#i do this for free with my own time a little crumb would be nice

[emjiroki]

Liked an entire series of mine but didn't leave a comment or anything 🥲

And no age anywhere on your blog?! BLOCKED

[melodic-haze]

I have kind of Ruan Mei brainrot rn… imagine Ruan Mei running a test on you but reader is a girl w penis I hope you know what you mean and well, the reader gets hard from the little touches Ruan Mei gives… okie I’m leaving the rest of the job for you 🫡

-🐿️

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Ruan Mei x dom!gp!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Fem reader with a dick ☺️, consensual use of aphrodisiacs, semi-public sex

☆ — NOTES: Oh my god a post?!?!? From ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Anyway may this bless my rolls please HALLELUJAH

So really it probably would've started off as 🤷‍♀️ a favour 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ yk, just some harmless (lied) tests she wanted to do and you just happened to be in the right (wrong) place at the right (wrong) time. She wanted to test how one would react to certain stimuli, especially when it comes to more........"medicated" states

For the sake of my peace of mind you've probably both already talked about it before in the past anyway at one point, with her getting curious about chemicals and what it could do to one's libido ever since she started dating you 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ though she doesn't necessarily say when she'd ever do it lol

"Y/N, there you are."

You hear familiar heels click amidst the station floor, the sound now distinct enough to separate from all the ambience in the Station—the pace was languid yet decisive, soft yet forceful.. and so very her.

"Ruan Mei," you tore your gaze from the vast sea of stars to smile at her, "you need something?"

She shakes her head, stepping into place right next to you, "No, I do not. I simply thought to.. find you, is all."

"Taking a break from your research just to see me? Wow, did Herta do something or..?"

"No, she hasn't. Though I do admit that I had an ulterior motive for my actions," she says before holding out a small plate that you hadn't realised were there until now. "I had a new recipe I wanted you to try."

You picked one of the two lotus cakes up to inspect it in all its golden brown glory, "Trying to change up your recipes? They're already good enough, though."

"I had a new ingredient or two that I wanted to try using for such delicacies. It makes for a nice experiment."

"That so?" You raise it to your mouth, "Well, I trust that whatever you make is--"

Wait.

"--did you say 'experiment'?"

"Yes, I did. Why do you ask?"

You lightly furrowed your eyebrows in suspicion as you lowered the pastry from your lips, "Ruan Mei."

"Hm?"

"..I'm not going to ask what, exactly, you used. But could you at least tell me if this is gonna hurt me one way or another? Maybe have another moment of 'unexplained' amnesia?"

The scientist shook her head, though her expression doesn't slip from that ever-so-present mask of indifference, "I made sure that the effects don't harm you in any way."

"So there are side-effects to this."

"I never had the intention of lying to you."

"I love you, I really do, but you're very evasive with very important details like that."

"Because you simply don't ask."

"Yeah, well, I'm not your labrat," you say as you take a bite of the pastry anyway, "I'm your girlfriend. ..Though whatever you put in this, it's really sweet. Could you maybe make a drug-free version of whatever this is?"

The smallest of smiles graced her lips as you chewed and savoured her creation, and you just can't help but melt on the inside at the sight as she swipes off some stray crumbs from the corner of your lips with a thumb. She licks said crumbs off her digit (and your eyes widened the slightest bit) before responding, "I'll be sure to look for such an alternative."

"You better. You know I like whatever you create."

"I do."

"Even if it involves getting spiked for your own curiosity."

She leans in to press a gentle kiss on your cheek, "I appreciate the constant indulgence. Truly."

And as she ghosts her fingers down your arm before they snake over to hold your hand, you can't help but notice that you're just a touch bit more sensitive than you were a few moments ago.

Or maybe it's because it was your lover doing the touching.

Yeah. Maybe that's it.

...

"Hey, babe."

"Hm?"

"Why did you make two of them? Usually it'd only take one for it to hit me."

"In case we need another one."

"..Uh huh."

She doesn't just leave you, which is a wonder but also kinda not? Cuz she's observing you, not because she's affectionate 🤷‍♀️ sorry gangalicious she needs her baby steps towards understanding love in her own way 🫶🫶🫶 personally I'd be patient with her always (she's so me)

So the both of you are just chatting about whatever, like she asks you about how your day's been and then you ask her about how hers was. With you, while still a bit cryptic, she's much more of an open book to you than to anyone else, so you can just freely ask her whatever as you both take a stroll around Herta's Space Station and enjoy each other's company (I'd ask about the cats personally they're my babies :()

But then you start getting a bit......feverish, let's say. Just a tad bit hot under the collar 😊😊 which gets you to wonder like. Did Herta turn up the heat??? Like it was fine before, and why would she ever even need to mess with the temp settings when all that's here are her dolls?????? And why didn't your beloved seem unaffected??????¿????????

It's when she starts to give you touches here and there—her 'casual' handholding, naturally drifting close to you, clinging onto your arm—and noticing details you'd never have ever thought about in usual times that you think that Perhaps There Is Something Going On Here. And THEN you realise What Exactly Is Wrong when you feel that tension (and tent) centred at the bottom half of your body 😜

She's WELL-AWARE of it too, with the way her eyes drift down and her free hand going from resting on your stomach to moving to your lower abdomen.......before stopping 🫶 which gets on your Nerves to the point where all caution's thrown in the wind, your mind nothing more than a lustful haze (lol) and your only priority being to beat this heat......and your meat too, but really that's kinda obvious

It's as if she knew too!!! The moment you find some empty spare room, propriety be damned, she locks you both in IMMEDIATELY before putting the small dish to the table on the side (and you could've sworn you heard her breathe out "finally", though your braincells lost their way amongst the stars or something so you didn't know OR care) and walking back to you. At least until, yk, you grip the fabric of her clothes and slam her to the wall before THEN slamming your lips to hers 🤷‍♀️

She's surprised at your brazen forcefulness at first (who the heck wouldn't be ngl even you'd be surprised somewhere in your basically melted brain) but then she immediately relaxes. Hell, maybe there were remnants of whatever chemicals she put into the cake and she's having a taste for herself, bc she gets more daring by the second as her hands roam around your body and squeeze at your tits and her nails cling onto your biceps as she pulls you in deeper

Coincinentally just like how her nails dig deep into your back as you plow into her senselessly 😄 technique be DAMNED man bouta call yourself a carnivore bc GOD you're hungry for that meat HAHAHAHA (if not you then me I'm hungry for her thanks)

You could just barely register your lover's whines and pleas for you to slow down, but you couldn't care less as you hammered your length into her hot cunt over and over again.

And really, why would you slow down? This is what she wanted, isn't it? Having you fuck her like some simple-minded animal in heat with your only instinct being to fill your lovely little scientist up with your cum until its dripping out of her abused hole... This was her end-goal, so who was she to tell you to slow down?

It was better to lose yourselves in the moment.

..Even when you could hear quiet murmurs on the other side of the door. You could just barely make out what the voices are discussing—they had wondered why there were faint sounds of impact beyond the walls.

You've never seen Ruan Mei in such a state of panic before, with her eyes widening in concern as she pushes through her breathless state and keeps telling you to "stop" and that "it's too much" and "they'll hear of our experiment" (is that what we're calling it now?). Unfortunately for her, however, such words fall on deaf ears; especially when her body language says otherwise, with her limbs refusing to let go of you and her left heel dropping to the floor with a clack that is easily drowned out by the sounds of your explicit duet.

"W-We need to be qui-- mmnf..!"

One of your hands had reached out to the remaining cake before stuffing it in your lover's mouth, "If you wanna be.. ahhh.. quiet so-- ffffucking badly, then have something to c-chew on-- ohmygods, A-Ruan, you feel so good..!"

Her hips buck up in response to you using her true name, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as she lets out a particularly loud yet muffled moan. You actually slow down this time, though you make up for the speed by plunging in as deep as you can as she eats her own creation—even you were able to recognise that her choking on something other than your dick would be one hell of a bad idea, and whatever effects that cake had on you was going to hit her rather quickly anyway.

You don't help the rising heat beneath you either, even when you've slowed down; your head bends down to play with her soft tits, tongue licking and mouth sucking as if something was going to ever miraculously come from it. You are a woman-- no, a bitch starved.

And from the feel of your partner's desperate grinding movements on your hard cock, from the looks of your pretty little scientist's pupils being blown, from the fact that her, from the fact that you've managed to reduce your Genius' brain to some sort of needy mush—the same state that you're in—you're pretty sure that she is the same state as you are right now.

Really, who cares about the people outside?

Let them know of your shared depravity with each other.

It stands to reason that neither of you finish for. A long time. Who knew that sharing the effects of two potently-crafted aphrodisiacs would make you two fuck like rabbits? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ you're there for HOURS, doing whatever you two can manage to do—every position, whatever kinks you two have managed to discover yourselves (plus some new ones you hadn't even realised you were interested in until now, go figure)......hell, even when you sit there to catch your breath, you're still inside her 😭

You Are both at least Slightly aware that you're making a huge mess and you're probably gonna be so fucked AND fucked out by like idk tomorrow. Did you have the capacity to care? No not really, but Herta's possible wrath about dirtying up her Station like this was more than enough to have you both think that MAYBE you should take this to one of yous' quarters (though really it's a 50/50 but either way she'll still ridicule you somehow tbh)

So she cleans you up, crouching down and shamelessly sucks you off like a cheap whore—her enthusiasm and fervency is a CLEAR contrast to her usual lethargy and stoicism. Your shared cum drips to the floor as she did so, though not for long when she stands up and puts her panties back in place. Are they ruined to all hell???? Well yes but she won't really need it at your place so it's not like it matters

Once you've got yourself and the room cleaned up (that's a stretch I'm ngl but you get ⭐️ a gold star for trying), you quickly leave as soon as possible. It's both bc neither of you are far from done with your 'experiment' AND bc you two are such messes. Like you could be a mess on the daily, who knows, but Ruan Mei NEVER has a hair out of place and now she looks So Very Dishevelled My God

But again, none of that matters once you both get into your room and continue for round........who knows

But after you both inevitably end up passing out and the effects wear off? Lol she wasn't joking about how it won't do anything negative to you—the both of you remember precisely Everything you've done

"So."

"Mm?"

"At the end of the day," you spoke, voice raspy from the sleep and the overexhertion from the day before, "what was that research even for?"

She snuggles into your embrace—a rare moment of tenderness between the two of you—as she thinks on her words, "..Sexual potential?"

"..Could you elaborate?"

"..Not right now, my apologies," her voice is in the same state as yours, and you couldn't help but laugh.

"I figured."

Whatever research it was, it turned out to be Very Good Research 🫶

It also helps that she kept the recipe AND found a non-drugged alternative. Win win!!!!!

[missjashin]

Steve spending the night at Eddie’s because his parents are home and they’ve been arguing so he doesn’t really wanna be at home. Didn’t go to Robin because her parents might not let him stay the night and also Robin has work tomorrow and Steve doesn’t. The odd case of them not having shift together.

So he ends up with Eddie and in the morning he is having breakfast with Eddie and Wayne and they discuss their plans for the day. Eddie and Wayne have some plans for the day. You know, to spend some quality family time maybe? Or maybe they have just some errands to run, stuff to figure out because of all the shit that went down during spring break.. Whatever, they have plans for the day and Steve.. doesn’t want to intrude any more than he already is so he is not going with them. Even when they say he can come too.

And it’s summer time so the kids are busy with whatever the teens are busy with. And Steve loves them dearly and loves spending time with them but he tries to give them space and not smother them with his worrying so yeah he can’t spend the day with them either. They’ll come to him if they need him.. He could always go bother Robin at work but going to your work place on your free day because you have nothing better to do sounds a little sad.. So maybe he’ll just have to suck it up and go back home then.

But then Eddie offers that he could stay. You know he doesn’t have to leave just because Wayne and Eddie do. Like he could stay, it’s fine. They’ll be back by 6 or so and they could have dinner together then? And since Steve really really really doesn’t want to go home right now he accepts (after asking about thousand times if it’s really okay tho).

So soon he is left alone with a “Feel free to educate yourself with my music collection while we’re gone” and see you laters. Steve didn’t really have any plans for today and he kinda left in a hurry too so he didn’t bring much stuff with him but oh well he’ll figure something out.

He starts collecting the breakfast dishes and well he could wash them. He has the time and it would be just nice little gesture since the Munsons let him stay and all. And then it just makes sense to wipe the counters and the table after that. Like who would wash the dishes and then just leave crumbs all over the place? Oh. And I guess he just got some of those crumbs to the floor now. Well it’s just a quick little sweep. Could vacuum the whole place now too since he started. But first he needs to declutter a bit because goddamn Eddie why are your clothes and books just everywhere. Might as well do some laundry while he’s at it.

When Eddie and Wayne come back home around 6pm the place they’re in for a quite a shock. Not only is the place spotless but they’re greeted with the smell of food as well. “Oh you’re back! I’m making dinner, it’s just about done” Steve welcomes them enthusiastically but start to doubt himself a little after seeing the surprised faces. “I.. hope that’s okay”

Only then Steve realizes he may have got little carried away with his cleaning spree. Like maybe cleaning the windows was a tad bit too much.. Ugh he so hopes they’re not too weirded out.. Honestly he didn’t even realize he basically spent all day doing household chores that and it’s not even his own house. He glad the Munsons don’t comment on it too much tho, other than “you didn’t have to” and slightly awkward thank yous.

They start eating and now they drown Steve in compliments. (“Wow this is so good, what brand is this?” “Uhm.. it’s not a-.. I made it” “…Like from scratch?!” “Yeah..” “Holy shit dude this is seriously so fucking delicious” “Language. But he is right son, this is fucking delicious”)

At some point during dinner Wayne makes a comment about it starting to rain and Steve lets out a shocked gasp “my laundry!” and rushes out to collect it from outside where he hung it to dry. Wayne asks amusedly if Steve is a housewife or something, just ready to crack little jokes there but then spots the dopey smile on his nephew’s face, gaze still lingering in the doorway where Steve run off to. He smiles knowingly at Eddie when he finally looks back at him, now starting to blush and trying to stammer some sort of reply.

Steve comes back in and they finish dinner and hang out a bit together until Steve and Eddie go to Eddie’s room. Steve again apologizes because he got so carried away and hope he didn’t cross any lines. Eddie little amusedly asks if Steve really thinks they’d be mad at him for tidying up the place? Just helping them out a little so they can relax? Like in all seriousness, after all that shit show that happened during spring, Wayne could use a little break and just relax.

(“And you couldn’t?” “Well sure I could, but in this case he needs it more. If you haven’t noticed I’m not much of help in the cleaning department” “Oh yeah, I’ve noticed” “Hey!” “What? You asked!”)

Eddie then asks if Steve “educated himself” with the music. Steve tells to educate him himself. Eddie takes that as a challenge.

Steve spends the other night.

[draw-you-coward]

Laranthir decides to pay the ex-Marshal and Commander a visit. Just as his friends. Set post-game/out of game.

(this won't make much sense if you're not familiar with my roza series' canon but you're still welcome to read! :)

ao3

He hadn’t really been expecting the house to be so… nice.

Of course, he feels bad about thinking so a second after he does, and his guilt slips through in a reflexive wince. Even if it had been less than nice, it isn’t Trahearne and Roza’s fault that they’ve never really had a moment in their lives to reflect on the finer points of interior décor. Laranthir has been to many an ex-soldier’s abode in his time, and they tend to look rather… barren. Or when they are decorated, it’s the partner’s work, the one who stands in doorways on the precipice of being seen and watches them interact with uncertain eyes. He doesn’t know which of his friends in this pair is the one with the haunted memories—by all accounts, it should be both. And yet…

He steps past the threshold of the ‘Ghost House,’ as it has been dubbed, and finds it rather cozy, of all things. The kitchen at the entrance is tidy, if not completely free of clutter. There are pots and pans that look well looked-after hanging on hooks. There is a homely little painting of a flower on the wall. There’s even a rug.

Past the kitchen is the living room, and that is where Laranthir halts. From the corner of his eye, he catches a grey blob peeking out at him before retreating behind the stairs. The furniture doesn’t quite match, but there is furniture, and the siege weapon-turned-dining room table Roza had once told him about has been replaced by an actual table, complete with actual chairs. What truly catches his eye, however, is the large painting hanging proudly on the far wall, in full view of everyone who enters.

“I apologize for Harley. She doesn’t like strangers.” Trahearne speaks up, scratching the back of his neck. “Not that—you’re not a stranger, of course! But, ah… to her you practically are. Sorry.”

“That’s fine,” Laranthir says absently. He is still staring at the painting.

Roza, on his opposite side, puffs up his chest. “That is Cadwaladr. We liberated him.”

Laranthir slowly turns his head, keeping an eye on the giant erotic portrait of a naked sylvari looking coquettishly up at the viewer that is absolutely impossible not to notice. “‘Liberated?’”

“He is free now,” Trahearne supplies helpfully.

“Right,” Laranthir says. “That… explains nothing.”

Roza sighs and hoists himself up on the back of the sofa, apparently already tired of how long it is taking Laranthir to put things together by himself without so much of a crumb of an explanation to go by. “There was an auction some time ago to bid off the last remaining pieces of the late Confessor Caudecus’s estate. We stole Cadwaladr under cover of night, freeing him from the greedy hands of the human nobles and giving him shelter and a name to call his own. He knows he is safe here.”

“He’s a painting,” says Laranthir.

Roza slides down the sofa until only his shins hang off the back. “Then don’t go upstairs,” he says, his voice muffled. “Gods.”

Laranthir decides he doesn’t want to know what he means by that. Thankfully, Trahearne draws his attention by stepping back into the kitchen.

“Do you want tea?” he asks.

Laranthir takes a moment to reflect on how absurd it is that the first of the Firstborn is offering him of all people tea. And how additionally absurd it is that he can reply, “I would like some, but only the real stuff. None of this ‘book tea’ I’ve heard about.”

“Roza truly has been filling people’s minds with fancies,” the oldest sylvari in all of life and death’s existence complains, and pouts.

Laranthir shakes his head. It is difficult to orient himself in such an overwhelmingly domestic environment. The image—the very notion of the three of them together—invokes battle, strategies, a war map spread across the table. Roza’s face set grimly in Commander mode, an acceptance of death in his eyes and wrapped around his very soul in a way that Laranthir will never truly empathize with. Trahearne, with much the same look moments before their airship had crashed. That… had been why Laranthir had left, in a sense. Roza is right. His soul is made of too soft a stuff to be willing to grapple with such a violent life on a daily basis.

“Not chamomile, then?” Trahearne murmurs. His eyes are sharp for a moment, ancient, and he looks into Laranthir as if despite his lack of a Dream connection, he knows all that he is feeling and more.

“Um.” Laranthir blinks, kicking away the pebbles of wartime from his mind. “Do you have rooibos?”

“From… a recent trip to Elona…” Trahearne searches in a tall cabinet, arching on his feet. “Yes, we do.”

Laranthir remembers a stolen sip of mulled wine in a dark office, the clink of glass tumblers held between two fingers. He sweeps the fleeting memory with its cobwebs away, and goes to join Roza on the couch.

Roza coils into him like a cat. “Say you’ll take the house,” he purrs, continuing a conversation they’ve been having on and off these past few weeks. “Not from me, but at least with me. You are the one who forced me to buy it, and thus it is the least you can do. You can think of it as a vacation home. A winter getaway. What say you?”

Laranthir wonders if he likes being pet as well as held, and then remembers that one time he’d caught him with a collar on and quickly stops wondering. “Yes, alright,” he agrees.

Roza’s eyes shine with hope. “Really? You will?”

“Darling, do you want tea?” Trahearne calls from the kitchen. “I’m making a pot.”

“Yes, please. Thank you, love.” Roza arches his neck, looking over Laranthir’s shoulder. For a second he watches the two of them interact, cradling the care that goes into but a few simple words. Darling. Love. Of course. Whatever you need. It’s a far cry from what they were in the Pact, from Do you think he even likes me? and I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’m not sure. I want to bite into my heart and rip it out.

Laranthir feels a fierce pang of something—longing, perhaps, or grief, if they’re not both the same—and rides it out. Roza catches his gaze and smiles, just a little, which is something he would have never done ten years ago without threatening to hurl himself off the roof just to counterbalance it.

Roza touches his forearm. “Are you alright?” he asks. Even that is something he would never have done, leaning forwards just enough to be genuine. The feeling is grief, then.

“I’m just thinking about how we met,” Laranthir replies.

“Oh.” Roza pauses. “Naught… to do with the house? I haven’t alarmed you with my demands?”

“Asking me to take partial ownership of a luxury mountain lodge with no caveat is hardly a demand.” Laranthir leans back, throwing an arm around the back of the couch.

“Perhaps… in the way I speak, then.” Roza looks at him almost cautiously, though without any serious wariness. “Shall I rephrase myself to be more… humble?”

That makes Laranthir laugh. “It wouldn’t be like you at all,” he chuckles. “I don’t mind your manner, Roza. It has its charm.”

Roza looks off to the side, and Laranthir remembers a conversation they’d had not too long ago, when he had come to his house in the Grove with a piece of paper and trepidatious eyes, and had slowly read off to him what can be summarized as, Hello. I love you, but sometimes I feel like you speak to me as if you don’t love me. I am afraid to lose you. And that is a moment worth reflecting on, one Laranthir still thinks about often. He thinks he needs to, for both their sakes’. Roza isn’t the only person in the worlds who needs to be humbled from time to time.

He touches the hand that had touched him. “You haven’t upset me,” he reassures. “Don’t worry overmuch about your wording.”

Roza eyes him. “And are those all of your thoughts?” he asks.

“Mostly,” Laranthir replies. The question isn’t a dig—he apparently keeps a little more to himself, especially when in conversation with his former protégé, than he perhaps should. He tries not to anymore, not since he had discovered that Roza can catch himself on even invisible barbs.

Roza’s large eyes are beseeching. Laranthir is almost amused—he has truly perfected how to put on that look when he wants something. “It’s just you and Trahearne,” he elaborates. “You never had this when you were young. I think you should have.”

Roza nods. “You gave me a lot,” he offers, a suggestion in his eyes.

Laranthir takes it with a gentle smile. “I did the most I could. But what you really needed was security.”

Roza combs his hair behind his ear with his hand. Trahearne comes in with the tea, wedging the extra cup to his chest in a way that is just mundane enough to make it tragic to think about what he sacrificed his existence to. He smiles in a way that makes it even more tragic, full of ease and warmth.

“You like just a hint of sweetness, right? No milk,” he asks Laranthir.

He takes the cup. “That’s right. You’re very observant.”

“I made a note of it once. My memory nowadays is exceptional.”

“Once,” Laranthir muses. “Pale Mother, when did we ever even have the time for tea?”

Trahearne sits back in his armchair, crossing his legs. “We stole a few cups… in between meetings, wasn’t it? And during breaks? Not in the mornings—breakfast was too short.”

“And too early,” Roza pipes up. “I still don’t know how anyone made it down on a regular basis.”

“Coming from the dawn bloom?” Trahearne raises an eyebrow in a manner that is more teasing than provocative.

Roza waves his hand dismissively. “Come off with the bullshit, darling. You know, the only reason I ever came down was because it was the only guaranteed chance I had to gossip with you two cretins. You never let me say anything fun on the clock.”

“And yet you still said many ‘fun’ things,” Trahearne recalls. He sips at his tea, staring up at the ceiling. “Strange, that.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called a cretin before,” Laranthir reflects.

“You are both very welcome.” Roza tosses his hair. “You would have been miserable without me.”

It’s probably a little true. Laranthir knows he was miserable by himself in the Pact without the two of them, but that came after knowing them. Without knowing Roza at all? There would have only been one hole in his heart instead of two. But then there would also not be this.

Trahearne has wrapped both his hands around his mug. “Thank you both,” he says quietly, “for being my friends back then. There were few who were truly willing.”

Laranthir makes a noise in his throat. “People liked you,” he assures.

“Yes, but liking and befriending your boss are two very different things.” Trahearne’s mouth twists in a sly smile. “If not for your unique view on interpersonal relationships, Laranthir, you would have done much the same as your fellow soldiers. I greatly appreciate that you chose not to.”

His ‘unique view?’ Laranthir blinks at him, trying to decipher what that means. On his right, Roza hides a smile in a sip.

Trahearne catches his expression and offers up one that suggests he has caught himself in his own net. “You, ah… were never truly one for formalities.”

“I have them where it counts,” Laranthir says cautiously.

“In the Vigil, perhaps. But I don’t think you were ever keen on that sort of thing. You were always quite chatty when you were in a good mood, you know. Freely offering your opinion without asking for permission, and telling me about this and that. It was when you quieted down into the ‘Yes sir,’s that I knew something was off. It was very helpful in gauging your mood, actually. Roza, for one, gave me practically nothing to go by.”

“Damn straight,” Roza mutters.

Laranthir opens and closes his mouth. “I…” Was he truly like that?

Trahearne smiles at him reassuringly. “I welcomed it, even if I never said so. Thank you.”

That eases him a little, although the soreness of embarrassment is still warm. Then Roza pipes up, “You were even worse with me.”

“What?” Laranthir squeaks.

“You always spoke to me as if we weren’t working, even in front of Trahearne! He would send me off to investigate a cursed swamp or something and then you’d go, ‘Don’t forget to bring an extra change of clothes.’ Like I was a child! Honestly.” Roza huffs.

“I didn’t always do that. I sometimes did it, and it was because you needed the reminder! You were a year old, Roza.”

“If we are thinking of the same swamp,” Trahearne murmurs, “You actually did forget to bring spare clothes, darling. Apologies.”

Roza scoffs. “W—I am being ganged up on. This isn’t fair,” he declares. He crosses his legs dramatically, spilling tea over his lap and making a small noise when it hits him.

Trahearne looks at him in some concern. “Did you hu—”

“Nope,” Roza says in the tight manner of someone who just spilled a scalding hot beverage over himself.

Trahearne sets his mug down on the coffee table, getting up and reaching for Roza’s. “Let me see. Come.”

Roza hands it to him with miserable eyes. Trahearne kneels down in front of him, hissing through his teeth in sympathy when he sees the size of the spill.

“Laranthir, do you mind going upstairs and fetching a spare pair of lounge pants?” he asks. “They should be in the third drawer of the large dresser.”

“Of course.” Laranthir puts his tea down and rises. “Do you have ointment?”

“It’s in the kitchen—we’ll grab it.”

“Don’t mind the wall art,” Roza says, peering over Trahearne’s head. “And, ah—Laranthir. I really did appreciate it, back then. The way you checked in on me. Thank you.”

Laranthir smiles at him and heads for the stairs. Beady eyes watch him as he nears, before Harley mewls and patters off towards her keepers. Decorating the stairway wall are… ah. Cadwaladr’s friends, it looks like, in equal states of propriety (or lack thereof).

The bedroom is warm, lived-in, and feels overwhelmingly private. Laranthir moves with haste, half because he feels as if he is intruding, and half because there is another portrait on the wall, one that they must have commissioned this time, because its subject is currently downstairs suffering from a mild burn. It’s at least tasteful, cutting off at his hips, but while Laranthir loves Roza dearly, he absolutely doesn’t need to see him with that expression. He hurriedly locates the drawer, grabs a handful of soft grey fabric, and leaves the room before he takes in any additional details, such as what may or may not be lying on the nightstand.

He pauses on the stair landing. Harley is licking Roza’s thigh, and he is giggling at her while Trahearne is trying to gently pull her away. Laranthir feels something in him soften at the scene, and he shares a look of accord with a nearby painting of a sylvari running naked in a field before he continues down the stairs.

[sans-guy]

Do you have any advice about keeping bittys? I was thinking of getting one (maybe classic or fell, or both if they would get along and keep each other company?) but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Do you keep yours in a cage or can you let them roam free? Also how much should you feed them?

i am definitely not an expert or qualified by any means, before crumb i really had no idea how to care for one, but it really is just like having your own guy hanging around.

most sanses are typically Ok with just existing around you, but the buggers can teleport short distances, so just be mindful.

i don't really know anything about papyrus bitties but i heard they're a lot more social typically than sanses; but then again always depends on the type.

remember they're just little guys so i wouldn't recommend sticking them in a cage; i did with crumb for a while but eventually i just let him roam my house as much as he wanted, and he was much happier that way. He didn't go far because there's no nice hot fresh food outside.

If you really want them to have a nice place of their own, a doll house could work?? might be a little patronizing to them since most of them are like pink and frilly barbie houses. but there are people who hand make small houses for bitties. they're pretty expensive tho

they'll eat whatever you eat, i guess just make a little extra whenever you cook. obviously they don't eat a lot, but it does bring a guardian and their bitty closer when you guys share meal time :>

don't feed them like. bitty pellets. that's a load of bs. would you want to only eat crunchy dried food all the time? wears their teeth down too.

enrichment depends on the type but all of them like joke books, im pretty sure.

Idk what bitty would be fine with being left home alone all the time so i really only recommend getting another one if you work all day; but it's a costly mistake if their personalities don't meld with each other :(

i'm sure any rescue/adoption centers will let you bring your bitty in to meet another one to see if they get along initially.

If i'm going to reccomend one to a beginner, i'd say a blue/swap is the best choice, ik ik they're popular but they really are pretty easy to take care of and very interactive

classic is another good choice, but they like their naps and alone time so they're good if you just want a chill guy without the higher maintenance and attention a swap needs.

ones like swapfell or horror or yandere i only recommend for intermediates, i hear a lot about their temper or aggression.

crumb is a special case for me, he's my first and only bitty (so far)

his last caretaker wasn't so great with him, not sure what they did, but whatever they did resulted in crumb's hesitation when it comes to socializing. He's getting better though, but i still allow him to pick and choose when and who he wants to be around; forcing him to is counter productive.

tldr; just show your little guys some respect and decency.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 16^

Sorry it's taken me forever, I appreciate your patience! No warnings for this one, the only angst is just about Diana & Harry's sadness for not being able to be together.

Series Masterlist!

WC: 11.5k

Celeste was more than excited to be at band camp for the next four weeks. Her first few days were a bit weird as she was adjusting; the mattresses on the bunk beds were too hard and the actual structures would creak if you moved around too much. The nights were a lot colder than she anticipated, so she was glad her mom had forced her to pack two sweatshirts. She’d never had to use a communal shower before and it had been a very different experience as some of the older girls were so confident in just walking around in their underwear or weren’t all that self-conscious about their boobs showing for a second before putting on their bras or tops. She and Geri had been so good about making little changing rooms for each other out of their towels and even would wear cover-ups despite their (one-piece bathing suits) on the days they’d get to use the pool. Ben didn’t seem to mind it though, he always seemed excited to see her during the free activities time and they’d have plenty to talk about after their instrument lessons. And now, they were sat around the camp fire, some people were playing and singing songs right up front. She had chosen a seat closer to the back with Geri, Ozzy, Ben, and a couple more kids from their school.

She and Ozzy were currently singing along to “Just the Way You Are” when Ben came up with a plate of s’mores for their small group. Everyone took one before he sat down beside her and laughed softly.

“You’ve got marshmallow all over your chin.” He said and she groaned and rubber her hand along it, feeling the little strings being rolled into little crumbs with the friction.

“Thanks.” She said and he nodded before biting into his own deliciously melty treat.

She continued singing along with Ozzy who then encouraged her to join the choir at school next year and she immediately declined. Ben also encouraged her, telling her she sang really well and she was all bashful as she shook off his compliment. They hadn’t really held hands directly in front of her friends before, but they really wanted to and kept exchanging these looks that were making her tummy flutter in the best way. The continued making conversation as a group, but she was moving further into Ben’s side. Not only because she was cold, but because she just wanted to be near him. When Geri and Ozzy started talking to one of their other friends from the brass section Ben immediately turned to her.

“So how has your first week been?” He asked softly.

“Really good. I like my teachers, our camp counselor is also really cool with us, she’s a music major in college. I didn’t know you could do that.” She said and Ben also looked surprised at this as they got to talking even more. He also shared about his own week and about the friends he’d made with his cabin-mates and all the while they were just slowly being sucked into their own little world.

Celeste literally felt like there were currents of electricity constantly traveling through her body when Ben would smile. She felt floaty and like her heart would leap out of her chest when his leg would lightly brush hers. She was getting impatient to have more of him and so she just interrupted a story he was telling her to ask him her question.

“M’sorry to interrupt you, but can I ummm…can I hold your hand?” She asked in the smallest voice and his smiled went wide.

“Yes, of course.” He responded to her eagerly and soon their hands were connected as their fingers intertwined into each others on her lap and she smiled up at him happily before nuzzling into his side to stay warm, “Y’smell really nice.” He hummed and she moved away to look up at him.

“Yeah? You like it?” She asked and he nodded with a timid smile, “OK.” She smiled before nestling back into his side. Suddenly a gust of wind came and everyone groaned and whinged and she buried herself closer to him.

“Hold on.” Ben hummed and released her hand before shrugging off the wind breaker he had on, “Let me give you my crewneck, this other jacket is pretty warm.” He said and she smiled at him bashfully.

“Are you sure?” She asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, of course.” He insisted and stood to tear off his crewneck. He did have a shirt on underneath it, so he was layered enough to stay warm, while she was just in a long-sleeved shirt that she had packed by pure coincidence because her sweaters were dirty after being worn all week.

“Thank you so much.” She hummed as he helped her get it on, they both giggled as she struggled to find the arm hole.

“Here, I’ve got it.” He smiled and held it out for her to get her arm through.

“Thanks.” She said as she glanced up at him, he was so close and there was a new and tense flinging between them as they just looked into each other’s eyes.

“Celeste, do you want to come to the bathroom with us?” One of the girls sitting with their group asked, causing her to turn around and break eye contact with Ben.

“Yes, actually!” She said with a smile and then turned around with a big smile, “I’ll be right back.” She said to Ben and he nodded before he watched her scurry off with Geri and the other girl, Sierra. He then turned to Ozzy and sighed.

“Oz, do you think Celeste’s mom would let her date?” He asked and Ozzy smiled.

“Ummm, I think so? Miss Beltran is pretty cool.” He shrugged and Ben nodded.

“OK.” 

“So you like her a lot?” Ozzy asked. He was protective of Celeste and Geri, they had been friends since the fourth grade and he just wanted to make sure that no one would be messing with their feelings.

“Yeah, I do. I want to get to know her a bit more over camp and hopefully by the time we get back there’s been enough of that to be able to ask her to be my girlfriend.” He explained and this made Ozzy happy for Celeste, especially after the year she’d had.

“What made you like her?” He asked and Ben smiled.

“Well after what…happened to her at school,” he started and Ozzy nodded with a slight frown, “I saw her being nice to the girl that had been bullying her one time by the practice rooms.” He explained, “And I just thought that was really cool of her and then when she came with your group to the dance I knew she was being for real about being nice to her. My brother’s girlfriend’s sister is in her friend group and I heard they basically unfriended her when she came out to them.” He said and Ozzy nodded in confirmation, “But like after everything she did to Celeste I think she kind of deserved it, you know? But it was just really cool to see her not stoop to that level. I have older sisters as well so I’ve seen and heard a lot of the girl drama and how petty they can be towards each other. Like I know it can get pretty bad, so it was nice to see she’s not like that and that was what made me like her more. I mean apart from her being so…fucking beautiful….” He confessed nervously and Ozzy smiled. “You’ve never liked either of your friends?” Ben asked.

“I mean I think they’re both pretty, and well, I did have a crush on Celeste in middle school.” He admitted, “But it went away really fast because I got a bit closer to Geri since we had more periods together and started liking her.” He said, “But I think I was more afraid to lose them as friends and then when we got to high school I started going out with a girl from choir after I asked her to homecoming, but I don’t really see them like that anymore. They’re more like sisters to me now.” He explained and Ben nodded in understanding.

“Well you’re a good friend for looking out for them, Oz.”

“Thanks. I mean, they look out for me just as much, so it’s nice when the friendships aren’t one-sided.” He smiled and Ben nodded in agreement.

“Well I just see how close you guys are and I just want you to know that if Celeste does want to go out with me I don’t want to like…just take her away from you guys. I mean, hopefully we can all get to know each other and be friends as well. Like I know we’re cool, but like I’ve kind of seen how my older sister kind of forgot about us after getting a boyfriend and now she never visits from college.” He chuckled, “Like I get that when you like someone that much you want to be around them all the time, but like I think it’s also not cool to just abandon everyone over a boyfriend or girlfriend, so I just wanted you to know that.” Ben said and Ozzy thanked him for seeing that and being mindful of it.

The two continued talking about more things as they got to know each other a bit better until the girls came back and soon Celeste was back beside Ben, fingers intertwined as they started to tell spooky stories around the campfire. 

***********

Diana’s week had been miserable, she was kind of happy that Celeste had forgotten about her for the last couple of days because she had spent them in bed mostly, nursing her aching heart. She would only climb out and sleek her hair back into a haphazard bun for her online lectures. She had forgone makeup, even her mascara, for the whole week which was a huge deal because she always put in some sort of effort, but she just didn’t have the capacity at the moment.

Diana hadn’t felt this kind of sadness and disappointment in years. She had recently felt like she had been able to fully accept and move on from Wesley and what had happened to him and now this? It wasn’t fair and for the sake of transparency, it depressed her. She felt like she was destined to be alone. And this whole time her emotions had been swelling as she watched “Comet”, this film always did the job…right person, wrong time, the what if’s, the squandered possibilities…she couldn’t hold her tears back anymore and she just started to sob as she watched the characters on screen accept defeat. She knew their kind of pain, she understood the way he looked at her with such hopelessness, but there was still a hint of happiness because the person he loved had found what they’d both been looking for…it ruined her and perpetuated her pain and it felt so good to just sob loudly and feel the pangs of hurt pulsing through her pains, making her clutch to the long sleeves of her crewneck tightly before she just brought one up and wiped under her nose without a care in the world for it being gross. She couldn’t even see her screen from how many tears were blurring her vision, and suddenly she regretted even indulging in a comfort meal because her stomach was twisting from how gut-wrenching the pain of a failed love felt as the credits rolled.

“So fucking stupid…” she muttered to herself as she shoved the covers off of her body and made her way into the bathroom to pee, “It’s not like I haven’t seen the fucking movie a bajillion times…” she whispered to herself as she blew her nose in the meantime. When she got up to the vanity to wash her hands she looked at her reflection and felt so fucking pathetic about it all. And then her doorbell started ringing and she groaned and dried her hands before getting her slippers on and rushing downstairs in her dark home. The sun had just set, so there was some visibility, but it was dwindling quickly. And when she looked through the peephole and saw Grace looking all cute and dressed up she groaned and quickly swung the door open. “I’m so sorry I totally forgot about our plans.” She said immediately and Grace frowned a bit as she took in her best friend’s appearance.

Diana was hardly one to be messy and disheveled, but here she was looking a total wreck, something akin to when they first met, at that time Diana was working two jobs, going to school full-time, caring for a 9 month old baby, and still grieving her first love. Understandably, she was a wreck. Grace’s featured softened as she took in her friend and just stepped forward and hugged her tight, which led Diana to break down once again.

“I’m OK. I’m OK. I’m OK.” She whispered over and over as she stayed in her embrace. Grace had no idea if she was saying this to appease her or herself and it made her heart break for her as she pulled back to look into her tearful and swollen eyes.

“Yeah, you will be.” She said to her and Diana just nodded before sniffling.

“Please, just go without me. I’m not even ready and like, as much as I wish I could get drunk, I don’t think I have the energy to be at the bar right now.” She said and Grace offered a kind smile.

“Yeah, I get that. How about we bring the bar to you?” She asked and Diana sighed.

“Don’t ruin your night for me…” she assured and Grace nodded.

“We’re not ruining it, s’just a little modification to the plan. We can go and get changed into something more casual, pick up some food and some alcohol, make drinks, play some games? Maybe even have a sleep over if you’re cool with that?” She suggested, “We’ll be back in an hour or so, give you some time to mentally prepare for company and to freshen up.” She said and Diana sniffled.

“If we’re doing a sleepover why do I need to freshen up?” She mumbled as she wiped at her teary eyes with her sleeve.

“I love you so much so I’ll be honest with you.” She said and Diana sniggered through her sniffles, “Your hair reeks of dry shampoo and you’ve got snot all over your sleeve, and about three different stains on your sweater so I know you’ve gotten at least a week’s worth of use out of this guy.” She said tugging at the fabric of her crewneck and Diana started to laugh softly as Grace smiled at her friend.

“S’my emotional support crewneck.” She excused and Grace smiled, “And showering just seemed really hard, m’sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Di. I mean, at least you don’t smell like B.O. or ass.” She said and that made the two laugh again, “So what do you say to the change of plans, hmmm?”  She asked and after contemplating it for a moment Diana nodded.

“Yeah, could use some company.” She said and Grace nodded.

“OK.”

“Also, please let Henry know that he absolutely does not need to be part of this. I’m sure he’s been dealing with Harry as well.” She said and Grace’s smile dropped a bit.

“Ummm, actually we haven’t really spoken to him since the whole voicemail thing. He said he needed some time or something and apparently he moved up his vacation and flew back to England for a couple weeks.” She said and Diana frowned a bit.

“Oh, well I hope he’s doing OK.” She said softly.

“Yeah, me too.” She said. And after finalizing their plans Grace headed off and Diana immediately headed to the kitchen to take out her garbage and also wash the dishes that had been collected there over the week and then she hurried up to have a shower.

Everything was more or less back in order by the time Grace and Henry got back honestly, she had a great time with the two. They played the What Do You Meme game, which had them all in stitches and then played a drinking game as they watched a TV show and honestly, it had definitely helped to life her spirits. In her drunkenness she sent a short vide to Celeste of the three of them together being silly and playfully scolding her for not texting her for the last couple of days and then they ended up texting back and forth for a bit before it was “lights out” for Celeste. 

They all went to bed around 1:30am quite drunk off their asses, but when Diana woke up a couple hours later, throat feeling absolutely dry and body aching from drinking while dehydrated she quietly rolled out of bed and quietly made her way downstairs. She squinted when she saw that the kitchen light was already on and she heard some hushed talking, it was Henry. She crept down lower and decided to eavesdrop because this might be the only news she’d get about Harry. She assumed it was Harry because who else would be in a timezone that required Henry to be on a phone call at nearly 4am. She was now standing quietly around the corner as she heard him humming as he listened to whatever was being said.

“Well I get why you might need a little distance from here right now, H. But I just want to remind you that everything’s still gonna be here when you come back, you know? Like if you’re going to continue seeing Celeste you’ll still have to face Diana…you’re having an existential crisis over Diana?” He asked and then went silent again, “Wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on… Rebecca’s pregnant?” Henry asked in shock and this made Diana’s stomach sink and for a lump to form in her throat. She couldn’t help it when she hurried into the kitchen with shock in her eyes.

“Rebecca’s pregnant?” Diana asked with a frown and tearful eyes, as soon as Henry heard her, he whipped around.

“Shit. H, I have to call you back…yes, it’s her. I’ll call you back!” He said before hanging up and hurrying to Diana as her tears started to trickle down her cheeks, “S’not what it sounds like.” He said right away and she shook her head.

“I think that’s exactly what it sounds like, Henry…” she said as she walked past him and to the fridge to grab a water bottle.

“Well Rebecca being pregnant yes, but it has nothing to do with Harry, he hasn't done anything to his vasectomy." he assured her, "She’s having a baby with Eddie, they’re engaged.” He explained and that made relief flood through her body and she literally felt her body relax.

“Oh.” She said and Henry smiled at her just a bit, “Nearly had a heart attack. I’m sorry for eavesdropping, I just came to get some water.” She explained herself.

“It’s alright.” He said softly and they both glanced down to his phone on the counter as a surge texts started coming in. “Shit, I think I freaked him out. Shouldn’t have said it was you.” He said as he reached for it and she sighed as she opened up the water bottle and drank as Henry started texting away, assuring Harry that he had clarified the information to Diana. “He said that he’s having an existential crisis over you and that whole thing with Rebecca. Says they ran into each other at a pizza parlor and decided to catch up. He was caught off guard because she had been so strict about them following her timeline and whatnot that like it makes him wonder if maybe she just didn’t really want anything serious with him. And that after having that conversation with you about things not working out it just made him feel a bit hopeless about his own future and he just wanted to go distract himself for a bit.” He said as he read Harry’s texts to her.

“Yeah, I get that.” She said as she set the water bottle down after closing it. She watched as he glanced down at his phone as it chimed softly again, indicating another text had come in and he saw his eyes soften a bit as he read over the words but decided not to tell her anything about that one and he just started texting back quickly before his eyes met hers again.

“That one was for you, but I don’t think it’ll help to hear what he said.” Henry explained and she bit her lip to suppress her frown and she nodded.

“Just don’t tell him how big of a wreck I’ve been, OK? Don’t want him to feel bad or like it’s his fault.”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” He assured and she sighed. “I feel so stupid for just…continuing on, pretending like we ever had a chance, you know?”

“If it helps, he feels the same. He feels more responsible because he feels like he lied to you and gave you false hopes since he knew the risks the whole time. I think he wants you to be angry at him for it, for keeping that from you.”

“I can’t be angry at him for that…it wouldn’t be fair, we both know better.” She said quietly. “Celeste was telling me that she hopes he can be her therapist for as long as he can, kind of like how I’ve been with my own therapist.” She explained, “And like…I’m really scared that I’m gonna love him forever and always be… like this.” She said and he frowned.

“I mean…if that’s the case with Celeste then maybe there’ll be someone else for each of you?” He suggested with hope and she smiled politely.

“Maybe…” She responded unenthusiastically because she didn’t want that. She wanted the way he made her feel. She wanted the way he loved her and appreciated her. She wanted the love and care he had for Celeste. She didn’t want anyone else, she wanted him. 

“I know that it must hurt, but you’re doing the right thing, the hard thing. You’re so strong, Diana-”

“You know, I’m so sick of hearing that, Henry. I’m tired of being strong.” She said to him, “I’m tired of always hurting. I’m tired of having to be the brave one and of having to think of others before myself all the fucking time…I’ve just…I’ve been losing for so long.” Her voice cracked as her tears started to fall down her cheeks, “It’s not fair.” She whispered and Henry frowned as he saw her facade completely crumble, “I don’t know how long I can go on like this.” She inhaled sharply, “I can’t even talk to my fucking therapist about this without risking Harry losing his job…” she said as she gasped for air through her tears, “Like it’s just so, so lonely.” She whimpered and he just put his phone down and hugged her tight wordlessly. 

Henry didn’t know what to do except to just hold her. There really was nothing to say, she was giving and giving and giving and never getting anything in return and the moment someone was starting to give back it had to blow up in her face. He knew that Harry loved her and that he loved Celeste. And somehow, this was all in her little 15-year-old hands, but she had no idea and well, how could they ask Celeste to just change her dynamic with Harry when he had been of an immense support to her as her therapist. If they were to become a family their dynamic wouldn’t be the same, it would change drastically and of course they couldn’t ask that of her. And it’s not like Harry and Diana planned to fall for each other, like all of the perfect things in life, it just happened effortlessly. 

“God, we were barely anything…this is ridiculous. Doesn’t warrant this reaction.” She said as she reached up to wipe at her tears and he pulled back from their hug. He wanted to tell her that what she and Harry felt for each other was the real thing, but he didn’t. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself things like that in order to cope better with the loss of it, so he didn’t say anything about it. “Thank you for listening to me.” She finally said and he nodded, “Sorry for interrupting your call with Harry.” She sniffled.

“S’alright, he gets it.” Henry assured and she smiled lightly.

“Alright, m’gonna go back to bed, but thank you again for staying over with Grace and trying to cheer me up, I need to get that meme game for Celeste.” She said and he chuckled.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get one for her for Christmas.” He said and she chuckled.

“You know, she’s really lucky to have you guys.” Diana exhaled, “As am I.” She said with a small smile before she made her way back upstairs.

**********

Harry was a completely nervous wreck as he waited for Henry to get back to him after what Diana had walked in on. He hoped that Henry was sharing the information he had been texting him with her so that all of the information about what was going on was clear. He stopped texting back after a few minutes and his knee was bouncing up and down impatiently as he waited for something else to come in from Henry. He was on the brink of a nervous breakdown, but thankfully the door to the office he had been occupying opened up slightly and he saw Enid, the main receptionist from his parents’ clinic peek inside.

“Mr. Styles, your parents just got in.” She informed with a kind smile and he nodded.

“Oh, great. Thanks, Enid.” he said and she just smiled politely before backing out and shutting the door. He texted Henry that he didn’t have to call back and that he’d catch up with him another day.

Harry’s parents had been speaking at a conference in Austria when he dropped in on them, so he’d been using one of the empty offices to conduct his sessions online since he had left rather abruptly. He just needed some distance between him and Diana, especially since he knew that she lived 10 minutes away at the most and was all alone since Celeste had left for camp (he’d texted her to wish her good luck). He just wanted to see Diana and hear her voice, look into her eyes, hold her…he had to go because he clearly had no resolve when it came to her. And now he’d been here for a few days and his parents were finally back. They were going to have lunch. So he closed his laptop and grabbed his phone and wallet before locking up the office and heading to his mother’s office first.

“Hey mum.” He said as he peeked in to see her logging in to her computer. She glanced up and smiled wide.

“Hi, my darling!” She greeted happily, immediately standing up and he hurried in and wrapped her smaller frame up in his arms. “How’ve you been?” She asked as she smushed her cheek against his and then reared back to look into his eyes.

“Ummm, alright I suppose.” He hummed with a smile, but as she looked into his eyes her smile dropped a bit and he was about to give her a small scolding for trying to read him like one of her clients (because they all had a rule about this), but thankfully they were interrupted by his father.

“H!” He greeted enthusiastically and Harry turned quickly and stepped into his father’s embrace.

“Dad, look at this!” Harry chuckled at his father’s new hair style, it was longer and slightly slicked back. He looked a lot more relaxed and causal than he usually did.

“Do you like it?” He asked and before Harry could let him know that he did indeed like this look on him, his mother chimed in.

“Of course he’s gonna say he likes it! But you need to snap out of this phase, Bill.”

“Phase?” Harry asked and she sighed.

“You haven’t told him, Bill?” She asked and he pouted a bit and turned to his dad who had the most unamused expression on his face.

“Heather, you’re talking about me like I’ve got a terminal illness.” He said with a slight scowl and Harry relaxed upon hearing his dad say this. He always had that fear in the back of his head since he was hardly ever around them, and maybe this reinforced the idea he always had of being more intentional of spending more time with his parents. He had no intention of ever moving back to England, but he could do more to nurture the relationship with his parents, they weren’t getting any younger.

“Well it might as well be if you’re not careful!” She warned and Harry chuckled at their bickering.

“So what is the phase?” He asked his dad with a grin.

“I’ve joined a bike club-”

“It’s a motorcycle gang!” His mother cut in and he and his dad chuckled at her exaggeration.

“It is not…and it’s not a phase, it’s a hobby.” he tutted and Harry smirked, “I thought it was neat when you tried it out and so I started to learn. It has helped though, s’given me something to do other than work. I’m trying to reduce the stress, don’t want to be taking too many medications.” He explained and Harry nodded. 

“Well that’s great, dad! It’s nice you’re doing something for yourself.” Harry assured, “I haven’t ridden since university, but maybe we can have a little trek up North or even just to Brighton while I’m here?” He suggested and his father nodded.

“Yes, son. I’d really enjoy that.” He assured and Harry nodded.

“We’ll plan something.” 

“Well, apart from that news…” he said, “I wanted to drop in really quickly because I was asked, quite at the last minute, to join a panel for culturally inclusive mental health training and I think it’s rather important I go, so it’ll just be you and mum for lunch.” He said and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, of course. Sounds important.”

“Very much so.” He agreed and so they all made small talk as they made their way out. His mum had their driver take them to the restaurant they would be eating at, well really it was a pub that admittedly was his family’s guilty pleasure, they had the best classics. So as they sat there eating away Harry’s mum was trying to bring up that look in his eyes as discretely as possible.

She knew that Harry loved her and his dad, but when he was growing up, their clinics started to grow exponentially and unprecedentedly and so she knew that they didn’t spend a lot of time with each other. That always weighed so heavily on their hearts because as psychologists of their caliber, they knew what children needed to flourish. And while they had given Harry everything they could to ensure he would be a well rounded and healthy individual, they just weren’t all that close on a personal level. The evidence was in the fact that he lived in another country, but he was successful there and happy. Well except now, something was on his heart and on his mind, she could see it and she wanted to help, but she had no idea if she even had the right to ask without him thinking that she was just prying or trying to psychoanalyze him.

“Darling, I’ve got to ask.” She said and he looked up from his plate, “Why are you here?” She asked and he smiled a bit.

“Well, I always visit you two in the summer-”

“Right, but you weren’t due here for another two weeks. I know you think that I’m mostly unaware of half the things on my calendar, but I always know when you’re coming for a visit.” She said and he smiled.

“I just…missed you.” He said and she sighed.

“Sweetheart, I’m sure you did, as much as we have missed you, but I know that’s not it.” She said and his smile faltered a bit.

“It’s nothing serious. Just needed a little break.” He assured and she sighed.

“H, listen. I know that when you were younger your dad and I weren’t always available for you. And trust me, I really wish someone had shown me that I can be both a good mum and a great doctor-”

“You’re an incredible mum-”

“Leaving you with nannies hardly constitutes good parenting…I wasn’t there for you like I should’ve been, especially when we finally had the means to.” she said with a small frown and he reached for her head. “So why should you even trust me now?” She questioned.

“No mum, don’t say that. I get why you and dad had to do what you did, you’ve helped a lot of people!”

“Yet the most important person, our only son, chose to live and ocean and a country away from us.” She said and he sighed.

“That was more about me than you. I never fit in with the people here, mum. It wasn’t because of you and dad, I mean…did you inspire me to be able to just do my own thing, of course! But I wasn’t trying to avoid you two.” He assured her.

“So why are you trying to avoid me now?” She asked and he chuckled, “Have been since you gave me that look in the office-”

“Mum, we do not psychoanalyze each other.” He reminded and she smiled.

“I’m not being a psychologist right now, H. I just want to listen and be here for you as your mum.” She said and he bit his lip, “I can see that you’re…hurting. And I just want you to know that if…it was something that you needed help with or wanted to talk about, you can trust me with it. I want to be here for you and build trust with you. I want to help make it better.” She said tentatively as her eyes met his and he bit his lip to give himself something to think about other than the hurt in his heart. And well, as much as he just wanted to escape from his problems he also felt a tug at his heart to just be vulnerable with his mother. To give her a chance to build trust with him, to build a relationship with her.

“I am hurting a bit.” He admitted and her eyes softened as he admitted this to her.

“Is it something to do with Rebecca?” She asked and his eyebrows arched up in surprise.

“Oh God, I haven’t even told you that we ended things months ago.” He said and his mother pouted, “Yeah…she slept with someone else.” He explained and her eyebrows creased, “Which was fine, I mean turns out we were both settling and I mean, we ended things on really good terms and well also because I was…kind of infatuated with someone else and I…ended up falling in love with her.” He explained, “But ummm, that’s not going to work out.” He said softly and she nodded with a sad look in her eyes.

“I see. And why is that?” She asked and he sighed.

“She’s ummm…” he chuckled dryly, hoping that she wouldn’t flip out on him. Sure she had said she was listening as a parent, not a professional, but this was pretty bad, “She’s a patient’s mum.” He said and her eyes widened a bit and there were a few moments of silence as he watched her mull over his words. And he was expecting a disappointed look or sigh before he got a proper talking to but it never came.

“Oh…” was all his mother said in surprise and he nodded.

“Trust me, I know…” he groaned quietly, “Her name is Diana.” He said and she nodded, urging him to go on, “It was literally one of those things that just happened to me absolutely involuntarily…when I looked into her eyes for the first time I just…knew that I was fucked.” He said with a genuine smile on his face and she smiled as she watched him light up as he recalled the moment he met this person. “She felt it too -er…feels it.” He explained, “We tried to…only make it about business but life just kept throwing us into the same paths. Like her best friend doesn’t believe in relationships, but then ended up dating Henry and they’re like madly in love! And she’s a professor at the university I was asked to teach at…Like we were so interconnected and it was so inevitable.” He said and she nodded as she listen. “And ummm, we told each other we loved each other and then we were going on our first date and like started talking about the outcomes of us pursuing a relationship and like I explained to her that if the wrong person found out I could…lose everything and when she learned that she just, put me first. Like she always does for others.”

“And her child?”

“Her name is Celeste, she’s just turned 15. They came to me because she was being severely bullied at school.” He explained and she frowned “She’s the most smart and talented girl! She’s so clever and so mature and just so open minded. I learn just as much from her than she does from me.” He gushed and his mum smiled at his excitement, “I ummm…I love her too and obviously, it’s impacted the way I work with her.” He said more solemnly, “And like…Diana is such a wonderful mother to her. She’s done such a great job and like I’ve been able to see pieces of me and of Diana in Celeste and I just…feel so proud of her, but I want to do right by them both. Specially Celeste, with her being a patient of mine. So far, I think I’ve been objective, but it’s getting harder to be. I just…can’t help but feel stupid for allowing this to happen. Like I should have stopped it from the start. I knew better.”

“Right, but the heart wants what it wants, H.”

“Evidently so.” He hummed with a small smile. “Her daughter is also really averse to her dating yet. She’s afraid to lose her mum and she’s also afraid to lose me and like…I can’t betray her trust like that.” He shook his head.

“Well you love her as well don’t you?” She asked and he nodded, “Then maybe tell the girl you love her too and that it’s getting harder to just treat her like any other patient. At one point that parental instinct is going to take over and it could not only create a rift between you and Celeste, but also between you and Diana. No parents likes to see other people trying to parent their children; it’s just a line that we should never cross. And well, I think she’s a bit anxiously attached to her mother with this fear of losing her. I mean, you can’t possibly be at her every beck and call for the rest of her life, so you also need to make sure that in being there for her you’re not allowing her to create the same attachment with you.” His mother expressed and well, Harry had never even considered that. “I mean, you’ve got to be honest with her because I mean…if it were to go wrong you could really hurt them both.” She said and he nodded.

“I know that, I see that. And like…I’m scared that…everything’s at stake and that I’m gonna lose them both. And I don’t want to lose them. I need them and like…I think they both need me and I would happily be what they needed.” He said and she nodded.

“Yeah, that’s very justified.” She said as some silence came between them, “And just to clarify…what we’re talking about here is the possibility of you…being a father figure to this girl, right?” She asked and he sighed but nodded.

“Yeah.” He confirmed, “I mean…if she’d want that. Well her and Diana.” He explained, “Like…after letting them into my heart I suddenly feel so full. I never realized how much I was just going through the motions before them.” He explained, “And like…when we’ve had the chance to…be together, the three of us,” he said and she nodded, “It just…it feels really good and I know that we’d make a great team.” He smiled and his mum smiled right back at him.

“You mean a great family.” She said and he his cheeks flushed timidly and he shrugged.

“I just don’t like to say it because…if I let it become too real of a hope and it doesn’t happen it’ll crush me. More than now.” He said solemnly and she nodded in understanding.

“I understand.” She said and squeezed his hand a bit. “I mean, it is dangerous ground you’re on, H. But I just…I don’t want you to fall into the same thing your dad and I did. I mean, I’m proud of your drive and work ethic and I am so happy that your practice is doing well-”

“Thanks to my generous investors.” He said and she chuckled.

“That’s our job as your parents, to help you and do what we can to make your dreams come true.” She smiled, “And I wish I could do something to help you with this.” She said and he smiled, “I do want you to have what you’re describing with Diana and Celeste. I think you’d be an incredible father and partner. And I just hope that it works out somehow.” 

“Thanks mum.” He said and she nodded.

“So you’d be a father, but not have babies though?” She asked and he chuckled.

“No…there’s lot of babies out there already.” He explained, “And well, Diana doesn’t want any more kids either.” He said and she smiled.

“So it’s just the one for her?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s the dad? If I can ask that.” She asked.

“Yeah, of course. He ummm, he died. He was Diana’s first boyfriend, her first love, and they got together their senior year of high school and were going to different colleges and were making the most of their time together.” He explained, “So it was a total accident. But ummm, anyway, a few weeks before they were off to college a drunk driver ran a red light and killed him. She didn’t find out she was pregnant until a few months later.” He explained and his mum frowned with sympathy in her eyes.

“Oh my god, that’s horrible. What about her family?” She asked and well Harry started sharing it all with his mum and they were talking for nearly three hours and he told her everything about Diana. He could feel his heart pounding with excitement at the ability to be able to talk about her as much as he wanted. 

And well, towards the end they did get into the hurt and his feelings about everything, and maybe he did have a few beers with his mum, which he never thought he would, but it was a fun time and he was feeling back to himself for at least a bit. And over dinner with his parents he couldn’t help but imagine Diana and Celeste sitting at the empty seats at the table. He just knew that she and his mum would get along just fine. And well, Harry got his own musical taste and talents from his father, so he could imagine Celeste and his dad learning to play some classic rock songs

 and they could all sing along together. He could imagine her freaking out as he took her to Abbey Road Studios, he had a friend who worked there and he would surely give them a private tour. He also wanted to pose with her and Diana as they made it across the crosswalk for the infamously tacky, yet completely necessary photo op - it would make a great holiday card. And well, Harry felt kind of stuck because even when he tried to put distance between them, all he could think about was getting to have the life he wanted with them. The life he knew they all deserved.

**********

“I want him to be my first kiss.” Celeste whispered and Geri’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth as she gasped as to keep their conversation hushed. They were currently facing each other on Geri’s bed during their free time. It was raining today so all of their outside activities had been canceled and they opted to hang out in their cabin rather than attend the Avengers marathon they were putting on in the auditorium.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah…I get all…fluttery in my tummy when he’s around and like…I don’t know. I just feel so out of whack around him. And like out of control! Like I need this.” She said with a giggle and Geri bit her lip as she nodded, “You’ve never felt like that?” She asked her friend and Geri shrugged and shook her head.

“Not really no.” she said with a timid smile, “I ummm…I thinking that I’m either a super late bloomer or just…not into people like that, maybe?” She explained tentatively

“I see.” Celeste nodded in understanding.

“Like…what if Ben is your first kiss and then turns out you didn’t really like him? Or like are you sure you even like him enough to want that with him?”

“I mean, I think I do?” She giggled, “I’m not sure. Even without the emotional stuff I still feel…drawn to him. Like attracted I guess?”

“Oh OK.” She nodded, “Yeah, I’m not really sure that I’ve felt that way before, like…liked someone enough to feel that.” She said and Celeste smiled.

“Well maybe you will one day?” She said hopefully and Geri smiled.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Despite Geri not relating, she let Celeste get all her fears, doubts, worries, and excitement out. She was an incredible friend and Celeste felt so lucky to have her and Ozzy by her side this whole time, especially now as she was starting to have these new feelings towards Ben. He made her feel so pretty and happy, it was so wonderful and she just couldn’t wait to see what the rest of the weeks at camp had in store for them.

*********

The weeks had dragged by for Diana, but at least Celeste only had one more week at camp. She had been mostly bound to her bedroom, but today she wanted to do something different, so after she had her dinner she decided to go to a summertime concert, a tribute to George Gershwin, it was at the university’s open air auditorium. Faculty member’s got four free tickets each season which was a pretty good deal, after the four you had to pay at a discounted price. She had reserved a spot for this show because she just wanted to do something different on her own. She always loved music but had neglected it after high school considering her boyfriend’s death, a pregnancy, and then everything after that. But she still loved listening to it and she was excited to be there for some live music. 

They weren’t allowed to drink in the general campus area (unless there was a permitted event), so she was just parked on the roof of one of the structures and having a bit of wine from her little travel tumbler. Most of the people had little picnics on the green before the concert, so despite the very many cars here, everyone was down by the auditorium already and no one could judge her for drinking. She was sat in the car with her door wide open and her nose scrunched up a bit when she got a whiff of someone smoking weed not too far from her. She was curious about it, so she got out of her car and just wandered to the ledge of the parking structure, acting as if she were just looking over it and from her peripheral she saw someone two cars down from her and when she glanced over, they glanced to her at the same time. Her heart leapt and broke as Harry’s eyes met with hers. It was only natural that they smiled at each other as they hadn’t really seen each other in a while, but their smiles weren’t wide and excited like they usually were. She didn’t like how tense it felt right now so she just spoke up.

“You’re back.” She pointed out with a smile and he nodded as he smashed the end of his joint against the concrete ledge and cleared his throat.

“Yeah, got in a couple days ago.” He shared and she nodded and smiled.

“So does this mean you’re faculty now or did you pay?” She asked.

“Oh, Dr. Hsu actually gave me the ticket as a thank you for deciding to stay on to adjunct at the very least.” He said and she smiled.

“Well I’m glad you were able to come to a decision. Do you feel good about it?” She asked.

“Yeah, I do.” He confirmed and she smiled. He had no idea why he was so awkward right now, he was still processing that she was really right there, a few feet from him. What were the odds? “What’ve you got there?” He asked eyeing her flask and he would kick himself if he could at how stupid his question was, but he just needed to say something before she left.

“Oh, just a bit of wine.” She said and before she could talk herself out of it she spoke up again, “Want some?” She offered and he smiled, this time it did reach his eyes.

“Ummm, yeah sure.” He said as he scooted past the two cars between them and she extended the tumbler to him. “Thanks. Do you want a hit?” He asked and she shrugged.

“Yeah, I’ll try.” She said softly and he took a swig from the wine and then passed it over again so that he could light up the joint again. Once he did he blew off the burnt parts at the end and then passed it over to her. She studied it for a moment before she brought it to her lips.

“Slowly, it’s quite strong.” He warned and her eyes flickered up to his as she inhaled slowly and held it for a few seconds before she started to to cough, the fine smoke traveled too far down and was burning her throat. “Oh shit.” He said coming up to her and taking the joint to allow her to try and drink some wine down to just lubricate her throat just a bit. She coughed for a bit more, here eyes were tearful, but she finally inhaled properly and shook her head.

“Geez.” She chuckled before clearing her throat again.

“Sorry.” He said and she shook her head and dabbed at her eyes a bit.

“S’alright, I think smoking is just not for me.” She giggled and he smiled.

“I mean same, but these were on sale so I just figured I’d just get them…” he said and she smiled. There was a beat of silence that felt so tense and unfamiliar, it was sad really, “It feels weird now, doesn’t it?” He asked her and she nodded in confirmation that she felt it too. 

“I’ve just been trying to figure out why.” She said, “Like, I thought we left things OK when we last spoke. Like we’re OK, right?” She asked.

“We are, I promise I’m not like upset at you or anything other than the circumstance.” He assured,  “But I think maybe we’re just…protecting ourselves?” He said and she bit her lip and hummed pensively. He took another drag of the joint and exhaled it.

“That makes sense…I do feel…defensive almost.” She explained, “Like I had to just pretend like…” she sighed and just looked down at her shoes instead.

“Like what?” He asked and she glanced back up to him.

“Like you don’t affect me.” She said, her eyebrows creased in frustration. “Like I haven’t been basically bedridden for the past 3 weeks over how much it hurts me to love you.” She said and he pouted. “And the shitty thing is that personally, there’s no reason for why I shouldn’t. And it feels like I’m…fading away.” She said sadly, “Like it physically hurts. My heart literally hurts and I haven’t felt that way in a long time and I just…never wanted to feel this again.” She confessed.

“The hurt?” He asked as he extinguished the remnants of the joint.

“No. The…love that leads to the hurt.” She said and he frowned, “It always does…sooner or later.” She said and he nodded.

“Well yeah, nothing lasts forever.” He concluded and she hummed. He didn’t feel like being the optimistic and idealistic therapist right now, he wanted to feel the hurt with her. He wanted it to suck, he wanted the feelings to just be out in the open because this way they weren’t stuck inside of him making him feel like he was suffocating. He ached too, his chest felt tight and heavy, his stomach twisted when he remembered her telling him that it just wasn’t going to work. He hadn’t been that disappointed in so long… “Told my mum about you and Celeste.” He said and her eyes met his again.

“Did she get upset at you?”

“No, she was really openminded and she just listened.” He said and smiled, “She said she was sorry not being around as much before and like she’s felt guilty all these years thinking that I had moved here to spite her and my dad for never being around when I was younger and that she could tell something was off with me.” He said and she frowned, “And she told me that she understood if I didn’t open up to her, but that she wanted to build trust with me and just be my mum and like…honestly, I had left here because I didn’t want to think about any of what had just happened with us.” He said and she nodded in understanding, “But ummm…she had just been so vulnerable that I just…wanted to be vulnerable back and like…well I just told her everything and she took it well.” He said and Diana smiled.

“That’s really great, Harry. I’m really happy you guys were able to make progress in your relationship.” She said with a genuine smile and he nodded, “What about your dad?”

“Oh, he’s in a motorcycle club now.” He said and she giggled, “Yeah, I used to ride when I was younger and like…I guess he had always been curious and so now he’s making more time to explore that hobby. We did go on a little drive down to Brighton, which was nice, just had some time together as well.”

“That’s really good, Harry. I am glad that it all went well and were able to reconnect with your parents in that way.”

“Thanks. Ummm…how’s it been without Celeste around?”

“It’s sucked so bad.” She confessed with a smile and he chuckled, “But ummm…I think I've needed this time alone to just…deal with everything.”

“Do you feel like you can’t be sad around her?” He asked.

“Not about this. She hounds me and asks so many questions whenever she sees me upset and like…yeah, so no I can’t really be sad around her without it being a full fledged interrogation.” She said with a smile.

“I wish I could help somehow…” he said and she shook her head.

“I’m fine, I mean…it is what it is.” She said before drinking some more of her wine.

“Yeah…I guess so.” He replied. And yeah, it just felt so awkward between them now. It wasn’t right, but maybe this was for the best.

“So do you like Gershwin or did she just give you a random ticket?” Diana asked.

“Honestly, I could give two shits about Gershwin, I’m just here in case they play Rhapsody in Blue.” He said and she laughed at his response which made him smile, “I’m kidding, I do like Gershwin. Dr. Hsu sent me the calendar and let me pick one.” He explained and she hummed.

“That’s sweet of her.”

“Yeah, she’s a nice lady. Do you like Gershwin?”

“Yeah, I do actually. My dad’s a fan, so I grew up listening to a lot of his compositions. I couldn’t miss it.” She added and he smiled.

“Are you feeling anything yet?”

“No…I think it just burned my throat and that was that.” She joked and Harry chuckled, “Are you feeling anything?”

“No, oddly enough.” He said.

“Maybe that’s why they were on sale.” She pointed out and Harry’s eyes widened in realization.

“Well fuck…” he hummed and she giggled, “Just ruining my lungs for no good reason.”

“Is there ever a good reason?” She asked and he hummed.

“That’s a fair question…” 

“Want some more wine? I’ve already had my serving. I literally filled it to the top.” She said and he glanced to her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I have to drive home so I shouldn’t finish it all myself.” She reasoned and he nodded in agreement as he took the tumbler from her and knocked it back and chugged down the remaining half of the wine. She laughed and rolled her eyes as he swallowed down gulps of it at a time before he was done.

“That should do it.” He chuckled as he handed back the tumbler to her and she smiled as she took it back and turned to put it in the cupholder in the car. Harry was peaking over the ledge of the parking structure, “It looks like it’s about to start.” He said and then they heard the first musicians start to tune.

“I guess so.” She said as she closed her door and headed over beside him to look. 

“Do you have a box seat?” She asked him and he nodded.

“You?” 

“Oh, I got mine for the back section in case I need to go or something.” She explained.

“You’re gonna hear people eating snacks and chattering over the music.” He said and she shrugged. “What if we watched from up here? I mean, we can hear it clearly and the sound isn’t even on yet.” He suggested.

“I don’t think that’s smart, Harry.” She responded. His heart stung at her rejection, but he just couldn’t help it, he craved being closer to her. He loved her so much that being away from her made him feel so alone.

“You’re right. Sorry for suggesting that.” He said softly. It grew tense and quiet between them and he just decided that he needed to remove himself from this situation before he did anything else to embarrass himself, “Ummm, I’m gonna get down there then. Sorry about the bum joint and the awkwardness and just everything I guess.” He said nervously and it broke her in two to see him so insecure and off his game. He was better at hiding his hurt, but the facade was starting to crack and it hurt to see him this way.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize.” She assured him and he nodded before he just took off. “Fuck me…” she whispered as she hurried to grab a tissue from the little packet in her purse and was quick to dab under her eyes as she felt herself start to cry. 

She hated being so cold towards him, but it was a defense mechanism. Everything she was doing now was all part of her self-preservation, she only loved to lose and quite frankly, she was done playing that game. She was so tempted to run after him, to rush down the stairs and meet him and hold him and tell him that she’s missed him so much. It was almost like a compulsion that she couldn’t control, this inherent need to just go after him. Before she could even allow herself to rationalize her decision she got back in her car and started making her way down the structure, she couldn’t be anywhere near him, it hurt too much.

*********

The elevator had just opened when Harry saw Diana’s car waiting for the barrier to raise at the exit of the structure. He hurried out of the elevator and as he got closer he could hear her sobbing and while he had every intention of running over to her to tell her that he loved her and that she should stay with him for this, he suddenly felt cemented to the ground. He didn’t want to be responsible for her tears anymore, so he swallowed the lump in his throat as he saw the barrier lifted and then she drove off without so much as a look back.

The show sucked, even if they did play all the pieces he liked. The others in the box with him were a bit sloshed so they had been chatting over the music the whole time. He was in a bad mood and he didn’t feel like interacting with anyone or being stuck in the line at the parking structure so he just sat in the seat until he was asked by the security guard to please leave the auditorium. So he begrudgingly made it up the stairs and walked back to the parking structure. The ride up to the top floor was fast, but not fast enough that he had the privacy of crying in the comfort of his car. His tears started spilling down his face by the time he’d made it to the second floor and he was glad that no one else was in there to witness this pathetic and sad spectacle. He was just going to go home and get drunk and put on a sad film that could help him cry it out. That seemed like the best plan.

The drive to his house was thankfully smooth, he only got one red light and it was the main street that he made a left on to get into his neighborhood, so he wasn’t all that bothered by it. He was sad and irritated and wanted to drown his sorrows. He wasn’t careful as he kicked off his shoes at the entrance, or as he started to undo the buttons of his shirt. He then tapped his pockets to find his phone to turn on the hot tub jets so it could be nice and steamy when he got in, but it wasn’t on him. He sighed in irritation when he realized it was still in the car and he literally groaned as he swung open his front door, but all of his frustration melted away when he saw Diana standing there, hand in the air, about to knock. 

Time felt suspended as they just looked at each other. The evidence of the hurt they were both being consumed by was tangible. Her eyes softened as she studied his features, his eyes were glossy from his recent tears and she felt like shit thinking that she could be the reason that he cried.

“Harry, I’ve…I’ve missed you.” She said and he sniffled.

“Then why did you leave?” He questioned.

“Because I can’t be around you and think straight! You make me feel all tingly and jumbled up and I love it so much, but it’s so fucking inconvenient.” She said and he smiled lightly.

“I’ve never been happier to hear I inconvenience you.” He joked and she sighed, but held a smile on her face.

“I just want you to know that I’m…hurting a lot too. I know I don’t show it as much and I act so cold and callous, but I…I yearn for you.” She confessed with a desperate look in her eyes, “I have been. Every. Single. Day since we said goodbye.”

“Baby…” he exhaled with a frown and she inhaled sharply as her tears started to fall again.

“I just needed you to know.” She said and he nodded. “I’m not going to stay.” She said right off the bat, “I just needed to tell you in person because I felt like such a coward for just bolting off-”

“You’re not a coward.” He assured her and she nodded her head as she sniffled.

“Yes, I am.” She whispered and he reached his hand out to her and she bit her lip before deciding to just take it. 

She felt relief as she slid her fingers against his palm delicately for a second, she didn’t want to overthink it. She glanced up at him and just surged forward and hugged him tight, burying her face in his chest. Harry’s body relaxed in her hold and he was quick to hug around her tightly as well. She started to sob because just being in his arms brought her all of the comfort she’d been needing and it was sad to know the person who could make you feel better was the person you should stay away from. 

“It’s alright, baby.” He sniffled as he rocked them a bit from side to side. “I’ve missed you too. Can’t stop thinking about you and even when it hurts, I don’t want to.” He said and she exhaled shakily.

“So your escape to England didn’t even help?” She asked and he shook his head.

“Not at all. I was just…picturing how much fun we’d have i-if we went together? Like Celeste would freak out if she got to see Abbey Road.”

“And the Harry Potter set.”

“Yeah, that too…” He hummed as he recalled this detail, “So ummm, yeah I couldn’t help but think of you guys while I was out there.” He said and she exhaled and squeezed him just a bit harder. “Have you talked to Celeste?” He asked and she shook her head.

“She promised she’d text every night but she forgot about me after the first couple of days.” She said and he chuckled.

“Typical.” He mumbled and she nodded.

“Knew she would…” she sighed as she started to loosen her hold around Harry and it made him hold her a bit tighter.

“Please, not yet. Just another minute or so.” He said and she smiled up at him, her chin against his chest as he glanced down at her.

“I wasn’t gonna let go yet, just want to see you.” She said and he smiled.

“Oh, OK.” He said and let her go so that she could reposition her body in a way that made it more comfortable for her to look up at him this way. She just admired him for a moment.

“Like your hair at this length.” She complimented and his cheeks flushed.

“Oh, thank you. Me too.” He replied timidly and she just smiled at up him. “And well, I just like everything about you.” He said and she smiled.

“Can I kiss you? Right here?” She asked as she nudged her nose on his peck, right over where his heart would be and he nodded. She smiled in gratitude before puckering her lips over that part of his chest and smooching him three times over his heart. Harry felt a surge of warmth and happiness that he hadn’t felt in weeks, “I really do love you, Harry. With every piece of my heart.” She reassured him solemnly.

“I love you too, Di.”

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[lordgrimwing]

Food #01

Celebrían leaned over the kitchen counter, scrutinizing the next step in the recipe. She was trying to make croissants but the dough was so wet it was sticking to her fingers. It wasn’t supposed to do that, she thought. At least, the recipe didn’t say anything about the dough being sticky. She’d definitely messed up somewhere. 

She sighed. Perhaps she should have picked a less ambitious baked good to make this week. But she really liked croissants, and she’d figured if she was going to get better at cooking and baking, she might as well start with things she knew she liked. 

Her phone rang.

She looked down at the sticky mess on her hands, then over at the cell phone, lying on the dining table, safely out of the baking danger zone. 

Its merry tune rang out again.

She hurried to the sick, scrubbing at her hands to try to free them of the sticky mess. The dough refused to come off, and by the time she got her hands reasonably clean, her phone had fallen silent.

Drying her hands on her apron, she walked over to the table and picked up her phone, flicking it open to see who she’d missed. With a few clicks on the keypad, she raised the phone to her ear and waited.

“Hi, Dad,” She said when he picked up. “Sorry I missed your call, I'm trying a new recipe.”

“Oh, wonderful,” She could bear the smile in his voice. “What are you making?”

She sighed, looking at the disappointing dough on the counter. “Croissants, but I think I've done something wrong.”

He made a sympathetic sound. “I've heard they're challenging.”

“Yeah,” She agreed, wandering back into the kitchen. “They're a bit beyond my skill at the moment. But I'll figure them out eventually.”

“Of course, you will,” He said in that way he did when he was thinking about some fond memory.

She opened the fridge and idly inspected the contents. “You know me: no ocean too wide.”

There was no answer, but she could imagine him leaning against the wall, a corded phone pressed between his shoulder and ear, nodding his agreement. A moment passed, then he asked, “Is there a special occasion for croissants, or did you just want to try?”

Closing the fridge, she turned to the snack cupboard. “I thought I'd take some to Elrond. He has a lot of exams this week. Figured it'd be nice to bring him something.” 

“Your boyfriend, the medical student?” He asked.

“Yep,” She plucked a box of crackers from the cupboard. 

“How are things going with him? Should I plan a place for him during the holidays?” Laughter danced along his tone.

She wiped cracker crumbs from her shirt and swallowed. “You can't even plan on me for the holidays, Dad. Expecting my boyfriend is a little ambitious,” She said.

“Your mother and I will pay for the flights,” He countered. 

“Does Mom even know where she’ll be in three months?” She asked. Her mother’s political position had her jumping between several countries every year, usually on short notice. She looked down at the open box of crackers. Was she really standing here, absently munching while they talked?

Her father laughed quietly on the other end of the call. “Gondor,” He said. “But don’t tell her I said that, she thinks I don’t know.”

She snorted as she opened the fridge again and pulled out a block of cheese. “Okay, Dad. Your secret’s safe with me.”

“Do think about it, Celebrían,” He said in his soft and serious tone. “We’d love to have you home for the winter solstice.”

She pulled a knife out of the block next to the stove so she could make cheese and cracker sandwiches for lunch. “I’ll see what I can do. But I’m sure Elrond will want to go visit his own family: he said something about a big Noldor celebration during the solstice.”

“Oh, he’s Noldo? I didn’t know that.” His voice peeked with curiosity. “I really would love to hear more about him. It seems like you two are pretty serious, but you haven’t told us very much.”

She smiled. “He’s pretty great.”

Her father began to say something but interrupted himself with a quick, “Oh drat.”

“What?” She asked.

“Oh, your mother’s hosting a little meeting today—you know how she is—and I think I see the first car coming up the driveway.” He sighed. “I’d best go introduce myself and play the loving spouse.”

“You’re very good at that,” She said. He had many years of experience, and, of course, he was just as loving and docile as he acted.  

“I love you,” He said. “Please do try visiting us soon.” 

“I love you, too, Dad,” She said in farewell.

“Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

The line went silent and then beeped when he hung up the phone. 

A smile still hovering on her lips, Celebrían slipped her cell phone into the apron’s pocket. She’d need to get back to dealing with the travesty that was the croissant dough, but before that, she’d have a few more cheese and cracker sandwiches.

[welcometojackass2022]

The Anniversary Surprise (Sub!Raab Himself/Chris Raab x Reader) [Smut]

@chasingwinehouse this one’s for you <3 Full credit to you for the GIFS and for most of the ideas shown here! Hope you enjoy it :)

I censored some words in the description and warnings, so maybe this one won’t get hit with a content warning like the previous one was.

Description: It’s you and Raab’s one year anniversary, and you want to do something special for him; after a date night consisting of dinner and a movie, you take him back home and surprise him with something new: s*x without a condom. He obviously gets super excited, and about halfway through, he ends up getting a little overstimulated. Instead of wanting you to stop, he actually begs you to keep going, and that’s how you find out that Raab likes the feeling of it.

Warnings: Cursing, Sm*t, Mommy Kink, Sub Raab and Dom Reader, Unprotected S*x, You tease Raab during the date to purposefully make him horny, Overstimulation, Raab cums quickly but then keeps going because he wants you to cum too and it overstimulates him, Slightest Hint of Breeding Kink (part of the appeal for Raab is that he gets to cum inside you), Raab cries and begs a lot

@asskickedbygirl tagging you as always!

@butttxray tagging you as always too!

“I don’t know how you’ve managed to put up with Raab’s annoying ass for a whole year, man, you’re a national hero.” Novak brushed the massive pile of crumbs off of his bed, pulling out a McDonald’s hamburger wrapper from under his pillow and shoving it under his mattress as you looked on in disgust. You rolled your eyes, resisting the urge to say the meanest thing you possibly could at that moment; on any other occasion you would have reminded Novak that he was at least ten times more annoying than Raab could ever be, but this wasn’t a good time to do that since Novak was being nice enough to let you borrow his bedroom for the night. “He’s not annoying, Novak, be nice. And why the hell do you have so many wrappers in your bed? I could feed an entire football team with the crumbs you just brushed onto the floor.” Novak shrugged with a shameless grin. “Chill out, babe. A couple of crumbs aren’t gonna stop you and Raab from banging it out, right?” You made a face. “You’ve got such a way with words, Novak, you should be an author.” He raised his eyebrows, laughing obnoxiously as he tried (and failed) to smooth out his wrinkled bedsheets. “Dreamseller, baby!” You grinned. “Poor old Frantz has probably contributed more to that book than you have, Novak.” Novak smirked, but he didn’t deny it. “No comment. Anyway, where’s my two packs?”

You shot him a look. “You said one pack, dipshit, not two. Don’t get greedy.” Novak raised his arms in defeat with a shit-eating grin. “Alright, alright, you caught my bluff. I was hoping you’d forget how many packs you promised me and I could get another free one out of this.” You playfully rolled your eyes as you handed him the pack of cigarettes you’d promised him; in exchange for the cigarettes, Novak had promised to let you and Raab use his bedroom for the night to celebrate your anniversary. Raab had his own bed in Bam’s house, but it was in a weird little corner in Bam’s basement and wasn’t the most ideal place for romantic sex. Novak’s bed was kinda gross, sure, but it was at least in its own room. Novak took the pack and opened it, checking to make sure all the cigarettes were there, and then he nodded. “The room’s all set, so we’re good to go. When are you guys getting back?” You thought it over for a moment as you kicked some of the crumbs on the floor under Novak’s bed. “Probably about nine or ten. We leave at five, dinner will take an hour at least, and the movie’s about two hours or so. Are you gonna crash somewhere else for the night?” Novak nodded with a grin. “I’m gonna go to a bar with Bam tonight and scope out the hot pussy. I’ll pick a girl who has a house and stay with her for the night. You know, so you two can sleep here.”

You smiled. “Great, thanks. Have fun picking up random girls in bars, try not to catch too many STDs.” Novak laughed. “I’ve already got every STD in the book, babe, I can’t catch something I already have.” You giggled, shaking your head in disbelief as you told him goodbye and left to go find Raab. He was laying on his bed in his weird little corner of Bam’s basement, flipping through a skateboarding magazine with the basement TV blaring as it played MTV. You walked up, plucked the magazine out of his hand, and leaned down to give him a kiss, which he eagerly returned as he took the magazine back. You pulled away, and he grinned at you. “Happy anniversary.” You laughed. “Chris, you’ve already said happy anniversary. At least four times now, actually.” He shrugged, his grin widening as he tossed the magazine aside and pulled you down to sit beside him on his bed. “I just like saying it.” You smiled. “You know what? So do I. Happy anniversary, baby.” His face lit up, and he leaned in for another kiss before pulling away to turn off the TV. “Where all are we going, again? For the date, I mean.” You sat up against the pillows, looking away in thought. “First, we’re gonna get dinner, and then we’re gonna go see that new movie you mentioned the other day, and then we’re gonna come back here for the night to have some…alone time.” You grinned suggestively at him, and his face lit up with pure excitement. “Man, that sounds fun, especially the last part. Maybe we should skip the rest and just do that!”

You playfully rolled your eyes as you got up from the bed. “Very funny, baby. Come on, we’re going to your favorite restaurant and we need to leave now so we don’t get back from that movie too late.” Raab jokingly protested as he got to his feet, adjusting the shirt and pants he’d picked out for the date and asking you to smooth down his hair for him before the two of you headed upstairs towards your car. The ride to the restaurant was fairly short, and the two of you spent it rocking out to a random mixtape Raab had made for you back in the first month of your relationship. When you pulled into the little diner, Raab eagerly got out of the car as fast as he could to open your car door for you, which was something he always did for special occasions like this when he wanted to be romantic for you. You smiled appreciatively at him as you got out of the car and interlocked your fingers with his own, holding his hand as the two of you walked inside and sat down at a table. Raab plucked a menu from the table centerpiece and looked over it, and you laughed. “Chris, you order the same thing every time we come here, what are you looking at the menu for?” He grinned at you. “I wanna see if they give out free desserts for couples when it’s their anniversary.” You shook your head, looking down at the menu yourself as you decided what you wanted. “I doubt it, those free desserts are usually just for birthdays and for couples who propose in the restaurant. Maybe we can pretend it’s your birthday and share a free ice cream sundae!”

Raab nodded, turning the menu over to stare at the picture of the birthday ice cream sundae that the restaurant offered. “I’ll gladly lie and say it’s my birthday if it means we get free dessert.” The meal was relatively uneventful aside from a little conversation about your favorite moments from the relationship so far (yours was a stargazing date you took Raab on about a month into dating him, and Raab’s was that same stargazing date, but only because it was the first time you ever let him suck your boobs) and the free ice cream sundae that the two of you shared for dessert, which you obtained through lying to the waitstaff about it being Raab’s birthday; he had to sit there while the entire staff sang him happy birthday, but it was definitely worth it. Throughout the meal, you were tempted to lean over and touch his thigh or rub his cock under the table, just to tease him and get him excited for what was to come, but you decided against it. Raab didn’t like being embarrassed in public places where other people could see, so you decided to wait until the two of you were in the movie theater instead. It would be dark, there would probably be very few people in the theater because of the time of day the movie was taking place, and the movie would be loud enough to mask any moans that Raab happened to let slip. It was the perfect place.

After another short drive, this time to the movie theater, Raab opened your car door for you once again and led you inside, the two of you stopping to buy popcorn, candy, and drinks before heading in to see the movie. You sat all the way in the back of the theater, scanning the room to see if anyone was sitting anywhere near you; aside from three people in the very front row and one person in the middle row, there was no one else there, which meant you could tease Raab freely without any worry of someone seeing. The movie was actually pretty interesting, and you didn’t want to ruin the experience for Raab, so you waited until a slow, unimportant scene came up to gently place your hand on his thigh, smiling when you felt him start to tense up underneath you. You glanced at him, and he was still watching the movie, albeit while breathing much heavier than he had been before. You moved the hand up to stroke his inner thigh, and his legs twitched, his hips just barely bucking up against your touch. You glanced at him again; he was staring at you with an eager look, like he was waiting for you to do more. You slid the hand all the way up to brush over his cock through his jeans, and a shaky little moan left his lips right away, his eyes darting across the room to make sure the other people in the theater hadn’t heard him. Of course they hadn’t; none of them were even looking back at you. They were all focused on the movie, which was distractingly loud.

You brushed your hand over his cock again, firmly palming it with enough force to make him whine as he hardened under your touch, and he leaned his head back against the wall that was behind your row, eyes squeezed shut as he gasped and whined under his breath. You palmed it again, grinning at how red his face was, and then, just to be a little mean, you pulled your hand away and went back to pretending to watch the movie. You could see in your peripheral vision that Raab was staring at you in disbelief, his mouth slightly open like he was going to protest, and you had to resist the urge to laugh. He was just too easy to tease. He leaned his head on your shoulder, trying to get you to look at him as he grabbed at the hem of your shirt. “Mommy…” Raab’s whiny, pleading tone made you smile, and you looked down at him casually, like you hadn’t just teased him and then pulled away. “Yes, baby?” He shot you a look of mild frustration, realizing what you were trying to do, and he buried his face in your shoulder, gently taking your hand and guiding it towards his lap, silently pleading for you to touch him again. You shook your head, gently stroking his hair and soothingly kissing him on the forehead. “Not yet, baby, if I keep touching you now then you might blow your load. We need to save that for tonight, when we get home. Just watch the movie for now and as soon as we get home I’ll touch you again.”

Raab shook his head. “I can’t focus on the movie now, (Y/n), I’m too hard. Can we just leave now?” You raised your eyebrows at him. “You wanna go ahead and leave early?” He nodded fervently. “Yes, please.” You could tell he really wasn’t all that interested in the movie anymore, and neither were you, so you nodded in agreement and the two of you stood up, gathering up your popcorn and candy and quickly making a beeline for the parking lot, Raab covering his crotch with his bag of popcorn to hide his erection as he got into the passenger seat of the car. The drive home was much faster than the drive to the theater, mainly because you went way over the speed limit and ran at least two red lights, and soon enough you were pulling into the driveway of Bam’s house once again, the two of you scrambling out of the car as fast as you possibly could. Bam’s purple Lamborghini was gone, which was how you knew him and Novak had left to go bar-hopping for the night, and you felt a pang of excitement when you remember that you and Raab were gonna get to use Novak’s bedroom for the night. You led him inside, and he started to head for the basement, but you stopped him with a grin. “Where are you going.” He stared at you in confusion. “Down to the basement? You said we’re having alone time.”

You shook your head. “We won’t be staying down there tonight! I got us an actual bedroom just for the occasion. Novak’s bedroom, to be specific.” Raab’s face lit up as he realized what you meant, and he smiled. “Oh, okay. Let’s go then.” You led him up to Novak’s room, feeling the giddiness that was practically radiating off of him as the two of you made your way up the stairs; getting to be in an actual bedroom for the night was a pretty big deal for both of you, since it meant you could be much louder and do a lot more than you could when the two of you fucked on his little bed in the basement (the openness of the basement meant that everyone else in the house could easily walk in on you or at least overhear everything you were doing). You quickly pulled Raab into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind you, and you laid your stuff from the movie theater down on the bedside table, gesturing for Raab to lay down on the bed and wait for you. He went to pull off his shirt, but you stopped him. “Just lay down on the bed for me and I’ll take all your clothes off myself, baby.” He obediently laid down on the bed, hardly able to contain his excited impatience as he waited for you to finally give him attention. You took off your shirt and pulled your pants off, tossing them in a heap on the floor and leaving your bra and panties on as you made your way over to the bed, and Raab sat up with an eager look as he admired your scantily-clad body.

“You’re so pretty, (Y/n).” You smiled. “So are you, baby. Here, lay back and let me take care of you.” Raab obediently laid back against the pillows and you straddled his lap, leaning down to give him a soft kiss as you stuck your hands under his shirt to feel the warmth of his body; you pulled away long enough to help him take his shirt off and toss it aside and then smashed your lips against his once again, gently rubbing your fingers over the soft skin of his tummy and chest and playing with his sensitive nipples. He whined softly against your lips, lightly rocking his hips up against your body in a desperate attempt to get some friction against his bulge, and you pulled away, grinning at how red-faced and out of breath he was. “Aw, you’re so sensitive today, baby.” He blushed even harder, smiling bashfully as he bucked his hips up again. “It’s because you got me all excited in the movie theater.” You laughed. “I did, didn’t I? Here, let’s get these pants off so I can see how hard your cute little cock is.” You pulled his jeans off to reveal his white boxers, smirking at the large wet spot that was already starting to form. You could see his cock twitching through the fabric, like he was already dangerously close to cumming, and it really turned you. His body just so sensitive that it honestly kind of shocked you. You palmed at his bulge like you had at the theater, and he whined.

“Don’t tease me this time, please, I already feel like I’m gonna cum too fast.” You cooed over him, stroking his face with your free hand as your other hand continued to rub over his bulge. “Don’t you worry, sweetie, I won’t tease you too much. And even if you do cum too fast, it’s fine. You always do pretty well with your mouth, don’t you?” Raab grinned and nodded. “Yeah, that’s true.” The wet spot on his boxers was starting to get bigger, so you helpfully pulled them down off his legs and watched his cock slap against his flat belly, the tip bright red and steadily leaking precum. You stroked the underside of it with the pad of your thumb, and his belly jerked, a whimper leaving his lips as you rubbed a circle over his tip. You moved your hand away long enough to remove your bra, and Raab’s eyes lit up, his attention now focused on grabbing and squeezing at your breasts as you pulled your panties aside and wrapped your hand around the base of his cock to keep it steady as you hovered over the tip. Raab’s eyes went wide, and he released your breasts long enough to lean over towards the drawer of Novak’s bedside table. “Hold on, mommy, let me get a condom for you.” You stopped him, shaking your head with a grin, and he stared up at you in confusion. “Since it’s our anniversary, I figured maybe you’d like to try doing it without the condom?” When Raab finally realized what you were saying, his face lit up, his mouth dropping open in excitement. “I get to feel your pussy without a condom?” You nodded.

Raab looked even more excited than before, but then another look of confusion crossed his face. “Wait, so do you want me to tell you when I’m about to cum so you can pull off?” Your grin widened, and you shook your head again. “Nope. That’s your other anniversary present. You get to cum inside me.” Raab’s went as wide as saucers, and he stared up at you in awe, rubbing circles over your hips affectionately as he took in this new information. “Fucking you without a condom and I get to cum inside you? Best present ever.” You laughed, leaning down to press another kiss to his lips as you lined the head of his cock up with your pussy; Raab’s eyes were locked on the sight of his cock pressed against your entrance as he waited eagerly to feel your pussy without a condom for the first time, and as soon as you sank down on his tip, his mouth dropped open, a soft gasp leaving his lips as he took in the feeling. You smiled, leaning down to stroke his hair as you sank further down onto his shaft. “How does that feel, sweetie? You like that?” He nodded fervently, his hands grabbing at your hips in a desperate attempt to pull you down further on his cock so he could get even more of the feeling that he was clearly enjoying so much, and you indulged him, taking his cock all the way to the base and then keeping yourself still so he could savor the feeling of your wet, tight heat wrapped around his shaft.

He threw his head back against the pillows, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth slightly open as he bucked his hips up, trying to push his cock even deeper inside you as you tightened up around him. “Fuck, mommy, your pussy feels so good around my cock.” You grabbed his hands and guided them back up to your boobs, letting him squeeze them in his hands and rub the pads of his thumbs over your nipples to try and distract himself from cumming too quickly; you could tell he was already getting close because of how red his face was how much his hips were jerking, but you decided not to say anything just for the sake of not embarrassing him. If anything, it always turned you on more when he came too quickly, and he could always just eat you out to make up for it. You pulled all the way off of his cock and then promptly took it all the way again, bouncing up and down on his cock at a steady pace as you leaned over to press your lips against Raab’s again. He moaned against your mouth, weakly thrusting his hips up in an attempt to give you some pleasure as well, but he was clearly already starting to get overwhelmed from how good it felt, his eyes half-lidded and his lips wet with his own drool as you pulled away from the kiss to get a good look at him. With the eyes, the lips, and his flustered face, he looked like an absolute wreck.

You stroked his hair, pushing his bangs back off of his slightly sweaty forehead as you cooed over him. “Poor baby, not even five minutes of fucking me raw and you’re already out of it. Wanna try being on top for a little bit?” His eyes snapped open, and he nodded eagerly, clearly desperate to be able to please you himself without you having to do all the work, and so you quickly switched positions with him, letting him get on top of you to fuck your pussy himself as he buried his face in your neck, thrusting with as much force as he could muster as he pressed sloppy kisses to your neck and collarbone. Your wrapped your arms around him, pulling him flush against your body so his hips were pressed against yours and his shaft was all the way inside you. You could feel his cock starting to twitch inside you, and soft moans were spilling from his lips as he pressed another flurry of kisses up the side of your neck; he was clearly close to cumming, and so you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled his face down into your boobs, rubbing your hand over the back of his head soothingly and bucking your hips up to help him fuck you with a more intense pace. Just as you were starting to wonder if maybe your worries of Raab not lasting long had been all for nothing, you felt Raab’s hips stutter repeatedly, his body starting to tense up as he buried his face in your boobs with a loud, whiny, desperate moan.

“Fuck, mommy, I’m gonna cum, I’m sorry—oh fuck.” His hips stuttered once again, and he grabbed at your hips, his fingernails digging into your skin as he came with a pathetic moan, his legs shaking and his upper body exhaustedly resting on yours as he jerked his hips to ride out his orgasm. You stroked his hair and rubbed his back affectionately to guide him through it, and when he pulled his head up, you realized he was starting to tear up and you immediately panicked, cupping his face with concern. “Oh fuck, what’s the matter, baby? What’s wrong? Was cumming inside me too much? Maybe I should have waited and had you do that another time, I’m sorry—” Raab shook his head, wiping his eyes as he tried to say what he wanted to say without actually bursting into tears. “I always cum before you do, mommy, I need to stop doing that. You should get to cum first. I’m sorry.” You wiped the tears from his cheeks and shook your head, stroking his face reassuringly. “Aw, baby, I don’t mind that you cum first, it’s really not a big deal. I like seeing you cum first, you always look so pretty and it makes me feel good to know that it feels so good for you and that it makes you cum so fast. You shouldn’t feel bad about it, baby, I promise. Here, let me get you on your back and then if you want to you—”

You moved to pull him off of you so you could lay him on his back and see if he wanted to either end the session there or finish you off with his mouth, but he instantly shook his head, pushing your hands away and immediately beginning to thrust inside you again. You stared up at him with alarm. “Chris? Baby, you just had an orgasm, if you keep going you’re gonna get overstimulated.” He buried his face in your neck again, shaking his head as he continued to weakly thrust his cock inside you in spite of how obviously sensitive it was. “I’m not stopping until I make you cum too, that’s all I want.” You felt a wave of affection for him, hugging him close your body and wrapping your legs around him as he thrust inside you again deep enough to hit your g-spot. Raab’s whole body was shaking, his hands desperately squeezing your sides and his eyes tightly shut as he continued to fuck you despite how sensitive his poor little cock was; the overstimulation was already setting in, and you felt a pang of worry for him as you wondered if him overstimulating his own body like this was worth him making you cum. “Raab, sweetie, maybe you should just use your fingers or your mouth, I really don’t want you to overstimulate yourself or get hurt doing this.” Raab frantically shook his head again, staring up at you with a pleasing look as he thrust inside you again. “No, mommy, please let me keep doing this, I wanna make you cum so badly, I feel so fucking bad about cumming inside you too fast.”

You rubbed his back, knowing he’d made up his mind at this point and couldn’t be convinced otherwise, but there was still that little pang of worry. Raab was usually exhausted after just one session, so there was no telling if he’d make it all the way through a second one. If you didn’t know any better, though, you would have thought he was actually getting off on it; his eyes had started to become half-lidded again, his mouth slightly agape as soft, vulnerable moans left his lips, and his cock still felt hard even though he’d already cum once. “Raab, sweetie…do you like this? Being overstimulated, I mean.” He pulled his head away from your chest, his face bright red as he nodded shyly. “It feels so good, mommy. Like it feels so good that it kind of hurts.” You raised your eyebrows, making a mental note to tuck that little piece of information away for the next time the two of you had sex, and then Raab’s tip hit your g-spot and you realized you were starting to get close to cumming yourself. “Oh fuck, sweetie, I’m almost there, just keep fucking mommy’s pussy nice and deep, just like that, perfect, baby, you’re such a good boy for me.” You spurred Raab on with your praises enough to give him the energy to thrust inside you a few more times, deep enough for his cock head to rub your spot but not powerful enough to completely drain him, and then you came around his cock, moaning loudly with his body pressed right against yours. You tightened around his cock as you came, and then, to your shock, you felt Raab cum again, his cock jerking pathetically inside you as a few more spurts of cum shot from his tip. As soon as the both of you had finished, Raab immediately collapsed on top of you in pure exhaustion, his face red and flushed and his hair all messy and his lips wet with his own saliva from all the drooling.

You cupped his face in your hands and made him look at you, fixing his hair and wiping his mouth and stroking his face adoringly as you smiled at him. “Raab, sweetie, that was incredible. That was so sweet of you to make sure that I came too, you’re so thoughtful. Here, lay down so I can clean you up.” Raab’s face went even redder, and he stared at you adoringly as he watched you grab the towel Novak had helpfully left on his bedside table. You cleaned up Raab’s cum from between your legs and then cleaned off his cock, careful to be gentle so you wouldn’t overstimulate it even more; it was so red and sore from being used so much that you felt a pang of pity. “Poor baby. You really wore yourself out, didn’t you?” Raab nodded exhaustedly, and you handed him a bottle of water, crawling into bed beside him and stroking his hair to comfort him as he chugged the water sleepily. When he finished, he set the bottle aside and leaned up to give you a kiss. “Happy anniversary, (Y/n).” You smiled. “Happy anniversary, my love. Sleepy?” He nodded, and you pulled the covers over the two of you, lying down and cuddling him to your chest so the two of you could enjoy a little cuddle session before you went to sleep. Raab leaned over to turn off the lamp and then looked down in confusion, leaning down to pull something out from under the mattress. “Is this a McDonald’s wrapper?” You sighed. “Why on Earth did I give Novak a whole pack of cigarettes for his shitty ass room?”

[pickalilywrites]

If your requests are open and you want to write nsfw Petruo, would you want to write a fic where the squad is celebrating Petra’s birthday or Christmas (feel free to choose what you like the most) and at the end of the day Petra and Oluo are snuggling in front of the fireplace next to a Christmas tree with blankets and that’s where Petra loses her virginity. Then You may decide again if Oluo is a virgin too or already more experienced, depending on what you feel more inclined to.

Are you willing to do this request? If you don’t want to or have additional questions you can just message me :)

Warmest in these chilly times,

sorry this is late!! i hope it's still enjoyable to you!! :)

until the fire goes out

petruo. canonverse. 🍋 2581 words. read on ao3.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair that we’re left cleaning up?” Auruo asks Petra as they sweep in front of the hearth, getting rid of the last remnants of Petra’s birthday celebration. There isn’t very much to clean up to begin with — any spillage of drink or crumbs was met with a dire glare from their Captain — but Auruo and Petra have been assigned to clean up anyway to make sure no speck of dust has been overlooked.  

“I told you I could clean everything up by myself,” Petra snorts as she sweeps up the last mound of dust and disposes of it in the trash bin. She wipes her brow with the back of her hand before returning the broom and dustpan to their proper place.  

Auruo follows after her with the trash bin. “That’s not what I meant,” Auruo protests. He puts the trash bin back where it belongs before shuffling behind Petra to the sink and washing his hands beside her. “I only meant that it’s unfair to have you clean up after your own birthday party. Why couldn’t Eld or Gunther do it?”  

“It’s just our responsibility as the most junior members of the squad. Just because it’s my birthday doesn’t mean I should shirk my duties,” Petra says. She sticks her tongue out at Auruo as she flicks the water from her fingers at her friend, laughing when he scowls at her. She manages to run away just as he flicks water at her in revenge. She waits for him by the doorway, wiping the excess water from her hands on the front of her trousers. “It’s not so bad anyway. It’s kind of nice being able to look at the Christmas tree when nobody else is around.”  

Auruo turns his head as he wipes his hand on a towel. Petra stands aside and allows him a better view of the Christmas tree the squad had set up earlier that month. It’s a beautiful pine tree with bristles of a deep, verdant green. Despite being in a different room, Auruo can smell the aroma of crisp pine needles that’s only accentuated by the smoke coming from the fire burning in the hearth. Tinsel strung against the branches sparkle against the fire light and simple tin ornaments shine brightly despite the dying light.  

Even though the fire is not nearly as bright as it was at the beginning of the night, Petra gestures for Auruo to join her near the tree. She grabs a blanket that had been left on a nearby end table and pulls it across their laps, scooting over so that their thighs are touching. She notices Auruo staring at her and she only shrugs.  

“It’s cold,” she tells Auruo, but he wonders how that can be when his leg burns against hers even though they’re separated by two layers of fabric.  

“You’re cold?” Auruo repeats. He can feel his throat drying up, the fire consuming him from the inside. As the embers glow in the hearth, flames grow deep in his belly. The fire inside of him can only be quenched with distance and ignorance, both of which are impossible for him when it comes to Petra. Close proximity will only make the flames inside of him grow. Auruo is aware of this, yet he finds himself closing what little distance there is between the two of them. His legs entangle themselves around her, and his arms find their way around her waist. She cannot see his face from where she sits now that he has situated himself behind her. He doesn’t have to make up an excuse about why his face is engulfed in flames, but he’s sure she can feel his heart thumping against her back and he’s not sure he can come up with any reasonable explanation without giving himself away entirely. Even now as he speaks to her, his lips quiver as he asks, “Is this better?”  

“It’s better,” she hums. Petra’s hands envelope Auruo’s, her fingers caressing him almost tenderly. Her touch lights a trail of fire across his skin. She speaks in a voice just above a whisper. “We should probably wait until the fire dies out.”  

“Right,” Auruo murmurs. Like Petra, he keeps his voice low even though there isn’t a reason. Everyone else is upstairs in their rooms. It would be impossible for the Captain and their comrades to hear them even if Petra and Auruo were to speak at a normal volume, but it seems wrong to speak louder than the crackling fire in front of them.  

Neither one reaches for the poker to spread out the embers. They choose to let the fire die out on its own. Their gazes linger on the flickering flames in front of them, but their minds are wandering elsewhere.  

When was the last time they were able to be alone together? If they aren’t training or heading out to dangerous expeditions, they are cleaning the castle or tidying the grounds. Whatever private time Petra and Auruo have together, it’s never enough. They’ll take whatever few seconds they can get, sneaking little glances or touches behind the backs of their squad mates or in dark corners of the castle out of their Captain’s watchful gaze, but they never get beyond kisses and hasty hands underneath their half-unbuttoned shirts.  

Tonight seems a little too good to be true. The scene is set perfectly — entangled together and warmed by the flames burning in the hearth — and Auruo would be impatient if he didn’t love watching the way the glow of the fire illuminates Petra’s cheeks. He can see the flush of her cheeks grow even as the fire turns from orange to bright scarlet to a dull red as his hands begin to rub at her sides. Her hands wrap lightly against his wrists, guiding him at first but the expanse of her body is one he’s all too familiar with by now. As his touches grow heavier, fingertips dragging against the fabric of Petra’s uniform almost painstakingly slow, so does Petra’s breathing. Her eyes begin to flutter as his hands traverse from her breasts to her waist to her hips and then back up again.  

Although he can only see the side of her face, Auruo marvels at Petra’s parted lips, how they’re the same flushed pink as her cheeks. He reaches up with the back of one hand to brush against her cheek. It’s hardly a touch, but he can feel her burn against the skin of his knuckles. Knowing that she’s burning up at his slight touch, the way he’s burning up just by being in her presence, fills him with an overwhelming desire to cover her with kisses but he manages to resist and only presses his lips against her collarbone, hard, and he relishes the broken breath that escapes her lips. 

“Are you warm enough yet?” Auruo asks, his lips still against her skin. 

“No,” she whispers, and Auruo is about to wrap his arms around her tighter but Petra twists around until she’s turned around completely. Hiding the flush of his face from her is impossible now, but she’s more focused on unbuttoning his shirt, her fingers fumbling to undo his uniform.  

With one hand against the small of her back, Auruo steadies her against him. His other hand pulls his shirt out of his trousers and hurries to undo the rest of his buttons while his mouth continues to press kisses against whatever inch of Petra’s skin he can reach. He’s vaguely aware of buttons falling against the rug and others clattering against the floor but he doesn’t open his eyes to see where they’ve gone. He’d much rather focus on the weight of Petra in his lap and how her legs are wrapped around his waist.  

Her own hands travel against his abdomen, her finger tips leaving a scorched path wherever they travel. Perhaps it’s because they’ve always been rushed that her touch is clumsy and rushed, but Auruo understands her desperation. He wants to worship every inch of her, wants to show her just how strongly his desire has burned for her for so long. Still, this is different from the hasty make out sessions behind the stables or in darkened hallways, and so Auruo resists from moving too quickly.  

Auruo rubs the fabric of Petra’s collar against his thumb and forefinger and looks at her. He traces the edge of her collar with a finger and watches her shiver as it travels down her clavicle. A similar shiver runs down his own spine. He plays with the top button of her uniform. “Can I?” he asks. He doesn’t finish answering the question before Petra begins nodding.  

“Please,” she practically begs, and Auruo has to bury his face against her shoulder to muffle the moan that comes from his mouth.  

He’s as haphazard with undoing her shirt as he was with his own, fingers shaking in anticipation. It’s difficult to concentrate when Petra is pressing kisses against his cheeks and forehead and when she grinds her hips against his so desperately. He still wears his trousers, but there’s no mistaking his want threatening to burst through the fabric. He’s sure he’s lost a few buttons on Petra’s shirt too and he mumbles an apology of being so messy before stopping to marvel at the sight of her: her ginger hair in disarray, her cheeks flushed with lust, her lips swollen from desperate kisses, her neck blossoming with love marks he had placed on her only seconds ago, the swell of her breasts as she takes each shaking breath, and her lithe waist quivering as she tries to find satisfaction with her hips against his.  

It was never enough before, the stolen kisses and the fumbling hands underneath their clothes as they hid the shadows. Auruo isn’t sure how he had managed before. He wants her so desperately now, and he’s sure Petra has been just as impatient by the way she searches for sweet friction against him.  

He buries his face between her breasts and presses his lips between them over and over and over again. The unexpected kisses make Petra gasp in surprise, but she pulls one hand behind his head and pushes his face towards her so he takes it as permission to continue. He kisses and sucks at the soft skin of her breast, swelling even more as he hears the gasps and moans that escape Petra’s lips even though she tries hard to suppress them. He helps Petra out of her shirt and she frees herself from her brassiere. It’s perhaps the first time she’s bore herself to Auruo like this, but he wastes no time in reveling in her beauty. He won’t allow her a moment of shyness. He cups one breast in his hand, circle her nipple with his thumb until it becomes a hardened nub under his touch. He leans down, taking her other nipple in his mouth and teases it with his tongue.  

Petra writhes under his touch, her desire growing just as dangerously as his. Her hips rock desperately and so he allows her to find relief against his thigh. His other hand teases between her skin and the band of her panties. His fingers caress her hip as he continues to play with her, teasing her slowly with his mouth and planting more love marks against her breasts. It’s only when she grabs his hand and guides him down the front of her pants that Auruo finally grants her the relief that she so desperately seeks. 

“I’ll go slowly,” Auruo whispers to her, and Petra nods back at him with a fevered gaze.  

He teases her entrance, his finger already damp as it circles her lips. She’s still rocking her hips, still seeking friction or something that will ease her desire, and so Auruo presses the tip of his finger into her entrance, pushing himself inside gently and watches her shiver as she feels him inside her. He curls his finger inside her slightly as he strokes her. Gently at first but then picking up the pace when he sees the way her cheeks are flushed with desperation, the way she rocks her hips because she wants more. He plunges in a second finger and presses his thumb against her clit. He’s clumsy in his haste, but she’ll take whatever relief she can get. Her moans become louder, more broken, as he strokes inside of her. His thumb circles her clit with more urgency than before. The more he circles, the more desperate she becomes, the more she leans into his touch. Her back is arched, breasts heaving as her body begs and shivers for more, offering herself to him. 

“Auruo, please,” Petra pleads and her fingers fumble to undo the front of his trousers, but her desperation has made her uncoordinated.  

Sweat glistens against his forehead and Auruo has to wipe it away with the back of his arm. “Are you sure?” he asks, worried that he’s taken it too far too fast. His strokes begin to slow, but Petra’s legs wrap around him even more tightly. 

“I want it to be you,” Petra tells him and the way her voice trembles only further ignites the flames of desire that threaten to consume him. Her fingers still shake as she undoes the button of his trousers and pulls down the zipper. “I’ve always wanted it to be you. So please-”  

Auruo hisses when she pulls out his cock, throbbing with want as she holds him. She strokes him clumsily and he moans brokenly against her shoulder.  

“Can I?” 

“Yes.” 

She cries out when he pulls out his fingers, immediately feeling the loss of him. Not wanting to have her wait any longer, Auruo pulls Petra’s pants down below her knees before finding his place between her legs. The tip of his cock teases against her entrance and she shakes underneath him. He eases himself in gently, pressing kisses against Petra’s cheeks as he slips in inch by inch. He can feel Petra, overwhelmed by the size of him but wanting desperately to have every inch of him inside of her. He whispers praises against the shell of her ear until she’s taken him in his entirety.  

Even as the embers die, his own body fills with heat. The warmth engulfs him and he wonders how the castle has not gone down in flames. Flames of desire turn from a fiery red to a blazing white, fueled by moans of ecstasy that Petra is no longer able to suppress. Auruo’s own elated utterances mingle with hers as their bodies move together as one. When the heat becomes too much, when he feels just as he is about to overflow, Auruo pulls out and lets his love spill against her thighs and Petra shivers and gasps at the loss of him. 

They collapse against each other, sticking against each other skin to skin.  

“We should clean up,” Auruo murmurs. His head rests against Petra’s breast, the thud of her heartbeat like a metronome lulling him asleep. “We should go to sleep.” 

“When the fire goes out,” Petra replies, but he can tell from her voice that her eyes are closing and she too will soon be asleep. Her hand strokes his sandy curls, damp with sweat, and although the fire has long died out, the two of them are warmed by each other. 

[lemoncrushh]

Too Far From Texas | Chapter Twenty-Nine

STORY PAGE

Word Count: 5528

“Please tell me that latte has an extra shot of espresso in it,” Lorelei groaned.

“With almond milk,” I nodded as I laid the Venti sized beverage in front of her.

“You’re a doll,” she breathed a sigh of relief and removed the lid to test the temperature. “Ooh, still hot, too.”

Despite the climbing temperatures outside, the office was freezing in typical Houston fashion. I’d stopped at Starbucks after dropping the girls off at school, knowing my best friend and I could both use some extra caffeine for the long morning we had ahead of us. We had a deadline coming up, and though we had practically finished the manuscript, we still had a lot of our own editing to do before sending it to the actual editing department.

“You want your croissant now, or save it for later?” I asked, holding up the small paper bag.

“Mmm, now,” she said with a gesture of her free hand as she set down her cup with the other.

Handing Lorelei her breakfast, I sat down at the chair across from her desk and pulled out my own hot sandwich, letting the steam rise before biting into it.

“Oh!” Lorelei exclaimed before quickly covering her mouth and swallowing. “Before I forget, it’s Rachel’s birthday tomorrow, so we’re all putting in five dollars for a cake and gift. I went ahead and chipped in for both of us.”

I frowned. “Rachel, the receptionist?”

“Yeah. She’s turning forty, so I thought it would be nice to have a little something.”

“Huh. I didn’t see her when I came in just now.”

Lorelei gave a smirk before taking a sip of her latte. “She’d probably rushed off to the toilet. She hasn’t told me, but I think she’s preggers.”

“At forty?” I asked on impulse.

Lor gave me a much deserved look. “You can still get pregnant at forty, Stace.”

“I know,” I shrugged. “I just…always thought it was kind of risky.”

“Well sure, it can be. But women still do it. My aunt Dinah was forty-four when she had my cousin Lucas. Of course he’s a right twat, but that has nothing to do with it.” She laughed, giving me the eye. “Alright Stacey, what gives?”

I mimicked her gaze. “Nothing. I just kind of figure once you reach a certain age, you’re not even thinking about having babies anymore.”

“That’s an awful thing to say,” Lorelei snapped. “Granted, it’s not Rachel’s first baby, but what if it was? That’s not for you to decide.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Then what did you mean?” She pursed her lips, then sat back, crossing her arms across her chest. “Stacey Barnett! Do you have baby fever?”

“Oh God, no!” I gave her a dismissive wave. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Lorelei sat up again, resting her elbows on the desk. Then in a hushed tone, she looked me in the eye. “Do you want another baby, Stacey?”

“No!” I argued. “Believe me, that is furthest from my mind.”

“You mean to tell me if Harry...what’s his middle name?”

“Edward,” I chuckled.

“If Harry Edward Styles said ‘Stacey Marie Barnett, I wanna have a baby with you’, you wouldn’t give him one?”

I shook my head as I felt my cheeks turn pink. “Okay, you’ve gone off your rocker first of all. He would never say that. And second, I am way too old to be having babies with a twenty-four-year-old musician.”

“Here we go again,” Lorelei rolled her eyes. “You’re not old, hon. Stop thinking you are.”

“No, I know I’m not old old,” I pressed. “Just...older.”

My friend made a funny sound deep in her throat before brushing the crumbs from her hands. “Right. Since we’re on the subject, catch me up on the Story of Styles.”

I snorted after taking a drink. “He’s in Europe. I forget which city today. Yesterday was a traveling day, so I didn’t really talk to him. Just a couple of quick texts.”

“When’s the last time you got to talk? Like, FaceTime?”

“A few days ago.”

“That’s not too bad,” Lor offered.

I nodded with a slight pout. Since Harry had left for his tour, we made it a point to FaceTime at least once every four or five days. In between he’d text me when he could, just to give me an update or tell me he loved and missed me. So far, I was keeping it together, at least on the outside. But I had to admit, the being apart was harder than it had ever been. I chalked it up to the fact that he was overseas and not on American land, but deep down I still had a gnawing ache due to something else.

We still hadn’t really had our talk.

I say our talk, but truly it was all me. Harry had assured and reassured me several times before he even left that he was committed to me and our relationship. In the end, I’d decided that was enough for me, and it would have been bad timing for me to confess all of my worries and insecurities. He knew most of them anyway, and he still wanted to be with me. So I wished him the best of luck and told him I was proud of him.

I scanned the internet from time to time, just to see any new videos posted by fans, or a short write-up about his concert the previous night. But as I’d promised both Harry and Lorelei, I did not search for anything that might include my name or a reference to me. My social media accounts were still private, and though I did occasionally get new requests, I denied them all with the exception of Cindy and Glenne who’d asked me before I’d ever left L.A. Though part of me was itching with curiosity, I knew it was best not to travel down that road. I could only imagine what fictional scenarios and assumptions people might have been making about Harry Styles’s girlfriend - the older woman.

“Alright doll,” said Lorelei when I threw away our trash. “Let’s get to work.”

With a sigh, I pulled my laptop from my bag and set it on Lor’s desk. Though we primarily wrote separately in our own offices or at home, the editing process was done best side by side. Word had it that if we got the final manuscript to corporate before the end of May, the book might be put on the short list and published sooner than anticipated. So far it was “on the down low” as Kris had put it, very hush hush. But if it was true, it could mean big things for both of us, and I might actually have enough money to take my kids to Disney World.

“Thank you so much, all of you,” Rachel beamed after she opened her gift.

Everyone clapped and Terrance whistled. With a shy grin, Rachel patted her belly.

“I suppose the rumor has gotten out that I’m going to have a baby,” she announced. “And it’s true.”

The conference room erupted with applause once more.

“Mike and I haven’t told Jacob yet. We plan on telling him this weekend that he’s going to be a big brother.”

“Aww, that’s so cute,” said Lorelei.

“I wasn’t actually sure if I could have any more kids,” Rachel continued, “especially at forty. But the doctor has assured me everything looks great so far, and I shouldn’t have any problems. So, next time we’re in here might be for a baby shower? Maybe?”

Everyone laughed, Sarah from accounting giving verbal confirmation that she’d be in charge. Once the party had commenced, Lorelei and I stayed back to help clean up, Rachel offering.

“Don’t be silly,” said Lor. “It’s your special day. We’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you again, you guys,” Rachel smiled before turning down the hall toward the reception desk.

Picking up the remainder of the cake, I carefully placed it on the counter before reaching for the extra paper plates and napkins. It wasn’t until I heard my name that I realized my cheeks were wet.

“Stace? Hon? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I shook my head, wiping my face with the backs of my hands.

“Stacey. You’re crying.”

“Sorry,” I said hastily, shoving the plates and napkins into the cupboard. “I just...miss Harry I guess. It was bound to hit me sooner or later.”

“Hmm, yes,” Lorelei mused.

As I reached for the messy paper tablecloth, I felt my friend’s hand take mine. I turned my head to see her expression solemn, urging and compassionate. Dropping the table cloth, I wiped another tear.

“I had a dream, Lor,” I confessed.

“Good or bad?” she inquired quietly.

“Bad. Not recently, it was a while back. But I think about it a lot.”

“Tell me.”

“It was...the future...I guess. And he was with someone else.”

“Harry?”

I nodded, looking down at the table. “She was beautiful and glowing. Like a younger Rachel. She was pregnant with his baby.”

“Oh, Stacey.”

“There wasn’t much else to it. I suppose in the dream we were on good terms. I told them congratulations. But God, Lor, it hurt so bad.”

Lorelei nodded with sad eyes, understanding.

Swallowing hard, I continued. “I had another dream...on the plane. He wanted me to stay.”

“Stay?”

I nodded, my face again wet with fresh tears. “Forever.”

My best friend wrapped her arms around me then and let me cry on her shoulder. She didn’t ask me anything else, and I figured she didn’t have to. We cleaned up the rest of the festivity remains in silence before heading back to work.

The heavy feeling was pulling on my heart the rest of the evening. Tod came by to pick up the girls for the weekend, promising to take them to Cheddar’s for dinner. Emery was beside herself with glee, so I put on my big girl panties as they say and tried my best to hide any sign of sadness. Normally, just knowing Em and Jaz were there at home put my mind at ease, even if I was feeling lonesome for Harry. But once they were gone, my emotions got the better of me.

I hadn’t heard from him yet that day. In fact, the last word from him had been a short “love you” text at three in the morning my time on Thursday, which of course I didn’t see until I awoke. I knew the time difference was weird and made it difficult to chat, especially if he was doing a show. And if he was travelling, I didn’t expect him to call me either. I just missed him.

After having dinner alone, I opened my laptop, hoping to get some work done. I’d only typed a mere two sentences when I found myself searching online for Harry. It seemed he was in Germany and he’d had a show that night. I watched several video clips, smiling at his charm and singing along to his songs. When I played a clip of his final song, however, my favorite, I began to cry in my chair.

I decided to try to watch a movie for a distraction, so I made myself some popcorn and poured a glass of wine. Halfway through the storyline, however, I started feeling depressed, wishing Harry was sitting beside me watching the film with me, giving his goofy commentary. Or more than likely, hushing me as I tried to give mine.

The sadder I got, the angrier I got at myself for feeling that way. I had no right to be sad. I knew how lucky I was. I was being stupid and foolish. Checking my phone, free of messages, I figured it wasn’t even 7AM yet where he was. And if it was the morning after a concert, he most likely slept in. I might not hear from him for a while.

Turning off the TV, I walked wistfully to the bedroom, preparing for sleep. Brushing my teeth and changing into my pajamas, I crawled into bed feeling like an elephant had sat on my chest. I always hated how my brain would take off in the late hours when I couldn’t sleep, keeping me awake even longer because it wouldn’t turn off. I thought of things I didn’t want to think about, things that had been in the back of my mind haunting me. I cursed life and the world.

I’d just returned to bed after the third bathroom break when my phone buzzed on the nightstand. It was nearly 2AM then, but seeing Harry’s name displayed still surprised me.

“Hello?” I answered, not in the usual “hi sugar,” or “hey you,” greeting I usually gave.

“Hi beautiful,” he said, his tone cheerful. “I wasn’t sure if you’d answer. I reckoned I’d leave a message.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“I mean, why would you leave a message if you knew I was asleep?” I could tell my tone was abrupt, and not what he was expecting. For some reason I couldn’t help it.

“Um...because I missed you and I thought you might be missing me. So a voicemail is better than a text, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes,” I sighed, regretting my rudeness.

“But hearing your voice is even better,” Harry added. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” I replied. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby. Anything I can do?”

“I doubt it. Unless you can fly to Texas and crawl into bed with me.”

“Oh, my love. I wish I was there with you right now.” Though he sounded sincere, I knew he was just saying it to make me feel better. Once again, I hated myself for feeling this way.

“How was the show last night?” I asked, changing the subject. “I watched a few videos.”

“Wonderful. Every show is great, I have such amazing fans.”

“Of course you do,” I commented. “Look who they get to be fans of.”

The ever-present contented sound I loved so much came from Harry’s throat then, and I felt the emotions rise in my own. Choking back a sob, I pretended to cough. Harry noticed.

“Stacey? You okay?”

“Mmm, no, not really,” I answered.

“What’s wrong, love? Talk to me.”

“I just…” I paused. “I miss you so much.”

“I miss you, too, baby. But we’re getting closer, yeah? It won’t be long.”

His sweet, calming voice vibrated throughout my body as I realized it was time to tell him. I’d been holding back for fear of hurting the both of us, but I knew it was inevitable.

“Harry…” I began. “Do you remember Harold and Millicent?”

Harry chuckled low. “Of course, how could I forget?”

“And do you remember their granddaughter came into the cafe with her baby? And Millie asked if we planned on having any?”

“Yeah.”

I swallowed hard. “I think...that was the first time it really hit me.”

“What hit you?” asked Harry.

“That this might not work out between us.”

“What?” Harry’s tone completely changed in that one word, and I felt the weight of it on my chest.

“That wasn’t the only time I felt it though,” I added. “There was of course the talk with your mother, and some dreams I had-”

“Fuck, Stacey!” Harry exclaimed. I could tell he was angry now. I couldn’t really blame him. I’d caught him off guard. My body shook as I held back the tears.

“Harry,” I pressed. “You wanted me to talk. You kept urging me to tell you everything I was feeling. Well, I’m telling you now, this is how I’ve been feeling.”

“That it’s not gonna work out?”

“No. That I’ve been so afraid of telling you what I feel in my gut. Because you might change your mind and not love me anymore. But that’s so fucking selfish of me, Harry.”

“I don’t understand,” he said, his voice low again.

“You deserve to have everything you want, when you want it, and when the time is right. You’re still so young and one day you’ll want to have a family. But not right now. And certainly not a ready-made one.”

There was a long pause as I heard Harry’s breathing through the phone. I wanted to say more, but I also wanted to give him the chance to give his input, perhaps let me off the hook. When he didn’t, however, I knew it was wishful thinking.

“I had a dream,” I confessed, “on the plane ride home. You’d asked me not to go. You’d wanted me to stay, to even go on tour with you and bring the girls. I knew it was a foolish dream, but I realized how much I’d wished it was true. Which makes me hate myself even more.”

“Stacey…” he sighed, but added nothing more.

“The thing is, Harry, if you told me right now that you want a baby...my baby...I would give it to you.”

“But that’s not what you want.”

“It’s not what you want either.”

“Then why are we even discussing it?”

“Because one day you might want that,” I explained, “and I won’t be able to give it to you then.”

“Why are you so worried about the future, Stacey? I’m not. Why can’t we just live in the present?”

“Because I can’t,” I cried. “I can’t live like that. My entire marriage I was told I needed to be happy with what I had, even though I wanted so much more. I felt like I was missing out on something. So I fell into a deep depression until I was finally able to step away from that marriage.”

“But this isn’t like that, Stacey. This isn’t your unhealthy, dysfunctional marriage.” Harry’s voice had risen again, and I could tell he was teetering between wanting to yell and cry. “Do you honestly feel like you’re missing out on something?”

“No, I-”

“I’m giving you everything I have. I love you here and now. Can’t you just be with me because you love me, and I love you?”

“I want to…” The tears were flowing freely now, down my cheeks and onto my pillow. I didn’t try to stop them. “I just don’t want to be in the way.”

“In the way of what?”

“Of your life. Everything you deserve. I don’t...I can’t be the reason you don’t have everything you ever wanted.”

“What are you saying?” Harry croaked.

“I’m saying...God, I love you so much, Harry. But...I don’t know. Maybe we should just take a break. Maybe this time apart is what we need.”

“Jesus, Stacey. What the fuck? You just said you’d have my baby and now you wanna break up?”

“I don’t...no, I don’t want to…” My entire body trembled as I gathered my next words. “I just think it’s best if we don’t talk for a little while.”

“How long is a little while?”

“Um...maybe until I see you in June,” I replied.

“God, please don’t-” I heard him swallow hard. “This is so fucked up.”

“Yeah. I know. Bye, Harry.”

I knew my final words were harsh as they included no term of endearment, laced with hope. But that was mostly for myself. I was being selfish in that regard. Because if I was to give myself any sign of hope, I’d crumble.

I lied to my mother and told her I was sick. It was just a white lie though, since I did feel like death. On Sundays when the girls were home, we’d have dinner, but even on Tod’s weekends, my mother would sometimes stop by for a visit. I figured it was because she felt entitled to grace me with her presence, knowing if she didn’t invite herself, she might not get one. Yes, I was a horrible daughter.

But this particular Sunday just wasn’t going to cut it. I knew I’d made my own bed, but I planned to literally lie in it and sulk until Tod dropped off the girls that evening.

Harry hadn’t tried to call or text, honoring my request. I hadn’t expected him to regardless, but it still hurt. I supposed deep down I kind of wished he’d fight me on it, or fight for me. But it had been my decision to take a break, and he was just respecting that.

Also, I was pretty sure he already hated me, at least as much as I hated myself.

I’d always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions on my face. So it was no surprise that Lorelei knew something was up as soon as she saw me Monday morning. However, her first thought was Jasmine, bless her heart.

“Oh my God, doll, did Jaz have another seizure?”

“No,” I shook my head, dropping my bag next to the empty chair and pulling out my laptop. “She’s perfectly fine.”

“Oh,” she sighed, her hand on her heart. “You just look like you had zero rest, so that was my first impulse. Are you sick?”

“I’m fine.”

“Is it Harry?”

Three guesses. It didn’t take much for Lorelei. We were best friends, after all.

“Yes,” I replied sharply. “But if I tell you, will you please not judge me?”

“Stace!” Lorelei exclaimed, offended.

I watched her walk around me to the office door and shut it. Her heels clicked as she made her way to me. With her hands on my arms, she looked me in the eye.

“Why would you ever think I’d judge you? You’re my bestie! You can tell me anything.”

“I told Harry we shouldn’t talk for a while.”

Dropping her hands, Lorelei gasped. “What?”

I lowered my gaze and slumped down into the chair. Lor grabbed the other one against the wall and pulled it towards me, taking a seat with her eyes glued to me.

“What happened, hon?” she asked gently.

“Well, I broke two hearts at once is what I did,” I replied, “but I just felt like it was for the best to take a break. He’s busy anyway, and I think eventually he’ll forget me and move on.”

“Wait,” Lorelei held up her hands. “Back up. This doesn’t sound like you.”

“I know. Because I’d been holding it in. He’s better off without me, Lor.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Basically...that I don’t want to stand in his way. And he deserves everything he wants.”

Lorelei groaned, rolling her eyes. “Don’t you think that includes you?”

“Up to now, yes,” I explained. “But he may change his mind. Eventually he’s going to want his own family, not mine.”

Lor made a face, her mouth and nose distorted. “I mean...I guess I kind of understand that. But don’t you think that’s his decision? You just made up his mind for him.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Before it’s too late and we’ve taken this too far.”

“Too far? Stace, you love him. He loves you. Why isn’t that enough?”

Dropping my head, I played with my fingers in my lap. “That’s what he said.”

I heard my friend sigh, silent for a moment. Then she reached for my hands, making me look at her.

“Stacey. Doll. You know I’m not the best at giving relationship advice. Lord knows I’m shit at commitment. But what is the one thing I’ve been telling you since you met Harry?”

I swallowed hard. “That I deserve to be happy.”

“Exactly,” Lor nodded eagerly. “Now, I thought Harry was making you happy. I know he was. I saw it on your face every day, even when you were missing him. And even when you were being stubborn and thinking it wasn’t true love. It was. It is! I’ve never seen you glow so much.”

I bit my lip, fighting back the tears.

“But…” she continued with another sigh, “if you truly believe that this is no longer making you happy, I support your decision.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“It really makes me sad though,” she added. “I really thought you had something special. Is it truly over?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “I told him I loved him, and I didn’t really want to break up, but it’s best if we don’t talk until I see him at the concert.”

Twisting her mouth, Lorelei considered my words. “Okay. That’s what, six weeks or so? It’s a long time, but maybe...maybe you’ll get your answer by then, whether or not you belong together.”

I sat back, wiping a small tear from my cheek. “Thanks, Lor. Thanks for understanding.”

She shrugged. “I’ll be honest, Stace, I don’t really understand. But you’re my best friend and I love you. All I want is your happiness.”

I sucked in my lips and nodded. “Thanks for that then.”

My stomach hurt. Work and life went on as usual, regardless of how much I ached on the inside. It was foolish of me to pretend I didn’t miss Harry, but if I was going to start moving on, I had to stand my ground, keeping my head held high.

He’d texted me a few times over the last couple weeks. Most of the messages were his requests that we talk, that he missed me, the last one just asking if I was okay. So far I’d only replied that I still didn’t think we should talk, and that included texting.

One evening after I’d put the girls to bed, I noticed a text from an unknown number. Opening it, I realized it was from Glenne.

Hi, it’s Glenne. I hope you don’t mind, H gave me your number. Just wanted to check in. Give me a call sometime.

Though I wasn’t ready to chat with any of Harry’s friends, especially if they knew what was going on between us, I found it very classy of her to not ask for any details in a text. I saved her number to my contacts, deciding I would certainly give her a call...when I was ready.

I hadn’t bothered to look at anymore fan videos since the ones from Germany. I hadn’t Googled Harry’s name, nor mine for that matter. I didn’t even know what city or country he was in.

Many times I wanted to pick up the phone and call him. I wanted to reply to his texts that I missed him too. I even got looks from Lorelei from time to time when I’d accidentally drop his name in conversation. I knew she thought I was insane, and I even considered it myself. I just kept remembering the feeling I’d get when I thought of him a year or two from now, telling me he no longer loved me the way he once did. He’d admit it was fun while it lasted, but he couldn’t ever fully commit or settle down with me. I was doing us both a favor now, bypassing that inevitable heartache. As far as I was concerned, it was easier to bruise a little bit while the feelings were still new, rather than to break into a million pieces later. With us both being busy and an ocean separating us, now was a good time to just cut the cord.

I was in a meeting with the editing department when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Taking a quick gander at it underneath the table, I nearly gasped when I saw it was Harry.

I know you don’t want to talk. I just need to know you’re ok.

I hesitated, taking a deep breath. Lorelei, who sat next to me, eyed me with a raise of her brow.

“Talk to him,” she mouthed.

Pursing my lips, I sent Harry the shortest possible reply.

I’m ok.

“I have news!” sang Lorelei as she bounced into my office one afternoon.

It was mid-May, and we’d finished editing our second novel in record time. The manuscript had been sent to the corporate office in New York, and we were awaiting the official word on publication.

“Not already!” I asserted, knowing it was far too soon.

“No, not about the publication date,” Lor shook her head and sat in the chair across from me. “At least, not yet. But I’ve spoken with Kris and a couple people at corporate, and they’ve agreed to have us come up there for a meeting, sort of a...pre-launch of the book.”

“Pre-launch? What does that mean?”

“It’ll be sort of a preliminary meeting with corporate where we can discuss our plans for the launch of the book, once it’s published. That way, we kind of get a say in it. We can go ahead and plan our next book tour before the book is even on the shelves. Isn’t that exciting?”

Still confused, I sat back in my chair. “And Kris thinks this is a good idea?”

“Yes! She’s paying for us to fly up there!”

“When?” I asked incredulously.

“Next Thursday!”

My mouth agape, I quickly took a look at the calendar on my computer. For some reason the date sounded familiar, and I thought for sure I’d had something typed into that day. But it was blank.

“Well, okay then!” I exclaimed. “Next Thursday it is!”

I knew he had called. It had been during my lunch break when I was heading back to the office. I felt my phone vibrate in my bag, but when I’d retrieved it, I panicked when I saw his name and quickly sent him to voicemail. I hadn’t wanted to see if he’d left a message, but after Tod had come to pick up Jasmine and Emery, the lonely bug kicked in and curiosity took over.

It had been 12:52PM my time that he’d called. Though I still wasn’t sure where he was exactly, if he was still in Europe, it was mostly likely around 6:52PM there. It had probably been while he was getting ready for a show. I imagined him sitting in his dressing room backstage, or perhaps in the hallway chatting with some lucky fans or maybe Jeffrey and his bandmates. I felt a pang in my chest as I realized I missed them as well.

Gathering all the strength I could muster, I took a deep breath and tapped the phone screen to let the message play.

“Stacey,” he said, followed by a long pause. Then he sighed, an extra raspiness to his voice. “Oh, baby, I miss you so bad. I know you have to be missing me too. God, please tell me you do. I know you didn’t want me calling, and that’s why you’re not answering. Shit, I hope you haven’t blocked my number…”

Harry paused again, cursing under his breath before continuing.

“I really wanna talk to you. I have so many things I wanna say, but… I can’t say them all in a voicemail. I need to hear your voice. I need to see your face. This...this is killing me, Stacey. Look I…”

I heard him take a gulp of air.

“I just have to say this...no matter what happens...no matter what you might think...I want you to know I loved you with all my heart...unconditionally.”

His voice cracked then, and he mumbled a goodbye.

My face already wet with tears, I replayed the message. Then I played it again. And again. After the fourth replay, I got out of bed and rummaged through my dresser drawer, desperate to find what I was looking for - the shirt he’d sent me for Christmas. Pulling my tank top over my head, I replaced it with Harry’s purple shirt and crawled back into bed. Then I searched my phone for a playlist I’d made of some of my favorite Melody Gardot songs. Her voice sometimes soothed me, the deep echo of the instruments carrying me away as though they knew both my body and my mind ached to be. I cried softly as I listened to the first song - our song, the one I’d first sung for Harry.

Make me your lover...undercover… or don’t ever love me...at all...

The second track also did nothing to ease my pain, instead reminding me of our time together at the Marchborough Inn.

Baby don’t rush...you’re no waterfall… Love me, that is all…

By the end of the song, I knew I wasn’t listening for comfort. I needed to hurt. I needed to feel the pain, to let it out. I missed him. I missed him so badly, my chest stung to even draw a breath.

The third song, though it was not one I’d shared with Harry, hit me the hardest. I let Melody smother me with her voice, the melancholy yet sultry tune resonating through my senses and down into my bones.

But what I am certain...what is enough… Is just to remember that once...once I was loved…

I listened to Harry’s message again, followed by that final Melody song once more before I finally let slumber overtake me, and I cried myself to sleep.

MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK | PATREON

[spooniechef]

Gluten-Free Bread (1 spoon)

Things are a little depressing on the wet little island I currently call home. Okay, by "a little", I mean "this country's government is publicly struggling to find loopholes in human rights law". So as you can probably guess, the whole situation is significantly testing all the coping mechanisms for clinical depression that I learned in therapy.

Therefore, sublimation time - sublimation being where you take all that grief, rage, depression, whatever, and you stuff all that energy into doing something positive and constructive. Now, when I got my fibromyalgia diagnosis, gardening was my primary sublimation activity, but we're into mid-November now and the garden's kind of sleepy right now. That means baking is my primary option. I mean, I need gluten-free bread anyway because I need bread crumbs for various recipes I want to try, and gluten-free bread is expensive, so why not just make my own? Particularly when I might get bread that isn't about 35% air bubble if I make it myself?

I'll say this for those of you who can eat gluten - the consistency of the loaf I baked last night (recipe courtesy the Dish By Dish website) is not the same as your bog-standard supermarket loaf. The results of this recipe are softer, spongier, and somewhere on the texture scale between cornbread and cake. That's not to say it's bad, but if you've got issues with the texture of foods, it's a fair warning. Now, here's the thing that gluten-free bread has over regular bread for those of us with more physical disabilities - no kneading required. Hell, it wasn't even all that hard to mix by hand (though I probably still should have used the hand mixer; still, I was sublimating).

So! Here's what you'll need:

2 1/2 cups gluten-free all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon xanthan gum (unless your flour blend already contains it)

1 teaspoon gluten-free baking powder

2 1/4 teaspoons instant yeast

2 tablespoons sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup neutral-tasting oil (vegetable, sunflower, etc) or melted butter

1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

1 1/2 cups warm milk or milk substitute (110 F / 40 C)

2 large eggs, room temperature, beaten

Having made regular bread with actual gluten in it, this is an unusual combination of ingredients, and is probably why the consistency is closer to cake / cornbread than actual bread. Still, I figure things like the egg and milk are helping to bind the bread dough in same way the gluten molecules ordinarily would.

Anyway, here's what you do:

Combine all dry ingredients, whisk until well-blended

Add oil, vinegar, and milk, mix for 1 minute or until fully combined

Add beaten eggs, mix for 1 minute or until fully combined (consistency should be close to cake batter)

Add dough to greased 8" by 4" loaf pan, cover with a cloth, let rise in a warm place for about 30 minutes, or until it's about doubled in size

Once dough has risen, preheat oven to 350 F (175 C), then bake loaf for 50 minutes, until top is golden brown and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped.

Let cool in the pan for about 10 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack and cooling the rest of the way.

No kneading, remarkably little aggravation, and the only real issue is the number of things to wash up. The result is the sort of bread that probably works best toasted, or as the base for French toast, or turned into bread crumbs for breading things. Then again, almost all gluten-free bread needs toasting or similar to be palatable, and this was nice with butter and jam (in a cakey sort of way) when it was just out of the oven. So all that to say that it was a reasonable sublimation activity that left me feeling a little more accomplished and less helpless in general.

Now I have to go out for the ingredients for cornbread.

[moonguided]

𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 & now , so let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater . inside this place is warm , outside it starts to p o u r . 🌙

indie multi muse filled with a handful of original muses made of my own creation & some inspiration plucked by songs or tv adaptations .

brief summary of rules & thingss. i do not own any of the gifs i use, but the portrayals are all solely MY CREATIONS. mun is 21+. dark or heavy themes may appear time to time such as toxic relationships, alcohol, drugs or nsfw so keep that IN MIND before following. i do not write taboo subjects, r*pe, inc*st, step/c*st; ect. memes are reblogged for interaction i welcome 24/7. and open starters are posted for the same reasons. SO FEEL FREE to answer any of those at any time or send in any memes at any time. there is no expiration date on either one. i am fandomless, but open to fandom crossovers. i don't mind writing with canon muses. i use medium gifs, but feel free to use what you'd like. and last but not least, be nice and considerate.

‘BANNED’ FCS. i don't really have any 'banned' fcs. however, fcs i have no interest in would be sydney sweeney, youtubers, models, animated, kardashians/jenners.

FAVORITE FCS. would consist of sofia carson, rachel zegler, mimi keene, madelyn cline, zendaya, florence pugh, annasophia robb, sabrina carpenter, nina dobrev, camila morrone.

FAVORITE FC PAIRINGS. rachel zegler x tom blyth (me writing either muse), madelyn cline x felix mallard (you writing maddie fc with my felix fc muse), austin butler x annasophia robb (you writing anna fc with my future austin fc), leo dicaprio x margot robbie. (you writing a margot fc with my leo dicaprio muse). anddd prolly a handful more will be added that im not even thinking of atm.

muses.

RIVER MONTAGUE. | 22-30. | fc: young leo dicaprio. | free spirit hopping place to place around the city that never sleeps, artist by day and a trouble maker by night. likely to play a prank on you or drag you into his trouble. (under co.) | residence: new york, new york.

AXL MONTGOMERY. | 21-23. | fc: felix mallard. | indiana boy. skate boarder, easy going, loner that’ll sit over in a corner to himself with cigarette in hand but coincidentally everyone’s friend and likes to make people laugh with his wit. comes from a broken home & a lot of that is subtly carried over with him, molded him to come off hesitant about who he shares his heart with and gives it completely away to. nonetheless, he definitely doesn’t lack a heart. attached to his loving grandmother– whose definitely been a great role model on bringing him up right. he’s the boy who comes through your window at night and will nag you to death for just a crumb of your attention. easy going and would say it’s an unpopular opinion as most young people love to tear out of a small town, but he’s really into where he comes from and takes pride in it. | residence: small town indiana.

MRS. IVY HART. | 30-34. | fc: brianne howey. | southern belle, over thinker, ball of anxiety, 5th grade teacher, wears her heart on her sleeve, kind heart but a dark past that’s top secret on keeping and concealing. always been on the run, would like to be settled back down in her home state of north carolina– but life hasn’t dealt her that lucky to have that opportunity so she’s lodged herself in a different city far off. | residence: (located in whatever city your muse is from. born and raised in asheville, north carolina.) // based off georgia from georgia & ginny, just a little less murderous than georgia lol.

DAISY MAY GROVER. | 21-25. | fc: rachel zegler. | the preacher’s daughter. tender hearted, feels this immense pressure to always be ‘perfect’ in her father’s eyes, always a self conscious need to feel like she needs his approval. singer, into theatre, loves music, especially the older kind, always a back talker, fiercely sweet, can shoot a gun and be as lovely as the sun.  comes with a lot of mommy issues out of abandonment– in denial to it, too. attention deprived, headstrong and a little of a control freak. when a remote, strict man collides worlds with a rebellious always on the run kind of spirit of a woman then brings a tiny daisy, born in the warm wind of a fresh may day, courtesy of her middle name… it doesn’t end on such a good note and the result of that is always a result of a broken home and a broken child. | residence: chattanooga, tennessee.

MIA REED. | 22-26. | fc: sabrina carpenter. | TO BE WRITTEN.

JESSE ROSE. | 23-28. | fc: tom blyth. | race car driver, race car number SEVEN. mechanic + now a care taker of mistreated horses. kind of person that doesn’t start a fight but doesn’t care to finish one. born in south carolina, now off place to place for races and has a long time love for horses from growing up around them. they were his only friends and once you’ve been loved by a horse, it never leaves you. raised by a kind stepmother, but had a distant father– the only thing they could bond on was the love for racing. had a high school sweet heart who betrayed him and along the way developed a pack of trust issues. abandonment issues from his real mother taking off on him when he was 8. falls in love easy, but will shield his feelings from getting attached so he might run away from you if he feels he’s getting in too deep. when jesse’s not out on the track, he’s at his ranch giving the love to any of the horses that get brought in to him who’ve been mistreated. horses grew up being his bestest of friends, so he thinks he owes them back his love and companionship– especially the ones that’ve been abused or neglected from their previous owners. | residence: outskirts of charleston, south carolina & sometime’s in a different city over night for a competition.

SEBASTIAN WILDE. | 22-28. | fc: austin butler. | born in memphis. raised up, actin’ just like anyone else out in memphis. not a whole lot to do outside the city, so he grew up picking guitars and making makeshift stages in his mama’s living room singing and carrying on. writing songs or working on old cars. sebastian’s not hard to like, with big blue puppy dog eyes, a cute smile and a way of sweet talking his way out of the worst predicaments. and he’d admit, he gets himself in quite a lot of those. a boy without a daddy was surely going to end up in all kinds of trouble, even if he sure hated making his mama let down. that’s why he feels he should stick to music, lash out all his anger through singin’ and playin’ down at the local joint called ‘THE CORNER’. that’s where you’ll find him. if he’s not makin’ a ruckus at any of the local bars and getting into fights– or starting them. | residence: memphis, tennessee. 

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Forgotten Ties - Chapter 17 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

"So, there's something I should probably tell you if we're going to be sticking together for a bit," Aris said not long after they all set out together in the direction of the abandoned town. "So... I don't really die. If I'm fatally injured, there'll be a big burst of flames and then, bam. An egg. I will be inside the egg."

"You... turn into an egg instead of dying?" Nim asked. "And then what?"

"Well, then you just chuck the egg in a fire, it hatches and there'll be a baby with cute little wings inside. The baby will be me. Then you just raise the baby until adulthood and there you go. I'm back."

"Oh, is that all," Nim said. "I know how long that takes. I've been around all these little fucks for months and they've barely grown."

"Well, considering that when other people die they're just dead forever, I'd say it's relatively convenient," Aris said. "Besides, I start remembering within a few years, so I'm an easier kid than most. Still a kid, mind you but a precocious one."

"Let's try to avoid it anyway," Nim said. "We already have enough kids to take care of. A baby is the last thing we need."

"I mean, I'd prefer not as well but you know." Aris shrugged. "It does happen from time to time."

"You're a lot older than you look, then," Marigold said. "I assume you've been through that process of rebirth at least twice if you're as comfortable with it as you seem."

"You'd be right about that," Aris said. "The first time, I had no idea I could do that. I actually died of like... old age, I guess. I thought I'd lived a full life and my time was up and then... nope. Second time, I died young, taking stupid risks because I thought I was invincible. Turns out I am, so no big deal. Third time was actually on purpose. I fucked up my wing so bad there was no going back, so back in the egg I went. The last time was a car accident and it's the reason why I now tell everyone I spend any time with at all what to expect. Nobody knew what the deal with the egg was or what to do with it, so someone took it home and shoved it in storage somewhere. Took twenty fucking years and a fortunate housefire for me to hatch out."

"I'm not sure the homeowners would have considered it fortunate," Nim commented.

"Well, look, nobody died. What's a little property damage if it means I get to hatch? Do feel free to wait until you're somewhere safe before hatching me, though. Seems like the egg can just sit around indefinitely with no special care and be fine, so..." Aris shrugged.

"I like eggs," Skye commented. "Yum."

Aris raised an eyebrow.

"Is that a threat?"

"No, I'm just hungry."

"You can eat as much as you like, Skye," Marigold said. "We're going to restock at the abandoned town, so we don't have to conserve resources right now."

"Cool," Skye said. "I'm going to eat a whole box of salami sticks."

Skye did not end up eating a whole box of salami sticks because he shared some of them with Nim but he did eat most of them, followed by half a bag of old cereal he found buried at the bottom of his own bag.

He fell to the back of the group while he was busy eating and Nim stuck by his side even though he seemed to find it awkward to walk so slowly with his long legs.

Skye ate the last of the cereal crumbs and shoved the empty bag back into his backpack.

"Nim?"

"Yeah."

"Are we still going to have a cabin in the woods now that your mum's still alive? Or... was that ever a real thing or was it just something to think about to make us feel better?"

"Well..." Nim shrugged. "I don't know what'll happen or where we'll end up. Of all the possible futures, though, the one where we have a nice little house in the woods together seems like a pretty good one, right?"

"Yeah," Skye said. "I just really wanted that to actually happen."

"Me too."

"Yeah but..."

Skye shook his head.

"It's hard to explain. I've been alive for so long, Nim. Maybe I wasn't really conscious for most of it but I was always searching. I was trying to find people who I could be close to. That was what brought me back every time but it never worked out. It never lasted. I know all of this is hard for you as well and you just want it to be over but..."

Skye gave a frustrated shrug.

"I get it, Skye. I know you're not trying to one up me or anything. It's different for you. There's more to it."

"I just don't want to go away again. I want to stay this time."

"I'm not going to make any promises I don't know for sure I can keep but I will promise that I'll fight for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you don't get lost."

"You are very strong, so... okay. I won't worry about it. Thanks."

Nim smiled and gave Skye a shake of his head.

"You're welcome."

[crazyblondelife]

Sweet Potatoes with Candied Bacon Spirals - My Latest YouTube Video

Good Morning! It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I’ve been cooking nonstop for what seems like days! I’ve made a huge Brussels Sprouts Casserole, a Gluten Free Corn Pudding (recipe from No Crumbs Left), a delicious Thai Coconut Curry Butternut Squash Soup (a request from my daughter and recipe coming soon), and an Apricot Grand Marnier Sausage Dressing from my very old copy of The Silver Palette Cookbook. Today, I’ll make an Sweet Onion Casserole that’s an old recipe my mom used to make and Chocolate Chess Pies. The only thing left for me to do on Thursday will be the Oyster Casserole (also from The Silver Palette)! Everyone is bringing something and this year, my son-in-law is making the Heritage Foods Turkey! This fresh turkey was delivered yesterday and I know it will be so delicious!

Today, I’m sharing another YouTube video and this is a good one! I made a Sweet Potato Casserole with Candied Bacon Spirals from a recipe I found in Better Homes and Gardens and I’m telling you…it’s the best thing ever! The bacon takes some effort, but it’s sooo worth it! My daughter is making the sweet potatoes this year and I’ve given her this recipe! The sweet potatoes are cooked in the slow cooker with chicken broth (yum) which is nice because it frees up oven space. The cooked sweet potatoes are put into a mixer with cream, butter and a little brown sugar and they are so delicious on their own, but the bacon takes them over the top! It’s really easy to do but takes a little time…I promise it’s worth it! The bacon would also be amazing on salads and even as an hors d’oeuvre on a cocktail buffet! I hope you enjoy this video! If you haven’t already, please hit the subscribe button beneath the video and you’ll get a notification when I publish a new video! I’m hoping to make at least one video per week! Please let me know if there’s anything in particular you would like to see! I’m getting ready to be in full on Holiday mode so there will be lots of fun ideas for parties and more! Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!

[blog-reflection]

One / Three - From Juicebox and Monster Fights

I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was racing back and forth between what happened this day, on why my mum is the way she is. How can it be that every time I have some joy, she gets herself involved and makes me feel bad about it. I stared at the ceiling, imagining how it would open and someone pulls me out and be like " HA PRANKED '' but I guess that only happens in tv shows. I buried myself in my blankets leaving only my head out of it. I turned to the side, and closed my eyes only to open them ten minutes later .

I gave up, there was no way in sleeping I might as well give up on it completely. I stood up and walk down the stairs to get a drink. I noticed that the tv was still broadcasting which told me, that my mum was still in the living room, probably sleeping away the fact that she's drunk again. The kitchen looked like the aftermatch of one of those fancy ten year teen party. Empty bottles and crumbs of crisps everywhere. I just grabbed a juicebox and walked up again, placed myself at my desk and turned on the pc.

Discord was stuffed with messages from Jesse, my best friend. Jesse and I met in our first year at our school all the way back in Dover. They've been my only friend, leaving us to be our own little independent couple of weirdos. Sadly, Jesse got bullied a lot, to an extend where they had to move schools. They were at Truham Grammar school now, an boys only school. At first I didn't understand, while Charles - Jesse dad - was sending them to an all boys school since, well, they got bullied because they didn't fit in. But when I crashed at their place in Windsor for a view years I understood. The school was a shithole yeah. Including everything you need. Loveless hallways with some random lockers, somewhere painted blue and yellow and teachers that couldn't care less about their students well being. But the last headboy was quite charming. I always saw him from afar, never been in close contact with them but he seemed to be really nice especially since he's the first openly gay person 've seen in such a high ranked position. It gave people hope that school may not be all around bad stuff and bullying all the time. With the position of headboy he managed to make some small changes to make life at this school feel little less shit . As a result most people were fine with the existence of Jesse, even using the right pronoun and only a view gave us looks. Seems time can change even Jesse did. They got a massive glow-up, not only visibly but also skill wise. Ever since they moved, they blossomed in themself. They started creating their own music, playing the guitar, became an even bigger master in arts and craftsmanship as before and is a gamer by heart. Whenever we started something together, they made it 10 times better, and not only in school. The only subjects where I was superior were either history or forms. 

I was really jealous, no I am jealous of them. But they know. We had a talk about all that in autumn-break. We shared everything and communicated about stuff, the way we feel, the reasons on why act the way we do. I think that's why we work so well together even though we're torn apart by distance. Jesse is, just like their dad, the most chilled out person in the universe, mixed with the energy of a playful dog, where I am more of a loner, only coming out of my shell when needed or getting dragged out of it. We just work. We always did in school and, while things have been messed up ever since they moved, we still managed to stick together. They are my best friends and as that, they of course know that I am extremely jealous. It caused irritation back in the days before we had the talk though. But now? Now we joke about how silly we were when we were kids. Enough late night dreaming for today.   I opened my DM's and started to smile as soon as I read the chat.

Discord conversation 

@J3ss3 Today at 9.23pm         Hi just wanted to ask if you’re free         Gosh I’m so bored please come home early         Oh, btw have you seen the new Update? It’s kind of nuts!!!          We should check it out sometime @J3ss3 Today at 9.56pm         James?  @J3ss3 Today at 10.17pm      Sorry for spam I’m just super bored ugh      I annoy myself Jesus crust      Crust ha-ha @J3ss3 Today at 10.38pm      Gosh when you're home can we please play some good old Minecraft? Pleeaaassseee      I get you ice cream :> @J3ss3 Today at 11.29pm                                        JAMES, I SEE YOU ONLINE.         You’re  ignoring me now huh?

In case you're wondering, no. Jesse is no attention bitch. It's just our usual banter. I joined the call and we started gaming like when we were back at Truham. A time where I've been truly happy. A time before everything and everyone turned against me. My mum, most of my friends, my confidence, you name it. 

We were gaming way past midnight. When both of us said our goodbyes and emoted in front of each other, the time said 4.20. I giggled like a teen kid because it was one of the funny numbers that existed before I realized the time. OH FUCK ... 4.20 ... already!?! I rushed to the bath, jumped out my clothes and into my bed,  turned on alexa to play the latest episode of my favorite podcast, and stared at the ceiling. I was awake, again, unable to sleep, listening to the androgyne voice while the main cast was fighting monsters in an abandoned hut somewhere on the outside city walls. I imagined myself in that position. Would I be able to survive such an uprising? Would I even like to live in a world where monsters terrorized humanity? Would I be able to fight them too or would I be the first one dead? We don't know. After seven minutes the voice slowly faded before a scream shouted through my room, announcing the end of this week's episode. I closed my eyes, and against any odds stopped overthinking. 

I must have fallen asleep.

[meownuet]

if u think abt it, parallel worlds rlly do exist. humans are multifaceted and we're perceived differently by every community we belong in (bc we're not one-dimensional characters and we react differently to different types of stimulations, depending on our environment. and ppl are free to project their own ideation about us). we have different versions of ourselves existing in different parts of the world we exist in, (e.g. in the classroom, you're the straight-laced smart kid; but in your fan account, you're the smut author; at the same time, in your family, you're the innocent child; while in your town, you're the intimidating neighbor) and we can freely transform into any version of ourself if the current world we live in is already stressing us too much.

im so bad at words that this is sounding more complicated than it rlly is

but basically, if you're stressed at school as a student, you can ideally leave and go to a certain community with a better and more relaxed version of yourself living in it. like for me, whenever im feeling like im not good enough and im so invisible, i would go to ao3 where countless readers of my works are begging for me to give them little crumbs.

in this world i may be an insignificant side character. but in another world, i'm revered. i think it's nice. (or maybe im just clinically insane)(alternatively: maybe this concept already exists and has a name and im just too stupid to figure it out)