#i also should probably get rid of some of the stuff i bought when i hit 140-50lbs LOL cause i don't intend to hit that again

[roseband]

sooooo since my favorite dress will never fit me again unless i like starve myself or something (it only zips up to where the boobs are ;~; they're never going back down, i cannot lose that "weight" cause it's not "weight" it's boob)

i realized i should probably do a closet clean out to get rid of stuff that'll never fit again

like it's probably not good for me to keep clothing that is for....... 20y/o me instead of 28y/o me

[tinylittlebab]

bleh everything SUCKS

[canmargesimpson]

Spring Cleaning

I believe that Steve's mom was a bit of a control freak. I mean, she went on business trips with her own husband to make sure she wasn't cheating on him. so she clearly likes to have her own rules in her house. 

i mean she went on a trip with her husband to make sure he didn't do anything sus. So I feel like she would also be this clean freak, every spring, she would tell Steve to clean his entire bedroom and get rid of the things she didn't need. After a while, this became a bit of a habit for Steve, so, when spring arrived and the sun started shining once again, he would clean his entire room and re-organize everything.

Later, when he is about to move in with Eddie, he realizes his room is a complete disaster. So he went full on mom mode. He summoned the entire party, put on an apron that said “Mom’s kitchen!” and bought a bunch of cleaning products (most of them he knew for cleaning after a party). At first Eddie thought Steve was messing with him, but when he showed up with the kids and the offer for them to clean his room, he was left with no choice but to say yes. And so they got to work.

First they took off all of the posters, in which Eddie was very whiny about, saying that if they broke them or even wrinkle them, he was going to sue. Then went to the closet, in which Steve, Robin and Nancy took care of. Lucas took the records and boxes of music outside to organize them next to Max, who was just sunbathing. Will, Dustin and Erica took care of the books that were everywhere. Like… Everywhere. 

“Why would you leave a book in the oven?” Dustin exclaimed as he took the collection of Sunglasses After Dark books

“Cuz i had no place to leave them” he shrugged as he turned around and kept trying to keep calm at everyone touching his stuff

Mike and Eleven were in charge of collecting the plates, empty beer cans, and food which were laying around. Finally, Argyle and Jonathan were in charge of organizing what was for donations, trash, and to keep. BUT, Argyle was lucky enough to find some edibles and weed treats and they both ended up high as hell on the couch watching looney toons. They weren’t much help at the end of the day, but at least they didn’t stand in everyone’s way. After organizing the clothes from the category, they sat and tried to see which ones were appropriate to keep, which were clean, and which were… actually clothes.

“Oh I missed this shirt!” Eddie took it from robin and raised it to see the cover of a weird ass band album cover.

“Mama’s boy? Really?” steve raised a eyebrow at his boyfriend

“Hell yeah! in 1985, they opened for Joan Jett and The Blackhearts, it was a hell of a night. I got the cassette too! Hold on” he ran outside to find lucas and max laughing

“Red, Lucas, Mama’s Boy, Power and Passion” 

“Let me- god where did I leave the M…”

“Third box, right after Malice” Max said nonchalantly, leaving both boys astounded and she just smiles “just because im blind doesn't mean i can’t see anything” 

Lucas took the cassette and handed it to eddie who was quickly inside and went to the trailer and placed the cassette in the player and connected it with the speakers, and pressed play, and the music started ( lol this is the link of the album, since its not in spotify, it should tho, their music is great tho)

“Wait…” Robin called as everyone turned to her “Why do you have like… four of their shirts?”

“Well…” eddie bit his lip and looked away trying to come up with an excuse… but at this point, he had no option but to tell the truth “I MAY have… slept with the drummer, and i might have stolen them”

“You what now?” steve smiled a little confused

“It was like, 3 years ago Stevie, don’t worry, he probably doesn't remember.” he reassured

“You slept with a drummer from a famous band?”

“Well i have fucked more famoust people, Tommy McManus is a particle compered to what i have gone through” he shows off but when he turns to his boyfriend with an un amused face

“Who then?

Eddie started laughing nervously, looking around for help, but robin and nancy were trying not to laugh while Dustin and Erica were clearly enjoying this.

“Joey Tempest… from Europe…”

“You fucked a Eurpoean?”

“ i mean, he is from sweden, and his in the band called Europe, but yeah”

“Do they sing a song we may know?”

Eddie’s cheek turned bright red as Steve looked at him with such an intimidating stare, it was too pretty for Eddie to say no to.

“You know… It the final countdown, tanana, tananana, tanana, tanananananana aaa” eddie sang in a low voice, pretty embarrassed of the situation he’s in

“Oh my god” Steve rolled his eyes and groaned

“You slept with carol perkins while she was dating tommy!” 

“Don’t you dare play the carol card on me right now!”

After a long discussion over each other's sex lives, they got back to cleaning and organizing, till the sun was setting.  They all ended up on the couch, in front of the tv, discussing which movie to watch. Their options were Howard the Duck, Mary Poppins, and Lawrence of Arabia, in which they chose Mary poppins. Steve ordered a pizza for everyone, and when Wayne came back, he could help but to join the kids watching the childish movie. They eat everylast pizza piece, and they all fall asleep on the couch munched together, and it was too cute not to take a picture, so wayne grabbed Eddie’s polaroid, snapped them a picture, which ended up the first frame that was hanged in the Munson - Harrington flat.

[akehoshimystar]

Tomose SSR

Sneering Specter

Part 1

Ito: (It might be better to hang this ornament next to the garland for better balance.) (That means, with what we have right now… I need to order 10 more in total.)

Preparing the decoration for the Halloween event and having confirmed the additional purchase, I looked away from the item list.

Ito: (I'll call it a day for now and check it again in the morning when my head functions more properly.)

All of a sudden, a demon appeared from the staff room.… I met eyes with Onda-san dressed in a costume for the Halloween event.

Ito: .…..Hello. Tomose: Yeah.

I knew Onda-san would be coming tonight…. But I didn’t expect him to look like this at all. That made me raise my voice in surprise. Just as I was about to ask him why he was wearing it now of all time to masquerade my gasp.

Ito: ….Ah.

A list slipped out of my hand.

Tomose: ……..

I reached out my finger, but Onda-san picked it up before me and handed it back to me.

Ito: Thank you. Tomose: No problem. Also… I've got a message for you about an additional order. Can I speak to you now? Ito: Sure. ( ………What………………?)

Onda-san pointed to the list he picked up and leaned in a little closer to me….. At that moment… I felt an unnatural tightening in my throat. …………………It was then that I realized I was more nervous than I had expected.

Tomose: About this store on the list, it might be difficult to bring their stuff in directly. Ito: Ah, uh…. this store, right? In that case….. (Maybe… My head just couldn’t get rid of what happened the other day.)

It happened just the other day while we were on special duty. I witnessed a scene where Onda-san dislocated the joints of a suspicious person who was about to attack the person he was guarding. There wasn’t even an ounce of hesitation. Even though I knew in my head that it was an efficient way to limit the opponent's movement, it seems that an instinctual part of me was ringing the alarm.

Ito: ……That's how we’re going to do it, so please tell them there's no need to worry about that… Tomose: I see. Got it. Ito: Thank you.

Be that as it may, I somehow managed to finish the conversation without a hitch. Although it's just a brief moment of relief.

Tomose: Is there any reason why you need to be that nerve-wrecking? Ito: Eh…?

Part 2

Ito: ……Do I look that nervous? Tomose: Yeah. Over the past few or so seconds, your muscles have become gradually stiff. I could tell you’re clearly in a state of tension. Ito: ! (He can read people’s feelings from the state of their muscles? From such a distance?)

Onda-san probably had no hidden meaning behind his words. But the fact that I was so easily seen through… Not to mention his extraordinary observation skills… A feeling of even more tension and intense agitation ran through my entire body.

Ito: Your costume… is so realistic down to the last detail that it scared me a little.

Tomose: ……………My costume?

Desperate times call for a reason that couldn't be called a complete lie, but once I told him that, he gave me puzzled look.

Ito: It's probably because your horns look bigger than usual… Tomose: ……..It's quite a sophisticated design indeed. Ito: (Wait, he bought that…?)

As I secretly kneaded my chest, Onda-san touched his own costume as if to check it.

Tomose: …….. Ito: Sorry for talking like a child. Tomose: …..I've heard that all Halloween demons want is to pull some pranks. There's no need to be scared. Ito: ……..? Tomose: Moreover, if you give them candy, they'll be in a good mood and won't even play tricks on you…. Maybe. Ito: Huh?

Part 3

Tomose: They’re not the beings you should be worried about.

He said it with unchanging expression, and in a tone that made it hard to tell if he was joking or serious. For a moment I lost track of what was going on.

Ito: (But… Judging from the words "heard" and "maybe".) (Someone must have advised him to say that in a case where a child or someone scares of him. Basically, he’s just saying what he was taught…)

Even in a situation like this, he adhered to the appropriate way to deal with the situation. Not wasting any time like this is just so Onda-san.

Ito: Yeah… That kind of demon isn't scary.

The tension in my body started to ease up, and almost everything I had thought before slipped out of my mouth along with the sigh.

Tomose: Yeah. Ito: (“If you give them candy, they'll be in a good mood”, huh…..)

Looking up at Onda-san's face, whose emotions are as unreadable as ever, I realized something.

Ito: (Oh, that reminds me.)

I remembered that there was something in my pocket. So I gently picked it up with my left hand and handed it to Onda-san.

Ito: Please have some if you like. Tomose: What is this? Ito: A ghost-shaped cookie. We’re planning to hand them out at the event, I’ve just received a sample earlier. (I thought it was just the right size when I held it in my hand. But in Onda-san's palm it looked really tiny.) Tomose: Thank you.

Although Onda-san called himself "a devil who gets in a good mood when given sweets," he never smiled clearly or showed any signs of enjoying himself. Even so, my excessive tension was completely relieved.

Ito: More importantly, why are you wearing the costume right now?

I finally had time to ask the question I had missed earlier.

Tomose: I was checking my mobility in this getup so that I could move normally on the day of the event. Ito: I see… Tomose: I haven't tried all the movement patterns that need to be confirmed yet, but considering the weight, my shoulder girdle is relatively easy to move. Ito: (I had zero idea how many movement patterns there are, but it doesn't seem like his checking session will be over soon.) Which means… You’ll still be here, right? I'll be working over there for a while before I leave, so if you need anything, please let me know. Tomose: Okay. Ito: Thank you for your hard work. Tomose: Yeah. Same goes to you.

A similar interaction to when we were facing each other earlier. However, I received those words with a much calmer sentiment than before.

Ito: (I completely grasped why he was wearing the costume.) (I guess Onda-san is always rational when it comes to accomplishing his missions.)

I pondered on the fact that the warmth I felt today was definitely a "part" of that.

[gildedpanic]

Now that I have my own kitchen, I've been cooking more. I made donuts (and various other foodstuffs)!

More of this week's recipes below the cut :-)

~~Donuts~~

Dough (⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/no-yeast-homemade-donuts/#wprm-recipe-container-18314

Glaze (⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️): 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 tsp vanilla extract, 3 tbsp water. For the chocolate I added some unsweetened cocoa powder.

Notes: I used Bobs Red Mill Egg Replacer, storebrand vegan butter, and water instead of the buttermilk because I accidentally left my milk out and had to throw it away. I made my own powdered sugar by combining granulated sugar and cornstarch in a blender.

~~Bread~~

Recipe (⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://anitalianinmykitchen.com/no-yeast-bread/

Notes: I've been using this recipe for years. It's super simple and easy if you just want something quick. I've found it to be better for more savory recipes if you add in some Italian seasoning to the dry ingredients and brush it with olive oil so the crust is a little crispier. Although, my sister loves the recipe as is and often eats it with just jam/butter.

~~Chickpea Concoction~~

Main(⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://www.youtube.com/shorts/hgCPzx1u478

Flatbread (⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://www.youtube.com/shorts/RYvU-25g-Ow

Notes: I didn't have a chili or red pepper, but I added a bunch of spinach for the extra iron. I also forgot to buy turmeric last week so I had to do without that. It was obviously pretty bland at first, so I just kept adding spices/seasoning until it tasted right. This recipe came out really good, but I honestly couldn't tell you how to replicate it yourself. The base is a good start, so just follow your cooking instincts and believe in yourself? The flatbread was nothing special; used a tiny bit of maple syrup in place of the honey and it came out fine. (PS. There's rice beneath the chickpeas) (PPS. Save the aquafaba! You can do a bunch with it, including making homemade mayonnaise)

~~Seitan~~

Recipe (⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxNaThLDrsk&t=204s

Notes: Second time making this recipe. I didn't have sage but I added a tiny bit of Italian seasoning. Used sriracha instead of the sweet chili sauce and left out the garlic because I ran out. I think I accidentally added too much oil to the pan, so watch out for that. ALSO: Make super duper sure you are not cooking this too fast. I didn't add the sauce while it was in the pan because, again, way too much oil. I should honestly give this recipe 5 stars for how easy this seitan was compared to literally every other recipe. Would go well with some broccoli.

~~Bannocks~~

Recipe (⭐️⭐️⭐️):https://www.scotchandscones.com/scottish-bannocks/

Notes: Really good use of oats if you're someone (like me) who hates the texture of oatmeal. Only blended the oats 3/4 of the way so there were still some full bits. Added ~0.5 scoop of vanilla protein powder and used vegan butter. The chocolate topping is just peanut butter mixed with a bit of cocoa powder. I baked it for a little longer than the recipe said to. Pretty good, but next time I would probably add some more stuff like cinnamon/maple syrup/apples/etc. Also you could definitely add some vital wheat gluten in there if you are looking to get better macros as the baking powder should get rid of any strange taste.

~~Microwave Red Beans and Rice~~

Recipe (⭐️⭐️⭐️): Rice, canned red beans, canned diced tomatoes, and a buttload of cajun seasoning.

Notes: When my mom went away to college she complained about missing my grandma's red beans and rice, so my grandpa bought her a dozen cans of kidney beans to eat raw out of the can. This is a half-step up from that. It takes like three minutes. It’s just some cooked rice out of the fridge, add ~1/4 can tomatoes + ~1/2 can beans, microwave for 1.5 minutes, and dump in the seasoning.

~~Crab Sushi~~

Recipe(⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XiN-QyUWt8c

Notes: Okay, I know it looks gross. But! This crab salad is very very good. I've made it 3 times now (or 4? When I made it the second time my mom ended up eating all the crab salad before I could roll it up and I had to make a whole new batch). My sisters like it even though they hate sushi. My dad likes it even though he dislikes veganism. When I made it this week I didn't even have any cucumber or avocado but it still tasted /okay/. I would recommend julienning some carrots if you have any extra, but that's just because I like my maki to have some crunch. Also, if you make a lot of sushi please make your life easier and pick up some Mizkan Sushi Seasoning.

~~"Arepas"~~

Recipe: 2 parts corn meal/flour, 1 part AP flour, some salt and oil/butter. Pour in warm water until it forms a dough, then fill with some beans and mozzarella and fry.

Notes: Please no one get mad at me for calling them arepas. Good with avocado if you have it.

~~Macaroni and Seitan Nougats~~

Macaroni(⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://theeburgerdude.com/vegan-instant-mac-cheese/#recipe

Seitan(⭐️): https://www.sixvegansisters.com/2018/08/24/seitan-fried-chicken/

Notes: The mac was super easy, and TheeBurgerDude has never led me astray so I suspect the recipe would be at least four stars if I wasn't missing literally half the ingredients. I didn't have mushroom seasoning, lactic acid, or msg, but I added some extra salt and nooch yeast. I also still didn't have milk so I mixed flour and cornstarch with water and used that for both the mac and nougats, along with some extra butter. The seitan was pretty gross, but I think that was mostly my fault. From what I can tell, I may not have kneaded the dough for long enough, my chicken broth:water ratio was off, I simmered the seitan at too high of a heat, and I fried it too quickly. Glad I only made a half batch. Maybe would have tasted better with a thick layer of breadcrumbs?

~~Seitan Nougats 2: Electric Boogaloo~~

Recipe(⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️): https://www.stephsunshine.com/vegan-life/crispy-fried-tofu/

Notes: I've used this recipe a ton and it works well with regular and lentil burmese tofu. I usually add some extra spices to it, but this time I only added some paprika to get it kinda similar to what the original seitan recipe called for. I used the leftover seitan dough from the previous recipe (boiled, but not yet fried) and pressed the pieces into very flat discs because the seitan puffs up while frying. It came out much better, maybe 3.5 stars. Did not pair well with the macaroni though. The end result oddly reminded me more of tempura than anything else, so it might work well with that sorta stuff? If you were making it from scratch, I would replace the chicken broth with vegetable broth. Relatively cheap and filling, though (this photo is ~$1.87, 823 kal, 46g protein, 115g carbs, 31g fat. Two servings of mac + One serving seitan)!

[laird-o-gerblins]

Through the sheer force of 27mg of methylphenidate I'm going through my hoard-drawers, which have been maturing for over a decade now.

Growing up my mum's always encouraged throwing shit away that's no longer needed, as my grandad was a grade A+ super-hoarder, he had a cabinet under the stairs full of stuff that might be useful, some day, and heavens knows what in his room (separate from my gran's room) - all I *heard* about was the money stashed in his mattress (most of which has gone towards his and my gran's care expenses bc a working class family can't have elder care and keep more than £15k *inclusive of property* (read: family homes).

So to get to the actual point of my post, I've been torn for years between "get rid of xyz, it's not useful, you don't need it," and what I'm beginning to see is probably that good old autistic/ ND attachment to inanimate objects. There are some things here that are straight up junk - training notes my weirdass old boss insisted trainees take, fuckin' plastic bags, paintbrushes that are good for nothing but I felt guilty throwing out bc my aunty bought them for me when I was twelve.

HOWEVER there's also some shit that actually brings a smile to my face (now that I'm a little older and some of that ol' non-practicing culturally catholic guilt fell away.) Like the postcards I got on a school trip to Italy, when I'd been instructed to buy some for my cousin who collects them, forgot to buy at any of the actual historical site gift-shops we were at, then panic-bought at the airport before the trip back to Scotland. There's also the imprints from my orthodontics work, that's actually pretty cool to look over. Spent years remembering them every few months or so and thinking, wow, there's no way I should be keeping them.

BUT THEY'VE MADE MY DAY! I get to look back at my old teeth from before the braces and a million extractions, when I was a kid who felt out of place and didn't know why because I've never really heard of being trans never mind not being a boy *or* a girl, and my being out of step socially isn't that big of a deal in a small country school, and my extreme distractibility and emotional outbursts are simply dealt with instead of being examined as proof of Something. But this lil kid tried their best even when they were told their best wasn't good enough, and they took their insecurities about their fucked up teeth and turned it into a fun joke, calling themself a "vampire were-rabbit," because that Wallace and Gromit" movie was stuck in their head.

I'm really glad that lil kid stuck with themself long enough to become me and I'm finishing this fucking post before my wet eyes develop into actual tears thank you and good Timezone.

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, APRIL 29, 1988 I’ve been up since 2:00 this morning and fell asleep around 7:30. Sasha, the stray cat I took in, woke me up. I was just falling asleep again at 3:00 when Andy M called. Our parents were friends for 30 years, but that ended in the 70s and I haven’t seen him since.

We talked about music and he played his keyboard for me. He’s quite good. I played a little guitar for him. He said he likes my style and was looking for a guitarist to play some songs he’d written. He also told me he was gay, too.

Tomorrow I see Nissan! I can’t wait. I really hope all goes well. She doesn’t come on till 1:30 and at 10:00 I have to see my doctor.

Later…

It’s now lunchtime and I’m at the Chinese place right next to La Baron.

I can’t wait to see Nissan. I just hope all goes well and I get some answers to some of my questions, like does she want me? I doubt it. I’m probably not good enough for her. It seems all I get is druggies or weak-minded losers. And why can’t I have anyone I’m attracted to???

Tonight I’ve got to finish recording those tapes. Also, I want to write her a copy of my songs such as My Time Has Come and Carry Me Away. I hope she likes them and doesn’t think they’re stupid.

It’s pouring out now just as they predicted it would on the news this morning. With my luck, it’ll pour when I get out of school.

I have to go back now and finish winding my perm rods.

Ok, I am back in the classroom. Miss Loretta and Diane are in here now talking so I guess I’ll write more.

Mom and Dad are visiting Goldie and Al, long-time family friends. She called me yesterday which was when she had said she was leaving but didn’t because of the rain.

I can’t wait till that house sells so I can hopefully move. When I do, they’re giving me the stuff in the house, then I’ll sell mine. Their washer and dryer will surely come in handy. I’m sick of lugging my laundry down the street.

I hope she doesn’t tell me to finish my perm rods yet because I want to write those notes of what to say to Nissan on the bus for Kevin if he ever tags along with me.

TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 1988 I finally met somebody and she’s gorgeous! She’s a PVTA bus driver. Her name is Nissan as in Nissan cars and trucks. I’ve had Nissan on my mind quite a bit.

Two Saturdays ago I took the Belmont bus up to see Dr. Donoghue, my new therapist/shrink, and the driver was this guy I’d seen quite often. He wanted to get together with me and I told him I’d prefer a woman. Then he kept questioning me about why I’m gay. You know how males are. So, near the end of the line, we passed this woman bus driver who he said was gay.

After seeing the doctor, I got the bus she drove, and oh my God! She was beautiful! I thought to myself, could she really be gay? Sure enough, she is, but she’s taken, but I think, or I should say I hope, I still stand a chance, as she says she’s having problems with her girlfriend. She’s had mostly boyfriends, though.

I rode with her last Saturday from 1:30 to 7:30 on the bus. At first, she seemed distant but then we were laughing and joking and she sang for me. She has a great voice. I sang for her, too.

She says my haircut makes me look younger and she’s gonna help me style it. She said with my hair done up nice and a little makeup and nice clothes, I’d be beautiful.

She gave me a tuna sandwich for lunch and also bought me some coffee.

This Saturday I’m going on the bus with her again. I asked her if she’d mind because if she did, I wouldn’t come back. She said I could, though.

I’m gonna bring her some of those Jerky treats she likes and make a tape of Gloria Estefan for her.

In the midst of our discussions, she told me that I have to get rid of my mean streak, and I really respect her, so I’ll try. Never would I ride a bus that long unless I’m in love. And I am, as you can see, but I wonder if she’d ever want someone like me. Maybe I’m not good enough for her.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 1988 I’ve decided to cut my hair off. It’s dead, uneven, unmanageable, and I can’t keep the ends from splitting. Also, it’s getting to be a pain in the ass and I’m sick of it. I’ve had it basically all my life. This way it’ll be easier to brush and it’ll only take two seconds to blow it dry.

MONDAY, APRIL 18, 1988 I’m now in McDonald’s taking a late lunch break as I was tied up giving this Puerto Rican a manicure. Dolores was supposed to do it but she left school early. I’m the only one in class today. Lecenia and Sonya are absent. Well, I guess for my remaining two hours I’ll study my textbook and work on the mannequins.

FRIDAY, APRIL 15, 1988 Today sure is a sucky day. It’s raining out and I didn’t go to school. I had set my alarm for 7:15 and didn’t realize it was going off for an hour and a half later. Can you believe that?! It seems so weird that I can sleep so soundly with that thing blaring for so long. What is wrong with me? How can anyone sleep so deeply?

Later…

I just had a hell of a time trying to track down Mary C’s number, which was changed. First I called all the P's in the book but no one was related to John. Then I called Shell Mini Mart looking for Doug or the number. Doug’s been gone 3 months and this guy tried to find the number in a file. No suerte. Called Dunkin Donuts and got nowhere. Called where John works. He wasn’t there and no one knew his number and the guy was gonna go to the office to get it but it was locked up and he had no key. So finally I called McDonald’s where Crystal used to work to speak to Larry. He wasn’t there but the manager said he was in the book and gave me the name of the street. He’s listed under Arthur G. He’s not home but I’ll probably have luck there.

THURSDAY, APRIL 14, 1988 I’m now on my lunch break at McDonald’s, sitting by the window on the lookout for Nervous. So far there’s no sign of him, but I really doubt he has the guts to come spying on me.

Late last night I pulled a prank on him by calling him to tell him that I needed him to take me to the emergency room because my ankle was killing me.

He asks, “Are you serious or are you just playing a joke on me?”

I tell him I’m serious and then I lay in bed with all the lights off till he came and knocked on the back door a few times. I then jumped up to peek out the bedroom window, and man was he flying to that front door, desperate for it not to be a joke. He was a complete bundle of nerves, being teased with seeing me and all that.

I dialed his number and let it ring until he got home. When he picked up and didn’t say anything, I asked if he was going to talk or not, then asked him why he was running so quickly as if his life depended on it. All he said was, “Oh, just making a move.”

Well, that sure was quite a move for the little desperate boy!

I told him it was his April Fools I owed him and that I wanted to do it before I ended our friendship which was right now. He says, as I knew he would, “I’ll be seeing you. I’ll be around.”

I couldn't care less if the bastard spies on me, and I’m sure he will cuz he has no guts to come face me personally. Hey, the guy’s desperate. After all, he hasn’t made it with anyone in 5 years because he could never get anyone but a hooker. He has no friends. His phone will never ring anymore except for his mother. If he wanted company or to go do something, he has no friends to call. He deserves what he has and that’s nothing.

All I know is I had a hell of a grand time using him and he’s a sucker for it, too. I asked him if he realized I was using him, and he said yes. As hooked on me as he is, he couldn't care less, though. If anyone else asked him to take them to the store he’d say he was too tired or that he didn’t feel like it.

In 20 minutes, I have to return to school and take a test over that I failed because of long hard words I can’t even pronounce, then I’ll bust my ass working on the mannequins. School can get boring!

Later…

When I went back to school, I learned how to give a manicure and worked on my pin curls. I took two tests and got a 92% on both of them. Not bad.

You won’t believe what a hell of a night I had ranking on Nervioso. I sent him 3 pizzas and chicken from Quickies. The delivery guy was pissed.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, 1988 I found out some baffling information about why I was put on disability. Mom says it’s cuz I could never hold a job, but social security says it’s cuz of my ear. Somebody’s lying somewhere.

Another thing is that when Ron and I went over to my parent’s house and told them we wanted to get married (God only knows why I ever considered marrying an ugly loser like he was!) they tried to convince me that if I got pregnant, I’d probably have a miscarriage or the baby would be deformed or have other problems cuz of the DES (a drug my mother took to keep from miscarrying me).

Dad was saying, “Would you want your kids to have the same problems you do?”

I just called a GYN that said that that’s pure bullshit. He said that if I really did have a chemical imbalance, it wouldn’t be because of the DES. Nor would my ear be. My parents just want me to believe I’d be an unfit mother. As if they were the greatest parents themselves!

Whether or not I really was DES-exposed, I believe I was an accident. Even Philip agrees. Larry’s 12 years older and Tammy’s 8½. People don’t normally space their kids out like that.

I’d love to view her medical records, but I’d need her permission and she’d never go for it. It seems my life has been based on too many lies. It’s not comforting to catch your own parents in lies. How can I trust them?

When Kevin’s sister Judy called the folks to bitch about my prank phone calls to her, after Kevin stupidly gave her their number, Dad told her that they were trying to get me into an institution down there and that they were paying my roommate to watch me.

I confronted Dad with this bullshit. He said nothing and ma denied it, but their silence spoke a thousand words. I believe his motivation behind that was to try to make Judy feel sorry for me so she wouldn’t prosecute, but she couldn’t have if she wanted to.

Tammy says that Ma was abused as a kid, but I don’t know too much about it. Ma does all her talking to Tammy. I’m too “mental and immature” for either of them to speak to. Whether or not she was abused herself is no excuse to be abusive.

Tammy lies just as much as Mom and Dad do. She says Mom never told her about my dispute with Jenny, which has ended our friendship, but I say that’s bullshit. There’s no other way she could find out. Whatever I tell Mom, she tells Tammy, and vice versa. In fact, I’m sure Tammy will run and call Mom to tell her what I discussed with her on the phone tonight. Only Tammy’s allowed to call. Not me. I’m too annoying.

As for the Jenny dispute, there’s not much to say there. I just got sick of her selfishness. I feel we’ve become too different over the years, too.

FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 1988 I started hairdressing school at La Baron over on State St. I have never felt better! There’s nothing like having something to get up for in the morning and believe it or not I’m having no problem getting up. Sometimes I wake up before the alarm goes off! I think I should’ve done this two years ago. I need structure and routine. It takes my mind off of other bullshit.

[the-firebird69]

I do hear what you're saying I'm going to report stuff to our people from now on this idiots don't need to say see or hear if we're doing bad or not and I follow that and he doesn't want to hear it all the time either you know he says not in this format because you're just telling everybody I did hear what he's saying so I'll be fine but it's really disgusting it's not necessary so he says with these people are pigs and animals and do it all the time the problem is that we might have to go through a little hell to get out of this and they have been pampered when we were younger and they're about to leave permanently and they get much worse when that's happening these people here some of them know they're going to die this guy next door dies all the time probably a snow clue. So my husband says that and I understand what time it is Danny says it might be only less than a year so I say this I do follow what you're saying I'm going to hang in there and I'm having trouble did I see why right now they're dying and they're pain while you're sleeping John remillard was not making too many noises and the guy next door and it was not bad but you say is in a week or less the people who move in will turn into this terrorizing jackass intentionally but we're not going to know until he's gone and people have fought and soul they have bought and sold that meaning it's going to happen it's planned it's ordained and I see the pattern and I see it approaching and it will be okay we're going to be free from these two and his clan and we're going to watch them go it would like to see my freedom and yours bro a little but it will be much better than this and I hear what you're saying it's not going to be that great but this guy is going to go and to do that a whole bunch of other people have to complain on the way out and there's no way around it that they can make it a little bit more pleasant because nobody can see you and I understand that and that's what I'm asking for so I do appreciate you helping me and he's asked ours and he wants to hear so I'm going to listen

Hera

We are working on things and what he said is true we need protection as well and we need to layer or two and we need our specialists to do that and to switch out and to train people it's a higher level specialist that they train they do it and we need some layers of protection and we need also people to be inducted into the protection system and we need more troops at the same time these are reasons they go together and when we do it for us we do it with you guys and we're going to have to do it because it's getting ridiculous no protection from hours it's more people that call in the more work we have and so we're going to that now and she's okay she had a rough time while you're sleeping was thinking some thoughts and she said it's not really bad but I was thinking would it be like and it was not good and he says I come back and I'd be just giving you a break so she's smiling saying okay jerk but I see what you're saying so she had not a pleasant time it was not good with what's happening so it's better now cuz you fell asleep you told her they're getting rid of each other so they're trying to get protection and they try and harm anybody so she felt a little better and she said our people are in a lot of trouble and she came to me and I'm helping it should be all right thanks me

Zig it takes us I know the saying we're helpful and we're helping her but she's okay she's laughing and smiling at you Zag

She's a good girl she's okay these people are really mean what you say is true it's not too far away they're going to be heinous she's saying she's willing to go through it if you are what you say is I am but I need to rest and he knows you help rest but they're making him cranky and angry and he doesn't want to hate that much for that long but it's getting better the changes here they're not huge and they hate it why does he have a new e-bike that kind of stupid thing so we have to come in here and she's right we need to stifle this stuff and he says we have to at least see if we can and when he was sleeping is a good example we know how to do that and she was freed up a little and was thinking some weird stuff but she will help with that cuz what they're saying but we're offending them off because can you find them off her she started doing that and find out they're at her and they're up in space and they're heating up some of their fleet and it sees the idiots torturing her and we went to town I mean we're going to take their fleet they have like yeah we said 10 billion that's 12 billion and they start to heat up a couple billion and they're going to try and use them all over and 1 billion started moving and start moving towards Earth and Phoenix is at a 45° angle it would not shut up to her and she knows about it but doesn't know the number and he says this was probably much larger than normal and her son got involved and helped and she said this is real world stuff it's like when the sheriff comes by him and she did chuckle a little to see it happen to you a lot and knows what you're talking about did you go a little mental and so she said it's more than just one but she did get the idea so we're going out there and we're going to stop them right now there's a fleet moving to intercept from the pseudo empire they have a fleet that's about 15 billion they would make some serious damage they don't seem to care they have a lot of problems we are moving out and into position and we are going to stop them with the pseudo empire what's going on now we have our own ships of every class and we were growing their number we are everyday this particular contingent moving that way will be interested before they leave 10% of the space area that they're from and she feels better and thanks you and she usually says weird stuff when that's happening I said I would too and she is much better protection than I do even though it doesn't seem it

hardcastle Frank Castle

It is pretty much different and I need to stop laughing but really I know what you're laughing about it's really good time but I do understand what you're saying they just don't have it and they won't but they have too much of it and I understand that they fight each other very apparently they should and it doesn't go well I do understand what you're saying I'll be okay and I do appreciate you calling it's like that the sheriff thing they start trying to make you nutty I've had enough of them and they want to hear it and stuff and I'm starting to get ready to do things more so and you thanking me and it can work that way and do a lot of people who follow that kind of thing even on this side of the fence over here and I do follow what you're saying trying to look at that that sounds interesting. And we're going to have some fun I mean this is going to be much better

Hera

Olympus

[mazamba]

Danny was still looking through the tablet by the time Sari woke up the next morning.

"Morning," she greeted with a yawn, "have you been up all night?"

I don't really sleep.

Sari took a second to peek over at the desk she'd left him on.

"I really should set up a text-to-speech reader," she mused, "I'm gonna get changed real quick."

Take your time. Not like I'm going anywhere.

She peeked back over and grabbed a USB Z on her way to the bathroom, plugging into her head to work on the code as she changed.

A minute later, Danny and Sari were finally having a proper conversation.

"How did you make this talk with my voice?" he asked, it was monotone and it kinda sounded like he was mocking Stephen Hawkins, but it worked, "Also, it's kinda creepy."

"There's a few recordings of you online," she replied as she put her pigtails back up, "so I ran the general tone through my vocal processors. Did you find what you were looking for?"

"All my friends are big shots," he summarized, "Tuck was a tech guru that cracked quantum computing, Jazz started an education reform that got rid of the CAT test, Dani traveled the world saving people and eventually became a UN ambassador, Val helped set up a new support network for poor children, and Sam ran a project that saved the rain-forest and reversed global warming... which is apparently something I should have taken her seriously about."

"And ended world hunger and eliminated billionaires," finished Sari, "married a president too. She was a pretty big deal."

"John Keller, right?"

"Yep, I never met her myself, but dad was friends with her. He says she's the reason he didn't become a money hoarding billionaire."

"She always did have a way with words."

Before Sari could reply, she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Sari? Breakfast is ready."

"Dad! Come say hi to Danny!"

"What are you doing!?"

"You should meet dad," she replied as Isaac came in, "dad, this is Danny, Danny, Dad."

"...Sari, you are aware that's a book, yes?"

"I found him in the archive project," she told him, "you know Danny Phantom?"

"The superhero?"

"Yeah, turns out he's been in the book this whole time!"

Isaac gave her a concerned look and put the back of his hand on her forehead... which was useless because she already ran hotter than a human did.

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Danny, come on, you're making me look crazy."

It was a few seconds before writing appeared on the page for the computer to read out.

"Hi?"

"Hmm, I'm assuming that's not e-ink?"

"I already checked, he froze my arm for it," she replied as she pulled a cable out and plugged it from a monitor into a slot that opened behind her ear, "check it out. You can see different energies coming from the book. Most of them match the Fentonworks files."

"Fascinating," muttered the Professor as he looked at the radiographic readings, "well, I must say it's an honor to finally meet you mister Fenton."

"Just Danny is fine. Why do you have Fentonworks stuff?"

"Oh, I bought Fentonworks years ago," he replied, "your sisters weren't too interested in keeping it up after your parents stepped down, and they wanted to make sure the patents stayed in responsible hands."

"And they trusted you?"

"Oh, heavens no! If Sam hadn't vouched for me, they'd have probably closed down instead."

"How did you know Sam?"

"She tracked me down when I was in my thirties," he recalled, "the company was doing better than I could have hoped and my bank account looked like an arcade high-score. I was having a drink of some overpriced scotch, convinced I was the king of the world, when this old woman sits next to me. She was turning a hundred in a week, but you'd never know it from looking at her."

He smiled wistfully as he sat down on Sari's chair.

"That was almost fifty years ago, now that I think about it," he realized, "anyways, she sat down and asked me what I wanted my legacy to be. Another billionaire with poor workers on food stamps? Or someone that actually made a difference. She gave me a lot to think about."

"I can't help but think that my friends did more than I did," admitted Danny, "all I did was get in fights."

"Well, give yourself some credit," scoffed Sari, "it's not like you peaked early or anything, you've been a notebook for a century and a half."

"Yeah, I guess."

Sari rolled her eyes and turned back to her dad.

"We need to speak with his family," she told him, "can you help us arrange a meeting?"

"Hmmm, I haven't exactly kept in touch, but I may be able to arrange something. Ask Bulkhead if he can come with you."

"Why Bulkhead?"

"He's a space bridge engineer, remember? He'll know more about inter-dimensional energies."

"Wait, back up, rewind," cut in Danny, "Space bridge? Is Bulkhead one of the aliens?"

"I figured you would've already looked into them," pointed out Isaac, "Sam told me you were obsessed with space."

"I wanted to be surprised!"

"Fair warning, they don't look as "alien" as you'd expect," teased Sari.

Prompt:

Danny gets trapped in a spellbook. He binds himself to whoever touches him next. The only way to release the bind is by either freeing Danny or doing so many things the book says (which the book is blank and Danny can control what is in it). Shenanigans

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Today I will pretend that I am working on my fic by nailing down my headcanons for TMA S1 clothing and outfits.

Jon

At work he is always in professional officewear, always put togther, has a sharp haircut. Rarely a full on suit but sometimes the elements of one, like a vest with no jacket. Always a tie. Gravitates toward white shirts and dark everything else because he thinks dark colours all automatically match each other (they don't). No patterns. No accessories. Always looks uncomforable in his own clothes, like they were bought for someone else. No one ever taught him how to dress himself nicely so he is doing his best approximation of what others are doing and it only mostly works (it would never occur to him that his belt and shoes should be the same colour, for example). He irons everything on laundry day but then wears clothes for multiple days in a row because he has no time/is secretly living in the archives for most of the week, so his overall look is far more rumpled than he realises.

At home (on the increasingly rare days that he isn't at the institute) he just dresses in his old uni clothes, which lean towards alt and gnc stuff. This has more to do with the fact that he cbf to upate his wardrobe (shopping is hell) and less to do with it actually reflecting how he wants to present himself now as an adult, but it's fine because he never goes anywhere. There's some skirts in there, and merch for weird indie bands that no one's ever heard of. "Somehow" he got custody of a few of Georgie's old shirts in the break up and he will wear these to sleep in because they are soft and loose and comfy on him (the air quotes are because he is in denial about being a clothing thief). He owns eyeliner that he doesn't wear anymore because he's convinced himself that he's too mature for it now. He has a jacket covered in pins for various causes that he also never wears anymore but he loves it too much to get rid of it.

Martin

Also professional, but a much softer version. Like Jon he is afflicted with desperately-need-to-look-like-I-know-what-I-am-doing-even-though-I-don't disease, and that reflects in his clothing choices. He always wears multiple layers and his clothes all trend towards being too baggy, both for trans reasons and also the dismal realities of shopping for plus size clothing on a budget (more often than not, you just have to buy whatever you can physically put on your body even if it will never look right or fit properly). His default setting is a collared shirt with a cardigan over the top, but the collar still visible. Prefers cooler colours because warm tones bring out the red in his skin and he worries about looking flustered all the time. Paints his nails sometimes when he is feeling a bit gender. His mother had his ears pierced when he was little but he never wears earrings.

His at home clothes are exactly the same as his work clothes. Martin doesn't have spare cash for extra outfits; he has to buy nicer things for work, so when something becomes too worn to get away with in the office he just wears it around the house until it's too faded and full of holes to hang onto. He will patch or darn things that he particularly likes or thinks he can get some more life out of. Taught himself how to do this by watching youtube videos and is actually pretty good at it; some of his patched clothes could almost look trendy! He probably has a handful of clothing items that are actually good because he bought them for himself as a treat, like a dress shirt in a colour that matches his eyes, and some pants with a particularly flattering waistline. He wears these things when visiting his mum because he wants to look put together but also because he usually needs some cheering up on those days.

Sasha

She's a woman trying to be taken seriously in her profession, so she dresses seriously. Lots button downs tucked into high waisted skirts, a few dresses but nothing too feminine. Nothing with hemlines above the knee or anything that shows her shoulders. Nothing too form-fitting, and she's also usually wearing mutliple layers. Subdued but nice patterns. She walks a fine line between not wanting to look like a grandma but also avoiding anything too modern (lots of old fashioned types in academia). Always considers her appearance and puts together outfits where everything matches and looks flattering. Prefers muted but warm colours, browns and oranges and yellows. Jewellery is always simple and understated, like some small gold hoops that are okay to wear every day, and maybe a necklace. Always wears her hair up off her face and natural makeup. She gets herself french manicures when she has the spare cash and feels like treating herself.

Outside of work, she has a really defined style and it's much more modern and less understated. A go-to outfit would be all fitted black clothes but dressed up with bright heels, belt and chunky earrings all in a matching colour, like an eye-catching red. Her hair is usually down and curly.

Tim

Strays a lot closer to the 'casual' side of business-casual than anyone else is comfortable with. He's received warnings for dress code violations before (none of the others ever have). Tends towards close-fitting clothing, dark slacks matched with shirts that have lots of colour and patterns (but rarely anything that clashes or veers too far away from office-appropriate). No hawaiian shirts or jeans. He used to have coloured hair and matching nails but was told it violated the dress code so he stopped doing that back in his research days. Always wears earrings and often they are 'fun', like a set of studs that look like little birds or something. Also has some rings, and a nice watch that his parents got him as a graduation present.

Outside of work, yes hawaiian shirts and jeans, and maybe he fucks around with some jewellery or makeup if he has a date or is feeling a bit gender. That would be his go-to leaving-the-house outfit. He is someone who has very distinct 'outside clothes' that look good and he will let people see him wearing, and 'inside clothes' which do not look good and no one but Danny and Sasha have ever seen him wearing. His inside clothes tend to be old mismatched workout clothes with the elastic starting to go. He will wear these all day even if he has no intention of working out.

Elias

Always impeccably tailored three-piece suits. Definitely not afraid of colour, but he would never wear anything remotely close to being described as 'flamboyant'. Prefers solid colours over prints or patterns, but definitely owns some pinstripes. Always matches his shoes to his belt. No jewellery other than the occasional wedding ring (it's always a different one and never lasts more than a few months) and a series of very expensive watches and tie pins (he must own dozens of them). Doesn't go overboard with eye imagery; restricts himself to cufflinks that have either eyes or the institute logo on them (he has several different sets because, like the watches, they are often anniversary presents and he has so many anniversaries). He will sometimes wear some subtle eyeliner because he wants to frame his eyes, but this is only for special occasions. Never looks anything less than 110% put together, and overall his aesthetic is what Jon's is trying (but failing) to be.

Outside of work, he is still always in very expensive clothes (because Peter pays for his entire wardrobe) but not suits, just the dressier side of casual. He does the annoying rich person thing where all of his clothes are tailored to fit him, so even his casual wear looks effortlessly amazing. A normal outfit for a relaxing day at home would be something like grey slacks and a black turtleneck (but in a distinctly whoreish way).

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[welkinsky]

Congrats to 100 follower ✨💖 you really deserve it. You constantly put quality content out there 🥺

As for your celebration, what about the alphabet for Kakashi? 🥰

Kakashi X Reader | A-Z Headcanon

Masterlist

A-Z Headcanon

Warning: 18+ Content

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Once you two are done and tired, he's gonna take a moment and then turn over to you to smile and adore how flushed you look. He usually kisses your forehead and then pulls you into his chest. Once you two are all calmed down. "You want to hop in the shower baby?" Still running his one hand through your hair. If you say you want to rest a bit more, he gets up to get you water and towels, or if you say yes then expect a "Round 2?" joke on your way, which wasn't actually a joke.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of their partner’s)

Your thighs! Doesn't matter if you have thick thighs or not he likes to grab them while you're on top or you two are just chilling and he is running his hand through them and they slip certain places "by accident"

In a non-sexual way, it is your hair, for sure. He likes to bury his face in them because the scent of the fresh shampoo is relaxing to him. If you change your shampoo he'll notice it right away, expect a new bottle of the same shampoo on the shelf next to your new one the next day.

C = Cuddling

Cuddling with this man is a dream! He likes to be all over you with one leg over yours and your face buried in his chest. Even if you are being the small spoon, his one leg will be over you and your head resting on one of his arm and his other arm over your shoulder pulling you closer to his chest.

Whenever you two are on a nap date, his hand is always resting on you. He becomes restless when he can't find you but calms down after finding you on the other side of the bed. Then just keeps his palm on you rather than pulling you in and waking you up.

D = Dirty Secret

This one time, you two had an idea of taking some nudes together just for fun to see whose turns out to be the better one. You both set a rule to get rid of them after the winner was announced, which never happened since you two were so turned on in the process that you two ended up doing it. You forgot it but he still has your photo with him. Shut up, it helps him on long missions.

E = Experience 

He was not a virgin, but he wasn't much experienced either. If you want to know more about this scenario find it here.

In starting he kept things vanilla, he didn't want to freak you out. But you wanted more but that was the case with you too so this one time you stole his Itcha Itcha to read what type of stuff he was into. AND YOU ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. You had to read it as fast as you can because he'd notice that it was missing.

And when you suggested something, it was a shock to him because he knows exactly how to do it but to ACTUALLY experience it and that too with YOU? The guy was in actual heaven that day.

F = Favourite Position 

It depends, he is a tease so he likes when you do all the work but just wait till he has your image of having one leg over his shoulder while he's pounding into you and you're all flustered, aaaaand the guy is pinning you down and going at it.

Or if he is IN THE MOOD he's gonna start with you on all fours and will end up having you burring your face in the pillow.

G = Goofy

Hehe he is the best type of goofy. He says the jokes with a straight face while everyone is on the floor dying. He only lets out a small laugh when you are laughing your "so-called ugly laugh" in front of others too.

But sometimes he starts laughing even before cracking the joke because it was that funny, "Oh boy, naah it's nothing" he says wiping a tear, off his one eye. You all will beg him but according to him "the moment is gone" lol he IS a tease.

H = Hair 

His hair is sooooo fluffy! And after how little he looks after them? It is almost a joke on you. You take care of your hair a lot but this guy probably washes it with body wash and still has such good quality. He always says that it is a good diet to trick you into healthy eating too. This guy never misses a chance to do that.

I = Intimacy 

Your emotional intimacy is something that is beyond this world. You both never knew that you were capable of feeling emotions so strongly.  You're hurt? He feels this burning feeling in his heart that he can't get rid of. He is having a nightmare? It breaks your heart that you cannot do anything about what he had to go through.

Not for once have you two felt any sort of negative emotions to one another but just love and CARE! You love your people but for the first time, you've felt that "care" not from the words but actions. 

For the first time, you two have felt that you don't have to do everything on your own, you can divide it and let your guard down for a moment because you know that other one will be there if something goes wrong.

J = Jack Off 

He does it normally when he is out on a mission or away from you for a while. One thought of you can turn him on in that case.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Ohohoho where should I even start? He LOVES to handcuff you because that just gives him more power over what he wants you to feel. Which is why he likes blindfold too.

As your relationship grows he likes the risk factor too so he likes to do it in a tricky place. But while making sure that your reputation doesn't get compromised at any cost.

L = Location (Favourite places to do they do)

Umm isn't it obvious? Anywhere? Literally. But he loves to bend you over the kitchen counter and take you then and there as he enters the house and finds you cooking or just having a drink or something.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He will do anything you ask for while doing it to make sure that he will be able to see that face of yours when you have just let go and you're too flustered to even care. It shows him that you are enjoying it.

Or if it is just you pleasing him and you look up to him with "puppy eyes" heh don't blame him for what is about to happen to you.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

You risking your reputation for the "risk factor". See, everyone sees you highly in the village and he loves the respect that they give you. He WILL NEVER ruin it just because he is feeling it right now and won't let you do the same too.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

It may not seem like it but he LOVES to give it to you. Actually, if this time it is more of a sensual one then he always starts with eating you only. It is his way of showing that you're his priority.

He has long fingers so umm ya. You're overstimulated most of the time. As much as he loves seeing this, he holds your hand with one while the other one is pumping in and out of you as he plays with your clit with his tongue.

He loves to hold one hand with you even while he is eating you out. Wow.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He starts with "slow as death" ones and then once you're begging to him theeen he goes fast and deep. You ARE lucky to have him honestly :')

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

You don't even have to say anything? You are looking good before you two go out? You'll be doing it before leaving the house.

It's not his fault! You look too good, it's your fault.

And sometimes these quickies turn into something more and you two end up staying home.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Risk who? That's all I'm gonna say.

S = Stamina 

He can go for a lot of rounds. But if he is just back from the mission or has been busy all day and now he is tired. Please don't push him. Not because he is a "poor guy" or something, nooooo, this idiot will get horny and do it anyway. But regret in the morning because he didn't take enough rest.

T = Toy

He bought it only when you two started experimenting so you both have handcuffs (used for you only he doesn't like to be a sub that often), a blindfold, and a vibrator for sure. This fucker likes to edge you a lot.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Heh isn't it clear already? This guy is the definition of being unfair. As you start to get a little annoyed and turn to him and catch him smirking, all that "annoyance" turns into "lust" lol you simp! But can we really blame you?

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

If you are doing it somewhere out? He'll keep shut and even cover your mouth to avoid getting caught. But if he is at home, he will grunt a lot but will let out a loud moan once he reaches his high

W = Wild Card (Just a random headcanon because I cannot think of anything starting with W)

He cooks for you in the morning. That is the only time he can make sure that you have a good healthy meal since he is not there for lunch and you make the dinner.

If he is cooking in the morning then expect your lunch prepared for you too.  *and meal prep for dinner* bro he wants to make sure that you are taking care of yourself because you work too hard okay? Shut up and have your fruits and drink some water as you read this...... Go now, sip some water.

X = X-Ray

He has a lean physique but specifically, his arms are muscular and they are getting buffer after you mention that you like buffed arms. Hehe being slick, okayyyy.

Also, he has long slim fingers, umm good for you.

But you like to draw in his hands too sometimes. Just some little things. He smiles at them as he looks at them later.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He kind of has a strong sex drive. Most of the time if it is because of the fact that he is too excited to try new things on you.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He doesn't sleep until he knows that you are sound asleep. He likes to take in the scent of your hair and just run his fingers through your hair to calm you down a bit. Do it back too, please. He loves it a lot! If you stop and start doing something else, he'll bring back your hand to his hair and make you do it for as long as you don't fall asleep. In any case, he is sleeping once you're asleep.

____________________________

Shikamaru is my favorite character but ya’ll are making me change my lane with how many posts I’ve written for Kakashi XD

Thanks For Reading and for the ask!

If you liked it you can check out the masterlist too!

[threewaysdivided]

Genuinely, this. As someone who hit major burnout last year because I also tried to double-book all my free time with chores and "adulting" while also working an under-resourced, overloaded, administratively broken job with an undermining, unsupportive boss (which thankfully is over now, but certainly played its part in contributing to the problem), not making space for rest and media is going to cook your brain.

I get the guilt thing, really, I do. A huge part of why I basically didn't touch my game console at all (or even sit down to watch TV unless a friend made me) was that I felt like I had to be maximally productive every minute of the day. It can get genuinely paralyzing, thinking about all the stuff that would be "a better use of your time" or outstanding chores/ projects. Can't sew because you really should to the ironing first, can't iron because that means setting up the board when the floors need cleaning, can't clean the floors because you need to cook and that's going to make them dirty, can't cook because you really need to water the plants first... this kind of guilt-spiral will push literally everything out, and god forbid you want to do something "unproductively fun" like game or watch TV or write your fic. It's like gas; it will expand to fill any space you let it get into.

Thing is though, decompression is important. Rest is important. Your brain needs the break.

You can't work/housework until you drop, then go to bed with a notebook and try to write fic while falling asleep. I know: I've tried it. Doing this shit completely atrophied my creative side until I ended up not being able to write anything I was happy with and spending more time being compulsively annoyed at terrible sequels to a thing I liked than thinking about my projects or the things I actually enjoyed. Don't be like me, kids!

But that's not really gonna get rid of the guilt. So here's some stuff that helped me:

It's okay if stuff doesn't always get done on time. Some of the chores need to get done eventually, but a lot of stuff can be delayed or broken down into smaller bits. Half-assed is better than no-assed. You can live with stuff not being perfect. Your laundry hamper will not summon the apocalypse. Can't clean the whole house? Fine: just take out the bins, and maybe mop the kitchen floor if it's getting gross. Can't iron? rewash the clothes that don't need it, you can wear them until then. Can't cook? It's okay to order in sometimes, or pickup go-meals from the store or have toast for dinner.

It's okay to let some stuff go for a while. I bought fabric for pants in late 2021 - I didn't sew those pants until late 2022. It's fine. Some things pick their own hour and their own season. It gets done when it gets done.

Fan-stuff is a Hobby. Don't get hung up on "output" or "engagement". This has been a big one for me too. I take ages to update my own long-fic and last year I ended up putting tonnes of pressure on myself to always be drafting, always respond to comments; being compulsively on tumblr hoping people would ask me things and then feeling like I needed to stay up 'til 2am answering them when they did. I was chasing connection because I felt miserable and ended up making that connection another thing to stress over. Not healthy. Fandom is a more collaborative hobby, but it's still a hobby - if writing or posting is stressing you out then put it down like you would any other hobby. You do not need to get a "good grade" in it.

You need to rest and take breaks for your health, so schedule it in. Make it part of whatever list system or chores roster you keep. (Also, if you have a schedule, remember to include the incidental stuff you do that your brain might be tempted to gloss over as "not work". If you're feeling this much pressure then you're probably doing a lot of routine work that you take for granted.) Here's the one I ended up sticking to my wall:

(Notice how I've got reading time actively booked in there, as well as a bunch of things that are tiny but that add up to a fair bit of time and feel good to tick off. I laminated mine so I could actually tick them off with marker and remind myself how much I'd done.)

Seriously, if you're this overbooked, block in your rest and fun time. Block in 30 minutes when you get off work where you can go "okay, I can game now, this is my game time, I don't need to do anything except game for the next 30 minutes", or some time during the week to catch a show or see a movie or read a book.

And look, you're still probably going to feel guilty about it when you first try to make change. If you've been locked into the "if you're not working on something you're wasting time" mindset, it can take a while to unlearn. That's just something you'll need to stick out until your brain gets used to the new paradigm.

You're a human being; basically an ape with higher fine motor skills and enough intelligence to give yourself anxiety. Your body needs sleep. Your brain needs to disengage. These aren't optional: they're biological requirements.

Don't punish yourself for being stressed by denying yourself the things that help you de-stress. It won't help.

And more to the point, you deserve better 💚

i literally cant remember the last time i played a video game and i've been wanting to SO BADLY LATELY but i have so little free time these days that if i don't spend the free time i have working on my fic i feel guilty bc it's still on hiatus after two months (and i keep receiving comments reminding me abt it.) HOW do u get past the guilt

[arizonaconservativegal]

It's almost as if no political movement has goals anymore, rendering them completely pointless. The left and the right are closer than you think. In fact, they are deliberately working together to create a culture war to keep us distracted. That is why neither of them will ever be successful and why it's best if people stop playing this pointless game.

I hear this a lot from people who mostly just want to justify their own apathy. I gotta push back.

Have both parties failed to do anything meaningful while one or the other of them have full control of a state or federal government? You betcha. Have they also completely failed to work across the aisle when control is divided? Damn straight. But the reason isn't that they're colluding to make things worse or keep us distracted, as you say. The reason is real simple: they just don't want to do the work.

Not because then they'd lose a critical campaign talking point and not because they have lobbyists/donors in their ear telling them not to and not because they actually think it's cool that we have all these problems. They don't want to do it because it's a lot harder to actually fix shit than you think it is.

It's a little bit like cleaning out a hoarder's house. The mess is so overwhelming that you don't even know where to start with it. Yeah, the answer is to get rid of the junk but everything looks like junk when you have a mess this big and some of it is probably not stuff you want to throw away, like the resident's family photo albums or their favorite winter coat. You have to go through it all and figure out what's worth keeping and what's not but there's so. much. stuff.

So you decide that you are going to start by just throwing away all the newspapers that have accumulated over the last 60 years because how could anyone possibly need these? But then you realize that there are newspapers in every room of the house. There are newspapers under the bed. There are newspapers in the attic. There's a fucking newspaper in the refrigerator. Every time you think you've gotten them all, you turn around and see another. You could do this for a month and never finish clearing out just the newspapers, let alone anything else.

So you say forget the newspapers. Let's just work on one room at a time. The living room seems like a good place to start. There are stacks and stacks of junk in there that you can just go through one by one. Except that when you start doing that, you realize that half the house is a fucking jenga tower and if you touch anything this stack, it's going to topple three other 10 foot stacks of stuff and quite possibly crush you underneath it.

Eventually you just get frustrated because you've been working for a week and made no discernible progress. You've thrown out a metric fuckton of junk but there was so much of it to begin with that no one can tell anything is different at all. Meanwhile, the resident of the house has been screaming and crying the entire time because they don't want you to throw away that and no, no please don't get rid of this. You're exhausted and stressed out and then on day 8 the resident gleefully announces they bought more stuff!

At a certain point, you decide it's easier to just live with the mess and one day maybe someone will burn the house down for you and you can just collect the insurance money and start over.

So yeah, sure we can look at an issue from the outside - say deficit spending - and know that the answer is to spend less money. Duh. But when you start to actually look at the federal budget, it's massive and complicated and it's all patchwork and cobbled together haphazardly so every piece of it is interconnected and you can't do anything about this program until you get rid of that program and these programs should probably just be combined but they're in two different branches of government so where are you going to put the new one? And no one really wants to be the guy who tells an entire office full of decent people that they're getting laid off because their program is a waste of time and even if you did want to do that, they're going to pitch a fit and slam you in the press who will obviously take their side and then their union is going to campaign against you and maybe cutting that program just isn't worth the effort. And this all assumes too that the people we're electing even know how to read the budget, which they do not.

Is anyone ever going to fix this whole mess? Probably not. But the people we elect are the ones who decide if we keep making the problem worse or if we put the brakes on. And once in a while you even get a candidate who's willing to knock over the jenga tower in the living room so they can at least get one part of the house back to a functional state.

[salemwritesxx]

𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾. | 𝙸𝙸

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠  |  ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [22, chubby, 194cm]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↣ rating: 18+ ↣ warnings: smut; height difference/size difference; facesitting; ass eating; modern AU; chubby, tall reader; reader’s “friends” fatshaming reader and just being absolute assholes before it gets to the spicy good stuff

part 1.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Chuckling, his hand reached out to your cheek when you leaned in; immediately returning the sweet kisses. Kei’s golden eyes fluttered open once you pulled back again, only to giggle a “What?” when you turned your head to kiss his little hand.

“Your hands are so cute… and tiny.”, you snickered yourself.

Hawks couldn’t say anything back. After all, it was true. His hands were so small compared to your own – and he adored that. Biting his lip, he tried to suppress his wide smile as best as he could when you pressed another kiss onto the back of his hand and fingers which were adorned with rings. They made his hands even more pretty.

You and Hawks had been dating exactly six months. Hence why you decided to go to the bar where it all started. This time, you didn’t mind sitting at one of the tables, because all you could focus on was this beautiful man besides you. And Keigo definitely made you feel much more comfortable and confident. Love was amazing.

Both of you were so into the moment of sharing little kisses and just having a conversation about different things in life, that you didn’t even realize a few familiar faces entering the bar. And you wished it had stayed that way the moment you heard their calling.

“Yo! It’s [Your.name]!”

“And Takami-san!”

All you could do was fake smile and greet them as well. You had heard from Keigo what one of your supposed ‘friends’ had said. The car accident remark hurt – a lot. So, in the last few months you had tried to distance yourself from your friend group. Not only because you wanted to spend as much time with your boyfriend as possible, but also because they weren’t good for you. You had known that for quite some time, however that one thing certainly was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Hawks besides you was immediately uncomfortable, but he smiled politely as well. However, when he started playing with the many rings on his fingers, you knew you had to do something. Especially when they sat down and started chatting.

“Uh, I’ll buy us something to drink, yeah?”, you tried to flee the awkward situation.

“Ah, then I’ll definitely need to make some room for more.”, was Keigo’s excuse as he hastily stood up to walk towards the bathroom.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned in front of the sink, his ring’s clacking as he washed his hands.

“Fuck. How are we gonna get rid of them? This should have been our date… Kh!”, he thought and clicked his tongue in the end.

You, who stood in front of the bar, also were thinking rapidly what you could do. If you could just tell them it was your date with Hawks.

“Argh! You are so fucking big and yet you can’t grow any balls! Idiot!”, you insulted yourself, “If I could just tell them to kindly fuck off… Damn it.”

How often had your friends stood you up? Left you alone during parties? Talked shit about you? And yet you weren’t able to tell them to go away for once.

Hawks was the first to return, however as he walked up your friends were sitting with the back facing towards him, hence they didn’t see him. Thus, they also didn’t see that he stood behind them when they talked shit again.

“I mean… model? Have you seen him? He’s fucking tiny and fragile. As if someone like him would be a model. I haven’t even seen him on any magazine anyways.”, one cackled.

“Right? And he ain’t even THAT hot. But of course stupid [Your.name] is gonna buy it, I mean, his head is as big as a melon but his brain? Nut sized!”, another laughed.

“Their height difference is fucking laughable!”

“Only their height? Fuck, you can make three little Takamis out of [Your.name]. That’s fucking hilarious. Just watching them side by side is so ridiculous. They probably don’t even fuck.”

“Ew, can you imagine [Your.name]? Ugh!”, he loudly gagged, “I’d rather shove a cactus up my ass than do-”

Just listening to that made Keigo furious. Someone who was supposed to be your friend group talking so much shit was disgusting. Hence he stepped forward and banged his hand onto the table, making them stop their cackling. If looks could have killed, all your friends would have dropped dead.

“You’re like fucking little High School girls cackling and talking shit. No wonder none of you is in a relationship, you fucking assholes.”, Hawks growled.

Before he could say any more though, you came back with a Red Bull for you and a drink for Hawks. Though, immediately, you realized something was off.

“Kei? Everything okay?”, you carefully asked once you put down the Red Bull and glass.

He wanted to just grab you and walk out. They ruined your six month anniversary date. Yes, it might be something overly cheesy and stupid, but it was important to you and him. And those fucktards ruined it all. But, he just shook his head and sat down, you had bought the beverage after all, so he was going to drink it.

“No, Baby, everything’s okay. Thanks for the drink.”

So, you sat down as well, wondering why your friends looked so bashful and uncomfortable. It only took a few minutes of you and him awkwardly sitting, no one really talking and just nipping on your drinks. Hawks had been playing with his rings absentmindedly again when he couldn’t take it anymore. Fuck the drinks, this was too much.

“[Your.name], it’s getting late. I need to go to work tomorrow, do you mind if we cut it short today and go home?”, he asked with his fake smile.

For a moment, you didn’t know if he just wanted to escape the situation or if he really wanted to go home. But, as far as you knew, he was free tomorrow and you had plans to stay over-

You needed to stop overthinking everything, thus, you just nodded.

“Of course. I’ll drive you home.”

“Thanks. Oh wait.”, he suddenly said when you had already stood up.

“Hm?”

Then, he grabbed a tissue from the table, your friends just watching, still feeling bad that they got caught talking shit. But no one could have known what was about to happen next.

Reaching out his hand, he softly wiped your face, leaving you a bit confused.

“Oh, thank you?”

Keigo just chuckled though and smiled, “No problem. Just wanted to make sure my seat’s clean for later.”

Then, he threw the tissue onto the table, flashed your friends a “fuck you” smile and glare, before grabbing your hand and walking outside. You just completely flabbergasted and a stuttering mess as you helplessly followed your small boyfriend outside.

“K-Keigo…”, you were visibly embarrassed.

Hawks know he may have gotten a little too far. Flaunting your relationship was one thing but saying that thing in public might be too much for your shy heart. So, the ride home was unusually quiet, which weighed down his heart even more. Your date was totally ruined now. He wanted to say sorry, but the silence was just… too much. Thus, he kept his mouth shut as well.

When you finally reached your apartment, you just quietly walked upstairs. You were so deep into your own thoughts you even ran against your doorframe, since you were so tall.

“Ow!”, you immediately grabbed your head. That hadn’t happened in quite some time.

It only showed how distracted you were from the scenario in the bar.

“[Your.name]? Are you okay?”, he immediately turned around and looked up.

“Ah? Yeah. No, it’s… it’s okay. Guess I was just really absentminded. Don’t mind me.”, you smiled at him, though Hawks still felt bad.

He should have just left after he caught them and not do this stupid joke in front of them.

“Okay… I’m gonna take a shower, okay?”

“Yeah.”, was all you answered and then it was an awkward quietness again.

Ah, you wondered what had happened between Hawks and your friends and what had led him to do something like that. Now, as you thought back, it was quite funny. Their faces were priceless, too. And it wasn’t even the case that you couldn’t take a joke. It was just the fact that your friends had to hear it that it was… embarrassing? Why though? Because they found out you had sex? You didn’t really know. All you knew was that, you had to cut them off as soon as possible.

After what felt like half an hour, Hawks came out of the bathroom and thus, it was your turn to shower. Once again, there weren’t any words exchanged. Until you finally joined him in bed after your own shower. Keigo had been waiting for you and the moment you laid down beside him, he turned around to face you.

“I’m sorry, [Your.name]. I know I shouldn’t have lied and done THAT an-“

“Ah no, no.”, you interrupted him and gestured a little, “It’s fine. It was a good excuse and… thinking about it now THAT was kinda funny.”, you finally snickered.

Which certainly made Kei’s heart laugh again as well.

“It was, wasn’t it?!”, he chuckled, then smiled – genuinely.

“Yes, it was a good one. Their faces were great. Sorry, too. I … get so easily flustered still. It’s still kinda new and all.”, you then admitted.

“It’s okay, I know that and still went with it. Next time I’ll only do that when we’re alone.”

“Hahaha, okay. I can live with that.”, you laughed and then finally kissed him softly.

Looking at you for a moment, he didn’t know if he should even say something, but then again…

“You know, I caught them talking shit again.”, resting his head on your shoulder, he slung his arm around your broad chest. His cold little feet touching your shin as he had wrapped his leg around your own. He was so tiny.

“Ah, I thought so…”, you sighed deeply, “I’ll definitely cut them off soon. It’s not like they will miss me anyways, well… maybe because then they don’t have someone who’s their idiot for everything.”

“I’m sorry they ruined our date, Babe.”, you then whispered and kissed his forehead.

“It’s okay. At least we have the rest of the evening just for us.”

“Yeah.”

Like that, you cuddled together. You didn’t mind it anymore when he grabbed onto your chub. People had done that to mock you before, but Keigo would have never done it with that intent. He just liked grabbing onto you since you were so much bigger than him, which meant he fit just perfectly tucked right under your arm. Just where he belonged.

For a while, you laid there. The quietness surrounding you wasn’t awkward anymore as you softly played with his hair and he played with your hand. It was just relaxed and soothing.

Meanwhile, it looked differently inside your mind.

“Okay, just say it.”, you kept on cheering you on.

Ever since he said THAT, you couldn’t stop thinking about it, which, inevitably, led to you thinking about actually doing what he had said. Which then meant you slowly became horny.

Your heart was hammering against your chest way too wildly when you leaned in. You felt out of breath just by thinking what you wanted to say. It was fine. You were dating. This wasn’t inappropriate and Kei had started it so…

“So…what do you think? Is your seat clean now?”

It only took a second for Hawks to realize it. Redness spreading all over his face in an instance. He always tried to be so confident and cocky, so it caught him off-guard hearing you so straight-forward for once. However, with redness also came a big smirk and his golden eyes gleaming when he looked up to meet your own [eye.color] ones.

“Looks pretty good to me.”, Kei barely whispered back while scooching closer and connecting your lips eventually.

A sweet kiss quickly becoming heated and sloppy as you grabbed his ass and pulled him on top of you. Hawks immediately moaning into your mouth as he grabbed onto the pillow. He loved getting thrown around a little, especially when you were so nice and strong and big.

Even though his cheeks were still pretty warm from blushing, it didn’t take long for him to wiggle himself out of his briefs. It certainly also helped that you hooked your fingers in and pulled them down at last.

“Hmnhh”, he mewled once you pushed him up higher, your big hand clawing at his ass and leaving marks behind.

“Turn around, Baby?”, you asked in between passionate kisses.

And his answer came promptly when he rose and bit his lip for a second.

“It’s a little embarrassing…”, yet he completely sat back up and turned around, which made you chuckle.

“Hmmm, but you did it anways.”, being the one to tease him for once was nice.

“Hahaha I sure di-ahn!”, he laughed only to interrupt himself with a soft whine when you grabbed his ass and pushed him closer against your face.

You didn’t even waste another second as you let your tongue flick against his hole. Lapping around for a moment before teasing him with the tip. Earning his cute moan immediately. Biting his own finger, he tried not to become too loud. Though as you licked over his ass with your broad tongue, a shivery moan escaped his throat just like that.

After using some spit for lubrication your tongue was back instantly to lick and flick. Your fingers holding his ass tightly left red marks behind that made Hawks moan in delight. Pushing himself even further down onto your face without really realizing it. Though you didn’t mind at all, rather you used it to push your tongue inside.

“Ngh! Ahh-“, arching his back, Keigo reached back to try and grab the headboard for support.

Your own deep moans sent vibrations through his body, making it even harder to resist the urge to just ride your face. However, with how eagerly you ate his ass, your tongue relentlessly wiggling and thrusting, it was pretty hard to move himself, thus being completely at your mercy.

“Ohh fuck- Ah! B-Baby…”, he choked out and moaned.

Pulling back a little, you went back to flicking the top of your tongue, tickling his soft hole and listening to his grumbling as he tried to sway his hips to spur you on. But, you loved to tease him. Hearing his quickened breathing and the impatient whines made your cock twitch and leak.

Though, in order to make him feel good, you soon pushed your broad tongue back against his twitching ass to lick almost slowly over his soft hole, before pushing your wet muscle back inside. His delightful hiss and the shivering of his body told you everything you needed to know.

His golden eyes were closed and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth. Another suppressed moan finding its way out of his mouth. Messy blonde strands of hair fell into his face, before he threw his head back when you, unexpectedly, reached around his thigh and touched his leaking cock. Your big hand wrapping around it was almost too much as he tried to thrust into it, simultaneously also rubbing his ass against your face more, thus feeling your tongue even more intensely.

“Ahn Ah! [Your.name] agh-“

However, when he softly pushed your hand away, you were a little surprised. Though not for long when he also raised his ass and turned around a bit, his golden eyes gleaming with lust.

“I want to… cum with your cock inside.”, was all he choked out under heavy breathing.

Hence you just gulped and sheepishly grinned. Reaching for the nightstand, you grabbed the lube, Keigo’s hands already busy pulling down your pants and kissing down your cock. Only to moan loudly when your thick fingers pushed inside his soft hole. The lube making such noisy squish sounds when you thrusted inside. Your big hand groped his small ass to spread his cheeks while you kept fingering him.

Your own deep groans and moans as he licked over your shaft and sucked on your cockhead got him even more excited. Thus, after a few moments of being stretched, he sat back up again so you pulled your fingers out. Simply watching as he moved and hovered over your cock.

“Kei-“, you choked out his name and instinctively grabbed his hips, once again realizing just how small he was. Your fingertips almost touched, he was such a fragile thing compared to you.

Though, despite being so small, Hawks grabbed your fat cock and slowly pushed down. The tip alone made him hiss, before a breathy moan followed. Once he sat in your lap, your dick buried snug in his ass, he leaned back, your hands giving him support and he held himself up as well.

“AHhh!”, one thrust was enough to make him moan in delight, hence with a quickened heartbeat, you started moving.

Easily holding him in place as you started shoving your cock inside his tight ass. Kei’s arms visibly shaking and his head thrown back.

“Ahh- [Your.name]- Mhn! Ah!”, though it didn’t take long for you to push him up completely, his hole gaping and twitching, before throwing him onto his belly.

“AHnn, so rough.”, he purred as he presented his ass instantly. Once again - he just loved getting thrown around a little.

But not being able to think about it much longer, you had already pushed your cock back inside, making him moan in bliss and his hands instantly clawing at the sheets. Your own hands had grabbed his hips again, thus being able to thrust in as deeply as possible.

If it were possible, you might have thought you could see little hearts floating around Keigo’s head with how much he enjoyed himself. His moaning loud and not holding back as you drilled your cock into his tight hole.

Burying his red face into the pillow, he didn’t even try to hold back his moans. Just loving the way you blew his back out, making him so soar that he couldn’t even sit tomorrow morning. His delicate body shaking so much as waves of pure lust swept through him. His small cock bouncing with every thrust, the sheets dirtied with precum and sweat.

“[Your.name]!”, he moaned out your name.

Twisting his body lightly, he looked back and reached out his hand, instantly meeting your own as you grabbed and squeezed it.

“C-Come here…”, Keigo stuttered under heavy breathing.

“B-But… I’m gonna squish you.”, you groaned back, not wanting to lay on top of him with your heavy, chubby body. He was so tiny…

“Don’t ca-Ah! [Your.name]… please…”, was the last thing he whined and how could you say no?

“Fine…”, you let go of his hand and hovered over him before lowering your body onto his, “But tell me when it’s too uncomfortable.”

Though Keigo didn’t care anymore as your heavy body pushed him more into the mattress, a mere moaned “Uhgn!” all he could do. And then, you started thrusting again. He simply loved having your body on top of his, feeling your weight push him down.

Since you were already in the perfect spot, you just lowered your head to kiss along the nape of his neck. His soft little mewls as you nibbled on his skin spurring you on more. Your skin slapping against his as your hips moved as much as they could.

“Ah ahh B-Baby, I’m… Nghh!”, he tried to warn you as you kept fucking him mercilessly.

Your hips only stopping for a few seconds here and there, before you were back to shoving your cock inside, earning Keigo’s loud moan. His ass was tightening around your dick more and more as he approached his orgasm. Hawks’ insides were fluttering as you didn’t stop thrusting into his hole.

“Oh fuck- Kei-go…”, you choked out his name as your arms wrapped around his small body. Your hips moving on their own as you vigorously moved. Hips smacking against his ass uncontrollably.

Both of you moaning as you approached your orgasms. Hawks the first who surrendered to the pleasure. A loud, blissful moan escaping his throat and his body shaking underneath you. Cumming onto the sheets while he pulled you with him. Your own body shivering as you hugged him tightly and drilled your cock into his ass one last time before cumming. Filling his sloppy hole with your cum as he just happily mewled and moaned.

For a moment, you stayed like that; gasping for breath and shaking. Hawks groaning, a crooked happy smile on his lips and looking like he was on cloud nine, babbling nonsense. After a while, you slowly sat back up and pulled out. The soft squish sound and the cum flowing out immediately was sending another blissful jolt down south to your cock.

“Hmm, you look even more pretty like that, Baby.”, you chuckled and softly smacked his ass.

Hawks just giggled as well and pulled you down and besides him.

“I love you.”, he whispered before kissing you.

Happily returning the sweet gesture, you buried your hand in his hair, listening to his soft happy hums as you massaged his scalp. Your heart was thumping so much in your chest, wondering how you seriously deserved someone like him.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”, he chuckled as his head fell back into the pillow, his beautiful eyes filled with so much love as he looked at you.

“Just… for not giving up six months ago. I was really- just an asshole to you because of my own insecurities and… when I think about what might have happened if you didn’t try again, I would still be miserable right now. So just.. thank you. I love you.”

Biting his lip to try and hide his stupid happy smile, it, however, didn’t really help much. Hence he leaned in to kiss you once more. Which then ended in your mouths being tangled yet again as you pushed him more into the mattress.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: here’s part two! it took almost a month wtf well here it is!

[nightingaelic]

Companions reacting to the couriers birthday

Thanks for the lighthearted one, anon, lately I've been getting some super plot-heavy, game mechanics-heavy or just plain heavy requests, so a birthday is just what the doctor ordered 🎂 Also a happy birthday to @profess0rjam!

The courier had been acting a little strange. They slept in for once, something that had hardly happened since the mess at the dam. They seemed like they weren't paying attention to anything around them, even though Freeside was in rare form that day with caravan traders, pickpockets and children hunting rats all over the place. It wasn't until the courier tripped over a crate of barrel cactus fruit outside a farmer's trading stand and had to apologize by buying all of the bruised produce that their companion finally turned a questioning eye on them.

The courier looked down at the armful of fruit they had acquired and sighed. "Remember when we went through Primm last month? I stopped in at the Mojave Express branch there, and Johnson told me he got those records in from the Hub. Most of it was stuff I already knew- height, weight, eye color, hair color, shoe size for some reason... but they also had my birth date. It's today."

Arcade Gannon: "Whoa." Arcade straightened his glasses. "Uh... happy birthday. How do you feel?"

The courier looked from side to side and shrugged. "I don't know. I don't feel any different. Is that normal?"

"Um... yeah?" Arcade chuckled nervously. "I mean, you know you're a year older, but it's not like a switch gets turned on or off. You were still getting older even when you didn't know when your birthday was, Six."

"Yeah, but now it's... marked," the courier replied, wrinkling their nose. "Like when Mr. New Vegas talks about me on the radio. I feel weirder about his news bulletins than I do while I'm actually out doing the things he reports on."

"Well, you're alone on that one, Six," Arcade said with a hint of jealousy in his voice. "Not everyone can attract that DJ's attention the way you do. Then again, if I ever wind up on the radio, it probably won't be good news for me."

He patted the courier on the shoulder reassuringly. "Come on. Let's get rid of the cacti fruit and head to the Atomic Wrangler to celebrate. I'll buy you a drink."

Craig Boone: "Did their records tell you anything else?" Boone asked.

"Uh... no," the courier replied. "Well, a couple of things, actually. They kept track of most of my trips when they first hired me. I've been all over the place, apparently: Circle Junction, Fort Abandon, around the Big Circle a few times, even Utah. They also wrote down that I refused to tell them where I came from, so no new info there."

"Mmm-hm." Boone frowned. "It's a start, for sure. Maybe you can retrace your steps, someday."

"Yeah." The courier picked a piece of fruit and held it up, inspecting its color. "We should do something fun tonight. Celebrate."

Boone cracked a rare smile. "For your birthday? Sure."

"Want to go see a show at the Tops with me? I think the Lonesome Drifter is playing the Aces again. Maybe we can catch him after for a drink, ask him about his travels."

Boone moved to accept a few of the cactus fruit and lighten their load. "Sounds good to me."

Lily Bowen: "Well isn't that just grand," Lily said with a smile. "How old are you turning, dearie?"

The courier made a face and giggled. "How old are you, Lily?"

"A lady never reveals her age," Lily answered primly. "Point taken, pumpkin. You should walk that fruit home to the icebox while Grandma gets going on her shopping list."

"Shopping list?"

Lily nodded. "Of course. Flour, eggs, butter, sugar, and a few other things."

The courier gave her a sly look. "What are you up to, Lily?"

"It's your birthday, dearie!" Lily replied, seizing them and the fruit they were carrying in a hug. "We have to bake a cake!"

Raul Alfonso Tejada: Raul grinned. "Feliz cumpleaños, Six. Happy birthday."

The courier looked back at him with frustrated helplessness in their eyes. "What am I supposed to do with that information? What do people do for their birthdays?"

"Well, it's a bit different now than it used to be," Raul answered, scratching his bald head. "But back in my day, we threw a little party if we had the time and money. Some years were better than others, and some were bigger milestones. In my experience, once you got past 18 there wasn't much left to celebrate except staying alive for another year. Or if you were en los Estados Unidos, 21."

"Okay." The courier nodded, then kept nodding. "Okay. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sí."

They dumped the armful of fruit into his hands. "Take those to the Old Mormon Fort and pass them out to anyone who looks hungry. I need to track down some friends and see what they're doing tonight."

Rose of Sharon Cassidy: "It's your birthday?!?" Cass was positively beaming. "Well shit, Six. Could've told me sooner, and I'd have planned some kind of surprise."

"Eh-heh." The courier looked sheepish. "That's what I was afraid of."

"What?" Cass put her hands on her hips. "I didn't think my surprises were that bad."

"No, no, it's not that," the courier reassured her. "It's me. You know what I do, what I've been up to. I wasn't sure I'd... I have a lot of enemies, Cass!"

"Ohhhhh, I get it." Cass threw an arm around their shoulder and steered them through the Freeside marketplace. "You weren't sure you'd make it to today, so you didn't say anything. Gotcha."

"And I'd feel like crap if I told you my birthday was coming up, and then I bit the dust after you'd already bought me a present or something," the courier added.

"Pffft." Cass waved their concerns away. "I'd just give that present to myself, then. Don't let the ones gunning for you dictate how you live your life, Six. Now come on, let's pick out something new and shiny for your gun cabinet up in the Lucky 38. My treat."

Veronica Santangelo: "Six!" Veronica squealed and did a little dance. "Happy birthday! Oh my goodness, there's so much to do, we need to round everybody up, we need to go book a table at the Gourmand, we need to-"

She stopped when she caught the courier biting their lip. "Orrrr we could not do any of that. Whatever you like, it's your birthday."

"Can we just... I don't know." The courier shuffled their feet in the dust. "My life has been kind of crazy lately, and the people on the Strip won't leave me alone if I show my face in one of the casinos. I went up to the cocktail lounge in the Lucky 38 last night and pushed some tables together. I think we can fit everyone, even if the Securitrons will have to squeeze around us to serve drinks."

Veronica's smile returned. "Okay. Yeah, that'll work. But I don't know what kind of food House has in his pantry, nowadays."

The courier answered by holding the cactus fruit up. "This'll help."

"That's not nearly enough." Veronica looked around the marketplace. "Stay put. I'm going to go find some of those kids chasing rats. They'll probably help us carry some groceries back to the Lucky 38 for a few caps."

ED-E: The courier's eyebot bobbed and beeped quizzically, as if unfamiliar with the term.

"Um, how do I..." The courier wracked their brains. "Today is the anniversary of my... creation. My assembly."

ED-E blipped a few times in quick succession, surprised.

"No, no, that's not- no." The courier shook their head. "How do you know what that is, but not understand what a birthday is? Today is the day I came out of my mom, ED-E."

The eyebot blatted understanding and disgust, as if displeased with the mechanics of biology. The courier laughed. "Well, that's what it is. Yes, I know, humans are strange, and no, I don't know why it's important. It just is. Come on, let's go hand these out to those kids we saw earlier."

Rex: Rex cocked his head to the side, tongue lolling happily. A cactus fruit escaped the courier's arms and fell to the ground, but the cyberdog gently picked it up again and offered it to his companion.

The courier smiled down at him. "Thanks, Rex. Let's go see if the King has any more refugees in need of a meal."