#i am gonna eat my bachelor's degree when i get it on paper

[transgenderkris]

sorryf 4 the brief spam of my fav artist ever im procrastinating exam study on global fishery MSY and case studies on aquaculture management and clawing at the walls for the free time to start drawing again

[writing-good-vibes]

this old and empty house

house of wax fic again, who could have guessed. i've been working on my personal hc timeline of event for the sinclairs and tbh i think vincent did start college but dropped out. as always, bold is sign. warning for a little bit of angst but when do i ever write anything completely soft about them.

When he woke up, Vincent expected to see the plain white-washed walls of his dorm room. Expected to hear the clamours and shouts and life of the students in his block.

When he opened his eyes, he instead saw the textured ceiling and sky blue walls of his bedroom, a line of paper airplanes circling over his head.

He'd been home for three weeks now and still he wasn't prepared for the surge of anxiety to roll through him every morning. The alarm clock on the bedside glows, 7:09 am.

He ought to go check the post box, he thinks, to see if his college paperwork has arrived yet. The paperwork confirming his withdrawal from his bachelor's degree at LSU.

He thinks he'll forgive Bo, sooner or later, he always does. But right now, he's angry. Angry when he wakes up and angry when he goes back to bed. Staring a hole through the wall that separates him and Bo. Four and a half inches of plaster between his bed and his twin's; been that way since childhood and will be like that when they're long since grown.

He hears the clatter of pots and pans from the kitchen and knows Bo is making a mess of breakfast. The smell of burning milk will fill the house until dinner if he doesn't get out of bed. Lester's going to be late for school again if Vincent doesn't swoop in to save the pan of oatmeal that he knows Bo is ruining.

Stumbling up, he gets dressed, pulling a sweater over the t-shirt he's already wearing and searching for his jeans amongst the laundry on the floor.

He leaves his room, walking down to the end of the hall to check on momma. She's still asleep, thankfully. Hopefully she'll stay that way until they can feed Lester and drive him to the next town over. In a few weeks he'll be getting his own driving permit, which will save Bo a lot of trouble ferrying him around everywhere.

When he gets to the kitchen, Bo is stirring a pot on the stove and yelling at Lester to get his school bag ready (a hand-me-down from Bo himself), like he's still a kid. Like he isn't gonna be graduating in a year or so.

Vincent's never been able to stomach oatmeal but Bo loves it. Always too thick and too bland and too plain. He thinks that's why Bo likes it.

Still, he takes over cooking --

("Let me," he signs and Bo hands over the spoon gratefully.)

-- and serves up two bowls of oatmeal, with at least three servings left because Bo eats like he's never going to get another meal. Plus a bowl for their momma, if she feels like eating.

With no time to spare, they bundle Lester into the truck and Vincent watches him and Bo drive off down the hill, through town and onto the road leading away from Ambrose.

He doesn't want to check on momma again. He's sure, beyond sure, that when she wakes he'll know about it.

He's been avoiding the stack of school work that he left on the sideboard in the family room. Been avoiding it for three weeks because it's worthless now.

Maybe some of it can still be of use, he can incorporate it into the waxworks somehow. He'd been planning a mural of sorts for his final project. There must be a spare wall in the museum, somewhere.

It takes an hour and a half for Bo to get home, and when he does he brings with him bags of groceries. He must have stopped off in town while dropping Lester off.

"I thought we could make gumbo for dinner, I stopped by and got a half-pound of crawfish from that place," Bo explains, unpacking things onto the kitchen counter. He's trying to be nice, Vincent thinks. Nice. That'll be the day.

Vincent leans back and watches him. Soon he's enlisted to the chopping board and he slices celery rhythmically. He has nothing else to do.

Bo sets the pan of crawfish and stock and spices and the vegetables to simmer away on the stove; it'll take all day to boil and reduce and turn into something good.

When they leave the kitchen Vince notices the stack of letters on the table by the door. Bo didn't mention they got any mail.

They while away the day watching TV and... well not much else. They alternate who picks the show, falling into old habits that Vincent doesn't think they'll ever grow out of. Bo picks Geraldo, then Vincent chooses Murder, She Wrote. Bo wants to watch Star Trek after that and then Vincent sees Dynasty and Bo complains but he's more invested in it than Vincent ever is, and then MacGyver is on and Bo perks up again.

(Their viewing is punctuated by silent trips upstairs to see to momma. They don't talk about it.)

They do this all day until Bo realises he's going to be late to pick up Lester from school and leaves in a flurry of curses, stumbling over his untied laces as he makes for the door.

Lester comes home and goes to his room because he doesn't want to be around the twins. Hasn't ever since Vince came home and the storm clouds peaked the horizon. For three weeks it's been brewing until it churns silently above the Sinclair house. Lester's always had a good intuition.

He comes down for dinner and Bo makes them sit at the table and makes Lester talk about his day, like they're a happy family that does that sort of thing.

Later, when Lester has retreated to his room and they've finished helping momma eat her dinner, just barely, the twins are both tired and thoughtless. Bo bangs into the sideboard in the family room and Vincent's schoolwork goes flying. Pages of sketches flutter to the floor and Bo has to stop dead in his tracks as to not step on any of them.

He glances guiltily at Vincent and Vince isn't quite sure what he's feeling guilty about. He hopes its for -- well, he hopes it's for bringing him back here.

"You oughta move all this," Bo says, trying to sound authoritative but he isn't meeting Vincent's eye.

"Why?" Vincent asks, but he makes a move to collect the fallen pages anyway. Really he just wants Bo to say it, to confirm what he's made happen.

"'Cause it's goin' to get ruined if you leave it lyin' aroun', want me to keep knockin' it aroun' all time?"

Vincent knows not to bait him but he does it anyway, "It's not like I'm going to need any of it anyway."

"Well, you're not just gonna throw it out, are you?"

"It doesn't matter either way."

"Quit it, Vince."

"Quit what?"

"You know what. Look, I'm sorry! Is that what you wanna hear?"

"I do, actually."

Bo scowls, looking his twin dead in the eye just like he's always done, "I know you blame me but it's not my fault momma's sick! What, you gonna say you don't wanna look after her? Gonna leave her to rot away on her own?"

"That's not why you really dragged me back here! You did it because you're never going to leave and you didn't want me to get away either."

Bo's lip twitches and pulls into a smile. "You think you were ever gonna leave for good? You'd be back, once you finished that goddamn waste o' time college degree, you'd be back, 'cause there's nowhere else for you to fuckin' go."

"I lasted well enough without you."

Bo doesn't reply, but Vince can see his jaw clench. He walks off, boots leaving dirty prints on the few remaining scattered pages.

Vincent doesn't move. Breaths out deeply and then stoops to pick up the dirtied pages. None of it matters now anyway. He hears Bo stomp upstairs and wonders if he'll come back down in time for Tales from the Crypt tonight. Glancing over at the table by the door, he remembers the stack of mail that Bo had left there.

Vincent finds the envelope with the LSU seal and tears it open.

*

Bo does reappear just as Vincent turns over to the Cryptkeeper. They sit side by side on the worn-out couch like they always do and watch the tale.

As he lies in bed, awake long after he and Bo went upstairs, Vincent thinks that perhaps it's a blessing that their momma had one of her good days whilst he and Bo argued. He'd almost forgotten about her.

Before he falls asleep he hears the sound of rain, a downpour, on the windows.

[lizzy-williams]

𝐦𝐫. 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏)

((Howdy there, this is my first time writing on here, so I hope you enjoy!))

Masterlist

Summary: You accept a job as an assistant to the now world-famous Colson Baker, who shattered the charts with his album Tickets To My Downfall, and an Oscar winner for his success in the award-winning film titled Midnight in the Switchgrass, which also starred his ex, Megan Fox. But once you are accepted for the job, you seem to get closer than anticipated with Mr. Baker. 

𝑾𝑯𝑬�� 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑯𝑨𝑫 graduated with a bachelor’s degree in business administration, you had never expected to be getting a job like this. Sure, you had heard about your employer. He had won an Oscar for christ’s sake. Not to mention a Grammy-winning album. You had to say that personally, you were a fan, which was one of the main reasons you interviewed for the job. But never in a million years did you think you would land it. 

When you were employed, you were expected to start right after you had applied, which you obliged, even though his house was a thirty-minute drive away. 

So now, there you were, sitting in your car, taking deep breaths. You had arrived several minutes early. You had pulled into the driveway, breathing in and out as you prepared yourself. You were excited but scared out of your mind.

“Come on, AJ, you got this, just go in there and try to not be a nuisance,” you spoke to yourself. With a deep breath, you exited the vehicle brushing yourself up, walking up the long, intimidating stairs. 

You raised your hand up, taking hold of the lion-shaped knocker and knocked three times, the echos being heard even from the outside. The door was large and almost looming over you with its height. You took the waiting time to look around at the garden out front, trimmed to perfection and colorful pink roses littering the gravel. It was nothing less than stunning. 

“Who’s there?” a voice asked, making you jump, your eyes shifting around. 

You then realized the voice was a Ring doorbell system, and you mentally slapped yourself for not just using that. You leaned down slightly, trying to meet the camera’s eye, giving a warm smile. 

“Um, I’m Adeline Williams, I’m the new assistant for Mr. Baker, I was instructed to start today,”

“Yeah, I’ll be right down.” 

The voice was deeper then what you would think Mr. Baker would sound like, having seen plenty of interviews. Suddenly the door swung open, revealing a tall African-American male. He had to be at least six feet tall. 

“What’s up, I’m Slim,” He held his hand out for a handshake, which you quickly took. 

“Yeah, I’m Adeline, but you can just call me AJ,” you responded, “Where is Mr. Baker?”

“Yeah, he’s still asleep. His manager made you a binder for your duties and other stuff. It’s good to meet you though, just feel free to come in and grab your stuff in the kitchen.” He stated, stepping aside and motioning for you to enter. 

You walked in, taking in the entryway. The walls were littered with gold record plaques for collabs he had done with other artists. Paintings of him were scattered around, some furniture almost automatically spotted that looked more expensive than your entire apartment. The ceiling was high-up, light fixtures illuminating the space, giving off a warm feel to the area. 

You slipped off your flats, Slim already slipping away into the maze of the house, leaving you to find the kitchen by yourself. Your sock-clad feet patted across the hard floor, your eyes wandering around, trying to find the kitchen in the stupidly large house. 

You walked down a hallway, reaching another large room, but now the walls were covered in posters and guitars, a drum set in the corner, recording systems, speakers, and even a Monster Energy Drink sponsored mini fridge which was fully stocked, drawings and art above it, the window next to it letting a fair amount of light in, the curtains drawn. You walked over to the drum set, running your hand on one of the symbols, which had sadly had a light coat of dust on it. Come to think of it, so did most of the other instruments.

“You could play them if you want,” another voice said behind you, making you jump and whip around, your eyes instantly meeting the eyes of your employer. 

He was tall, six foot four according to Google, his exposed chest littered with so many tattoos, you couldn’t possibly count them all. His bleach-blond hair was long and shaggy on top of his head, meaning he had probably just woken up, grey sweatpants covering his bottom half, the hem of his boxers peeking over the waistband of the grey material, making you blush and meet his eyes again. 

“Oh, um, I’m sorry, I don’t play,” you then mentally slapped yourself once again, “Sorry, what am I saying. I’m Adeline - Um, Williams, I’m here as your new assistant.” 

He looked you up and down, taking in you attire, a slight sneer appearing on his face, only for a second. You guessed by his reaction that you were over-dressed. 

“You look like a kindergarten teacher.” he laughed. 

“Uhm, noted, do you... want me to take off my sweater or something?” you asked. 

He scoffed, biting his lip and turning away, holding back from saying something that you were guessing would piss you off. 

You sighed, slipping off your sweater and messing with your hands, “Would you mind showing me to your kitchen? Your friend, Slim told me that your manager had had something in there for me,”

“Yeah, follow me,” he muttered, turning on his heel and walking away, your own small feet scuttering across the floor, following him. 

And of course, the kitchen was as stunning at the rest of the house, the size, making it look like a gourmet kitchen. And there on one of the granite countertops was a .5 inch pale white binder. Colson walked over to his coffee machine, starting it up and watching you walk over, opening it up. 

It listed normal duties like setting up venues for tours, making appointments with the production company, merchandise shipment, and payment, normal duties for Colson himself, (Making iced coffee, booking flights, rides for Casie, his daughter, for school, etc.), and traveling with him to the recording studio for sessions, along with renting time for the studio itself. 

“So, what do ya think. The list gonna scare you off?” he asked, a sly smile on his face. 

“Well, seems easy enough. It just seems like a lot of booking things.” you smiled, “But it shouldn’t be a problem at all, Mr. Baker.”

He grimaced, “Yikes, just call me Colson. You make me sound like an old man. And if I’m going to be seeing you every day, we kinda need to be on a first-name basis.” he said, opening one of the hundreds of cabinets on the wall, pulling out a mug, “What’s your name again?”

“Adeline. But you can just call me AJ.” you looked back down at the papers, turning to a page to all the numbers needed for your position. 

“What’s the J?” 

“Huh?” you asked, not looking away from the page. 

“Well, in AJ I already know what the A is, so what’s the J?” He smirked, pouring the coffee grounds into the coffee maker, pressing start. 

“Oh, um, Jane.” you shrugged off. 

“Adeline Jane Williams,” he repeated to himself out loud. 

Your heart unintentionally fluttered. Never in a million years did you think that Colson Baker, Machine Gun Kelly, would ever say your full name. 

The day went by smoothly, your brain soon catching onto the rhythm of things, you and Colson making small talk as you typed away, sending emails to the publishing companies, his agent, manager, and PR team. Colson would occasionally text you to make him a drink, which you did, always getting right back to work afterward. People came in and out, paying you no mind. The only one you honestly recognized was Rook, his drummer, who only came in to grab a beer from the fridge. Soon enough, the time reached 5 o’clock. 

“So, what do you wanna eat?” he suddenly asked, walking into the kitchen area, leaning over the counter you were working at. 

The sound of the TV played as you heard the laughter of a group of people in the other room. 

“Oh, I honestly have no preference,” you answered honestly, looking up from your Chromebook. 

“You sure? Me and the guys were gonna Postmate some stuff, but they can’t decide either.”

“Ummm, I heard there’s a really good restaurant downtown called Beau Jo's. Hear they have a mean menu of Cajun food.” you perked up, 

“Alright, Beau Jo’s it is.” He responded, picking up his phone and walking away. 

Even though you two had small talk, you still felt like he was so cold to you. Like he didn’t like you, or he didn’t trust you. But you really needed this job. After you finished with your work, you walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. 

There, you were greeted with glancing eyes of 20 or more people, who were scattered throughout the space. 

A man walked up to you, looking eccentric as ever. You only knew him because you knew he dated Bella Thorne, but you would never tell him that. 

“Heyyyy, you must be the new assistant. Welcome to the best years of your life!” he greeted, slinging an arm around your shoulders, a cola in his other hand. The smell of expensive cologne. 

“Modern Sunshine, I presume?” I asked in a snobby British accent, making him laugh. 

“Yo Kells! I like this chick!” he called out to Colson, who was across the room talking to some blond broad in short shorts and a crop top. 

“Why don’t you come meet the rest of the guys.”

Well, you knew it was coming. It was the end of the night and everyone had gone home, and it was your job to order Ubers for everyone who wasn’t fit to drive. (Which was close to half the people there). 

You gathered up your things, sighing as you grabbed your kindergarten teacher sweater, packing it in your bag along with your computer and everything else. Finally, you tucked the binder into the back pocket. 

“You heading out?” Colson asked from behind you, his hand on your shoulder. 

Your arms formed goosebumps as you looked back smiling, “Yeah, I think it’s that time.” 

“Cool. Well, have a good night.” he said while you slipped on your flats, “Oh, and one more thing before you go.”

You turned your head to look into his eyes. 

“Tomorrow wear something more... spicy,”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #424

“got no superspeed, but i’m running this town”

What is the first line in the song you are currently listening to/last listened to? "I’m running out of time; I hope that I can save you somehow.” Are you an easy lay? Not in the slightest. What was the last reason you cried? Life and how inexplicably I'm failing at it. What’s hurting you right now? More like what isn't. Do you remember important dates? Only some. I'm awful with numbers. Do you own anything with the Playboy Bunny on it? No. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever played Gamecube? At a friend's house. Have you ever played with toy cars before? Yeah, with my nephew. He LOVES monster trucks. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh, definitely. I loved picking them up as a kid. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just plain 'ole iceberg lettuce with ranch, really. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? Holy hell no, I SUCK. What was/is your high school mascot? A firebird. Can you make cute little animals by folding paper? God no, I'm awful at origami. Like, I have zero concept of how to do it. What kind of music do you like? Various types of metal and rock. Do you like apple juice? Yeah. Do you like to draw? It's funny, like I do love it, but I barely ever do it because I get frustrated when I can't get what's in my head onto paper. What do you put on your french fries? Generally ketchup. How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? Two. Do you want to have a big family in the future? I don't want kids, just pets. Probably a lot of pets. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? I've had multiple pet rats and I adore them. I've come to find I'm not the best at keeping rodents because changing the bedding so much sucks ass, but nevertheless they are fantastic pets for people who don't mind the maintenance. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yes. I haven't written in a while, though. I just have absolutely zero motivation to RP. Are you good at reading people's body language? I probably overanalyze it, really. Ever threatened somebody and actually went through with it? I don’t threaten people. Does holding newborn babies scare you? Extremely. I feel like they're made of thin glass. Piercings: yay or nay? I LOVE piercings. They add an interesting touch to your appearance and to me just (usually) look super cool. There are very few piercings I don't like. Do you have a collage of pictures in your bedroom? No, but I want to make a motivation board very badly. Favorite Nicholas Cage movie? Ghost Rider. Were video games better in the 1980s, 1990s, or the 2000s? Why? '80s games bore me honestly, but I love some '90s and many 2000s games. I've got to say ultimately newer games win, because of graphics increasing immersion (no, I do not whatsoever believe graphics are everything or always make a better experience), voice acting improving immensely, etc. Have you ever watched The Beverly Hillbillies? Yes! Mom loves it so I used to watch it a lot with her as a kid. I'd still watch it. Did your mother ever sing lullabies to you when you were younger? Yes. Are you ready to get out of this town? I HATE THIS TOOOWN, IT'S SO WASHED UUU-UP, AND ALL MY FRIENDS DON'T GIVE A FUUU-UUUUUCK god hell yes get me the fuck out. Do you know anybody that is pregnant right now? Quite a few. What are you listening to? "Superluv” by Shane Dawson. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. Does your father have any facial hair? Yes. Did your grandparents teach you anything? My maternal grandmother, the only one I really ever knew, taught me I'm a disappointment, pretty much. And a bitch. Do you want/have a Bachelor’s degree? It'd be nice to have one, but I don't, and I'm not pursuing it again. I've wasted enough of my parents' money. Are you into superheroes? Who’s your favourite? Not seriously, but I enjoy them well enough. I like Spider-Man. What did you have for dinner last night? Mom ordered Mexican. I had two shrimp and cheese quesadillas and rice with cheese. Do you think you look similar to your siblings? No. Have you ever played Cards Against Humanity? Did you like it? Yeah, it's fun. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yes. Are you close to your father? I am. Have you ever had a serious conversation with your dad? Yeah. Would you rather have long or short hair? I enjoy having short hair way more. Who did you go/plan on going with to prom? I went with Jason twice. Have you ever been to a debate and speech tournament? Hell no, and I never would. Arguing makes me cry lmao. Are you someone who enjoys stand-up comedy? Yep. What’s one thing that scares you about living alone and being independent? A lot of things do, but one thing in specific that I fear is that I let the house become cluttered and messy. I'm so shit at cleaning, especially when I'm depressed. It's why my own bedroom isn't even fully decorated, and we've lived here since I wanna say last November. If someone offered you an all-expenses paid trip to one European country, where would you go and why? Germany, 'cuz I enjoy the culture and would love to try some foods and visit places. Have you ever won anything on the lottery? No. Are you interested in the World Cup? I couldn't possibly care less. What’s the longest time you’ve ever been on a plane for? Idk. Do you let your hair dry naturally or do you towel-dry it or blow dry it? I use a towel to dry it some, then let it really get the job done naturally. How many of the Harry Potter books have you read? None. Who last gave you their number? When I posted on Facebook about going on a mental health hiatus, my good friend Alon messaged me her number if I ever needed to talk. I was really thankful. Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Honestly yeah. I'm slow to grasp a lot of things. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? Never gotten or given one. Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? Yes to both. Are you mad right now? I'm annoyed, but not mad. Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? No. Has anyone ever called the cops on you? No. Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Yeah, I love milk. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? It is EXTREMELY sensitive. What was the last situation to upset you? I'd rather not talk about it. Have you ever had an online argument? I have been heavily active on the Internet since I was like, 11. Maybe younger. I have been in plenty. Are you at risk for any medical issues? A lot of heart problems run in my family. I'm also suspicious I may develop diabetes, which also runs very heavily in my family. What were you doing at 7:00 a.m.? Surprisingly, I was asleep. Do you own a robe? No. What would you consider your life to be? A wreck. What is your favorite mark of punctuation? I like question marks. Who knows your biggest secret? Nobody. Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Probably not. How do you know? I just doubt it. I'm so unlikable right now. Could you go a day without eating? I don't think I could. I do not react to stomach pain well, and that includes when I'm hungry. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None. What’s your favorite drink? Strawberry Sunkist, but I don't allow myself to have it. I will DESTROY a can or five of it. Who was the last person that texted you? My mom. What are you craving? Nothing really right now. What was the first thing you ate today? An everything bagel. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. Have you taken any medication today? Yeah, I take some prescription meds in the morning and at night. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but that'd be cool. Do you know anyone who has diabetes? My mom, for one. Have you ever made a boy cry? Sadly. Who are you talking to? Nobody. Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? Absolutely. Your parents split; would you want to live with your mom or dad? My parents are divorced, and I stayed with Mom. Would you strongly prefer to go out with someone of your own skin color/racial background? I couldn't care less. For you personally, is abortion an option in case of an accidental pregnancy? For others, absolutely. It's your right. For me myself, it's possible, idk. If I was God forbid raped, I probably would have an abortion. If I accidentally got pregnant in a healthy relationship, I'd probably have a "too bad, so sad" outlook where I'd suck it up and go through with the gestation because having sex and risking pregnancy was my own decision. Even if I'm pro-choice, I think I'd feel too guilty aborting, especially with the child being someone's I love. Is it a requirement that you communicate every day with your significant other (via phone, text, in person, whatever)? IF I had an s/o, no. I like to, but sometimes you just want space. Are you fetish-friendly? I'm not gonna lie, some fetishes are just too fucking weird for me. I TRY not to judge, because I doubt you can actually help fetishes, but I inevitably do sometimes. If you're asking would I engage in fetishes because my s/o liked them, possibly, but it would really depend on what it is. Have you ever cosplayed? No. I think cosplay is really cool, though. Do you support the exploration of outer space? If yes, would you consider taking a trip into space, or even to another planet? As creatures who crave knowledge and understanding of our universe, I do support space exploration, but I do NOT believe we should be spending as much money as we do on it. Taking care of the planet we're actually on is far more important imo. I wouldn't personally go to outer space. Is it okay for men to wear makeup? What’s your opinion of male crossdressers? It's totally okay! Guys with makeup can be super attractive. Crossdressers, too. Go for it. You’re in a new relationship and your partner admits that they have had 14 sexual partners. Does that sound like a lot to you? For me personally, yes. I don't even know if I'd date someone with 14 past sexual partners, honestly. I would admittedly question their loyalty. Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity? No. If someone asked you, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” would you know the answer right away? I would. What is your opinion concerning strip clubs? Not my scene at all, but so long as you respect the dancers, whatever. You do you.

[dpimagines]

Softer; Wade Wilson feat. Vanessa Carlysle

warnings & details: reader is photokinetic! This means they can manipulate light waves. My version of photokinesis includes being able to absorb light, sometimes unintentionally. Wade and reader both devalue themselves to sex objects at certain points due to low self-confidence. F/S = Favorite Show.  

Wade bursts the door open with excitement, but before shouting “Honeys, I’m home!” he realizes the TV is on. You didn’t stir at the loud door, but he recognizes your favorite show on the TV.

It was something that you and Vanessa watched together, she’d gotten you a box set of the complete series, for your birthday last year. He wonders if that’s what made it your favorite. Either way, you were curled up on the couch, snuggled in a blanket. He was about to get closer to you, to kiss your forehead and tell you he was finally home.

“You know, she stayed up waiting for you. Again.” Vanessa comes out on the bedroom in a robe, looking over you, sadly.

“She should be used to me being late.”

“But she shouldn’t be so goddamn used to you breaking promises,” Vanessa disagrees.

“Promises?”

“It’s her birthday.” She looks at the clock. “Or it was, about three hours ago. Cake’s on the table if you want some, asshole.”

Wade shakes his head, the rare feeling of being ashamed washing over him.

“She begged me to wait, but once it became obvious you weren’t gonna make it… She said we’d eat the cake, but she’d wait to open her present from me, in case you got her anything. Did you?” She nearly snarls the words.

“Yeah, totally, I got her… A gun!” He lifts one from one of his holsters excitedly.

Vanessa presses a finger to her lips, before telling him:

“Y/N’s a dagger person, remember?”

“I take you two for granted,” he sighs.

“Especially her,” she adds bitterly. Vanessa had been the one to introduce you to the relationship, and while Wade definitely loves you just as much, it feels like she’s the only one who shows it, at least to you.

He smooths your hair back, away from your perfect face. Wade looks like he does, and he has the audacity to not only not show up to your mini birthday celebration as he promised, but to forget it as well! You hadn’t even wanted a party. He’d offered, like he was actually gonna make it, but you said you just wanted to spend your special day with the people who mattered.

Maybe this was his subconscious telling him he didn’t.

“What a piece of shit I am…” He mumbles. “I’ll go get her something. Something nice, that she’ll like.”

You begin to stir, sleepy little moans coming from your lips as you try to wake up. You rub at an itchy eye, and that’s when you notice the tall red figure at the end of the couch, the one you’d been waiting for since forever.

“Wade!” You cheer, immediately scrambling to get up and hug him. You wrap your arms tightly around him, so excited. “I’m so glad you’re back, V told me you weren’t gonna make it, but you did, you did, you… Didn’t.” He watches your heart break as you look at the clock, next to the door. “Oh. Well, that’s okay. The cake doesn’t disappear. Neither do- does the present.”

Vanessa usually enjoyed telling people “I told you so.”

She silently hands you the small box, heart in her throat, and you unwrap it, opening the velvet box that was hidden in the paper.

“It’s the brooch from the other day! Oh, Ness, I can’t believe you! How did you even- I don’t wanna know. Thank you! Right now, I just wanna cuddle with my two favorite people in the world.”

That breaks him. No matter how he screws up, you never make him face any real consequences. The relationship doesn’t even need him, not in his head. There’s already a strap-on available to you both, and all he’s good for is that. He’s just a detriment.

“Why don’t you hate me?” He asks.

“Huh? Why would I hate you?” You wonder. Sure, he’s late, but it wasn’t for nothing. He has other, more important responsibilities. It doesn’t matter how you feel, not to you. Besides, you’re just the addition. They’re the real couple.

“I promised I’d be here, Y/N. And I let you down. I always let you down.”

“You were just busy,” you reassure. “Your job is way more important than m-“

“Don’t. Don’t you dare fucking say that,” Vanessa cuts you off, her heart breaking for you. There was no malice in your tone, you’ve just learned the lesson Wade’s taught you and it kills the both of them that they didn’t stop it.

“It’s true?” You say, but it comes out more like a question. “Having your priorities in order isn’t a bad thing.”

“But they weren’t in order, Y/N. I love you, and it’s- It was your birthday. I missed it, I didn’t see you the entire day. I completely forgot. Doesn’t that feel like shit?” He asks.

“Yeah,” you admit, and, finally, a bit of sadness shows in your expression. “It does. But that doesn’t matter, you had more important things to do and that’s okay.” The sadness dissipates from your face, but Wade and Vanessa both know it lingers inside of you.

“But it isn’t!”  Vanessa insists.

“Baby…” Wade croons. “You gotta believe me when I say I’m sorry. But, being sorry doesn’t mean the way I’ve treated you is okay. Okay?”

“Okay,” you reply.

“I’m gonna try to work on it, but can you please call me out on my bullshit more?”

“I guess…” you say. “I just wanna go to bed, why can’t we go to bed? We can make a ‘Nessa sandwich!”

“What about a Y/N sandwich? It’s- It was your birthday, after all,” Wade offers. You shake your head, rapid and insistent. They both sigh sadly, but you just wanna cuddle Vanessa and go back to sleep.

The three of you make your way to the bedroom, performing your nighttime routines before cozying up in bed. Vanessa lays down between you two, opening her arms to you. You’d typically latch onto her for comfort, but this time you just shake your head and turn over.

You don’t see the hurt expression on her face, or how she silently denies Wade the right to touch her.

Once you’re confident they’re both asleep, hearing Wade’s steady breathing and Vanessa’s soft snores, you enact your plan. You can’t stay here anymore. You care for them both so much, but you see now that you’re just a strain on the relationship, a guest star whose role had become too big because of poor writing.

You’re already partially packed, you’ve been subtly putting your clean clothes from the laundry into your suitcase. You lived at Xavier’s before this, it was how you met Wade and Vanessa. You still work there now, you’d started teaching the kids music after you finished your bachelor’s degree. Your birthday was the last chance you’d given yourself to get him to care. You know Vanessa does, but now you know for sure that all he sees you as is someone who can give Vanessa something he can’t, just another woman to touch with the lights off.

There’s no way he’s really sorry, is there? He always does this, no matter how it affects you. You know you don’t deserve better, but you’d rather just be alone than deal with this or worse.

You quietly sob as you stuff your things into various bags, an Uber already ordered. You leave the box set of F/S, but not a note. You leave the apartment complex, and don’t look back.

When you arrive at the school, you know it’s late, but don’t care. You enter. Logan’s standing watch. You’ve always liked him, even if he doesn’t seem to like anyone but his adorable daughter, much less you.

“My old room still available?” you ask, biting your lip to hold back the tears you had to hold in once you got in the Uber.

“Yeah, kid,” he says. “Go on.”

“Thanks,” you tell him, trudging up the stairs with all your bags hanging from you. You know you look like shit, and you don’t even care anymore. You’re almost relieved to be alone. That, or you’re just relieved that you don’t have to address your own issues anymore because they don’t affect anyone else but you.

You drop your various bags on the floor, flopping into your old bed and rolling yourself into a poorly-constructed burrito before crashing.

The next morning, you wake up on time. You open your eyes, expecting to be safe in Vanessa’s arms before remembering yesterday.

Worst.

Birthday.

Ever.

You untangle yourself from the comforter and top sheet, getting dressed and ready for breakfast, grabbing something small before heading to your classroom to get set up for the day. You know that Wade and Vanessa probably aren’t even awake yet. They don’t even know you’re gone. That ties your stomach in a knot, wondering how they’ll react. Will they not even care, or worse, will they try to contact you in some way? You just want a clean break.

Your first two periods are elementary schoolers, then you’d have two periods of middle schoolers, with a lunch break in the middle, and the last two periods would be the highschoolers. You had it pretty easy.

The kids giggle amongst each other this morning, as they grab their clickers on the way to their spots on the rug. You arch an eyebrow at all of them.

“Okay, kids, you know how it goes. Vote for your favorite color based on the choices, and the votes’ll go to my laptop. First place and second place will be used to show high and low notes, respectively.”

“What’s respectively mean, again?” Leah asks.

“Well, in what I was saying it means that first place will be high notes, and second place will be low notes.”

The girl nods in acknowledgement, and you notice that all the votes are in.

“You all voted for… Red,” you realize, looking at the computer screen. Your heart hurts a little bit at the thought of the color, but you know they’re just playing a practical joke, and it is pretty amusing. “I see. Well, whatever shall I do?” You play along, before taking some light produced by the ceiling light and creating a gradient from medium to dark red.

“Wow…” the kids ooh and ah at the sparkling thing, as they typically do.

“Alrighty, let’s do solfège  as a warm-up. Do, re, mi, fa, so…” you continue the scale, heading to the piano while your students sing along. “Now, we need to practice. The school concert is soon, and all the choirs are going to perform. That means I get to steal you guys from your second period teacher a few days next week so you can practice as a group with the other kids from your level. But that also means we need to practice hard! Stand in your positions, please, everyone,” you request, like you’re commandeering twenty kids as opposed to ten, because that’s what you’re practicing for.

You move the light so that it’s above the piano, and begin to play. You play the background music as well as the notes the kids are supposed to sing, letting the light gradient glow brighter at the high and low ends to remind them where their voices should be.

“I'll stand by you / Take me in, into your darkest hour / And I'll never desert you / I'll stand by you / I'll stand by you / Won't let nobody hurt you / I'll stand by you / Won't let nobody hurt you / I'll stand by you…” the kids finish the song, and you stand from the piano bench, applauding.

“That was amazing, you guys! I’m so proud!” You find yourself wiping away a couple tears, impressed with how far they’ve come.

“Don’t cry, Miss L/N!” Adam says, running over and slamming you with a hug. He’s a small, sensitive boy, but with super strength. “I’m sorry we made you sad.”

“I’m not sad, I promise,” you technically lie. “Sometimes, when someone is really happy, they’re so happy that it overwhelms them and they cry. You kids make me that happy with how hard you work. I’m really proud of every single one of you.” Adam goes back to his position, and you begin the next song: True Colors by Cyndi Lauper.

After a few rounds of both songs, a bathroom break, and some constructive criticism (as well as praise,) the kids head on to their next class.

“Lather, rinse, repeat,” you tell yourself, and you do.

Until your lunch break.

The kids leave for lunch, but you find that you just can’t.

You think about yesterday, how everything’s over. You probably should’ve said something before going, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to. You look to the velvet box holding the brooch on your desk and think that maybe you should call Vanessa now, but the lump from last night returns to your throat and your eyes water up. You realize you’re going to be alone forever, and the waterworks start up again, choking sobs overtaking you. You hide your face in your hands, elbows supporting you on your desk.

There’s a pounding on the door.

“Go on to lunch, third period isn’t for another half hour!” you weakly tell the student or teacher that’s trying to bother you on your break, before dissolving into tears again.

The door opens, and you scramble for a tissue, dabbing at tears and hoping you don’t look like you’ve been sobbing your heart out.

“Oh, love, you look like you’ve been sobbing your heart out,” Vanessa sympathetically says as she enters behind Wade, hurrying towards you.

Wade beats her to you, though, practically yanking you out of your chair and into his arms.

“Oh, thank god, you’re okay. I thought someone took you,” Wade sighs.

“Why would they take me?”

“To get to me or V,” Wade says, like it’s the most obvious thing. “But if no one took you, why were you gone? Why are you crying?”

“I told you, she left. Her stuff is all gone,” Vanessa reminds him. “Tell him, Y/N. And make it clear why.”

“I just don’t belong. I wanted a clean break, because I got too attached to you both, had my expectations too high, considering what I am,” you tell him, avoiding the whites of the mask. Since you couldn’t see him blinking, or any indication of emotion in his eyes, it just felt like an unwavering burn of a gaze. You shrink back, leaning against your desk.

“W-What do you mean, what you are?” Wade stutters.

“I’m just someone who can give Vanessa something you can’t. Just another woman to touch in the dark. I know that’s all it is for you, and that’s okay, because I was the one who built it up to be something it wasn’t in my head. You won’t even let me see your face, and she can. I don’t know why I thought there wasn’t a difference between us.”

“But you didn’t make it up, it evolved from the fling into that. You’re right, originally it was just meant to be a fling, but- But I thought we all loved each other. You- You love me, too, don’t you?”

“Of course I love you, but that doesn’t mean- What?”

“Why do you think yesterday was so upsetting, Y/N?” Vanessa asks you, and you look to her. That’s much easier. She has the softest brown eyes you’ve ever seen and the sweetest smile no matter what emotion it’s conveying. “Tell her, Wade.”

“V and I got a divorce,” he says.

“W-what? I didn’t think they could finalize them that quickly, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble, you two should really go, this is exactly why I wanted a clean break, I-”

“No, babe, not today, and it’s not because of you. Well, not like that,” he reassures, cupping your face in one of his gloved hands. “You see, we decided we didn’t want to be married anymore if we couldn’t be married to the one we both love. So, we got a no-fault divorce, it was finalized about a week ago. We just couldn’t find the right time to tell you.”

“Y-you… You don’t mean…”

“We do,” Vanessa confirms, putting a hand over yours where they rest of the desk. Wade removes his hand from your face, putting it on top of hers.

“But I’m just…”

“Just what? Just as important as us?” Wade tells you, and V nods.

“Quite the opposite,” you reply, looking down at your shoes. Wade tilts your chin up with his free hand, seeming to be searching your face for something. “What?”

“I just- You’re so beautiful compared to me, and I still managed to take you so far for granted that you ran away from home. I’ll do anything if it means you’ll come home to us. Anything,” Wade insists.

It’s so tempting to ask him, but you know it’s wrong to pressure him that way. He seems to get it, though, from your poorly-hidden longing stare. He peels the mask off, and you can’t help but literally glow when you see him. He smiles at your reaction, and the next thing you can’t help is the big kiss you give him, arms flinging themselves around his neck while he hoists you onto the desk. When you break for air, he looks down at you, and you’re happy to look back into his eyes.

“Whoa there, Ms. L/N, we’re at school,” Wade jokes.

“No, I’m not going to spank you with a yardstick,” you joke back, and he and Vanessa both laugh. “I have more classes in a little while, but I promise I’ll come back home after school.”

“Good,.” Wade pulls his mask back on. “See you later, I love you!” he sing-songs, skipping out of the class and down the hall.

Vanessa gives you a long, sweet kiss, admiring your eyes with her own afterwards, and you realize that despite loving both sets, that Wade’s eyes are even softer.

[penmansparadise]

Steve Harrington Imagine Request- My Little Buddy

*I DO NOT OWN ANY GIFS POSTED* *CREDIT TO GIF OWNERS*

Hello everyone!!  I promised an imagine and here it is!  This was a request from like forever ago, like LAST YEAR (lol bad dad joke I know) that I finally had the chance to write.  I apologize now for how long this imagine is lol I got a little carried away.  Anyway,  I mentioned some great songs, one is my all time favorite song like ever, can you guess which one??   I hope that you all enjoy it and feel free to send in requests or send in asks!!  Xx.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Mild language 

BEEP! BEEP!  “Good morning Hawkins, Indiana!  It is another beautiful August morning on this sunny Monday.  What a way to start the week!  Here to start off your day is Tears For Fears with their hit song, “Everyone Wants to Rule the World”.

You rolled over yawning and stretching out your limbs.  The remnants of the heat from your husband was still present on the sheets next to you.  A small smile pricked at the corners of your mouth as you let your fingertips graze the warm surface.  As you lay there, your eyes lifted to see a picture from your wedding day standing proudly on the nightstand.  A tingly feeling traveled from your toes to your pink cheeks.  That was the day you officially became Mrs. Harrington.

You and Steve met in high school when you moved to Hawkins in 9th grade.  He was the one who approached you.  Being the new kid meant you had no friends which also meant you ate lunch alone.  You sat by yourself, awkwardly eating your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, before Steve made his way over and confidently took a seat next to you.  He gave you a toothy smile, complimented your Styx shirt, and the rest was history.  Throughout the course of freshmen year, the two of you grew closer and closer.  As friends at first, but slowly the tides began to turn.  It started with lingering stares and shy smiles before progressing to soft “accidental” hand touches.  The summer before sophomore year, Steve finally built up enough nerve to ask you to be his girlfriend to which you happily said “Yes”.  The rest of high school went by in a blur as you and Steve did everything together.  You went to every single one of his basketball games and he, begrudgingly, went to every single one of your debate matches.  Midway through senior year, Steve surprised you with a beautiful promise ring.  He slid it onto the finger that, today, holds your ravishing two carat diamond wedding ring.  By the time the both of you graduated high school, you knew Steve was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.  Unsurprisingly enough, three days after your graduation, Steve got down on one knee, professed his love to you, and asked if you would marry him.  With tears in your eyes and excitement in your heart, you said “Yes”.  Fast forward three years later, you and Steve are still happily married.  The two of you bought a house on the outskirts of Hawkins.  Steve, after obtaining his bachelor’s degree, began working as a math teacher at Hawkins Middle School.  You went straight into the work force after high school and started working at the local grocery store as the general manager.  Simple living and the two of you couldn’t be happier.  

You smiled as you chronicled your relationship in your head.  Your eyes moved to the alarm clock sitting next to the picture and you nearly screamed.

“Shit.”  You whispered under your breath as you quickly fumbled out of bed.  Practically falling into the bathroom, you pulled on your khaki pants.

“Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.”  You said in aggravation as you yanked your forest green polo over your head.  As you stood in the bathroom running a hair brush through your hair, you noticed the calendar hanging in your room.  A big red star was drawn under last Monday’s date.  You let yourself ponder over it for a moment, but quickly forgot about it when you realized you were already ten minutes late.  Grabbing your purse and keys, you frantically made your way out the door and into your car before peeling out of your driveway.  

Five minutes later, you pulled into the parking lot with a nagging feeling that you forgot something.  You tried to push the feeling to the back of your head as you walked inside, but for some reason you couldn’t shake it.

“Good morning Mrs. Harrington!”  One of the cashiers called as you walked past.

“Mornin’ Stacy.”  You mumbled hardly loud enough for her to hear.  When you reached your office, you plopped your body into the chair behind your desk.  As your eyes took in all the papers scattered on your desk, they fell onto the calendar spread across the wood top.  Just like the calendar at home, a large red star was present under last Monday’s date.  A puzzled look played on your face when your co-worker, Suzanne, walked in.  

“Jesus am I glad you’re here.”  She huffed rolling her eyes before sitting herself on top of your desk.  She began pulling at her cuticles as she continued speaking.

“Ugh,” she grunted, “this morning was insane.  Brenda dropped a whole basket of tomatoes on the floor resulting in a huge mess; Gary apparently doesn’t know how to use his hands because he dropped some guy’s bottle of soda and shattered it right there in front of him; and to top it all off, the shipment didn’t come in today.  Oh, and Shelly called out which means we’ll have to stock today.”

She finally lifted her eyes from her perfectly manicured fingers and noticed your distressed look.

“What’s wrong with you?”  She asked in confusion.

You shook your head in an attempt to clear it, but failed miserably.

“I don’t know.  I just feel like I forgot something today.  Something is just...missing.”

Suzanne gave you a sympathetic look, “I’m sure you’ll remember Y/N.  And what better way to help you remember than stocking shelves?”

You chuckled before taking a basket full of items and wheeling it out onto the floor.  You began opening boxes and let out a small laugh.  Of course your immature co-worker was too embarrassed to stock the condoms and tampons.  You hummed along to the radio quietly playing “Take On Me” by A-Ha as you stacked boxes of tampons on the shelf.  Your movements were smooth and second nature.  You began to lose yourself in the music when you stopped abruptly.  Still holding a box of tampons, you took in a sharp breath suddenly remembering what was missing.  Your eyes moved slowly to the box of tampons in your hand and you began to get nauseous.  The red star on the calendar in your room, and the same haunting red start on your office calendar, signified something very important was missing.  A voice from behind you pulled you out of your trance.  

“You alright Y/N?  You look a little pale.”  Suzanne said as she placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder.  You jumped back to reality scaring her a little.  She stared at you waiting for you to explain.  You shakily lifted the box of tampons:

“I know what was missing Suzanne.”

Suzanne gave you a questioning look, “Tampons?  Why didn’t you say so?  I have like a whole box in my purse.”

You shook your head furiously, “No Suzanne, my period!  I’m late... a whole week late.”

Suzanne’s eyes widened, “Oh goodness Y/N.  Hang on, stay here.”

She trotted off into the next aisle before coming back with a box of pregnancy tests.  She handed you the box:

“Here.”  She began, “Go home and take one of these.  I’ll handle the rest of your shift.”

You took the box of tests, gave Suzanne a gracious smile and pulled her into a tight hug before heading home.

Driving home was as if you were on autopilot.  Your mind was reeling and not at all focused on the road.  When you pulled into your driveway, you were happy to see that Steve was still at work.  You quickly ran inside, threw your belongings haphazardly onto the coffee table, and made your way to your bathroom.  With your hands shaking, you opened the box of tests and took one.  You had to wait ten minutes before the results would show, so you placed the test on the counter and sat down on the bathroom floor.  Your knee jumped up and down in anticipation.  The clock hanging in your room ticked loudly with every passing minute making your anxiety build even more.  When the tenth minute finally passed, you wearily stood up and took the test into your hands.  Two bold blue lines appeared in the tiny gray window.  You let out a breath as you brought your hand to your mouth.

“I’m pregnant.”  You said quietly to yourself.

Because you were trying to process the news, you didn’t even hear the front door open and close. 

“Y/N?  What are you doing home so early baby?  You usually don’t get home for at least another hour or so.”  Steve shouted from the other room.  You didn’t say anything as you could hear his footsteps getting closer.  You heard him come to a stop in the open bathroom door.

“Honey?  You alright?”  He asked, his voice laced with concern.  Your hand was still resting on your face and the test still in your hand as you slowly turned to face him.  Steve saw your face and quickly moved to you.  His hands immediately grabbed your waist.

“What’s wrong baby?”  He asked moving one hand to wipe away tears you hadn’t realized had fallen down your cheeks.  As he moved his hand back down your back, he noticed the test in your hand.  He gave you a confused look:

“What is that?”  He asked quietly.

You sniffled:

“I’m a week late Steve.”

Steve cocked his head to the side trying to understand what you were telling him.  A small smile curled the corners of your lips:

“This is a pregnancy test and I have the results already.”  You said turning the stick to show Steve the two blue lines.  Still, Steve was oblivious to what you were saying.  You chuckled at his oblivion:

“Steve, I’m pregnant!”  You said pointing to the two blue lines for emphasis.  Steve’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped before he pulled you into a tight hug.  You let out a little yelp when he lifted you off the ground and began to spin you around.  

“You’re pregnant!?  I’m gonna be a dad!?  Finally!  Oh my gosh Y/N this is great!”  Steve shouted before placing you back down on your feet.  Tears sprang to your eyes when he got down on his knees and gently placed his hands on your tummy.  He lifted your shirt and placed a soft kiss on your bare skin sending chills up your spine.

“I’m so glad you’re here and I can’t wait to meet you.  Daddy loves you so much already.”  Steve whispered quietly to your belly before leaving one more soft kiss.  

It wasn’t long after that day when you began to get a bump.  It was small at first, but soon grew bigger and bigger.  Everyday tasks that were once easy started to become tiring quests.  Getting out of bed was no longer a graceful and swift movement.  Instead, with your growing baby bump, getting out of bed became a struggle to make sure your feet were stable before pulling yourself up.  Putting your shoes on was no longer as simple as slipping them on.  Instead, with your new larger tummy, putting your shoes on became a series of jumps and stomps before the shoes finally slid onto your swollen feet.  Being pregnant was a lot harder than you expected.  However, luckily for you, you had Steve by your side the whole time.  

Steve, unsurprisingly, was the husband every pregnant woman wanted.  When he saw you struggling to roll out of bed, he would gently place a hand on your back and help push you up.  When he saw you having troubles putting on your shoes, he would get down on his knees and swiftly slide them onto your feet.  Steve was always asking if you needed anything and was constantly telling you to sit down.  Every day Steve would talk to your belly as if the baby were sitting in front of him.  Every night he would kiss you goodnight and tell you he loves you before leaning down and doing the same to your tummy.  His adoration shined proudly on his face when he smiled at you.  His excitement radiated off of him when he would talk about his soon-to-be-child.

Steve went to every doctor’s appointment with you sitting next to the bed holding onto your hand tightly.  He nearly jumped out of his chair when the doctor said you were having a boy.  That night Steve rambled on and on about everything he was going to teach him:

“I’m gonna teach him now to play basketball and throw the football with him.  I’m gonna teach him how to treat a woman right, we aren’t going to have a jerky kid.  I’m gonna help him with his math homework and teach him everything I know.”  Steve exclaimed to you as he lay next to you that night caressing your large baby bump.

Steve happily went shopping with you when the months turned into days until your baby would be arriving.  He even gave his opinion about clothes to get him:

“We have to buy the plaid because if he’s anything like me, he looks pretty decent in plaid.  But, if he’s anything like you, he’ll look absolutely adorable in it.  It’s a must.”  Steve said throwing a plaid onesie into your basket.

Day’s were turning into hours as you and Steve completed your baby’s room.  A crib in the corner, a rocking chair next to it, and a changing table stocked full with diapers, creams, and wipes.  Your heart would flutter anytime you walked by the room on your way to yours and Steve’s room.  That night, you did your best to cuddle into Steve’s side and smiled.

“He’ll be here soon, you know?”  You asked into the dark room.

Steve gave you a squeeze:

“I know.  I can’t wait.”

“You’re not nervous?”  You asked.

“Hmm,” he hummed, “maybe a little, but I’m more excited.”

You smiled to yourself:

“Have you been thinking of names?”

“I have and I have one picked out.  It’s perfect.”

You propped your head on your hand and looked at his outlined silhouette:

“And what is that?”

Steve turned to you and you could just barely see a wide grin playing on his lips:

“Dustin.”

Your heart skipped a beat as tears sprang to your eyes:

“Why is that the perfect name?”  You tried to ask with a steady voice.

Steve sighed contently:

“Because,” he began, “Dustin is the second most important person in my life.  He is a friend, a brother, and I want to name my son after someone special.”

You quickly wiped away a stray tear before cheekily saying:

“Our son.”

“Right.”  Steve chuckled, “Our son.”

The next morning as you were attempting to roll out of bed, it happened.  You were pulling yourself up to go to the bathroom, when your night gown and the sheets beneath you became wet.  Suddenly a sharp pain emanated from your lower abdomen.  You let out a loud shriek:

“Holy shit Steve!”

Steve slowly rolled over and yawned.

“Sorry, I ate at Mario’s yesterday for lunch.”  Steve said groggily.  Another stab came and your hand flew to your stomach as you took in a sharp breath.

“What!?”  You shouted in annoyance, “No Steve, my water just broke and I’m having contractions!”

Steve sat up so quickly he nearly fell out of the bed.

“What!?  Oh God, okay let’s get you up and ready to go to the hospital.”

Steve sprang into action quickly helping you out of bed and into some street clothes.  He led you to the car and helped you into the passenger seat before going back inside to grab the hospital bag you had prepped the week prior.  The entire car ride Steve was constantly asking if you were okay and your only reply was a groan and a head nod.  Steve sped through Hawkins running every red light and stop sign until he arrived at the hospital.  He jumped out and ran to the passenger side helping you out as gently as he could.  Although he said he wasn’t nervous, you could see his hands shaking when he grabbed the bag from the trunk.  The nurses quickly sat you in a wheel chair and rushed you down the hall into a room.  Everything was happening so fast your vision was starting to blur.  The contractions were two minutes apart and as you were groaning in pain, nurses were swiftly attaching wires to you.

“You’ll only feel a little pinch, okay?  Everything is going to be just fine.”  You heard through all the cacophony.  A small pinch and burning sensation came from your hand as a nurse hooked you up to an IV.  You moaned in pain:

“Somebody please help me.  This baby needs to come out!”

Metal clinked against metal as doctors and nurses arranged their tools.  You began to cry from the pain and loudness of the room.

“Where is the doctor!?  I need a morphine or something, please!”

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  An incessant beeping was chirping in your ear as the pain continued.  Your vision was blurry from your tears and the sweat that was beading on your forehead.  Your breathing felt shallow from the discomfort you were feeling.  Your mind was moving a mile a minute and confusion began to set in when a familiar and comforting hand landed on your shoulder.  Finally, it felt like you could breathe again.  You looked up and there he was, like an angel coming down from heaven, starring down at you with pure affection.

“How are you feeling baby?  It’s almost time, the doctor says your dilated to seven centimeters, whatever that means.”  Steve said with a small chuckle.  You gave him a weak smile before letting out an agonizing groan.  The lights were so bright, you felt like a deer in the headlights.  You could hardly see anything and it felt like it was at least 95 degrees in the room.  Your breathing began to quicken as another contraction came.  You felt Steve take your hand in his.

“It’s time baby.  I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”  He said, his voice floating gracefully over all the noise.  You nodded when you heard a clear deep voice come from the foot of the hospital bed:

“Okay Mrs. Harrington, it’s time.  I’m gonna need you to give me a big push, okay?  One big push and we’ll take a break.”

You took in a couple of small breaths before giving a big push.  A loud groan emitted from you through gritted teeth.  Sweat and tears mixed on your cheeks as you gave another push accompanied by a shriek of pain.  You could hear the doctor and nurses coaching you, but the clearest voice was right next to you.  Steve, quietly and soothingly, spoke directly into your ear:

“You’ve got this baby.  Only a little more, okay?  I know it’s painful, but it’ll be so worth it when you get to hold our little Dustin in your arms.” 

You let out a cry and gave one last push before you could hear the wailing of your son.  A sigh of relief escaped you as you looked to Steve who had tears pooling in his eyes and a look of pure joy on his face.

“Would you like to hold your son Mrs. Harrington?”  The doctor asked you.  You nodded before the doctor handed you your swaddled and howling son.  Tears of joy began to spill over as you wrapped your arms around your baby.  When he nestled into you, his crying stopped, his breathing grew steady, and his tiny little eyes starred at you in wonder.  You smiled through your tears:

“Hi baby.  Are you better now that mommy’s holding you?”  You asked the curious child.  You looked to Steve who was simply watching his son cuddle you.

“Do you want to hold him?”  You asked Steve.  Your question caught him off guard, but he smiled and nodded.  You carefully handed the baby to Steve and began to tear up again as you watched your husband snuggle his son.  Steve wiggled his finger in front of the baby’s face until he gently grabbed it.  He placed a soft kiss on his son’s head:

“Hey Dustin, I’m your daddy.  You don’t know it yet, but we’re going to be best friends.  I love you so much my little buddy.  Mommy and daddy love you so so much.”

Your lips curled up as you continued to watch Steve coo and snuggle your baby.  Steve may not have known it then, but that was the beginning of a wonderful father-son relationship.   

[trinitystudioblog3]

Publication write up

Daneesha Pitolou - lese

HIIII, Im Daneesha (Neesha) “Social butterfly”

I am 20 but turn 21 in December so that's fun! I'm a full blooded Samoan. I was born and raised in Aotearoa, New Zealand with my family of 7, me being the middle child. Oh and we have a dog too his name's Titan who we love and spoil him constantly even though he eats my blankets or whateverrr.  I am fortunate to have been surrounded with lots of family growing up as my grandparents were the first to migrate to New Zealand.

After studying music for two years at the University of Auckland I realised that it just wasn't for me but I really wanted to carry on studying. After reflecting on my strengths I came to the conclusion that you know what, I loved Physical education at highschool. This year is my first year of studying a Bachelor of health and sports science and I have loved every moment of it!. With my degree I am wanting to go back to Mcauley High School and teach P.E.  The Catholic secondary school for girls, McAuley High School is located in Otahuhu, New Zealand. The Sisters of Mercy established the school in 1962, and they still oversee its operations.

Being samoan there's a lot of things we can't do that are modernised now like crop tops etc . We aren't allowed to wear things that reveal a lot of skin. It's nice to have morals and values to follow but i'm trying to persuade my parents a bit more because of the generation we live in. I love having a culture I can share and teach others with as its nice to be recognised with the beautiful Samoan culture for sure!

Yellow is my colour. I love its brightness and suits my personality being more extraverted and out there. Growing up I always used to wear dark colours but since finding out a bit more about myself it definitely suits me.

Family is EVERYTHING. I grew up with a big family so I'd love to eventually have a big family of my own one day. It's never not quiet in our home and that's something that comforts me. It's always nice to know someones always there. When it comes to my twin it's always nice to always have someone by my side. Naturally we go everywhere together. We are very rarely not together. Sometimes it's weird not having her around. I often don't know what to do.. We are and have been very close with each other. In highschool we were put in the same classes by pure accident. We went to our dean and questioned it to which they replied “we honestly didn’t know you were twins”.  We ended up hanging out everyday. Everyone was like “ oh it's the twins” we knew that was gonna stick. Our teachers always used to get us mixed up when talking to us but I guess we were used to it. Then year 11 came around and we were split up in different classes. My twin used to be the quiet and focused one. A lot of the time teachers used to compare us by saying Daneesha why cant you be like your sister. This became demeaning and hurtful. They didn't understand that we are two completely different individuals. Being a twin you realise who you are because of constant comparison. As much as I love my sister, we are different. We have different friends, different personalities and different hearts. If you come to me for advice I will be honest and give a reality check if I have to.

Growing up we shared everything together. Gifts that were the same but different colours and the same with our clothes. When we became older for our birthdays, we were given two separate cards with cash inside. Honestly we both looked at each other in confusion thinking “is this mine or yours?”  It definitely became more apparent that as we grew up people understood the importance of giving two separate gifts. Our tacktick is definitely rock paper scissors. Otherwise we end up bickering who gets what. Regardless of what we got we ended up sharing. I think naturally we always just think about each other and look out for one another all the time.

The best thing about being a twin is that constant feeling of having a best friend for life. I really don't know what I'd do without my twin.

Deshaan Pitolou - lese

Undeniably

Hi im Deshaan,

I'm a twin and have a big family who live with me in south Auckland. Family is extremely important to me as growing up they have been my biggest support system and truly don't know what I'd do without them. Growing up in a Samoan family whose traditions and morals that have been installed in us kids has been the best. The culture is beautiful! From our beliefs, morals and traditions there is something so unique about it. Despite not being able to speak the language I try my best to learn as much as I can to not only benefit myself but to teach others and future generations.

I've been studying hard for the past three years completing my bachelors degree in social work in 2023. I honestly can't wait.

I really love to keep myself active and try to work out at home. I've also been going to indoor netball for the past two years which I love! It is super important for me to keep active. I've honestly grown to love it so much.

So my twin and I are polar opposites when it comes to personality. I'm definitely more quiet, whereas my sister is the loud one and super out there. We have different friend groups, yea mutual friends but you can tell when my sisters group is around you can hear them from ages away lol.

Growing up we shared a lot of things from clothes to friends to bedrooms but as we have discovered our identities as individuals, we have found our independence for sure. I am able to express myself menatlly and physically, not being compared like we used to be is a great feeling. I guess due to the stereotypes I used to shield myself away from things my sister used to do at times because I never saw myself doing them as good had impacted me from understanding that it's actually ok to be different from her.  

My sister and I will forever and always be super close.Shes my day one. Neesha’s my best friend who I can count on for anything and I wouldn't have it anyother way. She's helped me through so much and for that I'm grateful.

Trinity O’Callaghan

Hey Im Trin!

I have a family of 5, both my parents, an elder brother then my twin and 9 minutes younger ME!

My family is a mix of British, Irish and Welsh but I feel more connected to my Irish roots more than anything. My dad always calls me the little tinker of the family ( devious one) and that I have the Irish crack (humour). I am very proud to be Irish as we appreciate and cherish family a lot. Over the past couple of years I have been trying my best to understand Maori culture. Being a citizen in Aotearoa I feel that its most important that everyone should have knowledge about the country we live in.

I currently study at Auckland University of Technology completing my bachelors of Communications Design. I honestly never saw myself going to uni but here I am and can proudly say this is one of my greatest achievements so far. My love for photography started when my parents bought me a little blue Canon camera for christmas when I was 7 years old. Ever since then, my passion has flourished drastically! My goal in the next 10 years is to be able to work for myself as a professional portrait and people photographer. I love working with people and capturing a story or their story. I definitely do it to make others feel empowered and heard.

I also have a great love and passion for makeup. I've been freelancing since 2016 starting with my friends' ball makeup then progressing into my little side hustle.

So let's talk about my relationship with my twin. Growing up was the best! My dad was a hard worker and provided a lot which meant that my mum was able to look after us kids.  We did a lot before school years. Not that I can remember too much but we have old tapes from when we were born. When we started primary my parents were asked whether to split us up into classes which they did so we never really depended on each other in school. We soon found our personalities to which I became extraverted and a bit of a perfectionist whereas my twin was introverted and what goes just goes. We ended up hanging out together in the last years of high school as finding my identity throughout the latter years of school was quite difficult for me. He became the big brother to me and looked after me. One thing I'm very grateful for being a twin is that we always look out for each other no matter what and we are very protective of each other. Since high school he moved out of home and we both have very independent and individual lives but that’s just life. I think being a twin for me is the comfort of someone you can always go too for anything. Someone who has your back no matter what.

Finley O’Callaghan

Hi,

Im Fin,

I've grown up with my family of 5 in a small country pretty much my whole life. Having the freedom to have archers in the backyard to play and explore was what made my childhood. I found a love for the outdoors and getting my hands dirty. These were the days I used to go hunting and fishing with my dad and older brother. My parents house was right by a missive lake which had lots of carp fish. We used to spear hunt these fish as they were a pest to farmland. I honestly feel like we had such a great childhood growing up we just all had lots of freedom. My twin and I never really shared a room which now I think back was a good idea. As we got older it was nice to have our own spaces to relax. Plus I wasn't going to have a pink room. We both just liked our own things. She was a girly girl and I was a boys boy. When it came to birthdays we always shared a party but always separate cakes. That's one thing I'm grateful for as my parents definitely treated us more like individuals than stereotypical twins. They made a big effort in us both when finding our own identities. I think because we are fraternal twins with opposite sex it made it a lot easier for them.    

I am now 21 and flatting with my mates. I love the gym and cooking a mean feed. My parents have always said that I just get cooking. For work I am a fencer so its great for fitness and strength. Couldn't be happier in life and how far along ive come since highschool as I felt a bit lost for a while. Something that I think everyone has to go through to make them a better individual.

Where I can see myself in 10 years… I would love to own a decent size lifestyle block with some animals to share with a wife and kids. I'd love to be financially stable with shares in business or have passive income in investment properties.

Being a twin is awesome. To me, I know I have a special connection to someone I love no matter what. It's unique and makes me different to most people.

Lillian Eagan

I'm a 21year old Capricorn with my identical twin Lilly. I was born in South Africa and have  lived in Liverpool, England. We moved to New Zealand when we were about 14 and this has been home ever since. I'm currently a student studying a bachelors of nursing and a part time health care assistant in a care home which my mum owns. In my spare time I go to the gym. It took me a little while to get into it but I love it now. Thanks to my sister's motivation. I love being able to maintain and transform my body. Also I love to paint but just because of uni and work i've been so busy i've lost touch with that a bit for sure.

When it comes to culture I'm not as intune with my culture as I'd like. For instance speaking the language is super difficult as we've grown up speaking english. We've kind of forgotten a lot of the Afrikaans language. But we still very much eat south african cuisine. Also I'm grateful we can embrace our hair and create beautiful hairstyles and represent being black in a different country.  

I'm definitely very calm and chill compared to my sister. I'm definitely the decision maker. I don't tend to sit and dwell on things. I'm just a doer. I can also be shy or timid when I'm pushed out of my comfort zone but I guess that's pretty normal. One time I didn't want to return something from the tuck shop at school so I used to get Lily to do things like that for me. Social wise or conflict I always had her to do that for me. But now having to work different shifts it pushes me to be my own individual self which is good. Even meeting boys we have different types so it was good to be pushed out of my comfort zone.

In all honesty though, my sister and I are quite alike. We definitely have our differences which is why I can understand why people get us mixed up at times. I guess to sum out my personality now, I'm more understanding, composed and compassionate. I love to help people when I can.

When it came to finding identity, it definitely was a struggle. I think because me and my sister always wore the same outfits it was hard for us both to accept that we came to like different things ie I used to love wearing black and dark colours whereas my sister was the opposite. It took us some time to grasp that we were different as we couldn't understand why she didn't like the same things as me. I think she was a lot more ready to do more things by herself than me for sure!.

We actually receive cards and birthday posts addressed to us both all the time. I don't actually mind though we've had this all our lives. We actually take turns every year who reposts those ones so it's funny to us to be honest.

A little story from when we were born, our mom couldn't tell us apart at all. I have a birthmark on my forehead but at the time it wasnt that visible. I slept all the time while my sister used to cry all the time. My mum didn't realise that so apparently she was only feeding one baby that day! We actually always joke about this now it's become a little family story for the books for sure.

Being a twin means to me is, you have someone who knows every crack, pimple on your body. Someone who understands you more than anyone else. Someone that loves and cares for you endlessly. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Lilly Eagan

I'm 21, born on the 19th of january 2001. I was born and raised with my identical twin by my side. I'm student nurses part time health assistants at our mum's rest home in Hamilton.  

It's been quite hard connecting to our culture because we are immigrants who moved to New Zealand when we were 14 and our mom married an irish man, we never really got to speak or learn much about our culture so we don't resonate as much to our culture as we’d probably like. No matter what though, I feel proud to have come from a very different environment to a beautiful country we now call home.

I love going to the gym! I also love to draw portraits, something I haven't found myself doing in a while but I really enjoy doing as it's a relaxation for me. I guess with study and work life we haven't really had much chill time in a while.

My fashion is very much Y2K inspired Love going through my mum's old things and picking up items to wear. I'm like yes I can wear this! Bags, fur jackets, shoes, you name it!

When it comes to personality, me and my sister have a lot in common to be honest. I mean we are best friends. We love a lot of the same things, music, clothes, friends but when it comes to dating boys we are sooo different. I'm a bit of an over-thinker and get frustrated easily whereas she's nicer I guess. It's really nice to meet those people who can tell us apart like that because it's so rare. Even at work they're always just like “Lilly” but dont even bother to really know who is who.  We've just gotten so used to it , it doesn't really affect us that much I guess because we both understand that we are so alike and we have so much love for one another.

I think we were ready to be more independent in our teen years. When it came to partying it was nice to go by myself at times because I was recognised as Lilly. I love my sister but I also felt it was nice to experience it by myself. It was because you dont know im a twin or you haven't met her yet.

For me I associate identity with myself right now, at this moment. Also our blackness. When we lived in South Africa, we lived amongst our culture, whereas now living in New Zealand people have made us aware how unique we are. I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming.  

My role model in life is definitely my mum. She's such a hard worker and has been through so much. She always gives the best advice whether it is about boys, school or just petty things. She's such an inspiring woman and I'm extremely grateful to be so close to her.

Intro

As we step into life, we learn

from others and the environment around us.

At age of two, we begin to gain a sense of self awareness.

Personalities start to thrive as we take one step at a time to recognise

our own capabilities and individual quirks. We are extremely lucky to have someone to walk into this big wide world with who we call our day ones. This publication is based on the study conducted by myself of individualism within twins. Growing up with a twin, a best friend was the best. We formed an extremely tight bond during the early stages of life. As we started to grow older we often did our own thing and found we were actually quite different. I found coming to terms with the reality of becoming our own self rather difficult when being fed with constant stereotypical judgement. It's been a difficult journey for myself to come to terms and understand the reality of the term twins. From a personal perspective I believe that it should be encouraged more to be self expressive as a twin. To be able to break away from the ‘unit, pair’ fraze and feel empowered that being a twin, yes is part of you but it doesn't define who you are.

[seasonalherpes]

Gratefulness Post on the Eve of my 21st Birthday

I never write text posts, but somehow I had to get this joy nugget off my chest. When I was a kid, my only dream was to work hard, live in a big town, and work in a lab. My childhood idol was Marie Curie, so while it was rather vague, I knew that at some point in my life I wanted to write some stuff down in a chart while wearing a white coat.  Two years ago, I got accepted in the Psychology program at McGill, which is a few hours from where I come from. I also got accepted (with bursaries covering full tuition) at some universities near my hometown, and my parents offered to pay for an apartment back home for my partner and I to live in. I didn’t have savings past a few thousand bucks, which apparently is not even enough to buy all your textbooks for the first semester, but I knew what I wanted to do. I moved to Montreal!!!! It was so scary!!! So many of my close friends were genuinely hurt - and I felt their pain - because I chose to move away and my dedication to my studies and work was gonna prevent me from visiting. I also had little to no money, and I had - at the most - two friends in this new town. My boyfriend was finishing up a contract back home before joining me, so I spent the first two months fully alone, sleeping with a hunting knife like a mature and responsible adult. Two weeks after I moved was my birthday, and I was working at Walmart at the time. It was honestly extremely humiliating, because people in big towns apparently love dehumanizing retail employees, and I would get belittled so many times a day most of my breaks were spent crying. And I have been in retail since I was 14; I have had my share of assholes. However, there had never been so many so often, and it was almost impossible to handle. So on my 19th birthday, I worked a whole eight hour shift at Walmart, ate my lunch in silence in a terrifyingly small breakroom, got a plate thrown at me because I said we ran out of bubble wrap, and then left at 4pm with absolutely no clue what to do with myself. I ended up eating a crêpe at a frozen yogurt place, and then went to the movie theater all alone. Honestly, the second I heard my first lecture, it felt like a thousand additional plates could have been thrown at me and it would’ve been worth it. I really thought it was only gonna be uphill from there. But then I made a bunch of mistakes, and out of a true lack of confidence, missed out on a ton of opportunities. I tend to be a very assertive and bold person when I want to, but that trait always gets turned off when I don’t know what I’m doing. And I definitely did not know what I was doing then. So I stayed in a cute little corner, sent a few emails around looking for work, and actually never found anything remotely close to my field for my first summer break. So, on my 20th birthday, one year after moving to Montreal, I worked on that exact day as a phone lady for a furniture company. I had to lie to get the job, saying I was taking a break from my studies, and the lady seemed weirdly excited to meet me. I quickly found out why: while I tend to show up at every workplace in incredibly chic, professional clothes, everyone there was dressed like they had given up on life. I had also studied everything about that company to get that job, making me sound like the next CEO of Apple.

So on my 20th birthday, I showed up for my first day at a job I didn’t intend to do for more than a month, and actually got sent to the boss’ office to be told I was going to be trained to become a manager in a few months. For someone who wants a job in customer service, this would have been a dream. But for me, who had lied my way through thinking there would be no repercussions, it was nauseating. I was terrified of letting this nice woman boss down, I was terrified of all the employees getting to know me and seeing that I was a major nerd who would never ever quit school, and worst of all I was terrified at the thought of riding a train of lies for forty hours a week for the next month. So, I spent the entire day working, hiding in the bathroom, and running out as fast as I could at 5 o’clock. I remember discovering that the next bus out was in 30 minutes while I was straight up in the middle of an industrial desert, and choosing to run back home in my fancy loafers because I was terrified of staying near the office for a second more. 

That night, I went to dinner with my partner, tried not to cry the entire time, and then I ran back home to work on my disappearance. I made all of my social media accounts insanely private, blocked the company’s emails, blocked the company’s fifty phone numbers, turned my wifi off, put my phone on airplane mode, then put it on night mode on top of it, and then finally lost my mind and took the SIM card out of my phone and cried myself to sleep. I never showed up for work the next day, staying off the grid for the following week (I even took my friend’s phone to call my parents and tell them I was doing a “technology cleanse”.). 

This takes us to this last year. That year, something in me changed. I realized that as long as I was working towards my goals and doing what I wanted, nothing could take me down. I took out a loan to stop doing crazy jobs, booked some extra classes to advance me as a student, and vowed to be “extra”. 

Being extra meant always going one step further. I would show up to class dressed up. I would go see the teacher after class. I’d send them emails about fun youtube videos related to class materials. I’d contact every single person who worked in a Psychology lab in town. I would go to all the mixers, regardless of how long it would take me to recharge. Knowing I was aiming for a doctorate, I studied for entrance exams exactly one year before most people would start thinking about taking them. I kept up with current researchers like a true stalker. If you want to know what Simon Baron-Cohen is doing right now, trust and believe that I can tell you. 

I can’t actually say this was easy, because it was honestly the hardest year of my entire life. My partner of countless years briefly left me because of mental health issues we both had not seen coming, I spent a whole month selling my book collection to pay for groceries, I failed one of my favourite classes because I kept falling asleep in the days before the final, then learned I was falling asleep because I had contracted mono, and two weeks later I was told I needed heart surgery due to a disease I had had under control since birth. I actually started laughing in the cardiologist’s office, because of how ridiculous that year was. He did not laugh, but I was thorougly entertained.

Still, being extra paid off. In November, an Honour student asked me to help with her research project, and I got so excited I spent night after night in the school’s library. I read and tweaked and rewrote pieces of her paper countless times, and she got an A! She loved my work and energy so much that she recommended me at her lab, and they immediately hired me!!! Then, some fantastic profs agreed to help me with my applications, and with their help I was handpicked to work at a top hospital in a rehabilitation program. As an undergrad!!!!! At that point, I could already have died happy.

I actually took a step back for a month to get my heart fixed, so while this incredible interview happened a few weeks ago, I only started working today. On the eve of my 21st birthday. In the morning, I went to my lab, put on a white coat, pulled out my files, and tested some participants. Then, I had a super fun conversation with a friend from work, who giggled at the sunburns my partner and I got at the waterpark this weekend. He also told me I got the approval on one of the projects I want to run, so (if I work hard enough) I will now have numerous projects under my name published even before I graduate . Then, in the afternoon, I took off my white coat, walked a few meters to the neurological hospital, put on another lab coat, took the cart with the girl training me, and we went around helping out patients. The work was so unbelievably gratifying, I still can’t believe it. One patient was apathetic when we arrived, but actually grew so happy that by the time that we left, she thanked me for reminding her of her youth again.

That was the eve of my 21st birthday. After two whole years of messes, confusion and fear, I actually finally got everything I was aiming for. Since I want to be a Clinical Psychology Doctorate student, I still have a long way to go before I get where I want to be. But for now, one whole year before I finish my Bachelor’s degree, I am already changing people’s lives in a concrete, tangible way, and writing up research that will influence my field and hopefully make a dent in the mystery that is the human brain. 

I work hard, I live in a big town, and I work in a lab. I don’t have everything figured out, but on the eve of my 21st birthday, I got to write stuff down in a bunch of charts and wear a white coat. 

Tomorrow, I cleared my schedule so I wouldn’t have to work. Thankfully, my budget can now handle it. I am going to go eat a crêpe at a frozen yogurt place, before watching a movie all on my own. I want to relive that 19th birthday as a way to commemorate it, as a way to remind myself that it will always get better. Those crêpes are gonna be delightful, and I won’t be wearing a Walmart uniform while eating them. And that movie is gonna be so great; I will go see it because this type of movie is my guilty pleasure, not because I am alone in a big scary town. 

Remember that things always get better. They don’t always evolve at the speed we would want them to, and god knows there are going to be numerous setbacks on the way. Your mono could put you to sleep right as you’re cramming for that big final, your relationship could be on a break for weeks, or your heart could quit on you just for the heck of it. That’s okay. You can do it. You can lift mountains, you can split oceans apart, and you can absolutely conquer the world. Keep holding on, stand by everything you believe in, and your hard work will pay off. 

[queen-of-the-merry-men]

The Pill {Planted in Pain verse}

Written for day 2 @oqpromptparty, is based off prompt #236 where Regina sneaks their daughter birth control pills and Robin finds out.

Read at Ao3.

————————–

“We need to talk.”

Regina sighed unclipping her hair from the bun she’d thrown it into for work. It was a Wednesday afternoon and she came home to find Robin waiting for her in their bedroom. A sight which might’ve excited her had it not been for the look on his face and the fact that she’d just spent the last 9 hours dealing with 30 middle schoolers still riding their sugar high from leftover halloween candy. Honestly, she was dead tired and simply looking forward to a night where she could just pop a frozen lasagna into the oven and relax with her husband and daughter.

So imagine her disappointment when she came home to find him waiting for her, still dressed in his uniform and clearly ready to thrown down. And not in a good way.

“Can it wait Robin, really?” she begged, slipping off her heels. “I’ve had such a long day and I’m sure whatever it is can be talked about in the morning.”

Normally she wouldn’t be so nonchalant with him but she was tired. Besides what could he possibly have to be so upset about. As far as she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong.

“No it can’t wait until the morning,” said Robin, standing from the bed. “I’ve got something I need to discuss now.”

Blowing out a tired breath she raised her eyebrows at him. “Fine. What is it that’s so important?”

He stared her down. “I stopped by the pharmacy today.”

Oh shit.

Regina straightened her back as she realized just why he was so upset. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Robin nodded at her. “I called in a prescription this morning, my back was acting up again. Funny thing though when I got there to pick it up, they mixed up my order. Turns out there was another order put in a little while ago under the name Locksely. A prescription for birth control.”  

Regina shut her eyes. Jesus Christ.

Crossing his arm, Robin continued on. “Now unless I’m mistaken you haven’t been on any birth control since we found out we couldn’t conceive. So either you’re hiding one hell of a miracle from me… or it’s the worst case scenario.”

“Robin…”

“Because the only other person in this house who could possibly need those is our fifteen year old daughter,” he bit out, with flares of anger in his eyes. “So Regina… please tell me there’s a secret miracle.” 

She took a deep breath before planting her hands on her hips and looking him in the eye. “Robin… Lizzy came to me a few weeks ago…”

“No…”

“We sat down and had a talk…”

“C’mon….”

“And we decided that she should go on the pill,” finished Regina. Ignoring her husband’s indignant moans, she pressed on. “So I took her to the doctor and got her a prescription.”

“Are you kidding me? Behind my back?”  

“Only because I knew you would react this way,” she pointed out.

“How else am I supposed to react? She’s fifteen years old!” he replied, raising his voice an octave. Nervously tapping his police belt, he sucked in a sharped breath. “Is she… I mean has she ever…?”

He trailed off, unwilling to finish that sentence, unwilling to imagine his little girl even thinking of doing such things. She was so young, too young. She didn’t even have a boyfriend goddamnit! At least not one that he knew of.

A relieved breath left him when he saw Regina shake her head.

“No she hasn’t,” she mumbled, crossing her arms. Her eyebrows knit together. “A least I don’t think so.”

Robin’s eyes went wide. “You don’t think so?”

“She said that she hasn’t and I believe her,” clarified Regina. “Our daughter keeps many secrets Robin but she’s not an outright liar. You know that.”

“God,” he sighed, stressfully running his fingers through his hair. He was sure this conversation alone would give him two more patches of grey.

“Fine if she’s not having it then why does she need the pills?” he stressed.

“I don’t know that she actually needs them Robin. I think she just thinks that it’s best that she have them,” explained Regina as gently as possible. “She wants to protect her body. She’s just trying to be proactive.”

“Proactive,” scoffed Robin. “Who needs to be that proactive?”

“Our daughter,” Regina forcefully drawled. “Remember the one who wrote out a meal plan for the first three weeks of kindergarten?  And who asked for two raincoats in the fourth grade, just so she could keep a spare one at school just in case? She’s just trying to think ahead. And you know what? After what happened with Roland maybe that’s not such a bad thing.”

He lifted a dissenting finger in her direction. “What happened with Roland was… well I don’t know what happened there but it wasn’t the same as this. Lizzy isn’t Roland.”

“No she isn’t,” agreed Regina. “Because Lizzy is a girl and has a lot more to worry about than the boys when it comes to sex.”

“The hell she does,” Robin humorously chuckled. “She has nothing to worry about because it’s not happening. Because she’s not getting those pills.”

Regina threw her head and groaned. “Robin…”

“I mean it Regina. I’m putting my foot down.”

His wife tilted her head at him, a fire suddenly lit behind her brown eyes as she stared up at him. “Excuse me Robin? You can put your foot down all you like but I am not gonna allow you to micromanage our teenage daughter’s body like you’re a fucking member of congress. She asked for the pills, she’s getting them. End. Of. Discussion.”

Before he could even think of a response she spun on her heel and marched into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

So much for a relaxing evening.

————————

They say you shouldn’t blink when you become a parent. You blink once and you’ll miss your kid’s whole childhood, it’ll whizz past you in a flash, leaving you in an empty house wondering where the hell all the time went.

Robin used to roll his eyes at that sentiment. He’d been so arrogant then.

It seemed like only yesterday he was chasing after his kids, changing their diapers, making sure they didn’t fall down the stairs or get into messes. With all three of them it felt like those days would never end.

Then he blinked.

His kids grew up. Henry and Roland were already gone, the former only two months away from getting his bachelor’s degree and the latter, half a world away traveling through Europe. The only one left was Lizzy, his princess. And even she was slipping through his fingers.

He knocked on her door later that night and slipped into her room while she was studying. Looking around he sighed. When they’d first brought her home the walls had been pink, there were stuffed animals everywhere and a bassinet against the wall. He’d used to spend long nights sitting in a rocking chair next to her closet singing old Britney Spears songs to get her to sleep. Things had transformed quite a bit since then. The bassinet was replaced with a full size bed. The pink walls were gone painted a painted a cool green when she was in middle school and plastered with old posters of role models and movies she’d picked up on the way. It was a young woman’s room now.

Looking up from her book, she eyed him suspiciously as she took a seat on the side of her bed.

“Hey daddy,” she drawled, narrowing her eyes. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he lied, shrugging his shoulders. “I just wanted to check in on you. Feels like we haven’t had any alone time in a while.”

She tilted her head at him. “Okay…”

“So… what’s new?” he ventured.

Lizzy searched his face, her blue eyes scanning him for five seconds at most before she rolled them and reluctantly set her book aside. “Mom told you about the birth control, didn’t she?”

No one in the house had ever been able to keep a secret from Lizzy, yet somehow it always took Robin by surprise how quickly she was able to cut through the bullshit.

He hesitated as she looked at him expectantly, crossing her arms as she did so. Finally, he sighed and came clean. “She didn’t tell me. I found out on my own,” he revealed. “You’re not the only one who can sniff out a secret around here.”

“True,” she said, nodding her head appreciatively. Looking away, she mumbled, “I didn’t want you to know.”

“Well, I do,” he replied. “And I got to admit, I’ve got some concerns.”

Subconsciously she tugged on on the end of the braid that fell over her shoulder. “Are you mad at me?”

“No,” he immediately assured her, reaching out to give her hand a squeeze. “I’m not mad, bug. I promise. I’m just confused, and a little worried about you”  

Lizzy let out a reluctant huff. “Well you don’t have to. I’m not having sex Dad.”

Despite his relief, Robin still tried not to wince at her bluntness. “Then why do you feel the need to take the Pill? Are you thinking of… it?”

“No!” she, said twisting up her face. “It’s not like I even have a boyfriend to do it with.”

Before Robin couldn’t even relish a second of relief she added, “But I might… someday soon. You know the guys at school aren’t great but one of them might mature enough for a second look.” Nervously averting her gaze she continued. “Dad I’m just trying to be responsible for me. You know I talked about it with Alice the last time I saw her and she thought it was a good idea.”

Robin’s eyebrows rose at the mention of Lizzy’s birth mother. “Alice suggested you get on birth control?”

“Well, yeah,” said Lizzy, as if it should be obvious. “C’mon you really didn’t think it was Mom, right?”

“I had a feeling it wasn’t,” he mumbled, knowing he’d probably have to eat crow for his wife over the next few days. He’d also need to have a serious conversation with her birth mother about boundaries.

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said Lizzy, shaking her head. “You gave Henry and Roland condoms when they were my age.”

“No I didn’t.”  

Lizzy sent him a disbelieving look identical to Regina’s. “Dad… you put them under the sink in the bathroom… that I use… two inches away from where we stored the spare toilet paper. I saw them every day. Did you really think I didn’t know what they were?”

Robin cursed under his breath. He’d warned the boys to be stealthy about where they kept the box. “Well… that was different.”

“Because they’re boys?”

“No because… they were dating,” he floundered. “And you aren’t.”

“Oh,” she sarcastically drawled nodding her head. “So if I did get a boyfriend, then could I have birth control?”

Robin sucked his teeth, clearly uncomfortable with the turn of their conversation. Lizzy just grinned at him triumphantly, always pleased to needle her father with the flaws of his own logic.

“Going through all these hypotheticals isn’t going to get us anywhere,” he deflected. “I just… I’m not so sure that I’m comfortable knowing that you’re taking them, right now.”

Lizzy sighed, annoyed. “Does it really bother you that much, Dad?”

“A little bit sweetheart,” he admitted.

“Fine,” she said, shaking her head. “Then I won’t take them.”

“You won’t?”

“Nah,” she mumbled. “It’s not like I really need them, right now anyway. I just wanted to be extra careful. It’s not worth it if it’s making you act all crazy.”

“Crazy?” Robin twisted up his face indignantly. “I think I handled this fairly calmly, thank you very much.”

Lizzy snorted, sarcastically nodding her head. “Yeah, you were super chill. Not at all crazed.”

Robin sent her a small smile. He wasn’t naive enough to think she wasn’t disappointed but he still felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Sighing, he reached out to pat her leg. “Listen bug… you know I just want you to be safe, right?”

“I know,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“You’re only fifteen years old, you’ve got other things to worry about and I just don’t see the need to pile anything else on to that,” he tried to explain. “Especially things you’re not ready for.”

“You mean sex.”

Again with the bluntless. “Yes I mean sex,” he sighed. “You don’t have to say it.”

“Feels like I do,” she laughed. “It makes you blush dad.”

“I’m not blushing.”

“You are,” she said, smirking at him with a chuckle.

He smiled at her before standing from the bed, and giving her a kiss on the top of her head. “Love you, bug.”

“Love you Dad.”

—————————-

Almost sixteen years ago Robin confronted a teenage girl who followed him home one night. She’d ended up giving him her baby.

Though they’d always left the door open for her, Alice had always left a wide berth between herself and Lizzy. At least initially. She’d always stood on the other side of the door, happy to remain there with nothing but the rare letter and yearly photos. Six years ago, Lizzy had walked through the door herself, showing up at Alice’s home without so much as a warning or a heads up.

It could’ve been a clusterfuck, blunt and painful with his daughter’s birth mother saying she wanted nothing to do with her. Robin would always be grateful that it went the other way.

Alice had welcomed Lizzy with open arms. Answering all her questions, reminding her that she was always loved and free to see her whenever she liked as much as she wanted. It was the best thing that could’ve happened.

And Robin tried to remind himself of that when he showed up to see her the next day.

He didn’t know why he’d come to see her. He’d already laid the issue to rest the night before, not that Regina was too pleased to hear about it. Yet, somehow he found himself heading downtown on his lunch break and pulling up to the building where Alice she taught life painting.

It didn’t take him long to find the right classroom, Lizzy had taken a class their last summer and the number hadn’t changed. He’d slipped into the back just as she was finishing up with a class, all her students, young and old, setting aside their canvases for the day and heading out of the room.

She looked up in surprise when she saw him standing there but a smile quickly appeared on her face - wide, eager and unsuspecting.

“Robin hi!” she said, greeting him with a warm hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” he muttered, forcing a smile on his face.

Robin liked Alice. It was hard not to, knowing what she’d given up to make sure Lizzy had a good home.  He knew she was a good person with a sweet heart. She’d come a long way since that night when she’d asked him to take her baby. She was older and happier now. Smiled a lot more than he’d remembered and no longer dressed like a runaway. Thirty three years old she was Lizzy’s mirror in almost every way except hair color. While Lizzy’s hair was a deep chestnut brown, Alice’s was golden blonde. It made her easy to spot in a crowd.

“What are you doing here?” she curiously asked. “Is everything okay with Lizzy?”

“Everything with Lizzy is fine,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It’s just that I had a talk with her last night about birth control.”

He didn’t know what type of reaction he expected from her. Maybe something apologetic or nervous. Or maybe just something more than the nonchalant shrug that she offered him.

“And… are you putting her on the pill?”

“No,” he said. “We decided against it.”

Alice nodded her head, thoughtfully, before turning back to her student’s area. “Okay. Well I’m sure you know what’s best.”

“We do,” he said, more forcefully than intended, following her as she picked up the stray paintbrushes her students left behind. “The problem is when I talked to her about it she mentioned that you told her that she should get on the pill. Is that true?”

“It is,” she said, plainly turning to face him, her eyebrows raised questioningly as she stared at him with innocence in her eyes. “Problem?”

Robin took a deep breath trying to control the flare of irritation he could feel rising inside him. “Alice… Regina and I love you.”

“I know.”

“We’ve always been willing to let you have a place in Lizzy’s life.”

“I’m aware.”

“Ever since she found you we’ve always done our best to make sure that the two of you know each other in a way that we’re all comfortable with, especially now that you and Robyn J. have April. You are an important part of my daughter’s life and I don’t want that to change.”

Alice sucked in a deep breath, knowing what was coming next. “But…”

“But you’re not her parent,” Robin gently explained. “Regina and I are her mother and father, and that means that there are certain topics and boundaries that belong to us.”

“Like birth control and sex?”

“Like birth control and sex, yes,” he repeated. “I can’t have you contradicting the things that we say and the values we’re trying to instill in her. Regina and I already spoke to Lizzy about sex and the fact that she’s not ready for it, and probably won’t be for a while.”

Alice crossed her arms, letting out an indignant huff. “Oh yeah I’m sure, you gave her an excellent talk about waiting for love and marriage. My dad gave me a talk too. It was super effective, clearly.”

Clenching his jaw he bit out. “This isn’t a joke Alice.”

“I never said it was,” she replied. “Trust me I know how real this is Robin. If anyone knows how real it is, I do. Especially since I was only two years older than her when I had to shoplift my pregnancy test.”

Her voice started to shake and she pressed her lips together, sucking in a deep breath.

Robin remained silent, thrown by her sudden show of emotion.

“What was I supposed to say to her Robin?” she mumbled. “‘Just don’t worry about it Lizzy. I never did and things turned out okay.’”

Regret filled her eyes as she looked up at him. “I just wanted her to know that she had a safety net. Something that could save her if she fell down my path.”

“Lizzy is not gonna fall down your path,” asserted Robin. “She’s not… you.”

Alice smiled, not even a little offended. “You’re right, she’s not me. She’s smarter. She reached out. She came to you. Which is all I wanted her to do anyway.”

“Really?” said Robin, suddenly feeling sheepish.

“Yeah,” said Alice. “I only told her that if she really felt worried she should talk to you guys about getting on the pill. Not go off and get it by herself.”

“Oh,” drawled Robin. Sighing, he leaned back against one of the student’s desk. “Well, now I just feel like an ass.”

Alice let out a chuckle, shaking her head. “You’re not an ass Robin. You’re a concerned dad, one of the best concerned dad and I should know that. I picked you.”

Tapping his fingers against his belt he shook his head. “I just feel like she’s too young for all of this.”

“You’re not wrong,” replied Alice. “She’s just a kid but, and I hate that I can say this, she’s not wrong to be thinking about protecting herself. I mean… I had friends who were having sex at her age.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Wish I was,” sighed Alice. She turned to him skeptical. “C’mon you must’ve known kids in high school who’d done it when you were her age.”

Robin scoffed. “I knew guys who’d bragged about it but I just always assumed they were full of shit.”

“Well some of them probably were, some of them probably weren’t,” she said, tilting her head back and forth. “I waited ‘til I was 17 and I had people screaming at me that I was prude.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“That’s high school,” she laughed. Throwing her head back she groaned. “God, April’s only three I’m dreading the day I have to send her.”

“You’ve got eleven years. You can stretch ‘em out,” joked Robin. “Worst comes to worst just homeschool her.”

Alice offered him a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line for you Robin. I really am. I just want her to be safe.”

Robin nodded. “We both do.”

————————-

He’d been getting a chilly reception from Regina ever since the whole pill debacle had come up. By the time they got into bed that evening, she still hadn’t warmed to him not that he expected her to. When his wife took a stand she tended to dig her heels in, especially when it came to their children.

Putting on his pajamas he climbed into bed next to her, staring at the profile of her face as she read one of her novels. Nudging her arm he whispered, “Can I ask you a question?”

She hummed affirmatively, not looking up from her book.

“How did you lose your virginity?”

Regina’s head whipped toward him, her attention captured. “What?”

Robin shrugged his shoulders. “I just kind of realized that we’ve never really told each other about our first times.”

“We’ve never really had a reason too,” she softly replied, closing her book.

Leaning back against their headboard, Robin sighed thinking back to his college days. “My first time was with Marian.”

Regina nodded her head, unsurprised. “I figured.”

“Yeah, I was 20 years old, we’d been together for four years by then.”

“Four years?” repeated Regina, clearly incredulous.

Robin turned to her and smirked. “What can I say? I was a gentleman.”

Regina let out a sharp laugh as she rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll pretend to believe that.”

“It’s true,” he said. “I never wanted to push her, or make her uncomfortable. I’d known her my whole life, was afraid I’d lose her if I screwed things up.” He paused. “But then she came to me, said she was ready and we spent the night together in my dorm room.”

Regina hummed. “I feel like I’m gonna regret asking this but how was it?”

Robin shrugged his shoulders. “I thought it was okay at least. Not sure the same could be said for her because three weeks later she told me she was gay.”

Her eyes widened. “Three weeks later?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding his head acceptingly. “I’m pretty sure I was the final nail in that coffin.”

Regina couldn’t help the giggle that fell from her lips as she reached out to comfortingly run her fingers through his hair. “Oh Robin… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said, shaking his head. “It was what it was and I don’t really have any regrets about it.” Again he nudged her shoulder. “What about you? What was your first time like?”

Regina licked her lips, hesitant before speaking. “It wasn’t great,” she admitted. “I ended up doing it with my next door neighbor, he was a year older than me. Said he liked me and I felt flattered by that. He was nice boy, kind of awkward but sweet. He asked me on a date one day and I said yes. So I lied to my mother told her I was working a double shift at the mall but I went to the movies with him instead. Then we ended up doing it in the backseat of his car.”

They way she spoke about it, so deliberately steady and emotionless, tugged at Robin’s heart. “How old were you?”

“Sixteen,” she said, regretfully. Pressing her lips together she thought back to that day. “I remember that I was the one who brought it up, made sure he had a condom, checked the expiration date and everything. Even after all that I was still terrified that I was pregnant.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t relax for weeks. It felt like I was walking on a tight rope and someone was waiting beneath my feet for the chance to trip me.”

“That’s awful,” mumbled Robin.

“It was what it was,” she said shrugging her shoulders. “It wasn’t great but I think the worst part about it was that while I was freaking out I felt so… alone. Zelena was off at college. And I sure as hell wasn’t gonna tell Cora. I knew she’d crucify me. I just wish I’d had someone I could’ve reached out to. It would’ve made things a lot easier.”

She looked over at him with her dark brown eyes and he sunk into their sheets letting out a deep breath as he did so. “You still want Lizzy to go on the pill.”

Regina paused, carefully thinking over her answer. “I want Lizzy to feel like she can come to us about anything, especially the big stuff. I don’t want her thinking that we’ll condemn her or judge her for any of it.”

“I wasn’t trying to make her feel judged,” stressed Robin. “I just didn’t want to feel like I was giving her the greenlight to start doing stuff that she’s too young for.”

“It’s not a green light Robin. It’s a sign of trust,” she explained. “Not just from us to her but from her to us. She’s including us in her decisions because she trusts us not to freak out about it.”

“Trusts you at least,” scoffed Robin.

Regina rolled her eyes. “For the sex stuff maybe but I remember being pretty low on the list when it came time to started thinking about what colleges to go to.”

Robin chuckled. “That’s because you always go overboard with college research.”

“Because I’m the only one who knows what to look for,” she said. “But that’s not the point. The point is I want us to continue being in the  loop with her. I don’t want her to feel like she has to deal with these things without us. Especially not now. I want us in her loop.”

“But we weren’t in her loop,” said Robin. “You were. And Alice was and Lizzy was. The only person who wasn’t in the loop for this was me. I was excluded. And from what I could tell nobody had plans to change that.”

Regina knit her eyebrows together, finally picking up on the fact that he was hurt that she’d kept this from him.

Robin sighed. “I know you thought I wasn’t going to react well, and maybe I proved you right, but that doesn’t mean you get to keep things about our daughter from me.”

Regina nodded understandingly. “You’re right and I’m sorry I left you out. That was unfair.”

“Thank you,” he replied, satisfied with her apology. “And for the record, I’ve given it some thought and I think you should go ahead and give her the birth control pills.”

Regina raised her eyebrows surprised. “Really?”

“Yes,” he reluctantly. “I still think she’s too young for all of this, she’s just a kid. But I realize that kids can sometimes make bad choices. Hell, kids making bad choices is how we got our daughter in the first place. And as much as I trust her to know better… if she wants to have a safety net then I think we should let her.”

Regina tried to hold back a smile. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said. “So long as I get to stay in the loop.”

[alovevigilante]

Job interview: by Kari Keillor

Interviewer: Hello, Mrs. Kailior is it?

Kari: No, it’s pronounced Keeler, like the elves but without the b.

Interviewer: yes, I see... ok. Well, I see here that you are interested in working for our fine establishment.

Kari: yes, please as I need the money.

Interviewer: ok then... why do you want to work here?

Kari: I need money.

Interviewer: (jots down notes) ok, yes... yes... hmmm, I see here that you only have your associates degree, is that correct?

Kari: yes. I’m also one class into my junior year of college at a four year college.

Interviewer: oh... I see. Well, I’m sorry, but in order to complete this interview we need our applicants to have a minimum of a four year bachelors degree to be able to do this very important job we need filled.

Kari: I’m not a bachelor.

Interviewer: yes, we see that here on this paper. That means you aren’t qualified to be what it is we’re looking for here.

Kari: you haven’t seen me. Your nose has been down in my resume the whole entire time.

Interviewer: um, yes, see we don’t quite know how you got in here to be seen, seeing that you aren’t up to our qualifying qualifications.

Kari: yes, well seeing that I’m unseen, and as long as I’m here, maybe we can discuss what I HAVE done in my life that can be an asset to your job requirements. Perhaps that will suffice and be of some value to your qualification team.

Interviewer: no.

Kari: ok. Well, it was nice not really meeting you.

Interviewer: yes. Thank you for fulfilling my requirements of having to see a certain amount of people to fill this very important position that we probably won’t fill for quite some time and leave empty, and make others in our company do the job in addition to the jobs we pay them to do, and won’t pay them any extra to do this extra work of this job we have left, unfulfilled. Also, we will all complain about it a lot, and the middle management, that’s me, will shrug and yell at the people below me, and we will tell our higher ups, but they won’t be available because they will be golfing, and eating croissants on a veranda in Paris, while everything below them goes to shit. And when their workers become disgruntled, they will blame me, and I will say that I am following their protocol of the very important and highly overrated way of how things have always been done in business.

Kari: yes. That sounds about right. Well, thank you for saving me all that time and grief.

Interviewer: no problem. Good luck to you, and it was great not giving you a chance.

Kari: yes, and thanks for not investing time or effort in me!

Interviewer: sure thing! Take care now!

Scene.

George Carlin: Kari?

Kari: yeah?

Carlin: feel that clamp on your ass?

Kari: yeah.

Carlin: that’s bitterness.

Kari: right. Well, what do you want from me? I’m going back to school.

Carlin: why?

Kari: to become what I already am now only accredited by society.

Carlin: do you want to do this?

Kari: not this way.

Carlin: then why don’t you just wait til you feel better about it.

Kari: George, I’m 46. By the time I get my masters I’ll be over 50 years old. Wait?! I don’t have time to wait anymore. I’m sick of not having a degree.

Carlin: why?

Kari: cause I can’t do shit without one! I have an associates degree. Do you know what that means when you’re looking for a job, George?

Carlin: yes, cause I’m you. But enlighten me anyway so we can feel worse than we already do now.

Kari: ok, well, it’s basically the equivalent of having a high school diploma. When you look for a job that’s above minimum wage the requirements are usually the minimum of a bachelors degree in whatever and a certain amount of years of “on the job” experience.

Carlin: so?

Kari: ok, well, DON’T have it, George!

Carlin: then don’t do it, Kar...

Kari: George, I’m tired of not doing, ok? It’s time for some success for Kari Keillor, ok? I’m tired of the glass ceiling of social norms.

Carlin: great. Then continue to write and yell and scream and that will create the momentum you need for success in your chosen field.

Kari: a graduate degree in Art therapy and counseling?

Carlin: no asshole! Writing comedy!

Kari: no.

Carlin: fine, ok? We’re all here waiting until you come to your senses.

Kari: George, unfortunately we need to collaborate for that to occur, and I got news, we don’t have that.

Carlin: you don’t have to collaborate to write, Kari.

Kari: George, maybe you have forgotten what it’s like here on planet earth in the 3D, since you are now NOT here in the physical, but in order to lead a decent life, it takes tangible money, accreditation, and collaboration with people. I have none of the above.

George: yeah, I see your point. Ok then, off to school we go.

Belushi, John: oh fuck, I gotta go back to school and do this shit with her?!

Richard Pryor: yes sasshole, because you are belligerent to people online with your shit!

Belushi, John: don’t blame all this on me, Hamis is all up in Murray’s grilled ass...

Richard: ok, look. Kari’s pissed, ok? So now, our ass is being enrolled as a psychology major. This is what you get for being a shit... and a dick!

Kari: guys, look, it’s what we have to do to be seen for what we are. If it costs another 100 grand to do it, then so be it.

Belushi, John: this suuuuuucks, ok?! I’m not into it, so I’m not goin!

Gilda Radner: (pulling John by the ear) oh, you’re goin! Kari will sew your asscheeks together and drag you by the extra thread if need be.

Kari: I decided not to go near his asscheeks fictitious or not.

Gilda: probably a good decision.(1) Ok, let’s put it like this, we’re back to class. And you need to apologize to bill Murray, Steve Martin, John Cleese, Eric idle for being idle-y, Frank oz, and Mandy patinkin!

Belushi, John: I didn’t do shit to those guys! They have a whole bunch of problems all on their own! They’ve all lost their will to laugh! So why are you blaming me?!

(Terri and graham snicker in the background)

Harold ramis (aka hamis): listen John, we all know you like to instigate, and now all of us are going to be forced to listen to lectures on the human psyche, and you are to blame! So just apologize to them, and get this shit over with! I’m not willing to go back and become a junior in college again! Well, actually come to think of it, it may be slightly interesting to see how the human brain relates to how we interact as a collective people. This could benefit our writing immensely! Ok, I’m in. But Kari, just mention meatballs to bill one more time... for old times sake...

Kari: Hamis, how many times can a person mention that ridiculous, old timey movie before people start asking themselves if you’re insane?!

Richard: 34.

Kari: I don’t think it’s that many, Richard...

Belushi, John: nooooooooo! God, no! Ok fine, I’ll apologize... anything’s better than talking theory with ole schezwan head over here...

Kari: oh great! Now I’m gonna be called racist again... and still...

Belushi, John: Ramis isn’t Asian... you’re ok...

Michael stuvic (meathead from “All in the family”): No! Ok?! That’s just WRONG! She is a racist, a bigot, a lunatic, and she needs to be stopped! Gloria and I will not raise our little Joey the way that she’s been raised! We need more people to revolt against her incompressible blather!

George: she was raised in a good parochial upbringing.

Meathead: “I just thank god I’m an atheist...” (2)

Kari: I AM NOT A RACIST OR AN ATHEIST! I believe in all people being equal, and in God!

Meathead: no one said you were an atheist... A racist? Yes, but not an atheist.

Kari: EVERYONE thinks I’m the worst!

Belushi, John: no they don’t! They just think you’re a devil worshiper!

George: Belushi, stop fucking with Kari, she basically has the balls but doesn’t literally like people may or may not think, to write what she thinks we want her to say. So, now she has to apologize for being a shit but not, cause we were kidding and what she said wasn’t that bad or even bad at all... and Mandy, Judas Priest isn’t satanic, nor are they an anti-Semitic heavy metal group. They sing a ridiculously high pitched, screaming bloody murder, very, very, very long song called, “painkiller” about a flying skeleton half robot man that is on fire riding a motorcycle, and killing evil in its path. That’s it.

Richard: yes. It’s the age old story of skeleton half man half robot or machine, that gets pissed, and decides he’s going to take revenge and vengeance, so he flies in the air with metal and smoke and thunder and lightning and steel, and all that heavy metal good shit, and he crushes people’s dicks.

Gilda: sounds innocent enough to me...

Carlin: you like metal now, Richie?

Richard: well, I’m her, so I have to.

Belushi, John: THAT’S what the song is about?!

Kari: look, I don’t freaking know, alright?! All I know is that I only wanted to hear him sing it because he sings ungodly high for a man that hasn’t been kicked in the nut sack.

Hamis: we all want to hear that...

Belushi, John: .... but nooooooooo! She’s a fucking crazy woman! She’s insane! She’s telling me to sing a satanic song and I’m not ok with that!

Judas Priest: how many times do we have to say we’re not satan worshipers before someone believes us?!

Richard: 34.

Karl: ok, that’s it. I’ll apologize for all of you, because I do it all the time anyway. Ready?! Here goes: I’m sorry to everyone! I’m sorry I’m such an asshole and that everyone must be so insulted by me and my mere existence that no one in my life talks to me anymore. Ok?! There! I’m sorry you think I’m crazy because I’m a bored housewife who needs a destiny, and who hates to clean never, and cook sometimes but usually either orders out or ma comes over and cooks dinner for everyone at 6am, and I’m not even qualified to work as a person who talks poops on sesame street ok?! Cause I’ve most likely been banned from there in my head and maybe out, I’m not quite sure yet, because of being me! And I’m sorry, if that embarrasses you, or if I embarrass you by mere genetics or association! And yes, separation, isn’t cool with me, but it’s fine If you aren’t cool with me, cause I’m me, and if it’s a choice between you and me, I have to choose me, cause I’m all I got, ok? I wake up with me in the morning, and go throughout my day with me, and yes, close your ears people who don’t want to hear this part cause it can be construed as dirty like some of you believe me to be, I also bathe and sleep, with myself too! I do that! So, the opinions of you plural, make a marginal difference to me if I let them, which I usually do, because I’m human, and I have feelings and I care, but the scales have tipped now, and me, wins, cause I care about how I feel too now, ok?! And if you have a low opinion of me, and treat me that way, you, are out! Cause I’m not down with people who haven’t invested that much time or effort to get to know me talking smack about me like they’re experts on the subject of me, cause they’re not! So please enroll in the school of Kari keillor directly for the information, that’s ME, or shut your pie holes! It’s as simple as that!

Richard: God I love her....

Carlin: Kari?

Kari: yeah?

Carlin: to the school we go, unless we hear otherwise.

Kari: what otherwise?!

Carlin: exactly.

Scene.

Kari: no scene! Wtf are you talking about?

Carlin: you are now witnessing reality. The reality is, no one collaborates with you, so it’s time you make the executive decision to support you, and we’re down with that.

Karl: you have, no choice.

Carlin: I know, but it’s nice you bounce it off is anyway.

Kari: ok, who wants to end this extremely lengthy scene and/ or monologue?

Belushi, John: I will. I wanna know something...

Kari: oh man....

Belushi, John: no, really, I’ve always wanted to know something and it’s really important.

Kari: ok, what is it?

Belushi, John: when there’s so many amazing pizza places around the Chicagoland area, why would ANYONE eat at a chain pizza place?!

Kari: scene.

Belushi, John: no, fine... I apologize to Frank oz, my old time pal, for calling him an asshole. He’s not one. He’s a really nice, and forgiving person.

Big bird: yeah! Wait a minute... who’s he?

Kari: sigh... scene...

1. “I think that is a good decision.” Is a quote from my husband’s cousin Gary, and I don’t know where the hell he got it from, but it’s most likely from a very obscure movie, as it’s an obscure reference.

2. A direct quote from the show, “All in the family” said by the fictional character Michael Stivic created by Norman Lear.

[cloudjumpervalka]

sometimes and by that i mean a lot of the time, i remember how much elsa means to me as a character. in general she’s very mediocre in comparison to others, but she was there for me when i was hella depressed and she’s like a form of comfort for me now.

i was following the production of frozen for the longest time, let’s say about 5ish years before release? i was excited for it, i was disappointed in the changes made, i refused to believe the original elsa and anna leaked design images were real because they looked so bad, i read the script when it leaked and was mad at the conveluded plot.

but the movie came out during the semester of art school i got severe depression through. i had always dreamed of going to art school and working in the animation industry and i had a single thought that went in my brain a week before the semester started. it said i would never be good /enough/. it kept playing back over and over when i would turn in assignments. i did well in school, but the workload was a lot when you decide to take 3 studio classes at once. i started getting overly picky with what i considered to be good enough in my work and eventually stopped turning in assignments. sometimes i would have them “done” but it wasn’t good enough so i didn’t bother

i was living with my grandparents at the time and locked myself in my room to be alone a bunch. i didn’t socialize in classes and who i considered friends were out of reach. i had just started dating my bf a few months prior and the time zone/distance/etc was a new experience altogether. i was constantly scared i would lose my friends not just to distance but other personal reasons not meant to be shared on tumblr. my grandparents gave me my distance and i just spent a lot of time alone. i remember skyping with dean and staying up all night with him bc i didn’t want to be alone.

i got more depressed over time, i was just sad. i would try to fill the void with buying things i had left at home with my parents. i remember i would drive out to the mall. i would get a pretzel to eat. eat it outside the disney store, maybe buy something after. if not disney merch, i would go buy clothes. i had not been eating much aside from the almost daily pretzel and lost about 40/50 pounds within a span of 3 months. i just thought i was losing weight for walking around the city to go to classes and spent a majority of the money i had saved up over my childhood on clothes that i have never been able to fit in aside from those few months at the end of 2013.

the day the game grumps released that one wind waker episode about dans ocd story was released during this time. i watched that episode and immediately started crying bc i knew i wasn’t okay. i had completely changed in a span of about 2 months at that point. i was sad and didn’t know what to do. i constantly wanted to not exist and spent a lot of the time crying and sleeping and starving myself. i called my mom and asked for help. parents tried helping but they didn’t understand at the time what depression meant on that level. i told them maybe i could handle school better if i dropped one of the 4 classes i had. and of course i dropped the history class and not any of the studios. i made schedules and plans to complete the semester but i still. felt overwhelmed and not good enough and lonely and sad and frustrated at these emotions because i couldn’t just focus like a normal person. i lies to my parents to my grandparents to a lot of people that i was continuing my work but i stopped doing 2 of the remaining 3 classes altogether. ended up with withdraw failures in them.

the last class was my life drawing class. i enjoyed it a lot. i took a train into the city to go to it. i found peace in the hour listening to music to get there. i would talk to dean before he went to bed on my way there and greet him in his mornings when i went home. i thought i could handle it and it was going well. besides for the assignments that were meant to be done at home. we had a final that was meant to be an illustration showing our learned skills in the class in a 24x36in size. not bad at all. i got the paper, had the sketch. i just had to do it. but i didn’t. when i was in that room at my grandparents place i felt nothing but emptiness. so i filled it whatever i could think of

my hyperfixation of things soon moved to the release of frozen. i had followed it previously and was excited to go see it. i had bought the classic dolls for the main characters the day they were released and left them in box in case i didn’t like the movie and wanted to sell them. my immediate family came to visit my grandparents for thanksgiving that year and i asked my mom if we could go see frozen at it’s earliest showing on release day. she agreed because i lied to her saying my figure drawing class had been cancelled for the holidays (it wasn’t bc we were meant to show progress on our finals)

i cried so hard so fast bc whatever i was feeling i felt through elsa. i projected so much onto her and i fell in love. it gave me a second wind. i bought the frozen soundtrack and would sing along to let it go on the way to the train station. i felt like i could overcome my depression as simple as that. but circumstances don’t work like that

i never turned in that final despite it being the assignment where “if u don’t turn it in u fail”.

i dropped out of art school, telling my parents maybe i wasn’t meant for art. i’m not good enough to make it in the industry if i’m like this. i was gonna go home and go to the local state college instead. get a degree in something ... useful.

i left art school with a total gpa of 0.9

elsa is a character that’s just. i never understood the popularity frozen had. it has problems. it’s ... not that great honestly. but elsa stood out for me. she was some sort of proof to me i could be happy.

a lot has happened in the past 4 years, but i can say i’m honestly happy. i have a lot of good things going on. though i think the most important to this story i guess is ?

i’m graduating with my bachelors in art in may. my gpa is back at a 3.6. i took 3 studios classes this semester on top of 2 art history lectures and made it through. i thought so little of myself and my abilities over the years. i never thought i’d graduate college at that point i was at 4 years ago. when i applied to my local uni, i had to appeal to get in because of my low gpa from those 4 semesters of art school. i spent 2 years there not knowing if i even wanted to do art again. but i realized this is something that’s always been a part of me. it’s who i am? and i want to use this talent i had to. make it in the industry. my dream for as long as i can remember is to make media for kids who feel lost and alone. it’s always been my dream and i won’t let anyone or anything keep me from trying my hardest to make it happen, which includes not letting myself stop me.

i don’t know what the future holds but i’m excited to see where it takes me

and it just happens to involve me and my fleeting hyperfixation on elsa asking for the olaf’s frozen adventure limited edition elsa doll for chrismas because i want to say i look at her and think everything i just said

but in reality i just go shheeeees my wiiiiiiiife i looooooove herrrrrrrrr

[ff15trashgoldenslumbers]

Headcannon or drabble on the chocobros seeing a girl that they are like "love at first sight" for, but she speaks a different language and hardly knows any English or whatever language they know? Thanks ❤❤❤

I’m gonna be honest with you anon, that is the CUTEST effin thing I have ever heard! My heart is just WOW. I legit had to hold my heart and stop from crying. o(≧∇≦o)

I’m gonna make you proud! (I hope :P) This went a little longer than I thought it would…that’s why it took so long. ❤❤❤

~~~~~~~~~

Noctis

“An escort mission, seems simple enough.” Ignis stated, holding a piece of paper.

“Iggy’s right Noct, with that money we won’t have to worry about anything from here to Tranbene.” Prompto added, looking into the backseat. “Please it’s on the way, so we can technically kill two birds with one stone.”

“It would add a little excitement to this 2 week bachelor party you wanted to go on.” Gladiolus chuckled.

“If I recall correctly, I didn’t want a party at all.” Noctis groaned.

Now here they all sat in the Regalia, a young woman squeezed between Future King and Shield, a long veil over your face. You never responded to any of the banter, making the car ride rather uncomfortable.

The mission was simple, drive 2 days east, and drop you off to your future husband.  About an hour out of your old city, you shocked the entire car as you uttered your first words.

“How far?”

“Oh she spoke!” Prompto gasped, as he turned in his seat to look at you along with Noctis and Gladiolus.

Your veiled head tipped to the side, as you repeated, “How far?”

“How far to?”

“Home.” You muttered.

“I would estimate 45 minutes.” Ignis stated, looking to the car’s stereo.

You made a pleasing noise, before reaching up, removing the large white veil from your head.

Noctis’ blue eyes widen in shock, he couldn’t describe it, the way your hair framed your face, your plump lips, bright eyes. You were absolutely beautiful! He could have swore that his heart skipped a beat as you turned those bright eyes toward him, giving him a soft smile.

“Thank you.”

“No, no problem.” Noctis replied, a flush over his cheeks, only for it to become deeper, as you leaned towards him, with concerned eyes.

“Ill?”

“I don’t think Noct’s sick, he’s just never seen a pretty girl up close.” Prompto laughed.

Noctis glared to Prompto, than back to you as you cutely tilted your head looking to him. Only to feel his heart jump again, as you repeated his nickname, it sounded so foreign and exotic coming from you.

“I am, y/n.” You smiled, brightly before glancing around the car. “Muse.”

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Gladiolus, that one is Prompto, the one driving is Ignis.”

“A pleasure.” Ignis nodded in the rearview mirror.

“And you’ve meet Prince Charmless, Noctis.” Gladiolus chuckled reaching around you to flick Noctis who was still staring at you.

“So Y/n, what’s a Muse?” Prompto asked leaning over his seat.

Ignis glanced toward you in the rearview mirror, “Ms. Y/N are you versed in the King’s language?”

You shook your head no, “Only some, can understand.”

“Please let us know if you need assistance with anything.” Ignis stated.

Noctis finally seemed to stop his staring match, as he watched you bite your lip, and sigh heavily, “Is something wrong?”

The entire car’s eyes turned to you again, as you tried remembering the correct words only to blurt out, “No, go.”

“What?” Noctis asked, as you motioned to your entire self, than your veil in hand. “You don’t want to get married?”

You shook your head again, a sneer on your face, “Pay.”

“Pay?”

Ignis glanced into the rearview mirror again, “You were bought, because you were a Muse?”

You nodded again, as Noctis asked what a muse was.

“A muse, would be one who is blessed and honored powers by an Astral, much like you and Lady Lunafreya, yet to a different degree. While the King of Lucis and the Oracle are given through blood lines, Muses are only procured through different means. Normally a mark of the god who blessed them in their childhood.” Ignis explained. “They are often shunned away from the rest of the world to avoid being tampered with, which would explain Y/N inability to speak the King’s Language.”

You shuffled slightly before turning to Noctis, cupping his face as you stared within his eyes. Only to hear him gasp as you slowly released his face, smiling brightly.

“Whoa, Y/n, what’s your symbol, and god?” Prompto called.

Noctis stared at you, “Bahamut, and in your eyes.” As you nodded, stating something in your native tongue, as the Prince stared in confusion.

“Your eye? Doesn’t that get annoying?” Prompto asked, as you turned your eyes to the small blonde, blinking as you felt the power disappear. “That’s so cool.”

“Any powers to go with that?” Gladiolus inquired.

“Little.” You replied with a shrug, glancing down to the veil in your lap, sighing deeply, when Noctis took the veil.

“Specs, how much was the reward?”

“A little over 2,000.”

“Seems a little low, Y/N, how about you come to Tenebrae with us?” Noctis asked.

You could feel the smile appear on your face, as you threw your arms around Noctis’ neck, placing a kiss to his cheek. Refusing to let go, even as you heard Gladiolus and Prompto mocking the Prince for appearing the color of a tomato.

***

“Hunt?” You inquired, walking along side the boys in a underground maze, your only light source being the flashlights on your lapels. Having been traveling with the group for about 5 days, your tribal wedding dress replaced with a navy blue dress, over black tights,  and underneath a half black jacket.

“Yeah, if we’re going to eat tonight, we’ll need to get some money.” Prompto chuckled, the blonde seemed to take a shine to you, along with being his best friend’s girl.

You nodded your understanding, having never actually participated in one, as the others often left you in the hotel room with Noctis’ cellphone. Yet with a few fluttering eyes, you realized that you could get Noctis to do small favors for you.

The bond the two of you shared was rather shocking to the others, neither Noctis or yourself were seen apart for longer periods. You even slept together on the same side of the tent, often you curled in Noctis’ embrace. Or during the car rides, you would often shift to allow the Prince to rest against you in his sleep.

Noctis was obviously smitten with you despite the language barrier that often left the two of you staring in confusion, but that still left the arranged marriage to Lunafreya in less than a week.

Everyone stopped as they looked to the group of creatures nest in a large opening of the cave. Crouching down so as not to draw attention to yourselves, so as to come up with a plan.

Ignis glanced toward the creatures slumbering. “We’ll need to move quickly, and get around them before they too can regroup, there’s 10 of them and 5 of us, we should be able to take them out.”

“You think it’s a good idea to count, Y/n?” Gladiolus stated.

“We wouldn’t be able to protect her and complete the hunt. No offensive, Y/n.” Prompto stated

“I’m fine.” You call, turning as Noctis handed you a sword.

“Stay close.” He replied, as you nodded.

Yet it did surprise the others, when you were able to handle your own against the creatures, only to let your guard down, when you saw a creature going after Noctis. Quickly rushing over to the Prince, you tapped his arm, yet kept running, tapping Ignis’ cheek, Prompto’s shoulders and then Gladiolus’ chest.

“What is she doing?” Prompto asked, as he dodged the jaws of one of the creatures, only for you to loudly call something in your native tongue before everyone glew in a light.

“Y/N, what did you do?” Noctis called, easily slashing through a creature.

“Release!” You strained, holding out your arms to your sides, glowing a dim white light around the eyes. “Fast!”

“Noct, it seems that whatever spell Y/N cast won’t last long, we should finish this quickly.” Ignis stated.

With your power up, the hunt was over rather quickly, yet as the boys all turned to include you in the victory they found you collapsed on your hands and knees, panting. Noctis warp over, as he kneeled beside you.

“Y/n are you okay? Did you get hurt? Are…”

You stopped his rambling as you reached up, cupping his face, muttering something in your native tongue, sitting back on your hunches you let out a laugh. Bahamut’s symbol disappearing from your eyes. “Hurts.”

“Ignis!” Noctis called reaching for a potion, only for you to grab his face again, staring him directly in the eye. “Y/n.” He muttered as you shook your head rolling up the sleeve of your jacket, showing fading white marks disappear from your skin.

“Hurts.”

“Y/N, is this the first time that you’ve done something to this effect?” Ignis asked, as you turned to him. It always took you a little longer to understand Ignis, before nodding. “Gladiolus, if you don’t mind.”

“No problem, up you go.” Gladiolus called, as he scooped you up rather easily, sitting you in the croak of his arm. “You hardly weigh anything do you, no wonder Noct doesn’t complain when you’re laying on his arm.”

“Shut up!” Noctis barked, walking beside Gladiolus,in the arm you were cradled in.

***

“Are you feeling better, Y/n?” Ignis inquired, handing you a plate, he always seemed to feed you first.

“Thank you, Iggy.” You giggled with a tilt of the head, watching as his green eyes widen at the use of his nickname, before a smile appeared on his face.

“My pleasure.” He replied, handing Noctis his plate, only to watch as you both stopped, staring at the mushrooms on your plate. “Is something wrong?”

At the same time, you and Noctis, both made a disgusted noise, pushing the offensive part of the meal out the way.

“Now you have to deal with two of them.” Gladiolus chuckled.

You quickly turned to Ignis, as you shook your head, “No, no can’t…um…” You muttered trying to find the correct words, before petting your cheeks and touching your throat, beginning the strange ritual of you trying to get your words out.

“Oh, you’re allergic!” Prompto gasped, as you nodded pointing toward the other.

Turning to Ignis with soft eyes, “Sorry.”

“No, I’m the one who should apologize, I wasn’t aware, is there anything else that you are allergic to?” He asked, as you shook your head.  “Will they affect you by being within your salad?”

You shook your head, “No, thank you for worrying.”

“You’re getting better.” Noctis smiled as you felt a blush brighten your face at the praise.

“I didn’t know you could cast spells.” Prompto gasped, mouth full of food, as Gladiolus groaned for him to learn manners. “That’s amazing!”

“A little.”

Dinner continued within it normal  fashion of fast jokes around the fireside, the boys afterwards getting into a friendly heated debate over King’s Knight. Only to turn to you, as you stood facing the night sky, your eyes glowing with your symbol of an Astral Muse, as you sung a single Aria to the night sky, glowing a soft blue. Your Song of the Stars ending, as you jumped startled by the applause your received, your glow disappearing. Covering your blushing cheeks as you turned from them.

“That was amazing, Y/N.” Noctis gasped.

Prompto cheered. “Do you know any other songs?”

“A few..” You replied, keeping your back facing the others, as you began singing in the King’s Language surprising everyone by your ability to pronounce so clearly without a trace of your accent that accompanied the few words you knew and begun to learn.

***

“Why is it always MTs!” Prompto groaned, the rain pouring around everyone, only 2 days outside of Tarabene. It was difficult to get footing in the sloshing mud, yet lucky it also worked against the other creatures.

Yet it wasn’t the rain slowing down Noctis and yourself, yesterday as you both sat on the docks to catch dinner for the night, low on money again. It was all made clear, that your time was ending soon. Noctis would be marrying Lunafreya, to start the treaty . Yet as the two of you sat there, the sky opened and begun to pour, luckily hiding both of your tears.

“Y/N!” Gladiolus called, as he tossed you up in the air, only for you to bring your sword down on the machine before you. Landing back beside Gladiolus as you high fived the man, only to gasp as you realized that you were all surrounded my MTs. “Fuck where do these bastards keep coming from?” He growled.

“Everyone regroup!” Ignis called, as you all rushed into the defensive circle, so as to not be attacked by an MT from behind. “We have the disadvantage, being on their land. Y/N will you be fine to supply assistance?”

“Yes.” You called as you reached out tapping Noctis’ hand, Ignis’ neck, Prompto’s shoulder and Gladiolus’ arm. “15 minutes.”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he hefted his sword to his shoulder. “We’ll only need 5.”

It had gotten easier to control your magic over time, yet anything more than 15 minutes would leave you a mess, and often out of commission and left open to attack. Rain continued to fall, as the last of the soldiers fell to those around you.

Noctis glanced toward,you, as you ran a sword through an MT going after Prompto. You were sloppy, he watched as you were splashed with mud, by the fallen body of two more as Gladiolus tossed them aside. He watched as your Astral blessed eyes shined brightly against the grey background around you, supplying everyone with an extra boost of power. All of this within a quick glance, a moment’s notice.

In a moment’s notice,the Prince had saw a future for his Kingdom, for you, for himself, for you together.

Running a sword through two MTs Noctis barked loudly, “Y/N! Will you marry me?”

You jumped no prepared for Noctis to yell at you from across the feild, as you dodged the gun shots of an MT,  “But Lady Lunafreya?”

“I’ll figure something out!” Noctis called, slashing away at  another attack. “Y/n, will you?”

You rocked out the way of another shot before beaming, “Yes!”

Noctis smiled, as he turned to the man beside him, “Prompto?”

Prompto unloaded a clip into a couple of soldiers,  “Couldn’t you have picked a better time, Dude?” He called, before starting the ceremony. “We are gather here today, shit! Stay down, to honor the union of…”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he grabbed Noctis, performing a spin and throwing into a few of the green being, “I forget the little punk is certified for marriage.”

“Another reason we don’t allow him to drink without a chaperone.” Ignis chuckled.

“…forever as your wife?” Prompto called, covering your back, as you rushed another MT, losing your sword, before following up with a blast of light.

“I do!” Noctis called across the field.

“And you, Y/N take Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum….”

You waited for Prompto to stop going on, as Noctis threw you another sword, in time to block a slash from an MT, “I do!”

“And with the power vested in me I pronounce you husband and wife. Congrats, you’re married!” Prompto called, as the last MT let out a wail falling to the ground, before exploding. “What do you know fireworks.”

Both you and your husband stood across from each other, covered in mud, drenched in water, the sun finally showing, staring into each other’s eyes, both of you stepping forward, holding each other’s hands, before pulling into a passionate kiss.

***

It actually seemed that Lunafreya wasn’t all too disappointed in your union, if anything she seemed excited that Noctis found someone to trust. She even held a proper ceremony for the two of you in Tarabene, stating that her gift to you both was to keep the treaty without a need for marriage between the lines. The woman even became a rather close and personal confidant for you.

“Please take care of Noctis.” Lunafreya smiled, after your ceremony, holding your hands tightly in her own.

“I promise.” You stated back, wearing a large over the top silver wedding dress, the woman had made for you. “I have a gift for you too.”

Both Lunafreya and Noctis were confused as you grabbed both their hands, cupping both their hands within your own. Closing your eyes as you focused your energy into them, the crowd watching as the 3 of you begun to glow.

“Y/n?”

“A gift of the gods.” You explain before turning to Lunafreya speaking directly to her, your eyes glowing, speaking in your native tongue, “Bahamut, doesn’t think your should be left with such a burden, he has asked me to give you this power to help with your own pain. He says that you’re one of his favorite Oracles, if not his favorite. Please lead a long and happy life, my sister.”

Lunafreya gasped before smiling brightly turned to Noctis as she smiled, “Your wife is something else, are you aware of the language she speaks?” The confused look on Noctis’ face seemed to give her the answer. “She can speak the language of the gods, it’s quite an amazing thing. I would even think the gods might call us sisters.”

You laughed at your husband’s shocked expression, “I am no Oracle, simply a muse.”

Prompto

“No luck, and I’m lost.” Prompto whined the poor photographer was suppose to be looking for an open hotel in the small town, but due to a festival this evening, everywhere he looked was sold out. So he and the others split up hoping to find some place to crash for the night that wasn’t the car.

Yet that was 2 hours ago, and the poor photographer was lost in a brightly colored world, with poor reception on his phone. Each text and call attempt listed as failed, when he decided on just to do what Ignis always stated.

“If you get lost Prompto stay in one spot, you’ll eventually find us.”

But he couldn’t see Ignis or Gladiolus and they both were much taller than most people!

“Hey, hey!”

Prompto turned, as he felt someone nudge his shoulder, only to feel his heart leap in his chest. Standing before him was a goddess on earth, perfection, with a bright smile on.

“Lost?” You called.

“Lost?” Prompto echoed, the word held no meaning, but the spell was cast. “Yeah, I’m lost.”

“Who?” You questioned, staring at the dazed look of the blonde’s face, large blue eyes seeming to be focused on you. “Help, help.”

“Help?” Prompto muttered, before it dawned on him, “Wait you’re trying to help me?”

“Mmhm, mmhm!” You bounce, “Who lost?”

“My friends!” Prompto cheered, “Can you help me?”

You bounced again in joy, before taking the other’s hand, “Help, find.”

Prompto allowed for you to lead him through the thick crowds, setting up for the festival, as you lead him to a huge fountain, that seemed to be the town center. “I’m Prompto by the way.”

“Y/N.” You call back over your shoulder, pushing beyond people and tourist coming to your town for the festival, jumping on the fountain, before pulling Prompto up behind you. “Look, look.”

Prompto had to admit, from this view, he could easily see further, and just when he thought he wasn’t going to be found again, he noticed that mohawk. “Gladio!”

“There you are!” Gladiolus yelled, as he waved to Noctis and Ignis, pointing them toward the blonde.

“Y/n, thanks so…where’d you go?” Prompto gasped, looking around, only to notice you making your way back the way you came. Which was unfortunately the opposite direction of the others, he watched you turn smiling back to him brightly, before disappearing in the crowd.

“Dude, what happened to you?”

Prompto climbed down from the fountain, his eyes still trained in the direction of where you disappeared, “Y/n?”

“Who?”

***

“It appears that due to the festival everything is sold out.” Ignis sighed, as they found a restaurant to get a late lunch at.  “Unfortunately we will be camping tonight.”

Gladiolus turned to Prompto beside him grinning, “Maybe we can ask Prompto’s goddess girlfriend to help us out.”

Prompto groaned, it was endless teasing since he had mentioned you to the others, “She just helped me out, I mean…”

“Oh but let’s not forget how pretty she is.” Noctis cooed, mocking Prompto’s earlier love filled statements, earning a snicker from Gladiolus.

Prompto huffed, before turning as he could have swore he heard something among the busy nosy streets of the city. Having seated by the open aired window, he had perfect view of the city streets.

“Something wrong Prompto?” Ignis inquired, finishing the last of his food.

“I could have swore…”

“Prompto!”

The blonde turned only to be greeted by your bright smiling face, “Y/n!”

Gladiolus and Noctis stared in shock, “So she is real?”

You turned your eyes to the others at the table, before turning back to Prompto, “You found friends!”

Prompto beamed back, “Yeah, thanks to you! This is Noctis, Ignis,and Gladiolus.”

“Hello!” You beamed in your strange accent native to the village, yet it was obviously known you did not speak a lot of the King’s Tongue. “Festiva?”

Prompto cocked his head to the side before realizing what you meant, “No, we can’t stay, we don’t have a room.”

You cocked an eyebrow, “Room?”

“Yeah, nowhere to stay.”

“Mm, Oh stay stay, Y/n home, Prompto home!” You replied, only to giggle at the large smile that appeared on the blonde’s face, as you motioned toward the others. “Prompto’s friends too!”

“Really, Y/N, that would be awesome!” Prompto cheered, as you climbed over the windows bars, calling to a waitress.

“Y/n?” The waitress called, as you both begun a quick discussion in your native tongue, only for you to hand over some money. The waitress smile before turning to the table, “Your bill is paid, Y/N will take you to a place where you can stay the night, please enjoy the Festiva.”

“Come, come.” You call, as the boys all stood from the table, meeting you around front.

“Thanks so much, Y/N! What do we owe you?”

You shook your head, “No, no, for new friends. Please follow.” You smiled, as you took Prompto’s hand, and begun leading everyone through the crowd, the blushing blonde following after you.

Pushing open the door to your apartment as you turned with welcoming arms, “Here!”

Prompto turned to your with large blue eyes, “Are you sure it’s fine that we stay?”

You nodded your head, the other spoke rather quickly, but you thought you understood, “Deamons out, not good. Festiva!”

“So what is Festiva?” Gladiolus asked, ducking from a lantern you had hangin to your ceiling.

Giggling you motioned for Gladiolus and Ignis to sit down on your couch, rather not having one of the tall men hit their heads on your lanterns, “Music, dance, food.”

“Like a party?” Noctis yawn, taking a liking to the pillows in the corner of the room, having claimed all of them as his own.

“Mmhm, huge!” You beam toward the group, before turning to Prompto, “Come?”

Prompto flushed a bright pink, at your attention on him, “Yeah!” Only for the blonde to have to hold in a yelp of joy, as you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“Chuchu!” You giggled, cupping his freckled cheeks.

***

“Y/N said we should have a perfect view from here.” Prompto stated, standing in the middle of the town square where you had lead him to the others.

“Is she going to meet us?” Gladiolus inquired, holding one of Noctis’ many snacks, the Prince seemed to adore the cotton candy.

“Idk.” Prompto replied, as the parade that signaled the start of the Festiva’s evening celebrations started.

The streets were crowded with people, laughing drinking and partying, as large floats moved through the streets. Prompto’s camera at the ready, only to turn at the large feathered float coming up next, it was close to the end. It wasn’t even the Chocobos moving about the float that got his attention in main center there you stood.

A large feathered headdress on your head, wearing what could only be described as a Chocobo festival attire, including the high heels and tails. Moving and dancing around the birds, putting on a show for the crowd. You glanced out among the crowd above your perch, before locking eyes with that freckled face of the cute blonde, staring in shock with his raised camera.  Plucking a bedazzled feather from your head, you pressed a kiss against it. Whistling to one of the pink Chocobos, as you motioned into the crowd.

Prompto jumped as the pink bird appeared before him, nudging the blonde with its beak, taking the feather, to see it read ‘Chuchu’, a red kiss mark beside it. The bird squawked, before running back over to the float, jumping up beside you, as you winked toward the man, blowing him a kiss from your red painted lips.

“Take a picture it will last longer.” Noctis laughed around his cotton candy, as the blonde rose his camera automatically, snapping quite a few dozen of your float and yours alone.

After the parade, you rejoined the others still within your parade attire, stopping in a few restaurants requesting a round of drinks, and partying in the streets. Only to return within the early hours of the morning prior to sunrise, Noctis immediately clonked out upon reaching his throne of pillows, Ignis took the couch, while Gladiolus stretched out on your hardwood floor.

You attempted to cover the large man with a blanket, yet Prompto promised you that it wasn’t needed.

Prompto and yourself stayed up a few hours after sunrise, going over the photos on his camera from the Festiva and other before coming to the village. Neither of you realize when you had fell asleep, only to be awoken by Ignis the next afternoon for lunch.

You offered your house for another evening, as you didn’t want the group having to travel so late without fear of them making it to the next town or safe point. Yet that following morning, not long after sunrise, you walked them back to the Regalia parked on the outskirts of town, the pink Chocobo trailing behind you.

“Thank you again for being so hospitable,” Ignis called, from the driver seat, as you smiled waving it off.

“Be safe.” You smiled, as you turned to the others in the car, Gladiolus was yawning loudly, and poor Noctis was already out. “Come visit again.”

“Thanks for everything, Y/n.” Prompto called, from the passenger seat, as you stood by his door, handing you a picture of a selfie you both took at the carnival, a bright smile appeared on your face, as you called his name.

Your hands reaching out to grab the lapels of his vest, before pulling him forward, pushing your lips against his. Only pulling apart as you heard your Chocobo coo, pulling back as you smiled, “Chuchu.”

Prompto could only stare in a daze, as you easily mounted your Chocobo, riding back into town, as you waved over your shoulder.

“Prompto, are you aware of what ‘Chuchu’ means?” Ignis inquired as he started the car.

Prompto slumped back in his seat, as he shook his head still not over the high he received from you.

“It’s the sound a heart makes.” Gladiolus chuckled form the back seat.

Prompto stared in shock, at he pulled the feather from the inside of his vest, a soft smile on his lips.

Gladiolus

“We can make you a Great sword, but you’ll need to go get the stuff.” The old man replied, leaning over the blacksmith’s front desk.

Gladiolus had demanded that Ignis pull over, when he noticed that they were passing through  Acero, a town specifically known to make amazing weapons, and he just couldn’t pass up on a Black Starred GreatSword, rumor to be made from asteroids as they were so high in the mountains

“No problem.” Gladiolus smirked.

The old man gave a puff of his pipe before leaning back to call into the actual workshop in the back, “Oi, y/n! You’re heading up to the mountains. My grand niece will take you up there to get the stuff, and make one, ya’ll can’t meet her around back.” He replied, pointing to the screen door to his left.

The four nodded before moving to the back, all waiting, as they heard loud talking in a foreign language, than door fling open widely.

Gladiolus stared in confusion, his heart physically hurt as he felt it jump in his chest. You stood there, your right cheek covered in soot, goggles on your head, hair tied in a high ponytail, calling back in the shop loudly.

“We’ll be fine without you! Take the portable forge.” The old man chuckled, following you outside to greet the four men.

Those beautiful red, plumped lips raised in a mock sneer, before turning your eyes to Gladiolus and his friends wiping your face with the back of your arm.

“This is, y/n, she’ll get you all fixed up. It’s a two day trip by car, so I suggest you all get moving.” The old man replied shutting the door.

“Hey, y/n!” Prompto cheered, “I’m Prompto, that’s Gladiolus, Ignis, and Noctis.”

You gave the cheery blonde a smile, “Hey. Who Sword?” You asked, as all of them pointed to the large tattoo man staring at you attempting to play aloof. “Gladiolus?”

Gladiolus snapped from his daze before giving you a smirk of his own, as you approached him, only to be left breathless, at the way those powerful legs moved you across the field and looked so good in those blue jeans, your crop top underneath a tied black shirt. “Yeah?”

Everyone watched, as you stared the man down, before circling him, once then twice, lifting a large arm, before playfully tapping the back of your knuckles against the bird’s beak on his chest.  “This will be fun.” You smile in your strange accent, turning as you lifted your ponytail, showing a tattoo on the back of your neck of a wreath of Gladiolus, Iris, and Peonies.

***

“It’s hot.” Prompto whined, as you drove the large pickup truck, hauling your Uncle’s portable forge behind you.

“Are we close?” Gladiolus asked, not able to fit in the cab, he and Ignis having to sit in the back, while you drove, Noctis in the passenger seat, and Prompto between you two.

“Almost.” You replied, not at all bugged by the dirt road or concern for the shocks in the car, as you seemed to hit every single hole, much to Ignis’ dismay. Tapping Prompto’s shoulder, as you pointed toward the large mountain before you.

“Wait wait, let me get my phone.” Prompto called, as he lifted his phone to turn on the translator app.  ‘We’re good.”

“We’ll head there tomorrow, we’ll have to camp for the night.”  The translator’s monovoice  replied.

“Would we be able to get it tonight?” Ignis asked.

“No, deamons hunt at night.” The translator replied, as you scoffed, it was only picking up some of your words and that was making explaining difficult.

“Where’s the nearest camp grounds?” Prompto asked.

You pointed ahead, “Dusk.”

Just as dusk began to find its way across Eros, you pulled the truck to a stop, the boys getting out to stretch as you walked around back, removing the cauldron from the hitch.

“Need help with that?” Gladiolus called, as you turned waving him away, only for the man to reach around you, lifting the forge on wheels easily. “Where too?”

You gave a sassy smirk, tapping his bicep, as you motioned him a little further than where Ignis was setting up the “kitchen”.  Glancing over your shoulder to see that Gladiolus was indeed following the curve of your ass, you couldn’t lie, you were also checking out the large man every chance you got.

“Here’s good.” You replied, as he gently lowered, the burner. “Stand back.” You called before stepping, leaning your body into the pit, before climbing back, tossing a match into the device, as it quickly bursted into flames. Turning as you saw everyone staring at you, laughing as you realized that your face was covered in soot. “Happens.” You shrugged, removing your button up, as you wiped your face.

Gladiolus stared in shock, he thought you looked good before, but damn you looked amazing with that much sink showing!

“Did you make this, Y/n?” Prompto asked stepping over.

“Mmhm,” You replied wrapping your shirt around your waist..

Prompto’s eyes brighten, “Awesome! Do you only make weapons?”

You shook your head, showing the necklace of a small flower hanging down your top, “Plus more.”

“Jack of all trades.”  Gladiolus chuckled.

You turned to the man studying him, “What kind sword?”

Gladiolus chuckled, as he summoned the large sword, “Something around this.” He stared at you, as a look of excitement went over your face, before you reached for the sword. “You got it?” He asked, releasing it in your hands, impress that you didn’t stumble, despite the sword being much larger than you. He felt his heart jump again, as you started babbling in your native tongue, clearly excited about the new project. Turning your large excited eyes to the others, Gladiolus felt himself become jealous.

“Your weapons too?” You beamed,  only to squeal in joy, as Noctis summoned a sword, Prompto his gun, and Ignis his daggers. “Fun, fun, fun! Request?”

“A chocobo!” Prompto cheered.

***

“How is it hotter!” Prompto groaned, as Gladiolus pulled you up the side of the mountain, single handly.

Tapping the big guy’s chest with the back of your knuckles, you  pointed toward the large black rock in the middle of the hole, “That!”

“So that’s what we’re after, shouldn’t be hard.” Gladiolus smirked, going to move when you grabbed his arm, halting him.  “What’s wrong?”

You picked up a rock, showing it to the man, before tossing it into the asteroids crater, as a large fuzzy creature that resembled an elephant with a canine like muzzle, filled with sharp teeth, larger tusks and thundering footsteps strolled out, letting out a yawn. It easily dwarfed everyone and stood much taller than the asteroid. “That.”

“Is there any way to get around it?” Ignis inquired, as you shook your head.

“Than that means we’ll just have to go through it.” Gladiolus chuckled summoning his sword quickly followed by the others jumping into the fray.

Leaving you to stand on the crater’s hill staring in shock, the creatures was completely harmless as long as you didn’t startle them, and with 4 men running at them with weapons drawn, well that was a little startling.

You watched as the large creature immediately bristled, letting out a roar is it charged the 4 guys currently charging it. Letting out a sigh as you wrapped the chain of your charkham around your hand twice, before rushing to the battlefield. Dashing beside Prompto as you shoved Noctis out the way of the creatures large tusk taking a swing at it.  “Stop!”

“Stop?” Noctis called in confusion.

You jumped as you heard a loud bang, turning to see that Gladiolus had produced a shield, the large creature slamming a tusk into it. Turning back to Noctis, Prompto, and Ignis, you repeated your stern stop again, before running over to Gladiolus, screaming his name loudly.

“Y/N what are you doing down here?” He asked, jumping  away of the creature who was going to attack again. “We got this!”

“Up!” You barked, hoping the big guy got the idea, as you leapt toward him.

Luckily Gladiolus seemed to be on the same page as he cupped his hands, launching you into the air. Releasing both of your chained chakrams, you  wrapped it around the creature’s tusk. Landing on it’s back, as you ran over to the left side of it’s head, kicking behind the ear.

Gladiolus watched below, the entire time  he torn between wanting to jump up after you to assist you, and his heart hammering in his chest, as just how fucking beautiful you appeared, only to watch as the creature immediately became non bristled at your kick, as it collapsed to it’s knees, allowing you to climb off, wrapping your chained chakrams back to your sides.

“What did you do?” Prompto called.

You patted the huge creature’s side, as it nuzzled into your hand, “Friend.” You stated, as the creature stood, moving over to the asteroid, knocking against the space rock, knocking off a decent size chunk, picking it up within its jaws prior to kneeling before you again. “Come.” You motioned as you walked over to the side, grabbing a handful of fur, only to gasp as you felt hands on your hips. Turning to see that Gladiolus was helping you board the creature.

“So the big guy’s not a bad guy?” Gladiolus called, as he rubbed the creature by the tusk, the creature giving a nuzzle back, as everyone climbed on it’s back.

“Nope, good girl.” You smile, as you scratch the creature on the back of the head.

The creature carried you all back to camp, making it there in half the time, prior to returning back to the crater. The moment you jumped down, you immediately set to work on the new weapons. You worked fast, but it still took an all nighter before you were finished with everyone’s designs.

Ignis drove back, much to his comfort, as you sat in the back with Gladiolus, resting against a strong bicep, catching up on the sleep that you missed last night. Yet you had to admit that seeing the boys excited faces at your designs this morning was worth it. Awoken when Ignis pulled into the BlackSmith shop the Regalia parked before them.

“Thanks again y/n.” Prompto called, as he twirled his new black accented gun.

“No prob.” You beamed, before leaning over to Gladiolus, “Hilt.”

Gladiolus stared in confusion, as he looked to the black hilt, right where the handle and blade met, was a small bundle of Gladiolus in a heart shape. The big guy chuckled, as he pulled you into his chest, hugging you tightly, as you flailed at first, only to than return the hug.

“If you’re ever in Insomnia, give me a call.” Gladiolus stated releasing you.

You fluttered your eyelashes, puckering your lips, “We’ll make it hot.” You stated, tapping the bird on his chest with the back of your knuckles again, before leaning forward whispering in his ear, “I don’t mean forge.”

Gladiolus stared in shock, at your straightforwardness, before a smirk appeared on his face, “It’s a date.”

You gave a wink, watching as the men all climbed into the car, waving them off, not able to hide the smile, as you tightly held the cross necklace of one Gladiolus in your hand. The big guy could be rather sneaky when he wanted to.

Ignis

Ignis glanced around the room once again, the royalty of Lucis and the royalty of Tenebrae seem to always host these parties since the Treaty was in place. Tensions still seem to raise, as some of Nilflhiem’s elite did not take too well to the union. Turning to see the future King and Queen of Insomnia conversing with other Royalty and high status elite.

As they were still on Lucis ground he knew that there would be no repercussions from those of Nilflhiem that accepted the invitation, not without wanting to exile themselves.

This was already the 5th party hosted within the union of the Royal marriage, and even Ignis had to admit, perhaps it was too much. It took everything for the future Queen and himself to do to get  Noctis ready for them, as the man would often try to run away, as King Regis often left these things to the future generations.

“Hey Iggy, you’ve been getting stares all night.” Gladiolus chuckled, moving beside the man holding a flute of champagne in his hands.  “Are you actually going to dance with any of them tonight?”

“I must see to Noct not deciding to run again.” Ignis stated.

Prompto laughed, “I don’t think so, Queenie has a pretty hard lock on Noct’s arm tonight. Live a little, dude.”

Ignis sighed deeply, maybe he should, it wasn’t often that they were actually able to celebrate such happy times. Maybe he would take the dance, with a partner. Glancing over the crowd, Ignis had to choke down a groan, as he noticed the Duchess of Franyea, winking to him. She was often known to leave her partners with sore feet, and even one poor fellow with a concussion.

Yet those green spectacle eyes turned to the figure not far from the Duchess, a soft beauty, clad in a lilac form fitted mermaid dress that touched the floor, on anyone else it would have looked over the top, yet on you simply ravishing. Hair pulled in a stylish yet not over the top ponytail, seeming to be more the wallflower than those around.

Ignis wasn’t even aware that he was moving across the room, until he noticed that you were much closer, your eyes staring up into his own, with a soft smile on your pink painted lips. For once in his life, Ignis was not in control of the situation! He always thought with his head, yet now his heart was taking the lead and the organ was not as versed as his mind.

His ears, tuned as he heard the band ending the current foxtrot, moving into a waltz, turning to focus those green eyes on you, he offered his hand, “May I have this dance?” Those green eyes studied you, only to feel a smile tug on his lips as you placed a hand within his own with a bright smile.

Ignis lead you to the floor by the hand, ignoring the shocked gaping mouths of those he had declined dances with earlier in the evening. Also the others edging him on, Gladiolus’ huge thumbs up, Promptos finger guns, even Noctis begun tugging on his wife’s arm motioning toward the both of you.

The floor seemed to clear, as Ignis lead you to the center of the ballroom, bowing at the hips the tall man pulled both of your hands to his lips, your blush not going unnoticed as you held tightly to those gloved hands. The music moving around you, as you both begun the waltz on the floor.

Ignis had to admit, he was rather frustrated for once, almost missing a step at the fact he hated that partners within the waltz often had to look away from each other, he wanted to gaze upon the beauty that made his heart hammer in his chest and palms sweaty underneath his gloves. Yet he could still feel the pads of your fingers under the layers of his suit jacket and dress shirt, and the hand that he held tightly.

Placing you in a spin, the advisor couldn’t help but be amazed at the beautiful smile and footwork, as he lead you around the floor. The song ended, yet from the grip you had on him, Ignis figured you weren’t finished either, so the two of you easily blended into the tango that followed.

This actually seemed to please you both, as now you were actually able to gaze into each other’s eyes.

“I fear, we have skipped introductions, I am Ignis Scientia, of Insomnia.” He stated putting you in a three point spin, surprised that you were able to maneuver so well at how close he realized he was holding you.

“Y/N, of Franbeastia.” You respond, beyond lashes at the tall man.

Ignis gave a pleasant hum, no wonder you were so soft spoken, Franbeasita was still in Lucis territory, yet on the very outskirts of a island on the coast. Your people hardly ever spoke to others in Lucis, aside from politics, so the King’s Language wasn’t well known. He was also unaware that they had any royalty.

“Not royal, friend of the chief.” You explain in your thick accent, as you saw the look on the man’s face.

Ignis smiled, “Seems understandable. You’re a beautiful dance partner.”

“You as well.”

Ignis chuckled, as he spun you around, watching your eyes, as you smiled up to him, the tango seemed to have gotten more impressive as you both moved across the floor. The way the man’s large skilled hands held you as he dipped you, lifted you, spun you around. It was simply an experience within itself, as you moved around the floor, only to end, your foreheads pressed together, breath mingling together, as you both held onto your partner.

Only for a flush to appear on your face as you heard applause, separating from the tall man, only to feel him keep a tight hold on your hand, before motioning for you to bow.  Doing so, you made to pull away from the man, only for his hold to remain firm.

Ignis wasn’t certain as to why he couldn’t let go of your hand, maybe he was worried that by releasing you, you would disappear for good. His feet moved once again on their own accord, as he lead you toward Noctis and the others, delighted when you followed. He just needed to show you off, this perfection that had waltzed its way into his life.

“New friend, Iggy?” Gladiolus chuckled, as he took your hand, placing a kiss to it.

“A pleasure.” You smiled, as Prompto repeated the gesture, only to turn as the Future King and Queen appeared before you. Quickly dipping yourself in the best curtsy you could , “Good evening your highness.”

Noctis flashed a polite smile, before raising his eyebrows at Ignis.

“Allow me to introduce, Y/N of Franbeastia.” Ignis replied, his hand going back to your own.

Noctis nodded his head, as his wife giggled, “Ignis, please take Y/n to the drawing room, I’m certain she is exhausted, you have been dancing for quite sometime.”

Ignis bowed, as you quickly follow, “Thank you for your hospitality your Highness.”

With a hand to the small of your back, Ignis lead you from the Grand ball room, yet instead of leading you to the waiting area, the man lead you to his office. Securing the door behind him, as he lead you to a couch, setting you down, rummaging through a cabinet, as he provided a wine and two flutes.

Despite the language barrier, the two of you sat on that couch, laughing and talking, trading lessons in each others native tongue. As the clock struck nearly 1 am, both of you gone from the ball for hours, you quickly stood, looking rather frazzled, as you moved to the door.

“Go…” You muttered between the glasses of wine, and small lessons Ignis provided you.

Ignis stood, “Allow me to escort you to your ride.” He offered, opening the door, walking you the opposite direction of the Grand Ballroom. “Should I call you a carriage?”

“No thank you.” You replied, your arm wrapped around his strong arm, walking the halls to the front garden.  Your carriage pulling up, as Ignis walked you to the door, your footman opening the door. “I enjoyed tonight.”

“I have as well, Y/N, perhaps we shall get together again.” Ignis smiled.

“I would love that.” You smiled in return, at least hoping that it made sense, it did in your bubbly mind, maybe you didn’t say it in your native tongue, yet the smile Ignis gave you only seemed to widen, as he took your hands, placing a kiss to the knuckles again.

“Safe travels.” Ignis smiled, as he helped you step up into your car, only to watch as you turned, stepping over to the man. Standing on the tips of your shoes, as you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Until we meet again.” You smile, before turning grandly, moving back into your car. The footman starting as you waved out the window.

Ignis chuckled as he touched the space where your lips left an imprint of your time together. Only to realize that you had placed something within his hand, a note. With your number.

The gentleman turned as he begun to go collect his friends, already knowing what was going to be said. Glancing over his shoulder to where your car disappeared, “Until we meet again, darling.”

[backtomylakearearootsstory]

BTMLAR S1E21

[ROUGH DRAFT FROM BOOK]

[“Mid August to Early September, I met a first cousin that I had no idea existed. She’s my aunt’s daughter. I met her by facebook, via my sister’s knowledge of our family history. This summer, we went down to Southwest Louisiana for the first time in a few years. The surpise came to us [via Jameson]nwhen our aunt left us a few things of hers. She left me her old recipes. As a little girl, I took to making dessert. By 10, I was baking cakes and pies. There was a time, when I would sale pies and pastries for extra money for college. It was through Jameson that my sister was informed of relatives in Long Beach. Yvonne and I had a conversation over coffee and that is when I reached out to her. She has three children who are around my childrens age. Her eldest is about three years older then my oldest son. Her youngest and my youngest are like wonder twins! Those two are so much alike that they could’ve been separated at birth. They all get along well but those two are two peas in a pod but I digress. Faye’s story is that she and my aunt moved out here early on and stayed with our relatives in Sacramento. They eventually settled in Long Beach. She’s been in California since she was 10 and was pretty candid about the move. Her and my aunt had been struggling in the Bayou State. In poverty, they kept contact with our cousins in Sacramento. That came in handy with the transition when aunt Clarisse decided it was time for a change. She lived with my mothers cousin in Sacramento while she studied to become a therapist. They eventually settled in Long Beach and have been there sense. It was through Faye that I got a bit of insight as to the dismantling of the family relationships……………..”]

It was an overcast morning as Abram’s last class for the day ended. "Long weekend begins now!" he said as he headed back to his dorm room. As he arrived to his dorm, he noticed that his roommate was already packed and ready to go. "You don't waste any time do you?"

“nope" Ricardo said. “You need to do the same”

After Abram packed, the two of them decided to go to get a bite to eat.

“Let’s go to that taco joint down the road”

“Good idea”

At lunch time, Ricardo has loaded his taco salad with shredded cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and pinto beans. 

Ricky wasn’t naive to Louisiana culture. His dads people were from the St. Charles Parish and his great grandmother arrived in LA during the 50s. His complexion could be described as light tan color with fine hair. As there food arrived, they figured they had about an hour to eat and gather their bags. 

After a response confirming the message he called the Uber. After eating, the pair waited outside for 15 minutes before Uber arrived. After returning to the dorm, Abram grabbed his MP3 player, his suitcase, and his phone charger and the two headed out. Once their ride arrived, they wasted no time. Stopping for gas only once. Their trip ended in LA a quarter after 6:00. They arrived at Abe’s house around 7:00pm. Yvonne was looking out of the kitchen window at the time. Surprised, she happily walked out and hugged her son. 

They sat for a bit with Yvonne at the kitchen counter making small talk. Wanting to know Ricardo a bit better she asked him his major

As they were carrying on their conversation, Zach and Phil returned with the food. Phil being caught off guard blinked momentarily before realizing that his son was in from college.

After they ate, Ricardo decided that he needed to let his parents know that he was in town. “I’m gonna head out” he said shook Phil and Zach’s hands. I’ll see you all tomorrow, if that’s okay”. “Sure” Yvonne said as Abram walked him out. After watching him exit the driveway, Abe decided to put his bag in his room before talking with his parents. 

Later that night after everyone had showered and Abram got comfortable in his room, Phil knocked on the door. “Come on in” Abe said as he closed his laptop. “Hey son, you settled in?” “Sure did”-Abram responded. Abram hadn’t seem his bed since June, not to mention he missed the Privacy that this bedroom allowed him versus the dorm room where his bedroom was the size of a shoe box and the walls were paper thin. He couldn’t have a phone conversation w/o someone banging through the doors. Masturbation or sex was out of the question.

Abe is kind of a homebody, just the fact that he went away for college is a surprise. Granted it’s about six hours away. He spent the rest of his night watching movies on his laptop before dozing off. Yvonne went to his room and cut the light off, leaving the door slightly open when she left. He got up around 1:00 am to get a cup of water before going to back to bed. Around 9:00 am, he woke up and met Yvonne on the porch. “What’s on your agenda today?” she asked.

“I’m gonna get in my car and ride! Haven’t had my car in months! I’m having lunch with a buddy and then going to get home in time to help you get ready for company tonight.”

“Be careful out there, traffic’s been nuts and police are everywhere”

“Duly noted”

He ate breakfast before taking a short run. Upon his return, he took a shower and got dressed. His outfit consisted of a pair of dark khaki shorts, an orange polo and a pair of Sperry shoes. He sat at the house for a couple of hours and talked with his mom about school and what he’d like to do when he got out. He expressed concerns about the job market when he got out and the worth of his bachelor’s degree. He got in his car for the first time in months and turned the engine on, letting the car warm up for about five minutes before taking off.  He plugged his iPod in, turned the air on savoring the ride anticipating the freedom once he would be able to bring his car on campus. He met Ricardo and Vincent downtown where they’d eat lunch.

“I’m in the mood for a burger” Vincent said

“How about that grill over there?” Abe said, reminding them that he didn’t want to overdo it as he would be eating with family tonight. They walked to the grill, being relatively early, they had no trouble getting a table. Abe ordered the smoked turkey sandwich before breaking the ice for table talk.

Back home, Phil and Quincy were preparing supper. They decided to put steak and chicken on the pit with mashed potatoes a garden salad. Deja made a confetti cake and as well as a chocolate cake.

“So how you cooking those steaks” Quincy asked.

“Medium well” Phil said.

Phil managed to get a good deal from the newspaper. Abram was rather simply to please. A good steak or Mexican food was always a preference of his.

“So Abe liking college so far?”

“Yeah, so far so good. He says he gets along with his roommate”

“Has he picked a major?”

“Not yet, but he was talking about Business”

“Good deal”

“Man what about you? What’s the job search like now?”

“I do a little merchandising, picked up some work mystery shopping now.”

“Any bites?”

“Talking to someone in the hospital about possibly clerking”

Quincy decided to go in the house and get a beer as Phil flipped the steaks. As he came back outside to resume the conversation, Phil asked how that connection came to be about.

“Well going to the VA office to fill out some paperwork initially I spoke with a woman who works as a janitor in the evenings. She put in a word at the hospital she cleans at. Call was unexpected”.

He got a text as he was talking “gotta take this”

He called and it was the woman from the hospital. “Uh huh, yes. Okay. Thank you”

He called Deja, “I got a job”

“I’ll start In a week, lady told me that if I want it it’s mine. So there you have it”

“That’s great babe”

“Well it’ll be something until I can get a better paying one. Anyway I’m gonna go pick up the kids. You heard from your sister?”

“Yep she’s in San Francisco, they’ll be here in a couple of hours”

Quincy left the house to get the kids from school. He dreaded the long line that he’d encounter due to the time he left. After picking up the children, he returned to Phil’s house around 4:00 PM. Zach had managed to hitchhike a ride from a friend in P.E.

“Hey pop”

“Good evening son, how was have a good day at school?”

“It was okay I guess, got a current event assignment in Geography. Due Tuesday”

While Phil was making small talk with Zach,Quincy made the revelation that he just secured employment.

“Good deal”

“Well I’m gonna go to my room for a bit.”

“Company’s coming at 5”

“I know, I remember”

In his room, Zach decided to put together a playlist and crank out the music for a bit before Faye arrived. He returned outdoors later on to help Faye with some items in her car. Quincy said. Ian and Malachi caught up over the last couple weeks with Zach, while Junior and Darius went inside for a bit. Abram, Ricardo, and Vince were sitting on the sofa as the company while company begin to arrive. Walking outside, Abram noticed some unfamiliar faces. 

“Hey Abe, this is your mother’s cousin”

“Hi, cousin Faye”

“Abram”

“You doing okay?”

“Yes ma’am”

“It’s nice to finally put a face. Your mama has been talking about you for the last two weeks”

“Good right?”

The boys were on the porch where Ian asked “is that our cousin?”

“Yea that’s Abe” Zach said

“Howdy Howdy!” Abe said to Malachi as he walked up. After greeting Malachi with a handshake and a hug, Ian introduced himself.

“How’s it going man?”

“Good” 

“So how are y’all  related to us?”

“Our mom and your mom are first cousins”

“This is going to be an interesting conversation later, but nice to meet you”

“I have two sisters and a brother, they’re inside”

“QJ’s inside too” Malachi interjected. Abram went inside, to get a soda and say hello.

”Junior! Whats up?” 

“Hey Aundrea” he said followed by a hug, before introducing himself to the other three “I’m Abram”

"Nice to meet you three. Ricky and Vincent”

“Hi”

He then washed his hands and decided to grab a Dr. Pepper. “We’ll probably be eating in a little bit”

“Good!” QJ exclaimed “I’m starving”

After the rest of the company arrived and welcomed Abram home, there was a prayer, and then the meal was served. Steak, chicken, potatoes, salad and two desserts to choose from. 

“Y’all remember that ice cream machine that uncle Pete used to have?” Faye asked. 

“Yeah, he normally used that around summer time. He’d use a little ice, milk, almond oil. The texture was kind of funny. Almost like a sorbet” Yvonne laughed. 

The evening was filled with laughs and eats. Abe was pretty simple to please. Food, snacks, kids hanging out. After the kids ate, they decided to take a walk. 

“I’ll go with them” Abe said. “Come on yall”

After the kids and teens left, Deja asked about  the relatives in Sacramento. “We’re trying to get around to meeting them in the next few months”. Clarissa said.

15 minutes later, the kids were in the front yard with two cop cars following closely behind them. “Is everything okay?” A concerned Quincy asked. “We received a complaint about a suspicious group of black kids roaming the streets” the officer said. “No, this is my son and his friends. These are my nieces and nephews”.  He then instructed them to go back to the backyard. Quincy stood out there with the officers and explained that his nephew was in town for the weekend. “I’m glad that you allowed them to prove themselves instead of taking matters into your own hands. Thank you officer”

Inside the Malachi and Aundrea were sitting down Yvonne and Abe cane in. “I’m glad that you all made it home. This situation could have ended completely different. I dream of a time when this won’t be an problem. Maybe in the year 3000 when we are all the color of a brown paperback, that will be so. In the meantime, we have to continue to h e these talks with you. We’d be doing a disservice otherwise. I wouldn’t instruct you to behave any differently. Don’t make any sudden movements. You should be almost motionless. Abe, I’m telling this to you too when you’re out there in San Francisco. Y’all can go back outsid now, go get a piece of cake.”

Ricardo and Vincent decided to eat a piece of cake and head home. 

“I’m gonna drop them home and I’ll be back” Abe said.

The ride was relatively quiet, “y’all okay?”

“Yeah, I’m Good” Vincent affirmed

“How about your cousins?” Ricardo added. Abram assured them that all was well, but he did say that his mom informed him of the possibility of this happening. She even gave me a lecture before I went on my run this morning. After dropping Ricardo off, he brought Vincent home. He greeted his parents as he haven’t seen them in a while and wanted to touch bases. He stayed for about 1/2 hour before ending his night back home.

He returned home where everyone had come inside for the evening. “Did you have a good time?” Deja asked

“Yes I did, thank you”. He enjoyed tonight despite the incident. He then joined them on a watching television show 

“Is everyone else alright?”

“Yes son, all’s good” 

Miriam drove up and as she went to the kitchen to fix a plate, Abe told her “You missed some crazy stuff today”

TO BE CONTINUED WITH EPISODE 22

[tempered-goods]

Sup Dude, how you been, So you made the move from Australia to china recently, whats that all about and hows it all going over there?

Hey man, yeah I moved from Melbourne to Beijing earlier this year and it’s been good so far. I was meant to stay in Australia for at least 3 years for my Bachelor’s degree but I squeezed two extra semesters into the summer-breaks and managed to get the piece of paper a year earlier. So, I threw the hat just in time for Aussie-summer last year, went on a couple trips and when it got colder again I thought it was time to relocate. It’s not hard to find a job in China, a friend of mine who’s been teaching over here for years linked me up with a school and a week later I started working. It’s funny cause I have a business degree that is completely unrelated to teaching but they really don’t seem to care over here, if you speak English and look like a foreigner your basically hired haha.

What have you been doing in Beijing?

Riding bikes, teaching kids and eating rice with chopsticks haha.

What’s the riding scene like over in Beijing?

There is a cool little scene out here in Beijing and even a shop called “Black Party”. Woodward Beijing is an hour and a bit outside the city and there is a bunch of little skate parks spread across the city. We usually only ride street though, the spots out here are crazy, no skate stoppers and security guards mostly don’t care about bikes. 

Where originally from Germany are you from?

I’m from a tiny little cow-town in the very south-west corner of Germany called “Bonndorf - Wellendingen”. The next bigger city is Zurich, which is in Switzerland but only 45 minutes by car and much closer than any of the bigger German cities. If you want to have a laugh type that name into Google maps and you’ll know what I mean with cow-town.

You’ve got quite the travel resume, What countries/cities have you visited so far and what are some of the most memorable/favourite?

Good question man I think except for South America and the Antarctica I’ve done all the continents. I guess it’s a big difference if you live in a place for a while or if you’re just travelling through, but here are some places worth mentioning:  India is the weirdest place I’ve seen, good for backpacking but not so much for bike riding. I mean how are you going to ride street if there are only dirt roads, haha. I was there for a month and on the first day I tried to go for pedal around my hotel in New Delhi. Almost got killed by two hundred tuck tucks and scooters and never got my bike out again until I left the country. I spent 3 months in the U.S. which was awesome and going back there is very far up my list. Southern California was my favourite. The spots are perfect and the weather is always good, do I have to say anymore? Melbourne is my favourite place on earth and if there was a place in the world I would want to settle down in it’s there. The most liveable city on the planet for 7 years running there must be something to it right?

Originally from Germany, studied in Aus, now working in china, plus all the other countries you’ve travelled to. What inspires this cosmopolitan travel life style of yours?

The thing with travelling is you start off thinking you can go out there and tick some stuff off your bucket list but the catch is that the more you travel the longer your bucket list gets. So, I basically started off when I was 19 thinking I’m gonna go out there for 5 months, see the world, then come back home and die a happy man. That was 5 years ago today and I’m not planning to go back any time soon

What have you got planned for the near future?

I am trying to learn a bit of Mandarin so I will probably stay here in China for a little while. Planning a trip back to Melbourne and another one to Europe before the end of the year, should be fun

[sumergosuigeneris]

May 22, 2017

Still haven’t heard from anyone regarding jobs or grad school. Grr.....

I’m actually starting to get frustrated. I’ve done research at an R1 on a volunteer basis. There was only so much I was allowed to do b/c I was a visitor and an undergrad. I could only be there 15 hours a week bc of my work schedule and my mentor’s 9-6p schedule. I did a bunch of research at my undergrad institute but could only go so far b/c not only did I really get the mentoring support, or good projects, but I also didn’t even get real supply support. Like when I worked with lasers, I couldn’t even get my mentor to buy green protective glasses - he said there was no money in the dept budget b/c the orgo people got it all. So I mean, I COULD try to volunteer in another lab (or for another fucking year in this lab). I MIGHT have more autonomy given that I now have a bachelor’s degree. But.....And everyone I’ve spoken to says, ‘don’t worry about the grades, it’s about the research.’ It seems to me the only thing I can do at this point is take more courses and get good grades. It’s extremely frustrating to me. I try to do what people tell me to do to climb out of my hole but I never get out. I feel like if I was younger, prettier, blond, a guy, maybe not a POC, people would be more willing to give me the benefit of the doubt or do more or let me do more. I can’t even believe I said that. I NEVER would have said that before. But what else is there at this point? What else can I do? No other mentors or mentorish people have given me any other suggestions on what to do.

I’m really frustrated in advance of being rejected by this one school, b/c I’ve had, several times now, directors talk with me and tell me to apply and that I have a good chance. Why tell me if you’re going to reject me? But at this point, fuck you. B/c I can do everything you can do, and in the case of R3′s I can do it BETTER as an UNDERGRAD. I’ll get a fucking job, get a fucking master’s, however long it takes, and get into a fucking PhD program. 

But I’m sick and tired of not qualifying for undergrad opportunities, then when I finally graduate, I still don’t qualify for post-grad opportunities. And now, even though everyone told me once I got my bachelor’s it wouldn’t matter that it wasn’t technically in chemistry, I have to justify why I don’t have a bachelor’s in chemistry. And I have to LIE about it! I have to lie and not say it’s because of discrimination (personal against me as a personality, as well as the violating the ADA kind), it’s b/c of my schedule. When the fuck do I get to take off the millstone around my fucking neck?!

Watching the Scandal finale. Apparently it’s gonna fuck me up. At the moment, I was just thrilled to see a female president sworn in. The finale doesn’t make sense. Like, it did for the period of the finale. But then when I started thinking about it, nope.

I started thinking about some things that I’ve thought of before, but it came up b/c of someone I follow on twitter. She was talking about how poor her childhood was. I was poor as a child but it was a much different poor. So last night I put some thought into it, which I have before, but I feel like I need to put it on paper. I was the child of a single mother. One without a college degree. We were poor. She worked two jobs, 60-80 or even more hours per week most of my life. I do believe that kept us up. But as an adult, knowing my expenses, and ours from childhood, I’ve always wondered if we really had to be THAT poor. We rented a 3 bedroom in a house. A nice apartment. It made sense when my grandfather lived with us, but we should have moved. We could have gone to the library instead of buying books from the bookstore. We could have cooked more instead of eating out (which is actually a common issue for poor people that work too much). I mean my mother was bad with finances. If she had been better, we would have been better off. If she didn’t want to live outside the ghetto, which we did until I was 6(?), we would have been better off. We could have saved money, not gotten in debt, and then maybe she wouldn’t have had to work so damn hard. Because I think she made a relatively decent salary, simply b/c she had the same job for 28 years. I mean, if she had job-hopped she would have made more. But me being aware of her salary came after she had been in a job for many years, so I don’t really know how tough it was when she first started working there. Anyway, I know a few times when I contributed to bad financial decisions but after many many years of therapy I can finally wonder why she even listened to me? I was a damn child. So anyway, I was wondering if poverty due to bad choices really counts as the same as poverty due to other circumstances.

Finally, this has been weighing on me, but it finally came out from the trip to MN combined with RHOA. It always bothers me when people call me white. I feel like it minimizes me and who I am and my identity and my experiences. But I learned the ‘one drop’ concept of racism, so I always thought of myself as Latina. A bad latina for sure, but nevertheless latina. It wasn’t until this Claudia chick was on RHOA that it ever occurred to me to call myself biracial. I am, by definition, biracial. It just never occurred to me to see myself that way. I guess b/c I think of that in terms of black and white issues. Lord love me, I don’t know why things that are obvious don’t occur to me. In those terms, me feeling bad when people call me white, is really also about me rejecting a part of myself. 

And finally, I feel less legit as a Native American. This came up this weekend when I saw a particular map being sold at a shop that was all Native tribes of the US. It’s the oddest thing, but maps and histories of the Native tribes of the New England area are just not accurate. It’s one thing if the white people or mainstream America get it wrong, but if the indigenous people do too? What’s up with that?

Depending on some of the histories I’ve read, a bunch of smaller, possibly unnamed tribes came together or was assigned a group name of Paugussett. I might be spelling it wrong. But according to other histories, that was never a real tribal name. All I know is that my people lost most land until there were two parcels of reservations, Golden Hill and Turkey Hill. No idea how the people got split into the two groups. But eventually, someone decided to shut down the Turkey Hill reservation and then none of my relatives lived on a reservation. I don’t know if some of them went over to Golden Hill or what. But it just bothers me that other mainstream indigenous groups around the country don’t know what’s what in my neck of the woods. It makes me feel like we aren’t validated by others and that makes me feel invalid. So there you go.

fuck me

[idratherbebaking]

Bachelorette Cast Preview

Y’all, I’m so psyched for this season of “Bachelorette.” Rachel is so amazing, and I expect she won’t take any shit. (Or at least I hope so!) It’s awesome that we’re finally (finally!!) getting a Bachelorette of color, and one who’s so obviously smart and funny and put together and gosh I just want to be friends with Rachel so much!

So, since the premiere is tomorrow, they put up the cast bios!! Let’s get down to judging these men...

First, though, we’ve got our lead.

my fave!!

Rachel Lindsay, a fan favorite on the 21st season of ABC's hit romance reality series The Bachelor, starring Nick Viall, is the next woman to hand out the roses and attempt to find her own happy ending when The Bachelorette premieres for its 13th season on May 22.

Rachel's enchanting smile and laid-back southern charm landed her Nick's first-impression rose. From then on, the jury's been in, and Bachelor Nation has been unanimous in its support of the bright and beautiful attorney from Dallas, Texas.

Rachel, 32, obtained her under graduate degree at University of Texas at Austin, then went on to receive her law degree from Marquette University in Milwaukee. Driven and passionate about her career, Rachel quickly joined a prestigious law firm in Dallas after graduation. Winning in court has never been a problem, but finding love is a case that unfortunately remains open. [I see what you did there, ABC]

When she's not in the courtroom, Rachel enjoys jamming out to Michael Jackson and Prince, playing basketball and watching scary movies. Her future husband will need to be smart, funny, have a decent jump shot [A+ checklist, it’s working for me so far] and be willing to compete for her attention with the two other men she holds dearly: her handsome nephew, Allister, and her adorable dog, Copper.

Rachel went through the trials and tribulations of falling in love with Nick on The Bachelor. Now it will be her turn to "investigate" a group of wonderful men and find her soul mate.

idk why “investigate” is in quotes there? I guess it’s tangentially related to her being a lawyer? Weird.

They’ve got a profile for Chris Harrison, but I don’t really care, so we’re gonna skip right to the boiz!

Adam, 27, Real Estate Agent

Generic White Guy #1, possible douche

What is your most embarrassing moment? When I told my mom I was going on The Bachelorette. [ha! okay, i’m into it]

Who is your favorite actor and why? Jennifer Lawrence because she is every girl's goal. [okay, JLaw’s great, but I’m not sure how I feel about you liking her b/c you think women want to be her... that seems less than ideal to me...]

Do you consider yourself athletic? Very! Collegiate letter winner in football. [translation: i was on the team but rarely played]

What is the most romantic present you have ever received and why? Threesome. It was my birthday. [ugh. +50 Gross Points. look, i’m not here to judge your definition of romance -jk i totally am- but i’m pretty sure they’re asking why it was romantic, not why you received it.]

Do you consider yourself a good cook? Yes! I used to cook four-course meals in college and charge people. LOL [LOL!! 😒]

Verdict: unimpressed.

Alex, 28, Information Systems Supervisor

French Soccer Team Haircut, A+ eyebrows

What are your 3 worst attributes? Selfish, unemotional, unapologetic [sounds less than ideal, but i guess good on you for knowing your flaws?]

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Ate a live salamander [WHAT THE FUCK DID SALAMANDERS EVER DO TO YOU?!?!?! those beautiful, good good amphibians, my babies 😭 ]

Who are your top 3 favorite groups/artists & why? Coldplay, Beatles … Can't really think of a third one. Music isn't a big part of my life. [is this guy secretly a robot]

Who is your favorite artist? The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) [fair enough]

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who pursues you and why? I like a woman that pursues me. I like an aggressive, go-getter type. [oh, buddy, you are on the wrong show. do you know how the Bachelorette works??]

Verdict: meh. Possibly a monster (who eats salamanders???? this is very distressing to me)

Anthony, 26, Education Software Manager

v pointy head; POC count: 1

What are your best attributes? I'm reliable and self-sufficient, emotionally intelligent, and generally very positive. [i’m liking this one]

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Taking a job to teach English in Indonesia with minimal preparation. [v brave! world traveler!]

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? My mom. I wish I could see the world as she does to understand her better. [is this one... woke??]

If you were stranded on a desert island, what would it be made of? Probably those flesh-eating plants from Life of Pi. [oh, shit, that’s dark, dude! but also showing off some literary knowledge, nice job]

What is your greatest achievement to date? Getting a Fulbright Grant to teach in the Ivory Coast. [holy shit, Anthony, you are seriously winning right now]

What are your top 3 favorite movies? The Iron Giant, Moonlight, The Matrix [yup, Anthony is #1 so far]

What is your favorite all-time book and why? Tough. The most recent is The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, by Haruki Murakami. It's like a dream I don't want to wake up from. [yesyesyes. i hope he’s as good on person as he seems on paper!]

What's the wildest thing you've done in the bedroom? I'll just say I have virtually no limits once that connection is there. [*wolf whistle*]

What is your ideal mate's personality like? Curious. Able to laugh at silly things, but also hold her own in an intellectual conversation. [oh, anthony, you seem too pure for this worldshow]

Verdict: 😍 Top Contender!!

brief side note: there are way less tattoos than i expected. none so far on these first 3 guys.

Blake E., 31, Aspiring Drummer [not a great start, Blake]

looks Country

Tattoos: I have "LRLL" (drum rudiment) and "D" (for the dog I rescued) on my left arm. [...drummers...]

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Get engaged to a crazy girl. [i am not into the trend of calling women you break up with crazy. she’s generally an actually reasonable, sane person so this just makes you seem misogynistic]

What are your 3 worst attributes? Sensitivity, procrastination, and patience. [sensitivity actually sounds like a great thing to have. ditto patience. Blake, you’re like 30 points in the red rn]

What is your favorite flower? Red roses, because I am a classic gentleman. [unoriginal. do you know any other flowers?]

If you could watch any movie right now, what would it be, and why? The new 50 Shades of Grey movie because I love taboo sexy stuff. [problematic]

What is your favorite memory from childhood? Horseback riding camp. [+5 points. so now we’re at like -45]

What's the closest you have ever come to being married? I was engaged for 48 hours. [ah, yes, to the “crazy girl”...]

I hate it when my date…tells me about her cats. [do you hate cats or just women who want to talk about things they’re into?]

Who is the person you dislike most in the world and why? Parking ticket people, because they don't have souls. [come on, dude, they’re just trying to do their jobs]

Verdict: Gross. Smells like a Nice Guy, aka misogyny cloaked in “chivalry”

Blake K., 29, US Marine Veteran

cute, looks like a sweetheart; POC count: 2

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson, because he's the only person who could look cool wearing a fanny pack. [i dig it]

If you were stranded on a dessert island, what would it be made of? Chipotle because Chipotle is my life. [idk whose typo “dessert” is. i’m confused about why you’d want a dessert island made of Chipotle, but i can understand why you’d want a desert island made of Chipotle.]

What is your favorite flower? I'm going to go with roses. I'd like to receive as many as I can in the near future. [yes, lean into the pandering!! haha]

Who do you admire most in the world and why? My beautiful mother! Words can't express how grateful I am to have you in my life. I love you mom! [aww, sweet!!]

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? My father. He passed away a few years back and it would mean so much to speak with him again. [sweetheart status confirmed]

Meatloaf said he would "do anything for love, but he won't do that." What will you not do? Wrestle a crocodile or eat monkey brains. [fair enough]

Verdict: sweetheart!

Brady, 29, Male Model

probably decent, but v good looking so also possibly douchey

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Besides applying for The Bachelorette, probably moving to Milan on my own for two months. [so worldly!]

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Channing Tatum so I could be rich, good looking, have a hot wife and bust out some sweet moves. [Channing Tatum does have sweet moves]

What do you do for fun in your hometown? Go to the beach. Go to the lake, golf, go sledding, go tackle snowmen. [“tackle snowmen”???]

What's the most romantic present you have ever received and why? Lululemon sweatpants. She knew the way to my heart is cuddling on the couch in well-made, high-quality sweats. [ngl i love the sweatpants i got for the fiance they are so soft and i just want to touch him all the time]

Describe your top 3 least favorite things to do on a date? Paying for everything, saying goodnight, getting an Uber that doesn't speak English. [uh-oh, i’m sensing some douche-ness. look, i don’t believe guys should always pay on dates, but when i’ve paid for dates, i’m happy and excited to do it b/c i feel like i’m doing something nice for my date. and frankly i’m a little leery of people who think non-English speakers are the worst things in any given situation.]

Who is the person you dislike most in the world and why? Mike The Situation from Jersey Shore. He's just a total bro that I wouldn't be able to stand. [i’m sensing some top-notch drama potential!]

If you could live in any other time period, what would it be? The '80s. They had a cool era and style. I couldn't go too primitive. I like my modern luxuries. [“too primitive”??? what does that even mean???]

Verdict: might be alright, but I’m sensing some not great things under that model veneer.

Bryan, 37, Chiropractor

Generic White Guy #2

What are your three best attributes? Affectionate/passionate, personable/charming/funny, kind/good heart [sir, that is 7 things, not 3]

If you could be someone else just for one day, who would it be and why? Bill Gates, just because he's so selfless and charitable. I would want to feel the gratification of donating billions of dollars to help so many people around the world. It would be the best feeling. [Bill Gates is cool, but you could probably get a similar feeling from donating like $100 to something. js]

What's your favorite flower? Orchid [translation: “i know like 3 flowers and want to seem fancy”]

What is your favorite television show and why? Sports Center. I love sports and love talking sports with my friends, so I get most information from that show and sports talk radio. And believe it or not, The Bachelor/Bachelorette series. I'm fascinated by the interaction socially between a man and a woman in dating/relationship/marriage, etc. [”most information”??!!?! dude please watch or read some non-sports news on occasion]

Do you speak any languages other than English? If so, which one(s)? How did you learn them? Spanish. I've spoken Spanish since I was a child. Taught to me by my mom who speaks to me primarily in Spanish. [update: Generic Hispanic Guy]

What's the most embarrassing style you've rocked? JNCO Jeans!! Sooooo baggy lol. Skate or die, man!! I looked ridiculous! [yes, you definitely did]

Do you plan on having kids someday? If yes, how many and why? Yes, 2 -3 kids, preferably two boys, one girl. A boy needs a little brother and they both can protect their sister. [or just teach your daughter to stick up for herself?? and teach your sons that women are fully capable human beings, not otherworldly entities to be put on a pedestal and guarded from other men?? plus one of your sons is going to be the younger and therefore not have the little brother he “needs” so i think your plan needs work]

Verdict: meh. not awful, not impressive.

Bryce, 30, Firefighter

Secret Superhero Identity: **THE JAW**

Would you describe yourself as "the party-starter," "the wingman" or "the laid back one"? Laid back shot of gasoline when the fire starts to die. [?????]

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? High speed pursuit on a motorcycle. Saved someone's life. Outrageous is relative. [you’re not... wrong...]

Who is your favorite actor and why? Matthew McConaughey. I could see myself being him. [*sigh* classic White Guy]

What's the most romantic present you have ever received and why? Handwritten letter. I feel like handwritten letters are one of the purest forms of materialized emotion. [”materialized emotion”!!! 😂 ]

What's the wildest thing you've done in the bedroom? Caught a girl's hair on fire once while having sex. [excuse me what??? - good thing he’s a firefighter, i guess!]

What does your ideal mate look like? Tall, athletic, soft features, eyes you could drown in and a smile that insults the sun. [how many poems is this guy gonna write for Rachel?]

How would you describe yourself as a lover? A fresh drink of water with a jolt of lightning. [i’m thinking at least 3 poems. also this description sounds like, “briefly refreshing then deadly”]

If you could do/have any job in the world, what would it be and why? Professional Instagrammer? How cool would it be to travel the world going on adventures and helping people solely funded through pictures you post of living your dream life! [Bryce do you understand how Instagram works]

Verdict: not the sharpest crayon in the box. also minus a zillion points for being uber transphobic. transwomen are women, not “dudes disguised as chicks” you cretin.

Dean, 26, Startup Recruiter

Babyface

Tattoos: Mom's initials on chest, artwork on back, friend's initials on back, "Righteous" on inner lip, Latin on hip, Triforce on inner arm [inner lip tattoo seems not great... they don’t even last that long?? also you gotta tell me what the latin says so i can use my latin knowledge for something!!]

If you were stranded on a dessert island, what would it be made of? Hot Cheetos and mint chocolate chip ice cream [i’m still confused about whether this is a desert or dessert island, but Hot Cheetos is 100% the wrong choice]

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? My mom. It's been over 10 years since she passed. Lunch would be amazing. [aw, sweet]

If you could go anywhere in the U.S., where would you go and why? Hawaii, I've never been. Also, my mother wanted her ashes scattered there. [bruh it’s been over 10 years what have you been doing?!?]

What is your favorite memory from childhood? When I was very young, my family lived in a mobile home. I remember sitting on top with my brothers watching a demolition derby and eating Oreos. [okay, dean, you got me. this is a legit sweet answer]

Describe your idea of the ultimate date. Anywhere that's fun where we can laugh and do new things. Pushing the limits of what both of us are comfortable with. [i’ve got good news for you there!]

Ever have trouble in the bedroom? Or been turned on during the wrong time? Whenever a girl tries to bite me I have to stop everything and have a discussion. [guess i know who not to call if the fiance and i break up haha]

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who pursues you and why? A woman who demands to be pursued. Nothing good comes easy. [this man DOES know what show he’s on!]

What does being married mean to you? I think marriage is an institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs. That said, when I get married, it's a life-long commitment. [this makes no sense?]

Verdict: seems sweet and like he knows what this show is about. he’ll go far.

DeMario, 30, Executive Recruiter

Hello, beautiful!; POC Count: 3

Would you describe yourself as "the party-starter," "the wingman" or "the laid back one"? 100% the party starter… always blowing my whistle and making NOISE!!! Let's fire it up, put on some Prince and party like it's 1999!!!! [oh man this guy seems like a one-man party!]

Do you have any pets and if so, what kind? No pets but when I'm married with children I will own a pet lion and name him, "Denzel, the lion." [this is a terrible idea!! don’t own lions period but especially not when you’ve got kids they will get eaten!!!!]

Do you like being the center of attention, or do you prefer being more mysterious and why? I won't lie, I love attention… not like '07 B. Spears attention or 2011 Sheen. Natural attention like when Justin and Brit wore those incredible denim outfits. [hahaha this guy is great]

Describe your idea of the ultimate date. No cell phones, technology, just two people geeking out about life, love, goals, family, friends, music, movies, food, etc. [i can get behind that]

If you were stranded on a dessert island, what would it be made of? Strawberry cheesecake!!!! [exclamation points!!!!!!!]

Do you have any phobias that would prohibit your participation in certain activities? No, I'm perfect. [hahahaha demario you’re killing me!!]

What is the most romantic present you have ever given and why? Surprise tickets to see Beyoncé and Jay Z, because Bey and Jay = everyone's relationship goals. [true statement]

Who is your favorite actor and why? Denzel Washington because from the time I watched Malcolm X he was incredible. And through the years he has told some incredible stories through film and he is an incredible human, husband, father and mentor. [good answer good answer]

Verdict: Huge Nerd disguised as Cool Guy (i like it)

Diggy, 31, Senior Inventory Analyst

Cutie, but is he nerd or hipster???; POC Count: 4

What is a typical Saturday night like for you? Now, I'm trying to recover from all the day drinking! It can consist of napping to go back out or just recovering. [i, too, am An Old who can’t recover like i used to]

What's the most outrageous thing you have ever done? A trip to Cancun on Spring Break where we had a "sexual positions" contest [...oof...]

What's your most embarrassing moment? When I was stranded on a toilet for hours in 5th grade [i need to know this story!!]

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why? I love being the center of attention when I put myself in it. [always this. granted i only want to put myself in that spot like 5% of the time...]

Describe your idea of the ultimate date. A date where we're both experiencing something new together and step out of our comfort zones [good news for you, sir!]

Tell us a fun story about a one night stand. I spent all day with this girl and she ended up coming home with me and we had sex. She then received a text saying her brother was missing, so I played asleep so I didn't have to help! [did you miss that this was supposed to be a “fun story”??]

Verdict: hopefully he’s growing out of his frat-boy ways

Eric, 29, Personal Trainer

Brows On Fleek; POC Count: 5; also how is this the first personal trainer?

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Tony Robbins because he hosts amazing seminars and impacts the masses. [oh, sweetie, no!]

If you were stranded on a desert island, what 3 things would you bring with you and why? And what, under any circumstance could you not tolerate on that island? Water, Book of Proverbs, phone. I could not tolerate negative people. [terrible choices]

What are your top 3 favorite movies? Tough question! Blue Chips, Bad Boys and Equalizer [i have heard of only one of these]

What's your favorite book and why? As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. Simple format for being human and living life. [had to look this up. it’s from 1903. nothing more recent came to mind?]

If you could go anywhere in the US, where would you go and why? New Orleans during Mardi Gras week because I've never been. [this is weird for a guy that i’m getting an uber-Christian vibe from]

If you could live in any other time period, what would it be? Before money was involved [so, like, pre-agricultural hunter-gatherer days]

Verdict: too pious for my taste

Fred, 27, Executive Assistant

Sweater Man!!!!; POC Count: 6

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Ellen DeGeneres because she seems to love what she does and people's days are brightened when they are around her. [A+ choice]

What is your greatest achievement to date? My greatest achievement is attending two graduate school program from two different universities simultaneously and graduating from both in the same weekend. [mother of everything that sounds like hell, good on you for surviving that]

Who is your favorite artist? Jean-Michel Basquiat [i had to look him up. a real Artist.]

Describe your perfect hometown date. Where would it be and who would be there? My perfect hometown date would be with my sisters and my mom and we would go to Pappadeaux. [sweet and simple. nice.]

How would you describe yourself as a lover? I would describe myself as an unselfish lover. I wouldn't feel satisfied unless I knew my partner was. [nice nice]

What's your biggest date fear? The fear of having my card declined [i, too, have had this fear]

I love it when my date… pays for the meal. [who doesn’t amirite?]

Meatloaf said he would "do anything for love, but he won't do that." What will you not do? There isn't anything I wouldn't do. [fred i know you’re trying to be romantic but boundaries are not necessarily a bad thing]

Verdict: seems nice. i like his sweater.

Grant, 29, Emergency Medicine Physician

A Real Bro

What was your college experience like? It was great! I had a work hard, play hard attitude. I was the social chair of my fraternity and involved in on campus organizations while also getting accepted to medical school a year early. [update: A Real Frat Bro]

If you could be someone else just for one day, who would it be and why? President of the United States. I like being in charge of making big decisions. [no one over the age of 13 should want to be president b/c obviously it’s kind of a shitty job]

What is your most embarrassing moment? I once had a stomach bug in Peru and had to defecate in a cut open 2-liter coke bottle in the back of a tour bus. [you already told us you’re a doctor, no need to show off the vocab]

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why? I like being the center of attention while appearing to maintain a humble outlook on it. This allows for others to envy and respect you more. [you sound like a real asshole]

What kind of music do you listen to most often? Anything I can dance to. "Ice Ice Baby" is also one of my favorite songs because I used to sing it at Bar Mitzvahs on stage. [of course you did]

What are your favorite magazines? Playboy? ;) [dear lord save us from this man]

Do you prefer team sports or solo sports? Probably solo sports because then there is no one to blame for a loss but yourself. [translation: “i’m definitely not a team player”]

What's the most embarrassing style you've rocked? As a joke, I once shaved a brain into my hair. Embarrassing, but yet awesome. It was when I took a neuroanatomy class. [doesn’t count if it was related to a class.]

Verdict: the Douchiest of Bros

Iggy, 30, Consulting Firm CEO

Cutie-pie; POC Count: 7

What are your 3 best attributes? Passionate, loyal, witty

What are your 3 worst attributes? Passionate, loyal, witty [this is not a job interview]

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Usain Bolt. It's got to feel crazy to be that athletic. [added bonus: gold shoes]

If you were stranded on a dessert island, what would it be made of? Banana float… get it?? [haha this is kind of quality humor i love]

What are your favorite magazines? Harvard Business Review [please try less hard]

Ever have trouble in the bedroom? Or been turned on during the wrong time? We want to hear what happened! I once got a boner during a board meeting. I had to present sitting down. [good recovery]

I hate it when my date… is dumb. [maybe try to be more tactful in the future]

Verdict: seems fine. not the worst, not the best

Jack Stone, 32, Attorney

NO.

Who do you admire most in the world and why? Admired my mom. While battling cancer, she always stayed positive and had a zest for life until the very end. [Tragic Backstory Unlocked!]

What's the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Skydived in the Swiss Alps. [is it more outrageous because it was in the swiss alps?]

What is your favorite flower? Tulips. Basically, roses without thorns. There's a metaphor somewhere there. [first of all, no, tulips are not roses without thorns]

Who is your favorite author? John Grisham [this is just because he writes about lawyers isn’t it]

What's the wildest thing you've done in the bedroom? Plead the fifth [option a: he doesn’t want to say. option b: this is actually a reference to courtroom roleplaying.]

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who pursues you, and why? Wants to be pursued. She knows how to play the game. [sweet baby jesus this had better not be a reference to that fucking awful pua shit]

Verdict: jury is out, but polls don’t look good. ACTUALLY NO. THE VERDICT IS NO BECAUSE YOUR NAME IS THE LITERAL WORST.

Jamey, 32, Sales Account Executive

Bland White Guy

Tattoos: One on my left shoulder that's currently being removed. [translation: won’t commit]

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? Someone less fortunate, so I appreciate my life more. [gross.]

If you were stranded on a desert island, what would it be made of? Chocolate and peanut butter [see, this is a desert island, not a dessert island]

What is your most embarrassing moment? Getting caught masturbating. [understandable]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I am trying to not make plans in life. [terrible idea]

What kind of music do you listen to most often? EDM/Hip-hop [bleh]

What is your favorite all time book and why? The Power of Your Subconscious Mind. It was a gift. [but was it also a good book??]

What does your ideal mate look like? A model [ew]

Describe your best friend of the opposite sex and why she/she deserves that title: I do not have female friends. [huge red flag!!!!]

Verdict: Gross. I hope he goes home night one.

Jedidiah, 35, ER Physician

Country Man

Tattoos: Cross on wrist, Proverbs 3:5 across back, wolf on left shoulder

Do you have any pets and if so, what kind? Not currently. All former dogs were over ½ wolf. [this statement is probably false. if true, it’s a horrible HORRIBLE idea.]

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Stripped once in high school for a friend's big sister's birthday. Fifty dollars was a lot at the time. [haha what a rascal]

What is your greatest achievement to date? Building my parents a 5,000-square-foot log home on 10 acres in Montana. [well damn! color me impressed!]

What is your favorite flower? Wildflowers that grow in high altitudes, above tree lines. [thank goodness he didn’t say rose]

What is the best trip you have ever been on and why? South Africa is incredible. Raw and beautiful; great coffee, tea, wine, fruit, food, beautiful animals and landscapes, amazing people and very real problems like HIV and violence. [i’m glad you acknowledge the problems, but idk what they have to do with it being a great trip]

What is the craziest place you've had sex? Just off the continental divide on a glacier in the mountains. [this sounds too cold to be comfortable]

What are your favorite breakfast foods? LOVE scrambled eggs. [but what about waffles? bacon? biscuits?]

What makes you the happiest, what makes you mad? Happy: New socks, nice hotel rooms, good pens, in-room coffee. Mad: Wasting any time, when kids get hurt. [sweet answer]

Verdict: A Man’s Man

Jonathan, 31, Tickle Monster [HAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

Skinny Weirdo

Tattoos: Not yet [keeping those options open]

What are your 3 best attributes? Easy to get along with, funny, driven!

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Skydiving! Twice [single exclamation points make me suspicious]

Do you consider yourself neat, messy or in between? Organized, but dirty. When you walk into my house it looks neat and in order, but if you took your shoes off you'd realize there is sand all over the floor from the beach. [messy but clean >>> “organized but dirty”]

What is your favorite flower? Now, it's a single red rose [LOL]

Who are your top 3 favorite groups/artists and why? Elvis Presley, Britney Spears, Flo Rida [i don’t buy it]

Tell us about when you lost your virginity – or if you haven't yet, why? With my ex-wife. Pretty uneventful. [let’s hope she never reads this]

How would you describe yourself as a lover? I ensure both of us are satisfied. Pretty open to most things. Usually last a long time (in a good way.) [tbh i’m really uncomfortable with specifics in answering these questions]

Verdict: Not Feeling It

Josiah, 28, Prosecuting Attorney

Josiah the Well-Groomed; POC Count: 8

What is a typical Saturday night like for you? Going out to a cigar bar then heading down to South Beach with a group of friends [no cigars are the worst!!]

What are your 3 best attributes? Height, smile, hair – (physical), personality, public speaking [not counting b/c this is 5]

Who do you admire most in the world and why? My father. He spent his entire life taking care of at-risk youth. After his first-born son committed suicide, he remained a strong head of the household. [found the Tragic Backstory, but it’s weird that he says “first-born son” instead of “my brother”]

Do you like to go out dancing? If yes, what is your preferred type of dancing? No, I can't dance at all. [BOOOO]

Where is the craziest place you've had sex? In my office at work! [oh dang!]

What's your worst date memory? Being catfished! A girl arrived on the date pregnant!! [i don’t think that’s really what it means to be catfished]

If you could do/have any job in the world, what would it be and why? Head state prosecutor in my community to affect real change. I would help those that have made mistakes. [update: Josiah the Realist]

Verdict: Fine I Guess

Kenny, 35, Professional Wrestler

Michael Strahan; POC Count: 9

Tattoos: A cross on my right arm, caveman on my chest and Japanese Kanji for "fearless" on shoulder. [how sure are you it says “fearless”]

What is a typical Saturday night like for you? Either wrestling in my underwear in front of thousands of people or at home with my daughter. [d’awww]

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? The Rock. We are very much alike. [invite me?]

Who is your favorite actor and why? Denzel Washington. Power screen presence. Complete emotional control. [solid choice]

What is your favorite all-time book and why? The New Jim Crow. It enlightened me to a whole lot. [oooh, i’ve been meaning to read that!]

What is the most romantic present you have ever given? Different Edible Arrangements every day for a birthday week. [food gifts are always a good choice]

Ever have trouble in the bedroom? Or been turned on during the wrong time? We want to hear what happened! There was about two weeks when I first started dating my ex that I was Quick Draw McGraw. [haha poor guy!]

Who is the person you love most in this world and why? My daughter. She is literally my reason for living. She makes my life better. [everybody loves a dad]

If you could live in any other time period, what would it be? Ancient Egypt [decisive. i can appreciate that.]

Verdict: Solidly Good Dude

Kyle, 26, Marketing Consultant

Open *ALL* the buttons!; POC Count: 10

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? Donald Glover. I respect him on so many levels as a musician, actor, general creative, activist and businessman. Or Ed Snowden. [this is an odd combination of people]

Gluten? Not really sure what it is or what food it lives in, but I select gluten-free menu options when I can. [ugggghhhhh the woooooorrrrrrsssttttt]

Do you enjoy camping? Yes! Camping is awesome. I like hiking, fires, pitching tents, fishing… hate bugs though, so bug nets and spray are essential. [omitted the #1 best part of camping (s’mores): -10 points]

What's the wildest thing you've done in the bedroom? Ex was into BDSM and introduced me to being a dom. Interesting, but don't like hurting people, so it's weird. Fun with her though. [willing to explore partner’s interests: +20 points]

What does your ideal mate look like? 7+. Looks matter for the ideal candidate. Any culture or skin tone. Big butt. I'm definitely a butt guy. [ranks people’s looks on a scale: -7 points, a bit skeezy]

How would you describe yourself as a lover? Intimate, emotional, fun, supportive. If you mean specifically during sex, "athletic," lol. [“lol” 😕]

Verdict: Avoiding gluten for no reason is the worst. I’m out.

Lee, 30, Singer/Songwriter

Oof, that hair

Who do you admire most in the world and why? My Mamaw! I admire how she adapts to the circumstances she faces enough to progress and successfully thrive. She survived the Depression as a kid, grew and raised an incredible family. [he’s a country boy for sure]

Who is your favorite actor and why? Matthew McConaughey! He is insanely talented, accomplished and has very strong family values and dedication. [why do white guys love matthew mcconaughey so much]

What are your top all-time favorite movies? Gone with the Wind, Inglourious Basterds, and Scarface [i do not believe “gone with the wind” is one of this man’s favorite movies]

What do you do for fun in the city you live in and why? Music in Music City. I listen and I've played at just about every venue there! [he’s talking about nashville, right?]

Do you consider yourself romantic and why? Absolutely! I'm a "pleaser" under wraps! I like to do things to make someone emotional and happy. [i’m 100% sure that his “pleaser” status is not under wraps]

Verdict: Probably Fine

Lucas, 30, Whaboom [STAAHHPP]

Awful White Guy

Do you have any pets and if so, what kind? Had a dog and cat growing up. Now an ant farm, fish and I'm an uncle to a cat. [“uncle to a cat” oh no]

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? Dead: Bruce Jenner, Alive: Caitlyn Jenner …. Would be a very interesting convo. [I don’t know that we would call Bruce Jenner dead, per se...]

If you were stranded on a desert island, what would it be made of? And what, under any circumstance, could you not tolerate on that island? 1. Waterproof lighter 2. Spear gun 3. Cast of The View. Couldn't tolerate The Situation from Jersey Shore. [i haven’t thought about jersey shore in years, now 2 guys have said they can’t stand The Situation. weird]

Do you like to go out dancing? If yes, what is your preferred type of dancing? Love dancing. Tango, Swing, Ballroom, Russian dance, Freestyle …. and good old bump and grind. [nice nice nice okay cool... huh.]

What is the most embarrassing style you've rocked? Chiquita Banana outfit [there’s a story behind this and the people need to know!]

Tell us a fun story about a one night stand. Threesome at a wedding party. [some talented authors might be able to tell a story in 5 words. lucas is not that talented author.]

What does your ideal mate look like? Belle (Beauty and The Beast), Cinderella, Little Mermaid … and the best, Jessica Rabbit! [very specific... and very specifically not Rachel.]

Verdict: Hopefully Going Home Very Quickly

Matt, 32, Construction Sales Rep

White Bro

If you could be someone else just for one day, who would it be and why? Maybe Matt Lauer so I could help people start their day off on the right foot. He seems like a genuine guy and a class act. [“and i wouldn’t even have to change my name!”]

Who are your top 3 favorite groups/artists and why? Justin Timberlake, Train, John Mayer. All three have gone their own route and still stood the test of time. [confession: i unabashedly love train. also this answer is the most obviously honest one about musical taste so far.]

Do you prefer team sports or solo sports, and why? Team sports. I've always thought they are a good metaphor for life. [good news: this guy will work with others!]

What is the most romantic present you have ever given? Why? Lingerie. I knew I was in love once I found myself shopping at Victoria Secret. [p sure lingerie is a gift for yourself and therefore not actually romantic]

What's the craziest place you had sex? The balcony of a cruise ship. [i really hope it was a private balcony]

What's your worst date memory? I went on one Tinder date a few years back. Right away I realized why I wasn't the online dating type. [details, please!]

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? Telepathy because it would make dating so much easier. [bless your heart, i don’t think you really want to know what every woman around you is thinking]

Verdict: Average Joe Matt

Michael, 26, Former Professional Basketball Player

Token Former Pro Sports Man; POC Count: 11

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Sign a contract to play professional basketball in Bulgaria. [suspicion (not an NBA player) confirmed]

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be and why? President Obama, because I want to hear what obstacles, hardship and challenges he had to face to attain the highest position in America. [omg please bring me along!!]

Who is your favorite actor and why? Denzel, because every movie he was in were all classics and for him to act in several different characters is very impressive. [denzel is cleaning up on these favorite actor answers]

What is your favorite television show and why? Martin, because even though I've seen each episode more than 100x each, it never gets old. [me: “what is this tv show?” fiance: “are you fuckin’ kidding?? you are SO WHITE!”]

What's your biggest date fear? One of my friends hooking up with my date in the past. [but then she’ll have heard how amazing you are, right?]

Do you follow a specific diet? Paleo. [oh nooooooo]

Verdict: Middle of the Pack

Milton, 31, Hotel Recreation Supervisor

Looks like one of my college drum majors; POC Count: 12

Tattoos: Yes, inside my bottom lip. [why is this a thing at all???]

What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done? Live four months without power. Cold showers are no joke. [this is only “outrageous” if you weren’t living outdoors at the time]

What is your greatest achievement to date? Dominating my basketball league after college. I was Kobe back then. [i’m skeptical]

Do you have a serious fear of any kind of animal? Spiders [me, too, dude. me. too.]

What do you hope to get out of participating in this television show? Real answer? Discovered. Everyone tells me I'm made for TV/movies. Doesn't mean I'm out here hoping for that, but I would like to break into writing or acting. [at least he’s honest??]

Do you like to go out dancing? If yes, what is your preferred type of dancing? Salsa. I love spinning the girls. [nice]

How would you describe yourself as a lover? Good. I like to take care of my lady first. [so says every contestant]

Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? Kinda. I don't mind being romantic, but it can show you're weak. [showing emotion does not mean you’re weak!!!]

Verdict: Not Here for the Right Reasons (Minor Points for Honesty)

Mohit, 26, Product Manager

First Ever Indian Dude!!; POC Count: 13

If you could have lunch with one person, who would it be? Elon Musk. I'm a fan of his fearlessness. [elon musk gets 2 lunch dates with bachelorette contestants!]

Gluten? I'm going to dress up as that for Halloween. [haha mohit you’re the greatest]

What is your favorite memory from your childhood? Meeting the Power Rangers. [luckiest kid in the world!]

What kind of music do you listen to most often? Rap and country. Yes, you read that correctly. [those usually do not go together]

What's the wildest thing you've done in the bedroom? One word: Tabasco. [that sounds horrifying]

Verdict: Seems like a Funny Dude

Peter, 31, Business Owner

TV Normal

What is the best trip you have ever been on and why? I moved to Athens, Greece for modeling for three months. It was everything! I saw the world, made friends, was forced to grow up and be self-sufficient. Learned a lot! [sounds p cool]

What's the closest you have ever come to being married? My ex of two years. I was looking at rings after just three months. [slow that roll, peter!]

Tell us a fun story about a one night stand. I woke up naked on the cold floor of a pitch-black room. Thought I had been abducted. Then there was a knock and a woman's voice at the door. "Are you ok?" she asked. I asked her to open the door. Turns out it was a girl I had known for a while in the bar scene. I was on the floor of her bathroom where I passed out after going home with her. I was 19 or 20. [there’s a real strange definition of “fun” going on with these guys]

What is your greatest achievement to date? Three Ironmans. One on a broken foot. [peter seems like one of those people who legit go insane if they don’t exercise. my friend sarah is that way. she was practically climbing the walls when she broke her foot and couldn’t do mma.]

If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? A professional football player. It is my favorite sport with an awesome paycheck. They're superstars for playing a sport, a game. It just seems so easy. [it seems easy b/c they’re really good at their jobs]

Verdict: Might be alright

Rob, 30, Law Student

Cross between James Marsden & James Franco, weirding me out

What was your college experience like? Good! Lots of travel and exchanges. I did half of my university overseas (China, Taiwan, Peru, Spain.) [lucky duck!]

If you could have lunch with one person who would it be and why? Buddha. So I could discuss his philosophies on detachment, suffering and divinity. [that’s hardcore lunch talk]

If you could be any superhero, which one would you be and why? Superman! He's got the coolest superpowers and is also a U.S. alien, like me! [this explains calling it “university”]

What's the most embarrassing style you've rocker? Blonde highlights and diamond studs. Back in my boy band phase, '90s/early 2000s. [i think you get a pass since you were like 12]

Do you prefer a woman who wants to be pursued or a woman who purses you, and why? I prefer a woman who pursues me. It shows that she has the focus and the courage to go for something that she wants despite the cultural expectation that the man do the pursuing. [you know you’re on the bachelorette, right?]

Verdict: Seems Cool but is on the Wrong Show

Will, 28, Sales Manager [thank jeebus finally on the last one!]

Best Smile; POC Count: 14

What are your top 3 all-time favorite movies? Shawshank Redemption, Star Wars, Jurassic Park. [A+ picks]

What is the best trip you have ever been on and why? Dubai. I love experiencing new cultures. [fancy!]

What's your worst date memory? Every Tinder date ever. [i know online dating can be the worst but surely you had 1 date that went okay??]

If you're interested in someone, do you tend to become shy or outgoing? I can be slightly more reserved at first. [bad news bears]

If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why? How would you use it? Teleportation. I love to travel, but hate the waiting. [BEST ANSWER]

Meatloaf said he would "do anything for love, but he won't do that." What will you not do? Be someone's second choice. [fair enough]

Verdict: Cool, but shy people tend to leave early

Phew!! That was intense. 31 GUYS. Too many. But 14 are POC, which is the most ever, so good job ABC on actually getting some real casting diversity happening.

My faves: Anthony, Blake K, Dean, Kenny, Jedidiah, DeMario

I’d try to pick my top 3, but frankly it’s taken me 3 days to get through all these bios so I am way too mentally exhausted to bother with that. I’ve already forgotten who some of these dudes are. But I’m psyched for the drama to start!! And ready for Rachel to be ✨amazing✨ as always!