#honestly idk what to do with myself if i don't have anything in the drafts

[blcssom]

my drafts are............ empty?? so like this for a one-liner or spotify starter (whichever strikes first) or two xoxo

[hauntedrain]

F1 Drivers First Date Headcanons .ೃ࿐

✧*̥˚ Includes Charles, Max, and Oscar. *̥˚✧

✮▹A/N: IT'S BEEN FOREVER, and to be fair I didn't write this recently, it's been in my drafts. but I hope it's okay for now. I've been having a writing block for a long time and haven't had inspo to write anything. I can make more parts if requested.

✰▹Warnings/Notices: maybe unrealistic a bit, honestly kinda a shit post, fr tho not anything mad just fluff. NOT EDITED, NOT PROOFREAD.

Charles Leclerc ⋆୨୧˚

would definitely be really worried about the date. Not that he's scared about you or anything, but about if he planned the right thing, picked the right outfit, or something along those lines. He just wants to make a good "first impression".

He would be Facetiming/texting Pierre or Arthur every 10 minutes for confirmation and reassurance. "Be honest, do these pants make me look stupid. I can't have her thinking I'm stupid, and can't properly dress myself." He asks while fixing his hair for the 100th time on Facetime. " Charlie, if you're calling me this much then maybe, just maybe... You can't dress yourself properly." "Not funny, but for real. Is this fine?"

He would probably get even more nervous as he meets up with you or picks you up like would be messing with his bracelets, blushing or sheepishly smiling a lot. But after a while, he would calm down and get more confident being around you and talking to you.

He probably asks himself how he was even able to ask you out in the first place considering how nervous he is right now.

For the date idea, he would really want it to be something that you would enjoy. He would message you or ask your friends what your favorite things are and things to do.

Max Verstappen ✧.*

I think he would be more collected when talking about first dates, however, he would still be nervous about certain things. Would it go well? Is the only reason you like him for his title? What if it's really awkward?

But by the time he's there and starts talking to you those worries fade away and he starts to open up more and be more him. He would definitely not be able to keep a smile off his face after that.

I think the first date you guys would have is just talking over dinner, nothing too crazy, but he also wouldn't want to plan something boring so maybe you guys would do something afterward. Like a walk around a park or going into small stores on the way home? Idk but something that wouldn't just be a simple dinner.

I feel like during the first date, if he doesn't already know you, he tries to get to know you well. He wouldn't just be asking questions like "What your favorite color?", "Favorite season?", etc. Not that its inherently wrong to want to know but he wants something different, like knowing a deep passion or dream of yours. Or even memories and moments throughout your life. Something deeper.

Oscar Piastri *ೃ༄

I think he would want to do something more casual as a first date. Something like a picnic or going to a cafe. But at the end of the day if you just wanted a dinner somewhere he would be fine with that too.

I don't feel like he would be nervous like others are nervous for first dates, he would be more nervous about just going out and doing things than if the actual date goes well.

Like not freaking out about what to wear, or first impressions, but worrying if this is the right thing to do, or if the date plan was enough (kind of like how Charles cares about what the date was for you.)

Maybe brings a few flowers or something small, especially if you guys already knew each other. He would try a nice gesture but nothing to crazy, just something sweet and simple.

⭒❃.✮:▹A/N: It's been FOREVER since I posted actual writing. I apologize if this makes no sense or is stupid, this has been in my drafts forever and I never really went back over it before now. I've been out of ideas so plz request something! I will literally write for anyone about anything (in reason)

[the-modern-typewriter]

How do ik my writings good? It's my first story and so far it's been stressful cause I don't know if I'm doing anything right. I understand that writings a skill that'll build overtime but I have Noone that can give me critiques or tell what's ik doing right. All I get is it good which is nice but it's not beneficial 😅. So idk how to judge my self accurately

Part 1: How to ask for feedback

One way to get around just 'this is good' as feedback (especially when it comes from well-meaning places, like people who love you, so you don't know if you can trust it) is to ask some follow up questions.

This is partly because it helps you figure out what you're going for in a story/what's important, can be a way of checking if you conveyed what you wanted to convey etc. This is also partly because giving good feedback is as much of a learned skill as writing is. The questions can help anyone giving you feedback along because they don't necessarily know what you want or what would be helpful or where to start.

This can be questions that you submit alongside the piece or it can be questions you ask the person after. E.g. 'I was going for X, is this the impression you got?' This can be more or less complicated depending on who the reader is. So, if it is another writer, it might be more technical. If it's a kind friend, it might be 'did you see the ending coming?'

(The questions will depend on you/your story and what it is that you specifically want feedback about. There are many lists of 'questions to ask beta readers' floating around on the internet if you're not sure where to start.)

The questions can help bypass 'good', because no one wants to be mean, but if you ask the right questions it can help highlight if there are any issues in the story etc.

Leading to...

Part 2: It really does come with time/you as the writer/editing skill

Critique and feedback is fantastic and often validating. Most writers (myself included) adore feedback. Yay feedback!

However, the other skill you will developing alongside writing is editing and reflecting on your writing. This might include questions you ask yourself like:

E.g. Is this what I set out to achieve? On on a technical level, does this sentence flow nicely or am I catching on it? Is there a stronger word I could use here? Are there any boring bits?

Reading books you enjoy and figuring out what they're doing can help with this - and so can reading books and figuring out what you don't like about them and why. Both are part of the same skillset, it's just harder to do with your own work.

Final editing note: leave space between finishing a story and going back to it with an editing/'is this good' hat on. You will be blind to your own words straight after the writing process. Coming back in a week or two with fresh eyes can give you a much clearer perspective.

A first draft is often stressful and we are often not sure about it and honestly it often does need work or changes. That doesn't mean your writing is bad. It means it's a first draft and 75% of really brilliant writing is editing.

Part 3: Very important caveat

Good can mean 'I enjoyed writing this.'

You are on your first story! That's so exciting :D

While I've tried to give some practical advice in this post, honestly in the same way that someone who goes running for the first time probably isn't immediately training for a marathon, I'd also seriously argue you don't need to worry about technical ability on your first story. Or your second. Or your third!

Your first job is deciding if you actually like writing, same as with any hobby you might try. It's playing around with things and experimenting, because if you do like writing, that's what will make your writing your writing over any prescriptive guide you might read about writing craft. It's taking a stab at a story idea you had and seeing what happens.

My first pieces of writing were technically terrible. This is an example of my not even first piece of writing, but near the start of my journey:

I posted it back in 2018 with comments on how I would improve it with hindsight. I maintain it's an excellent example of the fact that writing is a skill you build over time. I know you know that. But I think there's a difference between intellectually knowing that and seeing it in action.

I hope this helps!

Good luck and try to have fun <3

[readerthatreadsss]

Sweet Fantasy | Dean Winchester

GIF by born-to-be-his-baby88

(gave myself an actual pat on the fucking back for finding this gif like y'all are gonna see how perfect it is in a second!)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem! reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Summary: Dean won't eat his vegetables...until you offer to cash in on a very recent fantasy of his, that is.

Warnings [18+ MINORS DNI]: P*rn w/ some solid plot action actually, a bit of domestic fluff sprinkled in, reader and Dean are married (don't know if that's a warning but you should know?), reader dresses up in a sexy Zorro costume with the hat and mask included, handcuffs (Dean receiving), mentions of a safeword but not used, fingering/masturbation (reader receiving), oral sex (brief Dean receiving), a whole lotta teasing (Dean receiving), p in v sex (cowgirl, missionary), unprotected sex (wrap your willy before you fuck her silly!), dirty talk, switch! Dean, switch! reader, very vocal Dean, brief choking (Dean receiving), creampie.

A/n: Hey! Sorry for disappearing for 3 months again...So classes finished almost 2 months ago and I've been wracking my brain about what to post. I tried finishing some of my drafts and it just wasn't working for me idk. Then, like any normal person, I was randomly watching some SPN bloopers this morning and it got to a scene where Dean said sometimes he wants to get spanked during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask and my brain ran with that shit IMMEDIATELY. Now, I'm so sorry I couldn't actually write him actually getting spanked without it sounding corny and just wrong to me? But I did write all of this in 7 hours without stopping so I'm honestly proud of it regardless.

Enjoy...

It was a Sunday evening in the bunker, meaning you were responsible for dinner. With that task came the additional task of getting Dean to eat whatever vegetables you cooked without complaining and engaging in a rant that would end with him calling himself the “meat man”.

It’s not that you were concerned about Dean's weight or appearance, after 7 years of marriage you were confident that there was nothing in the world that could make you love Dean Winchester any less. But having a steady diet of beer, beef, and pie was a surefire way to kill any man of Dean’s age faster than any monster or demon.

And God knows you’d do anything to ensure he didn’t die before his time.

Hell, you have before.

Which is why you made Dean agree to eat a side of only vegetables with whatever meat he wanted at least once a week. This week it was string beans and sautéed mushrooms, aka his least favorite vegetable.

But you didn’t have the time to make the 45-minute drive to the grocery store earlier that day so he would have to deal.

Or you wish he would deal…

“Mushrooms? Baby come on,” he complained when you placed his plate before him.

“Hey, it’s all that was left in the fridge. Eat up,” you shrugged, placing a kiss on the crown of his head.

“You know, we could always do no vegetables,” Dean offered with a wide grin.

You chuckled and used a finger to squish his stubbled cheek. “You wish, Winchester.”

He sighed in defeat and turned to pick up his fork.

You looked to make sure Sam was out of earshot before leaning down to where your lips grazed Dean’s ear. “Tell you what, if you eat those vegetables I’ll do that thing you told me about…later” you whispered.

Dean’s eyes lit up immediately, “The thing?” he harshly whispered.

You nodded with a smile.

“Costume and everything?” He made a gesture with his hands.

“Yup, I’ve been hiding the costume for weeks.”

“I’m game” Dean agreed, digging into the mushrooms first.

You turned away to share your own plate with a smile.

“I’m gonna go grocery shopping later,” Sam announced as he sat beside Dean with his plate. He met your eyes, “Anything else you forgot to put on the list?”

“Yeah stop at the liquor store and grab me a bottle of red? I ran out,” you answered sitting across from the boys with your plate.

Sam grabbed a pen and a piece of folded paper from his pocket and added it to his list, “Yeah, no problem. What brand again?”

You swallowed a piece of your chicken with a smirk. “I’m sure you already know seeing as you’re the one who emptied the bottle to the very last drop,” you addressed Sam.

His pen slipped from his grip, his green eyes widening to meet your narrowed ones.

“You drink red wine?” Dean pointed at Sam in disbelief as a laugh rumbled in his chest.

“How did you know?” He asked you, ignoring Dean’s quip.

“I saw you passed out in the library clutching the bottle the other night.”

“Listen Dean finished all the beer and it was the first thing I saw,” he defended himself.

“Oh, you’re getting more creative with your excuses. I'm impressed!” You gushed, sarcasm evident in your tone, “What was it again last week? ‘Oh Eileen wanted to taste some’ " you mimicked his gruff tone causing him to roll his eyes and Dean’s laughter to grow louder. “-when we all know that Eileen is a white wine type of gal.”

"I-" Sam tried to come up with a retort but eventually gave up. “Whatever.”

“Yeah pick up 3 bottles this time in case Eileen wants a taste,” you replied with a grin.

“Three bottles?!” He exclaimed.

“You aren’t the one paying for it, genius,” you reminded him, referring to the unlimited card Charlie hacked for you all those years ago.

“Yeah but I’m gonna have to lug it up here,” Sam mumbled as he stuck his fork into his chicken.

Dinner continued mostly in silence with Sam thinking about the two lousy trips he’d have to make between his car and the kitchen once he returns with the groceries, Dean thinking about the reward he’ll be getting for the vegetables he’s actually grown used to eating, and y/n thinking about all the ways she’s gonna make Dean squirm later.

~ ~ ~

Hours had passed since dinner and Sam was now on his way to the grocery store leaving just you and Dean in the bunker.

To say he was excited would be an understatement.

Dean first told you about this fantasy of his after a case you had months ago required you to take a trip to an adult costume shop to question the owner. It took mere seconds for the image of you in the very specific costume to cross his mind after laying eyes on the packaging.

You laughed at the idea when he told you and silently decided you would try and find the costume.

Of course, he didn’t believe you would actually indulge him but you were actually excited too. Costumes and toys weren’t new territory for you and Dean but they were few and far between with your unpredictable hunting schedules.

Dean now sat at the edge of your shared bed wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt waiting for you to return like you had promised.

But it had been almost 20 minutes since you left to get changed and his patience was wearing thin. He was seconds away from getting up and coming to see if you needed help or if you were even hurt.

Which you predicted would be the case.

So you had been standing out of sight by the doorway for less than a minute now waiting for him to try and leave.

“Damnit,” Dean eventually gave in to his worries and began to make his way to the door.

You smirked once you heard his determined steps drawing closer.

Dean’s eyes widened once you spun from your hiding spot against the wall to stand before him. “Looking for me?”

You watched his throat bob and his pupils dilate as he took in your full look.

Atop your head and face rested a sexy black Zorro mask and matching hat. You were also wearing a black sleeveless leather top that stopped in your midriff region and had strings tied between your breasts that allowed a whole lot of cleavage to be on display. The leather skirt that accompanied was low-waisted and stopped at your upper thigh, matching the black thong you were wearing beneath.

You had stretched the thin straps of the thong along your hips above the skirt for added flair.

In your right hand, you held a fake silver sword similar to the one Zorro held in the movies, and hanging from the left side of your skirt were two handcuffs ready and waiting to be used.

You were sex on knee-length boot-covered legs.

Dean felt himself growing hard already.

You bit your bottom lip at the way your husband’s eyes roamed your body, hoping the dark red lipstick covering it was as transfer and waterproof as the box advertised.

“You look...stunning,” Dean marveled. The model on the packaging of the costume didn’t come close to how it looked on your body.

Your heart swelled at the compliment before remembering the persona you had practiced for the night ahead. “Oh I know,” you took a step closer and leaned against the doorway. You pointed the sword in Dean’s direction. “Why are you still dressed, Dean?” you asked with furrowed brows and a smile.

A chuckle almost left your lips at the sight of Dean fumbling with his pant strings and tripping over his own legs to send the pajama bottoms flying over to a random corner while throwing off his t-shirt with record speed.

He stood before you in only his boxers, his enjoyment of your costume evident by the bulge in the center.

“Get on the bed.” You told him, your tone not excessively commanding but sexy enough to make him obey immediately.

“Yes ma’am,” he smirked, quickly sitting and sliding up to the headboard of the bed.

You walked further into the room and placed your sword down before climbing onto the bed and slowly crawling to where Dean sat. His green eyes followed your every move as you moved to straddle him, but not fully.

You then grabbed the two pairs of handcuffs attached to your hips and twirled them around your fingers. “How you feeling Dean?” you checked in, your hips hovering above his thighs, making sure to not touch his erection just yet.

“Oh, I feel great. Real great. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this great,” he nodded eagerly as you cuffed each of his hands to each bedpost, getting a face full of your boobs in the process.

"You sound nervous," you teased him, "Am I making you nervous baby?"

"Me? Nervous? Pfft!"

You scoffed, not believing him one bit. "What's our safe word?" you asked him gently.

Dean leaned forward as much as his restraints would allow to press a sweet kiss against your stomach. " 'Oklahoma', baby," he grinned.

You then let your clothed ass sink down on his covered erection. Dean groaned and tried to reach for your hips instinctively only to meet the restriction of the handcuffs. “I hope they aren’t too tight 'cause they’re gonna be on there for a while,” you nearly bust out laughing at the look Dean gave you.

“A while?” he repeated, dreading not being able to touch you at a time like this.

You shrugged, “If you behave I might change my mind.”

Before he could argue further, you leaned forward and connected your lips in a searing kiss. His breath was hot against your face as your lips drifted to his neck while your hands found themselves in his hair.

A breathy groan slipped past his lips when you nipped a specific spot beneath his ear lobe. “You’re so loud. Maybe I should’ve bought a muzzle,” you whispered in his ear teasingly, feeling his dick jump beneath you at your words. “I'll remember that next time,” you replied to his body's response.

“Baby, do you have any idea how amazing you look? ” Dean gushed, struggling against his restraints as you began to grind your hips against his covered cock.

You smiled and met his lips in a kiss once again. He slipped his tongue between your welcoming lips, allowing his taste to flood your mouth. You pulled away seconds later, nipping his bottom lip, and removed yourself from his lap.

He watched nervously, awaiting your next move while you scooted farther away from him along the bed. You slowly slipped off your boots, your confidence unwavering as you held Dean’s hungry stare.

He watched you use a hand to hold yourself upright before spreading your legs open to reveal the lace thong covering your already-drenched pussy. “Are you about to..." he trailed off, jaw clenched as he spoke.

"Hmm mhm. And there is not a damn thing you can do about it...except watch," you slowly removed your thong and threw it at Dean’s lap. He immediately became hyperaware of the feeling of the wet lace draped over his dick.

You slowly brought two fingers up to your lips and sucked them even slower to coat them in your saliva and give Dean a show before bringing them down to where you needed them the most. You began slow ministrations against your aching clit, pulling moans from yourself that made Dean impossibly harder.

He took a deep breath at the sight, imagining his own fingers parting your folds and rubbing at your swollen clit.

“You are a menace,” Dean laughed in obvious distress, licking his dried lips. He couldn’t handle watching you touch yourself without being able to touch you any longer so he looked away, swallowing harshly at the sound of your wetness against your fingers.

“Look at me Dean,” you mewled, continuing to rub your pussy in small quick circles. He turned reluctantly, watching as you slowly pushed two fingers inside your dripping hole. “See this, baby? It’s all for you,” you said, melting into a moan when your fingers grazed a spot inside you that drew your orgasm closer.

“I gotta taste you, baby,” Dean pleaded, “Open these and let me taste you, please,” he rattled the handcuffs against the bedposts.

The pure agony in his voice had your fingers and breathing speeding up and soon your climax was approaching. Dean’s breathing picked up in response. “Fuck, Dean I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, pressing a thumb to your clit while your fingers kept working inside of you to bring you to the edge.

A thin layer of sweat appeared on Dean’s forehead as he watched you keenly. He bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, his self-control draining by the second.

Your eyes remained open and locked onto his, your moans growing louder and borderline pornographic. You were putting on a show and he was losing his mind.

“I’m cumming, fuck-“ you panted as your first orgasm of the night slammed into you and caused you to make a small mess on the sheets beneath you. Your body shook sporadically with aftershocks of your own work

Dean’s head hung low. “Jesus baby,” he huffed, his own voice strangled, “you’re trying to give me a heart attack aren’t you?”

You smiled as you crawled back up to sit on Dean’s lap, taking your thong and throwing them somewhere unseen. “Ehh maybe,” you replied coyly, straightening your hat and mask. “And since you behaved so well,” you reached a hand down to touch his clothed cock, “I think you deserve a reward,” you pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

Dean allowed you to pull his boxers off his body, watching you wrap a hand around his painfully erect cock. “Fuck,” he groaned at the feeling of your hand wrapped around him.

You slid down to where you could lay flat on your stomach between his legs and leaned down to briefly swirl your tongue around where precum was gathered at the tip.

“Take the hat off and look at me pretty girl,” Dean said.

You complied, throwing the hat off to the edge of the bed before diving down and licking his tip once again, but this time keeping your eyes locked onto his.

“Holy shit,” Dean groaned, his hips twitching upwards. You then opened your mouth and wrapped it around his length, slowly sliding down until your nose was nuzzled at the base, staying there for a few seconds before coming back up for air. “Hell yes, baby that's perfect,” he panted as you began sucking faster along his length, a few lone tears flowing from beneath the mask from the familiar stretch of his cock in your throat.

Your head continued to bob up and down Dean’s length for some time, drawing shallow moans of your name and grunts from him before you finally let up and pressed one last kiss against the side of his cock.

Dean’s chest heaved as you licked your lips and used a hand to wipe your face clean. “Goddamnit," he whined at your sudden stop, feeling his impending orgasm return to its hiding place.

You grabbed your previously discarded Zorro hat and placed it back on your head before hiking your skirt up to allow you more room to move your legs around Dean’s lap. “Can’t have you cumming before I’m done with you sweetheart,” you replied while untying the strings of your top and removing it.

The keys to the handcuffs dropped onto Dean’s lap from where you previously hid them in your top. You had honestly forgotten you put them there but it just presented yet another opportunity to get Dean all whiny and desperate, which was a rarity that you rather enjoyed.

“Oops would you look at that,” you exclaimed playfully, taking them up and dangling them in front of Dean’s eyes.

"Alright baby you broke me. Come on, just let me go, and trust me, I will make it worth your while,” Dean bargained with you.

"As enticing as that sounds," you paused and brought your hand up to caress Dean’s cheek before pulling him in for a sloppy kiss. You pulled away with a grin. “I love hearing you beg, so no,” you whispered against his lips.

Dean loudly groaned watching you gently place the keys down on the closest nightstand. “Shit,” he shut his eyes.

But they shortly shot open once you used a hand to grip his length and bring it between your dripping folds.

A pleased hum left your lips once the tip glazed your clit causing Dean to swallow harshly. “Aren’t you sick of teasing me,” he hissed.

Fuck no.

You used a free hand to grip the back of his hair. “Take a deep breath for me, Dean,” you told him, feeling his chest rise against yours soon after. And as it fell, you slipped his cock inside your entrance.

You slowly sank down onto his length until it was fully buried inside you, groaning at the welcomed stretch.

“I love those sounds you make for me,” Dean whispered against your lips.

“Oh you’re gonna be making some of those sounds too,” you smirked, clenching around him causing a sharp grunt to reach your ears.

You guided your hips up and down Dean’s length, riding him at a quickening pace. He jerked his hips upward to match your cadence drawing a gasp from your lips when his cock hit that spot inside you that had you seeing stars. “There you go baby,” Dean groaned, “you look so fucking good riding my cock.”

The hat and mask from your costume managed to stay in place as you slammed down on Dean’s cock repeatedly. And it was an image that he would never forget.

Your hand released Dean’s hair and instead found itself wrapped around Dean’s neck as you rode him faster. A whine that shot straight to your cunt escaped his lips when your fingers slightly tightened their grip around his throat.

You suddenly slowed down and instead began to grind your hips against his, moaning loudly when your clit grazed his pelvis. “I’m gonna cum again shit!” You threw your head back in obscene pleasure, releasing Dean's throat and holding onto his shoulders to steady yourself.

“Fuck yes. Use my cock to get off, sweetheart,” Dean urged you on before leaning forward to suck one of your nipples as best as he could.

This soon pushed you over the edge, your climax tearing a scream from within you as your hips faltered around Dean’s cock, your hat flying off your head once more. Dean relished in the way your cunt pulsed around him from your orgasm as well as the look of sheer pleasure that crossed your face at that moment. “You’re so beautiful,” he smiled up at you, meaning every word.

You kissed his forehead with a smile and reached for the handcuff keys. “I think I’ve tortured you enough,” you freed his right hand first, pressing a kiss against his wrist, then did the same to his left, “This is supposed to be a reward after all.”

Dean’s lips curved into a smirk at his newfound freedom. “Yes it is, sweetheart.”

A surprised yelp left your lips when Dean gripped your hips and flipped you onto your back. He grabbed your hat and placed it on his own head before sending you a wink. “And I’m not feeling rewarded just yet.”

You nearly came just from the sight of Dean hovering above you in only that hat. “We’re gonna have to talk about my sexy cowboy fantasy when we’re done here,” you raised a brow.

A low chuckle echoed from Dean’s chest. He reached up and tipped his hat in your direction, “yes ma’am.” He replied with a deep southern drawl.

Your pussy clenched instantly.

“That was hot as fuck,” you breathed.

“Thank you darlin’ “ he replied in the same accent with a wink.

You giggled before pulling him down for a kiss. He pulled away and touched the mask still wrapped around your eyes. “And thank you for doing this for me, baby,” he smiled down at you, “It was so so much better than I imagined.”

“It was definitely my pleasure,” you nodded happily, feeling his hands glide down your sides.

“Was?” He protested playfully. “The night is still young, sweetheart!” He threw your legs over his shoulder causing you to exclaim at the sudden move. He placed a kiss on each of your thighs and lined himself up with your entrance before entering you once again.

“FUCK” you cried out at the sudden intrusion, feeling your eyes well up with tears of pleasure in record time.

Dean pulled out and slammed into you once again, his grip on your legs tightening as he eased into a quick pace.

“YES-Dean holy shit,” you moaned, eyes quickly rolling to the back of your head and back arching up and off the bed as he fucked you with reckless abandon.

“How’s it feeling baby?” Dean said, bringing a hand down to play with your clit.

“So good, Dean, so fucking good,” you rambled, your skin buzzing with pleasure, “Harder, please, I'm almost there,” you found yourself begging.

“You gonna cum for me already pretty girl?” He sped up his slaughter on your cunt, "Maybe I should make you beg for it?" his voice was low and demeaning but only spurred you on more.

You shook your head adamantly while your hands fumbled around Dean's waist for a solid grip. So he simply released your legs and grabbed your hands before holding them down above your head, driving his cock into you even harder at this new angle.

“Dean!" you broke off into a strangled moan.

Dean’s lips attacked your open neck. “I wish we had neighbors so they could hear you screaming my fucking name,” he all but growled as the sounds of your moans and skin against skin plagued the air.

You came with a yell seconds later, your release coating Dean’s cock and the sheets. “That’s my girl. There you go baby,” he released your hands and held your face, guiding you down from your high.

Your hands gripped Dean’s hair harshly as you kissed his lips and his hips stuttered, his cum coating your insides soon after. You swallowed his grunts as his cock continued to leak and twitch inside you.

Broken pants befell both your lips in between sloppy kisses while your orgasms passed and your shared spend flowed between your legs. You eventually released his lips for air, “That was-“

“-Incredible,” he mirrored your thoughts, removing your hat from his head. Dean used a hand to remove your mask and brush a few strands of hair behind your ears once he moved to lie down beside you.

“Hi,” you grinned in awe of the man you called your husband. “Hey sweetness,” he grinned back, adoration evident in his deep green eyes.

Your cheeks flushed as he pressed a kiss against your forehead. He quickly grabbed his previously discarded t-shirt and used it to clean up the mess between your legs before throwing it in the laundry basket nearby.

You snuggled into his side once he returned to the bed.

“So uhh what was it you were saying about your cowboy kink?” Dean smugly asked after a few seconds.

“Goddamnit Dean,” you shamefully groaned into his side, gaining a chuckle from him.

ANDDD SCENE!

Hope it wasn't too bad seeing as I gave up on editing it like 75% through it.

Tbh I highly doubt more than 20 people are gonna see this because I have no idea how strong the Supernatural fandom's presence is on here, which also means that I don't know if anyone has used a plot like this one before so don't be afraid to let me know if that is the case and I will make changes as I see fit!

(Also let me know if you want a sequel one shot with sexycowboy! Dean and reader. Or feel free to make any other requests)

Reblogs, likes, and comments are ALWAYS appreciated :)

divider creds : @cafekitsune

[genericpuff]

I'm curious - how many unanswered asks do you have in your inbox? Or do you just delete the ones you don't plan on answering?

do you feel good anon

do you feel good about yourself with this question

targeting me like that

geeeeez

ok but more seriously LMAO i have an embarrassingly large amount of unanswered asks but i do read all of them <3 a lot of them honestly are just from folks like, sharing their anonymous opinions about either LO and LR, with the odd one about comic advice, sharing webtoon recommendations, and other things of that nature!

In the case of the LO asks, it's stuff that often has already been spoken about at length before so I don't really have anything to add (but trust me, I'm usually in total agreement, if I heavily disagree with a take I'll usually try to respond to it but it's rare that that's the case because most of the takes are just things like "wow the art in this panel sucks" like yep it sure do LOL) and often it just feels like my inbox is just like, a comment box for people to get their feelings out anonymously and honestly that's fine, I just also can't really respond to every single one unfortunately, but I do read them and I love y'all's takes!

With LR asks, y'all are way too sweet to me and send me just the kindest things about LR, and I hope y'all know that even if I wind up not getting back to your ask about it, I do read everything you send and appreciate so much the amount of support you've all shown for this project since I took it on <3 A lot of those asks are literally my version of "do it for her" where I read them and it reminds me of why it's so worth doing what I do :') <3

Whenever people recommend me other works to read, I add them to a list and I am currently trying to tackle it :) (honestly that list isn't as big as you'd think, a lot of the recommendations are for the same stuff, like other Greek myth retelling comics or otherwise just bad webtoons that people want me to suffer thru LOL) I just recently finally got a physical copy of Song of Achilles and while it's slow going, I'm gonna be sharing my extended thoughts about it, either in a big Tumblr post or maybe a video if I can motivate myself to do it 🤔

And of course, the comic advice asks... these ones admittedly I do tend to actually move into my drafts because I really, REALLY do want to respond to them, but I'm also not someone to half-ass responses to questions like that. That is a bit of a bad habit on my end because it often means I'm spending crazy amounts of time going over topics that can be researched, but I also just really love talking about comics so it doesn't feel good to get a comic advice ask and just leave it at "idk just start" like yeah, do that, but also I want to pass on all the things I WISH I had known when I was first starting out and I'm glad people see me as someone to learn those things from! So when it comes to those asks, don't worry, I'm picking away at them <3 (but also man, I should probably just like... put together some kind of hitchhiker's guide to comic making or something huh LOL)

Anyways! I do have a lot of unanswered asks and honestly, I'm not really one to delete them, even if I don't get back to some of them it is still nice to read them in their own little curated space separate from my main blog, it's kind of like a personal comment section between myself and those of you who took the time to write <3 The only asks I tend to outright delete are ones that are just like, way too bad faith to even want to give any attention to, or bot spam lmao But for the majority of y'all who have sent genuine asks to my inbox and never saw a response and worry that I might have ignored it or deleted it, I hope you can have reassurance in knowing that they are all still there and even if I can't make time every day to respond to them, receiving all your personal takes about LO and your amazing feedback and kind words about LR is something I'm always excited to see whenever that little notification pops up in my Inbox tab. I see you and appreciate you <3

[minediamonds]

Okay so I have tons of drafts, but not tons of muse. TLDR version: I will possibly drop some drafts after I do some today, muse and energy depending. <3

Also, still insecure RP-wise, so if anyone can spare some positivity, I'd appreciate it <3

The longer version is: I have 100+ drafts and don't know when or if my muse for some of them will return. So...what I'm going to do is I'm going to go through my drafts and queue some responses. Then, when I'm done, I will go through my drafts and drop some that I don't know when the muse will return. However, me dropping a draft does NOT equal dropping the relationship/connection between our muses. It just means I no longer have inspiration for that particular interaction.

Also, I'm still feeling insecure RP-wise, and I'm trying not to worry about it too much, as that tends to make the insecurities worse. I just feel really blah tbh, and don't know what will improve these blah feelings. I keep losing mutuals, and never having a clue as to why. That, and I genuinely have threads with so many people who are no longer following and so I'm just like "to reply or not to reply? That is the question." I guess I'll just reply when I have the muse (if I have the muse) and see what happens. But it's hard.

Not gonna lie, I'm probably going to go lower activity on this blog, at least once I get my drafts to a more manageable level. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to follow me or anything, of course not. I just...do people not want to follow me? And if so, why? These are the questions that have been haunting me. And the worst part is, I'll probably never have satisfactory answers to either of these questions. So I just need to find a way of moving on.

I really don't want to dwell on this, honestly. But sometimes my insecurities get to me and I feel like I'm a bad RPer and writer and that everyone could easily replace me with someone better. Idk how to get rid of these feelings, but I want to. I don't want them to ruin my experience in the RPC.

Obviously, I can't control what others do, only what I do. And some may say "just stop overthinking it" , "don't worry about it you're fine" etcetera. But to me, the more people unfollow, the more I'm convinced that my insecurities are right. And this is NOT me saying people don't have the right to unfollow me, of course they do. Everyone has to curate their dash in the way that's best for them. I get it. I bear them no ill will, really. I just wish there was a way I could feel more secure in the mutuals and followers I do have, because I do genuinely appreciate every single one. But ever since I moved, I've been feeling this way (and before the move too). I genuinely want to move on but then....I lose another follower/mutual and the insecurities rear their ugly head again.

I guess, what I'm saying is that I just want to feel more secure in my place in the RPC. That people genuinely want to write with me, etcetera. And I don't know how that's going to happen. I don't have all the answers, as much as I wish I did.

Also, obviously there are plenty of reasons for people to unfollow that don't equal "me sucking at RPing". But because of my insecurities, I tend to assume that the worst case scenario is the truth, even if I know it's likely more complex than I'm giving it credit for. I don't know why I have these insecurities on my RP blog, as I genuinely don't care when someone unfollows my personal. I just do whatever I want on there. But somehow, I have myself convinced that if people unfollow me in the RPC, it can only mean that I'm a terrible RP partner and not...you know....1000000000000000 other things it could mean.

If anyone can spare any positive energy or thoughts my way, I would appreciate it. Truly. <3

And just know, that if we're mutuals, ILY and want to write with you and am just waiting for my drafts to get more under control if we haven't written yet. <3 But still, feel free to send memes. I'm always accepting them <3

[smaller-comfort]

⭐! Loser Takes All!

You know, I think if someone else had already written the filthy Aephorul/Resh'an tentacle smut I was craving back when I first finished the game, I might not have felt the need to write my own. I hadn't done any serious creative writing in years at that point, but the idea kept rolling around in my head and wouldn't go away. I wrote the first 2500 words of it in a draft tumblr post because typing anything in my notes app or google docs felt too real, and I had to trick my brain into thinking I wasn't actually writing anything in order to get any writing done.

It was always going to start with Aephorul's temper tantrum in the Archives, but at one point Aephorul's violence was going to take the sex in a much darker direction. That got scrapped pretty quickly, and instead there's that whole interlude where Aephorul is insistent on Resh'an's consent. I actually do think that's an important bit of characterization now, but I recognize that it might be a little immersion-breaking in some ways. And it's really in there because otherwise I was going to run up against a bunch of my own weirdly specific squicks around sex and violence. (Maybe I'll unpack that in an essay about content warnings at some point, idk. I'm not always sure where the lines are myself, honestly.)

I didn't end up cutting much from the final story- I think I deleted most of what I didn't use, unfortunately. (Fun fact, I had originally scrapped the sounding because I was getting self conscious about it; this was my first time writing...pretty much all of the kinks in there, actually. It's @kyoukhi's fault the sounding got written back in.)

You can see the tiny handful of bits I did cut here (nsfw-ish):

(This bit is actually in my notes on the tumblr post where I link to the story. Their stupid bickering is 99% of the appeal for me, honestly.)

“An eye for an eye, isn't it? You fucked my plans in two worlds. Now I get to fuck you."

It's too much. He breaks one hand free of Aephorul's grasp, so he can cover his face with it.  “That sounded better in your head, didn't it.”

“...oh, shut up.”

----

His mouth is dry. He feels too hot, as if Aephorul's hand on his bare skin has lit a fever in him. It has been countless thousands of years since he has felt anything like this, and it is awful.

He knows that he can, actually, come from this- endless, merciless teasing- he's done it before. But it had taken weeks to get to that point, and he is not going to think about the stupid sexy games they used to play with each other before everything went to shit.

--

(I think this was actually the first bit of the sex that I wrote.)

"You're such. A. Hypocrite. Play by the rules until you can't be bothered, and then you agree so readily to whatever forfeit I want- it's almost like you enjoy this."

"Should I not?" He asks, drily. It takes quite a lot of self control to keep his voice even, while Aephorul's cock- or whatever it is- twitches. "Probably should have mentioned that at the start then- ah!"

---

(the gist of this bit is actually getting reused in Save Scum, but this is what it originally looked like):

“Do you remember-”

“No.” The word comes out in a sudden, vehement snarl.

Everything stops, which is agonizing in its own way.  His feet touch the ground, and the bindings on his arms recede. Aephorul holds him in a carefully controlled collapse to the floor.

“No,” he repeats. His eyes are still sealed shut.  “Not- not to this." He trails one hand down the nearest piece of flesh he can reach. "This is fine.”

“Is it?” Hands- tentacles, whatever- wrap around Resh'an's shoulders, massaging the aching muscles there. 

“Yes,” slightly exasperated. “Just don't- don't bring up- the way things were. Don't ask me to remember.”

“Very well.” Aephorul's voice is flat and emotionless.

[eurydicees]

current thoughts on nanowrimo while i only vaguely do work from home (<- dont tell my employers but i don't think i should have to work when i could be writing).

***i will not be using the website due to the pedophilia and lack of moderation issues. i don't want to involve myself in anything even remotely related to that. however imo the challenge of nanowrimo is bigger than the website, and so i'll still be attempting it.

current potential project ideas!

go back to the iwaoisuga atla au. i've got a lot of snippets but nothing substantial, so i would feel fine starting over and just working on that through the month. bonus is that i get to finish my rewatch.

do a prompt/request/event speedrun again. i have a lot of projects i committed to that i need to complete but haven't been looking at recently and i could just work on all those miscellaneous pieces. i actually have around 25 requests that've been waiting for attention so tbh writing a ~2k word one shot per day, give or take, could be great pacing for this challenge. unfortunately i'm probably incapable of keeping a oneshot to 2k. but this could also be an exercise in pacing myself. maybe.

write something original for the first time in so so so long. idk what it would be but i've been wanting to work on original writing again for a while now and this could be the opportunity.....i just don't have any plot ideas. which makes this idea hard. for obvious reasons.

re: original writing. i could do original short stories. this could be fun. it would involve coming up with a new idea roughly every day or every few days. which would be hard. but i've done it before and while i'm out of practice with original writing, surely i can do it again? idk it could be a fun exercise. i do love writing fucked up life altering short stories.

return to my roots and finish the poetry collection. i want to finally complete this. i've been chipping away at it for a while but i want to commit to it. but also i don't think i could get to 50k words with just poetry.....so maybe not this month. maybe save for april 2025 with a lower word count goal? idk. much to think abt with this one. or honestly maybe i can make it 50k. like if i try REALLY hard. very hard maybe on this one.

attempt the iwaoi soulmate + MCD au. i've been tossing this idea around for a while but it's looking like a huge undertaking so i haven't really worked on it. maybe this is my chance? but also it's probably the project idea i'm least passionate about so maybe not this one. i need to choose something i'm crazy abt lol.

finally finish the transforming of the skts mental illness study fic to original writing. this was a project i started AGES ago and then never completed. i actually just remembered it exists while scrolling through old drafts lol. it was a neat project to work on for a while but i got a little burnt out on it, which could bode badly for nanowrimo, which is such a passion-and-stamina-necessary challenge lol. but also maybe the commitment and accountability that's also so necessary for nano would inspire me? kind of a toss up.

thoughts on my november goals!

goal is 50k words in 30 days. go big or go home hit it till it breaks etc etc. i am going to work so fucking hard. i am pouring everything into this. i'm not manifesting, i'm DOING.

i'm 26,266 words away from 1mill words written for nanowrimo (all time, incl april/july camps). this could be such a fun milestone. i will get there. i WILL get there.

i'm also 54,800 words exactly away from 1mill published on ao3, which is also a super exciting milestone.....so maybe i do really want to just write a long ass fic for this.

i'm currently at 12 nanowrimo wins to 11 losses all time, and 6 wins to 5 losses in the november 50k challenge specifically. i am on cusp of something great.

i am also at a streak of 4 november wins in a row. i am DETERMINED to keep it up. like there are literally no consequences for not doing this. i know that. i promise i know that. but still. i am DETERMINED.

[zukkacore]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ SURPRISE ANOTHER ONE WITH ME SPECIFICALLY POINTING OUT POINTS I LIKE ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Anything you want to talk about about the Devil’s Honey, J2’s thought process, the themes between the Lover’s universe stories

Sending so much love and appreciation your way 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

OK i was gonna talk abt the devil's honey b/c it was tangientally related to a scene Bambi wanted me to talk abt but i'll talk abt it here since u asked so so so nicely.

Anyway. Funny admission. Can you believe there was a version of the draft that didn't include any of the devil's honey stuff at all? When i said i was finished, that was the version! However, i mentioned that The j2porter scene in ch 6 was actually a scene i basically wrote last night mostly on my phone. I don't remember what compelled me to do it (honestly it might've just been insecurity b/c i felt like the chapter was too short. But maybe I did sense there was something incomplete about it)

Actually, I think I realized I needed the scene b/c of what Jace said about Porter in the scene. Like. To go from that reveal to them sleeping with each other felt kind of. Strange. I had to wrangle with J2's new fear that was sitting side by side with the fact that he was born to love Porter Cliffbreaker. Hence the Devil's honey.

I joked abt this. like. Epilogue by @iaus was obviously such an inspiration for Chapter 7... I just thought the use of Devil's honey to rewrite Jace's memories was so so clever. I didn't use it as concretely, Idk how it it comes across but basically the idea was that. There are three specific things (three specific Lies) that J2 is telling himself that is basically overwriting his memories and rewriting his fear, that b/c of the devil's honey, he starts to believe. That's how he gets over his fear of Porter. And why he's ok with "sharing" porter. And All the mentions of Porter going to pray before he leaves, they were not in the original draft so. All the times J2 mentions Porter's mouth being sweet, yeah. That's what that is

The three Things (lies?) that J2 is telling himself:

I want this.

I want everything.

Porter deserves everything.

And they all kinda work together in an order kind of. Constructing the way he thinks and feels sort of IN ACTION until we get the J2 at the end of the chapter

Devi's honey helps a person tell a convincing lie, and the side effect is that they can believe the lie themself. So basically, I think the most important step in J2's journey is step 1: "I want this". Again, I actually finished an earlier draft and had completely just glossed over Jace admitting some facet of what happened to him, then i realizaed how important and frighteninng the phrase "he shouldve thought about that before he put a cavern in my chest" would be to J2 who is basically Porter's precious little bird. And Porter does treat J2 like he's precious b/c he's basically the last semblance of Jace! He's the parting gift, he's a fraction of Jace himself, he can renact what it's like to be WITH jace, to not LOSE jace. I wrote the Porter half of ch 6 basically on my phone last night and. So. there was this leap of logic and.

If i'm being charitable toward myself, I don't think the devil's honey is a contrivance. Just to get them where I wanna get them. I think J2's Fear of porter IS there, it would've always been there, and he always would've needed to surmount it if he knew the truth about what happened to Jace. That's the first part of the Lie: "I want this". And he does. He wants Porter so badly. But in the beginning, his fear is still holding him back. It's why he keeps mentioning being afraid in Porter's office and being like "that was weird, right? That's just love" because the symptoms of fear/anxiety in general and like. Anxiety b/c you have a crush really are kinda similar!

(His heart is racing. Porter's grip is tight, painful. He’s anxious, but why ?)

(J2 is frightened. But of what, exactly?)

(What was he so afraid of again, in Porter’s office? The pounding of his heart, that’s love, isn’t it? The ecstasy of worship? The gift of divine purpose?)

(He feels powerful in the way a surge makes him feel powerful—the scared kid trembling in Porter’s arms from the other day is gone. Porter wants him to take some goddamn action for himself? Look at him now. He's giving Porter everything. Porter deserves everything.)

Etc etc.

This Also goes hand in hand with the Devil's Honey reworking his memories about the fight with Jace in the office.

(There was something Jace said. He can’t remember.)

He can't stop thinking about "Cavern in my chest", but he wants this. He wants Porter to be happy. And he wants Porter to have Jace. So what Porter did to Jace, it stops being important to J2. It stops scaring him. To the point where he literally forgets about it.

Part 2 & 3 are sorta working in tandem to me. Part 2 aka I want everything is the incantation for J2 to be ok with invoking Jace to me, as opposed to wanting it to be just him. Because he Knows Porter loves Jace. Loves jaceprime more than him. So if he wants to feel everything from Porter, he has to tell himself he's ok with being Jace's replacement. (it's also why he does the Detect Thoughts)

Part 3: Porter deserves everything. This was invoked before P2 to i think it could've happened in either order for it to work. Again, the devil's honey working on. something that I think is a partial truth for J2 that does make him distinct from Jace. I think Jace's want is ultimately selfish, as explored in IYWD. He wants Porter to stay with him, for them to live a mundane life doing laundry and taxes together. He wants that more than the ascension but he loves Porter so he's willing to work for the Ascension. Whereas J2 loves Porter at this point enough to let him go. If he can let him go to let Jace have him, to share him, he can let him go for the Ascension. And on a mechanical level for the story, this is so J2 can be ok with essentially the idea not just of being Jace, but of "sharing" Porter.

Why limit yourself to one when you could have the flock?

The thing is that when J2 invokes Jace earlier, I think on an outside level it's kinda tragic, b/c he's losing himself to become jace, but from the inside, J2 is genuinely moved by Jace's love for Porter, he thinks their love for each other its strong, its transcendent, its the blueprint that he covets so deeply and can never get himself so to invoke that, to inhabit that, it feels good to be a messenger, to play-act as someone who feels that deeply for Porter, and to be on the receiving end of that FROM Porter. He wants everything. He can only get everything from Porter if he inhabits being Jace. So he convinces himself that he wants that. It's why he's so ok with being reduced to an object, a gift, by the end whereas in chapter 4 he was really strongly trying to assert that he also CHOSE this.

I'll fully admit I went to church throughout a decent portion of my life and like. I never ever ever ever understood that idea of like. The ecstasy of worship or of feeling the holy spirit convening and running through you that is sometimes described but, like, I get it now b/c that's totally what I think is happening here. And as much as he wants to keep Porter to himself, he genuinely was heartbroken in chapter 6 at the idea that Jace and Porter love each other very profoundly and could not be together, he was willing to tell Jace that even thought he also loves Porter and wants to keep him. So again, it's not a total lie that he believes Porter deserves everything. But as he's repeating this idea, he's becoming more and more ok with this idea that Jace can and should return to Porter's life. That's a good thing that Porter deserves and that he would be ok with. Porter deserves everything.

J2 is getting what he wants. He gets to be by Porter's side, despite the risk. (And in his memories, Jace looks so happy. Doesn't Porter deserve that, too?)

At the same time. I think by the very very very end of the chapter you can see the effects slightly fading.

Through repetition it becomes prayer. I want this. I want everything. Porter deserves everything. He believes that, doesn't he?

It's that sliver of doubt at the very very end.

I'm trying to think if there's anything else. If there is I'll probably just reblog it and tack in on at the end

[waterfallofspace]

hiii!! omg thank you so much for supporting my child 🥰 hahaha i think you’re always a snz writer even if you haven’t posted in a while!! if you’ve experienced the epic highs and lows of writing your own snzfic you know the pains and the joys 🙃 and ms ma’am even if it was only for a moment in time you went off!! (and it was wonderful)

anyways you know i always love to see your thoughts so here are my questions for you if you’d like!

🥳💌💋😎!

omg hii!!~ <3333 ofc i support it!~ it's an amazing list girl!!!~ and agahgahgh- >-< thank you!~ I did have a blast, and honestly might be trying to slip back into it here and there~

Thank you for the questions! I'll answer one, then stick the rest under a cut so I don't flood the feed with all my words~

🥳 Do you read your writing after you’ve posted it?

At the beginning I might scan/read it once to make sure everything formatted/copied over right, and there's no obvious typos, but after that I do tend to go back now and then when I want to remember what plot I used, or spellings, that kinda thing! Overall I don't usually read it in the 'what a meal' mentality, though if it's been long enough sometimes I can disassociate from it being my writing, and just enjoy it~

💌 Do you prefer to write from the perspective of the snz/sick person or the caretaker? Do you see yourself as one or the other?

I'm gonna give such a cop out answer and say both ToT but hear me out!!! I will explain in a way i hope still gives an answer!! so, for the sake of getting a full experience, i find it easier to write from the snz/sick person, since it's easier to explain how they feel and their symptom progression and such. however!!!! honestly i would always see myself in the caretaker position if i was picking, so i sometimes find that pov a lot easier to write?? feelings wise and such

💋 Do you like to get feedback midway through, or do you hoard your drafts until they're complete? / Do you typically feel comfortable sharing your wips with other people?

Okay so- I don't think... I've more than maybe twice, shared any drafts..? I don't really have people I would share it with inherently, but also I think I'd just feel so exposed ToT like, vulnerable, going here's this unfinished thing, witness my imperfections' aguagh idk- Though!! I will say, I do really appreciate input on plot and ideas and 'oh this spelling could work', at least in theory ToT again, don't really have people i've done that with, but i think as long as it feels a lot more like brainstorming together, I really enjoy it!!! but feedback/edits on a thing I'm still drafting (even my own at times-) stresses me out a bit aha~

😎 How long do you wait to post fics you’ve completed? Do you post them immediately? Do you want a few days?

Normally, when it's any sort of request, no time. If I manage to sit down and hammer it all out in one go, I'll usually edit once, read it over to make sure it flows well, then just go ahead and post it! Ones that are more for my own sake, if I finish them and are happy, I'll just post them before I can sit on it too long and lose the motivation to post or ability to see it for anything other than it's imperfections~

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

cw// vent below the cut!

no outright triggering content mentioned but references to trauma/ptsd (this is vaguely selfship related i promise snjkfhfndsj).

LONG, sorry . beware! but i've been trying to examine myself a little more closely lately and i just got carried away ig

i sort of always feel like i'm alone in this, i guess i was wondering if anyone else feels the same way in any capacity?

so i've always been a really naturally creative person; when i was younger i was the kid that was always doodling all over their assignments; i would win art and writing contests, stuff like that. it's a lot of artists and imaginative ppl on here specially in the selfship community, so i'm sure y'all will understand this, but being "creative" was kind of literally my entire identity growing up. i preferred fiction to reality and never understood how to get along with the other kids, so it became my escape , whether i was creating or consuming media. it was , in entirety, who i was.

except when i got a little older, i went through a traumatic event. i won't get into specifics, but i was diagnosed with ptsd among other things. and i pretty much blocked it all out! only recently, years later, have i started to realize the effects the trauma actually had on me.

i noticed that my creativity is basically GONE. i'm unable to come up with plotlines in my head; only when i'm very strictly guided by a pre-determined objective or assignment requirement. when i was younger i could write elaborate fantasy storylines with dragons n shit, fully fleshed out character archetypes and interactions, but now it's like my mind is a total fucking blank. NOTHING comes up. especially dialogue; i'm just not capable of imagining it. art is the same way.

it's honestly insane. i don't even remember what it was like to have natural imagination. i miss it more than anything and i feel like i've lost something intensely important. not to mention how ingrained it was in my identity. it's all i was, yet it all stopped after i experienced trauma.

i feel so alone, and it really ties into my relationship with self-shipping. as much comfort as self-shipping brings me, i feel so very invalidated by the fact that i'm not able to create or write content for my ship. i try, but i just can't do it in the end. i see others that make these beautiful drawings or these deep meaningful fanfics and i feel so guilty. like i'm less dedicated, and it makes my relationship/my account less valid, not only to myself but to everyone else. my f/o deserves more than that, but i can't give it to them. in real life, they'd probably be with someone else who could instead. yk that sort of thing :'( it's a whole rabbit hole of thinking that i'll just cut off now but yeah u get the point. super guilty.

i could go on with this for hours but it's already super long. but yeah. the original intention of this blog was for me to try writing again but in a way that was comfortable and safe for me, by combining it w my biggest coping mechanism LOL. i've made some baby steps in my drafts but we'll see how it goes ig. just wanted to get this off my chest and see if maybe anyone else has had a similar experience, idk it just makes me feel so guilty and like i'm a fraud of myself in general :'3

[longbobmckenzie]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag, @rebelrayne!

How many works do you have on ao3?

I've got 40 which is still wild to me

What's your total ao3 word count?

970,161 - I'm inching closer to the million word mark (and have the remaining 30k needed in my drafts just waiting to be published)

What fandoms do you write for?

Love Island the Game, and I'm working on my first oneshot for the Romance Club fandom (Song of the Crimson Nile)

Top five fics by kudos:

Whiskey & Scotch (it'll never be surpassed)

it's just a crush

Amelia Can't Win (the S6 effect, I still can't believe this one is top 3 already ahead of a few of my other chaptered fics)

not the only one

Convince Me (the only oneshot in my top 5, the effect of writing a smutty oneshot while season it's about is still ongoing)

Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have a few contenders here but I'm gonna go with anatomy of a heartbreak. it's literally in the title, so you were warned

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

erm, most of them? some of them even end with a happy ending, if you know what I mean 😏

Serious answer though, probably it's just a crush, because not only did it end the misery I put my readers through (it's a slow, slow, slow burn, folks), but I think it's the only one of my fics that ends with a proposal (I think. I've written 40 of them, you can't expect me to remember them all, can you?)

Do you get hate on fics?

Yep, every time @mrsbsmooth reads one of my unfinished drafts and gets mad that it's not finished yet /j

But actually, surprisingly, no. Either I'm not relevant enough for the haters to notice me, or everyone's scared of me.

That or I don't write anything controversial enough to warrant strong opinions 🙃

Do you write smut?

Yes, although I hate myself every time because I suck at metaphors and pretty words and all the stuff that really elevates other writers' smut

Craziest crossover:

When the Dead Come Knocking is LITG x The Walking Dead

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, but I'd probably be more flattered than anything (nah probably not, I'd come after you with guns blazing)

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

*sigh* I started a collab on a oneshot before but my cowriter ghosted the fandom. It was a Kassam x Felix undercover spy ETL with Chelsea as a crime boss and it would have been hilarious

All time favourite ship?

I mean, obviously Henrik/me. I mean, Henrik/MC. But if we're talking 2 LITG characters, then Henrik/Lucas is OTP

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Technically this is not applicable - I have every intention of finishing my 3 active WIPs (Whiskey & Wildflowers, Amelia Can't Win, and Luc & Hen's Sexcellent Kinkventure), and I prefer not to start new chaptered fics until I finish other ones (which often means my fics are in the idea stage for literally years before I even start writing them).

That said, I have a few chaptered fic ideas in various stages of production that I'm not sure I'll end up writing. idk if those count as WIPs (one of them is half-outlined and I've jotted down a few paragraphs, but I have to rework it)

What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. I've been told I'm good at pacing, and I've been told I'm good at angst - but what strengths make me good at those things are, I don't really know.

Oh, wait. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I rock at those.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue, for one. My biggest struggle in all of my fics (and what I find extremely daunting when starting something new) is dialogue. I never know what my characters should talk about when it's not distinctly plot-related, especially group scenes. Some people are so good at writing fresh dialogue that just breathes so much life into the characters and displays their personality and keeps the reader engaged, and that's something I'd love to do better (both in fics and in real life, tbh - I'm a wallflower)

Secondly, character development. I've literally written over 500k words for one of my OCs, yet I hardly know who she is outside of the villa. I know her struggles and much of her backstory, but I don't know what her hobbies are, what gets her up in the morning, what she likes to eat, what she listens to, etc. I think this also plays a part in my dialogue struggles - it's hard to write characters if I don't know them

Third, and related to number two, is character arcs/relationship arcs. Sure, I can come up with a storyline and write it in such a way that it's enjoyable. But what makes a story extra compelling is the character arcs, watching the characters grow and learn things about themselves and seeing how that meshes with another character and their flaws/strengths and it all comes together like puzzle pieces. I'm not good at that, but I want to be

tl;dr - my biggest weakness is that I'm not Emily Henry

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

My favourite love interests are Swedish and Portuguese 🤣 and yes, I love having them slip into their native tongues every once in awhile, or use terms of endearments, etc. I try to be as accurate as possible and give the readers a glossary (though sometimes I'm lazy with that), but it's also usually just little things that you can kind of tell what they're saying from the context

First fandom you wrote in?

Love Island the Game. Other than RC, it might be my last, too

Favourite fic you've written?

I hate this question 🤣 I have 40 fics and I love them all in their own way. It's like asking someone to pick their favourite child

tagging @eskiix, @lucas-koh, @squirrel-fund, mymindalwaysgoesblankwhentaggingpeople, sojustdoitifyoureinterested

[myreygn]

If you're still doing the First Impressions Character ask game:

Askeladd; Tanizaki (bsd); Tendou (haikyuu!!); Akaza (demon slayer)

-soda

uaaah so many characters at once :D thanks for asking soda!! already did askeladd here

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Tanizaki

First impression

aw man he's cute too bad he's a terrorist

Impression now

i'm so soft for him i'm not even kidding, he's adorable to me and i'm so invested every time he does anything remotely out of his comfort zone because i just want him to succeed

Favorite moment

hands down when he threw himself out of a moving car and kenji caught him i'm so normal about this scene

Idea for a story

i really really really wanna write some atsutani, this ship took my heart by storm and just anything cute and fluffy for them is on my writing bucket list (also i have this nsfw draft of soukoku ft tanizaki sitting in my drafts that i'll never finish but psht)

Unpopular opinion

despite some of their scenes being uncomfortable af his relationship to naomi is actually really sweet and i wish they left the creepy stuff out so i could enjoy them without having to explain myself 💀

Favorite relationship

love tanizaki and kenji actually, they're besties in my head

Favorite headcanon

strikes me as someone who stress bakes

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Tendou

First impression

funfact tendou and makoto tachibana from free! have the same german voice actor and because i watched both of these shows in german my first reaction was turning to my sister like "holy shit is that makoto"

Impression now

he's so fun to me, i never have a bad time watching tendou do anything. i'm reading the manga rn and his commentary throughout the karasuno vs nekoma match is my favorite thing in the world

Favorite moment

it doesn't matter if you don't understand what he's saying it's all about the delivery

Idea for a story

oh hmm... good question actually lol. something tensemi idk i don't write him often

Unpopular opinion

he deserved to be bullied for that bowl cut (I'M KIDDING)

Favorite relationship

i mean we all love the ushiten dynamic but honestly tensemi will always be special to me, i live for their dynamic

Favorite headcanon

with haikyuu i never know what's canon and what's headcanon- i like to think that he got his buzzcut on a whim and then spent 10 minutes crying in front of the mirror, cradling his hair in his arms

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Akaza

First impression

i was so scared for kyojuro lemme tell you but his soundtrack was too cool i couldn't resist the epicness

Impression now

there's rarely been a character that's both so funny and so sad to me. everything about him cracks me tf up but if i think about him for more than five seconds i will start crying

Favorite moment

the moment when he sinks into koyuki's arms kills me. every. time.

Idea for a story

i really wanna do a character study with him at some point and focus on his relationship to humanity/monstrosity i just need a scenario i can weave this into

Unpopular opinion

idk what to put here so i'm just gonna say PUT SOME GODDAMN SHOES ON I DON'T NEED YOUR FEET IN MY FACE EVERY OTHER PANEL BY GOD

Favorite relationship

i fuck so hard with him and douma because douma holds all the cards in that relationship and i live for toxic imbalanced dynamics

Favorite headcanon

idk why but i like the idea that he sleeps every now and then just for the heck of it. and when he does he dreams but he never remembers them when he wakes up

[stackthedeck]

1, 4, 5, 11, 13, and 16

What led you to start writing fan fiction?

This is embarrassing i was publishing original fiction on wattpad in middle school and it just wasn't getting clicks so I started writing fanfic to get people onto my page in hopes of luring them to my original fic lmao it was all terrible but I'm glad I did it, it gave me the confidence and attention I need to pursue writing

4. What themes/concepts in the canon do you most enjoy exploring in your fan works?

I'm obsessed with the way that "great power/great responsibility" has been distorted by canon, how Peter himself has twisted it into a sword he falls on, how Peter uses responsibility to isolate himself but also to draw people in because he has to be responsible for them to the point that he turns people into heroic actions he must take rather than like human beings. His moral code is so strict but not in an edgy Batman way but in a "driving himself to self-harm to hold up these rules he's imposed on himself out of a twisted sense of guilt" way.

Also like... Peter Parker is canonically into bondage love writing fics about that

5. What aspect of writing have you most improved over time? How did you improve this? What are you trying to improve on now?

I think my style of writing has really improved idk really how to explain it but my older stuff has a monotony to it. Idk how i fixed it, maybe became aware of passive voice? spiced up my sentence structure? Frankly it's probably just reading more especially more variety of writing and just writing basically every day since middle school. I don't know if I'm conscious of anything I want to fix now? I honestly am so bad at self-reflection for things I create, I'm desperate for some peer review it is honestly the biggest actor of change

11. What attracted you to the fandom(s)/media you write in?

Is childhood nostalgia a cope out? I'm mostly writing in Spider-Man fandom because I think it has the most potential of the super hero fandoms to explore social systems (even if it doesn't). Everything about Peter is very human especially his ugly elements and the violence of the mask provides a fascinating way to explore it. Themes of duality you see the vision

13. What are some must-read fanfics in your fandoms? Why do you admire these, and how have they impacted your works?

Oh god I make fic recs all the time, what's something I haven't talked about recently? obviously everything by Traincat for the spideytorch side of the fandom. I really like softgrungeprophet's Peter/Flash fics especially since Flash is trans femme like oh my goodness you get it. I'm always thinking about spideywhiteys' series ultraviolent. waterme, a cry in the wilderness, and justgail are my anchors in the storm of spideypool fanon like thank god someone else is right about them. but like yeah most of my fic bookmarks on public i put myself on blast for yall

16. What's the worst writing advice anyone ever gave you? Why was this terrible advice?

I've often been told that writing fanfic is a waste of time especially if you ever want to be a series traditionally published author. and like i agree that it can create bad writing habits. but if you write with the intention of creating a unique style and voice and like you truly try to maintain canon characterization it's a fantastic way to improve and get a lot of feedback. only writing original fiction for the sole purpose of traditional publish is such a lonely way to write. every writer needs an audience even for early drafts

[7central]

Ooh I’d love to know:

15. Do you have any unwritten scene that you think about a lot?

16. Is there any written scene that you think about a lot?

21. Is there any unwritten fic that you don't know if you ever will write?

ahh thank you! <3 giving u a big hug in my mind

15. yes! at the moment, it's a scene coming soon ish in the Texas fic! It's going to be (minor spoiler) Lupe playing with Jess' hair in an unexpected moment, and in a way that's kinda odd. I like the idea because it is a moment of physical affection and closeness, but it's not the typical tenderness that is usually in a romance. Lupe is goofy and I'll die on that hill. I think it will be sweet and a little silly, and I'm looking forward to writing it!

16. in terms of my published stuff, I don't think there's anything in particular I think of more than others, but maybe the 'transitive head' (idk what to call it??) scene in the October chapter of I've nowhere to be. I sometimes randomly remember that I came up with that premise and am a little surprised at myself. It's a little bizarre, I like how it turned out!

unpublished, there is a partial draft I have that's just fun and sexy bar shenanigans, inspired by a lady gaga song <3. but I don't know if I'll ever finish/publish it because I have a hard time writing within the 1943 season (even short little things) since I started writing the post-season angle (only 2 fics into my ao3 career lol). I think it's because Lupe's injury and coach/team position and frequent bar visits are all big and very relevant points that I find difficult to honor at the same time as dedicating a fic to a non-canon romance. I usually write Lupe POV and I don't wanna brush over all that (even though obviously she carries these things with her post-season)! I feel like I lose grip on the characterization to not get into all that, but at the same time need to narrow the focus to write something that's any good. there is just too much stuff in the canon for me to balance it all! I really commend the writers who manage it so well.

I also have a 1944 fun in the locker room fic that's honestly just baseball uniform based smut, which I think about posting pretty often. maybe! really the only reason I haven't is because I don't think I write sex very well lmao

21. YES! I would like to write something about Lupe teaching Esti how to use her camera (and instantly regretting it). I have some ideas for it! Just not sure how I'd go about it. Possibly both Lu & Esti POVs. Jess is obviously there too. Because of the reasons I mentioned before and Esti's ostracization from the rest of the team, it'd probably be set in 1944. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to it though, or if I'll take these ideas into the final chapter of just peachy instead. the last chapter of that is going to be Esti (eventually), and I have 3 different drafts of it and they all feel wrong lol. hence why it's not finished yet. I love Esti sm but she's hard to write, because we get so little of her in the show and even her background interactions are sparse :( I want to do her justice!! so I refuse to post something I'm not satisfied with

thank you!!! <3 <3 <3

fics ask game!

[down-thedrain]

mandela v2. elaborate 👁👁

so funny story this ask has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 months cuz i honestly didn't know how to even begin to describe what mandela v2 is. it's an enigma even i don't know what it is it's just a dark spot in my brain that i occasionally stick my head into and come out covered in ashes and piranhas but. i'll try ig !!

it's kinda just me taking the characters and very general rules of this universe and making like. a completely new story put of them . a lot of the events are similar but shuffled around and there's a ton of new shit and it is FULL of headcanons and really self indulgent shit lol. it's not based on anything and there's no central premise it's just. another version of tmc. hence v2

i can't list every change in there because even i don't know the full extent of the changes i made but uh

- cesar has a special interest in the occult because autistic cesar is real to ME okay. he writes a bunch of shit about alternates and they figure out how to channel spirits because they're just like that. he kinda becomes a hermit the older they get and they have a very normal kinship with alternates that definitely isn't anythign to worry about :)

- cesar lives his encounter with alt!cesar but mark doesn't so mark's ghost (after escaping limbo and reliving his trauma because mark has to be absolutely miserable all the time it's required by law) follows him around and cesar occasionally channels him. but it works like in ace attorney so he physically changes to look like mark n shit it's funky

- bps isn't a high school club turned society but rather a giant underground operation with a head council and divisions in mandela + bythorne + werksha + etc. with the main goal of fighting both alternates and the police wherever they can. they're the ones that discover that dragonbreath bullets kill alternates and they have an entire research division it's cool i love v2 bps

- jonah joins bps before adam does in this au and ze's kinda like. the vice president of bps despite technically being too young when they first join. they mean everything to me in this au you have no idea

- mandelatech is a much larger corporation too. bps/mcpd/mandelatech are like. 3 warring factions kinda (which. yes. means that dave and eve end up fighting w bps a lot. it's. eugh)

- thatcher stays as lieutenant a lot longer than he does in canon and ae's just. so pissed at everything god bless. ☕ wants everything to be okay but he buries those hopes in pure rage <3 ☕'s canonically won fights against alts with aer bare hands so people know not to fuck with him. he'd call canon thatcher wet and pathetic LOL

- generally v2's on a much larger scale and kinda considers the world of tmc as a whole, rather than just focusing on specific characters. idk i like worldbuilding it's fun so sue me. there are a lot of ocs that fill the space suffice to say and i am totally willing to just throw whatever i want in there. this au is my witch's cauldron

- mervin has some shit to do maybe good for him

i love this au but it's like. definitely my least comprehensible (except for maybe tmcblr is that even counts) i just do whatever the fuck i want and no one can stop me. don't ask me questions about it i don't have to explain myself