#i can only control it so much
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every time i think about how armand as rashid is a kind of visual echo of how he looked as amadeo i want to explode
like... his big brown eyes... all his little expressions... his hair...
#only amadeo was a lot more expressive and free in his movements i think#but i think you can see he's always itching to move much more than he does#pretty sure assad said something about consciously restraining his movements to play armand and hes really naturally fidgety#so imo that transfers really well to armand and how he controls himself#how he sometimes only briefly loses that control before trying to regain it#anyway...... losing my train of thought in the tags again#iwtv#armand
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#struggling hardcore with my brain#i can only control it so much#i feel like my manager is trying to squish me into a box I'll never fit#just feel like I'm being worked for more than i can give#at the cost of my sanity
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I wanted to do something for mermay, so here are my designs for some merturtles!
Leo is a Leafy seadragon,
Donnie is a Vampire squid
Mikey is a Epaulette shark
And Raph is a Scorpionfish!
Also heres a bonus drawing of a young April holding her little aquatic friends (dont worry they can breathe air just fine)
#Donnie can and will stare into your soul#Mikey is the only one who can really get around on land all that well#The rest are absolutely terrible#i fucking live epaulette sharks#theyre just so cool#dont look too hard at Donnies biology#....just dont#trust me#donnie has so much envy for octopi#they can use all theyre arms for manipulation while he can only ise two#despite having more arms than them!#its a tragedy#Leo is the camouflage master when hes around plants#except when he dyes some of the leafy tips bright colours#cause hes an idiot#Raph is poisonous#(not deadly though dw)#but he has conscious control over it#just dont startle him!#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt mikey#rottmnt raph#rottmnt april#mermay
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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the thing is, i love The Narrative, but i also absolutely adore a truly character-focused tragedy where everyoneās downfall is caused not by larger narrative forces, but by hundreds of tiny decisions made by characters who, despite their best efforts, just suck.
#like. The Narrative is inherently a factor in every story because thatās how fiction works#there is ALWAYS a writer pulling the strings#but sometimes characters are written SO well that you legitimately forget#and you can just focus 100% on them and their choices#most characters canāt make choices but some characters are so good that they can#i can only think of a few examples of this - but it is real and i stand by that#there are stories that were created plot-first#where the author had a plot in mind and then made up characters to play it out (who are controlled by The Narrative they were forced into)#and then there are stories that were created character-first#where the author made up some fucked up characters and then let them loose to see what they would do#and THAT is some good stuff#and like. tbf i have ABSOLUTELY no idea if the story iām thinking of was created that way - but it just feels like it#because the characters feel so much like real people#itās fucked up. i love it
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shitty Sand appreciation
#only friends the series#ofts#oftsedit#first kanaphan#asianlgbtqdramas#userjamiec#tuserrowan#userbon#tusersilence#tuserhidden#tostrangers#esmetracks#fordaniseyes#my gifs#my edits#mine: only friends#mine: sand#mine: first kanaphan#ofs sand#i have so many angry sand gifs i've never put in anything#someone shout at me to compile them all at the end of the anniversary sets#the weird fandom version of sand that's all sad sweetie darling can't-do-wrong bores the hole off me#give me the slightly irrational yelly stubborn hyperindependent control freak with a penchant for arseholery that canon gave us#sure he has a habit of getting morose but he also has a love of stealing things from his friends phones to emotionally manipulate people#and chest kicking drunks (deserved or not. still weird. delightful but weird.)#he does a fair amount of yelling and getting in faces in general#we only saw the parts we saw bc ray brought him into the story. we can extrapolate by how much he was yelling at ray that he's a yelly guy#these tags are not the place for this i'm stopping now#anyway he's the loml#the way gif 3 is shot they should've kissed right then tbh
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yall are about to piss me off by not having any PASSING basic knowledge of the way the u.s. military manipulates its recruits into joining by typing up one of your uninformed, unresearched, unempathetic, individualistic, unbelievably annoying posts about how 100% of the people in the military ended up there because they just Love America So Damn Much! they're extremely mature and informed at time of recruitment, they can totally leave anytime they want, they totally had tons of other avenues in life they could've taken, there was no rush at all to get income as fast as possible, and everyone in the military also totally is part of the combat divisions and personally enjoys being IN the military very much, big believers of violence. everyone in the military is shooting guns all day, that's how that works. they LOVE BLOODSHED. also I love the "amewicans haha" twang to this type of shit because you're actually TOTALLY stealing our Thing, which is turning systemic issues into Individual Issues. Instead of talking about the powers that be, it's so Personal Choice up in here. It's, "well you shouldn't have done it then. I totally wouldn't because I know better." you don't wanna talk about the military industrial complex as a whole, and you don't want to talk about recruiters, you just want to pin the blame on Specific Individual People one-by-one, as if they're responsible for the system that they're being ground up in. someone was in the military? bad person, no matter what. it's easier to believe that, I guess, than to acknowledge that Normal People (with high school educations) are manipulated and incentivized into joining a system that is Bad. at like age 18. but yeah no that 18 year old should have just been smarter lol haha anyway here are some screenshots for no particular reason
side note this reply of someone going "umm just get loans and go into a high paying field it's easy XD" as a direct response to someone trying to explain how most americans joining the military are being funneled in that direction out of a need for money.
and another person who Decided that americans join the military just CLENCHING their teeth thinking of other people, and not thinking completely selfishly about their own selves and their own income/housing/healthcare.
#I had a longer post w more bullshit in it but ukw nobody's even gonna read THIS one. so.#dumb ass cunts seriously LMAO just the individualism of it all....#we're all just selectively forgetting that most people join the military straight out of high school / after failing to kickstart#their lives so they don't know shit yet and they are categorically not educated and don't have money#you NEED money and have been groomed by recruiters ALREADY into believing this is#The Best and Only to make a survivable amount of money without a college education-- bc they can't afford college btw#and they don't want to take on student debt either bc everyone already knows what a big fuckeroo that is#recruiters WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET YOU TO JOIN. they will KEEP CALLING YOU. they'll answer your questions#to make it sound like this is going to be a GREAT life decision. you can get all KINDS of jobs (true)#they love to say the thing about how only about 15% of the military will actually see combat in any way#they love to list all the jobs where you will literally just be working at an office or a pharmacy or in tech etc etc etc#the recruiters are offering housing healthcare steady pay and BONUSES if you sign on for longer.#so you let your guard down because you were so scared of the actual fighting. BECAUSE YOU'RE 18 IN THIS SCENARIO BTW.#you cunts will not meet anyone who hates the military as much as people who are NOW DONE working in the military#you don't know enough when they get you and then either you stay placated by the benefits or you scramble away as fast as possible#the number one military haters are people who know what goes on bc they already did it#source: I LIVE NEXT TO A MILITARY BASE LMAO PEOPLE HATE IT HERE!! they are NORMAL PEOPLE#I need you to get it into your head that the people committing atrocities in war were NORMAL when they joined#and that for every person in the military who's actively shedding blood there's 20 who do PAPERWORK#and they both are being put in the same category by you!! and they are BOTH being controlled by the same system!!#sergle.txt#I hate yall I really do.
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(13 pages) Forlorn
#trigun#trigun stampede#millions knives#on an episode of āhow much can i woobify knives :Dā#his character is interesting to explore. so much loneliness mixed with strong emotions repressed behind a cold facade#i wondered how he would react to the realization that he misses vash#if he brings his plans to fruition then they'll be reunited -- that's what he tells himself#maybe to keep the loneliness at bay but sometimes it catches up to him#i thought maybe this cold and perfect facade knives parades would shatter and the āuglyā emotions hidden behind would spill out#which would be smth out of his control. and knives hates it. or deep down is terrified of it#smth smth knives seeing vash in his reflection on a stolen red plant#and oh#oh he's PISSED#he let a part of himself break. he showed weakness. and over what? over vash?? but hes doing everything for HIM#he thinks -- so it's vash's fault he's losing his composure right?#it's vash's fault he's distracted from what could reunite them. his fault knives is doing all of this. feeling all of this#using vash as a scape goat for his own emotional turmoil#and that piano be damned. it's a monolith of his loneliness#if only it could all disappear-- the piano-- the cold-- the memories-- the weight on his heart-- the FEAR#there's smth about his rage being rooted in fear that intrigues me#fear of remaining alone-- fear of the hurricane of his own emotions-- fear of time passing and loss of control#then his hood falls off and he's left vulnerable and exposed#also i like the idea of knives looking pretty when he's composed but when he shows strong emotions he turns ugly and wrinkly#comic#i forgot it was in my drafts lol also not kv btw ^^#Thank you for reading! :3#shinxo art#shinxo comic
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so uh
for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it
2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...
3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............
#why in tf do you think they care that much about getting your money rn and not before in any other war?#does it. mayhaps. have something to do w jewish people being involved now?#our tax dollars go to the govt regardless and has been for years and we already have an obscene amount of funding for military shit#preeetty sure they're not concerned about getting a couple hundred tumblr users money...#and also pretty sure one could only believe that if they're paranoid about jewish ppl.................#hard not to put two and two together and figure out op is prolly antisemitic and hopefully they just dont realize it#i say hopefully they dont realize it bc thats better than someone who knows and is pretending to be a leftist still.#if anything this pause happened bc its thanksgiving and biden doesnt wanna think about it over the holidays. thats p much it.#thats the only amount of conspiracy theory im willing to believe in this situation lmao.#but that ^ still assumes that biden has some sort of control over this that he really doesnt#and i dont think netanyahu cares that much about thanksgiving tbr...#it sounds more like to me that op is seeing this from a very american centric pov and assumes everyone celebrates thanksgiving#or cares enough about it to remember the dates.... i dont think this is as planned as op is making it out to be and any insinuation#that it IS planned sounds like conspiracy theory talk to me personally. i dont think biden is hittin netanyahu up and going#'hey thursday is thanksgiving and would be the perfect time to pause so we can (((get peoples money))) out of them#asiftheUSdoesnthaveplentyalready' like i just really dont think that convo is happening lmao.
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#art tag#gortcas#casim carnarvon#sorry guys proper context some other time maybe idk how to do it right now so no caption it isš¤#the tldr is that Gortash offhandedly talked about how Cas can make him as fat as he pleases but really it wont make him him his#basically that he only allows Cas to have his way but hes still in full control#which is true yes and Cas knows that to an extent but its not something he wants to hear#because Cas very much holds onto the hope that Gortash will be his forever at some point. phsyically#because again. Cas won't ever believe just words he simply is unable to even if Gortash could never love anyone else#at the same time while yes he obviously enjoys the whole weight gain he does not consider his own enjoyment a good reason to do things#Cas is someone that very much disregards his own enjoyment of things as well as his wellbeing#Cas is just pulling away instead of acting mad in an obvious way. hes sticking around but hes not feeding or teasing him about his weight#and Gortash? is now left with not knowing how to fix it since Cas isnt acting as he usually does when hes hurt or mad. hes still there#and day after day passes where he yearns to have it back. practically begging Cas to continue so he can prove his devotion#prove that he mustve been wrong with his comment. that Cas can push his body as far as he wants to and he'll be his in the end#thx for reading my tags guys maybe i can share more about this scene some other timešāāļø for now just have the art
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I still feel like the craziest part of the book of bill is bill making ford stand on his roof in the freezing cold and ford realizing bill couldve made him jump but didn't. like. what the fuck
#text#billford#Idk why that sticks in my brain so much just. man#and the detail of bill setting up the inside of the house to be all warm and welcoming is just#man#he also threatens to walk into the lake when he tries to call stan like bill this isnt gonna make him want to take you back#just imagine what it'd be like to realize the interdimensional creature obsessed with you can make you end your own life#its so fucked up#no wonder ford got so paranoid i would be too#he was so ego driven at the time that the loss of autonomy and control would be even more terrifying#he thinks he can only rely on himself and yet that sense of self is being distorted and repossessed by another#i have so many thoughts about them i need to write into fanfic
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i guess in that sense totk really delivered on the botw2 thing
if you see botw2 not as in "direct sequel that builds on the previous one" but as in "this game again but different" (and worse) that is
so much is repeated, or replaced with things functionally the same or worse but with a paintjob, sometimes even just the same thing again (like the luminouas stones and sonanium (zonaite) and the special horses) often times essentially the same thing but worse or without any background or even both (i didnt even like revali, but man having his efforts to create the updraft cheapend by tulin, a waht, 10 year old? doing the same just vertical without even havign to try bc hes jsut that talented tm- not only worse as in its less useful and often annoying with the bad control scheme, but also has basically no background, no struggle, and makes revalis seem kinda stupid)
and in the end, instead of uplifting each other, the games cheapen each other, its not interesting anymore, nothing means anything and there was no intention behind it, any mystery that was intriguing in botw has ceased to have meaning, its either nothing or answered with 'the sonau (zonai) did it actually' which is not jsut boring, but frustrating, and .. sad ... i dont think it will ever not make me sad.
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk critical#sorry#i need to put all these rants in the script document instead#i never realize just how much there is to say about all this#about what all went wrong#in such weird ways too#from the big things to the little ones#is so full of weird and nonsensical choices#that i can only explain with they didnt know what they were doing and had to scramble something together in the last year before release#i dont think theres is a single person who thinks the arrow fusing menu or sage controls are good#not one who thinks we need the same cutscene 5 times and more if you count flashbacks#sigh ...........
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images you can hear š®āšØ
pls do not do yourself a disservice by skipping out on the telugu version ! prabhas and his voice modulation can move literal mountains and everyone deserves to bask in the glory that is his !deep! !bellowing! !possessive! voice [eargasm, pure liquid sex] š„µ
#salaar#varadeva#prabhas#daddy?#how did varadha not drop his pants right then and there?#bby has so much self control#his voice oozes like honey dripping thick and slow#not the only thing dripping thick and slow btw#i just know āhe talks varadha through it#his voice can cure my insomnia#music to my ears#pls sing me lullaby
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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thinking about kab and the thing about her i think is she knows just enough to keep herself safe Generally but not enough to really predict what would happen should something more... complicated??? unforeseen??? idk whats the right word to use but something not covered by someones reputation and/or vids happen, believe it or not this also affects her view of clownpierce (we'll get to that)
for example, mapicc has a reputation for being an violent, angry, & impulsive guy and nothing else which makes sense but is incredibly surface level and something that only really works if you dont have a lot of experience working with him
another is reddoons, his betrayal after the base incident while shocking is not unforeseen but his reputation as being a guy whos seen as being a reasonable person whos fairly loyal to his team made it seem like something he wouldnt do even tho it absolutely is
regarding how it affects her view of clown, since he isnt perfectly aligned with his reputation she instead pivots in the complete opposite direction and forgiving basically every crime he does even tho hes something much more mild and complicated than either his reputation or her view of him will ever be (think madonna-whore complex which is especially obvious when it comes to kabs vs woogies view of him)
another side effect of this Just Enough amount of knowledge aside from being blinded by her own expectations is that it frustrates ppl who think shes oversimplificating things (like me and seemingly several other tumblr users as well) especially when she claims that shes objectively correct and the smartest in the room at any given moment
how this roughness in her analysis affects her in the server still has yet to be fully seen but we do still have at least a couple months until the end but 'til then shes just gonna keep stumbling as more and more complicated situations pop up as is typical in lifesteal to happen and eventually shes gonna have to learn to adapt or else she'll be suffering the consequences one way or another
#mine.txt#analysis#ig. this is very rough tho and is more just thoughts than anything#but i wanted a tag so i can get back to this later to see how right or wrong i am#another thing that affects this is the cc/c divide which is something she likes to take control of#one of the ways it manifests is that she likes to go in and out of it frequently which can be incredibly distracting#esp if youre someone like me who wants the lsers to just. be themselves and get immersed in whats happening around them#and it doesnt help that her and her character can have Very different feelings on a situation#basically the cc/c divide or at least how kab likes to use it affects the way she acts because shes got an idea in her head already#of what to think of the other ppl in the server which makes her inflexible when unexpected things come up#as opposed to when shes just being herself reacting to things#which is unfortunate but i think reflects on how outsiders vs insiders view lifesteal#the reality vs expectations of the audience are so incredibly different esp if you only watch the vids#so much so that while watching kabs vid my initial reaction was that she wasnt as big a ls fan as i originally thought#then realized no this seems like the exact sort of thing id expect from someone whos only seen the vids; particularly of the pvpers#(specified pvpers cause only watching the pvpers vs other kinds of players on the server are Very different experiences)#tho the thing about kab is she Does have insider knowledge!#.... mainly from ppl who dont log on a lot (ash and clown and maybe squiddo)#so naturally thats gonna give her a biased view of how the server works one way or another#the exception to this would be zam telling her about eclipse federation but i think either she doesnt know or severely underestimated#just how much lying; manipulation; keeping secrets; and yap sessions built on incompatible motives and morals happened#that made s4 the way it is not only in game but outside of it as well#''we're at our best when we hate each other irl'' - reddoons according to zam
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. Iām sure Iām forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/whatās been confirmed. On the table of contents thereās why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I donāt think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the ābadā devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makimaās relationship with them? Sheās too independent to just follow THEIR orders, sheās Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and sheās ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesnāt loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanityās creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makimaās answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isnāt out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel thereās an itch to every devil, and for Makima itās a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why sheās attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (itās a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humansā need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peacefulā Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encouragesā There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makimaās success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. Itās still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devilās behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because itād have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, sheād have been part of that āhisā order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conquerorās making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devilā All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friendās farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldnāt it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way itās trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows whatās best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldnāt she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then itās back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely thatās the extra edge they must be missing to be contentā like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogsā¦ā¦.. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because theyāre calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. Itās very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because itās pretty direct and sheās already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. Sheās self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. Theyāre her personal lifeā something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and sheās gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denjiās, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human bodyā¦ Thereās something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fillā¦ Outside influence theyāre helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Akiās. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out ofā¦ Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. Itās Angel Devilās devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being fearedā we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting othersā house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denjiās memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neitherā part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devilās namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry itās her feeling empty when sheās not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean itās something that they like nor that itās something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe itās even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe itās the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay rememberedā feared, powerful, knownā hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, itās their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can beā a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such aā¦. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call iāll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If itās a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drumā¦ Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and sheās happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makimaās biggest tool, similarly capitalismās most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be thatās what theyāll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesnāt like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at bestā how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, itās about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that arenāt logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesnāt live and breathe purely for the mission sheās made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way sheāll have decided for peopleā and thatās the thing isnāt it, like with War, itās the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and itās not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b mercifulā¦.#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I donāt want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog š#Thisād be a different topic but. I donāt think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so iād say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even thenā¦.. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God iām fine. Iām so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesnāt align with ours obvi but#āSomeone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?ā What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc theyāre undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood š¤ or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ābut every demon likes to drink bloodā power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesnāt belong as a devil??? bc heās suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought thatās all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#Thereās a lot more iād have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and iāve seen a take that the āmy friend at a farmā thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. Itās a perfect allegory but it can be both
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