#hopefully the pressure is not too much
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Franco Colapinto | July 2024 ahead of the British GP | 📸
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#feeling so much for Logan after yesterday's announcement and wishing him the best#and so excited for Franco!!! ❤️#been learning more about him and I am charmed!!!! I made some gifs after watching some of his insta posts#so nervous for Monza even more now ahhhhhh hoping for the best for him and Alex#Williams I am watching you 👁️👁️#hopefully the pressure is not too much#good luck to Logan on the next chapter ❤️🥺 F1 can be so intense and sending good luck to Franco!!!!!!
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Day 1: Vertical
Decided to do my own little 30 day drawing challenge with the wild robot :y used a random word generator for the prompts and vertical was the first one! Is she off to fix something? looking for a quiet spot away from everyone? either way the farm staff is going to have a heart attack once they notice!
#I always wanted to do a 30 day challenge#but always felt it was too much pressure </3#This way will hopefully be much more laxed and I can at least make at least half the prompts#I very much want to add more twr art in the world - the tag is currently moving so stinking slowly /D#the wild robot#Roz#my art :v
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🌧️
#I’ll leave for a bit#just a bit. hopefully#I’ve been making myself so upset about so many things lately#that it resulted in an anxiety attack earlier today which I hadn't had in so long#I can't really distance myself from any of the stressors except for tumblr right now so this post is mostly me telling myself to stay off#at least until jk's bday or something#the self-pressuring and sense of failure has become too much#it's not a balance anymore rn it's just one more thing that's making me feel incompetent and desperate#I should put the little energy I have into my two jobs and the thesis#I could really need a small achievement with writing the coming days. to lift my spirits again#I hope a little break will help with that#and I’m sorry that I've been so miserable on here lately....it's not an easy time rn
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I miss you crab man :(
I know, I'm sorry 😞 I'm working up to coming back, I'm definitely happier, but I don't think I'm quite ready yet. Almost for sure, though :)!
#daily-crabbys#not crab posting#mostly i just need to start stockpiling posts to. post#if i have them all ready it takes some pressure off of me to find them. its a pacing thing yknow?#but looking at this account doesnt bring me dread anymore :D#great start! idk how much longer ill be but hopefully not too much!
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going to take a short break from being active online, probably until mid december or something like that. i may still occasionally log back on and post a random drawing or bit of analysis (if i make anything) but i won't really be around much (he says, as if he is ever really around anyways)
#i'm sorry! i am not doing well right now#and there is too much happening in my life. i need to cut something out for a bit to reduce the pressure of things#hopefully i will be back in a couple weeks with some more energy#and with one of those long in9 analyses currently rotting in my drafts finally finished#or at the least with a decent drawing#thanks for understanding!
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My five year old has his very first day of kindergarten tomorrow 🥺🥺🥺 I didn’t expect to be hit with such a huge wave of emotions but I’ve been a WRECK all day
#personal#he’s so excited#we’ve been talking about school for so long and he’s so excited that it’s finally here!#and a little nervous too he said but he keeps asking about the other kids and if he gets to have lots of friends now#he really liked his teacher when he met her and he’s excited to see her#the only thing that tripped him up a little was when I told him that me and his daddy are bringing him to the school but we can’t go with#that he has to just listen to his teacher and we’ll see him after school 🥺#I’m mostly worried that he’s not going to get enough food at school because he doesn’t eat very fast at home#he doesn’t focus well on meals#I’m hoping that positive peer pressure helps him with that#if he sees the other kids eating he will hopefully follow their lead#he’s going to be taking the bus home as well and I’m nervous about that for him too#even though it’s silly because his bus will pick him up in the morning and bring him directly to the school and then drop him off first#after school#he’ll be on it for maybe 20 minutes each day#I just worry too much#i worry about how issues he might have that I can’t help with like what if it’s too cold in just one room#but I don’t know that and send him in shorts?#or what if he gets teased for things I can’t anticipate right now? how can I best set him up for success with his peers?#I only know what he likes not what other five year olds like#I don’t want him to feel like the odd one out#but maybe that’s inevitable at some point#I can’t protect him from the world if im not there 😔#that’s the hardest thing about it#obviously this is supposed to happen and school will be so good for him#but he was a tiny little baby just yesterday#at least that’s how it feels#they say it goes by fast but damn
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🔴| Huevember 2023 NR 1 - RED
and if you're feeling generous check out my ko-fi! 🍓
#james art times#artists on tumblr#huevember#original art#drawing challenge#it's been years since I've done a huevember but I'm gonna try and just have fun with it and not put too much pressure on it#it's gonna be loosey goosey! hopefully!
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made a tierlist of my kuwagami fics for funsies (+ notes for a few) ↓
(everything listed in the same tier are equals, so the order they're listed in has no meaning)
#jitxt#fic extras#for those of you who also frequent the kuwagami ao3 tag ❤#crazy that i have enough fics posted to be able to even do this lmao#i probably could write notes for each of these but i wanted to keep it short and sfw. too much text makes the tierlist harder to parse#judging from the tiers here you can see i think pretty positively of my (posted) work which is probably for the best!#eating my own kuwagami food or whatever 👍#“jichan what's that fic with the big long title in A tier” nothing don't worry about it#OKAY okay joking aside that one is in the drafts but it already has a name#and also i like teasing. and also it's a funny name lol#i said that as a joke while writing the 7k long fic from last sunday six#and fourwhitetrees told me that i better make that the title. and listen. how could i say no to that?#tentative A tier since new fic = excited for it. maybe it's actually B tier quality but for now it's there#hopefully i post it soon#everybody say thank you to fourwhitetrees for giving me feedback so fast so i can (hopefully) also post it fast#i don't always ask for feedback but for this one specifically i wanted it#anyways! a peek into my mind for you all...#if anybody actually has a favourite of my fics i would love to hear it... or if anybody has an ask or anything... 👉👈#no pressure though i just like talking about kuwagami and my work#my assumption is that most people have no deep thoughts about it anyways
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i need to sign up for more fandom events because apparently deadlines are the only way to convince my brain to finish fic at a reasonable rate
i still have to go over it at least once more but i now have a complete first chapter that i can post tomorrow for au roulette \o/
(it's hawk/frank btw, for anyone into that)
#also kind of glad that it forces me to post a first chapter of a wip without having finished the whole thing in advance tbh#a new and exciting experience for me. if it turns out to be too much pressure i'll quit but hopefully it'll be a way to motivate me#as well as a way to be a little less of a perfectionist#text post
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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feeling weird mixed feelings atm and I can't really logic them away, ig? on the one hand I'm completely apathetic about it. on the other hand there's a part of me that's absolutely horrified that I could do something like that. the fact that it's still a consistent low-level pain the whole time also doesn't help. anyway those kinds of thoughts are then making me want to harm again to cope with them but also a) it's manageable and b) I currently have a deep horror of self-inflicted pain after the last few days apparently.
#more specific blatherings in the tags so im gonna get them below the read more in case anyone doesn't want to read it#tw sh#because yes this is about the last few days and im gonna add a few more words to get the rest below the read more#the fact that while they aren't as deep as i've ever gone before they are unquestionably in volume far exceeding any#before. not that i count at the time or anything but there are at least sixty new cuts from the last week so no wonder it's painful#but yeah it's just. an interesting emotional feeling once the pressure that triggered them is gone#i don't know i don't understand myself really#glad i have a psych appointment monday really#if i didn't have one booked i'd probably be booking one about now#also bothered by how visible the ones on my wrist are going to be.#hopefully the redness will go away soon bc i don't think they're quite healed yet#teatree oil is helping tho so hopefully they won't be TOO obvious#the location means that yeah they will be visible but hopefully not too too much#and after all i have only for-sure hit the fat layer twice. maybe a few other times. there are a couple taking ages to heal atm#so they might've idk. and i haven't gone any deeper than that#honestly with the wrist ones the fact is that it was blunt and i couldn't#sharpen it at hte time. perhaps tmi but yeah this may have saved my life and or my hand function#but i might be overstating it. anyway apparently that was three weeks and one day ago?? wow#guys that entire day i was convinced i wasn't going to live to see the morning. the WHOLE DAY#i literally have a commie newspaper on my desk currently because they tried selling it at uni and i was so existential i was just like.#'what is life. what is money. who cares' and bought it. see this is the funny story i referred to. i can elaborate#personal#puddleglum hours#tw suicide
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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri
#ocs#ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok#yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw#im at the BAD PART OF IT RN#i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally#unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc#need to do more studies etc etc#i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc#anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure#(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd#or at least not as much#and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything#i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks#these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks#i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again#anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk#i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA#im going to shower....
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never done this before and i'm kinda nervous about it but I've been feeling inspired recently by a load of stuff and a load of people, and I wanna try learning to draw to make pretty pictures of my favourite characters
and ofc y'all know me, so I had to start with my until dawn babies, and I was feeling Ashley Brown in this household tonight
please keep in mind this is. literally my first time drawing Ash, and my first time drawing in Years, i'm trying stuff out and I wanted to share this because i'm genuinely happy with it and y'all might rip it to shreds but i'm risking it
I took this picture of her as like a. study? reference? I don't know the right term but she looks so pretty here
and this is what I drew!
i'm. drawing in bed at a funky angle so she might look a bit odd and I know I fucked her eyes up a bit, maybe her chin too, but apart from that I see her there! I see Ash! and I'm so proud of myself for that and so happy that I like something I made
I drew roughly in pencil first, then refined it slightly in highlighter, and then drew properly in pen in a kinda rough, sketchy way, so if it wasn't perfect I would feel better about it, and I actually really liked the process! also the pen part reminded me a ton of how my mom and my nan draw, and they're really good artists, like my mom went to school for it and my nan had work displayed at a local gallery i believe, so that makes me feel a kinda way too
but yeah. I drew Ash and I wanted to share because i'm pleased with it and maybe someone else will like her too :)
#not gonna properly tag this because i'm still a little apprehensive about Broadcasting my art in the until dawn tag#but i wanted to show it to my followers and hopefully they like it :)#it's real late and i have stuff to do tomorrow so i won't try anyone else just yet but next on my list is probably jess#so i might post her here too#you can share this if you want to absolutely no pressure or like. me saying please don't because it's untagged#just seen so much amazing until dawn art recently and wanted to try my hand at it :)
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I signed up for the WIP Big Bang event bc I'm a fucking idiot 🙃
#mine#I really hope i complete it lmao#im in 2 minds bc i'm worried it will be too much pressure but also pressure might be the thing i need to finish the fic???? idk#personal#i'm writing a queerplatonic H/W hanahaki fic so.... look out for that? hopefully?
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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It is not often I can stay away from sharing the joy of music and songwriting at an open mic event - today was one of those nights unfortunately...
#i felt so out of place and awkward there#maybe it wasnt the right time#it seemed like everybody knew one another and i was the odd one out#listening to the person starting out the evening by playing and talking about his songs made me feel so insignificant#i felt so tiny so useless and so utterly alone#like what i would share would not be worth anything#so i went home#the self hate cloud overtook me and i am still feeling the boiling anger but directed at myself#i am glad i went there in a way but yeah it wasnt meant to be#hopefully i will calm down soon so i can go to bed without hating myself too much#that would be nice#could be now i should actually respond to inbox messages for forever ago#hopefully that wont make me look attention/validationseeking#sometimes i wish i had a partner if only to have somebody to hold when i feel shitty#in such moments i feel extra touchstarved#i needed the pressure to get myself out of my head somehow#so i bore my nails into my neck#a hug would have been better and less hurtful#but nobody is around and i only have myself to blame for that#stop it micah nothing good comes out of these thoughts#sorry about that#micahs thoughts
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