#i discovered since that my thing is more a pain and suffering thing anyway

[jasperjv]

Actually, he mentioned a friend quite a lot. A pedophile who committed suicide because of the sexual urges that were beyond his control. Said he felt bad for him that he was dealing with that and said pedos need a lot of help and support. A lotta times it's from childhood trauma. (Therefore any who act upon those inclinations are beyond excuse.) I could agree with that. I think it's reasonable.

But... when a very common fetish of mine was outed while I was in the most vulnerable possible mental state, he's been trying to use it against me. One caused by gender-related childhood trauma, no less. I can't say I'm truly ashamed of myself. Frustrated with him, maybe. Disappointed in him.

I was saying, "I'm pissed off by your behavior. It caused this to happen to me. Please fucking stop. Your dad loves you." The appropriate response is not, essentially, "I know what gets you off and your gender is fake, girl." Doublespeak Schrodinger's Douchebag to get under my skin.

Can he only take people seriously after they're dead? I almost took my life in September. We'll never know how that would've changed his tune.

He should sort his shit out and become a better person, while he still has time.

[bluenotes75]

Trust pt.2

Miles Morales ! 42 x Fem ! Reader x Miles Morales ! 1610

wc : 5,9k Warnings : angst, possessiveness, all characters are around 19 years old, cheating, no proofread, what I could remember from my spanish class 3 years ago, eventual love triangle ?, dramaaaa. pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.3 (coming soon)

Sorry, it took so long, the chapter just kept getting longer. Anyways, hope you enjoy <3

You sighed as you closed the door of the store. It was already past midnight and you had just finished a long shift. Oddly, the store had been particularly active today and you couldn't catch any break. Now you sought one simple thing. To find the comfort of your bed.

You removed the key from the lock and frowned as a drop of water touched your skin. It was raining. 

Wonderful.

You had no umbrella with you as you didn't anticipate the night to get rainy. Regretting your choice of clothes, you pressed your bag on top of your head to protect yourself from the rain. Your home was a bit far from the cornerstone you worked at and you knew you had to hurry up because the streets were not safe at night.

As you headed toward your apartment, your thought deviated toward him. 

It had been one month. Four weeks since everything fell apart.

At least, to you.

Twenty-eight days since you broke up with Miles Morales. Six hundred and seventy-two hours since he betrayed you and you liked to think that you had moved on. It was the easiest way to go through your days. 

 And if your heart ached each time you found his clothes in your closet or if you woke up in the middle of the night to noises on your window thinking it was him, you denied it.

The pain that you felt that night was unmatched. It was still fresh, rooted deep in your memories. But with time, you discovered it was nothing next to the pain of leaving without Miles. He wasn't there physically, yet he occupied each ounce of your mind.

Contrary to what you could believe, Miles wasn't any better. You were on his mind, 24/7. 

He regretted. He regretted considerably. He had made the worst mistake of his life and just like that, you slipped through his fingers. 

You were his world. His universe. He missed your presence. He missed holding you in his arms, feeling the warmth of your skin, tickling the curve of your hip, caressing the softness of your skin with his lips and seeing the deepness of your loving gaze when you looked up at him. He missed everything about you and he refused to let you go.

And this became the hardest part for you. Miles had tried to get you back. 

Countless time.

Because even if your mind was screaming no, your heart was still weak for the boy. And he knew it.

He hadn't stopped texting you in the weeks following your break up. He had asked for forgiveness so many times you couldn't even count it. When you blocked him on every social media, he directly came to your house. He would knock on your window at late hours like he always did. 

You would leave him outside.

After some time, he finally decided to give you some space but you could still feel his presence from afar. You could feel his stare on your back sometimes as you came back from work. You knew he was still making sure you were safe. Sometimes, you find to notes from him on your window.

You didn't read them.

You had thought of taking him back. On your lowest nights, you had thought that maybe it was for the best. You felt nothing without him. Even if the relationship brought your more strain than anything else, it was at least something. It was toxic but addicting. It made you cry at night but it made you feel high on other days. The only thing stopping you from going back was that little doubt ticking in the back of your brain.

What if he did it again?

But if there was one thing you knew, is that you were faithful to yourself. You were too afraid to put yourself through that process again if he was to mess up again. He had already broken you once, had left you miserable and you had suffered too much to trust him again.

So with time, you learned to let go. You had finally gotten used to living without him. Each day you were forgetting him more and more and you felt like yourself once again. And while your heart was still tied to his in a way, you knew you could live peacefully now.

You were dragged out of your thoughts by a noise behind you, yet you didn't give it a second thought. However, when you heard again, this time followed by irregular steps against the wet concrete, you frowned.

You peeked behind your shoulder and noticed a man, both taller and broader, dressed in a black hoodie. You couldn't see his face.

Your heartbeat picked up.

You accelerated, hoping that you were worrying for nothing, but that hope was soon crushed when the steps also became faster. Before you could think of a way to get yourself out of this situation, a hand covered your mouth and you were dragged into an alley.

It was dark and you could barely see anything as you fought back against the broad body that manhandled you against the wall. 

''What pretty girl like you doing outside at such an hour.''

He whispered, his breath reeking of booze. He pressed his body against yours and travelled his hands on your back. Your cheeks pressed hard against the rugged brick wall, you felt tears burn the brim of your eyes as you realized what was about to happen.

''N-no! Please don't''

''Shut up bitch, you want it. You wouldn't be walking alone at such hours if not,'' he laughed in your ears.

''Nah, I think her no was clear enough.''

You jerked at the new voice and soon, the hands holding you against the wall disappeared. You turned around panicked, gasping as the man who was once all over you, now laying on the ground, holding his bruised cheek. Another guy dressed in a red suit stood over him.

''I hate assholes like you-'' the newcomer shot a string of web to tie up the man against the wall ? ''who think they can do whatever they want.''

You rubbed your eyes to make sure you saw well. Web ?

''Don't touch women again, got it ?''

The man nodded quickly, eyes widened in fear before the guy in red sent another punch, knocking him out for good.

You stood there, back against the wall, frozen. You had never heard of a guy in red playing the hero in Brooklyn.

New-york was filled with villains. You just hoped to fall on the nicest one.

As if reading your thoughts, the guy in red walked toward you.

''Hey, are you fine? I'm sorry this happened !''

He stopped in his track when you flinched.

''Look, I don't want you any harm,'' he raised his arms in the air as proof. ''Can I...come closer ?''

You nodded slowly, still speechless, and he did so. From closer, he was towering over you and you had to raise your head to properly look at him.

Just like with your ex.

You frowned, feeling stupid for thinking of the guy in such a situation and finally spoke.

''Thank you."

You watched as he smiled through his mask.

''Of course,'' he raised his hand before stopping abruptly. ''Can I touch you ?''

You nodded and he held your chin, angling it to the side and checking your cheek.

''Good he didn't hurt you,'' he then took in your appearance. You were completely wet because of the rain and you had started shivering. He removed the coat he was wearing and wrapped it around your shoulders. ''Here.''

A million thoughts crossed your mind, yet you only cared about one.

The coat smelled like Miles. 

You shook your head, feeling stupid again. Were you so obsessed that you imagined your ex everywhere now? You really needed some sleep. 

But you didn't want to walk home alone.

''I'll bring you home,'' the boy announced before wrapping his arms around your hips. ''Hold onto me tight.''

You did as he said, confused about why but soon understood when he brought you both in the air.

''Oh god !''

You closed your eyes not daring to look down.

''I know,'' he laughed near your ear and you couldn't ignore the shivers that crossed your body at the familiarity of his voice.

In less than ten minutes, you were home after telling him the way.

''Thank you for this,'' you smiled shyly and handed him back his coat.

''Of course! ''

You looked at him and you just couldn't get rid of this picture of Miles. 

''Who are you ?''

You were shocked at your own question, the word escaping your mouth before you could stop yourself.

''Oh, I'm Spiderman," the guy said and you could hear the proudness in his voice.

''No, like who are you really?'' You slid your hands down his shoulders and his arms. It was a posture you knew too well. You could recognize that body in a million. ''Miles ?''

''W-what''

You grabbed the end of his mask and to your surprise, he didn't stop you. You raised it until it revealed his face.

A gasp escaped you as you saw Miles but....he didn't have braids. You studied him carefully. Same lips, same nose, same cheekbones, you almost got fooled. But when you made eye contact with him, you saw it.

It wasn't your ex.

His eyes weren't the same. Your ex had this hardened stare. A gaze built by the wall he created around himself. People said eyes were the mirror of the soul but you couldn't read anything through them.

This guy in front however had....innocence painted all over his eyes. His stare was soft, warm and solacing. 

''You aren't Miles, who are you ?''

The guy took a step forward, hope in his eyes. You stepped back.

''You know Miles Morales ?'' 

You shook your head freaked out by the situation and took another step back.

''Get out.''

The taller widened his eyes. 

''No, no please listen to me first.''

Maybe it was his eyes, maybe it was because he looked like Miles, you didn't know. But you didn't have the heart to chase him away one more time.

''You have five minutes.''

"So you're telling me that you are a hero from another earth that is exactly like mine and you saved people you weren't supposed to so a hoard of spidermans is following you and you need to go back to your earth to save your dad."

Miles nodded eagerly.

"I know it sounds crazy but yeah…that's pretty much it.''

''Damn,'' you breathed, letting the information sink in. ''And you need me for..?''

''To find a way back home.''

The boy stared at you expectantly, waiting for your answer. You bit the inside of your cheek before shaking your head.

''Look, I don't think I can help you with that.''

His face dropped and he clasped your smaller hands in his calloused ones.

''Nonono, please! You are the only one I could find and you seem to already know Miles Morales from here. You know how I need to act to stay unnoticed.''

You thought about his words. It made sense, but you didn't want to get involved in all that mess.

"I really don't know."

"Please !"

You wondered for a few more seconds. How where you supposed to refuse when he was looking at you pleadingly?

''Alright.''

His facial features broke into a grin and he pulled on your arm, making you collide against his chest.

''Thank you !''

You could only widen your eyes as you felt his arms tighten around you. You hadn't expected this sudden affection. Dumbstruck, you failed to return the gesture until he froze and leaned back, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

''Sorry, I got too excited…'' he looked away, your stare becoming too intense for him.

You stayed silent for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. The Miles you knew was so cold so this new Miles with such a…bubbly personality was interesting.

You couldn't help but think it was sweet…and very cute.

''It's fine.''

He seemed satisfied with your reaction as he joined you before your laughers died down.

''Uh, I might have sum else to ask.''

You hummed.

''I kinda need a place to stay.''

Miles towered over you, holding bedsheets, while you hugged a pillow to your chest.

''So how are we going to do this ?''

You two made eye contact before glancing at the bed again. Suddenly, the boy dropped the fabric on the floor and rose his hand next to his chest.

''I'll sleep on the ground, it's fin-''

''no, you don-''

''Yes, I do. I'm the guy and the guest, so sleep on the bed and I'll-''

''Just lay down, I don't mind.''

You slid under the covers not waiting for his reaction and soon, you heard the mattress dip toward his side. He was careful to let some space between you.

You rose the fabric over both of your bodies and sighed. This was a long day and you were honey tired. You tried to get some sleep but you could feel starring eyes burning your skin.

''What is it ?'' you whispered with your eyes still closed.

You heard the rub of covers before Miles cleared his throat.

''Nothing, nothing.''

Then the mattress bent again and you assumed he turned the other way.

''Oh, by the way. My mom can't know you are here. So you know…be discreet.''

You didn't want to have to explain to her what Miles, your ex - even if it's not really him - was doing in your room at such an hour.

''Don,t worry, I'm discreet.''

The next afternoon, you found yourself in the library. It was far from your apartment and your school, which reduced the chance of running into an unrequired acquaintance.

''Look at this, doesn't it look interesting ?''

You extended a book about something called 'The Super-Collider'. 

''That's basically a particle collider right ?'' You added as Miles grabbed the heavy textbook.

The taller boy nodded, peeking at the back cover.

''Yes, it uses electromagnetic fields to speed up charged particles. And-

''Eventually, pull or join different objects coming from different dimensions,'' you finished, scratching your chin as you wondered about something. You didn't notice Miles' amazed expression. 

''You know what it is ?''

You looked at him as if he was crazy.

''Of course, didn't you watch The Flash ?''

His excitation vanished and you received silence as an answer.

''I'm joking, I'm just really interested in physics,'' you said pivoting back to the bookshelf and searching for another work that could be useful.

''Oh...I didn't know that. I wanna study in that field later.''

Your widened eyes shifted back to him.

''What, you literally hate phys-'' you stopped as remembered who you were with and you shook your head embarrassed. ''Nevermind.....It's nice to have someone who likes it like me.''

You couldn't help the thrill that invaded you. Your ex would always joke about your interests in physics and eventually, you stopped talking about it. So seeing this new Miles show interest brought a certain warm feeling to your stomach. You didn't know what it was, but the longer you were with the boy, the more interesting you found him. You had found a special chemistry with him and it's like you two had always been friends.

You liked that sensation.

''I was wondering, are particle accelerators the reason why you are here ?"

The taller twisted his mouth to the side.

''Uh...not really? It's part of the reason though. Some type of butterfly effect,'' he finished as you opened another book. You simply hummed not pushing too much on the object. It didn't look like he wanted to talk much about it.

''I think we have enough for now. Let's buy them !''

You gazed at the raindrops interrupting the peaceful reflection of your face on the blurry window. It was particularly cold today, gray clouds snatching the sunrays from the city while its people ran down the streets to cover themselves from the water. To you, the scenery was simply gloomy.

A usual rainy day in Brooklyn.

You jumped as the doorbell of the store rang, pulling you out of your train of thought. You relaxed after realizing it was only a client. You were only 3 in the shop. You being the cashier, the man who had just crossed the door and Miles hanging upside down next to you while playing a ball.

''What's up with you? You've been daydreaming since morning.''

It had been 3 weeks since this Miles arrived from Earth 1610 and you had nearly spent all of your time with him. 

Well, it's not as if you had a choice since he lived in your apartment, but it didn't change the you two had gotten extremely close. You were hanging out every day. One time at the coffee shop and another time watching a movie while trying hairstyles on his hair. Just like yesterday.

You couldn't deny your attachment that had grown for him. Hell, just thinking about him made your heart flutter and you would find yourself stuck with a stupid grin on your lips.

At first, you kept comparing him with your ex. His accent, his gesture, what he liked and what he disliked. He didn't speak as much Spanish, he wasn't as mysterious and cold. But as time passed, you found yourself more and more drawn by this new Miles. He was more expressive, affectionate, supportive and careful with you. He knew how to make you laugh no matter the situation and you two shared multiple interests. 

You weren't oblivious. You quickly understood that the boy was slowly stealing your heart. But that doesn't mean you were ready for it.

You were used to feeling love with pain. To push and pull kind of relationship. To toxic and aggressive feelings. To spend the night worrying about your lover and only to find him bleeding the next day. To cry alone at night then drown your sadness in your boyfriend's arms for a few minutes before you had to separate again to go to school. 

But with Mile Morales, everything was different. It was sweet, warm and solacing. He was always next to you at night and he was careful with you in daylight. You felt protected and you weren't sleeping next to a criminal anymore. 

This was so different, but you liked it.

''I just didn't get much sleep last night.'' 

The taller jumped back to his feet before getting closer to you. He looked at your face carefully, worry painted all over his own features.

''I shouldn't have kept you up all night, sorry.''

You looked up at him with a chuckle before flicking his forehead softly.

''No, it was funny. You looked really cute with those coloured rubber bands in those cornrows I did,'' you teased, facing him.

He frowned before a tiny pout took over his mouth. It was nearly imperceptible but it was there.

''I looked like a kid. How am I supposed to be big and scary with that in my hair.''

You burst out laughing, the memory from last night coming back to you. You had told him you would braid his hair since he wanted to try something new but he ended up removing them because 'they were too tight, and his scalp was too soft for all that'. You knew he just wanted to remove the rubber bands.

''I'm still mad at you for destrpying my beautiful work.''

He smirked getting closer, reducing the space between you two.

''Don't be upset tesoro, what will I do if you are mad at me ?''

Your heart skipped a beat at the nickname, like it had done for the past weeks, and you looked away, to hide your shy smile. However, before you could answer, you heard a gun cocking right in front of you.

You slowly looked up, to find a riffle pointed right to your face. Your heart dropped as you failed to understand whatever the client from earlier was screaming.

''Open the cash register and gimme the bills,'' when he noticed your lack of reaction, he brought the gun closer to your forehead. ''Hurry the fuck up !''

However, before the stranger could try anything else, the gun was knocked out of his hands and his arms were joined together by web.

Everything passed in a flash and Miles quickly neutralize him and called the police. And if he gave a few unnecessary punches to the man, as he was already tied up, you didn't mention it. It was Miles' way to get back at the man and make him regret pointing his gun at you.

Before you could even realize what happened, the boy was in front of you, holding you tight by the elbow, checking up on you for the second time in less than 10 minutes.

''How are you feeling,'' he whispered, his low voice vibrating in your ear.

''G-good.''

Your voice left you like a whisper, still shaken by the event.

You had encountered multiple... ominous situations in this city. But being held at gunpoint and knowing your life was in the hands of a stranger was different. You realized how lucky you were to have Miles at your side at this exact moment and your eyes watered.

The boy read right through the facade you were trying to keep up, as he noticed your shivering and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, dragging you against himself.

''Come here precious.''

You tightened your hands around the low of his back, losing yourself in the warmness and the comfort of his embrace. You felt safe and the panic was slowly soothed away from you.

''Feeling better ?''

You nodded, slowly, face still hidden nestled in the crook of his neck.

''How come there's so much crime in this city,'' he sighed, caressing the back of your neck to bring you more comfort.

''We don't have Spiderman here, you know,'' you muttered, finally finding the energy to spill some words.

Your words were muffled by his skin and you felt him shiver at the sensation of your lips against his neck.

''Right.''

You expected him to laugh at your words so you looked up at him, frown plastered on your face.

''Are you mad ?''

His expression softened when he noticed you scowl and he shook his head.

''No,'' he rested his chin on top of your head. ''I just don't like the idea of you living all these years without anyone to protect you.''

You ignored the butterflies that invaded your stomach as his sentence, your lips growing into a grin against the crook of his neck.

''I'm not a damsel in distress.''

Miles only hummed, not letting go of you.

''Yeah, if you say so, preciosa.''

Everything was going perfectly. You and Miles were slowly finding more clues on how to send him back to Earth 1610 and by then, old Miles was already far in your memory.

You couldn't but wonder how unusual that was. You weren't used to just living peacefully. There was always something going on.

And you weren't wrong to feel so suspicious.

You were walking down the street as it was getting darker outside. 

Again.

You had to stay a few more hours at school to finish a group project and you hadn't realized how much time had passed. You cursed under your breath, remembering what happened the last time you found yourself walking for such an hour outside.

Not wanting to get in such a situation again, you accelerated until you arrived on the street where you live. You sighed, relieved, but before you could take your keys, a large hand caught your elbow, dragging you into the alley behind your apartment. You were pinned against the bricked wall and clenched your eyes shut, groaning at the impact.

What's with the people of this city and walls? Damn.

However, when you glanced at whoever seized you so brutally, your heart sank. You had completely forgotten about him and you had never expected him to come back.

''Miles.''

Your ex smirked staring up and down at your silhouette before licking his lips. A shiver travelled down your body at his action.

''Happy to see me mami ?''

You two made eye contact and you were hauled. His gaze was still as piercing as you remembered and it brought back unwanted memories. However, you suddenly blinked, waking up from your stupor and averted your eyes from the imposing male. Your expression turned sour and you tried to push him away, unsuccessfully.

''Leave me alone, Morales.''

He chuckled, taking a step forward to reduce the space between both of your bodies.

''So that's what we are doing now ?''

You kept your lips sealed and turned your head to the side as an answer. However, his fingers slid behind your neck, using his thumb to shift your head back to him.

''Look at me when I talk to you.''

''What do you want ?''

He rose his eyebrow at the dryness of your tone, still not used to such an attitude from you.

''I don't need a reason to see yah princesa.''

''I don't have time for this, move.''

Miles clenched his jaw, his eyes hardening at your words.

''Watch your tone.''

''Or what ?'' you raised your eyebrow at him with a bored expression. Two months ago, you would have never talked to him like that. But right now, you couldn't care less. You wanted to go home, take a shower and cuddle with your Miles. You were too tired for all that.

Your ex-boyfriend visibly took a deep breath and closed his eyes to calm himself down. You could see the frustration growing in him. But you didn't expect what he would say next.

''Who's that guy you've been hanging out with lately ?''

You froze at the question.

''What the- have you been following me ?''

''I asked you a question,'' Miles repeated louder this time.

''It's none of your business.''

''I'm being nice and you don't wanna try me. I don't like you talking to other guys and you know that.''

You scoffed at his nerve. Why was he acting like you were his or something?

''What part don't you understand in 'we're done' ?''

He took a deep breath and pinched his nose.

''Look, I fucked up mami. Lo sé and I hate myself for it. But I let you have some space for two months already, te necesito.''

''Miles, I don't love you anymore.''

He froze for a second but you could see him gulp slowly.

''I know you, stop playing hard to get.''

You rested your hand against your forehead tired of this situation already. 

''Are you being serious ?'' he asked again in disbelief.

But instead of answering, you pushed him back and this time, he didn't resist. 

''I'm leaving.''

''Where do you think you are going ?''

''Hopefully to my new boyfriend,'' you answered. Being honest was probably the only way to force him away from you.

''You don't want to do this,'' he said darkly. He clenched his jaw and rubbed his hand on his chin. You had never seen him so mad. ''I'm warning you.''

You shook your head with a sigh before ignoring him and entering your apartment. You knew he was saying empty words. Your ex would never dare to hurt you directly. He could cheat, and lie but never harm you intentionally.

That's what you thought at least.

Arriving in your room, you find your new Miles sitting at your desk, sketching something on a sheet. 

''Preciosa, you are finally here.''

You nodded with a tired smile.

''You're not sleeping yet ?''

He shook his head, leaning back on the chair and spreading his leg to be more comfortable. ''Nah, was waiting for you."

You raised an eyebrow at his position before throwing a shoe at him that he easily caught with one hand.

''Stop the manspreading in my room.''

He laughed before telling you to come closer. You obeyed and your eyes fell on the drawing he was making. 

It was you.

And it was you in a way you had never seen before. You looked...magnificent.

Your breath got stuck in your throat and couldn't help but wonder if that's how the boy saw you. 

All the stress you got from meeting your ex evaporated from your body as you sat on Miles' thighs and one of his hands rested on yours.

''It's beautiful.''

He hummed. ''When the muse is already gorgeous, it makes everything easier.''

Your heart jumped at the compliment and you pressed your head against his, running your thumb down his cheek as he kept drawing.

''Careful, you'll make my fro flat,'' the boy muttered, still focused on his sketch.

''I'll brush it out for you later,'' you giggled, continuing your ministration on his face.

A few more seconds passed and only the soft sound of a pencil running on paper filled the silence surrounding you. All until the boy broke the ice.

''I've always wanted to ask but...what's your relationship with Miles from here ?''

You gulped at this sudden question. Did he saw...what happened outside?

''Why you wanna know that ?''

Noticing your defensive reaction, he shook his head softly.

''Hey, I'm not forcing you to tell me, I was just wondering since you know...he never tried to contact you since I arrived. I kind of assumed you two were close since you recognized me in my suit. ''

You relaxed at his explanation.

''Oh, uh we were friends, but we had an argument and haven't really talked since.''

You didn't want to think about the guy anymore and ruin this wonderful moment. You hoped your Miles wouldn't mind the white lie you had just spitted out. 

Hopefully, the taller didn't seem to question you more and quickly changed the conversation.

It had been two weeks since your encounter with your ex and everything was going better than ever. Your mom had just left for a trip and the house was left to you and Miles. You woke up to the sound of the plate coming from the kitchen.

Loud sounds.

When you arrived in the living room, you found Miles throwing water in a pan which contained burning eggs. Your mouth dropped.

''What are you doing ?''

He jumped at the sound of your voice before placing his hand on his chest right over his heart.

''Shit, don't scare me like that.'' He then looked at the mess he had created and scratched the back of his neck. ''Uh...I was trying to make breakfast.''

You looked at him, still devoid of words before bursting out laughing.

''And you managed to burn eggs? How do you even burn eggs ?''

You shook your head taking the pan out of his and putting it in the sink.

''What I am going to do with your Miles.''

He pouted following closely behind you like a lost puppy.

''It's the meaning that matters ?''

You glared at him before seeing the opened bag of flour next to you. You smirked before grabbing some and throwing it in his face.

''Hey !''

He retaliated by taking the closest thing to him, which was a raw egg and throwing it on your shirt.

A gasp was heard.

''You did not just do that.''

''Oh, I did. ''

Soon, it turned into a food war, and your enjoyment could be heard by the mix of yells and laughers coming from the kitchen. Out of nowhere, Miles caught the back of your thighs and sat you on the table, before resting between your legs.

''Caught you.''

You laughed gaily, before getting closer to his face with a raised eyebrow.

''What do you want champion? A kiss as a price ?''

Yet, instead of joking back as you expected, the boy only gulped. That's when you noticed the small space separating both of your faces. 

You liked your lips, anxious at his silence and his eyes followed your tongue before slowly travelling back to your nose and your eyelashes. He then closed his eye and shook his head to compose himself.

''The stuff you make me think, preciosa.''

Your mouth dried out at his words and you bit your lips.

''Like what ?''

''I can't say it.''

He averted his eyes from you once again but you stopped him before he could lean away.

''Then show me,'' you whispered.

He widened his eyes as his breath brushed against your lips. You saw as he tried to hold himself back but the intense burning in his eyes showed you that he wanted exactly what you wanted.

''Fuck it.''

He leaned down and crashed his lips onto yours and you automatically responded, sighing in delight.

Finally.

Your lips moved in synchronization and you felt euphoric. After a few seconds, he leaned away, his dark eyes travelling onto your face as if he wanted to capture to moment and carve it in his mind forever.

''You don't know how much I've wanted this."

''Me too,'' you whispered before your mouths found each other again.

You kissed and kissed. For how long, you didn't know. But all you knew is that it felt too good and it only felt like a few seconds before you separated again.

Miles licked his lips and let out a breath.

''That was -wow.''

''Yeah...'' you whispered trying to catch your breath, a bit dazzled by what had just happened.

''I made you this breathless already,'' he laughed before you punched him on the shoulder.

''Shut up !''

He laughed and wrapped his arms around your waist.

''I would love to kiss you more, but I think we need to clean this up first.''

You followed his eyes and noticed the mess you two had created.

''Yeah...''

He carried you back on the floor and you two got to work. Eventually, you realized you needed more cleaning products and you went to the store while he continued cleaning.

On the way, you kept touching your lower lip with a stupid smile stuck on your face. Miles made you feel all sorts of things and infatuation was the main one. You were already excited to get back home and continue the unfinished business.

The trip to get more cleaning products was fast and soon, you were back at your apartment.

But bliss goes away as fast as it comes, doesn't it ?

When you opened the door to your apartment to find that the living room was a mess. 

But not the mess you had left in the kitchen. 

A people having a physical fight kind of a mess. The armchair was knocked down, the table was broken and the pillows were ripped. 

''Miles ?'' you yelled but received no answer.

Your heart raced as you rushed to look in the different rooms of your home, but there wasn't any living soul.

What the heck was happening?

When you arrived in your room, there was still no one.

But as you were going back to the kitchen, something caught your attention from the corner of your eye. It was a note on your window. 

Exactly like the one your ex used to leave.

From afar, you could even recognize his writing. You snatched it and for the first time, you decided to read it.

Your heart sank at the words.

''I warned you.''

Don't hesitate to comment or reblog, I read everything <33

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[serafilms]

i wanna elaborate further on my take on sally

i just feel like they’re missing a key aspect of her character, which is how gentle she is and how much of herself she is willing to give up for her son’s wellbeing.

with gabe being kind of a pussy and her arguing with him so easily, i feel like it really undermines how much book sally struggled behind the scenes to make things work (even though percy cares about her and does so much for her, the demigod side of him is something he hasn’t discovered yet and the burden falls on her to handle things — a form of mother’s invisible labour).

book sally married this absolutely horrible guy and went through years of abuse and didn’t fight back directly because the pain was nothing to her if her son was safe. the blue candy was their quiet rebellion against him, and as badass as she was, she wouldn’t have put gabe in his place the way tv sally did, because that wasn’t her priority and it just wouldn’t be worth the effort.

it just feels a little like when they make disney princesses more badass and less feminine?? or like when kpop men do “manlier” versions of girl group/artist’s dances? like it’s undermining her value as a softer female figure, because book sally isn’t a big, strong, badass woman that percy looks up to because she protects him, she’s quietly mischievous and caring and he knows she can protect herself but also protects her as best he can and their dynamic is lost a little bit when she stands up so easily to gabe in a fight that isn’t really worth picking.

and it also irked me a little when she explained why they go to montauk every year, because in the books percy already knows more about his father. she tells him stories growing up because she wants him to see the best in the world and not grow up bitter like luke, because even though she may resent poseidon (since he knocked her up at like 19 after her parents died, and left her broke and with a kid without finishing college), she understands to some extent why he left her and can’t be with percy, and she cares too much about percy and how he feels and what kind of person he is to let him feel her anger towards his father. so she suffers through that quietly too, so that percy can feel like there’s still someone out there who cares about him, like his father is someone to be proud of even though he doesn’t know him.

sally is meant to look for the best in the people that matter, but still be able to see their objective value. it’s a symbolic aspect of her character that she’s a clearsighted mortal, which means she can see these things herself and understand them, but does not have any role in taking action against these things until she has to for her son.

anyways that’s my take. regardless i still am enjoying the show and their relationship very much, but i just don’t think it holds a candle to sally jackson in the books!!!

[certainty2witch]

Heya there, Could you please share your crocodile and luffy headcanons +pregnant croc please?👀👀👀🙏🙏

Thank you Thank you!!!😭😭💞💕💕

Sorry for the late reply! But here i am!

Since you didn’t mentioned if you want to know that about my au or the canonverse, I’ll talk about my Revolutionary Crocodile au only, since in the canonverse Croc left newborn Luffy into Dragon’s arms (literally), and all the context, during the pregnancy and after, is pretty sad I prefer to tell just my au.

But if you are curious about the canonverse anyway, just ask for it! And I’ll share it in another post.

Let’s start!

I’ve shared time ago this Croc and Luffy hcs in this post, that also has a draw 😊 so just click it and read what i said there!

I just wanna add:

- When Luffy said that he wanted to become a pirate to his daddies, Crocodile put his hand on his shoulder and said him: “Go and make me proud”.

- (connect to the one above) Crocodile totally supports his son goal, and hopes he will become king of pirates, realising for Crocodile the dream he had to put aside.

~~~

Now about the pregnancy 👀

(A bit of context and then the hcs)

Crocodile had so many doubts about his situation, he surely didn’t think he could have a baby (well Iva mentioned to pay attention to that, but since never happened before Luffy, he thought was not a possibility!)

He decided in the end to call Dragon for telling him about his condition.

He was so afraid Dragon would told him that he didn’t want the baby and to be left by him. But Dragon was so happy! He loves Crocodile so much, he was busy with his duties and wasn’t present (he literally never called him, stupid Dragon) until the day they met.

The draw I’ve made for Croc confession and Luffy’s birth:

After that day, Crocodile and Dragon announced to the other Revolutionaries about the pregnancy and Iva was the most excited of all, they self proclaimed “the baby’s auntie”.

Dragon proposed to Crocodile and asked him to be a revolutionary. Croc was never convinced about that, he loved being a pirate but it was better for the baby if he would have stayed with them.

So they got married (by Kuma) when Crocodile was still pregnant.

Now the hcs!!

- As every pregnant person, Crocodile craved the worst things ever. He already loves Crocodile’s meat, but he asked to combine it with strawberry jam and whipped cream one time.

- Luffy wasn’t a easy pregnancy at all, that kid was always hyperactive.

- Dragon used to caress Croc’s belly while saying him sweet word to him and their baby. Croc loved it a lot, and one time he even cried. But he said that was because something got in his eye.

- Crocodile soon as he understood that he was pregnant, he stopped smoking. He struggled a lot for that, he needed to smoke, but he cared for his baby’s safety the most.

- Iva checked weekly Crocodile and Luffy’s conditions, and they also discovered with their powers the baby’s gender (hc i have about their powers).

- Crocodile’s body wasn’t made of sand, because his baby couldn’t survive in a body made of pure element. But he could use his powers anyway, but without transforming.

- While alone, Croc loved to put his hand on his belly and listen to his son’s movements. It was a moment just between them. He even talked to Luffy. He was so excited to met him.

- Since Luffy’s birth was getting hard, Kuma after seeing Crocodile suffering so much, he taken away his pain using his powers.

For now I’m done! Thanks for the ask 💕 and sorry again for being so late.

Hope it was enough satisfying as an answer haha

Anyway thanks for the ask, I’m always open to answer to anybody, so feel free to send me what you want.

Even art suggestions, if i like the idea, I’ll draw it.

[sillysillyprice]

Hello and good morning I've discovered lately your au and I'm quite invest to be fair it's funny and really intriguing if it's not asking too much can you explain why's there two shadow milk cookie ? One who look stupid and the other who's quite pretty and with silent salt cookie what is he in love with our dear shadow milk cookie and that's why he's glad that elder faerie died or what because calling your friend my angel and be glad his past lover? Died is a bit........ anyways sorry if it's too long and for bad grammar English is not my first language so

I LOVE ANSWERING QUESTIONS, ASK ANYTHING YOU WANT!! I AM SO GLAD THAT MY AU IS OF INTEREST TO YOU (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

and don't worry, english isn't my main language either haha

Well, going step by step

1 – the two Shadow Milk

In theory... they are the same person, but at the same time they are not...

It's a matter of perspective!! But in theory it's more or less like this

Light Milk, the original Shadow Milk, In his search for knowledge he ended up discovering things he shouldn't, things that kept him awake and made him descend slowly and tortuously into madness... until everything exploded when he visited the witches' banquet (it was not the first time he attended) I begged the witches to make him forget, he didn't want to be the knowledge cookie, the knowledge he had loved so much had destroyed him, and he just wanted... to rest, But the witches did not listen, after all, he had been created to store knowledge, it was his only function as a living being

So Light Milk just... jumped into the cauldron

yeah, a little strong but- oh well

When the witches took the cookie out of the cauldron it was no longer the same as before, they could no longer even tell that it was a cookie, They only saw an amalgam of suffering, sorrow and agony, Shadow Milk is the accumulation of all the pain of Light Milk

So as I said before, in theory they are the same person, they share the same body, but they will never be the same, and Shadow Milk has no memories of his past life

2 – Silent Salt's... love for Shadow Milk? In short, yes!

can be summed up as, SILENT SALT! YOU'RE A DAMN SIMP!!

But let's do this as it should be done

Silent Salt (at that time Service Salt) always had feelings for Light Milk, but they never had anything because Silent Salt forgot the detail of, I don't know... EVEN SAYING SOMETHING

He was content with seeing him, helping him, always being there for him even if it was as a friend, he did not feel brave enough to confess

but all this changed when Light Milk and Elder Faerie started dating, Service Salt knew it was wrong to feel jealous about that, he had no right to be angry since he had wasted his chance! But even though he was still upset with Elder Faerie for "stealing his angel," Silent/Service Salt's feelings began to become more and more obsessive, more twisted

until that incident occurred that gave life to Shadow Milk

He, and everyone knew he wasn't Light Milk, but they treated him as if he was, including Service Salt who selfishly saw a new opportunity to be with his angel, ignoring that there was only one demon left

There happens the transition of changing the name of Service Salt – Silent Salt, and starting the disaster in order to please Shadow Milk and win him (spoiler: EVEN TRYING HE CAN'T ACHIEVE IT HAHA, and I don't know if that ends up being better or worse)

And well, everything ends badly, very badly

[bleue-flora]

not sure what you mean by cdreams arguement and not your opinion I can't find anything in that vod stating his perspective on suicide but I do see now that it could have been about vikk. The reason I and many people assume its about his suicide specifically is because of how desensitized he is to death and how he know how painful death is. I know the ''I know how painful death is'' line could have been referring to c!tubbo taking his final life, but the way he phrases it to me sounds like he has experienced it countless times before and gone to limbo many times. And why wouldnt he test suicide revivals, it would make sense for his character to off himself for the sake of finding out knowledge that maybe killing lazar and vikk or others couldn't provide. And yeah the ''death by revival book'' i said was written at like 5 am i was not writing properly

[context]

That was more so me telling people to not misconstrued my words and take me talking about Dream’s argument where he uses the Revive Book to highlight how Tommy’s suicide would have been meaningless to mean that I personally think in any sense that suicide is meaningless (as there have been people who came for my head, taking these types of statements and using them to say that I’m unempathetic and such…) which is really besides the point.

I mean you can absolutely take his statement like that. That is entirely reasonable and I follow the logic, my designs for stages duo has them having white strands of hair for their many deaths after all [Dream & Punz]. But I will also say that that statement in particular is to highlight that Tommy isn’t unique in experiencing pain or death, since Tommy tends to have this delusion that he is the only one who can get hurt. And based on Dream’s words we know that he has died at least once before. So he really does know how painful death is, and is highlighting that Tommy knowingly causing his painful death just yesterday. But I also think Dream perhaps experienced things more painful than death so him being desensitized to it would make sense in that way as well…

Why wouldn’t he test suicide to learn more about death? Because it’s unnecessary and risky. And also though I think prison give us the impression that Dream has little self preservation, I’m starting to wonder if that’s not entirely true either. Because the way I see it is if they only tested if the book works after prison [post], then that highlights that Dream was very naive going into staged finale and prison. That the book was really truly his very last card to be spared by the server. And that naiviness I think means then that perhaps it’s not that his self-preservation is poor, but he was too trusting. Which honestly more so aligns with what we see of his behavior anyways, isn’t it? Throwing bombs from the sky, always wearing armor, using other people like Wilbur to achieve his goals… etc like he doesn’t seem to just go out and risk dying and be uncaring about getting hurt. So perhaps he does actually want to avoid pain and suffering, that he didn’t knowing or intentionally put himself in a torture box, and if that’s true then maybe killing himself over and over wouldn’t be very in character after all.

Not to mention, that based off Dream’s own definition of Limbo that it changes based on all of the circumstances surrounding their death, meaning that you could kill yourself with the same knife in the same spot and Limbo could change. In which case, it seems rather pointless to study in the way we have assumed because you’re never going to discover every Limbo. And why would studying Limbo help answer the questions of the world anyways. It just doesn’t seem important to me in the grand scheme of things when mind control and the End are apparently also somehow connected to the book…

But in general it’s not that I can’t see why you’d make this assumption, it’s a reasonable assumption to make. One whose strongest argument would actually probably be this line from Dream:

“But we haven't tested… is somebody being selfless and dying a hero. We don't know anything about that because… we—can't test that because we're evil, we're so bad and—murderers—bla bla bla, whatever—who cares. But… We can test that now.” [clip]

Implying that they are not heroic enough to test dying a hero themselves. And yet, that point is oddly not the one I’ve often seen people use. XD However, this is also part of his set up for the bs saw trap thing and staged duo lay on their villain roles here real thick, so can we really take his words at face value? I don’t know, you could make an argument both ways…

At the end of the day, my point isn’t to say you are wrong or that your assumption is a bad one. My point is only to highlight that there is just as fair and reasonable, maybe even more reasonable, of a case to be made that these experiments are not what we as a collective have assumed them to be this whole time, and what does that say about staged duo’s relationship? What would that look like? What are the other possible outcomes, circumstances, answers that could apply if we make a different assumption?…

[dmitrinfinite]

Secret Santa Snippet 2022!

This is a gift for @snowshowerwriting, an awesome friend and writer! I’m glad I got your prompt this year, and since this is my first time posting writing on tumblr I’m pretty excited to see how it turns out. Hope you enjoy!

content warning; implied depression, injury, reference and mild descriptions of nerve damage (hands) (i swear this is hurt/comfort we just have to get past the hurt)

Surely three weeks was enough time for Hero to recover after their last fight - wasn’t it? Villain couldn’t say they knew much about medical stuff aside from how to patch themselves up after a scuffle, but they assumed Hero would’ve at least made an appearance by now. Although, their hands did look pretty messed up after being crushed under falling debris... Falling debris that Villain had knocked loose, and that Hero had pushed Villain away from at the risk of his own life. Uncomfortably guilty about the whole situation, Villain had even held off on any major crimes while they waited for their nemesis to heal. Now, though, as they stood outside the recently robbed bank, there was no sign that Hero was coming to stop them.

“Seriously?” Villain shouted at nobody in particular, causing the crowds of terrified onlookers to flinch back. “Is no one even gonna try and stop me? Do I just get to take all this money without a fight?”

“Sorry I’m late,” said a voice from behind Villain, and they turned to see Other Hero, one of Hero’s colleagues, nimbly leap to the ground. She twirled an elegant blade between her fingers.

“What are you doing here?” Villain asked, raising an eyebrow. Normally Other Hero was busy breaking up gang fights or busting shady underground markets, not dealing with high profile criminals. “Where’s Hero?”

“You didn’t hear?” Other Hero snorted, stalking closer. “Boss says we can’t have traitors on our team - Hero almost died to save you, so… y’know. We had to kick him off the squad. I guess you’re happy about that, considering you’ve got one less threat to deal with. Not like he’d be useful to us now anyway, not with those fucked up hands.”

“Shit,” Villain whispered, dropping the bag of money in their hands. Wasn’t that what they’d always wanted? To have their nemesis out of the way? No… not like this. Villain was supposed to take over and sit on a throne while everyone kneeled at his feet, not shove the only tolerable hero on the force to the sidelines. Before they had any more time to think, Other Hero advanced. They dodged her strike and jumped back, summoning a swirl of icicles in their hand. Incensed by his own folly and Other Hero’s sadistic smirk alike, they struck.

-

The thing is, Villain had discovered Hero’s civilian identity a while ago. It was purely by accident, after they’d recognised him entering his apartment while on a little looting spree a while back. They hadn’t felt the need to bring it up, nor did they feel like playing dirty. If it were any other hero, Villain probably wouldnt hesitate - but they wanted a fair fight with Hero. They wanted to share an adrenaline rush with him as they both stood on even ground, powers crashing together in terrific bursts of energy.

Now, though, as Villain slipped through the window in the late afternoon, they couldn’t care less about keeping their discovery a secret. They had to see Hero - he would certainly be down in the dumps after losing his job and suffering what was without doubt a painful injury.

“What are you doing here?” Hero’s voice asked from the dark, and Villain cursed themselves for not checking if Hero was in his bedroom before using it to sneak in. “You need to go, I- we can’t fight anymore. I don’t work for them.” As he spoke, Villain realised just how hoarse and shaky Hero’s voice sounded. He turned on the lamp and looked at Villain with tired, searching eyes.

“I’m not here to fight,” Villain said quietly, “I came to apologise. You know, about your job. That was really my fault.”

“Oh,” Hero replied, glancing away. He got out from under the covers and trudged across the room, motioning for Villain to follow. “I’m not all that hung up on the job.” As he walked, his clenched fists were shaking violently. Was he angry? No, wait - Other Hero had mentioned his ‘fucked up hands,’ maybe they were jittery from the injury. That seemed to be the case when Hero reached up to flick on the light, fumbling with the switch for a few moments. He crossed the living room, Villain following cautiously behind.

If they were in Hero’s apartment under any normal circumstances, they’d probably be teasing them to hell and back about how it was small and messy - more like cute and cozy, but they wouldn’t admit that - but today they fought the urge. Something was very wrong.

“Here,” Hero said flatly, sitting on a black stool in front of an elegant upright piano. It was probably the most expensive thing in the room. “Between fights, after a bad day, when I was overwhelmed… I played. I’ve been taking lessons for ten years now, and I bought this piano after saving up for ages.” His face brightened a little as he spoke, and Villain felt their chest buzz with warmth until Hero looked at them, eyes wet and hands trembling as he gripped the piano lid.

“I can’t do it anymore,” he whispered, a shake in his voice, and Villain’s heart sank. “I don’t care about my job, I- I’m not even mad at you, and I don’t re- regret saving you, not for a moment!” He stood up, clasping his hands together, desperately trying to still them. “But I… I can’t do this. I can’t write, or type without having to redo every word a dozen times, and I can’t play anymore. I can’t distract myself from the fucking mess my life is right now.”

Wordlessly, guilt swelling in their chest, Villain moved to sit on the stool beside him and opened up the piano.

“I don’t remember much,” they said softly, “But I used to play a little too.” They guided Hero to place his unsteady hands on the keys and rested their own on top. Buried deep in Villain’s muscle memory was a classical piece they’d learned years ago, back when life was simpler and they didn’t have to fight and steal to survive. Back when they didn’t have ‘allies’ and ‘enemies’, when they didn’t have to pretend the one person they looked forward to seeing each day was their nemesis in a bitter rivalry.

Pushing those yearning thoughts away, they looked at Hero for permission. He nodded, still looking at the keys, and Villain tried to remember the piece. The muscle memory was still with them, and for that they were thankful, but they’d never exactly had to play it with an extra pair of hands under their own. Though the sweet melody occasionally peeked through, the song was mostly a jumble of wrong notes and fumbled chords. Villain tensed, worried that their attempts to be cute and comforting had only made things worse. To their surprise, though, Hero turned his hands over and laced them with Villain’s, which put them in what was without a doubt an awkward position, but Villain felt a pleasant flutter in their stomach.

“That was awful,” Hero remarked, but he was smiling. Smiling, so softly and knowingly in a way only he could. “But it… it helped, I think.” Villain averted their eyes as if it’d help hide the embarrassingly obvious blush on their face. As they looked across the room, it dawned on them just how cluttered and dark the apartment really was.

“Have you been sitting alone in your apartment all this time?” they asked, and Hero’s smile dropped a little.

“I don’t have anyone to visit, much less anyone who’ll visit me,” he replied, and now it was his turn to sheepishly glance away. “Not since the team labeled me a traitor.”

“I’m here, aren’t I?” Villain said. At Hero’s hesitant nod, they continued, “And, since you’re already apparently a traitor to those ‘heroes,’ it’s not like we have to pretend to hate each other anymore.” They offered a mischievous grin, which Hero weakly returned.

“Would you mind, then, um… would you mind sticking around for a while?” He asked before Villain could make the offer. All they could do was nod, slowly untangling their hands and putting an arm around Hero’s shoulders. He rested his head in the crook of Villain’s neck and let out a slow sigh, hands shaking again as he placed them in his lap.

“Thank you for saving me back there, by the way. I-I’m sorry you got hurt in the process. I wish I could go back and… Hell, maybe I’d stop you from doing it.” Villain whispered, anxious and guilty at the thought but elated by their close contact in equal measure. Hero simply shifted in a little closer, and Villain could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.

“Nothing could stop me from keeping you safe. Not even you.”

[canonicallyobserving911]

WIP Wednesday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 15 is available on AO3 & Chapter 16 will be posted soon.

Currently 15 chapters completed: 484.9K Words Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

I'm so excited to finish writing Chapter 16 because there are so many things happening for Buck and Eddie and the Diaz Family. For anyone who hasn't read Chapter 15, here's a brief overview: Buck and Eddie got engaged however the day they're getting married is different from the day they're planning to have a wedding ceremony. They're going to get married before Christmas in 2023 but their wedding will be in May 2024 so they can invite their found family and Eddie's family. Buck told Eddie he wants to take his last name and they immediately started saying they're going to be Mr. & Mr. Diaz. Also, two more people discovered they're in a relationship but who was it and what did they see? Bobby already knows but who else saw something that caused them to believe they're already together?

___________

Here's some Buck and Eddie domestic fluff from Chapter 16 as they plan their international adventure.

___________

“That’s good.  Also, we should probably start looking at the places we want to stay while we’re there.  I mean we don’t have to book anything yet but uh… we should at least have an idea of the types of places we’re interested in staying.”

Eddie nods but he’s sure Buck’s already looked at some on the internet.  “I agree but have you already done the research on the places that are available?”

He smiles.  “I did and honestly, the hotels are nice and all but I think it’ll be better if we rent some homes while we’re there instead of us staying at different hotels.”

Eddie likes the idea; he really does but he’s still worried about the cost.  They’re adding up and he remembers Buck saying the settlement money will cover it but he’s not sure if there will be enough to cover everything they’re talking about doing while they’re in Italy for almost eight days along with the seven days they'll spend in London.  He sits his fork onto his plate and inhales because he’s trying to figure out how to say what he wants to say.

Buck furrows his eyebrows.  “Is everything ok?”

“Yes it is but… the costs are adding up and I know you said the settlement money will cover it but Buck… that’s your money and you’re getting it for your pain and suffering.  We shouldn’t spend it all on a trip to Rome.  Let me do something to help because…”

He leans in and kisses him to make him be quiet.  He knows Eddie worries about money and he’s never asked for anything but this is their adventure and he could care less about that settlement money since he was planning to pay for the trip anyway and that was before he found out Harmony Clinic agreed to settle.

After he pulls back, he takes Eddie’s hand in his and replies, “Listen to me… there’s more than enough money to pay for our trip, to pay off this house and to pay off your truck and there’s still going to be a lot left over even after we do all of that.”

“But…”

“Remember this is our money… OURS!  We’re getting married which means it’s money for our family.  I didn’t tell you this but I was planning to pay for the trip before I was awarded the settlement.  I was going to give it to you and Chris for Christmas.”

“You were?”  Eddie responds with a high-pitched tone in his voice because he’s shocked.

“Yes.  I have money in my savings account, it’s not a lot but uh… it’s enough to pay for the trip.  But now that the settlement money will be deposited into my account within the next couple of weeks, we don’t have to worry about the cost.  It’s our first international adventure.”

Eddie bites his bottom lip and before he can say anything else, Buck starts talking again.

“I just realized I didn’t tell you how much the settlement is…???”

How much money will Buck receive after Harmony Clinic pays him the settlement from the sperm donation mix up lawsuit? 👀

___________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-15 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 16 will be posted soon.

[aspoonofsugar]

This is me trying to avoid the slaughterhouse for what I'm about to suggest (there's a good chance I'll get cooked alive anyway).

I'm not sure where you stand with Penny and Ruby's relationship, but I wanted to get your opinion on my interpretation (sorry to put you on the spot).

I interpreted Penny as the little sister Ruby never had. I think that CRWBY wanted to put Ruby in Yang's shoes during the Atlas Arc, since that was the main internal conflict within team RWBY.

Yang spent her childhood trying to protect and raise Ruby. She tried so hard to be the best big sister she could be so Ruby wouldn't ever have to suffer the same pain she felt... the pain she felt twice, with Summer disappearing and learning that Raven abandoned her. She gave up everything for her.

I saw Ruby as stepping into that role for Penny. There was that parallel, about friends. Ruby asking if Penny made any other friends, compared to when Yang asked Ruby to make some friends at Beacon.

Ruby always trying to comfort and protect Penny, even at the cost of her own safety (yes, any friend would do this, too).

I don't know, that's just how I saw it. The Atlas Arc very much was about changing perspectives, with them also being put into Oz's shoes after he left, needing to make the hard choices, prioritizing what to tell and what not to tell.

I thought since Yang and Ruby's rift was most prominent during that arc, that she was also being put into Yang's shoes with Penny. Just like Yang was put into Ruby's shoes and taking charge of her own team.

(That being said, I do see the appeal of a romantic relationship, but I was much more interested in the Potential of it, the symbolism and parallels, rather than it actually being canon.

Another statement that might get me slaughtered is that I wouldn't have liked if it became canon while Penny was alive because it felt like Penny contributed to the weight on Ruby's shoulders. She was extremely codependent on others (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE and just like Ruby was with Yang at the start at Beacon) and if I was to like the ship in canon, then Penny would have had to stay alive and go to Vacuo while RWBY fell (guess Jaune wouldn't have a reason to fall anymore), and learn how to be independent.

Even then, I'd feel horrible for Penny because she hated being the Winter Maiden, and if she survived, she would no longer just be protecting Mantle and Atlas, she'd be protecting the entire world. Though... she wouldn't be doing it alone anymore. She'd have the rest of the world to back her up.

I dunno, sorry for the ramble, and sorry if you are offended (I get it, homophobes like to use the "they're just sisters argument with a lot of wlw ships, but I promise there's no malicious intent behind my interpretation. Plus, I just recently discovered and am exploring my own sapphic identity).

But yeah. I hope they don't come for me for this. I decided I'd rather talk with someone about it rather than post it as a statement. It feels like it'll come off differently as a civil conversation.

(it's greentea)

Hi!

Don't worry, it is fine for me to discuss anything, as long as people are polite!

So, this is a very interesting take and I agree on many things, while I interpret others differently. If you are interested, you find my 2 cents below.

PREMISE

So, let's make it clear where I stand on ships. I am not a multi-shipper, so I am really not that passionate about ships unless they are canon or I think they are becoming canon by the end (obviously I may always be wrong in this second case). When it comes to Ruby, I think Rosegarden is gonna be endgame, so I am mostly focused on this ship.

That said, I think that so far Ruby has shown no romantic interest in anybody:

Ozpin: Not enjoying yourself? Ruby: Oh, no, everything's fine! I'm just not much of a fancy pantsy… dancey girl. Ozpin: Well, you can't spend your whole life on the battlefield, even if you may want to. Ruby: Yeah, that lesson's been floating around a lot lately. Ozpin: If you think about it, fighting and dancing aren't so different. Two partners interlocked, although one wrong move on the ballroom merely leads to a swollen foot. Ruby: Or a twisted ankle.

In Atlas, she is uninterested in Renora's romantic conflict. In volume 9, she is the only one who doesn't get Weiss's crush on the Rusted Knight and Bumbleby's developing attraction. Basically, Ruby's focus is really not on romance and that is (imo) for 2 reasons:

She is focused on the mission and the macrochosm, rather than on her personal life

She is in a different development stage when compared to the others. In short, she is younger

Obviously, younger people fall in love too (I mean, puppy love is a thing) and everyone develops romantic feelings (if they even do) at different ages. However, RWBY is a story which makes use of metaphors and archetypes to describe the characters' inner journeys. This happens with Ruby, as well.

In particular, volume 9 has Ruby going from childhood:

To adolescence:

Little becomes Somewhat. Ruby becomes Someone. Neither Somewhat nor Ruby have figured themselves out. Still, they have grown and stepped into a new phase of their lives.

Well, I think that after this inner transformation Ruby will be more open to romantic relationships. In short, I think the Vacuo arc will focus on Ruby and Oscar's bond, which will grow to be romantic on both sides.

So, where does it leave Penny? I think Ruby and Penny's dynamic can be read in 2 ways:

A platonic friendship (my preference)

A bond, which could have developed into a romantic relationship with time once both Penny and Ruby grow

Ironically, I think the platonic interpretation is deeper and is better to explore Ruby and Penny's dynamic in canon. That said, there is nothing wrong about headcanoning a romantic attraction in a what if scenario.

In any case, it doesn't really matter because Penny is dead and personally I don't think she is coming back. Of course, there are people who feel differently and that is alright. I simply want to make clear the frame I am using.

That said, I don't think it is coincidental that so many people ship Penny and Ruby together. As a matter of fact Penny and Ruby's bond is very important and will be important for Ruby and Oscar's story, as well. After all, Penny and Oscar have been set up as foils since the very beginning:

Ruby: But at this pace, you'll be combat ready in no time! Suddenly, Ruby frowns upon mentioning her last phrase. Oscar notices this and tries to ask a question before Ruby interrupts him. Oscar: Uh…

In the dojo scene, Ruby unconsciously compares Oscar and Penny. This is also the first time Ruby indirectly brings up her friend before meeting her again in Atlas. In short, Oscar and Penny are linked when it comes to their arcs and what they mean to Ruby. So, Ruby's feelings over Penny's death are gonna be important for her dynamic with Oscar (and many other things, of course). Let's now focus on what Penny represents for Ruby.

PENNY AS RUBY'S INNER CHILD

I interpreted Penny as the little sister Ruby never had. I think that CRWBY wanted to put Ruby in Yang's shoes during the Atlas Arc, since that was the main internal conflict within team RWBY.

I like this take. I think it is interesting how you parallel Ruby and Yang's journeys in Atlas. Ruby becoming a big sister to Penny and Yang acting as a leader of her own faction.

That said, I think Penny's role in Ruby's arc is wider and it doesn't start in Atlas. Since the beginning, Penny represents Ruby's inner child:

A person's supposed original or true self and the part of the personality that still reacts and feels like a child.

Penny arrives at Beacon and is immediately presented as a Ruby up to eleven:

Penny: Sen-sational! We can paint our nails, and try on clothes, and talk about cute boys! Ruby: Oh, is this what it was like when you met me?

Just like Ruby, her initial objective is to make friends. Just like Ruby, she is sweet, innocent, hopeful and can wield lethal weapons:

Ruby grows close to Penny because of these similarities. At the same time, Ruby is immediately not only supportive of Penny:

Ruby: You're not like those things we saw back there. You've got a heart, and a soul; I can feel it!

But also protective in a way, which is uncharacteristically strong:

Penny: Ruby, are these people your friends? Ruby: Penny, get back! AAAAAH! Ruby: Penny, wait! Stop! Penny: Don't worry, Ruby. I'm combat ready!

Finally, Penny's death is what breaks the peace and happiness of Ruby's school days:

The fall of Beacon starts with Penny's dismemberment. That is the moment Ruby's world breaks and she crashes down in shock. However, she is fast to get back on her feet and immediately uses Penny's sword to fight a Nevermore:

The metaphor is clear. The Nevermore embodies grief (see Poe's The Raven) and Ruby deals with it with her inner faith, which is represented by Penny's sword.

Atlas is just the repetition of this story. Penny arrives like a ray of hope in the grim situation the heroes are. They have just discovered Salem can't be killed and Ozpin has left them. Still, a lost friend appears out of nowhere and brings new happiness to the characters:

Penny: It'll be just like Beacon again!

Thanks to Penny, Ruby is able to go back to her happy place. She is back at Beacon with her friends all working hard to become extraordinary Huntresses and Huntsmen. Sure, some things have changed, but Ruby can find solace in the things that haven't. This is why Ruby's line to Pietro is so telling:

Ruby: Even if the worst does happen, you can always reactivate her again, so maybe try not to worry so much.

Pietro is worried about Penny's well being and Ruby tells him not to because if push comes to shove Pietro can just revive Penny again. Ruby clearly sees Penny as an ideal existence that can defeat death. However, Pietro is quick to shoot down this belief. This is foreshadowing for Penny's eventual death and how Ruby will have to accept it. Penny's second death brings out all the negative feelings Ruby has been repressing:

The scenario is the same of the one at Beacon, but this time Ruby can't stand up and struggles to find Penny's sword again:

Jinxy: Enough hope to fill this jar.

She has not enough hope to wield her inner blade anymore.

It is deep down still there:

Ruby: I… I thought this was lost forever. How’d you have it? Blacksmith: Nothing. No one is ever truly lost.

However, Ruby can't see it.

In other words, Penny is symbolically linked to Ruby's hope. She is the embodyment of the inner child that shines within Ruby and brings light to others. Still, Ruby is growing up. The coping mechanisms that worked as a child are starting to lose their grip on her.

It is not by chance that in Atlas Ruby struggles to use her silver eyes. She finds an inner equilibrium in volume 6, but Salem's words in volume 7 are all it takes to throw Ruby off:

After that, Ruby manages to sucessfully use her eyes only when Penny is in danger:

So, symbolically Penny is the one keeping Ruby together. This is why she is undone the moment Penny dies. Penny's death marks the end of Ruby's childhood.

Volume 9 is really Ruby grieving her child self in Penny. This is made clear by Little, who is Ruby's innocent self and shares many similarities with Penny. They love hugs and friends and Ruby. They are hopeful and want to grow up and help others. They are both Ruby and Penny in a nutshell.

So, Ruby's final goodbye to Somewhat is really Ruby saying goodbye both to her child self and to Penny:

Ruby: Well, uh… To me, you seem like a friend. Blake: A guide. Weiss: A protector. Yang: A…dorable. Ruby: Do any of those sound close? Somewhat: Hmmm. Somewhat. Yeah. Somewhat. I’m not any one thing, I’m somewhat of a lot of things! Ruby: It is a true pleasure to meet you, Somewhat. Somewhat: It will be my honor to serve you. Ruby: You’ve already done more for us than you know. Somewhat: You do feel… familiar. Like a happy dream I can’t remember.

She is moving on towards adulthood and self-actualization. She is working through her grief for her friend's loss.

Of course, this process has just begun:

What survives After all the dust has gone? Were you there till the end (the end)? Were you at least called a friend?

My wish came true That day that you appeared And called me friend

Penny is absent from Ruby's final confrontation with the Blacksmith (my main complaint about volume 9 ending). Still, this is clearly because Ruby is going to symbolically face her later on.

It is the same with Jaune and Pyrrha:

No more Sudden movements Please So tired, I'm sleepless And haunted by you Falling Forever Was I always just A man out of time

Both fallen maidens indirectly appear in the climax of the volume, but neither is properly addressed. They will be in Vacuo. They must be because both Jaune and Ruby are still hung up on them.

RUBY IDEALIZES PENNY

Neo-Penny: Just like you were too late to save me at the Vytal Festival… I died in Atlas too, didn’t I? Can you imagine what that's like? To be completely and utterly failed… time and again… by someone who meant the world to you…

This is the Penny Ruby sees in her head. This is in no way the real Penny. In her final moments, Penny is not looking for someone to save her, but rather she is searching for ways to save others.

In short, Ruby idealizes Penny to an extent. She sees her as someone innocent and pure to protect, but Penny is much more. Penny is her own person and her arc is about reaching self-actualization. She isn't the Pinocchio who is created by the Blue Fairy. Rather, she is the Pinocchio who creates the Blue Fairy:

All of this to say, I disagree with this take:

She was extremely codependent on others (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE and just like Ruby was with Yang at the start at Beacon) and if I was to like the ship in canon, then Penny would have had to stay alive and go to Vacuo while RWBY fell (guess Jaune wouldn't have a reason to fall anymore), and learn how to be independent.

Or to better say, I see things a little bit differently. It is true that Ruby and Penny's dynamic is one where Ruby is mostly the one supporting and Penny is the one supported. It is also true that Penny is unsure about herself because of how her life has been controlled by others. Still, the way this dynamic works is also because Ruby keeps on projecting on Penny a very frail and vulnerable part of herself.

I actually think your parallelism with Yang and Ruby's dynamic is pretty poignant. Yes, Ruby is initially dependent on Yang. Still, Yang too is clearly projecting on Ruby her guilt and belief that love is conditional. This is why Yang should let go of Ruby:

This doesn't mean for Yang to stop caring for Ruby. However, it is not Yang's fault Ruby drinks the tree tea. Similarly, it is not Yang the one who can save Ruby or decide who Ruby is gonna be. Only Ruby can do that. That is because Ruby is her own person outside of Yang.

The same goes for Ruby and Penny. Ruby is a wonderful friend to Penny. Still, it is not her fault Penny dies at Beacon and at Atlas. Finally, Penny has in herself the strength to grow up and become her own person. Something she does before dying.

If Nuts And Dolts were written to become canon, Penny should grow more self-assured, so that she could be there for Ruby. At the same time, Ruby should stop projecting her inner child on Penny.

THE CONFLICT THAT WASN'T THERE

I would like to highlight that volume 7 offers the perfect chance to change Ruby and Penny's dynamic.

As we know, Ruby's main internal conflict there is if to tell or not Ironwood about Salem's immortality. Well, if Penny were to have an arc intertwined with Ruby, so that they could grow together and end up as a couple, this conflict needed to be addressed between them.

After all, Ruby doesn't tell Penny about Salem. At least, we have no reason to think otherwise. Penny is close to Ironwood and Winter and trusts easily. So, it is to be expected that if she knew, she would insist to tell the Atlas higher ups. So, not only is Ruby hiding info from Ironwood, but also from her friend. She obviously does so not to put Penny in a thight spot.

However, if Penny were written to grow into Ruby's partner, I think she should have entered a minor conflict with Ruby over this. In volume 8, Ruby not telling her should have been mentioned and Penny should have called Ruby out. She should have demanded Ruby to trust her more.

So, why doesn't this happen? Simply because imo Penny and Ruby are not written to be endgame. Moreover, the ones who enter a conflict with Ruby over this are Yang and Oscar. In particular, Oscar gets the part of the conflict, which could have easily been Penny's. He is the one who grows the closest to Ironwood. He is the one General objectifies. He is the one who eventually reveals the truth. He is the one who faces Ironwood in a last desperate attempt to get through to him.

Obviously, there could have been many other ways to write Penny and Ruby as a ship. Still, Penny is right now dead and her arc is done. In general, Penny and Ruby's arcs are not even that intertwined structurally:

Penny's arc is about reaching personhood through making difficult and tragic choices. She explores the theme of humanity, duty vs want and faith. Finally, her destiny in the sense of final goal is linked to "friendship". Her final choice is to say goodbye to Winter and to solve their conflict. She also chooses her friends over her duties as a Maiden. The character at the centre of her arc is Winter and not Ruby.

Ruby's arc is about overcoming Summer's death. She is a wide-eyed child, who is confronted with the darkness of the world and has to resist it. She must keep her idealism in the face of the worst happening. The characters at the centre of her arc are honestly Summer and Cinder so far. Still, I think Oscar will be key, as well. I mean:

Foreshadowing is foreshadowing.

That said, Penny and Ruby are incredibly important for each other. They are linked to each other's best parts. Ruby is the first to recognize Penny's humanity. She is Penny's guide and inspiration to grow up. Penny reminds Ruby of her most innocent and hopeful side. She is an even more simple soul than Ruby herself.

So, I personally don't ship them, but I can understand why people are passionate about their relationship. As for me, I am more interested in their individual arcs and what they have to say. Thank you for the ask!

[geodetojoy]

ALRIGHTY i am no longer busy so heres my full thoughts on Newsies :DDD

tagging @royallygray and @mysteriouswolf if yall wanna read :D

ok this shit got LONG so the rest is under the cut

GOD where do I even start its beautiful its wonderful its emotional i love it so much

Ill try not to copy my intermission thoughts too much (if you havent seen those here they are)

Ok lets talk about the history of it. A quick google search says its based on a strike in 1899, and Roosevelt ran for presidency in 1901, so we'll just say the musical takes place in 1899 too (correct me if theres a different confirmed time).

During this time, work conditions are absolute shit, monopolies and trusts are on the rise, and the concept of a union has recently emerged. I really didnt need to say much of this bc its apparent in the musical, but i love historically accurate stuff so deal with it /lh

And in the musical we see the beginnings of Roosevelt's trust-busting and ideas of social equality that he acts on during his presidency (it also kinda ties into his environmentalism stuff a bit too!)

And after reading up a bit on the strike the musical was based on, a lot of the effects of the strike in the musical were historically accurate too! the newsboys could sell back papers they werent able to sell on the streets, but the price was unfortunately not yet lowered. (also, the names of the publishers in the show are historically accurate as well!!! makes my little history brain happy :DDD )

SO whats the point of all of my rambling here?

people make historical art all of the time. we see it in musicals like Annie, Hamilton, and so so many more. obviously this goes beyond musicals here, but since newsies is a musical ill try to stay with that topic.

anyway, we learn about history to learn from it. we see these past issues that our previous generations struggled with, in these art forms as to be easily digestible, and we discover their solutions. we get to see the humanity behind the issues and the conflicts they faced to overcome them. and ofc its not the only reason, but one reason these stories are told with art is to bring attention to them. people are way more likely to listen to music than study a historical textbook. so, they make it entertaining. they make relatable and lovable characters. they make people care about the show and subsequently the issue itself. all of this is to explain how and why things that happened in history are bad as to never repeat them again.

We see these topics of worker mistreatment, corrupt businesses, child labor, gender/sex inequality, and the class separation all brought to the spotlight in this show, and it does a damn good job of showing the pain and suffering they cause. the story of this show is incredible and so very important to learn about.

OK now onto the actual musical itself im done nerding out

ive done a lot of charater analysis already in that intermission post bUT WHO SAYS I CANT DO MORE HAHA

im saving jack for last bc theres so much to unpack there

KATHERINE MY LOVE <3333

Everything about her being a girlboss absolutely remains the same shes INCREDIBLE

and holy shit PULITZER'S HER DAD???? i love her even more. she directly ran away from an easy life to follow her own dreams and pursue her own passion from scratch. incredible. inspiring. mwah

i also just love her personality. shes so bubbly and happy and passionate and bright and optomistic shes the best <3

oh god crutchie. hes absolutely my favorite btw im sorry everyone else i adore him <33333

GOD his prison song actually killed me. im fully dead. deceased.

THE NEWSIES ARE SUCH A FAMILY GAHHH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH RAHHHH

the sheer ecstasy i felt when he came back and hit Snyder with his cane i could not stop stimming MY BOYYYY

the absolute definition of sunshine character. he sees everything as glass half full and wants just the brightest future he deserves the absolute world

and ik i talked about it earlier but i adore how they take such a neutral opinion about his leg. people give him shit for it, and his brother beat them to a pulp. its just a part of him and they love his whole being, so why would they not love that about him too?

Les only got better as the show went on. i thought he was a smartass before LMAOO

AND THE DATE BIT??? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM???? AND IT JUST NEVER GETS BROUGHT UP AGAIN LMAO WHAT

i think the biggest change i felt towards a character was Davey

he grew on me soooooo much his character growth is everything to me

he went from trying to stay out of their business to teaching them what a union was to helping them start it to running it himself when jack ran off to convincing jack to come back when times got tough he is sooo important to the story

and to me. hes important to me <3

OH AND RACE

i saw people mention the name before but i didnt know which he was until they addressed him directly I LOVE THAT GUYYY

especially in king of new york hes got such a big personality what a silly guy

OK now for the guy the silly the mc jack

At the beginning he is entirely driven by both his love for his family and ofc his dream of living in Santa Fe, but atm hes just trying to get by so hes more focused on the newsies. but a boy can dream

then he gets all caught up in the strike business and only focuses on that for a while bc he wants to protect his boys

then shit goes south. they get essentially jumped, and crutchie gets hurt and arrested.

and he thinks, what was it all for? if he couldnt protect his brother (never living that down btw), whats the point of even trying to strike anymore

so he changes his focus back to santa fe. the one thing hes still got going for him.

and he gets confronted by katherine, les, and davey, and they knock some sense into him. stopping the strike isnt going to take away any of the harm done. the danger is expected, theres no way any of this could go down without some form of a casualty. so why not try to do something about it. the only way to make this situation better is to get back in the game and keep pushing for change.

and ofc the thing with katherine which ill talk abt a bit more later

in all of this, something in him changes. he dreamed of santa fe, a simpler life, one where he didnt have to worry about having to afford food and clothing for the next day.

but what he never considered was the loneliness. sure, he offered to bring crutchie and katherine with him, but hed be leaving behind so many more. and thats when he realized he never needed to get out, he just needed things to change a bit. and they did! because of the strike, living became so much more affordable. no it wasnt perfect, but it was enough to be safe and secure, just like he wanted. and he had his family beside him the whole time.

ill admit that before i sat and thought about it for a while, this ending was really unsatisfactory to me. i mean we got how many santa fe reprises? all for naught?

but in reality, santa fe would never be enough for him. hes just so used to this life surrounded by the people he cares most about and doing everything in his power to protect him, hed just be so bored, so understimulated, and hed just continue to yearn for more. that path of wanting would never come to a conclusion and hed live his life never truly being happy. so i really do thing he made the right choice in staying, because new york became his santa fe. he didnt need to seek it out, it came to him.

Ok now with him and katherine

ill start by saying i do really adore them. i feel like a lot of what im about to say might seem like i think otherwise, but i truly do think theyre very sweet

ok so every interaction of theirs in act one was. very uncomfortable to say the least. he honestly seemed really predatory at times and it just really felt like an old-timey romance where the girl doesnt know her worth so she flocks to any guy that shows interest in hr bc she thinks its her only purpose

now obviously that is NOT the truth, those were just my first impressions. Katherine is extremely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what is and isnt right for her, she likes jack purely because she can and does. she knows her worth and just likes him bc she likes him, no strings attached

i will say the first kiss kinda caught me off guard lmao. like i knew they were gonna be a thing but that is NOT how i expected that to go down. its likely just bc of my aroace-ness but i saw no sign of them actually getting together prior to that, aside from them being the main man and leading lady in the show so ofc they have to be together. i mean ig her reaction to him drawing her was a bit of a hint but still. ok maybe its just bc im demi. hadnt thought abt that until now. damn. is this a normal thing? maybe it is. maybe im being too harsh. idk lmao

anyway ill admit the kiss was successful in getting his attention and getting him to listen to her so ill give it that lmaoo but tbh i did tune a bit of their song out bc it started to make me a bit uncomfy but i did liste back to it later on. they really seem to have a healthy relationship where they both care about the other and know the other is strong enough on their own, they just both want to be a part of the other's life. its really sweet! theyre so supportive of each other!!! green flags all around!!!

the bit with him learning shes pulitzers daughter was really interesting to me. at first she tries to talk to him but he kinda brushes her off, but from then on he just kinda has full faith in her? i mean yeah he gets upset about it bc he thinks she lied to him, but i dont think he thought she had any ill intentions. that was a complicated sentence lmaoo damn. i think he really understood that she wanted to help, he was just caught up in a lot of Feelings and was afraid that she wasnt trustworthy despite him still trusting her. and then he let her explain and from then on they fully support the other and trust each other immensely

so yeah first impressions were a bit iffy but i think theyre very sweet <333

OK GOD CAN I GUSH ABOUT THE STAGE DESIGN FOR A BIT???? GAHHH

i mean the moving stairs and scaffolding arent new. i know this. but just the way they frame scenes with the scaffolding is stunning. the chase scenes??? dude. enthralling. the bits where theyre in the city and they have people just up their acting like civilians? SO cool. makes it incredibly more realistic and believable. and the way they projected images onto the curtain-like things they pulled down was extremely creative!!! like in theory its such a simple design. it was literally nothing more than the scaffolding and stairs, and a few tables and wagons and such in certain areas. but they did SO much with it it was hard to believe it took place on a stage. ofc the filming helps with that but still. the start felt like it was on the roof of the building bc of a combination of the lighting and the use of just one of the scaffolding pieces. and when theyre in buildings, the wall of scaffolding works really well as a backdrop!!! and i already talked about the city street scenes, it fits perfectly. god its so inspiring id love to be behind something like that one day

OK AND THE CHOREO??? the sheer ENDURANCE of these people HOLY I COULD NEVER. THE FLEXIBILITY? THEYRE ALL LITERAL GYMNASTS WTF ARE THESE FLIPS AND HANDSTANDS IM SORRY???? holy shit its all SOSOSO impressive

oh my god i havent even talked about the MUSIC yet

if i had to choose a favorite song, a, i would punch whoever told me that in the face, and b, i would simply combust bc i cant choose just one

my top three tho would have to be between king of new york, carrying the banner, and crutchies prison song (idk the name its not on spotify :'((((( ) in no particular order

i havent had them on repeat enough to have any memorized, but i did remember santa fe, carrying the banner, and the world will know from the last time i watched it and i belted along to all the parts i knew this music is so good at hyping me up I WANNA START A UNION

and oh my god katherines voice???? stunning. her song is sooooo good. her part in king of new york is incredible. i love her <3

jesus christ this post got out of control. im still not done lmaooo

ok one thing that really has nothing to do with the musical itself is just the fact that it reminded me of so many other musicals ive seen at specific parts, even some of the songs sound like others i know.

Santa Fe really reminds me of Maybe from Annie, both music-wise and lyric wise. i mean theyre both "i want" songs so it makes sense but i feel like they sound kinda similar too. honestly a lot of the music sounds like Annie, but maybe its just the types of instruments used and thats just how musicals sounded when they were made. i think they were made about the same time. *checks spotify* ok well the newsies i listen to was produced like 40 years after Annie so maybe that just a stylistic choice-

idk why but the beginning of watch what happens sounds like the intro to reginas speaking part in meet the plastics lmao-

oh and brooklyn's here has the same beat as the military from Seussical but thats just bc its a marching song lmao. its also the same beat as the spanish alphabet song my spanish teacher used to use!

ok and this one really doesnt make sense but something to believe in reminds me of the power in me from Twisted lmao- kinda similar message ig? and sound vaguely similar? but idk it really doesnt make too much sense

i should. i should sum it up. this is getting out of hand.

okay i love this musical sm. clearly. do you see how long this post is. i was missing out when i refused to listen to it previously. oh my god.

and for some reason it really makes me wanna go watch my favorite musical so im ending this here TO YOUTUBE I GOOOOO TY FOR READING IF YOU DID AND TY TO ROYAL FOR UNINTENTIONALLY PUSHING ME TO WATCH THIS HAVE A GREAT DAYYYY

[lesbianrobin]

Would you be willing to share any tropes or pet peeves you have with the fandoms intepretation of HOH! Steve? No pressure at all but I know it’s gaining popularity and that fandoms historically have a shit record with disability and you’ve spoken about your frustrations with that tag. Also thank you for sharing the link to the movie!! I’ve been wanting to watch more historical films especially ones that push back against assumptions of what the past was capable of!

omg YES thank you for asking!!! so to preface for anybody who doesn't know: i myself am hard of hearing and i used to post about steve being hard of hearing sometimes prior to s4, but i haven't posted about it much since it became a Thing in the fandom because i don't trust other people on my posts lmao.

so honestly this is gonna be less about specific tropes and more of a broad ideological discussion bc i don't usually read the hoh steve fics i scroll past and i don't want to act like i Know exactly what all of them are like based off just the few i have read. however, i Have seen the tags and summaries and read the first few paragraphs of a lot of them, and i feel like that's enough for me to have like. an opinion. so ANYWAY.

my first issue is just that pretty much everyone i've seen writing hoh steve is hearing themselves. there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but the thing is that hoh steve is like. entirely a creation of fandom, yknow? there's not rly anything in canon that indicates steve has poor hearing--honestly, if anything, he seems to have rather keen ears (picking up on the background music in the russian code in s3, being the first one to hear dustin in the upside down in s4). you can certainly reverse-engineer it and argue that poor school performance can be an indicator of poor hearing, that his head injuries could potentially cause hearing loss, but neither of those are things where hearing loss naturally comes to mind without somebody looking for it, so this begs the question of why. what exactly is motivating these hearing people to write this character as hoh?

i've noticed some things that tend to go along with hoh steve. one is steddie, which is kind of a given in the st fandom at this point, but it's the things that go along with that which concern me. the "babygirl steve" thing where steve is woobified and feminized to the point of being nigh-unrecognizable seems quite common among these fics. steve often has other medical problems as well--he needs glasses, he gets migraines, he has memory loss, he's depressed, he's got chronic pain, etc, etc, and my disability is just another thing on a laundry list of issues that is seemingly employed for the sole purpose of making steve sad and hurt and pitiable so that (usually) eddie can come along and save him/baby him. i'm not gonna act like i've never tossed some shit at steve to make him suffer in a fic, but it's always for like. a Reason. and that reason has never once been just so i could ship him with somebody and make them into his savior.

i think a lot of people writing hoh steve just don't necessarily have great intentions with it, yknow? they see it as a way for steve to suffer nobly in silence and be self-sacrificial, or they think it's cute to make steve deaf since eddie plays loud music (???).

there are a lot of things i love about being hard of hearing. i love that i get to have a unique appreciation of sound that not everybody has. i love that i can take out my hearing aids when the world is too much. i love that i still discover new sounds at the age of twenty-two. did you guys know that dishwashers make noise? i didn't until today! my house was quiet and i kept hearing something strange until i tracked it down and realized! i love that i have a sense of wonder about every noise i hear! and while i don't begrudge anybody their enjoyment of hoh steve content, i have yet to see any that comes remotely close to capturing these feelings, so it's just not for me.

also this is a silly pet peeve but why is it that in these fics steve almost always learns asl and like rarely has hearing aids? like sorry but unless he's completely deaf that's out of character. steve harrington is not learning a whole new language unless he absolutely has to and has literally no other options. they had hearing aids in the eighties. c'mon people.

anyway. sorry that was so long lmao and thank you for asking!! also thank you for actually reading and caring about my within our gates post!! i highly recommend looking up some 1920s music to listen along with the film, though you can honestly listen to whatever you want--at the time, films didn't typically have dedicated scores, and individual theaters would provide their own musical accompaniment however they saw fit. oftentimes this meant a live musician would play piano during the film, and improvise to suit the mood/plot! happy viewing 💕

[asmoteeth]

¡Hey Asmo! How are you doing? I hope that you have been fine (idk from which part of Argentina are you (and it's not my business to know), but I hope that you are not suffering the heatwave as much as I'm XD)....

That last wedge fanart was simply sooo good Asmo...the look of shock, but also betrayal/slash anger, was spot on *chef kiss* idk about you, but with all the fluff present, some angst too would do really nicely (this is so perfect)

My personal hc: even as an established couple, HS still feels awful for his attitude towards Wedge when he found out he was an ex-con; it's really obvious when he's in that state, because he looks like a kicked puppy and exudes misery when around Wedge. How do you think he would fix this? Mandatory cuddle time? Wedge will turn HS into a burrito when he refuses to cuddle? Kinda like this?:

*I bet he also does it when HS tries to do something stupid or when he's sleepy but doesn't want to recharge* Bonus: if you are into completing ship charts, would you be interested in doing this one? Only if you wanna ofc... You can ignore the horny level part, though (cause I know your opinion on that matter)

Anyway, ¡sending you good wishes Asmo!

THE FIRST LINES WERE A WHISPLASH DO YOU MEAN LIKE-- YOU LIVE IN ARGENTINA TOO????? THAT'S SO COOL IF THAT'S THE CASE JSNWKABSIWKWBEIQJQ WHUAAAA The heatwaves have been painful, my clasroom is a forsaken OVEN and I almost threw up from the heat today, thank you for asking (´-﹏-`；)

THANK YOU SO MUCH <333 Honestly the expression was the first thing I drew in the whole piece, I just had an idea of anger+shock+fear+sadness and had to put it down to drawing QUICKLY and then I kept going, I didn't even expect to finish it today, I'm very proud of the lighting and blurry parts doing their job at giving the drawing profundity.

I DEFINITELY FEEL LIKE HOTSHOT COULD GET THOSE GUILT TRIPPING MOMENTS, even if he changed his whole view on deceptions he was probably raised with AS SOON AS HE DISCOVERED WEDGE WAS ONE I feel the things he said ("decepticons don't count as anyone" for example, ouch) might crawl on his back from time to time, what if he needs to overcompensate for that night?

What if he makes a day FULL of silly activities Wedge enjoys? Idk, weight lifting? THEIR DUO DRAG RACE STUNT, etc.

But Hotshot keeps getting guilt trips and it shows so at some point Wedge shakes him by the shoulders like WHAT'S WRONG WHY AREN'T U HAVING FUN

Hotshot is cornered and has no other way than to explain what's bothering him, Wedge is a little mad, but over the fact that he didn't tell him in the first place, specially when it was related to him and the fact that it was eating him from the inside this much.

They decide this day should be more soft, so they just head back inside, SOMEHOW GET A BLANKET LONG ENOUGH FOR THEM (sewing???) And YES, THEY CUDDLE YOU ARE SO RIGHT (tho honestly for me their "cuddling" is napping sprawled on the conversation pit, Hotshot is def a spider hugger when sleeping I accept 0 criticism)

I'M SO SO INTO COMPLETING CHARTS, I LOVE COMPLETING CHARTS, FEEL ABSOLUTELY FREE TO SEND ME MORE PLEASE PLEASE <3333

I love the slider thingie so much omg

THANKS FOR SUCH A BIG ASK SINCE I BEEN FEELING KINDA DOWN THESE DAYS

[tohellandback99]

“Ahh Alice. We can’t go back home again. No surprise, really. Only a very few find the way and most of them, don’t recognize when they do. Delusions too, die hard. Only the savage regard the endurance of pain as the measure of worth. Forgetting pain, is convenient. Remembering it, AGONIZING. But recovering the truth is worth the suffering and our Wonderland though damaged, is safe in memory… for now…” - Cheshire (A:MR)

Alice Madness Returns au? No?

I painted this piece because honestly, I just wanted to draw Miss Elliot and Mr. Cocolotl in lavish adorable clothes. They deserve that I think. I didn’t have much planned at all, this is in no context but everything I painted was everything I always wanted to try, in a watercolor painting. I wanted to play around since I hadn’t painted in a while. I’m so glad that I stayed up one night and hyperfixated on my drawing of these two (I wouldn’t have been able to sleep, anyway)

Then I thought, how much these two stories kind of parallel each other. Coincidentally, but interestingly enough. It sounds ridiculous but I stand by this; I think a crossover au between Alice: Madness Returns and Wendell and Wild, or an asylum au that’s done with taste and care, and not stigmatizing would actually be pretty amazing.

The painting also marks a point of major progress from the beginning of my watercolor journey.

When I was first starting to get into watercolor painting and was heavily medicated and couldn’t draw or paint much. Let alone something that is in my head, I painted this:

And it’s cool! I still love it. But at the time I remember being so upset at the fact that I couldn’t articulate what things look like and draw like I was, and now am able to again. Granted I’ve learned a lot as well about how to best use the paint and how to draw. To get more comfortable with it, and try new things to get more desired effects. And as an artist it never gets boring and there’s always something new to discover. A little over two months of time and care little by little, was SO worth it. I’m beyond pleased with my progress and to say: “This is the new favorite of my things!”

Thank you so so much and, before the month ends I’d like to say I wish others who are in the lgbtq+ community a happy, peaceful pride month! Treat yourself, we deserve it. Thank you!

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Reviewing non-Marvel Loki Things (That I've Been Exposed to)

I am certain there's more, but these are all the non-Marvel Loki-related media I could think of that I've consumed. Maybe I'll do a part 2 if I think of some other things I've read/seen. These aren't really full reviews, just basic reactions of what I remember of these pieces of media.

The Gospel of Loki, by Joanne M. Harris

I...did not finish this. It was kind of interesting, I remember. But I'll be honest, one of the lines I remember most clearly is from the beginning where Loki says something like "For some reason on Asgard, I'm not allowed to fuck beasts or men and no one can tell me why." And then he just kind of, goes with it? Like first of all, why, if you can live forever, would you not only limit yourself to one gender (I'm okay with leaving the bestiality alone, but you could probably make a case for this, too, if they can consent), but force everyone else to, also? And anyway, even if Odin is a Puritan prick for some reason, the least believable thing about all this is that Loki stands for it???!!! Why is this the one thing about which he's like 'Welp, guess Odin knows best'? Frankly, it broke my suspension of disbelief for the whole thing. (You know how I was like Kid Loki saying "I killed Thor" made me go 'Oh, okay, the Loki writers don't have a clue who Loki is fundamentally'? Yeah, this is the line that made me do that with Harris.) I didn't even get far enough to maybe (probably) read my favorite myth (Sigyn catching the venom in her bowl).

Norse Mythology, by Neil Gaiman

So much better, holy shit! Leaps and bounds better!!! This is one of my favorite books. I've talked about it a little on here, but he's such a great writer, and I laughed out loud so many times for the way he portrays Thor and Loki especially (it helped that I first read this listening to him read the audiobook). I just love how he portrays Loki as only smart in comparison to the other gods, who are truly dumb as bricks, with Loki only slightly more clever by comparison. But I was still so attached to Loki that when he causes his own downfall in the end (like he does in the myths) I think I genuinely cried. This is one of those books I read at least once a year.

The Bifrost Incident, by The Mechanisms

I'll be real with you, I mostly only listened to the tracks I knew Loki (and Sigyn) were on. But I did also read the synopsis on the wiki, so I know the gist of the musical. And what I'll say of it is this: I discovered the album four days prior to writing this, and I've listened to at least the Loki track at least twice a day since. I'm a little grateful it's just (as far as I know) an album, because if there was a recorded performance somewhere, I could not watch it (even though I obviously would because I like to let myself suffer). Loki's arc is just too fucking painful (which is honestly saying something, given some of the shit he gets put through in other media).

Ragnarok, Netflix

I watched the first episode. I felt like it ended stupidly and way too dramatically for even the pilot. I know it's called Ragnarok, but it's a modern retelling, and Thor and Loki are kids, so it doesn't have to go so hard from the word Go. And Laurits did not make a good first impression on me either. Can't remember exact reasons why, though. I watched this a long time ago.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, Kait! This is very specific but I woke up from my nap and my imagination chose angst—

So let's say instead of being his game tester, MC is Ray's assistant. She's a Mint Eye believer who began to admire him for his hard work and devotion to paradise, trying her best to get closer to him. At first, Ray is hesitant, but accepts the affection offered to him anyway, and sooner rather than later they both end up developing romantic feelings for each other.

Their love grows stronger than their blind "faith" in Mint Eye and the savior, and watching the other take the elixir (and suffer the consequences) goes from something "painful but necessary" to something unbearable, neither of them can stand idly by while the other sufferd.

Just like in his route, Ray starts keeping secrets and lying to the savior to prevent MC from drinking the elixir and/or being taken to the basement. For her part, MC begins to believe that the best thing for Ray would be to take him away from Magenta. Of course Rika finds out, locks and tortures Ray in the basement and Suit Saeran wakes up.

Suit Saeran fails to break MC's spirit or convince her to go back to being the obedient believer she once was, so she ends up in the basement after the most painful cleansing ceremony she's ever had. As happens in BR2, Saeran/Ray decides to free her, apologizing for not being able to make her happy and drugs her with sleeping pills to take her to an unknown apartment, far from Magenta.

Two, maybe three years go by, and MC remains in the same apartment living a relatively "normal" life, managing to get a job and going to therapy, but of course dealing with PTSD after all that happened. Nor has she been able to forget Ray or Saeran, she still loves them and lives with the constant anguish of not knowing their whereabouts. She would like to believe that they managed to escape Mint Eye on their own and are free, but the looming possibility that they have died haunts her every day, preventing her from truly being happy.

Then, a day like any other, she decides to go for ice cream and finds those mint eyes that she adores so much. Even with red hair, the face of her loved ones is unmistakable. It's a dream, MC thinks, it has to be, but she can't take her eyes off him, afraid that if she does, this apparition will disappear. Their eyes meet and they both get uncomfortable, MC doesn't know whether to run away or get closer, while SE Saeran doesn't understand why this stranger looks at him like... like Saeyoung looked at him (and sometimes still does) when they met again.

MC has a nervous breakdown and runs away, but later, much later, after calming down, she finds herself crying again, but this time with relief. Regardless of who the host was, he's alive, alive and out of Mint Eye, looking healthier than ever, and for the first time in a long time MC can say she's feeling genuinely happy. She's oblivious to the news about the fall of Mint Eye because she stays away from that type of media, since it can overwhelm her, that's the reason why the whole situation takes her so by surprise. However, even though she feels selfish in doing so, she tries to approach SE Saeran once more, see his face and hear his voice once more, or so she tells herself but they continue to meet until they form a somewhat strange but lovable friendship.

MC discovers that the body's new host calls himself 'Saeran', but knows that this Saeran is not the same as she once knew. She becomes more and more curious about him, and at some point her friendly affection turns into something romantic, but not because SE Saeran looks and sounds identical to the men she loved, but because of himself, she falls in love with that boy whose life persists despite the countless number of times his heart has been broken, the lover of clouds and ice cream, the Saeran Choi in front of her.

SE Saeran reciprocates her feelings, but neither of them do anything about it, no, they are both too scared, at least at first. SE Saeran is afraid of hurting MC and MC is afraid that Saeran will think she sees him as a replacement. It gets to the point where MC can no longer deal with her emotions and has a talk with SE Saeran where she tells him everything, about her being a former Mint Eye believer, about what happened with Ray and the other Saeran, about her feelings for he. It's a complicated, painful conversation to have, but also necessary. I think SE Saeran would be surprised, but also that he is vaguely aware of Suit Saeran's existence, though not Ray's.

Probably not at that moment, but they both establish an unspoken relationship, there are no labels but they both know that they love each other, what they have is not "normal", but it's theirs and it makes them happy.

Then SE Ray and Grave wake up. I think Ray would feel very contradicted, on the one hand, he still loves MC, he still considers her his princess, and now they are both free, but... But this is no longer his life, he's no longer the host, SE Saeran is, and MC is his partner. A part of him is so desperate to hug and kiss MC, tell her how much he loves her, try to make up for lost time and enjoy the time they now have, but the other part of him feels like a nuisance and doesn't want to be, nor he wants to hurt SE Saeran and MC because of his selfish feelings, he wants to get away from her but he's dying to stay too. Grave is another story... The guilt for everything he did to MC persists and he would try to avoid her like the plague, not believing himself worthy of even thinking about her, very similar to what SE Saeran feels towards Iris at the beginning of your fic (Which I love, btw!).

This is how I think they would react, but they are technically your OCs, so I would like to know how you think they would act in such a situation.

Aaaand.... That's all! I'm so sorry this is so long, but my imagination + Saeran Choi = Infodump.

Oh, wow, you came up with a whole story idea! Spoilers for Iris, my Assistant Unknown story below!

As you know, one of the most dramatic revelations in that story is the realization that you meant something to Ray without realizing it. You didn’t know him and he never truly got a chance to know you… and by the time he returns, you’ve discovered how to live a new life with someone else… someone like him but someone new. He's afraid of what that means and what might go wrong now but you, their Iris, you understand without even trying, and smile at him. 

My favorite part of that story was trying to add in tidbits sprinkled throughout the story until the revelation was shoved in your face all together and there was nothing you could do but begin to cry. That was so fun to do because nobody go the hints until they sprang out at the end!

Now, your idea is an entirely different concept altogether! What if you had known Ray? What if your story followed the opposite? Where you know Ray and Suit Saeran, but you meet SE Saeran who doesn't get who you are except for maybe a whisper of something that the other Saeran, in this particular case, Grave since that's my take on SE Suit Saeran... has to say.

He doesn't know you... but you knew them.

I think you could make something really enticing out of this but wow would it be such a very long concept to write about. There are just so many details that it would take much longer than the time I have to answer this question to completely flesh out. But, for the sake of your fantasy, let me at least to give you my take on what those two would feel about this specific situation.

In this case, what Grave guilty about isn't shooting the MC, since, as you know, Grave's concept is tied with my MC... and his guilt more or less stems from him not knowing who fired the gun at V that day... it could've been him or SE Saeran... and it hit Lila instead because she wanted to stop them from making a mistake. In this case, your MC is tortured by Mint Eye and he knows its his fault.

Similar to how we know him in my story, I imagine in this situation he would definitely go out of his way to avoid you. It's not your fault. It'll never be your fault. It's his fault you got hurt in the first place and he wants nothing more than to stay away from you because getting close to him is only going to destroy you in the end. He won't ruin anything you have with the other two if you make something with them.

He would be a supportive of that, and he would even do his best to make sure those two are protected when it comes to you… but… 

I just can't see him being willing to open up to you for a very long time. If you’re patient with him and make sure that he is allowed the boundaries he needs to stay safe then you don't need to worry about anything. Give him time to realize and recognize that you forgive him. He did a lot of bad things and he wants to hold himself accountable, so don't tell him that he didn't do anything wrong.

Acknowledge that he did something wrong and understand that he needs time to forgive himself regardless of how you feel. It's going to take a long time before he's able to hold you… However, understand one thing and one thing alone, when he's ready to open a door for you, he'll press his hand against yours when you're sitting five feet apart on the couch. 

SE Ray... God.

It's complicated with him because not only would he want to fall back into bad habits, he would feel like he doesn't belong in your life anymore. It's not just because you've already made a relationship with SE Saeran… It's because you're living in a world that hasn't had him in it for so long that he doesn't deserve to come back.

There's nothing he wants more than to treat you like royalty and make sure you have everything he wasn't able to give you before, but he understands very well that he might not be what you want anymore and he needs to learn how to not put you on a pedestal. 

You would need to be careful with him because of what you went through if only because the minute you allow him back in and you don't have a conversation about communication, he's going to think that he needs to be the person he was when you were together in that place. He's going to think you want him to take care of you and you alone. You're going to have to communicate with him and help him understand that you want to be equals, you don't just want to be on top of the world while he's underneath you. 

More than anything, what's going to hold him back in this situation is Big it's secure and afraid that you won't want to be with him because you already have Saeran. 

SE Saeran...

I think this concept is very interesting for him because I genuinely don't know what would happen to him in a situation where he is face to face with somebody who wasn't his assistant but was the assistant of those who came before him. It would be difficult for him to get close to you because he's fully aware that whatever happened to you in the past is not something he can remember and he can't make up for whatever happened if he doesn't know what happened with the other two. 

Because that's exactly what would happen to him, he would want to make up for what they did but that's not something he can do. Those two have to hold themselves accountable when they come back and talk to you about it, he has a completely different relationship with you than they do. It would just make for an interesting line of communication at the end of the day because you have a relationship that is so vastly different with all three of them, and yet you love them all the same just as they love you. 

[ur-lil-flo]

so i've seen lots of people hating on belly, and i get it because she's not acting smart, but can we just imagine this for a moment:

you're 16, you've been in love with someone for many years, but he never saw you like that. then suddenly everything changes. it's summer, you're learning new things about others and about yourself, that one person you've been in love with finally sees you and wants to be with you. the person you love, somebody who is like a family to you, dies. you're going through all this pain and suffering alone, because your own mother and brother won't talk to you about it. the person you were in love with breaks your heart and leaves you. you try to understand what happened, you think you were the reason. your best friend doesn't talk to you anymore, because you hurt him, and now you hate yourself for that. when you get a chance to finally get some closure and find something real, that one person you were in love with since you were 10, comes back. he's unstable, he hasn't changed, but he wants to be with you. your best friend who has always been there for you, also wants to be with you, and you want to be with him, because you're tired of the roller-coasters you've been put through.

can you imagine being 16 and going through this? losing a part of your family, losing best friend, losing love, losing yourself. i agree that her decisions are not the best, and she should care about others' feelings more. but she's young, and she doesn't know much about life. i think she deserves some sympathy and empathy.

and the same applies to both conrad and jere. they're not saints, but they're going through some serious shit. they both have a lot going on in their life, they both try to manage everything, and they both fail at many things because they're lonely kids who lost their mom and do not have any family anymore.

when you dive a bit deeper than surface "conrad/jere/belly is the best/worst", then you'll actually see that it's a story about growing up, about discovering things, and making WRONG decisions, about hurting yourself and others, about trying to find the answers. they all do many things that are wrong, and yet they're still trying. they all are trying their best. you might think that being with jere is a wrong choice, as it hurts conrad. you might think it's wrong to be with conrad, because it hurts jere. being with any of them hurts belly, because she eventually loses the other one. there's no way out, and that's the way life is. your decisions always hurt someone. maturing is realizing how to minimize the hurt.

anyways, thank you for reading this, and i hope my thoughts were clear enough to understand