#i am a wittle scared

[hollandunhinged]

oh no i forgot i wanted to post my art >:0 plz forgive me tumblr im trying

[schnees-and-schnugs]

Turned off reblogs for that post bc I don't want it leaving it's intended audience

[britneyshakespeare]

why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety

[fuzzyunicorn]

Me after everything I said did in fact come true

[buckyalpine]

hey shay! what do you think about steve and sam betting that bucky cannot date the newest avenger for like two months without falling in love with her. and, of course, he accepts, and asks her out, all in the hopes of winning.

(plot twist: he is a dumbass and a fucking simp because he falls hella hard in like the first month. she’s basically his soulmate and his dream girl. absolutely perfect. he dreams of their marriage and children and cannot wait to make it a reality. and steve and sam are beyond happy for him, and the three decide never to speak of the bet ever again.)

but fast forward to their first anniversary together, and she finds out that the only reason why bucky ever paid any attention to her, and asked her out, was because of the bet. and it leaves her absolutely heartbroken and destroyed, to the point that she debates asking for a transfer. because of course the only way the legendary sergeant james buchanan barnes would ever notice her is because of a bet. pfft! how big of an idiot she is!

(and we see bucky do some seriously grovel. because he cannot lose the love of his life. his baby. his everything. his sunshine in the dark. the reason for his existence.)

maybe steve and sam join in to help him? because they adore her as well, and they know how much bucky needs her.

YESSSS YES YESSSSS. I am here for the angst and the fluff, I love this because we all love a break up make up situation.

"100 bucks"

"No"

"Okay, 150"

"Why are we doing this"

"200"

"...why"

"Because we know for a fact, there's no way you'd be able to date the new recruit for two full months-

"-without falling in love, you can't actually fall for her"

Sam and Steve looked at Bucky intently while the soldier cocked an eyebrow, the three of them lounging in the common room after a morning briefing to meet their newest team mate.

"You're both willing to pay me $200 just to date y/n without falling in love?" Bucky deadpanned staring at his two best friends, both with matching shit eating grins.

"What's wrong Barnes, scared you'll get your wittle heart broken?" Sam egged him on only to be met with a cocky smirk from the brunette.

"That's not a problem because I don't date" Bucky shrugged, happy to win easy money if all he had to do was ask the new girl out and date her for a bit without actually catching feelings.

He was never really the relationship type; the charm he used to have in the 40's was slowly making its way back and it was perfect for when he needed a quick fix. Long term was never his thing and he wasn't about to start now but he also wasn't going to turn down a bet when his friends seemed so keen.

Besides, his pride was on the line and it was only two months.

"So let me get this straight. I date her for 2 months-"

"No falling in love with y/n"

"-no falling in love and you pay me?"

Sam and Steve nodded while Bucky got up, shaking their hands to seal the deal. He already mapped out a plan to ask the new girl out, mentally deciding on an easy break up speech for when the inventible comes.

"Two months white panther"

"Wolf"

"Two months"

"Easy"

****

Bucky knew he was screwed after the first date. Just the first date. When he first asked her out, she gave him a shy giggle and he knew he wanted to hear that sound again. And again. And again. She gave him a little nod, shuffling on her feet and for a moment, Bucky regained his confidence. There was no way he'd have anything in common with someone so shy and quiet, winning the best was going to be a breeze.

Until she came down in a sun dress, ready to go out for for their date and she smelled like peaches and cream and there was that fucking giggle again when he got ice cream on his nose when they shared a sundae. Her hands were so soft when she swiped her thumb over his little mess, cleaning him off with a tissue while he blinked.

"You're so adorable, sarge" She gave him a bashful smile and his cheeks couldn't have possibly blushed more, his heart beating strangely fast. He wasn't really too sure what to do, usually it was him making girls turn into puddles of shy messes but her he was, more tongue tied that ever.

He wasn't sure what it was.

Maybe it was the fact that she asked him about the 40's, something he rarely got to talk about. Maybe it was the way she listened to him intently while he got lost in his memories, recalling happier times, the both of them laughing over stories about scrawny Steve before the serum. He'd been on plenty of dates before but none of them were like this.

(It didn't matter though, his main goal never left his sight...not really)

He asked her out again and he immediately put his hand to his stomach when she showed up in her workout clothes since he'd offered to train with her before their scheduled date. He'd fully intended to take control over the situation, gain the upper hand again by making her all sweet and shy with his subtle touches but nope.

Here he was with butterflies dancing madly around his tummy when she smiled brightly as soon as she walked through the gym doors; his train of thought long gone when as she dropped her towel beside his. He flipped her with ease, her much smaller form blinking up at him as he caged her under him. He didn't even have it in him to throw her a wink or a flirty smirk, giving her soft puppy eyes instead and helping her to her feet.

To his own surprise, he didn't even try to make a move to get her in bed.

He couldn't.

Not when he was genuinely enjoying conversation with her. Not when she looked at him with such trust and care not to break her heart. Not after she'd confided in him that she felt safe with him after about a month of dating. Bucky's mind, which was usually filled with filth and fucking was now filled with thoughts of her in a pretty white dress, walking down the aisle, ready to say I do. He thought about how adorable their babies would look, how beautiful she'd look pregnant, she was his dream girl, how he couldn't wait for the day it'd all really happen, he was falling in love for the first time in his life-

He. Was. Screwed.

****

"M'gonna marry her"

"What"

"What?" Bucky blinked back at his friends with wide eyes, not realizing he'd said that out loud; the three of them sitting around the living room again since you had gone out for a girls night with Nat and Wanda.

"Come again, what was that?" Sam grinned, sitting up straighter from where he'd been sprawled out on the floor while Steve nudged Bucky with his shoulder.

"Nothing" Bucky mumbled but the blush on his cheeks spread up to his ears.

"AWWWW" Sam howled while Bucky buried his face in his hands, "BUCKY HAS A CRUSH"

"You like her, huh punk" Steve grinned, not needing verbal confirmation from his best friend; both him and Sam saw the way Bucky started falling for you from day 1, not standing a chance of winning their bet.

"I do" Bucky smiled shyly, not bothering with a snarky retort, not when he'd fallen so hard for you the second he heard your laugh. No one bothered to bring up the bet again, the entire thing long forgotten. Sam and Steve couldn't have been happier when they saw Bucky's eyes light up every time he looked at you. You'd tumbled into the living room along with Nat and Wanda behind you, giggling and falling into the soldiers lap, nuzzling into him like a kitten between tipsy kisses.

Sam could've sworn he saw Steve flick away a tear, the both of them watching Bucky grin like a little kid with the biggest crush, melting into a puddle instantly with you in his arms.

"Hey Sarge" You gave him a hazy smile, sighing contently when he kissed your forehead and scooped you right up, holding you to his chest. "Missed you"

"Let's get you to bed babygirl" Bucky whispered, carefully taking care of you, changing you into one of his Henley's and completing your skin care routine since you couldn't in your drunken state. He kissed you good night, pulling the covers up and holding you close to him the entire night.

Nothing compared to the soft puppy he became whenever you were near him and it wasn't exactly a well kept secret. No one failed to notice the way he was head over heels in love with you. With each passing day Bucky loved you more, doing everything in his power to keep you happy, to protect you with his entire heart, there's was no way, absolutely no way, he'd every do anything to hurt you or lose you.

Ever.

One Year Later

You stretched, blinking at the sun that peeked through the curtains, feeling extra warm, cuddled up with you boyfriend who was the human form of a furnace. You were in no hurry to get out of bed, burying your face into his bare chest instead, breathing in his scent, humming contently when his thick arms wrapped you impossibly closer.

"Happy anniversary my love" Bucky whispered, his eyes still closed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. He couldn't believe a full year had gone by since you'd stolen his heart. A full year filled with kisses and giggles and softness. There wasn't a day that had gone by where Bucky wasn't a complete simp for you (he'd picked out a wedding ring within month three and had it hidden somewhere in his room by month 6).

"Happy anniversary handsome" You kissed his chest where his heart beat steadily, giggling when he pinned you under him, attacking you with a flurry of feathery light kisses, "Bucky stop!" You squealed with laugher as he wrapped you tightly and let his scruffy cheeks tickle your shoulders, the both of you tangled in his sheets, having a lazy morning.

"I love you" He whispered into your hair, sneakily slipping his hands up your over sized shirt, his cool metal fingers stroking down your spine making you shiver. "So much, bella"

"I love you, Jamie" Your cheeks heated up and the sweet name he had just for you, only reluctantly getting out of bed after Nat had practically dragged you out of bed to go shopping. You didn't want to do anything but cuddle with Bucky all day but the red head didn't care, happily evading your privacy to barge into the room and whisk you away, throwing back a wink when Bucky mouthed a silent thank you.

Bucky had planned out the perfect anniversary, something he'd thought out for weeks. The compound would be empty so it would just be the two of you; he'd cook dinner himself, have some songs playing from the 40's with a juke box he'd managed to get his hands on and spent the entire night letting you know how deeply in love he was with you. He didn't care how cheesy it was, buying out an entire florist shop to cover the room and terrace with your favorite flowers, having some suspended from the high ceilings along with petals strewn on the floor.

He'd pull out all the rom com stops for you, giving everyone a task to keep you busy so he could set up for the night. Nat had been tasked with keeping you away until evening, only bringing you back in time for dinner. Sam and Steve spent the whole day hanging and putting up flowers, lighting candles and listening to Bucky ramble about how much he adored you. Tony worked on lighting and sound, tinkering with the music and setting it up outside.

To say you were surprised was an understatement. Nat had blind folded you as soon as you got back and instructed you to put on the dress that had been laid out in your room. You had no idea what she was talking about until you found a floor length gown along with a note sitting on top of your bed.

See you at 8 tonight my bella

Happy 1 year Anniversary,

Yours forever,

JBB x

You didn't waste a second, hopping into the shower, doing your makeup and spraying on your perfume that you knew he loved so much. You slipped the dress on along with some heels before making your way down to the now dimmed lights, the soft glow of candles warming the room.

You gasped as soon as your eyes landed on Bucky, standing head to toe in all black, a dashing smile on his face. He strode over to you, cupping your cheeks in his hands, pecking your lips sweetly, the scent of his cologne already making you woozy.

"You did all this for me?" You blinked back tears, his thumbs swiping them away .

"Anything for you doll" Bucky whispered, pulling you in for another kiss before leading you to the garden; a trail of rose petals covering the floor to the back terrace. Fairly lights twinkled, mixed in with the tiny stars that dotted the night sky; you didn't bother with sitting in your own seat, sitting in Bucky's lap instead while your both sipped on champagne.

It didn't take long for him to swoop you off your feet so he could sway with you instead, music playing softly in the background while he whispered sweet nothings, only sitting down again so he could feed you the dessert he'd spend the whole afternoon making for you.

"I can't believe you did all this for me Bucky" You said sincerely, holding his face in your hands, gazing into his soft blue eyes, "You're perfect my Jamie"

"You're my perfect gift doll"

"Oh! I have to get you your gift!" You realized you'd left it in your room between a spoon of chocolate cake Bucky was feeding you, hopping up from his lap to get it. You scurried off to your room, giddy over the present you'd put together for Bucky, the whole gift taking months of planning to get everything to come in time. You rummaged through your closet, grabbing the carefully wrapped box and returning to the hall, excited to see his face when he opened his present.

You passed by Steve's room stopping dead in your tracks at the words you heard, your feet suddenly unable to move.

"Can you believe this all started over betting he'd never fall for y/n?" Sam snorted, sitting on the couch in Steve's room, the both of them munching on the scraps of chocolate cake and sipping on beer while watching a movie.

"All over 200 bucks, remember he was so sure of himself"

You felt like you'd swallowed cotton, your mouth dry, finding it difficult to swallow. You wanted to turn back time, wishing you'd never heard that conversation, or maybe it was all a misunderstanding, Bucky would never do that, not your Bucky.

"Didn't you tell him he'd only have to date her for 2 months?"

"2 months and 200 dollars, terminator shook on it"

"He even had a break up speech ready"

You gripped tightly onto the present, dashing away from the room, unable to bear more of the conversation. Your heart was hammering out of your chest as you shakily made your way back to Bucky, it just couldn't be true.

Could it?

Did he really only ask you out because his friends made a bet with him?

Bucky smiled when he saw you return, opening his arms for you to slink onto his lap again. His smile disappeared when you kept your eyes down, fumbling with the gift in your hand, staying rooted in place in front of him instead of cuddling up with him like you always did.

"Baby? Is everything okay?" Bucky got up from his seat, carefully making his way over to you. He tipped your face up, surprised to find your eyes wet with unshed tears, the corners of your lips quivering with how hard you were trying to keep from crying.

"You-you promise you'll be honest with me?" You tried to keep your voice from cracking, afraid everything you'd imagined with Bucky would come crashing down if what you heard was true.

"Of course" Bucky felt his heart race seeing your glassy eyes and broken expression, what could have possibly happened in the few seconds you were gone "Bella, what's wrong"

"Did you only ask me out because of a bet?" You tried to keep from sniffling, your heart breaking at the guilt that immediately spread across Bucky's face.

"Doll, I-

"So it's true?" You whimpered, stepping away from the man you loved so much, feeling a whirlwind of emotions, the gift you clutched onto slipping from your grip and onto the floor, "It was just a bet with Sam and Steve?"

"Baby, please let me explain-" Bucky wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe away the tears he caused, his own streaming down his cheeks when you moved further away from him.

"Please don't" You shook your head, wrapping your arms around yourself, not wanting to feel his touch you knew you'd instantly melt into. "Just don't James"

Bucky was ready to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness, beg for you to call him all the sweet names reserved just for him but you dashed back into the compound, slapping your hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs.

"Sweetheart wait, please don't go, just let me explain baby, I love you so much" Bucky trailed after you, quickly swiping his dampened cheeks, catching you in the elevator just before it closed. "Y/n, I love you doll, I'm sorry, it started that way but-

"It's not your fault" You quickly wiped away the new wave of tears that stung your eyes, desperately pushing the button to take you to your room faster, "I-I should've known you wouldn't have been into me in the first place"

"Y/n, that's not true sweetheart, don't say that baby, please"

"I thought you really liked me, I-I didn't know someone had to pay you to date me"

You felt stupid, ridiculous, ashamed, how did you ever think someone like Bucky, the handsome ladies man from day one, would suddenly be into you, some random new trainee turned avenger. You weren't special, nothing about you stood out from others, there was no reason for him to give you attention.

It all made sense now, your heart splitting into two, biting hard on your lip to keep your cries down, you couldn't believe how stupid you'd been to think he actually liked you from the start.

"No baby, you had me from day one-"

"P-please don't l-lie to m-me" You hiccupped, making a bee line straight to you room as soon as the elevator doors opened, not looking back once. You locked your door before Bucky could catch up, ignoring his persistent soft knocks, begging for you to give him a chance to explain.

"Y/n, bella, please, open the door sweetheart, I love you, I promise truly love you so much, I'm so sorry baby, I need to talk to you, please" Bucky sniffled, his forehead pressed to your door in defeat, now letting the tears fall freely. He stayed rooted in place, slumping down with his head between his knees, running his hands through his short locks in frustration. The only thing he cared about was making you happy and he was the one who screwed it up.

You clutched onto your sheets, trembling as sobs wracked your body, thinking back to all the moments you thought were so sweet, moments where you thought you were both falling in love, now realizing they were nothing more than a ploy to get $200.

You remembered your first date, thinking about how cute Bucky looked with a tiny dollop of ice cream on his perfect nose, how nervous you were to swipe it off, your heart racing when you told him he looked adorable. It took every fiber of your very being to muster the courage to do that but it had meant nothing to him.

You had been stupid to think he liked you too when he asked you out again; you remembered the way your entire body felt like it had been lit on fire when he had you pinned you under him, growing bashfully shy when he helped you up onto your feet, everything a part of his plan to eventually dump you.

You felt ridiculous. You were not gorgeous like Natasha or enhanced like Wanda. What made you think the very Sergeant James Barnes would have his eye on you of all people.

You should have known.

-

"Do you hear that?" Steve paused the movie, hearing a muffled cry from the corridor, his brows furrowing at the sniffles that followed. Sam nodded with a frown, both men getting up and peering into the hallway, surprised to find the super soldier sitting against your door, eyes and nose red from crying.

"Bucky?" Steve was by his best friends side in an instant, kneeling before him, helping him up to onto his feet.

"What happened, where's y/n" Sam blinking hearing crying from inside your room, his stomach churning when Bucky shrugged, chewing on his trembling lip to keep from breaking down again. Bucky let Steve lead him into his room, sitting on the edge of the bed, gripping onto the sheets till they nearly tore.

"What the hell happened Buck"

"She found out bout the bet" Bucky whispered, fresh tears streaming down his face when he remembered how defeated you looked with betrayal. "She knows I asked her out because of it"

"Fuck" Sam hissed while Steve ran a hand over his face. They felt equally responsible for hurting you for having suggested the bet in the first place, also piecing together you must have over heard them when they were talking earlier. Steve was sick with guilt while Sam also slumped onto the couch, all three men feeling awful for hurting you.

"Did you talk to her?"

"She doesn't want to even look at me" Bucky shook his head before burying his face in his hands again, unable to stop from crying; there was a good chance he lost you forever and it was his fault.

"Just-just give her some time" Steve threw an arm over Bucky, while mentally hitting himself for being part of the mess, hoping you'd forgive his best friend who was deeply and utterly in love with you.

-

You woke up with a throbbing headache, staying in bed for longer than usual. You felt more embarrassed than the night before realizing others must have known the true nature of your relationship with Bucky. Not only did Bucky not really like you in the first place but he'd only even looked your way because he was sure he wouldn't fall for you.

You kept to yourself for the first few days. You'd managed to wake up earlier than everyone else so you could eat breakfast and train alone, only to eat dinner extra late after everyone had gone to sleep. It wasn't difficult given your skill set; you slinked about undetected, evading the other avengers every time they knocked on your door to check on you.

Bucky tried to find you every single day, spending each night falling asleep by your door, ignoring the worsening kink in his neck, hoping he'd get get to see you just once, one time so he could at least apologize to you properly.

Two full weeks had gone by and you some how only felt worse. You hated hearing Bucky cry when you walked by his room but then you'd remember what he did and you couldn't bring yourself to trust him again.

Bucky was a mess. He missed you more than anything; you were his baby, his soul mate, his beautiful sweet bella. He would've given anything just to see you walk down the hall way, anything to hear your voice even if it was you telling him off like he deserved. He wanted you to yell and scream at him, tell him what at ass hole he was, that he was the biggest jerk on the planet, that you hated him, he'd listen to it like it was music if he just got to see you again.

He got his hopes up when a new mission came up requiring all hands on deck; Tony called for a sudden meeting with the full team which meant everyone had to be there. Bucky ran off to the showers within seconds, scrubbing himself with body wash he knew you loved so much before throwing on a tight black t-shirt and jeans that made you all shy and giggly. He knew he was playing dirty, leaving the scuff on his face before spraying on a dash of cologne.

He had to look his best, even if it meant you'd throw your cute little kitten mug at his head. He nervously ran to the conference room, eyes flicking to each individual, his heart dropping when he didn't see you there.

"Damn Barnes" Tony whistled while Steve smiled sadly knowing his bestfriend was hoping to see you. "Who'd you clean up for"

"Where's y/n" Bucky's eyes were pleading with everyone, hoping someone would say you were just running late or that you weren't taking part in the mission.

"She's....she's at the head office" Tony sighed, "She wants a transfer"

"Damn it" Sam had now sat up while Bucky left the room with Steve following behind him. "He needs her, he really loves her"

"I-I can't lose her" Bucky sobbed, shaking his head, clutching onto the card you had given him on your anniversary. He'd read every word 100 times over, memorizing it to heart, careful not to crush the paper as he pressed it to his chest. "She's everything to me"

"Look, it's out fault too. We're the ones who suggested the stupid thing, we'll get her back" Steve gave him a reassuring squeeze and Sam nodded.

"I feel like shit man, the whole thing was meant to be a dumb joke, we love her too, we're not just gonna let her leave like this, not our y/n, okay? That's our girl"

"C'mon, lets go get your girl back, punk"

-

You frowned as you entered through the main doors of the compound, finding it unusually quiet when everyone should have been at home since they'd just gotten back from their mission. You felt conflicted after your meeting with Fury and Agent Hill, both of them asking you to reconsider your request to transfer. You told them you'd think about it but you were certain over your decision.

You couldn't face the team any more and your were too embarrassed to look at Bucky again. You didn't mind working in the office and starting over, figuring that would be the best way to mend your heart.

You made your way up to your room, a little red envelope sitting on your pillow catching your attention. You were wary as you opened it, your breath catching in your throat as you recognized the handwriting.

To my first and only love,

I don't deserve someone as sweet as you, but I can't bear the thought of you thinking I don't love you with my entire being. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but I need you to know it was always real.

Always.

I've kept it will hidden but it's time for you to see. It's in my favorite hiding spot for your eyes only.

With all the hugs and kisses in the worlds,

JBB

You knew exactly what spot Bucky was referring to, thinking back to the early days of when you were dating. On more than one occasion, Bucky had grabbed you into his closet, shutting the door when he wanted a few extra moments of privacy before a mission, showering you with 100's of kisses before eventually getting caught and dragged down to the hangar with a bashful grin on his face.

You reluctantly made your way to his room, letting out the breath you were holding when he wasn't inside. The scent of him alone already caused you to feel butterflies but you ignored them as you looked in the closet, finding a shoe box with another red envelope sitting on top for you to read.

To my sweet bella,

You had my heart from day one. You were never supposed to see any of this but you have to know. It's always been you.

Forever and only yours,

JBB

You sat on the floor of the closet as you carefully opened the box, inspecting its contents. Inside was an old, weathering diary with a receipt stuffed in the middle as a bookmark. You opened the page that was marked, surprised to find the receipt from the ice cream place you where you had your first date, the date of the entry a few days before he asked you out.

A new team mate has joined the group. Her name is y/n, y/l/n. She specializes in hand to hand combat and is a trained spy. Tony introduced us to everyone today. I wouldn't mind being her friend but I hope she isn't afraid of me, maybe she's just shy.

The next entry was from the day Sam and Steve made the bet

I doubt I'll forget this but I'm writing it down anyway. 2 months for 200 dollars. Seems stupid but what's the worst that could happen, it's not like she'd actually fall for me anyway.

Then there was the entry after your first date.

She's probably one of the sweetest people I've ever met; I don't want to forget this day, bet or not. She wore a sun dress and she laughed at all my jokes. She called me adorable. Her hands felt so soft. I'm sure its in her nature to be so kind but I wish it was just for me. Maybe I'll ask her out again.

A few days later.

I swear I'm falling in love with her more and more each day and she doesn't even have a clue. I don't know how to show her she's special to me, you'd think I'd be better at this. I hope one day she feels the same way.

And then

I love her. So much. Ma would have loved her. I hope one day she says yes.

You let out a wet laugh at the entries became sappier, each one detailing how hard he was falling for you, all the little details of your dates filling the pages, your heart breaking when you realized he wrote as much as he could remember so he'd never forget. He didn't mention the bet in any of the pages because he'd forgotten about it completely, fully focused on making you officially his.

The diary was sacred to him, a private place where he recounted his most precious memories, the one thing he'd never share with anyone but he decided to share it with you because you had to know. It was one of the few places he poured his heart and soul into with no filter, some of his darkest memories scrawled onto the pages but after he'd met you, it changed. Page after page filled with nothing but sweetness, pure and untainted love. You wiped the tears away, carefully placing the diary back in its proper hiding spot before making your way downstairs hoping to find him.

You found a trail of petals that hadn't been there earlier leading to the living room, walking to a very remorseful looking Sam, Steve and of course Bucky, all three men clutching onto teddy bears along with a blanket fort hoisted up in front of the large TV screen.

"What-what is all this?" You whispered, hesitantly walking towards them with Sam stepping forward first, wrapping you up in a bone crushing hug.

"We're really sorry sweetheart" Sam murmured into your hair, hugging you tightly against him, "we never wanted to hurt you, we love you baby, truly"

"You're special to us darling" Steve came over next, pressing a firm kiss to your head, his large arms holding you in a comforting embrace, "We're idiots, you didn't deserve that, don't leave because of us sweetheart, it's not the same without you"

"It's-its okay"

"It's not, we know it isn't but just know we really do love you, okay? Especially him" Steve whispered the last part with a small smile, looking over to his best friend who was anxiously shuffling on his feet, clutching the largest bear in his hands.

You hugged onto the two little teddies from Sam and Steve, kissing their cheeks before they quietly left you and Bucky alone for some privacy. You set them down on the sofa, suddenly feeling nervous when it was just you and Bucky, anxiety and embarrassment attempting to claw its way back up again.

"I'm so sorry bella" Bucky hesitantly reached out for you, scared you'd pull away, relief flooding his body when you allowed him to pull you in for a hug. "My pretty girl, m'so sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen baby"

"You-you really liked me after?" you felt silly for asking such a thing but you couldn't help it, you had to know, your soft doe eyes pleading with him to be honest with you, "You don't have to lie Bucky, it's okay if you didn't-

"You're breakin' my heart babygirl, of course I did. Of course I liked you sweets, I fell hard and fast for you, it would've happened with or without that stupid bed. I wouldn't have been able to resist that smile or that laugh, nothing would've kept me away from you"

Bucky scooped you into his arms and sat you down on his lap and he settled under the blanket fort, keeping you straddled on him while his hands wrapped around your waist.

"Believe me when I say you're the only girl I've ever fallen for, the only one I've ever wanted. I never ever wanted to hurt you baby and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you never cry again, if you'd have me. I hate seeing you cry sweets, especially because of me. I just want to love you baby, please?"

His voice cracked at the end, bottom lip quivering as he nervously traced his thumbs along your hips. What if he lost you forever, he wouldn't know what to do with himself, not when he adored you so much.

"I love you y/n, you're my dream girl, my everything, no one else comes even close-"

You cut off his rambling, smashing your lips against his, a soft sob slipping past his lips between kisses as he desperately clung onto you.

"Do-do you forgive me?" Bucky sniffled, breathing out a sigh of relief when you pressed your forehead against his, nodding and slinging your arms around his shoulders. "Please say it angel, I-fuck-I'm so sorry, I missed you so much"

"I forgive you" you whispered, squeaking when Bucky pulled you to cuddle into the pile of pillows and blankets he'd laid out, wanting nothing more than to kiss and cuddle you between cute cheesy rom coms you loved so much. He smiled at the giggles you let out as he attacked you with unrelenting kisses again, breathing in your scent and feeling your body finally wrapped up with his again.

"I missed you so much angel"

"Missed you to Jamie" You kissed his nose, caressing his face as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck, knowing Sam and Steve were probably creeping from some corner. "I love you"

"Love you more bella" Bucky smiled, letting you pick a movie, pulling a fluffy blanket up to cover you both. "Loved you from day one"

[xxacidnekoxx]

I used to let people treat me like shit because I used to have an ego thing for being the NiCeIEst wiTtLe cRitTeR eveR (with sprinkles on top!)

I think it started when I was being online too young as a little girl (I know since I am transgender I was always technically a man but I didn't even know what transgender men were so I'm going to say it like this because it's how I was brainwashed to present and that's important to me as a detail of my life)

And I used art sites chronically with zero in real life friends or family for a long time so older men just kinda shoved me around and manipulated me and what they saw in me. was an "object of comfort" for them. I was so scared of these people at the same time I respected them and tried to earn their respect all the time since they were famous artists and stuff ...

Well they were just creepy people (and I didn't know that) I let them tell me I'm not good enough with my art and professionalism and because of it I will be punished and stuff (I'm being vague because it's pretty triggering topic) but I sucked up to everyone because I was desperate for money. ( I was homeless when I was 18 ) . . . Doing art was how I got money ... And because I was open about not having any parents a lot of them even offered to fill that role for me which now I'm like.. . . Oh God that was so traumatic . .. . . . . .

But anyways those types of people made me terrified to express myself so much that I am writing this at the age of 28 still sweating and shaking a bit. . . .

[just-a-fluffy-knight]

Wolverine Tickle-Cannons!

My Deadpool headcannons can be found >>here!!<<

A/N: yeah uhhhhhh no one look at these /j 😭😭 I am aware that I have requests to get to but I do not have enough motivation to complete a fic rn and Deadpool and Wolverine is all I can think about right now sooooo here’s a lil bit of food for y’all 🤲🏻

Another thing: These headcannons are for Deadpool 3 Wolverine only, as I haven’t seen any other movies with him in 😞 so these may not even be accurate and incredibly ooc butttttt oh well :3

⚠️ Another thing!! These do contain minor spoilers soooo feel free to come back to this later 👋🏻 Hope y’all like these!! :]] ⚠️

@neppy-34 I apologise I stole some of your ideas we shared feel free to sue me 😞🙏🏻 /lh

Lee:

Yk what??? Fuck you /pos *slams down a bunch of possibly ooc headcannons*

HES TOO GRUMPY I NEED HIM TO SMILEEEEE

Definitely deadpans you like in the gif above if you ask him the dreaded “are you twordish?” question

But he is :]

Like we’ve all seen that X-Men scene that reveals his stomach is ticklish right??

ALSO. HIS FUCKIN LAUGH HERE (scene from the movie used)

THE WHEEZE AND THE SNORT JUST AUGH (imma get him)

His weak spots are definitely his belly and ribs but I feel like Wade would also scratch behind his ears or under his chin to be an asshole

“Whosh a snorty wittle honey badger, huuuuh? You are! Yes, you are-!”

“SHUT THE FUHUCK UP!”

To add onto this he also cusses like a sailor when getting wrecked

Acts incredibly pissy before, during and after getting wrecked, but lets out these like…. content little growls JSJSGAHSHD IDEK ANYMORE DUDE

Will definitely need to restrain him if you don’t wanna accidentally get sliced by his claws or kicked across the room

Like he definitely cut Wade’s hands off once and he was like

“…Bud I kinda need those to do this-“

“Why the hell do you think I just did that?”

ALSO ALSO the scene in the bar where he was drunk?? Bro literally giggled omg

So he’s definitely an easier target if he’s drunk like his claws barely come out and he smiles so much more 😭❤️

But once he sobers up he acts way more grumpy than he usually does, claiming he doesn’t remember any of that shit even though he does VIVIDLY-

Okay one final thing Wade definitely carries him like a bride to milk the joke that he’s short asf in the comics

Ler:

Y’KNOW WHAT?? FUCK YOU AGAIN /pos (slams down even MORE possibly ooc headcannons)

Okay lemme just start with the gif above??

Like that’s literally him if you’re being annoying and he’s trying so hard to just deal with it but then you drop one joke that really riles him up

“…Okay, that’s it, you little shit-“

Okay I feel like this is something that you’d really have to get his playful side out for him to do, but the scene where he dashes towards Wade on all fours??

Yeah he’d do that in a chase

Like specifically to scare Wade

“Oh, we’re gonna do this? Fine, let’s fuckin go.” *gets down and SCARPERS*

“*SCREAM-!* HOLY SHIHIT SPIDER SOCIETY COME GEHET YOUR FUCKING BOSS-“

(yes I did drop a Miguel Ohara reference because that was the first thing I thought of watching that scene for the first time 😭)

Oh and he’ll definitely wreck Wade to tears if he’s being too irritating

Like?? There’s a way to shut him up that doesn’t involve him uselessly stabbing him because he’ll only regenerate anyway?? Fuck yeah‼️

I doubt he’d be one to tease per se, but he’s definitely a massive asshole about wrecking you

“Jesus Christ, you’re loud. You mind? I’m trynna focus here.”

“This isn’t fair? Life ain’t fair. You’re the one who decided to mouth me off, so who’s really at fault here?”

HED ALSO DO THIS THING WHERE while he’s wrecking you he’ll suddenly stop and be like

“So? You ready to stop being a jackass?”

But you’re still too giggly and busy trying to get your breath back to respond so he’ll go

“No? Alright, suit yourself.”

Buuuuuut sometimes you may catch him smirking or chuckling at how much you’re laughing your ass off :]

Raspberries and tickle bites?

………………….yes

Like bro look at those fuckin MUTTONCHOPS

They would tickle so bad omfg

Like imagine him growling into your neck or belly or AUGHSHSHAHA

okay I’m done

And as a lil bonus here’s some more silly ideas involving ‘The Greatest Showman’ references because we both thought that shit was hilarious 😭😭

AAAAAA hope you guys liked these I am very insane about Deadpool and Wolverine if you couldn’t tell :33

[salt-and-a-dash-of-pepper]

My Favorite Moments in God of War: Ragnarok

[Inspired by my favorite moments in God of War 2018]

Spoilers

- Watching Atreus slowly break through the fog with a fresh kill that he hunted himself, a head or so taller than we’d last see him, and clearly much more confident in himself. 

- Atreus and Kratos’s immediate display of affection for each other, in stark contrast to the previous game, with Kratos gripping his son’s shoulder in acknowledgement and Atreus smiling to his father.

- Mimir “sitting” inside of the house, on a pillow with a candle next to him and a book to read and a nice pipe to smoke. He clearly has become part of the family.

- The fear in Kratos’s voice when he searches for Atreus’s after Fenrir’s death

- OH FUCK A HUGE BEAR

- OH SHIT THIS HUGE BEAR IS ACTUALLY BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF KRATOS. HOW CAN A BEAR GO TOE-TO-TOE WITH KRATOS

- OH F U C K IT’S ATREUS

- Kratos shouting Atreus’s name as he lies limp in the snow and you see, for just a moment, Kratos wondering if he has once again killed his own child with his own hands.

- Thor just casually stopping by their house and pouring them some mead

- The way Thor just launches Kratos, just like his brother did in the game before

- The way the ground crackles like thunder when Thor slams his foot down

- Thor shocking Kratos back to consciousness to continue the fight

- The frozen lightning bolt that stays for the rest of the game

- Sindri and Atreus being besties

- Tyr finally standing straight once Kratos snaps some sense into him and he’s towering over everyone 

- Atreus constantly messing up when he’s trying to bond with Angrboda

- Atreus TURNING INTO A WOLF

- Thr��d

- Just all of Thrúd

- “What do I call you?”

- Atreus running into Kratos’s arms and staying there, holding tight, face buried in his dad’s chest even when Kratos lets go

- Kratos’s gentle “What has happened?”

- Kratos standing up for his son when all of the other companions tell him how much of a massive fuck up it was to release Garm

- Fenrir, now resurrected in Garm, and his floppy wittle ears

- “I am sorry.”

- “Do not be sorry. Be better.”

- The bar fight back in Asgard

- Thor actually listening to Atreus and being affected by it. The visible shame Thor felt. Atreus’s honest desire to help.

- Ingrid saving Atreus

- “Which way are we headed?”

- “In the direction of deer.”

- Sindri’s entire character arc, starting from a loveable comic relief character to a bitter, vengeful brother in mourning, unrelenting in his rage towards Atreus and Kratos

- “I AM RAGNAROK.”

-  Thrúd and Atreus making back up in Asgard during Ragnarok

- Atreus pushing his father out of the way during the blast in a final attempt to save him from his prophesized death

- “Does it scare you?”

- “Yes.”

- “That is why you must do it.”

- The HUG 

- Kratos finally crying openly when he sees what his wife painted for him at the back of the mural

[catboyollie]

why are jason todd fans so annoying?

Because they are /hj

Short explanation:

Mainly a small, loud group is annoying , gaslighting people and picking fights when people point out the obvious (sexism, reducing to stereotypes, rascism, not reading the comics where they got the out of context panel from, batfanon™ and only reading fanfics).

I gotta warn you, anon. I have been pretty angry about Jason stans recently and you just gave me a reason to go on a rant.

Sorry about that.

The rant is under the readmore for dash reasons.

There are some Jason fans who are alright, but you've got the annoying, loud ones who will hijack tags (mainly the arrowfam tags, but also other tags) and then proceed to mischaracterize other characters because 'Jason is the wittle uwu baby who didn't do anything wrong and Roy is his', Lobdell who blatantly mischaracterizing +disrespecting beloved characters in rhato and more stuff.

Aside from the whole J*yroy bullshit they've got going on and the reduction of Kory and Roy to armcandy/dicks ex and drug dude.

There's the fact that the annoying Jason stans take background stories from female (also poc) characters (Helena, Mia, Steph, Cass, others) to make Jason more interesting.

For example: Mia/Speedy II is in canon an SA survivor. And Jason fans decided to take that background and give it to Jason to make him the specialest little bitch boy.

And now they play the 'Just say you hate survivors' card towards us if we say: 'Hey, why are you taking backgrounds from other (usually women or poc) characters'

And also, interesting to note: Jason almost blew up Mia in GA: 2001.

Or where they after taking one out of context panel and go 'Jason obviously has beef with Ollie because he kicked Roy out'.

Wrong. Roy was already living on his own at that time and Ollie had apologized and had a whole ass redemption arc regarding the thing that happened. (Bruce never had an arc like that).

So in canon, it would definitely be: 'Ollie and Roy (+the whole arrowfam) would have beef with Jason because he almost blew up Mia'.

Also, as a GL fan I am also pretty angry about the whole 'The JL is scared of Jason' thing that batstans and Jason stans have going on.

Why the fuck would the fucking Justice League, a group of experienced superpowered beings who have seen some shit, be afraid of Jason Todd, an guy with guns and shit who wants the Joker dead??

That's bullshit.

Like, they wouldn't even know what the fuck is going in Gotham except for some Bat-related Bullshit.

There's also the 'gl's are afraid of the bats/Jason' bullshit that's going on. And that's even bigger Bullshit. The gl's wouldn't be afraid of Jason, they would barely be aware of his existence. (If they are, it's because they have heard about what he did from one of the arrows and will not be super friendly to him but they will be civil).

Jason stans are really, really annoying about all of that, when people point out that they are not reading comics, are reducing characters to hollow husks of their former selves, racism, sexism, only reading an outrageously ooc webtoon and other things they do.

So yeah 😅

[darrens-toyhouse]

The Haunting of Ethan Cho: Connected!

Trigger Warning: Mentions of self-harm and blood.

The titled is so edgy, I am so sorry ×_×

Ash Artanya and Russell Firkins belong to @jafanadis

Estevan Aguliar and Rolando Correa belong to @mrboogerlip

Another giftfic hooray!! And it takes place in an alternate universe???? YAY!!!

For context, this is an Alternate Universe or AU where our silly wittle gym bro, Ethan Cho, was born {or cursed} with the ability to see and talk to those who have passed on only for his super sensitive, crybaby boyfriend, Milo to basically say goodbye in the worst way possible. Ethan, feeling the immense and intense guilt over not being able to stop Milo from doing what he did, hid Milo's corpse in the closet, and is now tethered with the ghost of his deceased boyfriend, haunting him endlessly while also having to deal with their friends finding out that Milo is dead by making a copious amount of lies while also hiding his ability to see ghost.

This giftfic is an add-on to Ethan's problems, now he has to hide the fact that he allowed Milo to possess him. Which is very VERY bad for the both of them since well, Milo is a very VERY broken and disorted spirit, despite being a newer spirit whose form should not be as bad as it is! He literally doesn't have a jaw anymore and can't speak, only making grunts and groans. He's also very prone to causing extremely unpredictable and hazardous outburst! Milo's very dangerous and can also be hostile which is just odd since again, he's a newer spirit, he died not to long ago but he can also feel pain??? Even, Ethan, the literal person who can see and talk to ghost finds his own boyfriend, strange and he might even be scared of him...

~~~

The first thing he did was light the candles and turn off the bathroom light and close the door before filling the tub up with freezing cold water. Since he had been surfing down old forums for quite some time now, he found the perfect ritual for the two of them!

They could finally be together! In one vessel!

 And while the ritual did mention possible side-effects, he didn't care one bit!

Everything had to be perfect!

He was becoming so desperate and his paranoia had been eating him up for so long that at this point, he'd rather let his lover take full control over his body than to be stuck with no one at all, even if it was just for a day…

"Okay, Candles, check. Water, check. Everything turned off check, check, check! Now all I need to do is…"

Ethan began to read the ritual's steps off his phone and croaked. He was supposed to fill the tub up first, then light the candles. He simply scuffed at the rules in front of him and pushed them aside.

"Oh well, getting a few things wrong never hurt anyone! Right, Milo?"

No response? Odd? Infact Ethan didn't even notice that now it was quiet.

Too quiet…

No ticking, no clicking, not even a single groan. Ethan shook his head. Now wasn't the time to start fooling around, that's what essentially got him in this mess in the first place!

While scrolling down the steps page, he came across the 5th step. Fear painted his face as he scrolled back up before finally checking his notifications. It was a text message…from the group chat…

"A trip to the movies? And a sleepover!?!"

Ethan bit his lip as he looked at the knife that sat on the board. Maybe if he did it as quick as possible then he'd have enough time to get dress, pack some of his things in a bag and-

Wait! What about the corpse!?!

Ethan covered his ears and shook his head once again, "Ignore it! Now's not the time! Stop getting distracted, you nut-brain!"

He quickly typed back and told the chat to pick him up around…8:30, before steadily moving his phone away from the board, taking off his shirt and picking up the knife.

He had never done this before so he had to be pretty careful, otherwise he could end up dead too. He rolled up his shirt and put it in his mouth to bite down on so his neighbors couldn't hear him scream and began to mark himself with an X on his chest, blood spilling on the sprite board.

Panting and shaking, Ethan knew he had to go quicker. It was already 7:49, after all. 

He began to cut a little faster but quaked when he accidentally went too deep and proceeded to hack up the shirt as well as small splotches of blood out of his mouth as a reflex or his body's way of telling to stop with this crazy stuff and to just accept the fact that Milo was-

"No! It's always been me and him, and I'm not gonna let him down now!"

Ethan pulled the knife out of his chest and stood up before instantly holding onto the bathroom sink, panting. Sweat ran down his face as he wiped the blood from his mouth before compressing the bleeding wound with his hand. Because even though he wanted to be with Milo forever, he didn't want to die either!

Feeling his head spin from the possible blood loss he was experiencing, Ethan grabbed his shirt and put it over the wound before taking off his pants with his free hand while the other occupied keeping him alive. He threw his pants along with his boxers and took two steps backwards before clumsily falling into the tub, water splashing everywhere.

As the cold cold water took him under, he closed his eyes and began to drift off into a somberful sleep…

~~~

“ETHAN!?!”

A familiar voice called out as he was dragged out of the water, gasping for air. Water drizzled hastily down his hair as he tried to make out who had just said his name and pulled him out of the tub.

As he looked up, his vision became more clear.

It was Russell and Rolando? What were they doing here?

Sitting upright in the tub, Ethan looked around, mouth agape with a shocked expression on his face. Clearly he had no idea what was going on or how he even got in the tub in the first place or why there was blood scattered across the bathroom floor and sink.

Rolando was the first to finally break the silence within the bathroom as he and Russell helped Ethan out of the tub and wrapped his waist with a nearby towel, before letting him sit down in between them so he could collect his thoughts.

"Y-You alright, little man. Looked like you were trying to summon a ghost or something in here?"

As Rolando looked around, his boyfriend, Estevan then altered the three that he had found something.

Something sharp!

Ash, who had been helping Estevan examine the bathroom for any scenes of a break in, spoke up once he saw the object.

"A…knife?"

Estevan nodded. He put the knife in a plastic bag and began looking for more clues. As a police officer, it was his job anyway to serve and protect.

Russell then integrated once he smelled something foul, "Bleh! Anyone else smell that?"

Rolando scrunched his nose and gagged, "I knew I smelled something off when we came in earlie. It almost smells like-"

"A rotting corpse?"

Ash turned his nose upwards before quickly realizing it was coming from the bedroom. He turned to Estevan and asked if they could go investigate over there to which Estevan nodded in response.

"We can check the bedroom, but I don't think we're gonna find anything in there either. The only thing I found were fingerprints on the knife and, well, of course the bloody footprints. Some small, some big."

Estevan bit his lip as Rolando raised his hand to speak. He realized something was a bit off about that last sentence.

"That doesn't make any sense, babe? How can there be small footprints…and big footprints?"

Estevan blushed. He tried to say something but pulled away once Rolando had called him babe. Aww! What a sensitive guy!

Russell then rolled his eyes, "Now's not the time to start flirting, you two! Ethan's already traumatized as it is! Look at him!"

As the other three shifted their attention over to Ethan, he looked up at them and then back around the room, mouth now closed. He was shivering and shaking from the cold water that was now dripping onto the already ruined floor.

"Ethan, speak!"

"He's not a dog, Rolando-"

Before Ash could finish his sentence, Ethan shouted back, blood drooling out of his mouth.

"...Speak!"

The others slowly backed away as Ethan started giggling and smiling to himself which soon turned into manic laughter as he rocked back and forth, blood dripping down his mouth as that laughter soon turned into manic crying as he repeated the word 'speak' over and over. 

Until Rolando shouted at him again, "Ethan, stop!"

And just like that, Ethan immediately stopped smiling. As his laughing steadily subsided, he gave his friends a death glare before continuing to rock back and forth, this time only slower.

"Soooo, we're just gonna ignore what just what just-Hey! Where are you two going?"

Rolando got up and immediately halted Estevan and Ash walking out of the bathroom to which Estevan turned around and rolled his eyes.

"To the bedroom? Duh! I gotta figure out what happened here, it is my job, after all, babe. And besides you two can watch over Ethan…right?"

Rolando gulped as he turned his head and down at Ethan, legs shaking, "I don't know, he seems a little…off."

Russell cleared his throat and fixed his collar, "Yeah, more so than when we bumped into him. Or when we took him out for ice cream? Or when we asked him where Milo was and he just kept dodging the question by telling us that Milo was sick or visiting outside family or-"

Ash pondered as it hit him, "Yeah, wait, a minute? Speaking of Milo…where is he?"

"Ethan, did you try to sacrifice Milo again?"

"Rolando, this isn't the time to be making jokes. We need to find out what happened and more importantly, if it involves Milo in any way. Come on, Ash."

As Estevan and Ash finally walked out of the bathroom, Russell sighed.

"This is ludicrous…"

Rolando turned to face his red-headed friend and gave him a smile.

"Don't worry, Russell. At least, Ethan's…okay?"

The two turned their attention to Ethan, who was as quiet as a mouse and looking down at the floor, still rocking back and forth as if he was in a trance. Rolando tried to get his attention again like before but this time Ethan remained completely silent causing Rolando to sigh and lift his head up back to Russell.

"Hey, Russell, can you pass that rag over there so I can clean off Ethan's face, thanks dude!"

Russell got up and walked over to the towel rack by the toilet and put his hand on the pink rag, picking it up and handing it to Rolando.

"This one?"

Rolando pointed to the other rag sitting across from the pink rag, "No, no, the green one."

Russell nodded and picked up the green rag, handing it to Rolando, before sitting back down on the edge of the tub to think.

"If Ethan's okay?"

Russell paused, He looked up at Rolando with sad, worried eyes and forced himself to smile. They both knew that something was wrong but they just couldn't figure out why?

"Milo should be okay too, right?"

A weak chuckle escaped Rolando's lips as he nodded.

"Milo's definitely fine! It's not like he would just up and leave without telling any of us after all. And besides if someone did try to hurt Milo, we'd be the first to know! Right, Ethan?"

Silence…

Not a single word escaped Ethan's lips…

~~~

In the bedroom, by the window was when Ash had spotted his first ever clue as Estevan studied the rest of the room on his own. 

On top of the lamp table on the right side of the bed was a bottle of what seemed to be pink prescription pills. He picked up the bottle and read the bold labeled sticker that was on the side and raised an eyebrow.

"Allium? What's that?"

Ash asked as he handed the bottle over to Estevan, who also raised an eyebrow as he read to label.

"Allium? I…I never heard of this before or at all even?"

"Is…", Ash gulped, "Is it illegal?"

"Ash, please. Does Milo look like the type of guy who would take drugs? Let alone, buy them?"

Ash shook his head as a snicker escaped his and Estevan's lips before they continued back to examining the room.

"Though, I am curious, where did you find those?"

The elfen-man pointed over to the lamp table where he had found his first clue, it also had several pink pills, a half-empty warm water bottle and a pink opened journal scattered on top of it. There was also a broken draw that had its hinges completely ripped off and some of the screws were covered in what seemed to be…blood? It became clear to the two that this was probably something way more than just a weird break in.

The first thing Estevan did was pick up the screws with his gloved hands and put them in a little baggy just like he had done with the knife that now sat on Ethan's study desk, next to his computer that was left on and displayed several pictures of Milo, and just Milo only.

"Aww, it seems Ethan was trying to scrapbook some photos! Look, Estevan!"

Ash walked over to the computer and pointed at it before sitting down on the large neon green and coal black ‘gamer’ chair and swiveled himself around to face the computer.

Estevan gave Ash a puzzled look, "You're gonna check Ethan's computer for clues?"

"Mm-hm! Seemed he also left a few tabs open too! I mean there's the usual tabs like Minecraft for free, cats pictures and…how to stop comparing my elf friend to a tomato?"

Ash paused and cleared his throat. He then picked back up with reading all of Ethan's tabs.

"Oh, there's also, how to swim without drowning? How to fight my friends? What should I do if I run out of toothpaste? There's also the more…personal stuff. Maybe, after this we should talk with Ethan and-"

"Let me, see."

"Huh?"

"The tabs. I wanna see if there's anything else, Ash."

"O-oh. Go ahead, be my guest."

Ash got up and gave Estevan a nervous smile. He watched as the man sat down and started to comb through all of Ethan's tabs.

"Sweet Jesus, how many tabs does this guy have open? Just look at this! And I can't even find the naughty stuff!"

Ash cleared his throat and raised his hand to speak, "So we're done here right? But about the Allium? And the journal? We haven't read that pink journal yet! I'm a bit curious to see what's inside."

"Well, I already have the Allium pills in this little baggy here. Gonna take them to the lab to get them tested, after our movie of course. Rolando did…promise me."

Estevan blushed as Ash made his way back to the pink journal. It had a fluffy, soft case with a brown chocolate bunny on it and looked to have been a quick and cheap easter gift judging by the fact there were also colorful eggs surrounding the tiny chocolate bunny.

As Ash skimmed through page one, he soon realized this wasn't any journal but a diary and judging by the small yet neat handwriting, he could tell who exactly this diary belonged to.

Coming back to reality, Estevan hovered behind Ash and asked, "So what's it say?"

To which Ask simply replied with a sigh and a sad smile as he began to read the diary out to him.

Dear Diary

You know, this is the greatest gift Ethan has ever got me! It's sweet yet simple! He tries to be so over the top sometimes with his gifts like how on Valentine's Day he got me a cruise ship! Yes a cruise ship, completely covered in red and pink valentine's day theme tinsel and bows. There was also tons and tons of chocolate, all of which came delivered to us melted but I didn't care I was just so happy I almost started crying! I love that man with all my heart and I really REALLY wish I could treat him the same way he treats me! I'll just have to try harder to outdo him! Next Valentine's Day will be my year! 

Oh and speaking of gifts, I also just got some new pills from the pharmacy today, Allium pills! My doctor says they're supposed to ease my anxiousness and sadness, so I took one right away. I don't really feel any different sadly? I just feel the same. Maybe some snacks will help! I've been in the mood for some popcorn lately…

So...

I burnt the popcorn…

I thought the timer said 4:50 but it actually said 1:50 and I ended up burning my popcorn and when Ethan got home, I told him and he immediately just patted my head, gave me a kiss and said he'll make me a new bag. I told him I could make it myself but he insisted that I go and relax. I'm still not used to having others do things for me since I've been so used to doing things on my own…it hurts a little but I don't know why? Oh, well.

Ethan gave me my popcorn and we sat down and watched his entire dvd collection of his favorite show, Paranormal Night. He told me that he was so lucky to have found the entire season 1 season 2 on sale and now he could relive his childhood! I just found the show to be a bit odd though, but that might be because I didn't really grow up with as much of this type of punk, gothic, emo stuff. Unlike my adorable, boobalicious, bear~bear! He loves this stuff and he's even asked me once if I could help him get back into painting his nails and helping him with his eyeliner. 

I think for next Christmas I'll get him those platform boots he's been asking for! On top of that, Christmas is also his birthday! Yay! So I might even get him his very own choker so we can match!

+++

So we just got done watching episode 9 of Paranormal Night, Ethan did warn me earlier that that episode was very…bad I guess? I dunno how to explain it tee~hee! I did walk out though once it started to get a bit too real but I did not cry! I am a grown-man! I can handle a few…bad thoughts you know! 

After I walked back in, Ethan tried his best to comfort me but I told him that I was fine and just needed a breather. I guess he didn't believe me though, because he started wrapping me up in the covers and hugging me. But again I did not cry! I am fine! And I wish everyone would stop asking ME if I'm okay! 

I'm gonna go to bed, goodnight!

Dear Diary

I tried going out with the boys today but I just didn't feel like getting out of bed. Ethan tried to bribe me with cupcakes and cookies and candies like he always does but it just didn't work. And now, while I'm here writing my thoughts, Russell and Estevan {my frens <3} blow up my phone and send me pictures saying how they wished I was here with them, getting ice cream and sweet buns. Maybe next time? I mean the three of us haven't hung out in like forever so…I dunno?

I just took an Allium pill and still nothing. But I do feel a bit dazed and like I'm just really really tired. I might just make this a short entry for now, so goodnight?

+++

Forget sleeping, the boys came back and brought me ice cream, vanilla with rainbow sprinkles, my favorite. We all sat down in the living room and talked for a bit until Rolando pointed out my sleepybags. I just shrugged it off and told everyone not to worry and that I was just tired, which was true. I almost fell asleep in the middle of our conversation but immediately forced myself to stay awake. 

After that little convo between me and Rolando, Estevan suggested that we, and by we I mean all of us, go see a movie. I flat-out refused. Told him, I was just too tired. Russell turned to me and asked me why I was being so off lately and I just told him, like how I told Estevan, I was just way too tired. 

But the truth is I didn't know why I was being so off either? 

And I think Russell knew that. 

Because he turned to Estevan and before I knew it they both pulled me aside and began to ask if I was okay. 

And just like before I told them I was tired but it seemed they didn't get the memo because then they started to ask why I was shaking? 

Or why did I look so sad?

I tried to smile to show them that I was okay but they saw right through it. 

Russell tried to hug me and Estevan tried to talk to me but I just…I dunno stepped back in fear maybe? I ended up making them both sad but I didn't feel bad at all in fact I just felt so out it?

I need a drink…of apple juice because I'm responsible!

Goodnight.

Dear Diary

I pushed through and finally went outside for the first time in ages. No bridging needed. The drive took ages though! Just to get to Ciero from where we live, it took like 10 hours! Maybe even longer! I fell asleep during half of the ride there though and by the time I woke up, we had to make ANOTHER pit stop for gas!

Right now I'm kinda just chilling on the couch, wearing my favorite dress and writing this all down. I do feel a bit off but that's probably because I haven't been out in sooooo long and to be surrounded by all my friends, still just feels way too weird for me. Maybe I should try to be more social? But there's nothing for me to really talk about.

Estevan and Rolando are more mature, more stoic, more laid back, ya know while Ash and Russell are more kind, more energetic, and easy to talk to but I don't know? I feel like if I talk to any of them, I'm gonna make a fool out of myself! 

Maybe I should just stay in my little corner?

Dear Diary

I don't know what to write anymore. I've been flipping through these messy, scribbled pages to find anything else to write about but seems I'm just stuck.

Stuck on writing. Stuck on drawing.

Stuck on everything!

I can't do anything!

My past is still ingrained in my mind, the friends that I have lost and the friends that I have gained are starting to intertwine with one another and the old friends are taking over! Everywhere I go, I see their faces! Taunting me, haunting me! Reminding me that I am nothing! I will always be known as Milo JOSIAH Campbell! Yet I am trying to change and change does take time, I know that but now people...belittle me as if I'm some child and not an adult struggling with himself every single day! The cuts on my arms, the markings my neck, my bruised up knees and tormented skin are all signs that I do need help and I want others to listen to my pain and yet...

I'm scared...

The rest of the pages had been scribbled out with blood red ink, before being attacked by childlike drawings of his missing friend.

Estevan glanced up at Ash with a troublesome expression and began to say something but stopped once they heard as THUMP, coming straight from the bathroom.

Ash tossed the diary down by closet and ran right behind Estevan and what the two had saw shocked them to their core.

Rolando and Russell had been holding Ethan down on the hard titled floor to restrain him. When Estevan questioned why they were restraining him and what even happened, that's when Ethan glanced up at him and let out a cold hiss. A large bloody wound had appeared on Ethan's forehead, clearly it wasn't there before but neither was the broken, crimson stained glasses beneath their feet.

Ash's eyes grew wide with fear as he stood there, shaking. He looked over to Estevan for guidance but it seems, he too, was afraid.

"Hold him still!"

Rolando shouted at Russell as he squeezed Ethan's left arm to try and restrain him better but also to stop the endlessly squirming and kicking.

"I-I'm trying! It's just that-OW!"

And even biting.

Russell pulled back, and looked down at his arm. His skin had been tore apart by teeth as a familiar crimson liquid leaked out of his arm altering his lover of his pain. Once Ash had pulled an injured Russell away from the commotion to bandage him up, Estevan stepped in to restrain Ethan. He knew he could handle a few markings to the arm yet what he wasn't prepared for was the endlessly ear-piercing screams and wails that had escaped Ethan's mouth once Estevan got a hold of him. They were so high-pitch it made everyone in that messy bathroom cover their ears!

"M-m-make it stop!"

Russell was the first to cry out. Once he could feel himself start to become uncomfortable and distracted by the screaming and waling and endlessly crying, his flapped his hands and started to cry himself, a sign his way having a meltdown. He sat himself down and huddled himself in a lonely corner by the bathroom door, putting his knees close to his chest and his head down in his lap. Ash, being the sweet and naturing boyfriend he was, sat down next to Russell and pulled him close to him, covering Russell's ears as a way to just block off this noise!

As Rolando and Estevan struggled to hold Ethan down any longer, they glanced up at each other. One was shaking with fear and worry, trying so desperately to figure out what was wrong with his friend as tears streamed down his face while the other looked content. Sure he was also a bit afraid and maybe even a bit upset that he had to do this in the first place, but still it was better safe than sorry. It became clear to him that his friend was most likely a danger now and had definitely tried to hurt himself!

After all why would there be glass everywhere? A shattered mirror? A bleeding gash in his head? It was all adding up in his head!

Their glance then turned sway from one another and at the duo sitting in their corner. Ash swallowed his spit and wipe his tears, while he was more concerned about Russell's safety he was also very worried about Ethan's.

This wasn't the Ethan THEY knew!

The goofy and annoyingly gullible, ego-driven gym bro who was the first to help out anyone in need and cheer up your day? Sure he would, if unknowingly, be a bit of jerk and was sorta self-centered but still, he meant well.

What happened to him?

First, he had closed himself off to everything and everyone around him, only going outside when pressured or bribed, not once ever escaping the lousily and grim apartment on his own. He had lost all interest in his favorite hobbies such as going to the gym, drawing, and even play videogames. He stopped taking care of himself and started to live day after day in a paranoid and crazed state, frequently checking over his shoulder and he began to contain himself in a dazed world to espace whatever trouble he was dealing with.

And now, here he was screaming, kicking, and even biting his own friends as if they were strangers who had invade his home! Obstacles, even!

He couldn't care less if they got hurt as long as none of them figured out the truth, he could stay contained in his own little bubble forever!

Just him and his love lost in his imagination about what he could've done differently that day! After all, love conquers all right? Right?

Then why? Why couldn't he save-!

"Ethan, stop!"

And just like that...it was over...

Ethan stopped.

Resting his head on the bathroom, Ethan fell into an semi-unconscious, harmless state and let out a small, soft groan. Once his body had rested, Rolando and Estevan finally released him from their grasp.

Getting up, Rolando dusted himself off and looked down at his boyfriend, who stared worried at the other man laying down in front of him.

"Estevan..." Rolando paused before Estevan scooped Ethan up and held him close to his chest. Clutching his soft, ebony hair in his hand while rocking him back and forth. Clearly this was completely out of the ordinary for Estevan to do! He didn't really tolerated Ethan so why was he comforting him?

"Are you okay, babe?"

With misery in his eyes, Estevan nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay."

Yet he fumbled and quivered on his words. Rolando could see the tears coming from a mile away yet Estevan simply ignored them.

"But this isn't about me right now! Something happened here! Forget the movie, forget the sleepover!"

Estevan pulled the other man closer to his chest yet it seemed Ethan didn't even notice on bit, he was falling in and out of a dazed and confused consciousness trying his best to hold onto his sanity as his eyes started to become cloudy and flash a quick pink before turing back to brown over and over yet none of them seemed to notice.

"We need to help Ethan! And we need to find Milo."

Rolando gulped and shifted his eyes over to Ash abd Russell, "No matter how long it takes?"

Whenever Estevan needed or even wanted to solve a case you knew you were in for a wild ride. He was calculated and quick and he always strived to complete even the most gruesome of cases in the name of justice.

"No matter how long it takes."

Silence...

Ash raised his hand to speak up and questioned this little mission Estevan had planned. He just didn't really understand it and found a flaw.

"So we're going to help Ethan? But how? We don't even know what's wrong with him! I mean he looks a bit dehydrated and very very frail but that's it! How are we suppose to help him?"

Rolando cleared his throat before folding his arms as he early began to list off the strange and abnormal hings Ethan had done.

"And the fact he banged his head on the mirror until it shattered, bit Russell, screamed so loud I think his vocal cords might've shattered, oh and the time blood started to pour out of his mouth and-"

"Okay! I get it!"

Ash hissed before shifting to the side and putting his knee close to his chest and head in his lap, letting out a muffled, "Ethan's sick."

Russell adjusted his shirt and let out a cough. He wiped his tears away and looked up with teary jaded-eyes.

"Don't forget the fact we found him semi-drowning."

He then paused and fiddled his red hair, "On top of that, Ash does make a great point! We don't know what's wrong with Ethan. But we also don't know where Milo is, so how are we suppose to find him?"

Rolando bit his lip, "Well, we can always ask-"

"You know we can't ask Ethan!"

Estevan snapped, seeing where this conversation was heading. Everyone in that room knew Ethan was too sick to begin with, so a bombard of questions regarding Milo was pointless, even though they were all worried about him.

The answers Ethan had given them already didn't make any sense! Milo was like a roach, out of sight until he found him sitting in a corner by himself but once you've turned your back, he'd disappear again.

Rolando put his back again the bathroom wall and rolled his eyes, "So, you're suggestion we wait?"

Estevan nodded, "Until Ethan get's better."

Russell shifted his eyes, shook his head and finally got up, fist clenched.

"Not to accuse Ethan of lying, but I've been wanting to say this for some time now and I truly believe that," He paused and glanced over at Ethan, resting in Estevan's arms, "He's been hiding something from us. I don't know what but remember that smell from earlier? It was definitely a corpse!"

Ash let out a nervous chuckle and got up to confront his love.

A bit concerned, he raised an eyebrow" "Are you saying that Ethan murdered Milo? D-don't be ridiculous, my Russell! Ethan, well, he wouldn't hurt a fly!"

"No! Of course not! It's just that-that-!"

Trying to find the right words to string together, Russell hesitated as he watched Estevan get up with Ethan in his arms and shake his head.

"Alright, this conversation is going nowhere. Let's get little bro-bro all bandaged up and into some clothes and head out of this crime scene of a house!"

Rolando snickered, "Little bro-bro? Since when were you two brothers?"

"Erm, just now! What? You guys think I wouldn't make an awesome big brother?"

Estevan chuckled as Rolando rolled his eyes and headed out of the bathroom with Ash and Russell following right behind him.

And as Estevan stepped out with Ethan tucked his arms, he looked down at him and gave him a smile which slowly disappeared, once Ethan spoke up, his voice was extremely raspy and dry.

"You'd make an awful big brother, Evey..."

Estevan raised an eyebrow and let out a confused snicker, "Awful?"

To which Ethan replied with soft tears in his eyes, lips quivering as he spoke up in a now somber voice, "I'm sorry."

Silence...

Estevan was puzzled as Ethan clinged onto his shirt, crying even harder now.

"Huh, Ethan what are you talking about? You didn't do anything wrong? Well, expect for when you bite Russell, but that's about it!"

"Yes, I did! I did do something wrong but I CAN'T tell you!"

Estevan sighed and lifted Ethan closer to him. He knew Ethan was sick. Physically, he had this huge cut in his chest, a gash on his head and looked like a totally mess and mentally, he was broken. Whatever had happened, it had sacred him.

"Oh, Ethan." Estevan ruffled Ethan's hair and followed it up with a smile, "Everything's going to be okay! I'm promise!"

Ethan sniffed and huffed softly while he trembled in Estevan's arms. He knew that was lie! Everything wasn't going to be okay it was just going to get worse and worse for him!

The last thing he said to the other man before falling back into a mute state sent chills down Estevan's spin.

"I'm scared..."

~~~

Woo-hoo! It is finally finished!! I didn't forgot about my au, I've just been dealing with a lot of writer's block lately...

Also sorry to @jafanadis is Ash and Russell are written out of character and sorry to @mrboogerlip is Rolando and Estevan are written out of character...again I try my hardest to stay in character but then my interpretations just takes over...

[mcalhenwrites]

Still alive, writing and editing a lot and even drawing (mostly dragon sketches at work). Seasons has some new chapters now... I saw something earlier about writing being something you can hone by doing lots of reading and writing. I wonder when that will apply to me. I've read a lot of books this year. I have almost hit my goal of 90 books, and while a couple are nonfiction and half are comics, the rest are novels. I expect that to increase again, now that I'm going back to the library. (I stopped with the bed bug scare.) Then I'm setting aside time each week to write. I work on stories at work, even if it's mostly just planning. (My laptop is falling apart so I just gave up taking it to work.) Yet here I am, still the same idiot who doesn't have anything appealing enough for most people to read. I can't get 99% of my followers interested. Sales of Geckos have dropped to next-to-nothing. Nothing else I put out there matters either. The fault lies with me. I'm not good enough. After having this stupid blog for 12 years, I want to delete it. I want to delete my twitter account. I want to delete every single account and shut up for good. There is nothing I can offer. My writing is a good hobby for me. I can get pats on the head for doing a little thing for myself. Aww, look at the cute little dumbass adult doing wittle storwies!!! Isn't that silly!!! They're not good, but he's having fun during the process. Too bad he hasn't figured out that not even 39 more years of practice can save what he's handing out.

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 8 - Hidden Scars

Raphael raised his hands defensively.

 “ Am I wrong?? ”

Leo dropped his shoulders and bobbed his head at his far-from-sensitive brother. He was still being mindful of the pointed syringe in his hand, but still wanted to show his disapproval of Raph’s comment.

“ Really, Raph? “

His crimson-detailed brother only shrugged, raising his eyebrows. He opened his mouth, most likely about to spout out another hurtful comment, or perhaps a weakly-supported defense, but was interrupted by their youngest brother making his way through the still open doorway of the Med Bay.

“ Yeah, dude. That’s rich hearing YOU complain about someone's fear of needles.”

Raphael’s face instantly changed. His calm relaxed eyes grew wide the tiniest bit, forcing his pupils to constrict. His open mouth closed, hiding the spit he gulped down. His posture became tight as his arms crossed over his plastron, almost like a shield over his prideful, yet sensitive heart.

“ Yeah whatever.. “ Raph mumbled as he rolled his eyes.

Mikey smirked as understanding washed over his face. He immediately recognized the opening for relentless teasing and payback for the MANY times Raph had made fun of him for his phobias.

‘ Time to taste your own medicine, big bro. ‘

“ No please, Raph, tell us all about the times you’ve been SO brave when it came to getting a shot. Tell the whole class! “ Mikey gestured to Leo and Don. ( Probably not Lotus, seeing how she was still….out of commission.)

Raph’s shoulders rose as they dug further into his plastron. 

“ Shut up. “ Raph hissed through gritted teeth.

Unfortunately, Raph’s growing annoyance only fueled Mikey’s thirst for vengeance.

“ Tell us all about the time dad found you hiding in the tv cupboard. “ Mikey was now speaking in a demeaning, baby-like tone, “ Was it because you were scaaaared of a wittle needleeee??? “

Raph’s shoulders now escalated nearly to his ears, as he gritted and bared his sharp teeth. 

He was the only one of his brothers to have fangs, and often used such a trait to scare them when they were kids. They would joke sometimes that when God created Raph, He knew that he would have the temper of a lion, so he gave him teeth to match.

All throughout their childhood Raph would growl, bite, and sometimes even hiss when he was upset or scared. The brothers would call it his “ Feral Mode”.

.. and Mikey was poking the lion like a laughing baboon with a death wish..

“ SHUT UP, MIKEY. “ Raph warned. 

Leo’s posture straightened at the sound of Raph’s growing anger. 

He was unsure as to why the current conversation was causing Raph to get so.. TENSE.. Thanks to his lessons with Sensei, Raphael had actually made lots of progress with his temper. 

..So what’s happening now??

Out of all the brothers, Raph and Leo would fight the most growing up.. So he knew when Raph had reached his breaking point.

… and he was nearly there.

“ Mikey, lay off. We get your point, now drop it. “ Leo was trying with all his might to protect any survivors from the imminent eruption of flame and seething anger about to go off. 

Mikey chose to continue poking, shrugging off Leo’s warning.

“ Nahhhh he’s the tough big brother! Only babies fear things. Right, Raph? Isn’t that what you said to me when we were kids? “ 

Mikey’s voice was only seeped with innocent instigation. There was no poison on his tongue. Not a word was meant to truly HURT. Just.. a little payback now and then was rare. So you take it when you can get it. Afterall, his brothers and him would always tease each other. It never really caused bad blood. Perhaps a playful wrestling match on the ground, but nothing else.

Raph’s hands began to shake.

Mikey didn’t notice.

BUT DON DID.

It all clicked in his brain as to what was happening in his twin’s mind. The same awful memories blazed in his own, like a forest fire fueled by fear. 

Flashes of being chained to the hard floor blinked in and out. The sight of his twin.. being strapped down to a table. 

The eerie glow of green, painful liquid filling his veins-

- the screaming-

Don blinked. He shook his head to rid it of the horrid visions attempting to alter his reality. That’s all bad dreams were.. Just fantasies. Fantasies can’t hurt you.

… But Don knew. He knew what happened to them wasn’t just the bad dreams he was plagued with every time he tried to sleep. 

It was real.

It happened.

He was there in that lab. And so was Raph.

He knew he needed to act fast.

Don’s gaze shot to his unknowing little brother with far more threat than he would’ve liked it to. He walked to the side of Mikey, gripping the youngest’s shoulder with his hand.

“ Mikey..”

His youngest brother turned his head the tiniest bit, still with the same smile on his face. 

Raph turned his face away, as well as his body.

Don saw he wasn’t getting through to his ignorant little brother, so he turned him around using his tightening grip on the youngest’s shoulder.

“ -OW. Don! Ow- what?? “ Mikey nearly shouted, pulling away from Don’s vice of a grip. 

He didn’t mean to hurt Mikey. But that’s what you get when you don’t listen. At least now he’s paying attention.

“ Mikey, please, that’s enough. “ Don stated quickly.

The seriousness in his older brother’s tone mixed with the unrelenting gaze of his eyes, made Mikey instantly question his methods of said payback. His eyes fell to being full of remorse as he gave Don a “ What did I do wrong? “ kind of look.

Don disconnected his gaze on Mikey and walked to go join Raph. Before he reached his twin, he turned around and signed to Mikey,

‘ Mistake. None. Knowledge. No. Raph. Fine. ‘

( You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t know. Raph will be fine. )

Don stopped in front of Raph, and deliberately made it so Leo or Mikey couldn’t tell what he was saying.

Leo noticed how Don didn’t immediately touch Raph, but withheld until after he spoke something. Raph nodded minutely and the two walked out of the Med Bay, Don’s hands guiding his twin’s body out the door.

Mikey barely caught it, but he knew he could see Raph wipe something from his face.

‘ There’s no way.. ‘ Mikey thought. ' What- what did I do to him? ‘

Mikey turned to face Leo, with eyes beginning to fill with tears. 

“ Did…” Mikey squeaked, barely holding his composure; His breaking voice failing to hide his shame, 

 “ .. did I do that to him? “

Leo looked at his youngest brother with just as many questions on his face. His eyes softened as he gave a weak smile.

“.. I don’t….I don’t think so, Mikey. I.. I don’t know what that was about either. “

Leo’s voice overflowed with concern for his brothers. So much had happened in the past 6 days.. So many horrible things.. 

And like the good leader and oldest brother he was supposed to be, he left his brothers to suffer.

ALONE.

Well.. that was fun. :) Enjoy!

To God be the glory!

Masterpost <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[nothinglikegod]

Muse Preferences -

Stolen from @geraniumplant

Character: The name's Nicholas D. Wolfwood.

Place: Bed. Hands down. Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, I'd rather be sleepin'.

Fruit: Prickly Pear. Easily accessible & free. These little guys have saved my hide more times than I can count.

Thing: My lucky lighter. I pickpocket-ed this beauty from some sap when I was eight years old. It's been with me ever since. Every time I think I've lost it, it appears in one of my coat pockets.

Animal: I'd like to embody a Wolf, but I'm too damn domestic. So call me The Black Dog, guardian of souls.

Hobby: Wood wittling, of course. I wouldn't say I'm good at it, but it's just tedious enough to be meditative.

Outfit: I have to wear a suit, but I don't have to like it. I'd prefer something casual. Something light and easy to move in.

Song: The Simplest Words by The Narcissist Cookbook. Because ♫ I HATE THIS BODY, I HATE THIS BODY, I AM MORE SCARED 'A MYSELF THAN I AM 'A ANYONE ELSE! ♫

Color: Blue. The color of the sky, the color kids use to symbolize water, the color of healing and hopeful eyes.

Tag! @deathsdevotee @knimillions @bloodandgunsmoke @liesandalibis @typhoonvash @angelictyphoon @goldendivinewrath @misplacedreporter

[dcartcorner]

dont scare simon, scare mike/j (actually, i am still so mad at him for being mean to simon, i need him to hug him so bad, apologies to the wittle guy mr. 5ft max)

oh ho, indeed >:)

but, well, it just may be mike has already been spooked by something

[strawberryvanillablast]

Evil Clone Geno Star: *suddenly appears* Hehe!

Geno: *tenses* You.

Evil Clone Geno Star: Aww, did ya miss me? You missed me, admit it.

Geno: (StarSpeak: What exactly do you want? Can't you see that now is a really bad time?)

Evil Clone Geno Star: Aww, is the poor baby Star scared?

Geno: (Star Guardians do not get scared.)

Evil Clone Geno Star: You are! You're scared of failing them, the Star Road, the elders, and the higher authority, especially!

Geno: (I can't afford to be scared...)

Evil Clone Geno Star: What's the matter? Poor wittle star scared that his friends will think of him as a weak little thing?

Evil Clone Geno Star: I thought they were your friends! So why are you hesitating in telling?

Geno: I...They...

Evil Clone Geno Star: Then, tell them if you're not afraid!

Geno: ...I will tell them soon...

Evil Clone Geno Star: Tell them now! What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid?

Geno: I'm not afraid...

Evil Clone Geno Star: You are! Yes, you are!

Geno: I'm not afraid! I'm not afraid of anything! I am not scared! I'm a Star Guardian! I can't be! ... You stop forcing me to tell them! I will tell them on my own time!

Mario: *nods and gives a thumbs up* You-a tell that guy, Geno! Show-a that guy who's boss! ...

Mario: *turns to the others* We-a book it to the nearest inn and get-a him to sleep. These-a all nighters are-a not good for him.

Mallow, Princess Peach, Bowser: Agreed.

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!