#hope you enjoy! :DDDD

[randomfoggytiger]

Hello dear tiger!!!

I have seen that you have been posting collections of Requiem fics lately, so perhaps you will have one I was thinking of earlier fresh in mind.

In it, Mulder was taken but never returned. Immortal!Scully is going about her life until wayyyyyyy later (as in William has died of old age later) a man turns up in her ER and...!!! (I also remember that she fainted and Mulder jumped out of bed in his birthday suit and threatened to maim anyone who touched her)

Thank you and hope you are well!!

I'm doing good, and hope you are doing well, too! :DD

Yes! It was in one of my lists, gimme a sec.

It's ML/ML_is_me’s Age Cannot Wither and Nor Custom Stale.

Love that one.

[lucienarcheron]

Spirit Meets the Bones - XXI

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse. Please Note: This chapter will contain physical violence with some implied language that may be triggering.

This chapter was previously part of chapter 20 and as I have been editing and reuploading the chapters, I have since decided to split chapter 20 into two. 

shoutout to @abruisedmuse for being my beta reader through it all ♥️

tagging: @climb-the-mountian / @vanserrass / @zenkindoflove / @readthelastpaage / @animezinglife / @positivewitch / @krem-does-stuff / @clockwork-ashes / @carolynmezzosoprano / @carnythian / @runningwiththeoceans / @secret-third-thing / @readychilledwine / @goldenmagnolias / @thedarkinmansfield / @mali22 / @maidr-00 / @electromagnetic-waves / @devilsfoodcake22 / @moonfawnx / @weesablackbeak / @ladywhilemia / @alohaangels / @eastofatlanta / @moobell55 / @bibliophiliaxvignette / @eachies / @feysandfeels / @thelovelymadone / @corcracrow / @dawneternal / @teddyhoneybear / @sinnerrsworld / @gracie-rosee / @stormycleric / @queenoftheworld1998 / @wolvesnravens / @theeternalstruggle / @the-midnightwriter / @illyrianvalkyrie / @that-golden-lyre / @ladystarrynight

Find it all here.

They were in the empty throne room this time. 

His father liked it when it was empty; the echoes it caused with each beating seemed to spur him on. Changing locations of his punishment was Beron’s way of keeping the trauma fresh. Made them hate their home a little more each time. As if his family needed any other reason to hate this place aside from having him reside in it.

Eris stood, his expression schooled to indifference and his hands clasped behind his back. His father had made him stand here in silence for what had felt like a decade but neither of them would say anything. Eris wouldn’t dare say a word before his father spoke. 

His father liked his games. 

Instead, he let his eyes wander around the room as his thumb tapped the back of his hand, not wanting to make eye contact with his father. He didn’t know if he could look at him without his anger bursting and Eris was already teetering on the edge today. The visceral need to be with his wife threatened to consume him, especially knowing that his father had brought him here for pain. Had wanted Iris here to witness it. Or likely worse. 

His mate. He should’ve told her before he left. But he had been a coward and an idiot and was now on the cusp of losing his mind completely if his father so much as mentioned her. 

So, he didn’t look at the High Lord. Instead, he glanced at the large windows and the light of the sunset shining through. It would be dark soon and Eris didn’t like being near his father in the dark.

It brought out the worst in him. He didn’t know how his mother had done it all these years.

“Where is your wife?” 

Beron’s question seemed to ricochet off the walls but Eris kept his gaze on the windows and kept his body as relaxed as possible, tapping his thumb to the back of his hand.

His eyes remained on the filtering sunlight as he asked, “What can I do for you, Father?”

“You are not the only person I requested to see.” Beron snapped. “Did your idiot brother not relay my message correctly earlier?”

A muscle flexed in Eris’s jaw, his fist clenching then relaxing at his back. “Finn conveyed your message verbatim, I assure you.”

“Then I ask again, where the fuck is your wife and why is she not with you at this very moment as requested?”

“My wife has retired for the evening. It has been a long day.” Eris replied blandly. “Again, what can I do for you, Father?”

“Look at me when I’m speaking to you, boy.” Beron snarled and finally, after taking a calming breath through his nose, Eris let his gaze meet his father’s. 

The High Lord’s face was flushed in anger and Eris knew to give his father a few moments. To wait until Beron sat back, until his anger melted into simple disdain.

Eris waited until the palpable violence had simmered down just a bit then calmly said, “I’m looking now, Father.”

“As you should’ve been the moment you walked in.” Beron spat and his eyes narrowed at his son. “I didn’t realize our windows were so interesting.”

“The sunset is always pleasant to see.” he only replied and Beron scowled.

“Why is your wife not with you?” 

Again, Eris fought back the urge to scream. To shout to the rooftops. He desperately fought the urge not to ram a sword in his father’s neck as he craved. He didn’t want his father to mention Iris, let alone be in the same room as her. 

He stayed quiet for a moment, the feeling of dread tightening in his chest. His father was going to drag this out. “I thought we had an understanding about my wife, Father.” he said and the clipped tone had Beron narrowing his eyes.

“An understanding.” His father repeated with a hum and Eris forced himself to keep that bored expression, to keep his face as bland as possible. “We did discuss this before, didn’t we?”

“Yes. We did.” 

“But…” his father began and Eris braced himself. “Things can change, can’t they?”

His fists clenched behind him and try as he might, he couldn’t stop the scowl from blooming on his face. “Father,” Eris tried, after another calming breath. “Is there a specific purpose to this conversation?”

Beron snorted, a finger tapping his knee as he gazed at his son. “Purpose of this conversation? I have to have a purpose to speak to my favorite son?”

The bastard was going to keep toying with him then. 

Eris gave his father a tight smile. “I am always at your service whenever you need me,” he said. “This matter seemed urgent.”

Beron gave Eris a small smile that had Eris tightening his fists even more. “Tell me about your day, son.” Beron continued, his tone conversational enough that it put Eris even further on edge. “How was the visit with your father-in-law?”

Eris blinked. His mind flashed to the panic that had coursed through his body — the panic that his wife had felt when she was alone with her abuser once more and he forced himself to take another silent breath. He smothered down the rage that had surged through at the mention of his piece of shit of a father-in-law and forced him to quirk a brow and pleasantly reply to his father, “It was productive.”

“Productive.”

The corner of Eris’s mouth lifted into a humorless smile. “I’d say Lord Aron and I bonded well.”

Beron let a beat of silence pass then quirked a brow. “Bonded, you say?” 

The humorless smile remained on Eris’s face as he tilted his head. “Yes.”

He waited in silence as his father watched him. 

Beron had never typically cared if Eris had gotten a little…unhinged when hurting someone. Usually, he encouraged it. But he wasn’t foolish enough to think that this time would be the same. 

Eris had hurt Aron for Iris and well, that simply wouldn’t do for his father. 

Cold anticipation filled the pit of Eris’s stomach as Beron stood from his throne and slowly descended the steps. Each step the High Lord took towards him matched the thump of his heartbeat and though Eris was used to it, had gotten used to his father’s mind games and fists, the tiny spark of dread never did go away. 

That tiny spark of dread fluttered in his chest as his father stopped in front of him. 

“Do you think you’re funny, son?” the High Lord asked and Eris only blinked, his expression as neutral as he could make it. 

“I have my moments to shine, Father,” he answered. “But please, let us get to this urgent matter you called me for.”

Beron chuckled dryly, his own hands clasped behind his back. “Impatient, are you?” he said quietly. “Eager to go back to your pretty little wife and leave my company.”

“It is always a privilege to be in your company, High Lord.”

Beron’s smile didn’t reach his eyes and he began to pace around Eris. “High Lord.” he repeated. “I am your High Lord, isn’t that right?”

Eris didn’t let his eyes leave his father, knowing he was trying to unnerve him. “Yes.”

“And you respect your High Lord, yes?”

“Of course.”

“Then tell me,” Beron began and paused with his back to his son. “Why do you find it so easy to embarrass me?”

And there it was. Eris thought to himself. Of course, his father would spin Bertillon’s disrespect this way. He smothered down his annoyance and resisted the strong urge to send every inch of his flame to tear his father to shreds. It would be so easy. He had been so pent up lately, even with this morning and ripping into Aron, it had barely done much. He was too on edge. So he’d dance this little dance with his father until they got to the end. He opted for a confused tone as he asked, “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean, Father. I would never knowingly do that.”

Another dry chuckle left his Father’s lips and he turned to face Eris. “You say that and yet…How do you think it looks when my associate, who is your father-in-law, is found barely breathing and broken in so many places he is barely recognizable?” Beron said and the softness with which he spoke made the hair on the back of Eris’s neck rise. “How do you think I felt when I was asked about it and had no idea what to say?”

He would gladly flay Bertillon’s skin over and over again until nothing was left. He wouldn’t even hesitate. Instead, Eris breathed through his nose once more, trying not to let his nostrils flare, giving his father a thin smile. 

“Is that what all this is about?” he said and forced a chuckle. “You told me to give him a warm welcome. I only followed your suggestion, Father.”

Beron’s eyes narrowed and Eris braced himself, waiting for the blow to come for his tone. A heartbeat passed in silence before Beron tsked and shook his head.

“You must not have heard about the whispers filling the halls.”

“I don’t listen for mindless chatter, Father.” 

“I see.” Beron said and the High Lord watched his son for a moment before adding, “And you think what you did was acceptable?”

Eris raised a brow. “And what exactly is it that I did that would be deemed unacceptable?”

“You tell me.”

Eris couldn’t help the way his face pinched in disdain. “Your associate overstepped his boundaries with me,” Eris said flatly. “And as you know, I do not take that lightly.”

“Hmm.” was all his father said and continued to watch him. It was a moment before he waved a hand and said, “And you think the way you left him was…appropriate?”

Eris knew his gaze had hardened as he stared at his father but his mind had again gone back to the panic and fear Iris had felt. To the bruises that had appeared on her lovely skin. To the slight hesitation she had felt going back into their rooms after their outing. 

The fact that Eris had left him alive was the only inappropriate thing about this. He would’ve cut off each of his fingers slowly and made Aron wear them as a pretty necklace. Then he would’ve sliced off both his arms. Burned him from the inside out. Eris had many ideas on what he could do differently had he been given free rein over his father-in-law but Iris had stopped him. He would leave that particular kill for his wife. 

Eris flicked an invisible piece of lint off his jacket and finally said to his father. “That piece of shit walked into my space, a space he did not have permission to be in, and put his hands on my wife. My wife. For no other reason than because he wanted to and you find my reaction to this unacceptable?” he said sharply. “Other than the fact that she is now a princess of this court who outranks him in every way, he is too bold and too comfortable with his own stupidity and that is a problem for me. A problem I will have no issues eradicating should he continue to overstep with what belongs to me.”  His expression shifted to disdain. “The only reason he’s still breathing is that I didn’t want the blood to ruin my carpet.” 

“Is that right?”

Eris tensed and met his father’s gaze again. “Yes. That is right,” he said tightly and then furrowed his brows. “Forgive me, Father, but I am having trouble understanding why this trivial thing is being brought to your attention. Surely a business associate is less important than your daughter-in-law?”

Beron scowled at his son. “The only reason she is my daughter-in-law is because of her father.”

Eris ran his tongue over his teeth to prevent himself from lashing out. After a breath, he continued, “What exactly does he do for you, father? That he gets such leeway? Such attention from you?” Eris asked with a raised brow. “Other than stealing from our coffers, I don’t see what exactly he does to deserve a single question.”

“He doesn’t steal. I pay him.” Beron snapped and Eris resisted the deep urge to roll his eyes. “And he delivers.”

“You mean those backend deals done in the dark? The smuggled goods you could get with a proper trading deal if you’d let me negotiate with the Day Court?”

“I will not enter any trade deals with that pompous filthy piece of shit who plays at High Lord.” Beron snarled and Eris tensed. “This business agreement doesn’t include you, boy. You got your little wife out of this arrangement. Mind your business and focus on what you did.” 

“How can I mind my business when our lack of trade deals tightens supplies for everyone around the court?” he said. “We can do better than this piece of shit. Let me —”

A wall of fire slammed into Eris so fast that he barely had a moment to protect himself, staggering back a few steps. Slowly Eris looked up at his father in disbelief.

“You would hurt me for that lowlife?”

“I hurt you for the disrespect you’re showing me.” Beron snapped and stepped closer to his son. “I hurt you for the same reason I’ve had to beat some sense into you in the past — because you refuse to obey and have the nerve to challenge me.”

Eris could only stare at his father. The male he had once admired and loved so, so long ago. Someone he had wanted to make proud. Someone he had cared about. Until the monster had come out in full force. And yes, there had been moments with Mor and Jesminda and his own mother when the monster had made an appearance, when the dark side of his father had found an outlet for release…but it wasn’t until the nightmare that was Under the Mountain that had warped his father to the point of no return. Until the nightmare of Under the Mountain became the nightmare of their jeweled forest. Until their own court had become a court of nightmares and Beron thrived on spite, cruelty, and rage.

Eris let out a humorless laugh then nodded. “Of course, Father. My apologies for ensuing your wrath,” he said and placed a hand over his heart. “What can I do to amend my mistake?”

Beron backhanded him and though Eris had anticipated this blow, had let it happen, the sting didn’t hurt any less. But the sooner his Father smacked him, the sooner this would be over. 

“Apologize.” 

Eris nodded, running his tongue over his teeth once more and letting the sting of the blow remind him why, when the time came, he would let his father die a brutal death and feel no remorse.

“Of course, Father. My apologies to you,” he said. “The next time I decide to beat the shit out of someone, I’ll be sure to notify you immediately.”

His father’s hand wrapped around his throat and he yanked Eris closer to him. “You watch that tone, boy.” Beron seethed. “Ever since that fucken wife of yours came into your life, you suddenly think you’re above the way I treat you. You think being married means something.”

“Should I be following your example of what a marriage is supposed to look like, Father?” Eris said tightly and Beron squeezed. “You seem to enjoy being a husband.”

“Keep this up, your wife won’t have a husband much longer.”

“Your threats are noted, High Lord.” 

Beron glared at Eris and with a noise of disgust shoved him away. His father turned away from him, facing the throne and Eris took the moment to glare at his back openly. He straightened his jacket and brushed back his hair fighting the urge to snap his father’s neck. He noted the slight trembling in his hands and clenched his fists so hard, that Eris was surprised he hadn’t snapped his own bones. His anger was building and if he didn’t get an outlet, he was going to burst. But he kept his eyes on his father’s back and neutralized his expression, even if he was moments away from sliding his sword into his spine.

He waited again, the only sound that Eris could hear was the pounding of his own blood, anticipating what his father would say or do next. He almost wanted the beating to start so he could get it over with but had to remind himself over and over and over again that with his father, he had to pick and choose his battles. He had to be mindful of how much he pushed because Beron would not hesitate to hurt anyone he cared about. His mother especially. Beron delighted in making sure his sons knew whenever he laid a hand on her. 

They needed to get her out. 

The thought had barely left his mind when Beron finally turned to face his son again.

“You disappoint me.” 

Eris said nothing. If anyone had any right to be disappointed, it was him. Disappointment for all that could’ve been. Disappointment for the life they’d had to lead when it didn’t have to be that way. 

“Would you like me to apologize for that as well, Father?” Eris asked and desperately tried to rein in the sneer he knew his father had heard anyway.

The High Lord merely looked at him with a snort then waved his hand towards the side doors of the throne room. “No. I think I’ll correct that behavior in other ways.” he said. “But before I do that, you have one more apology to make.”

Eris’s brows furrowed in confusion as he glanced at his father who only gave him a cruel smile.  He warily shifted his gaze to where Beron had pointed and immediately froze as rage scorched his body. He forced himself to breathe slowly and keep his hands behind his back. He stared, knowing that the male whose death was already carved out in stone could sense every threat Eris sent his way. 

Lord Aron had made his way into the room and Eris fought back every demon, and prayed to any of the gods listening to help him maintain control. A small sense of satisfaction broke through the rage and coursed through him at the way Aron limped his way towards them but rage — his rage would always win at the mere sight of him. He narrowed his eyes at his father-in-law, who stumbled at the sight of Eris. The Lord had the decency to pale beneath his mountain of bruises. 

“You healed quicker than I thought.” Eris allowed himself to say. “It seems I was too kind to you, Bertillon.”

Despite the fear coming off him in waves, his father-in-law still managed to glare at him. “You call this kind?” he wheezed. “I was lucky your father found me sooner than later and sent healers my way.”

“Lucky,” Eris said with a snort. “Or a waste of time because the chances of you leaving my sight with functioning legs are very slim.”

Aron paled further and looked to Beron. “I — I thought it would only be my daughter here, High Lord.” Aron stuttered.  “My daughter apologizing on her knees would be enough. I don’t expect the prince to grant me any form of respect after this morning.”

Eris let out a harsh laugh and then turned to his father. “My wife will be apologizing to no one, much less this piece of shit.” he snarled.  

Eris turned back to his father-in-law and the savage rage he had felt breaking his bones was resurfacing as the room had heated again. “I thought I made myself very clear about your involvement with your daughter. The moment she became my wife, she was no longer your problem.” And without so much as a blink, Eris’s fire shot out to gag his father-in-law, then bring him forcefully to his knees. “I don’t want to hear you speak while I’m in the room. You are barely given permission to breathe while I’m in the room. I warned you only earlier today and you are still saying the wrong things in front of me.”

His cold gaze met Aron’s widened ones. “It seems you didn’t learn your lesson the first time.” he said softly and then glanced back at his father. “I’m going to break his legs, Father.”

Beron ignored the noise of outrage that Aron choked out and narrowed his eyes to his son. Eris simply glanced back. Of all the things he thought his father would drag him in here for, reprimanding him for this vermin was not one of them. But Eris would be damned if he let Bertillon get away with any of it.

He knew he never mattered to his father. None of them really did. But to bring someone else into the mix, to witness what happened between them was new. 

Father and son looked at one another in the thick silence, the tension suffocating. 

“Now now, son,” Beron began in a placating tone that had Eris sneering. “He is family after all. We need to behave better than that.”

Eris snorted at the irony of his father’s words. “My family is a very limited amount of people and this fucker is not one of them.” he snapped and turned to glance in his disgust at Aron. “He is nothing and no one.”

“Eris.” Beron snapped and he slowly turned to look at his father. “You will release him and then you will apologize for your brutish behavior.” 

A humorless laugh slipped from Eris’s lips before he could stop it and without leaving his father’s gaze, his magic shot out and snapped Aron’s right leg at the knee. He smiled at the howl of pain and the sound of his body falling back.

Beron scowled. “That’s not what I asked you to do.”

Eris shrugged with as much nonchalant air as he could muster through his anger. “It’s what I heard.”

With that statement, it seemed that Beron had reached his limit with his son. The High Lord’s face darkened and he pointed one finger at his son. “You will apologize to your father-in-law now.”

Eris couldn’t help the cold smile on his lips, couldn’t help how he’d loosened the damper on his magic and rolled his neck back, then met his father’s gaze. “Apologize? Of course. You’re right, Father.” he said and Eris knew his control was slipping, his tone a little unhinged, a little guttural. “I will gladly apologize.” 

Before his father could stop him, Eris stalked over to Aron still semi-broken on the floor, every step had flames licking at his heels. His father-in-law let out a muffled cry of pain as Eris’s magic shot out again, breaking his other leg at the knee. Yanking him by his hair, Eris crouched and leaned towards Aron.

“This seems familiar, doesn’t it.” he said softly and savage satisfaction coursed through him at the sight of Aron’s face. “I warned you earlier, didn’t I? I did. Yet here you are, still stupid and still saying the wrong things.” 

Eris shoved his head back and then gripped him by the neck. “Your earlier bruises have barely begun to heal and you seem to itch for more of them.” Squeezing tight, fire blazing in his eyes, he leaned close enough to see the white of Aron’s eyes. “To quote what you said to my wife earlier, I can say the words all you want but I will never mean them.” Eris seethed and slammed a fist of fire into Aron’s face. “I am only sorry that I left you alive. I am only sorry that I didn’t leave you in pieces and feed you to my hounds…but then again, they would never eat something as disgusting as you. You’d be too vile for even the likes of the Attor.” 

Lord Aron made a choked noise that had Eris chuckling darkly. He knew his father was still in the room but he barely heard a word with the ringing in his ears, the pumping of his blood. He wouldn’t let Iris near any of them, would never let anyone dream of demeaning his wife. He crouched closer and spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, “I told you, you may be in the High Lord’s pocket but not in mine. Test me again, Bertillon, I dare you.” 

Pulling back only slightly, Eris’s grip tightened around Aron’s neck once more. “Is that a good enough apology for you, Bertillon? Please tell me so my father here can be satisfied.”

Aron gave a vague resemblance to a nod, barely conscious. Turning slightly and dragging Bertillon with him by the throat, Eris smiled darkly at his father. “You see? My father-in-law- forgives me.” he said sweetly and then glanced down at Aron again, lowering his voice once more to add, “Your death day has already been marked. Tread lightly.”

Letting him drop unceremoniously to the floor, Eris slowly stood and dusted off his hands. He forced himself to take a silent breath, roll back his shoulders, and let some of the tension in his body go before he could face his father once more. That Beron had allowed Eris to go this far only meant that he was going to pay and pay dearly. He straightened his jacket and finally glanced at his father. “I assume we’re finished with this situation here?”

Beron slowly glanced at Aron’s slumped body, at the blood smeared on the ground, and then back at Eris. “You disobey me so openly.”

Eris shook his head, anger once more coursing through his body. Everything about his fucken father was always about him. He gave the High Lord a cold smile. “It was you who taught me that we don’t apologize to anyone. I am merely what you made me, Father.”

A pregnant silence filled the room and Eris forced himself again to calm down. His own power was one card he kept close to his chest and it would do him no favors to unleash himself now. He would need it for a later time.

“I could have your wife dragged in here and force her to her knees until both of you do as I ordered.” Beron mused. 

Eris shook his head and let his gaze fall to his father-in-law yet again, half dead on the floor. Too many people were too obsessed with his wife. It would only get worse when they knew she was his mate. 

His mate. That his father kept threatening. 

Eris hid the slight tremor of his hands by clasping them behind his back once again. “You could do that, Father. But this day would end very, very badly for everyone involved.” 

“Is that a threat, boy?”

This little dance they did had never gotten this far. Eris had rarely defied Beron but to do it in front of someone else changed the game. Made it more dangerous. Their interactions had rarely ever been about anything else but humiliation and power and while he had shown his cards in other conversations…today was different. Today, Eris knew he had crossed a line. 

So he shrugged, willing as always, to take the brunt of his father’s wrath. “It is a fact, Father.”

Beron watched Eris and uncomfortable silence washed over them, making Eris tense, bracing himself as his chest tightened. 

“You see, this is what I was afraid of,” Beron said in a voice that promised the violence Eris had been anticipating and he straightened. “Not only do you play your games but you’ve made the mistake of getting attached to your wife.” 

Eris barely held back a snarl and instead, forced himself to take a deep breath and then dust off his jacket. This was getting fucken ridiculous. “If that will be all,” he said through clenched teeth. “I will be retiring for the night.”

But Eris had barely moved a step when his father’s magic lashed out, halting him in place. Another breath had him forced to his knees. “You will leave when I allow you to leave,” Beron said and it was the voice of the High Lord, the one that terrified his people into submission, the voice that haunted Eris’s dreams on the dark nights. 

He was locked in place by his father’s magic, his arms stuck to his sides with his back to his father and it was a position that had that flutter of dread flare to life in his chest. He couldn’t turn his head and had to swallow against the footsteps of his father coming closer. 

“You dare speak to me the way you do. You dare disobey and challenge me, especially in front of another.” the High Lord’s voice carried. “All for who? Your wife?”

Beron finally stopped right behind his son and Eris knew the yank was coming as Beron nearly snapped his neck, pulling his head back. He fought back every instinct in him not to flinch as his father’s hand tightened in his hair. 

“I thought I taught you not to be controlled by a pretty cunt.” he continued and Eris fought back his snarl as he glared up at his father. “I thought I made it clear that if I find your wife to be distracting you or that you weren’t controlling her, she would be easily replaceable.”

Beron shoved Eris’s head, letting go and Eris closed his eyes for a moment. A dangerous move with his father standing so close but he could already feel the room heating, was already choking back on his magic that wanted to rip from his throat and kill the male in front of him. He would kill and kill and kill. He would fill this hall with blood if he didn’t get it under control. After a breath, Eris swallowed his anger and opened his mouth to answer but his response died in his throat when he saw his father’s sentries drag his father-in-law out and bring in something he hadn’t seen in a while. 

His father usually used his fists or his magic. His words could cut as easily as his blade when he was lashing out. But this…his father saved this for special occasions and Eris knew as his heart started thundering in his chest, that his father might leave his wife alone but he sure as fuck would make Eris pay for it.

His mouth went dry as the sentries placed the flogging pole in the middle of the throne room and began setting it in place, only a mere foot away from him. 

“What do you think son? Should I bring your little Iris here? Tie her up. Break her a little.” Beron mused and Eris’s heart stuttered in his chest, the fire in his veins turned to ice.

“I hardly think that’s necessary.” he said tightly. 

Beron’s chuckle made gooseflesh erupt on Eris’s skin and he tilted his head to give his son a cruel smile. “Her father mentioned something about the two of you earlier. Something seemed off during his visit.” the High Lord mused. “Is your wife not satisfying you, son? Do you need someone to fuck her for you? Break her in a little bit?”

Blind rage flared through Eris’s body and he nearly snapped himself in half trying to break out of the hold his father’s magic had him in. But Beron only laughed at Eris’s wild snarl. 

“You don’t like that?” The High Lord taunted. “It doesn’t have to be me this time, of course. But there is no shortage of males in the Vanserra line who could deal with her if you don’t like her. You do have three brothers.”

“That is enough.” Eris would kill him. He would skin him alive and tear his father apart limb by fucken limb if he so much as looked at his wife. 

Beron gripped Eris’s chin tightly and forced him to meet his gaze. “Her father also happened to mention that he used to leave delicious bruises all over her as well. Do you do that too?” 

Eris’s breath stopped altogether as his father leaned in. “Should I give her some to match yours?” Beron said softly. “Do you think she’d like a different Vanserra hand bruising her alongside a different Vanserra cock?”

“Beron.”

Eris snapped his head as his heart leapt into his throat, his magic going numb at the sight of his mother striding towards them and the Lady of Autumn was seething, steam licking each of her steps.

“Leave him alone.”

“Mother.” 

His mother ignored him as she glared at the High Lord who narrowed his eyes at his wife and Eris knew he would beg like never before. He would plead with everything he had for his mother to leave. He would let his father skin him alive if she’d just walk away from this unscathed. 

“What are you doing here, dear?” Beron asked, his tone so polite it made Eris want to vomit at his feet. “This is a conversation between my son and I.”

“This isn’t a conversation, this is a punishment.” Enya snapped. “One he does not deserve and you should not be giving.”

“Telling me what to do, are you, Lady Enya?” the High Lord asked and Eris felt a slight panic bubbling. He couldn’t stand to watch. He couldn’t see it happening again and again.

“Mother.” Eris called again and she met his gaze. “There is nothing to worry about. Please leave.”

“I will not leave!” she spat. “You plan to hurt your son for what? For what, Beron?”

“Watch that fucken tone, Enya.” Beron snarled. “Your son and his tone have already tested my limits today. Don’t push me or it’ll be you I bring here next.”

“No.” Eris immediately snarled and pulled against his father’s magic, still binding him in place. “Mother, it’s fine — please,  please leave.”

Enya’s eyes snapped to her son and Eris watched her chest rise and fall, her breathing hard and Eris could see the slight steam coming from her fingers now. If she didn’t watch herself, she would unravel, and then Beron would know — he would know what they’d been working on. He’d know she’d been healing and all their work would’ve been for naught. The High Lord would just find new ways to break her.

“Mother.” Eris said more firmly. “It will be fine. Go.”

“It will not be fine.” she seethed and Eris hated the way her bottom lip trembled as she turned back to Beron. “This is not the way. Don’t do this. Leave him be. He has done nothing wrong.”

“You.” Beron sneered and took a step towards hers. “You are the reason he’s so soft and I am sick of it. Leave now and I will deal with you later.”

“Don’t you —” Enya began and stumbled back a step with a small gasp as Beron backhanded her and Eris felt himself leave his body as she turned to glare at the High Lord. “How dare you.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Beron snapped. “Get the fuck out of here or I swear to the gods you won’t be able to use your limbs for the next week.” 

“Mother, look at me.” Eris nearly screamed then demanded again, “Look at me.”

And Eris wanted to die at the sight of all the rage and all the frustration in her eyes as she looked at him. He wanted to throw up at the red blotches marring her cheek. 

“I will be fine. Father and I are just having a conversation,” he said calmly. “Then it will be over and things will be perfectly normal tomorrow morning.”

“Eris —”

“Mother.” he cut her off, desperate for her to leave before Beron changed his mind and tied her up here anyway. “Please do as Father says. Goodnight.”

Enya’s chest continued to rise and fall as she took a breath, looking at her son and Eris wished he could have killed his father years ago, just to avoid the hurt in her expression. She turned back to her husband and though hatred shined so clearly on her face, she swallowed and said the one word Eris hated to hear from her, “Please.”

“Don’t.” Eris almost begged but Enya stepped closer to her husband.

“Please don’t do this.” 

Beron merely stared at his wife with disdain and then scoffed. “You can beg me later. After you apologize properly,” he said then waved her away with a sneer. “Get out.”

Revulsion marred the beautiful face of Lady Enya as her mouth trembled and with fisted hands, she spat at the High Lord’s feet. “You disgust me.” she whispered venomously.

The High Lord glanced down then smiled coldly at his wife. “You will pay for that.”

“I already did.” she said and glanced once more at her son. “I have never stopped paying for it but I will not leave.”

Eris swallowed and he wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole. He wished and wished but could do nothing else as his father stalked over to his mother and yanked her by the throat.

“Father —”

But Beron’s flame wrapped around his mouth and gagged him. He could only watch in horror as whatever his father was saying into his mother’s ear, too low for him to hear, had her face pale. He could only watch his parents stare at each other and rage silently until Beron shoved his mother away from him and said once more, 

“Get out.”

His mother shot Beron one last look of disgust before she turned to Eris, her mouth once again trembling in rage but she straightened. “I’m sorry.” she said gently. “I’m so sorry.”

Eris shook his head as he watched her reluctantly leave. She would never have anything to be sorry for. He would never blame her. She had stayed for them and endured for them and he would never let her apologize for anything his monster of a father did.

His father finally waved a hand and Eris let out a breath. 

“That was unnecessary, Father. You didn’t —” 

But Beron’s magic slammed into Eris once more, choking him as Beron watched him with dead eyes. 

“You once told me what happens between you and your wife is your business.” Beron said too calmly. “The same applies to my wife and I. Don’t worry about your mother. We’ll only have a nice chat before bed.” 

“Father —” Eris wheezed but Beron cut him once more, the High Lord’s magic closing off his airway. 

“No more words from you.” Beron said and with a wave of his hand, dragged Eris across the floor to the flogging pole. “It’s been a while. You seem to have forgotten yourself, son. So let me remind you why I am your High Lord and you do as I say regardless of how you feel about it.” 

His father leaned in close as Eris’s arms were forced up and he couldn’t help the hate in his eyes as the High Lord smiled down at him. “Now…let’s give you a whole new look, shall we?”  Beron said softly. “We’ll see what your pretty wife thinks of you then.”

[saysflora]

After years of effort, David has finally won a scholarship to the prestigious Pulitzer’s Academy for Boys, a boarding school famed for its high standards. He’s not about to let anyone get in his way, not the teachers, the work, or even his nice new roommates. And certainly not Jack Kelly

Whereas after a long summer, Jack’s just happy to be back. He’s looking forward to kicking back, pissing about with his friends, and maybe getting to know the pretty new kid. But, when the new kid turns out to be a prick who thinks he’s better than everyone else, Jack’s not one to take it lying down.

OR: A Javid Academic Rivals to Lovers AU

[jade-of-mourning]

*shakes a tin can that makes metallic sounds as two coins move inside it* Halvar??? Spare some Halvar sir?? *coughs pathetically as I have to hug ny coat tighter* Please, I need some Halvar...

anything for you bro, trust me bro i'm a crippling tryhard (when i say fancy i mean somethjng i'm incapable of drawing but still wanted to draw) (i got hella lazy by day two which is to say that i gave up on details i hate details so much) (ignoring canon like a fuckin pro (haha csh reference get it-)) (i lost my arrow key im sad) (i'm committed to stimulating this economy) (i was high on caffeiene when i started this drawing last night until three am) (my ability to draw scenery is extremely subpar so i decided that maybe i should like,,, attempt to change that eventually. it's a work in progress)

favorite cuts below :>

i'm ngl i wanted to do the gathering thing but i'm exceptionally bad at using color palletes and the color pallete scared me so i just didn't

ft. my refusal to comply with canon (not out of defiance against flonkerton's word but actulaly out of pure dumbassery)

idk how to draw like,,, houses. they're kinda just random lines. it's funny cuz as i was drawing them i was thinking about how people talking about how to distinguish ai art and my brain went "wow my shapes are so indistinguishable i must look like even more of a chatgpt user than the guy at my school who wrote his grad speech using it"

also i would've been drawing more ships if i wasn't brain dead but it's too late

i color picked from some picture but i kind of forgot where i left the picture so uhh yeah

[bnha-more-like-bnh-gay]

Got a new prompt for you! 😁

10 year old Mirio goes to the park and spots 6 year old Izuku getting ganged up on and bullied. Mirio ain't having none of that shit and immediately swoops in and saves Izuku.

The two get to talking and Mirio is immediately enamored by the cute kid who so desperately wants to be a hero who saves people with just his smile and presence, just like All Might, even though he's quirkless. Mirio reassures Izuku that he absolutely can be a quirkless hero, and that he believes in Izuku (which immediately results in the park being absolutely FLOODED by Izuku's happy tears).

Mirio basically adopts Izuku as his little brother and helps him achieve his dream. Dadzawa eventually helps Izuku with physical training. Dadmic and Auntnight help Izuku with his confidence (as well as cultivating a dramatic flair so that no one look away and dismiss him).

Izuku eventually becomes an absolute terror, and Mirio could not be prouder of his baby bro.

Okay, I had literally spent over 2 hours writing for this and then my phone kicked me out of the app and they all got deleted, so I am absolutely fucking DEVASTATED RIGHT NOW

Literally sat there for a minute contemplating life

But holy fuck, I love this so much

Big bro mirio

Sunshine brothers

I will try to make this as much like the original as I can, because I was actually really happy with it and I want to SCREAM

But I can’t. This is fine. I’m so normal and not bound by eccentricities at allllll

Kaachan had been mean to him for a while now, even more he found out about his quirk, but once they all found out that little izuku was quirkless, it was tenfold.

Kaachan had also taken to being mean to the other kids too though! And izuku didn’t like that at all! Heroes were supposed to help people, right? So, that’s exactly what he’d do!

Even though the other kids didn’t like him anymore.

Even though kaachan had a bunch of other kids on his side, and had a quirk, and izuku was small for his age

So, izuku spent a lot of his time running away from kaachan, but that was okay! At least he got the attention away from the other kid! And he was getting really fast! That’s a great trait for a hero to have!

Izuku did often get lost in his thoughts though, and he didn’t notice the bigger kid standing in his path. Until he ran into him, that is

:(( he’d be so apologetic and scared :((

Mirio is confused, but makes sure to tell the kid that it’s okay and try and help him relax!

Eventually though, kaachan and his friends (not really friends, but I feel weird calling 6 year olds lackies)

.

..

…

Eventually though, kaachan and his ✨henchmen✨ caught up to izuku and the boy he ran into

Bakugou starts his whole monologue of how great he is, and how izuku is never going to amount to anything, and his general douchebagary (I do recognize the irony of me not calling 6 year olds lackies but still calling them douchebags. My moral compass is clear to no one but myself)

Izuku expects the older boy to just walk away or to agree with kaachan. What he doesn’t know, is that mirio is going to be a hero, and that heroes do not stand for bullies!

So, he tells him that he’s not acting very heroic

Kaachan goes into his whole “i’M gOinG tO bE tHe #1 hErO AnD sUrpAsS aLl MiGhT-“

But mirio just makes an executive decision to take himself and the little green boy out of the situation

Bakugou, of course, yells at them for ignoring him and whatnot, but mirio is not bothered

Izuku, however, is shook tm

No one had ever ignored kaachan before! Or stood up for him! Or told kaachan that he was anything other than a hero! Who was this boy???

He’s togata mirio!

Izuku tries to defend the explosive boy, because really, what else do you expect a child who’s spent year being told how great this kid is to do

But mirio simply asks if heroes are supposed to bully or be mean to others

No, of course not!

So, why should kaachan be allowed to?

It take Izuku a little while to process this, but he does soon come to realize that katsuki’s actions aren’t that of a hero, and that he is really just a bully

Mirio has a little brother now

Sorry, @ his parents, you’ve got a new pseudo son!

Inko is more than happy with this arrangement, and accepts her new son with open arms

Izuku explains that kaachan and his ✨henchmen✨ always pick on him because he’s quirkless. He expects mirio to agree with them and say that he is a deku. Or to at least just leave him there

But mirio is a child of quality tm

So, he tells him that there is no reason to bully someone! Especially over something so silly! Especially over something that they can’t even control! And that izuku is not a deku! That he can be a great hero if he wants to be!

Needless to say, izuku cries

8 years later and mirio still thinks izuku has a tears quirk because the park was practically flooded

Yo, kinda sad when some 8 year old is nicer than any teacher you’ve had, but we’ll focus on that later

Anyway <3

Mirio introduces izuku to his friend, tamaki!

They’re both riddled with anxiety, but mirio is always glad to reassure them!

Izuku is also a great help with tamaki’s confidence! And both mirio and tamaki always listen to izuku’s quirk theories!

Soon, mirio and tamaki start training for UA! Mirio starts teaching izuku what they’re learning too!

Izuku is a fast learner, and he loves to watch mirio train and add ideas here and there! Mirio is so proud of his brother, he’s so smart!

Izuku is also proud of his brother! He’s so strong!

Mirio calls izuku, “little hero”

I do make the rules and I enforce them.

I do realize that this could also sound condescending, and I’m pretty sure some villains do refer to izuku as, “little hero” so I just love the image of izuku being like, “jokes on you, my brother calls me that and I take it as a compliment”

Izuku is very sneaky. I know this in my soul. He is clumsy, yes. But when he needs to be, he is very sneaky.

The celebration when mirio and tamaki get their UA acceptance letters😭😭😭

They make a new friend there too, nejire! She thinks izuku is adorable and loves when he analyzes her quirk!

Kaachan and the teachers are still assholes, but izuku is going to prove them wrong

And now, he’s going to prove all might wrong too!

After his first meeting with the sludge villain, and after kaachan being even more of an ass today, and after all might telling him he couldn’t be a hero without a quirk? Izuku has had one hell of a day. And he is feral on a good day.

Surprise to his family, but he’s also been training with knives!

I just think feral izuku deserves to have a feral glint in his eye, and run like a mad man towards a villain while holding a knife, all while kaachan, who has bullied him for over a decade, watches in terror and confusion (my sibling drew a picture of this for our au, and it is very dear to my heart)

So. Mirio and inko are HORRIFIED ONCE THEY SEE THE NEWS, OH MY GODS, IZUKU, ARE YOU OKAY? WHERE IS HE? WHAT’S GOING ON? WHAT-

So, they try to call him, but he’s busy talking with all might, who offers him OFA!

But, izuku is nothing if not determined, and he is going to prove everyone wrong and become a hero his way!

All might apologizes for his earlier actions and tells him that he can’t wait to see izuku become a wonderful hero!

When izuku gets home, inko immediately calls mirio, who shows up faster than he really should have? Are you okay? Did you steal a car?

Let’s not worry about that 

They do make izuku go to the hospital because when a sludge villain inhabits your body, you get checked out by a medical professional. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Kaachan is still an asshole, but leaves him alone a little bit after that.

Time goes on, training continues, mirio, tamaki, and nejire are doing great at UA, and HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ALL MIGHT TELLING IZUKU THAT HE GOT ACCEPTED INTO CLASS 1-A?!

Izuku tells mirio and his mother about how nice Uraraka was to give him some of her points????? Someone was nice to him. He’s emotional.

Me too, kid

But he hopes that they’re in the same class!

They are!

Sadly, so is kaachan.

Eraserhead is their teacher, holy shit

Also, let it be known that mirio tells mic that, after the entrance exam, izuku talked about mic nonstop for a solid week. Mirio brings this up when he, izuku, and mic are all in the same room too. Mic and midnight both think it’s adorable

At the quirk assessment test thingy (QAT), people are kinda like, “hey, hey, green kid, what’s your quirk? Why aren’t you using it? What’s up?” And he tells them that it’s a surprise

He doesn’t use it the whole time and they’re all confused

Bakugou ruins his fun and tells them all that he’s quirkless. What he doesn’t expect, is for all of them to be impressed and supportive

Izuku cries and Shouto theorizes that he isn’t quirkless, and that his quirk is actually about his ability to cry

Across the school, Mirio senses someone else recognizing his brother’s hidden quirk

Mineta doesn’t exist.

Bakugou gets expelled. (WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN AFTER HE TRIES TO BLOW IZUKU UP ON THE SECOND DAY OF CLASS?!)

All is right with the world

Oh shit, villains are at the USJ and mirio’s feral, accident prone baby brother is being attacked and he only found out because some kid with engines in his legs ran back to campus and had a panic attack

Poor Iida :(

But they get everyone back! Eraserhead and izuku are a little worse for wear, but they’re alive!! Huzzah!!

Aizawa decides that he likes this feral child even though he is a problem child

Fine, because he is a problem child

*mic sits smugly in the corner*

He’d be filling out the adoption forms right now had he not seen what a lovely woman inko was.

He still has the forms, but don’t tell anyone

I’ve said it several times, but izuku and mic start a JSL club. Mirio is very proud of his brother, and is the first to join

He already knows some because izuku is hard of hearing, but now he has structured learning!

Mic and midnight 10000% dub them the sunshine brothers

Shouto asks if they’re brothers

Izuku says that they are

Izuku is the feral gremlin of UA and class a loves him

Shinsou and Shouto: “I’m not here to make friends”

Izuku: :)

Mirio, knowing how this will end: :)

Aizawa, knowing that his problem child sees right through this: *sigh*

Mic, knowing that his little listener is going to be best friends with them: :D

Midnight, knowing this kid could demolish the world if he wanted to: :))))

Inko, sensing that she’s going to have two new sons soon: :)

Anyway. They’re friends now :)

Ah, Hosu.

Aizawa had hope that Iida would remain a responsible figure in class.

That goes out the window when he is told that three of his students are in the hospital because two came to aid him when he tried to commit premeditated murder

Mic is stressed when his husband has to go to Hosu to collect their child and his friends.

Inko is horrified when she hears that her son got caught up with the hero killer, but is also so proud of her chaotic gremlin

Nobody is supposed to tell mirio what happened, but Shouto thinks that izuku’s brother should know

He is later asked what he told his siblings, and only then does he realize he never did tell them.

He tells them later, “during the internships, my friends and I fought stain. Not endeavor.” And then spends the next hour trying to calm Fuyumi down, but really just makes her more stressed.

He tried.

I’m so sorry, fuyumi

“Why didn’t you tel us sooner?!”

“Well, I tried to fight the police officer after he told us we couldn’t tell-“

“YOU FOUGHT A POLICE OFFICER??”

“Did you win?”

“NATSUO!”

“Midoriya held me back”

“THANK KAMI-“

“Damn”

Midnight pseudo adopts Shouto

I need you to know this.

She sees this sarcastic, oblivious little shit and snatches him up

Mirio is so happy that his brother has so many friends TwT

The entirety of class A + some in class B and mei and shinsou love him and he gained two fathers and an aunt

The sunshine brothers soon adopt a sister!

Eri!

Kirishima, tsuyu, Uraraka, and nejire are also now able to witness izuku going completely feral!

It’s great

A lovely bonding experience!

But yes, new sibling acquired!

They are now the sunshine siblings or the sunshine three, thank you mic

Inko loves her new daughter

Mic and midnight (and Aizawa, but he’d never admit it) both have separate folders on their phones for pictures of the three of them together. Tokoyami never thought you could see serotonin, but after seeing one of the pictures of the sunshine siblings all smiling at the camera after making each other flower crowns and getting candy apples, he admits that he has been proven wrong

This wasn’t as good as the first one, but I still hope you like it!!!!!! This prompt made me so happy 😭😭😭

found family >>>>

[mossrockpog]

This is my qsmp valentines day exchange gift for @littlexpiece :DDDD HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! I hope you enjoy this qbbh character study :3

This analysis isn’t a romance, so perhaps not the most typical Valentine’s Day fare, but it is about love, as the love BBH feels for his children (and all the island’s eggs) is deep and true.

BBH, the island babysitter, demon, chronic prankster and liar, new Create mod enthusiast, proud parent. Afflicted by illness for so long, from an infection that leached his soul from his body (as well as a literal atomic bomb, killer of and crafted by his dead friend). He let himself be tortured by soul vultures, and it inflicted wounds from which he never healed.

“There is nothing Bad loves more than the kids, when they went missing he started to die.” -Bagi, quote posted by disfrutalakia

A question that always comes to mind for me is that of how this could’ve been fixed. How could he have been helped? Was it able to be helped? Could his death have been prevented? It’s hard to say. That’s essentially what this analysis (read: collection of rambles) is about.

The first possibility I think of is outside assistance. What if he’d had aid from the other islanders? He may have been able to cope with his trials and stopped them early on if others had known. However, was this realistic? Could this have happened, knowing what we know about BBH? He didn’t tell anyone until the infection was so advanced that any options for helping were limited. Why didn’t he ask for help? Why didn’t anyone notice until it may have been too late? Why did he not tell anyone what was going on?

The disappearance of the eggs is what caused his death. There are many contributing factors, but if his children had not disappeared, I am certain he would not have died the way he did. Their disappearance was due to events far out of his control, events we are still trying to understand. A way of preventing his death lies there, in preventing them from going. Preventing his heart and mind from breaking.

The disappearance of the eggs drove BBH to extremes. He loves them. They are what he cared for most in his life (and as we saw recently, in his death too). His children have his whole heart, his whole soul, everything he has. When they disappeared, he grieved. He didn’t know whether they were alive or dead, but grief doesn’t need that. It only needs love, and he has that in spades.

“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.” -Mary Shelley, Frankenstein (a fitting quote for a demon who ended up a corpse, walking).

He was willing to do anything to get them back. His whole focus was on who took the eggs, leads to finding the eggs, any scrap of information he could get. For so long he assumed it was the Federation’s fault; this led to the Ron’s kidnapping and his brief torture for information. He got as much information he needed, but grew attached to Ron in the process. Which is a whole other tangent I could go on (what happened to Ron? Bro are you good??), but the focus is on factors contributing to BBH’s death and any potential point which could have prevented it.

His actions were not well perceived by the rest of the server (at least, it was openly opposed by many. Not everyone disapproved). His reputation plummeted, and he become somewhat estranged from the server. His culpability too led to him being cagey with details, though not so cagey that nothing slipped. But the focus was on Ron, and BBH’s actions, and while a few people noticed him changing color, it wasn’t the priority.

At some point during all of this, he acquired the injury that killed him. BBH, from the egg’s absence, was driven to continuing Dapper’s dangerous research into soul vultures. He wanted to be helpful, to do SOMETHING to get the eggs back. The head wound (whenever it appeared first) was open, and began to fester. His soul began the long process of leaving his body.

Purgatory was a refuge for BBH. That’s not to say it was good, but he enjoyed the experience, because him and the parents shared a common goal. He wasn’t going through all this alone anymore, everyone was suffering. And he was able to work towards getting the eggs back, way more of a lead than he had had for the previous months.

Others did not enjoy the experience. It was a rough situation, and he was rough to match. He was ruthlessly fighting to win, according himself to the message from Dapper, which he took to mean win no matter the cost. For his kids. For his son and daughter. This further set him apart from the others. One of my favorite set of scenes I’ve seen is BBH showing his Team Soulfire base recreation to his friends, particularly Tina’s reaction and how BBH behaved after. He was on a different page from the rest of the server, and when they returned, that rift remained, slowly closing now that they were no longer in hell but still present.

I want to take an intermission to briefly analyze BBH’s personality, and the factors therein that contributed to how events played out. Some reasons for BBH’s death lie with BBH himself. He is not one that readily trusts others. His willingness to be vulnerable (read: lack of), his self-reliant nature, his lack of regard for his own life (stemming from his immortality), all of these things contribute to his fascinating personality and morality.

BBH is incredibly self-reliant. Though he may not be the strongest player, his skill is not nothing, and it’s backed up by his cunning. He is used to using his own strength to power through obstacles, an attitude no doubt majorly caused by his immortality. Unlike others on the server, he knows that if he dies (without respawning… death on the QSMP itself is a fascinating affair, but another tangent that I won’t get into here. No matter how much I want to) he can come back, albeit not the same as before. As he once told Baghera, in his eyes he is “expendable.” He puts his all into things, with a certain amount of caution, but he also rests assured that even if he dies he won’t be gone forever. So he can put the eggs first, prioritize his children which are much more mortal, more fragile than him.

He is also self-reliant in that he does not readily rely on others. He has this notion, one reinforced by events in the server and built up over time, that he is the only one looking out for Dapper. To be clear, this is not an accurate notion, nor one he subscribes to all the time. However, when the eggs disappeared, and he was the only one he could see going to such lengths for the eggs, that idea too began to fester, to turn into a notion that he was the most capable protector of the eggs. An attitude like that, in and of itself, is isolating.

He also, seemingly reinforced by his past, is reluctant to share personal details. It was like pulling teeth for Bagi to even get an idea of what species he was, and how old he was. Her dedication towards this and their friendship eventually led to her getting an idea of things (though as recent streams prove… the age thing was a lie), but it still doesn’t match the amount a more forthright person would divulge.

The eggs are the ones he is most willing to be vulnerable around. Seemingly the only ones he fully trusts on the island (including himself. Remember how he was looking for people who knew about the eggs with that clipboard? Remember how he collected evidence on himself, treated himself as a suspect?). There are others, but his relationship with the eggs is unique. The eggs are his priority, and he truly loves them. He is willing to tell them personal details.

But, trust is not the same thing as a willingness to rely on someone. BBH holds trust and truth separately, and can fully trust someone without telling them the truth. He doesn’t tell them everything honestly. He keeps up a strong front for them, even as he is willing to be more vulnerable.

When the eggs returned, he was already weakened. The memory issues began right before they got back, which means his brain was already beginning to deteriorate. And he was honest, but not so much that he could be saved.

He told Pomme about his concerns with the radiation sickness. He was willing to be vulnerable there. But he reassured them he was going to be fine. That’s what a parent does. Additionally, as an immortal, he knew he would be able to come back. His idea of death was always different. He’s not mortal, and most likely assumed that even if he wasn’t able to beat back these issues, dying wouldn’t be a big deal for him. He’d just come back. He didn’t want that, but he just kept enduring, with the notion that the problem would work out on its own (Though to be fair, the options for medical care are incredibly limited on the island (an egg playing doctor, Roier, and the Federation… not a robust healthcare system). It didn’t.

This is a lot of rambling, and it needs to come to a neat conclusion.

To conclude, there are a variety of reasons contributing to BBH’s eventual end. His own traits, the timeline of events, his own actions, isolation from the server… many things worsened his health. The starting catalyst, however, and the most tragic contributor, is the eggs.

He loves them. He loves them more than anything. Their absence broke him, and the entire server. It broke him mentally and physically; according to him, the grief shut down his immune system and his ability to fight it off was no longer as strong. He wouldn’t have even experimented on himself with the soul vultures if it hadn’t been for the eggs disappearing. His children. He loves them, and that love broke him.

Love is powerful. It has the capacity to hurt, yes, but much greater in my eyes is its capacity to heal. When his children returned, though it did not fix his body, BBH was able to start healing his mind. He ended up dying from the wounds grief inflicted on his body and soul, but it did not end him. He was given the choice to move on, to return home and have peace, or to return to his children. The choice clearly agonized him. He referred to it as “splitting his happiness in two.” He’d never had this choice before, and it comes right when he is not able to easily decide.

But his love for his children was greater than that. Greater than his happiness. He loves them selflessly, with his whole ancient soul. He is willing to put that whole ancient soul through a potential (though not confirmed) eternity of immortality for them. Even if the door is locked next time, he can’t move on to happiness without the assurance that the ones he loves get to experience it with him.

Being a parent makes him happy :)

[homosubtext]

Hello there! I happen to share your *ahem* appreciation of SakuAtsu. Any fic recs? (those that are lesser known, because of course I already INHALED the popular ones)

this is by no means a complete list and it is not in any particular order. i can work on a more complete list but school and life is kicking my ass rn. also i know that some of these are popular but,,,,, im still going to recommend them 🫶

where i want to be by tookumade

ahhh the terrifying ordeal of trying to become comfortable with someone

one track mind by sifuhotman

atsumu is a little obsessive and fixated and omi just wants to tell him he loves him

a ph.d and an m.d. walk into a bar by izayas

this whole series is so so so good !!!!! good characterization too :’)

Honeysuckle by rinpanna on ao3

so good !! also don’t be alarmed by the student/teacher tag. it’s not quite like that

Other Boys in Other Ports by buttonstuck on ao3

sobbing…… this one is so good. just read it

Insert Coin To Play by Fairycake

oh my. god. oh my god holy fuck one of the fics ever PLEASE read it i read it months ago and i still think about it constantly all the time always. so well written too holy shit.

Three Sheets To The Wind by Fairycake

again,,,, holy shit one of the fics ever i slammed this fic in like a day it was impossible to put down. so so so good.

Clean™️ by Kiyoomi by Sifuhotman

kiyoomi is bad at confessing :3 i love him dearly

Clipped To You by Littleboat

omi and his hair clips :’)))

the way to a man's heart is through his gluten-intolerant stomach by vaporstretch

cute lil college au :’)

[princess-of-purple-prose]

hi kay!! i keep telling myself i need to watch mp100 since it’s supposed to be so good, but i watched the first couple of episodes a while back and didn’t love them. does that mean i won’t like the whole show, or does it sort of grow into itself?

Hii Astrid!! 💜💜 I'm actually thrilled to get this question because I usually field it while reccing the show!! (Prepare for, just, so much text.) I promise it isn't (just) my bias talking when it say yes, it absolutely does grow into itself! I think to an uncertain viewer, the first episodes, especially the first one, are best viewed while keeping in mind that they're setting up the characters and world (not to mention showing off their animation chops) in them. I know I certainly wasn't super interested by them either when I first started watching the show, which is why I'm so excited to defend it!!

Personally, I was truly hooked onto the show by episode five! I'm not sure where you left off at, but if you didn't get to five, I think it's the first one which felt so visceral that it was upsetting AND which showcased the real ethos and struggles mob has in the show to me. After there, things start snowballing quickly, so if you haven't hit five, I'd really really urge you to watch it! In my opinion, the action and character stakes pick up right around there too, so it is 100% (hehe) worth sticking around for.

Not to mention: I think the one sad thing about mp100 getting supremely popular (plus, uh, reigensweep) is that people go into the show knowing that reigen is the most character of all time, but part of the fun is starting off FUCKING HATING HIM. I was genuinely convinced the reigen love was an elaborate joke when I started the show, and being proved wrong felt RAPTUROUS. That is not an exaggeration. There's a reason that I've rewatched the s1 finale more times than I care to count. And, just so I can make a sales pitch one more time: mob psycho 100, with no exaggeration, might be the story which has caused me to cry more consistently than any other media, which is HIGH praise coming from me. I've never met a narrative of its kind which handles its themes with more love or care. I mean it

Tl;dr: yes, the first episodes are slow, but that makes the payoff of going through with the show a thousandfold more potent!!! The pacing in the beginning is much slower, and you could say that the characters are still feeling themselves out. I am sure you'll like the show if you give it a chance, and I really really hope you'll grow to love it as much as I do!!!! Happy watching!!!!!!!

[seyaryminamoto]

aghhh idk if you remember me but I've been binging Gladiator since you reblogged my post where I asked about the point of Sokkla, and I'm aware you've heard it more times than the number of words in the whole fic, but it's SO. GOOD. I know I'll never manage to read the whole thing without taking several months (especially because it's a fanfic, not a printed paper book, and I'm in school). Yep, you've done it. Fully converted me to a Sokkla shipper lmao and that says something as a Tyzula fan (which doesn't work in canon but alas neither does this). I'm absolutely in love with the plot and your writing style sooo... wanted to tell you!!

Well this has been quite the fun story 🤣 I honestly just hoped to show that the ship had more basis than what is initially apparent, I did NOT expect these developments but I'm definitely happy to hear you're enjoying this little ship as much as you are! Thank you very much for letting me know! Also, honestly, I've reached a point where just... who cares if canon won't let my favorite ships happen? Half the fics you can find written by perfectly average fans are more fun than most post-canon content has ever been... 🤣 So just kick back and enjoy the ride, if canon wants to be nice so be it, if it won't, we'll always have our stories!

Thank you soooo much for this ask! Made me laugh quite a bit, haha 🤣

[purgemarchlockdown]

GOOGLE IS NOT GIVING ME THE REFERENCE IMAGES I NEED

[shining-gem34]

Relationship Memes Accepted for @the-solar-panel! From Dan Heng to Clara (4/4) send me a  ✿  and i’ll fill out the template below. bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other 

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other

ANTAGONISTIC.     dangerous to each other  /  dangerous to others  /  unpredictable  /  rivals  /  petty  /  developing into sexual or romantic tension  /  based off family matters  /  based of off circumstance  /  based of professional matters  /  based off misunderstanding or lies  /  conflict of ideology  /  betrayal  /  hero - villain dynamic  /  enemies  /  fight club  /  friends turned enemies  /  lovers turned enemies  /  exes turned enemies  /  other 

[mangoisms]

so i was about to read the last dgfh chapter (im so excited) and what do i see ????? MIYUKI X META!READER STORY BASED ON SPIDEY ???? HOLY SHIT UR BRAINNNNNN this is so exciting god ur amazing u truly are one of the greatest daiya writers ever mwah (that’s me kissing ur brain btw)

dc anon ❤️‍🩹

HAHAHAHA THANK YOUUUUUUU ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🫶🫶🫶 i am beaming you a Big Hug with my mind rn for your kind words <3333

it genuinely is my most favorite idea that i've come up with for daiya thus far like it got me in a chokehold when i thought of it in march

its mostly because i really wanted to do a daiya/dc thing but the dc universe is just so Insane. so. i compromised with this and it was SO much fun and whether its a well written portrayal of a spider-man au. Who knows. but i had so much fun and i hope you and everyone else enjoy it!!!

(and i hope you enjoy the last chapter of dgfh as well!!!!) ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[kamipyre]

@rippleofwords sent in: talk about hyuk || the paper machine's gossip session ( ft. talk about meme )

send “talk about-” and a name for my muse to talk about that person!

embers verse:

“…He reminds me of my old colleagues.” Not that he’s actually heard her talk about them, save for, maybe Edgeworth. It’s okay- he doesn’t really talk much about his colleagues back in Seoul anyways. Maybe she wants to keep it that way since well, even if the corruption is weeded out of the LAPD, they’ll never be able to go back to the way things were before. Detective Lee ( @jeoseungsaja ) might be able to do in Seoul, but not hers. Deft fingers press along the fold. “They have a better sense of humor than he does, but he has a similar drive.” The exacting drive demanding nothing more and nothing less than the truth. The recklessness and sheer force to get the desired results. The hardheadedness. She sees them all in Detective Lee, the ghost of friends long gone, never to return…or maybe their spirit, the true nature of the LAPD,  is simply being passed down from one generation to the next. Either way, she makes another fold. This one is going to be a pigeon. “Is he done with questioning Mister Trevor?” That’s the parrot the court is bringing in as a witness for next week’s trial. “He said he had more PAPER for me!”

black knight verse:

 “I deserve a pay raise.” Not that her current salary is terrible- actually, it might be more affordable, living in Seoul rather than in LA. At the very least, she doesn’t need to give up half of her paycheck to cover rent…although then again, it can’t be traditional, living in her current boss’s apartment. One may say it’s even unprofessional…and she might agree if not for the fact that he’s hardly ever in there to begin with. The couch in the office is his actual bed these days. “No one told me I was going to have two jobs while I was here- he needs to find something to do outside of his job. At the rate he’s going, I’ll surprised if he makes it to the end of the year-“ Not that, mind you, she’s going to let him deteriorate to that point. Jae Hwan won’t let that happen either, but it doesn’t change that Lee is barreling in that direction and there’s so much either of them can do to slow his descent. And the quickest way to do that is get to the bottom of the case- if only pleasing him was as simple as pleasing the Pigeon Man…all that guy needs is a bag of seeds and the pigeons. Nevertheless, her eyes soften as she sets her folded report on the desk. “…It’s not like the truth is going to change anything.” But he’s going to go for it anyways, won’t he? Find out the full story or die trying. She doesn’t know the whole story behind this all-consuming desire, no one does and Lee isn’t planning on changing that but…

“I want answers.” Not only to figure out the irritating conundrum of the case, but also set Lee’s ghosts to rest. It’s hard to live one’s own life, when the ghosts of those beloved have not been properly buried.

She would know that BETTER than anyone else.  

[rexmin203]

ALMOST late, but my art for @lousylemonseminar for the @jrwi-art-exchange :DDDD what a wonderful opportunity to draw albatrio all toghether, i hope you enjoy :,)

[inkyarcturus]

here’s an art request!!

in a good amt of severitus fanfics there’s usually a scene where snape is grading harry’s assignments, maybe you could draw a scene similar to that??

please make sure to take breaks during art req and get rest🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

I kept going back and forth on whether it should be Harry actually getting a good grade or failing-

I love Sev being completely thrown off my Harry’s subtle smartness- but also realistically in a lot of situations Harry will fail so-

Hope you enjoy!!! :DDDD

[leafostuff]

One Heck of a Joyride[Ft. WooAh's Nana]

Word Count: 14-15K~ words

Collab with @octoberautumnbox

My Author's Notes: we are so excited to finally release this fic for yall, me and box have been working on this fic since the end of FEBRUARY (almost 3 months) and we have been working on it so hard to make it the best it can be so I really hope you will enjoy this fic

@octoberautumnbox's author notes: there u have it! took the better part of three months, but it was really fun to work on :DDDD Thanks to leafo for making sure i didn't slack LMAO

No tags since it is too long but this is fluff and smut

Thanks: of course @octoberautumnbox for working with me on this amazing collab. @4m1rz for being my lovely beta reader and @libraryoferos for being my motivation to not be lazy on this fic

And so without any further preface, let's get started, shall we?

================================================

“And I expect you all to get along this year. Leave the past behind you as you all face a new future together.” Sporadic applause rises slowly from the crowd and dies down twice as quickly. The dean sighs away from the mic and drifts offstage, leaving everyone disinterested in the rest of the program. It all goes by in a blur, and finally ends right as the air conditioners start to fail against the heat of a summer not-yet-ended. 

Your attention is drawn away from the droning on and on from the stage and towards the many characters that populate the theater with you. You catch glimpses of people talking with their friends, a few crazy hair colours, and the occasional sleeping student who’s no doubt already saving up hours for the all-nighters to come. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone in the front row with both people sitting next to her conspicuously leaning away. They seem to want to get up and leave her there by herself, but the way she gives no reaction despite the jeering tone coming from her seatmates leads you to think that she’s asleep herself. 

~~~

“So yeah, That's the tour, bucko. Check the map if you’re ever lost.” Your student tour guide points at the multi-colored document on your phone. Vaguely you recall the various little symbols: which classrooms you can sleep in, which bathrooms are haunted, which shortcuts are best, all of the must-know basics of college life. 

As you continue scanning around the campus, the girl from the assembly catches your attention again. She has her hood up this time, but you can tell it’s her; her quick pacing and how she is not looking around at anyone making you believe that she’s trying her best to hide.

“What about that one? Do we not talk about her?” you ask, pointing at the oblivious figure walking past, drawing eyes and whispers much like your own. 

Your guide scoffs at the absurd idea. “That’s Nayeon. And no, we don’t. She fucked up last year, big time. Got a bunch of us in trouble. So stay away from her, she has those goody-two-shoes germs.” he says, walking away as while signaling you to follow him.

You wonder what she could have done to gain such a reputation. She was adorable earlier with her hood off, but the way people talk about her makes you want to steer clear against your own will. 

~-~-~-~

Curiosity ends up killing the cat, and you manage to gather bits and pieces of the incident from last year from gossip, class lore, and even the way some professors acted:

“She’s the luckiest bitch in the world with not a single shred of common sense. Seriously, who goes and rats on a hundred other students like that?”

“The test incident shows she only looks out for herself, even if it means bringing down the entire class.”

“There’s really no excuse for it. You have the answer key in your hand, of course you take a picture! You don’t just leave it where it’ll incriminate some other innocent loser and say you’re only trying to do the right fucking thing.”

The sheer number of factoids you gather from the wild bunch of sources only slightly make sense. Unfortunately, trying to piece them together only took up more space and brainpower which you should have used to study for your midterms coming up. Keep to yourself and you can just barely pass and move on; there is no time for college drama.

After the exam, you approach the professor to ask about possibly bumping up your grade. You decided to maybe half-ass an extra credit assignment and get the lowest passing score, but you resolve to just see where it goes. While lost in thought, you nearly bump into the small girl in front of you. already talking to the teacher, and by the way they’re whispering, it seems like it’s something serious. 

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to do here anymore, Miss Kwon,” the professor admits as he takes off his glasses and rubs his nose bridge. “None of this was necessary. I thought we wanted to leave all this behind us.”

Nayeon looks down to her toes in defeat. “I’m sorry, Sir. I was just thinking, maybe I’d get sent out of class this time.” Her voice cracks, giving away her vulnerable state: she’s near tears but trying to fight everything back to look tough. Sadly for her, you think, none of it is working.

“Look, just try to lay low. It’s your last year before all of this starts to not matter anymore.” Your professor finally puts his glasses back on and looks Nayeon straight in the eye. “Trust me, you’re better off keeping your head down. You’ll be fine.”

She walks despondently off to the right and out the door. Your feet choose to follow her, but a sudden jolt restores your common sense. “And you, Mister New Guy, what seems to be the problem? Beside your dismal score, that is.”

You have a slight feeling you are not getting a higher score.

~-~-~

After talking it out fruitlessly with the professor, he releases you from his classroom and you make your way out. The conversation with him didn’t take long, and so you arrive to a few jeers and muffled laughter once you step outside.

“Serves her right. Trying all this bullshit isn’t gonna change anything.” 

“Seriously, cheating on a test she obviously studied for? How dense could she be?”

“I bet she just wants to show us up. She’ll study and then cheat, then she gets perfect marks on the test and she’ll show us she’s untouchable again.” 

You find it hard to believe that Nayeon would resort to something as convoluted and pointless as that, but then again, you really don’t know her to make a judgment. Whatever she was thinking, you agree that it was idiotic to pull that sort of thing, even if you didn’t see any of it.

The weather on campus is the right mix of cloudy and sunny, with rays of light shining respectfully on the grass and pavement of your college courtyard. Something tells you that people-watching by the gym feels like the perfect lunchtime activity for a day like this, so you find your way to the properly noisy setting and look for a spot out of the way. 

You settle on a spot by the side of the gym with the perfect amount of shade and wind, but you’re instead drawn further back to the rear by strange and irregular noises. Turning the last corner, you’re met with a surprising figure.

It was Nayeon, sitting with her back against one of the walls, her entire body curled up like a ball. You slowly inch closer and closer to her, and you realize the strange noises that you heard before were instead sniffles and cries coming from the lonely girl. Finally as you get close enough, Nayeon feels your presence and raises her head.

Her eyes were full of tears, who knows for how long she had been crying, and you could feel the sadness coming from her eyes; they were trying to tell you something, however, it's hard to figure out what. Her expression of sadness didn't stay for long though as soon enough her expression turns angry when you get closer to her, squatting down to look at the girl from a closer angle.

“Please, go away. Leave me alone.” The small girl pushes you away, but with her hand preoccupied wiping away her tears, she can’t do much to get rid of you. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? You have the nerve to do what you did last year and still show your face?” The anger in your voice catches you off guard. Since when did you take it personally when it came to her?

“Oh fuck off, new guy,” she taunts. “So I’m fucking hiding here, what more do you want?” She tries to act tough again, but it’s painfully apparent to both of you that it isn’t working. At this point, you really do just want to leave her alone. And just like every other time, nothing’s stopping you. So why are you staying?

You breathe a sigh of defeat at the situation you find yourself in. “Look, I don’t have any sort of beef with you personally, but come on. This is pathetic. You’re only embarrassing yourself by doing all this bullshit that isn’t like you at all.”

“And what if it’s not like me?!” Her shout sends a few birds hiding in nearby bushes to take off. This sort of language takes you aback from her; Little Miss Perfect Kwon Nayeon, top honour student, teacher’s favourite pet, hating herself? 

“I… I don’t like being me, and I don’t like what I am.” She wipes her tears again and tries (and fails) to look you in the eyes once more. “So if you’re another member of the ‘I hate Nayeon’ club, well… Better show the club president some respect.”

She sits back down with her back against the wall. Nayeon's eyes are wet for the last time before she wipes them off and faces her lack of tears.

Normally in situations like those you would just walk away and ignore people like those for the rest of the school year, but for some reason with Nayeon in front of you, showing herself being weak, fragile, and sad, something about her makes it so you can't leave the situation alone. Curiosity gets the best of you, and you have to know why.

“No,” you turn back to her as a determined expression is painted on your face.

“What?”

“I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me.” You stand your ground, arms crossed, and Nayeon can't seem to be any more pissed than before. “What is going on? What do you mean you don't like yourself?” you ask.

For a while, no one dares to speak another word, and you wonder if what you have here is an argument. For a good few seconds, she stares at you intently as silence hangs heavy in the air. 

“You think,” she says defeatedly between sniffles, “that I'm Little Miss Perfect, right? Like everyone calls me ‘the straight-A girl?’ Well I’m not, and I’m tired of everyone saying so.” She fishes out a very used handkerchief from her pocket and wipes her eyes of tears, only for them to be replaced by more. 

“It can’t be that bad, Nayeon. People look up to you, I’m sure.” You finally notice your alarms are blaring and you’re put on high alert. What you just said was the exact wrong thing to say, and you’re at critical risk of involving yourself in her messy situation more than you should.

She side-eyes you, calculating if you’re being sincere or not. She stuffs her handkerchief back into her pocket carelessly as if knowing that she’ll only pull it back out again soon. She looks down at her hands, deep in thought, looking like she’s trying to grapple with something she might regret. 

Once she’s done, she fumbles around in her backpack. She fishes out a tiny black notebook she seems to keep so well hidden, on the cover of the notebook the words ‘Nana’s Bucket List’ are scrawled in big, bold, immature-looking letters.

“Throughout all of my life, I always wanted to be the top student, the best of the best like no one ever was, and I succeeded, you know…” she scoffs. “Top marks in Elementary, Middle school, and Valedictorian in high school.” She sighs and tries to fight back more tears, though you notice she’s a bit more successful this time, with a bit of hope and yearning in her eyes.

"But on the other side… The other side seems so great. I mean, I see all these movies and books about college life," she says in between residual sobs and hiccups. She opens the notebook, showing you a not-so-long list, and even though it's hard to see the text from the small size of the writing, you can make out a little bit of what’s written on the paper.

Cheat on a test 

Get drunk

Party all night

Dye my hair

Sing in an Open stage show

Sneak into a Public pool

Shoplifting

You know...

Most of what you read makes zero sense, and you’re half-convinced this girl is just crazy. You stare at the scribbled letters, hoping to draw more meaning from them, but Nayeon shuts the little notebook in your face and starts putting it back away. 

"I want to do them all. Drinking, breaking glass bottles, partying, all that stuff," she explains dreamily. She zips up her bag and pats it down, making sure it’s secure beside her, and turns her attention back to you, “I want to live like a normal girl, you know what I mean?” she asks, you are not sure if its because of the tears, but her eyes seem to glitter.

"That's very cliche, Nana," you jab at her, making fun of the nickname she gave herself.

"That's all I know, though. Please." She takes your hand in between hers and looks up at you, teary-eyed and seemingly begging for her life.”This wouldn’t kill you, all I’m asking for is some help crossing stuff off of the list.”

You hate how well it works on you: her big, round eyes, her adorable little pout, her cute pleading voice. It goes against everything you know, and even now you’re sure you don’t want to get involved in whatever this would turn out to be. And yet, despite even the most deeply ingrained lessons you’ve learned for yourself, all it takes is a brief moment for it to come crashing down.

With a disbelieving sigh and a sense of regret creeping in, you ask: “What’s in it for me?”

~-~-~-~

You take a bite of your burger and breathe out. Cheap bun, dubious patty, artificial cheese, it all takes you back to a past life. You're left to momentarily wonder how you ended up where you are now, and slowly it comes back to you. You messed up.

"So, about the list." Nayeon sets down her cup, ice cubes clinking against each other as they swirl around her soda. "I already did one. So that’s one less thing for us to do”.

"I can do that much math, Nayeon. What do you take me for?" You chomp down on a few fries grumpily. 

"I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is there are just a few more months left until graduation, so we'll need to be quick. We can’t be lazy about this." She pulls out the little black notebook and flips to an unfamiliar page. The words "cheat on a test" has doodles of a devil's horns and wings and tail around it, with lots of eyes and ears decorating the rest of the ruled paper. Above it, the poster you recognize from the movie "Bad Genius" is copied, albeit crudely, in a thought bubble.

"I did this one last year, don't ask. Anyway, this next one should be easy enough." She flips to the next page, showing a couple pictures of beer cups and wine bottles, surrounding the words “Get Drunk.”

“Wait, is this the ‘incident’ people hate you for? What even happened there?” You eat more of your fries, trying to hide your curiosity. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and she nips the conversation in the bud.

“That’s not anything you need to know. What matters is now and the future. Now are you with me or not?” She snaps the notebook closed and yanks it away from your sight, back into the pocket she keeps it in. 

“I can’t help if I don’t know what exactly your deal is,” you say disappointedly. You pick up your own drink and take a sip, and the cool soda washes over your tongue and throat on the way down. “You’re making this harder than it needs to be with everything that’s going on.”

For a moment, you catch Nayeon’s gaze on you, dumbfounded. You could almost hear the gears in her head turning as she tries to process your logic, but it takes a while. As she thinks, though, you take a particular interest in how she handles it: her mouth is hanging slightly ajar and her eyes are only half-focused on wherever they’re pointed. You notice how delicately her bangs fall on her forehead, how her eyebrows furrow and crease, how she tries finding the right words yet can’t find the message she wants to send. Odd things to notice, surely, and yet here you are. You messed up.

It starts coming back to you. The jeers from your classmates as you walk down the hall grow louder in your ears, and you fight against your hands trying to cover them with the knowledge that none of it is real anymore. The tears you fight back all the time surface for another rematch, but with your current state, you may be at a disadvantage. 

Fortunately, she shocks you back into reality. “Hey, are you listening? I’m feeding you, so the least you could do is pay attention.” She bites a small chunk of her burger and chews, and you notice how her cheeks puff slightly and the corner of her mouth is decorated with a dollop of mustard. 

Cute.

1 + 2. Get drunk + Party All Night

“God, this is stupid,” you think to yourself, exiting the convenience store. With a plastic bag in your right hand and your phone in your left hand, checking the time and the address Nayeon sent you earlier today. Finding it was easier than you expected, and you tried not to let the walk to her dorm set any expectations for you.

You bring your knuckles to the wooden door and make three quick raps. It swings open very quickly and you’re dragged into the cozy space without even the slightest chance to take off your shoes. 

“You took forever! Did you bring the stuff?” She looks all over you and pats you down, looking for what you brought her. 

“Get off, will you? I put them all in my bag like a normal person.” You swing your backpack off your shoulder and carefully place it onto a nearby table. Nayeon takes a seat and waits excitedly for what you brought for the two of you. From your bag, you produce three bottles of soju, three five-packs of Yakult, six cans of beer, and four bags of chips. She eyes each item with absolute interest as they leave your backpack, and she hardly contains herself once you finish and zip up your bag once more. 

“Okay, so how does this work?” Her eyes sparkle with wonder, and while waiting for your instructions, it was clear that as much as she was excited, she was also inexperienced.

“First off, get us some shot glasses and a pitcher. Oh, and a can opener.” Nayeon bolts off to the cooking area, and you can hear drawers opening and shutting loudly. You start getting concerned when you hear plates start to clatter against each other, but thankfully it dies down quickly and she returns with two small glasses, a decently sized pitcher, and a can opener. 

“Shit. I meant bottle. Bottle opener.” Without even a hint of annoyance, she rushes back off into the kitchen and, after a few more rummaging sounds, she returns with the correct item. She really must not know what she’s doing.

“Come on, show me!” She shoves the bottle opener into your hand, and you’re left with no choice. 

“Don’t you have a roommate we have to worry about?” You pop the cap off one of the soju bottles and then tear the aluminum top off two bottles of Yakult. “She’s out with her own friends. Hurry!” Despite her starting to get on your nerves, you pour all three into the pitcher and swirl them around together. Once you’re done, you pour the mixture into each of the glasses until they’re full. 

“Bottoms up, Nayeon.” 

“Bottoms up!”

The both of you down your drinks: yours slowly crawls down your throat, but hers disappears straight into her stomach. She reels at the burning lines left by the alcohol all over her esophagus and takes a bit of time to recover. 

“Whoa, that was,” she says, and a burp erupts from her mouth, “intense.” She sways a little bit to the left before righting herself, and then overcompensates to lean to the left again. 

“Easy there, champ. We’ve got two more bottles to go through.” You pour another shot for each of you, hers first and then yours, and raise your glass once more.

“Open the chips now,” you tell her. “This’ll be less dreadful with food.” 

Both of you down your shots at the same time, and Nayeon reels at the sensation once more. 

“Does that get easier?” Her speech is slowly starting to slur, the poor thing. “I’m kinda feeling a little something right now, too…”

“Yes, but only if you keep going at it, idiot. Don’t down everything so quickly.” Grab one of the bags of chips yourself, open and present it to Nayeon on the center of the table.

“Eat. You’ll hate this less.” You take a handful of chips and bring all of them into your mouth. Once you do, you raise your eyebrow at her to tell her to do the same.

“Isn’t… *hic* being hungry the thing for… faster drunk?” 

“Apparently so, Nayeon. I don’t even know what I expected from you.” You take another shot, alone this time. She tries to pour her own shot, but fails miserably at getting the liquid anywhere near the inside of her shot glass. It’s adorable how she tries, though.

You pour her another shot despite a small voice telling you maybe she isn’t cut out for this much in such a short time. You shove the voice aside in favor of Nayeon’s own words: “We pregame, drink a little, and then we go. Party starts at 7:30, so we leave here by 7 o’clock.” Her shot glass fills with the drink, and you place it in front of her, making sure at least to keep an eye out for what might happen next. 

She successfully picks up the glass and, sans the spills she made on the glass's way from the table to her mouth, drinks everything she could. She slams the glass onto the table in no light movement and you have a slight inkling of regret at letting her do that to herself. 

“You… We have to… Fuck.” Nayeon’s head droops and she catches her face with her hands. She may have underestimated how strong soju is, or maybe what being drunk actually does to a person. A groan emanates from behind her palms, and you notice she’s having trouble holding herself up. 

“Aren’t we going out after this? You might wanna slow down, idiot.” You pour yourself another shot and drink it leisurely. Nayeon tries leaning back onto the chair, and she finally pries her hands away from her eyes. She does a few quick blinks, and she tries to focus her sight on you. Her head sways a little bit, and it dawns on you that you may have overestimated her. 

“I’m okay… just… we have to go.” She tries to stand up, but she wobbles dangerously and you have to catch her. Dive under her and take on her weight, thankfully not too heavy, and keep her from hitting the floor. She mumbles a bit about something you can only kind of understand, but it's enough to guide your next decision.

“Forget it,” you grunt as you plop her back into her chair, “we're not going anywhere.” An exasperated sigh leaves your lungs, and you head off to the kitchen to return with a large bottle of cold water.

“No… we have to go. We'll be late.” Nayeon tries to get up again, but there's no strength left in her body. She sits motionlessly, probably thinking that she's already stood up, and it gives way to a confused look on her face as to why she's still in the same place.

You fill a proper-sized glass with water and hand it to her, which she drinks obediently. You fill her palm with potato chips which she also eats without objection. The way her jaw moves, clumsy and slow, signals a threat that she might just fall over any minute.

You move your chair to her side and sit there, allowing Nayeon to lean her head on you. Her hair covers her reddening face, and her hiccups arrive in growing force.

“If you're still in there, Nayeon,” you say quietly, “we're not going out. I can't look after you this closely at a party.” All she does to respond is nod. Her hiccups are punctuated intermittently with sniffles, which you take as a sign that she knows she has no power left to object. 

Still, you feel bad for her as her plans fall through. Despite the responsible thing to do, put her to bed and leave, you kick yourself mentally before deciding to stay anyway.

“Movies and snacks?”

~-~-~-~

Before you know it, the night goes by just as quick. You go through the list of movies she’d always wanted to watch: The Truman Show, The Great Gatsby, Mean Girls, and even then there’s still a few left on her list. You could tell she was watching properly halfway through the first, and that was the telltale sign that she’d sobered up. 

You drink a bit more with her in between movies, and she would frequently pause to get up and put on a song to dance to. “It keeps me awake,” she said, “I can’t fall asleep before the good part happens.” The songs she put on are generic pop and the kinds you skip whenever they come up, but you let it pass for tonight.

At some point, she pulls out an old Wii and challenges you to Mario Kart. “I am undefeated in this game. I’m not even that good, everyone else that challenged me just sucked.” You take her up on her offer, and the match begins. You try and almost get ahead of her in a few of the turns, but she would always take back her lead at the slightest opportunity of you hitting a wall or missing an item. And the way she glows with pride every single time she crosses the finish line before you do, the sudden brightness that fills her face when she wins race after race, the confidence it gives her that she isn’t actually the worst person in the world, all of it is a sight to behold. People may see Kwon Nayeon as an arrogant goody-two-shoes traitor, but the way you see her now is different: just someone with a past to outgrow. 

Right as the last movie’s credits start rolling, mischievous thin rays of dawn sunlight slip past the tiny gaps in the curtains. Both you and Nayeon have little energy left for anything else, and you maybe think it’s time to call it a night and go home.

“Let me walk you out,” she says while trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes for a little bit longer. You both get up and walk to the door, and as it opens your faces are flooded with a world right before it wakes. Dewdrops sit respectfully on leaves and blades of grass, birds are only starting to stretch their wings, and the crisp morning air fills your lungs with a calm grace. 

You turn back to Nayeon, who you find is still admiring the dawn, and grasp her elbow. “Sit with me.” 

You both squat down and take your seats again on her doorstep. Clouds roll in and dot the sky, wandering on the blank canvas of today, eagerly waiting for sunlight to block out. The sun peeks over the horizon and the first proper rays start to arrive, spreading warmth where they land. Nayeon meets your eyes one last time, and the pair of you find a sleepy and still a bit drunk person when you look at each other.

“Well,” you say as if it was a farewell, “good night, Nayeon. And good morning.”

“Good night,” she giggles back, “and good morning to you too.”

3. Sneak into a Public Pool

“Are you sure about this?” Nana’s tone is subdued by fear. Her voice shakes and struggles to be as quiet as possible, but at the same time you get the feeling that if you didn’t need to be quiet, she’d be yelling right now and trying to get the both of you to leave.

“Can you please shut up? I’m trying to focus!” You find the first of the pins and push it out of the way. For a moment, you lament how restricted you are: this could have been such a simple lock to break, replace even, but the girl dragging you around was deathly insistent on leaving as little damage and evidence as possible. 

“You shut up! I'm whispering here!” Anger rises in her voice, and you almost feel anger in yours too. You're able to stop it though, and you remind yourself that if ever a guard was on watch that actually cared about this place, they'd be easily outrun.

The lock presents more of a challenge than you thought; despite the agonizingly simple solution of snapping its shackle, its inner mechanisms are harder to crack for whatever reason. Taking it pin by pin is supposed to be an easy task, but the warm and humid air and the incessant nagging seem to debilitate you. It’s such a nice night out for a swim, why make this any harder than it needs to be?

After what seemed like eternity you finally manage to pick the lock, sighing in relief as the both of you head forward quietly, but cautiously looking side to side just in case. The metal-grate door swings open slowly, avoiding any creaking sounds it may make otherwise, and the both of you enter the pool area.

“I gotta say Nayeon, this went better than I thought it would,” you say, both of you looking at the rectangular box of water which unlike during the day, was completely still, no waves, no splashes, just the water. It glistened and reflected all manner of light: the pool lights above and below the water, the yellow street lamps far off on the sidewalk, and the moon overhead, singing tones of wonder and mystery to those touched by its borrowed glow.

Off to the side, you find Nayeon fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Her head whips round incessantly as she tries to keep a lookout of the surroundings rather poorly. Sigh a deep one, and finally go over and take your seat next to her. 

“Thanks… gimme a sec.” She finally grabs the hem decisively. The fabric crumples a bit under her grip and folds as it's pulled up.

You can’t help but watch as the shirt starts to leave her body, revealing a slim and toned tummy underneath. Your breath hitches as it crawls higher, reaching her face and obscuring her sight, and she inadvertently shows off a dark purple sports bra that’s… a size too small. Your gaze lingers on her cleavage and the flesh of her boobs lightly spilling out of the garment.

Nana turns around and you’re treated with the view of a beautiful back and shoulders to die for. The way her body twists and turns in the slightest ways to negotiate the shirt off of her form is the most sensual dance you’ve ever seen.

And you realize you’re staring. Fortunately for you, she doesn’t seem to notice, and she continues on to fold the shirt properly before setting it next to her sports bag. You opt not to risk staring any longer, and you decide to get rid of your own shirt. You strip quickly, and your shirt flies off approximately near Nayeon’s things in a messy pile by itself.

Sit on the edge of the pool, dip your feet into the water. There’s absolutely no reason for it to be this warm, you think, but whatever the case may be, it feels like a tea that’s just about to go cold. This, coupled with the humid air and quiet atmosphere, makes for a perfect night to spend on whatever this is with her. 

She joins you and takes her seat at the edge of the pool, and in every other situation, you’d ask her to back off a bit. Instead, as she lays her head on your shoulder and takes your hand in between hers, you lose your steel in the most important of times. 

“I’m scared.” Her eyes never leave the water, taking in the light dancing on its surface. Her face is fraught with worry, and while you know it’s for no good reason, you nevertheless try to reassure her.

“Yeah, someone might jump out of the bushes and arrest us for swimming in a swimming pool,” you say mockingly. “They’re gonna take us to court on the charges of ‘using something the way it was meant to be used’ and we’re gonna get life sentences. When we’re all old and wrinkly they’re gonna sit us in the electric chair.”

“Okay, I get your point. But still, though, I’m scared.” She grips your hand tighter, and for some reason you can’t resist her. Place your other hand over hers and try to calm her down. Nana takes a deep breath with her eyes closed, and finally looks at you with a reserved grin.

“Alright, I’m good. Let’s go.” 

You feel her hand on your back, and warmth spreads from her palm. Her smile grows just a bit wider and her eyes follow suit. Her teeth show themselves from between her lips, and you’re almost tempted to dive right in. 

Lucky for you, she helps. The hand on her back suddenly applies more pressure, pushing you to the pool and causing a splash going all directions. Collect your thoughts and raise your head above the water to see Nana, face full of laughter, right before she dives in the water with you.

It takes a second, but her head resurfaces and you find yourself relieved. She catches her breath once more, and before you know it, you're met with a faceful of chlorinated water. “What are you staring at?” She says between hearty laughs. 

Wipe the water from your face, find the humor. Laugh with her, and face her properly.

Another shade of Kwon Nayeon. Granted, it's one with no makeup and way less clothes than usual, but none of that takes away from her natural, elegant beauty. It's captivating, the way her figure glides around the water, the way the cool night air wisps around the pair of you, the way the moon throws its rays around the world, your world, so haphazardly. 

Another faceful of water, and you snap out of your daze. “Creepy ass,” she snorts happily. She splashes you again, and this time you fight back. 

“Race you around the pool.” You start paddling, and the water grows loud against your ears. She says something back to you and starts paddling herself to catch up.

“Yeah,” you think to yourself, “whatever this is with her.”

4. Sing in an Open Mic

“Another night, another goal,” you muse, sitting in your car with Nayeon in the passenger seat. It has become quite a routine that every time she wants to do something on her bucket list she asks you to pick her up. You don’t mind too much — she pays for gas after all. 

“Where do we go this time?” Nayeon just shoves her phone in your face, showing a map with directions to some bar out of town. She looks at you expectantly, but without any more information than what you’re currently getting, you’re at a loss for what she’s trying to make you see.

“A club.”

“Exactly.”

“We already did ‘get drunk.’”

“I know. This is different.”

“How so?”

“Take me here. Make me sing. Take me home.”

The pieces connect in her head and she pulls out the notebook again. She flips to a page you again haven’t seen, and when she shows it to you you’re treated to the sight of “Open Mic Stage” in graffiti-style letters and the poster of “Wedding Singer” scrawled in the bottom right corner of the page. 

“If you have the map, why not just do this yourself? You didn’t need to wait for me. If anything, I’d only laugh at how bad you might be.” You push away her phone and notebook, choosing to return your attention to the sidewalk instead. The boba tea place you keep hearing about is nearby. 

“That’s the thing,” Nayeon interjects again, “I have been there before. I listened to all the people singing, and they’re… some are good. I don’t know if I am, but I got shy at the last minute and I never even got near the stage.” She grabs your sleeve and your attention. “I need you to make me sing. Don’t let me chicken out.”

You shrug, “Sure, let's do it.”

~-~-~-~

Taking up two seats at the bar, you try and seem to fail at helping Nayeon calm down. Her guitar rests against the bartop beside her while she fans herself hurriedly with her hand. “It’s so nerve-racking… I knew this was a mistake,” she adds before turning back and trying to leave the place, however, you stop her in her tracks

“Come on, you worked so hard for this,” you say, recalling the number of recordings she sent you: one for each take she was doing. “You can do this,” you continue reassuring her, knowing she’s more ready than ever. At the same time, you could see your friend get more nervous by the second, now taking more sips of her water bottle.

“But what if I miss a chord, or I sing badly? Everyone will laugh at my mist–'' You know at this point she’ll only spiral to worse and worse thoughts, so you nip it in the bud and stop her right there. You take both her shoulders in your hands, making Nayeon stop her nervous rambling, and her cheeks turn a shade of pink.

“I believe in you, Nana. just take a deep breath.” You stop to let her do as you say, taking a deep breath in and slowly breathing it out. The tension leaves her with each breath she takes, and you find a moment to keep her stable. “Good, I am sitting right here, not leaving for any reason, so if you feel nervous, just find me. Look at me.” Her gaze softens at your promise, and her lips form a tiny smile in response to your words. 

Hearing the current open mic singer finishing up his song, you send her off with some final words. “Your turn now, Nana. Break a fucking leg.” You leave her shoulders as her smile slowly starts to grow.

You watch her heading toward the stage, taking her guitar out of the cover, and taking her seat on the chair in front of the mic. “Hey,” she starts, “I am Nayeon… and I’m gonna sing Spring Day by BTS… I, uhh, hope you enjoy.”

She takes one last deep breath as you find her gaze on you. You return a reassuring smile, and Nayeon’s eyes fly back to her guitar. She strums her first chord, and the crowd’s welcoming applause rises.

“I’m missing you, when I say that I miss you more, I’m missing you…” Nayeon’s fingers strum the strings delicately, and it enchants you how graceful and in control she is of her instrument. The wood and metal of her guitar work together under her guidance to produce a beautiful sound, one you feel deep inside you'd never have heard the beauty of if not here, not now.

The way her lips move to articulate her words is heavenly, like she has you under a benevolent spell to bring you a rare sort of peace. It captivates you how she carries herself; behind her tough outer shell is a scared and confused layer, which hides a soft and optimistic core and wants to chase a brighter, happier future by cherishing the present. You marvel at your luck, that you were permitted to see so much of her, and how openly she welcomed you in when all she knew was aloneness and to shut people out. 

“Snowflakes falling from the sky, are drifting further by and by…” Her heavenly voice draws you in, and it commands your attention like it speaks directly to your soul. The sound of Nayeon tugs on your heartstrings, pulling you closer to its source, and you let yourself get whisked away.

And to its source you look; find a girl with courage like you’d never seen. See Kwon Nayeon in a different light than the harsh monotones of the classroom fluorescents, but in a spotlight that she takes up with everything in her soul. It’s a different shade of her: a shade of Nayeon that only you could comprehend, a part of her that only you had the privilege to understand.

“I breathe you out there somewhere, like smoke in the air…” The space grows warmer, like a hearth welcoming you home. Your surroundings quiet down as Nayeon pulls them deeper and deeper with her subconscious command: rest, lay down your worries and fly for the moment towards your peace. You look around, and every fellow face in the crowd you see has their eyes fixed on Nayeon’s performance; they’d never know it, but it’s the debut of a person coming into a whole new life free of regret and cowardice. It’s Nayeon building herself up from the rubble of a past that she aims to forget. 

“Flowers blooming towards the sky, has winter finally passed by?” The noise of the world seems to die down, as if just you and Nayeon are the only two things in existence. The pace of her strumming slows, as do the lyrics that escape her mouth. Every note she produces is deliberate, gentle, comforting, and for once you feel like you’re able to imagine a brighter tomorrow like her. 

With her. 

The song draws to a close, and she looks all over the crowd as they start to clap. You can't help but join in. Nayeon just bows lightly, and you can feel how happy she is that everything went well in her song. As she steps off the stage, you leave your spot and head toward her.

With both of you only a couple of steps apart, you chuckle lightly, “Well it wasn't so bad was—” You were stopped, caught off guard by your friend, dashing to you with open arms and crashing into your chest, wrapping her arms around you, and pulling you into an embrace. 

No words are spoken; both of you just stand there, hugging each other, her face nuzzling your chest as you could faintly feel her heartbeat. You were quite surprised with Nayeon being so open with you, since it was just a short time ago you made your promise to help. 

“Thank you…” she says, now releasing you from her embrace, noticing how her eyes shed small tears, that you couldn't figure out if they are tears of sadness, or happiness.

“... Always here for you Nayeon.”

“Please… call me Nana,” she says. She takes her notebook and crosses off another line from her bucket list, and as she walks toward the exit, you make way for the people coming by to greet her for the performance.

You can't help but wonder… has something changed after that performance?

5. Shoplifting

“Pick something already, it's not that hard,'' you remark impatiently while tapping your feet. Both of you are staring at the snack section of the local convenience store near your college, and Nana hovers her hand over the selection of snacks to look for the perfect one.

“Stop rushing me, I'm trying to choose which one will not get me caught,” she replies, still focused. The veteran petty thief in you groans, recalling your highschool days where nicking a cigarette or two (or ten) every once in a while gave you back huge chunks of your monthly budget. You miss the simplicity of it, and you once again find the restriction of being so careful more annoying than anything else. How come for Nayeon it is such a big struggle to steal one snack? You shoot the question up to whichever god might be listening, and you even half-expect an answer back. 

“You are thinking about it too much, the cashier is probably not gonna notice even if you stole something that made noise,” you add, tapping your foot rapidly, like you were some parent spending too long in the toy section.

“Well, please forgive me, oh thug master, it’s my fault that I never did that shit before!” Her whispers are loud enough for you to hear clearly, your less-than-welcoming attitude leading her to take a deep sigh.

“Fine, if you want to make it easier, do the buy one steal one method,” you explain. 

“The what?”

“Well to make it simpler than it already is, you dolt, you take two things, one you buy normally, and the other one you don't pay for,” you added as it seems to all make sense in Nayeon’s head. “Defeats the fucking purpose why we’re here, but really, the longer we spend here to leave with just four things, the more anyone will suspect us.”

Despite your best efforts to hurry her, they all seem to only make her take even longer. Her brow furrows deeper, as if trying to form lasers in her eyes to burn holes through the plastic wrappers. 

Your patience wears thinner by the moment, and you resolve to isolate before you lose it completely. “So if you’ll excuse me, I will get my shit and meet you outside,” you say, leaving her alone in the aisle.

As a promise to yourself not to shoplift anymore, you decide to buy just one pack of cigarettes. You light one of them as you lean against one of the store’s walls, watching the sun start to set. Find yourself sitting down, admiring the beauty of a day near its end, taking in the world around you.

Two cigarettes and fifteen minutes later, a small ding sounds from somewhere in the front of the store. It’s Nayeon, half-running out of the building, her face painted with worry as she finds and walks towards you.

“So, you did it?” A smile forms on Nayeon’s face as she takes her right hand to her jean’s pocket, revealing a small candy bar. She brandishes the candy around like a magic wand, as if trying to charm you into being proud of her. 

“Well… it's something,” you nod, while the two of you start towards her dormitory.

“Oh don’t say ‘it’s something’ when you didn't steal anything,” she exclaims. She holds the candy bar up against the setting sun, examining its entire wrapper. Now that you’re a considerable distance from the store, the worry on her face has been replaced completely by pride and excitement.

“Well I don’t shoplift anymore, the only reason I'm letting you do it is because you wanted the experience, which by the way,” you scoff, plucking the snack out of her hands, “all of that was for a chocolate bar.” This earns you a pretty strong punch on the shoulder, and the force loosens your grip on the snack enough for Nayeon to steal it back.

“Shut up,” she says, her cheeks seeming to grow a small shade of pink. She walks faster, leaving you no choice but to speed up as well.

6. Dye my Hair

“Do you think blonde hair will suit me?” Nana asks, holding the color card next to her face. You come in for a closer look, but as you stare you stop and wonder why you even did so in the first place. 

“Yeah… uhh yeah, I think it can suit you well.” You weren't an expert in hair styles and colors, so honestly unless it was a color that was actually hideous, everything was fair game.

Nana smiles at your response and picks out a box of blonde hair dye to add to her basket. You’re a bit nervous that she wants to dye it at home with you, but any attempts you made to convince her to see an actual stylist have been dismissed. “It’s easy,” she said, “there’s instructions on the box.”

“So, how was it?” You’re half-convinced that the bleach is eating through your rubber gloves, but you soldier on.

“Was what?” Nayeon checks herself out in the mini-vanity mirror in front of her. You have to swat her hands away from her head with your elbows, but apart from that she stays on her best behavior.

“You know,” you shrug, “this whole thing. The stealing, the swimming, the dyeing your hair.” You try to keep the bleach from dripping onto your arms, mostly aiming for the scattered sheets of newspaper the two of you prepared on the floor, but there’s only so much you can do. You just resolve to wash off any drops as quickly as possible. 

You get the feeling that she hoped you wouldn’t notice, but you did. The smile on her face dimmed the slightest it could before she could fix it. “It was… great! Stuff I’ll remember for the rest of my life, for sure.” 

Like some form of cosmic karma, she spots your involuntary grin in the mirror. “Good. That’s good.”

The color drains from her hair bit by bit as you apply the bleach carefully. You’re not sure how quickly you have to finish, but Nana seems not to mind. You gently stroke and rub the product through her hair, taking special care not to come into contact with her scalp too often, all the while she turns her head from side to side to admire the look she’s going to have soon. 

“You know…” she says suddenly, avoiding your eyes in the mirror, “this was really fun. I’m so happy I got to do all that stuff on my list.” Her smile changes: what was once a cheerful and optimistic smile just a few moments ago is now a wizened and melancholic one. “I mean it. Thank you for helping me.” 

She makes eye contact with you again in the mirror, and she flashes that smile to you once more. Her hair grows lighter with each passing second, and as her back relaxes and straightens, it seems that the weight of the world leaves her shoulders as well. She breathes more easily now, and despite the fumes the box says you should do your best not to inhale, you breathe easier too.

~-~-~-~ 

You’re sat back again on her sofa, and Nana tries her best not to mess with her hair that’s still soaking. She looks kind of silly, what with her old towel around her shoulders faded to near oblivion, her hair in sections making her look like a half-done scarecrow, her hands going up halfway to her head only to be forced back down by the other. 

And yet, you admire another shade of Nayeon. This time, it’s a girl who’s scared of the future, of changes she might regret later on. It’s something deep in her character, even central maybe, to be afraid of things she can’t take back. Even then, she takes her leaps and bounds to try and outrun her past, and finally, you see the razor edge that keeps everything in balance: Nayeon’s fear which dictates her present, and Nana’s strength which leads her to her future. 

“Hey,” you say abruptly, surprising even yourself, “you good?” 

“I think so. My head’s itchy. Is that supposed to happen? Should we wash it off?”

“No, jackass, it’ll look even worse if you quit halfway.” 

Your words set in and she realizes you’re right. Worry seeps into her face and you notice tears start to well up in her eyes.

“Look, this might not be comfy right now, but I promise it’ll be worth it later on.”

“Really? You promise it’ll look good?” She looks over to you with pleading, shiny eyes, and it almost hurts to tell her no.

“I said I promise it’ll be worth it. Not that it’ll look good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

You chuckle at the sudden rise in her voice. After all this time, she’s still Nayeon, still Nana. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“It means… if you stick with it, there’s no way you’ll regret what we just did.”

7. You know…

The end of your senior year of college rolls around, and the graduation ceremony is still fresh in everyone’s minds. Photos of friends together and square caps thrown into the air decorate your social media feeds for a good few days, and you can’t deny the whole thing was something you wouldn’t forget for the rest of your life.

And finally, Nana’s bucket list has been finished. To think that all of it was done in the span of a college year is quite impressive to say the least, as before you started she was lost in her own goals and left sitting for a good three years. Now, looking at your diploma, it was not only a sign of your successful studies at college, for you it was also the sign of helping your dear friend get to where she wanted to be. 

Speaking of the devil, now sending you a message

On the way, you see various people from her dorm building heaving away bags and suitcases, undoubtedly taking advantage of the nice weather to move out. You see people hugging each other, taking selfies, exchanging numbers, and all the while you think of each of them with their own stories to tell when they get home, but none so interesting as the one you and Nana built together. 

The walk up the stairs was more of the same, people saying goodbye, and you can’t help but feel a bit of nostalgia. It was by no means a short year, but for everything you did, the feeling of wanting just a bit more time never seems to leave you. You recall the first time you saw her, that quiet girl in the front of the auditorium with four seats of clearance around her, and how you slowly watched her grow into the fine and confident woman she is now. Part of you is unbelievably proud of what she’s achieved, but another part of you knows it’s all her doing and you were only along for the ride. 

You reach Nana’s room just as her roommate was leaving, and you exchange pleasantries with her before she goes off. “Hey, just so you know, Nayeon’s a really nice girl,” she says in whispers to you, “I’m glad she found you before she left.” She pats you on the back before going off to the stairs herself. Something deep inside you glows in agreement, and you think to yourself how lucky you were to be able to meet and spend time with a person like her.

“Hey, come in!” Nana pushes you into her now half-empty room. “Yuri just left, so we have the place all to ourselves!” You take a seat on her easy chair while she plops herself down onto her bed. The half that still has stuff in it is simple and unassuming, and the realization dawns on you that this is the first time you’ve been in Nana’s room. Despite this, the space is warm and cozy, like it was filled with a good sort of energy for a long time. 

“Cheers” you both say at the same time, each with a can of beer that you both drink fairly quickly. You recall the first time of her drinking with you, how easily she felt her stomach hurting but this time she quickly shrugs off the bitter taste.

“You know,” Nana says, her eyes shining and her smile flashing itself directly at you, “I am really happy that you helped me with the bucket list, I couldn't do it without you.”

You simply laugh casually and say “Come on Nana, all you needed was confidence.”

“And who do you think gave me that confidence? I really mean it…thank you,” she says, and you can't help but smile at her back.

“Let me get some snacks, okay? Don’t move a muscle.” As she stands and heads toward the kitchen, you go to check up your phone to see what the time is. However, just as you are about to go into your Instagram, you notice something on the table: a little black notebook that’s only all too familiar. 

When you think about it, She has never shown you the actual list besides that one time when you two first talked. “A peek won't hurt right?” you say, the alcohol definitely makes the choice for you. Your sober self would never invade someone's privacy, especially not some as close as Nana’s, but regardless, you open it and…

You flip through the pages, and the notebook reveals so much more. The few pages you’ve been shown were just decorated pages, and each mission was a chapter, filled with dozens of writings, pictures, scribbles, each for its own topic. You find yourself smiling, muttering quietly to yourself: “You really worked hard on it… didn't you?” 

Your attention is snatched to Nana across the room, looking at you with cheeks fully red. You can't help but curse quietly, and you try to come up with something of an apology. However before you can finish your first word she says…

“Hey, come on, put that down!” Nana rushes toward you, nearly tossing the snacks off to some random part of the room, and snatches away the little black notebook from your hands. She hugs it close to her chest as she turns away, and she looks over her shoulder to peek if you might still be thinking about snatching the notebook back.

Instead, you raise your hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Sorry. But what's there to hide? Aren't we done?” You take another sip of your drink before picking up one of the snacks. You open the bag of chips and place it on the table for the both of you. 

“Well… I had one other thing. I gave up on it a long time ago, just never ripped out the page.” Nana turns back toward you and fiddles with a leaf of the notebook. Her steps are careful when she gets nearer to you, as if cautious to scare you away. 

“What?!” You bolt to your feet in surprise, your drunkenness taking a backseat at the sudden exposition. “Shit, we gotta go now! What is it?”

“Calm down,” Nana mutters, her feet rubbing against the carpet, “it isn't something we can do anywhere else anyway. Or, I mean, it’s done? I don’t know…”

Your nerves are still flaring, but you get the feeling that whatever it is, there's nowhere else but where you are now that Nana could do the last bucket list thing. Your gaze steadies on her, and she looks like she wouldn't budge for the world. Her eyes never leave the floor, her hands stay guarded on the notebook, and for some reason, she's also able to keep you just where you are. 

“So… what is it, then?” 

“Promise me you won't get mad?”

“... Promise.”

Once she hears you say it, her eyes shut tight. As if gathering courage, she takes a deep breath before taking deliberate steps to where you're standing. You never see it coming, but the next thing you know, Nana's soft lips are on yours, her delicate fingers keep you steady in place, and her vanilla scent fills your nose and overwhelms your senses that you can't think of anything at all but her.

It takes only half a second, but you melt into the kiss yourself. Your eyes flutter closed and start to forget the world around you in favor of the girl who stayed by your side. The space between the two of you grows smaller, your hands make their way to her waist, and you let your selfishness take over and keep her for yourself as well. 

The kiss breaks just as you hold her, and both your eyes shoot open to find hers just as wide as yours. 

“I-I, umm… I’m sorry, it was too sudden, and uhh…” It wasn't too hard to see how much she was stuttering, and if you weren't so surprised yourself you would've also joined her like the blushing mess she is right now.

The alcohol was starting to hit you again, and your better judgment slowly left you as you took her lips once more. You have no time to be surprised at how willing she is, and you resolve to just enjoy the kiss with her. You lead her to the edge of the bed and sit her down; and the first chance she gets, she lies back onto the mattress and pulls you with her. 

“If you really wanna know…” She flips to the last page of the notebook and shows you. It’s a simple picture, just two stick figures in a heart, holding hands. You don’t recognize the poster, but the quote is unmistakable: “You should be kissed, and often, by someone who knows how.”

“I’m glad we got to spend all this time together, and I know I keep thanking you, but I really am so happy…” Nana pulls you back in, and with your own sweet defiance, you trace kisses across her cheek and onto her neck. The whimpers that escape her are adorable, but at the same time they also confirm thoughts you’ve only ever tried to suppress: she likes you too. 

You go lower and lower, tracing kisses from her neck to nibbling her collarbone, and you settle right before you reach her chest. Her breath hitches when she figures out what you want to do, but ultimately her fingers rake comfortingly through your hair.

“So tonight… let me show you… let me thank you… properly.” Her eyes may look pure when she says those words, but with how you are inches away from her lips, with how you have been kissing her now, it's anything but.

She slowly pulls off her jacket, her eyes never leaving you. The fabric slides off of her arms, revealing the smooth skin of her slender arms. The next to go is her tank top; her fingers grip the hem lightly, tugging slowly upwards, showing you her toned tummy and milky skin. The hem rises higher and higher, until she stops right under her chest. 

“Are you sure?” Your question is breathless, not in the slightest bit annoyed, but your tone full of concern reaches her. “You don’t have to do this for me.”

“I know,” she says, the sound of her voice betraying a dry throat, “I love you.” She pulls the rest of her top off, and her boobs bounce freely in front of you. Nana takes your hands and places them on each, and asks you playfully, “Come on, you think I never caught you staring?”

She pulls you back in for a kiss, a proper one this time, the kind that quenches your thirst for her. She tries her best to wrap her tongue around yours, all the while you take your fill of her soft tits. Pinch and tweak her nipples, feel them stiffen as her tiny whimpers grow into careless moans. You never let up, delivering constant pleasure to her chest, and your surprise when you feel her palming your growing bulge is quickly replaced with anticipation. 

Her hand slips under your waistband and her moan fills your mouth when she feels how hot and hard your cock is for her. She wraps her fingers around your shaft and gives long, slow strokes, nothing that would make you cum on the spot, but just about enough to make you leak precum onto her palm. She relishes the feeling of your arousal on her skin, and as she picks up her pace, seemingly trying to entice you to do more, you’re left with no choice but to give her exactly what she wants. 

You work on unzipping your jeans and taking them off, and with Nana’s help, it feels like the second easiest job in the world. They fall to your ankles and you kick them away, and all of a sudden your cock rests on the skin of her luscious thigh. The heat and the precum that leaks onto her flesh surprises her, but her senses come back to her and she asks for a time out. 

“Gimme a sec, I have to breathe,” she gasps unsteadily. You get off her, wondering what you might have done wrong. Her breathing is ragged and she seems to not be able to focus on much else, but a reassuring look in her eyes lets you know she’s alright. 

“I just– I needed to see it.” Her gaze falls on your cock, and once she reaches and wraps her fingers around your shaft again, it throbs in her hand. A groan of pleasure escapes you, and she figures out that she’s doing something right. Her pumps start slow, gradually building up speed, all the while she brings her face closer and closer, and you don’t even notice it, but finally her lips meet the tip of your dick. Nana rubs your precum all over her lips like lipstick, and she takes your head in her mouth. 

Small groans come from your mouth feeling her soft lips, you enjoy much more than you thought, especially knowing how inexperienced you thought she was. Your hands meanwhile grab a part of hair, pulling it lightly, causing Nana to moan into your cock.

“Don't get mad if I do this wrong–” she says, her eyes fraught with worry. Despite this, she makes careful moves to give you the best possible experience. She seals her lips around your head, and she gives slow but deep sucks as she tries her hardest. 

“You’re– nngh– doing great,” you moan, the pleasure overtaking you. The eye contact you two share is enchanting; she’s undoubtedly a very pretty girl, and despite the amateur blowjob, she more than makes up for it with her enthusiasm. Her head bobs slightly, trying to take more of your length in, but her worry of choking keeps her from giving any more. 

On the other hand, she has no idea of the effect she has on you, and the sight of the gorgeous woman’s plump lips on your cock coupled with her eager attempts at making you feel good nearly sends you over the edge early. In an effort to stave off your orgasm for even just a little while longer, you regrettably pull her off of you. 

“What– what’s wrong? Wasn’t it good?” Again her words are coated with worry of disappointing you, but the way you look tenderly to her reassures her. 

“You are perfect, Nana,” you whisper into her ear. You lay her back onto the bed gently, and you let show your eagerness to please her too. You venture down until you’re level with her crotch, and you work slowly to peel off her thin shorts. As they leave her legs, you’re presented with a pastel blue pair of panties, though you can’t help but notice the growing wet spot right in the center and the scent of her arousal seeping through. It must be uncomfy, you think, and you strip it off of her as well. 

The garment leaves her and you look to Nana for approval: her finger between her teeth and her face red as a tomato, she looks at you with a loving gaze. Only then do you realize that Nana is now fully naked, everything bare for you and you alone, and the way her thighs rub together needily sends the message you’ve been dying to get. 

Part her legs, meeting little resistance as you do. Travel up from her knees to her thighs, planting kisses and light nibbles on the soft flesh of her legs. Hearing how she whimpers beneath your lips: “That feels really good… I want more…” 

Your lips finally meet her pussy, and the initial contact draws out a sultry moan from her. Each swipe of your tongue on her cunt causes more and more of her love juices to leak out, sending waves of ecstasy up her spine. She tries locking your head in place as she runs her fingers through your hair, all the while she grinds her crotch on your face as she chases her pleasure. 

“Yes, yes, yes! Fuck, you feel so good! I love you~!” Nana humps your face more and more roughly, and you take it as a sign that she’s close. Good thing as well, as you’re running out of air, but on the other hand you feel as though this wouldn't be the worst way to go. You run your tongue over her soaked pussy, taking slow, deep licks. 

She’s inching closer to her orgasm, her hips are bucking onto your mouth, your tongue meets her clit, she squeezes your head between her thighs, your lips seal around her swollen nub, she grabs your hair and pulls hard, and with a scream ripping through her throat, Nana squirts her love juices straight into your waiting mouth as you drink her essence up. Her scream turns into a drawn-out moan as she continues to grind on your face, making sure to pleasure herself enough to give you everything you’ve been working so hard for, and you lap every single drop of it up like it was the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted. 

She releases her grip on your hair and head, and as she relaxes onto the bed her arms fall to the sides and her legs spread open. She lazily brings a hand to her pussy and rubs it, showing you just how good you made her feel, and she smiles up at you. 

“That was fucking amazing.” It couldn’t have sounded any sweeter, and the fact that it came from Nana, lying on her bed wearing nothing but a smile that you gave her, fills you with a sort of pride that you doubt you’d ever get again anywhere else in your life. But as she starts to get up, and she places her lips on yours, you feel another weight lifted off your chest. It’s another shade of her, one that shows you how she is when she’s content. It’s her way of telling you that among the hundreds of firsts she’s had in her life, she’s grateful that you were this one too. And as you kiss back, your hands finding their way to her hips, you connect with her again on a level that you never put into words before. “I love you too, Nana.”

Upon hearing, her kiss deepens and her tongue works harder to play with yours. She leans on you more, until finally you let yourself fall backwards, and Nana is right there, straddling you, with an innocent yet horny look in her eyes again.

“Your turn. Relax, okay?” She caresses your cheek, and suddenly you’re made conscious of how bad you’re probably blushing right now. Despite this, her smile never leaves her face as she continues to reassure you. She giggles at whatever expression it is that you’re showing her, and she gets to work. 

Nana reaches to her bedside table and opens a drawer, and from it she produces a peculiar box. “Remember when I ‘stole’ that candy bar?” She tears off the sticker on the edge of the box to open it, pulls out a little plastic square pouch, and tears it open with her teeth. “I… bought… the candy bar. This was what I stole.” She tugs on the contents of the pouch, and reveals a condom. 

“What the–” you start, but you soon stop in favor of moans caused by Nana’s handjob. “Don’t ever belittle me like that again, okay?” Her smile is again just as sweet and innocent as the first time you saw it, but now is completely different. It never leaves her face as she pulls the rubber over your cock, but not before giving it a few more cursory licks.

“Ready?” she asks, and you nod furiously. Finally, she aims the tip of your cock at her entrance and slowly sinks down onto you. “Oh, fuck, it’s so big,” she gasps. She takes her time taking in your length, feeling every vein against her pussy walls as you enter her tight pussy. She sucks air in through her teeth, her eyes shut tight, her fingernails leaving imprints on your chest as more and more of you slides into her unbelievably tight cunt. As she does, you feel her wet velvet walls rub your cock inside her, her slick spreading all over you and coating you with a warm you can’t describe. After what seemed like an eternity of bliss, she finally hilts, having taken everything inside her, and she sits on your crotch without moving, still trying to get used to the feeling of her pussy being so full. 

“You good?” you ask, genuinely concerned if she’s okay or not. Place a hand on her waist, pat to comfort her. Her eyes open slowly, almost releasing a tear, and panic rises in your chest. 

“Shit, shit, I’m sorry, do you need to get off? I–” you start, but she shuts you up with another kiss. It’s slow and gentle as it starts, just simple pecks, as she reassures you once again that she’s alright. Once she pulls away, she flashes you another smile, and you swear she gets more and more beautiful with each and every one. 

“I’m okay. Are you okay?” She traces circles on your cheek and neck, and all you could do is nod. She comes back in for another kiss, and this time it’s much deeper. She opens her mouth to moan, and you jump at the opportunity to swipe at her tongue too. She loves it, and once she’s comfy enough, she starts to hump against you as well.

“It’s really really good. Do you feel good?” Her question snaps you out of your daze, but you only nod as you fight off cumming too early. Not long after that, you note she’s had her fill as she pulls away from you. Her posture straightens and she sits on you properly again, this time determined to return the favor and blow your mind. She takes in a deep breath, braces herself, and lifts herself up carefully. Your breath hitches, watching her naked figure on top of you, and you admire the way her sweat collects in drops before they slide down between her breasts. She notices you staring again, and she brings your hands up to her chest, moaning at the first moment of contact. Your instincts overtake you; you push yourself off the bed to her boobs and start to suck. Your lips seal around her nipples and she runs her fingers through your hair as she tries to push you deeper into her delicious breast. 

“Shit, don’t stop,” Nana pleads, and you continue kneading the flesh of her boobs more, sucking when and where you can. At that moment, she forces herself back down onto your dick, taking in everything again all at once. Her walls part suddenly, and once she settles her warm pussy walls squeeze your cock as tight as she can. She begins bouncing, her moans never stopping, and you find a rhythm: each time Nana brings herself down, you thrust up to meet her halfway. The first time you do, you reach a depth to her that neither of you thought was possible, and the heat from her sex with her slick drive the pair of you insane with pleasure. 

She keeps bouncing on your cock as her lewd moans gradually grow louder and louder with each of your thrusts into her needy core. Her eyes roll to the back of her head, her pussy tightens again, and just as you deliver a perfectly-timed bite to her nipple, another scream rakes out of her throat as her second orgasm overtakes her. Her pussy convulses as her hips buck again and again on your cock, her thighs and tits jiggle seductively, and her tightness reaches new heights as if she wants to keep your cock inside her forever. Despite this, you never stop thrusting her, never stop making love to her, and you cover her chest in kisses while you lick up all her sweat. 

You never give her a chance to catch her breath, and soon enough, an unknowable number of seconds or minutes past, you feel your own orgasm coming. You take one last look at her godly figure and divine visuals, and you finally succumb.

Hold her close, hold her tight. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want you getting away, so you only return the desire. Keep thrusting into her, forget about how she’s losing her mind. She’s gone, lost in her own pleasure, and there’s no point in bringing her back yourself. Instead, follow her. Send yourself over the edge and join her in her ecstasy.

You momentarily lose your flow of consciousness as flashes of white fill your eyes, but you’re snapped back to reality with Nana pulling at your hair. Only then do you realize; you’re actually cumming inside her. With each spurt, you thrust into her as your cock twitches against her slick walls. The cumulative heat from your cum sends just the right signals to Nana’s body, and it sends back the equivalent of screams of desperation at the illusion of breeding. Your pumps are harsh and careless – thank the stars you’re wearing a condom – but Nana is too far lost to care past the unholy pleasure you deliver to her. 

“Fuck, fuck! Aaaahhh!!!!” You feel her tighter, as if clamping down on your cock, her cunt pulsating and the connection between the two of you growing wetter, slicker. Despite this, you never let up, hell-bent on giving her everything you have. One spurt turns into two, then four, then six. It didn’t matter, none of it did. It could have been the end of the world and you wouldn’t have minded. All that was important was the girl sitting on your lap, losing her mind.

As both of your orgasms die down, the pair of you fall to the mattress. You stare at each other, wide-eyed and out of breath, and all you can do is smile and giggle at each other. As each of you catch your breath, the world quiets down, and all that’s left in existence is just you and Nana. 

“Wow,” she sighs, “nice.” Her smile grows wide again, and her hand once more finds your cheek to caress.

“Yeah, nice.” You laugh back at her, the adrenaline fading quickly. “Does that check the thing off your list?”

“Oh, yeah!” Nana jolts up and off the bed, or at least attempts to. Instead, she falls back next to you, and only then do you realize the fatigue rendering your bodies useless. 

“So… we good?” There’s nowhere else to look but right to her. Nana’s beautiful, round, just a bit teary eyes gaze back at you with adoration and love, something you never thought you’d have for yourself in this magnitude. And yet, here you are, and here she is, as if nothing else mattered. 

“Shit. That was crazy. Anyway, yeah. Thanks.” With her last ounce of strength, she comes in for one more kiss. She collapses in your arms, cuddled right up to your chest, and you can imagine she could hear how loud your heart was thumping, just like hers. 

Catch her snoring an adorable snore, wrap her in an embrace that would protect her from the worst the world could throw at her. A small thought in your head says you want to keep her safe forever like this, but you know better: she’s a strong woman who can take care of herself. Think back to how lucky you are, and how you walked this journey with her. Recall how she was just a fearful nobody when you first met, remember how you watched her grow into the amazing person she is now. 

Your eyelids grow heavy, and you realize your waking seconds left are numbered. Right before you drift off to sleep yourself, you hear her, in the tiniest voice ever, mumbling her confession: “Stay with me.”

“Go to sleep, Nana.” You smile and turn your head toward hers, arms wrapped around her waist. 

“Not without a promise.” Her own eyes are half-lidded, and you can tell she’s fighting back her drowsiness as hard as she can. She tries blinking the sleep away, but it only works marginally.

You could say anything to her at all right now, anything in the world, but there’s really only two things that need to be put into words. Your mind rushes at a snail’s pace, and you reach for faraway ideas when the right one is just in front of you. In your mind only one question appears: “So is this like…a one time thing?” 

In response Nana just leans in and kisses your cheek, then giggles. “Would me saying ‘I love you’ outside of sex prove it?” she asks playfully, her tone betraying her desire for rest.

“Touché.” One hand goes to her soft blonde hair, brushing it to the side. “But in my defence, suddenly kissing me and then getting me naked was not the first thing I expected when you said there was ‘one last thing’ in your bucket list,” you state matter-of-factly.

You share a bout of tired laughter for a moment, and then you both look at each other with pure eyes, as if you two compete to see who can make the other blush first. Decidedly, Nana loses while she confesses. “I used to think that college was supposed to be all rose-colored, that it was to be the peak of my life. But spending it with you, I learned that it doesn’t have to be all grand milestones to live through.” The air in the room swirls differently, replacing stale breaths with new ones from the open window. 

“That time you cheered me on during the open mic, how you looked at me… It made me realise that after everything’s said and done, I wanted peace. And I can feel peace with you, without all the guilt of past mistakes, nor ghosts of regret that would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life,” she says, now leaning toward your ear muttering, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you whisper back, smiling from ear to ear. Eventually you both released the hug. Look around her room for your clothes, which was surprisingly hard for how your sex wasn't too feral, and in turns take showers to clean yourselves up.

As you get out of the shower, fully cleaned and with some good-enough-for-sleep clothes, you find Nana on her bed fully knocked out. You simply laugh and join her, and her instinct leads her to wrap her arms around your waist while her head leans into your chest.

“Goodnight, Nana,” you whisper with finality, as if ending the night on a perfect note. Peck her forehead and close your own eyes, and fall into slumber just as deep as hers.

Bucket List Completed

“Argh, I’m so excited!” She grips you by your collar and shakes you as she screams, jolting away any sleep you wished to get. 

Two months have come and gone, and while you know it hasn’t been long, things have changed so much. Despite you trying to get just a bit more sleep in the backseat of the taxi, Nana right next to you can’t stop bouncing in hers as the sights outside the window pass her by.

“Okay, okay. Just get all this energy out before we get on the plane, please?”

She returns her attention to the window just as the taxi slows to a halt. Your new girlfriend practically throws open the door and leaps out, heading straight for the trunk to retrieve your luggage. 

“Hurry up! We might miss our flight!” She struggles lifting her comically large suitcase before you hear it hits the concrete pavement followed by its handle extending with its clack-clack-clack. 

“Hawaii isn’t going anywhere, Nana, please,” you mutter as you lazily exit the cab. You hand the driver your fare, and he reaches out to accept. As he does, he gives you a knowing smirk and tips his hat to you, as if saying “good luck.”

Turning around, you find Nana with all of your luggage too, eagerly awaiting your arm for her to cling to before you make your way inside. The hustle and bustle of Incheon International Airport fills her with a deep sense of excitement, and honestly, who could blame her? Your girlfriend is in the midst of all these other people — travelers, tourists, adventurers — and she fits right in. It’s the most natural thing for her now, to find herself in new situations that broaden her horizons and make her feel alive. 

She yanks you to her side in line for the desk, holding her brand-new polaroid camera at a high angle. “Cheese!” she screams, not far enough from your ear, but with how happy she is, you can’t help but smile her smile too. “Our first overseas trip! This is the first time I’m leaving Seoul, let alone Korea!” 

“Okay, Nana, calm down,” you chuckle, but you know she won’t. Divert her attention instead, put her energy to good use. “Do you have your passport? Carry on? Pink notebook?”

Though you both are sure she hasn’t missed anything, Nana rummages through her bag again anyway. “Check, check, and check! How could I forget?” She takes each item to show to you, and she flips through the pink notebook once it’s in her hand.

One thing about Nana, she never lets the moment escape her anymore. Once she sets out to do something, she’ll do everything in her power to accomplish that goal. This is no different, and you love her so much for it.

After looking through the notebook, she claps it shut. She flashes you the drawing of a gray bucket on its front cover before it disappears back into her carry on, and you both are reminded that a part of who you are as a couple is just that: a notebook that predicts the future by rooting itself in the present. Sadly, a weeklong trip won’t be enough for everything on her list this time, but who’s to say you’re not coming back eventually? 

And at the end of the trip, you have it ready, the best gift you could give her: a little green notebook, every left-side page filled with things you want to do, and the corresponding right side page blank, all for her. And on the very last leaf, where the cardboard of the back cover accompanies it, is a drawing of a ring, with the words: “I’ll be taking my time, spending my life, falling deeper in love with you.”

“Come on, hurry!” She yanks again, snapping you out of your wistful thoughts. “We’re gonna miss the plane!” Nana pulls you to the gate just as the intercom announces your flight has begun boarding. “Alright, alright! Easy,” you chuckle again, and you can’t believe this is the same girl behind the gym crying her eyes out alone just last year. Funny how people change like that, but at the same time, it’s impossible to think that Nana would ever stay the same.

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Thank you all for watching, it has been a long time working on it and we are really happy it is finally out, hope yall had a good read with this one,

i will see you all next time leafies~