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teddy06writes · 4 years ago

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Locked Away

Requested by this anon: “Heyo! Can I please request an Awesamdude x Fem!Reader in which the reader is an inmate at Sam’s prison? Not Stockholm syndrome or anything because the reader already had a crush on Sam before being put in there. Thanks!”

And also this one: “ please i will cry if i don’t get more awesamdude content. i’ve scrolled to the very end of his every hashtag.”

Awesamdude x fem!reader

trigger warnings: some swearing, yelling, manipulation (dream’s the reason your in prison), character death

premise: In game AU; or the past three months you’d been under Dream’s control, only half aware of what was going on, the last thing you can remember from before was talking to Sam almost telling him your feelings, but now, as you are suddenly yanked from his control you find yourself being thrown in prison, now under his watchful eye

{oh there is no fluff here fellas}

“blep” talking

‘belp’ talking but its the green bitches voice in your head

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You were drifting, drifting through your strange, foggy world, doing your best to forget about the way you could barley control your own body, just a puppet on strings, when yelling, not of the voice that you’d been hearing, but of someone else, cut through the smog.

-“It’s over!”-

-”none of this will ever be over”-

The voice, it was your own but it didn’t belong to you.

-”Dream has Surrendered (y/n), we can’t allow you to continue on his work”-

Growing bored you begin to drift away again, barley seeing, or feeling the people dragging you away.

Sometime later, you’d been drifting, and then were suddenly plummeting back down into your body, a strangled sound escaping your throat as you regained control of your own body.

“What the fuck?” A loud voice asked.

You jerked your head up, turning to see that it was Sapnap who had been restraining you as you shuffled along, weakly asking, “Wha-? Sapnap- what’re you? Wh- what?”

You looked around frantically at the smooth Blackstone walls, and down the hallway to where Bad and Sam are moving through unlocking a series of locks, “Where? Wha- Where I am I? Wh- wh- wh- what’s going on?”

“Yeah nice try,” Sapnap scoffed, “I’m not letting you go because of fake amnesia.”

“No- it- I-” Panic was rising in your chest as Sam and Bad finished with the locks and pulled open a door to what looked like a cell.

“You think we shackle her like we did with him?” Sapnap asked, all but dragging you forward.

Bad was clearly about to nod when Sam stopped him, obviously conflicted as he searched your eyes, “No. She won’t need them.”

“What is happening right now?” You asked desperately.

Ignoring you Sapnap nodded, pulling your forward and pushing you into the cell, the barred door closing behind you, “Well, you don’t need me anymore, I’m gonna go talk to Dream.”

“Be careful.” Bad advised and Sam began to relock the door.

You slowly, shakily, pulled yourself to your feet, look through the bars at Sam and Bad, “What is going on?”

Bad frowned, almost glaring at you, “(y/n) this is what happens to people who do bad things. Siding with Dream is just about the worst thing you could have done.”

“Side wit- side with Dream?” You blinked, rubbing at your temples as panicked tears began to prick at the corners of your eyes, “I- I didn’t- I wouldn’t-”

Bad simply turned away as Sam finished the locks, taking in a shaky breath, “We trusted you, you know?”

“I- Sam- I didn’t- Sam I don’t know whats going on? Where am I? I didn’t- I didn’t side with Dream- I would never side with Dream.” You said desperately.

“This is The Prison (y/n), entirely unescapable, made for people li- like you,” His voice wavered, and quickly he turned, “There's no getting out.”

You cried yourself to sleep that night, small sobs echoing through the empty halls of the prison; in his office Sam felt each new sob in his chest; in his cell, with each new sob Dream’s smile only grew larger.

Sam sighed, blocking out Dream’s monologue as he slid the tray of food through the opened slot in the door.

Dream’s cell had no bars, just a full steel door, and a tiny window in the ceiling, yet the man seemed to enjoy it, far to much.

“You know how funny it was to see (y/n) getting dragged in here?” Dream laughter shrilly.

“You were in here, there was no way you could’ve seen anything.” Sam replied sharply.

“Oh but I hear everything,” Dream laughed again, “Stupid bitch didn’t even know what was going on, god I didn’t think it’d be that easy to get in her dumbass head.”

“Don’t call her that,” Sam hissed, slamming the slot shut and locking it, “I don’t want another word out of you until you’re giving me that fucking tray back.”

Ten minutes later the hallway your cell was in was deadly silent other than Sam’s footsteps, “Food time.”

He slid the tray into the slot of your door, and look picked your head up from leaning back on the wall to look at him, “You do realize something’s wrong here, right?”

“I mean, you siding with Dream was certainly wrong.” Sam muttered.

You sounded utterly broken and defeated as you moved to lay back on your cot, turning to face the wall, “I didn’t realize manipulation was a form of agreement.”

Sam sighed, “Are you gonna eat this or not? I’m not suppose to leave till you do.”

“Then I guess your going to have to sit here.”

The first 15 minutes passed in silence, Sam resigning to sit on the floor outside your cell as the minutes ticked on, eventually asking, “You were saying you didn’t remember anything, what exactly do you remember?”

“You.” The word was simple enough, “We were talking- you said you thought you could do something. Tried to walk me home but I said I’d be fine. Dream was waiting at my house.”

Sam hummed, a slight anxiety rising in his chest, “What did I think I could do?”

You sighed, studying the Blackstone wall, “You said ‘I think I might be able to love you’ but with whatever I did there's no way it’s true anymore.”

Sam stayed quiet, thinking back on that night nearly two months ago, plans for the building of that very prison were being finalized, he’d felt so on top of the world he’d admitted the feelings weighing him down, but then you had become strange, distant.

“Why did you do it?” He asked eventually.

“Do what?”

“Y- you were helping Dream, with fighting New L’manburg, exiling Tommy, blowing up L’manburg again, you- you helped him round up the things that hold power.”

You frozen, distant foggy memories flaring up in your mind, a thousand answers presenting themselves, ultimately deciding on, “Do you know what it feels like, to not be in control of your mind? To be stuck in the passengers seat as a madman takes to the road?”

He was silent as you continued, “To have your consciousness so nearly severed from your body that you can barley see or feel what’s going on? I didn’t have a chance to ask what was going on. He was just there, in my brain. Do you know what that’s like? I’d say you shouldn’t. Just take that food back and leave. Let me go back to dreaming of a future I missed out on.”

“How did it happen?”

Another quiet question, another quiet silence interrupted.

“It’s- foggy,” You admitted, more to the ceiling than to Sam, “But I think- I think it was like a switch got flipped. Could still be flipped. Then he’d be in control again.”

A week had passed since you’d been locked away, and still Sam would sit, until you finished your food, or, more like, until you finally pushed the food away, still refusing to eat despite the pangs of hunger.

“I- I didn’t kill anyone, did I?” You hazarded.

“I don’t know,” He admitted, “Even if you did, that wasn’t you. Nothing you did then was you.”

“Stop doing that.” You muttered, rolling over to face the wall yet again.

“Doing what?”

“Saying things you would’ve said before,” You said bitterly, “You can’t treat me like a monster one second and then like a lover the next. I may be a monster thanks to him but I do not think I deserve that.”

“You’re not-”

“A monster?” You cut him off, “That why I can still fucking hear him sometimes? Taunting me? Threatening to take over again?”

Sam froze, looking back through the bars to your turned back, “You can here him?”

Your hands began to shake, thinking about the barren whispers that filled your head at night, forcing yourself to sit up and turn back to him, plucking a small piece of bread from the tray, “Sometimes.”

“How? His cell is on the other side of this place.”

“He’s in my head, still hasn’t fully left, that is,” You sighed, biting off a small chunk of the bread before tossing it back on the tray and pushing it toward the door, “Thank you.”

Reluctantly Sam took the tray, standing up and starting to trudge back down the hallway, “I won’t let him hurt you.”

Soon, he journeyed back down to the level where Dream was being held.

“I had a feel you’d be down here.” Sam could hear the smirk in Dream’s voice.

“What did you do to her?”

Dream chuckled, “I guess that depends on what you mean. Technically I didn’t do anything, that was all her.”

“What did you do?” He repeated.

“Nothing of consequence. For me at least. Honestly it was really quite easy to get in her head, didn’t even fight it,” Dream shifted, letting out a harsh laugh, “Part of me thinks it was like she was already that bad. Just as evil as me.”

Sam crossed his arms, “No one could be as evil as you, least of all her.”

“Of course you’d think so,” Dream laughed, “Course you’d think better of a monster.”

‘you think he’s ever going to forgive you?’

‘you’re a monster (y/n) nothing can change that.’

‘no matter how much you beg, no matter how much you try to get them to understand it was me, they will never let you out.’

His voice haunted you, keeping you up far into the night, words etching themselves into the walls of your mind.

‘he will never forget what you did.’

‘you ruined people, you worked for me, and that makes you evil.’

‘Your a monster. And even if you weren’t one before, I’ll make sure you become one.’

“You don’t control me.” You muttered up into the darkness.

‘oh (y/n) your so naïve.’

“Shut up.” You muttered more forcefully.

‘you think I can’t control you from here? you are a fucking fool.’

Almost immediately a feeling of panic surged through you as something changed, the switch in your head being flipped once again, the last thing you could truly hear as he took over was two harsh words.

‘you’re mine.’

It was early in the morning when Sam had woken up to a panicked sounding Bad over the coms, “I don’t know what's happening!! It- it sounds like- like someone's trying to kill her!”

Almost immediately Sam was up and sprinting down the corridor.

It took him all too long to reach your level, where Bad was frantically trying to undo the locks on your cell.

“Get out of the way!” He yelled, pulling out the master key card as he heard the obvious sounds of someone being choked.

It took yet a moment longer to get the cell door open, to find you one hand clamped around your own throat, the other desperately trying to pry it off.

“Bad go get healing pots!” Sam yelled, immediately rushing forward to help you as Bad went running.

It took him a moment to wrench your hand away from your neck, just long enough for you to cough twice, looking up at him in fear, “Sam, run.”

His brow furrowed, looking down at you confused as your face seemed to shift, and then suddenly you were throwing him across the room.

Sam watched, dazed as you bolted out of the cell and down the hall, master key card in hand.

By the time he had dragged himself to his feet, and his vision had cleared itself of the spots that had drifted through there were several alarms going off, and distantly, he could hear people running.

“Bad! Ant! Give me an update, what’s happening?!” He yelled into the coms, already starting to run to where he suspected the noise was coming from.

“The key cards! She got the key cards! They’re headed for south sector!” Ant yelled back.

“I want someone back in the control room,” Sam ordered, “Turn the mining fatigue up, set the lava traps and get guards on the outer perimeter. We can’t let Dream escape.”

Sam continued to run, listening to chatter over the coms as to where you were headed, quickly gaining.

“Freeze!” Sapnaps loud voice echoed through the corridor.

Dream turned from where you were toiling to break the wall to see Sapnap, Antfrost, BBH, and Sam all aprouching, crossbows drawn.

“Surrender now and we won’t take your last life.”

Dream merely laughed, looking his former friends in the eye, “You can’t stop me.”

“It’s four on two, seems like pretty good odds in our favor.” Sam hazarded, stepping forward and breaking the line.

Dream seemed to size him up, before glancing to you, “Kill them.”

The words were simple, and clear.

You stood, dropping your pickaxe and donning the armor nabbed while on the run.

“(Y/n), don’t-” Sam said cautiously, lowering his crossbow.

Dream sneered at him, drawing the other sword taken from the armory as Sapnap drew his own, “(y/n), fight him, I can take care of the rest.”

You nodded obediently holding up your sword before launching yourself towards Sam.

Sam raised his shield, blocking your first thrust, and then the second, quickly trying to back away from you as Dream attacked his comrades, “(y/n) don’t do this!”

His words fell upon deaf ears as you attacked again, this time grazing Sam’s arm with your blade.

He yelped in pain, instinctively starting to swing back, though not heavily enough to hurt you.

The sounds of fighting echoed through the corridor as you and Dream clashed with the guard, the men Dream attacked falling quickly until it was just you and Sam battling it out.

You slashed again at his arm, this time penetrating deep into the exposed skin on his inner arm, using his pause and yell of pain as time to kick him back knocking the sword out of his hand and pinning him to the ground with your boot.

Your sword poised at his throat you looked to Dream, waiting for confirmation.

When the man nodded Sam desperately reached out to you, “(y/n), (y/n) please- don’t- plea-”

You’d been drifting again, thinking of the night before Dream had taken you.

It had been late, you had stayed to long gazing at the sky, and Sam had found you sitting by the prime path.

He’d sat down next to you, and for a while you talked about everything and nothing all at once, until you’d laughed, and in some sort of sleep drunk state, leaned in and tried to kiss him.

Much to your surprise he had kissed back, giving you a murmured confession, the same one you heard now, yelled and frantic.

-”(y/n) please! I- I think- I love you- Don’t do this! Don’t-”-

The strings were cut, and you plummeted back into your own body in time to see a blade cutting into his neck.

“S-Sam?” Your eyes traveled up the blade, to the hand clasped around the grip- your hand.

“Sam!” You were desperate now, tossing the sword away with a clatter as fresh tears sprang in your eyes.

Distantly you could hear Dream laughing as you leaned over Sam’s body, “Sam no! Sam- Sam- I told you to run- I told you to run! Why? Why didn’t you? Sam! Please! No!”

The only thing you got in return was Dream’s wild laugh, and the blade being thrust into your back.

#mcyt x reader #mcyt imagine #awesamdude x reader #teddy06 writes

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firefly-in-darkness · 4 years ago

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Firefly’s 2k Follower Celebration

I can’t believe I’ve reached this milestone - I have loved reading and sharing fanfiction, and also sharing my own. I have enjoyed learning and growing as a writer myself (even if it has been a slow process). My stories are for me and it means a lot that other people have invested their time into them!

There are a lot of people on this site that I’d like to say thank you too but they know who they are as I constantly tell them how much I appreciate them, our conversations and feedback.

I will always champion other writers and their content so I will be doing the standard ‘Pick a prompt and create’ to celebrate! So go ahead and check out the rules & prompts under the cut.

I’d really appreciate any signal boosts for this challenge too.

Do not be put off by exploring a new fandom, character or style - that’s the whole point of challenges - give something a go! This is open to people creating fics, moodboards and aesthetics.

p.s. It’s also my birthday week so this is a double celebration!

Rules

As this is a follower challenge, you must be following me to enter.

Use the prompts to create a fic, moodboard, playlist etc.

One prompt per person - there’s 30 prompts!

Please only use the following characters - any Marvel, the Winchesters, Negan, Ransom Drysdale or Geralt.

Drop me a message if you have a different character in mind.

Send an ASK with your chosen prompt and character.

I prefer reader inserts but it’s not a must.

No restrictions on whether it’s one shot, mini series, series - keep me tagged so I can see your amazing work!

I welcome AUs, Social Media AUs, A/B/O… whatever you fancy.

Make sure to add warnings & 18+ for smut, violence or triggers.

I will not read or reblog anything that is incest, underage reader / age play, dub-con / non-con.

Please use the keep reading function after 500 words.

Tag me and use the following hashtag #Firefly2k

The deadline is 31st January 2021 as I am sure there are a lot of Seasonal themed challenges happening at the moment too. Let me know if you need extra time.

If I haven’t reblogged your work within 48 hours, please send me a link.

You are welcome to combine this with another challenge!

Please contact me if you have any questions.

Prompts

Dialogue

“This is just part of growing up, a little adventure, a little rebellion.” - @daydream3r-xo

“I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.” @fxngsfogxarty

“I’m the thing that monsters have nightmares about.” @donutloverxo

“If you’re gonna make an omelet, sometimes you have to break some spines.” - @writingsoftheloser

“With all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.” - @fandomfic-galore

“I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.”

“It’s gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle.” - @abbirae99

“Usually when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.”

“You want to hear the guestlist for the night? So far it’s anger, betrayal, terror, and sadness.” @bucky--barnes

"If anyone asks where I am, I've left the country." - @whitestarbucky

“My dreams were taken from me. But, now... now I've stolen them from someone else.” - @nekoannie-chan

“Revenge will not bring you peace, only death.” - @littlefreya

“Sometimes the people we like don’t like us back, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” - @gogolucky13

“I want to hold your hand.”

“I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe.” - @herstarburststories

“You know, no matter how much we fought, I’ve always hated watching you leave.” - @negans-lucille-tblr

“New York is considerably more interesting than I expected." - @bonkywobble

"My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice."

“A horrible decision, really.” - @callmeluna

“People do crazy things when they’re in love.” - @justagirlinafandomworld

Scenario

You think everyone has forgotten your birthday but they surprise you! - @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad

Waking up to breakfast in bed

A rainy day

Meeting an old friend/ex partner for coffee - @silverarmedassassin

Baking a cake - @peridottea91

A walk in the woods - @buckybabybaby

Day trip to the Zoo

Anniversary dinner

Watching fireworks

Welcoming a pet to your home - @stuckonjbbarnes

Happy Creating!

Tagging a few people that might be interested in taking part -

@princessmisery666 @the-minus-four @fandommaniacx @mummybear @peridottea91 @justreadingfics @buckybabybaby @propertyofpoeandbucky

#Fireflys2k #Follower Celebration #2K Follower Celebration #Writing Challenge

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starryfreckles · 4 years ago

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so I guess it’s out ! the lovely tasfia @sonderthroughthestreets and i have been working on this mega project for a couple weeks now to bring to you wtFOCK season 4 but through moyo’s pov with a story we’ve written in the form of screenplays clip by clip released in real time. we’ve also worked closely with fae @jensrolt and max @kesdebues for story and music as well. i really hope you are as excited as we are.

logistics - most of it will take place in these daily screenplays posted to my blog at any time of day ((following belgium’s time zone)) but there may also be instas or descriptions of other social media content, we’re not quite sure yet. basically anything we have time for as we both have classes and exams and stuff, however, we have written a couple episodes in advance so clips and weekly episodes should not be a problem.

on friday’s full episodes ((a compilation of that week’s screenplays)) will be posted on tasfia’s ao3 if you prefer to read everything together. I’ll be creating a master list of every episode and their clips, here, on my tumblr. there will also be links to the previous and next clip but those will be updated when i wake up as i am pst (belgium, france, norway -9) and many will happen when i am asleep.

disclaimer - we would also like to mention that while the two of us are woc we are not from belgium nor Black so if there is anything incorrect or offensive please do not hesitate to reach out to either of us. we just want to create something that should have been made this season to address different topics and representation for poc. the filmmaker in me really wanted to stay true to the skam format that i fell in love with 4 years ago now so its not going to be your ‘traditional’ screenplay because there will be music and camera movements and emotions/internal monologues.

i think we also need to stress that this has nothing to do with the wtFOCK production team and is fanfiction.

topics to be covered and trigger warnings - topics that will be explored in this “season” include: racism, sexism, homophobia, mental illness. we will have trigger warnings for these at the beginning of every clip and full episodes (on ao3). if there are potentially anymore trigger warnings you would like us to include, please message one of us. we just want everyone to feel safe.

#wtFIRE nation - ((the hashtag will make sense very very soon)) hope to see you following along ! we’d love to hear your thoughts and theories 🤡 and all your questions! feel free to send them to myself or tasfia @sonderthroughthestreets ⚡️💗 hugs and kusjes ✨🤍

oh yea and theres a spotify playlist that will be updated as clips and their songs are released

#wtfock #wtFIRE nation #moyo season #moyo makadi #we are so so excited for this project #but also incredibly nervous #please be kind ?#kusjes #wtfam

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rqgfemslashweek · 4 years ago

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Rusty Quill Gaming Femslash Week is all about celebrating the relationships (both platonic and romantic) between the female characters of Rusty Quill Gaming!

Use the tag #RQGFemslash21 and/or tag us in the content that you make so that we can find all of your contributions and reblog them! We also have a Twitter page, if you prefer to use that platform (and feel free to crosspost as well, using the same hashtag).

MAIN RULES: ♠️ No content involving incest, pedophilia, or abuse will be accepted in this collection. (It should go without saying that any racist, sexist, homophobic, or otherwise bigoted content is not allowed.) ♥️ Tag all potential triggers appropriately! ♣️ Both romantic and platonic pairings between women are accepted - as long as the focus is on the relationship/dynamic itself. ♦️ All forms of art are accepted! Writing, cosplay, fanart, graphics, crochet, etc… we want to see it all!

FAQ: I don’t understand one of the prompts/am confused about the guidelines. Just shoot us a message and we’ll happily clarify.

What if I can’t participate in a day? You can participate in as many (or as few) days as you’d like! One day, three days, every day… whatever you have time/inspiration for! Don’t stress if you only have time to participate in one day, we’ll still love to see your idea.

What if I’m late for a day? Don’t be afraid if you’re late! We’ll accept all late contributions; just tag us in the post or stick it in the tag mentioned above!

Is NSFW content allowed? Yes, of course! NSFW content is completely welcome, as long as it is tagged correctly - and put under a cut if posted on Tumblr. (all the mods are over 18, so no worries there.)

Do specials count? Absolutely! All of the specials that RQG has released so far are fair game for this week (and we even have a special day to focus on them!).

So… rare ship day? What counts? Every ship apart from Sasha/Azu (or Sasha&Azu) and Azu/Kiko will be accepted on this day. (Yes, all femslash ships have an incredibly small amount of content in comparison, but this helps encourage some less popular ones to be celebrated!)

Can I include male characters? Sure! But please don’t put them as the focus of the fic or have it be from their perspective.

What about nonbinary characters? Please include nonbinary characters in your fics! However, we don’t want to perpetuate the idea that nonbinary = woman light. We don’t want to make any assumptions of the nonbinary characters we have been given, and we don’t want to invalidate the experiences of nonbinary people, so if you are going to include nonbinary characters in your work, please be mindful of how they are being presented.

[ID: a minimalistic graphic reading “femslash week rules”, with ‘femslash week’ in a bold white serif font, with ‘rules’ in a red cursive font under it on the right of the image. the left of the image is minimalistic red lineart of a person facing forward with one hand touching their cheek and the other touching their wrist. a small plant sits on the back of their hand.]

#rusty quill gaming #rqg #rqgaming #rusty quill #(the rules are mostly the same as last year w some minor changes)#GETTING TO PUT TWO MAIN CAMPAIGN SHIPS ON THE 'CANT BE USED ON RARE PAIR DAY'... WE'RE MOVING UP IN THE WORLD LETS HEAR IT FOR THE LADIES!!!

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doomedlolita · 4 years ago

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To all my fellas who are coming to tumblr from tiktok!! I got chu.

English is not my first language but I'll give you some of the very basics to start running your blog and finding mutuals.

First, look for some hashtags, follow some blogs that post stuff you're interesed in, interact!

See that little palette? There you can choose the background color, the typography, add a description of the blog and also a name. The name of my blog it's just Hannah (which it's not my actual name, I'm Ana, nice to meet ya!), it's my name because I just post stuff I like, but you can use any other name.

Add your pronouns, age, zodiac sign, anything you want ppl to know about you!

The little pencil icon on the lower corner it's what you use to post original content. Quote something, post a photo you took, whatever. Add a ton of hashtags when you post!!

Now that you changed the appearance of your blog, you can start rebbloging or posting original content!

You may be wondering, what if you want to reblog a ton of things but don't want to spam? What if there's a day when you don't have time to post but want to keep the blog active? Uste the queu!!

Mine is in spanish, but next to "reblog" there are three dots. Click on that and instead of just "post now" (first option) choose the second one, which is the queu. It will be posted later and not right away, so you'll be having stuff getting posted even if you cannot access tumblr for a week or just don't have time!

There you check the posts you have on queu. I have 107 posts, so my blig it's pretty active with at least two posts a day. You choose the time they'll be posted and the frecuency clicking on that option, take a look!

My daily limit it's two posts per day and I also selected the hours between which the photos and stuff will be posted!

This is really basic but it's what you need to start interacting!! Please be careful, there are communities here that can be triggering for you, be mindful of who you follow and what you reblog. If you are underage and came here from tiktok, I beg you, be careful of who you follow! As someone who has been on tumblr since like 13, there are some communities that can be harmful for your mental health, I AM SERIOUS.

Feel free to add anything to this! Hope you have fun and make some friends here! <3

#tiktok #helpingothers

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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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Why Manifest Season 4 Wasn’t Rescued

https://ift.tt/3d5fJtV

A few years ago, Manifest Season 4 would have been a promising proposition for the array of insatiable streaming platforms that saw the act of rescuing a beloved canceled network series as a proverbial feather in the cap. However, for obvious reasons, times have clearly changed for the industry in the past year. Consequently, NBC’s recent cancelation of the sci-fi leaning mystery drama after three seasons proved potent, since ensuing attempts by its producers to land the series elsewhere are now confirmed to have failed. It begs the question of how a formerly buzz-worthy series like this manage to crash this quickly?

While NBC officially canceled Manifest back on June 14, the notion of the series ending was widely taken with an auspicious grain of salt for multiple reasons. After all, the story of a television series being canceled by a network for sinking ratings only to be rescued by another platform on the back of hashtag-heavy social media campaigns from a passionate fanbase is one that has become familiar. While, predictably, #SaveManifest, was gaining momentum, the real kicker here was that fate had seemingly delivered a boon, since the first two seasons of Manifest had just arrived on the biggest streaming platform of them all, Netflix, where, according to the platform’s public ranking system, it became its most popular series—that very week, no less! Thusly, fans had to feel as if a Netflix pickup—prospectively yielding similar success as rescued shows like Cobra Kai and Lucifer—was inevitable. However, a report from Deadline confirmed the failure of those efforts, which has resulted in bittersweet acceptance from creator Jeff Rake and cast members such as Josh Dallas and Melissa Roxburgh.

Manifest Gratitude, Final Edition Thank YOU, our fans. You became the Manifesters at Comic-Con 2018. Ever since, you’ve watched religiously, parsed every word, cried a lot, laughed a little, puzzle-solved, and never, ever, wavered in your support. I’ll never forget it. 🙏❤️

— Jeff Rake (@jeff_rake) June 22, 2021

Well, my #manifesters, I’m sorry to say that it’s the end of the line for now. We are so proud to have brought you this story over 3 seasons. We so wished we could’ve finished the journey with you. But it wasn’t in the cards. Thanks to our incredible EP’s, producers, writers… pic.twitter.com/jPnnqndQQ5

— joshdallas (@JoshDallas) June 22, 2021

Oh, to put into words the last three years…. Thanks for everyone who joined on with us. I’m forever grateful for the family of misfits and creators that wound up at Silvercup studios. When you film a show, you spend all day every day with these people… pic.twitter.com/4O0jE5LLj2

— Melissa Roxburgh (@melissaroxburgh) June 22, 2021

So, how did this happen? To answer this, let’s backtrack to Manifest’s NBC primetime debut, on Monday, Sept. 24, 2018, which yielded over 10 million viewers according to Nielsen’s numbers, with the show having been heralded by Comic-Con panel hype and even the strategic preemptive posting of its pilot episode on YouTube. While the show, the creation of executive producer Jeff Rake (The Tomorrow People, The Mysteries of Laura), wore its story-stretching genre inspiration from shows like Lost and The 4400 like a badge of honor, the premiere was nevertheless impactful, thanks to a compelling sci-fi-leaning premise, in which passengers of the 2013-era flight of Montego Air 828 from Jamaica to New York City were lost for five years after the plane vanished, only to land in 2018, completely oblivious of any anomaly. Indeed, Manifest may have been a sci-fi series, but its focus on the implications of the passengers’ disappearance on their families resonated with audiences, making the series a surging hit that quickly landed a renewal, despite its 16-episode inaugural season settling down to a 6.482 million viewer average.

Come Season 2, which premiered on Jan. 6, 2020, the series would, naturally, evolve from its initial premise, slowly attributing the plane’s disappearance—and the dubious celebrity status experienced by the passengers—to ambiguous notions of time and/or dimensional phenomenon and the seemingly clairvoyant visions they experience, called “callings,” which tend to lead them to where fate dictates. However, despite remaining on Mondays, Manifest returned to a major low of 4.728 million viewers for that season premiere, although it managed to hold steady for an average of 3.899 million viewers across the reduced 13-episode season. This could be considered an accomplishment when considering how the year 2020 would play out with the pandemic, especially in the immediately ensuing months. Thus, NBC ended up rewarding that consistency with a Season 3 renewal, although the three months that passed from the Apr. 6, 2020 airing of the Season 2 finale to the Jun. 15 renewal announcement spoke volumes about the show’s increasingly tenuous place with the network.

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Tellingly, Manifest’s third—and, as it turns out, final—season premiered on Thursday, Apr. 1, 2021 to little fanfare compared to previous seasons, and its 13-episode run saw a small-but-steady decline in viewership, leaving an average of 3.087 million viewers upon the Jun. 10 season finale, which—also tellingly—was a conventional network “let’s get this over with” strategy of airing of double episodes. Unsurprisingly, NBC only needed only four days to confirm its cancelation of the series from the airing of the finale. While it remains arguable regarding why the series experienced this downfall, many cite its increasingly convoluted quasi-religious sci-fi leanings, which protracted the plight of the 815ers to an impersonal, global level, leaving little room for the family story that was so powerfully established in the pilot episode. Nevertheless, Manifest maintained a general stability and fanbase that would have made it ripe for rescue by Netflix or another major streamer—only at a time before 2020.

Paradoxically, the pandemic cemented streaming’s status as an essential entertainment source, but left companies with a significantly altered bottom line, and Netflix is the most notable example of this phenomenon; an inopportune state for Manifest and its fans, since Netflix represented the show’s most realistic shot for a rescue. Once a spendthrift monopoly with a hair-trigger for greenlighting just about any project, Netflix is in the midst of an unprecedented era of belt-tightening that has been exacerbated by the pandemic, as recently exemplified by the cancelation of its once-lavish lineup of shows like Jupiter’s Legacy, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Ozark, GLOW, I Am Not Okay with This and The Society, as veteran series also finish out their runs.

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Thus, despite the current success of Manifest’s catalogue episodes on Netflix, the streaming giant—like its industry peers—is not exactly in the mood to rescue niche network castaways, leaving the series with no viable option to maintain creator Rake’s purported six-season story arc. As a result, the only streaming premiere that fans of the series can look forward to will be when the final season joins its two predecessors.

The post Why Manifest Season 4 Wasn’t Rescued appeared first on Den of Geek.

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laminy · 4 years ago

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I’m sure I’m going to regret posting this, but it’s been on my mind, and if I don’t at least type it out, it’s going to stay there, driving me up the wall, and the last thing my brain needs right now is this rattling around in it. please ignore or scroll by if you are triggered by talks of depression, suicide, or just general sad stuff.

(I am also aware that this is a writing sideblog but when your writing is as important to your mental health as mine is, posting it here seemed more appropriate than on my main.)

September 10 is World Suicide Prevention Day.

one day, this story will be done. there will be no more parts to publish, nothing else to write. I will answer my last ask, and then turn them off. everything will stay up, here and on AO3, because I know that people enjoy what I write, and some stories are important to people. I wouldn’t want to get rid of anything that I’d put so much work and thought into. since for the most part, these stories are all I have.

I have struggled with mental health for my entire life. I’ve had anxiety since I was a young child, and been depressed since at least middle school, though insecurities about my body, my family, my friendships, my life, my talents had all started by the time I was ten.

I’ve been happy at times, it would be a lie to say that I haven’t. I’ve had beautiful friendships, traveled to wonderful places, eaten delicious food. I’ve seen my favourite musicians in concert, seen my favourite actors on stage.

I’ve also wanted to die almost every day for the last 3+ years. for reasons that would be too mundane to explain, because someone who is mentally healthy would have bounced back from what happened in May/June 2017, I haven’t been a happy person since then. and since then, it’s never be a question of if I would kill myself, but when. I truly have no retirement plan, no idea of what life will look like as an old woman. most days, I’m surprised I made it to 30; the idea of making it to 35 or 40 sounds like a damn near impossibility. I can no longer conceive of myself dying from anything other than my own hand.

so for 3+ years, my life has just been trying to find things that can hold my attention long enough to get me to the next thing. I have two Stranger Things tattoos because at the time, literally the only reason I didn’t kill myself in the summer of 2017 is that I wanted to see the second season of Stranger Things, so, thanks Steve Harrington (and I loved season two, but gosh, season three was a disappointment, wasn’t it).

in this time, I moved to a new city, in a new province. I did it because I needed a job, but in doing so, I had to leave my best friends behind. I was alone when I came here, and I’m still alone. I have one friend who lives here, but in the last few years, our lives have diverged quite drastically to the point that we don’t really fit together anymore. I love her, and love to see her, but we have almost nothing in common now. all my other friends are people that I went to school or university with, or met here on tumblr, and who all live hundreds or thousands of kilometres away. in short, I feel totally empty and wholly alone.

just in case you were wondering, I lost the job that I moved here for. so. kind of a waste. though, it was during my months of unemployment that I started to write ITBASM.

(it was also during my months of unemployment that I started to obsessively watch Bohemian Rhapsody in theatres, because I had the time, and I was sad, and it comforted me like a warm blanket)

so, I didn’t kill myself because I had to see Rami win his Oscar. then I didn’t kill myself because I was looking forward to a couple weeks in the summer of 2019, which was probably the greatest few days of my life (during which I saw Queen, and for a couple hours I felt like I actually belonged somewhere). then it was a live episode of one of my favourite podcasts. since then, there hasn’t really been a lot of reasons to keep going. so basically, I had to come up with my own, and for now, that’s writing. because believe me when I say, my job, my living situation, my family, my finances, my body, my brain, everything else makes me want to claw my wrists out.

before anybody asks, yes, I’m in counselling. I’ve gone every week, give or take a couple missed sessions when lockdown started or I couldn’t get out of work. and it doesn’t help. why? almost certainly because when you have no hope, and have accepted the inevitability of your death, and your failure, it’s really hard to take any of the advice that they give you. and it’s also really hard to open up. turns out, being “therapy resistant” is a thing. it’s me. every week, she asks how I am, I say fine, we talk about things that came up that week, and we never go any deeper because I can’t and I won’t. I have well and truly given up. I’m currently doing my therapy homework for the week, which is: how fulfilled are you in life right now? and what are the steps you can take to get there?

pretty sure we gave up on fulfilled a long time ago.

which brings me back to the beginning.

tomorrow is World Suicide Prevention Day. I haven’t seen any posts about it, or any hashtags trending. and you know, that’s probably fair. 2020 has kind of sucked in a lot of ways, people are distracted, and there are only so many causes people can focus on.

but I’ve just been trying to use my words and my characters and this universe to prevent my own suicide for awhile now. if I hadn’t made the decision to keep writing and writing after the original thirty-nine chapters, who knows where I’d be now. but one day, this story will be done. that will be it, and it may be it entirely.

#i will probably delete this later #because i hate submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known #and it's just also really personal and dumb so #who writes shit like this on their writing blog?#depressed people that's who #tw mental health #tw suicide #world suicide prevention day #tw depression

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bitegore · 4 years ago

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Having a good one over on twitter right now (very sarcasm)

yesterday my friend made a hashtag about how queerness is inherently perceived to be predatory whereas straightness is not, even when straight people are being explicitly predatory and queer people are not doing that. I added onto it, because at the time that I commented no one else was doing it and they clearly wanted people to join in.

(I wanted to join in too. It was the objectively correct thing to do.)

but I did the hashtag and I got like thirty likes in the span of a few hours (i usually get like two over multiple days) and yet... no one else was saying anything. (aside from one other friend who is great, you know who you are)

so i make a different, pissy thread like "all of you are standing around without saying anything and it doesnt feel supportive, it feels like you're a crowd of bystanders who wouldn't blink an eye if i were to be castigated over homophobic/transphobic lies next"

and my friend who started the hashtag qrts with some words, so i go to click on it! and someone. someone on THIS THREAD, the one where i was like "hey it literally feels like you're waiting to harrass me to suicide next", because the whole thing this week has been multiple people being harrassed to the point of suicide, their response was "well actually what about the abusers though, what if they were abusers. my abusers didnt admit to being abusive"

and like, i got that they were triggered, but for fucks sake. like are you fucking kidding me.

"hey im concerned that you're going to accuse me of being a predator because i am queer"

"okay but what if you were a predator"

HAVE YOU READ. HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE WORDS.

i'm still fucking fuming, man. I'm not a fucking predator. I have no interest on preying on anyone, I'm just here trying to live my goddamn life. I'm literally fucking aroace, like I'm not going out and doing sex crimes, I'm literally just sitting here existing. And I am so sick and fucking tired of being set up on the fucking jenga pile so that any slip I make sets me up to be toppled as the next Big Scary Predator. How fucking dare you?

and like again. I get what they were getting at. I get it. I know. I know they weren't trying to point the finger at me. But good fucking god.

#my friend told them off and they blocked him.#not even like 'you are wrong' but just 'hey you're playing into exactly what the hashtag was about'#i don't. i don't fucking. UGH. i am so fucking angry #don't reblog #red rambles #anyway if anyone's ever accused you of being predatory or dangerous or a 'threat' because you're queer #feel free to chime in on the 'notyourqueerpredator' hashtag on twitter #i cant organize my thoughts enough to make any more tweets on it honestly

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yourwitchmama · 5 years ago

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Tips on Having an Aesthetically Pleasing and Original Blog

I've been noticing a lot of copy cat witch blogs, so I want to give some tips I have learned and give you some insight!

When I first went on Tumblr back in 2010, I would look at popular blogs and take bits and pieces of what I liked from them to make my own. I was a copy cat blog. After doing lots of follow-for-follow and posting random pictures, I reached four thousand followers, but they weren’t real followers who followed me because they genuinely liked me. It made me feel miserable and I had no idea how my blog was so stagnant. It made me feel left out. Fast forward to 2017, and I come home from working at Peet’s Coffee and I sit down, upset. It was October and I had been working with catty girls who had no spirituality whatsoever all week. I was being bullied by them for being goth/getting frequent compliments from customers. I opened Tumblr and said “Fuck it. This is going to be a blog for me and if it looks stupid, oh well.” So I created @diamondrosegalaxy, and I pushed together my two favorite things. Astronomy, a goth aesthetic, and crystal witchcraft. I didn’t care that it would be different and I could possibly get criticism for including space in my craft since I have never seen anybody do it before. I wanted to look at it to calm my anxiety on my breaks at work. I was posting my own content and reblogging whatever I thought was cool, no matter how many notes it had. I have so many restrictions on that blog to hopefully not trigger myself. I wanted to keep my blog safe, and now that I get to share it with all of these people, I want to make everyone else feel safe by knowing my aesthetic is changing yet the rules are always the same. No pics of drugs, people, hard interior, bright pictures, etc. I wanted to give you tips on how to be your own big blog instead of copying other more currently successful blogs. It is like the knockoff brand of frosted flakes, and everyone knows it. I am a visual artist, and I am going to give you some advice on how to create a blog that is cute, yet the real YOU.

-URL: Pick anything you want, don't worry about followers. The most popular blogs are sometimes jibberish.

-Profile pic: Highly contrasted or filtered pictures are preferred since your icon is so small. People may not see the details that you do.

-Header image: I suggest using a horizontal photo. This has to match with the color of your blog, otherwise, it will clash and will be unappealing to the eye. You don't need to pick the exact color, just make sure it goes with it to make it flow. Your blog is an art piece, not just any collage.

-Header Gif: Gifs are a great way to capture someone's attention, though sometimes they can be a bit intense. Yes, I will see your blog, but will I follow it just because my attention has been drawn to it? No. Most of the time, I see lots of blogs with unmatching flashing low-quality gif header images. That's great if you have a psychedelic blog or something intentionally annoying, but picking something that flows in a loop looks SO. MUCH. BETTER. Choppy flashing images can give some people anxiety.

-Description: This is probably the most important part. This is one of the first things someone sees other than your three popular posts. If you search for your blog, you should type in your description. There are keywords that are in there, so choose them wisely.

-Color: So color is tricky because you can set any color you want to your main page, but what other users will see when your Tumblr pops up could be a completely different shade that does NOT match your profile pic or header image. You can check the color of your blog by searching keywords (like your description) and scrolling through suggested blogs until you see yours. (it's there, I promise. You need to use the right tags! You can even follow yourself.) Once you figure out what shade your blog appears to be, you can alter the shade of your blog to hopefully change your outward appearance to a lighter or darker tint. This is the difficult part. You need to make sure that BOTH of these colors (the one that appears to others and the one that appears on your home page) match BOTH the inside and outside of your blog.

-Content: I think that there should be a theme, personally. You don't need one, but a lot of popular blogs are themed and aesthetically pleasing for a reason. I created many blogs because even though I may really like something, if it doesn't match my aesthetic, I don't reblog. Keeping a theme and scrolling through your blog to see if there aren't any posts that stick out is a good way to have an aesthetically pleasing blog.

-Posts: I suggest posting a lot and posting frequently. If you post your own content, your blog becomes yours. You aren't only reblogging other peoples content anymore. I suggest posting CLEAR and high-quality pictures. You can take clear pictures by having a good light source.

-Asks: For asks you can put a TON of hashtags and do something like "free tarot readings" or "Paranormal asks". When I started out I still got asks before I got a lot of followers. If you want someone to ask you questions, it needs to be about THEM at first. If you aren't popular and are not interacting with your followers, the chances of someone asking you a lot of questions about yourself is pretty low. It isn't because you aren't great, it is because they don't know you. Interaction is important!

-Interactions: Commenting positive things, reblogging content with only a few notes, and engaging in asks and conversations is a great way to build a community!

When you stop making and doing things for other people, you start to create something special. When you let go of the ego, accept yourself, create out of joy, and implement aesthetically pleasing tools, you will always have a beautiful and original blog.

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mcrmadness · 5 years ago

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I’m at the point where I’m being really annoyed by mornings again. Or more like, that particular time of the time when I wake up because I know most people would say that 2pm is no longer a morning... Anyway, I just get up every morning to do absolutely nothing just to go to sleep eventually again. And now each “morning” is boring af, I get up, brush my teeth and come to my computer, browse Tumblr and don’t know what to do. For weeks I’ve been watching certain types of videos from YT meanwhile playing with nonograms or jigsaw puzzles online because it helps me to concentrate as I don’t like watching videos of people talking, it’s super boring, but that way I can still listen to them without feeling like losing my mind because of being so bored. But now neither nonograms nor jigsaw puzzles feel thay interesting NOR do the videos I’ve been watching. There’s really not much new stuff, just the same topics done by many many people and I can’t watch that for too long before I get bored with the topics too, because I already know enough. I’ve also been going through all videos on so many different channels and either there’s nothing interesting anymore or I literally have watched everything. So now every day after being done with browsing Tumblr, I try to find something to watch from youtube but currently my recommended page keeps offering me the same videos over and over again, the same topics, and also lots of videos I have already watched. I’d love to see something very random that isn’t particularly linked to my watch history but no, all videos like that are something to do with the goddamned crona hashtags and they’re already driving me crazy because I’m so fed up with all this corona stuff. And I have made several posts about this already and how I hate the superficial fake-happiness in all those videos where people try to come up with stuff for people to do so that they’d just stay at home. I’m staying at home 24/7 even without corona, so can’t you just NOT show those recommendations for me??? Oh I wish Youtube had some sort of tag blacklisting system...

But yeah, apart from all that, I’ve been dealing with my existential crisis a lot lately too. Not that it’d have ever went anyway in the first place, but just having these partly existential crisis, partly dissociation/derealization moments that I don’t know if I’m ever going to get rid of. Just been thinking about my fave band (dä) a lot lately and how stressed out they make me all the time. I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I’m not the best with surprises but I’m okay with them, but what REALLY makes (and has always made) me distressed is waiting. Knowing that something is about to happen but you have no idea when and how and possibly what. That is what makes me so distressed. It’s like with ghosts and paranormal things too: I’m not afraid of ghosts and I actually do like them a lot, but I’m afraid of being startled and waiting for something that might come as a surprise to me. (This is why I don’t watch horror films - jumpscares are much worse when I know there will be some.) And I’ve started to hate the weekdays from Monday to Friday because I feel like I can rest only on weekends because maybe those guys won’t do anything during weekends. During other days anything is possible. And now they’re gonna open their webshop on Friday and it’s causing me SO MUCH PRESSURE here. And it’s again not that I’d be worried of what it is, but worried of the fact I am waiting for something now but I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I always need to be in control and ahead of everything, whenever I go to a new place, I need to have a look around the whole thing before I can do anything, and I really wouldn’t like the idea of being dropped right in the middle of action. That just makes me so overwhelmed and I start to panic.

To the existential crisis - I’ve also been wondering about myself and why dä? Imagine if the band was something else but this. And the fact this band is a “once in a lifetime” thing. There’s never been another band like them and never will be. Which is crazy and blows my mind. And this is where I start to dissociate with derealization because I somehow still feel like everything is a movie or a video game. I’m constantly thinking like “oh maybe in my next life I’ll be born earlier so I can become their fan in the 80s” or “maybe in my next life I’ve learnt from my mistakes in this life”. I basically feel like my life is like a video game that I can restart whenever I have played through the story and do different choices then. And some days it hurts so much to be dropped back on ground. But I will just climb up again and escape into my small bubble where things are not like that.

Also this other day I was wondering the age thing again. I’ve been having age crisis at least since I turned 25 because then I was closer to 30 than 20. And I’m turning 29 in less than a month and that had been so terrible thought for so long but now I’m slowly getting used to it. Even tho I still wish I was 19 or something. But at the same time it feels really absurd because I feel like... ten years ago I was 19, and that doesn’t sound that much but I still feel like last year was 2010. And me wishing I was 19 again... well when I was 19, most of my friends were not even teenagers yet. So that means I would not know those people. But then I feel like I’ve been wasting the last 10 years of my life. And if I was smart, I’d realize that I actually have not been wasting those years - I have been working with horses, studying horses, graduated and I’ve grown a pretty good knowledge over what it is to take care of and even train horses. I have got and learnt so much. But still I feel like I should have done that a lot earlier than what I did. But if I did it a lot earlier, then I wouldn’t have had work experience worth over 10 years. Which is why I wish I could have just stopped time for the time I was studying and continue then after I was done. Because I’m literally in the middle of an age crisis because I’m turning 29 but I basically feel like I’m near my end already. It’s like what my friend told me when I was 22 and started having similar thoughts: “You sound like you just discovered what people normally discover only when they turn 50.” Yeah, I’ve literally been having mid-life crisis since I was 22.

For the first time even I experienced some derealization moments was when I was 19 and working at a stable and I was cleaning up the stable and taking out a wheelbarrow full of horse shit. It just suddenly hit me that what I’m doing here, makes absolutely no difference. And I suddenly dived into this horrible state where I felt like nothing I do, matter because nothing will last. Like, why should I create memories if I’m gonna lose them anyway when I die? That really made it so hard to enjoy anything because I was just constantly obsessing with the thought of not having my memories forever and how everything felt so, so damn pointless. I don’t care if people know my name or not, I live for myself anyway so it felt really unfair that I should actually live here and do things and create memories if they are going to be taken away from me eventually just because everyone has to die. And I have always had really bad relationship with death. I remember being probably 7 years old and seeing something on TV about death and cemeteries and it caused me to have one of my earliest anxiety/panic attacks and I was literally sitting on the toilet floor hugging the toilet because the idea of death made me so, so sick. Which is why I then have been avoiding the topic as much as I can and I’ve been blocking those thoughts and stuff and why I love every time death is portrayed as non-permanent in fiction (my all-time favorite is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice). Or when there’s some sort afterlife. Which is why I’ve been obsessed with ghosts and grim reaper and whatnot in my past. It just comforts me so much because I find it so scary to think that everything would just stop existing. I can kinda imagine that... emptiness that happens when nothing is anymore and it just feels so overwhelming and scary that I nearly start to panic from the thought alone. As a kid, I’ve been having panic attacks from the thought of the sun going out, a meteor hitting the earth, or just pretty much anything that would mean almost instant death. I feel like I probably developed derealization also for this type of fears. If the idea of death has made me physically sick at the age of 7, no wonder why my system decided to come up with dissociation to protect my mind. I always feel like when I keep having these deep thoughts, that my brains are on the edge of overheating (figuratively), it just goes so over my head but at the same time I’m understanding it, which then triggers dissociation because it’s too much to deal with.

I also have a medical trauma from when I was 3 years old, which is probably the core for all the dissociation too. It was an open heart surgery which pretty much means being half-dead already as you’re connected to the machines that keep up your breathing and blood circulation while the doctors fix your heart. Because of that, I find the thought it anesthesia highly disturbing. I know people undergo surgeries all the time for whatever reasons but I feel like I could never ever do one again because I’m so afraid of that emptiness becoming permanent. I can’t remember a thing from my surgery nor how I went to sleep or anything like that, but as an adult, I just find that so scary and I’m always really scared whenever I know people who are going to have anesthesia because what if they don’t come back? I know trans people who don’t have other option but to undergo some surgeries and I’m like... I’m nonbinary afab and I’d be happy to donate my own boobs away any minute but I could never ever go to a surgery from my own will. I rather just fantasize of a bodyshape that I don’t have than would actually do something about it because for me that would just not be an option. I sometimes wonder that if I had dysphoria or if I was trans, would I still feel the need for surgeries? Or what if I have dysphoria but I just don’t see it, because I can’t do anything about it so I just escape into my inner world and try not to think about myself? I do have some sort of body dysMORPHIA, tho. But I don’t know if I hate my body or if I just see it wrongly. But whatever the case, I try not to think about it too much, I avoid mirrors and spend most of time in my inner world. Because the outter world is too overwhelming and depressing to deal with and my existential crisis can’t take it.

#mcrmadness' random stuff #personal #tw deep thoughts over death and existence #(no need to worry - just pondering these themes)#existential crisis #derealization #dissociation #long post

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enchantedamusedslightlyconfused · 5 years ago

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73 questions.

I was tagged by @wescoasts @machine-gun-casie (BABES)

Almost all my friends have been tagged and I don't wanna be that asshole so ill try not to be. I tag @awkwardrocker @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @trixiehoe @she-who-is-timey-wimey

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Well it’s finals week so about -864. After that I have two weeks of legitimate nothing where I will bake my heart out so we’ll see

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#yikes #ughshesinherfeelsagain

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Milo Ventimiglia, Kells, Rook.....being a music video love interest is only my life’s pipe dream

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

And that’s on daddy issues and no supervision...

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

I used to model like went to modeling school and got paid for it type shit

What’s your wakeup ritual?

get woken up by my dog tired of hearing my alarm, walk said opinionated quadruped, feed quadruped, get dressed, COFFEE, then take life as it comes

What’s your go to bed ritual?

melatonin gummies (gotta make anxiety fun), skincare when executive dysfunction will allow, brush teeth, fight dog for my spot in bed (moving a 90lb animal is no joke), turn on my sleep playlist or use my ambient noise app, stare at ceiling

What’s your favorite time of day?

witching hour followed by golden hour

Your go to for having a good laugh?

lately tiktok and Kellyvisions, previously vine compilations or Netflix specials

Dream country to visit?

Ireland. I NEED to go to the motherland. My families castle is still standing and I get in for free. its on my bucket list FOR SURE.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

getting into nursing school and chiropractic school. I’m a loser and I’ve never had a surprise party. I’d melt in puddle of love tbh

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Flats 98% of the time. Heels are reserved for business casual necessity, Halloween, or if I’m feeling myself

Vintage or new?

both, depends on the item

Who do you want to write your obituary?

Amy-Sherman Palladino

Style icon?

lmao a what? on the real though catch me fucking with those eco-friendly kitchen witch vibes. All the dainty jewelry, linens and converse/docks fam

What are three things you can’t live without?

my dog, my family (found and blood), healing people however I can (medicine ruined me for any other career and its sucks you guys)

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

tbh salt, I question a recipes validity if salt isn't involved

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Kells and the band (I'd be too nervous for a one on one), a dinner party with my MGK fam, Elvis

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Failure, not accomplishing anything

Window or aisle seat?

window all day everyday, on the wing preferably cause I like to feel the landing gear #pilotsgranddaughter

What’s your current TV obsession?

Roadies forever, pry that series from my cold dead hands (also Gilmore Girls and Criminal Minds)

Favorite app?

tie between Tumblr and Pinterest (im an aesthetic slut)

Secret talent?

I am bomb at disney princess songs, the girls I babysit for treat me like a jukebox at bedtime, cutest thing ever

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

delivered a baby has hands down been the coolest thing I’ve ever done

How would you define yourself in three words?

I fucking hate this question. always have. empathetic, resilient, intuitive

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

overall: my senior prom dress. its emerald green, backless, with a slit to upper thigh chefs kiss

everyday wear: Colorado sweatshirt

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

I second Jude: over sized hoodies

Superpower you would want?

nonspecific healing powers so they aren't limited to physical ailments

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Colson

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

HA. probably that the body remembers more about trauma than the mind and your seemingly irrational physical reactions to things are your brain’s attempt to protect you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

his mistake does not define your worth. I went for a variant of these boys aint shit don't judge me cause she needs to hear it

A book that everyone should read?

Harry Potter series (yes the whole thing), Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Giver by Lois Lowry

What would you like to be remembered for?

empathy, the way I made people feel

How do you define beauty?

FOR THE LAST TIME ITS SUBJECTIVE, things that give you peace, it could be a song, a person, a sunset, a scone, a leaf. If it makes you stop a second and exhale then its beautiful to you

What do you love most about your body?

holy trigger question Batman...my eyes, my hair color, texture, and its ability to grow

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

drive with the windows down and blast music while singing at the top of my lungs

Favorite place to view art?

unexpected places, like street corners, carnivals, just somewhere it takes you off guard and makes you stop and pay attention

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

it’d be one of those crazy long 2000s fall out boy titles for sure, subject matter yet to be determined

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

violin hands down, it hits me different

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

I have a bunch planned, plane on my right shoulder, Kells related between 3rd and 4th ribs (maybe lower in case I ever need a chest tube), watercolor portrait of my dog at some point location TBD

Dolphins or koalas?

dolphins are stoners and they're super smart, but koalas cause they’re grumpy af and honestly same

What’s your spirit animal?

again Jude and I are vibin: I've been identifying with a phoenix as of late. according to pottermore im a greyhound though (yes a patrons is a wizarding spirit animal. fight me)

Best gift you’ve ever received?

seven year old me was stoked to get a functional microscope and metal detector, I was in my egyptology/archeology phase, I still have them lmao

Best gift you’ve ever given?

oh hell idk...I made my cousin cry once cause I made cupcakes for her birthday party, they were cherry limeade flavored and had little straws and everything. that was pretty cool, granted she was seven. I also made my teacher cry cause I made sea salt caramel chocolate cupcakes for her going away party. I guess my baking brings people to tears

What’s your favourite board game?

candy land, battleship, cards against humanity even though there isn't a board

What’s your favourite colour?

forest green atm

Least favourite colour?

bright yellow/orange, its offensive to my general The Dirt Mick Mars disposition

Diamonds or pearls?

pearls (actually opals though)

Drugstore makeup or designer?

not picky provided they are evironmentally friendly. I really like Besame Cosmetics though

Blow-dry or air-dry?

air-dry, I don't have the patience for blow drying

Pilates or yoga?

yoga

Coffee or tea?

COFFEE, im still learning to like tea

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

holy shit how much time do we have, my favorite weird word to say is fistula or omphalocele (they're medical conditions, don't goole it unless you have a strong stomach)

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

dark chocolate

Stairs or elevator?

stairs

Summer or winter?

neither FALL BITCHES winter if I had to pick cause I love Christmas

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

burgers

A desert you don’t like?

red velvet cake....just why is it a thing that exists

A skill you’re working on mastering?

baking scones or shit that’s flaky in general

Best thing to happen to you today?

being tagged to do this twice, I felt special for a hot second (thanks babes)

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

that I would make a good doctor (I handled a scary pt situation like a champ, they didn't know I threw up after I made sure my pt didn't die. puking in a foreign country on the download is a skill in and of itself)

Favorite smell?

bergamot, baking bread, baking spice cakes at Christmas

Hugs or kisses?

HUGS CAN SAVE THE WORLD

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

gifted kid fall off

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

In These Walls - Machine Gun Kelly

Casual Sabotage - Yungblud

genius assholes...

Lipstick or lip gloss?

lipstick for special occasions but actually tinted chapstick or lip stains

Sweet or savoury?

savory to eat sweet to make for someone else

Girl crush?

Brittney Furlan Lee, Alexis Bledel, Lauren Graham

How you know you’re in love?

you look at them and just say yep. them. usually while they're doing something stupid

Song you can listen to on repeat?

imma out myself but Swing Life Away - Machine Gun Kelly

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

the grass is not greener ya’ll. id rather go back and relive days

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

hopefully passing my first trimester of chiropractic school. fingers crossed pls

#quarantine games #don't come for me people #if you identify with this stuff hit me up #I can always use more quarantine buddies #love and good vibes to you all

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eponymous-rose · 6 years ago

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E53 (March 5, 2019)

The DnDBeyond overlay has too much power in this realm.

This week’s guests are Matt Mercer and Sam Riegel.

Announcements: Talks Machina is now a podcast, published with a one-week delay. Starting tomorrow morning, TM will be re-broadcast each Wednesday morning at 9 AM Pacific. The Legend of Vox Machina Animated Special Kickstarter is through the roof at $4.7 million! More stretch goals to be added. Sam: "Every dollar that gets puts into this just goes into more animation, longer programming, more episodes.” (Also, Matt’s Twitter currently links several threads of smaller content creators’ Kickstarters, with special love for the #FundDiverseGames hashtag on Twitter.)

Time for episode 53: Cornered!

Stats: Matt has whispered to individual players 21 times this campaign, in addition to 3 reverse whispers. Sam realizes he’s not sure if he’s gotten a whisper in this campaign. Sam: “Maybe ever! DANI!” Dani: “...what do you think is my job?” Stats comes through: Sam’s gotten 5 whispers in total. Matt: “You should come play sometime.” Nott has used Mage Hand 34 times. Nott has also stolen 123 items so far.

Sam, tragically not that out of context: “What, I defiled the table by finger-banging it?”

Matt talks about the “contract of trust” between players and DMs in collaborating on backstory-centric PCs. It can be a great way to bring a player into the creative process. Matt tries to keep in mind the player’s intent while also considering unique and interesting ways to surprise them with it and have it be part of their character’s heroic journey.

Sam: “Nott is a sexual woman who can recognize a beautiful specimen, be it her species or another, and when that minotaur strutted by, with his... I don’t know, shanks? What does he ha-- what are his-- His gams? Hindquarters?” Matt: “Thirst away, guys. Apparently I know your types.” That reaction was partly Nott and partly Sam.

The “several kobolds in a trenchcoat” character was Matt having fun with breaking tropes with the “monstrous” races. He had the idea of a character who seemed like an ominous hag but had something else going on, then realized there were a lot of kobolds in the area. “What if the kobolds work for her? ...what if the kobolds are her?” Five kobolds, all with names in Matt’s notes.

If something happened to Nott, who would she consider the leader? Caduceus, probably. “Anyone but Fjord.”

The enchantment that Dairon was using was closer to Alter Self, so if she’d been unconscious, it would have faded (an illusion wouldn’t have held up as well to scrutiny for a spy). She wasn’t planning on joining the fight until Beau jumped in.

Gif of the Week: Travis getting scared by the kobolds. Matt: “I genuinely forget how much of a scaredy-cat Travis is.” They make him go first every time at haunted houses.

Nott’s given her impending reunion with Yeza a lot of thought; “it’s something she’s terrified about. There’s definitely a push-pull there.” She wants to rescue him, but she doesn’t want him to see her or have to have that painful conversation, because she’s not sure how he would react.

Matt really enjoyed being able to use Stunning Strike in the fight. He also liked the idea of having a mentor character for Beau that occasionally linked into the story; this happened to be a really good chance for an overlap, even though it was earlier than expected.

Nott still gets the “itch”, especially now that they’re back in a city. Getting the diamond back was just “It’s a shiny diamond! It’s valuable and shiny.” He points out that Nott probably doesn’t know that Jester needs that diamond for a spell, just that it seems important.

Dairon jumping into the fight was a lot of “what the fuck is Beau doing here”, along with worry for Beau getting into a big fight with dangerous people (she didn’t realize that Beau had allies with her). She didn’t have any way to communicate to Beau that Dairon losing consciousness would be so dangerous, so she realized she had to win and sort it out later.

Nott’s opinion on goblins has definitely shifted, especially after meeting Zorth. “I think she’s still anti-goblin, but is learning there is a spectrum of goblins from bad to not-so-bad. No good ones yet.”

Fan Art of the Week: The M9 with flowers everywhere.

Matt hadn’t practiced Madame Musk’s character voice in advance, and... that happened based on his notes. Sam points out that Matt’s been on fire with his NPCs lately. Matt: “Yeah, man, monster city. This is a good place to get weird.”

Sam: “I think, deep down, that Nott thinks she and Fjord aren’t that different, and that bothers her. I think she and Fjord are too similar.”

Search for Grog Spoilers Follow!!!

What’s Matt missed most about DMing for Vox Machina? “I miss how deeply steeped the camaraderie was.” He points out that the Mighty Nein are starting to get into that territory, just as VM did early on. “By the end of the campaign of Vox Machina, they were such a deep-rooted family. There’s something so beautiful about that, warm and comfort food-esque.” Brian points out that this kind of closeness really raises the stakes.

Matt emphatically did not miss the level 20 combat after being out of practice for a year. Fun, but definitely complicated. “Levels 3-15 are my golden levels in D&D.”

Matt comments on Sam and the mug: “Jesus Christ, Sam, what the fuck were you thinking?!” It had been sitting on the set since campaign one ended. Brian points out that they had to move it because it smelled so bad. There were solid pieces in there.

The Scotch Incident is brought up again. Matt dies a little inside.

Matt still marvels at the Deck of Many Things pull. “We were just stepping into the sunsetting of the campaign, and that motherfucker...”

“The more I was prepping it, the more I was like, ‘Travis, what the fuck did you do?’”

The Search for Bob is now a thing that’s happening. Matt has a lot that he had to trim from the one-shot for time. Sam: “I’m excited to, along the Search for Bob, trigger something else.”

Brian: “Just one Vox Machina one-shot a month, that’s all we ask.” Matt, strained: “You’re going to kill me.”

Sam missed singing the inspirations so much. “Maybe next campaign I’ll be some other sort of singer or something. The whole night felt like going back home.”

Sam goes on a tangent about what a great singer Matt is. “If he could sing every episode, that would make me happy.”

Matt decided on Percy actually losing his arm weeks before the show. “It’s fun to fuck with them, and because it was already established in a joking matter, I wanted to make them eat their words.”

Sam points out that he’s never seen Matt do anything like that before. “Does not fit in this world. But he’s doing this anyway. He’s just a goofball like us!”

It was always Matt’s plan to take away spell components as a unique challenge, but part of him just wanted a bit of a chance for Travis to play as Grog for a bit once they woke him up.

Sam: “Scanlan’s gotta Scan. Put that on a... t-shirt?” Brian: “Put it on a thong.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

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veroticker · 5 years ago

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Us - Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy

You can buy the book on Amazon.

Summary (from Elle Kennedy’s website)

Five months in, NHL forward Ryan Wesley is having a record-breaking rookie season. He’s living his dream of playing pro hockey and coming home every night to the man he loves—Jamie Canning, his longtime best friend turned boyfriend. There’s just one problem: the most important relationship of his life is one he needs to keep hidden, or else face a media storm that will eclipse his success on the ice.

Jamie loves Wes. He really, truly does. But hiding sucks. It’s not the life Jamie envisioned for himself, and the strain of keeping their secret is taking its toll. It doesn’t help that his new job isn’t going as smoothly as he’d hoped, but he knows he can power through it as long as he has Wes. At least apartment 10B is their retreat, where they can always be themselves.

Or can they? When Wes’s nosiest teammate moves in upstairs, the threads of their carefully woven lie begin to unravel.  With the outside world determined to take its best shot at them, can Wes and Jamie develop major-league relationship skills on the fly?

Blurb

“Vancouver is a beautiful city, but I can’t wait to leave it.

We’ve just finished the longest road trip on our schedule, and I cannot fucking wait to go home. Standing in a fancy hotel room overlooking the waterfront, I shake the tissue paper out of a shirt I just bought at the boutique around the corner. Since I’ve been living out of my suitcase for so long, I’m out of clean laundry. But this is a great shirt, and it looked at me as I passed the storefront on my way back from signing autographs at a charity luncheon.

I unbutton it and slip it on. In the hotel mirror, I check the fit, and it looks fine. Great, even. The cotton is a fine weave, and there’s a lime-green checked pattern shot through the fabric. It’s very British, and the lively color reminds me that it won’t always be February.

Now that my dress code includes a suit and tie three or four times a week, I’ve had to pay more attention to my wardrobe. In college I wore a suit maybe three times a year. But it’s no hardship because I like clothes. And the hotel mirror says they like me, too.

I’m a sexy motherfucker. If only the one person I care about was here to appreciate it.

Last night we obliterated Vancouver, and it’s not bragging to say that I was the reason why. Two goals and an assist—my best showing yet. I’m having the kind of rookie season that makes headlines. Though right this second I’d trade it all for a night in front of the TV with Jamie and a blowjob. I am beat. Whipped. Knackered.

Luckily, all that’s left of this trip is one more ride on the team’s jet.

I grab my phone off the desk and unlock it. With the selfie cam, I shoot a picture of my abs, the shirt parted to reveal my six-pack, my hand over my crotch. It took me a while to figure out that Jamie has a thing for my hands. I swear he likes them more than my dick.

I send the picture. No commentary needed.

The hotel room gets one last glance, but I’ve packed everything. I’ve learned in a hurry not to leave charging cords and toothbrushes behind. We’re on the road so often that packing has become my new skill.

My phone vibrates with a text. Grrrr. Just get home, would you? I don’t need any pics. My poor lonely dick is so hard.

That reminds me of old vaudeville jokes. So I reply, How hard is it?

Hard enough to pound nails into our bare walls, he replies. It’s true that we haven’t exactly decorated our apartment. We both work a lot and there’s been no time.

But, as always, sex is a greater priority than home decor. Show me, I beg. There’s a reason I keep my phone locked down. Jamie and I like to indulge in some private photography.

He doesn’t answer, though. Maybe he isn’t at home. It’s afternoon in Vancouver, which means it’s later in Toronto… Fuck. I’m sick of doing this math all the time. I just want to go home.”

(review under the cut)

Review

(audiobook) After I fell in love with #wesmie, I needed to have them back in my life, so I listened to the second book of the series, Us.

Wesley and Jamie are now a couple and they live together. But Wesley is a rookie in the hockey team he’s joined, and he doesn’t want bad buzz ruining his career. He’s gonna come out at some point, because he doesn’t want Jamie to be a secret, but for now, they need to be roommates for the outside world. You can imagine he won’t go well--secrets never stay secrets for long.

We knew what the situation would be at the end of the first book, so no surprise here. But the authors throw in a bunch of colorful characters, a flu epidemic, and a burgeoning career for Wes while Jamie is losing faith in himself. Fun, angst and steam guarenteed!

If you loved Him, you’ll love Us.

Quickie

Series: Him #2 (no cliffhanger, but this book follows the same characters as the first one)

Hashtags: #hockey romance #MM romance #established relationship #secret relationship

Triggers: some homophobia and slurs

Main couple: Ryan Wesley & Jamie Canning

Hotness: 5/5

Romance: 5/5

+ Wes putting Jamie above everything else in his life *swoons*

- Blake is a cockblocker! But I like him anyway...

Stalker mode

You can suscribe to Sarina Bowen’s newsletter on her website, same for Elle Kennedy on her website.

You can also follow Sarina on Facebook, Elle Kennedy too here.

#Sarina Bowen #Elle Kennedy #Us #contemporary romance #MM romance

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mrsmilfzilla · 6 years ago

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２０１８年30日12月

４：３９午後

i need to rant about a community for twitch: streamerssquad

so last few days i been off streaming due to health problems and life lol. but i been looking around spending time in streams and other communities, and nothing compares to StreamerSquad. I don’t mean that in a negative way per say, but what intelligence they show me its a twat of a community. Last few months a few Instagram followers came out to me about their experience in their discord. They were being banned for a misunderstanding on a Christmas picture challenge and posted under the same chatroom not knowing it was supposed to be somewhere else due to loss of communication. Innocent people misunderstood due to the communities leaders being terrible at explaining what the community wanted. Not only that but ban people who stood up to the ones they said were spamming in the wrong chatroom. How insane is that?! but thats not all. Their tweets are so terrible i get a charlie horse of cringe, from racism, judgement, and standing up for sex offenders. I am shook this even has half the popularity like these people.

update: they banned me on all social medias but like anyone growing up on the internet i used my 8th grade acc xD

i don’t mean to talk only shit about this community but they are so bad at pretending to be the right side of the wrong its youtube expose worthy. I will do everything to put my actual opinions over being triggered you banned my friend called your admin a Nazi for autistic-ly screeching about miscommunication on a Christmas challenge in the wrong chat.

Now lets move past their miscommunication skills, as humans we all strive to become better people and they try to keep this facade of being pure beings. BUT what most people don’t do is go through your tweets over the months, and through how you speak whiten few weeks and your actions towards others you cannot handle criticism. the person or people who run their twitter sure have a different view on what is repeated to us as consumers. you cannot say you accept everyone’s opinions and then brag about your block list. Its so hilarious you see yourself as a leader, but what i know about boosting on twitch is if you create a community for small streamers to collide only people who really get that boost everyone is looking for is the creators/staff. From what i can see, throughout however long you tried to create this community. I haven’t learned one thing on being a better person then doing what you tweet me to not do, and do the exact opposite. What i can see from your representation; 10k followers on twitter, 6k on insta, and 1k on discord it seems you’re worth something, but your posts interaction says completely opposite. on average a recent instagram post will only get 117 likes including over 8 hashtags, as their tweets get barely over 25 people interacting even though its their biggest marketing by follower rank. it’s funny how their discord is exactly 1k at the end of this year(2018.) because they have over 10k on twitter and have their discord pinned to the top. Seems like your community is a mess, thats why i don’t join communities like this at all and just go out my way to look at the bottom the the twitch list for friends.

None the less i am going to post their most hilarious tweets below

Please don’t forget to reblog this to let others know how these leaders are doing nothing but speaking through their asshole not their heart.

#streamers squad #twitch communities #false advertising #flogger #flogging #twitch streamer #twitter #reblog

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