#honestly if anon hadn't sent a new ask i would have done it anyway

[little-pup-pip]

just realized you don’t do stimboards sorry about that! can you make a calico cat mood board for a girl and no paci please <33

For sure!!

[growandrecover]

i don’t know how to cope with my weight gain. I’ve gained so much weight and i feel like im constantly gaining more. Clothes from two summers ago don’t fit anymore. A pair of jeans that were loose on me fit now. I’m afraid it’s not going to stop. Im afraid I’ll just keep gaining weight. Im afraid im eating too much. Im afraid im doing something wrong by eating at all. Im afraid to stop exercising because it makes me feel worse about food. Im afraid im never going to get better and im afraid I don’t deserve to get better and im afraid im doing it wrong and I feel disgusting and uncomfortable and I don’t like feeling hungry and i don’t like feeling full and I don’t know how much I’m supposed to eat in a day and no one listens to me when I say im afraid im eating too much because they all think I’m still under eating but what if they’re wrong because they don’t know what I eat in a day and what if I keep gaining weight and it doesn’t stop I don’t want to have to replace my clothes im sorry for the rant Im having a hard time

I'm just now seeing this ask, and I'm so, so sorry! I hope you're okay, anon. Please forgive me <3

I know exactly how you feel, I really do. Here is a gentle reminder that we are not meant to fit into the clothes, they are meant to fit us. Something that helps me with these thoughts is this: I started my eating disorder when I was 16 years old. I'm 19 now, and my body is no longer the same as it was when I was 16. I look back on myself before my ed, and wish that I hadn't done what I did, but I wouldn't look like that regardless. I'm not sure how old you are, but our bodies change naturally as we get older. Even if you were only in your ed for a few months, your body could have possibly changed anyways. 14/15 year old me would not have looked the same as I do now, even without the ed, because that's how our bodies work. I won't look the same in my mid 20s, either, and that's okay.

It seems like you're still practicing some ed behaviors out of fear, and let me tell you (as someone who did the exact same thing), it won't make anything better for you. Exercise in itself is beneficial to your body, but not when you're doing it in the way we do. Not eating enough and working out is only going to delay your recovery. If you can, maybe try to limit your exercise until you can practice it in a healthy way.

I know it's hard, but if I were you, I'd listen to the people around you, especially if they don't have eds or disordered eating. If they have a healthy relationship with food, they can look at you (like they're doing) and be able to tell you honestly that you're not eating enough. Try to trust them. Your eating disorder will tell you they're lying, but they're not. You can eat freely.

Unfortunately, sometimes feeling uncomfortable and disgusting is part of recovery. We've gotten used to the way our body looks when we're hurting it, and now that we're trying to get better, we may not look the same. I felt so hideous and gross for so long, but it does get better. This ask was sent a few months ago (and again, I'm so sorry), so I hope you're doing better now.

Your weight gain will eventually come to an end, once your body can trust you again and can hold on to the weight.

And again, unfortunately, you may have to replace your clothes. But as I mentioned earlier, they're just clothes. Even if they're some of your favorite things you own, you'll find new favorites. Please don't try to maintain your lower weight to fit into your clothes. It's just fabric, and the sizes are all a joke anyways.

I really hope you're doing well, and I apologize again for taking so long to answer this. Wishing you the best of luck in your recovery, anon. You can do this. <3