#i always feel like i am annoying when i tag people
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Can you please write something about that new Folio pic x fem reader i am obsessed with that picture
This one, right? If not, I'm very sorry, but I'm obsessed with this one and it makes me think happy thoughts, lol!
Photoshoot
18+ below the cut
Tag list: @philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds-deactiv @missduffsblog @bngurngheart @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @fadingangelwisp
"Where is Folio? Folio!! Dude, where the hell are you?"
Bryan's voice echoed through the halls of the stadium, ringing out louder than an intercom. It was annoying, and you'd do anything to get him to stop.
"Bryan, please shut up," you hollered back, rolling your eyes, letting your head fall into your hands.
"Well then, find your man. It's like he's vanished into thin air.”
"Yeah, Y/N, find your man."
Noah appeared, mocking Bryan and earning himself a nice slap in the stomach.
"Ooff," Noah cringed.
"Have you seen Folio?" Bryan asked, raising his brows at Noah. "I really need to get the new shots of all of you before the heathens start pouring in."
"Heathens, you mean fans," I chuckled, knowing how much Bryan hated people bombarding into his space when he was trying to work.
"As a matter of fact, I have. He and Nick went to get haircuts."
You knew this already but pretended not to just so you could watch Bryan get all worked up and irritated. He even looked over at you, narrowing his eyes.
"You already knew that, didn't you?"
Trying to hide your grin, you covered your mouth with your palm.
"I don't know what you're talking about," staring out into the gigantic field before you. The stadium could hold almost fifty thousand people, and the show tonight was sold out. When the hell did their small little Warped Tour band get so big?
"Y/N, I swear to god, if you don't tell him to get back here in an hour, you're dead," Bryan threatened you, half grinning.
"Then Matt won't have an assistant," you said sweetly and gave him an innocent look.
"You better not fuck with my assistant, Bryan," Matt barked, carrying a box of cables and handing them off to you.
"Take those down to the front for me?"
"Sure thing, Boss," you smiled, taking the box from him.
Matt rolled his eyes. "Don't call me, boss. Remember, I've seen you naked."
"Oh my god, that was not my fault! You walked in on me showering!"
"I never said it was your fault," Matt laughed, bopping your nose with his finger.
"Kiss ass," Noah said under his breath.
"Fuck you, Noah," you retorted, knowing very well it was all a joke.
"Oh baby, I would love it if you would!"
You rolled your eyes and kept walking.
"In your dreams, Noah," you yelled out.
"Already have," he yelled back.
You just kept walking, too embarrassed to look back.
Walking down the white brick hallway, dragging your fingers along the cool stones as you did, you could hear voices coming from up ahead, followed by loud laughter.
Stopping suddenly, you looked into the faces of the two guys responsible for all the drama earlier and one solid look at Folio, and you were absolutely done for. The way he smiled at you had you melting into a puddled mess.
"I'm gonna," Nicholas said, looking from you to Folio, nodding his head towards the stairs.
"Yeah, alright. We'll be up in a few."
Folio couldn't take his eyes off you and the feeling was mutual. His fresh haircut, neatly shaved on the sides and around the back, parted perfectly on the left side right above his ear so the longer part on top could be swept over and back was doing things for you. He had the right amount of gel in it, too, which gave it the sexy wet look that always drove you crazy.
You were aching to run your fingers through it, to take it between your fingers and yank on its roots, pulling those familiar grunts and groans out of Folio that always made your core moist and ready.
He knew you were thinking things. His sweet little grin proved it.
"We've got time."
You smiled, walking your fingers up your man's chest that was covered by a thin black shirt. The scent of his cologne made you lightheaded and weak at the knees because of how fucking good it smelled.
"Bryan will kill me if I keep you any longer, especially when he sees Nicholas and not you."
Folio stared down at you, laying a soft kiss on your forehead.
"Yeah, but I've got a problem that needs fixing before I can go up there."
You chuckled, letting your fingers wander over Folio's neck, taking in his haircut and everything about him that you loved.
"Oh, you do? Sounds like someone is making excuses."
Folio took one of your hands and drove it down until it hit the very thing he was intending for it to touch.
"I'm so fucking hard for you, baby. I need you to fix me before I can go up there."
You pulled back and looked at him and the one little glint in his eyes was all it took for you to give in.
Folio drank you in, watching as you straddled his thigh. His hands laid loosely on your hips, avoiding the temptation to yank down your pants to feed his hungry appetite.
Your hands found his hair, and instantly his head fell back against the couch, mouth falling open to release a small soft moan as you began sliding your fingers through the soft wet like strands of his hair like you had imagined earlier.
Your fingers raked over his scalp, massaging the top and the sides, making Folio nothing but puddy in your hands.
"Kiss me," he murmured, looking up at you sweetly. You obliged him, grabbing the back of his head and bringing his mouth yours, kissing him as if your life depended on it.
He groaned against your lips and you felt the strangled sound in your clit, making your panties a little wetter.
Trailing your lips down his jaw, the tanned, tender skin of Folio's neck looked too delicious to not taste. Latching your lips to his neck, you sucked his skin, running your tongue and lips over it, making him whimper beneath you. His slight gasp and thrusting of his hips made you smile.
"You still want me to fix you," you whispered, leaning your forehead against his, clinging to his broad shoulders.
Folio swallowed. "Fuck yes, please." He grabbed your ass and pushed your lower body into him, slightly bucking his hips.
"I've been fantasizing about this all week," he confessed, grinning weakly.
You hummed in approval, dragging your hands down his neck and the front of his chest, watching his eyes grow wider with anticipation. It made you giggle as you kissed his pouty lips again. The smile that spread across Nick's own face made your heart race.
Dropping to your knees before him, your fingers trailed along the zipper of his pants. You lifted the bottom of his shirt just enough to slip your fingers beneath it and find the top button of his jeans, undoing it. He lifted up as you tugged his jeans down, revealing his already half hardened covered cock The sight made you weak, making you want him ever more. Removing his jeans fully and dropping them on the floor next to you, you proceeded to remove his boxers, taking a deep breath and biting your bottom lip the moment his cock was fully exposed.
His thickness, the precum covering the swollen pink tip, the ridges and veins you loved to drag your tongue over, all of it was driving you mad, making you desperate for him.
Folio's hands were laying flat on the couch beside him, waiting for you to make your move. You looked up at him as though you were as desperate and needy as he was. Dragging his tongue between his lips, a small smile, almost like a smirk, graced Folio’s lips.
"Well, are you gonna fix me, sweetheart? Hmm? You gonna wrap those pretty pink lips around my cock?"
Folio slipped his hand behind your neck and applied some light pressure, signaling what he wanted you to do. With one hand on his thigh, you softly gripped his swollen shaft, sliding your hand all the way down to the base, then back up, sighing over the feeling of it in your hand. Nick let his head fall against the back of the couch, licking his lips and rolling his head side to side with his eyes shut tight, moaning softly.
"Fuck, baby, you make that feel so good," he smiled, when he opened his eyes to look at you. The little tendrils of hair that fell over his forehead made him so irresistible.
"You like how it feels in your hand, don't you?"
"Mmmhmm, I do," you agreed, sitting up and kissing Folio again, pleased to see the satisfied look on his face.
The warmth of him in your hands was intoxicating. You felt every little throb and twitch each time you squeezed and pulled or went back down. Looking down and watching the small trickles of precum spill from the tiny slit on his pink head hit your clit, sending strong tingling vibrations through your body.
Keeping direct eye contact with him, you lowered your head and took him in your mouth, sliding your tongue down the backside of his shaft before closing your lips around it, moving your head up and down. Folio's head fell back again with the tip of his tongue protruding between his lips as quiet mumbles of "fuck" and "oh my god" fell from his lips. He was in heaven, and you were the one taking him there.
Rolling your tongue around the ridges of his cock, tasting the saltiness of the precum seeping through, you looked up at him with all the love and adoration you felt for him, hoping he could feel the emotions coming from you as you took him fully in, down to the base. Folio jerked, thrusting his hips and forcing his cock deeper into your mouth.
"Oh god, baby, I love you so much," he groaned while gently holding the back of your head. Nick pumped into you, hitting that perfect spot in the back of your throat that made you gag. Saliva trickled down your chin the harder you sucked him, forcing his fingers to tangle in your hair.
"Fuck, yeah just like that baby, oh god," Folio muttered, bucking his hips. "Good girl, take it all baby, deep throat my cock. Show me how much you want it."
His words were music to your eyes. His praises were the light to your soul. There was nothing you wouldn't do for this man under you. He had you entirely forever.
Using your hand, you began to pump his shaft while still sucking and licking, hollowing out your cheeks until they were sore. Nick pushed himself deeper, spreading your slips apart, and guiding every inch of his shaft to the back of your throat.
"Holy fuck, sweetheart, how are you so fucking good at this," Folio laughed, grabbing the back of my hair. He gripped it tightly, directing your movements and moaning loudly, begging you not to stop. You continued bobbing your head up and down, sucking on his cock and massaging his balls, the softness of them feeling so light and perfect in my hand.
"Oh my god, baby, that's it, use your tongue. Make me cum. Fuck, fuck!" he panted.
With every hard thrust, Folio's cock tightened in your mouth. He was so close.
Wrapping your hand around his shaft again, you pumped him tightly, sucking his tip and nipping at the end of it, making him writhe in absolute pleasure.
"Jesus! Fuck, baby I'm about to cum! Take it all, Y/N. Make me cum baby, please!"
Sucking his tender head a few more times did it.
Folio groaned, his hips jerking violently, and his warm cum shot out hitting the back of your throat. You swallowed, drinking everything he poured into you.
"Ughhh, holy fuck, baby," Folio gasped, voice raspy and out of breath. You sat back on your feet wiping your mouth with your shirt, smiling.
"So," you stated, helping him get his pants on and fix himself before climbing onto his lap and latching your hands onto his shoulders. Folio secured you to him with his hands pressed firmly against your ass.
"So," he repeated, accepting the kiss you laid on his lips.
"Still broken?"
His laughter vibrated onto you.
"If broken means I get to have that every time just so you'll fix me, then baby, I'll stay forever broken for you."
Folio rubbed his nose against yours before placing a small kiss on the end of it.
"Forever broken, huh? Maybe that should become our phrase, like our code word or something," you chuckled, laying into him. That's when you gasped, knowing Bryan was going to kill you for what you did.
"Seriously, Y/N! A hickey! Right in the middle of the side of his neck! Of all the fucking places," Bryan cried.
Noah snickered, covering his mouth with his fist before turning around and looking over at you.
"Busted," he croaked.
You glared at him, holding up the middle finger.
Noah shrugged, giving you that shit eating grin of his. You rolled your eyes, turning away from him.
"Dude, fix your hair," Nicholas barked at Folio, flicking the random pieces of stay hair.
"Get off me, Nick, I got it! I'm not a little kid."
"Yeah, obviously. Y/N made that perfectly clear," Noah teased, earning him another heated, annoyed glare from you.
"I'm sorry, Bryan. It wasn't my fault," you apologized, trying not to laugh.
Bryan's face fell. "Not your fault? Y/N, Folio didn't do that to himself."
"Yeah, I know, but that hair cut, and that face, and the way he smells, I just, I couldn't... ugghh, fuck!" you grumbled in frustration.
Folio looked at you grinning from ear to ear as Alana tried to cover as much of the hickey as she could, finally giving up.
"It'll work for the show, but not for the picture," she chuckled.
"Fine whatever," Bryan frowned, tossing Folio a black ski mask. "Put that over your shoulder, and follow me."
"There," Bryan pointed towards a white sheet hanging up against the wall in front of him. "I was going to have you look at the camera, like the last one we did like this, but now," he groaned, glaring at me, "you'll just have to look sideways. So, look at your girl toy over there, and don't move."
Nicholas and Noah were rolling with laughter as Folio turned sideways for the shot. He looked straight at you, sighing as you smiled at him.
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TAG GAME
Thanks for tagging me @fluffsnake, my dearest sunshine <3
Relationship Status: Well, I am that one meme where parents yell at their child "why don't you have a boyfriend? she's bi! damn, nobody wants you!"
Favourite Colour: blue (but mixed with green, so it becomes the colour of the sea) and also red (like the hellfire where i belong)
Song Stuck In My Head: Who is your favourite fearless heeero... Who is your favourite fearless heeero! (both Polish and English versions) But also City Grown Willow, which is my fave song for now :>
Last Thing I Googled: em.... biblically accurate angel pin XD <3
Current Time: 11:12 pm
Dream Trip: Ow. This is a hard one. Cause I love traveling and want to see a huge part of the world. I wish to go to Scotland and just stand in a high grass while wind tugs at my clothes, I wish to travel trough America in a big spacey car with a group of people I could call friends, I wish to go to Iceland and breath in the cold air till it stings... And so many, many more. I just yearn for the world.
Sooo, apparently I am supposed to tag 5 people. And I know I hadn't interact with so many in here cause I am very shy on the internet (not so much in real life tho, I am a menace and I would make you all my friends if it were face to face! ) So I hope, my dear mutuals I didn't talk so much with, you will be interested in participating so I can find out more about you <3
@naughtystiel @archervale @free-birdies @bakh-meliorism @gloomyinks
#i always feel like i am annoying when i tag people#so i gotta say#I AM SO SORRY#just in case#wanting to make internet friends vs the existentional dread of having to interact and try to talk to them first#why is it easier in real life#but then in real life i don't have many occasions to meet people#yeah i am gonna shut up now#tag game!#let me get to know you dearies
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brb about to go down a research rabbit hole lol
Question of the day!
Why is showing ‘disinterest’ such prevalent thing when it comes to building friendships and relationships?
I have talked about this here before in my rants lol, but it just always frustrates me. Like, you know those arbitrary ‘rules’ in dating that you shouldn’t show too much interest or get in touch too soon, or be too ‘intense’ or interested? Like, obviously don’t be a stalker and read the room etc, but I mean if you're just a regular and safe 'well-adjusted' person, why is you showing genuine effort and interest seen as a bad thing (I don't mean love bombing, that's a whole different thing)? If you genuinely like each other, why is the social rule saying that you shouldn’t show that? Same goes with friendships, why is showing interest in the person you want to get to know sometimes, somehow, a bad thing? To a point that some people can get put off by that effort someone is showing to get to know them? Not saying everyone is like this, because I know there are so many people who aren’t. And plenty people also disregard these social rules because they aren’t actually concrete rules.
This is just a social construct and I’m trying to figure out why it is, because it seems counter productive? By what logic does it work? How are you supposed to make friends/date, if them showing interest in you makes you exit the relationship/ghost/breadcrumb?
How long are we supposed to only talk in one line texts about surface level stuff, to avoid being too much/too intense, before it’s acceptable? How do you know you’re following the same social timelines with the people you’re trying to get close to, when there’s no actual set rules? Someone might think you have to wait three days after a date to get in touch, but someone else will get offended if you take longer than two. But the next day or the same day is too desperate to some folk? And I'm talking about this from the point of view of someone who doesn't have trouble reading social cues/expectations. Can't even imagine dealing with this mess if that wasn't the case. Like what's the point of having these 'rules' if it just makes things more difficult for everyone? :')
These rules, technically, don't need to exist at all. It's all made up, based on... Something? We can always dismiss them ourselves but I'd like to know why they came to be and why we keep upholding them. I want to know the social purpose y'know? Is it a safety thing? Protecting yourself and not wanting to be vulnerable? That'd be valid, of course. But it does seem self sabotaging as it blocks people from actually making the connections they say they want to have?
I’ve been trying to find any research on the social behaviour regarding this, but I’m not sure what to even look up lol. Especially because I think the way we interact and behave has changed so much just in the last five years even.
I just find it so curious that there’s so many headlines about loneliness epidemic, but people also recoil away from others when someone does show them genuine interest and wants to talk to them.��
I’ve had this initial ‘disinterest’ stage happen in the friendship context more. Also sudden, out of nowhere, communication ending/ghosting disinterest when trying to make friends (like please hurt my heart some more I beg u lmao). I haven’t really dated in the last few years so I don’t personally know how that field is at the moment, but I know ghosting is really common and people actively try to hold back from showing interest at first, even if they are reallyreally interested.
Maybe I’ll try looking more into the effects on social media etc, there’s a lot about ghosting in that context. But I just feel like it’s not quite what I mean, because I feel this disinterest phenomenon thing is separate from ghosting.
Anyway! Happy Sunday loll xx
#blah blah blah#xx#Or is this just me?? Like do you know what I mean with this?? Lmao :")#Not me writing a whole dictionary#and then realising that maybe I'm just an oversensitive butt#reading into things too much#and it could just be me lmao#but tbf#trying to make friends as an adult is a rough time!!#I have some now but holy shit I hate that shit#I legit feel like a damn golden retriever with the way I always just inherently like everyone until they give me a reason not to like them#Like everyone's just a friend I don't know yet ??#And then I had times when I'd get confused#when people would be friendly but then suddenly just ghost mid-convo#It was a couple of years ago but happened a few times too many for it to be just a coincidence#As in - I couldn't keep thinking 'oh they have their own stuff that has nothing to do with me'#So I had to accept it was something about the way I acted or talked etc#Still not 100% sure why#But I also found pals who don't seem to mind anything about the way I am so I dunno what the deal is#I think I'm embarrassing myself with these tags lolll#Maybe I'm just annoying and my current friends are able to tolerate it lmao
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.
#cassy bitches#i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed#our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job!#and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards#and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves#since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone#AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out#and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me#like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice#i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING#and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo#so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with#ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors#why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this
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sometimes I kinda wish tumblr had something akin to a twitter circle or Instagram close friends list. bc sometimes I kinda wanna say something but not necessarily to Everyone. i feel like tags are almost equivalent bc they’re like the Secret Whisper-Rant Place except anyone can see them. Which adds some fun flavor I suppose. Tumblr close friends circle except it’s whichever of ur followers cares to read your tinytext ramblings
#i always overshare in the tags and then if someone indicates that they saw the tags I’m like omg#no one was supposed to see that#even tho I put it on a public post that anyone on tumblr dot com can read#lmao#also tumblr just feels weird compared to twt#bc when I any time I make a post I feel like I am using a megaphone and being obnoxious HDJSKS#but on twt I feel like I’m just. sayin something. yknow#which probably most people will not see anyway. or will ignore lol#like I don’t worry about being annoying on twt? bc things get lost on the feed immediately anyway? idk#but on tumblr sometimes I have a random thought I’m gonna share but then I stop and I’m like. This isn’t necessary nvm#most of the time I save it as a draft for no reason and then never post it anyway#i can’t tell if this the difference in vibes between tumblr and twt#or the difference in vibes of two vastly different follower counts lol#bc I only have like 600 on twt. and I have. more than that here. lol#and ofc there are. the checkmarks. which do not help with the obnoxious megaphone feeling lmao#ok have a nice day tumblr circle who reads my tags
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just hit 50k in cryptids wip :’)
#chugging along but the book is getting WRITTEN#I have 12.5 scene left btw…#technically in my outline I’m a little past the halfway point#but I think I have ~30k left to go 👀👀#it’s always so funny when you reach a milestone like this bc despite the agony of writing the thing you get all tingly and sappy like..#oh yeah :’) I wrote all that!! I’ve made it so far!!#ive got weird feelings abt this story but i am quite proud#it’s also been a while since I’ve progressed this far with an original project and ngl.. I really missed this feeling 😭#creating is cool!!! we love writing!!!#and just you wait until I reach the end. I’m gonna be so annoying about it (<— will most likely feel too shy to even say anything)#I wrote 5 scenes in like.. twoish weeks. which doesn’t seem like a lot but with the little time I have it honestly is#so if I’m consistent I could finish this draft in ~4 weeks???? 👀👀👀 like.#in a month I could have another book done. that’d be crazy.#anyway. yeehaw :D#blahblahbills#lol I know this means nothing to most people bc I literally never share anything abt this project lol#ew I used lol at the beginning and end of that tag but I don’t feel like retyping all that 💀
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there's a point at which someone's fear of being a dick wraps back around to them just being a dick anyways
#im side-eyeing those who reblogged my post on ethnocentrism and missed the point#but im also thinking about the tags i saw on being too scared to comment on fic#the first is being ~too scared~ to write cultures other than their own#(1. my point was people should be learning *as they watch the show* not just when they write#2. i just. jfC. stop saying youre too scared to *try* to write from another culture/POV different from your own as tho its a *good* thing)#the second is just annoying/frustrating because being too scared to participate in community is how community's die#i dont want to be dismissive of cancel culture because i do know the stories and there is always indv cases of a person ready to be a dick#but like. its just *not* a thing most people have to be worried about. very likely you're just not big enough to have that concern.#anxiety's no joke but like. u dont just accept the anxiety as the excuse. you have to challenge it. i've been there but u cant feed it.#and i dont want to sound dismissive of that anxiety but im really frustrated with seeing people throw that excuse around#without considering how their fear-based attitudes/actions come off in turn#such as not showing fandom creatives any appreciation for fear of saying the ~wrong~ thing#which comes off as creatives' stuff seeming to be ignored completely or otherwise very discouraging silence#when the only rule for tags/comments is to treat others the way you wish to be treated and apologize if you accidentally tread a toe#and being more worried about accidentally stepping on a theoretical persons toe than interested in showing actual people gratitude#like? pretty sure im not the only one side-eyeing that like ''have u really considered this feeling/logic????''#again: its not saying that anxiety isnt a dick or easy to dismiss but i am saying maybe challenge it or at least reflect on it#i just#blahh#the commenting thing is way more mild than the other but tags arent for that conversation and i need a much better brain space for that one
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hi what is wrong with me
#I don’t even know what exactly I am Processing#but boy am I processing something#like was I really That Affected by stupid internet artist drama#to this day#like#what unhealed part of me#like I ugh#I think this is maybe just another tism experience#ever since fuckin Girl Scouts and elementary school#I’ve always been Too Cool to care about being in the in group like that’s so fucking shallow and stupid#but then also I suck at feeling like I belong in literally almost any space#so ummmmmmmmmmmmm#I guess maybe sometimes I get stuck in that wanting to belong and fit in feeling#but I don’t want to do it in the stupid shallow way#I want to find a place where I belong because I’m me#and I think I get triggered and stupid and annoyed when I see fake ass shallow toxic ass hoes living it up being in The Clique or whatever#like why them and not me#what the fuck tumblr tag venting really does make you think so introspectively#like idc abt being in groups where everyone’s just fucking stupid and mean#but when there are people who are cool and nice and chill in them#I get so much FOMO#like they hang around them bc they are cool and chill and nice but they’re not cool and chill and nice themselves#and I get annoYYYEEDDD#I’m not even feeling entitled to getting attention from cool and chill and nice people it’s just that like#sometimes it feels so slippery and wobbly trying to even coordinate hanging out with people you want to regularly#what am I even talking about though really#I think I really am just annoyed and triggered by deep seated pay attention to me and make me feel valued issues#maybe it is an entitlement issue in a way lmao#like I don’t expect attention from everyone ever but also I deserve attention I never got from my parents and does anyone ever tell you how#to like deal with that once you’re an adult like what the actual fuck
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ppl really b acting as if there's only one specific ship that has weird shippers that will complain about ppl not shipping their otp. it's literally always the case you either get fucked over for liking a gay ship or for liking a straight ship or for liking a toxic ship or people just start going "oh there's nothing wrong with the ship but the shippers💀" and you don't fucking know what they're talking about. like can we all just chill. the weird shippers r everywhere it's called some ppl are assholes sometimes. it's not fandom specific
#it's like with the “x ship sent death threats to the author!”#first of all : proof?#second of all: I've heard this for multiple diff ships that is not new that is not exclusive to one fandom or one ship.#sometimes ppl in fandom r too invested and do stupid shit#god#I'm sorry I doomscrolled another Instagram reel comment section#it's just. I'm so tired of ppl talking about mha's fandom as if it's the worst thing of all time?#first of all no its not? fucking chill?#second of all. if the fandom is ruining the show for you then genuienly get off the internet#third. so sorry but half of the time when ppl say the mha fandom is awful they're either calling it cringe (fandom is always cringe get over#it it's ok) they're complaining about everything being gay (so you're a homophobe ok. literally what is wrong with making character queer#ON OUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS OF THE STORY. DUDE.#)#or theyre just.... picking up random shit thats been rumored to have happened or that's just an isolated thing that happens all the time in#every fandom (refer to my earlier points)#genuienly. if the fandom pisses you off that much. get off the internet . block the tags. like for your health.#it's so annoying to try and look at mha stuff or even TALK IRL#WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE MHA#(i am not fucking with you this has happened)#and being told or reading that oh mha is fun but the fandom sucks :///#sorry you don't experience whimsy and are incapable of curating your own experience?#Jesus#(there's also the ppl who r like ugh mha is mid mha sucks in like comments of mha fan but like fuck these guys#you're entitled to your opinion I if you don't like mha that's fine I'm not going to throw eggs at you but like...#why do u feel the need 2 go into a comment section of stuff that is about mha to say that mha sucks actually and the author is bad and the#characters r badly written and blah blah blah. LEAVE ME ALONEEEE)#Anyway maybe one day I will finally leave Instagram but for now I can't bc fukcing. ppl r on there#mumblings//#rant
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#OUghh... I've been really sick the past few days like not able to keep food down and had to go to the hospital#to get iv fluids and etc. to stay hydrated lol...#perhaps some sort of stomach virus or something. but still very grrrr for it to happen in the middle of the evil summer of#course#when everything is hot and uncomfortable anyway.. I really wanted to get a sims video and costume pictures finished this week and keep#up writing like 1000 ish words a day for my game. but.. alas... the universe was like... I Think Not#I at least have been able to have some tea and juice and applesauce and like 4 saltine crackers today so#I always think it's funny when you're ill what sort of little things count as successes#like on any normal day eating a few crackers would just be something you don't even give a second thought#to . But when you're really sick it's like .. WOW.. I ate TWO crackers.. amazing.. huzzah... I should get an award certainly#call the press and alert them. I should be in the newspaper headlines for this harrowing feat. etc. lol#I still feel very shaky and weak though.. but am like... hhhhh... when can I work on my projects again...#Also I literaly never leave the house or have contact with anyone so maybe it's not a virus and was more food poisioning or something#since I'm not sure where I'd get a virus even but... regardless... stinky#just complaining since I suppose that is what personal blogs are for lol. I'm a private person in the sense of wanting to proect my identi#ty and like.. I dont want an alexa in my house listening to me all the time and I dont tag my real location on social media or share photos#that could reveal the front of my house or etc. etc. But in all other senses I really don't beleive in holding stuff in. Because it will#just fester. especially when it has to do with other people (like relationship issues or something) but even when its just stuff that only#has to do with you. If something annoys me then I shall let it be openly known. if I'm bothered it will be clear. etc.#Which I guess makes me seem like a Hater And Complainer but I guess I just feel like its better over all to explain and express openly#than to just silently stew and hold everything in and then probably feel worse for it later or something.#Expressing annoyance is kind of like casting the concept off from yourself and releasing it into the wild so that you're not harboring it#anymore. all grievances must be aired eventually. etc. this is a Pro complaining zone lol#If you feel like shit dont hide it. just go 'man I feel like shit'. etc. etc. Cast it off into the universe. be free#ANYWAY... aughhh......... the wizard has fallen ill in his stinky little tower.. pacing the stone floors in tattered robes. hair disheveled#. carefully sipping a single cup of tea over the course of an hour lest drinking too fast upset his fragile stomachs againe..
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Every now and then I remember the times I would mention to my flatmate that I was thinking of buying myself something reasonably expensive (that I had been eyeing up for months and had budgeted for) and she'd tell me that I shouldn't spend that much money on something I didn't need and it would be stupid etc etc while she regularly impulse bought things that cost at least as much and she would use once (while complaining that she was under a lot of financial stress and couldn't afford <$3/week for 2 months for a rental washing machine when ours broke). She is... perhaps not my first call for financial advice
#like I get that you're financially stressed but also it feels a bit rich to complain about it when you're on student allowance (not loan)#and your parents still contribute to things for you even though allowance is supposed to be for people whose parents can't afford to help#and you get multiple scholarships a year even though you're technically not eligible for half of them anymore but then as soon as the money#comes in from those you spend it all on a brand new dress for your sister's hen's do picnic because you can't wear the same dress as you#will for the actual hen's night or the wedding. Better buy a full price one at an expensive store instead of looking in a single op shop or#borrowing one from one of your three sisters who are all roughly the same size#god life must be so tough for you getting the same amount of money as the rest of us on student loan except you only have to pay back half#like the only money you have to live off is the same as what the rest of us get + scholarships (plural) plus what you earnt in your summer#internship? how could you possibly survive??#anyway I am NOT a fan of people who are like 'oh you say you have no money for rent but you have a phone?' because that's bullshit#and the whole 'millenials need to stop eating avocado toast so they can buy a house' thing is also bullshit#however. If you pay $60/week for a gym when you have access to the free uni one (or any other gym in the country is like $20)#and you buy uber eats multiple times a week for like $30+ each time despite having a premade meal in the fridge. and you get multiple#scholarships which mean you are arguably among the more well off students. AND you impulse buy things that cost over $100 regularly#then maybe the problem is not that you don't have enough money to split the rental costs of a washing machine (<$3 each/week)#maybe you are just bad with money#which is fine like it's not like it's unfixable it's just annoying when you act like you're worse off than people whose only money is what#they get from student loan each week so they eat beans on rice for dinner for a week#because that's all they could afford (yes I know people who did this. Yes she complained more than them)#so no I don't think I'm gonna be taking financial advice from you babes because one of us has entertained the idea of a budget to help with#finances and it's not you xx#(she turned down offers of financial help/advice/books to borrow from multiple people multiple times. I 100% get that you might not want to#talk to people about it especially your friends but we had multiple books on finances lying around the flat which she always said she didn't#need. And then she'd continue to complain that she didn't have enough money#god forbid you suggest something like going to a cheaper gym (or worse. The perfectly fine free uni gym!)#again. Her gym cost $60/week for most of last year until they brought in a student discount which was 'only' $45/week#the next most expensive gym chain I can find costs maybe $30/week for the highest membership level#to get what she was getting she would only need like a $20 membership#BUT to be fair she wouldn't get such strong culty vibes at any other gym#lol anyway sorry for the rant. I could keep going but apparently you can only have 30 tags and this is the last one
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sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive
#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy#been feeling weird as hell these past few months#like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days#or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day#idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this#just thinking#meposting#I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying#I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult#I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad.#whatever#I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that#dissociation#me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though#she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety#and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’#I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time#I’m so solid now#so stuck in the ruts of capitalism#fuck capitalism#I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled#sorry I love talking#and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn?#it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing#I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence.#like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5.#overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names.#can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school#bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude#I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time
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idk why I'm posting this here but it's fine because I can do whatever I want. sorry I think I'm having an enneagram type 1 moment. it's not mental illness, it's because of my enneagram type! can't help being a Gemini Enneagram Type 1
also I keep using the amulet's powers so I've been being hit with the after effects. such power deranges a man /ref
#milgran't#type 1 momence#btw as a prefacw this is not directed at anyone here. this is just. a thing. that is everywhere.#ok. anyway.#the....... Exotification of DID/OSDD-1... is always so annoying.#and like. i get it. i understand. its probably a difficult thing for many ppl to actually comprehend as a real human experience#which brings me to the main point of this Pussy-Rant (ranting in tags bc im a pussy)#i think. the main reasom its So Exotified. is. '''''''MPD''''''''#serioisky that name has done. so much fucking damage its insane. absolute wack shit#anyway yeah. like. the concept of it being Multiple People In One Body/Brain... when like... that's.. not really whats going on..#like if youre a system and that's how you understand your system to be. then power to you. i dont care do literally whatever#its just. i think CDDs would be a LOT easier for people to understand if--#--it was not looked at as the Multiple People Disorder. but instead as the Fucking Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder#idk its just annoying seein ppl (who are probably very well meaning!) talk about the disorder i experience as if its bizarre and fantastical#~look wooooowwww this is something that can happen to the brain due to The Most Unreal And Most Traumatic Events!! crazy right?~#i am going to get the Evil Alter out here so he can beat you to death.#like yeah its fucking. sad and fucked up what has to happen to develop a CDD. and that should be acknowledged.#and many systems Have had to go through experiences that a lot of ppl can only fathom as being able to happen in fiction.#but.... its just so isolating and makes me feel Capital C Crazy 🥴#dear lord ive just been so irritable and frustrated lately... obligatory apologies.#ah. i think i suddenly figured out why this in particular triggers me so much.#god damn it it's always the fucking trauma huh!#<- spent basically all of elementary school and middle school feeling like there was a giant sign over my head that said--#--''this poor soul went through something so tragic! how awful to think that something that serious could happen to just a little kid!''#its the ''hey can you stop treating me as something helpless that needs to be fixed and just treat me like A Fucking Person'' feelings#but see this disorder is just so beautiful because in a week i may be wanting ppl to see me as a suffering freak who needs to be fixed#or hell even fucking tomorrow. who knows not me#.. ok im actually genuinely afraid talkimg about this is going to lead to her gettinf triggered out KDJSNKDJSNJD so im gonna. stop.
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Second time in about 48 hours that I have gone into the search mines to bring out a specific pride flag for my blog only to be met with either long or thoughtless posts about how x flag is the most inferior or y flag is the most superior while shitting on other flag designs. Like, I am all for making as many flags as you want — the more the merrier no monopolies here. I would just like for people to keep in mind:
Which communities (including geographical and cultural!!!) specific flags come from and why they were created.
You do not need to be represented by every single stripe for the flag to be applicable to you.
If a flag is featuring a specific identity there's probably a reason for that, I don't care if it's ugly.
Please cite sources and inspiration! Flags represent communities and usually come from community involvement and influence.
Seriously unless a flag was made purposefully to demean or alienate others it's probably fine. You don't have to use it or prefer it and you can be annoyed with it but it doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
#Apparently the polyam flag was '''''''''“officially'''''''''''' redesigned a year ago and I don't even consider polyamory to be#_inherently_ queer but I don't consider leather to be _inherently_ queer either and like the leather pride flag was like the second ever#pride flag and was used in a Pride parade across the country from where it was designed less than a month after it was revealed.#Anyways it's fine if aromantic or other polyamorous people don't feel like they have infinite love but#a) π is not infinite it is _irrational_ and it's decimal _expression_ is infinite and#b) π is literally just the Greek letter p‚ like the Greek rootword poly πολύς.#If you aren't a Black or brown person from Philadelphia then I don't really think it's your place to reject the Philly Pride flag.#Yes there has previous been a black stripe on a rainbow flag to represent AIDS. Colors can mean multiple things. The spectrum for visible#color for humans is only so broad and we are so good at coming up with meaning and nuance.#People talk about ''Queer is a slur.'' being a TERF talking point but I don't see nearly enough people talking about#''Not all intersex people want to be included in LGBTQIA+.'' as one too. I rarely ever see this coming from intersex people and I have#NEVER seen it on a post actually about intersex rights. It's always a throw-away comment when they're criticizing other queer people.#I'm agender and don't consider myself trans. It's fine if specific intersex people don't consider themselves queer. The I still belongs.#And even if it DIDN'T that would mean the Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag has MORE reason for existing not less.#If intersex people aren't inherently included in the rainbow flag then that means a flag representing the union of queer people and#intersex people has a PURPOSE and isn't redundant.#personal#...I might have used too many tags so that might not show on my blog. I forget if the limit is 14 or 20.#I just wanted to reblog pictures of the πolyamory flag and the 2017 Gilbert Baker nine-stripe rainbow flag and here I am getting annoyed#and irritated.#Ugh this is probably gonna show in search results too because I didn't censor anything.#Well while I'm pissing people off I will give my hot take that the biggest crime of the leather‚ trans‚ and lipstick lesbian pride flags is#all these dang white stripes in the center.#Other hot takes: More people need to take a leaf from the bi flag and vary their stripe widths please.#Also while it can easily be overdone‚ I like the symbols in the corner of the leather ❤‚ bear 🐾‚ and lipstick lesbian 💋 flags.#Also hot take I've posted before: the 8- or 9-stripe rainbow flags and the sunset lesbian flag can be for you even if you're ace and/or#sex repulsed. The flags aren't like... criteria for an identity. Not to bring up something horrible like the US empire but you don't have#to have lived in one of the thirteen colonies for those red and white stripes to still represent you.#I hate that the TERFs use the colors of the suffragette flag in heart emojis 💜🤍💚 and that those colors are so similar to the genderqueer#flag (a coincidence on the part of the creator of the genderqueer flag).
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god. not to be sad online. but im sad online
#um. sorry i went on a really really long rant abt my emotions in the tags. hehehoho im sad!#im just like. there's no way im getting older. i feel like i haven't changed since i was 14 and i feel so disconnected from everything#my birthday is in like 3 weeks but i keep thinking im turning 15 or 16 again and i'll be able to live my teenage years again and#do it right this time or something but no! that's not how that works! obviously!#when my best friend turned 18 she immediately started saying ''im an adult im different im older'' but like#i think about how i'll be 18 soon and im just scared and im going to be holding onto teenage years and#fantasies about them that will never happen and it's just exhausting#i know i sound like such a dramatic teenager but i AM a dramatic teenager!#i had so much shit happen to me that made me lose out on so much of being a teenager and it's like#crushing that i'll never get those years back and other peoples choices ruined my life before i had a chance to have much of one#and i've missed out on so many experiences that all my friends got and i feel such a barrier between me and other people#for that reason and i also feel a disconnect between me and literally everybody i know#and making friends is literally impossible for me anymore and i just feel like i keep losing friends and one day i'll wake up and#i won't have anyone anymore. and i find it hard to talk to people who were my best friends for awhile and i just fall deeper into this#pit of loneliness every day and there's nothing i can do so i just give up. i dunno#im so tired and im just so so lonely and done with. existing#and im also never anybody's first choice which is always annoying but#and it's just.... heartbreaking to think about how my best friend will never choose me when her other best friend is there and#how when we all hang out they're both actually mean to me and there's just nothing i can do other than text my mom and cry#and it makes me doubt how much she cares if she gets that way so easily y'know?#ugh it's all juvenile problems but they just weigh so heavily on me :/#okay enough oversharing online for the night im going to sleep now. then tomorrow i'll just#have the same thoughts and it'll only get worse
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ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever
#blaire.txt#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying#and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that#but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way#when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience#being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be#lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help#but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier#not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in#many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol)#has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere#and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things#up#and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces#its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it#its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh#and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine#clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as#not a girl so . pain!#and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and#IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR#im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or#weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help?#idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol#this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry#ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol#vent#rant#ask to tag
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