#how to accomplish tasks
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All the jokes about Ken and horses are good but I just wanna say it's such a good parallel to how actual young men get swept into misogyny and the patriarchy.
Like they're told to believe it means men get to be cool and manly and have this power but with that comes extremely rigid commands of what they can be as a man and a cycle of self hatred for never matching those gender roles perfectly. Patriarchy tells men that if they just do exactly what is expected of them, then they get all the "cool stuff" that comes with. That doesn't work though when there's only a small group that actually gets that power, but men will keep trying to fit into those roles in hopes that they can.
In the end there are no horses or the myth men are told, it's just endless cycles of self hatred and ingroup fighting.
#barbie#barbie movie#barbie spoilers#ig#ive got a lot more on how barbie looks at feminism and the patriarchy cause god they did it#not to say there isnt faults such as very little conversation about intersectionality#but i can also understand the impossible task of talking about EVERYTHING in one movie#not everyone will be happy and thats fine#anyway i think something barbie did really well is fight this battle of both wanting so deeply to love (romantically or not) men but also#not dismissing the fact its mens job to solve their problems themselves#that even if women need to be the front runners of breaking the patriarchy men cannot rely on them to solve their own problems completely#also just god im so glad this wasnt a girl boss slay movie#women deserve respect and love and life regardless of accomplishment#we should not have to be ceos and presidents and world problem solvers to gain equality#i can also understand if nonbinary people feel left out/disconnected from the movie#but as always gender abolition and acknowledging the gender binary (ie the one societially impossed) go hand and hand 👍#just incase cause idfk terfs dni the barbie movie is not for you#barbie literally states constantly that her gender has nothing to do with (non existent) genitals so f off
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Ever since i saw the thongTM i could not stop thinking about this 🐳
#käärijä#häärijä#khäärijä calendar#diary bit coming up in the tags bear with me since this is#also my diary kind of; this blog#this thing has fought me every step of the way - and it shows i know#but i needed at least /some/ tiny little crumb of standing up for myself against my own defeatist thoughts#not just drawing. just. in general there are so many tiny and medium obstacles to accomplishing tasks that i just feel#like such an idiot for not just getting rid of the obstacles and moving on#at the same time i know how very unfair this kind of thinking is towards me since i#literally have the neurodivergence of cannot set priorities for my life or coordinate several things unless under strong duress#and then i feel sad for not even living my life unapologetically#((and disappointing jere :') - you have not read this that would be way WAY too embarrassing for me)#and yes i know you shouldn't trust yourself after - what was it? - 19:00? Well. If I didn't have to struggle until 3 pm to get through#the wall of anxious paralysis we wouldn't have that problem but here we are#anyway. off to bed. for what it's worth#got to figure out how to electronically validate my ID :''') and/or call the job center - fun!#my own stuff
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Anyone else have near-perfect executive function at work; but at home, have literally no energy or motivation to do anything except lie in a dark room, with something in or on your ears for several hours?
#It’s got to be the schedule keeping me on task at work#I love microdosing strict routines (not having an actual routine for the day; but having routines for small tasks#which piss me off if I can’t carry them out precisely the way I planned)#For instance: If I’m asked to paperclip a bunch of stuff together with multicolored paperclips of various sizes#I cannot just indiscriminately pick paperclips from the container because that is WRONG and ILLEGAL#The colors must fit the theme of the assignments; and the colors must alternate in a specific order#and the paperclips must all be the same size#If I’m asked to dump out and clean containers of writing utensils I am going to sort them by type and color#whether you like it or not#Black permanent markers have their own container in a different section from the blue permanent markers#Dry-erase markers are not to be mixed with permanent markers because they are easily confused and it is WRONG and ILLEGAL#Do not fuck with the system. It’s the only organizational skill I have and by fucking GOD I’m going to use it in EXCESS#I stuff and fill out envelopes the exact same way every time because if I do it any other way it is WRONG and ILLEGAL#The stamp always goes on last to minimize monetary waste if there is a mistake#Now you’d think my room is squeaky clean and organized because of how particular I am about these small tasks#Right? Right?#NO IT IS NOT. It looks like a bomb went off. Cleaning the room is a big task which cannot be accomplished within two hours#therefore I have discarded it as anything I need a routine for because it would take too long to come up with#and it is very hard for me to do things like that without instructions or a sense of consistency#So I simply don’t#“After five years the dust doesn’t get any worse” correct; but the mold certainly does#I am convinced half my problems with organization as a kid would have been solved if I just had a hamper#“We have a clothes chute; you don’t need a hamper” Maybe you don’t but I DO#I want one now; but I’m going to use it as incentive to get an apartment#because that’s another thing I need to smuggle and I have too much already
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i rememorized how to solve a rubik's cube!
#unfortunately i accomplished this at 3am last night ;-;#i stayed up late for hw again and then needed a break#i love my stellar class sm bc the prof is such a down to earth and silly guy#who really prioritizes student lesrning over grades#and i love that so so so very much#and the content in class is cool!!!#the hw just takes me forever#and with everything else i have to do it piles up and i keeping staying up late to do it ;-;#and then after doing that + staring at a screen/coding for so many hours in a row i need a break before i go to bed#and then i stay up later#and by that time it's too late for melatonin#so i end up staying up later bc even though i'm exhausted i can't fall asleep bc i'm anxious#about the fact that it's late + how little sleep i'm going to get + whether or not i'll sleep through my alarms#+ the parts of the hw i still have left + the one million tasks i've put off and still need to do#tldr: i got like 4 hours of sleep and woke up 30 mins before class and rushed to campus (i didn't get to shower)#and i barely ate anything and i feel like shit#i'm about to eat lunch but i am shaky and unwell#i keep telling myself i can't keep living like this but i can't figure out how to not be in this situations ;-;#<- oh wow that's a lot of tags o.o#if you got to the end of them pls know i love + appreciate you sm for listening to me <3#i will be okay. just having a rough time rn#zip quips
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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cora’s bad time hell simulation steps or how to play “sprite station for girl” “harvest moon ds cute” the wrong way
(all ways are wrong this game is Accursed)
ok so here’s what my disorganized “guide” to myself for harvest moon ds for girl (aka indecipherable notes i wrote to myself as i played and revised as i tested various things and restarted due to mistakes) looks like. at some point when i become a real gamer i will write a legible guide meant for eyes to look at but uhhh this is how i play this accursed game personally
i’m not sure if anything i wrote will make any sense since i wrote it as notes to myself so probably definitely use fogu and fc2 jonason wiki (may not work but some pages should be archived) instead
ALSO if you’ve never played or barely played the game it won’t make sense at all! hmds was my first harvest moon so i am used to various horrors!
my play style is probably not fun in general HOWEVER if you are a grinding hell goblin like me then it’s GREAT!!!! if not you may still find it amusing that the game gives you permission to play like this
(it’s a great background task game while doing like productive stuff but otherwise playing this way would probably be unbearable)
(image limit)
anyway after that the days go a lot faster, you’ll get the island on summer 1, so on spring 30 i put all my money into million G tickets and sell 200 of em, do the 5x money thing, and save the rest. so when thomas comes the next day to sell you the 900 million G island you can just sell 180 tickets and do the 5x money thing again with like ~600 million G tickets left over. it takes up inventory but you’ll get the shelf in a few days. basically you just need to remember to order from the TV shopping every saturday and place orders with gotz and gray whenever they finish stuff.
random tips
after unlocking the fuckass hot spring sprites (the ones that require you to spend a total of 700 1 hour sessions in the hot springs) i usually grind grazing points— if you put your animals outside for 5 hours you get a “Love Point”, but if you interact with them after they earn that LP then the timer switches over and you can get another LP after 5 more hours. if you wear the time ring the whole time it’s 2.5 hours. i’m not very good at explaining this but basically if you’re super efficient you can get way more animal LP than you realistically should, which is great because the touch glove petting minigame is Bad!!!!
i usually wait on getting the rest of the purple sprites (the ones that require you to hire the purple team and ask for healing) until i’m totally done with the indigo team, cuz i wanna get HG’s purple heart event asap, but you can switch the order if you want
by summer y1 you’ll basically have a feel for everything. aside from Skye, Leia, HG and WP everyone can be married early-mid autumn if you want
if you want to Gay (in the japanese version only) keira is the quickest to marry. leia is the quickest to max affection but it’s impossible to get leia year 1 because the bottle you need to fish up can only be caught in spring. you have to wait until at least year 5 for WP and iirc year 6 for HG.
#i’m really sorry i can’t make this more organized#if i literally ever have time i’ll just make a video guide instead of pasting this because it’s easier to explain with visuals….#i can’t Write in an organized way i can only Visual Medium#i have a very complicated relationship with corobuckle station for girl#it scratches my brain#(derogatory)#(positive)#i have no idea how many hours of HMDS i’ve played in my life but it’s definitely the game i’ve played the most of all time#i’ll just paraphrase something i read on a japanese wiki for hmds/koroste a long time ago:#’i once again feel that the effort required for the completion of the task is unreasonable’#god i really hope ds gets a remake so all of the titles you can get in the mailbox become steam achievements#bokumono#if people find out there are achievements that take at minimum real life decades to complete with basically no reward#gamers will lose their minds and society will collapse#‘trying to accomplish it is like trying to collect a sparrow’s tears#so at some point it may be inevitable that you have to give up trying’#i really think the devs saw the ds could handle higher values than gba and went insane without considering balance at all#currently i’m trying to record as many cutscenes as i can in the jp version since y’know. english translation is very awkward#i am also trying to see if the pastor carter/cardi marriage option exists in the english version of cute#i will update so stay tuned for that if you want sex on the phone with pastor cardi b. i guess
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I've been yelling about my current campaign with friends, one of which is a native Russian speaker, who told me that 'Vasilka' can be used as a diminutive form of 'Vasilisa'. I don't know if the writers of the module did that on purpose or not, but it amuses me to think that the Abbot does lean into the doting father role just enough that he calls her by a diminutive, which is very cute and adds a small humanizing element to his character, I think. Also, I enjoy the fact that this gives me yet another little thread of fairy tale inspiration that I can weave into Vasilka's character themes, which is the Slavic folktale of Vasilisa the Beautiful.
A naïve young woman who stops waiting around to be rescued, and instead takes her destiny into her own hands, is deeply appealing to me and very thematically appropriate for Vasilka, who has been confined to the Abbey her entire life. If not for the party's intervention, she would still be there, staring over the battlements, and wondering what sort of world lies just beyond the Abbey's fortified walls.
I'm not sure exactly how much I'll be able to weave these themes into her narrative, but rest assured I'm ruminating on them all the same!
#curse of strahd#vasilka#cos vasilka#vasilka curse of strahd#cos npc#vasilka is also the most accomplished domestic in our party#in fact it's very hard for her to turn off the work brain#she gets very anxious if she doesn't have any chores or tasks to perform#when you only need to sleep for like four hours a day that just means more time for chores#the party is trying very hard to show her how to have fun#leisure time? what's that?
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Im so far behind, I haven't even started. I'm incapable of taking the first step. I know what I need to do, but I can't make myself do it :/
#my shit#how am i supposed to prove im good enough to do my masters when I cant accomplish basic tasks
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consider this au: on the gondola ride up to the top of lookout point, kenji and sammy discuss developing a crush on someone during their time on isla nublar. but bc their pining is so obvious they're like omg is it brooklynn/yaz??? and they're both just flabbergasted that the other one was able to effortlessly point out their crush that it just leads to them being like [spiderman pointing.jpeg]
#i live for samji brotp btw#in this au i like to imagine that after the gondola ride sammy and kenji go hard in trying to set each other up#like the camp fam needs to split up to accomplish a task? sammy is already volunteering kenji and brooklynn to go together#oh are yaz and sammy having a moment™️? well here comes kenji and he's gonna make a comment about how cute they're being#they just give off strong chaotic sibling vibes that i love and wish we got to see more in the show#view from the top#yasammy#brookenji#yaz x sammy#kenji x brooklynn#sammy gutierrez#kenji kon#yasmina fadoula#brooklynn jwcc#jwcc#camp cretaceous
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..
#Pda autism is debilitating#You mean people are able to just do stuff?#Their brains don't have fits if they have a to do list?#My brain is like 'oh we gotta do this? Sounds threatening. Let's not do it to protect ourselves:)'#And im like 'but we have to do this to complete the task...we cant even accomplish our dreams if we dont do it.'#My brain: 'nah sounds fake. How dare you force me to do things? I protest.'
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i see anti-jonerys
i block
#haters hate this ship for such different reasons#and all the reasons are lame as well#yawnnnn#how do i explain to people that it’s kinda gross to claim that jon will automatically be a threat to anyone?#we’re in his head us readers have no logical explanation to treat him like catelyn does#unless you actually think he’s an ambitious pos who’ll do anything for power#and think he wouldn’t care about who he hurts#and that’s so wrong cause that just ain’t jon 😞#thinking jon won’t be able to hold a leadership position after his resurrection is also dumb#there’s a shit ton of *in ur face* foreshadowing that he’s gonna be a king#ohhhhh and one more thing. the dragons aren’t slaves. dany is the MOTHER of dragons. and children do leave the nest eventually.#doesn’t change the fact that she is the Mother of Dragons. no one’s stealing anything from anyone.#(besides euron. and im both certain that he’s gonna accomplish his task and im certain that i’ll despise him even more for it.)#where there’s light there’s shadow. let me ship my light and shadow romance in PEACEEEE#jonerys
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Weird having an actual favorite band and knowing it. I don't really have many favorites it is hard to understand my feelings and even harder to pinpoint a 'better and more' feeling about one specific thing. But I know all of their songs, I listen to them all in a big playlist and never get bored, I am always happy to hear any song by them, I have every song's lyrics memorized, like ... they are my unequivocal favorite. There is nothing like it. Yes, I can get really into other songs, there are probably singular songs I can say I like more than any one song by this band. But I guess having a favorite is like what people say about getting married. I'm not explaining myself on that one actually I do have a point there that's an actual metaphor but I've decided explaining it is a bad use of my time. It's one of those artists that are popular enough and artsy enough that they can crop up as fic titles occasionally and no matter the lyric or song it comes from I can always tell immediately. I don't remember what the point of this post was I'm deep in my panic phase and it's 4 am and I was just sitting there singing I Have Made Mistakes to myself bc I can just do that, the whole song, and because it is very funny to go I have made mistakes I have made mistakes and I will continue to make them while in the middle of freaking the fuck out about existing or something. Bc you know yeah im one spoon away from setting the ends of my hair in fire because if I'm kindling for a little while at least I'll feel of use ????????? Yeah this post for sure had a point and it's devolved.
#tide of consciousness#Sorry that's a lot of text wow#Can we talk about the existential panic. I've been dying to talk about the existential panic#<- doesn't talk about it#Does anyone else get this. The feeling that is like the world is ending and its drowning and burning and it burns and nothing will ever beo#My best guess is I just have anxiety but it is very hard to believe that bc it feels so all consuming and terrifying and so so so much so m#The worst part is I'm not actually even feeling it I'm just sitting here using words that I know describe it bc it's like it just#Is happening. Behind a wall. And I'm here feeling the heat on the doorknob#Translating between the space where the feeling exists and the space where I reside#At some point I just go oh. I've been experiencing the world-ending terror for hours now#Like reading a letter!!!!!!!!! I just get a letter from my brain that goes 'emotions report. It all burned down years ago'#It's like and I know if I was in it I'd be crying and shaking and despairing so deeply and throwing myself around the room#And I feel like this EVERY OTHER DAY. Which is obviously why I apparently partitioned myself away from the feeling#Because you literally just you can't function with that#But surprise it's still there actually and I'm still having 2 breakdowns minimum a week#But now it looks like I'm normal and functioning to everyone else#So I seem like a horrible lazy fucking asshole who doesn't do anything but sit around accomplishing maybe 3? 4? Total minor tasks per day#Because I can't HANDLE ANYTHING ELSE !!!#HOW THE FUCK DO YOU FIX THIS#This is for sure something I shouldn't post but you know that's a rational thought for rational people
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I feel like "do you feel an accomplishment after completing a task" discourse is going the way of so many, where people who claim not to feel this are deciding they're the perfect ones to explain how they believe it would feel and ascribing an exaggerated level of emotion that few people ever reach, which means that more people read those posts and decide they also must not feel Sense Of Accomplishment Emotion: The Ticker Tape Parade when in fact everyone involved does, it's just small and weak bc they don't nurture that feeling and instead as soon as they complete a task they wallow over their belief that they're chemically incapable of being happy for themselves
#STOP INVENTING SYMPTOMS THROUGH INTERNET TELEPHONE#cassidy.txt#like this is just. this is not a good thing to Collectively Decide simply must be true#'oh tiktok and their making up shit about disorders haha' it's not okay just bc it's not on tiktok#if you don't feel accomplished after completing tasks there is probably many things you can do to better feel that#the answer is not 'I've decided based on this unsourced post that having ADHD means my brain is broken and there's nothing to be done'#like. ugh. I'm sorry but you have to be more credulous about information that feeds into a doomer mindset#it is a KNOWN THING that negative things feel more true because biologically it is important to remember and learn from negative things#and I see people swayed by it on here constantly while also mocking zoomers for believing everything they read online#I'm sure a variety of conditions impact how people feel that emotion#but the breakneck speed at which people have decided autism and ADHD just. can't feel happy after doing something??? is literally insane#and blatantly untrue. but it makes people feel justified in not doing the dishes so whatever#when I don't feel accomplished it's bc I procrastinated and it was super stressful but I'm not going to call that Symptom lmao#I'd have so much less of an issue w these posts if they were all sharing how to overcome it#but instead they're largely like 'I don't feel that emotion therefore it is ableist to expect me to do Anything'#and no it isn't. it means you do it bored and then reward yourself later
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odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets
#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually#we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive#i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth#like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system#so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier#like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON#and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time#we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton#it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes#like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks#but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier#we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it#and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking#side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it#like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great#i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully#and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot#also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao
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graduating really didn't make me feel anything huh
#not an accomplishment not even a relief#my emotional state is exactly the same#spending time at the internship is okay because i share a room with really nice and funny people plus my tasks are often interesting#and then i get home and don't want to do literally anything. nothing matters and there's no point of doing it#i'm borrowing some books from library tomorrow hopefully they will be fine#it's some translation studies and dog stuff because i really don't know how to engage with fiction anymore#and i'm seeing my dog this weekend. i hope the weather will be merciful on him enough that i will be able to take him for some nice walk#he's dealing very bad with the heat and it breaks my heart when i can't even provide him a joy of a nice nature walk when it's so hot :(
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i finally got my adhd med dosage worked out and also for like the first time since upping the dosage actually managed to take it consistently long enough for it to actually kick in over the last few weeks and god damn. that shit is magic.
#im on the non-stimulant version bc the stimulant ones were too up-and-down for me#so they kinda act like how ssri meds do in terms of slow buildup#but now that I'm there its!!! insane!!!#I've been falling asleep just when I'm tired which I just am totally unable to do normally#I woke up before my alarm today and was like maybe I'll take a shower!! in the MORNING! as soon as I woke up!!!!#and left on time for my appointment w time to spare - then instead of going home after having accomplished the one (1) task for the day#i voluntarily just went and did MORE things. like. for FUN. and didnt have to force myself and be like 'you'll enjoy it once you're there'#then I finished doing fun things at the river with the dog and was like. yknow what? I'm gonna be productive and work on the car.#and I DID. then hung out and socialized and watched a movie after?#at this point this is 4 WHOLE THINGS in one day????? and it wasnt prescheduled and I did it all because I just felt like it#I am fucking astounded. I am going to do everything possible to make sure I don't fall off meds again bc like. this shit is lifechanging#as long as I'm not physically too tired I'm actually looking forward to doing more tomorrow too#like. god damn. not having to force myself to do things that logically I know I enjoy and just being able to DO them is insane#I'm gonna go to the weekly farmers market next week and pick up veggies. and then make something with them.#⭐✨magic✨⭐
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