#hope I can see one someday but they are very rare where I am

[hana-bobo-finch]

YYAYYYYY THUNDERSTORMS

[mononijikayu]

i have love and dreams too — gojo satoru.

Yuji looked down at his hands, feeling a strange sense of guilt. “Do you really think… you can never have that life you want?” Satoru didn’t answer right away. Instead, he closed his eyes, letting the wind ruffle his silver hair. For a moment, he was just Satoru—not the strongest, not the invincible sorcerer, but a man burdened by the life he had to lead. “I don’t know, Yuji……” he said quietly, almost to himself. “But I like to dream that maybe, someday… we could all disappear. And live. Just live.  Just me, my wife, Megumi, Tsumiki, Satoshi… away from everything. Living in peace.”

WARNING/S: spoilers for chapter 271 of jjk (spoilers at your behest), domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, depiction of blood, depiction of killing, depiction of suffering, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;

WORDS: 6.8k words.

NOTE: i rush wrote this at uni, at the restaurant i was at and then a car on the way back and forth from uni and home. i just started crying profusely because i hated how jjk ended. and i hated that panel with satoru and yuji because i just kept crying. i cant believe this is the end, but i cant believe even more that this is what satoru had to deal with. this is the most rushed end and the saddest end.

i wish gege had decided to take a break and decided to take his time. but alas this is not my story. still, id like to make more for satoru. ones where he'd be so loved. genmei (you) and satoru will always be happy in whatever life you have, that i write. for bitter or for worse. even in death. smiling is all there will be. even with tears.

anyway, i hope you bear with me, for i am very emotional. thank you for understanding this situation. i love you all, i'll see you soon <3

masterlist

u s and t h e m

if you want to, tip! <3

GOJO SATORU IS EXHAUSTED. But he thinks that there is no use to sleep. He knows he cannot. The room was bathed in the soft glow of a single lamp, the light too dim to chase away the shadows that lingered in every corner, just like the uncertainty that hung between you and Satoru.

He sat across from you on the edge of the bed, his usual carefree demeanor gone, replaced by a solemn stillness that felt out of place on him. His eyes, usually so vibrant and mischievous, were tired tonight, the weight of tomorrow pulling down his every breath.

"You don’t have to do this." Your voice came out in a whisper, the words heavy with a desperation you’d been trying to suppress.

Satoru didn’t answer right away. His gaze was locked on the floor, and for a moment, you wondered if he was even listening. But then he looked up, his piercing blue eyes meeting yours, and there was something in them you rarely saw—fear.

"It’s not like I have a choice," he murmured, his voice strained. "You know that."

You did. And that made it worse. He was the strongest, after all. If anyone had to stand against Sukuna, it was him. But the weight of those expectations had never felt heavier than it did now, with the reality of the fight looming closer with every passing second.

"I hate this, Satoru." you confessed, your voice trembling. "I hate that it always comes down to you, that you’re the one who has to bear this."

Satoru smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He stood and crossed the small space between you, kneeling in front of you, his hands gently resting on your knees. His touch was warm, grounding, but it did nothing to quell the storm raging inside you.

"Hey." he said softly, lifting your chin so you’d look at him. "I know it’s not fair. But it’s what I have to do."

You shook your head, biting back the tears that threatened to spill. "But what if—" The words caught in your throat, the question too painful to finish.

Satoru’s thumb brushed against your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn’t even realize had fallen. "Don’t think about that," he whispered, his voice as soft as the night air outside. "Not tonight."

"But how can I not?" you shot back, your frustration breaking through. "How can I pretend that everything will be fine when I know you’re going to face him? When I know there’s a chance that—"

He silenced you with a kiss, his lips gentle but firm, grounding you in the present, in this moment. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.

"I’ll come back to you," he promised, but even he couldn’t hide the uncertainty in his voice. “To you and Satoshi. And… I’ll bring Megumi and Tsumiki back. We’ll be a family again, like we used to be.”

It was the way he said it—so sure, so certain—that made it all the more unbearable. As if speaking it aloud would somehow make it true, would make the universe bend to his will the same way he bent the forces of space and time. But you knew better now, didn’t you? You’ve always known. Satoru Gojo, the man who was too powerful to fail, too stubborn to admit defeat, could never stop lying—not to you, not to himself. He believed in his own invincibility, as if his strength alone could rewrite the world.

But the world doesn’t work that way.

And you think then, that your husband has always been a liar.

You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve heard those words, promises wrapped in silk and carelessness, the way they tumbled off his tongue so casually. It was as though the act of saying it was enough for him, as though the truth could be commanded with just his voice. And maybe for a long time, it was.

Satoru Gojo, the strongest sorcerer, the man who could bend the world to his whims and yet still—he was human. And humans lie. Sometimes because they have to, sometimes because the lie feels better than the truth.

But tonight, in the quiet hours before dawn, the weight of his words pressed down harder than ever. We’ll be a family again, like we used to be. You wanted to scream at him, to shake him, to make him stop speaking as if the world was something he could fix with his bare hands. Megumi was gone, taken by darkness, by fate, and Tsumiki…Tsumiki was as good as lost to you both. Even if Satoru came back, even if he somehow survived this fight with Sukuna, the cracks in your family couldn’t simply be patched over like they had never existed.

You bit your lip, tasting the bitterness of unshed tears.

"You always say that," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the soft hum of the night. "But you don’t know this time, do you?"

His gaze faltered, the usual gleam in his eyes dimming for a fraction of a second. It was a flicker of something too vulnerable, too raw—something he rarely let anyone see. It was the truth that lingered behind his endless bravado, the truth that no amount of strength could hide: he didn’t know if he could win this time.

And you had known it all along.

Satoru had always come back to you. Bruised, battered, bleeding—but alive. He would stumble through the door with that infuriating grin, wipe the blood off his face with the back of his hand, and act like nothing had ever been in doubt. But this time was different. This wasn’t just another battle against curses or enemies who fell beneath his overwhelming strength. This was Sukuna.

"I’ll bring Megumi and Tsumiki back," he had said, as if they were just lost children in the woods, waiting for him to lead them home. But Megumi had slipped beyond reach, swallowed by the very darkness Satoru had spent his life fighting. How could he promise to bring him back when he could barely keep the pieces of himself together?

"You can’t save everyone, Satoru," you whispered, your heart breaking as you said it aloud, the truth as bitter as the lie was sweet. "Not even with all your power."

His hand tightened around yours, his grip almost too strong, as if holding onto you could somehow anchor him to the world, to the promise he so desperately wanted to believe. "I have to try," he murmured, his voice rough, as if the words themselves were painful to speak. "For you. For Satoshi. For them."

Satoshi. Your son. His name hung in the air like a thread between you, a fragile tether that held what little remained of your family together. You could see it in Satoru’s eyes—the fear of leaving his child without a father, the guilt of not being able to protect him from the storm that loomed over your lives. But you also saw the lie there, the same lie he told every time he went to war. The lie that he would come back unscathed, that he could shield all of you from the world’s cruelty just by being who he was.

But he couldn’t. Not this time.

"Satoru," you whispered, your voice breaking. "You don’t have to be everything for us. You don’t have to be invincible."

His eyes softened, and for a moment, just a moment, the mask slipped. He let you see the man beneath the legend, the man who was just as terrified as you were. "I’m not invincible," he admitted, the words barely audible. "But I can’t give up on them. I can’t give up on us."

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Even in his most vulnerable moments, even when the odds were impossibly stacked against him, Satoru Gojo refused to let go of hope. He clung to it as fiercely as he clung to you, because to do anything less would mean admitting that maybe—just maybe—he wasn’t strong enough.

And in that moment, you realized something: it wasn’t that your husband was a liar. It was that he couldn’t afford to tell the truth, because if he did, the weight of it might break him.

So, you let him hold onto his lie, let him believe in a future where you, Satoshi, Megumi, and Tsumiki could all be together again. Maybe it was kinder that way. For both of you.

As the night stretched on and the inevitable dawn crept closer, you pressed your face against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. For now, that was all you had—the warmth of him beside you, the sound of his heart still beating, the fragile hope that somehow, against all odds, he would come back to you.

And maybe, just maybe, the lie would come true.

“I always have, don’t I?” he added, a faint smirk pulling at the corner of his lips, that signature bravado surfacing in an attempt to reassure you. “I’ve always won the day. I’ll come back.”

Your husband’s bright eyes—those crystalline blue eyes that had seen so much, fought through so much—they betrayed him. Beneath that unwavering confidence, there was something else. Fear? Doubt? It was a crack in the façade of the invincible man you married, a truth too terrifying to speak aloud.

Your throat tightened as you met his gaze, the silence between you heavier than any words could be. He had always come back, hadn’t he? Through every impossible battle, every mission that should have left him broken or worse, he had somehow returned to you, grinning as if the world itself were a game only he knew how to win.

But that wasn’t the whole truth. The nights he returned bruised, bleeding, barely standing, those nights played in your mind like a broken record. He made light of it all, brushing off your worries with a laugh, a kiss, a flippant “I’m fine.” But those were lies too, weren’t they? Lies wrapped in love.

“Satoru,” you breathed, your voice unsteady, “you don’t have to say it.”

His smirk faltered, just for a second, and that brief flicker of vulnerability nearly undid you. He pulled you closer, his hand cradling the back of your neck, his touch tender but laced with desperation. "But I will come back," he insisted, his voice soft but firm. "I always do."

You wanted to believe him. You needed to. Because to imagine a world where he didn’t come back, where that promise wasn’t fulfilled, was a world too cruel to fathom. But tonight, as the shadow of Sukuna loomed larger than ever, the weight of that lie pressed down on you both. What if this time, his strength wasn’t enough?

“What if…” you started, but he silenced you with a finger pressed gently against your lips.

“No ‘what ifs,’” he whispered, though you both knew better than that. Satoru had lived his life defying fate, bending it to his will. But not even the strongest sorcerer could escape death forever.

His hand moved from your neck to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing the curve of your face as if trying to memorize it, as if this moment might be his last chance. You could see the weight of the world in his eyes, the burden of being the one everyone relied on, the one expected to face the impossible—and win.

But for once, he wasn’t invincible to you. He was just a man, your husband, and for the first time, you saw the lie for what it was: his way of protecting you. Of protecting himself from the truth that this might be the one fight he couldn’t walk away from.

You placed your hand over his, feeling the warmth of his skin, and in that moment, you didn’t care about lies or truths, about promises or fears. You just wanted him here, now, with you. "Then stay with me a little longer," you whispered, your voice breaking.

Satoru closed his eyes, exhaling deeply, and nodded. "I’m here," he said, pulling you into his arms, his voice a soft, almost broken promise. "I’m here."

And for tonight, that would have to be enough.

The two of you stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, neither speaking, just holding onto each other as if by doing so, you could freeze time, stop the inevitable from coming. You memorized the feel of his hands on your skin, the warmth of his body against yours, the sound of his heartbeat under your palm. You clung to the moment as if it were your last.

As the night wore on, you both lay down, tangled in each other’s arms. Sleep didn’t come easily, and when it did, it was fitful, haunted by the looming specter of tomorrow. You held onto him tightly, afraid that if you let go, he would disappear into the darkness, never to return.

In the early hours before dawn, Satoru stirred, his arms tightening around you one last time. The weight of the night clung to both of you, thick and heavy, the silence between his breaths and your heart beats a fragile barrier against the coming storm.

You felt him shift beside you, his warmth pulling you closer, as if holding you tighter could keep the inevitable at bay for just a moment longer. His fingers traced gentle circles on your back, his touch familiar, grounding, but laced with an unspoken tension.

"I’ll be back, hm?" he whispered again, the words soft and lingering in the stillness. His voice, usually so sure, faltered at the edges, as though he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to comfort you.

He said it like a prayer, like repeating it enough times could bend fate, twist reality to make it true. But you knew better. You both did. Those words, though meant to soothe, carried the weight of all the times you’d heard them before, and the growing fear that this time might be different.

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t. The knot in your throat tightened, a lump of unspoken fears and uncried tears. There was too much to say, too much that couldn’t be put into words without breaking whatever fragile hope remained between you. If you spoke now, you might lose whatever composure you had left, and you needed to hold on to it, if only for his sake.

Instead, you pressed your face against his chest, your ear resting just above his heart. The steady, rhythmic beating echoed through your body, its cadence familiar and reassuring, a sound that had become synonymous with home.

It was the same heartbeat you’d fallen asleep to countless nights, the one you’d clung to after long missions, when he’d returned battered but smiling, and you’d held him just like this—like he was your anchor to the world.

But this time, it was different. You weren’t just seeking comfort; you were memorizing it. The sound, the feel of his chest rising and falling beneath your cheek, the warmth of his skin against yours. You were committing it all to memory, engraving it deep into your soul because, somewhere in the back of your mind, a quiet voice whispered that this might be the last time.

Each beat of his heart became a marker, a reminder of the moments you had shared, of all the laughter and love and quiet nights like this one. But now, it also carried the weight of what could be lost. The inevitability of tomorrow pressed against your chest, suffocating, as if time itself was slipping through your fingers.

You tighten your grip around him, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, unwilling to let go, even as the sky outside began to lighten with the first traces of dawn. The sun was rising, and with it, the time for him to leave drew nearer.

Satoru’s hand moved to your hair, his fingers threading through it gently, soothingly. He kissed the top of your head, and though his touch was as tender as ever, there was a lingering sadness in it. He held you like he was trying to memorize you, too, like this was as much for him as it was for you. He didn’t say anything more, perhaps because he knew that no words would ease the ache that had settled between you, a chasm neither of you could cross.

As the first rays of sunlight filtered through the window, casting a soft, golden glow over the room, you felt him shift again, his breath hitching slightly as he prepared to rise. You wanted to beg him to stay, to forget about everything else, just for today. But you knew he couldn’t, and you wouldn’t ask that of him. He had a duty, a burden that he had carried for as long as you had known him. And no matter how much you wanted to keep him safe, you couldn’t shield him from what was coming.

When he finally moved to leave, your arms loosened around him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let go completely. Not yet. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment longer than he needed to, as if he, too, was trying to hold on to this last fragment of peace before it was shattered.

“I’ll be back.” he whispered once more, his breath warm against your skin.

This time, you didn’t respond because you couldn’t. Instead, you closed your eyes, letting the sound of his heartbeat linger in your memory, holding onto it as tightly as you held onto him. The door would close behind him soon, and with it, he would walk into the fight of his life, a battle that you both knew could be his last. But for now, in this fleeting moment before dawn, you let yourself believe in the lie, because the truth was too painful to bear.

And when he finally left, the door closing softly behind him, you were left alone in the silence, the echo of his promise lingering in the air, fragile and fleeting.

HE DOESN’T KNOW WHY, BUT HE JUST FELT LIKE TALKING. Quite unlike him, if he was being honest with himself.  But as Gojo Satoru sat beside Itadori Yuji, all he could think about was peace of mind. And to do that, he thinks he should talk.

Gojo Satoru could feel his usual smirk playing at the corners of his mouth, though today it felt more subdued. They had been talking for a while now, their conversation meandering from one thing to another. But beneath Satoru’s lighthearted tone, Yuji sensed something deeper. Something weighed heavy on his teacher’s mind.

“When something happens, I want you to be there for me, Yuji.” Satoru said suddenly, his eyes staring ahead. His voice was soft, but not weak—it carried the strength of someone who had lived with the knowledge that he had to bear the world on his shoulders. “I have love and dreams too, you know.”

Yuji blinked, surprised by the vulnerability in Satoru’s words. He wasn’t used to hearing his sensei talk like this, with a depth that seemed so different from his usual carefree attitude.

Satoru glanced at Yuji, his smile widening slightly, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “But you know, one day, everyone will grow up and leave me behind, right?”

Yuji didn’t know how to respond. The idea of leaving Satoru behind felt impossible. But Satoru’s words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his loneliness. It was a rare glimpse into the mind of the man everyone thought was invincible.

“I have high hopes for you.” Satoru continued, his voice becoming more playful, but there was something fragile beneath the surface. “Desire and ambition!”

“I could never forget you.” Yuji said as he smiled nervously, trying to deflect the seriousness with humor, though it didn’t quite land. 

Satoru sighed. “I honestly think it’s better to have someone stronger than me who can truly forget my existence.”

“Isn’t that a bit concerning, Sensei?” Yuji asked after a moment, tilting his head. “Are you okay with that?”

Satoru’s smile softened. “Ah, you’re so young and naïve!” he said fondly, his voice carrying an almost paternal tone. “You’re brimming with confidence, aren’t you?”

The conversation lulled, and for a moment, the two sat in silence, the air between them thick with unsaid things. And then, Satoru spoke again, but this time his voice was lower, as if he were confessing something he hadn’t shared with anyone else.

“You know, Yuji…..” Satoru began, his gaze distant. The most emotional Yuji had seen him to be. “Sometimes I wish I could just… run away. With my beloved. My wife. Megumi, Tsumiki, and little Satoshi too. I dream about it sometimes. Hiding us away somewhere no one could find us. No more battles, no more curses… just peace. We’d be a family again.”

Yuji looked at his sensei Gojo, stunned. He had never heard his teacher speak like this before, as though the weight of being the strongest had finally worn him down. Gojo Satoru’s dream of escaping, of living a quiet life with the people he loved—it was so human. 

So far removed from the man everyone saw as untouchable, undefeatable. But at this moment, Satoru wasn’t the strongest sorcerer in the world. He was just a man who wanted to protect the people he loved. A man who longed for something simple, something real.

“That’s my dream, my love and dreams.” Satoru whispered, his voice barely audible. “But I know it’s impossible. The world needs me too much.”

Yuji’s heart ached for him. He didn’t know what to say, so instead, he simply sat there, hoping that in his silence, his sensei could feel his support.

Satoru sighed, standing up and stretching as if to shake off the heaviness of their conversation. “Anyway, enough of that.” he said, flashing his usual grin. “Let’s focus on what’s in front of us.”

But even as he spoke, Yuji couldn’t shake the feeling that, deep down, Satoru Gojo longed for something far beyond his reach.

Yuji stared at Satoru, processing the weight of his sensei's words. It was hard to imagine Satoru Gojo, the invincible sorcerer who seemed so carefree, harboring such a vulnerable wish. A man who could crush enemies with ease, someone who always had the answers—yet, here he was, confessing a dream that would never come true.

“I never thought… you’d want something like that, Sensei.” Yuji admitted quietly, his voice breaking the silence. “I guess I never really thought about what you’d want outside of all this.”

Satoru glanced at him, a softer smile playing on his lips. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? When you’re as strong as I am, no one really thinks to ask what you want. They think you don’t need anything… or anyone.”

Yuji frowned, guilt washing over him. He hadn’t meant to think that way about Gojo Satoru, but it was true. He had always seen his teacher as larger than life, almost beyond human in his ability to control any situation, to be everywhere and nowhere at once.

"But... you have them, Sensei." Yuji said slowly, searching for the right words. "Your wife, Megumi, Tsumiki, and Satoshi… They need you, don't they? Maybe you can’t run away, but you still have something, sensei. A family. Isn't that enough?”

Satoru chuckled, but the sound was hollow, lacking its usual energy. He sat back down beside Yuji, his gaze once again distant. “You’d think that, right? But the stronger you are, the more people take from you. It’s like… I’m always on borrowed time. I’m always one fight away from leaving them behind too.”

Yuji swallowed hard. He’d never thought about Satoru’s life in that way. It was a sobering realization, that even someone as powerful as Gojo was constantly battling not just external threats but the fear of losing what little he had.

“I wish I could protect them from everything.” Satoru murmured. “Just take them somewhere far away… no more battles, no more cursed energy. Just… quiet. But no matter how strong I am, I can’t do that. I can’t just… leave the world to burn while we live in peace.”

He turned to Yuji then, his icy blue eyes piercing through the air. “You know, sometimes I think I was selfish for bringing them into my world. Megumi, Tsumiki, Satoshi… my wife. They didn’t ask for this. I chose this life for them.”

“Sensei.” Yuji started, unsure of what to say. His heart ached for Satoru. “They love you. And… they wouldn’t want to live without you, either. Even if it’s dangerous.”

Satoru’s lips twitched upward in a bittersweet smile. “Yeah, I know. But love’s a tricky thing, Yuji. It’s not enough to stop the world from trying to tear us apart. It never has been.”

Yuji nodded, not fully understanding, but feeling the gravity of Satoru’s words. There was a silence between them, but it was heavy with the weight of shared thoughts, of unspoken dreams and impossible futures.

Satoru leaned back, his hands resting behind his head. “But hey, that’s just how it goes, right? No point in dwelling on things we can’t change.”

He looked at Yuji with a bright grin, but it felt like a mask—one Yuji was starting to see through more and more. “So, enough about me. What about you? What are your dreams, Yuji?”

Yuji blinked, surprised by the sudden shift. “My dreams?”

Satoru nodded. “Yeah. You must have some. Or did you think I was the only one allowed to have them?”

Yuji scratched the back of his neck, thinking for a moment. “I guess… I don’t know. I never really thought that far ahead. I’ve been so focused on everything happening now, I never gave myself the chance.”

Satoru chuckled softly. “That’s the thing with us, sorcerers. We get so caught up in fighting for today, we forget to dream about tomorrow.”

Yuji looked down at his hands, feeling a strange sense of guilt. “Do you really think… you can never have that life you want?”

Satoru didn’t answer right away. Instead, he closed his eyes, letting the wind ruffle his silver hair. For a moment, he was just Satoru—not the strongest, not the invincible sorcerer, but a man burdened by the life he had to lead.

“I don’t know, Yuji……” he said quietly, almost to himself. “But I like to dream that maybe, someday… we could all disappear. And live. Just live.  Just me, my wife, Megumi, Tsumiki, Satoshi… away from everything. Living in peace.”

His voice trailed off, and Yuji could hear the longing in it. The truth was, Satoru Gojo might be the strongest sorcerer alive, but even he was bound by the same rules as everyone else. He couldn’t run from the world, couldn’t hide from the battles he had to fight.

But it didn’t stop him from dreaming.

Yuji looked at him with a new understanding, realizing that no matter how strong someone was, they still carried their own struggles, their own wishes and dreams. And sometimes, those dreams were just as fragile as anyone else's.

"Maybe one day, sensei." Yuji said softly, with an honest smile. "You won't have to fight anymore."

Satoru chuckled, opening one eye to glance at Yuji. "Maybe. But until then, we keep going."

And with that, the conversation ended, but the weight of it lingered between them—a reminder that even the strongest had dreams they longed to chase, even if those dreams were just out of reach.

YOU THINK YOU WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT FOR A LONG TIME. When you wait for your eyes to close with finality, the weight of the years presses down on you, a quiet fatigue settling into your bones. You’re tired—so tired—and when you open them again, you're met with the familiar sight of Fushiguro Megumi and Gojo Satoshi. Your two sons, waiting for you to go and leave them. 

Megumi stands tall, his arms crossed as usual, but his gaze softens when he sees you. Satoshi, ever his opposite, smiles that wide, carefree grin of his. They both look at you, concern etched into their features.

"I'm exhausted." you tell them softly, the words slipping out like a confession you’ve been holding in for far too long.

“You can’t die yet, Mother......" Satoshi pipes up, his voice steady, but the cracks of fear were unmistakable. His usual bright demeanor falters, his hands trembling ever so slightly as he grips the hem of his shirt. His voice may be steady, but his eyes betray him—glossed with unshed tears, reflecting a grief he’s not ready to face. Not now. Not yet. 

“You’re still too young!” There’s urgency in his words, a childlike plea echoing in his tone, though he’s long since grown past childhood. The way his shoulders hunch forward, the way his gaze darts between you and Megumi—he’s holding on. Clutching to hope as if his words could anchor you to this world a little longer. 

Megumi stands beside him, more composed, but his silence carries a weight just as heavy. He nods, his expression solemn. “He’s right, Gen-san.” Megumi adds quietly.

His voice is low, restrained, as though he’s struggling to hold back everything he truly wants to say. His hands remain tucked in his pockets, his face as unreadable as ever, but his eyes—the eyes you’ve known for so many years—hold a flicker of something deeper. Desperation? Fear? Perhaps both.

"You’re only 48. You still have time left."

His words are careful, deliberate, each one carrying the weight of someone who’s had to shoulder too much responsibility, too much loss. The faint tremor in his voice betrays how much he’s already bracing himself for another wound, another absence he’ll have to carry.

You look at them both—Satoshi, who still clings to hope as though it could somehow rewrite fate, and Megumi, whose quiet strength has always shielded him from the full brunt of the pain—but not this time. They both stand there, torn between urging you to stay and accepting the inevitable.

But you smile at them, a soft, knowing smile that carries the weight of the years, the joy and the sorrow, the love and the loss. It's a smile that’s lived through the ache of life without Satoru, a smile that remembers every laugh, every argument, every stolen glance, and every moment that felt too brief. 

“I know, I know......” you say, your voice gentle, steady. There’s a peace in your tone that they don’t yet understand, a quiet acceptance that fills the space between you. “But I’m ready. I’ve missed Satoru... for so long.”

And in that moment, as you say his name, the air feels lighter, as if the years of separation, the longing, the silent ache in your chest begins to unravel. You missed him—not just in fleeting moments or in passing thoughts, but in the depths of your soul. Every day, every night. The space he left behind has been a constant companion, a reminder of what once was and what could never be again.

The tears in Satoshi’s eyes finally spill over, and Megumi’s lips press into a thin line, his jaw tightening, but neither of them say anything. They understand, even if they don’t want to.

Because love—true, enduring love—is something that even death can’t diminish. And they know you loved Satoru with all that you were, and perhaps, even now, they understand that your heart has been waiting for him all along.

The weight in your chest lightens as you speak his name. Megumi frowns but doesn't say anything more, and Satoshi’s smile falters, understanding settling into their eyes. 

You close your eyes once again, the world fading into a peaceful darkness. There's a brief moment of silence, a quiet passing, before a familiar voice echoes softly, teasingly:

“Did you miss me?”

Tears well up before you even open your eyes. You don’t need to see him to know it’s him. The voice, that unmistakable voice—playful, laced with all the love and mischief you’d missed for too long.

When your eyes flutter open, there he is—Satoru, standing before you, that brilliant smile lighting up his face. The tears fall freely now, but for the first time in years, they're not from

“Satoru......” you breathe, his name barely a whisper on your lips, as though speaking it aloud might break the fragile moment. Your voice catches in your throat, a mix of disbelief, relief, and the sorrow that’s lived inside you for far too long.

It’s a name you’ve spoken to the silence of empty rooms, whispered into the night when no one was there to hear, a name tied to a thousand memories you’ve held onto so tightly for all these years. 

The tears that have welled up in your eyes begin to spill over, blurring the figure before you, but you don’t need to see him to know it’s him. You feel him—his presence, his warmth, the way his energy fills the space around you like it always did. 

He steps closer, closing the distance between you in a way that feels like the erasure of all those agonizing years of separation. His familiar warmth envelops you, wrapping around you like an embrace you’ve longed for, like a homecoming after a journey that has lasted far too long.

The brush of his thumb against your cheek is achingly gentle, tender as he wipes away the tears that won’t stop falling. His touch, so familiar, yet so missed, sends a wave of emotions crashing over you—grief for the years you lost, joy for the moment you never thought you’d have again.

"You came back to me, finally." His voice is quieter now, the usual teasing that you had come to know so well is gone, replaced by something deeper—something raw and vulnerable, a depth of emotion he often hid beneath his bravado.

There’s relief in his words, but also a quiet sorrow, as if he too felt the weight of all the time you’d spent apart. As if he too had been waiting, missing you just as much as you had missed him.

His breath is warm against your skin, and you hear the slight tremor in his voice, that hint of fragility in the man who always seemed invincible to you. There’s a vulnerability in him now, standing before you, as though he’s afraid this moment might not be real. Afraid that if he holds you too tightly, you might slip away again.

His thumb continues to trace gentle patterns along your cheek, the rhythm of it soothing and familiar, grounding you in the reality that he’s truly here. And as he looks at you, his bright blue eyes softer now, there’s a depth to them that speaks to all the words left unsaid, to all the years spent in separation, to the weight of the grief he carried alone.

"I waited and waited, stalling some gods....." he continues, his voice just above a whisper now, the teasing facade stripped away, leaving only the rawness of his feelings. "I waited so long, and every day… I missed you."

There’s a moment of silence that stretches between you, heavy with the unspoken sorrow of time lost, of love interrupted by forces beyond your control. His hand, still cradling your face, trembles just slightly, as if even Satoru, with all his strength, couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again.

The weight of it all—of everything you endured, everything you lost—comes crashing down at once, and you let out a soft, broken sob. You feel his arms wrap around you, pulling you against him, holding you close like he’s afraid to ever let go. 

“I missed you too. So so much.” you whisper into his chest, your tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt. “I never stopped missing you, Satoru.”

You feel his chest rise and fall with a deep breath, his lips pressing softly against your forehead. And for the first time in what feels like forever, the sorrow that’s been living inside you begins to ease. It doesn’t disappear entirely—grief never really does—but here, in Satoru’s arms, it feels lighter. It feels like, maybe, you can finally rest.

And in that moment, you realize that the exhaustion, the waiting—it was all worth it. You're home.

epilogue

The afterlife wasn’t exactly what you expected. Instead of floating through clouds or endless fields of serenity, you found yourself at what looked like an airport terminal. Before you could process how bizarre this was, you spotted them—Kaiko and Namie, both waving like maniacs from the crowd.

“Finally!” Kaiko shouts, sprinting toward you with the grace of someone who has no concept of personal space. Namie follows, beaming brightly, and within seconds, they’re both squeezing the life out of you.

“Guys, air... I need air!” you gasp, but they only hug you tighter. Kaiko plants a kiss on your cheek, and Namie loops an arm around your waist like they’ve been waiting years for this reunion.

“We missed you so much, you know?” Kaiko pouts, ignoring your protests. “The afterlife just isn’t the same without you.”

“Excuse me.” You look over Kaiko’s shoulder to see Satoru, sunglasses slightly askew, his mouth pulled into a pout that could rival a spoiled child’s. “You’re hogging my wife.”

Kaiko smirks, not even turning to look at Satoru. “Your wife? Funny, because I’m pretty sure I was her first love.” She raises an eyebrow, tilting her head ever so slightly as if daring him to challenge the claim.

Satoru's eyes narrow behind his shades. “That was ages ago, you homewrecker! She married me—” he steps forward, pointing at the both of you— “not you.”

“Oh please,” Kaiko rolls her eyes. “I’ve known her longer. I laid the groundwork. I was and always will be the original concept!”

Satoru steps closer, his height towering over Kaiko but Kaiko isn’t fazed. “She chose me.”

“She settled for you, shitty eyes!” Kaiko quips, her grin widening. “There’s a difference.”

And that’s all it takes. Satoru’s eyebrow twitches, and suddenly they’re in each other’s faces like squabbling children. You can barely get a word in before they start throwing insults—Kaiko jabbing at Satoru’s height, Satoru boasting about his undeniable charm.

“Guys, seriously?” You rub your temples, trying to hold back laughter. “This is ridiculous.”

Geto Suguru, ever the voice of reason (or at least the one who knows when to pick his battles), sidles up beside you with a casual smile. “Looks like some things never change.”

You grin at him, feeling a sense of ease that only Suguru can bring. “Tell me about it. Can’t believe I’m back and they’re already fighting over me.”

“Typical Satoru!” Suguru laughs. “He never could handle competition.” He offers you a knowing look, then gestures to the absurd scene in front of you. “Should we break it up?”

“Nah, let them tire themselves out.” you reply, waving a hand dismissively. “They’ll realize how stupid they’re being soon enough.”

As if on cue, Kaiko flicks Satoru in the forehead. “She loved my kisses first!”

“Oh, for—" Satoru huffs, about to lunge at Kaiko when you step in between them. “She loved mine more!”

“Oh shut up,your kisses are slimy and disgusting!”

“HUH!? You take that back!”

“Ugly frog! Bwah!” 

“Alright, enough.” You shake your head, stifling a laugh. “Satoru, Kaiko, stop acting like children. I’m here for everyone, okay?”

“Everyone except Kaiko.” Satoru mutters under his breath.

Suguru chuckles beside you, giving you a side glance. “Welcome back.”

You smile, patting his shoulder. “Good to be back. I see things haven’t changed much.”

As Kaiko and Satoru continue bickering like they’re back in high school, Suguru leans over, smirking. “Should we take bets on who wins this round?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “Nah, I’m putting my money on Namie. She’s going to step in and drag both of them away soon enough.”

And, just like clockwork, Namie swoops in, grabbing Kaiko by the arm and tugging her toward the exit, muttering about “taking this fight outside.”

Satoru watches them go, arms crossed, still pouting. He looks at you, expectant, as if waiting for reassurance.

You chuckle, stepping closer and placing a hand on his chest. “Relax, Satoru. You know you’re the one I chose.”

His pout softens into a grin, and he leans down to kiss your forehead. “Damn right.”

And with that, the chaos of the airport fades into the background, as you bask in the comfort of having your husband by your side—and of course, the endless entertainment of old rivals.

[bellarkeselection]

Breathe With Me

Request from @val2557 imagine of Kayce Dutton and he is helping the reader when she has a an anxiety attack when there is a lot of people at a dinner they are attending?

Everybody that knew who the Dutton family were had started making their own judgments about my relationship with Kayce. His father John always asked his kids to show up to the Livestock dinner party but it was rare that they all showed up. Beth didn’t see the point in it, Lee was focusing on running the ranch, Jaime was trying to run for office and that left the reason Kayce didn’t go to them….me.

I wanted to attend the dinners I really did. There was just one problem. I had anxiety when it came to large crowds who I felt were judging me. Running my hands down the light orange dress I was wearing I sighed letting my mind wander with my thoughts. “Come on Y/n. You can make it through this.”

“Y/n, are you ready….wow.” Whipping my head around I heard my boyfriend’s voice enter the bedroom.

I turned around making my short brown boots screech against the wooden floor. Normally I had my hair up in a braid but I decided to leave it loose and just put some curls on the ends. “Is it too much. I don’t know how you dress for a livestock dinner.”

“It’s not that. You….damn you look good.” Kayce gasped slowly crossing the floor until he was standing in front of me.

I smiled eyeing him in a tux for once. “You clean up rather good too, Dutton.” He had his normal black cowboy hat on his head paired with a white dress shirt and a black suit jacket.

“Are you sure you’re up for tonight. We can just stay home. My father will understand why.” He suggested to me.

I teased him trying to not have the conversation. “You just want to stay home so we can lay in bed all night.”

“I mean you weren’t complaining last time when we had sex for hours….but I am being serious about not wanting you to be nervous.” Kayce pointed out to me with a smirk on his face leaning closer to me kissing my forehead. He wrapped his arms around my waist tugging me against his chest gently.

Shaking my head in disagreement I draped my arms over his shoulders kissing his cheek. “I’ll be fine, Kayce. Tonight is important for your father and he want him to keep liking me if you ever want to put your mother’s ring on my finger.” He nodded looping his arm through mine leading me to his truck since we said we would meet him there later.

The drive wasn’t that bad since we just listened to county music until we parked the truck outside the building. He helped me out of the truck and we walked in together not holding hands since I wanted to appear confident during the dinner. Kayce had me walk in front of him opening the next door wheee I gulped coming into contact with a room of livestock members all talking. “Hey, look at me. Just tap me if you need to go and we will.”

“I got it, Kayce.” I nodded moving through the crowd of people finding our table and name tags at the very front.

John walked out onto the stage nodding his head down at us as a silent thank you for being here the second we sat down in our chairs. Lee was there but Beth and Jaime’s spots were still empty. “Since 1886 every Dutton who died is buried 300 yards from my back porch. My great, great, grandfather, to my wife, and someday I will be there myself. When a tree grows on my ranch, I know exactly what fed it. That’s the best we can hope for because nothing we do is for today. Ranching is the only business where the goal is to break even. Survive another season. Last long enough for your children to continue the cycle, and maybe just maybe, the land is still there when a tree sprouts from you…lord god give us rain and a little luck and we’ll do the rest, amen.”

I smiled, watching his speech feeling fine until I heard someone next to our table whispering. "I can't believe they came tonight."

"My boys were joking that they don't come because she might be pregnant." Another mumbled to their friend.

Reaching for the fork on the table I attempted to push past the tightness I could feel beginning to surface in my chest. "But there is someone I'd like to recognize tonight because she has been a great member of the family for a while now. Y/n L/n, I appreciate everything you do for this family."

"Hey are you okay?” Kayce shifted his gaze over to me seeing my chest heaving up and down. I was also clutching the fork in my hand until my fingers were almost turning white.

Lee glanced our direction beginning to clap at the end of his speech. “Congrats to Y/n and my father.”

Everybody around us joined in the clapping and cheering while John made his way over to our table. He sat down in the chair next to me. I shifted my gaze around the room quickly in a panic seeing my vision start to get blurry. “Y/n?” Kayce calls my name the second I dropped the fork and it clattered to the floor and I jumped up rushing through the crowd to the bathroom.

Shutting the door quickly I gasped for breath sliding down onto the floor to catch my breath. Gripping my hair in between my fingers I was so annoyed at myself. I shouldn’t have ran out of the room like that but I didn’t know what else to do. “Y/n, darling. Can I come in?”

“Yeah…” I croaked out wiping away the and getting up from the ground floor when he opened the door and shut it so nobody would see me crying in there.

Kayce stared at me silently for a moment seeing that I was shaking in my boots. Wrapping my arms around myself I felt like I still couldn’t breathe even though the tightness in my chest had gone away. He opened his arms and tilted his head telling me to com here. “Sssh I’ve got you. I’m right here…it’s gonna be okay.”

“Is it….how badly do you think I embarrassed your father leaving like that?” I sniffed through tears gripping onto his dress shirt as tightly as possible.

He just keeps me close to his chest resting his chin on top of my head. He knew that I was going to worry about this when there was something more important like my well being going on. He wasn’t concerned with what the others out there thought, he just wanted me to be okay. “It doesn’t matter right now. Just breathe in and out with me until you’re better. Can you do that for me?”

“Mmm.” I made a noise barley breaking the hug where he was holding onto my forearms since I still didn’t have good balance. Taking in a couple of long breaths in and out I finally started feeling better where I laid my head back down on his chest and he kissed my forehead.

Kayce smiled lightly squeezing my hand in his. “Let’s get you out of here. I’ll explain what happened to my dad later.”

“Are you sure he won’t be upset?” I questioned him where he leads me through the hallway and out to his truck. He helped me back into the vehicle before getting in on his own side.

He reached over taking my hand in his once more. “I’m sure, baby. I just want you to feel better.”

“Thanks Kayce.” I smiled laying my head on his shoulder and we stayed in the parking lot just enjoying the silence before we went home for the evening. Both calm in the others presence and away from the busy livestock diner.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[octoberland]

Invisible

Only TWD would get me to come back here writing my fandom thoughts. It's a landmine because you never know how people will react. I am going to share some deeply personal thoughts. I ask that you treat this vulnerability with the respect that it deserves. Spoilers for tonight's episode. And a trigger warning for my personal experiences with abuse.

I met Carol 14 years ago. It was a time in my life when she was a mirror for me. Meek, scared, abused Carol. The little mouse. Jumping when Ed said jump.

By the time the show aired that year I had extricated myself from my situation. But I was still terrified every day. I mostly didn't sleep at night. When I did sleep, I would prop things against the doors so I could hear if someone came in. I would rarely be out of the house at night. On the occasions I was outside after dark I would be walking with my heart in my throat, beating the loudest of drums in my ears. Every stranger was a potential threat. Every shadow could be him coming back to kill me.

I latched onto Carol in my fear and despair. I understood her. Related to her. Felt inspired by her. I was hers from the moment she bashed Ed's skull in. It was so cathartic watching her do that. I wished I could have that moment in my life.

Like her, people judged me. People blamed me for being with a man like that. Said I must like bad boys. Said I liked the attention. Asked why I didn't just leave. It's all so easy to dissect when you're on the outside.

Unlike Carol I didn't have a walker to take out my abuser. I extricated myself. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. And it came with great risk. And I mostly did it alone.

I watched as she grew strong. And I grew strong too. Like her, I learned to fight. To be fair, she was not my only influence there. I have Captain America/Chris Evans to thank for that too. I hope someday I get to tell him that story. But watching her grow was an inspiration.

Like many people, I was moved by her ability to connect with Daryl. You don't understand how hard that can be after abuse. It's been 14 years and I've still not been in another relationship. I may never be again. That kind of abuse leaves an indelible mark on you.

But with him she blossomed. Sexually, emotionally, and just as a human. I admired her ability to do that.

The trauma was still there though. We saw that. Her edges became too sharp. Her distance too cold. But I get it. I really, truly get it.

But through it all her relationship with Daryl remained. They were each other's North Star. Not perfect, but constant.

But the sad truth is, at the end of the day these characters don't belong to us. They are written by flawed humans with personal agendas and like with any long running series, the longer it runs the higher chance for writers to fuck things up.

Before I dive more specifically into tonight's episode and the Book of Carol let me just say that I still love Carol and I still love Daryl and I still love Caryl. If you want to stop reading here just know that Carol remains an icon to me for very personal reasons. But that is part of why I'm writing this.

Potential spoilers beyond the cut.

The writing this season is sloppy, imho. And this is where I put my writer hat on and try to look at things more objectively. It seems like Gimple is mining the past because it's "cool" and not because he actually wants to address any long standing trauma that Carol has.

Everyone's trauma journey is different and I get that. But after 14 years I doubt that Carol is going to start panicking when going into a barn. In fact, we've already seen her entering barns in early seasons without any issues. I wish the show had consulted some trauma experts. They could have provided some examples of things that might actually set her off. Like seeing a little girl walker. Or meeting a child named Sophia. And speaking of that, I know Carol is supposed to be tough and sneaky and all that but the episode where she lied about her daughter to get the plane really bothered me. If the memory of her daughter is so traumatic I feel like she would not use her daughter like that.

This reunion episode was a missed opportunity to explore trauma in a more meaningful way. It was a missed opportunity for Carol and Daryl to have some truly meaningful conversations. I know I've said this before but she FLEW ACROSS THE OCEAN. DURING AN APOCALYPSE. And all he basically did was grunt one liners at her and lie about how he never stopped trying to get back to her. These two deserve to have a real conversation where they talk about how incredible what she did was. They need to talk about what that means for each of them. And I'm not even talking about romance. Daryl has never had anyone do anything like that for him. Does he understand how profound an act that was? If he ever had any doubt as to how much Carol cared for him this should have erased it. And for Carol, this could also be a wake up call for her too. While being hard and cunning is good for survival, this is an opportunity for her to be vulnerable. To express what he means to her. Or to maybe even face any codependence she has with Daryl.

I feel bad what happened to Isabelle. It kind of feels like an FU to her character. As much as I love Caryl I'm not in support of fridging women for a ship or for man pain. I'm glad we got to see her and Carol together but I wish we could have seen them together a little longer. Again, there is a missed opportunity for some really interesting conversations.

I can't help but feel that this show is suffering under the leadership of male writers and showrunners. There's such nuance to be had here and it's being funneled down to base tropes. Genet is evil because her husband died. Carol is just now having flashbacks to something that happened a decade ago because we need her to grow emotionally and we can't think of another way to do that without mining her motherhood. Isabelle has to die because God forbid two adults actually have a conversation about emotions.

I honestly can't guess where this series is going right now. Every time I think I know what is going to happen something else happens instead. Normally this would be a good thing but here it just feels sloppy. Are they dicking around Caryl? Will they kill her? Or him? Or do they plan for this to go into more seasons? I haven't a clue. But it feels like whiplash, like they are trying to make the characters grow too quickly to fit an agenda without doing the real work people need to do. A hug from an old lady won't cure trauma.

I think mostly I just wish Carol and Daryl would have a real conversation before all this is over.

Anyway, that's my rant. I did like the old married couple joke in the car. And I'm glad Carol's not dead. But I hope we get to see some real connection.

[thecoolerliauditore]

Hello! I've seen a mutual reblog your posts for a while, and everything I've seen you say about Flower Husbands having a bad taste associated with it is something I've felt since 3rd Life, and although I am on anon, I wanted to connect your thoughts with mine.

I'm one of those people who made posts about toxic flower husbands in the past, but I privated them after rapidly receiving tense, uncomfortable response from others who found those posts (despite me not using the flower husbands tag, placing it under a Keep Reading, and very clearly saying I would discuss toxicity). Even with those warnings, within the hour I was facing multiple angry people telling me they hated the interpretation and that it was unfair, etc.

Current me regrets that I caved in and hid those posts, but I felt so overwhelmed that it seemed easy and safe to shut my mouth, no longer gushing over how much I enjoyed them as a way to explore relationship toxicity. In my other fandoms I regularly and openly discuss toxicity, so it was such a shock to see it pushed against in a new fandom and I think that's why I caved so fast. I felt like I'd stumbled across a place with new social norms or that I'd genuinely said something super politically incorrect, and I haven't posted about them since.

I looked through some of your posts and I've seen other anons tell you the same thing about feeling like flower husbands came across as toxic, but holding their tongues to avoid upsetting people. It's a very unfortunate situation, especially since the toxicity is so interesting to explore.

Really, I wanted to say that I've enjoyed reading your thoughts. It makes me feel hopeful that views might be changing. Not in an "I want flower husbands shippers to have a hard time" way (I wish no ill) but in a "Hey, maybe I can find my people out there and maybe I can write posts or fics that will be well-received this time."

I really liked the comment from the anon who said "It's rare to be able to get stories where people have problems and break up and move on to new relationships and grow from them." I absolutely feel that way and these are my favorite relationships to study. Seeing it play out in canon is such a rare and beautiful thing, and it's something I was very excited to write about before I fell into a nervous spiral thanks to the pushback my mere analysis post got, let alone an actual fic. I hope someday soon, I can write something beautifully toxic for them that I'm proud of.

Thank you for your posts, which are very interesting and informative. For those of us like the past me who wanted to avoid stepping on toes, certain relationships in this fandom can be tricky. I'm someone who liked to brainstorm about Scott and Pearl being arranged in marriage due to the soulmate bond, only to immediately be bombarded with comments that it was inappropriate and I should change the story (or that I needed to explicitly tell readers that Scott felt no attraction towards Pearl)... the usual rhetoric. How interesting that I don't get comments about sexuality when I write aroace characters in arranged marriages (and boy, isn't that a whole convo in itself?)

Scott and Pearl are a very interesting duo that I won't delve into here, but I've enjoyed reading your posts about their dynamic as well.

I want to end my comment by rotating one of your other remarks: "I love that we essentially watch them both have to live on after their mutually life-changing marriage." To me, that right there is prime fic exploration and character study material, and I think it's very cool to view Scott and Jimmy through the lens of pulling apart and picking up their splintered pieces.

Once more, thank you for speaking up about your thoughts about Flower Husbands and Scott/Pearl, signed by the past me who was scared to do so once upon a time. I'll probably lurk in the fandom fringes for a while longer until I'm ready to return and stand firm in my toxic interpretations, but until then, it's awesome to know I'm not the only one who sees them through a very specific lens.

Goddamn man. Sorry I don't like getting sappy and shit but like. Goddamn okay this ask kinda hit me like a truck that my posts made someone's day a bit brighter or whatever and that's. Really cool. Really cool that that happened. I read this ask and then had to stare at a wall.

Saying this is the stuff I post for isn't true because I post for no discernable reason whatsoever and I'm endlessly confused at people following this blog. But I really have been more open about my thoughts on the series recently and a big part of that was because I used to fish around for people who were okay with certain things through essentially communicating in symbols. And I hate policing fandom stuff alot alot. So I kind of decided to stop being a hypocrite and stop policing myself too.

Idk I think part of me might've hoped someone like fandom newbie me would happen upon my blog and see that it's Okay, Actually to post about FH as an abuse narrative or Scott/Pearl as a ship or Joel/Jimmy as a ship or Lizzie as comphet or literally any other thing that's deemed too illegal for the maintags and see that not only will everyone not hate you theres actually others who see the same things and are just as passionate.

I think my breaking point was just. Seeing my mutuals get blasted by complete strangers for completely harmless stuff? The Joel/Jimmy kiss in RL and the Joelshipping war that ensued from it comes to mind.

There was this one post I really liked that was like. A social group that makes you feel scared to say the wrong thing constantly isn't a group that loves you. And that's so true.

Idk I just like. I don't post because I hope people agree with me (although I do like it when I'm correct and God and whatever), I post because I hope someone can look at this and see it as a sign they can also post their bad takes and not fear divine retribution.

Anyway if it makes you feel any more hopeful -- things ARE actually changing culturally, at least from what I can tell. Someone mentioned majormoon in the tags of my art that wasn't even shipping the other day, and while the Scott tag itself is still very attached to his wholesomeness, I actually found the sheer number of people being open about reading Scott as toxic at the start of WL quite surprising?? It seems like the Pearl and Ranchers fans especially are very keen to pick him apart, as are the Ethubs fans for some unknown reason I haven't quite figured out yet. It's not quite hit the stage of that discussion being about Scott himself but it's very much acknowledged now when it comes to other narratives.

It's not all just weirdos with rambling text posts like me btw!! My buddy Tubby of the Tarchia variety made a really awesome music video that got fairly popular depicting Jimmy's abuse, albeit in a mostly symbolic way but still fairly blunt with its message imo.

i have also absolutely seen toxic FH in fics, and would be really curious about reading some of the ones I've seen get complained about in the Scott tag lol.

Scott/Pearl fics are a little rarer and especially so ones that arent plastered with PLATONIC THIS IS PLATONIC all over them but I think it's saying something that they semi recently got runners up in a Scott ship bracket (losing to FH ironically enough) and the mod actually removed the "QPR" specificity after a few rounds. That being said you can still find very shippy fics of them if you know where to look.

Anyway, obviously no pressure eitherway, just giving you the run down of what the view looks like from here. Whoa I made someone's day a bit better. Messing me up.

No stress obviously but I would LOVE to read that arranged marriage AU btw, it's more or less what DL was to me thematics wise. (I've pondered something very similar before but it's more or less just a collection of tropes I like. LL is represented by them being childhood friends)

[nieves-de-sugui]

15 people, 15 questions

I got tagged by @wanderlust-in-my-soul and @isaksbestpillow a few days ago. Thank you! It makes me really happy 🥰

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yes. After a Spanish actress and someone else I think. My parents liked the name so they gave it to me.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday, when I went to my friend's mom funeral. it was a very sad moment.

3. Do you have kids?

Not yet. I definetly want to have kids someday. It's a little funny to me, because it's the only thing I am 100% sure I want in my life, everything else is a blur. I tend to be a very indecisive person.

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

As a hobby I have played tennis, in my early youth. I have sort of lost that ability since. I want to take up Badminton but I don't have money or time. I don't know if martial arts count, but I also did Taekwondo. I really miss it... but the same problem persists.

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Yes. Very often, as a joke mostly. I also might use it if I'm angry, then I become a little cruel. Thankfully I very rarely get angry.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Generally how they look. Whatever is most eye catching, ig. Then I pass onto personality pretty quickly.

7. What’s your eye color?

Brown with a tiny little bit of green. Very tiny, but it's there.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I have enough bad things happening in my life to seek them out in fiction. Particlarly, scary movies tend to tire me physically because of how much tension I have in my body. I like a good scary movie, but they're so rare I don't generally go looking for them. Happy endings give me life, but good endings do even more. I would choose a sad but good/logical ending over a happy/illogical one. Let's just put more care into the final product and I'll stop complaining about current movies or shows xD

9. Any talents?

I do not know if they're talents (I have a hard time seeing them as such) but I guess I have a few. I can draw and sing pretty well, sort of play the cello, memorize lyrics pretty easily, guess how a song is gonna go pretty fast, understand other people's feelings and actions, comfort people, cry lots anywhere and in front of anybody... To say a few xD

10. Where were you born?

Spain~

11. What are your hobbies

I consider a hobby something you make, so stuff like watching shows or reading wouldn't count as such. I watch A TON of shows, and read some books. But I would like to have a manual hobby, like sewing or something like that. I guess drawing might count? But latetly not really. I am currently in search of a hobby. I want to go back to cello classes, and dance classes... but money....

12. Do you have any pets?

I do not. And don't plan on having any. I hate finding hair around me (even my own hair). Idk why but it drives me crazy. I like my friend's pets but I don't think I have the energy required to have a pet.

13. How tall are you?

Like average. I think 5,3 ft would be the american equivalent.

14. Favorite subject in school?

History, Literature, and English, iirc. I'm a humanities gal.

15. Dream job?

I don't really have one? I just want to find a job in my field, and then see what I want to do. Idk if the path I've chosen is gonna be good but I think I'm gonna like it. I just need someone to give me a chance :)

This was an interesting game. I hope it's easier to know me like this. I love to make friends on this site :3

Tagging @xagan @0ffgun @gunsatthaphan @emotionallychargedtowel @elilmwenseni27 @emil-luvs-satur @takeadeepbreathandexist @thelonelyweavergirl @nahaluk @thewayofsubtext @ranchtastic @raktae @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @italianpersonwithashippersheart @lun-rambles invinting you to play if you feel like it ❤

[fernnshxj]

Eeeeehhh, okay okay okay!! Info dump time! Hope you ready!!

So, as I mentioned before (I think I have said so before, idk-), Joan will unfortunately pass away from an illness that is incurable in that time (ya know, cancer). She would have tried to figure out a remedy so that she can be back on her feet but it is all in vain. She feels herself getting weaker, it’s harder to take a breath, to move, everything… She does not tell Kuno or Finja, she wishes not to burden them with this. They notice she doesn’t appear as active but she brushes them off.

Fun fact: The veil from her hat not only works to completely hide the details of her appearance but it can also be used as a sort of magical window that can see things the normal eye can’t see, specifically the divine and spiritual. Which means Häxa keeps seeing this one figure in the distance. It is dark, and at first very, very far but not malicious. She ignores it at first but the sicker she gets, the closer the figure is. It takes a while but she realizes who the figure is: Death. Not the one she had fought and killed, no, that one was a mere entity who called itself that. It was not one of True Death’s reapers but True Death herself. She is kind, patient, caring. She keeps getting closer and Häxa realizes she doesn’t have much longer to live, so she writes a letter to her friends. Kuno and Finja get their letters from different crows and the letters go like this:

‘I am sorry. I am sorry but I cannot keep hiding this anymore. I have been getting weaker by the day and I did not have the courage to tell you. I keep seeing her. I keep seeing True Death every time I wear the hat. She is getting closer. I wish I had told you sooner, maybe I would have been more at peace than I am now. This is my last letter to you. I am so proud to have been able to accompany you this far but I am afraid my journey ends here. 

For so long, I was nothing but a shell of my former self. For so long, I have forgotten my name. For so long, I forgot that I was only human. For so long, I forgot I was not a weapon. 

I know we did not get along at first but getting to know you both has been a blessing. You were like a breath of fresh air to me. You gave me life again, even if it didn’t seem like it. You became my family. I will cherish you both as I rest eternally. I wish I had done more for you but now I can only hope that we can reunite in whatever afterlife there is or maybe even in a new life. I hope we meet again.

-Häxa’

And with each letter they got, they got a lotus flower colored their respective colors (blue for Kuno and red for Finja) and a medallion with Häxa’s emblem (or whatever it be called).

Meanwhile, with the last bit of her strength, Joan would have gone to a secluded part of a forest where she laid herself to rest, surrounded by moonflowers. She awoke and was greeted by the sight of a lady so pale with long, black hair and bright golden eyes. She wore a mofuku (funeral kimono apparently!) her whole body covered except her face. She had a smile on her face, one filled with melancholy. She whispers softly ‘It’s time to go’ and extended her hand to Joan. Joan hesitates. She is scared, which is rare for her. She hasn’t been scared in so long... But she’ll see her sisters again… She’ll finally be at peace…

And so she takes True Death’s hand.

-And das what I have so far! Hope you liked this info dump and if it made you cry then good, I achieved my goal! Häxa angst be best angst!-

love me some angst……yeeessss……

did a doodle as well just cuz

miori isn’t scared of dying and she knows people die and she will too someday. but it would probably affect her if one of the only people she trusts dies outta no where. hehe :3

idk why i’m jsut now realizing this is formatted kinda funny apologizes i’m not gonna fix it lazy :3

feel free to gimme more lore if u want!!! i think it’s neat n interesting :3 !,!! makes me wanna lore dump too hrmmm…,.., might

[jsuika]

JUST FOUND YOUR BLOG AND I LOVE YOUR ART!!!!

Your line art is so smooth and the colors too! How are u underrated

Thanks :]]

Actually I remember doing thick linearts before to make it look like y2k bubbly styled and I was thinking of going back again since I wanted to make logos or icons like this one:

These ig were just a lil practice if someday I'll be making one (or more of these). Also this is just an example btw, these are artist-made game icons. Imo, if it were me to be commissioned to design one or if I was assigned by a game dev, then most likely its gonna look like something that y'all won't know who did that thing lol.

Besides, I'm pretty sure a lot of people were inspired by my artstyle. 😭 Also in case you guys don't know what these are, I'll show you guys mine. (NOTE: You can still check on archive, I don't mind though-)

Examples of my artworks with thick lineart:

The first one was Hatsune Miku fanart

I kinda remember drawing this back in the day since 2023, the sketch version (on my other sketchpad) was discontinued. Supposed to finish it but, sadly I gave up because the hair was something that reminded me of an Inkling from Splatoon (rarely I noticed the first miku fanart also reminded me too lmao).

I wish I'd do this again hopefully if I could use my artstyle, then yeah. Watch here if you want to see the speedpaint :3 : https://youtu.be/sRE3-snDGkM?si=op3tISbGFTjLCcdB

Next one is Bomb Rush Cyberfunk fanart

Okay LISTEN, I may not be good at anatomy but might as well tried especially RED's head. For the BG, I only duplicated the character + added a screenshot/fakescreenshot/whatever, to make it look related to both y2k & frutiger aero (same applies to Hatsune Miku).

Nothing to say much but I've been thinking of making more character concept arts in the future & maybe work on shoes since they look a bit too complicated much.

Overall, I'd say it isn't bad. I'll just leave as it is for now (until some BRC fan shows up and sees this).

Last but not the least, my very first artist-made album cover

I remembered drawing this for future use if I ever find a music composer either if they can do DnB, game soundtrack or whatever but it slightly depends on them. Also shout out to Lxchee Music! They're the ones who compose music like these. They even commented on my speedpaint video!!! (after using their songs lol).

Such a shame that I am limited to drawing only however, I wish I also was a composer of this whooooooole album then everyone's gonna listen to my bangers. One time I used to make music in Beepbox.co (a website where you can compose there).

There are some music-composing softwares that most people use for their game making & also songs. I wish I'd even use FL studio or other music-composing. Reminds me, I also have one friend who makes music (unrelated to dnb or any genre) using accordian & any other instruments that he uses. I swear, he is so good in composing Nintendo Orchestra-music related I can tell.

Conclusion

No worries though, I didn't say I hate using thick lineart but its sometimes too much for the anatomy still and might not fit pretty well. I can still do another one hopefully just to focus on more y2k aesthetic. But if it were me to learn anatomy, might as well use thin lineart and just increase to make it look like there is perspective on it.

Anyways, ig this might be a long one but I do hope you understand what I mean-

[pastelprince18]

✨🌸INTRO🌸✨

✨Hello their my beloved little fellas, Names Ray [Nicknamed not real name]! I usually post my art weather being doodles, wips, sketches, paintings or finished pieces being fandom stuff or my own  projects [which is rare because I am so shy to share my very own content and don't know how people will act, maybe someday I will talk about it] I would appreciate if you do see my art anywhere to DM me and NOT harass anybody <:] , but if you do share my work PLEASE CREDIT ME!!I IT WILL ME A LOT TO ME /Gen✨

✨ Short Info✨

💖Ray [Perfered] , Raylin, Pastel

💖Adult

💖 Puerto Rican

💖 Demi Girl [She/They/Her/Them]

💖Lesbian, Ace

💖Taken 

💖#Kbyeart is my arttag 

💖Self-Taught Artist 

💖Can Be a bit too talktive </3

💖Gamer [if you like to add me on switch lmk CLOSE FRIENDS ONLY!!

💖COMMISSION CHART HERE If intrested please dm on my platforms: Instagram, Tumblr, Discord, Deviant Art, and Twitter all under the same name :]

💖Can get anxious meeting new people either too shy or too excited 

⭐️Interests⭐️

🌸Mario Rabbids Series 

🌸Rabbids Invasion

🌸Cuphead

🌸Sanrio

🌸Spongebob 

🌸Mario.Bros 

🌸 Pastel, Hospital, Nostalgic Core Aesthetic 

🌸Carebears 

🌸Regular Show [Been a while but I still love it <33]

🌸Plushies 

🌸Pretty Blood 

🌸The Bad Guys 

🌸Happy Tree Friends 

🌸Rayman

🌸BFB

🌸Inanimate Insanity

⛈DNI⛈

Proshipper

Basic Racism,Bigots,Homophobics, Transphobic 

Art Thief

Discourse Accounts 

NFT’s Cryptic 

DDLGS 

Cringe Culture [Ya know the people who say “THATS CRINGE EW”]

You harass me or any of my friends/ mutuals. That is automatic block

Also Spamming inbox + Dms will be blocked 

Dream SMP Fans 

Fetish Artist 

Vizpop Fans

HH and HB stuff, I don’t wanna hear nothing of that shit, please block me or i’ll block you I don’t nothing to do with it or see it on my damn feed /srs

🍒BYF🍒

As stated before I do talk a lot, I usually ramble about my own HC, Oc Stuff, Ships, Ideas or even things I really enjoy from games, shows movies ect. I hope you are prepared on what I will share here. And just know it is for fun and I would love for ya’ll to also share your ideas <3 

I tend to have depressed episodes sometimes, if you do see me writing things on here mainly at night, its where I can show during that time since I feel bad for venting too much to friends. I feel bad even venting out just to let steam off, sorry for advance :’]

I open request when I feel like it weather being I am art blocked, have no ideas or no motvation. IT IS A RARE MOMENT, PLEASE DO NOT SPAM MY INBOX!!! IF I HAVE NOT DONE UR REQUEST I WILL GLADLY DO IT WHEN I AM FREE 

 Speaking of the first one. Do not spam inbox please, I have gotten that lately and I tend to get anxious or annoyed since I can't always answer stuff, I do have a job and I tend to get sidetrack, even if I am not in the best mental state please do not be on top of me, I do not like that.

My art takes quite a bit to post weather being a painting or digital art, I work 5 days a week and usually it drains me where I am at. usually cause of that my motivation drains fast. I know I say I promise to do things and I will keep that promise, even if its months too late I'll try to work on it <3

Don’t call my art hot or sexy if I don’t know you at all and especially if you’re a minor- I don’t like when people in general call my art hot or sexy [Unless you’re my close friend than idm <3]

Thank you all for dropping by and hope to get to know most of you all :’]

[seiwas]

twenty questions for fic writers

thanks for the tag erika 🥺 @kedsandtubesocks

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

15 so far but i don't post everything i write on there 🥺 just the longer ones or any series i'm writing!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

62,184! (even i'm shocked... HABSFHASB)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

jujutsu kaisen, haikyuu!!, boku no hero academia

4. Top five fics by kudos

tell me about love (show me how) - gojo x reader; conversations on love

this feeling inside of me—will i ever bring you peace? - gojo x reader; conversations on love

so this is what it means to be in love - gojo x reader; conversations on love

these traces of love (they outline you) - gojo x reader; conversations on love

take my time (i'll spend it all on you) - gojo x reader; conversations on love

my highest notes on tumblr are very different from my top five kudos on ao3 🥺

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to as much as i can! i'm more responsive on tumblr just bc i feel less shy and feel more casual (?) with it, if that makes sense! ao3 comments make me feel really intimidated (even though they're all so lovely 🥺)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

this kind-of-ex!bakugo blurb: 4:49 a.m. OR this two-shot canon-adjacent nanami fic: i'll be good to you | (you were good to me)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

almost all of my fics have happy endings!! 🥺 i live for softness and subtle intimacies 🥺 honestly!! i think this yuuji dating app fic is the cutest tho!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

none so far, thankfully 🥺

9. Do you write smut?

very rarely, and it isn't the most explicit when i do!

10. Craziest crossover?

i've never written one!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope so far (as much as i'm aware), and hopefully it stays that way 🥺

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i used to write fics with my bsf in back in high school! it was fun brainstorming ideas with her then hehe now i currently have a collab milestone event with @stellamancer! i have other collabs but this is the only one where we're really both working on the same fic 🥺 (it's been a while, but we're working on the fics and are just waiting to finish writing everything before we post it all!)

14. All time favorite ship?

this is tough jhdbj probs edwin tho 🥺 (edward elric x winry rockbell); but i haven't read a shipfic in a long time!

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i don't want to admit this bc i am still in denial and am hoping that my stubborn ass will get the fic done still, someday 😌 so 😌 i will not speak it into existence ����

16. What are your writing strengths?

exploring character thoughts and feelings i think 🥺 or subtle intimacies 🥺 i think i can establish relationships well 🥺

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue oh my god jhbfhjsd and i don't think my ideas are very exciting!

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i like seeing it!! i usually do the quick translate option when it pops up.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

omg. either kuroko no basuke or katekyo hitman reborn LOL but it was private to me only and is still hidden in my notes. unless we count my 1d self insert fic days (that i also kept to myself), then. HAHHA

20. Favorite fic you've written?

either this gojo one: these traces of love (they outline you) OR this nanami one: if art can be touched, will you let m hold you?

i think more than the writing itself, i just really like how i conceptualised it. it was overall really satisfying for me to write!

open tagging anyone who wants to do this!

[goondah]

First time i’ve seen someone who identifies as alloaro! i learned about this label about an hour ago, and I identify with it as well, although i’m still not comfortable with labels. can you describe your experience? just as much as your are comfortable with!

Hi! Thanks for the ask, if there's anything you'd like me to elaborate on or anything else you want to ask i'd be happy to reply.

I only found out i was aroallo less than a year ago, after a conversation with friends where i realised most people had experienced some kind of romantic attraction by my age. Before that point, i was convinced i was completely straight as i definitely experience aesthetic and sexual attraction. I guess i just thought i was a "late bloomer" and my time would come eventually, although there had always been a slight feeling of "something isn't right". In terms of attraction, I feel very strong platonic attraction, almost to a point of infatuation, however these feelings have always been strictly platonic. I dearly love and care about my friends, and i am very lucky to have ones that understand that this isn't romantic in nature. I regularly experience aesthetic attraction, for example walking down the street and seeing someone and thinking "wow they're pretty/cute/handsome", and more rarely sexual attraction, seeing someone and thinking "wow they're hot/sexy". To me it is quite self evident that i experience sexual attraction, but am sure the specifics of this will vary from person to person. Despite being aroallo i feel like i will probably never have sex, as i am not outgoing or conventionally attractive enough for casual sex and i think that the chances of finding someone else (probably also aroallo) to have a platonic sexual relationship with are slim. However i have made peace with this, and sharing such a close bond with the asexual community has shown me that you can have a long and fulfilling life without sex. However it is something i would very much like to try, i just don't think it would be the end of the world if it doesn't. I would like someday to have some form of more committed platonic relationship, and this is something that does bother me, because it sometimes feels like my life will lack direction without the traditional fall in love, get married, buy a house, 2.5 kids, retire together life plan that is expected of me. However at the moment i am perfectly contented without such a relationship.

It is important to note that my experiences are far from universal, and any label we put onto orientation or gender is an attempt by humans to categorise a beautiful and complicated spectrum of experience. If you feel like aroallo is a fit for you, then feel free to use it!

I apologise for rambling and i hope that at least some of this is useful to you. Again, feel free to ask me any other questions.

[wheneclipsefalls]

I have a feeling this question is going to be a mess, and I apologize for the rambling. :( No kidding, I can see that I will be relying on re-reading Jealous Neteyam (and other chapters) for the foreseeable future to stay alive. It's nice to see that they're already feeling so familiar and comfortable with each other by the end of the book (Kxolo's reaction to Neteyam being such a bold PDA made me laugh so hard. Like, he doesn't actually want to stop his Omega, but at the same time, this man obviously wants some privacy lol) It's rare to see Kxolo in a "controlled" position, and it's very cute to see Neteyam feeling so unsure about it! And OMG, I knew this was going to happen someday but they MADE the bond!!!! I would probably walk out of my apartment and run screaming down the street for this! I loved every word of this chapter, but it also left a lot of mysteries. When kxolo was talking to neyra, did he notice the two people peeking behind him? And when did Kxolo start noticing Neteyam showing jealousy? And of course, what happened at the morning meeting...Are they in "silent treatment" with each other? (Wait what am I talking about, they're very sweet.) God, I'm dying to know everything about them...Honestly, I think it's getting a little creepy. Lastly, make a friend who will do anything to beat someone to the ground for you. Take care of your rest. I hope you're doing well in college. :))

Never apologize, I absolutely LOVE receiving comments like this! It really makes all of the time and effort I put into series like Ma Neteyam worth it <3

I'm so glad you enjoyed the little jealous Neteyam drabble. Although it took me forever to finalize, I had a fun time writing it and it means a lot to know that there is a group of people that really care about this little story I started almost a year ago<3

Writing Neteyam in a "dominate" position was so fun to me since I can only imagine the poor boy just never had any practice with it. Kxolo found seeing his nervous little omega take the reigns not only incredibly sexy but also so endearing. Since this drabble is set in the future this is not the first time they make the bond but it was really fun to write. As Olo'eyktan Kxolo feels it isn't technically appropriate to make tsaheylu at a public dinner but at the same time he had too much fun watching Neteyam show off his claim. By the end of dinner Kxolo was grinning like a mad man, completely arrogant and proud of the boy's jealous behavior. The Olo'eyktan forever treasures moments like this where he gets to see how far they have come, his little omega so desperate to make sure Kxolo never slips between his fingers.

As far as watching him and Neyra, they were in a fairly public setting so he knew that Neteyam and Vamai could've been nearby but it wasn't until Neteyam's little display and glaring across the fire that he put two and two together.

At the morning meeting, Neteyam just so happened to be getting impatient with the long meeting and made some bratty remarks in front of the whole war party. He was reprimanded but Neteyam also learned how far his sweet little looks and soft touches could get him.

(A true bestie is one that will go to the mat with a bitch that dares to disprespect you hahaha. That's love)

Truly thank you so much for this comment, it means the world to me!! <3

[bloodycowboyclub]

Hi, everyone! It’s been a while since I posted a welcome, so I figure now is a good time.

This is a sideblog where I post my edits only. That means gifs, photos, and any video or audio that I may have worked on - they will not always be Hangman Page or AEW related, but that tends to be what they are. I may also reblog my writing here from time to time, though it’s rare. I do this so that I can keep track of my own things. The only time I reblog others’ work here is when it’s Hangman Page Birthday Week, which I am the host of, in July.

If you would like to follow my main, it is @adampage. However, please keep in mind that because it is my main blog, you will see other fandoms more regularly than you would on this sideblog. I also voice my opinions on different things as well. If you would like to follow, go ahead. But please be aware that blocking my main means I will block you on both my main and my edit blog, because I don’t think it’s very nice to block someone out completely and then still be able to reblog their work. Sorry, but that’s just how I see it.

I also have a blog where I reblog others’ wrestling fan art, @dailysplace. I also try my best to find artists’ posts where they talk about their commissions or things they might have on sale. This is a small tool that you can use if you wish to find someone to create some art for you if you wish, and also serves as a little archive for wrestling fan art. I do not have any of my own work there - I haven’t really drawn since I was a kid - but I might someday.

I also have a western sideblog, @robwiethoff, where I just post things that remind me of cowboys. You might see Red Dead, old historic pics of cowboys, cowboy art, Hangman himself, or gifsets from westerns. Sometimes even just a celebrity wearing a cowboy hat will do it for me. You can follow that too, if you’d like.

Please remember I am one person, and this is my hobby. You may request, but you won’t always get a reply back or even the request back at the most convenient times. I can get busy, or tired. I work and I go to school.

Reblogs to my work are appreciated. Whether it’s good of me or not, the fact is that when you reblog my work, more people will see it and that makes me feel good. I recently changed the font I use whenever Hangman speaks to make it a little more accessible, as the earlier versions were not easy to read for some. However, I will not be changing the stroke (a cyan/magenta gradient around a black stroke). Please do not ask me to do so.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy my blog!

[chikadora]

My Spooky Experience at GCA

Blog #1

“We stopped checking for monsters under our bed when we realized they were inside us.” — Charles Darwin

Do you sometimes think about what is happening in different corners of the world that we can't see with our naked eyes? how we can seem to feel their presence but we can't clearly state their whole existence.

that is the same questions that my head think from the last few months of my experience at Ganaan Christian Academy. Now, you must be wondering of all the experiences that i have encountered this is the one that i'll share about with you.

The answer is because I know that I am not the only one who experiences these kinds of events in life, especially in the school where we learn and study, events that even I can't believe but they really happened. All I want is to share my experiences with you and hoping that someday you'll do the same just like mine.

it started way back in the month of October, i can't exactly remember the exact date because I've been busy these past few days and my memories were jumbled from all those events. It was a sunny day and all my classmates are gathered outside the hall to see the different announcements made for our school. I was the only one left inside our classroom, I didn't bother going out because it was just a waste of time and it's better to sleep and wait for our next subject. While I was sleeping on my chair I felt a presence that seemed to be staring at me, I can't explain my feeling at that very moment. I just ignored it because maybe it was just my imagination caused by fatigue from what I did earlier and i should continue sleeping to get rid of it. Minutes had passed but i can't feel the presence of my classmates, so i got up from my nap and decided to check on them outside. I was even more surprised because I didn't see a single person in the hallway while I was walking. I saw where the announcement was posted but I didn't see even one of my classmates there, I don't know what to do especially that this is my first time experiencing this rare moments of my life. I was about to turn my back when my classmate suddenly hit me ''huy lai mata na nanas ma'am'' and that's when I realised that everything that happened was just a dream, a dream that I don't want to experience again.

-Lai

[livingasaghost]

i have no business writing a stupid post about the wicked movie because like! come on. we left cringey read mores in 2018 right? nope! wrong!!!!! my emotional support musical, MY blog!!

can safely say i had low expectations but like also there were 20 years of expectations buried within me so i was really hoping for something special ya know? and objectively i did have to turn off my musical theater brain because wHEW there were some choices and they were made and they should not have been....but! even if it isn't my favorite movie musical of all time (moulin rouge and mamma mia and les mis my beloved) i think this is quite literally the best we could have gotten for this musical.

and the thing that was sending me the entire time was like...the scope of this thing. like i have had the desire to watch a wicked movie for as long as i have cognitive thought honestly. since i was like eight or nine years old. i still remember being ten and dramatically sighing thinking ahhhh maybe one day i will get a wicked movie... and then time passed and i saw the show three separate times and i just kept thinking that maybe someday that dream would come true. so when i was watching it tonight it really was one of the rare moments where like i reached through the ether to younger me and was like WE MADE IT! WE ARE HERE! WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD GET HERE BUT WE DID! AND IT IS GLORIOUS!

and it's like yeah so many of us have personal connections to wicked and it was very much a musical of my generation but i always forget that so much of who i am is built on this fucking show. it was the first musical i found on my own. it was the first show that i begged my parents to get me tickets for. it was instrumental in my upbringing and my inner life and i cannot separate parts of myself from the wicked musical because they've been connected for twice as long as they haven't. and at the heart of all of it is the person i shared it with.

it's funny because a lot of my friendships have bonded over wicked, and again, we all liked wicked growing up so it wasn't like i couldn't connect the female friendship show with everybody...but it did start somewhere. and that friendship has now been dead for almost twenty years. i don't think about her, i buried us a long time ago, and for the most part i don't think about what might have been because hey, it's over and i don't even think we'd like each other if we met each other now. but when i watched this movie, i was over-fucking-whelmed by her presence. and a younger version of me along with her.

she was galinda and i was elphaba and even though i didn't understand the deeper meaning and context of the show at the time, we still were just two bEst friends ya know? and so when the opening number started, my heart dropped out of my chest and i thought oh, there you are. i've missed you. where did you go? and when elphie and galinda had their special dance moment i was sitting there bawling, hoping even now that she'll see this same moment in theaters and that she has no choice but to think about me the same way i was thinking about her. that no matter what happened at the end or all the years and time between us, somewhere out there it's just the two of us at nine years old, singing these songs at the top of our lungs, making each other laugh without a care in the world.

and when elphaba asked glinda to come with her, i burst into tears thinking, oh, she left me behind didn't she. she didn't want to come with me after everything. and regardless of how glinda's character plays out in act two (gee, what could happen!!!) it still hit me that she had tears in her eyes as she helped her best friend fly.

as much as i thought about the person i lost, it also felt like such a privilege that i could reach out and touch the nine year old version of me. we don't have time machines but there is a red string of fate connecting who i am today with who i was back then, and i wanna tell her that we made it. when elphaba's falling and she sees her reflection...when she had her moment to sing the wizard and i...it's like no time had even passed at all. i was still singing in my childhood bedroom to my little CD alarm clock. and i was so terrified to be a person, so unsure of myself, so full of dreams. and i hoped that one day something would happen to me.

and tonight i sat there in a theater in a big city that i live in all on my own, next to a friend who cares about me more than so many of the friends of my youth ever did, feeling overwhelmed by the friendships i have now and the career i've built for myself and the person i know that i am now, less than six months out from turning thirty...and i got to hold hands with my younger self and tell her it's all gonna work out in the end. and that she should enjoy those sleepovers as much as possible. that just because glinda doesn't get on the broom with you, it doesn't mean you can't fly high on your own.

but god, i wish i could go back one more time. just to tell my person thank you.

(i do have to say......i live in fear for part ii...........there will be mass casualties, no one is going to survive that fucking film...whew.....)

[jokertrap-ran]

[スタオケ] La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra Mikado Ukiha Cast Story Chapter 9 Translation

*Starlight Orchestra Masterlist | Mikado Ukiha’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Mikado's Route Tag will be #Ukiha’s Star *T/N: This is the last chapter I have of Mikado~ If anyone has any further chapters, please do share!

It has been a while since Mikado had left to join the Glanz Symphony Orchestra...

Kakyo Academy was located nearby— the school that Glanz's headquarters was nestled within. Mikado should be there.

▷Choice: Try calling him

…He might not pick up anymore. But, even so… Ukiha: …(L/n)-san?

▷Choice: Give up

…I might end up giving him trouble by visiting. Ukiha: …What are you doing here?

Ukiha: Long time no see. I never thought that I would meet you here.

Ukiha: Hehe, you look as if you have just seen a ghost. Unfortunately, I am the real thing.

Ukiha: I see. So this place is close to Yokohama…. But it is still far away from the city that I am so very familiar with.

▷Choice: I wanted to see you

Ukiha: Seems like we have formed a bond with each other that is unlikely to be severed all too easily… Ukiha: Had I known that things would come to this one day, perhaps I would not have touched your hair that day.

▷Choice: Have you been well?

Ukiha: Fortunately enough, yes. Glanz provides me with a generous amount of support, from food to clothing, and even shelter. Ukiha: As such, it is impossible to be unsatisfied.

▷Choice: Why…

Ukiha: Did I choose Glanz? Or perhaps, why had I chosen to leave without even so much as a goodbye? Ukiha: Either way, it would be uncouth of me to answer either question now, no? As I am sure you are already well aware.

Ukiha: In truth, it would be better if we had not met today.

Ukiha: But it is too late. We have already met each other. We met again, even in a place like this— a place far from that city.

Ukiha: Look at that tree over there. A single cherry blossom tree has blossomed, even though it is still far from Spring.

Ukiha: Like dreams, blooming into the shape of a flower, unaware of the cold harsh winds of reality.

Ukiha: I wonder if those flowers will help draw the eyes of others away from us? …I hope they do.

Ukiha: …Will you walk with me till the end of the cherry blossoms?

Ukiha: I am certain that the cherry blossoms will shelter us, even if only for a short moment.

Ukiha: Walking along the river like this reminds me of the day we walked along the Philosopher’s path.

Ukiha: I heard that this path along the Meguro River is also a famous cherry blossom viewing spot.

Ukiha: I am certain that there will be stunningly beautiful rows of cherry blossoms in full bloom during spring. I would love to walk down the path alongside it someday.

▷Choice: Let's do it together

Ukiha: …Of course, but only if you allow me. Have you already forgotten? We are enemies now. Ukiha: Though, I have also heard that this riverside tends to get crowded during the cherry blossom season. Ukiha: It would make it easy to blend it, but it is not a fitting place for quiet conversations.

▷Choice: I heard that there are usually stalls set up too

Ukiha: Yes, that does seem to be the case.

Ukiha: It is an odd choice, no? Setting up stalls would erase even the faintest scent of cherry blossoms.

Ukiha: Perhaps people are simply using the excuse of admiring the flowers to get drunk during the festival.

Ukiha: Places like the Philosopher’s Path, where you can experience and enjoy the four seasons in their natural state, are rare.

Ukiha: I liked that place. Just like how I love Kyoto, and the Mikado family home located on those lands…

Ukiha: Even though I have already made the decision to sell myself to protect it.

Ukiha: It is quite ironic, actually. Abandoning a place one loves in order to protect it…

▷Choice: Do you regret it?

Ukiha: No. I have had enough regrets in this lifetime. Ukiha: I am already looking towards the future, just like you.

▷Choice: You didn't abandon it.

Ukiha: …Do you truly think so? I left my home and turned my back on my loved ones. Ukiha: I left, alone, to live a comfortable life where everything was provided for.

Ukiha: The me from Kyoto is gone. I have left my pride, my hate, and my sentiments behind. All to stand here now.

Ukiha: It feels refreshing once you let go of everything that you once thought important.

Ukiha: …People cannot live on pride and tradition alone.

Ukiha: And it seems like this is the end. Both the cherry blossoms and twilight have come to an end.

Ukiha: It was a short reunion, but an enjoyable one nonetheless. Almost akin to a fleeting dream…

Ukiha: From tomorrow onwards, we shall both bloom in our respective places.

Ukiha: Good bye, (L/n)-san. I hope that we can meet each other again under the light of the sun, when there is no longer any need to hide…

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬Ukiha’s Star♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

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