#how am i even supposed to talk to them about anything now
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I keep giggling at 1 am in the morning about the idea of an A/B/O SVSSS Au where Shang Qinghua is an omega but absolutely sucks at it.
So imagine that he's presents as an omega, but to Shang Qinghua, he can't seem to feel it. Everyone else seems to feel his 'omega-ness' when he presented, so it's probably just him that can't feel the change. The system himself said that he was an omega (A/B/O was never canon, so Airplane wouldn't have thought about what secondary gender SQH was) so he just has to roll with it.
The rest of his story is just him flubbing and epicly failing at this whole Omega thing. Even his system has given up.
His Non-A/B/O first life as Airplane has left his brain incompatible with his body, the motor skills and instincts that you're supposed to have going with your secondary gender are out of the picture, it is not built into his mainframe, so he's basically a de-facto beta with extra no second gender psychologically speaking.
His superiors are keeping a wary eye on him, his fellow peers a wash of mixed reactions to his overall behaviour, worried about who he is and his complete disregard for norms or basic instincts.
He appears completely scent blind to pheromones, nor does he seem to be able to control his own. His master remembers a time where he was the unfortunate victim of two aggressive alphas fighting in the dorms, causing so much havoc they ended up breaking his inkbrush.
The scent from him when it broke was so acrid and sharp they immediately ceased, though he seems to be none the wiser, acting in his usual cowardly manner while shakily asking them to stop.
His martial brothers have never seen him nest in all of the years he's been on the peak. Not a single piece of clothing, not anything comfortable. He simply had a single pillow and a blanket for cold nights as he dozed off. It doesn't help that he avoids everyone like the plague, so even if he tried, he didn't even have anything to build one with
(The system tried to give him the task of making a nest, and he completely misunderstood, building an actual bird nest on his mattress. The system decided not to give nor take points, simply choosing to shame their host for this stupidity. Shang Qinghua keeps it by the windowsill, a memento for unintentionally spiting fate and living.)
In comparison to the rest of his fellow An Ding Disciples, he's antisocialism incarnate, zero bonds that connect him to anyone. (Shang Qinghua can't afford that, not unless he wants the weight of people on his conscience when he betrays his sect.)
It's kind of like that one classmate everyone is familiar with, but no one actually knows them. They just see him in class and forget the rest. He's scarily competent in group works and is capable of working with people, but he's never gonna respond to your text to hangout after the project is submitted and graded.
His master sees this as a detriment. How is he going to be able to have healthy relations with his future pack as a peak lord if he can't seem to get the initiative to actually communicate and bond with them.
So he coordinates a trial run with the Bai Zhan and Qing Jing Peak to help their own head disciples get a grip. A mission to be given to them to get them to open up and become closer as friends.
It backfires tremendously, only ending with the three of them becoming more prickly or antisocial. Only the most formal of greetings will ever seem to come out of Shen Jiu's mouth now, barely hiding his sharp demeanour. Liu Qingge seems to be at least willing to talk to others now, but his relation ship to the future leader of Qing Jing has now soured.
And Shang Qinghua is now more apathetic to the idea of bonding to his future pack, rathering to become completely detached from them.
(Shang Qinghua is destined to be a traitor, so why should he allow himself to experience the cruelty of betraying someone he cares about. It would be kinder this way)
[Love the fact that I just went absolutely everywhere with no coherent thoughts. Enjoy the word vomit I guess.]
#svsss#mxtx svsss#mxtx#shang qinghua#Shang Qinghua is a very mysterious person to CQMS#I wrote one half of this at 1 am and the other after I slept. there is a tonal difference when you do#liu qingge#shen jiu#shen qingqiu#I'm just insane at this point#Do I know what I am talking about? No. Is this very Shang Qinghua Core? Yes.
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I like to think that Jayce and Viktor get a happy ending in the other universe too
Jayce feels awful that hextech took a life. Especially seeing powder (who is around the same age he was when him and his mom were saved by hextech) holding her dead sister's body
He says similar things as in the start of the trial but now fully meaning them and never mentions trying to create magic
Vander comes to Jayce's trial and stands up for him, saying he's just a stupid kid with a dream to help people who didn't know what he was doing
"Vi's with her mom now, let Jayce go home to his"
He does still sneak into his lab to attempt suicide but this time Viktor's "am I interrupting?" doesn't do anything, Jayce just turns back around and jumped, not being able to handle the guilt of accidentally taking a life while also realizing his life's work only caused harm
He survives the attempt and wakes up in a hospital bed, paralyzed from the waist down with his mother crying next to him
Viktor comes in a bit later while his mom is out making some food for him
His tone is completely too cold for the situation. Jayce is in complete despair and Viktor refuses to match the mood
He says most of the same stuff about how hextech can change people's lives but Jayce responds "yeah, well so far all it's done is a take the life of an innocent child"
"ehh, she was from the undercity. I grew up there, many children did not live to see adulthood"
"How does that make anything better?"
"Because this has the potential to change that. One explosion? There are toxic fumes and polluted waters slowly killing hundreds of children each year"
"Even if I wanted to I'm banned from the academy and ..." *waves at legs*
"pshh, you think trenchers are supposed to be at the academy and everything I did in my life I did while being disabled"
"Listen, I can't help you"
Viktor leaves Jayce's bracelet by his bed and heads towards the door. Jayce takes one look at it and throw it across the room in anger. "you probably shouldn't throw that", "GET OUT!"
A while later Vander comes to invite Jayce to Vi's memorial at the last drop
Jayce feels so guilty when he first comes into the last drop, everyone is staring at him
He sees Ekko, the kind little kid who had sold him such reasonably prices wares just days before his experiments accidentally killed his friend
Powder just starting going at him when she first sees him, her weak child-who-has-never-punched-before fists do very little damage especially because she's going so fast she doesn't fully pull her hands back
Jayce just lets her at it, crying and apologizing between the blows
Vander comes to pull Powder off of him, "it wasn't his fault, he didn't know how dangerous the materials were" she just looks back and screams at him before going back to her bedroom
Vander takes Jayce on a walk through the undercity to talk,
"Everyone in there knew what I did?"
"huh, no?"
"they were looking at me like I was a monster"
"yeah, that's cause you're dressed like a piltie"
"ohh, ha... I'm so sorry about what happened to Vi"
"It's a shame, but she's with her parents now"
*Jayce looks down, only feeling worse finding out the girl he killed was an orphan*
"You want to know how her parents died?" *they arrive at the bridge* "I thought I could help the undercity, create a better world by fighting for sovereignty. I led us across this bridge and lost so many people in the process, the undercity is still recovering"
"I'm so sorry"
"I was like you, I was young and ambitious and I wanted to help people. But you know what I learned. You don't need to make giant leaps to help the people around you"
On the way back Vander points out all the ways he's helped different people in the undercity, helping them make a business plan, caring for their kids when they were sick, helping them find a community at the last drop
He also points out all the things that could be helped like roofs with holes in them and cliffs that should have railings
"You don't need hextech to help the world, Jayce"
Jayce spends his time between his family's forge doing hammer work and around the undercity working as a handyman, building what he can to help people
Eventually he tracks down Viktor, hoping to find ways to make a more systemic change for things like the dirty water and polluted air
Viktor works on studies surveying the living conditions of those in the undercity and seeing what affects it has on expected lifespan and the likelihood of developing different diseases to present to the council
That along with the more pro-Zaun push that's been happening since Vi's death he gets quite a bit of work done
While he's doing this Jayce does what he can to start implementing changes by making water filters and distributing masks to those in the slump levels
After a few years Jayce petitions to be let back into the academy to help Viktor with his work on a formal level and with outstanding testimonials from many people in the undercity he's let back in
When their work making the undercity safer is done they move onto studying how to treat the various illnesses people in the undercity have suffered from living there
first starting with Viktor's various physical health issues and finding that a lot of his issues come from it never being studied how to use mobility aids and how improper use can put a strain on other parts of your body so he switched to a forearm crutch to help his back
I'm gonna say in this universe Viktor just has severe asthma which they're able to find medicines to treat so he still has issues breathing in a lot of the undercity, he just wears a mask most of the time and keeps his medication with him
Viktor and Jayce end up dating but it happens to slowly that it's hard to realize, they just spend all their time together working on their research and then they get an apartment together because they were both looking for roommates
Jayce stopped looking for people to date after the accident because he was going through a big life change and never got back in the game and Viktor always rejected anyone, saying he was too busy with his studies
Jayce is just physically affectionate in a way where hugging Viktor a lot turns into Viktor sitting on his lap whenever his leg is sore turns into Jayce playing with Viktor's hair when he's bored turns into them cuddling on the couch turns into them cuddling in bed turns into kisses on the forehead when one of them is sick turns into kisses when they're not sick
They're at the last drop one day and Viktor gets up off Jayce's lap to use with washroom and Vander asks Jayce, "so you think you'll propose soon" Jayce almost spits out his food, "what, what do you mean?"
"I mean you've been dating for like what 5 years now. You gotta pop the question sooner or later"
"umm... yeah" wait fuck are we dating, have we been dating for 5 years, what
In bed that night: "Viktor, I... I think I might like you... like romantically. I guess I never thought about it but I was talking to Vander and... and you've been the most important person in my life for the past like 6 years"
"Jayce, I thought we were dating? How are you only realizing this now"
"ohh"
"I called you my partner"
"I thought you meant like research partner"
"we kissed a lot"
"I thought those were like just for comfort... between friends"
*Viktor kisses him passionately but not the most passionately they've kissed before*
"Does that seem like it would be between friends?"
"heh, now that you mention it I guess not"
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mouthwashing responsibility au rambles below cut 🫡
(spoiler warning for the actual game obviously)
- even though jimmy got deservedly knocked out by anya and thrown into the cryopod early on, the crash still does happen. it's a freak accident this time, like maybe a piece of space debris just happened to hurtle right into them without time to dodge. it's like the tulpar is destined to crash. but this time it's a story about a group of people finding hope and strength in each other and finding what they themselves can be capable of in a time of crisis. btw i just mean curly, anya, swansea, and daisuke. i am NOT repenting jimmy. he ain't "fixing" shit.
- i'm sorry for frying curly again even though this is supposed to be an au with a happier ending 😭 the way his loss of autonomy reflects anya's own loss of it, making him feel firsthand the suffering she went through in a way, felt too important to just remove. curly's injuries aren't as terrible as in the original timeline since swansea rescued him earlier. and by "not as terrible" i mean he only loses a leg and not all of his limbs. he will get some function in his hands eventually and anya teaches him sign language to help him communicate (she teaches the others too).
- speaking of anya, she really shows her stuff as a nurse (even in the original timeline she does, managing to keep curly alive like that). she treats curly and swansea and is much more of a pillar of strength for the crew than she herself realizes. pre-crash and post-jimmy-getting-fired, she was able to relax and open up more with everyone, building a stronger bond. when the crash happens, anya is of course terrified and hella stressed, but now she knows she has people who have her back, and it helps. she can be more confident in herself without a certain someone being there to belittle and hurt her. this time when she has to deal with something difficult, something traumatizing, she has people to support her. in this au, she is not pregnant because if she was, i don't see how keeping the baby would be a good thing for her. and i don't want her to have to deal with that situation without the proper medical supplies on top of everything else. she's been through enough.
- btw there is no shipping in this au. i personally really don't see how it could happen between anyone on the crew. if there was some sort of spark between anya and curly, it's definitely gone now and won't happen again. the most they'll be are friends (although the friendship/trust will have to be built from the ground up again after everything that's happened with jimmy). the only ship here is the tulpar.
- i know daisuke is seen as a "dumb kid" but i really don't think that's the case. we are seeing him thru jimmy's perspective mostly after all and jimmy is the definition of an unreliable narrator. i headcanon daisuke as having adhd like me who tends to lose focus on tasks easily because your brain is just going 102929 miles a minute and wandering to all sorts of places like me. he feels like someone who doesn't exactly know where they want to go in life like me. also he's definitely a hawaii kid born and raised and talks pidgin sometimes like me except i lost the pidgin :(. i'm totally not projecting my asian ass on the asian boy or anything. BUT ANYWAY i wanted to give daisuke more stuff to do and a chance to prove to himself that he can do these things, he can step up. so that's partially why i made swansea burn his hands rescuing curly. daisuke can now be filled with Determination and be swansea's hands in repairing things as he heals. it's going to be hard and it's going to be frustrating for both parties and sometimes they'll get upset at each other. but it will inevitably be a great bonding experience for the two. i cannot resist the call for more father-son moments.
- swansea my beloved. i am so sorry for burning your beautiful hands please forgive 😔🙏 i have to make my faves suffer a little. swansea's hands will heal up eventually and he'll be able to use them again, but there will be scars. i think him having to guide daisuke with doing repairs n stuff on the ship as his hands recover gives him a mission. something to distract him from completely falling into despair and alcoholism. that man is hanging on by a thread but by god he's going to help get these kids through this. they've all grown closer since jimmy was sacked and swansea feels a sort of responsibility towards protecting anya, daisuke and curly as the oldest one there. it's the dad instincts y'know? on the real hard days, sometimes swansea thinks about cracking open a bottle of mouthwash, but he holds back because he feels he needs to stay strong for the crew. however he does have to learn that he can't shoulder everything and that he can rely on others. him having no choice but to have daisuke take over his tasks is a good way for him to learn that, i think. swansea is definitely a pillar of strength in this and the rest of the crew have a lot of affection for him (and vice versa even if swansea won't admit it). can you tell i really like swansea. he is such a foil to jimmy—a guy who has fucked up a lot in his life but actually acknowledges his mistakes and is trying his hardest to be a better person. aghh swansea i love you 💛💛
- after the crash happens, the cryopod room becomes inaccessible, so nobody is able to check on the state of jimmy in there. so they don't see that the crypod he's in eventually fails from damage and he escapes. this happens a couple weeks into the crash. jimmy is still pissed about everything and still can't see how he's done anything wrong (this is because he is a delusional asshole). in fact, he feels like he's the one who's been wronged and betrayed by everyone on the crew and he wants revenge. there will be a final confrontation between jimmy and the crew. spoilers: jimmy loses. i'm just undecided on who finishes it. it would be fitting if anya shot him, but i'm not sure that's something she'd necessarily want to do. she chose to be in the medical field after all. don't get me wrong, i think she would pull the trigger if it meant protecting the others. but i'd hate to have her kill, because even if jimmy deserves it, anya is a healer and would still probably feel guilty about it. i don't want to put even more shit on her plate. so i think swansea is the one to put jimmy down in the end. with the axe of course. i think he'd feel less guilty about doing it because it's something he's wanted to do since anya first told him about jimmy. oooh what if jimmy gets his hands on the gun, but daisuke tackles him, making him drop it, and anya gets it and shoots jimmy in the shoulder or leg or something to get him off of daisuke, and then swansea comes in with the axe to finish him off. that could be fun. that way anya won't have to actually kill but she'll still get to shoot jimmy. bless.
- the crew gets rescued eventually, but it's going to be a few months because pony express is a nightmare company. i'm honestly still not sure if pony express is even the one who will rescue them or even bother to look. i'm tempted to just have another ship happen across them by some miracle and help. real tempted to make that ship The Unreliable and turn this into a Mouthwashing x The Outer Worlds crossover quite honestly since both settings share similarities (megacorporations, cryosleep, etc). but idk. it's not like i can just write a fanfic or anything since writing is harder for me and who knows how long it will be before i even draw the idea. it's just yet another self-indulgent daydream for now.
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(Image/Artwork is owned by @pilot-boi)
Joan(Jaune) stood in Beacon's courtyard, totally not overwhelmed by the number of students. Her mother had decided Joan(Jaune) needed to get some real world experiences so after discussing (threatening) her sister Glynda Goodwitch, Joan(Jaune) found herself assigned to work as a TA for her aunt and some of the other professors.
Joan(Jaune) was thinking it was a mistake, and she should sneak off and go hang with Saphron and Terra in Argus. Like seriously! Everyone! Literally everyone was walking around with weapons! There were swords, spears, knives, guns of every type, even a scythe! That's a farming tool! Next she'll see someone with a shovel or a rake!
"Of course I would." Joan(Jaune) deadpanned as two students just walked past her with those exact lawn and garden tools balanced on against their shoulders.
An explosion behind her caused Joan(Jaune) to shriek and jump backwards. Causing her to bounce off someone.
"Watch it dude!" came the gruff voice, as the young man just kept walking. Joan(Jaune) sighed. Looking around again for her Auntie, she noticed the girl with a red cap, still laying in a small crater. Seeing no one offering a hand, Joan(Jaune) did the right thing and walked over.
"Welcome to Beacon." the capped girl muttered.
"Need a hand?" Joan(Jaune) asked, while offering her hand to assist.
"Thanks?" the girl replied. Once she was once again vertical, she looked at Joan(Jaune) with her silver eyes. "I'm Ruby Rose."
"Joan(Jaune) Arc." and instantly she growled, as Ruby was giggling at her name. Joan(Jaune) knew exactly why, and was waiting for the question to be asked for the millionth time.
"Joan? Isn't that girl's name?"
"Yes, it is, and before you say anything else... I am a girl." Joan(Jaune) was annoyed, while all her sisters hit the jackpot with in the family gene pool, Joan(Jaune) seemed to have drawn the short straw. What truly baffled her was how NO ONE could tell she was a girl just from the sound of her voice!
"Really?" Ruby tilted her head and squinted, before nodding. "Yep, sorry about that. I see it now."
Joan(Jaune) just deadpanned. She should have gone to Argus. Terra could have gotten her an internship at the CCT.
"Do you want to see my baby?" Ruby beamed as she pulled some weird boxy contraption from under her cap.
"Is that a weapon of some kind?" Joan(Jaune) asked taking a step back.
"Yep!"
"Maybe later?"
"Aw. Phooey."
"Sorry, but I'll take a rain check." Joan(Jaune) offered, "It's just I need to find my Aunt. I'm working here with her for a term."
"Working? You mean you're not a huntsm... huntress-in-training?"
"No."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"Huh." Ruby started to fidget. "Um..."
"Yes?"
"Do you know where the auditorium is? I was supposed to head there until I ran into that meanie... which wouldn't have happened if my stupid boob-zilla sister hadn't run off!"
"Sure." Joan(Jaune) smiled warmly. Ruby seemed like a nice person, so why not give her a helping hand. It's not like she's some weapon obsessed gothic loli. Paused and gave Ruby a once over and then shrugged. "Already said I will, can't back out now."
"Did you say something?"
"Just talking to myself."
"Oh. Do you do that often?" Ruby froze, and started to stammer, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I'm not judging< I swear!"
"Ruby... it's okay. It's okay."
"You not just saying that are you? I mean I would totally understand if you were, considering..."
"RUBY!" Joan(Jaune) shouted to get the red caped gothic loli to focus. "You didn't do anything to be so worked up about. Okay?"
"Okay, I..."
"No."
"No?"
"Do not say I guess." Joan(Jaune) sighed. "There is no middle ground here. You are either okay or your not. So are you okay?"
"Yes!"
"Good, now let's get to the auditorium."
(A/N - I have no idea what it is... but I see these pictures/drawings... and just have a NEED to write something for them. I think I have issues. None of the above is cannon to what ever AU this image is associated with.)
Have you ever drawn rule 63 Jaune?
Not sure, but here she is
Honestly in my style she looks almost exactly the same as normal lol
#rwby#jaune arc#alksblog#@pilot-boi's art#female!jaune#one shot#glynda is jaune's aunt#no idea what this is#I'm 3 mugs into a pot of Bailey's infused coffee... =8P
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Mutual Benefit || Chapter 2
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Summery:
Posts season 2: Spoiler warning!! Being forced into an arranged marriage, [Name] tried her hardest with her unreceptive husband Salo. After his death, she was forced to replace his council position, trying to figure out who she was as a person. Sevika never expected to get anywhere close to the council, let alone join them. As the stigma around people from Zaun still stood, she struggled to gain the respect from her new fellow councillors. With so many differences how could the two really help one another?
Chapter Warnings:
Season 2 Spoilers
Word count: 1,982
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<- Previous Chapter || Mutual Benefit Master List || Next Chapter ->
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[Name] was thrilled to learn that at least one of her council members was from Zaun. She was relieved that they were getting the reputation that they so desperately needed in the council. Even though that part excited her, nothing else about the first meeting did. She was terrified about how this would go.
Caitlyn Kiramman helped her prepare everything that she would need for the first meeting, even going into her mother’s files to find talking points and issues. The night before the scheduled meeting, [Name] Stayed up all night studying her notes, making sure there wasn’t anything she could mess up on.
She praised the Gods for the invention of coffee as she rushed to the council room, her folder of notes and news articles tucked neatly under her arm as she tried to take the last sips of coffee. She was more awake than ever, knowing that it would only last a few hours before she crashed.
Entering the room, everyone turned to look at her. Some gave disapproving looks, as she dressed in the clothing of her home nation, instead of something from the clan she was there representing.
Brushing off their looks, she walked up to Shoola, the only council member from the old council, and the person [Name] knew best in the room. Hearing her footsteps approaching, Shoola turned around to her.
“It is good to see you.” Shoola greeted. “I am sorry for the death of your late husband Salo.”
[Name] in that moment, remembered that she was still supposed to be in mourning. Trying to come up with a response that would be acceptable for them, she replied. “Yes, my poor husband… At least we know that he is now resting peacefully. But that is why I am here, to carry on his legacy.”
Shoola gave an approving smile. “How is your daughter doing?” She asked.
“A lot better.” [Name] told truthfully “I don’t think she fully grasps the concept of death yet. But leaving the city for a while did seem to help. I think being back in the apartment is causing her to struggle a bit though.”
“If you need anything from me,” She put a hand on [Name]’s shoulder. “ Just ask.”
[Name] nodded, but before she could say anything, one of the other councilors raised his voice, getting everyone’s attention. “I think we should begin.”
Everyone in the room collectively made their way to the table in the middle. [Name] could tell that there were less people that there should be, quickly counting everyone. “Aren’t we missing someone? Shouldn’t we wait for them?” She asked the man who called everyone to the table.
A lot of the councilors gave a sour look at [Name] pointing it out. She immediately could tell that it was the representative from Zaun, as that was the same face Salo would give any time she’d vouched for them.
“She is late.” The man that called the meeting stated "That is her problem.”
“I don’t even know why we’re giving them this chance.” The old woman spat out. “No one from the undercity had a seat on the council before. They’re all just-”
[Name] went to say something, but the door to the chamber opened. Everyone’s attention was drawn to the tall woman that walked into the room. Immediately she captivated [Name]’s eye. With her strong presence, [Name] knew that she wouldn’t let any of these other council members to trample over her.
The woman slowly sat down in the chair next to [Name]. Most of the councilors were glaring at her for numerous reasons of their own. [Name] only gave her a soft welcoming smile that was met with a cold glare.
As the woman sat down, the man continued on with the meeting. “Our first order of business is the removal of the hex core remnants. The substance that was left on buildings is tough and it will be expensive to remove.”
“Will you also be removing the stuff in the fringes that the guy left behind?” The woman beside [Name] asked.
“No.” The old woman spat out. It was clear that her and the man had discussed this in private before coming to the meeting. “We’re removing it from Piltover to keep it from destroying buildings, and as far as I am aware,it was far from the city and it was providing more homes for free.”
[Name] saw the opportunity to jump into the conversation. “Well we don’t know what it can do. Isn’t the whole point of removing it because we don’t know what it can do? It is most likely toxic. So I believe it would be best to remove it from the undercity now so it doesn’t cause us issues and cost more money to remove or fix in the future.” She made sure to make an emphasis on how much money it could cost them, knowing that they cared more about money than anything else.
Against their will, many of them silently agreed, knowing that now they had to pretend to care about Zaun and Zaun’s problem. The man hosting the meeting began to speak again. “I say we use ten percent of our current budget to remove the hex core remnants in both Piltover and the undercity. All in favor raise your hand.”
Five out of the seven council members raised their hand to vote for the use of the budget. The old woman is one of the people who voted against it. [Name] could already tell that she did not want to work with the people of Zaun and merely wanted to rule over them to her benefit.
It reminded her of her grandmother, and the whole reason that led to the civil war. Thankfully with Piltover, it wasn’t one person making all of the decisions without anyone to speak up to stop such things.
The man wrote down the verdict on the piece of paper turning back to the council. “Is there anything else anyone would like to discuss?” He opened the floor to new topics.
Other council members took to the floor, discussing topics that in the end would benefit them and their topics. [Name] searched through her notes, trying to get a proper idea of how she wanted to discuss her topic.
Once the others went quiet, she finally spoke up. “I would like to discuss the toxic fumes that are currently leaking into the undercity.” She began, everyone looked at her attentively, even if some of the looks were disapproving at the mere fact she brought up the undercity. “Commander Kiramman led a search into the undercity with the goal of finding and capturing Jinx. While this search turned up empty handed, Kiramman used the ventilation system, causing a lot of toxic fumes to enter the city. At one point, Jinx blew up one of the blockage points. I would like for us to block it up sooner rather than later.”
She turned to the woman next to her, assuming that she would agree since it is her territory. The woman only gave her a weird glare. [Name] could not read her expression, not knowing if she agreed with this or not.
“We would be doing that with what materials again?” Another council member replied snobbily.
“That brings me to another point.” [Name] flipped through her notes to find the right point. “I believe that we should tear down the Hex Gate.” Some of the council members gasped out of surprise. They got so comfortable with hex tech that they almost forgot it no longer exists. “It is useless now, with the Hex Tech being unusable. But the tower was created with valuable materials that can be used for both Piltover and the Undercity.”
The council room went silent as she waited for a response. After some time and consideration the man leading the meeting finally spoke up. “We will need a more detailed plan from you by our next meeting. We shall vote on it then.” He wrote a few notes down on the paper. “If no one else has anything to say, I will adjourn this meeting.” Everyone was quiet, confirming the end of the meeting.
Everyone slowly got out of their chair, walking around and talking to each other about things unrelenting to the meeting. The woman from Zaun made a swift exit, not caring for any small talk with these people.
[Name] quickly and soppily threw her files into the folders, holding them close to her chest she ran after the woman. “Excuse me!” She called out to the woman. “I never got your name.”
The woman stopped, turning around to see who was calling after her. Her scowl stayed on her face as [Name] caught up. It was very clear she didn’t like being there and was trying to get out as quickly as possible.
“Sevika.” She grunted out.
She was about to turn around and walk away but [Name] continued talking, now that she had stopped her. “I was wondering if we could sit down and discuss what to do with the materials from the Hex Gate.” [Name] began to sort through her papers, trying to find the vague plan she wrote up in the middle of the night. “Personally, I was hoping to use those resources to help Zaun rebuild and expand. But I honestly know nothing about down there and knew that with your help and approval, I could build a stronger case.” She handed Sevika the papers.
She raised an eyebrow at [Name], merely glancing down at the papers. “You really think that they would vote for such a plan?”
“I mean yeah.” [Name]’s confidence faltered. “It’s all about playing the game right.”
“The game?” Sevika questioned handing the papers back, not interested in this plan.
“Yeah, you know.” [Name] slinked down. She wasn’t expecting to receive any push back from Sevika, since this plan purely benefited her and the people she was representing. “Creating a plan that benefits you, or whatever you want, but making it sound like it is benefiting everyone in the council. Everyone is there for their own reason, just like you and I. You just have to find a way to make it sound like you’re catering to those reasons.”
“So how does this plan of yours benefit you?” Sevika shook her hand that held the papers, saying she did not want them anymore and was not interested in looking over them.
[Name] grabbed the papers from her. Sevika began to walk down the halls. [Name] followed alongside her. “Well it mainly would benefit the people you are representing. But I was hoping that it would strengthen the bonds between Piltover and Zaun, meaning you and the rest of the council. Which would make things so much easier.”
Sevika stopped in her tracks, turning to [Name]. “Listen princess-”
[Name] quickly cut her off, not liking being called that “You don’t have to call me by my official title. [Name] is just fine.”
Sevika raised an eyebrow to her, not understanding her words. Yet she continued, “I could care less about your politics or your hopes. I was only put in this position because there was no one else.” Sevika turned back around, walking down the hall, leaving [Name] behind.
[Name] wanted nothing more than her cooperation and was trying to find a way to have another talk with her. “There will be a party this weekend!” She shouted after Sevika as she continued to stomp away. “I don’t know if you were invited, but I’m inviting you. It would be nice to see you there.”
Sevika rounded the corner, out of [Name]’s sight. [Name] deeply, turning back around to head to her office. She knew she had a whole lot of work and research to do, now that she would be completely on her own.
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#salo arcane#sevika arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn arcane#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane#sevika#sevika x you#sevika x reader#sevika x y/n#salo#councilor shoola#shoola arcane
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i hate being aroace so much actually . especially because im on the side of the spectrum [ both asexual and aromantic ] where i feel no attraction AT ALL . and all my friends have partners or crushes and theyre always talking about how much they love them and how great it is to be loved and i . dont know it makes me uncomfortable when people talk about romance but i dont want to say anything to anyone about it and ask them not to talk about it because like that makes no sense i cant tell them what they can and cant say . but it just makes my tummy turn whenever anyone mentions their romantic partners i cant understand it . and it scares me like they love them so much and they always talk about them they are their best friends and it feels to me like a competition . . like if i am not good enough then they will forget about me and spend less time with me and then only focus on whoever their partner is and i feel like this even with some of my closest friends one of my best friends from like third grade has a girlfriend now and it feels like shes only spending time with her now and not me . and i cant say anything to them because i am not supposed to have a say in their relationship . like i feel if i express how i feel about it to anyone then theyll think im interested in them or am trying to tell them they cant have a partner . so i dont say anything .
and adding more onto the " no one acknowledges that im aroace " bit , it genuinely makes me so upset . i live in a really conservative town so even the few queer people i know typically arent educated enough to even know what aromantic is , let alone aroace . so im constantly being told " you two would make a cute couple " or " are you dating ? " and bullshit like that because im really affectionate with my friends and it makes me so uncomfortable and tense because its CONSTANT even after i tell people that i dont like conversations about that and tell them i dont experience attraction like that . everyone has a sort of " love is what makes us human " mindset , and they make me feel like a doll or a robot just because of my feelings and to make that even WORSE im neurodivergent and can barely ever be around large groups of people [ even if theyre my decent friends / im acquainted with them ] without getting really overwhelmed and breathing heavy and crying and that makes me feel like some child . i hate how complex human emotions are and i hate that i cant just be normal , be happy .
this really isnt important its just something im thinking about a lot because almost all of my friends are falling in love right now , and im losing one of my closest friends ever because of it . so . sorry for the yap .
#thayne yaps#cassidy vents#sad face :c#aroace#aroacespec#aromantic#asexual#arospec#acespec#aroace struggles
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kim gyuvin thinks everything is a fuckin game. 😒 boy don’t play with me bc ill show u how i feel the pop . 😒😒😒😒
his hands are so FUCKING PRETTY i need them!!!!bbvn!:?;!3).! what. these are insane photos lol!!!! these were screenshotted from one of his most recent lives and omg…. i think im dead.
have this gyuvin fic for your daily treat ☺️💋 no title or anything because this was completely spontaneous, it wasn’t even supposed to be this long.
a/n: this is the gyuvin fic i lost progress for. i promise this was so much better before and i wish i had saved it, but this isn’t all that bad either:(. enjoy!
just imagine gyuvin being a fucking tease, sending you these photos while you’re busy because he feels neglected and needy. he’s not sending you a warning text, just two attachments and wow. he knows he’s got you all worked up, and expects you to be at his door or ask him to come over.
well surprise, you do. 20 minutes after he sent the pictures, he got no reply from you which started to worry him. he was about to message you, but heard a ring at his door. lo and behold, you are standing there. clearly looking frustrated both sexually and from your work or uni studies. he’s got you right where he wanted you to be.
“oh… my love i thought you were busy, why the sudden visit?” he asks you, trying to act clueless. “shut up. you know why i’m here. you sent that stupid hand pic to get me all worked up, so now i’m here. do something about it.” you snap back at him, and he giggles. “hmm, i don’t know what you’re talking about, baby. i sent those pictures because i just… missed you, that’s all. not sure what other reasons you think i had to—“
you cut him off by grabbing a fistful of his shirt into your hands, and pulling him down for a passionate kiss. he’s surprised at first, but he eases into the kiss and starts to rub your torso. your hands are now around his neck, but only a few seconds later, you pull away. you knew simply asking him to make you feel good wouldn’t work. so as a result, you opt to do something else.
you’re looking at him with the begging eyes that make him crazy. “gyuv, please make me feel good..” you say as your hands make their way into his, rubbing his knuckles. you turn your gaze to his hands before continuing to speak. “you’re so mean, teasing me when you know i’m busy. now you’re not even going to do anything about it.” you attempt to walk away, but his hand stops you.
“you’re not going anywhere.”
that’s how you ended up here, on the bed with gyuvin’s fingers in your mouth. you’re sucking, practically drooling all over his fingers and it makes his mind go crazy. the fact that you’re in such a desperate state just because of his fingers makes his ego shoot up.
after awhile, gyuvin takes his fingers out of your mouth and gives you a quick kiss. he moves himself down until he’s face to face with your pussy. “fuck… baby you’re so wet. is this all for me, slut?” he says as he uses two of his fingers to rub your clit, and down along the folds. his words and actions makes you whine, wanting nothing more than for him to touch you in the way you want. “y-yes! it’s all for you.. please touch me, gyuv. wanna cum a-around your fingers, please.” you manage to form a sentence, even with the stimulation of his fingers harshly rubbing your clit. he groans at your words, and mumbles a drawn out ‘fuck’ before responding. “yeah? my pretty girl wants to cum around my fingers… who am i to say no to you, huh baby?” he says, moving up to kiss you on the lips again. you desperately kiss him back before he goes down to your pussy again.
he gives your clit a kiss and licks it, before he lets two of his fingers sink into your hole. “damn, look at that. she’s practically sucking my fingers in. what a slutty hole.” he starts moving his fingers at a slow to moderate pace, making your face contort slightly, and earning the cutest moans from you. embarrassed, you cover your face to hide from him and to suppress your sounds, but gyuvin doesn’t like that. he uses his free hand to slap your pussy, and looks up at you. “don’t hide those pretty moans baby, and don’t you dare hide that even prettier face either. let everyone know what a slut you are for me, for my fingers.” following his orders, you remove your hands from your face. he resumes his earlier acts, this time thrusting his fingers faster. the pace is so overwhelming, but it’s so good. you can’t get enough of his fingers. you let out loud moans, whines, everything. “i can feel you clench around my fingers, pretty. gonna cum soon?” he takes your whines as a yes, but waits for you to use your words anyway. “y-yes! fuck- please make me cum- ah, p-please go faster, need to cum so bad please baby!” he does as he’s told, and quickens his pace. your sounds only get louder as his fingers move faster. eventually, you let yourself release all over his fingers. completely covering his fingers in your cum.
he moves up to face you, and puts his fingers in his mouth to taste you. he then moves to kiss you on the lips, letting you taste yourself. you let out a groan at the taste, as you let his tongue explore your mouth until he pulls away. immediately, his slightly mean demeanor from earlier changes. he pecks your forehead and cups your face before asking you a stream of questions. “are you okay? did it feel good, baby? was it too much? did i go too hard? can you walk?” you smile at his worry and nod, but he isn’t satisfied. “i need words baby, words. need to hear you say it.” he says, insisting he must hear you say you’re okay. you can only chuckle at his concern. you can’t believe this was the same guy who sent you teasing pics and calls you his slut during bed. “yes, im okay. it felt good and you didn’t go too hard, don’t worry.” you say as you snuggle into his hand. “okay. let’s get you cleaned up.”
he moves to pick you up, but you grab his hands instead. “but what about you?” you ask. he looks at you confused, not understanding what you mean. “you, gyuvin. you got to please me today, but what about you? wanna make you feel good too..” he chuckles, and then offers you something. “say what, how about the next time we’re free you could just touch me however you’d like, and make me feel good. that sound good to you baby?” you nod and let go of his hand, letting him pick you up.
he sets you down on the bathroom counter so he can prepare a bath for you. once he’s done, he comes to you again. you speak up, “mm, thank you for always taking care of me. i love you, gyuv.” he smiles, his heart melting at your words. “of course love, that’s what i do. i would love to spoil and pamper you everyday if i could. i love you too, my pretty girl.” you lean in to kiss him (again) and quickly pull away so he can help you bathe.
he always knows how to make it up to you after distracting you while you’re still busy. he knows that you’re tense from the stress, so he wants to help you release that tension. even if it means seducing you to come over at his place :).
#zb1 smut#zerobaseone smut#zb1 hard thoughts#zb1 hard hours#kim gyuvin smut#gyuvin smut#gyuvin hard hours#gyuvin hard thoughts#⋆ ˚。⋆୨୧˚ pinhinged
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how to surv1ve thanksgiving and christmas d1nn3r with an 3d mini guide!
disclaimer:
i am by no means encouraging anyone to st4rv3 or to follow this guide, i made it hoping that it would reach the people that know they'll be struggling at holidays and that need this help. i know how scary and how hard it is to try and keep an 3d a secret, this is supposed to help the people that need to know how to avoid the judgement and the oddly terrifying questions that get thrown at them.
how to prepare:
i would say there's 2 ways to go about the day before the d1nn3r, e4ting so that you won't p4ss out infront of your entire family, or f4$ting, this is really up to you. i have a pretty good tolerance for not p4$sing out so i will probably be f4$ting but it's totally your choice!! you can also try and calculate how much your going to e4t and burn c41s according to that (i'll list basic f00ds and numbers at the bottom)
"why is there like nothing on your plate??"
first off the best way to avoid this entirely is to just make a plate, i'd rather avoid people finding out so i can keep doing what im doing
for your plate (if you make one) load it up with tonsss of vegetables or fruit but i feel like fruit is never really served tbh, and some meat bc yay protein, sometimes ill throw a roll on there to make my plate look a little better but i don't ever really eat it, my whole family thinks im a very picky e4ter and they know i dont like thanksgiving food so im typically able to get away with throwing out f00d. and family dinners are so chaotic that people don't even realize sometimes.
you can also cut your f00d up and reshape it etc (yall know this meathod 🙏) to make it look like you at3, mashed potatoes are very easy to spread around and make them look like less. here's some excuses you can use to respond to the question:
" oh i atę earlier!!" this is a classic obviously but if your with people before hand e4t a little something in front of them and really make sure they notice.
" i dont feel to good right now."
" im not super hun6ry" also a classic but in classics we trust!
"last time i atę ____ it made feel really sick"
" oh i'm allergic to ____" allergies are a solid excuse but i wouldn't use it unless you actually have them
" gotta save room for dessert!!" don't worry i'll also be explaining how you can get through that to
dessert:
i feel like this is almost more stressful than the main meal, honestly me and my favorite cousin walk like crazy when ever we're together so sometimes i get lucky and miss dessert and than it sits out but there's no one really makeing me ęat it, for our family dessert is mostly optional and my mom knows i don't like e4tin6 a ton of junk so she won't suspect anything but if your family's forcefull here's a few things you can do:
-go for something that you know is lower in c41s or a safe f00d for you
-have very tiny servings
- bake something yourself so you know exactly what your getting
-talk about how full you are while your eating dinner so people think less at dessert
" i might have something in a little bit!!" try to avoid saying things about f00d, like im still full from dinner or im letting my f00d settle, because than you won't have to deal with "but you barely 4tę anything!!"
know what your 3ating:
all of these are measured by the s3rving siz3 (also going to be listed) they may also vary depending on brands, ingredients, toppings, blah blah blah you guys probably know that. this is basically just a rough estimate
cranberry suace: 86 c41s, one slice (about 8 slices per can take that as you will)
- mashed potatoes: 214 c41s (1 cup)
- sweet potato casserole: 235 c41s (1 cup)
- green bean casserole: 200-230 c41s ( a little under 1 cup)
- green beans: 31 c41s (1 cup)
- broccoli: 31 c41s (1 cup)
- asparagus: 32 c41s (10 spears)
- mac and cheese: 310 c41s(1 cup)
- turkey: 240 c41s (1 cup)
- gravy: 36 c41s (3 tbs)
- stuffing: 300-400 c41s (1 cup)
- rolls: 80-150 c41s (one roll)
- pumpkin pie: 300-450 c41s (one slice)
- apple pie: 300-450 c41s (one slice)
- pecan pie 400-500 c41s (one slice)
these f00ds are mostly for thanksgiving because the whole holiday is centered around f00d and i actually despise that, let me know if i missed anything you want me to add to the list or if any of these are incorrect!!
with all of that said, if you enjoy thanksgiving or anything to do with f00d in general, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!!! no matter where you stand your 3d is still valid. so if you choose to try and make the best of the holidays to whatever extent that may be go right ahead and don't let anyone else stop you, make your self a plate of your your favorite things and go back for dessert twice if that's what you choose, one day won't ruin every step of progress you made, as long as you don't loose yourself entirely you will be ok!!
no matter who you are or how your struggling, your 3d is valid, good luck, be safe, and happy holidays!!!
#3d not sheeran#@na motivation#4norexla#ana y mia#@n@ tips#⭐️rving#light as a 🪶#low cal restriction#⭐️ ing motivation#i just want to be thin#tw ana mia#ana miaa#anadiet#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#tw mia#mealsp0#tw skipping meals#low cal meal#light
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#why do my closest friends have to be hARRY POTTER FANS BRO 😭😭😭😭#they keep sending the new miniso x harry potter stuff and i die a little bit inside everytime#how am i even supposed to talk to them about anything now#hahah. hey. fyi your obsession directly funds transphobia. yknow. it shits on people like me. hahah. you guys mean thr world to me but i#can't keep biting my tongue on the forever.#how do i respectfully say that their favorite franchise is shit and i hope it dies a very bad and slow car hammer death#i love you but i want to punch you in the gut so bad rn#splootspeaks#please. i'm already lonely i can't trim down my already small list of friends 🧍🧍
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I love the original Cars 2006 game so much. The one that got released on like GameCube and Xbox. I mean, I love all the Cars games(Cars 3 Switch game they did you dirty), but that's an entire story for another time giving my individual appriciation for all of them later. What I'm going to say here applies pretty well to the other games that are centered around the first movie as well like Race-O-Rama and Maternationals, but I'm specifcally rewatching the original one's cutscenes again because I don't want to restart my data every time I wanna go through the cutscenes again(even though I enjoy playing it so, so much), and I just love the atmosphere in it so much. Some of my favorite movie scenes are the ones where they don't have any music playing because I love to close my eyes and turn up the volume and just.. pretend I am right there with the characters and right next to them and stuff or that they're talking to me or such, and that is extra immersible when there isn't an entire orchestra going on(not that I am knocking at having music at all, I regularly go back and listen to the soundtracks from movies if they have them posted).
And the game doesn't really have any music at all during any of the cutscenes and the whole thing is like super..soft to me? Not soft as in like fluffy pillows and pink aesthetic soft, but soft as in like it's getting late out and so you're trying to be kinda hushed with your voice and there's not really anywhere you have to be so you slow down your pace and kick a couple of pinecones or rocks. If that makes any sense at all. Cause normally movies or shows(whether the whole series or each individual episode) have a certain plot or arc that is happening that everyone is focused on and consumes the whole thing, give or take a few moments. And while this game does have a particular thing so it can have a start and end to the story of the game, everything is framed in like a "Yeah, this is what they get up to in their freetime." And I don't know if you know but I love my slice of life stuff so sooooooo so so infinitely much. So getting to get that sort of content is really fun and perfect for me. It's like you're just actively hanging around them and getting caught up in whatever typical nonsense they end up in(assuming we are ignoring the whole monster truck bit), and the "OH THINGS ARE. HITITNG THE FAN." Or bigger development moments are saved for like the movies or something or whatever comes up in my head.
I'm not really entirely headed anywhere with this, I just wanted to put out some appriciation for the game and how nice the atmosphere is. I think it's also cause I really love getting to just sit and here them talk and there is a lot of casual conversation that happens and just plain dialog. Like it's not even filler dialog it's just talking and chatting. And I spend a stupid silly amount of time listening to voiceline compilations on YouTube so this is just the bees knees for me.
Thank you for the read though, may I offer you with a clip because APPERENRLY there's a limit to one clip per post that I am just now finding out about. I think I've already talked about the Litnig one anyway. Maybe I'll post it again later.
I uuuuguguhhh also perfectly reached the tag limit. If anyone needs anything to do in their freetime while bored or as a filler may I suggest reading this post and it's tags, you will be occupied for a while IFNFJCJFNS. I was half joking about reaching the tag limit as well. Well, we all saw it coming, it was going to have to happen one day. And go figure after a long absence that I was going to have it in me to do some running of my mouth...
I do want to say I am probably back now yall! Knock on wood- but I think the reign of my absence is over! Which I am especially hoping so for several reasons but also because I am so SO not done milking F/Ovember to its full extent. I spent too many months looking forward to that to not invest and rot my blog with it.
#honorable mention to Lightning encountering the tuners and they have some beef with each other and so Lightning goes to Wingo-#-and says “What? Are you going to slice and dice me with your spoiler?” AND IM. I LOVE THEM DONT GET ME WRONG BUT.#Lightning just obliterated them with that comment. Shot were fired and RETURNED TO SENDER.#I knowwww the movies are centered around Lightning going through character development but I hope they don't ever-#-completely take away his case of not being able to completely keep his mouth shut in certain moments.#Dare I say. He has a bit of sass to him. Which I mean I completely get why it's practically gone in the second and third movies-#-cause he's no longer an arrogant rookie. But I like to think if he really gets pushed then some of it will show. That it still lingers.#I mean. The second movie doesnt open up with him going “Cmon Mater. Im Lightning McQueen I can do anything!”#because he's entirely dropped any of his arrogance. because he hasn't.#Opening of Cars 3 and he's PLAYING PRAMKS WITH BOBBY AND CAL. And it is a RUNNING thing they have going on.#Let him be silly. He's silly guys.#I actually had other things that I wanted to mention here and then I got caught up in talking about Lightning whoops.#The entire game is centered around him okay what am I supposed to do.#Do I even dare go on my tangent about Chick now. Cause I will probably get close to the tag limits.#Okay I'm going to speedrun my thing of Chick.#Obligatory mention of his voice. uhm. I love the 180° attitude change that happens to him over this clip.#The entire game he is in like the racing official's camera's face about everything and now that I think about it at least-#-Cars 3 was right about giving him his own talk show. but. Chick shutting his mouth for a second and actually showing-#-proper concern over something that isn't tragically derived from something that is therapy worthy is such a sight to see.#Yea okay Kane you always talk about how the movies would be different if you were in it. Now how about the GAMES.#The games that have proper story and plot to them. I am not counting the Cars 2 games as plot.#1. becuase the DS one is just a rip of what extra stuff the movie WAS going to contain before it got cut down cause it was like 2 hours at-#-first. and 2. because the other Xbox game literally has 5 minutes of “This is a thing that is happening!”#Cars 3 Switch game is on the world's thinnest ice for having such a poorly slapped together thing to call a story or plot line.#THE PIXAR XBOX RUSH GAME AND DISNEY INFINITY ARE DIFFERENT.#I'm not going to say what those games have done to me because it will make me have to write a second novel and-#-I will be crying and frothing at the mouth. I should not have reminded myself of the Pixar Rush game.#If I make a post about Finn very soon do not be surprised. I mean. Dont be surprised in general. But extra dont be surrpsied here.#lightning❤️🧡💛#finn🩶💙
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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Very excited for next summer. Got some tickets to go see Ghost. Gonna be looking forward to that, so it'll help me get through the incoming seasonal depression/work frustrations.
Only thing is not looking forward to potentially having to be the one to drive into the city. We'll see what happens, lots of time until then.
Just gonna focus on the excitement and anticipation. 😌
#personal#just talking about stuff im gonna go do next year#as long as nothing catastrophic happens with work i can attend the concert without even having to adjust anything with my schedule#though it's far out enough and not near any holidays so even if i did have to take a day off work very little could stop me from going now#i WILL go have a good time and do something for once#was gonna go to a nearby convention mid october but didn't quite have the funds/transport and work was hellish so ended up not going#which is sad because some of my friends from out west flew out to attend and i haven't seen any of them in person for years#and i suppose will continue to not see them in person because of how things worked out#but yeah now i can't get a car as soon because i did just spend a good chunk of money on tickets#i am not going alone and the other 2 have said they'll pay me back and ive told them not to rush it we've got a year and i have the tickets#ill just have to save a little better over the next month or so#ideally get a car before it gets too cold and starts snowing and stuff#doesn't have to be anything fancy just something i can drive around town in and not cost a fortune to repair#still gotta figure out putting together comission stuff so i can earn a little more that way#maybe get the funds together a little quicker#anyhow ill stop rambling in the notes now#if you read this far in uhhh you are a star i guess lol
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Its like. SO surreal when you grow up "alongside" an artist- youre the same age, but they had a following bigger and better before you ever had social media to begin with, you two grow up, you follow their progress and they enjoy your support..
the clock strikes 19, and suddenly its like a ticking time bomb to see if they realized the responsability on their shoulders and that they need to grow up-their sudden power imbalance with younger friends, mutuals and fans. Do they know the damage they can cause? most of them dont.
Through a mix of self unawareness and selfishness, they hurt someone. they hurt a minor and now this person you watched develop before your very own eyes is the religated piece of shit of the week and shunned from the community.
Its even worse when thats your friend..
#i was kind of in such a situation but we spoke recently and i promised to stop talking about it. sort of. i guess i forgave them?#theres some leeway into forgiveness when the offense isnt extremely dire i suppose#what Synnibear did was..not good. and her refusal to self reflect and actually maintain her apology shows shes a bad person. theres no -#-forgiveness#and the guy i knew as a kid. they were just unaware frankly#i feel kind of violated by them but we made amends and moved on. i just kinda feel..gross for it still.#so thats kind of like. a reminder. to correct my posture and not be a freak weirdo around people in general#still a shame aint it#i can now name two artists who ive respected. followed and wanted to befriend turn out to be horrible people! wow#the other guy has a ally that im in personal kahoots with aswell#. ok i know his boyfriend is what im saying#and he says theres 'personal troubles' that the victim 'failed to mention'#i really. doubt anything can excuse talking to a 16 y.o weird when youre 18-19 bro#but am i being twofaced#i forgave Chris#but its not our place to forgive Kaz#does he realize he hurt someone for life#i was hurt for life#im still struggling with that weird shit that happened to me. theres effects im trying to hurdle over#that person probably had it way worse then i did right? imagine their struggle#how is Kaz any more superior or innocent enough to be 'forgiven' and 'permitted return'#even if somehow that kid turned around and forgave him. nobody will want him back#whats done is done. and if there was a way to 'justify' or 'explain' himself ... it doesnt matter#they dont forgive him#he hurt them#fuck this dude for real
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Late night magenta.
#im not going back to facebook#im not going back to twitter#or instagram#any of those#i realized not everyone is entitled to me and i to them#why force connections#why force people to be roots of your tree when they were supposed to be leaves that come and go with the seasons#not to mention why care about where i went off to where i had gone when i gave advance notice im out#is it out of sincerity cause you genuinely thought i vanished from the face of the earth#or is it you got bored with everyone else around you and saw me as a spare at the back of the shelf#or the secret third option you needed someone to talk to cause evidently im a damn good therapist and you don't have to pay me therapy money#im very careful who i give my energy to#if we pop into each others spheres lets not waste it even if its for a short amount of time#like you i can't be everyones root or branch or leaf for their tree#but i can always be the wind#all around and you might think of me often but im not here im somewhere else#dont mean for all the cryptic metaphors#im just frustrated so many people that ignored me when i was homeless and struggling finally want to see how I've been#when i put it out there i needed help#only to get told i “wasnt loud enough”#i don't hold resentment toward them or anger#if anything it makes me sad for them#cause they can't enjoy the person i am now#not unless i choose it#magenta is my vent word
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"Ah man, my dad's dead" me, just now remembering that my father is in fact, actually dead and has been for almost 3 years
#i was thinking about his family and talking to them about him and it just hit me that hes gone#that i don't get to talk to him ever again#that he won't get to watch my little brother get married next year. or even meet his fiancée#he won't meet my children that i want to have#he missed his first great nephew being born#he missed meeting my first boyfriend. and my first heartbreak when i found out he was married and lied to me the whole time#he's the reason i had a mental breakdown and can no longer leave my house without having a panic attack#his genetics are why i have such deep depressions and go days at a time without sleeping because I'm manic#from my height to my gray hair to the shape of my face are all his#the autism and the bipolar disorder and even the pcos and insulin resistance. all from him#that my siblings and i are closer than anyone else and would do anything for each other is because he taught us to be#that i never got my college degree and now live in abject poverty are also partially his fault#since he died I've been angry and bitter about him. but also full of grief and i want nothing more than to see him again#i still don't know how to live with him gone. my world shattered and fell apart the day he died. what am i supposed to do?#how to i go on without him? how do i deal with his sisters without him. how do i deal with my mother without him? how?#this got a lot sadder than i anticipated it was supposed to be a funny post and the grief overtook me#i started crying and im laying down so now there are tears in my ears and i can't hear#fuck#dead dad club
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You ever look at a post and think to yourself that this is the third time now that that specific person’s post feels suspiciously like a subtweet? What a fun feeling to have! Definitely not making me want to scream right now :)
#make it 4 I guess#nice self report btw how did you know I was talking about you?#i’ve made posts about at least five fandoms and one of them is STAR WARS so how did you know it was about you?#unless you know I had valid reason to suspect it#since I know you’ve seen this already now:#imagine subtweeting your friend#real nice thing to do#because they should know how this will come across#i dont even care that its probably not a subtweet#if you dont wanna upset people how about you think twice before posting huh?#yes this is the second time I’m subtweeting someone which is hypocritical of me#and I hate it#but I can’t prove anything so like what am I supposed to do here?#so call me a hypocrite#if you don’t wanna be subtweeted then dont fucking subtweet people#it’s really not that hard#i don’t care whether it was about me or not#it was about SOMEONE#and those tags sure are specific#they sure do remind me of some fun little details I’ve written into my stories#as much as I hope they’ll miss this post#i’m kind of hoping they’ll see it#and know it’s about them#how do you like being subtweeted huh? not so fun on the other side is it?
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