#hopefully this isnt an abysmal take. idk

[bestbuybathroom]

002, Katrina x Ryder

Conceptually, I'm intrigued.

oh man. ohhhhhhh mannnnn i have SHIT to say about their relationship ougigjgh ive been WAITITNG FOR AN OPPORTUNITY forgive me if this isn't canonical at all i need to rewatch the cutscenes again

when or if I started shipping it:

i feel like saying i ship them means that i think they're good for each other which is Incorrect

my thoughts:

ok hear me out on this one but I think it's a mutually toxic/abusive relationship. like there's the obvious stuff with like katrina literally creating a whole bunch of robots to keep him out but also

it was implied ryder has nightmares abt katrina (like maybe he was joking but Come On)

he was like, really nervous about going to katrina's home??? which always confused me because like, i feel like if he was still actively pursuing her he wouldn't gaf. like it could be argued that he moved on but when you look at the rest of the cutscenes he really didn't lol

im like 80% sure ryder flinches when he hears katrina's voice one time

tldr: katrina heavily dislikes ryder and ryder is both simultaneously afraid and desperate for her??????? what is his DEAL (bpd)

What makes me happy about them:

idk how to answer this one tbh there is nothing happy about them

What makes me sad about them:

ig the fact that their "attraction" to one another was more like, them playing their parts (action hero, attractive villain chick) and at the end of the day they're absolutely awful together and they never liked each other at all (or atleast katrina didn't like ryder). like once the performance stops they realize they liked the character not the actor (??? does this make any sense) like maybe ryder loves what katrina represents and not for who she actually is idk

Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

literally i don't think ive seen a single fic about them but i don't see katrina's abuse acknowledged as much as ryder's lol/lh

Things I look for in fanfic:

n/a

My kinks:

????? genuinely what does this one meannnn

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

i do think katrina genuinely loved viktor. ryder is getting put in the Bitchless Cube

My happily ever after for them:

they separate 4ever and ryder stops being obsessive lol (or they never meet in the first place)

[veggiesforpresident]

me: oh i didnt take my inhaler today? teehee i didnt even notice really!

and like, its true, i didnt, but part of that i think is bc ive tuned it out/ive kind of always* had a hard time telling when i cant breathe? like, my oxygen levels and xrays are consistently fine, thankfully, so it must be something else, but idk what exactly.

*always = since having covid. this wasnt an issue before.

and like, just now when i was lying in bed with chest tightness and just an uncomfortably full sensation, its a reminder that no, yeah, im being stupid. i need my fucking inhaler and it's not only okay but necessary to take it.

but like... had two or three nurses now tell me i shouldn't need my inhaler so long after having covid. which is really confusing and frustrating, because frankly i cant comfortably go more than a day without it. and ill get frustrated and guilty at myself like maybe i did something wrong by taking it so long and now my lungs aren't healing properly? or just... im mad at myself, like, why isnt reality lining up with what i was told? i dont know! i hate this! im stuck like this with no fucking answers yet! and with all the abysmal things ive heard about covids long-term effects, i wouldnt be surprised if there is no real solution.

blah. i hate this and its hard not to hate myself for no longer working right.

thankfully, i have a drs appt on tuesday where hopefully we can discuss these things and order more new and different tests. but for now... blah.