#i am so sad that crochet is work technically because i really really want to crochet at shul during lunch

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Update on where I'm at in terms of trying to crochet judaica:

I have made my first ever magic ring. This will, specifically, become a bag made for shabbos. I'm tired of carrying my tanakh and placing it in the basement of the shul so I won't lose it. The pattern will make for a round base and a mesh body :3

Now that I know how to make a magic ring, I'll start - maybe - making kippot. Look at the gorgeous yarn I picked up today for that purpose!!! I'm hoping this weight will be much better suited for kippot-making purposes (it's a weight three yarn, which is the thinnest they had for cotton that wasn't thread):

[pbandjesse]

Jess has gone home. And I'm a little sad about that. But it was still a good day. I was very productive and also just enjoyed the calm.

I slept okay last night. But I didn't feel great when I woke up. I wanted to be up at 8 so I would have time to spend with Jess before she had to leave. But I was not feeling myself for a bit. I would shake it off eventually but it wasn't super fun.

But once I was washed and dressed and I braided my hair I felt a lot better. Me and Jess would get to work making breakfast. She used our last egg to make a sandwich and I heated up my leftovers from breakfast yesterday. We warned up the leftover tater tots and fries in the oven. And we ate in the living room.

It was a good morning. Eating and talking and watching tiktoks. Jess was already mostly packed. And I put all the sheets in the laundry bag. And we just hung out until right before 10. When she had to leave.

I walked her to her car. Carried one of her bags. And gave her a hug before she headed out.

She would text me that the GPS took her a weird way to the highway. All the way to Moravia like James likes to go. It is probably technically faster but it's not a fun way to go so I understood her complaints.

I would give myself a few minutes after she left to chill and try to get myself together. I thought about going back to sleep. But I decided that I would fight through that.

So instead I went and remade the bed. Put some blankets away. Moved some stuffes around. And tried to make the bed nice.

Then I got in bed and finally. Finally finished the last line of my crochet blanket. I wanted to do it last week but at least it's done!

I would take a few little breaks. I had some birthday cake. And decided to attach the last row. I was tired but I kept telling myself I would rest after I finished the next step. But then I just kept doing the next step.

I finished attaching it and decided I should put a back on. I found one of my quilt toppers was close in size. Shorter on one end but I thought it would work.

I tried sewing on my sewing machine. I made it through one row and was like awesome. But then my second row I broke two needles immediately. I got frustrated and decided I would go and just. Whip stitch the whole thing.

So I did. It took me about two hours, same as my coat, and I was so happy when it was done. I had to move from my bed to the living room to do the last bit because I didn't want the yarn to stretch wrong. But I finished it around 2 and I was so excited.

I put it on the bed and I love it. It's so soft. It looks so good. We also have the temperature blanket on the bed but aesthetically I like the squares more.

I would have the rest of my poke bowl for lunch. It was excellent. And hung out with Sweetp. I painted my toes. And laid on the couch and waited for my James to come home.

Once they were home they went to fix a lightbulb they got for our room. And would get on the couch with me for a cuddle. We watched videos. It was super nice.

I was a little dizzy tired so I did get in bed. But I did not sleep. Eventually the Sun went down. And I got up. I dyed my hair and did some deep conditioner.

While that was developing I played fetch with Sweetp. He loves this pompom right now. And James made a pizza.

I took a shower. And now me and James are in bed. I didn't eat dinner so I might go have a little pit of the pizza. But really I would like to just sleep. I have been fighting it all day. But I am happy. I had a good day. I feel accomplished. I hope you are all having a good night too. Sleep well everyone. Be safe.

[mists-of-hithlum]

A late piece for finwëan ladies week day 6. I went with the textual ghost approach, so have an overly long story about Fingon’s and Curufin’s wife in Mandos’ halls. Warnings for reference to death and torture (Celebrimbor is not having a fun time) but nothing too graphic. Also, this is unbeta��d, so if you catch any mistakes, just tell me. 

The truth is that Mandos` halls are supremely boring.

Ranië lost track long ago how much time she has spent here. She came here after the Nirnaeth, how they called the last great battle of the elves and men against Morgoth. She is not sad about dying, exactly. Endor was a dangerous place and death lurked around every corner. Especially after the Dagor Bragollach, they all knew Morgoth`s beasts could attack at any moment.

She does not grieve for herself but she does mourn. She mourns for all who fell beside her, the time with her son she will never have, and for her husband`s death, too, even if there had never been love between them. Respect, of course, but never love. Her son was the result of practicality. She had wanted a child. He needed an heir. But Findecano had been a good man and a good king and so she mourns for him even if she will never mourn him like a proper elven lady would mourn her husband.

It is quiet in the halls. Fëar are everywhere and they talk but no sound carries here if they don’t want it. The halls are endless and a younger Ranië would have squealed completely unladylike if she would have been allowed to explore this place. But the truth of it is that exploration here is no fun. All the walls and the chambers and the ceilings look the same. The only thing that changes are the tapestries on the walls.

They are gorgeous. Ranië knew that she wasn’t the best needleworker of the Noldor – that honor would always belong to the first queen, the famous Miriël Serindë – but even she could say that those tapestries were the work of someone who knew everything about her craft. Vairë most likely made them, or one of her many Maiar.

The ways of the Valar are strange and the tapestries were no exception. In the long time Ranië had spent exploring the halls, she had found hundreds upon hundreds of tapestries. They showed a long gone past, the present and rumors said, even the future. She had always hoped to never encounter one of those rumored tapestries and until now, her luck had always held. It made her still shudder, the knowledge that the Valar knew exactly, what was going to happen. That knowledge must be a terrible burden.

But even tapestries greater than anything she had ever seen before lost their appeal sometime. Every time she looked at them, her hands itched for thread and wool. She missed her crochet hook, the knitting supplies and the little workshop she had put together in Endor. There was just nothing to create in the halls of Mandos and it made the Noldor restless. So they did the only thing they still could: Talk.

Celumenna smiled as she felt Ranië`s fëa come near.

“Back so soon?” she greeted her friend and frequent companion.

“There is just nothing to do.” Ranië`s fëa flickered unhappily. The darker strike over her breast was the only part that didn’t change color. When a balrog had struck at her with his fiery whip, it had melted straight through her armour and left a permanent mark on her fëa. “I needed company.”

“Then I am glad you came.”

Ranië was even more restless lately than usual.

“Something does not feel right,” her friend says. “I fear a new storm is coming over middle earth.”

Celumënna has long since stopped questioning other elves when they say things like this with an air of conviction. Too many people of her folk have at least flashes of foresight and it is always better to treat such things as the truth.

“It feels like it did before the battle.”

Ranië rarely talks about her death. Celumënna was already in the halls of Mandos when her friend  and her husband died. Technically the two of them are related by marriage but both Celumenna and Ranië do their hardest to not think about how many kings and murderers (or sometimes both) are related to them. The only thing Lalwen ever said about the battle she had fought and died for on the side of the wife of her nephew – except for curses against Morgoth and the traitors and comments about military strategy – was: “At least it was a quick death.” It gives Celumenna a pained expression to think about the fact that she is glad as well but they had learned in Endor the hard way that sometimes a quick death was the best outcome.

“At least we can’t die again.”

Relief floods Celumenna when Ranië snorts. She doesn’t like it when her friend is so quiet and thoughtful. It just doesn’t seem to fit with Ranië`s tendency to listen to instructions and then do her own thing anyway because it was better and instructions were stupid anyway. Hotheaded and stubborn. A proper Noldo.

They were in one of the halls the furthest in the back – if something could even be in the back when this place had no end and every corridor would lead you everywhere – when they heard the commotion. One look at Ranië`s face confirmed that it was most likely important. So they left their fascinating discussion about the proper way to build a defense wall for a city – Celumenna was adamant it should be able to be easily reconstructed in case the enemy broke through but Ranië insisted the enemy was not supposed to break through in the first place – and went for the entrance hall.

If a fëa had knees Celumenna would have fallen to the floor the instant she entered the room. Instead, she screams.

Fire rushes through her fëa, burning everything in its path. There is blood, everywhere, and a new pain pops up every time she tries to move. She can’t focus. Everything is pain, pain, pain….

“...enna? Celumenna!”

It takes great strength for her to focus on the voice in her mind. It is not spoken loud but a product of the faint bond Ranië and her have formed in their time in the halls of Mandos.

“Ranië?”

“Stay here. Stay with me. Don’t you dare…”

The rest of Ranië`s frantic commands are lost as a new wave of pain breaks the connection.

This time, she recognizes it as the vision it is. Those hands with missing fingers aren’t her own. The fire wracking her body is not really in the halls of Mandos. It makes it no bit better.

“Please,” she hears when she snaps out of it the next time. “Please. Help her.” It`s not only Ranië now. She can feel the presences of her family around her. Her husband lies at her side and from the bond they still – again – share, she can tell he is in similar pain. She vaguely recognizes Lalwen grimly holding on to her fëa together with Ranië – “Don’t you dare let go now” – and Fingon, who has a concentrated expression on his face. Curufin is busy speaking with his brother mind to mind when they both get yanked away again.

This time, Celumenna only starts screaming after the vision has let them go. Curufin has an expression like a warrior after his first kill. Completely gone in shock. “No,” he whispers, again and again.

Celumenna is not capable of forming words. Not Tyelpë, her fëa and mind scream as one. Not our son! She can feel the same despair and grief and hopelessness and anger and rage from her husband as well.

“He… was innocent,” she manages to choke out. “He was innocent!” She screams it until the pain takes her away again.

This time, she gets back with the image of fiery red hair, blood spots on a pale face and a cruel grin. A grin they all know all too well.

“Gorthaur,” Curufin half whispers, half hisses to her side. About half of the people in attendance flinch. This is also the moment where Celumenna recognizes who has joined them as well.

It’s Namo. Of course is it Namo. And the bloody fool stands there like there was nothing to do for the two fëar he was meant to guard. Typical Valar. The rage in her fëa begins to boil. She will never know if it was her, Curvo or both of them, but suddenly she is on her feet again and tries to get to Namo. If she can do nothing for her son now, only endure his suffering like he does, she will bloody well make sure that the ones responsible will suffer as well. Namo and his justice can go burn in the void for all she cares right now. But if he lets her son at the mercy of one of them – again! Just like they always did to their house – she will see if Valar bleed as red as Tyelpë does. It takes the combined might of Lalwen, Ranië and Fingon to hold her back. The only reason her husband is only spitting curses against the Valar in an increasingly frantic voice is that all of his brothers have united to stop him from honoring the family tradition of trying to fight the Ainur. They cannot do anything for their child, nephew, cousin, grandchild. But they will not let him suffer alone, and they will not forget his sacrifice. If they can only watch, they will at least do that. So the House of Finwë settles down in Mandos` Halls, completely ignoring everything and everyone around them, and watch, so they are there to pick up the pieces when stubborn, brilliant little Tyelpë will finally give up and come home.

It takes centuries for something like this to happen again and Ranië would have given a lot for it to never happen again. Tyelperinquar – or Celebrimbor, like he insists to be called – has settled into the halls of Mandos as well as one could expect for one tortured to death by Sauron of all people. He is still frightened of unknown fëar but talking to his uncle Maedhros has certainly helped. Celumenna`s husband had alse proposed Finrod, but he had already been out of the Halls since before Ranië even left her body back in Endor and Celebrimbor was by far not ready yet to leave the Halls. Lalwen leaves, some centuries after Celebrimbor`s arrival, quoting she didn`t want her sister alone any longer. Fingolfin takes longer than his sister, but he too left some time ago. But Fingon stays stubbornly, insisting he won’t leave without Maedhros. Ranië suspects he too wants to know about their son, now the longest reigning High King of the Noldor since Finwë himself. And even if they don’t get a lot of news here in the Halls, some information is still better than none. Not that she can blame him, when she too is waiting for a dear friend and her son. They had known about Sauron, of course. Even disregarding the rather dramatic way Sauron`s resurgence had manifested itself in form of Celebrimbor`s death here in the halls, the elves who died from his invasion and the war that followed would have given them more than enough news. The knowledge that Gil-galad`s alliance – how far their child had come – with the men under a distant descendant of Turgon was winning the war against the biggest blight of Endor save for Morgoth himself had rekindled hope in the fëar of many children of the House of Finwë. Even Celegorm had looked viciously pleased.

So when Ranië dropped with a pain she had not felt since her death nearly an age prior, it came as a surprise to everybody. The only saving grace she had later was that at least she didn’t need to suffer for as long as Celumenna had. Her son`s death at the hand of Sauron was merciless and brutal, but at least quick.

She reunites with everybody else in the arrival hall. Findecano`s fëa flickers with still lingering pain and grief and the others feel muted too, but not distant. Grief had always been excellent in bringing them together.

It does not take long for Gil-galad to arrive. His fëa still wears an armour he must have worn at his death but at least she cannot see the wounds Sauron had left on his body like the tears and gashes that had marred Celebrimbor`s fëa. Her son stands before the judge and in that moment looks so much like his father it hurts. The next moment, she realises exactly why her son was here and feels a lot more sympathy towards Celumenna when she tried to tear Namo apart after her son`s death.

As if she sensed Ranië`s thoughts, Celumenna reaches through their bond. “Stay with me, please.” She can see Maedhros do something similar to Fingon on her side, and she searches comfort in her family around her. They might be crazy sometimes, but they all understand loss far better than anybody else.

Seeing her son stand in Mandos` Halls when he was meant to live a long life in Endor, free from the shadow, makes her heart hurt. The grief from everybody around her certainly does not help. Gil-galad was nearly the last of their house still left. Now it is only little Elrond and of course Artanis who still dwell in Endor.

Children of Finwë don’t get a happy ending.

She is not sure if it was her or Fingon who said it, but it is true. Nobody in their house had the life in paradise the Valar had once promised them. Ranië would not have been sad if she had to never experience the loss, the pain, the grief, the hopelessness they endured in Endor.

But they did, another voice in her fëa whispers. We did. And we survived. And maybe we do not get a happy ending, but who says the story ends here?

So she straightens her back and walks towards the fëa still kneeling before Namo.

“Gil-galad? It has been a long time since we last met.”

[maximoffvizh]

fic: the sun is too bright for me (but your smile is brighter)

he’s imagined how he’ll tell people this story. ‘i grabbed her scarf when it blew out of her hands in the wind’ said in a dreamy voice. absolutely no mention of the vampire reflexes that allowed him to do that | scarletvision au: vision is a vampire trying very hard to pretend to be human for the sake of his new girlfriend. don’t ask him why he doesn’t want her to know

He tugs anxiously at the tight collar of his turtleneck, wondering whether he should drop down to an even lighter shade of blue. Maybe this rich colour is too much of a contrast to his pallor, maybe it shows that his eyes shine a brighter colour than they should, maybe it means that this magical woman will take one look at him and realise that he wears high necklines to hide the two distinct round scars on his neck.

Vision forces himself to step away from his wardrobe, smoothing his sweater down with anxious fingers. She won’t know. She has no reason to suspect that he’s a vampire, that there are bright white marks on his neck showing where the venom flowed into his blood and changed him that late fateful night. He isn’t like those who lean heavily into this part of their identity, dressed all in black with silk-lined capes around their shoulders, haunting the vampire bars and living in apartments filled with expensive furniture and black marble.

He lives as a normal twenty-seven year old, in a cosy apartment decorated in pops of warm yellow, attending night classes for his third degree and holding down a job as a copy-editor. He speaks French, Italian and Sokovian, he knits and crochets and paints, he plays violin and piano and all of those are accomplishments he’s sure anyone who puts their mind to it would have achieved at twenty-seven. It just happens that he was bitten and made into a vampire in the seventies, and has been aging at a snail’s pace ever since. It allows for plenty of time to master the skills of a child prodigy.

He wishes he could check his reflection as he leaves the apartment, but at least it just so happened that her shift today meant she wouldn’t be free until after dusk. No prickle of sunlight will touch his skin, and he intends to treat her at the wine bar and be able to take a walk with her in the moonlight. They can talk about their lives, and he’ll let her do most of the talking - hearing about her life will be far more interesting than telling the lies of his for the hundredth time.

Wanda is waiting outside the bar for him, and he pauses for a moment to admire her, the dark red dress that hugs her figure and her hair tumbling in gentle waves around her shoulders. A black coat skims around her, and she’s examining her nails as he crosses the street and says a soft, “Hi.”

She starts, almost dropping her purse, then smiles, colour flooding her cheeks. “You scared me!”

“I’m sorry,” he says, immediately horrified. Not even thirty seconds into the first date he’s had in almost fifteen years, and he’s messed it up.

“No, no, it’s okay,” she says, seemingly collecting herself. “It’s impressive, being that silent. How’d you learn that?”

“Master of hide and seek in school,” he lies quickly, and she giggles. It’s better than telling her he’s so silent because he’s a predator and she, with her blushing cheeks and beating heart, is technically prey. ‘I am, biologically speaking, supposed to eat you’ is not a sentence to say on a first date. Or ever.

Luckily, she talks enough for both of them through their date. Telling him about her cat and her friends and her job and her childhood, talking about the country he saw before war devastated it, stood on its hills and watch dawn stripe the sky pale lavender. He’s content to listen, to hear her accent emerge more the longer she talks, to take in all of her. He can see the myriad shades of green in her eyes, the dark spread of her eyelashes, the faint freckles scattered across her nose breaking through the thin layer of make-up. Every twitch of her fingers draws his eyes, and he can smell the musk of her perfume, and beneath that the sweetness of her skin, his eyes tracing over the web of veins crisscrossing her wrist.

He takes a deep breath to clear his head, and instead takes a long sip of wine. Wanda giggles and says, “Slow down, handsome, I don’t think I’m strong enough to carry you home.” She reaches across the table and brushes a stain away from the corner of his mouth, her finger so warm against his skin, and he stares at her for a long moment before he ducks his head.

Their walk through the park takes them to a stream, a picturesque curved bridge, and he grins helplessly when she tangles their gloved hands together, tossing her hair back over one shoulder and smiling at him. She pauses at the arch of the bridge, and he looks down at the colours caught in the water, at the trembling reflection of the moon.

Then her lips are on his, scalding hot, and he leans into this first romantic contact in so long, the first real human contact in years. Her hand touches his cheek and doesn’t jerk back at the cool of his skin, but cradles him closer. His arms wrap around her and he’s sure that he wouldn’t even notice if the bridge collapsed beneath them.

He does, however, notice when it starts to rain. But Wanda just beams at him and pulls her umbrella from her bag, raising it above them and continuing to kiss him. It feels like a scene from one of the movies he loved so much in the eighties, still watches despite Sam insisting that he has to get a more modern taste in his media, and he smiles against her mouth.

Being in a relationship - that’s what this is, a relationship, a beautiful woman who cheerfully and casually calls him her boyfriend and brings him coffee and buys him novelty socks just because - is somewhat difficult when he’s keeping such a huge secret from her. But he can’t bring himself to tell her. She thinks he’s just a normal guy, admires his cosy apartment and beams when he answers her questions in her language, gushes over the painting and scarf he gifts her for her birthday and lingers in his arms even when he makes excuses about poor circulation and not being able to warm her up.

She’s also shrewd, and clever, and it’s difficult to fool her. He can put her off kissing him after she’s eaten Italian by lying that he’s allergic to garlic, but he ruins that by kissing her when she leaves and having to quickly backtrack and claim the allergy isn’t so severe that it will affect him if he doesn’t ingest garlic. She wears a silver necklace one night that makes his nose itch and his eyes water, and the first excuse that comes to mind is that he just got very emotional over the sight of an old man pushing his equally old dog in a red wagon. He tries to put her off taking photos again and again, until she thinks he’s ashamed of her and that turns into a three-day silence before he turns up at her door with an armful of flowers and a mouthful of apologies, and she kisses him and promises she won’t do anything he isn’t ready for.

She falls out his lap, rumpled and panting and wanting, after they’ve been carefully and slowly making out for minutes at a time, her skirt tugged up high on her thighs and her shirt riding up, and he feebly lies that he has a migraine and leaves her apartment. He’s thrumming with desire, shaking with it, and his fangs are dropped and he runs his tongue over their points with a shudder of horrors. If she’d felt them...if they’d gone further...if he’d hurt her...he has to break up with her.

“Or you could just tell her the truth,” Sam says. He’s lounging on his couch, playing MarioKart, and Vision is fretting on the gaudy rug he’s always hated that Sam bought. For someone who was born in the eighties and turned in the early noughties, Sam really has a thing for the garish seventies aesthetic. “Vampires are common knowledge, she’s not gonna run away screaming.”

“You don’t know that,” Vision says, miserably picking at the seal of a blood pouch. He can still see Wanda’s eyes dark with desire, feel the press of her hips into his, and he can imagine how he looks after dinner. Fangs dropped and stained crimson at the tips. She’d be horrified to see him like this. “I really like her, and-”

“And the last time you really liked somebody you ended up hiding from the crazy father that thought you were a demon and tried to shoot you, I know,” Sam says, and Vision shivers at the memory. Virginia’s father screaming about the devil and his monsters, the bullet that passed harmlessly through him, diving into a river and letting the current carry him away, emerging hours later with nothing to show for it but the filth that caked him, the silvery scar in his chest and the knowledge that getting too close to humans is dangerous. “But times have changed, my friend. We’re an acknowledged species. And this girl doesn’t have a father to chase you with a shotgun, anyway.”

Vision throws the blood pouch at his head. Sam catches it, tears the corner off with a quick flick of his head, and drains it without losing first place in his game. And Vision mopes to bed, lying awake as the sun rises.

He doesn’t see Wanda for a week, avoids her calls and answering her texts. He paints sad dark paintings, works harder, and spends his nights reading long rambling stories about love and crying while Sam makes fun of him. He stares down the barrel of eternity and no more time with her, and he pretends that he isn’t upset. Pretends that he knew that an ending was inevitable, because a relationship between a vampire and a human can’t work out.

He pretends that even when Ian proposes to Sam, and he realises that maybe it can.

To: Wanda

Hey. I’m really sorry. Can we talk?

The knock on his door comes three hours after the fateful text, and Wanda is in his apartment. She’s wearing an enormous grey hoodie and leggings, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, and carrying a coffee cup. And she stares at him witheringly, arching an eyebrow, and says, “So you ghosted me for a week, and you wanna talk?”

“I’m so sorry,” he says weakly. “I...I didn’t know what else to do.”

“If you didn’t wanna have sex with me, all you had to do was say so,” she says, and the defiance is fading into hurt, and guilt is pouring hot and gnawing into his chest and he wishes he was human. That he could take her in his arms and show her all the things he wants to do without being paralysingly afraid of hurting her. “If you want to break up-”

“No!” he insists, and she looks up, her eyes narrowed. “No, the last thing I want to do is end this. I...Wanda, you make me feel human-”

“But you are...” She trails off, and her eyes drop to his neck, deliberately bared. “You’re a vampire, aren’t you?”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.” He slumps back on the couch, and she’s still standing, moving closer. “I...the last relationship I had ended in her father chasing me off the property with a gun, before people really understood vampires, and I couldn’t...I can’t bear to think about losing you because of this.” He pushes a hand through his hair, and says, “But if you want to leave...if this is all too much for you...I won’t begrudge you your decision. It would be for your safety-”

“Vizh.” Her voice is soft, sweet, and she cups his face between her hands before she cradles his head to her stomach, and he closes his eyes and breathes her in. “You make me feel safe. It doesn’t matter to me what you are, you’re clearly in control of yourself. And now it makes sense why we only meet at night, and why you don’t wanna take photos, and why you don’t like when I eat Italian, and why you flinched every time I touched you when I was wearing silver jewellery...” She trails off, and he lifts his head to see her frowning adorably. “But why wouldn’t you have sex with me?”

“Oh...um...” If he could blush, he certainly would with her curious expression and her bright eyes. “See...it’s hard for us...vampires, I mean...to control ourselves with human...lovers. And I’m scared that I...I might get carried away and hurt you. Because I...we’d be so close. I’d hear your heart so loudly, and we’d be...naked. And things. I don’t...I don’t want you to get hurt. Not by me.”

“Oh sweetie.” She lifts his chin and plants a simple, sweet kiss on his lips. “You could never hurt me.” Then she smirks, slides into his lap, and breathes, “And make no mistake - I’ll always be the one in control.”

She kisses him, long and hard and dirty, and his breath rasps into her mouth. Her kisses trace a path from the corner of his mouth to his ear, and she whispers, “By the way, you’re a terrible liar. I’ve known from the start.” A tug of her teeth on his earlobe, and she breathes, “Fucking a vampire is on my bucket list. But only if I top.”

If a dead heart could come pounding back to life, that would be the sentence that does it.

[nerdfighterwhatevernumbers]

i know it’s partly because it’s 2 am but i’m having all kinds of anxious thoughts and i really need to find a therapist who takes medicaid.my last one made me feel terrible and the extent of her advice was ‘wow your job makes you sad, you should switch jobs’. first i was sad about like. like, if i move to a place with some kind of apartment club house i’d like to see if i could do some kind of ‘bake with me!’ thing every other week where i post signs and people can come and bake or learn to bake or just eat cookies and that’d be pretty outgoing for me but i have a hard time making friends and i wonder if me trying to do something like that and failing would make me feel worse than if i hadn’t tried at all because i’d be putting myself out there and trying something new and be utterly rejected. i wonder the same thing about if i tried to start a crochet club at the local library once covid has solidly improved. at least at the library i wouldn’t be rejected by a ton of people i live with. unless the librarian is really mean about not wanting to start a club again. last year i asked and she was kind of insistent about me just reserving a room instead but it’s like. ma’am i’m so lonely, if i had friends to reserve a room with already i’d just crochet at my house. i’m trying to meet people with a similar interest. ma’am, i’ve been in quarantine, i’m lonely, ma’am, but no, she was so reluctant towards the idea of a club and didn’t explain why but i couldn’t explain how lonely i was because quarantine was temporarily over but i didn’t have enough people to go back to now that we could technically socialize

i just don’t want to imagine how fun it could be if i decorated cookies with some kids or bored millennials who want free cookies, mentally plan out all the recipes that could logistically work for a setting where people won’t be able to wait for long baking or cooling times, get excited about having fun with other people, and then have no one come. For the same reason I worry about a crochet club, because I’d bring in extra yarn, buy a couple loaner hooks for beginners, and even if it’s not as bad because the library is in charge of the club, not me, what if there are other club members but they’re all friends with each other and don’t like me? or what if i start the club but no one ever comes but I feel like I can’t quit because the library is doing it because of me? how would I even fit a club or a baking night in with my currently irregular schedule?

and while i’m over worrying about that, i go on twitter for like 5 minutes and get worried about the rising queerphobia and oppressive laws in the southern us and spreading, how there’s always drama on youtube and oppression in the larger entertainment industry, i look at the clock and am reminded how messed up my sleep schedule is, i think about the queerphobia and remember there’s only lgbt groups in my city for teens and college students, or at least those are the only ones i can find, and i’m not the right person to start a group like that, the economy and global warming are always a big worry, i always feel uneducated and paralyzed and want a larger support system to help with that just a little but i find it so hard to connect with others, i get tired so easily, i struggle with motivation for so many reasons, i’m not even eating much better even though i started a food tracking app, i need to talk to a therapist about that but again i’m struggling to find one that’s available

things are so expensive and articles and just general life keep reminding me things are more expensive and sometimes my only escape is to imagine all the things i could do if i just magically had money but then i either get sad i don’t just have the money or a way to get it, or i daydream about it so much it subconsciously feels like it’s just going to happen some day and when i look at prices and my pay and come back to reality it’s just so sad, it’s just sad that every year it costs more just to live the same life but because minimum wage isn’t improving and i’m not finding a better job and capitalism at large doesn’t care if you live or die, i can’t firmly believe i’ll have a nice future, i have no reason to believe i’ll ever be able to afford to live on my own, or that my friends will be able to live happily either. and it’s like. i just want to create a little bit of comfort and happiness by trying to start a club or a baking meet up and maybe make some friends when two of my friends haven’t texted me back in months and there’s a good chance those wouldn’t even work, and it’s just upsetting af

[nyalisa-landale]

...except I am not content because FUCKING CROCHETED SOCKS, MAN

I finished all the toe increases and am now on the foot and the pattern, this fucking pattern, wants me to keep track of where the sides of my sock are. nevermind that I can't find my goddamn stitch markers so I only have two it also switched from ROWS (slip stitch to first stitch of row, chain up for next row) to ROUNDS (neverending fucking spiral; hope you remember where the beginning of the round is!).

AT NO POINT DOES THIS PATTERN ASK YOU TO TRACK THE BEGINNING OF YOUR ROUND. OR YOUR ROWS, which is kind of fucking important since it DOES say that you'll be moving your stitch markers every two whichever goddamn r word you're crocheting in so that they are still always at the exact two side stitches in your sock. I don't even know how they move in the increase portion, because you don't increase in those stitches but in the stitches around them. but somehow they do????????

this continues after the increasing ends and you switch from rows to rounds, because the pattern stitch is a two-round repeat. so you need to know where the round ends because you have to do something different when that happens. ALSO IT CONSTANTLY FUCKING MOVES. my stitch count is the same! DOESN'T MATTER, STILL MOVES. I'm pretty sure that's kinda just how crochet works, which is fucked, because it sure doesn't work that way in knitting. where you started your round stays in the same goddamn place, so long as your stitch count is the same (and tbh usually even if it isn't)

I will admit that I have two sock patterns by the same person, and I purposely chose the one with less to it, because I didn't expect this to be as annoying as it is. am I wrong? is the pattern wrong? WHO FUCKING KNOWS.

of course MIKEY FROM THE CROCHET CROWD AND YARNSPIRATIONS DOT COM has weighed in on this subject, and I'm sure his sock tutorial is fine, it's just also over an hour long so I didn't watch it all. the pattern his tutorial is based on uses rows throughout, which does mean that you have a slip-stitch seam running all the way up the sock, but at least it's consistent.

oh, and people in the comments have asked "uhhhhh I'm following you and the pattern but my start of row keeps moving what's going on?????" but their cries are largely unanswered, which is a shame because HI HELLO I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO KNOW THAT.

another thing I've noticed is that everyone seems to use bigger hooks than I would use needles, if I were knitting socks with the same yarn. this is probably because crochet creates a very different fabric than knitting does, but you absolutely WILL NOT convince me that 5.5 stitches/inch is an acceptable gauge for a sock. not even if you're using hdc instead of sc. I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU, SIR/MADAME. like, even sc is still wider than a knit stitch, since on 2.25mm needles I would have, with comparable yarn to what I'm using, 8 stitches per inch, for a total of 64 to go all the around my goddamn foot; the crochet equivalent, with the same size hook, requires only 46 stitches. (I actually haven't measured my gauge on this, but I do know that, for it to fit me the way that it does, it's gonna be ~8 inches around, so ...

MOTHER OF FUCK. I just did the math and apparently my gauge is roughly 5.75 stitches per inch. APPARENTLY IT IS AN ACCEPTABLE GAUGE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. although it still makes no goddamn sense, because I'm doing that with a 2.25mm hook and the pattern calls for a 3.25mm hook. and I saw someone comment that they needed to go up to a FOUR GODDAMN MILLIMETRE hook to get gauge. WITH SOCK YARN!!!! HOW???????

this isn't even with the goddamn zauberball. this is malabrigo fucking sock. it is a squishy goddamn sock yarn. (I wouldn't even call zauberball classic light fingering weight, much less sock yarn, no matter how much nylon is in it; it's fucking laceweight, is what it is. shit, I have laceweight that is HEFTIER THAN THE ZAUBERBALL. do people make socks with it? yes. am I going to? fuck no. zauberball crazy, on the other hand, is a nice proper PLIED motherfucking sock yarn. I should've got one of those instead, but... the slytherin colors, they called to me.) mal sock is a bit heavier than knit picks' felici, and not quite as heavy as kroy sock (although I do feel those two similar enough weight-wise that you could sub one for the other. kroy sock has nylon and is nowhere near as soft and nice as malabrigo sock, so I probably wouldn't actually sub them... in anything except for socks, in which case I like them both equally so it doesn't really matter.)

anyway idk if 5.5 is the magic number for crocheted socks the way 8 is for knitted ones; I'd have to check various patterns. which is a little hard when FUCKING NOBODY WRITES CROCHETED SOCK PATTERNS FOR SOCK YARN. I'm not even kidding, the lady at the yarn shop I stopped at last week asked what I was gonna do with my yarn and I said I was going to experiment with crocheted socks, and she was fucking bewildered. "but, they're super uncomfortable and you can't wear them with anything! why would you do that????" then I pointed out that I had sock yarn and tiny hooks, and she was still skeptical, but she at least admitted that I might be on to something.

her reaction makes sense, though, when you look for crocheted sock patterns and realise how many of them are "house socks" or "slipper socks" or are otherwise inexplicably supposed to be made with worsted weight yarn. my mom is in possession of several such pairs of "socks", gifted to her by a friend, and they are FUCKING HORRIBLE. (partly this was her decision to put fucking post stitches on the sole, but worsted weight knitted socks also kinda suck, and you also can't wear them with anything because they don't fit in fucking shoes.)

mind you, patterns do exist. there's mikey's, of course (which... isn't technically his, but he's the one who did the video tutorial so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ), and I did find several on rav, although a number of them are paid and my bank account was very sad this weekend, so I was looking for free shit. I did find some! I'm just... fucking bewildered by it. other people have successfully made these! HOW?????? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!!!!!!! the best I can do is go over the other sock pattern by the same author and see if it has any Hot Tips (tm) for me, because I could sure fucking use some.

I SWEAR I ENJOY THIS HOBBY

[howsareeasy]

got some beta notes re: podfic

Which told me which I already know,  in terms of narrative stuff and how-tos, but it’s good to get confirmation.  

However, on the technical side, I really am going to have to reach out to podficcers who work with GarageBand - and preferably not in legacy settings (2017 or bust).  Although speaking to people who work exclusively with Audacity is good in terms of general practice and feedback; with regards to technical how-tos on my own system, it isn’t good enough for me at the minute. It’s like... learning Spanish when you really want to learn Italian. Similar, but not the same. 

For instance, I’ve been told in Audacity, there’s a process of universal noise levelling. For the uninitiated gits such as myself, this process makes sure the sound quality of the file is consistent, and it cuts down on miscellaneous bits of noise (kinda liiiiike, straining tea leaves, you won’t catch everything but most of them to make the experience of tea drinking pleasurable). Meaning, there aren’t loud spots in the flow of audio, everything is even, so the listener doesn’t have to fiddle with the volume levels of their own device when listening. 

The thing is, when recording podfic, sometimes, you have to rerecord things (like flubbed or missed lines, or reading and a dog barks through the read, etc), and the noise quality can be variable. Or you change positions from one section of fic to another section (with recording a really long fic, I can see how this happens) and it affects your speaking/reading voice (sad, but true). Or the room that you did your reading in, you’ve changed the surroundings somewhat (thrown out books and yarn), now the space is emptier and it affects the audio quality. 

Think of noise levelling being akin to adding cream in a soup. The flavours are there, but everything is smoother and has a better mouthfeel. You want that same experience for the audio. Garageband is supposed to have a good noise leveller, and the early feedback is that it’s confusing, so I’m going to need to clear some headspace. That’s the next skill set to be battling with, I guess. 

I’ve been directed to Aurophonic for noise levelling, but it’s only seven days free trial, or x amount of hours before you have to pay (€69 ). I know from my crafting days that the first 50 hours of learning anything new is just you muddling your way through until you grasp the concepts. I’m nowhere near the skill level to be taking advantage of a seven-day free trial where I’d just use the time to run through lots of sound files before being kicked out. 

Once you know what you know, or don’t know, that’s when you can start spending money. Also, I don’t really know if I’ll actually take to podficcing. Liiiiike, I might like and appreciate the process, but it mightn’t like me. Or we don’t get on through no fault of anyone (that happened with crochet and woodwork). Or, I might just find it beyond my ken to have to do research on GarageBand how-tos all the time, because compared to Audacity, knowledge about this is relatively thin, the programme itself relatively unintuitive (it’s one of these things where it’s easy if you know how, but you gotta know how, you can’t just muddle around and hope for best. Or at least, I don’t work that way). 

Also, it doesn’t help that with every upgrade, the entire interface changes, so screenshots of how to as recent as two years ago are of no help now. 

Then on top of that, there’s the whole covers issue for podfic which... hah. But I’m far from thinking about that right now. 

[kayliemusing]

15

Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? - Technically open, but it’s usually open by just a crack.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? - No

Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room? - No

Where is your next vacation? - I think my mom, sister and I are planning to go to Disneyland soon but we have to wait until all of this covid nonsense is over.

Have you ever stolen a street sign before? - No and why would you do that??

Who do you think reads these? - No one on my blog.

Do you have a calendar in your room? - No, but I used to!

Where are you? - on my couch 

What’s your plan for the day? - It’s nearly 7 pm so I’ll just rehash my not-exciting day. I woke up at 6, got to work at 8, got off work at 12, decided to go to the dollarstore but car got stuck in the snow for a panicking 30 seconds, we (i was with the sis) went to the dollarstore and grabbed some candy and went home. I watched Youtube for about an hour, listened to some music, read for a while, and now I’m taking this survey to relax before I try to squeeze in some writing.

Are you reading any books right now? - Yes! Right now I’m reading the Serpent and Dove series by Shelby Mahurin. I’m on book 2 called Blood and Honey.

Do you ever count your steps when you walk? - No

Have you ever peed in the woods? - No. One time I was camping with my friend though and she tried to get me to do it because I really needed to go to the washroom but I was too scared that a spider would crawl up my ass lmao

Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? - I mean I occassionally twirl to the music in my head when I’m by myself lmao

Do you chew your pens and pencils? - No

What is your “Song of the Week”? - Probably Coney Island by Taylor Swift ft The National

Is it okay for guys to wear pink? - Yes. It’s just a colour. 

Do you still watch cartoons? - Mostly animation movies. The only cartoon I’ll watch when I’m sad or lonely is Spongebob lol

Whats your favorite love movie? - I really like You’ve Got Mail and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before

What do you drink with dinner? - Because I’m not a super healthy person I’ll drink pop lol

What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in? - Sweet and Sour sauce or Honey Mustard sauce OR plum sauce

What is your favorite food/cuisine? I love Cheesecake! As for a cuisine, I really like Chinese food or Italian.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? - A Christmas Carol (2009), Hamilton, The Greatest Showman, You’ve Got Mail, Clueless

Last person you hugged/kissed? - I don’t remember the last person I’ve actually hugged because ~miss rona~

Were you ever a boy/girl scout? - No

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? - No

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? - I’m writing all the time and I especially see a lot of my poetry as letters, but it’s usually addressed to whoever’s reading/audience/my journal. 

Can you change the oil on a car? - No. I don’t have my own car yet, and I think my mom or dad showed me once but I’ve never done it since and that was years ago.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket? - Actually no!! 

Run out of gas? - I’ve been really low, as in didn’t know if I was going to make it to the gas station, but I’ve never completely run empty on it.

Favorite kind of sandwich? - I really like BLT’s.

Best thing to eat for breakfast? - McGriddles from McDonalds, but if we’re being practical I love eating bagels with strawberry cream cheese because it’s quick and easy

What is your usual bedtime? - I usually hop into bed about 10-11 pm, but I usually read for a couple hours so technically I’m not asleep until about midnight or 1 am.

Are you lazy? - Incredibly and I hate it about me.

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? - A few things! I remember dressing up as a bumble bee and I loved that costume because it was like a little dress with bee wings!

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? - No

Which are better, legos or lincoln logs? - I don’t know what a lincoln log is.

Are you stubborn? - Yes

Who is better…Leno or Letterman? - Neither, both are low key rude

Ever watch soap operas? - No

Afraid of heights? - A little bit. 

Sing in the car? - Yes

Dance in the shower? - No

Dance in the car? - No. I’ll drum my fingers on my steering wheel but that’s as far as it goes hahah

Ever used a gun? - No

Do you think musicals are cheesy? - No, I love them

Is Christmas stressful? - A little bit. I love Christmas, but I get stressed about it because I work in retail so I find people actually more crabbier at that time most likely because of stress. I do get stressed over money at Christmas time though, except I’m generally enjoying the season so it’s not too bad.

Ever eat a pierogi? - Yes, my grandma makes them the best

Major annoyance right now? - I’m feeling pretty okay right now. I guess I wish my writing was going better, but whatev.

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - Hairdresser and I wanted to own a pet adoption center/pet hospital hahaha

Do you believe in ghosts? - No

Ever have a deja-vu feeling? - Sometimes

Do you take a vitamin daily? - No

Wear slippers? - No, but I do wear reading socks so it’s kind of the same thing? Keeps my feet toasty!

Wear a bath robe? - No

What do you wear to bed? - PJ’s.

Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart? - Wal-Mart

Nike or Adidas? - I don’t really have a preference. I don’t know much about either brand, but I guess Nike?

Cheetos Or Fritos? - Cheetos

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - Peanuts

Ever hear of, “gorp”? - No

Ever taken karate? - No

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? - No

Can you curl your tongue? - Yes

Ever won a spelling bee? - No, I’ve never been in one.

Ever cried because you were so happy? - I’ve never full on cried, but I’ve been teary.

Own any record albums? - No

Own a record player? - No but I want one!!

Regularly burn incense? - No

Ever been in love? - With fictional characters mostly.

Hot tea or cold tea: - Hot, I guess, but I’m not a fan of either really.

Tea or coffee? - Neither, blah!

Favorite kind of cookie? - Chocolate Chip

Can you swim well? - Not really. Deep water is a fear of mine, so I never really learned to swim well. I feel like I could manage not to drown but I would struggle lol

Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? - Yes

Are you patient? - I think so

Ever won a contest? - Yes, but small contests like at work.

Ever had plastic surgery? - No

Which are better black or green olives? - Black

Can you knit or crochet? - No, but I wanted to learn to crochet!!

Wash room or bathroom? - I say both ways, I don’t really know if it’s different or not.

Do you want to get married? - Yes, but I don’t think anyone could fall in love with me

Who was your High School crush? - I never had a severe high school crush and it was mostly guys I saw in the hallway or in class that I thought were cute lol. I never hung out with them or knew them. They were just pretty strangers.

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? - No, but when I was young...that’s another story

Do you have kids? - No

Do you want kids? - I don’t really know. I don’t want them but I don’t not want them either. I can’t make up my mind lol.

What kind of mom are you? - I’m not one, but I think I’m pretty maternal so I feel like I would be a caring and protective mom.

Do you miss anyone right now? - Not terribly, but I’m always missing someone or something.

Who do you want to see right now? - No one at the moment.

[quarantineculture]

quarantine day 3

Quarantine day 3

Friday, March 20, 2020.

It’s technically 2:08 AM on Saturday now, but since I haven’t gone to bed yet, again, still technically Friday night to me. I’ve been staying up later.

I think it’s starting to hit me a little more now.

It was kinda fun the first day or two. After I got past the no senior year and no graduation, I adjusted pretty fast to my new cellar dweller life. It isn’t all bad. My family is upstairs and I can hear them walking around and talking and they yell at me and FaceTime me throughout the day, so it’s not as lonely as it is for my friend who’s in a summer house all by herself. I’m glad I’m here and not in an apartment all alone because then I think I’d really go crazy.

At noon (I think?) Governor Cuomo was doing a live press conference. He announced they’re shutting down all non-essential businesses in New York State. I wasn’t surprised, but I was still kinda sad, just in terms of the ramifications for people directly and indirectly affected. This is shit for the economy in general, but I can’t even imagine what it’s like for people that work in “non-essential” businesses – that are essential for their own survival. I know Trump says he’s gonna send checks and stuff, but I don’t know how that’ll work. I really know very little about money and economy stuff (I took AP Macroeconomics and I think I pulled a 5 while knowing… jack shit), but based on my (VERY) limited knowledge, couldn’t that cause inflation? Like, where’s all this money coming from? Wouldn’t it start to lose money if we just print a bunch of new cash? I have no clue. This is why I don’t work in politics or business or economics.

I also found out Connecticut is also closing all non-essential businesses. For some reason, liquor stores and mega defense companies like Sikorsky and Pratt & Whitney (I don’t remember which is which, but I know some make helicopters and others manufacture guns/weapons) are considered essential. I kinda get the alcohol – what else are people gonna do for fun or to relax in their homes when we’re kinda-not-really being put on lockdown – but the weapons companies? I don’t really get how that’s considered essential, other than essential for the economy since they employ so many people.

Today I went to the park, but this time I wanted to go with my sisters. I ended up going ahead because it was so nice out and they were taking F O R E V E R finishing homework. Hannah looked at my location and they eventually found me but thought I was Mom at first. I looked at Mom’s location to try to avoid running into her so she and Dad wouldn’t know that I’d met up with Hannah and Mandi. It backfired because by the time I realized my parents were getting close they’d already spotted us and were running toward us. We spent the next 10 minutes running around trying to lose my parents. I felt like Pac-Man, and my parents were the ghosts. It was ridiculous. Every time I turned around, there they were! Still following us!

It just kinda sucked because I just wanted to talk to my sisters in person but my parents apparently (clearly) didn’t trust us to stay 6 feet apart. I never touched them or went too close. We kept a distance away. I’m completely asymptomatic. I have no coughing, sneezing, rhinorrhea, fever, shortness of breath, or any other symptoms. I just get cold in the basement because it’s cold down here. That’s it. I just don’t like being treated like I’m dirty or contagious, although I guess theoretically I could be highly contagious. I mean. I know that I could be contagious despite being asymptomatic. I just don’t see how I could spread it to someone if I don’t touch them and don’t have any body fluids going anywhere near them and I’m not coughing or sneezing or dripping mucus. I’m just a sad boi and want to hang out with my siblings.

On the bright side – it was absolutely GORGEOUS out today! It’s been kinda cold and windy and grey for the past two days but I was enjoying just getting out of the house and seeing the wildlife and other human beings in person even if I don’t know who they are. But today – WOW! It was so nice. Here’s a pic. I was just thinking about how ugly the city can be sometimes but turns out it’s just the grey weather that made it look ugly! A little sunshine and blue skies can do absolute wonders for how it looks.

I think it looks extra nice here because the blue skies kinda match the blue of that house in the middle. It’s just very satisfying to me. Even with the bare trees! Lovely! You really have to appreciate the little things. Sometimes, it’s all we really have. Especially in times like these.

Anyways. I found out some darker news tonight. [content warning for mentions of hospitalization & death] I don’t know them personally, but my mom knows someone whose family member got diagnosed with covid a few days ago. He has not been in good condition, unconscious within a day of being admitted to the hospital, and today he passed away. My mom says he was pretty young – only 51, her age – and healthy too. He jogged every day. (I felt bad because I don’t even jog every day, or every month, and I’m 21.) But somehow he died within a couple days of getting diagnosed. It kinda fucked with my head because it goes against the whole “it’s only really risky for seniors and people who are immunocompromised” narrative. I mean, I don’t know if he was immunocompromised or not; it’s certainly possible. But from what I’ve been told he was generally healthy and still fairly young.

So I guess I’m just re-thinking the risks and what this all means. His kids are teenagers. He’s the exact same age as my mom. Obviously not everyone (and most people) who get the virus are going to die, but it doesn’t negate the fact that a good number of people will.

I will be honest – I really didn’t take it seriously at first, particularly when it was mostly located in China. I mean, I didn’t really expect that what has happened would happen. I don’t think anyone did. I work(/ed) in an emergency department, and most of the doctors there brushed off the coronavirus buzz as hysteria. They compared it to the flu and pointed out that tens of thousands of people die of flu every year and no one shuts everything down or hoards toilet paper. Hell, lots of people don’t even get flu shots (which you should, by the way, PLEASE GET YOUR FLU SHOT, they’re still available and still helpful and pretty cheap if not free!) But this is different, I guess, because the death rate is apparently several times higher than that of flu, and we just don’t have a vaccine or enough beds to treat people if the cases skyrocket, which is very possible given how quickly it’s spreading and how many people are carriers without realizing it.

I’m not entirely sure where I was going with this, other than I’m a little more scared now. Especially with what’s happening in Italy. Doctors should not have to be choosing which patients get ventilators and which ones die. A lot of Italian people are warning us Americans that we’re next. Even my mom says the US is just not prepared for this.

I can’t predict the future. All I can say is, please wash your hands, cover your mouth, stay inside and practice social distancing – not just for yourself, but for other people. This situation sucks. It really does suck and we don’t know when it’s going to end. But people have gone through so much worse and survived and thrived because of how resilient humans are by nature. We can all save lives just by staying at home for this period of time. We’re going to get through this. Keep your chin up and be kind. Remind the people you love that you love them. It’ll be okay.

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

Warmer weather! Sun and blue skies! Not having to wear gloves or a jacket to go out! People playing tennis. Watching my sisters dance and do Chinese yoyo tricks that I wish I could do. The weird rice krispy/graham cracker marshmallow chocolate concoction they made for me. Peanut butter. Cute dogs. FaceTiming my friends from school. Texting people that I haven’t talked to in a long time.

QUARANTINE BY THE NUMBERS:

Time outside basement: approx. 1 – 1.5 hours

Pokemon Shield: approx. 1.5 hours

Breath of the Wild: approx. 2 – 2.5 hours

Toggl-logged time working on endocrinology lectures: 1 hour 15 minutes

Toggl-logged time working on day 2 blog: 53 minutes

Lying in bed absentmindedly with no real productivity: unable to obtain accurate data but subjectively noted to be considerably more than previous days

Shower time: 9 minutes

Screen time on phone: 8 hours 12 minutes (to be fair, probably 4 of those hours were FaceTime.)

Frustration about crocheting: approx. 2 minutes

Actual crocheting: 0 minutes (I just thought about it briefly and was sad.)

Turtles spotted: none because as soon as we reached the lake I saw dad and started running the opposite way

[nemophilisty]

Get to Know Me~

Doing this for IRL, not Roemi :o

Tagged by: stealing from @ponkita :)

Tagging: I think I want to avoid activity tags from now on too in case it bothers anyone tagged or makes anyone not tagged feel sad; so, “tagging” any of my followers who see this and want to fill it out too.

Nicknames: Kris (irl) / Roe or (for those who will never let the past go :p) Sera (ffxiv) / Nemo (tumblr and various game handles).

Zodiac sign: Libra (I follow the corrected zodiac system, not the traditional one; traditionally I’d be a Scorpio and everything I’ve ever read about Scorpios is so off for me, and almost everything about Libras is spot on lol).

Height: 5’10” >.>;

Last thing you googled: The link to that NASA article. xD

Favorite music artist: Sea Wolf / Alex Brown Church (I love tons of artists/music genres, but Sea Wolf comes especially quickly to mind whenever I am asked this).

Song stuck in your head: "Feel It Still” by Portugal. The Man (I’ve been listening to this song on repeat sometimes because I like it a lot).

Last movie you watched: Uhhhh I genuinely can’t remember because I’ve mainly been binge-watching series for a while, so the last thing I watched in general was the Bakemonogatari anime lol.

What are you wearing right now: Black leggings, black ugg boots, and my boyfriend’s retro Iron Man t-shirt (I am lazing at home :>).

Why did you choose your URL: Because I am a nemophilist. :)

Do you have any other blogs: Yes! 3 - Including this one, I also have Hiemaly and Ephemerys - both alt/side XIV character/aesthetic blogs. I don’t use any other blogging sites apart from tumblr and this/my main blog, which is technically also an xiv character blog, doubles as my personal/I post whatever blog. I try not to post a lot of stuff that would irritate my XIV community followers though like social issues/commentary.

What did your last relationship teach you: I may have been much better off financially and found someone who was a nice person that loved me unconditionally/”perfect spouse material”, but I can’t stay in a relationship, even a seemingly great one, if I fall out of love and just feel guilty and uncertain all the time.

Religious or Spiritual: Definitely not the first one (but nothing against anyone who is), and the latter only in the sense I feel spiritual tranquility and energy in nature.

Favorite color: White, but I also really like various shades of brown; earth tones like dark greens/reds/blues/etc.; tinted metallics like rose/platinum gold or bronzes, coppers, silvers etc.; and robin’s egg blue/light teal.

Average hours of sleep: I need a lot and am not a morning person at all. x_x Usually at least 8 on weekdays, weekends and other days off can be more like 9-10 and up to 12. If I get less than 7 hours of sleep (unless I’m keeping myself up through the night for something like vidya gemes, travel or, back in college, studying) I feel like shit and can’t wake up for work lol. D:

Lucky number: 17 (this is my favorite number, I don’t know if it’s lucky per se lol).

Favorite characters: *Immediately forgets every character from books and other media she loves* uhhh well San from Princess Mononoke is probably a given; I don’t know if they are specific “characters” but Bioshock is my favorite video game next to XIV and I love the Big Daddies/Sisters; Midna from Zelda - Twilight Princess; Reki from Haibane Renmei; I’m forgetting at least 20 more but it took me a while to even remember the ones I just listed so I’ll stop there lol.

How many blankets do you sleep with: I used to need like 3 (sheet, a kind of crocheted woven blanket, and comforter on top), but since I started sleeping with other people (like...from relationship to relationship not all at once xD) I just sleep with a comforter since the mixed body heat gets uncomfortable lol. In the winter when it gets really cold at night though I’ll put an electric blanket on me under the comforter.

Dream job: Is and has been for a while to be part of the creative department of a video game company - specifically story and quest writing, but I lack the ambition to compete and struggle for acceptance into such a difficult industry; on top of that mental illness issues deflate my will to do pretty much anything creative most of the time. Apart from the InDesign/graphic stuff I do for work, XIV is one of the only things that motivates me to be creative and enjoy things like writing RP information and playing with screenshots in photoshop.

[imaginethisdarling]

CivilWarVillan28?

Y/n has created a chatroom.

Y/n has added CiviWarVillan28

Y/n: Zemo look, look

Y/n: People made you a meme

Y/n: You should feel honoured. Not everybody can be a meme.

Y/n: 

Y/n:

CivilWarVillan28: Excuse me? Who is this Zemo you’re talking about?

Y/n: Don’t be silly now.

Y/n: Even if you weren’t Zemo, but you are, how wouldn’t you know about Zemo if your username is “civilwarvillan28”?

CivilWarVillan28: How did you find me? Does anyone else know about this?

Y/n: I’ve been studying you, can’t you tell?

Y/n: Also you’re suffering from lack of creativity.

Y/n: CivilWarVillan28, seriously? But what’s fascinating me the most it’s that CivilWarVillan was taken, huh?

Y/n: Is 28 the number of your apartment, or your age? Or your cats name?

CivilWarVillan28 changed his name into Zemo

Zemo: No darling, 28 is the number of seconds you will still be alive.

Y/n: Aha, yeah

Y/n: Wait, sorry, we’re you trying to be scary?

Zemo: Don’t underestimate me, Y/n. In my free time, I found many interesting things about your past.

Y/n: Dang, did you find out that I stole that candy back in 09?

Y/n: Or that time I put the spider into Tony’s room and he still, till this day, thinks it was Steve?

Y/n: Hold on, did you find me Tumblr?

Zemo: You can play a though girl, Y/n, but that’s exactly what you are, a girl.

Y/n: A GIRL that can kick your ass in less than 28 seconds.

Zemo: First you have to get me.

Y/n: What makes you think I am not outside of your apartment, which is two block away from Avengers tower, right now?

Y/n: Where did you go?

Y/n: Aha, you went and looked if I am really there.

Zemo: How did you find me?

Y/n: Not only that your hiding is weak, you’re also getting senile.

Y/n: To remind you, you’ve asked me that already.

Y/n: I’ve been studying you.

Y/n: Oh and don’t try to exit this chat, because you can’t. Also I wouldn’t even try if I were you.

Zemo: And why is that?

Y/n: Because I said so.

Zemo: Your word means nothing to me.

Tony has entered the chat.

Tony: Y/n have you seen my

Tony: Da fak?

Tony: SO YOU WERE THE ONE. ALL THIS TIME. YOU WERE QUIET AND LET ME TOURMENT ROGERS.

Tony: I mean, I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it.

Tony: But still

Y/n: Okay so, Zemo is here in the chat, you know his address, and you still decide to yell at me for one little spider?

Y/n: unbelievable.

Tony has added Clint, Sam, Nat, Wanda, Bucky and Steve

Tony: Now I finally know who stands behind that awful little prank.

Steve: And what was I telling you all this time?

Bucky: I knew it was Y/n.

Sam: Same.

Clint: I even helped her.

Tony: Thanks buddy.

Nat: What is Zemo doing here?

Bucky: ZEMO?

Bucky: Thanks for the adress, Y/n.

Bucky: You are going to pay for them almost killing me because of things that they thought I did.

Sam: Sad word, almost.

Sam: But who wants to take turns in beating Zemo?

Y/n: Hey, nobody’s touching my friend here.

Zemo: Thank you, Y/n.

Tony: Are you kidding me?

Steve: You call that monster, that almost destroyed us, a friend, and you defend him? In front all of us?

Tony: Technically he didn’t do much

Zemo: Don’t you think, monster is a bit too harsh?

Tony; Your friend BUCKY on the other hand did all the dirty work.

Steve: No.

Nat: Both of you shut up.

Sam: Am I the only one who sensed sarcasm in Y/n sentence?

Y/N: Apparently.

Wanda: Can’t blame Steve and Tony. They’re old.

Nat: What are we going to do with him?

Steve: I am sick of this old jokes

Clint: What about “language” jokes?

Steve: Ugh

Y/n: I suggest we tie him up and insist to know more about his next plan

Y/n: Let’s be honest, he wasn’t crocheting all this time.

Zemo: If you catch me, then ask me and I will tell you nicely, until then.

Clint: You do realise we are outside your apartment, right?

Sam: And inside too?

Zemo: I am not telling you anything.

Y/n: Who’s gonna take first punch?

Steve: Me

Bucky: Me

Bucky has left the chat

Tony: Me

Nat: Me

Clit: Ladies first.

Nat has left the chat.

Zemo has been disconnected.

Tony: Whatever.

Y/n: Now stop typing and get to work.

Y/n has left the chat.

Tony: She can be a real bitch sometimes.

Sam: Tell me about it.

Tony has left the chat,

Sam has left the chat.

Clint: They better hope she doesn’t see this, or they will be the ones tied up, trying the feeling of her punches.

Steve: She really does have a good punch.

Wanda: Girl Power.

Steve has left the chat

Wanda has left the chat

Clint: They won’t notice if I go and search some Pokémon’s.

Clint: YOLO

Clint has left the chat.