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accidentally-in-fictional-love · 3 months ago

Note

📖🔧😢🩹🥰

I am literally binge reading all of your DD works and I just have to thank you for your absolutely incredible writing! 😭🙌

There are very few fics of Lonny out there, so is there anyway we could see how he’d react to seeing the person he’s had a crush on (reader) having witnessed what he did to Bud? Like I just want to hug him and tell him it’s okay and that it was an accident. Little baby didn’t mean to! 🥺

Forced Limitations - Lonny Crane/Reader

Warnings: No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, canon rewrite (the first half hour for now), lots of panic, canon violence, character death (Buddy 🥺), co-workers to friends to ride or dies, angst, hurt/comfort, mutual crushes, this one is heavy but if you've seen the movie you'll expect it.

Wordcount: 9486

Summary: Today was supposed to be such a normal day. You were even going to maybe talk to your crush this time if he didn't say anything first. So why were you now hiding in the basement of your work while you crush stared you down with a bloodied wrench in his shaking hand and fear in his eyes?

Notes: My first Lonny! Thank you so much for reading first of all 💗💗💗 it's because of you guys and your wonderful support for my writing that I'm enjoying these as much as I am! As requested this is an au of the movie down to the dialogue (forever grateful to mediarips with subs included hehe), get that lady outta here I hate her, but because I left this open-ended I might just have to write a part 2 if I can figure out a way for them to both escape 😏 For now I hope you like this, he really didn't mean to and this has been weighing on me since I saw the movie /)o(\

Today was just supposed to be another normal, boring day at work.

You didn't have much going on, nothing penciled into your calendar on your apartment wall, no reminders in your phone, in fact it was probably the most normal your day could get. You left on time, grabbed yourself a coffee and a box of donuts to share with everyone you worked next to, and of course didn't forget the separate Boston Creme just for the cute handyman who smiled at you whenever you caught him staring. You blushed already thinking about him, neither of you had really talked, but you knew he was a sweet guy just based on your minimal interactions with him outside of your donut drop off.

He wasn't very social, he stuck to his partner's side like glue for the most part, and Bud was also a good guy, extremely knowledgeable and able to solve any problem you guys brought to him before any of you could even figure out what was actually wrong, but sometimes you wished you could just have a conversation with Alonso by himself, get to know him a little better. You'd been trying for days now that you knew he preferred the Boston Creme, a popular donut in your group that tended to get snatched up fast from the random assortment you were always gifted.

You’d been getting the baker's dozen with his as the 13th was your attempted way to start something, but so far he'd just noticed that his donut was there and unsnatched, sent Bud over to grab it before anyone else did, and then wandered off to eat it somewhere he wouldn't make a mess for anyone to step on, like the cafeteria on the ground floor.

You wouldn't let that happen today you decided as you pulled into the line to get into work, security giving everyone a random check today for some reason to make sure they all worked there. That was odd, but you'd heard whispers that they were thinking of upping security around here anyway, something about attempted break-ins, so you just got your ID ready, popped the trunk when they asked, and kept on driving until you found a place to park. You gave a wave to Bud when you saw him head for the door, Alonso not with him as usual; he always came early before the rush, you could only guess the swarm of people made him uncomfortable, and you had to admit he had the right idea as everyone shuffled towards the door.

‘Weird about those men, isn’t it?’ you asked him as you flashed your IDs again to get inside, one card after the other to allow you entrance. ‘I mean, I get the extra security, but they looked like they were searching for something.’

‘Poor Lonny must’ve had a hard time with them, he’s always here as soon as the lights come on,’ Bud figured, the two of you walking through the lobby until he started to veer away towards the elevators. His place was in the basement, their own special break room down there while they monitored everything whenever something didn’t need to be looked at, and you pursed your lips with a glance down at the box in your arms before chasing after him.

‘Hey! Hey, uh, I was wondering if maybe you could… escourt me down to the break room today, maybe leave this for Alonso if he’s running late?’ you suggested nervously, no one other than those two usually going down there, but the other man just looked you over a moment but chuckling to himself like he’d just realized something.

‘Ha, imagine that; c’mon, gotta get you to your desk before Bossman notices you’re down there,’ he told you before leading the way, and as payment for his tour he grabbed his own donut first on the way down. ‘Never come down here without either of us, this place is a real maze with a ton of hazards, and also be sure to watch your head, you never know what’s gunna hit you until it’s too late,’ he warned as the elevator came to a stop, and you closed the lid of your coffee a little tighter before following him out.

‘You know I’ve never been down here before, not even when I started,’ you told him as you walked, your eyes taking in everything and nearly allowing you to bump your head just as he knew you would, his hand coming out to protect your forehead before you knocked it off a low-hanging series of pipes.

‘Don’t think many of the people upstairs have, it’s mostly just me and Lonny and the occasional fill-in whenever we call out, that’s not often though, Lonny’s a very hard worker, y’know.’ You were too busy ducking to notice the glance he gave you when he was done speaking, the place indeed a maze as he led you right to the middle where their solitary room to themselves was hidden; inside was a small kitchen against the left wall, a table with two chairs against the right wall, the others folded up nearby since they were unneeded, and four lockers tucked against the far right corner.

Only two of them had names, the company had only needed them once it became clear that they made a great team and rendered more help unnecessary, and Alonso was indeed in as he sat at the table and ate a bowl of cereal. He looked up when he heard Bud arrive, and he was in the middle of a hello and a wave when you walked into his view; instantly his eyes went wide and his cheeks flushed, and you watched as he turned away from you and tried to swallow the mouthful of cereal he was now choking on a little. You’d surprised him, that much was obvious, but it was blush that had you freezing as your own heated your face right up despite the chill of the room.

‘Well, now that I’m clocked in I’d better check out that problem from yesterday, y’know the one, way up on the 6th floor, you can handle things down here for a bit, right?’ Bud told Alonso as he quickly grabbed his orange uniform and started pulling it on, the other man fumbling his words and dropping his spoon when he received an encouraging rub to the back of his head that messed up his long hair.

‘Bud!’ he yelped as his desperate cry to not be left alone, and then it was just the two of you, very much alone while his cereal turned to mush. ‘Uh… hi,’ he said after a while, his hands hurriedly straightening his hair back down so he wouldn’t look a mess, and you could only murmur the same before you realized the burning in your palm was actually because of your coffee.

‘Shit, ow, can I set this down?’ you asked him quickly as you rushed for the table, and he nodded as he cleared a space for you, the rest of the table covered in old newspapers and magazines to read so they could pass the time on slow days. ‘Thanks, I uh, I wanted to make sure you got this, you know how the others are,’ you stuttered nervously, his chosen donut thankfully avoiding being crushed by your worried hands only because it was set safely on top of the large box.

‘Oh, thank you,’ he stuttered right back, this was the most he’d ever said to you since you’d started working there, Bud usually doing all the talking for him while he just listened. His eyes lit up when he saw that you’d gotten his favourite and it made your smile grow wide, your hands shaking a little less as he carefully peeled back the paper from the bag in order to save the chocolate on top. ‘I love these ones, growing up it was always the first picked by my siblings, so… I’m glad you keep bringing them to work, I always get here before that place opens,’ he shared with you before taking a bite, and you felt your heart skip a beat at the simple joy of tasting something delicious spread across his face.

‘I didn’t know you had siblings,’ you said as you took the remaining seat, your coffee reopened and your own donut chosen while you took a sip, and he looked at the door before sitting with you, your chairs so close together that your knees touched before he moved away. This was now the closest you’d ever been as well, and you realized you’d much rather risk being late in order to hear more than head upstairs and start working.

‘Four of them, I’m the youngest,’ he told you between bites, his cereal forgotten as he licked cream and chocolate off of his fingers a moment before going to the sink and washing his hands with a bit of embarrassment. ‘You- you’d think growing up in a family that big I’d be able to talk to people better, right?’

You took a bite of your own donut before shaking your head, and he seemed surprised by your answer as he sat back down again. ‘Family is different, sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers than your own flesh and blood,’ you thought aloud, and he listened intently in genuine interest. ‘But, you don’t have to be afraid of talking to me, I don’t bite…’ Your face lit up and you distracted yourself with more coffee at your choice of words, but he didn’t have the same problem as you as he tucked his hair behind his ear and really thought it over.

‘I- I’ve been trying to, actually,’ he muttered almost to himself, and you set your cup down to listen this time, ‘but every time I see you you’re always surrounded by people.’

You thought to yourself a moment before opening the box again and offering him a second donut, and Alonso looked between them and you before picking another and starting on it. ‘Well, guess I’ll have to stop by here every morning then, so we can talk,’ you offered, and he seemed genuinely happy about it as he flashed you a nervous but hopeful smile. You were smiling back when your phone went off, one of your cubiclemates was asking about her donuts, and you swore to yourself when you saw the time. ‘I’m late, I gotta run back up, but it was really nice talking to you, Alonso.’

‘Lonny,’ he said as he stood, and he towered over you as he handed you the box, ‘you can call me Lonny, everyone else does.’

‘Alright, then it was nice to officially meet you, Lonny.’ His smile was so infectious and wide that it made you wonder why it’d taken you so long to do this, and by the time you reached your floor you were practically twitterpated to no one’s surprise.

‘Finally talked to Tall, Cute, and Silent?’ your friend asked with a knowing smirk, and you made a face back at her as you presented everyone with the treats that were left. They devoured them like animals until only the crumbs were left as usual, and as you tossed out the box you found yourself already planning on maybe inviting him out for lunch today if he was interested. As such, you didn’t pay much attention to your work, just tapping out slowly over the keys while you took in no information, and when the speakers you didn’t even know were above you suddenly crackled to life it actually made you jump you were so distracted.

‘All employees, no matter what you’re doing, please stop and lend me your full attention,’ the announcement began, everyone around you having the same reaction of, ‘What’s going on?’ ‘There are currently 80 of you in the building. In eight hours, most of you will be dead.’

Your blood ran cold, this had to be some kind of joke, but when you looked around you saw that no one was laughing.

‘Your chance of survival increases by following my orders, and excelling at the tasks I place before you,’ the speaker continued, his voice surprisingly calm and almost a bit excited at what he was saying, and you started to feel sick at the thought that this was real, he was completely serious, and that was why security had been so tight when you’d arrived. ‘Your first task is simply this: Murder any two of your fellow employees within the next half hour.’

You spilled your coffee, the dark liquid spreading over your desk and onto the floor, but no one cared between those who were listening and those who’d already decided that this really had to be a joke.

‘How they are killed, or how they are chosen to be killed, is of no consequence. But if there are not two dead bodies in the building within 30 minutes, you will face repercussions.’

‘This isn’t real, right?’ you asked your friend, her face calm but you could see it in her eyes, that doubt that was taking hold of you. ‘I mean, they aren’t really asking us to kill each other, are they?’

‘It’s all bullshit, probably some test to weed out the bad employees, you know there’s a few on the 5th floor who could stand a good kick in the pants,’ she said dismissively, but when she waved her hand you didn’t miss the way it shook.

‘Still, I don’t like this, I’m gunna- I’m just gunna take a walk, see what the others are saying.’ You stood when the voice never returned, stepping through your coffee and leaving tracks of it after you as you headed for the elevator, the basement button staring at you as the urge to press it and see what Bud had to say about all this hit you like a truck; he was a smart guy, and Al- Lonny would be there too, if he wasn't afraid and didn’t believe it then that would be enough for you. You hit the lobby button instead and tried to breathe when the entire building shook, a series of rumbles making the cables shake just enough to scare you. Your hands splayed over the walls to brace yourself until it was over, and when you reached your destination you found not only a gathering already there, but also the cause of the quake.

The front doors as well as the windows were now covered up with what looked like a blast shield, something that was supposed to be for protection now trapping you all inside. Your panic rose even higher, the familiar faces of your co-workers now warped into confusion and worry, a few of them even attempting to break the walls down to get free but to no avail. You started to shake when the elevator beside you dinged, and the relief that washed over you when you saw Bud and then Lonny exit was so strong that it nearly knocked out your legs from under you.

You followed after them as they spoke with someone from one of the floors higher than yours, Mike; he was a nice guy, there was nothing bad you could say about him, but he was serious now as everyone gathered around to whisper, your hand hovering just over Lonny’s back as he concentrated and didn’t even notice you. ‘What d’you think, Mikey? What’s this all about?’ Bud asked him while they stared what was supposed to be the front doors down.

‘I don’t know. You think you got a way to get through it?’ Mike wondered, tensions rising as your superiors tried to take charge and calm everything down in the distance.

‘Blowtorch could do the job, but I don’t know how thick it is,’ Bud offered up, already calculating what needed to be done based on all his years on the job. ‘It could take a while.’

‘What if we try cutting through one of the walls first?’ Mike suggested, his eyes moving to the normal concrete instead. ‘Wouldn’t it be easier to try and get through cement than get through whatever that is?’

Bud shook his head, repeating just the word no to himself with such certainty that it made you finally latch on, and Lonny jumped and turned to see you behind him. You looked up at him, unable to force a comforting smile when you saw his eyes, so he made one for you, his hand over your shoulders and rubbing your arm before he turned back to Bud, he’d have a plan. ‘This metal surrounds the entire building,’ he told them, the other man with you speaking up next.

‘So the whole building’s covered?’ he asked only for Bud to unfortunately confirm it, there was no knocking down a wall and escaping without getting through that metal first.

‘It’s worth a shot, though, right? The blowtorch?’ Mike confirmed before they could lose hope, Lonny glancing down at you and holding you a little tighter.

‘It’s worth a try,’ he agreed with a nod, and you weren’t sure if he was talking to Mike or to you when he said it. Bud then also noticed you were there when he went to pat Lonny on the back and smacked you instead, and he apologized before the two were walking away, your shoulders already hunching up without him there; you’d only just spoke that morning, which felt so long ago now, but you felt safe around him, if this was really happening then you could protect each other, and you went to follow when Bud noticed and held you back.

‘Easy now, just stay with the group, we’ll be back in a minute,’ he told you reassuringly, and you glanced over to Lonny before nodding and going to find your friends. Everyone had run to the lobby with the raising of the shield, and there was now no doubt between you all as you gathered in the corner and watched the others talk amongst themselves.

‘They’re gunna try and burn a hole through the door, see if we can get out that way,’ you whispered, not wanting to spread the plan in case it didn’t work, ‘they just went down to get the blowtorch, they’ll be right back.’

‘You gunna stick to your boytoy when he does?’ your friend joked so suddenly that you felt the need to reprimand her to for saying that first of all, but the second you looked at her you saw that she was just making jokes to hide the fact that she was fucking terrified. So you let it slide, your hand rubbing her shoulder just as Lonny had done to you.

‘I dunno, do you guys have any ideas?’ you asked them, each one shaking their heads.

‘I heard a few people went to the roof, we could try that,’ another suggested, but you didn’t like heights all that much to begin with, mixing that with the current situation might actually make you faint.

‘You can go, I’m gunna stay here, see how the door goes,’ you decided, and your small group split up just as your boss walked into the room along with the two men just below him; one of them was a real asshole, you didn’t bother with him, your focus on Mr. Norris as he spoke.

‘Hey, listen up, everybody, okay?’ he called out over the room, his voice echoing even louder thanks to the shield. ‘I’m Barry Norris, the COO here, for people who don’t know. Listen, I’m very aware that this is a very… hell, to say the least, a very strange situation here. But I don’t believe there’s any cause for panic, all right? We’re still trying to figure out exactly what the situation is, but I’m certain there’s a rational explanation. This is a government building. We think maybe somebody put precautions in place in case of a military event. Obviously these walls. Now, someone has clearly discovered this feature, and they’re having a little fun at our expense, okay? Whoever’s doing this, the object is to get all of you upset. So let’s not play into that, okay? Let’s just remain calm, chill out, and take a few minutes to figure out exactly what’s happening, okay? So, thank you. I’m gunna go work on that. And I'll circle back to you as soon as I can. Thanks, everybody.’

It made sense, it was a long speech but it did make sense, but there was a part of you that couldn’t forget the checkpoint this morning, how everyone had been searched so carefully… no, this felt planned, and when the elevator pinged you grabbed your friend and hurried right on over. There was no time to stop and chat, the men before you were on a mission, and you gave them space to work as they put on their protective gear and fired up the blowtorch.

You’d never seen one in real life, why would you ever need to before this? And the blue flame drew you in as Bud held it against the metal until an entire minute had passed. The two of you leaned in at the same time when they sat back and lifted their goggles to see what the damage was, Lonny using a cloth to wipe away the dark burns. You couldn’t hear what they were saying from there, but you knew it wasn't good when Lonny then touched it with his bare hand despite the heat of the flame. You held your friend a little tighter as Bud then did the same, this wasn't good, if not even a blowtorch could break through this stuff then what hope did you have of getting out even if this was just a cruel joke?

You let go of each other when you realized you were sweating, your comfy work shirt turning into something stifling at your closeness, and when you looked around and saw that everyone else was in a similar state you knew that this wasn't just nerves. ‘It’s too hot, they’re gunna suffocate us in here,’ your friend mumbled as she wiped off her forehead, the sweat starting to bead again the moment her hand moved away. ‘This is bullshit, why hasn’t anyone come for us yet? Screw this, I’m heading to the roof for some air, you coming?’

‘No, no you know I can’t go up that high,’ you said quickly before starting to head for Lonny, you needed to know what was happening before your anxiety started to take over again. She stopped you in your tracks, tried to pull you right back while they kept trying, her grip on you way too tight in this heat.

‘I think you need to get over that shit before you pass out down here, look around, look at everyone right now; it’s sweltering in here, I just saw Willy burn through three bottles of water by himself, so why don’t we grab a few, take the elevator, and get some fresh a-’

She never got to finish her sentence, the back of her neck exploding out and making her fall limp into your arms, the too tight grip she had on you now nonexistent as you stared down and screamed. Everyone turned towards you before it happened again, another person falling before someone shouted, ‘Somebody’s shooting!’ Everyone took cover from your attacker, your body frozen in fear until you felt more hands on you; Lonny grabbed you and pulled you over to the chairs where Bud was already ducking down, your friend falling from your arms and to the floor as you were forced to let go.

Pandemonium erupted all around you as you hit the floor hard, your back pressed to his chest and both him and Bud protecting you when you were still too numb to protect yourself. There were so many screams, no one knowing when they’d be shot next, but even when more people went down all you could do was stare at the lifeless eyes of the person you’d been working next to for the past 3 years. You felt cold despite the heat, Lonny’s panicked breathing right in your ear while you didn’t hold him back, and only when Mr. Norris, or Barry, now, there was no more chain of command after this, walked over to one of the bodies did everyone stop panicking long enough to feel confusion over his bravery at still standing.

‘What the hell?’ you heard Bud whisper above you when Mike ran over to join him, Barry’s voice loud enough for everyone to hear over the ringing silence.

‘That’s not a bullet wound.’

More of them gathered but the three of you stayed where you were, waiting to hear what was going on, but their voices were lower now, they couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Bud leaned away from you a little to listen, but the moment he did Lonny started to panic, and you felt a bit of life come back to you as you weakly held his arm to let him know you were still there. Instantly he looked down and held you tighter, you were his lifeline now that the bullets had stopped flying, and when you looked back up at him you saw the way everyone was touching the backs of their necks out of the corner of your eye.

All at once you felt your hand raise to your own, your knuckles brushing against his shirt as you felt the scar under your fingertips, and the fear replaced everything numb inside you until it was all you knew.

Mike realized something and ran, Bud watching him go before getting up and silently asking the two of you to follow; you did, your fear only spreading to Lonny as you held each other, but Bud remained calm as he opened up his toolbox and reached inside. He pulled out a hammer and large wrench, and the former was heavy when he handed it to you and tried to get Lonny to look at him. He said his name and made him only hold you harder, it was starting to hurt, but you’d rather feel that than the cold wood and steel under your palms.

‘Hey, stop. Don’t cry, okay?’ Bud told the man behind you, and you looked up to see that he was so afraid he was actually crying, his hands trembling as they bunched up your shirt. ‘Take this, and say goodbye, alright?’ He pressed the wrench into Lonny’s hand the moment he was able to get him to let go of you, and it looked even heavier than your hammer as he held it before you. ‘Let them go, and follow me, we’re gunna fix this and I need you to watch my back.’

‘But…’ He didn’t want to leave you, and you honestly didn’t want to leave either of them after losing your friend, and Bud leaned in closer and lowered his voice even more as he met your eyes.

‘Find a place to hide, we’ll find you within the hour, don’t come out before then, you hear me?’ he told you sternly yet carefully, they’d be sitting ducks in the basement if people started actually killing each other as commanded despite the maze, and your safety needed to come first while they worked without worry. So you nodded, Lonny nuzzling into the side of your head with a whimper that any other day would’ve made your heart flutter, but now it could only break as Bud helped him let go. You stepped aside and watched as Bud wrapped his hands behind Lonny’s neck, kept eye contact until he was calming again, and when he asked for something called a duke Lonny just nodded before pressing his forehead to his friend’s.

That’s what made them such a good team, you knew Lonny to be a good worker but it was thanks to Bud being there to keep him level that he was able to shine here, and you hated Belko for ever hiring the both of them along with yourself now now that you knew what they were doing to them. Not everyone who worked there was great, even you weren’t a saint, but Lonny was pure, and you regretted every single morning where you’d only looked but never approached when he met your eye and turned away.

Bud went to lead the way back to the elevator, and you knew as soon as the doors closed that you couldn’t stay up here, not alone with this uncertainty. You watched your co-workers, all of them strangers to you now, run after Mike when shouts came down the hall, but you didn’t follow after them; you needed to hide, just like Bud said, and even if they might be sitting ducks that didn’t mean you had to be in that maze. You hit the button and took the elevator down, making sure to take the long way around to the break room and go from there. You knew something like hiding under the table or cramming yourself into one of the empty lockers wasn't really feasible, but there were a ton of other hiding places nearby it, maybe if you even hid well enough you’d be able to hear them from a safe distance away and get their attention if anything happened.

You kept your head on a swivel as you walked, made sure you wouldn’t bump into them and make them send you elsewhere where anyone could find you, and you were just about to loop around when you noticed a door that brought you even further in. You opened it, a long hallway ahead of you, and you decided on it as you jogged down and found a closed off spot to duck between. It was tight, but you were successfully hidden from view, and it gave you a good vantage point of anyone who might come across you as you curled up and held your hammer close to your chest.

You’d gotten all of two seconds to strap in for the long haul when you heard the door open again, and you held your breath until you heard Lonny’s voice echo down the hallway: ‘They’re trying to freak us out by shutting down the air-co, man,’ he was telling Bud, and your moment of relief only slipped back into worry when it hit you that if anyone was bound to find you in here it’d be them if they stopped to look. ‘That’s their plan, right, Bud?’ A pause, Bud was silent as they walked, and that was only making him nervous again, you could hear it in his voice when he asked him for confirmation again. ‘Do you think it is, Bud? Do you think that’s their plan?’

‘I don’t know, Lonny,’ Bud said exasperatedly, he was letting his own panic show when he couldn’t give him a solid answer, and a pit landed hard in your stomach when they turned and stopped not 10 feet away from you. They started checking out the machine against the wall, which you soon realized was the air conditioning aka the thing that was currently not working and making everyone overheat in their own skins, of course you’d stop at the one place they needed to be, but it was fine. They were so distracted by it that you could continue hiding and then they wouldn’t have to worry about sending you out there again, so you remained silent and just listened while they tried to figure it out.

Bud turned on a light and confirmed that it wasn't working right at the source, every breath you took sounding like thunder in your ears when you realized that if he turned then he’d be able to see you, your focus too much on the barrels to your side to protect yourself from that angle. ‘How can you tell?’ Lonny asked as he stood by, Bud crouching down to take a closer look.

‘I can hear it, man,’ he said with a grunt of effort as he sat. ‘The pilot’s off. Everything.’

Lonny looked around to make sure no one else was down there with you, like they’d only just done it and were waiting to make sure they couldn’t turn it back on again. ‘Did they do it?’ he nearly stuttered as he turned back to him, Bud still focused entirely on the large machine in front of him.

‘I don’t know if they did it or not,’ he admitted as he started to flip switches and peek inside with his flashlight, nothing happening as a result, ‘but, we’re gunna fix it.’

‘They’re trying to break us down so that we start killing each other, Bud.’ Lonny’s voice was low but you still heard his words, he had the same train of thought as you, and you nearly stood up so you could at least stay with them a while until Bud spoke again.

‘You just need to relax, all right?’ he told him comfortingly, he wouldn’t let him worry about that just as much as you wouldn’t have if you’d stood up right now and went to him, and you decided you’d do just that when the speakers whined to life again.

‘I hope by now we’ve demonstrated that we aren’t blindly bluffing,’ the man on the other end told everyone, and you felt your legs lock up to the point of it being painful just at the sound of his voice. ‘This game’s a real one. Each of you are deep inside it. You can choose to follow our directives, or not. Either way, you’ll be giving us the results we’re looking for.’ You shut your eyes and shook your head, your hammer not nearly as comforting to you as Lonny’s arms had been earlier, you needed to stand, you needed to go to him- ‘You are mostly free to do as you please. However, you must not dismantle any more cameras. And you must not remove the tag from your body. Next time we will not provide a countdown as we did Mr. Milch.’

You started to pant at the thought of Mike being dead somewhere upstairs because he’d caught on to what was hiding beneath your scars, that must’ve been the cause of the yelling, you needed to get up-

‘If you break either of these rules, your life will abruptly end.’ You felt like stone as you helplessly watched Lonny start to cry, the threat of himself being next strong enough to make Bud stand and try to calm him again, but there was little he could do at this point. ‘There are currently 76 of you left in the building. The time is now 12:47PM. By 2:47PM, in two hours, we want 30 of you dead, through whatever means necessary.’ He started to panic harder, you could help, if you could just open your mouth and tell them you were there you could help- ‘If 30 of you are not dead, we will end 60 of your lives through our own methods. Begin.’

He was inconsolable, his hand on his head as he started to pace over the stranger’s words, and the only reason you weren’t currently doing the same was because as long as you knew the two before you were safe then you couldn’t give a fuck about the people upstairs killing each other anymore. You tried to move but your legs refused to listen, this was your moment to show him how you felt for him and help keep him safe, but every single part of you was buzzing, your head spinning as you repeated those words to yourself over and over instead; you couldn’t get out, you were all trapped inside while tensions rose, and if 30 people didn’t die in two hours then double that would be murdered instead, which made your chances of survival even slimmer.

If you didn’t help him and then find a way to keep him safe, while also finding it in yourself to kill to protect him, then you would both die, that was a certainty. He was a nobody compared to everyone upstairs, and even then their lives were all weighed the same, what chance did he have going up against someone who fought tooth and nail to get to where they were when he couldn’t even approach you for a donut?

‘L-Lonny…’ you gasped out, your voice lost under his sobs while Bud tried to console him again.

‘Hey, hey, Lonny, it’s gunna be okay…’ he was saying, but the moment he tried to hold him again he lashed out, the wrench given to him to cover Bud now wielded as a weapon to keep himself safe.

‘Get back off me!’ he screamed in his panic, Bud giving him his space as the desperation in his voice made your foot start to tingle as the numbness faded away. ‘Don’t look at me like that, man,’ he pleaded, Bud silent all the while, he wasn't about to upset him while he was panicking this hard. You wiggled your toes until you could move your ankle, your whole foot rolling and kickstarting the rest of you back into action, just a little longer now-

You let out a shriek when the fire alarm then went off, the sound startling you so hard that the numbness completely faded away from the pure shock to your system. This was good, you were moving again, but the sound was too much for Lonny, your smile of relief falling when you saw the way he was holding his ears. His panic attacks were so much more severe than yours, his anxiety loud and jumpy and raw while yours made you quiet and frozen, but you wouldn’t be still this time when he yelled out loud enough to block out the ringing.

‘What is that?’ he demanded as his pacing worsened, your legs slowly shifted underneath you while you started to rise.

‘Lonny, calm down, man! It’s just a fire alarm!’ Bud tried to tell him but it was of no use, his yelling over the noise was only aiding his own frustration, and your knees shook as you pushed yourself onto them, you were almost standing.

‘No, it’s not! They’re trying to make us kill each other,’ he sobbed desperately, the wrench waved around when he motioned towards Bud and himself.

‘Easy, cowboy,’ Bud kept trying, his eyes following Lonny as his pacing got even worse, and you moved yourself onto your feet at long last. ‘Chill out, man! Hey, come here-’

‘Get back!’

He swung on instinct, a defensive maneuver in his uncontrollable panic, and you felt yourself go numb again right as you got ready to stand; the sound of the impact was louder than the alarm, a sickening crack that made your stomach churn, and Bud crashed into the fence separating them from you as he reached for his head. He groaned as he tried to stand up straight, Lonny staring at him in a deathly calm fear as he silently mouthed his friend’s name.

‘Wait a second,’ Bud mumbled, his shoulder slumped and your mouth going dry when you couldn’t confirm where he was hit with his back to you like this. ‘What just happened? Hold on, uh… wait, wait. Something is happening.’ His voice started to grow soft as he slid down the fence, and when he fell you figured out you were crying when you blinked and felt a cascade of tears roll down your cheeks.

How did this happen? This morning everything was so normal, it was almost boring to you in its simplicity; you’d bought your crush a donut and actually spoke to him, you were planning on inviting him out to lunch even because you’d finally hit it off, how did that turn into this so fast? You couldn’t understand it at all, your attempts to console Lonny now too late as he fell to his knees and weakly crawled over to his friend to apologize. It fell on deaf ears though, even you could tell from behind when Bud stopped moving, the kind man who’d given you your hammer and helped make sure you were safe now gone as Lonny sobbed over him.

The alarm finally quieted as you both kneeled there, neither knowing what to do until he finally looked at Bud’s face, his eyes so sorrowful until you saw the way they looked to the right; he was staring directly at you, your hiding really hadn’t been good enough, and his sorrow turned back into terror when he saw the look on your face. Instantly he was on his feet and that forced you to move as well, he was panicking again because he knew you, you were his friend and you’d seen what he’d done, and now it was your words that went unheard as you held your hammer a little tighter and hurried out of your hiding place.

‘Stop!’ he ordered you, your shoulders hunching and more tears falling at the tone of his voice, so unlike the way he’d spoken to you about his family with smudges of chocolate decorating the corners of his mouth. ‘Bud, he fell down and he hit his head,’ he explained miserably, but you’d seen it all, you couldn’t pretend you didn’t.

‘It wasn't your fault, Lonny,’ you tried to say but he ignored you, moving like a caged animal on the other side of the fence as he stared you down, he needed you to believe him, you were his friend and he needed you to believe all of it.

‘He tried to grab me,’ he moaned next, the two of you inching closer and closer to the opening until he was reaching for you, assuming you were only there to run. You held up your arms and stayed where you were, his own hand pulling back the moment he touched you like he’d been burned but he didn’t retreat, the wrench still in his other hand as he waited for you to do something.

‘Lonny, Lonny, it’s okay, look, I know,’ you said quickly as you purposely let go of the hammer, his eyes watching it before you kicked it as hard as you could towards him as a sign of understanding. He glanced back at you before scrambling to pick it up, he had two weapons now, a hit from either one would be enough to make you reach the same fate as Bud, and when you finally got a glimpse of him you let out a gasp of misery. His head had been caved in, that’s what had happened, and Lonny waited for you to run again now that you’d seen what he’d done. You didn’t though, you wouldn’t, not when he needed you.

You made a show of getting back on your knees to tell him you wouldn’t run, your hands planted firmly on the cold cement to tell him you wouldn’t grab him, and he looked down at the hammer in his other hand before tossing it behind the machine to his left so it was completely out of reach. You nodded, agreeing with his decision, and he looked at his wrench next, his only weapon but still the thing he’d used to kill his friend, and he looked like he didn’t know what to do next.

‘It was an accident, it’s not your fault, I’m not afraid of you,’ you whispered to him, and he sniffed loudly before tossing the wrench to the ground. He fell to his knees and covered his face as he sobbed heavily, his cries echoing throughout the room along with his apologies to Bud for what he’d done. You waited until you couldn’t any longer, your numbness gone as you crawled over to him, and this time he didn’t bat you away when he peeked through his fingers and saw you coming. ‘I’ve been trying to talk to you for months,’ you told him, more tears spilling over the gaps and down his hands, ‘that’s why I keep bringing donuts to work, I’ve been waiting for you to come over so I could say hi to you; I wanted to do it sooner, but I’m a coward, that’s why I couldn’t be there for you earlier, I didn’t mean to watch I’m just a coward-’

He lowered his hands and wiped his nose with his sleeve, the tears still falling as he inched his way towards you. You were the one loudly crying now, if you’d just called out to him then this wouldn’t have happened, maybe you could’ve helped him, maybe if you’d just invited him to breakfast and skipped work entirely then you’d both be out there right now, and you didn’t realize you were saying it all out loud until he wrapped his arms around you. ‘He just grabbed me, I thought he was gunna hurt me,’ he whispered into your hair, and you finally held him back and sparked his desperation; he pulled you nearly onto his lap with a shuddering gasp, his hands clinging to you as you clung right back, the body of another dead friend staring up at you as all you could do was hold each other. ‘It was an accident, I’m not a bad person I’m not I’m not-’

‘I know, I know you’re not,’ you told him over and over until he was burying his face into your shoulder. You knew it must be hell up there but you couldn’t be bothered to care, all that mattered now was that you both got out of there together, you weren’t going to just sit by like a statue the next time his panic overtook him. ‘C’mere, let’s get out of here.’ You stood and took his hand so he’d do the same, and you cautiously headed back down the hallway with the wrench in hand again, neither of you stopping until he led you back to the break room and locked the door.

You were now technically locked into a room with a murderer, but you couldn’t see him like that, not him, not Lonny as he walked over to the sink and turned on the tap. He let it pool into his cupped hands before splashing it onto his face, he was covered with tears and sweat just like you were, and when he turned back to you all of the water ran down his chest and darkened his uniform. His bangs were soaked and dripping down his face, his eyes just barely showing through them, and you walked over to him and silently asked for permission to touch him.

He flinched at first, but eventually shut his eyes and let you while the wrench lay just within reach, and you were careful as you reached up and brushed his bangs to the side. You tucked them behind his ears and grabbed one of the towels for their dishes before wiping his face off next, just barely brushing the fabric against him so you wouldn’t upset him. It seemed to calm him even more, his shoulders relaxing and his body untensing just a little more with each gentle touch. When you were done you took his hand and got him to sit, it was still too warm in there, and you noticed the old fan tucked into the corner for those extra hot summer days. You made sure it still worked before turning it on, and he let out a sigh as the coolness hit him and allowed him a bit of a reprieve.

‘Here, your shirt’s all wet, it’ll help,’ you began as you reached for his uniform’s zipper, but his hand on your wrist got you to stop fast. ‘It’s okay, look, I’ll do the same, see?’ One-handed you undid your own buttons, your face flushing as you stripped off your very sweaty shirt and laid it over the back of your chair, your body instantly accepting the cold air and making you shiver in such a simple delight that it could’ve made you cry again. He looked you over quickly before doing the same, his blue shirt underneath hanging over his own chair while his coveralls bunched around his hips, his undershirt stained and damp from all the layers and the lack of AC. ‘We can rest here a moment, I don’t think any of them will come down here, so we can talk about what to do in the meantime.’

‘You think they’ll come for me?’ he asked nervously, already panicking over getting caught, but you shushed him softly and kept your hand hovering over his arm resting on the table between you just in case.

‘I don’t doubt everyone is in a similar state upstairs, no one will blame you for that, yours was an accident,’ you said truthfully, but he still looked nervously at the door all the same. ‘I need to find out what’s happening, we only have two hours, less now, and I don’t care if I… if I have to kill someone to do it, but I’ll make sure we get out of this, okay? And we can’t do that if we stay down here in the dark, leaving it up to them and chance might just seal our fate.’

‘If you go out there you’ll risk getting killed yourself, you know that, right?’ he said seriously as he leaned in, and his hand closed over yours and pushed it down onto his arm. ‘We can hide down here, I know all the tunnels, every twist and turn, I even know how to get into the vents; going back up there means that someone else’ll get hurt, that’s what they want.’

‘I know, that’s exactly what they want, and I doubt they’ll stop at 30,’ you muttered right on the edge of hopelessness, but his hand on yours made you suck in a deep breath and sit up straight. ‘But I didn’t spend the past 7 months of my life wanting to ask you out to get killed now, no fucking way.’

‘You… you wanted to ask me out?’ he questioned softly, his voice just barely above a whisper, almost like he was unsure he’d heard you correctly, and you nodded for just a second before he was leaning over the corner of the table and kissing you. Your eyes went wide as his hand held yours in place, the kiss chaste and a bit desperate but enough to make your heart pound all the same, and when he backed away his hair fell free and into his eyes again when his head dipped down to stare at you. ‘I’ve been… trying to get Bud to tell you for me since I first saw you, but he never would, he just kept saying I should do it myself.’ He looked away then, something sad after being so soft. ‘And now he can never…’

‘But you just did,’ you reminded him, your free hand reaching up to push aside his hair again, ‘and I can never forgive them for doing this to us.’

He nodded, his head was a bit clearer now even though he was still upset, the fan and the silence were certainly helping along with your words. ‘I’m still afraid, though…’ he whispered, and you shifted your chair closer to him so that you could pull him back into a hug. His skin was still warm as your chests pressed together, your hug instantly becoming something more intimate when you remembered that you were attempting to cool, but it only bonded you more when you felt his hand leave yours in order to place itself over your back.

‘I am, too, but if they want us to play a game together then I’ll fucking play until I can pay them back for our friends.’ You placed your forehead against his, your hand on his neck and feeling for his scar, and you shut your eyes tight when you felt the line stretching across his scalp, just as your own did. ‘I don’t know how yet, but we’re going to get out of here, and if this ends and I lose you…’

‘Then you’ll keep going, yeah? You said it yourself, we only just officially met this morning, I k- I hurt Bud, you shouldn’t have to give up just because of me,’ he whimpered lowly, another tremble making you open your eyes again, and you hushed him once more before wiping away the first tear that fell.

‘That’s why we need to both get out of here, so I can invite you to lunch and you can tell me everything we never talked about, don’t we?’ you insisted, and he nodded against you and placed his own hand on the back of your neck, the covered spaces starting to heat up again without the fan. ‘We can do this, you’re strong, and smart, and I’m a coward but I’ll help you in any way that I can, we don’t even need to join any of them, we just need to let them tear each other apart and up the count for us while we figure a way to get out, and… and if need be we can protect each other, I won’t let them get to you like that again.’

‘But what if they do? What if I get so upset that I hurt you this time?’ He didn’t want to even think about it, his breathing starting to quicken as he pictured you in Bud’s place, and you kissed him soft and slow until you were all he could feel.

‘Then I’ll know it’ll just be an accident, because you’re not a bad person, and, if I’m being honest, I think you might actually be better than most of the guys in this place,’ you said with a small laugh, and he thought about it a moment before laughing along with you, a small shred of relieved happiness in these hours of pain. ‘Come on, we need to see what they’re doing, do you think you could get us up to the security room so we could check the cameras?’

‘I think so, there’s a maintenance elevator that only Bud and I can use, it’s away from the others so they might think to use it last, they need a key to get it to run,’ he told you, said key stuck to the ring and line attached to his belt, and you nodded and kissed him again real quick.

‘That’s perfect, we can leave in a minute, you stay here and check for anything we can use to protect ourselves, I’m going to get my hammer back,’ you told him as you stood, but he didn’t let you leave at the thought of you seeing Bud again, or never coming back at all. ‘It’s okay, I won’t let anyone take you away from me,’ you promised him, and then he was letting you go and watching you hurry out. You didn’t get lost on the way back, the halls silent and telling you that no one else was around as you ended up at your destination without trouble.

There was Bud, still slumped where he’d fallen, and you closed your eyes for a moment of silence before kneeling down and closing his for him. You were just about to stand when you saw his own set of keys, and you unclipped them and attached them to your own belt loop before you heard a sound. You stilled, your eyes looking every which way for a sign of movement, but you saw nothing stand out in the maze. You narrowed your eyes and went back to getting your hammer, he’d really thrown it far to the point where you had to lay down and reach under the machine for it, and when you pulled back your hand it was covered in years worth of dust and webs.

You shivered and brushed it all off without a fuss, there were worse things to be afraid of down here now, and you hurried all the way back to Lonny with your own weapon in hand and a fire in your heart; you were going to get out of here, if you had to fight your way through this entire building to make sure no one hurt him again, then by god were you going to rain down hell on all who stood in your way, and when you returned to him and saw him standing there with his coveralls tied around his waist and his wrench in his hand you knew that he was ready to do the same for you.

#Ray's Readers #Ray's Requests #david dastmalchian #lonny crane #lonny crane x reader

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brainmaniaman · 2 years ago

Note

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy) author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is."

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one."

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change."

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -"

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -"

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes."

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people."

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?"

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else."

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it."

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?"

"Bubbles, look -"

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it."

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that."

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out."

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady."

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag."

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -"

"Come on Julian don't be like that -"

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to."

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints.

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing."

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?"

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together."

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)."

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?"

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all."

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us."

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ."

"Why are you really here, Julian?"

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know."

"And you know, family protects family."

"I know."

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family."

"I know."

"Anything."

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you."

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here."

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -"

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?"

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you."

"You want to get to know me?"

"That's what I just said isn't it?"

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight."

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else.

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited.

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?"

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in.

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal."

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing."

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?"

"Southern United States."

"What state?"

"Texas."

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against.

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me."

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?"

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed."

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?"

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around."

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?"

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ."

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?"

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you.

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah."

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?"

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to."

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ.

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious."

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?"

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -"

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy.

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?"

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so."

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright."

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -"

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here."

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you."

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you."

". . . that's alright with me."

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds.

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't.

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me."

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you."

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt.

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you."

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on.

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -"

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say."

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath.

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Oh, God, Julian -"

"Fuck, (name)."

"Julian -"

"(Name), (Name), (Name)."

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian."

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?"

#julian tpb #tpb julian #tpb ricky #trailer park boys #tpb #ricky lafeur #julian x reader #julian x reader tpb #tpb bubbles #tpb ricky and julian #ricky tpb #julian x you tpb #trailer park boys reader insert #tpb reader insert

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sineala · 2 years ago

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Another little plot bunny that wont leave me alone until I speak to a professional about it: (this ramble mentions abusive relationships/consent issues/alcoholism/!)

I am in love with how you write Steve and Tony and I always will be- I especially love the complex nature with which you approach Tony's awful exes with Steve angsting in the background cause Tony is so happy and he deserves love but every little thing that this person is doing isnt quite right in some way and puts Tony down or is damaging and am I the only one who sees it? Am I making things up because I'm jealous? I'm a terrible friend.

Like 'Mercy in You' is incredible because Steve is into kink and Tony has no idea until Steve helps him out after a shitty dom leaves him in pieces. And another fic by you that i cant recall the title of but it involves Tony and Whitney (I think) involving Steve in their relationship until Steve can hear them through their shared bedroom wall and she is seriously hurting Tony and Steve is so unsure about if hes overstepping his boundaries or not but he knows the difference between pain Tony is enjoying and pain that is seriously hurting him.

So when Tony and this Bad Partner are being all relationshippy and in-love and Steve is seeing all these red flags that he cant quite put his finger on. But then when Steve starts to notice the d/s threads within their relationship he gets even more worried (and agonized because oh god Roger's that's their *intimate* details of their relationship you cant be poking your nose in there)

This is all a very long winded way to describe this scene (whoops pun) in my head where Tony and The Partner come back from a date and Steve was eating something (and pining) and now is trapped in the kitchen because they've settled on the couch and now he cant walk through the living room because they're there and obviously canoodling and the longer he stays here the more awkward it's going to be. This is a nightmare what does he do? (Especially if he's already maybe tried to mention things to Tony and Tony didn't take it so well)

Then he hears Tony trying to wind things down, maybe he's tired, or got work to do, or got injured in battle lately, or just isnt in the mood. And steve is rejoicing - thank god I can wait till they've moved.

Until he hears The Partner getting aggravated or guilt tripping Tony or trying to convince him to do a scene cause "that'll chill you out Tony". Insisting he get on his knees or the like. And he can hear Tony trying to converse his way out of it (like a respectful human being) but The Partner is having none of it and is getting pushier and nastier, saying things along the lines of if Tony had a drink with them at dinner (or ever) then he wouldn't be so boring/a tease/hard work. (We all know how insecure Tony can be- and that's even without the hints about how maybe certain parts of his anatomy are a bit dicey these days)

Cue Steve seeing red and charging through to bodily rip The Partner off of Tony growling "I think he said no, don't you?" And only refraining from throwing them out of the window out of respect for Tony's home and also Captain America isnt supposed to condone murder.

I think you have a special way of writing these things so that Tony is Suffering but he's not the 2 dimensional damsel in distress character that is incredible. And I'm sorry for rambling on like this and pestering you again.

I just want to say that I did not even know Tumblr asks could be this long. Thank you for sharing your idea, though!

I am glad you liked Mercy In You so much -- it is one of my more popular fics, I think, and I have been very happy with it as an expression of hurt/comfort. I know a couple people who have written and/or are writing remixes of the basic premise so I think there is something in the idea that touches people right in the id. I mean, it worked for me, clearly -- posting a fic like that is always a fun exercise in "how many other people share my taste in idfic?"

However, I cannot take credit for the story where Steve ends up involved in Whitney and Tony's unsafe kinky relationship -- that's Very Good Bad Thing by @isozyme. It is also one of my favorites of Iso's. I did not write it, though! But I see why you might think that because while Iso was still writing Steve/Tony somehow we ended up with a lot of fic that's somehow in dialogue with each other. (I wrote the one that was Steve being suspicious of Tony/Ty.)

(Also if you are interested in badwrong Tony/Whitney I highly recommend the Whitney episode of the 1994 Iron Man cartoon which heavily implies that Whitney's interest in Tony is... unwelcome... in very particular ways that I definitely wasn't expecting to find in a Saturday morning children's cartoon.)

The only fic I have that comes near a lot of the themes you're describing is the one Tony/Whitney non-con fic that I STILL haven't posted because it's 150,000 words and I hate editing and somehow I have ended up starting two WIPs that are currently both 50,000 words each in the past six months instead of editing this fic because that's how much I hate editing fic.

Anyway, that particular fic is going to be... interesting... if I ever post it, because among other things it's basically the Dead Dove version of the Protective Steve trope, in which Steve's method of dealing with these massively traumatic experiences (Steve also incurs a fair amount of trauma himself) involves being very protective of Tony and is... definitely not good, and since Steve is the kind of character who absolutely refuses to acknowledge that he is not doing well, especially when Tony is doing very, very badly -- well, it takes Tony a while to figure out exactly how much worse Steve is than he's letting on.

Your scene does sound very interesting, though! I think fic about other characters -- especially Steve -- finding out about Tony's terrible relationships is always fun, because Tony keeps dating people who are bad for him and even though they don't all try to kill him, they are often not great. And yet the only one he seems willing to acknowledge as a bad idea is Sunset Bain (and then only not when Dan Slott is writing them). I don't know what was so different about that one that he understood it was bad.

#replies #angryandanonymous #sorry it took so long

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vtoriacore-rbs · 1 year ago

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tw. ed + whatever the fuck is wrong w me in general. id actually advise against reading this but this helps get things off my chest.

me slipping back into old ed habits bc my intrusive thoughts actually ended up triggering me 💀💀💀 i went on a 2 day fast and only had mineral water and i feel both proud and horrified that ive allowed myself to do that so now im eating healthy things to kinda make up for it but anyways i weighed myself too even tho i said i wouldn't. like i know i shouldn't feel happy over the fact i starved and weakened my body on purpose but it feels nice to stick to something and actually have some discipline back in my life.

had a breakdown too earlier for no reason (altho im on my period so maybe that's why, fuck you uterus btw there is no us only u someone remove this thing PLEASE). like bro some bitch in college also was telling me how she was losing weight and she deadass told me that my ribcage sticking out was so aesthetic and it just enabled me, we only spoke 3 times before that and im pretty sure she has an ed too bc she kept trying to get my measurements??? she also said she'd sacrifice two of her ribs to get a waist like mine and i know she meant it as a compliment but i wanted to cry and felt low-key ashamed like i hate when people point out my physical appearance and i was stretching i didn't even mean for my shirt to go higher up it was so uncomfy. it's weird tho cause when i starve myself i feel happy abt it but when other people point it out and praise me for it i get really mad. maybe it's bc i discourage eds and im very pro-recovery but anyways that was a weird comment™ i think it played into the breakdown. she tried grabbing my wrist several times and i told her to stop trying to touch me but she wouldn't stop either and was like "just for a second please" like i felt so icky bc of that too like bitch hands off before i retaliate <3 so yeah now im trying to eat again but honestly i feel like im gonna throw up bc i didn't eat for 2 days lmao and the entire day today i felt so dizzy. like yesterday was fine but today ?? no. my muscles hurt so bad so im gonna have a 50g protein shake too ugh im so tired. gonna try get up to 1000 kcal at least and make the deficit up over the weekend bc my stomach physically hurts when i try to eat (but this strawberry yogurt bangs even tho im half full already).

ive been slipping back into an ed mindset over the last month tho even with my binges and i just wanna look ill enough for one of my doctors finally tell me im underweight enough they didn't even acknowledge i was severely underweight 3-4 years ago that felt so humiliating and now im thinking along the lines of "i need to be a better anorexic" even tho its fucked up and like im trying to just snap myself out of this mindset but it's not working so im gonna have to get a therapist potentially. bc i don't want my organs and bones failing but at the same time, i wanna make sure doctors take me seriously this time and maybe it'll be a fucking reminder to take eds seriously. it actually pisses me off hos insensitive some doctors are about eds and the fact they indirectly fucking allow it sometimes too like. just bc im not in a critical condition and only like 3/4kgs underweight doesn't mean i don't have an ed or that it isn't "severe enough" smh this annoys me so much.

if you read it up to here don't worry ill be fine, a bitch always pulls thru and these are just momentary lapses in judgement im not letting mental illness win im too fucking good for this (<- motivating myself kinda feel better after writing this NGL).

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alpona · 2 years ago

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Geats episode 15 liveblog:

Before we begin, will Buffa be a certain someone from Ex-aid this episode? Ahem, anyway,

- btw, will Tsumuri keep doing the recap even after Keiwa is back in business... And could there be any other reason for her to record these, will come into play sometime later..?

- Ace-kun waking up, he'll still be family with Giroli and Tsumuri. game master didn't kill him in his sleep.

Eating breakfast, did you poison the food, Giroli?

... And why am I giving out murder ideas?

- and hmmm I'm suspecting last week's outcome, getting eliminated, was also part of Ace's plan, his words also feels like 'acting' acting you know... sooooooo...

- Tsumuri is an inch away from betraying Giroli

- eager to see this ep's opening, yeeeh, seeing Ace as a glitch in the lineup is something! There's cooler opportunity to make all his scenes glitchy, maybe when he 'dies'?

- When even the crazy scientist warns game master about not having Ace around...

And they're behaving more like competitors now lol

- hmm? Just 3? No one is asking about Punkjack? They don't know what really happened to punkjack, were Neon, Keiwa and Michinaga told that he's been eliminated with Ace too?

- ohoho, more proof of Jamato and dead riders connection. My theory about Ace's origin standing.

- "write the importance and necessity of Geats in kamen rider Geats" lol. Neon and Keiwa-kun feeling the lack of Ace.

I already appreciate Ace guys, you don't have to remind me.

- this reverse situation is so fun to watch, now Ace is the clueless one among them. For a bit that is.

- you're declaring your death Michinaga! Takahashi-san's Christmas sacrifice?

- perfect time to touch an ID core and get Ace's memories back!

- why can Ace do it and buffa can't? Because Ace is the main rider, and you're 4th, duh.

- Only Halfway through the episode and your doing the dramatic dying already!

Are you reeeaaally gonna die? Right now it's gonna be too cliche..

- yeeeeh, ID core cracking! Buffa's really dying! Hello Lazer! What a familiar scene, writer-san! We're only missing the rain, someone bring the rain!

- Sayonara, Michinaga! And when you finally earned your name too.. see you again in.. uh, after some episodes! Maybe First as a stonger Jamato, and then also again in usual human form Probably much sooner, I say around 20-something.

- And we go back to the usual status quo again.

- cat's outta the bag, Neon and Keiwa knows important info too, huhuhu

- oh, so Ace won't be officially joining the game even if he's a rider?

- 'sorry game master, the show's called kamen rider Geats, not nago or Tycoon unfortunately, so maybe just let Geats be Geats' - every character at this point, probably.

- YES!! Remind them Tsumuri!This is what I've been yelling about for 3 episodes!! Ace will always come back as a rider if he's alive, literally his first wish, come on Giroli! Did you seriously forget that?!! And here I thought you had some murder plans, why you dumb? Do you need murder ideas?

- YESSS (2)! Haha! Knew it! Ace had stuff prepared in his room! Had backup plans of course, duh. (And I'm also suspecting a masterplan here later)

He's been faking some lines indeed!

Kan hideyoshi, Let me applause this guy's acting skills once again👏

Ace is smart, gotta up your Game, game master-san!

- Cool action scene time yayy! Ace's full display of multiple buckles ! "Don't forget who's the star (of the stars of the stars) of this show"

- hello executive -san, what are YOU up to? I was also thinking he made a deal with Ace or something... to get Giroli removed from game master position.... Let's see.

- huuh, More power to game master, even the game can't be cleared without his approval.

And he's officially going to do the rider vs rider battle muhuhaha! It was bound to happen.

This was basically a 'lets appreciate Ace' episode 😂. Looks like the fated Keiwa Vs Ace next episode. But I wonder how Giroli will get Keiwa to do that, as it's not in his character. There are many possibilities, but I wonder if Keiwa will also be acting, I mean, be in another plan orchestrated by Ace, all to get rid of Giroli in the end....

Or will Ace 'die' next episode, and come back again with Keiwa's wish. With some twists.

And if anyone's confused about who's side I'm on here, then yes. I'm supporting everyone and no-one, I'm rooting for an interesting story.

#kamen rider geats #kr geats #ukiyo ace #kamen rider buffa #michinaga azuma #geats liveblog #geats rant

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istherewifiinhell · 2 years ago

Text

can i offer u a sampling experience of being sad abt the ninja turtles.

[images descriptions same as alt text]

[ID: Cover of a hardcover copy of The Last Ronin. An older ninja turtle in full black garb and eye mask, is seem from behind looking to the side. On his back prominently shown are a bo staff, katana, and a sai, along with less distinct short cylindrical weapons, chains, and rope. END ID]

direct spoilers ahead. obv.

i mean. I know who it is. cause. internet. but it is cool to read and think about, the writing techniques, the visual language, and how their being used to both obscure and hint. so. if u found this post and dont wanna know. last chance. imma just use his name from here.

[ID: Two panels. 1. Mikey wading through knee high muck facing away. He says "Stay behind if it bothers you that much" and an off panel voice replies "Hey-- where *you* go, *we* go. You *know* that." 2. Close up of Mikey's face, he looks grim and says "Yeah. I know." End ID]

Absolutely delicious. Chewing my arm from the get. What could that mean? Who could be speaking. (-> knows this)

[ID: Mikey seen from the front, hes gesturing with a sai in hand and saying "Doesn't matter. The plan *stays* the same. I just need to get from *here*..." Behind him are the less detailed shapes of 3 other turtles, without extra clothing and armament, but with the same black eye masks. END ID]

YOU KNOW??? Ambiguity in story telling and also. Playing in that. Every time u have a new iteration, there can be new rules....

[ID: Mikey in a cautious crouch, arms ready in front of him. Off panel a voice says "How, tough guy? Grab a cab? That's a long-ass *hump*, and a mutant packed head to toe with weapons don't exactly *blend* in." A second voice says, "He's right-- we're *inside* the walls now. Security will be off the charts." Mikey replies "Tell me something a little more obvious. 'Sides, you know the drill..." END ID]

Character voice writing....... im so. Do u have a long standing relationship with these characters, we're gonna use that familiarity. To hurt u.

[ID: The three indistinct turtles with Mikey again, the tallest of which says "Good luck with that." Mikey, who faces away from them says "Luck's got *nothing to do with it. *Do*..." END ID]

(^first time seeing them and speaking at the same time)

[ID: Mikey seen from a low angle, framed with purple light, looking down. He says "What the hell?". Voice 1 says, "Is that... A *human* inside that armor?" Voice 2, "Looks like some kind of cyborg, I think. More synthetic than human." Voice 3, "A synthetic ninja? A stinkin' *synja!* What kind of sick freak *does* that to someone?" END ID]

[Has to take a moment] :')... u know.... my boys. my sweet boys... Anyway. This is one like. Oh yeah I know who everyone is, but if u didn't, there's kinda a fun trap in like. Who do you *think* makes the most puns. Tho safe to say Donnie gives himself away the most.

[ID: Mikey running, sunset city scape behind him, the weapons on his back clearly visible again. One voice says "Smooth moves." and another "Classic-- You *still* can't fly ten feet in a straight line." Mikey with his teeth grit says "Whatever. Shut up." END ID]

Could. Literally any force on earth stop ur brothers from chirping you after u crash a flying techno car. No <3.

[ID: Two panels. 1. Mikey, snarling as he looks at something over his shoulder. His narration boxes read "And now, after decades of murder and death... I've had *enough*." A voice says "Think you just ran outta *miracles*, bro..." 2. A bustling techno city area, with a place for flying cars to park. There are many armed figures around. A red narration box with its text in quotations reads "We've been in tough spots before, but that's practically *impossible*." END ID]

Long standing character trait of Mikey's good luck/belief in positive thinking subversion... also. You know classic comic book with their yellow narration boxes. Well, it didn't photograph so much but Mikey's are, subtly but def, more orange. So. HMMMM

[ID: A shot of Mikey from behind, kneeling in a place filled with pipes and lit a harsh red. Hes taken off most of his extra clothes, but kept the black mask. In front of him on the ground his and his brothers weapons are laid horizontally, and over them vertically, are each of their colourful eye masks. His narration boxes read "I miss my *brothers*. So much." End ID]

[Laying dead on the floor] someone get the sad 'you can't replace a brother' quote.... inconsolable.

Not pictured... by the way, and this gets a little. word. explicit violence and suicide attempt.... hes bleeding out after failing this, you know, last ditch suicide mission, and he takes out his sentimental belongings. (his dads journal too, also not pictured). and... is gonna run himself thru with leos now shattered katana. DESPITE. The protestations of one of the voices. who. he tells to shut up... like. okay. okay.

and just to keep a more casual talk with. spoiler outta the tags where id usually put it: its like. me and bro (who got me this!) both like. well. yeah ofc. last ronin is mikey. everyone knows this. ive seen posts. ask other brother. "is it... Leo?". no. book thats meant to hurt u. michelangelo WAS. a party dude.... now heres the saddest shit you ever did see.

in general. loving this. my fav activity of. like seeing a stories foreshadowing and well. i already know some things/doesnt even seem like they dont WANT u to put those pieces together. just. its interesting for the. I'm already really interested in how each adaption characterizes the turtles. and this is like. okay now put those skills to work. AND, the like. whose he talking to -> oh its his brothers -> are they actually there -> doesnt seem like it -> are they literal ghosts or metaphorical ghosts. which one, another fav topic of mine. two, even if im pretty sure they aren't literal ghosts, i still dont technically know, and THREE. my first turtle media (2018 show) DOES have literal ghosts in it. SO!!!

theres a little more after this in this. issue/volume that i did read,but did not get pics, but like yet more spoiler, he doesn't die in the first issue! lol. and theres some friendly faces, and a very wistfully unconscious guy dreams of a better time scene. (that also uses unmasked turtles to obscure the who's who of it all). I will probably revisit them. but the last page does have the name reveal and a "who are u talking to" like. can u image live reading that. id lose my mind. I knew all that and I still lost my mind.

I cannot BELIEVE i have work when theres being sad abt the ninja turtles i could be doing

#some shit #turbles...#now. techically this is like an unsearchable post #and none of u guys are turtle fans. BUT #i did have the words last ronin in the og. and also ive had ppl find some really random posts of mine. recently #so. to be safe. warning the spoiler of it. (i dont mind if someone find this. hi hello if u do.)#getting fucking. SAD. at work. about ninja turtles. as god intended.#now. now. the responsible thing would be to proof read this on my laptop. but..... eh.

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sirthisisa-wendys · 3 years ago

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Hello Wendy! Hope you’re doing good 💕

Can I make a request, a smut with Ran? Like you 2 are dating for 3-4 years but even if y/n loves him you know he’s been cheating occasionally. So one night after a pretty bad argument you take your stuff and decide to leave him but the man is too proud to even think y/n is dead serious as he’s the one providing for you. But once you’re out of his life there is no going back and you change your phone number and move out of the city.

And finally 3 years after, y/n’s working as a receptionist in a luxurious hotel and Ran is coming with his newly wife for their honeymoon and when he sees you he’s like lightning-struck but can’t say anything since is wife is here. And y/n is doing everything to act like you don’t remember him but when he calls his wife babe you lift your head as he used to call you like this too. And he knows that you’re still in love with him and he ends up cheating on his wife with the only one he ever really loved even if he’s mad at you for leaving him and pretending not to know him.

The end is up to you, you can make it a one night stand where you leave him again or both of you get back together because you never really stopped loving each other.

Feel free to ignore if you’re not interested.

I've been sitting on this one, but it came to me while I was making breakfast-dinner.

I know what we're going to write today.

Splinters: Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader

wc: 830

tw: angst, NSFW if you squint

masterlist

song recommendation:

Sounds of life are no longer present in the house Ran used to share with you.

He's been staring at his phone for a few hours, willing it to ring with your signature tone - an old bell chime that you specially programmed in - but it never does. Nothing new ever shows up in his messages. Nothing brightens his screen with any hint of you.

You changed your relationship status on social media.

You'd wiped all of the photos of you and Ran on vacation, smiling in the line for ice cream, on his brand new yacht, in his bed...

You'd even gotten rid of your promise ring, leaving it behind in the aftermath of the argument he'd won. And lost.

Within the first few hours of you storming out, Ran told his brother that you'd be back. You always came back. Whether it was under the guise of needing a hoodie or comfortable sheets, he'd never failed to lure you back into the charade of your relationship with a bottle of wine, a nice blanket, a new hoodie with his scent on it.

But this time--

Ran's phone buzzes sharply, and for a second, his heart leaps into his throat. Could it be--

But the name that pops up on the screen is that of his recent mistress, someone he didn't even save in his contacts.

Hey, haven't heard from you, the message reads. Are we still on for dinner tonight?

Ran tosses the phone at the wall, leaving a massive dent in the structure and another bill to pay. The phone doesn't even break; it just bounces off the sheetrock and onto the floor, where it flips face-up, still displaying that stupid message.

If he had any presence of mind, Ran would tell her to fuck off.

_____________________________________________________________

The lobby of the hotel is nice enough, you think as fingers slide across the hotel keyboard while you make sure your newest guest is all set to enter their room.

"Enjoy your stay, Mr. Hanagaki."

And when your next guest steps up to the desk, you smile brightly, noting the woman's fancy dress and necklace of freshwater pearls.

"Checking in for Mr. and Mrs. Haitani." Your fingers hover over the keys as you look at the woman, unsure if you heard her correctly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Haitani," she repeats, pursing her pink lips at you. "Do you need an ID?"

"A passport," you state shakily, and the woman calls out to her husband over her shoulder.

"Ran, I need your passport." You hardly even recognize the man in the pinstripe suit approaching you, his hair much shorter than it used to be and lines on his face slightly deeper.

"Coming, babe." It's obvious that the years haven't been too kind to Ran, but when he looks at you while he's on his phone, you see the flicker of recognition. The hand that's fumbling for his ID is now still, and his mouth parts slowly.

"I'll call you back later, Rin." You're not surprised to hear that Rindou's still around, but when Ran places his ID on the counter, you're surprised to see his hands shaking. "Sorry for the wait."

"It's no problem."

The rest of the check-in is quick, but it feels like eons before you can actually click "done" on the page, thus rendering their cards active and your job done. You hand over the ID, the cards, and their pass for the elevators before whispering,

"En-enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. Haitani."

As they walk away, you realize that you could've been that woman on his arm - you could've been Mrs. Haitani.

If only you stayed.

_____________________________________________________________

Ran's fingers wipe at your tears, much like they used to before you got into this whole mess of being apart from him.

"Don't cry, babe... don't cry." Kisses rain down on your face as he rocks into you neatly, fitting every curve and dip of flesh as if he was made for you. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"You're married," you hiccup, sniffling. "And you haven't changed."

"I've changed a lot," he chuckles, moving your hands from your face and pressing your fingers to his lips. "Really. I have." When you don't open your eyes, Ran murmurs, "Look at me, sweetheart."

You don't. You can't.

"I had to pretend not to know you," you answer, turning your head away. "This is wrong."

"An annulment can be produced," Ran counters quickly. "I can have it drafted tomorrow."

"You'd divorce her?" The whole suggestion sounds wrong, but you look into Ran's eyes, which are as hopeful as ever.

"If you'll agree to marry me." You swallow hard, holding your hands against his chest as he hovers over you. He hasn't stopped thrusting - not at all - but he has slowed his pulses down a bit, stroking your core with all of his modes of persuasion. "Tell me you'll say yes."

Tell me you'll say yes.

#tokyo revengers ran #ran haitani x reader #ran haitani smut #ran haitani #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers

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hypokeimena · 2 years ago

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Drop the book titles, please!! Also, do you have a goodreads or storygraph?

i do have a goodreads but id rather not share it - i don't write reviews so you're not missing anything lol. my goodreads is purely for my own memory and i think im going to switch to hard copy or back to my notes app bc all i ever do there is read badly written reviews about books and get mad about how wrong everyone else is.

anyway here's my 5 most recent reads, scholomance out of the running, the only reason im not on a third reread instead of writing this post is that someone else is using the same copy on a shared library account lol it can't count or ill go insane

ed: this paragraph came after i started writing little blurbs - i remember why i don't write reviews *as pitches*; i feel like i rail often enough against reviews that list off diversity metrics like it's bingo rather than telling me if the book is actually tastes good that i shouldn't do that but i guess we can all assume everything i am recommending tastes good

the verifiers - jane pek. enjoyable, well assembled little mystery-thriller about an aimless millennial who ends up working adjacent to one of the big matchmaking conglomerates and stumbles into what she, a big mystery fan, is convinced can't JUST be the suicide of a client. manages to avoid being as twee as that description makes it sound. does a good job balancing the various subplots such that they feed into and reinforce each other. some fun Themes going on. nice little 2 hour read.

the hallowed hunt - bujold. i love chalion but i hadn't read this one; i think i would probably not recommend it if you have not read the other chalion books (which i STRONGLY recommend). it's set in the world's past and in a different country, and you could probably get through it without context, but a lot of it is about how DIFFERENT that setting is from chalion itself so you're not going to get to enjoy the interest or contrast without having read the others first. the first one in the series is the curse of chalion, which is set in a world where the gods are real and anyone who knows that first hand has cause to regret it.

a lady for a duke - alexis hall. was written as a historical romance with a trans lady protag where being trans isn't the actual driver of the plot. i think being trans was very much a driver of the plot but in an understandable, forgivable (?) and believable way, and it was a well done little romance. i didn't like the sex but i never do and i did like the romance quite a lot.

the unspoken name AND the thousand eyes - ak larkwood. so good. i can't think how to pitch this one but it's on the sci-fi to fantasy dividing line and it's another one with gods who are around and you'll wish they weren't (i have consistent tastes). finally read hallowed hunt because unspoken name had put me in the mood for chalion again. anyway this one is well done and i really enjoyed the sequel. it's a duology which is now complete.

my fine fellow - forgot about this one because it was bad. lots of diversity set in an alternate history, if you like that sort of thing, but not much else to recommend it. one of the less palatable 'someone is secretly jewish' plotlines i've recently read.

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bikenesmith · 3 years ago

Text

thoughts on marvel's voices: pride

copy pasted from twitter lmao

tbh i was not super hype for this (maybe bc the characters i read as queer the most have not been confirmed as such elsewhere and therefore would not be in this collection). i also don't expect much of marvel in general when it comes to ~radical storytelling~ especially against the backdrop of abandoned queer breadcrumbs spread throughout krakoa run that would be more appropriate for 1980s claremont era coding than the writing about queerness we should be getting in 2021.

i read this comicsxf article the day before its release. it reflects the ways i, as a marvel fan, want so much more but i also can't help but eat up the crumbs? and the self-congratulatory air despite how difficult for readers + creators its been to get this rep

mv: pride's metatext makes it seem like marvel is at the forefront of queer superhero representation when the bulk of the queer characters in the issue are rarely if ever in major stories, much less major characters in them. (or aren't even existing characters).

all of these stories would improve so much just from being longer. i get it's a collection, but considering all that marvel's put queer readers + creators through, i'd think we deserve more, at least enough to make these stories feel less rushed and by extension, shallow

anyway the stories themselves! i LOVED early thaw - it made me so, so happy. uncannily (lmao) full use was made of the length constraints. maybe part of it is bc bobby (& erik) are such big characters with such rich histories that SO MUCH can be inferred from just a few lines

i tweeted about that in this short thread.

1 thing that twinges a bit is the deniability on eriks part ("not like..."), which reminds me of ~coding~. but

1) this is *bobbys* Gay Story

2) this awkward way of speaking abt self id, espec in this unlikely convo between villain & teen hero makes sense

but it also about how none of these stories are (or are allowed to) "make" anyone queer. "reveal" anyone as queer. this is okay here, and would be okay generally which if marvel as a whole were different, but its awkward when you consider how marvel Queer Reveals....work

before i move on, i've seen criticism that eriks characterization in early thaw is out-of-character, and all i have to say to that is

silver age characterization should be left in the garbage. im perfectly fine with pretending claremont magneto existed from the beginning. thats not realistic? neither is erik being a raving maniac for 20 years and then turning into a real human being like a light was switched on

anyway about the Marvel Queerification Method: characters will be revealed as queer and will never get in relationships with existent characters that they've spent forever being suggestive with because we cant have TWO GAYS!!! which brings me to karma's story.

i already talked about how i found this from hearing about it from articles. reading it myself i feel its less egregious bc the character doesn't look TOO much like dani, but the similarities compared w dani's conspicuous absence makes up for it, unfortunately

im just going to reiterate basically: the fact that its xi'an kissing a girl that looks like dani but is NOT dani, as vita sows the seeds for xi'an/dani in NM. it seems obvious to me that that was meant to be a xi'an/dani story, but it got veto'd

its very reminiscent of kitty kissing a random tattooist who looks suspiciously like illyana (a character who was present 1 or 2 pages earlier and left for seemingly no reason). at first glance i sound like a conspiracy theorist, but its just a logical assumption

why can't (more) queer characters be with characters that arent "out"? that didn't have a big coming out issue? characters that are big, on active teams with each other. you don't HAVE to make a new random/throwaway character, or push an a-lister together w an f-list stranger?

+ those designations are NOT meant to shade, its just a pattern - rather than putting their big queer characters w the other big characters theyve been playing house w for ages, they make a new random character, or put them w an unknown for a single issue &/or chaste kiss

its part of what annoys me so much about "give [character] a girlfriend/boyfriend". i know its jokes, but that's what they DO. just "a girlfriend". "a boyfriend". not a real character that exists or has had a chance to exist INDEPENDENT of them. not a real relationship

and that brings me to northstar lmao. this is the biggest example of the length problem. the whole issue tells us we dont know northstar like kyle does, but it doesn't get to actually tell us who northstar is. it doesn't get to tell us who kyle is. its frustrating, because

i'm desperate to know what northstar and kyle's dynamic even is, what their relationship is besides a symbol of progress for marvel.

and the trans stuff. i think the she-hulk one was sweet, but why wasn't it not about like, an existent trans character. like, say, LOKI??????? 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 that said i think it handled the usage of flashback quite well tho i wish we could move beyond that in trans narratives

charlene having to randomly throw out trans 101 instagram infographic-level corrections was cringey/exhausting though i found the final beat to be very funny LMAO

jessie drake! i think its super interesting that this story had a trans character having a romantic encounter with someone else, bc SO OFTEN trans stories in things like mv: pride are just oohggg my gender, & not like. hey. we experience relationships too, we have sexualities too

i think its also super important that this is a representation of a sapphic trans woman. there is so much transmisogyny + lesbo/biphobia directed towards sapphic trans women and seeing a story on this scale is important. that said - where IS the transness in this story?

jessies transness is mentioned once in tiny text in mv:pride's establishing text. & shes appeared in like 2 stories? how many are going to read this, & not know who jessie is, not know she's the first trans marvel character, & think shes just a random love interest for black cat?

as the first trans marvel character where is jessie's fanfare? she and northstar should be side by side in terms of importance in mv: pride's extra space. but she's not. yes, she has two stories. but this is the chance to give her more, and promise her more

2ndly, why was this written by a cis woman? ENOUGH. we - trans creators - and in this instance transfem creators specifically - are literally banging on your windows to be let in. theres NO EXCUSE

also (not) sorry for shaking the table, but i'd literally never heard of jessie drake til very recently, thanks to dani kinney's influence. & im sure many in the x-office have the same experience. google jessie drake right now, it's dani all the way down. why werent they hired 🤨

now about that raven/irene though!!!!!! THAT is what i wanted to see from this collection and what i want to see from marvel in general. i neeeed a full run of just raven and irene doing gay mutant crimes in victorian times and being in love.

coming out stories are not the entire scope of gay stories. do we need /some/? absolutely. but we need to be able to have MORE than that. we need to see what's outside the closet. and i want that outside to be gay mutant crimes!

i want it to be dancing with the girl you're finally ready to pursue in high fashion. i want it to be cheating death and kissing your demon girlfriend. i want it to be an old bisexual terrorist comforting the gay kid you were lowkey about to terrorize with missiles

anyway final comments billy and teddy are obviously eternally good and i love them, i feel weird about the somnus thing but lets see where that goes, hire more trans people, thank you and goodnight

#x.txt

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btssavedmylifeblr · 4 years ago

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I forgot to send on my voting story. Ok so my brother and I both got mail in ballots, and let me tell you how we both forgot to mail it in so we just thought to bring them to our voting location. The lady there kinda yelled at us? She was confused and didn't know how to go about it. And honestly I just took it because we were the idiots who didn't mail in our ballots. We had to rip them up and they just us new ones to fill out in person and submit. Not exciting, but a story for void snippet. 👀

Anonymous said: Hi!! I'm so excited for void! I voted today around 30 minutes before the polls closed in my neighborhood because I had to wait for my dad and brother to get home from work since they wanted to go all together hehe. It was a pretty fast process! We just pressed buttons on screens (compared to last election where we had to bubble in everything by hand) plus, I got to keep the stylus that they gave us and it works on phones too! 🥰🥰 Thank you! I love your writing so much 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: I did mine through mail me and my husband did and we went to the post office a little while back and then he took us on a nice little date afterward and we got ice cream! Also I love void💖 keep up the good work

Anonymous said: VOTES FOR VOID??? I love democracy and I love VOID! So since May I've (temporarily) moved back home from New York to Indiana RE: covid; I've voted absentee for the both the primaries and presidential election (I'm still in IN rn...blah). I voted early and mailed in my ballot for the presidential election (about 3 weeks ago). Made sure my family was voting (brother mailed it in, mom dropped off a ballot, and dad did early voting) and encourage them to put up a Biden sign in our yard <3

Anonymous said: HI BEE! I ALSO VOTED TODAY! IM 21 SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION (my 18th bday didnt make the cutoff since im a december bday) im so happy to have done my part! I made sure to study up on the judges and policies and everything! Luckily the polling place didn't have a line so i was able to get in, get my ballot, and fill it in right away! I even dragged my mom and cousin to come with me. I made a joke on snapchat to encourage my friends to vote too. It was a pic of my "i voted" sticker with a caption saying "omg youre so sexy when you vote aHaha" -🦙

Anonymous said: this is my first time doing this so, so i hope i’m sending this correctly! i voted early in late september by mail! i live in a swing state, so it’s really important for me to vote and not waste time!! bc of my age, this is my first time voting so i’m really nervous 😅

Anonymous said: I voted by email! I'm overseas so I wasn't sure if my ballot would actually make it through in time, so I decided to go electronically. Had to sign a waiver saying I understand that my vote won't be anonymous but I haven't been given a reason to suspect voter suppression/fraud in my state, so I'm happy I think...!

Anonymous said: hi, i voted early on oct 24th. my absentee ballot didn't come in, so i had to travel back home to vote (~3 hour drive). when we got there, there was a ton of people outside the polling place, but no lines, so i was in and out pretty quick. it was my first time voting, so i had all the candidates i was voting for written down on a tiny receipt so i wouldn't forget 😅. my mom was with me, so she voted too. took a pic with my sticker (mask on for extra covid-ness) and went home. drove back the next afternoon!

whippedforkook said: Hi Bee. 💕 I voted in early October - nearly a month ago! 😱 It’s been really weird with all the lead up to the election because it felt like it should have been done once I cast my ballot! A lot of my friends have volunteered to get out the vote: writing postcards to voters, texting, phone banking, working the polls, curing ballots. I didn’t volunteer at all this year, but I hope that all of my friends’ hard work and everyone else’s is enough. I’m also hoping and praying that I will be in a better place mentally for 2022 so that I too can volunteer. Our work starts with 2020 not ends. 💕 Wishing you well. 💕

begineuphoria said: I went and voted last Friday as it was our last early voting day. No way was I going to wait until today with the crowds of people in my area that still act as if masks are somehow infringing on their rights. 🙄 It was a rather normal experience for the most part. Other than having to use a coffee stir stick to press the buttons on the machine to vote. In and out within five minutes.

Anonymous said: I voted down the street at this pretty park this morning. I got up at 5:30 and it was freezing. Luckily I wore like 30 layers and stood outside for 2 hours. Some nasty orange man supporters were rude but everyone else was pretty nice. A really cute older couple was playing soccer with pine cones and kicked it towards me to play too. Not the worst time tbh.

Anonymous said: Did mail-in voting in California! Extremely exhausting and took forever to research all the propositions - they are notoriously tricky in hiding their flaws and one side tends to outrageously outspend the other. But in the end I felt really good about my research and decisions! No need for you to post a snippet for this story - would like to save that to read sometime in the future ;) Thank you so much for doing this!

joonsgotthejuice said: Votes for void??? I am here! I went last Thursday and it was chaotic bc I kept going past the poll place but the line was soooo long so my mom called me and woke me up like "its pouring rain and the line is super short get up I'm gonna pick you up" so thats the story of how I got dressed in 5 minutes and dragged my ass to vote in the rain <3

Anonymous said: i voted early on thursday it was cold and rainy but i went in the late afternoon and thankfully the only waiting i did was a few minutes for an elevator i got very lucky and while waiting for the results is awful the relief that came from voting in general was just great

Anonymous said: Wheeew the polls just closed and I finally got to cast my ballot yayyy ( I was the one working the polls from earlier) it’s been a really really long day and we actually had surprisingly good turnout. I saw a woman try to vote for someone else who claimed to be “helping” and I saw a woman who I’m pretty sure was on some typa something 👀 Overall though I really I’m really thankful for people like you who encouraged people to get out and vote. I hope the odds are in our favor❤️🤞🏼

chelsea-chee said: Hello Bee! Today surprisingly my elderly father wanted to vote so I brought him out with me. He only cared about voting for Biden, which meant I got to help decide who he should vote for with the rest of the candidates and amendments! Say hello to baby bee for me as well! 💖

Anonymous said: Okay I gonna got a chance to vote today and the process wasn’t that bad actually. I went in just now and it wasn’t that busy( thankfully) so no lines. I’m from Texas and it’s gonna be almost impossible to turn this state blue, but every vote counts! I love that you are getting people to vote and also sharing your experiences as well!

owl-orgy said: Dropped off my mail in ballot at a polling location! I originally wanted to vote early in person because I was worried my signature wouldn’t match closely enough but ended up just turning it in and double checked today to make it said “ballot accepted and counted”!

Anonymous said: I voted in person this afternoon, better late than never I guess. I was gonna go last week but then I got cramps from hell. There was no one in line in front of me, I think my county early voted because it was packed everyday the last few weeks

Anonymous said: I voted early a couple weeks ago. Exciting thing though that did happen was I got both my parents to vote for their first time ever.

Anonymous said: I had a mail in vote. So, I filled it out and dropped it in at the ballot box at my library. (I also checked out books for the first time in years, so I had fun!)

bubblyjiminnie said: I literally just finished voting. Lucky for me, the line and wait wasn’t very long, and it was a nice enough day that the short amount of time I had to spend in line outside of the building wasn’t too bad. My social anxiety when it comes to stuff like this tends to be high but that’s what I get for waiting until Election Day instead of going the mail in route. This was only my second time voting, but I’m glad that I did 😊

Anonymous said: I turned my ballot in last week :) I’m not a big fan of crowds and I hate make spur of the moment choices but despite that the first time I was able to vote back in 08 my Mom pressured me into voting in person because “you’d have to experience it at least once in our life”. And ever since then I comfortably vote by mail. I take my time, do all of my research, listen to music, and best of all don’t have to deal with people.

Anonymous said: here in Washington state it’s super easy to vote. I dropped my ballot off in mid-October and it’s already been accounted for! Mail in voting and drop box voting is fantastic and provides equal opportunity and access. Sad to see some people in red states misinforming Americans about it! We also have a referendum for implementing mandatory sex ed, including teaching respect, empathy and consent as part of the curriculum so I was happy to vote yes on that too!

unionrox006 said: I voted about 2 weeks ago by doing a mail in ballot. The other eligible to vote members of my household did the same. We chose to vote by absentee ballot because both my mom and I have an autoimmune disorder, so we have to be careful going out in the pandemic. Tbh, the ballot layout was a bit confusing at first as was all the paperwork and required IDs and documents. But my dad explained it to me and we got them filled out and mailed off. Kinda mad I didn't get a sticker for it though

bluetostone said: Love this and so excited for the next chp of void! I early voted a few weeks ago and because I live in a pretty rural county I was in and out of my polling place in a few minutes. No sticker though 😢. I live in a swing state so it could go either way in terms of delegates. Just praying everyone is safe tonight as the results roll in...though, won't we not know for sure for a couple of days or weeks?

Anonymous said: My mom, sister, and I received our early voting ballots a while ago and I took the longest to fill mine out because it was making me anxious :,( but I did return it before it was due. I checked our ballot statuses and mine and my moms were accepted but my sister’s said they hadn’t received hers back. Then she got another ballot so she filled that one out too and I took it yesterday 👍👍 I think she got two because she changed her address late so they sent two?

vixsynsblog said: Non-interesting voter story: I'm paranoid and live in a highly divided area, so I filed mail-in ASAP, mailed it a few days after cause neighbors are nosy and don't understand boundaries. Was able to track my ballot through my credit company, which was nice. Only thing I was missing was my sticker. Never got one✊😔. So I had to improvise and write it in pen on my disposable mask. I'm working all this week so if riots break out from either side, I'll be at work. Prayers for the safety of others🙏

______

Waaah!!! Thank you all for voting!! You are all my heroes. I am so grateful and proud of you. I’m sorry I ran out of time to respond to you individually. I’m going to drop two big scenes from Chapter 7 in gratitude (one of which will be familiar to my patrons and one won’t). I’m hopeful I will have the whole next chapter out very soon. Love you all!

Void spoilers below the cut.

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think they were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps just by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal.

There is a calendar reminder waiting for you: Today is chili pepper pollinating day. At least this gives you an excuse to talk to Hoseok.

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee up against his chest. Hoseok doesn’t look well. He’s got dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…“You don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed. “Um, was I? Yeah.. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor.

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t. “I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit to rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.”

You should disgaree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him.

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if they didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Your chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it.

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The intital set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant in the line.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than just enjoying the chili peppers, you must admit that this was one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands peridically. Always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off my Hoseok’s derisive snort.

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, just go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.”

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.”

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone of us ever treating you that way. And now you just want all of us to… to… use you like that?” He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan! I’m in charge!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.”

______

Taehyung finds you in the gym. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling.

“Hey, so I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.” He fishes awkwardly into his pockets and pulls out his tablet. Maybe Jimin was right. Is Taehyung going to be the first to take you up on your offer?

You pause your jog on the elliptical machine. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man with those strong eyebrows and that perfect skin.

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower.

Taehyung has really nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigating the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It just adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest.

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing that Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he just going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know its a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now.

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.”

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

That surprises Taehyung. He puts down the tablet. “What? Why would he want that?”

This is awkward. “He, um, thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is just as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us…”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

If Taehyung isn’t jealous of Jimin...

“Taehyung…” He looks up, biting his lip. “What did you mean? Who are you jealous of?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he reaches for his microphone and mutes it. Out of respect, you mute yours as well. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter. But he’s already stripping out of his shirt. The musculature of his back ripples. He hangs the shirt off of the camera to block the rest of the room from view.

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” His chest is just as attractive as his back and you flush at the sight of it. Mercifully, he zips back into his jumpsuit as he returns to his position in front of the exercise machine.

“You want them to think we’re having sex?”

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole save the mission with bonobo sex plan.”

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

“You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve just ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.” There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years.

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile.

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us really knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…”

Your mind flashes back to that moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

“But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really do love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels like that about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.” You wonder if maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings.

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…”

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”

Taehyung bites his lip. He can’t really argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “He wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You know you could have that with any man on this ship right?”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

The two of you both slump backwards in your seats, mulling over your shared woes. Taehyung bends down and picks up the tablet again. “So what should I do with this?”

“Obivously, you don’t have to sign it. I should have realized that not everyone would be interested.”

“Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Is it okay if we let him think that for now? At least until I figure out how to tell him the truth?”

“Okay.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. Your phone lights up with a message. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he leaves.

#I'm not going to answer asks about the spoilers right now #because I want people to be able to avoid them until the chapter drops #but that should be sometime in the next week or so #votes for void

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honey-honey-honey-lit-the-fire · 4 years ago

Text

I.O.U

*Disclaimer: pardon my english, and hmm yeah this whole wtf writing :). There's part 2*

24th December.

We agreed to meet at his dorm. This was my first time coming to his place and of course i was very nervous. I knew i had to be careful since there were a lot of his fans and reporters wandering around his dorm. So, i dressed myself as a staff. I have met his manager and thankfully he liked me and agreed for us to spend time at his dorm. He gave me his other id card so i can enter the building. I rang the bell and immediately welcomed by Kun. "Uhm, hello.." , i awkwardly greeted since we had never spoken before. "HEY YANGYANG! Your guest is here. And by the way nice to meet you, he has told me bout you. Please come in, y/n!", Kun said while opening the door widely. I thanked him and entered the living room which connected to the kitchen. Kun went to the kitchen to prepare me a drink and while he was doing that we got to know about each other a little bit more. He was speaking korean since i said i didn't understand chinese. "Don't get me wrong, but you look very young.., what line are you, " he asked. "Uhm.. 03 line.., and thank you for the tea," i blushed and drank the tea he gave me. At this moment, i started to search where Yangyang was. I wanted to asked Kun but it would just make me look impatient. "Hii!! Y/N!!!!" Yangyang startled me with a back hug. I spilled the hot tea i was drinking to my hand. "Ouch! I'm sorry.. let me clean this up," i said. I got up immediately cause i wanted to stop Kun who looked kinda panic in front of me. "Aye! Let me take care of her, she's MY guest," Yangyang said while snitching a paper towel from Kun's hand. "Baby.. you okay? Why did you say sorry? I'M sorry..," Yangyang held my hand and cleaned the table. The tea wasn't that hot so i was obviously fine, just a bit embarrassed. Kun was smiling across the counter seeing Yangyang. He would never thought his baby called a girl "baby" and even more surprised to see him cleaning up a mess. Kun left us and went to his room. "You really are a surprise, aren't you," i said smilingly to Yangyang. He smiled back and laughed. We walked to the sofa. "So.. wanna watch? You pick," he said. And so since it was Christmas eve, i picked a romance Christmas movie. He wasn't a particular fan of romance movies like me so he was kinda bored. Yangyang suddenly stood up and went somewhere. It made me question myself "is the movie really that boring?". My heart sank a little bit. Then he came from his room, with a blanket and snacks. Wayv dorms was always known to never run out of snacks. He put the snacks on the table and sat right beside me again. "Sorry for leaving you, it's just you look like you're cold," he said softly. I was. Or maybe it was just the awkward situation. He pat his lap telling me to rest my head on his. His legs was very bony so i laughed quietly. "What are you laughing about," he asked smiling and fixing his gaze on me who was resting in his lap. "Nothing, i'm just really happy right now. You. You are all that i need. We don't have to continue the movie you know," i said. "Thank god. I thought we stuck in this awkwardness forever, " he answered. He kissed my forehead and played with my hair. I sat up since his hand was around my waist giving me sign to sit up. He guided me to sit on his lap. He kissed me on the lips while caressing my back. After a while of making out, i pulled back. It was around midnight then. I searched his present in my bag. I bought him a bracelet the day before. It was expensive and i had to save my money for a month to buy that. "I don't know if you'll like it, but please take my Christmas present for you, " i said quietly and handing over the gift box to his hand. "Baby.. thank you, " he opened the box and put his iconic wide smile. "I know you don't celebrate Christmas, but still, Merry Christmas my dear. You made this Christmas eve the most beautiful night of my life. I owe you a Christmas present. Today i'll make it up to you. Be ready for my plans baby," Yangyang whispered those to my ears. I kissed him as a response and slowly drifting away of tiredness. The next morning, it was Christmas. I woke up.

In the couch. In his dorm. "Fuck! Why did i fall asleep here," spontaneously cursing myself in my head. I looked around and realized i was left alone. "You up? Good morning!" Yangyang brightly jumped out of nowhere. "Gosh.. you know i shouldn't have stayed here. You should have waken me up, " i said. "Well I'm sorry grumpy baby.. and btw it was safer for you to sleep here. Seeing you out from the building around midnight would be kinda suspicious you know," he said teasingly. He had some points. "Are the others okay with me staying over like this, i feel really bad right now..," i was suddenly full of guilt. "Hey it's just us and Kun and he said it was okay," he reassured me. He explained that the others went home for the holidays. He lightly fixed my hair and kissed me to wake me up fully. He put his arm around my shoulder. "So about the plans today.. oh, before that, we go to your apartment first to take a shower and dress up, and then breakfast baby," he laughed. He drove me to my apartment. He made himself at home while i took a shower and got ready. "Okay?" i asked while showing my white dress that i purposely bought for today. "You look very pretty, baby. You look pretty with or without that dress, like later tonight, " Yangyang teased. "What?" i blushed. I took my coat and went out. We went out to get brunch next. We went to a German restaurant that he liked. "So about that plans you talked about last night? Can you tell me about it, " i asked teasingly. "No, all secret baby. Just wait and see..," he answered. We arrived at the restaurant and immediately found a seat. I ordered a german pancake and he ordered a brunch package. We ate and talked lightly. "Actually.. you kinda scared me last night" he said. " You suddenly collapsed and i thought you passed out, " he laughed. "Really? Gosh.. i think i was really tired this past few days," i said. "I know baby, i glad this day finally come and you can ease yourself with me." Yangyang said it sweetly while looking into my eyes. He paid and we went out to the car. "Hehe.. you're coming shopping with me finally," he childlishly smiled. "Oh? Okay then. I wanna see how much you really spend on your fashion, " i laughed. At this moment my heart was just racing. I was happy but at the same moment i was scared also. This. This date. This whole relationship. It was all on the line for this day. We arrived at Galleria. We walked separately since it was kinda risky. No, really risky. He looked around and bought some stuff for himself. And suddenly, i saw a camera shooting towards him. I knew i had to go further from him. I texted him the situation and that i waited for him in a cafe. I knew Yangyang never checked his phones in public so yeah i just hoped he realized me missing. I spent my time calming myself and practiced looking normal despite feeling anxious. Around half an hour passed he texted me and said he would be over in a minute. He knew that this would happened so he took it normally. He went to the cafe and we walked to the car. We lost the cameras in the crowd and arrived at the basement safely together. I was sorry but i couldn't say a word at that time. "Hey hey, what's wrong," he said worrily. "I'm sorry for leaving you i just.." my words were cut by his kiss. "No, i know you do that for us, not just for you, but to protect me also. Thank you baby," he said sweetly. My worries immediately went away hearing his words. I smiled at him to make him know that he made me feel fine that time. He gave me some jokes. Well I laughed at the littlest things so he was happy hearing me laugh at every of his jokes. "Where are we going?" i asked. "Patient, baby. This one is a surprise for you," he said. We arrived at an art gallery. "Huh?" I questioned. "Christmas is all about home right? We went to a german restaurant so now we're going to your home, " he explained. I rarely shared my childhood stories with him but i remembered one time when we talked about Ten's art, i told him that my parents used to have an art gallery back home. It had been 5 years since i moved

to Korea and my parents sold our house and the gallery. This place made me miss my old home really bad. My eyes were teary without me realizing. "Oh, i would never expected this from you. Thank you," i smiled to him. We walked inside and went around. The whole time i was really emotional and distracted. We went out and went in to gallery's cafe. I sat while he ordered us drinks. "The life i had was something.. special. There are not many children who has lived in an "artfull" life. Me and my sister had to attend so many parties back then. The real life of art galleries starts when exhibitions come up. The live, the art, the people.. it was so overwhelming for two girls who knew nothing. People always know that art galleries are quiet and boring. I guess i'm just grateful that i got to see the other side of it. And i would really like to show it to you," i said. He listened to me whole-heartedly and said, "I would love that. I would love to meet your parents too!" he teased. I playfully pouted at him. He always knew how to brighten up the mood. We then walked around for food. We decided to come in a warm soup restaurant. Eating korean food already tasted like a home food for me right now. It was around 7 pm. We walked around a river next to the gallery. There was no one in sight so i was really comfortable at that time. I linked my arms around his. We walked without saying anything. The silence wasn't awkward yet it was truly comforting. All i felt was his warmth and company, to know that there was someone i loved and loved me back walking right next to me, was more than enough. We stop to take a sit when suddenly snow fell. "Wah, the first snow fell on the perfect time, " he turned to me. "It's really beautiful, every first snow feels like the first time for me seeing snow, " i said while touching a snow that dropped in front of me. "It looks just like in romance movies," i laughed teasing him. He turned away his head jokingly. Suddenly he turned back his head and kissed me unaware. I snuggled to his lean body and warmed myself in his arms. I wished this moment could last forever. We continued our walk in the snow and back to our car. He warmed the car since it was getting really colder. "We still have one more on the list, you still up?" he asked, concerning if i was tired. "Let's go! Wherever it is., " i said brightly. He drove again to some place. We got to a night theme park. We were a little bit hungry so we went to get fish shaped bread first. "This is perfect for the weather," i said. "I know right," he playfully said and round his arms around my shoulder. He took me to an ice rink there. Neither of us could skate well so we were stumbling against each other. I took this quiet funny. We didn't skate long because of the cold so we went to a ferris wheel. I didn't tell him that i was scared of height. He was known to be a fearless boy so i just wanted to keep up with him. I expected this to be so romantic and i was very excited. We went into a booth and sat across each other. We had a small talk about the plans we did that day until our booth was almost at the top. I started getting very scared and held the chair tightly. He noticed that and moved right next beside me. He took me in his arms and i sank my face in his chest. The floor booth was from glass and my legs were getting really shaky. He held me tight as i was something breakable and whispered, "Are you okay now?" I lifted my head to see his face and nod with a smile. "I didn't want to tell you cause uhm, i want to spend every minutes of this day with you, like this..," i said to him. "I know baby, i know," he teased while fixing my beanie. The booth reached the top and he sat me up to kiss me. "Today was all perfect. Thank you baby. But today isn't over yet, " he smirked to tease me. The booth finally went back to the ground and we got off. It was 10 pm right then and we drove back to my apartment. I knew he was gonna stay over but i told him to anyways just to make him sure i was alright with it. I turned on my heater and prepared him a hot cocoa

while he looked around seeing my plushies. "A lamb huh?" he holds a lamb plushie that i had since i was a baby. "Yeah. It is the first toy i have. He's my first "yang", jealous?" I teased him. "Well I'm here now, so you just gotta back off okay," he said it to the toy jokingly. I laughed and handed him a cup of hot cocoa. I left him to take a shower and changed into my pajama. After i finished, he also took a shower and put on clean clothes he always had in his car. We got into my bed. We cuddled immediately since the sheet were pretty cold. "I love you," he whispered. "24 hours isn't enough for all the plans i have in my head for you." "Then, how about tomorrow and the rest of the holiday? It feels like Christmas every time I'm with you.." i said reassuring him. -SMUT- I kissed him this time and his eyes brightened up immediately. He sat up and leaned on the headboard. I sat around his legs. He hold my waist while i kissed him slowly, yet burning him. He pulled his hands off my waist and started unbuttoning my pajamas. I stopped and kinda took a few seconds to fully aware the situation we were getting to. I nodded at him before he fully unbuttoned my shirt. He took his time feeling every button and it made me really impatient. I tug his short and he gave me this question full look, "Aye baby, all good things come to those who wait." He kissed my neck while unclasping my bra and pulling down my pants. He covered me with a blanket so i didn't get cold. I pulled up his shirt and sank to his chest, feeling his warmth. He turned me around so i was laying on the bed right now with him hovering me. He playfully played with the seams of panty and occasionally rub my sensitive spot. I squinted my eyes in pleasure and anticipation. "Don't close your eyes, i want to see all of you," he teased. I hit his arms lightly and pouted. He tried to pull of my panty but i stopped it with crossing my legs. He showed a confused look, a bit of scared look in his eyes. I was embarrassed to say this but i said it anyway, "It's my first, i have never gone this far with a boy before..," hiding my face with a pillow. "Oh? Do you want to continue? Cause we can stop if you feel uncomfortable and i'm truly okay with, no lie," he said. I wanted this and there would be no other perfect day to do this. He smiled and whispered me that he would be very gentle and careful not to hurt me. He took off my the last piece of clothing i had and took a few second of himself. My cheek felt like it was burning and even in this weather i didn't feel cold at all. He caressed my thighs while kissing parts of my body from the top. He put his finger in front of my mouth telling me to wet it. I sucked on his finger and he had that smug look on his face. He put one finger on the opening, "Relax baby, it will hurt if you don't relax. " I was nervous but he stroked my hairs gently, kissed my forehead, and made all my fears go away. He finally put one finger inside. I moaned in pain and the new kind of pleasure i was feeling. He checked if i was okay before moving the finger gently. His thumb was circling around my bud while his other hand held my nape. Not long i started feeling the pleasure highly building and i knew about this feeling. "Yangyang... Please.. uh..i think I'm about to come," i said heavily, murmuring under my breath. "Come for me baby..," he said. He hit a triggering spot inside me and speeded up his pace. And that was it, i came for the first time. "We haven't even started baby.. " he teased with a smug look on his face. I came down from my high and slowed my breath. He positioned himself down so his head was between my legs now. He spread my knees wide enough that i scrunched his shoulder. "Hold it for me, " he said before he licked my slit and entered his tounge inside me until i started building up pleasure again. "Ahh.. stop.. oh Yangyang.. it's.. so.. good..," i said. The pleasure reached the top again and it was more overwhelming than the one before. I screamed out his name, "I'm gonna cum... please," while distorting my facial expression. He

circled my clit with his thumb and i came for the second time. My legs felt like jelly and i barely had enough energy to open my eyes. He removed his clothes, all of them and quickly grabbed protection from his wallet. He put on the condom on his shaft that was already tensioned. He once again relaxed me down, knowing i was nervous without telling it to him. He positioned his shaft right on my entering. He stroked my hair and kissed me. "Tell me if it's too much, okay?" he whispered. I closed my eyes and grabbed the sheet while he pushed in slowly into me. He checked me first before pushing it deeper inside. He always brushed my head every time i let out a voice of pain. He was very caring and careful as if i was made of porcelain. "You did good baby.. Tell me if you're ready," he said. He kept his inside for awhile while i was adjusting the unfamiliar feeling. I nodded as a approval and he moved it slowly. The little pain that i was feeling turned into pleasure. He builded up his speed and i was losing my mind once again. "I can't.. please.. oh Yangyang, " i moaned his name again and again shamelessly. "Together baby, " he said. His breath was out of control and my name slipped between his groan. We came. I felt like all of my inner energy bursted out. He removed himself from me and cleaned up. He then searched for a clean towel. "Baby let me clean you up quick then you can sleep, " he said. After that he put me my pajamas back and tug me to bed. I was too tired that i didn't remember what he did after that since i passed out.

#wayv imagines #wayv scenarios #yangyang #wayv yangyang #wayv smut #nct fluff #wayv fluff #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct imagines

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giggles-and-freckles · 4 years ago

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(Sorry for how long this got, conciseness is not my strongsuit)

Hey, so I've always loved writing, but actually doing creative things has always been difficult for me because (backstory, mental health, trauma etc. You know the drill)

BUT

Recently, a game inspired me to write fanfic, and I've written almost every day for more than a week! I even missed a day and didn't entirely fall off the bandwagon!

So my biggest concern is burnout, and I'm wondering if I could get some tips on how to maintain your writing schedule/routine without overdoing it

1) do you ever say to yourself "today, I'm not going to expend any creative energy, I'm just gonna consume things"? How often does that happen?

2) When you suddenly get an awesome idea and write down an unplanned story that meets your writing goal for the day, do you still work on whatever project you had lined up, or do you usually count that as your progress for the day?

3) If you do a lot of brainstorming/outlining (and actually write it down rather than just thinking it lol), do you count that towards your writing progress for the day?

Again sorry for how long this is, and no rush or pressure, but I really like your work and id love to hear your thoughts!

Hello hello!! Okay, so I’ll be completely honest...I don’t have a ton of real strategy, because I’m very-much an off-the-cuff type of person. But I’ll share what I’ve got!! And oh ho, did I get about lengthy myself. Yikes.

1) Absolutely. So a lot of authors who are better than I do have this idea of a “writing goal.” I’m not going to lie–I don’t have this. For no other reason than exactly what you’re saying...burnout! I only write when I want to. Again, most authors would probably say this is bad practice and that I should push you through to get something down on page. I totally respect this mentality!! For me, though–writing is only the way I express myself, creatively. As soon as I let it become something more, it’s no longer an outlet for me. SO if I don’t want to write: I don’t. I have never ever forced myself to write something and because of this, I feel like I have never experienced this burnout. Which cycles back and means I don’t have many days where I don’t want to write.

I’m not sure if that made sense, so here it is simply: if I don’t want to write, I don’t. I give myself a break for the day. Because of that one day break or whatever it is I need, I don’t need those breaks very often. I would say in a period of a month, I take four or five days to not write purely because I don’t want to...and maybe three or four more because I was busy or had other things to take care of.

2) Not to be redundant, but it’s the same thing here for me! I write what I want. This is probably frustrating for readers in the multi-chapter sense, because it means I’m not very consistent there. And here is part of me that’s like “aw dang, I should have worked on that” but then I remind myself that I’ve never felt like that about other authors. I’m just happy when they write something! So I try not to hold myself to the same standard.

I will say, though–if something is giving me a tough time and that’s why I keep avoiding it...I will pressure myself a bit to do some deep excavation. For example, I’m writing an Ilum scene for a fic right now and the imagery is just very difficult for me for whatever reason. So I honestly just ignored it for almost a month. Finally this week, I sat down and was like “okay. today...we fix the Ilum scene.” It’s not necessarily what I wanted to work on with the time I set aside to write, but I knew if I didn’t do it, it would stay a wip forever. And after spending an hour reworking some big parts...I’m genuinely excited to finish it now!

But if you have an idea and you’re vibing with it–even if it’s something you don’t think you’ll do anything with for months–write it down. Immediately. And keep going until you can’t go anymore. Your future self will thank you!

3) I.........almost never outline. Oops. But sometimes getting an idea down is all I have the mental capacity to do! And so yes, I absolutely count it and stop there if that’s all my brain can do that day.

I think my entire approach to writing is that it’s an exercise that is good and exhilarating for my brain. As soon as it becomes something more stressful or tense, I’m not okay with that. So if giving yourself deadlines and daily writing goals is what you need to structure yourself and find that exhilaration, do it!! Or–you may be like me and find that simply sitting down with your computer, a cup of tea, and no real plan is all the structure you need. Might get a few sentences down, might get a few chapters.

But however you approach writing–you should feel better when you get up from the chair than when you sat down.

#abi answers #on writing #I don't know if any of this was helpful whatsoever #it was basically just me saying 'I have no plan' over and over #but seriously #writing should feel GOOD #(in my opinion)#taking a break is always okay

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

#history 4: close to you #history 4 #li chen x mu ren #a thot

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jongdality · 5 years ago

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me thinkin' about how i've grown up with exo and watched as they lived and learned and developed as professionals and humans, overcoming the struggles of a poor debut concept and scandal after scandal with their tenacity and love for each other

Then thinkin' about how Kyungsoo, a somewhat aloof, awkward and weird boy who decided to be bold and try out for SM after old people at karaoke competitions told him to and he made 8 brothers for life who love him dearly and support him and his antics and his acting career and call him cute no matter how much he says he isn't good at anything and that he's boring and Manly and how he has starred in a full-ass movie and is partially credited as breaking the "idol-actor" stereotype and writes love songs with chanyeol on the DL that chanyeol reveals on his lives and wrote the lyrics to a lovely, comforting song for us before leaving to join the military so he can become an even bigger star in multiple films once he gets out

Then thinkin' about how bbh, an outgoing boy who flicked lights on and off to make his friends giggle, met a friend for life, kjd, on the very same day they both were to audition to get into a group that was about to debut, how he worked hard to break down barriers in the group and became the moodmaker, and how people thought he was bad at dancing because he hadn't had time to train but actually every solo dance he's been given he's slayed to the point that he became the CENTER FOR CBX, how he worked hard to learn piano in a very short amount of time to play The Answer for his EXO-Ls, how even after an early scandal in which is privacy was invaded he still looks at us with such love and protection and is NOW an amazing solo artist who texts the exo group chat saying he misses them so much

Then thinkin' about Suho. Kim frickin' Joonmyeon. The underdog of the entire group. Born rich, charismatic and well-educated, could have been ANYTHING but CHOSE to train for SEVEN YEARS due to his love of music. You guys. When Baek and another member got into trouble for cussing while playing video games sometime in 2012-2013 and a sasaeng threatened to reveal the voice clips of them cussing purportedly to apink members, joonmyeon texted her personally, so cold, so professional, "are you blackmailing us? If you release the clip you won't be forgiven" big fuckin dad energy, worked so hard on his singing and dancing yet still asks not to be given too many lines or placed center too often, gives up his seats for his members ALWAYS, accepted their first awards show win alone stoic and professional as the boys broke down in the back room after the news of kris leaving broke, now has multiple solo songs and acts and is literally set to be higher-level management at SM due to all his hard work, definitely puts out that goofy mom energy but is actually extremely intelligent, protective and the go-to guy for all the members and this para has no point i just think kim joonmyun deserves everything

Remembering that chanyeol has a famous sister and is a multitalented instrumentalist that didn't actually need to become an idol, but he did because he wanted "brothers", how he skyrocketed an entire foot from debut til now, how he's all teeth and ears and big anime eyes and legs and he's confident and happy after years of struggling w his weight and self-image, makin music and writing lyrics and modeling for tommy hilfiger and riding scooters in paris and despite the fact that he can't dance he tries, despite the fact that he didn't audition to be a rapper he became one of korea's best, how he turns into a little kid every time he's around any small animal and just tries to cuddle and feed it as he coos in his Low Man Voice, his tough raps but then his soft exo station song SSFW, and now exo-sc with his bestie and ACTING!!!

Thinkin' about Xiumin. Xiumin who came in as a vocalist and ended up being one of the best dancers in the group (even tho he hits the highest notes!!!). Xiumin who is the oldest and wisest but is still willing to throw that ass back to havana to make cbx laugh. Xiumin who is korea's pick, who kids and ahjummas alike fall for. Xiumin who is beautiful and quiet and humble and supports his brothers from the sidelines, who is so loving and caring, who released an adorable solo that matches him so well and is now winning fckn awards in military training for being so goddamn amazing. Xiumin who attends TVXQ concerts and supports all of his fellow celebrities. Mark's dad. Amazing man. Says he has no friends outside of exo but literally everyone loves him. Dedicated his formative years to the group even when he wasn't spotlighted like he deserves to be and-

Lay. That's it. That's the paragraph. He came in not speaking Korean and is now one of the top-grossing musicians in all of China. Breaking barriers. Learning languages in a matter of months. Solo albums out the wazoo that he composed. Coming back to wish Kyungsoo goodbye even though he hasn't been on a stage with them in years. Didn't leave, although I'm sure he was mistreated just as much as the members who did. All of exo loves him so fucking much.

Kai. Kai who could have been a professional ballet dancer, could have been a full-time model, debuts as the SCREAMO BOY in mama. Gets made fun of for his skin complexion. Is shy and embarrassed for the first 2 or 3 years of exo interviews, and is still pretty shy and introverted. But boy became the fucking IDOL'S IDOL. FANCAMS GOING VIRAL LEFT AND RIGHT. SUSTAINING INJURIES, CRYING WHEN HE MESSES UP AN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT DANCE ROUTINE TO "I SEE YOU". Is such a perfectionist to the point of pushing himself into constant injury, and besides that has had his personal life broadcasted all over the news MULTIPLE times even though he's so shy and withdrawn irl. People cry to meet him, now. Front and center of every exo dance. A dancing god and the reason half of NCT auditioned. I cannot emphasize how proud I am of Kai, who is only a few months older than sehun yet has had to grow up so fast as the face of the group. Solo during the olympics with plantar fasciitis. Model who stuns at every Gucci show in new and experimental designs.

Sehun. Oh fuckin' Sehun. Ran away from recruiters because his mom told him not to talk to strangers, and now he's modelling for every major fashion campaign, is on the cover of vogue, has his dream dog and certifiably has the biggest dick of all exo members. Became a main dancer through hard work and practice even though nobody ever talks about how hard osh works bc he's sort of overshadowed by kai. Insecure about his singing voice but makes crowds go wild every time he even croons out one beautiful, dulcet line. Babied by junmyeon, kissed and coddled by all the exo members, still has Big Baby Energy but is debuting in a group with his fellow chaotic neutral yeol and looking all sexy with his swooped back hair and his 0 follows on insta. Sings in We Young and raps his little heart out. His solo during concerts still shake my very uterus and im pretty sure he's gay. That's how powerful ohs is, and he can only go up from here.

And finally my baby boy kim jongdae. Chanyeol once said Jongdae is so nice that he comes off as stupid and that is absolutely positively true. Boy is the manifestation of the john mulaney quote "you could pour soup on my lap and id apologize to you". Is a ray of fucking sunshine whose only goal as he was singing in that video from high school was to "become a singer". It's his passion. It's the reason he LIVES. He prays to jesus before every concert but worships music. One of THE best vocalists in the game with the cleanest and most controlled voice, sings in the shower, sings in the car, sings while walking to pet some deer, sings because he loves it and now he's a soloist with his own album out and another in the works, and not only that, he dances his feet on fire in CBX and exo routines and remains steady to hit those high notes. Duets abound because everyone loves him. Will tell a bitch to back off when talking about his private life bc he's probably a husband with 6 happy, healthy children at home. Started out as the nervous boy chasing a dream on that fateful day with bbh and became the nation's pick, sings CONSTANTLY, yet is still so humble he opens up a yt channel just to cover other artists' songs. MCs for Baekhyun's solo and shows up to all his performances to monitor. Heart of gold. Smiles when he's hurting. Deserves this solo career and deserves the happiest life this world can provide him.

Words aren't enough to express how grateful I am for these men, how proud I am and how much I just want them to know that we know how hard they've worked to get as far as they have. Compare them to any other group, even other SM groups, and it's clear that their passion, drive, skill and professionalism is unrivaled. They are all born artists and musicians down to their core, and with that, they're all kind, sweet people who are who they are because they debuted as 18, 19, 20, etc year old men 7 years ago and have grown up together, suffered together, celebrated together and loved together. They've switched up sounds, concepts, gone experimental, have created some of the most beautiful ballads and harmonies music has ever seen, and they strive for nothing but the best. ALWAYS. They have never disappointed me, and they never fail to inspire me every time they show the fruits of all their labor (as well as multiple creative people and teams that come together to create EXO) onstage as one.

Exo we are one, saranghaja.

#im just in my feelings #exo #rant #mobile isnt letting me put photos where they need to be so this is the post

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Ava & James

Ava: So, campus bars Ava: Avoid entirely or cheap enough to make the cringe worth it? 🤔🤔 James: use your student loans wisely enough that cheap is avoided entirely Ava: Ugh 😏 I thought you'd give real advice if I got you off the clock James: go with your gut, option 1 James: you're not striking me as someone to base their social life around KCLSU's quiz night Ava: I love trivia like I love cheap white wine spritzers and school spirit James: knew you'd fit right in Ava: Can I put that resounding endorsement on my application then, James? James: it'll carry more weight if you accidentally add the I when you write my name James: but I didn't say that James: slip of the pen, that's all Ava: My lips are sealed Ava: There's plenty of time to meet him and double up on kudos James: I hear the girl's hazing rituals are savage James: stand you in good stead that will Ava: No one is scarier than a high school girl Ava: Nor as petty and sadistic Ava: I think I'll survive James: they've toned it down since that girl had a mental episode post head shave James: sure you will Ava: Very chic Ava: Do you wait 'til the UCAS app has gone through to drop the horror stories usually or are you really bad at this whole recruitment thing on purpose? James: it's my 1st time playing tour guide James: potentially I'm less than cut out for it Ava: I won't lodge a formal complaint Ava: Unless you're turning over DMs as feedback, in which case, awkward James: I won't be, some girls think I have more sway than I really do James: awkward indeed Ava: God Ava: Not even my first choice Ava: Though makes you wonder how effective attaching nudes to your cover letter would be James: they'd have to take that on a case by case basis Ava: 🤞 that you don't get the one token woman on the panel James: not your 1st choice, no need to cross anything Ava: Hypothetically, James II Ava: Why was it yours, then? Ava: Student life evidently not being it James: it was my only James: it's gonna end up being Teddy's too Ava: He hasn't turned up to business studies in time Ava: But slip of the pen, I get you James: my older sister got all the brains and none of the sense of fun Ava: Know the sort Ava: Bet I still likes you better though James: I wouldn't go that far Ava: Too far for a taster sesh Ava: Understood Ava: Don't suppose you'll point me in the direction of where you actually hang now then? James: I suppose I could Ava: Please Ava: Bored is an understatement Ava: I'll still show up all present and correct for the debrief thing tomorrow James: it's such a good thing here isn't your 1st choice Ava: You should give me the real tour Ava: I'll keep my lips sealed James: can't I get another please before you do? Ava: Please do not invite your brother Ava: He got us kicked out of Mahiki last month it was so tragic James: he's a disgrace Ava: Most of them are James: I don't associate with anyone who still goes to Mahiki regularly Ava: It's pretty played out James: if they'll let Teddy in they're getting desperate Ava: 😂 awh James: you ready now? Ava: Already out Ava: Figured you better pick me up from The Vault Ava: Consider it a mini hazing of my own James: keep your lips sealed that I'm going within 100 yards of the place and sure Ava: Don't worry Ava: The others are at the cinema or something equally as lame the school put on for our 'overnight entertainment' Ava: I'm sick Ava: No selfies James: the hangover'll make it look & feel convincing Ava: That's a promise you can put your wallet behind Ava: I am a guest James: you don't want put your fake ID on the line either Ava: Bold of you to assume I've ever needed to buy my own drinks 😏 Ava: I didn't bring it alright, shut up James: you don't need it, I'm only playing Ava: 😾 James: how many drinks has my brother bought you? Of course I need to 1 up him Ava: Total? Ava: Not as much as he'd like but lots Ava: Not trying to milk this sibling rivalry or anything, have known him ages Ava: Well before Mahiki would let him in, like James: hardly a rivalry, you know him well enough to realise Ava: True Ava: You do what feels right and I'll let you know by the end of the night then James: very straightforward James: I like it Ava: You don't know me well enough yet but that's par for the course James: I knew your brother for years & I didn't know him James: we'd need more than an evening Ava: I'm as comparable to my brother as you are to yours Ava: Probably James: show me, I'll show you Ava: Deal Ava: But we will need more than an evening Ava: to make it fair James: you can have until you're bored Ava: You'll want longer when you aren't anymore James: I'm used to things not lasting as long as I want Ava: I'm not your average Ava: You'll see James: bold of you to assume I've ever settled for average Ava: I didn't say THE average James: I heard you say my average Ava: No need to be offended by better, is there? James: bemused at most Ava: You're welcome Ava: but you are meant to be entertaining me, not the other way 'round James: you brought up fairness James: & it's a good point Ava: How do you propose we make it fair then? James: I entertain you tonight, you entertain me whenever you've thought of your own tour worth taking me on Ava: That's actually a good idea Ava: and entirely fair James: Teddy'll cost my dad more to secure his place than I did, I've got some brains on board Ava: No doubt Ava: Gave his name to the right kid, clearly James: My sister was undoubtedly relieved James: though Diana has its own pitfalls Ava: 😬 The jokes write themselves James: they do Ava: Perks of having a relatively untouched name James: it does suit her, she's very much a martyr Ava: Did you do an English degree? Ava: You're good at painting a picture with words Ava: See 👸 so clearly James: sadly not James: maybe I'll go back & do it if I ever finish the current one Ava: Student forever vibes Ava: Fuck real life James: then again, being the kind of dad who drops their kid off for classes & pulls up his own chair at the table doesn't sound like a great idea Ava: Just make sure its not their first choice, yeah? James: oldest's already smarter than me James: won't be a problem Ava: There you go then James: where's yours? Ava: Currently undecided Ava: It's more a case of sorting the 2-5 James: & how's that going? James: this place being a solid 5th Ava: Its been a solid mix of fun and boring working it out Ava: Better than another night in Mahiki at any rate Ava: I'll have to decide eventually but even my mum can't demand I do quite yet James: don't over complicate it James: they're not all that different James: I've got friends studying all over the map and they're still basically doing the same things I am Ava: See, that's what I figured Ava: But try telling that to a woman who was Cambridge or bust Ava: It's more about the vibe of the place, the people, the ethos and the lecturers not being the worst stereotypes of boring/creep Ava: again, if I tell her vibe is on my criteria she'd actually kill me before I could apply anywhere so 🤷 James: your secret's safe with me James: even if our mothers were friends, mine is currently not speaking to me Ava: How's that? James: it's something I'm fairly used to James: she's not a big talker James: more of a fan of a dismissive hand gesture Ava: Gotcha Ava: Not a whole lot to miss James: she's got lots to say about my parenting style but who hasn't Ava: Shame you don't talk to my brother now James: I don't suppose he sees it as a shame Ava: Probably not Ava: He's not one for regrets James: me either James: it's why we started out friends Ava: Feels like ages ago Ava: Since he still lived here James: it kind of is James: he left before he left Ava: It's complicated James: it's not my business Ava: Not mine either so Ava: Whatever James: car's here James: are you going to make me get out for you? Ava: You're meant to come in here Ava: Don't you trust I can keep my lips sealed? James: I don't trust it to be entertaining in there James: hence it's not part of the tour Ava: Please James: Oh Ava James: [but does come in we all know he would] Ava: [clearly making him stay for a drink and play pool or something in this student ass bar] James: [when you're whipped for someone you're not even dating lol] Ava: [When Chloe is your missus] James: [to be a fly on the wall in their relationship tbh literally imagine] Ava: [oh lordy how you have not been missed girl] James: [at least the new kid is young enough she can dress it up still and it can't talk back so she can pretend she gives a shit and isn't blowing his phone up rn] Ava: [in full show-off-to-all-my-friends mode still, somehow still has some lol] James: [lord when you don't even like and comment on pics of your own child anymore though bye do not approve of your aesthetic choices Chlo] Ava: [so awkward, when you only get a look in for the boring/hard bits] James: [basically just get to parent Jay cos she's well over that] Ava: [poor James tbh] James: [have your fun now lad I don't blame you even though everyone else will] Ava: [lord people gonna be SO mad] James: [how far we gonna take this during the tour cos obvs flirty vibes been flying about but like he can't just jump her cos married and she's younger] Ava: [she fully initiated this whole thing lbr but maybe don't sleep with him yet babe as you are aware he's married and has kids so like, some thought even though you young and reckless that, he could always stop it at a makeout 'cos then how embarrassing for her and she'd have to leave it for a bit like what was I doing, angst etc] James: [I vibe with that cos they are gonna be drinking a lot as the night goes on so that'd make both of them give less of a shit about the consequences but because the night is going on eventually chlo is gonna be like are you coming home ever because I like to think he hasn't cheated since she got pregnant with this kid and has actually been trying even though he's miserable af clearly] James: [like maybe it was really bad before and he was actually gonna leave her so she was like simply must trap him and did] Ava: [v much a her move I support it] James: [yeah cos she's invested this much time into him she's not just gonna let him go easily] Ava: [when you have no idea what you've signed yourself up for here babe] James: [I'm rooting for them rn cos nobody else is and I'm 100% that bitch, must not get invested yet when we've only just begun] Ava: [same tho so whoops] James: [he'd be so into it though too we all know that makeout would be 💣🔥] Ava: [hence breaking it off would be hard af, Chloe gotta be blowing his shit up to the degree he thinks maybe one of the kids is hurt lol] James: [literally Chloe is the teenage girl in this situation, girl chill out] Ava: [I'd feel bad if you hadn't also cheated loads and trapped him in this sham life soooo, grant you idk how much Ava knows of that rn but she'd clearly have a rep] James: [yeah I feel like Ava would be knowing some shit cos same circles and Chlo ain't slick plus like he's gonna eventually tell her cos god knows he needs someone to talk to] Ava: [we will get there boy] James: [at least it'll be less awks for her cos it'll be obvious that he didn't wanna break shit off and how hard it was to do] Ava: [there was obvs a vibe to pursue in the first place, still tomorrow morning lmao] James: [he'd so go too hard pretending she doesn't exist like nobody's picked up on the vibe and it ain't obvious okay boy] Ava: [I hope there's some other drama gone down on this little excursion so yous can fly under the radar, someone hold hands at the cinema lol] James: [shit like that always happens don't worry you two] Ava: [thank God for teenage shenanigans when you out here homewrecking on the low] James: [you should do some Chlo texts at me for the lols even if I don't reply cos busy lol]

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