, what about some new cloth–”

“chan please!” you snap, causing him to jump. “what part of leave me alone don't you understand?!”

you don't mean to sound harsh and you hope chan doesn't take it to heart. the last thing you want is to hurt the one person you adore so much. luckily, chan knows you don't mean it but it doesn't hurt him any less.

“all of it.” he softly speaks. you feel the weight being lifted up off the mattress and footsteps against the wood flooring before the bedroom door squeaks open at the hinges.

your heart breaks. hot angry tears finally being set free and rolling down the bridge of your nose and cheeks, soaking into the material of your pillow. you sob, curling up into a ball even more as your heart aches in your chest. you grip onto the pillow as you silently cry out for chan, thinking he has completely left you alone.

but you did ask for it so why do you feel so guilty?

the duvet gets pulled back from you, the cold air hitting your hot and sweaty skin. the mattress dips once again as an arm snakes over your midriff. chest being pressed against your back as chan spoons you.

“don't cry, darlin'. i'm here, your channie is here.” his soft words provide you with a sense of comfort and an indescribable feeling of warmth as well as relief. his hand strokes your soft stomach, his lips kissing your neck so tenderly you worry that he isn't really there. 

“c-chan…” you sob through your words as a way of confirmation. you can't breathe, the pain of everything that's built up over the past months is making it impossible for you to breathe. your mind fogs over as your chest heaves up and down.

you struggle to take breaths as tears stream down your face. your pillow becomes soaked with your tears. chan strokes your unwashed hair gently, hushing you and singing softly to help ground you.

“sh sh sh. you're ok, you're safe.” he whispers.

“sorry! i'm sorry!” you repeat over and over again in your fits of tears. chan continues to hush you, noticing that it's not working so he gently rolls you over to face him and pulls you into his naked chest. 

the warmth and softness of his skin calms you down in an instant. his natural scent hugs your nostrils and sinks into your heart, soothing your heartbeat as well as your mind. you grip onto him, desperately trying to cling onto something before resulting in wrapping your arms around him tightly. 

he gives you a bear hug. arms around your shoulders gently, fingers raking and massaging your scalp. his chest wet with tears as he continues to hush you through your episode.

there isn't much he can do when you're crying like this except wait. wait for it to pass–and it does, fifteen minutes later.

“better?” he gently asks. you peer up at him to notice that his own cheeks are wet with a few tears slowly falling.

“you're crying..” you whisper as you reach up and wipe the tears away. chan laughs softly before leaning into your touch. “why?”

“because it pains me to see you like this, my love.” that guilt comes back, settling in your stomach and wrapping itself around your heart, like black fog. you look down, tears falling from your lower lash line.

“sorry..” you mumble.

“hey.” chan unwraps his arms from you to gently lift up your head. “it hurts because i can't do anything about it. it hurts because i love you! seeing you in so much pain is rough darling. and it's not physical pain either, it's not like i can put a band aid on your wound.”

“i'm sorry i'm like this, chan. sorry i'm so difficult and such a disappointment.”

“oi.” his tone of voice turns stern which causes you to look up at him. his brows furrowed together as he reaches and strokes your cheek. “you're not a disappointment or difficult baby. it's ok to feel like this, to have off days and feel like nothing is right, however, you have to come to me when you feel like this! or if you can't come to me, talk to a friend.”

“but i hate talking about my feelings, chan.. i feel like a burden and that it just bores people and when i do confined in people, it feels like i don't get the comfort i expect to get so i'm left thinking if it's worth it and if i just expect too much from people.”

“what have i told you about bottling things up, mhm?”

“that it's just going to keep building and building until i explode.” you mumble to which chan hums and nods too

“imagine you're a bottle of fizzy pop. your body is the bottle, your feelings are the fizzy liquid. what happens when you shake a bottle of fizzy pop?”

“it bubbles and explodes, creating a huge mess.”

“and what happens when you bottle your feelings up?”

“i get shaken up by the smallest of things, which causes me to bubble and explode..”

“mhm. you have to remember, my darling, that how you feel is valid. your feelings are valid. you might seem like it's something so small or stupid, but that something small could build and build and build.”

“so i should come to you whenever i feel negative?”

“yes.”

“even if i'm frustrated at a piece of work? even if i can't get a recipe right and it annoys me?”

“yes.”

“but that is so small and not as important..”

“yn, if it's bothering you then it's big. if it's bothering you, it's important to me. if you feel angry, upset, energy less, i beg that you come to me or to a friend! it's important that we voice these things, let it be known because you'll feel better.” he tucks your hair behind your ear gently before you nuzzle into his chest, thinking about what he's saying.

he is correct. he always is and that's the thing that sometimes bothers you, but in a good way! it just means that you can't hide anything from chan, whether it's good or bad and when you are feeling down, chan is always there to pick you back up and dust you off, providing you with love and comfort.

“shall we go shower together to start the day?”

“isnt it a bit late for that? besides, hasn't your day already started?” you mumble against his chest.

“it's never too late to start the day and besides, i don't mind ‘restarting’ my day if it means i get to do it with you.” he kisses the top of your head gently, stroking your back as you tangle your legs with his.

“soon.”

“soon?” he questions.

“i just want to spend some more minutes with you..”

“we can spend as many minutes together as you like, my darling. as long as you're happy and content.”

“i'm always happy and content with you, chan. you're my safe space.”

“and i hope i continue to be and provide you with that safe space, yn.”

[useyourwordsdarling]

Hey, I hope this isn't too rude considering you already have an effing mountain of asks in your inbox, but I wanted to express my gratitude. No pressure to respond; I just hope you see it, and it makes you smile. Just read the pink out of this word salad; my kink is that I feel the need to explain my reasoning like a proper STEM idiot.

(below explaining why I'm thanking you essentially)

Probably oversharing here, but:

For the last two years or so, I've started to believe that the only men who would accept me were those that needed me as their therapist rather than a partner. I don't mean just listening to them; I mean them struggling with mental health crises and me having to pick up the pieces like the empathetic dumbass I am (and them being too scared to call the hospital). These are just the sort of people I seem to attract. As you can imagine, that did wonders for my self-worth and future perception of people who hit on me.

I already consider myself an eccentric woman. Among other things, my libido often feels insatiable. I write smut both on and off tumblr, the latter of which is some of the most nonsensical, most embarrassing, most bizarre shit I have ever written. 783 pages since 2020, the last 100 pages of which have been me realizing I have a deep-seated desire to be a cocksleeve. It's hard enough to tell people how much I care about having a healthy, passionate sexual relationship without bringing any of that into the mix.

(end explanation, TL;DR I attract shitty men and am insecure as hell about my own sexual preferences.)

All of that has made me despair on numerous occasions that I will ever get to know someone who both actually loves me and wants to fuck the absolute shit out of me.

But blogs like yours have lifted me out of that hellhole of anxiety more than once. Seeing both your own fantasies and the way you respond to your asks makes me feel like I'm not doomed to a relationship where I will have to sacrifice a large part of myself for the other person's sake. It makes me think: "People like this exist somewhere."

Thank you for being a dom that cares about your sub, and thank you for sharing on this blursed platform where I could see you.

Side (less wholesome) note: Yes, you have provided a lot of fuel for my smut pieces, and I am officially blaming you for the fact that there are now 446 fucking instances of the word "Daddy" in my most recent collection.

I appreciate how much effort you put into making this. And as another STEM idiot I love the way you made your reasoning. Also to be clear I love asks, I just have a hard time replying to many at once, but I appreciate them a lot.

And as to you attracting shitty men, I understand how exhausting and how heavy it might be the burden to carry the responsibility over someone’s mental health issues. But I think that also says a lot about your character, how you’re someone who’s really caring. Who wants to help these people, which is an amazing thing but it can be problematic if you don’t set boundaries. Which is a hard thing to do (I know because I’m bad at that…) it’s healthy to focus on your own mental health, your own problems. Especially when we have very little energy left.

And you aren’t doomed for that type of relationship I believe. And I hope you eventually find the right person who’ll love you and not make you responsible over their mess (and also fuck the shit out of you, fingers crossed). So it’s just a matter of time

Side (even less wholesome) note: I’d be lying if I said part of me isn’t curious about those 446 instances now..

[strawberrykaon]

I think autistic primarchs would present very differently than in a baseline human. Its so much easier to cover up or explain away.

Like if Mortarion goes semi- verbal, he still sounds normal. But very stilted for a primarch. Its different from when I can only maybe say three words at a time. Usually I can only go "I don't know" or "no", or "go away". For him it's still full length sentences, like "I think I just need to be alone now". That can easily be explained to be exhaustion. But in reality he can't vocalize anything more complex right now.

Guilliman has be scripting since a child but no one notices. He just has over 100 scripts memorized for any occasion. Any question or change in the conversation. He already has a script lined up. He's capable of memorizing it. Conversations happen so naturally, you can't even tell the difference.

Even the way they stim can be so different to a baseline. Probably in ways a baseline can't comprehend. Traits like increased pattern recognition are standard in a primarch. All primarchs are far more "higher functioning" than any baseline.

Being behind their brothers developmentally by a few weeks is nothing compared to a baseline. What's walking at two months when most humans are closer to a year old when they start. Sure the other primarchs were walking much sooner. Some right out of the pod. But they often reached adulthood far sooner than any human. What constitutes a development delay to a primarch. If an apothecary can't tell what's a high blood pressure level in Guilliman. How can you tell?

Exhaustion that so many autistic face is so off from a baseline. They need less sleep. They can go through periods without rest for far longer. I think in cases like Mortarion, he can just push through an autistic burnout. Sure he's a bit more irritable, among other things. But hey, the point of a shutdown won't hit him till a few decades later. So therefore he must have high energy levels then even his brothers. Despite the toll on his mental health. Plus their recovery times are far shorter. Guilliman needs just a few days to feel normal after a year long campaign after all. Doesn't matter how he was acting prior. Any strange behavior can be hand waved away.

Mental conditioning can be used to suppress sensory overload. No point in having your super solider curl up screaming because he has super hearing. And you threw him into an active warzone. Lets make sure you can't process that information in way that would harm you. (Plus I think as a rule primarchs have a tendency to be more sensory seeking than sensory avoidant.)

Hell even their positions in the imperial society could make it easier to mask. If Perturabo wants something done in a certain way, you are going to do it that way. You're just some 25 year old iron warrior or serf that needs to follow command. Plus you don't know best compared to a primarch.

Of course they mask in typical ways. Mortarion hasn't rocked when upset since he was young. Because Nacrae told him that he should avoid such weakling behavior. Or still show more obvious traits like Dorn's flatter speaking style. (IDK how true this is but everyone says this and I'm not too familiar with Dorn to say otherwise.)

Also I like to imagine that the Emperor intentionally placed Autism into some of his designer babies. Thinking he could "avoid all the negatives but only gain those traits that would benefit them greatly." Only for his patience to slowly be drained. Like Perturabo having a meltdown while Dorn is trying to get the two of them to work together. But he's lost the ability to mask what little he does. And is just going, "We are to conclude this activity in an hour. I have to calibrate the ships sensors in an hour and half. You have already wasted 10 minutes. We must refocus so we can conclude in an hour..."

The problem start when understanding what's going on under the surface. Or when you start comparing them to their brothers. But hey you're below understanding what a primarch is thinking. And all the primarchs are little off. They're demigods. What makes these one's so different. Doesn't help they themselves won't consider it themselves. Or even be insulted by the implication. I'm not an invalid. Don't be ridiculous.

(I used Perturabo, Dorn, and Guilliman here because they're the common ones head cannoned as autistic. I went with Mortarion as well because I decided to just go with it. I know him the best. Plus this is all just headcannon. Just to be clear. Reasoning being his kids tend to present with a flat personality anyways. Also heard Mortarion was always behind his brothers, so developmental delays?? Idk yet where they got that in lore yet. Trying to get through all the books is a lot. Plus his other strange behaviors. But it could just be poor socialization as a child mixed with mental illness. Could also just be all three too. But more than these four could be autistic is my point. Sorry if this post was rambling or unclear. Or if anyone has done this before. I just wanted to get my thoughts out on the subject.)

[honeyedmiller]

When It Rains | Pedro Pascal

based on this request here

pairing: pedro pascal x gn!reader

disclaimer: I obviously know Pedro is such a sweetheart and would probably never do this to anyone in “real life.”

warnings: angst, fighting, cursing, mentions of social anxiety, fluff, no use of y/n.

word count: 1.3k

-

You don't even know how it escalated to this point.

One day, you and your boyfriend come home from an event that went terribly. You barely got to see each other anymore, so that event was your time to spend with one another—until he was pulled in every which way for an interview, to talk to a friend of his, or to talk to current or past co-stars.

You knew he had a busy schedule and he was quite literally dominating the film industry at the moment, but fuck you just missed him. You couldn't blame him for genuinely being a person of and for the people. Everyone loved him.

That's not what upset you, though, no—it was the fact that he'd barely acknowledged you the whole night, not introducing you to the people he was talking to, and had you following him around like a goddamned lost puppy the whole night.

When you got home, you were exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. You didn't bother trying to explain to him why you were in such a sour mood, which to you, was just you being silent. You were never silent. You loved to converse with Pedro, even when he didn't have the energy to talk. He still loved to listen to you.

When you said you were going to bed flatly, his mood absorbed yours and it just escalated from there. It's been days. Small bickering here and there, until tonight.

Something just snapped in both of you, all the pent-up anger and frustrations being laid down on the table for both of you to finally see.

"I don't understand your deal." Pedro snapped, squinting his eyes at you as he crossed his arms over his chest.

You scoffed at him and threw up your arms in defeat. "How about we start off with the fact that I was looking forward to spending a great night with you the other night. You brushed me off and acted like you didn't fucking care about me, Pedro. What the hell? Are you-" You paused, tears welling in your eyes. "Are you ashamed to introduce me to people a part of your 'world' because I'm not on your guys' level?"

He looked at you in complete disbelief, as if you blamed him for something that wasn't his fault.

"Don't even start with that. You know that's not true. Maybe you should learn to be a little less introverted and actually learn how to speak to people. You're a grown up, for fuck's sake." Pedro's words dripped with venom as he seethed, and the look of hurt was eminent on your face.

Pedro knew you had terrible social anxiety. The fact that he'd throw that in your face was hurtful and belittling. You never brought up his anxieties and used them against him in an argument, so the fact that he did that to you fucking hurt.

"You know what, Pedro, you're right. I am a grown up. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle with things any less. I'm not a part of the acting world, let alone even famous. I got that part. But fuck, if you're going to brush me off like that and treat me like I don't matter when I've been nothing but loving and supportive of you from the moment we've met, then maybe you should go find better." Tears were streaming down your face. You couldn't hide it anymore.

"What are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?" Pedro's angry voice faltered into a broken and confused tone.

"No, Pedro. I'm just saying that if this isn't what you want anymore, then you can go ahead and find better. Find someone who's more understanding of your career. I love you, but I can't deal with this right now." Your fists were balled up at your sides as tears continuously fell down your cheeks. You took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling before turning on your heel to walk to the front door.

"Fuck. Please, baby, wait." Pedro begged, moving closer to you.

"Don't."

That's all you said before you walked out of the front door, shutting it behind you. The chilly, gloomy weather made you wrap your arms around your frame as you briskly walked down the sidewalk, tears blurring your vision. Thunder cracked loudly above your head, making you jump and silently curse at Mother Nature.

Of fucking course the weather would match your sad, brooding mood. As soon as you felt one drop of rain, the downpour followed next. The rain soaked you to the bone, but truthfully, that was the last thing on your mind. You could've sworn you heard your name being called, but the pounding of the rain against the sidewalk made it nearly impossible to hear correctly.

You didn't bother to turn around and just kept walking for what felt like hours, before you reached a small local community park. You stepped on the muddy sand and made your way to the swings, sitting abruptly.

You couldn't help but cry your eyes out.

You knew dating a celebrity would come with some pros and cons, but you never thought Pedro would've been the type to brush you off. He was usually so loving and tender when it came to you. Seems like when it rains, it fucking pours... you guess.

You couldn't help but think that maybe you were being a bit dramatic with this whole thing. Maybe Pedro didn't mean to brush you off, or make you feel inferior. Maybe he didn't even realize what he was doing.

Your mind started running overtime, and you suddenly became overwhelmed with the thought that you might've just ruined what'd happened to be the greatest relationship you've ever been in.

All because you couldn't put your anxieties behind you and be an adult and introduce yourself. Maybe Pedro was right. You sighed as you rested your elbows on your knees, hands covering your tired, puffy eyes. You sat there for god knows how long, before you saw bright headlights flash on you as a car quickly parks on the street.

Your head snaps up and you squint to try and see who it was, because for all you knew, it could've been a fucking axe murderer. You heard your name being called distantly, the rain still making it a bit hard to hear. Your name was called once more as the person got closer, and you instantly recognized the voice. Pedro.

You stand slowly from the swing you were on, legs shaky and weak. All of your energy had been completely depleted from your body. Your wet clothing felt like a thousand pounds on your body, and your eyes hurt from continuously crying.

Pedro approached you slowly, his eyes clearly bloodshot from crying himself.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry." His voice cracked as his hands reached for you. You stilled and thought about backing away, but you couldn't even fathom fighting with him or being angry for another second. All you want was him and his comfort.

"I shouldn't have gotten angry at you for something that was my fault. I know you try your best in social gatherings. I should've introduced you. I was a dick. I'm so sorry, baby." Pedro kissed the top of your head as you rested your forehead against his broad chest.

"I love you, P," You confessed, squinting up at him to prevent the rain getting into your eyes. “But I’m sorry, too. I should’ve communicated this to you and talked to you about it instead of being brash and walking out on you. Walking out shouldn’t have been my first move. I’m sorry.”

"I know darling, I know. Next time both of us just need to talk about it head-on. I hate fighting with you. I love you so much," He whispered the last part before kissing your forehead this time. "Let's get you home and comfy and dry." His big brown eyes were glossed over and soft as they looked down at you.

"I hate fighting with you, too. And yes, please, get me out of this fucking rain." You half laugh at the last part, arms tightening around his core.

"Of course, my love." He wraps his arms around you just the same, leaning down to give you a genuine, heart-tugging kiss.

The kind of kiss that happens in those cliché romcom movies that makes you fall for him even harder. The kind that makes it known to the both of you that he's yours and you're his... forever.

a/n: as someone who has social anxiety, talking to people (especially in new settings) is SO HARD so if any of you can relate, I feel u fr fr. Love u all <3

[kangaroosmile]

Washing away the bad energy - Jisung

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

description: When you come home after work you find a tired Jisung on your sofa who had a very bad day. You offer him to wash all the bad energy away.

pairing: Han Jisung x gnreader

genre: fluff, boyfriend Jisung, gnreader, non-sexual nudity, reader is taking care of Jisung, you help Jisung take a shower

word count: ~1.7 k

trigger warning: nudity (non-sexual), mentioning of food and eating, mental health issues

A/N: If there are any tags or tw you think I should add, please inform me about it ♡ but now enjoy the story.

You can find more of my stories under Stray Kids Masterlist

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

When you opened the door to your apartment, the light in your living room was turned on. When you walked further in, you noticed Jisung sitting on your sofa deeply wrapped in your favourite blanket. He was watching a documentary, his eyes focused on your TV. You placed the takeaway on your kitchen table and walked over towards Jisung. When you stopped in front of him he finally seemed to notice you. And you noticed how tired he looked.

"How was your day?", Jisung asked.

"Tiring. How are you?" He kept quiet for a moment, looking towards the tv instead of answering. "You don't need to tell me how you are right now", you whispered, softly playing with his hair. "Just tell me what you need right now." A soft smile appeared on his face as his glance turned back to you. He slowly opened his arms and it just took you a second to drive into his arms. You made yourself comfortable as Jisung wrapped his arms around you tightly. A soft sigh escaped Jisungs lips.

For a few moments you two just listened to the documentary which was still playing on the TV.

"I got us both some takeaway. If you want, we can eat that and then we can do what you want. What do you think?", you asked, while running your hand through his hair.

"What have you bought?", he mumbled against your shoulder, his eyes softly closed.

"Bibimbap and cheesecake."

"Nice!", Jisung said, slowly getting up from your sofa, still wrapped in the big blanket. You got up as well and grabbed the takeaway bag to sit down next to Jisung at your coffee table. You let him open the bag and watched as a wide smile appeared on his lips.

"Thanks for grabbing takeaway", he whispered, shortly leaning in and placing his head on your shoulder.

"When you texted me, asking whether you could stop by after work I knew I just wanted to spoil you a bit." Hearing this, Jisung softly moved his body against you as a whine left his mouth. Laughing at his reaction, you carried his cheeks for a second.

"Let's eat before everything gets cold." Jisung nodded and started to dig in. In silence and with the television in the background you two are. You learned to enjoy this side of your relationship just as much as the cheerful times. After a while Jisung had stopped eating and was now just looking at you. His eyes started to move from you to his hands and back again. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Jisung let out a deep breath.

"I don't want to force myself on you. I… what if you don't want to do what I ask you for but you are doing it anyways?", he ranted, looking everywhere but at you.

"Jisungie", you mumbled, taking his hands in yours. "I know you have these thoughts and I know it's hard to let them go. But I can assure you that I am fine with everything. Otherwise I wouldn't say yes to it", you explained. "And I will tell you this every time you ask." You smiled at him, hoping it was looking encouraging and honest. His glance fell on his hands again.

"I'm sorry that I am like this." Hr whispered.

"There is nothing you need to feel sorry about." He stayed silent and you knew he was thinking about what you had said. Then he softly nodded his head. You were not sure whether he was really believing in what you have said but you would tell him that every time he would need to hear it. "Will you tell me what was on your mind?"

"I wanted to ask whether I could side hug you but then I was unsure because you were still eating and I didn't want to interrupt you", he then explained.

"Oh Sungie", you breathed, softly patting his cheek. "Of course you can do that. And thank you for being honest with me. It really means a lot to me." Jisungs shoulders went down a bit as he exhaled. Without another word Jisung leaned in and hugged you from the side. You placed a short kiss on the top of his head and then finished the rest of your Bibimbap.

"Today was hard", whispered Jisung after a while. "I got up too late which meant I didn't have enough time to prepare for the day." You wrapped your free arm around him and pulled him closer. "Then the yoghurt I wanted to eat had gone bad. And one of the managers said my song is too dark so we can't use it in our next comeback."

"Oh that's a lot in one day", you muttered.

"It was", he said, his voice trembling and his eyes already watery. If possible, you pulled him even closer.

"But you did it. You got through everything and now you are here", you mumbled carrying his back.

"Yes… I did", he replied, his voice still trembling.

"You can be proud of yourself."

"You know what we will do now?", you asked, backing away a bit to look at Jisung. The other looked confused and shook his head. "We will wash all the bad things away. Of course only if you are comfortable with this", you suggested, feeling a bit nervous because it would be something new. You have never seen him completely naked and you didn't know whether Jisung was fine with this or not.

"You would do that for me?", he asked, his eyes wide and his eyebrows high up. As you stood up, you nodded and held your hand out towards him. He took it and let himself be pulled up. Together you walked towards your bath.

"I will get you a new towel and a few clothes you left the last time around", you told him, while playing with his hair. He softly nodded and as you left your bathroom he started to undress himself. You were humming a soft melody as you walked back in. Jisung had his back towards you already completely naked. Carefully you stroked over his wide shoulders which made him fall slightly against you. A light sigh escaped his mouth and he leaned even more into you. You wrapped your arms around his upper body and his hands closed around yours in front of his chest. For a moment you stayed like this. Just enjoying having him close but then you carefully patted his chest.

"Let's wash all the bad energy off." At that, Jisung nodded and slowly stepped into the bathtub. He crouched down and waited as you turned the water on. "Is the temperature alright for you?", you asked while letting the water run over Jisungs hands.

"Yes. That's nice", he mumbled and closed his eyes as you started to let the warm water run over his back and shoulders. You softly started to continue the melody you had hummed earlier, carefully spreading the shampoo over Jisungs shoulders, neck, back and chest.

"I'm gonna smell like you", muttered Jisung, looking up with a wide but tired looking smile. You couldn't hold back a giggle as you nodded and kissed his still dry hair.

"That's true. My Jisungie will smell like me." It made him laugh lightly, leaning against your hand which was now on his head. "Can I wash your hair now?", you asked softly as you stroked through his hair. Letting out a sigh, he nodded as an answer. When his hair was wet and washed you let the warm water run over his body a few more moments. His shoulders seemed much more relaxed now. He looked quite adorable playing with the small runlet of water.

"Thank you for this" muttered Jisung and looked up to you. You smiled back at him.

"Do you want to get out now?" Without saying anything he stood up and closed the tap, while you stepped back and held a towel out for him to grab. After a moment Jisung accepted the towel and began to pat his body dry. Meanwhile you took a hairdryer out of one of your small bathroom cabinets and plucked it in. When you turned towards Jisung again he had dressed himself already. You nearly cooed seeing him standing there in front of you with sleepy eyes and sweater paws. "Let's dry your hair a bit. What do you think, jagi?", you whispered as you held out a hand for him to take. You saw Jisungs cheeks softly turning pink and a bright smile appearing on his lips. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub and closed his eyes when you started to dry his hair. You parted his hair a few times, always careful to not pull at his hair. And when his hair was dry enough you turned off the hairdryer.

Suddenly Jisung leaned forwards right against your body, slowly wrapping his arms around your torso.

"I am so grateful for having you in my life", he whispered against your hoodie but you heard him nonetheless.

"And I am so thankful to have you in my life as well", you replied to his confession and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Can we go to your bed for some cuddles?"

"Just for cuddles? Does that mean you are planning to go to your own home tonight?", you asked jokingly, which made Jisung laugh.

"I would like to sleep here tonight, if that's alright." With a wide smile you nodded and pulled him up.

"Of course that's alright." As you two walked into your bedroom you noticed that Jisung seemed already in a lighter mood again. As Jisung made himself comfortable under your covers you changed into your pyjamas and shortly texted Chan. After that you joined Jisung and within minutes both of you had fallen asleep. With arms linked.

You:

Took care of Sungie. He is doing better again. We are going to sleep now. :)

21:58

Chan:

Thanks for taking care of Jisung in a way we can't. I really hope we can all meet soon again.

Sleep well you two.

22:01

[ninepentz]

Some narcissists-

Are too easily offended by people either challenging their opinions, giving them back the same energy, any type of criticism whether it's good or bad.

For example I know a narcissist in my life who basically tries to be so intimidating all the time, argue, control everything and I noticed that whenever she's having a bad day she would take it out on me. I used to let it affect me deeply and take everything personal to where I started becoming just as bad as them. Arguing back and forth, physical/loud fights, calling each other names, being petty etc. Till I realized that is what's feeding their ego even more to see me basically taking their bait and engaging with them for some odd reason. Some narcissists get a kick out of you paying attention to them and proving them right. Bc what they do is twist your words and use your reactions to make themselves look better.

Overtime I learned that aggressively defending myself, constantly explaining my boundaries, even trying to talk things out, didn't help AT ALL. But what did work was not speaking with them, ignoring their negativity, being cordial/keeping my distance, which has done so much for my mental health. Now I let them do whatever the hell they do, it's none of my business anymore. The quieter I became, the more peaceful things got.

The thing about some narcissists is that if you offend them or mirror their behaviors back to them they get even more aggressive and defensive which brings out all their worst behaviors even more. And one thing you can never do is change the narcissist, they don't respect others unless they admire you, need something from you, and things like that. Nothing you do will make them change.

What helped me tho is just stop to responding and acknowledging them, simply agreeing to keep the peace and protecting my own energy. Idc what they say or do anymore bc I know it's just their own internal BS that they project onto everyone else.

Ever since then I haven't had not one issue regarding them that I used to deal with before, all I deal with now is my own personal issues and whatever goes on in my personal life. I'd rather have that than arguing in circles with a narcissist lol so I hope this helps anyone who's dealing with anything similar.

Stop engaging, be cordial, and don't take things personally. That's how you stay in your own lane and avoid getting poisoned by someone else's demons.

Thank you for reading 😊

✨️Nine of Pentacles✨️

[indiangp]

Analysing Valentino Rossi's handwriting

okay so to preface this so I don't have to explain myself if I ever get anything wrong:

1. I have lost most of my knowledge regarding graphology after I got deep into it about 4 years ago. I rediscovered it about 3 days ago. Moreover, I'm just a girl on the internet, not a scholar. Some things might be inaccurate.

2. Graphology is considered a pseudo-science. There is no empirical evidence backing up graphology; if it's more understandable that way, think of it as analyzing someone's birth charts.

3. I generally do not know the people whose handwriting I analyze. I nor know what Valentino Rossi is like in real life, and neither will I ever. This is for funsies <3 I just enjoy graphology.

4. An important, somewhat unspoken, rule of graphology is that it's imperative I keep aside my knowledge of what I've seen him act like in public and focus solely on what the page tells me.

5. ALSO. Our handwriting has fixed as well as unfixed traits. For example, your IQ is fixed, likewise, your aptitudes, temperament, and identity are all fixed. There are unfixed traits as well in our handwriting. They keep changing depending on the conditions. Your abilities, attitudes, moods, beliefs, motivational level, and physical conditions are unfixed traits. People's handwriting also changes depending on whether they are writing for themselves (eg. a personal note, journal) or for someone else (eg. a letter <- like the sample currently at hand !)

6. I will sound nerdy at times as I might quote some graphology experts or use their works verbatim from their books. I have tried to keep it as simple as possible but still, if anything is unclear/your opinions vary, asks are always open <3 

*****Text in italics are random comments that shouldn't be included in any professional graphology analysis document but are there because this is a TUMBLR POST******

Now, the actual analysis

1. Initial Impression

This is a “normal” writing sample at first glance. Form quality doesn't reflect over-embellished or neglectful form. The writing is legible, which is expected considering it is a letter. The handwriting is slightly middle zone dominant(explanation in section 8.) indicating a bit of self-centredness and concern regarding day-to-day life. There are a lot of things crossed off which may show emotional distress at the time of writing the sample. I also noticed the large spacing between the lines at first glance and it generally shows fear of isolation(he was leaving Yamaha 💀) and distrust. There are also some arcades and garlands at the end of words(explanation in section 10). WEIRDASS LOWER ZONES. 

But mainly, it's so… erratic; the baseline is erratic, the slant is mostly vertical but still erratic at times, and the way he crosses off so much stuff is an indicator of emotional distress. 

2. Baseline

The baseline is the imaginary line running from left to right at the same level. It is on this imaginary line that letters rest on dividing upper and lower areas while moving forward to the right. Any movement horizontally along the baseline represents your reaction to experiences, living values, time demands, and learning. Right motion is to advance, expand, and progress and left motion is to revert, constrict, and regress. The baseline reveals 1. attitudes about reaching our goals, 2. the kind of mental energy we apply to our life situations, and 3. our general moods.

Initial lines in the sample display a “Moody” baseline or an erratic baseline(some authors call it a “sinuous” baseline). When a baseline has a number of ups and downs, or ascending and descending it is called erratic. Of course, it shows the moodiness of the person. They may laugh and cry easily and have lots of ups and downs in their lives. They are unbalanced as the handwriting shows. This is not to be confused with an incoherent, aka, ”sociopathic baseline”.

HOWEVER, the end of the sample follows a stable baseline which is an indicator that the person shows controlled/consistent behaviour to the outward world. A straight line is a straightforward path and its meaning is a firm, unchanging foundation. Its positive qualities are straightness, discipline, willpower, constancy of purpose, and responsibility. Its negative aspect impact is inflexibility. 

I wish I had more samples to confirm my thoughts and form a consistent opinion because I cannot conclude a single baseline pattern followed by the person. Language and cultural upbringing differences also don’t help. 

3. Slant

A handwriting can be a. just vertical; it stands straight on a baseline as though at 90 degrees. b. inclined to the right or c. inclined to the left. Further, it can be lightly inclined, very inclined, or acutely reclined. In general:

Leftward slant writers are emotionally cold and defiant, self-centered, and/or selfish. Overly leftward can be very emotionally sick. Extremely left slants often indicate past trauma and/or inability to move on/ recover. 

Upright/vertical slant reveals emotional reserve, suppression, and self-reliance. The person acts not with his/her heart but with the head. The person can be cool under pressure.

One’s right slant indicates compliance with people. The person is emotionally expressive. The person will act according to emotions. Here pressure levels reveal how intense the emotions are expressed. Overly right slant writer cannot control his/her emotions.

Variable slants betray mostly an emotionally unstable person.

I had a terrible time with this one because even when I superimposed a chart on it, it was still unclear which slant it follows. Rossi’s handwriting appears to go in all directions however it is seldom on the extreme ends(ie, acutely inclined to the right or acutely reclined to the left. Both of these are “abnormal” and rare.) 

If we write with an unstable slant, we feel pulled in different directions. An unstable slant is a wobbling slant. At one moment the person is affectionate and at another moment he is aloof. The more unstable a wobble, the more unstable is the writer. The interpretation of the slant is based on the universal concept of ‘left versus right.’ Usually, people associate the left with the past and the right with the future. If the left and the right represent the past and the future, then the centre represents the present.

4. Size

Size simply refers to whether the writing is large or small. Of course, there are many categories in size, like large, overly large, medium, small, or overly small (microscopic). It is an unfixed trait. Because, depending upon the mood, people write sometimes small and at other times big. It also depends upon the paper on which they write. 

Valentino’s handwriting again follows a somewhat irregular pattern when it comes to size. I say this because size changing over a few lines is completely normal but irregular size between words shows emotional instability.

 According to Karen Amend et al, “variable letter sizes, that is, middle zone letters ranging in size from 1116th of an inch upwards, show a writer who is emotionally off-balance a good deal of the time. Too much caught up in his own feelings, he is likely to be self-centered, overly expressive, indecisive, and childish. Those around him often find him moody and immature, but not always without charm.”

(I do not agree with this description too much but this is all i could find regarding unstable size)

The letters enlargen in the middle of the sample, especially when he mentions someone by their name. If a certain word or name becomes suddenly bigger in comparison with other words in the same line, then we can conclude that the writer has invested some emotions either positive in the person or thing signified by that particular word that got enlarged. When we hold somebody or something in high esteem, then automatically that word gets enlarged in our writing. On the contrary, if we have less regard, and think less of the person, then the word automatically shrinks.

5. Margin

NARROW UPPER MARGIN

In short, it shows informality. If your handwriting leaves a very narrow margin on the top, it is an indication that you are informal with the person to whom you write. It shows informality and familiarity. Just because you are comfortable with the person, you start writing from the very beginning. (this does match with the contents of the sample at hand)

(Not much more to say really, the margins are wide on left and right side but it doesn't favor one side, which shows a balance/peace with their past as well future)

6. Speed

Speed refers to how fast or slow one writes. It measures how quickly or slowly an individual thinks and acts, the person’s intelligence level, and finally the degree of spontaneity and honesty. When we speak of speed, we are referring to the natural speed of the writer in thought, action, and reaction. All of us have an optimum speed at which we think and act most comfortably. If one is forced for a long time to go faster or slower than the optimum speed that will end up in difficulties. Speed tells of the intelligence and spontaneity of the writer.

There are barely any signs that the sample was written in a rushed or sloppy manner. He does leave a few large gaps in between which indicate uncertainty and the writer is possibly taking time to gather their thoughts before putting them onto paper. 

7. Spacing

SPACING WITHIN WORDS

The distance that the writer places between the letters shows how he relates on a personal level to other people. Valentino’s handwriting shows more or less balanced and normal spaces within words. There is occasional tanglin but not to a concerning degree.  A normal, well-balanced spacing within the letter shapes and between them shows a personality that is balanced and flexible in relationship to others, with the ability for both closeness and reserve where appropriate.

SPACING BETWEEN WORDS

The space left between the written words represents the distance that the writer would like to maintain between himself and society at large. Rossi’s handwriting has rather narrow spaces between words. Very narrow spaces between the words show someone who will crowd others for attention, craving constant contact and closeness. Such a writer can be selfish in his demands and unwilling to give of his own time and energies to others.

SPACING BETWEEN LINES

The amount of space that the writer leaves between the lines on the page gives clues to the orderliness and clarity of his thinking, and to the amount of interaction that he wishes to have with his environment. Overall the sample at hand shows normal to slightly wide spacing between lines. There isn’t much tangling(sign of confusion/jumbled ideas) between the lines and neither are the lines excessively far apart(signs of suspicions and hostility). Normal spacing has its own personal harmony and flexibility. 

8. Zones

This is the most complex thing in graphology to me personally but to oversimplify, the three zones and what aspects they relate to are as follows:

I. Upper: fantasy, spirit, intellect, creativity, imagination

Ii. Middle: social life, daily life, everyday concerns

Iii. Lower: instinctual self and drives for security, materialistic things, biological needs

People can have a writing that is balanced across all zones or they may have a dominating zone. Valentino’s handwriting is overall middle zone dominant. According to Karen Amend et al, “If the Middle Zone is Strongly Developed, but neither the upper nor lower zones are, the writer is overly concerned for himself and his own daily activities. His self-assurance borders on presumptuousness and conceit, and he will make great issues of trivial things. The danger to this sort of writer is boredom and confinement in a self-centered world. ”

This is a somewhat pessimistic and outdated view of this trait(and respectfully I hate it <3). Most students today actually tend to have this type of handwriting and it’s quite common. While it is a somewhat “childish” trait, it may show the person’s extroversion and general concern over daily concerns. (This view is what I believe in more than the weird self-centred blah blah explanation.)

9. Printing & Cursive Writing

To oversimplify, print writing = intellectual/methodical person/head-over-heart or trying to be coherent. Cursive = fast/connected thoughts. 

Valentino mixes these two and it is considered an example of efficient breaks in print-cursive handwriting. It is quite common and indicates that the writer is intelligent, succinct, efficient, direct and fast, and simple in writing.

10. Connecting Strokes

(This was another aspect I had a hard time with because I am so out of touch with the knowledge I used to have.)

There are 4 types of connecting strokes: garland, angles, thread, and arcades. 

(I’ve already written more than anyone wishes to read so I'll just jump to the conclusions instead of explaining each.) He uses a lot of garlands(upward strokes) as connecting strokes. If you write with garland connectors, then you are open, friendly, sociable, affectionate, flexible, ready to establish a link with others and communicate easily. Garlands are associated with openness and friendliness. More women than men seem to use garland connectors.

Garland is an image of round and open and is sincere, receptive, and obliging. Hence the positive qualities are feminine traits, friendliness, kindliness, natural behaviour, lack of formality, receptiveness, and adjustability. Socially, they are adaptable and flexible, but their strong need for security makes them feel threatened by any changes in their home, family, or lifestyle. These types are expressive yet conventional. They want communication with and acceptance by other people.

11. Signatures

Signature reveals: one’s public self-image, self-confidence, egotism, self-destruction, diversity, and creativity. Signature is the sum and substance of your public self-image. It shows how one behaves in public, how one acts around others, and in short, one’s social persona.

Signature larger than the script 

The writer is advertising and wishes to be recognized as an important person. Pride, self-esteem, ambition, and self-confidence are shown. (also a sign of vanity)

Creative Signature

The graphic imagery of the creative signature will mirror or express the nature of the creative drive, as in the beat of music, the stroke of brush or pen, or creative imagery that reflects the professional involvement.

Ascending Signatures

This is a sign that the person feels good about his public image. 

 12. Letter Specific traits

Capital 'A'

The 'A' seems to be written in a single stroke retracting back up which may show intelligence and originality.

Lower zone letters

I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS AND I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY. SO HERE IS WHAT ONE TEXTBOOK SAYS:

THIS IS WILD AND I DO NOT WANT TO COMMENT ON THIS.

---------------------------------------------------

Yeah so that will be it for the analysis, I wish I could be more coherent about this. please send asks incase if you want me to explain something in particular or you disagree with some aspect of the analysis (eg the slant <- the poll I did was killing me)

[yanderes-galore]

If ya want I can add a scenario for this if you need any ideas! Yandaze prompts for Zenyatta: 42, 73, 52 - dredge anon >:)

Sure! I hope you like the plot I had in mind... he's a much calmer yandere than most.

Prompts found here

Yandere! Zenyatta Prompts 42, 73, 52

"Don't struggle. This is for the best."

"Holding you like this, having you with me, is pure bliss."

"My eyes will always be on you."

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Darling has some trauma/mental health issues implied/briefly mentioned, Dubious isolation, Manipulation, Dubious relationship/companionship.

Zenyatta had met you by what he feels is fate. You had went out searching for him and his teachings. When he met you... you had such am unhealthy mind.

You came to him in search of peace. Inner peace. Peace that Zenyatta was willing to offer in the form of talk and comfort.

Zenyatta became the Omnic monk you often talked to. It got to the point where you rarely left his side. You felt at home with him, often away from others to allow you to put together your thoughts.

Zenyatta felt attached to you because he began to form a connection with you. He saw how you were without him... lost. The longer he's around you the more he feels a certain love towards you.

To him, his adoration doesn't feel possessive or toxic in the slightest. You may not even sense anything like that either. Zenyatta is too... warm and welcoming to appear threatening to you.

For the most part... he's fine to be around.

You visit him and allow him to show you compassion. He often acts as a source of therapy for you. When you feel you need it... Zenyatta offers to hold you close while giving advice.

You're so blinded by his warmth and compassion you don't realize the more sinister side of things.

Zenyatta begins to feel you'll be happier with him. You come to him all the time to heal your inner pain and discord, yes? Then he feels you need him...

So why when he keeps you in an isolated home do you fight his comfort?

"Don't struggle. This is for the best."

Zenyatta's voice is calm and even. It's still soothing even when he tries to calm your panicked movements. You don't like the idea of being trapped.

"Why are you keeping me here?" You ask shakily. "What do you mean it's for the best!?"

"Here, I can properly heal you. I only wish to show you the love I hold for you. Didn't you express a wish to be away from the ones who wish to use you?" Zenyatta asks, holding out a cold metal hand to caress your face. "Please, sit and relax with me."

"I don't want to be locked away like this-" You worry aloud, looking at the monk sadly. Zenyatta appears displeased by your fear. He only wishes to help.

"I only wish to make this place your sanctuary." Zenyatta explains in a calm tone. You feel him slip an orb on you to keep you calm, the energies seeping into your mind. "My eyes will always be on you here, I promise I'll only heal you and never hurt you."

"... will you ever let me leave?" You ask quietly.

"Of course, when you are healed and able to be out on your own, I will let you leave." Zenyatta agrees, beckoning you closer. "For now, you have a lot to learn. Please, sit with me."

By sit with him you find Zenyatta pulling you onto his lap. The orb he's given you makes you feel warm inside... allowing you to relax in Zenyatta's grasp. Maybe he's right... all he wants it to heal you.

Maybe you should just trust him and rely on him... all until you're better... because he cares for you.

"Holding you like this, having you with me, is pure bliss." Zenyatta praises, holding you closer to him on his lap. Here... you really do feel at peace. You begin to wonder why you even bothered fighting him.

Or maybe that's just the orb?

Maybe you don't want to leave here anyways... it feels so safe and comfortable...

Which to Zenyatta is a good thing...

As he doesn't plan on letting you go despite his previous words.

[factual-fantasy]

28 asks! :DD Thank you as always!! 💖💖

@astaherussy

My FNAF AU has been sorted out. In the sense that the timeline has been re-written enough that I can go back to drawing it..

Now the next comic in the AU is a re-write/re-draw of my old FNAF comic, Moon Malfunction. A few months ago though there were several time sensitive projects that came up and I needed to shelf Moon Malfunction 2.0 until they were done. Well now they're all done.. but Moon Malfunction is gonna take me some time to get around to..

For the past few months I've been in a really bad spot mentally and physically. And taking on my FNAF Recap/Repair project is just not something I feel I have the mental energy to do at the moment.. All it feels like is a one big pile of work. And all I wanna do I just draw what ever comes easily to me and focus on recovering..

Soooo for the time being,, my main FNAF AU might not see any updates for a bit.. Though I haven't forgotten about it and I do want to get back to it at some point soon. But for now I want to cut any work out of my relaxing/drawing time and just draw what ever I want. Which atm is pirate cookies-- <XDD

They're also great for grabbing something across the room while I stay in bed 😎😎

Why haven't I drawn anything like that yet- what--

I might just have to at some point! :00

@ardent-38

AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH!! THATS SO SWEET!! BUT ALSO LSKNAKJ XDDD

I never thought of it like that! Anyone who gets into the game through my characters is like a lactose intolerant person recommending an ice-cream joint- and they're very persuasive! XDD

But fr, thank you! And hey, even if my characters aren't in the game, they'll always be here on Tumblr waiting for you XDD

Actually, I wasn't! :00 I haven't seen that episode of the Cuphead show. But I'm assuming its about Cala Maria and Captain Brineybeard, yes? If so I can easily see the relation XD

(Post in question)

AAAA THANK YOU!! The comic was different than what I'm used to. But it was a nice change of pace. I'm glad you liked it! :}}}

@badlyblurry (Post in question)

FRRRRRR THO He's been holding that glow back for a while. Trying not to send the wrong messages to Blue and potentially damage their friendship 💔💔

XDDD ITS OK!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD 💖💖✨

@mod-bubamon

I have! In this post you can see 3 of them floating behind Melvin! (The anthro donkey)

And in this post, you can see Melvin holding one while it passes away... :((((( Sad day for sure.

Well? What did she taste like? XDD

Oh wait you're dead my bad-

Unfortunately I cant think of any songs that would match each crew members theme.. Rn all my brain can think about is this 👇

@nunyabusiness459 (Comic in question)

🥰🥰THANK YOU!! :DDD

What is primordial dough? :0

@2006-stupid-thatsme

Thank you! :DD Though unfortunately my fwernnd, I am known for being very bad at explaining how I do art things. :(

If I tried to explain my thought/design process it would just be a lot of word spaghetti that boils down to "uhhh... I just drew it.,. aandd if it dont look good.. draw it differently.. until it looks good-"

My advice would be to look on YouTube for character design tutorials or ask some other artists that have artwork similar to mine and see if they can help. :( Again, so sorry! I wish I could articulate my thoughts better 💔💔

@beryl-shade

This actually makes me think- Google says that if you add too much sugar to a cookie they become brittle.

Huh,, makes me think. If one of the cookies was baked with too much sugar.. they'd break real easy.. hmm.. 👀👀

@whereismycupofcoffee

@artistiemi

Thank you so much!! :DD I wish the same for you!! ✨💖✨

@sunnys-bloog

I've thought about drawing them! :0 And I thiiink I drew Franny one time..? The Blue one. Although I don't think I'll be able to find the sketch unfortunately-

NOT THE GUMDROP BUTTONS!!

tbh though I think they'd see him as just a normal guy! :0 Right..?

@beryl-shade

I'm not sure.. considering what I know about the games.. I thiiink they'd be horrified?? <XDD If they understand that they're made of dough, it'd be the equivalent of a human walking into a giant meat factory where they chop up meat and make weird false humans..

Okay yeah, they'd be horrified for sure XDDD

@wdillustration

:DD THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :}}}

@neo-metalscottic (Cookie run post in question)

AAAAA thank you so much!! I'm glad you liked it!! :DD As for the power, I think you're right about it being a rare occasion. And the idea of her gaining better control over it over time? While her love grows as well?? Perfection. But man I'm also tempted to make it so she can change when ever she wants. :( I really like drawing her and Seafoam together like that.. 🥺

As for the Colossal squid episode,, I'd have to go back and re-watch it to decide if I'll keep it for my AU or not..

But thinking about all the stuff you described about a violent altercation and nightmares?? 👀👀 Its giving me ideas! XDD

Now if the crew did face a violent altercation like that, I imagine their #1 goal would to protect the Octopod. That's their home man! They would probably do what ever they could to get the octopod away from the situation. Like the Captain manually piloting it and some of the crew being sent out in gups to distract the squid. Stuff like that :0

@luna-purple454

AAA IT WAS ON THE 10TH BUT THANK YOU!! XDD :DD

@khoiazo

It was on the 10th actually- and hey thanks! Seam could probably use the calories <XD

@unpopularartist14 (referencing this ask post)

<XD oh boy, what a stark contrast between the sides--

@shaziztrazh

I didn't have them in mind while designing them,, though maybe I took some subconscious inspiration? I see the similarities! :0

[smoooothoperator]

Beautiful Stranger

09: This Love

Driver! Lando Norris x OC (Lily Barton)

Summer love, strangers to friends to lovers, Greece and Greek mythology references

Words: 2.8k

warnings: Lando's pov, handritten is in italics, emails

Masterlist

Official playlist

previous part

a/n: HELLO I hope no one hates me because of what I have done and what will happen :)

He was broken.

The day he broke her heart he wanted to delete it from his mind, act like it never happened. He regrets lying to her, not telling her from the start his real name and who he is. He regrets so many things and there's no way back.

Sitting on the bed, a bed he barely slept in, felt bad, wrong. He knows she is at the other side of the wall, throwing things and breaking them. He can hear her.

Tomorrow he has to leave, but time passes so slow right now without her that it feels like the day he has to leave will be next year. 

The shell she made for him is burning on his chest, making him hold it on his fist like his life depended on it. He feels how the hickey she left on his collar burns his skin. Her hair bands he has on his wrist are getting tighter and tighter, he feels how his hands are getting cold with the lack of blood. 

But it's all mental. All mental and not real.

Maybe this is a dream. Maybe none of this happened, it's just a nightmare of what could happen if she discovered his real name. 

He just has to wake up and then he will find her laying next to him on the bed, with her back on his chest and her hand holding his in front of her chest.

He tried to wake up desperately, slapping himself, pinching his arms. But it hurt, it hurt and what hurt him the most was that everything that happened was real.

"What have I done?" he cried softly, holding the shell with both of his hands and bringing it to his lips.

He really loved her. He loved Lily so much it overwhelmed him. He couldn't believe how much he could love a person in so little time, how his heart could beat for her and how he sighed thinking about her. 

For the first time, he felt she was the one. For the first time he felt she was his weakness. For the first time he let his mind wonder about the future and not live only in the present. 

He really saw a future with her. He saw himself waking up next to her all mornings and falling asleep next to her every night. He saw himself spending evenings with his friends while holding her hand. He saw himself buying the perfect apartment for them, with a room for her and all her paintings. He saw himself kneeling in front of her with a box in his hands and a shiny ring inside of it. He saw himself walking out of a chapel as newlyweds, holding her hand and hearing their friends cheer for them.

He saw a life with her. But it just faded away the moment she locked her apartment door.

He flinched when he heard the ringtone of his phone, making him run his hand all over his face and then hair, picking up the call.

"Yeah?" he sighed, not looking who was calling 

"You finally pick the call!" Zak.

"Zak… I'm not in the mood to talk right now" he sighed, closing his eyes, not wanting to hear his boss.

"Do you have any idea of the trouble you made? Who is that girl?" he asked. "You have a lot of things to explain"

"There's nothing to explain anymore" he said. "Whatever that happened with that girl is done. I'm coming back home tomorrow"

"There are pictures" 

"I know there are pictures! Even if I asked at the start of my summer break that I wanted no one to take pictures of me, people wouldn't listen! I don't have the energy to explain things about my private life because it is what it is! Private" he explained. 

He's tired. Tired of explaining his behavior, why he says and does things. He's tired of people not liking him because of how he is. He's tired of acting and looking at what he can say or he can do.

"For once in my life I wanted to do something by myself" he said, laying back on the bed and looking at the ceiling. "And it looks that I can't even do that"

"Once you come back from those holidays you have to come to the headquarters" Zak stated. "You have things to do"

"Of course I do" he sighed.

Who was him to believe that he could have the life of a normal person? That he could go somewhere alone and have a calm and quiet break? 

He's a celebrity, no matter where he goes there's always going to be someone that will recognize him.

"Fuck" he groaned, leaving the phone on the bed and taking a deep breath.

Now what? What he should do?

Carlos said he should use his brain to fix things. But how? How will he explain himself if the person he wants to talk with is the person he betrayed and hurt?

He sighed, getting up and walking out of the apartment, walking around the town. 

He ignored the people asking him for pictures, those who called him by his name like if they knew who he actually is. 

He didn't know, but his brain was working alone, taking control of his body and leading him to a store. He saw his hands grabbing a notebook and pens. He saw his feet walking towards the cashier, watching how he paid for what he bought.

He made the way back to the apartment, looking at her door with a sad gaze.

"I do love you" he whispered sadly. "More than you think"

It was incredibly hard to be Lando now. He wanted to be the man she fell in love with. He really wanted to be Logan.

The notebook was open in front of him and the pen was in his right hand. What is his brain planning to do? 

Dear Lily:

I know I hurt you. And I'm so sorry for doing that, you have no idea. I know that there's no way you can forgive me for what I did. And I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness.

Yeah. My name is not Logan. So now I will tell you everything about me. And by everything I mean the truth.

I'm Lando Norris. I was born on the 13th of November of 1999. I have siblings: an older brother named Oliver, and two little sisters named Cisca and Flo. My older brother is already married with Savannah and has two beautiful daughters: Mila and Athena (you would have loved them, I know you would have smiled a lot hearing Athena's name). My sister Flo is a professional horse rider, and I bet you would have loved to ride her horse, it would made you giggle like when we went to those ruins riding a horse.

I'm half British and half Belgian. My mom is the Belgian half of me. I really would love to learn her language because that would help me talk with my Belgian family, but I'm so bad with new languages, you know that.

I'm not a DJ. I mean, I do have a DJ set, I try to make some music but that's only a hobby. My work is being a driver. A Formula 1 driver for the team McLaren. This is my fifth year racing with them and I plan on doing it for a long time. 

I like to play golf too, and play video games as you saw. I have an eSports team named Quadrant that is going pretty well. I'm so proud of the team and of my own brand, of how much it grew since I created it. Many people follow us and we do a lot of things, we even have clothes. You know that red hoodie you borrowed me? It's from Quadrant. And those violet shorts?  From Quadrant too.

I would have loved to introduce you to my friends. I'm sure Carlos would have loved you, all my friends would. They are nice guys. 

Sometimes at night I imagine how you would fit in my life. How you would come to my races, cheer for me and walk next to me through the paddock. How much you would have loved to spend time with my family and friends, going together on vacations. 

My family would have loved you so much. Mila would love you, asking you to draw with her or make jewelry for her. She would be your number one fan. Savannah and you would be good friends, I'm sure. And I think you would be good friends with the girlfriends of other drivers.

Lily, I do love you. I couldn't tell you who I was because I was so scared of you recognizing me, or people around the town recognizing me. I'm so tired of being in the spotlight, of being in the mouth of other people, talking bad things about me. And I didn't want you to know that, I didn't want you to know the bad side about me.

I fell in love of you so hard, and it kills me hearing you cry and being the cause of your tears. I wish I could be there to hold you close to my chest and brush your hair. I wish none of this happened and I told you the truth from the start.

I'm yours, Lily, only yours. You own my heart and I'll leave this town knowing that I will never have it back.

Always yours,

Lando

He signed the paper with a sad smile. He told her everything, the essential things she has to know. He could tell her more, but he doesn't know how she would react, or if she would read this first letter.

Staying inside that apartment drove him crazy. He needed to be with her, it was as if he couldn't breathe without her touch.

He always asked himself what it was like to be in love, to find true love. When he was little he observed his parents, how much they cared for each other, how they shared their joy and sadness. Then he saw his brother, how he built a connection with his girlfriend. 

And now he found that connection, he knows what it feels to be connected with someone, to have the same feelings and caring for someone. He doesn't want to stop feeling that way.

Putting his things on the suitcase was hard. He knows that once he closes it he won't come back here, that he won't see her. 

Laying alone on the bed of that apartment was different. He felt cold, even if he had the blankets under his chin. His eyes wouldn't close, the ceiling was too interesting, apparently. He stopped hearing her, and it made him feel anxious. But he can't do anything.

He woke up early, or got up, because he could sleep. It was like a funeral walk, keeping his head low and grabbing his things, grabbing the notebook and ripping off the paper. He folded it and walked out of the apartment with his things and the letter in his hand.

"Lily?" he sighed, knocking on her door and slipping the paper under her door. "Just… take care, okay? Don't let this affect you. I love you, I want the best for you. I hope you forgive me… I love you"

He walked downstairs for the last time, looking back at the apartment complex with a sad smile and tears in his eyes. He went to the restaurant where the owner of the apartment works, taking a deep breath.

"Eh… Nora?" he called, making seconds later a woman walk out of the kitchen. "I came to leave the keys"

"Oh, how was your stay?" she asked with a lovely smile. 

"Eh… good" he smiled weakly, sniffling softly. "Can you please keep an eye on Lily?"

"Oh… Lily" she nodded. "Yeah of course"

Lando nodded, smiling weakly. He grabbed his backpack and turned around to walk out of the restaurant, but the woman stopped him.

"I won't say that what you did was right" she sighed. "I know what happened. But, Lando… if you truly loved that girl just give her time, don't give up on her"

"I won't" he smiled sadly. 

"Here" she said, writing something on a piece of paper and handing it to him. "It's her email. If you love her, don't stop letting her know"

"I…" he mumbled surprised, looking at the paper. "Thank you… you don't know how much it means to me. Thank you so much"

"Just fix this… make our girl happy" 

He nodded and held the paper close to his chest, walking out of the restaurant and waiting for his taxi.

There's a tiny hope for him. Just a tiny light of hope.

From: Lando

To: Lily

Date: 15/08/2023

My lovely Lily,

I arrived home. Things here are a mess… There were some not funny fans that decided to take pictures of us and post it on social media. And now, instead of enjoying the last days of freedom before working again, I have to make sure that everything is out of the internet.

I hope you read the letter.

I miss you so much 

I love you

From: Lando

To: Lily

Date: 24/08/2023

My gorgeous Lily,

There's no morning where I miss your hair in my face. 

Today I have to go to Zandvoort, it's the first race after the summer break. I'm so excited, actually. The car is amazing and I just hope I can finally win a race.

But sometimes I wish you were here… I wish I never lied to you, Lily. I'm not myself anymore. I can't sleep, Lily. I can't stop thinking about you and how you looked at me the moment you discovered the truth. Sometimes it hunts me in my sleep.

I wish you were here, love… 

I miss you

I love you

From: Lando

To: Lily

Date: 27/08/2023

My dear Lily,

The race didn't end well. I scored points, but the one that won was too fast and I couldn't follow his pace, nor stand on the podium next to him.

It's not that the car failed me. I failed the car. I wasn't focused, my mind was flying to Greece.

My boss is not happy with my result, and blames me for the bad performance.

God, you have no idea how bad I need your hugs, Lily. You have no idea how much I need your smile or giggles.

I miss you

I love you

From: Lando

To: Lily

Date: 20/09/2023

My sweet Lily,

Today I saw something in a store in Japan that reminded me of you. It was a little figure of Athena, your favorite Goddess, but from that anime called "Knights of the Zodiac". Did I tell you that my brother's little daughter is named like her? I have an Athena in my life, it sounds amazing, right? 

I sent you a hoodie from the new collection of Quadrant. I hope you like it and use it.

I miss you so much

I love you so much

From: Lando

To: Lily

Date: 18/10/2023

My beautiful Lily,

You won't believe this. I'm in Las Vegas. 

This place is amazing, but I don't think you would love it. It's too noisy, there are too many lights here. This place is the opposite of everything you like.

Do you miss me? Because I still do so much. 

In less than a month will be my birthday. I wish you were there with me to celebrate it.

I love you

From: Lando

To: Lily

Date: 12/11/2023

My precious Lily,

Tomorrow is my birthday. I don't want to celebrate it.

These last weeks and months are not the same without you. I wish I could say that my results at the races are good, but it's far from that. They are miserable. I can't focus. I do score points, I work well with the team. But I feel tired all the time, not well rested.

I just want this season to end. I want to go to Greece and see you, hug you, kiss you. 

I'm getting crazy everyday while checking the mail, wanting to read about you, wanting to know how you're doing. 

I know I fucked up, but please… I can't anymore, Lily. I don't want to give up, but I don't have energy anymore, baby… please, give me a simple answer. I don't care if it's an "I hate you" or "fuck you". Please let me know you are still alive.

I miss you so much.

And I love you to the moon and back.

From: Lily

To: Lando

Date: 13/11/2023

My dear Logan. Or Lando,

I'm alive.

Happy birthday 

taglist

@lestappenloverr @racinggirl @roni-midnights @livster8 @kakorrhaphiphobia @starkeyellow @celestialpierre @ophcelia @msliz @lorarri @ironmaiden1313 @imsorare @mycenterfold @im-an-overthinker @soosheee @karmabyfernando @landoyesrizz @sticksdoesart @beatricemiruna @nonameishere

[mvltiwritez1]

Breathe - Angela Giarratana x Fem!Reader

Requested by: @loverluzer - ‘A love confession with Angela but reader has really bad anxiety so it's kind more like a bunch of word vomit’

WARNING(S): little mentions of throwing up (in a jokey way), really mild swearing

I’m still taking requests! Just Dm me if you want one fulfilled! - August

————————————————————————

"You should tell her Y/n" Arasha said to her friend, taking a bite of her lunch after. Y/n sighed and pulled her gaze away from Angela talking to Amanda reluctantly.

"What if she doesn't like me back? It would be so embarrassing, especially since we're co-workers" Y/n explained, picking at her own lunch, losing her appetite due to nerves.

"If she doesn't then it's in the past, no hard feelings and certainly no awkward situations. You know Angela, she's very outgoing and understanding." Arasha replied, keeping her tone hushed when she mentioned the Italian's name.

"I know she is but what if she feels like she has to say yes? Or what if we can't act like we're just fine? I know we're actors for a living but sometimes it's hard!" Y/n whined slightly, making sure her voice wasn't as loud as well.

"I understand that sometimes it is but you're going insane dude. You're pulling your hair out over a crush, I'm saying this out of love and care but your mental health could really benefit from you just saying it flat out." Arasha gestured with her hands as she talked as she normally did.

Y/n stayed silent, she knew Arasha was right. Why did she have to be so?! Y/n rubbed at her forehead, pondering a way to tell her.

"It's not like I could just pull her aside for a few and be like 'hey I wanna kiss you'" Y/n said, oversimplifying her feelings. Arasha chuckled.

"Okay maybe you shouldn't lead with that but I'm just saying, maybe tell her off of company time like the weekend since it's Friday? Ask if you can come over or just tell her over text, it's really just about getting it out there" Arasha tried giving her best advice and Y/n nodded, appreciative of whatever guidance that could be provided.

"Now, are we finally done talking about your crush for a while? I don't want my lunch to come back up" Arasha joked lightheartedly and Y/n cracked a smile.

——

Y/n walked onto the games set for a Try Not To Win Mario Party video and sat beside Shayne on the couch, the man doing something on his phone before they started shooting. They acknowledged each other with a small greeting as they got mentally prepared to shoot.

Angela walked in after Y/n and sat right beside her.

"Hey Y/n! This shoot is gonna be so fun" Angela beamed at Y/n, a light rose covering her cheeks. Y/n chuckled along in response before talking back.

"Yeah I agree. I can't wait to beat your ass...by losing" Y/n put up a confident front but in reality, her heart felt like it would burst through her rib cage and onto the clean carpet below them.

"You wish" Angela spoke, her voice getting slightly deeper. No one barely paying attention could notice it but Y/n did and it made her all the more nervous that her hands started sweating. The rest of the cast for the video came in along with the crew at the right time, cutting their conversation short.

——

Y/n finally was able to sit on her own couch in her own apartment. She sighed and let her body relax for a second before having to get up and make something for a meal.

She got up after sitting in the quiet of her apartment for about 5 minutes and made a simple sandwich, her energy was down so she didn't want to stand at the stove for a while.

Her mind wouldn’t shut up about Angela, any conversation they had or any type of physical contact between them replayed in her head like an old movie. It was beginning to be unbearable.

Y/n tried blasting music through her headphones but that just caused the thoughts and daydreams to get worse and for her to get a headache. She even tried sleeping early but couldn’t as her mind kept thinking back to Arasha’s advice.

‘Just tell her’

Y/n couldn’t take it anymore so her body carried her to her running shoes and windbreaker and put them on quickly.

Before Y/n could talk herself out of it, she started running. Down the hallway and stairs of her apartment complex until she reached the outdoors.

It had been raining so the air smelled of Petrichor and clung to her skin as she continued running. Her direction seemingly random.

She heaved and puffed as her legs kept her steady, not stopping for a second.

Finally she found the very place she wanted to go, Angela’s front door. Since they were friends, they both knew each other’s address and had been to each other’s places.

Y/n knocked on the door and ran a hand through her - now wet - locks as she panted. The door opened to reveal Angela, dressed in a loose t-shirt, sweatpants, socks, and her glasses with her hair tied up.

“Y/n?” Angela asked before looking around for a vehicle of some sort. Y/n felt like she had to say it or else she would puke.

“Listen Ange, I really really like you and I have for months but I’ve been too afraid to tell you because we’re co-workers and I don’t wanna make things awkward at all but I’m done hiding my feelings from you because I’m afraid that if I do I’ll explode and if you’re uncomfortable I’ll drop it but I can’t handle hiding it anymore I like you a lot and—“ Y/n’s tired ramblings we’re cut off by Angela’s hands on either side of her face and her soft lips on Y/n’s.

Y/n’s eyes grew wide but soon closed and her hands moved to Angela’s waist when she realized what was happening. Angela gently pulled away and looked into Y/n’s eyes.

“I was afraid you were gonna turn blue…or yark” Angela said softly. Y/n exhaled, really processing what just happened.

“You…like me too?” Y/n asked, her voice laced with insecurity. Angela chuckled and looked at Y/n astounded.

“Of course, I thought I was being so obvious!” Angela exclaimed and Y/n blushed slightly while smiling, the information finally catching up to her.

“Thank goodness. I thought I fucked everything up” Y/n said and they both chuckled.

“Now come inside, you’ll get sick if you spend another minute out there” Angela pulled Y/n into the apartment and planned to take care of Y/n first and ask a million questions later.

[andypantsx3]

hi andie!! 🥺 i have a few lil questions for you, if you don’t mind 🥺 (you may choose to answer this publicly or privately, whichever is more comfortable for you!)

would you have any tips/advice for writing/posting on a schedule? 🥺 how do you manage to stay on top of releasing/writing parts of your series consistently? do you keep daily goals? internal deadlines? a system? 🥺

i’ve always adored how organised you are with your fics!! and how regularly you write and update too 🥺 i am currently ~~trying to write and post more regularly (esp the ones for ficsforgaza!) but am stuck on how/where to start 🥺

Hi Sellie my love!! Omg yeah of course I'm happy to answer!! Idk that my system will work for you because everyone is different but I'm happy to explain my process!

These days I do not have much time or large stores of the right kind of focused energy it takes to write, mostly due to work and other personal life things I have going on right now. So I'm all about keeping goals microscopic as hell, removing blockers that distract me, and removing any pressure to write, actually lmao. I find that I'm most enthusiastic and productive when I don't feel like it's another obligation to deliver on, in the midst of all the other thousands of things I am responsible for in my day-to-day, if that makes sense?

In terms of goals, I have a loose one of writing just 100 words a day, but I cannot emphasize enough how loose it is. I do not ever try to make up for days I missed because that just adds more pressure. I do not try to push myself into doing it if I'm not feeling it because the last thing I want is for writing to feel like anything but a fun hobby. If you intend to take the Andie approach, I would advise you to set a goal that you think is so small you could achieve it by sneezing on your keyboard. Meeting goals is like, proven to release dopamine & boost your mindset, so it's more important overall to meet any goal than it is to have an impressive one.

Relatedly, I only promise things on a schedule when I know 100% I have the enthusiasm to meet it. I don't set deadlines to motivate myself, rather I let the deadlines be motivated by me, if that also makes sense? And if I have competing fics, I will prioritize working on whichever one has an actual deadline (like I set aside all my other fics to work on the one for Lore's a/b/o collab) because I know the boost I'm going to get from delivering on that is going to help me write the other ones after anyway.

I also try to remove as many blockers as I can so that writing is easy as pie. I write when I know I can control most of the factors that would sabotage me—early in the morning. If I can help it, I usually try to write first thing before I log on to any of my socials in case there's some spicy discourse I'm going to be absorbed by. It's also essential for me to do before work because work sucks the absolute life out of me right now, and I am almost never in the right headspace when I get home. Also no one ever tries to call or text me first thing in the morning so there are fewer distractions at play and it's quick work to just sit down and bang a few lines out.

I also set up my fics so that it's easy for me personally to work through them. They are all planned in advance so I know where I have to go with my writing and I'm not stuck waiting for an idea. But they're also not planned down to the detail, so that I don't feel like there's nothing left for me to explore mentally when writing!! That helps keep things directed but still interesting to me, so I feel motivated to keep returning to them.

It's really all about finding what works for you! Reflecting on what you've written already, when did you feel most motivated to write? What time of day was it, most often? What fic was it and how had you planned that/what was the subject material? Was it when you'd had a deadline to work against, or when no one knew you were working on it? Recreating those conditions to the best of your ability is what I think will help you stay engaged.

And again I cannot emphasize how much more important it is to stay motivated than it is to deliver anything regularly or on an impressive timeline. The motivation is the key to helping you to keep delivering long term. If you write something regularly for 2-3 months but then burn out, that's not gonna help you!! And honestly, meeting small goals and feeling good is actually going to motivate you to write more and faster anyway, so it's a win-win lol.

[thatfeelinwhenyou]

HANDS ON YOU — 004

IN WHICH; ILAND 2 happened and you debuted first place as the leader of LUMIÉRE. Having been told that your group is involved in a lore crossover with ENHYPEN, you navigate work, friendship, and love while trying to make it in an industry filled with animosity and condemnation. When life throws you lemons, you gotta make lemonades chuck it right back!

smau + written (0.5k words)

❥･• chapter 4 — dog-eater…?

"I can't believe you got lost searching for a vending machine," Minjung-unnie hurriedly drags Mai over to where we are in the waiting area. "I'm sorry! I just really need some sugar intake," Mai sheepishly scratches the back of her neck, visibly apologetic for making her members wait. You can tell that everyone is on edge, and rightfully so, considering the intense training that all of you have put into preparing for this moment.

You notice Mai shifting uncomfortably in her stage outfit, presumably affected by the tension that has somehow permeated the atmosphere of the girls. “It’s okay, just don’t run off by yourself again yeah?” You placed a reassuring pat on her shoulder, and Mai gratefully deflates into your touch.

"How do you look... fine? I'm literally about to throw up." Yuna turns to look at you, her voice barely above a whisper but instead of replying to her, you shot Yuna a teasing smile only to have her jokingly roll her eyes at you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't nervous, you dreamt of this moment for as long as you have been training for it, imagining yourself confidently answering questions with poise and charm.

Now, facing the reality of being in the spotlight, a mix of excitement and anxiety consumes you. Even with a meticulously memorised script from yesterday, you can't help but feel the churning in your stomach, finding solace in having skipped lunch that day.

The corridors echo with the hurried footsteps of the production staff, their voices mingling with the hum of electronic equipment. You watch as Sunghoon and Wonyoung meticulously rehearse their lines, ensuring they are well-prepared for any anomalies that may occur.

Your heart nearly drops to the pits of your stomach when the production staff directs you and your group to make your way onto the tiny platform they have squeezed into the box set. Subtly, you share a smile with Sunghoon as you walk past him up the steps. "Nervous?" he asks, noticing your trembling hands. You nod in response.

"Don't be, just stick to the script and you'll do amazing."

"Not if I have the tendency to somehow screw things up."

"You're being dramatic," Ray sarcastically cuts into your conversation but call it leader instincts or whatever, you just know she's probably the most freaked out one among the rest of you. Proven right, when you feel her fingers finding their way up your arm, tugging onto them.

"You got this Ray, no sweat." You jokingly dig your fingers into the sides of her ribcage and you giggle as she shoots you a warning glare, “I'll eat your dog alive." She threatens and you swear you caught an offended gasp escaping from both Sunghoon's and Wonyoung's lips.

"Please excuse her, I swear she's not a dog-eater." Sunghoon laughs as he watches you desperately trying to explain the questionable humour your bandmate held, and Wonyoung subtly giggles behind her cue cards. You mentally curse Ray in your head for once again having no filter when you hear the director signal for all of you to stand by.

With a steady voice, you begin to deliver your lines, relying on the script that you had so diligently memorized. Occasionally, you catch glimpses of the production crew's reactions, their smiles, and nods of approval driving the initial jitters to give way to growing confidence, buoyed by the energy of the moment.

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authors note: i’ll try my best to not include as much written portions in this smau but we’ll see 😁

taglist! open @softiehee @annoyingbitch83 @hoon0logy