#i cant at all im so screwed
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It's not looking good folks. This is the third day in a row I'm looking through exorcism media.
#its just really fascinating i guess#tragic as all get out#but i cant seem to stop finding things#like devils of loudun was good#i watched the popes exorcist yesterday#today it seems conneticut conjuring is the new one#what will tomorrow hold#but can you say the Lord's prayer in latin????#i cant at all im so screwed#between this and psychic attacks i might as well lock myself up and throw away the key
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something about s1-3 zane is just. oh this guy is so silly and friend-shaped. look at his friendly boy swag. like????? how could you ever hate him. the ultimate silly
not to hate on his titanium era because frankly it is very cool. but the essence of s1-3 zane is unique and uncapturable. he is just a little guy you can put in your pocket. his default facial expression is so inherently funny. there are no thoughts behind these eyes. i would trust him with my life.
#its almost 3am and i cant sleep HELP ME#ninjago#lego ninjago#zane julien#ninjago zane#my post#does this make sense? i am so fond of him like platonically let me just state this isnt any funny business. i just think hes neat#all the ninja have been my favourite at one point or another in my life (its now cole) but this era of zane i will forever be biased for#again im not being a hater of the new state of the show lol most of the characters are way better but zane is the exception imo#you can't improve upon perfection i guess x#AMELIA GO TO BED ITS 3AM#me: hmmmm why is my sleep schedule so screwed? why do i keep waking up at midday?#and then this is the shit i do at 3am#average amelia antics#amelia isn't funny
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I don't want to talk about this much, but it may affect page uploads.
Saturday night, I was assaulted and strangled by my brother. This is not the first time he's done this, but it was severely excalated this time. I deserved it. Honestly, I wish he'd succeeded so nobody would have to deal with my shit anymore. I'm still very much in crisis mode, and I'm so sorry if I disappear. I'm praying I can continue working despite the situation, but this may warrant a short break.
I'm so sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, and I'm even more sorry I'm bringing this up at all. I need to stop talking from now on, honestly. I just wanted to communicate why I may poof. I don't know. I'm scared, and I can't do this. But I have to keep going.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
#abuse mention#im not so afraid to use that word now#but i still feel so much guilt#it must have been my fault#im a screw up#all i ever do is ruin things and bring people down#anyway sorry ncksncjd#not cat#important#notice#i cant do this#i cant#ask to tag#suicidal ideation#im so very tired
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rewatching this over and over again.. mainly bcs tarn makes soundwave into a manlet but also bcs it's hilarious
#thunderhowl at the copilot doing Absoluteky nothing then being surprised when shadowstriker is unfamiliar with the terrain: :D#i get ure a theater kid but CAN U STOP BEING SO CRYPTIC#bumblebee moving to the wall like the only smart person#optimus just wants to find the source#had to include soundwave being the bitchiest person for no reason at the end of course 🩵 mi lady#somebody help tarn bro only has one arm 😭😭#hes not even using it against a wall or anything like hes just trying to keep his balance#everybody panicking while shadowstriker doesnt give a fuck#girlboss shit she does every day and no one cares it pisses me off yall need to appreciate my mean lesbian like yall appreciate her mean gay#bestie#thunderhowl :) bcs he wants soundwave to struggle probably. i mean at the cost of others maybe risking a concussion? sure#theyre both so petty but try to act too cool to be in their own lame ways. im obsessed with them#he was hoping soundwave was gonna land in his lap 💔#somehow from all the way back there LMFAO if his terrains can defy gravity so can his beloved annoyance ok. he believes#im a filthy multishipper so i need tarn and soundwave to have more fic & kiss too bcs it's literally tarn being like I Know What You Are#(a Bttm) to soundwave and soundwave having to screw his lips into a smile & be like teehee of course.. only to be like (u forgot the Brat*)#at the end like. why are they like that. tarn holding him by the waist with 1 arm being like i got u bbgirl meanwhile hes getting#60000 concussions and soundwave is trying So hard not too laugh.. TOO loudly. (tarn thinking hes so anime protag rn)#tf cyberverse#soundwave#tarn#thunderhowl#shadowstriker#bumblebee#optimus prime#maccadam#transformers#I CANT BELIEVE I HAD ENOUGH ROOM FOR THESE TAGS!
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after that announcement...
#carlos sainz#carlos sainz jr#need him to be on smoke all season#im so sad for lewis theyre sooo gonna screw him over#i just hope im wrong#1/2 of my fav drivers is freed from ferrari and the other 1/2 is about get locked in#i just cant win
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SO. TO KICK OFF THE WEEK OF SPECULATION BEFORE THE UPDATE DROPS.
last night i had a bit of a Revelation. literally. i borderline woke up in a cold sweat with this realization. the way i lunged for my laptop to scream at friends... ough. lets get into it
so. i do believe I've made a couple of theory posts about Barnaby not being quite as receptive to his and Wally's "forced" best friendship as Wally - since the show wrote them to be friends instead of it happening naturally. i thought it might be a point of tension for Barn. i thought a lot.
YES SO I'M TOSSING (almost) ALL OF THAT OUT THE WINDOW!
the bios state Barnaby as Wally's best friend multiple times over. it had to be regularly reinforced. their colors were chosen to mark them as friends.
but Barnaby - presumably - can't see the bios, he wouldn't know the scripts. the friendship would be natural from his perspective. how would he know otherwise? even if the relationship started out synthetic, i don't doubt that it became genuine. in the context of their world and perceptions, realistically speaking Barnaby probably wouldn't sense anything wrong.
the reminders to be best friends weren't for Barnaby.
they were for Wally.
i'm starting to suspect that Wally is Barnaby's best friend, but Barnaby isn't Wally's. i think that Wally's "best friend" is Home - or at least Wally has a closer connection to them / Home is more important to Wally than anyone else is.
i remember reading this livestream trivia (from theneighborhoodwatch's doc, if you haven't their resources yet what are you even doing?):
and i assumed it was for Barnaby's side of the relationship. but it's not, is it? it's Wally's? and it makes too much fucking Sense! it fits! i can see it perfectly! i can feel things slotting together in my mind due to this shift in perspective, and i'm scared
Barnaby probably thinks the relationship is natural, just like how he thinks he's a real person in a real world. Wally probably knows that the relationship is a role, just like how he knows he's a puppet in a false reality.
that leaves me wondering how much of it is genuine on Wally's side. i don't doubt that they really are friends, but how deep does that connection go? in the interview, Wally sounded excited/proud about having a best friend, but how much came from a place of feeling, and how much came from a place of Fulfilling The Role? how much of it is performative? how much of it is a mask?
i've been seeing everything differently. Barnaby poses for Wally the most because he has good balance and is good at staying still, not because of favoritism or because he's Wally's best friend. in the 14 (15 including the hidden halloween) audios, Barnaby consistently seeks out Wally and checks in on him. Wally seems more casual about their relationship than Barnaby is.
i'm worried that Wally values Home & You/Us over Barnaby. that Barnaby is second or third place in Wally's heart. that Wally means more to Barnaby than he means to Wally. after all, only one of them needed their relationship to be reinforced on a seemingly regular basis.
i'm confident that Wally cares about / loves Barnaby, but the question is how much? to what extent?
#IM SO FUCKING ILL.#and by worried i mean Frothing At The Mouth. that would hurt so good. it would be delicious#i mean. it makes so much fucking sense. it feels Right!#and oh the ways this could hurt barnaby#i already suspect he has some Internal insecurities and shit but. oh man. if this is true it would break his heart wouldnt it#he has his hearts on his palms but wally's hearts are hidden on the soles of his shoes....#god. no this. this. i cant start ranting and raving about what this means for barnaby and how i think it might affect him#the picture all the pieces of What We Know About Him So Far paint#all i'll say is. comic relief characters are always a tragedy under the mask.#wh speculation#homebogging#wh theory#welcome home speculation#welcome home theory#the way i was losing my absolute shit in discord. Man.#i am continuously in premature mourning over barnaby.#eddie might be doomed by the narrative but barn is Screwed by the narrative#poor guy just can't catch a break#also the idea. the Concept. that wally might consider you/us a closer/dearer friend than barnaby#is. its. well its devastating and juicy as Fuck!#there's. there's so much to unpack here im gonna be honest#for the first time since getting into this project im feeling like im starting to see a cohesive picture#the implications. the connections. the way it ties into themes. man... oh man... And It Makes. Sense.#barnaby knows wally better than the other neighbors - Besides Home - but how much more?#does he think he knows more than he does? i mean absolutely. wally is still hardcore masking around him.#wally doesn't confide in him not really#but man. Man. oh i understand why completely. at least i like to think i do#oh boy this is gonna kill me and im gonna like it#i had this realization and i felt my neurons shift just a little. just Enough. FUCK#barnaby b beagle. baby. i am so sorry but you're gonna have a hell of a fucking time
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wish me luck as i attempt to rewrite the modern au from the ground up for the third time.
#i havent worked on it since august cause i had realization that meant i had to start all over again. but also i need to write something#other than the vamp au and it cant be the carnis au cause that's way too tense i need like. light hearted shit. which the modern au actuall#has unlike the others lmao. ive also decided screw it and i'll start posting it as soon as ive got the first two chapter presentable#cause otherwise i'll keep on rewriting it until the end of my days like a neurotic madman. but rn im writing something that#happen later so hhhh yeah.
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Feel free to ignore this, but I have to ask since I've been rewatching yugioh 5ds and you're one of the very few blogs I've searched that mentioned Satellite Bros age order. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this and if you know other blogs that talk about it.
WHY WOULD I EVER IGNORE THIS ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS. THANK YOU SO MUCH <3
*takes deep breath* ok SO
Word of god canon is that the age order is Jack (19), Yusei (18), and Crow (17), at the start of the series.
But while you can make an argument that Yusei would have records, people who knew when he was born, or at least a birth certificate, Jack and Crow are orphans. If Jack is indeed 19, then he would have been roughly a year old when Zero Reverse happened, likely killing his parents, at the very least destroying a massive amount of city infrastructure. You tell me Jack knows his birthday and I press (X) to doubt.
Crow is apparently canonically younger than Yusei, but. His parents also died in Zero Reverse.
This. This straight up does not work.
Also Yusei is shown to be a baby when Zero Reverse occurred and if Crow's parents did indeed die in Zero Reverse when he was under a year old he there is NO WAY he would live much longer than that. That's just. How babies work.
CROW HOGAN HAS TO BE OLDER THAN YUSEI.
I will die on this hill. I watched the show thinking Crow was the middle brother and then learned their apparent canon ages after because he has to be older than Yusei for any of his backstory to make sense. Konami can fight me on this.
NARRATIVELY they are the middle and youngest child. Jack has Past motifs, Crow is Present, and Yusei is Future. Jack and Yusei's whole dynamic is the most oldest sibling vs youngest sibling drama possible.
As for Jack, I always like to think it was his birthday like, a week before Yusei leaves Satellite, because being a Newly Minted Twenty Year Old explains everything about his personality.
#jack and crow straight up dont have birth certificates#interesting note about Yusei's birthday: it is also apparently the same day as Zero Reverse. Which also just cant be true.#I choose to interpret that as the day Martha found Yusei and thats what all her kids celebrate instead of birthdays#and at some point Yusei just forgot thats not the actual day he was born#Im sorry konami if I'm not meant to read Yusei as the youngest of the three#why have Jack and Crow shelter him from physical and emotional abuse until they have to leave him for their own reasons#leaving Yusei in a dangerous home situation that he was previously unaware of because the other two functioned as a shield#HUH KONAMI???????????#Jack is SO eldest sibling coded#Crow is SO middle child coded#Yusei is SO youngest brother coded#I like to think Goodwin forged Jacks documents and made him like a year younger on paper just to screw with him#yugioh#yugioh 5ds#ygo 5ds#ygo#5ds#asks#answered asks#yusei fudo#jack atlas#crow hogan
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the fact that i immediately landed an awesome job right out from graduation but then got covid in august and now my brain doesn't work right and i might lose my job because of it . there's a funny joke in here somewhere maybe
#txt#haha. like. how lucky was i to get this job. and unlucky to get sick and have my brain fucked over#also a loss of time perception. time does not move for me it feels like 7am still and its 10am#i feel like i got lobotomized. brainfog and much less of a filter of what i say/do and fatigue etc#shortness of breath when im stressed too. fucking annoying#i keep fucking up on the simplest tasks at work. literally filled out a simple form wrong that i've been doing right since day 1#and my supervisor is patient and i tried explaining brainfog but idt she takes it seriously and she gets more annoyed the more i screw up#and like. i need this job!!!!!!!!!!! it pays disgustingly well!!!!!! but if i cant do simple tasks right anymore then what am i even doing#ive had this stuff since late august but its so much worse suddenly and i dont know why :((#to be deleted /#<- if i can even remember i made this post at all LOL someone shoot me
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the way literally every fucking person has been REPULSIVE about euthanasia lately.
#they just crawl out of the woodwork#'oh spiralingbackto is grieving? time to get all the way on my bullshit and make her life literally horrible'#i cant count on one hand the maount of people who have sneered and said gross when i said im putting my mouse down.#i cant count how many people told me to just give them rat poison; to drown them; or to give them antifreeze.#'im not trying to be rude but why not just give them rat poison' ok well youre being extremely fucking rude. shut your goddamn mouth.#'im not trying to be rude but have you considered giving your infant with pneumonia bleach? yknow.. just end it?' that's what you sound lik#i cant count how many people have laughed.#even at the fucking vets office i could hear through the door a bunch of vet techs go up and say 'oh ew! even looking at it is grossing me#out! oh my god is that a mouse! gross!'#and my personal favorite i heard while i was sitting there crying over my mouse dying was 'im so sick of this seriously this is my third#today. im so about to just say screw it and not taking anyone else in today. had two#euths before lunch and now this? im so over it'#while literally laughing.#which was incredible to know that was the people surrounding my mouse as she died.#those are the people she was with in her last minutes.#and then they handed her to me wrapped in a fucking puppy pad.#(im already looking into different exotic vets to go to next time bc im not going back there)#but it isnt even just about my mice because when i put my cat down suddenly#one of my roommates was saying such dsgusting things.#i dont even remmeber what exactly because it was too distressing#most ive gotten is a 'ohhh how sad' this entire time !! :)#or people telling me about how they put their animals down and how im being a burden by causing them to remember it#:)#it would be nice to have even a single person in my real life who gives half a shit about me
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is this too romantic? am I going too far? is there any other way to write romance than all in, all encompassing, perfectly magical? no. this is fine.
#talking to myself as i write#it's so flufffffyyyyyy#i should write romcoms i'd really be great at it#except someone would inexpicably die or get shot out of nowhere#and then ya know#“dying in the rain talking about theology”#classic me#also fuck you bc theres so much i cant share anymore#because you took it all away#why am i rambling in the tags agani#no one reads anyway#so screw you you hurt me#but im not going anywhere#i'm gonna stay here and write this stupid fluffy romanctic shit#and love it#and then i'll write my dean and jensen and misha#and i will love that too#and someday i won't be so sad or indifferently angry at you#and maybe i'll get back to writing what i used to but cant now bc you took it from me#i should delete this but honestly no#i'm not goinig to#now im just curious to how manyt ags i can have#someone count this i cant math#anyway whatever#writing#henry cavill#whatttttttt
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HEYY, I MIGHT BE MORE ACTIVE AGAIN RAHHH🔥🔥💯💯💯
ANYWAYS HERE ARE SOME STUPID DOODLES AND SOME BONUS ONES THAT ARE NOT ZAK STORM RELATED (RARE FOOTAGE)
These 2 give so much siblings vibes
CARAMBA DOODLES BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND ALSO HIM SKATEBOARDING ON SOME RANDOM ASS 3D SHAPE AND ALSO HIM SUMMONING 7 TRUCKS🔥🔥🔥
And Zak burning cereal :3
NOW THIS IS RARE FOOTAGE BUT I ALSO DREW SMALL DOODLES OF THE IRIS FROM GHE AND JUPITER AND SATURN FROM SOLARBALLS RAHHH (I don't fw with solarballs iris tbh😞)
AND ANOTHER BONUS WHICH IS ONE OF MY OCS, PERSEUS🔥🔥
With raimondi above and a random ass cat
ITS NOT MUCH BUT SINCE EXAM SEASON IS ALMOST OVER I WILL DRAW MORE (JUST GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH THOSE 4-5 WEEKS🔥🔥🔥)
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! XPP
#zak storm#caramba#idk if i should tag solarballs and ghe into this since its js 2 doodles#dude school drama is so wild#idk if the fact drawing caramba everytime is just weird or its js the silliness in me🔥🔥#also my laptop broke apart because of a screw now bro is not working anymore#womp womp ngl#holy shit my maths notebook is literally falling apart#well all notebooks are#i almost failed my german exam too if it werent for that one point which gave me a D atleast#but hey atleast i passed#german sucks ass and so does math#I do infact NOT fw with german exams🔥🔥#im so cooked in math but its the last exam so i just gotta make it through💯💯#honestly idk whats in me to draw these dumbass doodles😭🙏#now what am i going to do with a broken ahh laptop#maths when i catch you maths#still remembering the fact that the teachers and my classmates are beefing with eachother#idk what to tag anymore so i'll stop here with my yapping#ignore the fact that i cant draw trucks at all
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i impulse bought this duvet cover + canopy, just put them out today and im in love my room feels so whimsical now 🥺
#if you cant tell im a fan of maximalism#i used to keep a general theme in my room and ive reached the point where im like fuck it throw it all in#it was so hard to put up this canopy because they only gave me half of the screws needed to hang it 😭#pretend you dont see the bits of mess scattered around look away#my little bed cave is now the perfect cozy writing spot
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Me: *several WIP requests already in the making*
My brain: *craving Vox fluff like a desperate, starving feral creature*
The way I want him is fucking abnormal. I wanna sink my teeth into that man and THRASH
Not literally
But RAH RAHD RAHSHA GRR AHSB RAHWHSJ
#vox#hazbin hotel vox#i TRULY#am a ride he would not fucking survive#if this man was real he would need therapy over me#i want him so FUCKING BADLY IN EVERY GODDAMN WAY#i cant believe im this down horrendous over a man wirh a literal tv for a head bruh#i wanna wine and dine him#act like his sweet natured little malewife#make him feel all important and loved (as he should be)#then im gonna screw him so relentlessly after dinner and drinks he cannot walk straight#im talking the lights will be flashing fucking horror movie poltergeist style#then im gonna give him the best aftercare hes ever fucking had right after#why am i like this 💀
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im so sad cus my anxiety is Bad rn and being worsened by my trainee (not really her fault but nonetheless) but i don't have my anxiety meds and even if i DID i wouldn't be able to take them. so instead i am stuck being Anxious and Annoyed while trying to be Nice and a good Trainer.
#frustrated yelling#which coincidentally is what my trainee is doing thats making my anxiety worse#shes getting v frustrated with the Screws which isnt surprising at all bc theyre little shits#but#my anxiety was bad when i woke up which means im not particularly OKAY rn but i cant particularly SAY THAT#so despite knowing she needs to work with the Frustrating Screws due to the problem of#The Only Way Out Is Through#im not letting her actually work that table MUCH bc i simply Cannot Handle Her Being Frustrated rn#and if my supervisor asks me why i only let her build like 5 on that table ill tell her this bc idc if she knows or judges me about it#ok i care a little but im doing what i can okay#shh ac
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(deep breath) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
#this has been an original post#clouds plays 2048#oh my god#im.#idek man#im screwed#im p sure im screwed#i cant see how to come back from this#I WAS SO. FUCKING. CLOSE#we'll see how long i can keep it going for#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#all it takes is one misswipe#what a travesty
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