#i also make genders related to mental illness so i understand if that makes you uncomfortable

[stalkerofthegods]

Lord Dionysus/Bacchus deep dive

Lord Dionysus is an eccentric god, He is an understanding god, I adore him as a researcher and as someone in the community with schizophrenia and mental illness, he is kind far beyond words, he is not only a wine god but also the god of freedom and ecstasy, may we all respect him and may his devotees and worshipers speak of his good deeds and yell in his honor of goodness.

Signs he's reaching out • smelling wine all of a sudden, craving wine, You feel a twinge of madness, dreams with his attributes with him, seeing references of him everywhere

Herbs •psalakanthos plant, Grapes and their vines, Figs, Bay laurel, Barley, Pine, Pomegranate, Fennel, apples, berries, weed, Silver Fir, Bindweed, poppy, wheat and hops leafs, wildflowers, pine cones, Apple seeds, Blazing star. I think he would like Cinnamon, mint, feverfew (happiness), Pepper, basil, chives, horseradish (courage), orange, lemongrass, marjoram (insight), vanilla, sorrel, cinnamon (love) 

Animals• Oxen and wild animals, asses, Leopards, Panther, Cheetah, serpents, rams,  dolphins, tigers, lynx, panthers, goats, bats, griffons, bulls , foxes, deers/fawns

Colors •purple, green, gold, Red, Black, White.

Patron of• fruit and intoxitation, Parties, Festivities, Banquets, Drinking, Bacchic Revelry, Madness, Bacchic Frenzy, Insanity, Hallucination, Homosexuality, Effeminacy, Cross-dressing, Forest Wilderness, Wild vegetation, Predatory big cats, Reincarnation, The path to Elysium, Comedy and Tragedy Plays, Playwrites, Actors, bartenders, the arts, non-binary people, divination, witchcraft, oracles

Curses• violence, and sickness, Destructive insanity, madness

Blessings• pleasure and fun, Religious frenzy (in the orgiastic cults), Ecstasy, Afterlife in Elysium (paradise), getting a bigger friend group, charismatic going up, getting a romantic partner.

Diety of• wine-making, orchards, fruit, vegetation, fertility, festivity, insanity, ritual madness, religious ecstasy, theatre, partying, Epiphany, weddings, death, sacrifice, sexuality, dancing, immortality, and reincarnation, uninhibited freedom, as well as the subversion of the powerful, ecstasy, and abandon, swamps and marshes.

Crystals• Amethyst, grape agate, Garnet, Ruby, deep red stones, tiger eye, serpentine, leopard jasper, amber, green opal or jade, carnelian, rose quartz (someone had it on their alter for him, so I added it here.), bloodstone, sugilite, purple fluorite, ametrine lepidolite

Mortal or immortal • immortal

Zodiac • Taruas 

Vows/omans• none 

Number• 7 

Morals• he is morally ambiguous

Married to• Ariadne 

Past lovers• Althaia, Ampelos, Aphrodite, Erigone, Kronois, Pallene, Physokoa, Polymnos.

What he favors in devotees• free-spirited, out-of-the-norm, wild lifestyle, gender fluid, transgender, nonbinary people. People are restricted wanting to become free. 

Personality• He brings joy, ecstasy, and merriment, but also delivers "brutal and blinding rage”, he's a very chill guy, many say he is sassy. I met him once, and he respects people's boundaries.

Home• Mount Olympus 

Equivalents/most resemblance • Osiris, Hades, Sabazios, Yahweh, Bacchus, Liber, Tammuz, Orotalt, Fufluns, Acan, Jesus.

Epithets• Acratophorus, Ἀκρατοφό.ρος “giver of unmixed wine at Phigaleia in arcadia, Acroreites at Sicyon Adoneus a Latinised form of Adonis and is also used as an epithet for Bacchus, AegobolusΑἰγοβόλος "goat-shooter" at Potniae in Boeoria, Aesymnetes Αἰσυμνήτης “ruler" or "lord" at Aroë and Patrae in Achaea, Agrios Ἄγριος "wild", in Macedonia, Androgynos Ἀνδρόγυνος ”Androgynous” specifically in intercourse referring to the god taking both an active male and a passive female role, Anthroporraistes, Ἀνθρ��πορραίστης “man-destroyer" a title of Dionysus at Tenedos, Bassareus, Βασσαρεύς "fox-skin", which item was worn by his cultists in their mysteries. Bougenes, Βουγενής or Βοηγενής “borne by a cow", in the Mysteries of Lerna,

Braetes, Βραίτης "related to beer" at Thrace, Briseus Βρῑσεύς "he who prevails" in Smyrna, Bromios Βρόμιος "roaring” and "roar of thunder" refering to the wind amd primarily relating to the central death/resurrection element of his myths and also the god's transformations into lion and bull and  of those who drink alcohol and refers to Dionysus' father, Zeus "the thunderer", Choiropsalasχοιροψάλας “pig-plucker" Greek χοῖρος = "pig"(which was  used as a slang term for the female genitalia as A reference to Dionysus's role as a fertility deity), Chthonios Χθόνιος “the subterranean”, Cistophorus Κιστοφόρος "basket-bearer and ivy-bearer" because baskets are sacred to the Dionysus,Dimetor Διμήτωρ "twice-born" which Refers to Dionysus's two births, Dendrites Δενδρίτης "he of the trees" as a fertility god, Dithyrambos Διθύραμβος used at his festivals referring to his premature birth, Eleutherios Ἐλευθέριος “the liberator" also a epithet shared with Eros, Endendros ("he in the tree"), Enorches "with balls" with reference to his fertility, or "in the testicles" in reference to Zeus' sewing the baby Dionysus "into his thigh" which means his testicles used in Samos and Lesbos, Eridromos"good-running" in Nonnus' Dionysiaca, Erikryptos Ἐρίκρυπτος "completely hidden" in Macedonia, Euaster Εὐαστήρ from the cry "euae",  Euius (Euios), from the cry "euae" in lyric passages, and in Euripides’ play “the bacche, Lacchus Lακχος a possible epithet which is associated with the Elusinian Mysteries, The name "Iacchus" may come from the Ιακχος (Iakchos) whicj is a hymn sung in honor of Dionysus.

Indoletes, Ἰνδολέτης, meaning slayer/killer of Indians Due to his campaign against the Indians, Isodaetes, Ισοδαίτης, meaning "he who distributes equal portions", cult epithet which is also shared with Helios, Kemilius, Κεμήλιος and kemas: "young deer, pricket",

Liknites "he of the winnowing fan", as a fertility god connected with mystery religions ( a winnowing fan was used to separate the chaff from the grain.)

Palazzo Massimo, Rome, Lenaius, Ληναῖος "god of the wine-press", Lyaeus, or Lyaios Λυαῖος, "deliverer” and "loosener") which refers to him as who releases from care and anxiety, 

Lysius, Λύσιος "delivering, releasing" At Thebes there was a temple of Dionysus Lysius, MelanaigisΜελάναιγις "of the black goatskin" at the Apaturia festival, 

Morychus Μόρυχος “smeared" in Sicily, because his icon was smeared with wine less at the vintage, Mystes Μύστης "of the mysteries" at Tegea in Arcadia, Nysian Nύσιος according to Philostatus he was called like this by the Ancient indians  Most probably, because according to legend he founded the city of Nysa, Oeneus, Οἰνεύς "wine-dark" as god of the wine press, Omadios “flesh-eater", Eusebius writes in Preparation for the gospel that Euelpis of Carystus states that in Chios and Tendos they did a human sacrifice to Dionysus Omadios, 

Phallen , (Φαλλήν) (probably "related to the phallus” at Lesbos, Phleus "related to the bloοm of a plant", Peudanor Ψευδάνωρ "false man" referring to his feminine qualities in Macedonia,

Pericionius, Περικιόνιος "climbing the column (ivy)" a name of Dionysus at Thebes, Semeleios or Semeleius or Semeleus an obscure epithet meaning 'He of the Earth' and 'son of Semele' Also “Son of Semele, Iakchus, wealth-giver”, 

Skyllitas, Σκυλλίτας “related to the vine-branch" at Kos, Sykites, Συκίτης "related to figs" at Laconia,Taurophagus, Ταυροφάγος “bull eating", Tauros Ταῦρος “a bull", Theoinus, Θέοινος wine-god of a festival in Attica, Τhyiοn, Θυίων "from the festival of Dionysus 'Thyia' (Θυῐα) at Elis", Thyllophorus, Θυλλοφόρος "bearing leaves" at Kos, Dionysus and Zeus absorbs the role of Sabazios (a Thracian/Phrygian deity)

Facts• Dionysus was the last god to enter Olympus, When Dionysus had grown up lady Hera made him into a state of madness so he wandered through many countries of the earth, He was a student of the famous centaur Chiron who taught him how to dance, The common names Dennis and Denise are said to be derived from Dionysus. he hated the sight of an owl

Roots• Ancient Greece, Greek mythology, Mount Pramnos on Ikaria

Offerings • Honey, Meat, Alcohol (especially wine), Fruit, Cakes, Poetry, Songs, Spices (ex- cinnamon), Blood or liquids resembling blood, He thinks those "wine mom" signs that you get in cheap gift shops are hilarious, Grape juice, Intoxicants, Grapes, Olive oil, Apples, Figs, Eggs, Goblets, Curved daggers, Bull horns, Snake skin, Leopard or tiger print objects, Purple candles, Theatre masks, Sexual toys, Percussion instruments, Wine bottles, Fake/toy grapes, Leaves or curls from grapevines, Pine needles, Pinecones, Apple seeds, Bindweed, Wildflowers, Toys photos or art of any big cats, snakes, Hymns, Songs you’ve written, Any art that you create, Any stories that you create, Art, pictures of the comedy, Wine corks, Wine labels, Toy or miniature drums, milk, water from the sea (he has a strong connection with the sea), Decorative beads, party beads, flashy jewelry, Wine glasses, Shot glasses, Corkscrews, Sparkling cider, Grape flavored things, Cheese, hallucinogens, Nips (small alcohol bottles), Bottle opener, Beer/soda tabs, Alcohol bottles with cool labels, Costumes, NatureFig/fig newtonsBull imagery, Donkey imagery, Bones, Antlers, Dead/preserved animals, Hiking gear, Seeds, Concert/festival tickets, Locks of hair, Shaven beard hair, Pride swag, ravagant clothes/clothes that make you feel good, soup (you know , you know.)

Devotional • learn about sacred sex, shamanic journeying, responsible entheogen use, and alcohol as a sacrament, read “The Secret History” book, Make a playlist for Him, Dance and sing to your favorite songs or songs you’d think He would like, Throw a feast in His honor, Remembering to take your medication and taking care of your mental health, Support/donate to your local theatre in His name, Be a part of the theatre, Stand up for those that are marginalized, Write stories/plays for Him, Invite Him to watch plays or movies with you (especially comedies or tragedies), Throw parties or attend them, Attend festivals, Attend a wine tasting, Go on wine tours, Attend parades, Masturbate or partake in sexual acts for Him (if you’re comfortable doing so And over 18), Drink alcohol or grape juice, Smoke po, Learn about winemaking, Support local vineyards, Wear wreaths made from ivy, Wear faux leopard or tiger print, Wear the color purple, Pray to Him for things while intoxicated/high, Visit your local winery and participate in a grape-stomp, do some Homebrewing in his honor, Grow a garden in his honor, Make your own ritual tools in his honor, Collect art, do Glamourbombs in his honor, Pretend to be somebody else in his honor, go out to a club in his honor, listen to music in his honor, read in his his mythos, write things for a ritual and write a prayer for him, eat some grapes or have some grape juice or sparkling grape juice (or wine if able and of age), listen to party music, read plays, watch musicals or plays (ex- high school musical, Hamilton), listen to musical soundtracks, learn about the history of theatre, learn about viticulture and vineyards, do things that bring you pleasure, listen to party soundscapes, watch documentaries about any of his sacred animals, Trip intentionally/spiritually, Learn about substance abuse/recovery, Destigamtize drug users, Learn about harm reduction, Make home videos, Write poetry, Act, Dress up, Go to the woods, Dance/sing in the woods, Meditate in the woods, Learn wilderness safety and first aid, Learn what to do when encountering a wild animal, Go off the beaten path, Explore new areas, Pick up litter, Forage, Recycle bottles, Grow fruit, Try new fruits, Have sex (let the partner know beforehand it's in Diyonisus honor, 18+), Masturbate (18+), Have threesomes/swing (ask him before and make sure the other participants know it's in Dionysus's honor, 18+.), Finally, give into that one kink you’ve been ignoring (you know the one, 18+), Learn about consent with partners, Learn how to preserve dead animals, Learn about different life cycles (ex-plants, animals), Learn about immigration in your area, Learn about different cultures, Try foreign foods, Learn a new language, Learn about your ancestry, Help immigrants in your area, Grow your hair out, Keep a Manifest/Keep a manifestation journal, Use Sexual/creative energy to manifest, Shed your old self, Do Self-reflection/self-exploration, Identify areas where you overindulge (ex- food, substances, spending).

Symbols• Grapevine, ivy, phallus, Thyrsus, theatrical masks, Leopard Skin, Panther, Cheetah, the animal called asses, cymbals, swords, or serpents, rams, laurel, asphodel,  dolphins, tiger, lynx, panther, horns, goats, his chariot pulled by 2 leopards, masks in general. 

Siblings• Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite, Hebe, Hermes, Heracles, Helen of Troy, Hephaestus, Perseus, Minos, the Muses, the Graces.

His friends/gets along with• Maenads and Bacchantes and Satyrs and Sileni and Pan and Priapus

Attendees• Seilenos (God of Drunkenness), Pan (God of Shepherds & Pastures) the Satyroi and Seilenoi (spirits of Fertility & the Wild) The Bakkhantes and Mainades (Nymphe and Women revellers) Komos Satyriskos (cup-bearer)

Appearance in astral or gen• Dionysus often took on a bestial shape and was associated with various animals, often wearing an Ivy wreath, the thyrsus, and the kantharos (a large two-handled goblet) In early Greek art he has represented as a mature male, bearded and robed holding a fennel staff tipped with a pine-cone, but later on he was portrayed as youthful sensuous, naked or semi-naked androgynous youth and effeminate with brown hair and pale features, often holding grapes and drinking wine.

Parentage•  Zeus and Semele, some sources also say Zeus and Demeter, some say Zeus and Persephone, but he always sends up with Persephone as a foster mother or as a biological mother, but before his reincarnation, his parents were Ammon and Amalthea.

Pet• leopards

Children • Priapus, Hymen, Thaos, Staphylus, Ononpion, Cumus, Phthonus, the Graces and Deianira, Seilenos, Pan, Satyroi & Seilenoi, Bakkhantes & Mainades, Komodo’s

season and festivles• Diyonosus festivals were bacchanalia, Dionysia, Anthesteria, Dionysian, Lenaia, Panathenaia,  his season was spring and March and April

Day• 11th to the 13th of the month of Anthesterion, around the time of the January or February full moon.

Sacred places• Boitia in Greece, naxos Greek, island Edina in western Thrake, his holiest shrine was Mt kithairon (Nysa) in Boiotia Greece, he also declared war on India. A sacred place is the theatre.

Status• Greek god in the major theoi, and an agriculture Demi God. 

Pet peeves• Uderestemating him, he probably won't like it if you ignore him

Music• Disco, show tunes, psychedelic rock, acid folk, Greek folk music, EDM, classical, new wave, art pop, vaporwave, just anything you can dance and sing to.

Tarot• Temperance, fool card, three of cups, the tower, 9 of cups (based off of how people see him through their tarot cards) 

Scents/Inscene • Pine incense,  frankensince, patchouli and vanilla, nutmeg, mulled wine, storax, and Benzoin.

Prayers•

Regular prayer

Dionysos, god whose arrival is swift and certain, enduring friend of women and men whose welcome is warm, bringer of light, we see you in shadows. Dionysos, granter of great blessings, your presence is a heady wine. Kind-hearted god, to each you give as is fitting, each vessel you fill only as we can bear, and yet with even a sip, we are drunk upon you, and our faith is affirmed. Awesome god, by our own will we drink deeply, with you we become lost, we wander, we are found.

Litany to Dionysos

Dionysos of the vine, rich-tressed god of wine, potent and lusty, unmixed, undiluted, with full force you come to us, vital and robust, rich and strong and surprisingly sweet. Dionysos, I praise and honor you, I thank you for your blessings. Ivy-bearing Dionysos, god of the green, of the power of root on stone, the force of life that will make its own way in spite of all who labor to hold it back, no will or work can bind your might. I praise and honor you, I thank you for your blessings. Dionysos of the deep earth, of the dark world, of the unknown expanse beneath the black soil, beneath solid stone, of mysteries you know much, of death and of what lies beyond. God of secrets, I praise and honor you, I thank you for your blessings. Dionysos the inspiring, granter of words of prose or poesy, words heard best by the drunken and the mad, words forgotten with the passing of night and delight. Bacchus, granter of rare transport, I praise and honor you, I thank you for your blessings. Dionysos Soter, holder of the hearts of men, you free us from the cares of the world, each brilliant frenzied moment a shining jewel, each glimpse of the sacred more precious than gold. I praise and honor you, I thank you for your blessings. Kindly Dionysos, granter of good to men and women, giver of gifts to all who seek your blessing. Gracious Dionysos, accepter of offerings great and small, friend of mankind, I praise and honor you, I thank you for your blessings.

Regular Prayer to Dionysos

Dionysos, deep-hearted one who knows the souls of men and women, whose hand is ever open, ever within reach. Dionysos, god who runs in the dark, who sees with eyes shut tight, who dances to the heart’s strong beat, ever are you yourself, ever constant, ever changing god of those who are trapped, those who seek your truth and their own, those who seek vision beyond seeing, those who seek wisdom beyond knowledge, those who seek the self, pure and sweet, those who seek clarity beyond definition, who seek to embrace the uncertain, to hold, but loosely, to what is true beyond trust.

Regular prayer to Dionysos

I praise Dionysos, lord of the vine, lord of the far reaches of the mind; in the thick of the woods, along darkened paths, in the shadows of dusk and of dawn, you roam the world, the satyrs and the pretty nymphs dancing in your wake. Son of Zeus and fair-haired Semele, bold-hearted Semele, who dared to look into the face of glory, beautiful Semele who you carried into life again, Semele reborn who men called Thyone; beloved of clever Ariadne, quick-witted one, so dear to your heart, your bright-eyed bride and consort; Dionysos, friend of women, friend of the blissful, wild-eyed maenads, pilgrims and pioneers, those who seek, your cheer and inspiration, those who seek your release, from sorrow and despair, those who are lost in joy, and those who have found themselves in you. Dionysos, god of the darkest dark and the deepest deep, boundless one, endless one, fathomless one, in you we see the edges of ourselves, in you, we find our life’s journey, in you we find our home.

To Dionysos

I call to Dionysos, great god of the vine, son of thundering Zeus and headstrong Semele, loving husband of warm-hearted Ariadne. From the east you came, old before the ancients, throughout the elder world were you beloved; in Naxos and Boitia were you celebrated, in temples and in the savage wilderness, the fleet-footed maenads running in your wake. The sweetest, strongest wine is ever your drink; the mind’s release, the body’s loosening, your gift. O Dionysos; thyrsus-shaker, ivy-crowned god, we see you in the shadows, we see you on the edges, we see you in the haze of ecstasy, where we know the truth of passion, where we find the essence of our being. Bacchus, I call to you!

| Sources & websites in comments. |

I use resources, I do not own the info, and most deep dives have UPG (that I use in my work.) And I only take some information from sources. I am 14, this is my hobby, I am learning but I spent many hours and days on this, and I am always open to criticism. I have been doing worship for 5 years. Please know you can use the info, I do not sue, but I will take action if this work is used without permission and not put as a resource if used in any work. without permisson and not put as a resource if used in any work, for the public.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi I'm sorry for the incoming rant but I'm so frustrated and I need somewhere safe to yell. This is insanely long so I 100% understand if no one wants to read all this.

It’s so fucking ironic that people are trying to make publishing more friendly towards queers/women/POC/disabled people/etc. but at the same time they’re turning publishing into a fucking minefield of discourse.

I'm an autistic, bisexual woman with multiple mental illnesses and a learning disability and I'm absolutely terrified to publish anything.

Everyone keeps going “We love books by minorities! Hashtag own voices! We love to support minorities and their stories! Even if you’re not a minority, we love to see authors making characters that are! :)”

But they certainly don't act like it.

They see people like Amélie Wen Zhao or Tess Sharpe or Isabel Fall get harassed relentlessly and they go, “Well if people dogpile someone over something it was obviously because that person did something Bad And Wrong™ so if you’re a Good Person™ the twitter masses won’t have to punish you :)” except in reality that’s not at all what happens.

If your experience is not generic enough to fit every single person in a group, you’re obviously writing an unrealistic stereotype! How dare you write about your personal experiences as a mixed race Indian if not everyone can relate to it? What about the Indians who grew up in India!? You’re erasing their experiences!

You have to out yourself to prove that you’re one of the Correct People™ who’s allowed to write that experience. Oh, you’re writing a trans character? Please describe your gender, in detail, so we can know whether or not you’re Allowed or if you’re an Outsider who we need to punish. Oh, you can’t come out, because you might be killed or disowned? Well, no #OwnVoices clout for you, we don’t want your book.

Your character needs to be a Good Minority™. They cannot be angry or violent or rude. If they are, you’re clearly saying that all of those minorities are angry and violent and rude and not just that one character.

There are four additional rules you absolutely must follow at all times to prevent harassment, and all of them contradict each other:

If you’re not [minority], you need to have [minority] in your stories, because they exist and it’s bad if all your characters are [not minority].

If you’re not [minority], you cannot have [minority] in your stories, because you’re not [minority] and clearly, you’ll never be able to understand how [minority] thinks and acts because you’re not them.

If you’re not [minority] you can still have them in your stories, but they can’t experience any discrimination at all, or talk about their culture or experiences with being [minority] because that’s not your story to tell and you’re profiting off of their trauma. No, you’re not allowed to do this even if you hire ten sensitivity readers that confirm these experiences are realistic and correct.

If you’re not [minority] you can still have them in your stories, but you need to show their experience with discrimination, and have them talk about their culture or experiences with being [minority] because if you don’t, then you’re basically just taking [non minority] and pretending they’re [minority].

Also, there’s an additional surprise bonus rule: Sometimes people will just want to destroy you for no reason, so watch out!

They’ll take things from your story, remove them from their context and then present them as the most horrific, problematic thing possible in order to create a hate mob.

Sometimes, though, they don’t even know what they’re talking about. People who are not part of a minority group (or not the one relevant) will see something, go, “Omg? Problematic?” and post it on Twitter so they can say, “Um guys wtf is this shit? Are you fr? Can we talk about this?”

And the worst and most horrifying part, people will blame YOU for the harassment campaign!

I’ve literally seen people say, “Well if someone calls you out on Twitter you should admit you did something wrong, apologize, and tell them you’ll do better :)” as if that’s not the most insane, victim blamey shit.

Like, I cannot fathom seeing a marginalized author get torn apart by a mob, get sent horrific death threats, and have their career and life ruined, only to say, “Okay but they must have done something Problematic. Have they tried publicly flagellating themselves to appease the people who are threatening to break into their house and kill them?”

People just sweep it under the rug and pretend that it’s not a big deal, and say, “Twitter’s not real, it doesn’t matter!” as if thousands of people harassing you and sending you threats isn’t massively damaging to someone’s mental health. Like, this is the kind of shit people kill themselves over, and it's apparently no big deal because "Twitter's not real"? What?

Writing is supposed to be fucking fun! Showing your beloved story and characters and work to the world is supposed to be enjoyable!

But instead of writing my story and just enjoying the process and adoring my characters, I’m sitting here, absolutely terrified, trying to make sure I give people the least amount of ammunition to destroy my life as possible.

One of the main characters in my story is vaguely based on me. I love her with all my heart, I think about her all the time, I want people to love her just as much as I do.

But instead of having fun writing about her, I’m waking up in the middle of the night, heart pounding, thinking to myself, what if she’s too problematic?

Will people get upset with her saying the word “cunt” or bathing naked with men (and thus having her tatas out) and accuse me of being sexist or catering to the male gaze or not being a Good Amazing Feminist™? Will people call her a pick me?

Will people get upset with her being bisexual, but ending up in a “straight” relationship with the male character? They have a five year age gap, is that too much? Will people think he’s a predator or abusive? Is their relationship toxic?

Will people think he’s a creep for flirting with her and getting into her personal space and telling sexual jokes, even though that’s how I want someone to flirt with me?

What if people think she’s not autistic enough? Will people get mad that she’s ~glorifying violence~ for not becoming a pacifist and admitting that violence is bad and yucky at the end of the story?

I need to make sure she spends ten paragraphs explaining exactly why she works as an assassin. I need to sit cross-legged and whip my head around like Dr. Strange in that Avenger’s movie so I can imagine Every Possible Discourse Outcome™ and make sure she debunks everything people could call problematic.

I need to change that. I need to remove that. I need to make her sanitized and good enough so that I'll be safe.

And then repeat this thought process, with every other minority character in my story (and there are a lot).

--

Things are bad, but if you stay off of book twitter and do not write YA, you're a lot less likely to face this level of drama. There are always exceptions though, like Fall.

[pokegyns]

some thoughts:

i think radical feminism is antithetical to transgender ideology. i think we should still treat trans people as people and not be disgusting towards them, but trans ideology is still inherently misogynistic and patriarchal. so i don’t understand “trans inclusive radical feminism”… what are we including? people who believe sex based oppression isn’t real? people who believe in “trans misogyny”? people who “identify” with gender roles that have oppressed women for centuries? people who medicalise gender nonconformity? people who believe homosexuality is bigoted?

these ideologies don’t belong in radical feminism simply because they are anti feminist. so therefore radical feminism is inherently trans exclusionary and i refuse to believe that’s a bad thing.

obviously detrans women and women experiencing sex or gender dysphoria who aren’t trans aren’t included as trans ideologists i’m talking about.

there is so much misinformation and stigma surrounding transness on radblr, and just lack of information. it can be confusing being on the outside looking in! as a detrans woman who's often assumed to be firmly against transition, instead of how i'm highly critical of it and want safety measures within the community to be put in place to prevent detransitions and unhealthy transitions and misplaced identification... i think it's very easy to forget that dysphoria is a mental disorder and trans rights are a mix of gnc rights and disability activism / mental health advocacy. and as most of us know, radblr has a HUGE problem with rampant ableist ignorance.

the trans community is split in two, with some sharing both sides.

there's the dysphoric side, where there needs to be discussions on how to manage a complex disorder and not shame people for trying out different healing treatments. i want to erase the stigma of people with disorders, dysphoria included, choosing treatments that at times carry risks. this can be pain medication with potential addiction, or transition treatments or psych meds that potentially come with side effects and just might not help you in the end. i also hate how neurodivergent/mh communities can turn toxic fast, but i still am glad people can share their experiences with others, find people's stories in battling a disorder and gain more mental stability. this includes dysphoric people for me. as a physically and mentally disabled woman, my dysphoric trans activism is also my disability activism. and my detrans side gives me a complex perspective, because for me, it turned out to be the wrong treatment. some people are anti-psych because meds fucked them up instead of helping them. i am psych critical, because meds saved my life.

i am all for them exploring their treatment options, physical transition included, as long as they're educated on the risks and prepared for potential reverse dysphoria. the tra community handles that in a SUPER inappropriate, unhealthy, and honestly dangerous way and they're shooting themselves in the foot bc they don't push for better healthcare, leading to more detransitioners, leading to more trans stigma.

now on the other side, the term trans (and nonbinary, since not all nonbinary ppl identify as trans) for some can simply be a label to find likeminded gnc people, enjoy a punk-adjacent subculture focused on breaking gender roles and pissing off the patriarchy, and simply enjoying crossdressing and using terms that makes them happy.

dysphoric people still exist, and dysphoria is debilitating. it's a complex issue. for some, dysphoria is more neurodivergent, and it just is stubbornly staying and so they look for more intensive treatments. for others, it's more like a mental illness, and the condition can be treatable and may come from gender roles. and even if a specific person had a root cause for their dysphoria that relates to the patriarchy, i still wouldn't judge them for transitioning if it seems like it's just not going away no matter how hard they try. just like how i'm wary of people going on hardcore, addictive pain meds, or try treatments that come with risks for their physical health, but i know it helps many people and i don't want the option off the table. they are suffering. i care deeply. i fucking hate reverse dysphoria, but i hate ableism even more. i hate the stigma of disorders and the shaming of mentally ill & neurodivergent people, people with mental disorders, including dysphoria as is listed in the DSM.

i know the trans community is confusing. frustrating. often immature. people who are mentally suffering are often not in the right mind to do realistic, down-to-earth activism, but god knows they try and like in neurodivergent activism spaces it can get unhinged in a unique kinda way. we can call out their sexism, their homophobia, their misogyny, without resorting to ableism and transphobia - aka, what imo is a mix of ableism and gncphobia.

dysphoric people deserve healthcare reform. tras keep fucking things up for homosexuals and female/afab people and just make fools of themselves. radfems, esp non-detrans bio women, are often out of touch when it comes to trans issues.

it's easy to resort to extremist views on these things. it can be easier to embrace black-and-white thinking. but it's not the way, trust me! there are grey areas. we need reform, not the destruction of transness being a concept at all, whether it be the gnc subculture or the dysphoric side of it. there are a fuckton of trans issues to tackle. it's okay to be frustrated, to feel hurt, to be worried, to think maybe transness shouldn't be recognized as anything and those people should just be poked out of it somehow. but you can't just force someone's brain to be neurotypical, or cis/non-trans, or take away labels that feel meaningful to some folks even if you find them silly. it's counterproductive. the trans community has a lot of flaws, but it's a puzzle that can be figured out! please hear out trans radfem & nuancefem voices on this as well <3

-mod pikachu ⚡

[nighttime-horrors]

Do you think that you can make angst and fluff head canons for Tim Wright and/or Evan Myers???

☼︎ Angst and Fluff Headcanons ☼︎

⊹ฺ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡

⊹ฺ Characters: Tim Wright (Marble Hornets); Evan Meyers (EverymanHYBRID)

⊹ฺ Contains: Fluff and angst (duh, haha); Allusions to mental illness; References to possession; Gender neutral Reader; No use of (Y/N); SFW

⊹ฺ Note: Sorry if this took forever! <3

—

✧ Tim Wright

⊹ฺ Before I get into it, I love him so much, I just want to kiss all over his face.

⊹ฺ Tim is the best person to nap/cuddle with. He is so warm and holds you so closely, it's impossible not to feel loved.

⊹ฺ He has sleepy parent friend energy - like, he will gladly smile and nod at what you do, but will also get so nervous depending on what it is. As ready to smile and nod as he is, he is also fully prepared to sigh at you and your plan.

⊹ฺ Periodically disappears (as Tim does) and no matter how long he's gone, he always feels so bad and you are the first person he reaches out to.

⊹ฺ In that same vein, Time goes back and forth between seeking you out and isolating himself when he's low; he wants to be around you (his safe space), but he also doesn't want to put you in harm's way.

⊹ฺ When he's travelling around with Jay, he tries to come and see you any time he can. It's all far and few between, but he tries his hardest.

⊹ฺ Speaking of things more "Marble Hornets related", Masky hesitates when he sees you. While Tim would love to think his alter wouldn't hurt you, that doesn't stop him from trying to take control back to keep you safe.

⊹ฺ Tim gets so nervous whenever you cough. His body tenses and he feels like his heart stops.

⊹ฺ No matter where he is, he always makes sure to call or text right at midnight on your birthday. He loves you so much, and therefore, has to be the first person to tell you.

⊹ฺ Guys, I love him so much, you don't understand, haha.

✧ Evan Meyers

⊹ฺ Poor thing, holy shit.

⊹ฺ Loves holding your hand and carrying you around. He can't explain it, but carrying you around is so fun for him.

⊹ฺ Teases you a lot; seeing your smile or hearing your laugh just make his day twenty times better.

⊹ฺ Loves watching horror movies with you or playing horror games - he's always hoping something scares you enough for you to grab onto him, haha.

⊹ฺ Speaking of, Evan is absolutely your biggest protector. If he wasn't already trigger happy about kicking the asses of demons and cosmic/eldritch horrors, you would definitely be what kicks that off.

⊹ฺ Makes Jeff and Vinnie to swear they'll look after you if anything happens to him.

⊹ฺ Thinks about keeping his distance from you a lot to keep you safe. It never works, though. He misses you and worries about you too much.

⊹ฺ He makes sure that you know where all of his knives are and how to use them. He wants you to be able to have a fighting chance if he's not around, whether that's physically, or because his body's being used against his will.

⊹ฺ Would love to one day have a family with you (if you also want one), but also knows how slim the chances of that happening are. He doesn't trust himself enough, either.

⊹ฺ Evan always makes sure that he falls asleep after you. He's gotta make sure you're safe and sound before he rests.

[villainsimpqueen]

Not Alone.

Adam x Sick! Reader (Gn)

So this one shot is a little self centered. Its completely a Reader One shot, gender neutral.

It is Angst & Comfort

But everything the Reader Experiences is true symptoms & a true epsiode of a unoffical/Unknown diagnosis sickness that I am being seen by a specialist to find a possible diagnosis amd hopefully meds.

This is also about my bad epsiode from last night, and im still trying to mentally recover from it, and so i decieded to write.

I wrote this as a way to self comfort but also to confort anyone out there that has similar experiences and for them to know that.

Your Not Alone.

As always, All my works are 18 plus, no minors allowed.

And To anyone who reads/likes/reblogs/relates to this post, Your doing amazing, and your so strong.

To the one shot fic.

Heaven was supposed to be eternally peaceful, All those with pain, illness & sickness in their past life would face it no more in heaven. 

That was how it was intended to be. 

So when you had passed away and entered those pearly gates you had thought your own illness had too poofed away like the heavenly dream and promise should have been. 

But it didn't. 

Yours had followed you, clinging to you unwanted and despite many heavenly high angels coming to aid you, the sickness had stayed attached and clung to you despite it not being a thing of peace and tranquility. 

The high angels did their best to console you as you wept after your first bad episode of the persistent sickness that had followed in your devine afterlife. 

They didn't understand it as much as you didnt understand, but they consoled you trying to tell you that perhaps it was heaven's plan for you to continue on with it, That maybe you were the key to stop it from happening on earth or at least an aid in finding cures for earth. 

It was unfair. 

But you couldn't openly say that, and so you tried ignoring it as you tried finding work to do to occupy your mind, the less you thought of it the better for your mental state. 

It was in your official heavenly work records that it would be best if you did not have a super laborious job, and for some reason, the work division department decided to assign you as the First Man… Adam's Assistant was the perfect job for you. 

Your new boss was…..definitely labor intensive. 

He seemed to not understand the concept of paperwork leaving you to do piles and piles of backwork, reading and organizing reports, compiling and binding them and sending them all out. Top of that the man did not seem to understand that his flirting, pick up lines and continuous offers to “treat you to dinner” was uninvited and unwelcome. 

You would have thought after the third kind no, and afterwards the short and curt blatant rejections to all his advances would have the Man gone and uninterested in you. 

But oh were you so wrong, if anything it only drove him to up his belt at flirting, and all that much to your displeasure. He always seemed to know where you were in the office and whether it was a door frame, fridge, table, desk he would lean or perch against it to start up his flirting. 

“Heya babes you free later tonight?”

“Whatsa man gotta do to get your number?” 

“Your looking fucking hot today, like always babes.” 

“If I had to pick you or an apple, it would be that fine ass anyday.” 

You hated how the last one had made you snort. It was so stupid, That it actually had made you laugh and you had regretted it when you saw the first man's masked eyes crinkle and sharp toothed grin only widened, which had made you immediately shot back.

“go choke on an apple Adam.” 

Before you fled the break room with your cup of coffee, warm in your hands, you had heard the man make a noise similar to amusement and he had shouted after you.

“Did that Babes, would rather choke on your instead. “ 

“I'm filing another HR report.”

“Ouuu Spicy!” 

You never knew you would be so grateful for him always appearing out of nowhere until now. 

You had been taking reports somewhere when you felt your body's red flags start to fly. 

Your vision of the office hall growing longer and shorter. Your breathing started to pick up and yet slowed down as your head started to feel like it was fading. Thoughts become hard to formulate  and your legs grow weaker with a tingling numbness that starts to rapidly climb. 

You had leaned against a wall trying to relax, trying to breathe, as time seemed to freeze and slowly tick away as you struggled to keep your eyes open. 

Your breaths heavily leave you as you begin to feel light and yet so heavy as you felt the tremors start to shake internally and knew it wouldn't be long before they showed outwardly. 

It was going to be a bad one. 

You dreaded as your mouth started to go dry, and tingled with a cold sensation before it started to taste as if you bit into a raw steak. 

The metalic taste of dirty pennies feels in your mouth as if your body's iron had decided to gather and party into your mouth all at once. 

Your ears began to ring and tingle as your hearing like your vision started to fade away and echo making things far sound near and things near sound far away. 

How long were you there for? How long since it started? 

You were going to fall. You were going to fall and you can't move to catch yourself! 

Your gonna- 

“You good babes?” Adams voice cut through the internal trapped dialog of your brain and ass your flicked your non stop fluttering eyes trying to see him, your vision being blurry and yet hyper focus at the same time as his voice echoed no stop in your ears far away and yet close you didn't even know how long it had been since he had asked. 

Your brain constantly jumps forward and yet lagging severely behind as your jaw and mouth muscles spasmed as you fought trying to open your mouth but couldn't. 

You can't move. 

And your going to fucking fall and collapse and fall on your face and you cant move. 

“You ain't gonna pass out on my babes are you?” Adams words echoed sounding near and far as you felt pressure start to take over your body, your gravity being utterly ripped apart as the Episode sunk its teeth and claws into with a vicious grin and glint in its eyes as you felt your eyes start fluttering and body start to fall back into the wall.

“Ah shit. Nope, Nope, easy down you go.” 

Hands grabbed at your shoulders, sending jolts through your entire body focusing into your numbed and useless legs as the hands led you down the ground safely, moving you carefully onto your back, a hand holding your head from the floor until it made contact with something hard yet soft. 

The need to talk burned through you but your jaw would correspond with your wishes. 

Your eyes burn even when closed, tears don't need a conscious thought to form as your eyes flutter open and close talking in nothing but the harsh lighting, black and sparkling spots that dance across your eyes as you struggle to breathe. 

When was your last breath? When did you breathe?! 

Something moving through your hair sent more jolts through your frozenly stiff and limp body. 

“It's okay babes. You okay..I got you, just breathe for me okay? Just breathe.”

The voice echoed in and out if your ears as your eyes fluttered shut the trembles coming out of you starting with in and making its way out as the numbing pains started to take hold into your legs. 

Tears streaming from your eyes as your jaw keeps tightening and loosening. 

Hell, this was hell. 

You were having a good day, today was a good day, so why? why? 

“Just let it out babes, you're okay, just breathe, I'm here, I got you.”

“Im….sor…ry” You managed to barely get out as your mind fogged once more and body stole away the ability to speak once again locking your jaw as your tremors  became more casing your chest to heave as your struggled to take each breath. 

You felt like you were dying. 

Are you dying this time? Which breath would be your last? 

Would you have to feel yourself suffocate slowly while you couldn't move? 

“Don't say that shit, You dont have a thing to be sorry for, i got you, just breathe Darlin.” 

Fingers moved through your hair feeling like they were going to split your head and skull right open. 

It was painful as much as it was comforting. 

Your hearing started ringing again you could hear muffled echoed voices, your brain struggling to put pieces together and when you could finally open your eyes again you saw bits and pieces of Adams face, and another, a woman.

You struggled to recognize her for a moment. 

Lute. 

“Sir I brought the wet cold towels and water as you stated, what else can I do to help.” 

They were helping you? 

They weren't going to leave you? 

More tears moved down your cheeks, they felt so cold, you felt so cold, you felt like you were on fire. 

“Thisbis all we can do, There body has to work it out on its own, I got this okay Just close off the Hall, dont allow any fuckers in. Give them privacy. I got this…Hey babes, I got you…Fuck your burning up..hey hey its okay breathe for me okay? soft breaths” 

Your eyes fluttered back close, involuntary jerking as something freezing surrounded your forehead making you out a noise of pain as you felt like daggers scratching and piercing your frontal skull dance around. 

Another when another cold thing shoved behind your neck right against your brain stim. 

The tremors worsen as you fight to breathe. You didn't need to hear them, you could tell each struggling inhale and shaky exhale was raspy as if it was a death rattle. 

Warmth covered your hands, making the tremors only worsen and the numbing splitting pain shot through your arms and into your legs making you clench your teeth and cry more. 

This is humiliating. 

“Fuck your hands are like ice…Hold on…” 

Rustling fabrics heard and your eyes tried finding it behind your closed eyelids, you couldn't open them as the lighting behind your eyelids were so bright and pure white you were sure if you opened them you wouldn't have vision at all. 

Something so unbearably heavy covered you, making you jolt and twitch, Your chest wracking as you struggled to breathe more gasping, gasping for air. 

“It's okay, let it out, I have you, you're doing so good.”

You're doing so well. 

How such words utterly broke you as you sobbed between broken gasps for air, the tremors bringing nothing but agony as your body felt like it was being electrocuted internally. 

“I…m…sorry.” 

It was the only thing you could raspily push out as you suffered trapped in your own flesh and bone as the very vessel you care and tended for failed you and imprisoned you. 

Allowing this greedy sickness to steal your life from you. 

Hands holding your head on the hard yet soft thing.

“Are they conscious?!” A voice echoed, sounding so far away. 

“Yes they're just in and out, they're okay. The report said this happens. We just gonna stay nice and calm and chill..They can hear us…aint that right babes? You just can't talk right now and that's okay. Just breathe, you're doing such a good job.” Adams comforting concerned words echoed each one fading in and out of your hearing as your brain tried to associate meaning.

How long has it been? It feels like years, god what if it was years. 

You couldn't tell how long you were there, how much time had passed as you suffered in forced silence.

“You want some water?” 

Yes. 

Yes you wanted water, that sounds so divine. 

Water to wash away the blood taste in your mouth? You needed it more than anything. 

Your throat and Jaw and tongue are failing you, making some strangled noses as you fight your body to try to move. 

You wanted to sob when you felt a hand move under your head and tilt it to the side, something pressed to your parted lips and cold, precious water slowly trickling in. 

Each small and allowed sip Adam had given you felt like a life line as if life was being allowed back into your husked of a useless failing body. 

You only had a couple of sips before your head was moved back and a hand found its way back to your hair. 

“That's it…We will try again in a moment.” 

That moment will feel like centuries. 

But as promised Adam provided you little sips of water, let you rest and breath for a moment and then continue the repeated steps. 

Over time you would finally, Finally, feel your body to allow you full utter consciousness. 

Becoming more aware as you flutter your eyes open slowly being allowed vision again with nothing obstructing your viewing privileges. 

You could see the lights of the hallway, the walls, how high they looked when you were forced to the ground. You took in soft golden eyes, not led lighted lines but real golden eyes. Tanned dark skinned face, with a stubbly chin of facial hair and the fluffiest and curly hair you ever seen with the strongest cowlick possible. 

Your brain struggled for a few moments before understanding that this was Adam. And that Adam was not wearing that strange mask thingy. 

As if seeing your sudden spurt of Alertness Adams golden eyes filled with relief, a soft encouraging smile forming on his real natural lips as he looked down at you.

“There you are.” He speaks softly as if he was so utterly proud of you.

There you are. 

You cried, you couldn't help it, all you could do was cry as you felt the numbness leave your body slowly, Adam only offered soft words. 

Soon With his help, You was able to sit up, feeling your head go light and foggy to slowly clearing as He offered you water.

“You can't come down this hall, find another route.” Lute's voice echoed down the hallway to you, making you too embarrassed but grateful. 

At least no other coworkers saw you collapsed and paralyzed on the floor. 

“I know you probably wanna be a bad bitch and all independent n all, but like, Can I fly you home, just to be sure you're safe?” Adam asked gently, something in his voice that caught your attention. 

You assessed your wings and took into account how they felt so utterly weak, there was no way you were flying. And how your legs still felt useless when you gave him a weak smile.

“I couldn't walk if I wanted to.” You told him and Adam moved, His arms finding way under your knees and around your back to effortlessly pick you up with ease.

It made you really take in just how Large he really was. 

Adam was practically a giant and sometimes it was hard to get that with all the slouching and leaning on things it's easy to forget

 that Adam was pushing twelve feet tall..

“Don't worry I got you, just relax babes.” Adam told you and for once you did, melting into his arms in relief as he moved out to a flying window and took off, His golden wings stretching out widely as they cut through the air with ease, Rotating and flapping when needed as he carried you in his thick yet strong arms. You stared at his face realizing Adam left his mask behind in the hallway and you couldn't help but notice how alluring Adam really was. 

“You want me to stop and grab you some food so you can just relax in bed or something?” Adam softly asked his golden eyes moving to land on you making you realize you had stared at him for a moment. 

“Uh..No i'll just order in.” You told him,You already felt like a burden enough, you didn't need to add onto it. 

Adam looked like he wanted to protest, but as he stared at your face you watched as it died immediately and he focused on getting you to your home. 

“You know where I live?” You asked after a few minutes as if it dawned on you.

“I know where all my Employees live Including an emergency contacts.” He states a serious note in his tone as he keeps his eyes ahead.

“Just like I knew how to aid you, I read all my Employees files. Shits are important like allergies in shit, I make sure everyones good..” 

You didnt..You didn't really expect this level of responsibility maturity  from Adam. You always thought he was just some Ass who wanted to sleep around…..which you were sure he still was but maybe not that much of an asshole. 

Soon he was landing on your house's landing dock. He walked inside your home holding you.

“So erm…, ya bed or couch?” He asked that change in his tone still ringing in your ears, yet it wasnt pity or any of that, more so like he was genuinely trying to be serious. 

You kinda miss one of his crude jokes. 

���My couch is fine.” You tell him and he took you to the couch settling you down easily before he kinda stared at you.

“Welp, see ya when you're ready to work again, text me if ya can't or if ya need anything and i gotcha.” He said before waving awkwardly at you and heading out to your house's loading dock. 

You watched him a thank you falling from your lips as you stared blankly at the tv, a hand grabbing your phone as you could hear Adams Wings spread outside. 

Your fingers tapping away at a screen and before you heard him launch up into the sky. a ringing sounded. 

You heard rustling from his pockets knowing he checked his phone, A noise leaving him before he was back in your house and on your couch, you turned on the Tv as he plopped on the other side of your couch. 

When you turned you saw how bright his g9lden eyes were, gleaming a wide excited smile on his face, his phone in his hand.

“Course I'll watch a movie with a baddie like you, what kind of ribs do you eat?”

_____Bonus______

Phone

Contact: Dumbassmcgee. (Adam)

(xxx) xxx-xxxx

Adam a previous date: Meeting at 9, be there

Adam a previous date: Wanna grab lunch afterwards? 😏🍕🌭

               I'll be there: You, a previous date

                

               No thanks.: You, a previous date

Adam, a previous date: Offer still stands Hottie 🙊

Trip and fall (Censored emoji): You, a previous date 

Adam, a previous date: LMAO LAME ASS KEYBOARD!! 🤣🤣🤣

Adam, A previous date: Here 🖕🖕🖕

                     Thanks.: You, a previous date.

                      🖕🖕🖕: You, a previous date.

 

Hey to not be a burden anymore than i have…..Do you By chance wanna stay and watch a movie. 🥺👉👈 Friends of course! 🧍‍♀️.                            : You now

[genderkoolaid]

(different person than last anon) can you give us like actual scientific papers that "nonhumans" are real and not just ppl that need a lot of psychological help? bc like while gender + sex can be very diverse and change w the individual, species is extremely specific and thats why shit like making crossbreeds is so insanely hard and they usually end up infertile bc the genes arent meant to be combined. n also the only example i can think of of any other species having "i am not the species i was born as" thoughts is that one female monkey that was raised so close w people she thought she was a person and she would refuse to breed w any of her primate species bc of it. you would call that mental illness in that monkey because she cannot be a person in a monkey body, just like someone can't be a dog or angel or horse in a human body, so why do you not consider being "nonhuman" also a mental illness?

can you please explain about alterhumanity? I don’t mean to be negative, I don’t understand… “there are only two sexes” is wrong because biology knowledge we have today actually doesn’t support that. did modern taxonomy find out something similar about humans? that’s very interesting, I don’t know a lot about it! but if you do I’d love to read that research!

So I think "there are only two sexes" isn't the best example; the comparison is more like "people can't change their gender because gender is whats in your pants"

Yes, we can look at chromosomes and hormones and sexual organs, and that stuff is related to gender. But to say "gender/sex is a construct" does not mean "chromosomes/hormones/sex organs don't exist." Its pointing out that our relationship to those things is culturally dependent (I wouldn't say "unnatural" because humans making social constructs is natural).

Similarly, we do divide up species based on reproduction and common ancestors. But "humanity" is also a construct. What it means to be human & who is defined as human can and does change depending on our culture. Not only can some people be excluded from humanity (for example, people of color and neurodivergents), but some people believe they are spiritually nonhuman (whatever that means for them). Some people who have been rejected from humanity identify as alterhuman as a way of saying "you don't want me, then I don't want you" (voidpunk is related to this although not inherently alterhuman). Some people are delusional and identify with alterhumanity as a way of coping with their delusions (and also, yes, you can be self-aware about your delusions). Some people believe in reincarnation or alternate universes or have some other spiritual belief related to being nonhuman. Some people just feel like dogs and enjoy being a dog and it doesn't matter why because they just like it.

Honestly, the monkey does sound like a monkey-version of alterhuman, because (if I can get a little anthropomorphize-y on y'all), it sounds like she did not feel apart of "monkey culture." Obviously we can't know if monkeys have a concept of monkey-hood like we do with humanity, but if they did it would not be hard to imagine how a monkey raised with humans would feel more human than monkey. But regardless... we don't need other species to have alter-species-hood for the same reason we don't need snails to crossdress for trans people to exist. Other animals probably don't have the same complex. abstract social constructs we do.

Why can't someone be a horse in a human body? For the same reason someone can't be a man in a woman's body- because "science says"? Both trans-denial and alterhuman-denial emphasizes biology over sociological investigation, which leads people to just keep shouting "but science!!!!!!!!!!" at people who are more invested in questions of culture and constructs and what it means to be [man/woman/human] in society.

(Also, I'm kind of uncomfortable with how the first ask talks about mental illness. Specifically "person believes harmless weird thing, so they must need Psychological Help for their Wrong Thoughts")

[mulderscully]

been thinking about some peoples complaints about how the movie handled alex's coming out as opposed to the book.

part of me understands because the movie did sort of neuter this as well as the depth of henry's mental illness, but at the same time i understand why. the movie is already two hours long and tbh if they wanted to do a fully faithful adaptation (which imo is not necessary) it maybe should've been a mini series.

and aside from taking out liam, tbh i still think that all happened just wasn't shown, and the fact that this is why alex has always known he's "lowkey into dudes" i feel like people don't fully grasp what alex goes through in that time after new years in the movie.

not every bisexual person has the same experience, but i can relate to alex pretty well both in the book and in the movie in terms of his sexuality cause they actually are pretty similar.

a lot of times when you're bisexual you just feel like everyone feels this way. you sort of feel like being straight is what being bisexual is, because the idea that others do not experience attraction to the same and different genders sounds... fake. like. i'm not even joking when i say i have a hard time believing straight people exist. i fully, of course, believe gay people exist, but people being straight and not queer at all makes me ??? sometimes, even now that i have identified as bi for over ten years.

then, there is a pretty big difference between knowing you experience same gender attraction from time to time and actively identifying as a bisexual person, as a queer person, a member of the lgbtq community.

bisexuals, to this day, are made to feel like we do not belong by both heterosexual people and our own community (which is why ellen telling alex the b in lgbtq is not a silent letter realllly matters) so sometimes you really do just shut out that part of yourself and choose to see yourself as straight because it's not worth fighting all the biphobia that you face, but it's still a part of you that you are shutting out and repressing, which is what alex was doing with henry the entire time and where his alleged dislike of him comes from in the first place. henry hates how much he loves alex so he's mean to him, alex doesn't understand why henry is mean to him because he wants henry to like him because he ALSO has feelings for him and those things clash.

during the time that henry ghosts him alex has time to evaluate himself, his feelings and his identity. he has the time to say "this is not something that i am going to ignore about myself anymore" and it may not be as magnified as it is for henry because they're in different positions in terms of support systems, it's still powerful.

when he comes out to henry, you can tell he is getting used to thinking of himself as bisexual but you can also tell that he is nervous to say the word, because telling someone you're bi is ALWAYS terrifying because you don't know what they might say to it. on top of that, you can feel that it is important to him to say it, to tell henry who he is now that he understands it.

being bisexual and identifying that way, and that being part of who you are and carrying it in your heart is a different thing than being like "yeah, whatever i'll make out with someone at a party" even if the latter is still a valid way to be queer. and sometimes you just look back and realize that [x] experience was NEVER straight.

and the best part of the movie to me is henry's complete acceptance of this. henry never ever questions alex's attraction to him, he never questions if alex will be able to stay committed to him, if he will leave him for a woman, if he's confused, or any of the things that STILL happen in media with bisexual characters as leads and as a bisexual person that has been one of the most freeing things to watch.

so yes, alex's bisexuality is still very important and handled as such in the film, in my personal bisexual opinion.

[stinetoftdk]

A better world

I am born intersex, which in my case mean that I was born with both male-typical and female typical sex traits. I was assigned the male sex at birth and because I reserve the right to be in disagreement, with that designation, I am also what is called transgender.

I see myself as a woman, but neither as male nor female.

I have a need to rearrange my sex traits, in a manner where my body will become sexually unambiguous, to the extent that is possible, to alleviate my severe discomfort associated with having male sex traits, as a woman.

I am on early retirement (welfare system, for physically/mentally ill/handicapped people), because of traumatic experiences forced upon me in the Danish healthcare system, on the basis of my status as both intersex and transgender and I have co-founded a human rights organization that aim to spread awareness of the existence of intersex people and what that means, while also working towards recognition of intersex persons human rights, especially on the right to self determination of what happen with our own bodies, that no medically unnecessary procedures are performed against our wishes or without our personal, free and informed consent (Physical integrity) and the right to highest attainable standard of health.

Just as is the case with male and female bodies, there are illnesses and problems related to being male or female, the same is true for different intersex variation, and there are many ways in which someone can be intersex.

As is the case with my variation, issues with expressing ourselves in social situations is often observed, there’s an increased tendency towards anxity, autistic traits are observed in 30-50% of all people with my variation, symptoms of the non-hyperactive form of ADHD, as well as difficulties in regulating our own emotions.

I drew the shortest straw and unfortunately I have traits of all these issues, which I think also had significance in my early retirement. That said, I of course do my very best to find solutions so that I can one day contribute to society, the same as most others, but with a differently wired brain that doesn’t at all match up with how the Danish labour market function, finding a solution has proven very difficult and I have been psychiatrically evaluated to never be able to improve my chances of ever being able to keep a job.

I hope and keep my fingers crossed that in time I can find something that suits my neuro-atypical brain.

One of the ways that helps me regulate my emotions, perform better socially and regulate my negative autistic traits has been to participate in sports. I have a particular interest in martial arts and moving my body has a calming effect on me which also helps me not feel less anxious.

For me, martial arts is a form of very physical therapy, where I can burn a lot of energy, but at the same time, it’s a way for me to achieve the weight loss that is required in most places around the world, to become eligible for gender affirming surgery.

I believe it’s important that we as transgender and intersex persons, share our experiences and lives with society, if we are able to, to participate in fostering a better understanding of who we are and thus create a better society where, we can live our lives as equals, with the same opportunities and rights, as the rest of the population.

I believe that this instead of polarizing, if we have the courage to be vulnerable and have our voices heard, can help create a shared understandings and recognition of the diversity of all people.

It would mean a lot to me, if you would share this post, because the only way I can participate in making a better world, is by reaching a bigger audience.

As intersex and transgender people, we need your help and support to create a better Denmark (and world).

(The photo is from a conference I attended a long time ago, but the message is still relevant)

[melatonin-melanin]

menhera as a movement and how it can connect to race

most members of the menhera subculture tend to have one goal in mind, and it's to be able to improve their mental health one way or another. for those unaware, menhera is a mental health movement originating in japan, where the term was originally defined as "someone who seeks mental well being." you can learn more about it here.

a large aspect of the menhera subculture is creating art in order to vent your struggles. this art is expressed most commonly through mediums such as fashion, painting, and music. any topics are acceptable to create vent art from, and often there will be motifs related to the author's trauma. however, over time, menhera has been watered down to containing mainly medical motifs in creations, as opposed to the original intention of being an outlet for a vast majority of issues that people may struggle with. of course, this doesn't mean that people no longer use it to vent; there are still many active members of the community, at least overseas.

you might be thinking, "that's nice to learn about, but what does this have to do with race? isn't this about mental health?"

well, your race can directly impact your mental health in multiple ways. when it comes to race, it's important to keep in mind that it's not just the color of your skin. race, as it is defined in society, is also your hair texture, facial structure, culture, and traditions. race is ultimately a social category, as it is fluctuating throughout history and is solely determined by people in power. think about it: for those growing up in the U.S., did you ever have to fill out forms for mandated tests? do you recall that, as time went on, more and more racial categories were added as options to check off when asked for your race?

with all of these factors taken into account, it's no wonder that race can affect mental health. whether it's from racial discrimination in multiple communities and institutions, cultural-specific struggles, or trying to find one's own place inside and outside of race-based communities, any and all of these issues can be mentally draining and have someone questioning their self-worth. added to all of this, it can be more difficult for someone to receive help for these troubles when they're not surrounded with people who understand. not every person of color is going to understand what a person with a mental illness goes through, and not every person with a mental illness is going to understand what a person of color goes through, either. depending on the people around them, a person of color struggling with mental illness may feel much more hesitant about reaching out to others because of this.

menhera as a movement was created in order for people to express all kinds of feelings without needing any particular label for what they're struggling with. it lets you wear your heart on your sleeve, and embrace aspects of yourself that you have trouble accepting. you can be beautiful, despite everything. you can be beautiful despite having traits that you've felt so insecure about for the longest time, whether it be skin color, hair type, face shape, cultural significances; none of that makes you any lesser, regardless of what you may feel or what others may have told you. my own race has tied into many of my experiences with my self-image, and my struggle with that view is part of why i identify with the menhera subculture. for anyone reading this who feels similarly, this is sort of my way of saying that you aren't alone!

i feel that, although the medical association is most likely here to stay, the majority of the menhera community can also work beyond only acknowledging certain facets of mental illness. this isn't only referring to the acknowledgment of racial issues, but other intersecting traits that affect people's experiences with mental illness. gender, class, physical disability, orientation; all of these undoubtedly influence each individual's views on mental health, and the community should strive to be more open towards all of these different experiences no matter how messy or uncomfortable they get. after all, the purpose of menhera is to tell ourselves that we're pretty, cute, handsome, gorgeous, and all of those kinds of adjectives despite how our troubles make us feel!

[alans-maladaptive-daydreams]

The monster living in my mind. Yandere!MC x Obey Me brothers.

I've always seen fics of the brothers being yandere, which makes sense, they are demons but I think I also want to see a bit more yandere!mc so I wrote this. I didn't put a specific brother because the use of pacts and magic is a bit involved so it affects all seven equally, feel free to imagine it with whoever you want.

note: I might edit it again later to change the gender of the witch, since I don't feel completely comfortable with the female gender for the lover, I'll see if I can do it another day (cries in college student) I've been doing this for almost 3 months now so I just want to finish it lol.

Warnings: Violence, mutilation of the human body (self-harm and injury to a third party), infidelity, mental illness, insecurity, and insults related to someone's sex life. (I think that's all if there should be anything else I will edit it immediately, suggestions are very welcome). No-native writing, corrections are welcome.

Reader: Gender neutral.

Genre: Yandere and explicit violence.

Masterlist

You had always managed to control those negative feelings that consumed your brain. Those feelings that made you think that the person you loved was betraying you, those same feelings that convinced you that you deserved it because after all you will never be enough.

Although you were a very jealous person, you rarely showed it to your partner. You suffered in silence and sometimes even other people paid the consequences of your moodiness and insecurities.

Your jealousy sometimes terrified you, the thought of ripping the throat out of anyone who had the slightest romantic or sexual interest in your partner was not uncommon in your head. Sometimes your brain played tricks on you, convincing you that you should make them understand that no one would love them more than you. They belonged to you.

You were aware that these thoughts were dangerous, you usually pushed them into the deepest and darkest depths of your being because, in the end, it was all part of your imagination and insecurities.

You had different partners, and none of them gave you a reason to distrust or get violent treatment from you. So even though you brutally disliked certain friends of your exes, you never said a word and preferred to ignore the violent flame inside you.

That was until you met him, a beautiful demon from head to toe who, while you brought out the best in him, he brought out the worst in you.

Many of your insecurities were drowned out as you moved through life together, yet they never completely disappeared.

The violent feelings became almost extinct, but they were still there, waiting to be fulfilled at the right time.

That's why you were visiting your psychologist almost daily, that violent insecurity resurfaced.

It resurfaced like an unstoppable flame, a bomb waiting to explode.

In a constant state of nervousness, your body trembled every time your boyfriend had an attitude that made you distrust him.

It started out as something you chose to ignore, but it never left a good taste in your mouth. All of his devices now had a different password than the one you knew.

When you questioned him, afraid of making him think you were invading his privacy, he simply replied "Security", you didn't dare ask him for the new passwords because you feared it would make you look bad.

Your second sign was his obvious nervousness every time he received a message or a call which, of course, he had to take in private.

It was then that you decided to blindly trust your boyfriend and avoid at any cost those thoughts that were taking away your sanity.

However things became more evident, from cancelled dates, strange looks at RAD, his brothers' nervousness when you asked for his whereabouts, his disappearance for hours at a time with ambiguous explanations. The relationship became weird, to the point that your boyfriend couldn't even look you in the eye every time you met because he didn't even have time for you, in his words; he had too much work to do.

That part of you that you thought you had buried was resurfacing, but much more violent, psychotic and anxious.

It was as if your brain was screaming at you in a loud voice "He's cheating on you, kill that slut so he can see who he's fucking with".

The thought of your beloved boyfriend with someone else disgusted you and made you completely sick.

It was then that something in you changed. You don't know what it was exactly, and you can't explain in what moment you started to think like that. It just happened, it was as if that sick and violent being that had always lived in you had finally found a way out, and you decided to accept it because, after all, that was your reality.

"We're demons, you're stupid for thinking he wouldn't cheat on you. "The demon mocked you as she showed you a video in which her friend, a witch, and your beloved boyfriend were the main characters in a sexual scene so repulsive that your stomach turned inside out creating a pain you never thought you would be able to feel.

With trembling legs and a broken heart, you walked to the bathroom holding back your tears and the vomit that threatened to come out. The demon watched you walk with perhaps the saddest look she had ever seen on you.

As soon as you entered the bathroom, you stuck your head in the sink, completely emptying your stomach.

Your cold fingers ran over the dark circles under your eyes, caused by sleepless nights of overthinking the whole situation. You reached down to your lips, covered in the residue of breakfast, and with a trembling hand, you stilled the sob of pain that shot through you like a bullet.

Tears soon overflowed from your eyes as your heavy breathing forced you to crouch on the floor, making yourself as small as possible, as if that way you could avoid the intense pain you felt. Your fingernails reached your scalp, digging violently into it, causing blood to slowly stain your hands.

"'Son of a bitch" you whispered.

You were going to kill him. Him and his fucking whore.

You were going to eat his brains while his brothers watch your feast.

Or better, you were going to rip every fingernail off his body, every finger, every tooth and make a beautiful necklace.

You'd open his head like a jar and eat his insides for breakfast.

You were going to tear him apart piece by piece. You were going to burn every part of his body that you touched until you saw living flesh.

Although you knew you were only a mere human, you also knew that the pact that bound your souls together was your greatest weapon. You were not the same human that had started the exchange program, you were a powerful sorcerer and you had seen death with your own eyes, you were not afraid. You were going to ruin his fucking life.

"Sometimes demons need a show of dominance to know their place, you must prepare yourself because eventually, that day will come". Your master had told you a long time ago. You never thought that day would come so soon.

You stood up and looked at yourself in the mirror, the wounds on your scalp looked deep enough for blood to drip down your face.

"MC? Fuck, I didn't know you'd get like that, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have shown you that." The demoness approached you with a worried expression. She placed a hand on your back to comfort you.

"No, thanks. I needed to see it."

Your cold tone sent a shiver down the girl's spine, without looking at her you headed for the exit and before you left she said; "Don't blame her, okay? I know you know her and you exchanged a couple of words. She's not a bad person, it was just a mistake."

"I don't give a fuck, he was my fucking boyfriend, she knew that." with that, you walked out of the bathroom and headed straight to the House of Lamentations.

That day you locked yourself in your room and refused to let anyone in. They were all traitors, they always knew about his affair with his mistress and didn't have the balls to tell you.

Every time you remembered how they told you they appreciated you and thanked you for saving their family your stomach would drop. You no longer saw them as your friends, they were just disgusting beings who needed a reminder of who was in charge.

For seven days you didn't sleep, you didn't go to RAD and you didn't eat. For seven days you watched your boyfriend's every move, his whore's every move. Every move was etched in your brain like a tattoo. You didn't need to think about it for a second to recite it out loud.

By the end of the week, everything you had been repressing and controlling for years had come to light. What you had always been was now comfortable in your brain, the insecurity was gone, but the violence was more alive than ever.

At the end of the seventh day, in the middle of the night, what you had always feared became your nature.

You grabbed your bag and left your room, leaving it secured in case any of the brothers tried to break in, a spell that would shatter any limb that even accidentally touched your door.

"MC?" you heard one of his brothers say, but you ignored him. You were too focused on your plan.

Behind the House Of Lamentations was the place where you opened a portal, one straight to her lover's house. You didn't hesitate for a second to walk through it, standing right in the entrance hallway.

Your ears heard what you had always feared.

The familiar moans along with a not-so-familiar voice. The sharp movement of the bed's wood.

The love you had once felt for him disappeared completely.

You walked through the dark house, trusting your hearing until you reached the door.

Before you opened it you contemplated all that you were putting at stake in carrying out your desires. You contemplated whether it was really worth it. However, that little spark of reasoning vanished as soon as it arrived.

You set your bag aside and opened it.

The heavy hammer saw the moonlight for the first time since you had bought it. You held on tight and opened the door.

If at any time your sanity was present during all that suffering, after what you saw that night it not only disappeared, you killed it and buried it deep inside your annihilated and diseased self.

Silently you approached him and the first blow was directly to his head. Knocking him unconscious instantly.

The whore looked at you with frightened eyes and screamed trying to get the heavy body off her.

"Do you like getting into other people's relationships?" you asked, grabbing her hair in a fist and dragging her into the living room.

"You're fucking insane!" she screamed as she kicked and struggled with your violent grip. You lifted her body roughly and slammed her against the hard wall, squatted down and with your hand gripping her hair you forced her to look at you.

"Do you like messing with other people's relationships?" you asked again. She tried to defend herself from you with a pathetic and weak spell. You laughed and grabbed her face violently. "That's your attempt to save yourself? You should put a little more enthusiasm into it, like when you spread your legs like the whore you are."

She perhaps saw that she really couldn't against you, after all she knew who you were and she knew that no one could control the seven princes of hell as easily as you, so she felt that her only solution was to kneel at your feet and beg for forgiveness, praying for sanity to return to your mind, for your humanity to win over that monster that had awoken.

"I'm sorry," she cried, her voice heavy with fear. "I won't get into your relationship again" she grabbed your legs begging for your forgiveness over and over again.

"I hope it was worth it," you muttered as you grabbed her hair again to drag her into the dining room.

"What are you going to do?" she asked between sobs still clutching your arm, in an attempt to loosen your hard grip.

"You'll see." you smiled as you picked her up and slammed her down on the table in the middle of the room, causing her bones to crack slightly. "Or you may not survive to find out." You placed a hand on her chest as she tried to get up quickly and with a simple spell you completely paralyzed her body.

Her eyes widened gigantically and as she tried to scream for help you pulled the rest of your things out of your bag.

"It's no use, try screaming all you want, no one will hear you."

"What the fuck are you doing MC?" The voice of the main character appeared behind you. You turned to see him, blood was pouring from his head and he was in his demonic form in all his glory.

He was the love of your life, but if he couldn't play fair you would have to get rid of him, and you knew it would hurt you more than him.

"Don't worry, you'll be the only audience to this wonderful show I call 'Whore Anatomy, for cheating boyfriends'. Sit down and shut your mouth." He rushed over to you, intending to stop you. "Sit down, and shut your mouth." you repeated in a loud, clear voice. The pact worked its magic and your boyfriend was sitting there staring at you with undecipherable eyes.

"You know I love you, don't you? That's why I'm doing this because I love you and you must not disappoint those who would give their lives for you," you said as you took different things out of your bag.

You looked at all your instruments and thought carefully about what to start with, the excitement made your skin crawl. You didn't expect it to be so exciting.

"So, that's why I'm going to show you that this bitch isn't worth what I'm worth and hasn't done what I've done for you. It will be…educational." your eyes sparkled at the sight of the sharp scalpel. You took it and showed it to your boyfriend. "Pick a portion of the head. Ears, nose, eyes…" your kind smile faded as you saw his expression of fear, your hand slammed violently against his cheek and you repeated. "Choose a portion of the head. Ears, nose or eyes."

"Eyes…" he whispered to your surprise.

"Wow, I didn't expect you to go straight to it." You laughed and approached the witch, who was silently praying. "Stop praying, hoes don't go to heaven." With your fingers you opened her eyelids and showed her the scalpel. "Eyes are a hollow, fibrous globe, we use them to see beautiful things and to see unpleasant things. Whores, like your friend here, use it to track down men in relationships and crawl like a snake to get some cock" you muttered as your scalpel pierced the socket of the girl, who was crying and trying to scream, or so you thought after all her mouth was sealed.

As your sharp scalpel pierced the socket, her quiet cries became more erratic. " Quiet." you murmured, trying not to lose your concentration. Your index finger buried itself in her lacrimal duct pressing hard in an attempt to pry the eye out as cleanly as possible. Blood stained your fingers and the witch's constant attempts at movement were beginning to annoy you. "Stop or I'll cut your fucking eyelids off."

When she calmed down, you took the opportunity to completely bury your finger in the lacrimal, practically ripping the eye out of its socket and cut the nerve that attached it to her body.

You looked at the orb with pride and showed it to your boyfriend. "I pulled it off pretty well, don't you think?"

Your boyfriend looked at you with a strange look on his face, one you couldn't quite figure out. However, the game had only just begun, and the excitement was altering every part of your body.

Morning came, and your boyfriend woke up to the sun shining directly on his face. He looked around when the reality of everything that had happened the night before hit him violently.

"Good morning." You smiled brightly. "Go get changed and make me breakfast, the ingredients are in the freezer." you pointed to the kitchen as you lazily flipped through the channels.

Your boyfriend looked around, everything seemed normal, as if nothing had happened. He was a demon thousands of years old, he'd seen and done some fucked up shit but what he'd seen you do surpassed anything he'd ever lived through.

He've never seen a human look so… happy while mutilating a living person piece by piece.

He had never seen your smile and gaze as bright as it was last night.

He walked over to the fridge and opened the freezer, finding his mistress's frozen head, along with different pieces of her body separated into containers.

"So? Any idea what you're going to make?" you asked as you sat down on the island with a quiet smile.

It was then that he realized who was in front of him.

The monster watched him curiously as they rocked back and forth gently, perhaps trying to soothe the voices that were tormenting their deteriorated mind.

He realized that he had never truly met the depths of your being, that your loving, human form was nothing more than a barrier to prevent the one thing you yourself feared from coming to light.

But now… you seemed comfortable with this new nature of yours.

Too comfortable for his liking.

[sinkingwmyships]

my avenday / sunturine ship chart!! template here, thank you for making it 🩵

i guess this is less in general and more in relations to my emotional regulation series? (kinda… vaguely canon-compliant AU where they help each other, well, regulate their emotions, via kinky segs among other means 🫣) i was j very into their dynamic in that series at that time. but this also just contains a number of hcs i have for them, that idt changes too much in b/w AUs anw.

enjoy~

typed text below cut (bc who knows how legible my handwriting actly is); may contain some extra notes/thoughts i wasn’t able to squeeze into the chart (will be in [ ] )

Stupid Ass Ship Chart

General info

Sunday Oak

sexuality: unclear/never explored, but if i have to: gay [lowkey tempted to just say “humanity”(/pan)… like bro def thought it’s normal to love everybody both ways (platonic & romantic) until Robin came out to him and he was like, “why do you hate men?” - R: “i don’t hate men i’m just not attracted to them that way” - S: “what ‘way’ there is only one ‘way’… no?” - R: “… brother imma hold your hand while i say this”]

gender: cis male

Aventurine/Kakavasha

sexuality: gay

gender: cis male

Ship name:

sunavenday 🔄

Ages + difference:

Sunday: late 20s

Aven: irdk

2 years apart max

Heights + difference:

idk [and idc for height difference so i just never think abt it], but Sunday feels slightly taller

Describe their vibe:

emotional hurt/comfort; rivals to lovers; slow burn

very protective of each other; try to out-spoil one another [cmon they can both easily be sugar daddies]

Scale ratings

[i’ll let u look at the image for my ratings, but here are the ones i wrote notes for]

Aggressively romantic ↔️ allergic to PDA:

Aven: fluctuates depending on his mood

(Severely) mentally ill ↔️ mentally stable:

Aven: he’s working on it ywy

Big spoon ↔️ little spoon:

Sunday: doesn’t mind [either]

Aven: if he does agree to spoon, he’d prefer little

The weapon ↔️ the wielder:

i think both of them can be both depending on the situation [ie. neither would mind being the other’s weapon, and both would trust himself and the other to trust him to be the wielder]

Functional ↔️ soggy loser: [i think this is meant to be in shippy terms but i interpreted it in general life terms as well]

Aven: some days [are harder for him] than others

Short answer

What brings them together?

eventual trust, mutual understanding, mutual interest -> feelings

Sunday: too pent up for too long

Aven: i mean… he calls Sun “the most handsome man in Penacony” for a reason ;)

What’s keeping them apart?

Aven doesn’t trust Sun is genuinely into him; Sun can’t believe he pulled such a baddie and is afraid any advances would scare Aven away.

Poorly describe their meet-cute:

One is in a sticky situation and the other happens to be available to help him out.

List their reductive fandom tropes/their ship appeal:

Hot man x2 🤷 (or babygirl x2 tbh)

“The most handsome man—“ ok we get it

(popular interpretation) “why is he YOUR man but MY narrative foil?”

[update: i think toxic yaoi is also one of them…? 😭 it’s not an appeal for me but a lot of ppl mention it when they talk abt sunven]

Who’s the armrest?

Aven (both tbh)

Who’s the headrest?

Sunday [unfortunately his halo may skewer Aven if Aven is the headrest i think]

Who fell first?

Aven (but i think around same time)

Who fell harder?

Sunday

Who cooks?

Aven (more skilled + doesn’t mind it)

Who cleans up more messes?

Aven for literal ones; Sun for work/publicity-related [ie figurative] ones

Who’s the bigger yearner?

Sunday

Who confesses first?

Aven

Touch?

Sunday: most places ok (he’ll just get a bit bashful) except halo is a ‘do not’ and he’s finicky w his hands. wings are ok but sometimes will make him react bc the touch is unfamiliar [ie he’s not used to being touched there]

Aven: doesn’t associate touch w pleasantness, prefers a warning. especially enforces this rule w his partner imo. but once he gives permission then it’s ok. has to use hands [ie desensitize his hands to touch] for social interactions (eg handshakes)

[somekindofsentience]

OCD in Hello Charlotte 3, or why Charles Eyler doesn't (necessarily) have Dissociative Identity Disorder

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR HELLO CHARLOTTE 3

CONTENT WARNING: Discussions of severe mental illness, including intrusive thoughts and psychosis. Please be warned if this may cause you to spiral out of control, and take care of yourself.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of this is coming from my personal experience and understanding of OCD. While I do not experience DID, I don't really focus much on it in this, more reframing Scarlett Eyler as a character. You can take Charles' experiences however you feel is accurate.

I feel like the fandom gets tripped up when Charles calls Scarlett Eyler a tulpa.

I've seen a lot of people state that this quote directly implies Charles has DID, and that's therefore canon. But I'd actually like to propose a different take, that Scarlett is a physical manifestation of Charles' intrusive thoughts.

First of all, a tulpa implies a sense of desire - it is willingly created through spiritual meditation. Scarlett is, in no way, a desired existence that haunts Charles. There is some debate as to whether or not the game was originally in Russian or English, but regardless, tulpa just may be what Charles refers to the phenomenon as. It's not as if this directly confirms anything, as we know in-game Charles is only diagnosed with autism, and takes medication for psychosis.

Charles experiences many symptoms of OCD, contamination OCD in particular. He is intensely preoccupied with purity and disease, insisting that the majority of the population has a "parasite", aside from a select few people (Vincent being one of them, and by the end, the only one).

OCD and psychosis have several unique overlaps when acting as comorbid conditions. It has a relatively high comorbidity, due to both conditions often suffering with heightened paranoia. I couldn't find any research which suggests it can cause the hallucination of intrusive thoughts, but OCD does make people more susceptible to hallucinatory disorders, and vice versa.

Many people with OCD, especially those who have experienced symptoms since being a child, start to conceptualise these thoughts as a being - appearing as imaginary friends which act and react negatively. It definitely happened to me - I genuinely thought I had DID for a year or so of my life, because I had this voice in my head that hated me, and it didn't feel like myself. As a child, it just felt like my own mind was trying to bully me, and I didn't understand why.

We know that Scarlett Eyler is the instigator of "punishment" for Charles' actions...

This sort of "punishing" is very reminiscent of OCD. The rule-breaking itself is confusing to an outsiders, and the punishments even more so. However, I find this rule-and-punishment system very relatable, and I'd argue that some people with OCD might have even more confusing rules and punishments - for example, I can't watch very specific youtube videos, I can't explain what the rules I have surrounding them are, and I have strange punishments for this (that which I will not disclose).

Scarlett also doesn't exhibit typical alter behaviour. She never takes over, Charles doesn't seem to lose time, she does little more than act as a harsh observer, and also physically threaten Charles. She seems very real to him, aside from the fact that he knows taking pills will make her "disappear".

For Charles, Scarlett is simply a being who threatens and instigates intrusive thoughts, but in a particular way. Charles still experiences other intrusive thoughts - Scarlett never discusses the parasites, even though that's a very prevalent fear of Charles'.

Scarlett is the manifestation of intrusive thought that Charles is a failure, rather than being a separate existence to Charles.

my little rat analysis lmaoooo. this was my first hello charlotte one, i've always loved charles, he's just peak gender in so many ways, incredibly relatable.

hope your little polycule goes well salutes

[cabbageandcarrotsoup]

Inside Out 2 re-written by someone who hasn’t watched it, but is mentally ill

!!TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SH!!

Just as a disclaimer, I haven’t seen Inside Out 2 because I’m boycotting Disney, but I was really intrigued by the inclusion of the new emotions, especially how Anxiety can shape your entire sense of self and take over all your senses and motivations! This got me wondering how a chronic anxiety or depressive disorder would look like in Riley’s head, so here are some ideas: 

NOTE: I call this a rewrite because I might do a script in the future, and further disclaimer: this is based on my own experience, and is in no way an all-encompassing representation of anxiety and depression!!! 

Anxiety:

She's like the underdog that Joy tries to befriend because her intentions are great, like Joy, so she attempts to understand

When Riley gets put on anxiety meds/antipsychotics, the pills appear as "mind police" to rock Anxiety's shit LMAO

On a low dose, a mind-policeman comes to pet and lull Anxiety to sleep, and at a higher dose, a gang of mafia-style police come to beat Anxiety unconscious with plastic hammers (nothing graphic for kids) -> locks her in a cage for a stipulated time until the meds wear off

That VERY RELATABLE self-hatred and disgust that we go through as teenagers is essentially Disgust, Anger and Anxiety brawling across the control panel (think "Can i PLEASE get a waffle" vine), but Anxiety wins by taking all the weapons they beat her with and using it against them, culminating in a dissociative episode where there's an orange flash bang. When everything passes, the rest of the emotions wake up to find that Riley has been hurting herself to calm down and ground herself.... and everyone is like O SHIT WHAT DEWY DO

We can hint at the common HC of gender dysphoria when Anxiety turns the male and female-presenting emotions against each other like gossip and paranoia, and there are some scenes where she gets really uncomfortable at her chest and her voice on top of just body odor but that won't be the main focus, just pass it off as another insecurity but it'll be a lovely little nod to my fellow queer folks out there!

Depression:

Is more of the "Big Bad" than Anxiety, appears very large and imposing like your typical high-school bullies in shows

They try to get Sadness on their side by being like "see, we both make her feel down" but Sadness is like EUUGH NOOOO, so we drive home the point to the children that depression DOES NOT EQUAL sadness! Important lesson kids!

Antidepressants appear as a spray that covers everyone in goo (the mind-police have terrible aim) on top of just Depression, so every emotion becomes muted for a while, just like in real life and they can't really move well or they slip when trying to control the mind panel!

When it finally wears off, Joy is like YOOO LETS GOOOOOOO and spams happiness, but then realizes that Depression is also free, and then we have an emotional crash

The Hobby Island is the first to go, flickering off and on erratically, causing both the hockey results and grades to slip :(((

As Riley adjusts to medication, eventually both Depression and Anxiety become a bit smaller in size; they still have an impact but everyone learns to accommodate them, and it becomes more like a "haiyahhh there they go again" instead of fearing and hating them as something massively unfamiliar!

With regards to Riley's parents, maybe their emotions have to venture into the vaults of Teenage Angst to relive their experiences and figure out how to support her. Essentially the message is that a family support system is extremely important on top of medical treatment, and that even though you can't get rid of mental illnesses, you can always live with them!

If you have your own thoughts and ideas, please add on, I’d LOVE to hear them!! But that's what I have and I thought it was an interesting idea to possibly explore :)

[rhysandshiftingthespectrum]

Introductory Post

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

Hello, shifter. I’m Rhysand (pronounced Reese-Sund), also known as Rhys (pronounced Reese). I’m a Neurodivergent, Queer, and Nonhuman Reality Shifter. Come along on my journey with me, let’s see how many bonds we can make along the way. :]

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

About Me (Neurodivergency)

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

I’m undiagnosed AuDHD (Autism + ADHD), PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and Pure O OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) (trying to get these diagnosed ASAP), medically recognized SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder)(also trying to get this diagnosed ASAP), and diagnosed MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). Probably have PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) and/or PME (Premenstrual Exacerbation), and hoping to get that diagnosed ASAP as well.

I also have undiagnosed ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), APD (Auditory Processing Disorder), and a majority of other “smaller” related things to my main neurodivergencies and mental illnesses (mainly things related to my AuDHD and OCD).

I don’t yet feel confident to label myself as disabled (because I don’t want to intrude on the disabled community or mislabel myself as such), but I probably am, due to my severe executive dysfunction, and several other things.

I’m in therapy, and I adore my therapist, even though they call me out constantly. (Keeping their name, pronouns, and terms secret for privacy reasons.)

Tone tags are appreciated when talking to me, since I am tired of guessing what people actually mean. If you aren’t sure what some are, how to use them, or what they mean, just ask me and I’ll give you some answers. Or look it up yourself! :]

My Special Interests Are: Wings Of Fire, Harry Potter, Neurodivergency and Disabilities as a whole, and Dragons in general.

My Current Hyperfixation(s): Nothing, and I’m in need of fucking dopamine.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

About Me (Reality Shifting)

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

I’ve been aware of the shifting community since around 2020 or 2021. I discovered it from Tiktok, and did my own research into it immediately. Unfortunately, there wasn’t that many good resources, so my understanding of it was very simple, and my mindset was very poor. I tried shifting for a while at first, but then took a huge break from it, only trying every now and then, until early 2024. Now, with the help of shiftblr, I’ve been able to grow my knowledge of it and get motivation and mindset changes. I’ve also shifted to a parallel reality since joining shiftblr. I now attempt to shift actively (every night), and usually get a fair amount of symptoms. I am debating on permashifting to my Better CR DR right now.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

About Me (Queer Identity)

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

I’m a Genderfluid Genderflux Non-Binary TransGuy. I experience a lot of genders within that label, so I can’t say them all here. Been feeling agender with a dash of masculine for quite a bit now, though.

I use any pronouns except for She/Her. My main pronouns are He/They/It/Xe/Ze/Ne, and I also very much love nounself and emojiself pronouns. I like 🌙/🌙’s/🌙self a lot, and any other emojiself ones.

I’m comfy with Masculine, Neutral, Thing, Creature/Critter, Fey, Hylian, and Dragon terms.

I’m AroAce, Aromantic and Myrsexual (Neuroasexual, Nebulasexual, Requiesexual, Rosesexual, Dreadsexual, Placiosexual, and Merosexual), and I’m Homoalterous, Omniqueerplatonic, Panexteramo, Pansensual, and Panaesthetic.

I’m Ambiamorous with no preference.

I’m also a Lesboy and T4T.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

About Me (Nonhumanity)

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

I’m a Polytherian, Otherkin, Otherlink, Otherfix, Otherhearted, and Fictionflicker nonhuman.

My Theriotypes are: Wolf (Vancouver Coastal Sea Wolf), Fox (Red Fox), Lynx (Canada Lynx), Snow Leopard, Norwegian Forest Cat, and Nurse Shark..

My Kintypes are: Fiction (Dark Fey, Forest Type, from the Maleficent movies), Dragon (SilkWing/SeaWing hybrid), Dragon (Night-Light Fury Hybrid), and Raccoon.

My Linktypes are: Owl (Snowy or Barn) and Sable.

My Fictionflicker types have been: An OC Species of mine (Orphinki) and Hylian.

My hearttypes are: Whale Shark.

I’ve been awakened since around April of 2024. My Dark Fey kintype is probably because of a past life, although I don’t really have any solid memories of it, more just a great sense of things that were from that life. The rest of my nonhumanity is likely due to my neurodivergency. I don’t experience many shifts, but when I have, they have been partial shifts. I experience a lot of species dysphoria and species envy, though.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

About Me (Other)

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

I’m a minor (16).

I’m taken by my lovely boyfriend ( @thesunnishboy ) and I am not looking for any more partners. (He’s also a reality shifter!)

I’m Agnostic, a bit spiritual, and am very respectful of others’ religions.

I’m celiac, and have a dairy intolerance, so fun for me (sarcasm).

I stand very much with Palestine.

I swear loads, so beware of that.

I have one older sibling (She/Her), who is also queer and a master shifter. She can shift literally whenever she wants to. She has the mindset all shifters dream of.

I love asks, so never ever feel afraid to send one!

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

Frequent Anons:

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

First Anon - 🧈

Second Anon - 🥀

Third Anon - 🐝

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

Links

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

DR Masterlist.

List Of Shifting Symptoms.

Notion DR Script Templates.

My Queer Labels.

My Card.

My Carrd.

@rhyswiththeshiftingzone - My other shifting account. (Pretty active.)

@rhysthedarkforestfey - My Dark Fey Otherkin account. (Not very active.)

@rhysthenonhuman - My Nonhuman account. (Not very active.)

@themanirealityshifter - My random/shifting account. (Not very active.)

@neurodivergentshiftingcultureis - My Neurodivergent Shifting Culture ask blog.

@toomuchdivergentformyneuro - My Neurodivergent account. (Active.)

@rhysandtheangelofthesunandmoon - My Greek Gods DR account. (Active.)

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

DNI List

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

Any queerphobes (including those against intersex, mspec lesbians and gays, lesboys, turigirls, gaybians, etc., just basically any contradictory label, radqueers, TERFs, and SWERFs), racists, sexists, proshippers, those who romanticize age-regressors and pet-regressors, ableists (including those who demonize personality disorders), those who romanticize any sort of mental illness, neurodivergency, and disability, anti-shifters, those against permashifters, respawners, and race-changers, those against endogenic/non-traumagenic/etc. or mixed origins or unknown origins systems, those against Palestine, those who’s blogs are Christian or God/Jesus Christ themed heavy (nothing against y’all, just have trauma with it), those who directly send NSFW stuff towards me, those who can’t respect boundaries, JK Rowling supporters, and just about anybody else that makes me uncomfortable. I will block freely.

𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸𖥸

[contagious-watermelon]

It's interesting to me that understandings of transsexuality have been almost exclusively filtered through the lens of queerness and the social aspects of gender. In other words, that the "T" was added to "LGBT." I've thought for a while that in a lot of cases, transness — and specifically dysphoria — makes a lot more sense when analyzed through the lens of disability rather than through queerness. (Personally I see it as being at the intersection between those things.)

I think that a theory of transsexuality would be incomplete without taking into account the societal aspects of gender, yes, but it seems to be similarly incomplete in the popular understanding of it.

I've seen a lot of discussion in the stuff I've read by disabled people about the contention between being objectively harmed or, well, disabled, by your disability, but still wanting to be proud of it or finding identity in it regardless. A lot of autistic communities, I've noticed, talk a lot about the fact that being autistic is difficult; it's made worse by other people's reactions to it, but it still is hard on its own (e.g. auditory overstimulation); yet people still can say that they'd rather be autistic than not. Or they may say they wish they weren't, but that they've come to terms with it because it's not exactly changeable.

Point is, there's open discussion about the differences between inherent challenges to your disability regardless of society, the ways which ableism makes things more difficult, and the contention of finding identity and community in your disability despite that. (And I use autism as an example because I'm autistic; I don't want to speak for, say, a physically disabled community as I'm able-bodied. But I have seen similar discussions there as well.)

The trans community, as I've seen, doesn't really have that. We're polarized between the extremely self-hating people who think that being trans is a curse and that people who like being trans are just fakers co-opting transness, and the toxically positive contingent who refuse to engage with the fact that sometimes dysphoria really does just hurt. And also that transphobia exists.

There's also the fact that in many ways, dysphoria is actually disabling. It isn't for everyone, and part of the problem is that transness as a concept covers so many things that analyzing it through just one lens will always be incomplete, but for me at least it caused me a lot of depression and dissociation, and made it difficult-to-impossible to interact with other people or function at my classes. Back before I medically transitioned, I related a lot to some descriptions by disabled people about their chronic pain, because my dysphoria effectively was chronic psychological pain. I don't want to say it's the same thing, because obviously I've only experienced one of those things, and dysphoria has a treatment while many (all?) chronic illnesses don't, but nevertheless it was a comforting lens to think of my dysphoria through in the time before I got top surgery.

Also of note is the way both our communities are treated by the medical establishment. I've heard many horror stories by disabled people of how doctors simply refuse to diagnose them or give them issues with their meds. Trans people obviously also have to deal with the shit that doctors put out in order to get access to HRT and any necessary surgeries. People deride HRT, saying that we shouldn't take it because it'll "make you a medical patient for life." People act like mental pain isn't real — calling depression fake, acting like because things like fibromyalgia aren't "real pain" that it shouldn't bother you so much, etc. — and that extends too into the way they dismiss the pain of gender dysphoria.

So, I don't really understand why the trans community has taken so many pains to disavow themselves from being considered even remotely similar to disabled people. I know that the common refrain, "we're not mentally ill!" is meant to combat the idea that we're deluded into thinking that we're a "different gender" than we really are, but the effect is throwing actually mentally ill trans people under the bus. The insistence that there's no way that dysphoria should be considered a disorder because there's nothing wrong with us — I just think that we could take a hint or two from the way that disabled people theorize about this subject.

[hyperlexichypatia]

Y'know, one thing I honestly struggle a lot with as a disabled person is like... with certain things I experience, where do I draw the line between "there is a very literal physical set of phenomena occurring in my neurological and related bodily systems that is responsible for my experience of these physical and emotional/mental events" and "these events are being influenced or caused by external stimuli, often related to class dynamics and oppression" and even "said class dynamics and oppression are responsible for much of said physical phenonena within my bodily systems, as they are simply an interaction/reaction to said external stimuli".

To me, it's like the nuance between how "choice feminism" is used to shut down very genuine real critiques of misogyny and patriarchal beauty standards (which are so deeply rooted in racism and white supremacism), but have also been misused to ironically deny women any autonomy whatsoever, rather than striking a balance with "these systems are fucked, much of this stems from a place of coercion and misogyny, and not acknowledging that can feed into it, but as a marginalized class within that system women (and gender minorities in general) do still have the right to decide how they want to respond to that and informed consent still does matter" if that makes sense?

I feel like I'm not able to exactly address the root of the issue for myself with disability but I think it has some to do with the social model of disability, some to do with the way cartesian dualism has been used to divide the disabled community, and some to do with how I am both anti-psych and anti-phys (the institutions including the biased science as it currently exists, not say, medication or treatment).

It's like... okay I tend to look at my own disability through a mixed medical-social lens. In a "perfect" world, neither medical knowledge nor treatment would be gatekept. I'd be able to get medication for things like what are now labeled ADHD, POTS, and MCAS, including getting compounded medication without having to have an official diagnosis of MCAS (seriously, who does it hurt other than insurance company bottom lines to just make a med without corn or milk sugars/proteins or dyes as filler ingredients -_-).

I would still, however, be disabled. I do understand that that is covered under the social model's definition of "impairment", but I also take issue with the relabeling of disability. It seems oddly euphemistic in the same way that "differently abled" does - defining disability itself as only the social access barriers that cause people to be unable to live a satisfying, fulfilling life including with "impairments", to me ignores the reality of those of us with more severe symptoms and higher support needs.

As I saw someone say so well, "chronic pain is still gonna hurt." But it's also that the pain itself is still going to significantly impact my quality of life, even with full access to treatment and meds. My symptoms are still a physical reality within my body, causing distress and dysfunction, and disabling my ability to engage in certain activities - not just "impairing" said ability. It still would have a significant negative affect in my quality of life, outside of my control. And here I am referring to activities in again, a "perfect" world, where the only reason to do them is out of pure, uncoerced and uninfluenced desire.

There's also the way that rather than actually depathologizing what we label as mental illness, its ability to be profoundly disabling and its very nature as occurring physically for whatever reason has been ignored in order to be neuroableist and sanist against neurodisabled people.

I am firmly for self-labeling, and firmly against the forced labeling of any trait as "abnormal" and "unhealthy". I do think even for self-labeling, it's important to question the premise behind many labels and explore more deeply what you are actually using said labels to mean.

I have talked at length about what "demedicalizing DID", as an example, actually entails, and how it actually increases access to resources and treatment for those that want to pursue those things.

The labels themselves are social, even if they are categorizations for material experiences in many cases. The line gets blurrier with psychiatric labels, as the experience is essentially an internal abstraction of physical phenomena, and the categories themselves are significantly more arbitrary without that solidly material basis.

"Trauma" is used as a label to essentially put the onus of class oppression on marginalized people. Things like "dopamine" and "seratonin" at this point are little more than neurochemically-named horoscopes, in a discipline I already refer to as "the astrology to neurology's astronomy" - and noting here, that neurology and medicine in general are still themselves more partially social than the significantly more mathematical discipline of physics I compare them to.

I also have a reactivity to things that I perceive (or misperceive) as divorcing "mental illness" or "neurodivergence" from any kind of physical basis. It's why I think I was initially confused about your use of "pathologization" - my own bias causing me to struggle to see the difference between what ultimately are very clearly different understandings.

It was, "We should question the categorization of certain experiences as innately pathological, meaning abnormal, unhealthy, and to be suppressed," versus "Mental illnesses are diseases of an abstracted mindsoul, with no physical basis, and can therefore be 'overcome' with a minimum of effort and can never be profoundly or physically disabling".

Which, to be clear, I didn't at all think you were saying the latter. More that I struggled to recognize the former because I had not yet divorced "physical experience" from "specific pathologizing label" in my head, and ironically seeing it laid out so clearly threw such a wrench in that existing perception that I had to go in and decouple/detangle the two to get things going again.

Really, though, it seems it's once again about informed consent in a society where "choice" is so deeply and insidiously influenced by prevailing hegemonic attitudes. It's "if you're going to label yourself disordered, it is still good to question the very premise of that label".

In a world with no access barriers and oppression, I would still have some of the same physical experiences I have now. With unrestricted access to medical treatments that directly interface and alter my biochemical processes, I would still likely not be without what we now label as "symptoms". Certainly, assuming I grew up in that world, "trauma" might very well be an unrecognizable concept as to what it is considered in our reality - assuming it even existed in any meaningful way at all.

I guess it's just - where is that balance between acknowledging the extreme influence of current societal norms and ideas about disability, the way the very language we use to talk about them is steeped in those biases, misconceptions, and assumptions, and the way that a physical result is treated as the cause itself; with the existence of varied experiences of abstracted neurological phenomena, having/creating language some need to help define and understand ourselves, and those societal causes still engendering a physical result?

Is it in the connotation? Is destigmatizing the concept of disability and "disorder" (as meaning "causing distress and/or dysfunction as defined by the person experiencing it") and stopping their misapplication enough? I admit, when my disabled identity has been repeatedly denied by ableists, my instinct is to cling to the labels that say "yes, this is an experience that makes me not able to achieve my own personal desires and goals and causes me distress".

While the concept of "ab/normalcy" is deeply unhelpful and often harmful, there are times when I at least want to say "my material experience is not the same as yours despite your insistence that it is" to people who identify as abled, who have described their perception of my experience as something oppositional to my actual experience. Not abnormal, but not identical, either.

Maybe that's getting off in the weeds. I guess just... at what point does acknowledging my own experiences as a significantly overlapped venn diagram of innate physical and purely societal causes meeting at mixed causes and societal causes of physical results, cross the line into mislabeling societal forces as innate physical events.

Is it just divorcing them from the greater context of society? It is the reversal of causality? Is it the lack of acknowledgement that the way we label these experiences is inherently tied up in the social environment surrounding them? If I view some of my experiences as entirely unrelated to and uninfluenced by that social environment (at least to the extent that is possible), while still being a natural variation in neurology (or physiology) that is itself neutral overall regardless of how I experience it, is that enough?

Is viewing the things labeled as ongoing "trauma" and "mental illness" as a natural and rational response to class oppression a factor in depathologization, as long as we also acknowledge that the labels of "trauma" and "mental health" themselves carry meaning and bias and connotations that don't uphold or even contradict that belief?

I dunno. Maybe I'm just stuck in stubbornly not wanting to give up labels I've been forced to fight for because I'm scared to admit that I could have been fighting for not having them at all while still having my needs met in the first place. Maybe I am just struggling as someone who can't actually process or understand their own experiences without language to integrate a new understanding of that language into my paradigm. Maybe some parts of us are still reactively misinterpreting "question and examine how the language we use is a social construct and how that has been wielded against marginalized identities, including your own" as some sort of threat to our autonomy and in particular self-determination.

I may very well be afraid of and biased by those things, but the one thing I'm not scared of is examining that and admitting it's a possibility.

I guess I'm sending you this ask in particular precisely because you've articulated precise analyses of these subjects so clearly. I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you're willing.

Oh, this is the ask I thought I'd lost!

So, before I start, my own bodymindbrain is VERY compromised by COVID right now. I am living that physical illness affecting cognition life.

This is a great question and I'm really struggling to come up with a thoughtful response, because so much of it, I just don't know. I have no idea "how disabling" any of my disabilities would be if I lived in a society that accepted and accommodated differences, because I've never lived in a society like that and I can only vaguely imagine it. I know that part of that goal is making it so that the supports we receive (medical, social, or otherwise) aren't contingent on any particular label or any particular concept of "disorder." And also that they're never an excuse to infringe on someone's autonomy.

On the language of it all, I'm always struggling to refine my own use of language, but it's especially frustrating because any potentially radical/liberatory use of language gets co-opted and appropriated by pathologization (like "neurodiversity," "Mad," or "anti-psychiatry"). I've left so many groups that I thought were about rejecting pathologization that turned out to be about "recovery" or "healing" (which is fine for people who are interested in those things! I'm just not one of them!).

I also struggle with my own... parts of my mind/emotions that are distressing to me... and I struggle to find words for that that aren't part of the pathology paradigm like "mental health," and also aren't spiritual because that's not what I believe. I just don't know the words. I know that I have anxiety attacks and it sucks and I hate it, but I don't know good overarching terms for "The experience of having profoundly unpleasant unwanted emotional states" or "The attempt by various means to mitigate or remediate profoundly unpleasant unwanted emotional states."

Your question is better than my answer, and I'm sorry for that, but I'm glad you asked!