#how the hell do you have any trans friends in real life if you can't stand perceiving clockable trans women in media

[starfieldcanvas]

avoiding stuff that triggers you (unless and until you can get help to manage your reaction to it) is the correct way to deal with triggers!

and by extension, "nobody should ever include my trigger in anything" is the INCORRECT way to deal with triggers.

to cis artists, yr allowed to draw trans characters to be clockable, in fact i encourage it. it's not politically incorrect or offensive to depict trans people as being obviously trans, especially if you're drawing cartoons. its not a stereotype a lot of us just look like that

[punkitt-is-here]

I make a point of not wading into Discourse on this site, because this whole… debacle is something that provides a pretty good example of how there are so, SO many real-world factors at play in how someone goes about their opinions and feelings, and how arguments online are more a collision of those feelings than any sort of... productive statements on the efficacy of the positions being argued from, but... yeah. The echo chamber effect and not having a varied social structure can really screw with your perceptions of the world- I know it did for me when things were bad. "Nobody is there for you" and "You can't trust x people" are definitely the sorts of things I thought then. I'm grateful for the friends I've got who cover a whole swath of life experiences, who I do trust implicitly no matter what despite those differences in our worlds, and it seems like you've got the same- that kind of friendship is one where trust is a given- hell, one might even call it "magical", and everyone deserves friends like that. Sad to see that someone can't believe that we're more alike than we are different as humans. I find we're better off when we come to the world from that point of understanding.

Three of my best friends in the world are a trans man, a genderqueer person, and the most cis man on the planet. Every one of those people have wildly varying experiences compared to me in class, gender, and upbringing, but I would literally trust any of them with my life. No matter the differences in our worlds, the bonds I feel with them transcend those differences and thinking that everyone that's unlike you is out to betray you in some way is far more a product of trauma than it is of every single person on the planet. I hope everyone can come across the camaraderie I feel with my friends, genuinely. If you feel like you'll never get those kinds of people in your life, I can guarantee they're out there and they're waiting to meet you.

[pinkyjulien]

I did not expect hostility over my Flat Chest mod, so I'll half acknowledge it and kill some of the assumption before they take roots in other people's minds

No, I did not make this mod *because* I refuse to support Na's flat chest mod

Initial Mod idea was a working "binder" for Fem, something you'd equip to flatten the chest- like a real life binder, basically. It's part of my To-Do list of June, for Pride

The mod evolved as I got more ideas, I also started working on a body replacer, it's basically ready to ship as well, but I decided against it; not to step on toes and causing confusion with two "flat chest" body mods, knowing there is also another one in the work from a fellow modder

(the binders themselves will come much later, and will be available for both fem and masc body frames!)

Again, the mod started as a "binder"- I mentioned it multiple times, either in servers where I started sharing the idea, and in the tags of my mod post

"Binders" are not costumes. They are gender affirming aid, something a lot of person use; I've made a couple of "wearable" / "switchable" body parts mods in the past already, including a trans masc vagina, I really hope you don't see this as a costume as well?

In the universe of Cyberpunks, implants and synth skin are used by everyone, for all kind of purpose; GNC people, trans people and gender-fluid people would probably use implants and cyberware to sculpt themselves, feel comfortable in their body

Who's to say some rich citizen wouldn't have some fancy switchable body pieces- hell it's even canon in game, Mr.Stud and Mrs.Midnight? Switchable boobs are already a thing, I don't see what's wrong with switching up for a flatter chest

The survey's results aren't out yet, so I couldn't know. But that's beside the point, as my mod isn't a "bandaid" for any issue this fandom may have

If the name is causing trouble, I'm open to changing it; but the main goal, again, was to flatten the vanilla fem V chest, and I think "flat chest" is pretty straight forward for nexus users

Mmmh. Sorry but, no

Everyone is different and handle their own space differently, and I do not want to support people who did me, or my friends, any serious mental health damage. Be it from harassement, witch hunt and whatnot

I won't be dragging in there old drama from 2 years ago, but I simply won't support someone who tried to get a friend of mine fired from their work place, threatening to send a 30+ pages google doc to their leads and boss, and dragging all of their personal beefs to the public on multiple social medias. They ruined my friend's mental health, and I simply won't forgive nor forget.

That is my right. And I wish people would accept and respect that.

I won't tell anyone who to support or what mod to use/not use, NOBODY should tell you what to do, what to support, who to like or dislike; and nobody can control who I must support and what I must do. Simple as that

And I'm glad the flat chest body mod exist for people who wish to use it! I'm offering another option that I'm sure some people will find useful

Thank you :)

People already gave me trouble in the past for "doing work that already exist"

Those past few weeks has been eventful when it comes to "drama" especially involving Zwei, who's notorious for having a modding monopol and gatekeeping ideas in general

Let's not bring that same mindset here, yeah?

Everyone is free to mod what they want, whatever body they want, to refit what they want!

Again, just to point it out, mod isn't there to fix a problem, that's just a mod I wanted to make

It's a brand new mod, meaning it needs refiting; I did not test the flat chest bodymod, nor tried the already existing vanilla refit. And I won't, for the reasons I cited aboved a few lines before.

I'm glad you agree! Nobody has to do things they don't want to

You call it disingenuous, and I call it having principles/self respect; again, crazy how different people are from one another, and how we just can't assume everyone work and react the same as we do

I see, I see, the name is a big issue; I'm open to suggestion, feel free to leave a reply and I'll see what catches my eyes

Cause It's still my mod, so I get to decide

Anyway, hope this cleared up a few things, and sorry this made people upset!

For everyone else, thank you for the support 🧡

[gold-snek-hoe]

Hello and welcome to Opinions from an Internet Nobody. Today's essay:

"Ger therapy" is the new "You need Jesus": One Weirdo's Navigation through Cultural Shame

This is a supposedly well-meaning sentiment that is often weaponized against people who are behaving outside of perceived cultural norms. It's a favorite of homophobes who see queerness/transness as a mental illness, but I've been seeing it used to demonize kink (which historically is often linked to queerness), and more generally any "weird" behavior that makes people uncomfortable.

For example, otherkin, systems (especially those with fictives), and people who take fictional characters as partners. Y'know, "weirdos" who "can't separate reality from fiction." And, sure, sometimes there can be a problem with that distinction, but I know as well as you that most internet strangers saying "get therapy" don't actually give a shit about the mental health of those they target. It's code for "your behavior makes me uncomfortable, stop it."

Same sentiment as "you need Jesus."

This has actually taken me a long time to figure out. I've been in therapy for my entire adult life, working through various traumas, severe depression, anxiety, all that. Those were the biggest problems as they negatively impacted, and often endangered, my life. It was only after my hospitalization in 2020, where I was finally put on much needed medication, that I could start to grow into myself.

I changed my name. I top surgery. I came out as polyamorous. I finally got my official autism diagnosis. Now I'm fuckin' married! But... there are still things I'm working through in therapy. Mainly, shame over my "weirder" behaviors. My current therapist has been a huge blessing in helping me accept the things I was too ashamed to admit.

Now, I feel comfortable enough to share.

I'm otherkin. Always have been. My connection to my humanity is tenuous, and I'm sure that's connected to my autism. When mad, I feel phantom horns sprouting from my forehead. I have a tail that swishes back and forth at the base of my spine. In my soul, I am monstrous, and years of therapy has not erased that.

I feel like I'm only half in the physical world most of the time. This doesn't hinder my real-world success (I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, have an IMDB page, and am on my third book), but informs the way I look at the world. There's a whole other universe in my head that hums along with me in my day-to-day. That's part of why I'm so skilled as a writer. To ask me to divorce from that is to tell me to stop existing. Sorry, it's how I've always operated.

Lastly, and this is the one I'm really anxious about, I have a fictional husband. Now, looking at my blog, you might say "yeah, no shit," but I don't just ship myself with him. I mean I practice pop-culture Witchcraft, and the Goblin King is my patron. I mean I have a Labyrinth-themed tarot deck that I talk to him with. I mean I held a ritual to spiritually marry him. Basically, I Snape-wived myself.

And guess what? My therapist isn't concerned. It's not hurting my ability to live my life. I have other interests, hobbies, and goals outside of him, which he actively encourages in all our tarot sessions! I wouldn't be doing this if he didn't support me. My IRL spouse is usually there for whatever magical shit I'm doing, and supports me! Some of my closest friends know, and the only complaint I've gotten is "this guy seems important to you, I wish you told me sooner." Hell, my MOTHER knows and supports me, which is huge, because our relationship was pretty damaged after I came out as trans.

If you have a problem with the way I live my life, when literally nobody else does, take a good long look at why. You don't give a fuck about my mental health. You just don't like that I'm weird.

Tl;dr: My mental health is better than it's ever been since embracing the weird, so leave me and my imaginary husband Marak Sixfinger alone.

[valy-gc]

It's MC time guys!!

So I showed you Dust and Bram. They are two of my favorite MCs of thoses I created/imagined.

And now are some other favorites and it's 3 in 1!

Here is Kross (depressed one), Rinri (blond and glasses) and Jia (pink bows).

Their stories after the image (there is a lot but I love them so if you like them please read their story ^^)

Their backstories (it's long, you can go lower to have the Twisted Wonderland part, after the "what's in my bag" images):

First of all, let me clear a misunderstanding. Rinri and Jia are boys. Yep, the three of them are boys. Jia and Rinri aren't trans. Everything is explained bellow :)

They are triplets. Or more like, they considere themselves triplets. They have the same father, the great ultra rich Edward Murong, but they have three different mothers, the three living in three separates houses next to each other. But the three are born the same days, with just minutes of difference.

Their mothers were best friends. And they were friend with Anne-Marie Murong, Edward's wife. Edward was a real jerk, mysogyne and arrogant, thinking only of his compagny and producing a worthy heir. Heir he actually have with his wife. He don't care about any of his kids, not even his heir. They're just tools to him.

Jia and Rinri's mothers were really similare. They were gold digger bimbo, only thinking of appearance and they wanted girls. So, when they both gave birth to boys... they decided to raise them as girls.

Jia and Rinri DON'T identifie as female even if they actually don't care if peoples use she/her. It even amuse them. However, they loves dresses, skirts, frills, makeup and cute things. Rinri love gothic-cute and Jia love pastel-cute.

Jia and Rinri can't do anything by themselves. Their mothers, after having Edward's kids, received a huge allowance to raise them/to not bother Edward. So they had a housemaid, gardener... and a lot of pocket money to order food and anything they want. They were constantly alone, with a lot of restrictions (and the maid and gardener as the watchers). Their mothers wanted to have some sort of "stupid girls", just little gold diggers like them. So they taught them (more like paid someone for it) makeup, fashion, and to always have fun and let the "little people" do the hard work.

Jia and Rinri had to study in secret. They both have ADHD and are actually very smart boys but often "play" the stupid pretty girls, force of habit to have to be like this to please their mother (and it became funny to them, the look on people's face when they reveal how smart they are). Their mother also often introduced them as their "daughter" to old rich men. If they both look sweet and a little stupid, better not hurt Kross, because they become feral.

Despite all this, they are usually two ray of sunshine, always looking for the good way and they both love (family love, but they're really ultra close, that's why they say they're triplets) each other and Kross.

Rinri suck at drawing, he usually just do doodles, while Jia love aquarel painting with pastel colors of course. They both LOVE sewing their own dresses. Jia is really good a nail art and love video games, while Rinri is very good at singing and love nature and animals. His favorite animal is the crocodiles he call "swamp puppies". Jia prefer cats.

They're both influencer on instagram, posting cute selfies and pics, and showing of their sewing work.

Now, what about Kross?

Kross lived in the third house next to them. His mother didn't wanted girls or boys, she just didn't wanted kids at all, and made his life a hell. He was a little servant for her from an early age, often taking a beating or left to starve. She could cuff him to a heater when she was going out to meet mens and was hyper exigent for how the house was cleaned and picky about her food. The smallest little mistake was good excuse for a beating. he didn't even had a bedroom, sleeping in the garage with an old ripped blanket.

Since his mother, just like her two friends, was often out of the house, Rinri and Jia were always coming to his rescue. Rinri learned to pick lock so he could free Kross when he was cuffed to the heater.

Kross learned to cook very early and to master it very early too since mistake was leading to beating. So he was often cooking for his brothers too since they can't do anything.

In the opposite of his brother, due to a way harder life, Kross is usually gloomy. He lack self-confidence, often apologizes for everything and have protection reflexes when someone is angry near him. His brothers are kind of his safe zone. He also have social phobia and anxiety, to the point that he get into a panick attack if someone else than Jia or Rinri touch him (even just a light touch) He's actually fine with being in a crowd, as long as he's not alone (especially with one of the two with him) but he will rarely talk to peoples. He's always afraid of bothering peoples and tend to think nobody would care if he disappeared.

Kross love cooking, he's good at drawing and singing, even if he was doing that in secret. He's good a hairstyle on others, often doing Rinri and Jia's hair and he's smart just like his brothers.

While Jia and Rinri love taking care of themselves (like Vil) have a ton of product in their bathroom, ten different brushes and comb, a huge collection of makeup and accessories, Kross don't. He let them dress him, just refuse to wear anything too extravagant, comb his hair and do his makeup. He don't like bright color, he prefer black so he's not easily noticable. He don't like cutting his hair because he can hide with it, but he tied them in a bun when he cook.

Because of receiving beating from as long as he remember, more and more violent as he was getting older, Kross developped (as a copping mechanisme) an addiction to pain. His full legs and arms, from ankle to thigh and from wrist to shoulder, are full of cuts. He don't try to die. He don't WANT to die (thanks his brothers, they keep telling him they need him, so he want to live for them, that's the only way). He just seek the pain.

-

-!- Jump this next part if you are sensitive about r*pe attempt -!-

-

With the approval of his mother, a man tried to assault Kross. Kross was terrified and panicked, grabbed a bottle and broke it on the man's head. He was a little assomed but became more violent... until Kross grabed the broken bottle and sliced that man's throat.

-

-!- You can read from here -!-

-

After the altercation, Kross fled from his house to his brothers. Rinri and Jia were both in Jia's house (the three mothers were out... maybe in a nightclub). They both immediately helped him. it's after that he became really scared of people's touch. The three decided this moment they couldn't live like this anymore. They took some of their thing and ran away.

Not too long before that, they heard their "father" was dead and the Heir, Hai-Lee Murong, took over the weapon making compagny... to shut it down and make a model agency instead. (Hai-Lee is actually the one who killed his father) so the triplets though the best thing to do was to seek protection to their half-brother, despite the news saying he was cold and arrogant.

They discovered Hai-Lee was indeed cold but very humble. he's just wary of peoples because his life wasn't very prettier than their. When he heard how was their life until now, everything they lived and what happened recently with Kross, he immediately took them under his wing. He used his relations to arrest the three mothers. Jia and Rinri's for negligence, and Kross' for child abuse and murder (he put the man's murder on her)

He then trained his three brothers. Because the model agency, as was the weapon factory before, is a cover. in three giant basements, Hai-Lee have a very special work. Collecting artifacts to keep them safe, far from humans who could use it for bad, and also capturing cryptids and others creatures for two reasons: first, good creatures, to keep them safe. Second, dangerous creatures, to keep humans safe. His basement is full of aliens, unicorns, mermaids, slenderman... well all type of monsters and creatures. Some of the good creatures are actually working with him. All the model, photographers, makeup artists... well every single employee of his agency is in the secret and help him, as well as his family (they have another brother) and they are all trained in three others basements, one for all type of guns, one for close-fight weapon (sword, knife...) and one for fighting sport aithout weapons.

Hai-Lee also tried to help Kross with his pain addiction, by seing psy and all, but then offered him to get piercing. So that's why he have both ears fully pierced. he also have one at the eyebrow, tongue, each n*pple, belly button and... uh... a certain place.

The triplets ALWAYS have a gun in their bag, Kross with demonic bullets, Rinri with silver bullets, Jia with angelic bullets, and have each a protective artifact Hai-Lee gave them.

Kross have a tongue piercing, a little spider. If he take it off and use the pin to trace in the air, he will open a portal to any destination he already visited. He will discover that's not working for going from a world to another.

Rinri have an ancient amulet repelling malevolent spirits and curses. He keep it hidden in his clothes.

Jia have a ring, known to purify any poison or toxin that comes into contact with the wearer, whether ingested or inflicted through a wound.

Rinri and Jia also became models for him, while Kross prefered becoming photographer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now about Twisted Wonderland:

The three arrive at the same time... and in the same coffin/portal. Of course Rinri and Jia loving cute things immediately adore Grim. While Crowley was thinking of sending the two to an all-girl school instead, he was surprised to hear they were in fact boys too.

Of course Crewel and Vil like the two "girls" because they love fashion and sewing. Kross is closer with crowley, since he's really helpful and will never say no to anything, force of habit.

They are "One student" the three of them + Grim. Each taking care of the subject they're good at (Like, Rinri take care of Biology homeworks)

Each join a different club. Mountain Lovers for Rinri. Film studies for Jia. And Gargoyles research for Kross. Even Grim join Board Games.

Jia and Rinri love brushing Grim's fur and adding accessories to him and will always try to add accessories on peoples. Rinri is bossy, not in a bad way. Meaning he's good as being a leader and will totally put jerk in their place, with violence if needed. (and it's often the case)

Jia is more the type to be like "I'll destroy you on social media". Of course the two will join magicam as soon as they can to continue being cutie influencers.

I know it's not a dating sim but I have couples for them.

Rinri with the octa-trio

Jia with Idia

Kross with Malleus and Leona (yep I love making even more rivalry between thoses two XD)

No need to say, both Jia and Rinri have a lot of fun with Floyd especially. They both loves hugs and will always allow him to "squeeze" them to not let him touch Kross.

If someone touch Kross and put him in panick attack, one of the two (or the two at the same time) will respond with a punch.

Also about their uniforms... Jia and Rinri made them. And when thoses aware ask them why they made dresses if they are boys, like "You know your mothers aren't there to force you anymore?" they will both answer "I don't wear cute panties to hide them in pants!"...cause yes, both wears cute panties, gothic black or red with lace for Rinri, cutie pastel ones with childish designs for Jia. They ever wear girls' swimwears.

[thatfilthyanimal]

tw: stalking, grooming, pedophilia, sexual abuse, past suicidal thoughts

I've recently been made aware that Dupsy is still talking about me and is now going to random Megamind fans that don't know me and telling them to avoid me. I'm also aware that they're doing this in the Ruby Gillman fandom. I have no words to really describe the level of discomfort this brings me, but I will attempt.

First of all, all the "grooming" allegations were thoroughly debunked and proven to be bullshit. I can't believe I have to even say this. I'm a victim of grooming and sexual abuse myself. It's extremely traumatic and life-altering shit, and never something I would want to inflict on someone else. I feel like it should be obvious, with the measures I took in the server to ensure no child is exposed to such things. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to the shit that happened to me when I was growing up, and between processing that in therapy sessions and stomaching transitioning in a near-constant hostile-to-trans-people online social media hellscape, I am tired.

I love Megamind, more than anything, and this is known and obvious to anyone who's met me. This movie saved my life when I was extremely suicidal and planning to end my life back in 2010. Watching the movie when I did gave me something to focus on, a distraction, and a responsibility as a fandom member that helped distract me long enough to get out of the planning mindset I was in. Had I not seen the movie, I do not think I would have stuck around. I will leave it at that.

And moderating fandom spaces for Megamind has been lovely! I adore this fandom. The people in it are extremely talented and sweet, and just so damn nice, like by default. I say this all the time but I've never experienced another fandom space quite like it. There are usually bad eggs in fandoms, and perhaps -I- am said "bad egg" to some, but genuinely this one is special. I have always felt that way, even when the bad eggs show up and make a stink. It has always felt worth being here for, to me.

And while I hate to give Dupsy the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me, I need to be honest-- it's been rough. I stopped talking in my server, I locked up on most of my friends and stopped talking even in DMs. I still struggle with severe anxiety in the server and have talked to Dal on various occasions about transferring the server ownership to him. He's been very patient with my freakouts and super understanding, but it's still hard. This WAS a place I felt safe, for over ten years! And now it feels like any minor can just say I'm a groomer or a pedo or whatever with ZERO consequences, just because they're mad, just because these are words that make people go "oh shit" and listen, and man! It's not ok! And this coupled with the fact that trans people are often called groomers just for existing, just… man! I'm tired. I'm so tired.

There are real, severe, damaging effects to these claims being thrown around so casually. It's hurtful to me, as a victim of sexual abuse, because when I came forward to people about what happened when -I- was a minor, I was told I "wanted it" and "asked for it". It was made to be my fault that I was abused, and I internalized it for years. It nearly killed me. I cannot stress enough how important it is to not use claims like pedophilia and grooming so lightly-- these are VERY damning terms to use on people and should be reserved for people ACTUALLY HARMING OTHERS. Being mad I banned you from the server is not "abuse" and using my Customer Service Voice to be nice to you and then being obviously tired of you when you were banned is not "emotional grooming". What the actual fuck. ALSO. This was well over a year ago! Why am I still having to post about this? Why are you still TALKING about me? And yet again I ask, where the HELL are your parents?

Anyway, if you've been wondering why I've been so quiet these days and struggling to socialize… honestly? It's this. I hate that this is what did it. I know people trust and believe me, I know the fandom backs me up regularly and I appreciate them all so much for it. I see it, but I never know how to respond. You guys continue to make this fandom feel safe for me even when my entire brain is screaming to run, and I appreciate you so much for it.

Kids deserve to be trusted when they tell people they've been hurt and I hate that the recent proshipping discourse or whatever you want to call it, this culty all-or-nothing shit, has a bunch of minors growing up feeling like EVERYTHING is something to call rapey or predatory, with apparently little room to distinguish when REAL abuse is happening to them. I don't blame anyone for believing Dupsy, and it's honestly better they DO believe all unproven claims of abuse by default, just to stay safe-- but man, it has consequences that follow people, and really should not be a thing to just throw around because you're mad at someone. I just can't believe they're STILL going around and reaching out to strangers telling them to avoid me… like, what the fuck.

I will be ok, I always am eventually, but I needed to say something, because it's honestly been a while since I've said much of anything.

Keep being kind. <3

[royal-wren]

hi!! would you be open to sharing some of your experiences with worshipping the kharites? how have they impacted your life? i'm interested but there's so little information surrounding them. thank you so much :D

Ah hell yeah! I'll jump on any chance to talk about them!

I love the elder Kharites so much, sure I honor ALL of them but the first three are the ones directly in my life, and the third to have a statue on my altar. My main go-to with them is every art that has to do with writing, those that really eat up poetry and storytelling in all forms. They're givers of joy, grace, beauty, and eloquence, and the ones I lean on most for my own writing more than anyone else in company with two that they're in the retinue (staunch companions) of Hermes and Aphrodite. I feel like I might be the odd one out on my tendency to lean on them with H and A over the Mousai and Apollon, but it's just what feels most right for me. I can't dream of it being the latter when in my mind the five in question embody what grips and makes writing special while also being patrons of the arts.

To put it into perspective and why I went from honoring, to actively worshipping and now being their devotee and crediting them with every piece I make:

Bacchylides, Fragment 10 (trans. Campbell, Vol. Greek Lyric IV) (C5th B.C.) : "Truly the skilled man [poet or artisan] prospers in golden hope, whether he has won honour from the Kharites (Charites, Graces)."

Pindar, Nemean Ode 4. 6 ff (trans. Conway) (Greek lyric C5th B.C.) : "If that man with the Kharites' (Charites', Graces') favour haply bring forth the heart's deep mood to live upon the tongue."

Pindar, Olympian Ode 14. 1 ff (trans. Conway) (Greek lyric C5th B.C.) : "Whose haunts are by Kephissos' (Cephisus') river, you queens beloved of poets' song, ruling Orkhomenos (Orchomenus), that sunlit city and land of lovely steeds, watch and ward of the ancient Minyan race, hear now my prayer, you Kharites (Charites, Graces) three. For in your gift are all our mortal joys, and every sweet thing, be it wisdom, beauty, or glory, that makes rich the soul of man. Nor even can the immortal gods order at their behest the dance and festals, lacking the Kharites' aid"

From their theoi page: "The character and nature of the Charites are sufficiently expressed by the names they bear: they were conceived as the goddesses who gave festive joy and enhanced the enjoyments of life by refinement and gentleness. Gracefulness and beauty in social intercourse are therefore attributed to them. (Horat. Carm. iii. 21, 22; Pind. Ol. xiv. 7, &c.) They are mostly described as being in the service or attendance of other divinities, as real joy exists only in circles where the individual gives up his own self and makes it his main object to afford pleasure to others. The less beauty is ambitious to rule, the greater is its victory; and the less homage it demands, the more freely is it paid. These seen to be the ideas embodied in the Charites. They lend their grace and beauty to everything that delights and elevates gods and men. This notion was probably the cause of Charis being called the wife of Hephaestus, the divine artist. The most perfect works of art are thus called the works of the Charites, and the greatest artists are their favourites. The gentleness and gracefulness which they impart to man's ordinary pleasures are expressed by their moderating the exciting influence of wine (Hor. Carm. iii. 19. 15; Pind. Ol. xiii. 18), and by their accompanying Aphrodite and Eros. (Hom. Od. viii. 364, xviii. 194; Paus. vi. 24. § 5.) They also assist Hermes and Peitho to give grace to eloquence and persuasion (Hesiod. Op. 63), and wisdom itself receives its charms from them. Poetry, however, is the art which is especially favoured by them, whence they are called erasimolpoi or philêsimolpoi. For the same reason they are the friends of the Muses, with whom they live together in Olympus. (Hes. Theog. 64; Eurip. Herc. fur. 673; Theocrit. xvi. in fin.) Poets are inspired by the Muses, but the application of their songs to the embellishment of life and the festivals of the gods are the work of the Charites."

It certainly doesn't help that so many of the gods I focus on and are most important to my personal worship directly have them in their retinue or are their companions in the sense like the Mousai and the Horai where it's more an equal footing kind of thing versus what it's like with Hermes, Aphrodite, Apollon, Athene, Artemis, Dionysos, Hera, Hekate, and while it isn't noted anywhere, I can't see it in any other way than Hestia's inclusion as one of the trio leaders of festivities with Hermes and Dionysos and the Kharites embodying mirth, cheer/excitement, and festivities.

The best way to devote yourself to them and my go-to when I'm down and don't have the energy or focus and willpower to do much more is to do something for myself that will bring joy, comfort, and elation in their name. Hedonism and doing your hobbies go a long way with them.

Further reading:

The Graces in Ancient Greek Mythology

The Graces by Louis de Jaucourt

The three Graces, or the allegory of the gift published by Denis Vidal (also here if the other link dies)

Pausanias tries to visualize the three ‘Graces’ of Orkhomenos in Boeotia by Gregory Nagy

The Three Graces: Cosmic Harmony in Scève's Délie by Joan A. Buhlmann

The Three Graces: Composition and Meaning in a Roman Context by Jane Francis

[kitsune-pop]

so, I see plenty of posts talking about using words like faggot and tranny and other reclaimed words, then getting into arguments with young, sub-21 people about the use of them. and like, I def get it, it's annoying as hell having someone try and dictate what you can and cannot say or do in your personal life, but then I see people get REAL aggressive and exclusionary towards those young people. and like, you gotta look at it from their perspective

and I'm going to lump anyone under the age of 21 as minor because like, if you can't go to a bar to get real life queer experience how tf are you supposed to learn

most minor queers are coming from a non-queer background. best case scenario they have a supportive family and some queer friends at school. but, these are not queer life experiences. schools have so many rules in place to stifle queer kids from being able to express themselves, and some even have rules that allow peers and faculty to actively discriminate against queer kids. it's hard, even in a more progressive school, to get real life queer experiences that aren't watered down to be more palatable for cishet peers

social media is even worse. you're not even allowed to say cis on twitter anymore, using things like faggot or tranny or dyke isn't allowed on facebook or instagram even if you're in your own community in these spaces. and these are the places most minors are getting any kind of social experiences in their lives. they are constantly being told that there's "good" and "bad" queers, that you do t want to be cringe, or otherwise unpalatable to the cishet people in these spaces. if a minor is constantly told that certain words are bad, and people who use these words are bad, of course they're going to think they're defending queers by attacking people who use these words

I came out as trans three years ago. I used facebook for my social media at first. and in trying to find community on that site, the best I got was a couple of trans lesbian groups. since rejoining tumblr, I've discovered I'm a puppygirl, a furry, a bratty bottom. I'm clicker trained, into omegaverse, poly and a faggot tranny. and that's entirely due to the comparatively minimal queer censorship on this site (and even this site censors queer stuff way too much, just not as aggressively as other social media sites)

so like, if a minor stumbles across your blog and seems horrified, that's likely because they've been exclusively exposed to cishet palatable queerness, and not real life queers. rather than arguing with them and demeaning them, we should attempt to educate them. and like, of course there's gonna be annoying ones who don't want to learn, and that's on them, but we should be more welcoming and understanding of minors who probably have never interacted with a deep-queer rather than a palatable one

[queer-nervous-wolf]

Watched I Saw the Tv Glow and jfc I need 3-5 business days to process and after that watch it 10 more times. I think it can be read in many different lights and be a allegory to lots of different things. Being the weird kid, being neurodivergent, especially autistic, being queer, gay, being trans being nonbinary being so so mentally ill and different symptoms of mental disorders and trauma.

Long rambles under the keep reading, Spoilers

Do you want to interpret it as more "literal" ok so owen has to go back to save himself (still very trans no matter what obv) somehow they've been transported to hellish 'realistic" world and are dying in their graves while plugged into the lunar matrix. You have to wake up.

Maddy was actually not doing mentally well, experiencing delusions, massive disassociation that her and owen shared. Owen disassociating most of his life. Finding safety in the made up world. Finding safety and peace in dying. Mental breakdowns. Only way to be free is to be in a grave. Shared delusions. Shared experiencing some mental illness that is only treated as bad or hurt by ones who should help you. Different scenes could be interpretation as suicide attempts. ( To be completely honest when Owen has the box cutter I genuinely thought he was "freeing and seeing" himself finally but it was gonna cut to his coworker finding his dead bleeding body. Glad it wasn't that.)

Feeling like you dont belong for whatever reason (queer, trans, neurodivergent, traumatized) (for me personally this is a very autistic fear/experience) so you sink into a made up world with another weird person. They are the only one who gets it. Your reality is shoved In your face (your mom dies). The show ends. Your friend disappears/moves/dies. You are alone. You are weird. You go through the motions but nothing feels right, real, you are suffocating. You are trying so hard to mask but you can't do it right. Your friend shows up and tells you that your can make your life as good as when you were watching your favorite show. Your life can be that happy, that show. But it's gonna hurt and there's gonna be a lot of change and uncertainty. You're to scared, you choose to stay in the hell you know, to scared about the unknown and uncertain. You do nothing because you are so scared of doing something. Have opportunities past you? Could you have been happier? Can you be happier? You have to move to find out. Change is the most terrifying part. Why can't you just take a step forward? You are suffering where you are but changing is scary you are frozen. You're suffocating to death, your heart is cold and scared. Could you have been happier already if you had done something earlier? Is there any point? Both edges of the sword are digging into you. You finally snap and realize you want something to change. Now you just have to do it.

Being trans. I interpreted the scene where Maddy invited Owen to run away with her it's also inviting him to come out of the closet. He's so fucking scared. He cleans his skin raw and hides himself. He continues playing the boy role given to him. Maddy was reborn but it fucking hurt getting to the point where she's at now. And now she's come back for him. For Isabel. Open your eyes. He views him trying on a dress, being Isabel something as a silly things kids do, as fake as the show. His dad tells him that show is a girl show. His dad dies and now he "has to become a real man" jfc he's killing himself. Looks back at his childhood and thinks how childish he was to dress/act like a girl. He had a family he's happy (he's playing the man role as best he can. This is what is expected right?) He is surrounded by coworkers and kids and he realizes he can't fucking do this anymore. He's dying like this. He will die if nothing happens.

There is still time

He finally looks inside himself. He sees more then a empty hole. There is something. He hasn't lost everything. He is still so apologetic to others, apologizing for his existence especially because it's "complicated" and not fitting the role. But there's hope. It doesn't matter how old he is. Maybe he will bury himself and crawl out of the ground as Isabel. Maybe Tara will be there. Maybe he'll finally able to breathe, to find his heart. He's made a first step.

[wirewitchviolet]

I am so sick of poverty.

I am doubled over right now in my broken chair layering my clothes up because it's 20 degrees out and I can't afford heat. I haven't eaten anything tonight because I can't afford food. Things could be worse. I still have electricity. I still have a roof over my head, for now, in a bad neighborhood where I'm too terrified to ever set foot outside and I'm constantly having to deal with screaming, car alarms, and sirens. I have no real way of paying my rent, and haven't in some time. I just keep begging and getting one-off help from people and eventually that luck is going to run out. I genuinely did not expect to still be alive this month, I don't know if I'm going to be a month from now, and I genuinely cannot picture anything that can change my situation.

I'm just sitting here right now thinking to myself, "why is my life like this?" and I really hate how the answer really just is that I'm trans.

If you don't know what that means, and statistically you don't, that means I was born with a really quite boring fluke medical thing where my endocrine system makes certain chemicals in the wrong ratio which, if untreated, completely messes me up with really gross and disgusting physical symptoms and causing all sorts of awful brain issues that make it basically impossible to live... BUT, there's really cheap readily available supplements to get those where they should be and then you're fine. So in a halfway reasonable world, this would just be like how some people need glasses or a hearing aid or any other sort of medication people might need to take for something.

But, we don't. We live in this super messed up world where because being trans is such a rare and uninteresting thing, a tiny handful of weirdos, for reasons beyond my comprehension, have this all-consuming obsession with doing everything in their power to harm trans people, and have spent literally their entire lifetimes spreading utterly bonkers propaganda, lobbying lawmakers, getting onto medical boards, and just acting as traditional good old fashioned stalkers, with the net result being this swirling miasma of false information, stigmatization, mistrust, and of course, depriving people of necessary medical treatment.

One of the nastier specific effects there is that you can't just get the aforementioned medications you need to live a normal boring life as a trans person. There is this whole wild and wacky hazing ritual built into international medical standards where you're literally required to humiliate yourself in public for a good year and make damn sure everyone around you knows you're trans, and can properly make your life hell for it.

So back to my little story here. I'm trans, I decided I would in fact like to have some sort of bearable life with a functioning brain and a minimum of weird gross physical problems, and had to announce this to the world. IMMEDIATELY, I have stalkers out the wazoo. I'm getting death threats. Family isn't speaking to me. Friends aren't speaking to me. People I've worked with/for my whole life cut all ties with me. I just had to sort of start life over from nothing well into adulthood.

And you know, I managed that. I've worked as a journalist and a game designer my whole life, those skills aren't the worst for working on your own, things were starting to get off the ground. This despite/because the whole thing with neo-nazis coming out of the woodwork and attacking trans people both with life-ruining tactics and, you know, guns. But, you know, as fate would have it, some people who don't do proper research put too much stock in some cover stories suggesting that they're actually targeting journalists, and when it shakes out to the contrary, decide to absolutely crush the trans people whose lives are actually in danger and are reporting on this... while at the same time the worst TERF in America is literally getting trans journalists blacklisted, stalking people, teaming up with neo-nazis, all that good stuff.

Anyway, as it happens, basically all the people I've met in rebuilding my life care enough about staying on the good sides of some of the above people, and are all too happy to completely throw me under the bus, not only cutting all ties with me but also starting some horrible rumors and leaking my closely guarded personal details to some particularly frightening people, forcing me to flee my home with just what I can carry out in a day... multiple times. And of course, again, I've lost more or less all of my friends, my ability to find work, and I have the setbacks of sudden homelessness and someone skipping out on a joint charity project with all the donations people had made, burning down all the vital operating resources to boot.

And this of course is all before the whole bit where the site formally known as Twitter spontaneously kicked me off with no chance to exchange alternate contact info with anyone, because wouldn't you know it, the new owner has an irrational hatred of trans people and has neo-nazi stalkers of mine kissing up to him in a way he's weirdly protective of.

But wait, there's more! All these fascist stalkers monitor me at all times to make sure I can't get any work of any kind, and I'm forced to live purely off direct patreon donations and government programs. But that gets into some other fun problems. Stalking comes with identity theft, evading would-be murderers involves changes of legal name and address. These confuse a lot of government databases, so I lack a valid social security card in there somewhere. Also causes problems with paypal. And with medcab programs. And then there's good old fashioned medical discrimination. I haven't seen a dentist in years because the last couple I've been referred to outright discriminate against trans patients. I need some surgery performed, and my health plan keeps telling me I can only see surgeons who have almost no experience if I'm lucky, and a history of horribly botched procedures otherwise.

Oh, and the reason I have no food? I WAS on an assistance program, but in the yearly audit, someone noticed that my rent significantly exceeds my income. You would hope seeing that they'd realize I'm REALLY in trouble and if anything give me more money, but hey, one of those weird bits of propaganda about trans people is that we're all sex workers, so the people handling this case leaned into that bias and are insisting I must be withholding income information with some vague insinuations on what they're speculating, and denying me access to food, BECAUSE I'm losing access to shelter.

So yeah, if people could just be normal about trans people, I'd have no stalkers, still be able to work, see doctors when I need to, and if I had shortfalls still, at least be able to eat. As is... yeah I might just die in the next big cold snap while I try to beg money off people to cover my rent and buy a few cans of soup.

Sorry to be a downer. Patreon link if you want to try to help.

[a-teacup-of-golden-cracks]

tw this is a trauma post but it's also a narrative I'm proud of. Suicide and self harm (mental and physical) will be mentioned.

To help those who aren't me understand, I think in part in references since it is both easier and more fun than creating original thoughts.

(1): reference to the videogame Omori

(2): reference to the movie The Dark Knight (take a guess as to why I like and relate to the joker)

(3): reference to a song I like (in order, HOPE by NF, Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park, Love the Subhuman Self by AISHA, Arc System Works, and Jamison Boaz)

(4): a random saying I heard and enjoyed

“No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies”

“Behind blue eyes” by The Who

Welcome to the nonsensical abyss of my mind, you've been here as long as you can remember (1). By reading this you're getting to see my thoughts without translation. Nothing here makes sense to anyone except me, I make references others rarely understand. But allow me to tell the story of how what you see now came to be. You wanna know how I got these scars (2)? “I spent years of my life holdin’ on to things I never should've kept, full of hatred, years of my life wishin I was someone different looking for some validation.” (3)

Middle school was a special sort of subtle hell for me, it stole things without me noticing. First it was my feeling of impervious safety when a kid laughed at a genuine heartfelt remark I made. Then it was my trust that friends would never betray me and always respect me when they wouldn't stop making jokes at my expense. Slowly, steadily I descended into paranoia and loneliness, and thus my contentedness with life was stolen. The ax forgets yet the tree never does(4).

A secret hidden issue that I only found out this year was that the ADHD meds I needed to take to function may have been causing the paranoia to start with. I still don't know how to feel about that, that all my issues and trauma might stem from something that's not even real.

Once I started high school it became more and more apparent that nobody liked me. At least not for very long. I never learned to function in middle school so I was still struggling with what everyone else already knew and mastered. Giving a compliment and sexual harassment, would you like to know the difference? I would've but nobody told me until after I'd been punished.

Intent vs impact, I never intended to hurt anyone yet my impact was that I did more often than not. So I cut off the things that hurt people, removed them from my mind. Who needs humor? Not me if I can't use it right. Who needs to give compliments? Not me if I can't say it right. Who needs to hug people to show affection because it's your primary love language and you want to show everyone how much you like and appreciate them? …… not me…. if I must…. to not hurt them…

You see where my inner pain starts now? Where the scars in my mind begin? There were two things I could never bear to cut and slice away, my name and my kindness. Most trans people change their names to align more with their gender but I decided no. I am done changing things for other people to accept me more, they never do. My name is Daniel and it's the sum of my entire being. If I am non-binary, or a woman, or some eldritch horror that everyone fears and that has lost every shred of humanity because of the things I've endured, then my name represents all of that. It's not my issue if people make a poor assumption about my name because of what they think it should be.

Maybe I don't even want to be human anymore if all that humans have shown me is hate. All throughout high school it was nothing but hate or dislike shown to me, barely any kindness outside of my family. So I isolated myself from everyone, to avoid those who hated and to not burden my family with my issues. I'd handle it by myself like I always had in the past and I'd be ok.

I was not ok.

I was rageful. I was tearing myself apart more and more and more internally, only my desire to never hurt anyone kept me from tearing the school down brick by brick with all the students inside it. But maybe… could it be I was the exception and the problem? Could it be I'm the one who deserves to hurt for the pain I've caused? Should I hurt myself? And so I tried once, a good solid punch to the forehead that didn't make me feel any better and never tried again.

The pain I deserved wasn't physical, it was mental and so I gave myself infinite mental pain. What an idiot I was for giving that compliment when clearly in retrospect it was sexual harassment, what a dumbass I was for saying that joke, looking back I deserve to lose my entire friend group over it. Maybe I'd be better off if I didn't exist anymore if I caused more harm than good and could never seem to learn or improve. The thoughts I had then… and sometimes still now… it's so hard to remember that looking into the past makes everything obvious in the worst ways possible…

But there was a light eventually, someone who told me all that was wrong. Someone I met online and will never see in person, someone I messed up horribly with and yet she still forgave me. Thank you infinitely June. You showed me that monsters can be good.

So I steeled my resolve and used my rage at myself to look inward and outward and found that I was being mistreated and misunderstood. I shouldn't kill myself to not exist or hurt people because I would improve and I could make others improve. So I stood at the very last meeting in front of the whole school and spoke the truth of my mind with as much respect and rage as I could muster. So much pain and anger and hate and sadness I'd endured and I showed all of it to the entire high school of 300 people.

I've never felt more satisfied in my life than when the headmaster of the school himself asked if there was anything he could do for me and I said no. I've never felt more proud when I met with him two days later and asked for a neurodivergent support group to be created for the middle and high school, and he said yes. Half a year later my brother told me that the headmaster stuck to his word and did more than I asked. I never felt more vindicated than when I was told by my only friend that he'd heard people making school shooter jokes after I stood up and told my story.

And so I started to heal. My humor, I did need that. How could I be happy if I could never make myself laugh? My desire to give joy and be kind, I needed that. How could I not fulfill the purpose in life I'd made for myself? My ability to hug and love and be happy with others, I needed that. Desperately. “I want to heal, I want to feel what I thought was never real, like there was somewhere I belong.”(3) I just needed to find better people who understood. I reconnected with my family and told my pain and tried in every possible way to show how sorry and sad I was for cutting them off. I couldn't stitch the old bits back onto me but maybe I could grow something new. Something I wanted and I loved, for me.

I can never fully heal, that's why you see the holes in my form, but I've incorporated them now, so that they help me as much as they hurt. I carry on and love my subhuman self, accept me for me and go back to being with humans (3). I give them the kindnesses I can but only after I do that for myself. This is the kindness and respect I give to me, the biggest change I made, because I deserve it as much as everyone else. Now close your eyes and you'll leave this dream (1).

“But my dreams, they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be.”

Behind Blue Eyes by the Who

[funforahermit]

It's funny how being a fan of Rhys Darby has led me to become a fan of a lot of his friends as well. That's never happened to me before, with any of my other crushes, and I don't really know what's different this time?? Maybe it means that I just really have a thing for kiwis, who knows 'xD But let's see -

There's Jonno Roberts of course, absolute comedic GENIUS, pipes like you wouldn't believe, actor par excellence, and sexy as fuck. His on screen chemistry with Rhys is off the charts, even better than Rhys and Taika imo (controversial opinion alert 'xD), but I find that I also enjoy watching Jonno on his own. And the little bit I know of his personal life is endearing as heck, not least because he's a firm trans ally.

David Farrier, irresistable mixture between fearless journalist and complete mess! Dark Tourist, Tickled, Mister Organ - those are all deeply fascinating documentaries, and I can never decide if I want him to tell me more about the deepest darkest secrets of humanity or if I want him to get the hell out of there and stay away from danger for god's sake 'xD Lately I've been going through his podcast Flightless Bird, and just... everything he talks about is really interesting and compelling. And yes, the accent helps, I admit that. Also, bonus points for being a fellow bisexual 🤟

Jemaine Clement!!! God he's hot. Like is it just me or is he just..... SO hot. Like damn. I'm sure I could also talk at length about his talent, but I am kind of distracted. Fuck.

Bret McKenzie: I adore his solo album Songs Without Jokes, I listened to it so many times when it came out, and now all the songs are part of my permanent playlist. I love them to bits.

The last two together, obviously, are the best duo ever and I can't get enough of their songs or their comedy.

Steve Wrigley! Now I'm not gonna lie, I'm not the biggest fan of his stand-up and for the longest time I couldn't understand why Rhys would insist on touring with him and make him his opening act all the time. But I get it now. I've grown to love him for the amazing friend that he is, and for looking after Rhys so perfectly - even if some of his jokes make me go a bit :/ (The Ohakune airport story is hilarious though!)

Dan Schreiber - NOT a kiwi! 'xD Amazing brain, amazing way with words, amazing spirit of adventure, amazing sense of humour. One of these days I'm gonna listen to all his other podcasts (beside the Cryptid Factor I mean), just haven't found the time yet.

I feel like this is an uncomplete list, but I gotta go and do some real life stuff now.. Just wanted to say that I love them!! And I've got Rhys to thank for knowing them at all.

[maybeamiles]

You know what? I will never stop being angry about the way the wider one piece fandom treats Yamato. The way there's a fucking debate about whether he's a man or a woman and the way people will use she/her pronouns for him IN SPITE OF the fact canon NEVER does that.

(and I say "Yamato uses he/him pronouns" mainly because I haven't gotten to his full story in the anime yet, and as I understand it we don't know if he identifies as a trans man or a woman who uses he/him pronouns)

I know people who are in the exact same position as Yamato. One of my IRLs uses he/they pronouns and presents femme. I do not know if this is because he wants to physically transition but can't or if they have no desire to physically transition or if he considers himself a girl but doesn't use she/her pronouns. Someday I may find out, but until I do am I supposed to not use their pronouns? How could I call him my friend, someone I love very much, if I didn't?

Hell, I've been Yamato. I've grown my hair out because of depression and had my tits out cause binding would be too uncomfortable. I look like Yamato when I have my boobs out (except i'm fucking tiny but shhh).

So yeah, I feel personally attacked when someone uses she/her pronouns for him. Because I've been him and I know people like him. And one of my biggest dysphoria triggers is having my identity be presented to someone, and then rejected. So of course it would hurt to see someone who passes as well as I feel I do, to see a guy who confidently proclaims his identity to the world regardless of his appearance, and to also see half the fandom reject that identity. It hurts more than getting misgendered in real life does, because at least in real life people have the excuse of not knowing.

So yeah. I'm gonna be pissed off every time a Youtube commenter calls him "she" or when redditors try to "clarify" his gender by talking about "her" being "confused." Because at BEST they saw tits and previous she/her pronouns and didn't read the subtitles any further. At worst, they read the subtitles, and decided that since Yamato was BORN a woman then NATURALLY it's okay to use she/her pronouns because she's just "confused" and "not really trans" as if THAT MAKES IT ANY FUCKING BETTER. AS IF ONE OF THE BIGGEST TRANSPHOBIAS TRANS MEN FACE IS NOT THE IDEA THAT WE ARE "NOT REALLY TRANS." Of course i'm gonna be pissed off because I do not deal with my dysphoria every single fucking day only to see people reject Yamato because they don't talk to enough trans people in their everyday lives to realize that it doesn't fucking matter if someone's a trans man using he/him pronouns or a cis woman using he/him pronouns, you use the goddamn he/him pronouns.

[macksting]

I'm gonna try to find other places my favorite people here are, that are not X or Tumblr. I'm gonna try to retain my contacts here. But I'm leaving again. I don't feel a need to get myself banned to make some point, and it looks like that's easy to do for now. He wants us off this site? Fine, I'll go. There's better places to be anyway.

But before I go.

I apologize in advance to any Christians who feel unfairly hurt by what I'm about to say, but: I don't hate Christianity, but I hate being unable to escape it anywhere I go. In the same way that a Christian atheist may still have a rabid hatred of Muslims, I find Christian and ex-Christian trans women still want our suffering to be holy, to be martyrs. Mostly they don't go running into the mouth of hell to suffer, if nothing else because that'd hurt and most of them aren't that devoted to this mindset; and some of us fly too close to the sun not out of masochistic death cultism but out of just being at heart a bunch of pains in the ass, so I ain't talking about that either. I'm talking about needing to be seen as suffering, as more suffering than others, as a kind of social oneupsmanship. And it's not better to do so in some kind of communion or solidarity or whatever, it's still ridiculous no matter how you do it.

We should be learning about the means of each other's oppressions, to better understand our own, not turning it into a fucking pissing contest.

And I cannot escape these mindsets. I see these baffling crab-bucket behaviors in these shitty online spaces that I almost never see in real life, with real world groups and people, because... iunno, maybe because I live in the PNW and a lot of folks didn't grow up being told that suffering is the highest form of virtue and therefore that if you are not suffering enough then you are not virtuous enough, and since real suffering sucks, it's best to just make people accept that the level of suffering you're going through, which is bad, is superior and unique and untouchably awful.

My friend Michael says it's also kind of a white thing. By creating a hierarchy of who is most oppressed and placing yourself on top, you can make yourself feel immune to criticism, and apparently this is just something a lot of white folks feel they need. Myself, iunno, I'm white too, I hope I don't do that, but I suspect my particular brand of OCD means my anxieties in that regard can't be alleviated without significant therapy and medication, which is not better but it does seem to make me a little less likely to try to put myself on top of hierarchies out of sheer terror of myself.

I seriously cannot escape this shit. I dunno how much I've got to go dismantling my own bullshit, but at least I wasn't raised Christian. It must be so exhausting. If you see me posting something positive that's happening, believe me, it's not intended as toxic positivity. It's intended as a radical statement that a better world is possible. It's radically asserting that life is not pain, and that our pain has causes that can be dealt with. And I dearly do hope it pisses someone off to see someone living their best life in spite of the horrors. A car outside our homeless shelter says, "Birds sing after the storm, so shall we," along with countless Christian statements scrawled all over it, and I am not waiting for some storm to pass. It won't pass in my lifetime. I'm singing now. And some of those songs are happy, and some of those songs are angry, and some are both.

If all you want is the aesthetics of suffering or the aesthetics of social justice, fuck off. I don't need more Christendom. I'm trapped in this place, and I am so fucking tired of it. I feel like Shrek yelling at Donkey, "can you please stop being yourself for five minutes!"

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I can't in any capacity say that I'm an ally to anyone. That's not me being an asshole. That's not me being a bigot. I'm an ally to no group. I'm a friend to people. And I care about people. Someone asked me about one of my asks where I got called a transphobe and a homophobe and it reminded me about the topic in general.

Fact is I don't care what color you are. What religion you belong to. What sexuality you are. What Identity you assume. If you are not a dick to me or to people that I care about, I won't take issue with you. What's weird though is to be called homophobic when a lot of my friends are lgbt. And this is not one of those, "Well I have a black friend" moments. I legit have friends from varying walks of life. One of my best friends from college was a gay black furry. And one of my favorite past times was picking on him in playful ways. Why? Because if was always fun to see him flustered and he actually thought it was funny. Am I gay? No. I'm comfortable in the fact I'm straight. And my friend knew that.

There are going to be a lot of things that people say that I don't agree with. Does that make me hateful? No. It just means that I have my own views on things. I however understand that if I WAS hateful towards certain groups, I'd have to be bigoted against a huge number of my friends. Like my college buddy from Sri Lanka, his friend and our roommate who's have Korean half Black. Several of my ex GF's who've been bisexual. Even friends of mine who are lesbians whom I've defended in public after they have been accused of being transphobes for, and I'm not kidding, "No being willing to suck the dicks of trans women". That's not a fucking joke. And it's sick.

I've made posts about how I'm not an extremist because I'm not. Fact is, and I mean this, I should not be considered an bigot because I don't worship a movement. No one else should either. And on my blog I will cover a lot of topics. Like:

-Groomers -Gun Laws -Radical Feminism -Black Representation in TV and Movies -Race Swapping -Capitalism -Communism -Socialism -Anarchy -State and Federal Powers -Etc.

And there will always be more. I'm not transphobic. I just want kids left alone. I'm also not homophobic, but again leave kids alone. If you are an adult you can love another consenting adult. I take ZERO issue with it. And I never will take issues with it. My only focus on any of that stuff is quite literally "Let kids be kids. Let them figure out who they are without pushing them. Don't sexualize them ever." Simple rules to live by. Anything else? I'm willing to have a discussion about. Hell I've been on record losing my shit at least in one of my reblogs borderline making promises to deal with anyone who would threaten any of my friends/family irl because they are LGBT.

What many don't understand about me is that I'm an angry ginger who is actually pretty moderate on most issues. And it's only in cases where people belong to cult like mentalities that anyone can even REMOTELY consider me hateful or radical. More so when we consider that the only people I actively hate are those that actively seek to harm others. And not just in a weird way that won't do anything. I'm talking people that WILL or would enact actual violence onto people I care about. Like the FBI. Or Antifa. Or real extremist white supremacist's. Or segregationists leftists who have called some of my non white friends "house N-". I typically don't give that word any power myself and most of my friends don't, but believe me when I tell you, I'll make you look like a punk and I won't even have to touch you.

So even the notion, that I'm X type of bigot is hilarious to me. And no amount of this, "Bow to me and my ideology or you are a bigot" will make me change who I am to my friends, my family, and the people I care about. I worship no one. And I will never bow to your cult like ideals. And maybe one day, someone like the person who sent that ask will find it justifiable to kill me. Who knows. I certainly don't. All I do know is that I'm a very caring person. And a lot of the time the stuff I mean get's lost in translation. What I say might be interpreted one way by one person and another by someone else.

That's just reality. But if you can't even come to me and ask for clarification, or you just expect me to placate someone because of the group they belong to, then you are barking up the wrong tree. You are not my friend. You are not my family. And a number of you are people that would actively endorse having me end my own life, or wishing someone would end my life for you.

Why? Because you are tyrants. You believe yourselves gods and that your "moral rights" are and should be everyone's "Moral rights". You will not rule me. You will not control me. You will not make me worship you as if you were gods. I am me, and only me. And I will live me best life not just for myself, but for the people I hold dear.

[elzphine]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ About me! ⭑.ᐟ

This post IS LONGGGG Hi I'm Ella, this page is mainly for me to rant and talk about things I like. Below is more about me as a person and my interests, I do like talking about my personal life to a degree without giving much information out just so you know. Ella isn't my real name either it's a nickname I go by on some of my socials.

Name: Ella

Age: I don't like going into specifics, but I do follow dnf's that restrict certain ages according to my actual age, just keep creepy things to yourself! <3

Just so you know I do tend to overshare on my posts, I try keeping an open mind most times, due to my personality and the way I was brought up I am relatively mean when talking about others even if I don't exactly mean to be. I don't necessarily trash talk people in specific but I tend to be overly honest with people which causes feelings to get hurt etc, etc. I speak what I perceive to be the truth so I lack friends irl..

Personality: It's changed almost every time I took the MBTI test, probably because I took it on 16p.. But I also self typed too and looked into how people who actually are the MBTI I call myself act and respond as a person and compared it with myself I so I guess it's self typing? I don't know. But INTJ is what I find most relatable to myself and how I perceive the world and interact with people. Not too sure of an enneagram I haven't found a free test for that yet.

Interests: Ani-manga, Horror genre things, JJK, PMM, Death note, tbhk, danganronpa. Drawing, Character design, Fanfic reading or writing, world building, character writing, Reality shifting, japanese folklore, I love using folklore when creating characters it is so much fun to interpret and create a design incorporating elements from history, or just irl things in general. I like hazbin hotel, don't come for me I hate the humor in it but I love the idea of the show being an interpretation of heaven and hell and the society in it. Harry potter kind of not really.. Never was much into it. give anime reccomendations pls I need more things to watch!!

Music taste: ANYTHING LITERALLY ANYTHING IM IN THE MOOD FOR I WAS ABLE TO LISTEN TO A 6 MINUTE SONG ABOUT CORNDOGS PERFECTLY FINE IDK HOW. I have bad hyperfixations when I comes to music genres so these are my tops, Emo claimed bands, female manipulator music, pop punk and some hardcore bands, I don't have any at the top of my head, but I was able to listen to black metal, death metal, parody songs the electro swing remix was fire! I can get down to taylor swift and baby shark, I can listen to drill, rap, phonk, songs in spanish or even swedish. country, folk idc. My playlists due to my recent revamp, Are more fixated on ariana grande, sabrina carpenter, mitski, lana, and very few taylor swift, I like alternative music too, I know I'm forgetting so many different genres but those were what I could list off best so keep that in mind. early 2000s-2016 music is top tier fyi. though frank Sinatra is a G oms.

Other random things: I'm all for self improvement and learning more about myself and other topics if I ever magically start liking something you know about by all means info dump, My fav seasons are fall and winter. I'm a winter baby <3 I prefer "cunty" music made by women rather than gay men or trans women (Love y'all too dw.) It just feels more authentic to me if you know what I mean, I can't properly like describe it for some reason but just trust me it's not because I hate that group of people. (I hate everyone equally !!!) I'm a medical NERD, my favorite medical dramas are HOUSE!!! HOUSE I LOVE YOU HOUSE PLS ADOPT ME AND TEACH ME EVERYTHING HE'S THE ICON PLEASE PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE. He's funny and I love his way of thinking. (I just realized we have the same personality type live laugh love that!!) My personality does kind of differ online due to the character limits on tumblr, because if it were up to me every one of these sections would have 5 different paragraphs per thing thank you. I'm an honors student idk if thats shocking to anyone but yea. This also probably will be more shitposting based just random takes from my perspective like reviews on starbucks drinks and just random events. the format is probably going to be more like, diary like idk? its just me posting my thoughts and leaving it out for you all more anonymously if ykwim? I was bullied all of my elementary years over a single unsanitary habit I had. (Picking my nose, like everyone made a point to leave me out due to this. EVERYONE collectively even when i stopped it still happened.) I'm insanely delusional not in a cute or quirky way like "omg he likes me guys" like no, I convinced myself for a month that I had schizophrenia even though I had 0 symptoms or auditory hallucinations or visual hallucinations. I did constant research and found myself on schizophrenia tiktok. Like dawg is trippin fr fr, overthinking and analyzing every little thing is my favorite hobby, so is daydreaming!! One time during a finance class I had I daydreamed that I was a single mom who lived a walking distance from the beach and I had the job i'm going for in the medical field. I loved that daydream so much, would've preferred to have a partner ngl.

Thanks so much for reading, apologies for it being so long my mind is so rampant and i have so much to say and so much input to give that it kind of gets hard to put it in simple sentences. If you're similar to me please follow and moot me or wtv yall do on tumblr I love people with similar mindsets and aspirations it makes me wanna do better in order to keep up.