#honestly all of you are amazing and should never EVER criticise yourself because of someone else’s actions

[tortureandtickles]

shoutout to all of the lees who think they’re not good enough. all of the ones who criticise themselves about their body image. the ones who hate their laugh. the ones who feel like they’re not worthy of getting tickled. the ones who compare themselves to other lees. the ones who haven’t experienced a session yet. the ones who think they’re not pretty enough to be tickled. i love you ALL so incredibly much and i hope you start to realise your worth ❤️

[thatpotatoguuurl]

The new year is a funny time of year. I feel unusually motivated to look after myself properly. I also feel worried I won’t be able to keep it up. There are so many things I’m passionate about; (lots of) music, games, movies, TV, cooking, puzzles, swimming and so sooo many more, but I’m struggling to find the time for everything. I feel like I let people down, I make too many commitments because I want to attend an event, I want to spend time with the people I love, I want to explore my hobbies and I want to look after myself well so I don’t always feel like a fucking goblin. And yet I always end up putting myself last, things like showering, brushing my teeth, taking my meds, taking care of my house, eating properly and sleeping all get thrown on the back burner till I haven’t brushed my teeth in days and I’m scared my gums will bleed, or I’ll discover a cavity or something scary so I put it off longer. Or I haven’t showered in a week and I don’t want anyone near me because I probably smell so I don’t leave the house. Or the pile of dishes gets so massive it takes up all my bench space, so I have no room to cook, nothing to cook with and end up getting a take away I didn’t like that much, that I’ll feel bad after eating (physically), and that I didn’t need to spend money on. The thing is I want to be in control all of the time, and I don’t realise when I need to take a break until I’m completely overwhelmed and still have loads of outstanding commitments and I don’t want to let people down, so I do the bare minimum to keep me going. I need to learn to plan breaks and time for myself, but I find it so difficult to tell someone I’m unavailable on x day because I want to meditate, then drink some wine, put on a face mask, and read a book with some music on, my phone turned off and no distractions. I struggle to shut off, my mind is always whirring and it feels like it’s always criticising myself and honestly the people around me too. I have ridiculous standards that of course nobody can keep up with, but I don’t ever tell anybody those thoughts. I pretend everything is fine because I can tell I’m being impossible to please and it’s not their fault. I can’t find the line between someone doing something hurtful where I should say something, and someone doing something that doesn’t meet my expectations so I never speak out. I don’t wanna be an asshole, always miserable and confronting people over stuff nobody cares about. But I’m tired of internalising everything. I’m tired of having an expectation, that not being met and feeling instantly deflated because I can’t say anything and just accept it. I do believe acceptance is important, but I don’t even fight for what I want. I don’t fight for what I need. I don’t fucking whisper a help me when I’m drowning. I’m exhausted with always feeling overwhelmed, let down and not worth anything. Where are those people who say things like “I can tell you’ve not been yourself lately” or “hey, I love you, you seem tired, how can I help?” Or “I know this thing disappointed you, how about this compromise or solution?” - I feel like nobody notices. Or maybe cares? That’s just me getting dragged down. I have amazing friends and an incredible family and a partner who really loves me. People do show up when I ask. They never hurt my feelings on purpose. I am loved. I am worthy of that love. But even typing that I get a lump in my throat, like I need to hear it so much but how can I ask for that? From someone who knows me? I just want some reassurance without needing to beg or make it sound like I’m fishing for compliments or dying for attention. I think most of my current problems stem from the fact I don’t have a lot of self confidence. I don’t trust my instinct. I don’t believe I’m worth loving or taking care of.

I feel like if I try and do anything (like perform music live or upload it anywhere, go for a promotion etc) people will judge me and think I’m deluded - “she can’t even sing, what is she doing?” “Who does she think she is?” “How long till this is over?” “She’s too lazy and ugly, she’ll never make it” - I guess it’s all insecurity. I’ve known this for a long time, but I didn’t realise how much it’s responsible for till writing this. I think I’ve written for long enough for today, but I feel my eyes have been opened. I need to prioritise myself and learn how to believe I’m worth looking after and worth being heard.

[writing-fool]

mlqc | sunday morning

I recently (well~like three months ago) got into this game called Mr Love: Queen’s Choice, and after doing some ‘research’ aka gaming, I felt confident enough to write something. So, here’s a little headcanon about a blissful Sunday morning with the boys~

Warning(s): ever so slightly NSFW (insinuations of a dirty-minded author), profanity/swearwords

Victor

Victor’s quite the workaholic, as we all know

like this man will be working 60-70 hours a week, often bringing work home with him 

you’ll be on the couch in pajamas and acting like a total bum while he’s literally next to you wearing glasses and breezing through 50 reports and documents

you steal his laptop and glasses when he starts criticising your report 

“Victor noooooooo~work mode OFF!” as you zoom past him with his prescription glasses (he got them fancy glasses with the blue light filter because he’s A WORKAHOLIC and he’s always staring at a computer)

needless to say, this man doesn’t usually have time to spare

sunday mornings are yours though

Victor doesn’t necessarily take the entire day off, but after a certain dummy’s whining, he has agreed to try and have a lie-in on sundays

he *usually* still wakes up before you, because he functions on like 5 hours of sleep (lemme tell y’all, it’s a curse and a blessing in one) 

Vic’s a total tsundere, but these moments definitely show off his #SoftCEO side

his little lovebug is sleeping peacefully, wearing one of his pyjama shirts (I bless you with the headcanon that Victor sleeps in silk pyjama pants sans shirt because he runs HOT)

actually, you’re drooling a little bit but even though Victor’s going to pretend he’s annoyed, he never is

oOOhh, also canon that this man is the big spoon in sleeping positions. he naturally gravitates towards you and holds you tight because he’s NEEDY

sometimes you’ll sleep facing each other. Victor holds you against his chest and just cradles your body in his like his life depends on it

100% will entangle his long ass legs with yours

strokes your hair and presses kisses on the crown of your head to wake you up in a gentle way (despite his demeanour, he’s actually remarkably gentle y’all see why i call him #SoftCEO?)

as you wake up, he’ll mock your bedhead with this incredibly fond look in his eyes baby boy these words don’t match your actions

you guys actually get up rather soon after, cos you are both busy people...

fun times in the bathroom not like tHAT well actually kinda~ but for legal reasons everything you do is PG, please spare author-nim who’s still ~barely~ underage

you take a shower and belt your favourite song that’s playing from the built-in speaker (did Victor get a built-in speaker because you thought it was cool? yep. did you ask? nope. did he do it anyways? yehep.) while he goes through his simple morning routine

you probably have more steps in your skincare routine, but he uses a serum, cleanser, moisturizer and some eye cream on the daily

has given you permission to do his skincare at night whenever you both have time

to reciprocate, he dries your hair after your shower you guys HAVE listened to the Right Beside You ASMR, right? ...it’s on YT for free because we’re poor, i know

also canon, blowing raspberries on Victor’s bare back while he’s brushing his teeth will make him choke on toothpaste. tested and approved by MC

“Dummy. What on earth are you doing?”

he hangs around and waits for you to get ready if he’s already done, you do the same. time is something Victor knows all too well, so the precious time he has, he wants to spend with you.

you guys DON’T shower together in the morning because really you’re not getting cleaner ahhh author-nim should really stop

afterwards, you get dressed in some relatively casual clothes (i’m talking a dress shirt without a tie or a polo shirt because no way that this man owns actual t-shirts) and have a simple breakfast

he cooks, obviously. 

always makes a balanced, Chinese breakfast (congee or wonton, noodles, tofu pudding, etc.) because he wants you two to start the day well, even on a slow sunday

also, he travels a lot, so he likes eating Chinese food whenever he’s home

ahh...waking up with Victor just sounds like a dream

Lucien

i’m a bit biased on this bitch because he was my first favourite in the game so this might get long. might not. just,,,we’ll see

Lucien is a bit like Victor, where he doesn’t sleep much and works a lot

On the other hand, his work is...ehem...shadier, so he usually works in his office when he’s at home

you’ll both have your own space to do whatever you need to do

days off for Lucien are rare. he usually powers through until he drops

for someone who constantly reminds you to take care of yourself, he’s mediocre at doing exactly that

after getting to know him better, which wasn’t an easy feat because damn this man has more layers than an onion he’ll also make you cry more bUUT we’re not ready to unpack that suitcase, you start noticing when he needs a day off. often even before he notices

you lock his office door and force him to take the FULL day off at least

he could technically open his office again, but he loves you and he’ll humour your attempts

Lucien wakes up before you. always. you’ve seen him asleep like 3 times in your entire relationship. 

Luci sleeps like 8 hours,,,a week.

he watches you sleep i feel like that makes too much sense for his character. we love a creepy boy. and wholeheartedly feels at rest with your sleeping figure by his side

in his sleep, Lucien lies on his back, holding you by the waist as you sleep on top of him. your leg is often slung around his middle, so you’re enveloping him. he likes the weight of you on top of him; it keeps him grounded and he likes feeling like he’s yours as much as you are his.

on another note, Lucifer—ah whoops—sleeps butt naked. i honestly can’t imagine him wearing clothes in bed. he’s not shy about his body and feels absolutely no need to cover up for his significant other. 

you, however, don’t usually sleep naked. well...nowadays you end up sleeping naked more often than not because alright author-nim’s horrible. can’t help it, he’s a fucking scorpio?

because you guys take a day off, Lucien’s content with waiting and watching until you wake up

he feels you stir on his chest and honestly your drowsy eyes make him swoon

“Already awake, my beautiful butterfly?”

his slightly husky morning voice *really* does things to a person tbh

you guys stay in bed for a good half hour after you wake up, just cuddling and talking, also sneaking in a kiss here and there

you have the same habit of tracing each other’s bodies with your fingertips

his fingers flutter over your waist, you trace his chest or hands with your index again, it’s a very grounding experience to Lucien

when you do get up and head to the bathroom, first thing you do is shower together

he likes washing your hair

bathroom bits might happen, but surprisingly, it’s not a thing that happens a lot so don’t come at me. we’re being wholesome

Lucien’s incredibly intimate and his love language is touch. Yes, he has a way with words but he’s also a really good manipulator

he’s used his words for evil too often and therefore can’t trust words anymore. so he uses physical intimacy as a way to show love.

Lucien has a skincare routine of dermatologically approved products. a double cleanse, serum, essence and moisturizer. he uses anti-age sometimes to prevent later wrinkles.

they’re also one of the reasons why he smells clean and fresh

will tickle you when you’re rinsing your mouth. you’ve sprayed water all over the bathroom mirror before. he loves the reaction. 

if you’re having a day off, you’ll probably just wear sweatpants and a t-shirt or a sweater. Lucien’s closet is relatively plain but clean. he has the best cable-knit sweaters/cardigans though.

your breakfast consists of western things like yogurt or oatmeal. Lucien likes having fruit at the start of the day

the rest of the day is spent relaxing and lounging, walking in the park, biking, reading, drawing, whatever you’d like

maaan...i wish i had more days off

Gavin

Gavin’s actually a decently laid-back person on weekends

like, sure he has to work a lot, but his job doesn’t necessarily force him to work from home, so you pretty much have his full attention at home but also he can’t bear to not give you his full attention so what are we expecting

the nasty thing about Gavin being a police officer is that sometimes, he gets called up and needs to work at unconventional hours

also, he gets injured. most of his injuries are minor, but that doesn’t stop you from worrying.

but anyways, he’s not a total busy bee when he’s at home, and relaxing isn’t exceptional

sunday mornings are...well...active. Birdcop goes on a run/hits the gym every morning, so he’s awake by 6am. what did y’all think i was going to write

afterwards, he takes a quick shower and joins you in bed again. 

Gavin sleeps in a pair of basketball shorts and a singlet. he’s somewhat shy about sleeping shirtless, and god forbid he sleep naked. but it’s all good and he respects your boundaries. besides, he’s comfortable in his sleep and that’s all that matters.

you spoon in your sleep. sometimes, he’s the big spoon because he likes being able to ‘protect’ you in his sleep. other times, he relishes in the comfort of being the little spoon and feeling you pressed up against his back. 

very important headcanon! you’ve learnt to sleep with the bedroom window open. on workdays, Gavin gets home late and jumps right into the bedroom. it’s become a typical habit for you two, although you used to be grumpy about not being able to sleep with the noises of traffic. 

you’re usually awoken by the sound of the shower and Gavin’s humming it’s canon that he hums now, bitches. also I bet his singing voice is amazing

so it’s less ‘sleeping in’ and more ‘lounging in bed like the lazy bastards you are’ i’m kiDDING

if he’s able to, Gavin might convince you to go on a run with him....but let’s be honest, you rarely agree

Gavin’s a total cuddlebug though, so be prepared to spend the next forty-five minutes in the tightest hug ever (to be fair, you’re not complaining)

he’s completely soft for you and you’ll have to wrestle out of his grip to get to the bathroom

you don’t shower in the morning, so everything’s pretty quick

Gavin doesn’t actually have a good skincare regiment tbh...he’ll slap on some cream and that’s it. probably washes his face in the shower with body wash...AND HIS SKIN STILL LOOKS AMAZING

you like making funny faces in the mirror while brushing your teeth and making Gavin laugh while he’s watching you in the doorway. he loves how you just make his day with the smallest things.

you guys both dress in really casual clothing, like hoodies and shorts/sweatpants/pj pants unless you’re going somewhere

Gavin has them grey sweatpants, if you know what I mean okay I’ll chill, sorry~

you wear his shirts a lot because they’re super big on you and Gavin secretly not-so-secretly thinks you’re adorable in them (a good thing about Gavin is that he’s easy to read; he blushes rather quickly)

“Ahh...it’s just—you look so tiny and cute.” guess he’s not the only one blushing now

i see Gavin as a ‘bun for breakfast’ kind of person. he picks them up at the stall a couple of miles away when he heads home. sometimes he does so running, other times...well he’s not called Birdcop for nothing

you guys have 2 buns each for breakfast because they’re delicious 

lounge time is often spent gaming or cleaning the house (you’re both busy people and Gavin tends to get messy because he just chucks clothes on the floor after a hard workday)

you make the most out of your sunday, hoping Gavin doesn’t get called in

who wouldn’t like being domestic with Gavin?

Kiro

Kiro, unsurprisingly, has an incredibly busy schedule

one that, similar to Gavin, isn’t really decided by himself

i suppose his situation is a tad bit worse than Birdcop’s, since his workdays don’t even actually end when he gets home. he constantly practices choreos, singing, etc. at home

so, full days off are few and very, very far between

this makes them extra precious

it helps to have a lazy morning once in a while though (in Kiro’s case, lazy sundays are most likely a bi-weekly thing)

you wake up first! Kiro needs his beauty sleep, and damn this boy can knock in 16 hours of sleep if need be

you’ll probably lay in bed for a while and then attempt to get up and ready for the day

until...you feel Kiro’s arm tugging you back

for a skinny, lithe boy, he’s remarkably strong. he pulls you back to bed with the groggiest, cutest sleep-laced voice EVER 

“Mmm, Miss Chips, it’s not time to wake up yet, is it?” 

he snuggles into you and refuses to wake up unless you give him kisses

during the night, Kiro sleeps in actual pyjamas with cute characters on them. when he feels lazy, he’ll probably just slip on a t-shirt and some boxer shorts, but he likes putting in the effort to wear matching couple pyjamas

Kiro cuddles with you 24/7, and sleep makes little difference here. he’s often the little spoon because he does like feeling your presence and your grip on him. he moves around when sleeping, so you might end up out of each other’s embrace, but Kiro subconsciously always touches you in some way or form, like holding hands or intertwining legs. he’s a man with many identities and needs your presence as a reassurance that he’s still the man that you love

he loves to pepper your face with kisses after getting home from rehearsals/concerts, claiming that it gives him energy

you do the same in the morning, anything to hear that sweet giggle of his

he’s deceptively cute though, and innocent morning kisses tend to spiral into...something more let’s just be honest, his stamina is something else entirely i’M SORRY 

morning exercise? check. Hotel? Trivago. non-sponsored~

you guys don’t shower in the morning. Kiro’s used to showering after practice, which is late at night, and you shower in the evenings to help you relax

however, on a rare occasion, you’ll draw a nice bath together and play around with bubbles and scented bath bombs so fun and relaxing

Kiro totally has a 14-step skincare regiment. you don’t get that beautiful baby-smooth skin without some effort.

he has the best ‘mid-range to high-end’ products on the market, and loves sweet and floral scents for his skincare and makeup. you guys try to line up each other’s routines to be able to do them together every morning.

Kiro also has a huge bedhead in the morning! it’s your job to get this sleepyhead styled for a fun day

even Kiro’s casual loungewear is top-notch hip and trendy. he has fun sweatpants with chains, belts, patches, you name it. he likes holding a little fashion show with you, no matter what you two are wearing

old jeans? strut it. thrifted shirt? vogue, honey.

Kiro’s on a strict diet, so usually he has a smoothie and some tofu pudding for breakfast. on occasion, you’ll indulge him in something decadent, like French toast or pancakes. on moments like these, you swear he loves you juuuuuust a little more but don’t tell Savin!

you guys are a relatively active couple, so unless you’re inside gaming or busy working, you’ll spend some time in thrift stores or karaoke bars, arcades, fun fairs,...

just thinking about Kiro brightens my day...

As always, I hope you enjoyed reading this! I’ll try to bring out more content for K-Pop idols, otome characters and anime characters during the holidays. Requests are still open, so don’t be afraid to send a little message in my ask-box!

Love,

R.

[hotchley]

dkfjsk SUMAYYAH I DEADASS TEARED UP AT YOUR LATEST WEB WEACING POST IM SOBBING NOW BECAUSE IM SAD SKDJSKDJ

everytime i see posts about how the team so readily criticised Hotch in that episode my heart breaks just a little more

not that i think it's wrong or they shouldn't have done that, but the fact that only Morgan was the one to add nuance to his criticism ("sometimes")? for Emily it was kind of understandable since she was still so new to the team, and obviously given the way she started at the BAU, Hotch wouldn't have shown her too much trust & be kind to her, which to be fair, definitely could've made her come to the conclusion that he doesn't trust women. but the one that really gets to me nowadays is how JJ just says he's a bully like, 😭😭😭😭 he's one of the kindest characters with the biggest hearts on the show and I always thought Hotch had this older brother vibes with JJ because he was so protective of & patient with her & all that it actually kind of broke my heart to see that line again 😭

the first time i watched the episode i didn't think much about it because at that time i was younger (around 2 years ago? i mean mentally, intellectually, i feel like I've matured since then) & so i didn't pay such close attention to that scene + the whole Spencer was still in danger part kinda had my attention anyways. i only thought that scene was kinda sad but also showcased Hotch's really amazing intellect + sensitivity/perception i guess, i found it kind of funny/amusing and enjoyed it when they figured out Spencer's hint and that's it but now, as I've grown and matured and especially after I've read more fics about Hotch (fanfiction writers are really amazing at spotting details, you'd know that yourself) i just find the entire scene to be SO HEARTBREAKING 😭 idk i always saw Hotch as this strong, tough alpha male leader figure and to think that in that moment he's getting ripped apart by his teammates, the very people he is constantly putting his life and job and family on the line for, and getting all his insecurities and biggest fears laid out and voiced out and exposed by those he very well considers his second family.....

idk I'm just sad now 😭😭😭😭😭

- 🌙

My answer got LONG so it's all below the cut :)

I am going to sound terrible, but I AM VERY HAPPY!! I was hoping someone would be sad because I had the idea in the shower and was like: AHA

I know, I watched that episode and was like: ohh... well... I mean... and then I watched more and was like: OHHH NOO. And then people will be like: HAHA IT'S SO FUNNY!! Or: well I mean, are they wrong??

And I'm like: first, that wasn't funny, because when I asked my friends what my worst flaw was I got: how honest do you want me to be, you don't have enough faith in yourself, you don't have one and silence. And they were also wrong because PEOPLE SAY THINGS IN ANGER!!

Honestly, look at their comments and it shows so much about the way they view Hotch and the dynamic between the characters, and also how they express their emotions. Morgan already knows that Hotch is up to something, so not only does he add nuance, he goes for something that isn't even that big of a deal like "drill sergeant, SOMETIMES" he's the Unit Chief, of course he is.

Yeah, Emily's makes sense, but the issue I have with that is the fandom interpretation of that comment. It's not that he doesn't trust women- if he really didn't trust women, he would not trust JJ to handle press, or recruited Garcia from prison. Also, look at the dynamic with Blake and with Kate. He never distrusted them. He didn't trust Emily because of the way she was put on his team. Everyone watching knows there's something going on, and most of the fandom have seen the later seasons so it's like: GUYS!! REMEMBER THE CONTEXT!!

I know!! When JJ called him a bully, I was like: I know you're angry, but you know you're wrong and he's going to internalise that, and he's not a bully, because look at their little interactions like when he told her it's okay to lose it, or when he fought to let her stay, or how he thought she was an amazing profiler and AAH

Yeah I watched that for the first time and kinda thought it was funny, if a little sad and problematic because why would anyone look at their boss and think: yeah, I'm going to be honest about this. And I know Reid was trying to give a hint, but it was still sad to hear Hotch so violently deny being a narcissist, because even when people don't mean things, it hurts. That's why I included it in the post, just for the complete set.

I first mentioned that scene in heavy is the head that wears the crown as one of the six times Hotch keeps it together, and people were like: OH MY GOD!! That was when I realised... most people did not take it the same way I did... and then it became A Thing.

So then it got mentioned in... that fic where Hotch got kidnapped and mayhem and maybe that's okay? I'm not sure, but I started working it into as many things as possible because I'm like that.

(But seriously, I will work in Emily's: I need to know I can be human and the Revelations scene wherever possible, it's ridiculous)

It is very upsetting though. Because you have Hotch saying he doesn't have a sense of humour, which is a) not that big of a deal, and b) not true. JJ lashes out, Morgan tries to do damage control, Emily goes too far (there's actually a conversation planned where Gideon tries to explain the truth...)

That was exactly it. Throughout the show, Hotch puts his career on the line- he does also get suspended without pay- and tries to do everything he can for them, only for that scene to never have any follow-up. People on TikTok will always be like: Hotch never apologised for this, JJ never apologised for this, but nobody ever said to Hotch: BY THE WAY!!

Also, it was definitely strange. So much of the non-case moments show the team are also a family, because they talk to each other and they love each other and this and that, but that one scene seems to do the opposite...

Like an UNSUB was able to get Hotch's biggest fear- and therefore his biggest flaw- better than the team were able to. Mildly concerning. But yes. I stand by: these were comments made in a moment of anger, and Hotch is not any of those things so everyone should move on :)

If it's any consolation, I got sad making it....

Does any of this make sense? Idk... ANYWAYS

[vnshkk]

DIR EN GREY Kyo [2017.08.04 - MIND-V Vol 4- Interview]

“Which is why, I am simply, a voice and nothing more. “ - Kyo

Vocalist Kyo’s identity is something that has received high appreciation not only in Japan, but the world over. But, according to the man himself, just to what esteem does he hold himself?

Regardless, to solely believe in oneself self alone is the peek of self confidence.

But to the Kyo san who continues throwing his voice out into the world through DIR EN GREY and sukekiyo, just what is his reason to continue?

His visually shocking front page spread together with his thoughts and imagination, Kyo san shares all.

This is one of the most visually impacting issues since the launching of this magazine.

I just wanted find a way to visually express “the things that exist inside my head” as well as  “my own belief system” without getting caught up in too many unnecessary things. For example, if this were a photoshoot for DIR EN GREY my choice of clothes etc would be completely different, this time around I was told “anything is fine” so I really took advantage of that.

Although when tomorrow comes, I’ll probably end up saying something completely different would be better. I’m never satisfied. Not remotely.

Talking about the visual aspect, you certainly know how to utilise the moment. But just how do you continue to challenge this insatiable greed?

I don’t think it's really a case of challenging something. It’s almost as if these things just come to mind pointlessly when the timing is off, so a lot of the time there's no opportunity for me to use these ideas and they just get thrown away.

You have quite a relaxed open attitude. Is that why you are so able to effectively divide and express yourself through DIR EN GREY and Sukekiyo?

It’s not as if it’s my intention to fill some kind of role. At the end of the day, there are times where I write the lyrics after having heard the melody. But in the case of DIR EN GREY, those words and the melodies I apply to the sound tend to be a very “DIR” sound that comes to me naturally. With Sukekiyo there are times where very sukekiyo-esque lyrics come to me, but there are also times where in I’m physically expressing the shape of what I’m feeling in that moment. Which is why it's not a case of “Oh, because it’s DIR it should be like this.” or “because it’s sukekiyo it should be like this.” I have no intentions of forcibly changing myself to fill a role.

It really feels as if you are completely capable of adapting yourself to each and every moment. You’ve probably heard this a thousand times before but you really are incredibly talented.

No, no not at all. I’m really not talented. My own self worth is actually quite low.

“Rather than stopping, if you don’t continue forwards then I feel like there really is no point in living. “ 

Well that's very surprising.  The calibre of your performances goes without saying, but you also compose poetry and are very talented at drawing, It seems as if you really are talented in every single aspect. I really feel it's something not many people could impersonate.

To tell the truth, I feel that is simply because no one is doing it as seriously as I am. If they were to actually do it in real life, they would realise that they are better at it than me. Which is why I make sure to hold myself in such low regard. Of course there are people who are kind enough to compliment me, but I feel as if half of those people are simply saying it just for the sake of it. Which is why I never really take them seriously.

I’m not sure how to put this but, surely you can take it seriously?

Nope!

I see (haha) But honestly, the reason people are saying it's “good!” really is because it’s good.

Hmmm, I just, personally, don’t believe people are that honest. Which is why I just can’t believe things like that (haha). My own self worth has always been low right from the very start, so nothing ever becomes a positive or a driving force. It’s like, I don’t really know how to feel about the idea of focusing on one point because I was praised about it or like thinking I’m particularly good at something. So in general I don’t really pay attention to other people and what they say.

Did you always think that way even from the time when you first started a band?

I wasn’t quite able to express it to this point in words but, yes, I did.

There was this one time in particular, when I was in my first band. In my hometown I played at a various bands live and there was only like 10 people there. Whatmore, even though we were in the middle of a live they just sat there and chatted away. That didn’t really sit right with me, so I went down to floor and said to them “Do me a favor and go home!” (haha) I suppose you could just say I was young but at the core I haven’t changed that much. Even since way back then, I’ve never been someone who cares about what worth others hold in me.

It’s quite incredible that even from those early days you had such a sense of self awareness. Although I get the feeling that, that strong sense of resolution is still ingrained in the Kyo san we know today.

I honestly think that if you care too much about what others think about you then probably, somewhere along the way, you’ll become unable to progress forward and then wouldn’t your own way of doing things, slowly get smaller and smaller? Which is why, somewhere along the way, I just realised that “You are who you are” and that it is better to believe as such.

That is certainly true. If there were a 100 people in a room then there would be a 100 ways of thinking, to the point where if you were to focus on the thoughts and opinions of others you would become unable to do anything at all.

Yep. I mean, at the end of the day, it's not as if anyone is going to criticise you to your face anyway.

Are you speaking from experience?

No, nothing like that. I mean that's exactly why I don't understand people. Even if I were to care about the people around me and live whilst expressing various things, when it comes to the day that I quit music or die, it's not as if anyone is going to remember me. At the end of the day, all that matters is this moment. Which is why, If you were to just live your life like that; caring about other people, once you died and looked back on your life and asked yourself just how much did you really live your life, wouldn't the realisation that you cared too much about others to actually live your life be an extremely lonely one? Which is exactly why I live my life without caring and that way I become who I am without any regrets and without hurting anyone.

It almost feels as if you’re saying something pro-active but that's not the case is it?

I’m sure such things as being encouraged by praise for something and wanting try harder next time in order to be praised again is something that can be seen as quite pro-active. But personally, it doesn’t matter what I do, it just doesn’t satisfy me.

But even still, rather than stopping, if you don’t continue forwards then I feel like there really is no point in living.

I live each day feeling as if I am searching for something in the darkness, and as such I am always filled with this sense of sorrow.

You say you feel as if you are searching for something in the darkness, however is there light to be found there?

If there is light to be found there that would nice I guess. I mean, all it would take would be for me to head towards that light. But that isn’t to say that the person I am right now is unhappy. But it’s just, now matter how large of a venue we play in, the next day I feel as if I’m going to die from this overwhelming sense of emptiness. And even if in the moment I feel like “Oh! oh!” about the live, the second it's over it just becomes a thing of the past and within me it unfortunately becomes something that registers as zero, minus. I’m certain, if I were normal, I’d be able to brag about my past accomplishments and be all “I’m so amazing” and boast, probably. But I’ve never so much as said anything even remotely like that. If anything, my heart is never even remotely satisfied. Which is why a part of me longs to become normal like everyone else. I mean of course everyone is unique and it’s not like they're living each day completely satisfied by life but like, working really hard so you can go on holiday, things like that, I don’t have anything like that. All I do is just make the things I want to do and the ideas that float around in my head into a reality and in that moment I find a sense of redemption.

At times it's a sense that, whilst I just keep on walking forwards, then maybe, depending on what it is that I’m doing, I will become able to see that light in some way or another. I still can’t see even a glimmer of light and so in that sense I yearn for it.

“I find the prospect of not being able to find a new version of myself more frightening.”

This year DIR EN GREY will celebrate their 20th anniversary, I understand that you are earnestly moving forwards but just how have these past 20 years been for you?

I guess if I look back it’s been a long 20 years. But, I can still feel every moment.

Until now you have released  various different types of songs. However with the announcement of the winter best album release, is this not a way to see the bands growth rings, so to speak?

I’ve already reached the point now where I want to re-record all of the songs on ARCHE, as well as wanting to re-record the songs that have been compiled for the best album too, But really there's no end to that kind of thinking so I’m just going to pretend like I can’t see it.

I agree with your constant want to make things anew.

I have no idea how the other members feel but, the thought that “if I could sing this song as I am now…” is constantly there, and like, despite the fact that thought is there, putting out an album where we just leave those old songs as they are really just doesn’t sit right with me. But looking at it from the fans point of view, I’m sure there are songs that hold significant meaning for them. And so if we were were to change everything I’m sure they would be sad, so I’m just going to pretend like I can’t see it. (haha)

I’m happy just being able to hear such words. When I saw the joint live at Yokohama arena I felt this but, I couldn't help but wonder if the audience were the same fans that have followed you for the past 20 years. Recently, you see a lot of musicians who create bands because they look up to you.

But the reality is so different that it makes me wonder if they’re just saying that. So I don’t believe them. I mean, like for example, if I were to quit the band and have absolutely nothing to do with music, if they came up to me then and said “I’m a huge fan” then maybe I’d believe them a little bit.

That being said, do you wish for people to see just what kind of person “Kyo” is in his entirety?

Actually, I’d rather they didn’t see (haha) Also, I don’t really like those kinds of people who are like  “Oh if I did like this it would be good” or “This kind of thing is so Kyo right?” which is probably why I make new things, do over those thing that are nostalgic. If you don’t make something new you’re just gradually going to get stale.

Personally, I really hate the word “stable”. I mean isn’t someone who's unstable fun? If you wanna just do one thing, that's fine. Maybe that's what is considered to be cool. But for me it's the completely opposite, doing just one thing makes me feel as if I’ll become unable to do anything but that one thing and I really don’t like the idea of that.

In Kyo san’s case, your belief, your convictions have always been something that is “unstable” have they not?

I mean, that's what ‘belief’ is. But I mean it’s not as if those expressions are something that are purposefully stable. This time around I decided to do something that was to the extreme.

Which is why I honestly think the word “natural” really suits you, especially when you take into consideration the theme of the photo shoot.

It was just of a case of me questioning what it means to believe in something.

Everyone, respectively, has their own form of ‘God’ or something that they believe inside of them do they not? I just thought; that right there, that something inside is what I want to try and express, variation is everything is it not? Even Gods that are considered to be abnormal in some way, shape or form are fine. To be honest there were more things I wanted to do for this shoot. In order to represent the act of murdering my own God, I wanted to hang myself, but even without me going that far, the elements that I wanted to express came into being without overdoing it.

Generally speaking, when I express something radical, all the focus ends up being on that so I figured I’d save that for another occasion.

‘God’ so to speak, is something that “one holds faith in”, with that in mind, what do you think about that statement? If you were to name something that you solely held faith in, what would you say?

Myself. I believe only in myself.

Believing only in oneself, the pursuit of something new. However, with that search for something new isn’t the prospect that one might change completely something that is to some degree frightening?

No, I find the prospect of not being able to find a new version of myself more frightening. In that case doesn’t that mean you’ve gone as far as you can go? It’s not as if being able to discover a new version of yourself is something that I consider fun, however it makes me feel alive. I mentioned this before but, being limited to just one thing, my existence becomes meaningless, there becomes no point it  being me, anyone can do it. If that were the case I’d quit without hesitation.

And so, going on what we’ve covered so far there’s one more thing I was wondering if you could answer for me. Kyo, you are someone who expresses themselves via performing, an artist, a musician. Which of these do you feel suits you the best?

I suppose I would have to say “none”. They are all in the same, upon reaching some level of satisfaction I suppose it would be fine to say which one in particular suited me but music, art, I am not satisfied with any of them. Also I think there is a tendency to pigeonhole into a genre or to put a wall up but I do not think that way. Which is why, I am simply, a voice and nothing more.

[the-bounce-back]

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s safe to say that you lot are stressed right now. Stressing about gifts, stressing about outfits, stressing about your plans...stressing about whether your man is actually your man…

But I digress.

I say “you lot”, because this has literally never been - and most likely will never be - me. I definitely get clumped together with so-called Bitter Women™, because I genuinely believe that Valentine’s Day is a capitalist scam, designed to feed into women's insecurities of not having a significant other to blow money on them at expensive restaurants, spa breaks and cute gifts on the day.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I completely understand the hype. I’ve had a few amazing Valentine’s Day in my life - who doesn’t like dressing up, spending quality time with their favourite person and getting wined, dined and 69’d (if that’s what you’re into)? My point is that this can literally be done on any of the other 364 days of the year  (baecations during summer months will always be better than shivering your nipples off in a freakum dress in February) when everything isn’t fully booked, overpriced and coming with so much pressure to get it “right”. But to each their own!

Coincidentally, this is the first year in a while that I am single on Valentines Day - and happily so. (Well, technically last year was - but I don’t count that because I was on a business trip and too busy abusing the company tab to reflect on or care about how I felt about being single again. Good times.). The main reason I’m happy about being single on Valentine’s Day - and every other day of the year - is because I’ve finally gotten to a place where I can give all the love, attention, appreciation and support to someone who genuinely deserves it: my damn self.

Yes, I definitely cringed and wanted to throw up while writing that. But on the other hand, I love love… So deal with it.

I reckon that the process of falling in love with yourself is rather complex, hard to explain and definitely varies from individual to individual. I’d say I’m a little more than halfway there - there are definitely some areas that I need to work on in order to fully love myself. I think the following three points - and everything that they include - are crucial and applicable to most people’s journey’s to self-love. You just need to identify the areas that you need to improve upon.

Learn how to love your own company.

Yes. I’m very much aware that everyone and their deaf great grandmother has heard that you should travel solo, take yourself out for dAtEs and set aside time every day to yourself. I’m also exhausted of hearing it. But hear me out.

Besides the obvious benefits of learning to love having time to yourself - like not using the company of significant others, friends and family members as distractions from your emotional insecurities (T is for Triggered!) - there are some often overlooked advantages of committing to being solo dolo for a while. Most of this I learned after deciding to get my own place in uni after living in a pigsty/caucasian bando as well as after my ex moved out, and I honestly hope that everyone gets to go through this at some point in their life as it is very character building.

Firstly, putting yourself in a position where there is no means of distracting yourself from actually feeling is something that I believe is a crucial part of the process of falling in love with yourself; regardless of if it’s the first time in doing so, or simply a case of finding your way back to self-love after traumatic experiences or being emotionally led astray in some other way. It’s one of those things that will probably be very uncomfortable at first, but once you get through the initial pain of it, you’ll probably end up addicted to it. When I found myself alone again after the break up I literally went out of my way to avoid being alone by ensuring I was constantly surrounded by people, and trying pretty much every unhealthy coping mechanism under the sun. However, it got to the point where it was starting to take a serious toll on my health, so I ended up unwillingly spending a lot of time alone.

It was a really hard time for me because I was suddenly forced to confront the feelings I had made such an effort to suppress. It soon became very clear that only talking about it in therapy once a week wasn’t enough and I had to just let myself feel whatever feelings came up. I could write a whole dissertation about that specific time of my life - about coming to terms with how the breakup had forced a truckload of self-blame and self-hate on me -  but this blog is about healing and positivity, so I’m going to focus on the outcome of forcing myself to confront my feelings instead.

After a while it became very apparent to me that the loneliness I felt for a long time was slowly but surely morphing into genuine emotional independence. It took a long time, but little by little I found myself treasuring every moment I had to myself to just think and reflect on my life, my past, establishing my goals and planning my future. It’s very hard to put into words exactly how much learning how to be alone has affected my life positively, but if you have ever gone through and overcome something I really recommend to just take a moment to yourself to consider how you first felt when it happened to you, and then consider where you are now.

Trust me. When you finally realise how strong and resilient you have become from all the time doing you, my best guess is that you too will become addicted to being alone and focusing purely on yourself and your peace. Partly because you’ll be aware that you don’t need anyone else to hold your hand through the madness that is guaranteed to pop up every now and again, and partly because you’ll realise that a lot of the sh*t that you used to be afraid to confront head on can’t even hurt you anymore.

Secondly and finally - solo trips and solo dates are f*cking great. Once you get past the insecurity of being alone in public - as well as realising that your company is amazing -  you’ll probably never want to go see a movie with your loud-ass, annoying-ass friends ever again. Just believe me on this.

Embrace both the easy and difficult parts of #self-care.

I’d like to start off by saying that I absolutely adore this #self-care movement that's emerged over the past years. I love that I can put my phone in airplane mode, ignore everyone, spend my last pennies before my next payday on scented candles, wine and glitter nail polish, and then go home to stare at the wall for hours in a bubble bath with a face mask on and scream that it’s #self-care.

I mean… I was definitely doing all this before the movement, but at least now I have an excuse. Love it.

All jokes aside - although the above is important, I feel like people end up overseeing the actual hard part of taking care of their mental health and genuinely convince themselves that smearing mashed up banana on their faces three nights a week will magically make everything in their life better. For me, self care extends to making yourself comfortable with being emotionally uncomfortable and brutally honest with yourself. Learning how to critically challenge your own thought processes and feelings - especially in relation to your perception of self-worth - is imperative in order to truly care for yourself.

“But Liv! Isn’t criticising yourself the polar opposite of caring for yourself? How am I supposed to embrace #self-care if I’m constantly questioning myself?”

Excellent question, beloved alter ego! I’m glad you asked. The way I see it, there’s a thin line between criticising your actual self and criticising your mindset, if that makes sense. A good example of this is self-deprecation, even if it’s just as a joke. You might make one little mistake at work or say something wrong and joke about how dumb you are and then move on with your day. No harm done, right?

Wrong. At least for me, that is. I’ve gotten so accustomed to dragging myself on a daily basis as a jOkE that it never really occurred to me that constantly joking about being a dumb b*tch might actually end up with me subconsciously internalising it and lowkey believing it. I came across the video below and it really made me rethink how I regard myself.

Peak, right? I’m always very self-aware of all my faults and shortcomings but it’s actually only recently I’ve become aware of how mean I am to myself (Although not going to lie, this video is probably a bad example because I definitely talk to my friends like this, too). Hearing the stuff you usually internalise said out loud really makes you realise how hurtful it is - and immensely damaging to your perception of self-worth.

Hopefully you see where I’m going with this; Enter the Self-Care G-Check™. This is where you catch yourself thinking self-deprecating thoughts and force yourself to figure out why you think whatever thing you’ve done wrong warrants such a spiteful internal attack. Chances are, you’ll either have a concrete reason as to why you’re being so hard on yourself about it (and work on easing up on yourself), or you’ll just realise that you’re being horrible to yourself for no reason and stop. This is definitely the hardest part for me and what I need to work the hardest on, even though I have gotten significantly better at not immediately blaming myself for everything bad that happens in my life.

Another approach to #self-care to consider is literally imagining that you are in an actual relationship with yourself - which to be fair, you are. This is particularly helpful if you are or have been in a relationship before, because I reckon it will make it easier to understand - but not necessarily.

When you’re in a relationship with someone, you (hopefully) are your significant others peace of mind, inspiration, support system, biggest cheerleader and head over heels in luuurve. You also (again… hopefully) genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings, and want to make them feel appreciated, loved and to see their worth. If you’re lucky enough to feel/have felt this way about someone, I dare you to argue as to why you shouldn’t apply the same energy to yourself.

If you think about it, the concept of thinking that someone else is more worthy of all our love and support than ourselves is extremely bizarre. It genuinely frustrates me that I’ve actually felt like this before, and I really hope that whoever this resonates with takes the time to reevaluate their emotional priorities - because as morbid and cliche as it may sound, at the end of the day we only really have ourselves to depend on in this life. I genuinely worry that there are some people that will lay on their deathbeds and realise that they lived their entire life pleasing others and neglecting their own happiness, hopes and dreams.

Wow, that got dark. But you get the point, I hope - putting yourself first regardless of if you’re in a relationship or not is imperative in terms of self-care. Feel free to treat yourself to a banana face mask once you master this. You’ve earned it.

Know thyself.

So this point pretty much ties up the previous two and is self-explanatory. Based on my own experience, I can genuinely say that learning how to be comfortable alone with my thoughts and critically analysing my negative and self-deprecating feelings about myself has given me a new level of respect and understanding for my psyche. I can confidently say that I am still learning the full extent of my worth and strength, and I am becoming more aware of how mindblowingly amazing I am with every day that passes - and I really hope that everyone reading this can feel like this or are already feeling like this.

Of course, I appreciate that everyone’s process differs wildly - that goes without saying. Only you know what’s holding you back from letting you love and appreciate yourself the way you deserve, and you owe it to yourself to figure yourself out and know exactly what to do to care for you in the best way. In all honesty, these points are extremely fluid - you can definitely bend and redefine them in a way that makes them more relevant to you and your growth.

The most important thing for me is that everyone reading this comes away realising that regardless of if they are single, in a relationship or in any other kind of arrangement really and truly understand that love and happiness stems from you, and not anybody or anything else. Especially not a sh*tty and tacky holiday.

I really and truly believe that if you take the time out to delve deeper into the three points above and really get to know yourself, you’ll start to see yourself in a much more positive light. Being able to identify and truly appreciate your strengths -  while simultaneously constructively addressing your flaws -  is such an imperative skill to possess while being stuck in a capitalist and patriarchal society that literally thrives off of women's’ ever-growing insecurities and misery.

Hopefully this time next year - regardless of if you’re single or in a healthy, happy and supportive relationship - you’ll feel empowered enough to reject the spirit of this moronic capitalist trap that people call Valentines Day.

...If that’s what you want to do, of course. Do whatever makes you happy - but I’m not going to lie, I’m definitely taking advantage of the half-price chocolate and sweets that come on the day after. Get with the winning (and financially responsible) team, beloved.

Love,

Liv

[ajokeformur-ray]

Sebastian with an s/o who has issues with their mother, and their mother picks at almost everything they do and they eventually seek comfort from him?? Sorry if that doesn't make any sense.

It makes perfect sense, lovely! Wasn’t sure if you wanted headcanons or scenarios so I did a scenario bc it was easier to write. Also, I want to give a huge shoutout to @foroursweetblasphemy because she’s honestly amazing. She’s one of my closest friends and she helped me so much with this - I was having a characterisation struggle with Sebastian and in one message she gave me the most perfect idea, which I’ve used in the second section of this imagine; which is longer than I thought it would be. So thank you!!

You’d returned home after visiting your mother and every fibre in your being was practically screaming ‘enough’. You’d just about reached your limit with how much you could take of your mother’s constant criticisms. Nothing you ever did was right for her, good enough for her, and you’d finally had enough and just wanted it to stop.

Sebastian had been almost concerned from the moment you’d gotten home, and the fact that even Ciel had asked after you had only solidified Sebastian’s suspicions. Something wasn’t quite right with whatever was happening at your mother’s house, and Sebastian was going to solve this latest problem. 

There are too many shadows lurking within this Manor as it is.

The opportunity to begin solving this problem presented itself to him when you approached him after dinner, wringing your hands and looking completely unsure of yourself. Your body language suggested that you wanted to run and hide away from the world until whatever was happening stopped, but also that you wanted help. 

“Sebastian, may I speak with you? Please?” You were looking at the floor and your shoulders were hunched as though you were trying to occupy as little physical space as possible, as though you didn’t think yourself worthy of being able to move freely.

This observation and several others clocked immediately in the back of Sebastian’s mind, and while a part of him was certainly amused, he was also slightly concerned. You were usually quite a strong person and not much could affect you like this.

“Certainly, My Lord/Lady. I’ll prepare some hot tea for you.” 

The two of you were in the kitchen, so you took a seat at the staff’s table while Sebastian left you to gather your thoughts, using tea as a convenient excuse to do so.

Time seemed to both speed up and slow down, and before long Sebastian had prepared a cup of tea for you, with more in the teapot. 

He sat down in the chair opposite you, having already anticipated the long conversation. He was not a particularly emotional or patient being, but his Young Master was concerned and for that reason, he would do his best to help you.

He waited for you to begin and though you tried not to cry, that was exactly what you ended up doing. Hot tears streamed down your face, little sobs ripped from your throat unbidden and Sebastian could only watch as you fell apart. 

His mind began whirring as he tried to come up with how you felt - humans were usually sensitive about what their loved ones thought of them so for your mother to criticise you every which way you turned… It was bound to have an affect, making you question absolutely everything, even matters which weren’t connected to your mother.

Sebastian surmised that you just wanted what humans call comfort- someone to hold you and tell you that you weren’t wrong and didn’t deserve to be treated as such. He was also angry, in part, towards your mother. 

He came to your side and wrapped an arm around you, leaning down so he could bring you into his chest, his chin resting on the top of your head. He didn’t speak, he simply held you, the anger bubbling low in the pit of his stomach. His jaw clenched, and he resolved to speak to his Young Lord.

He had an errand to attend to, and it was of the greatest urgency.

The sun had dipped beneath the horizon and night had fallen. A lone figure clad in black stood outside the property, his crimson red eyes glowing menacingly, pulsing with each thought of inflicting terror on the woman inside; your mother.

Under the cloak of night, his human form began to blur, merging with the air around him, tendrils of black nothingness flowing out from his body like ink in water. His teeth became more pointed, as did his heels, which had taken on a metallic appearance. 

His aim was to scare and so he stayed in his half-demon form, not wanting to drive your mother insane by showing her his true form. 

Dissolving on the doorstep and appearing on the other side, now in your mother’s line of sight, his lip curled into a smirk, his teeth glinting dangerously in the low light. 

The room plunged into red as blackness swirled out from where Sebastian was stood, his voice taking on a gruffer tone to his usual clipped British way of speaking, as though his throat were full  of gravel.

“Yes, you see it, don’t you? That I am not human but something else entirely.” In a flash, he was by her, his lips near her ear as he murmured to her. The woman, it seemed, was frozen in fear, trying to cower into the back of the couch, as if she thought it would swallow her whole.

Sebastian fed off her fear, enjoying it, reveling in the way her heartbeat quickened, the way her blood raced through her veins as she tried to get away from him, as she willed her legs to moved, to run, and she couldn’t. 

Just when Sebastian thought that he wouldn’t get to experience the thrill of the chase, the woman broke away, running for the stairs.

Sebastian chuckled darkly, the sound of his amusement rumbling through the walls, and he dissolved into those same shadows, which followed your mother.

There was nowhere she could go, nothing she could say or do, to get away.

Well, there was one thing she could say, and then this ghastly experience, at least for her, would be over.

“You will not torment Lord/Lady Y/N any longer with your vulgar, disgusting comments.”

The woman didn’t get very far up the stairs as Sebastian’s solid gloved hand closed over her wrist, holding her fast. 

“You can well imagine what will happen should you tell anyone what has happened here.”

She shook her head frantically, trying to communicate without her voice; too scared. 

Sebastian smirked again, the sight of which sent yet more icicles of fear up the woman’s spine. 

“I suspected as much. Take special care to remember that promise. You may not see me but I assure you, I am always watching.”

He dissolved and his voice rejoined his body, the atmosphere turning to how it had been before his arrival.

For all intents and purposes, the demon known as Sebastian Michaelis had never paid your mother a visit.

For every visit thereafter, your mother was courteous and polite to you, complimenting you or not saying anything rather than putting you down and picking you to shreds. 

Though she did her best to hide it from you, you were curious as to why she would check each corner of the room, as if looking to see something or someone there.

You never asked her why she had an apparent change of heart, but you took the change in stride, taking it at face value.

Sebastian had carried out his orders beautifully. He was, after all, simply one hell of a butler.

[annnahatcher-blog]

STOP. REDUCING. DONNA. TO. NOTHING. TO. MAKE. YOUR. SHIP. LOOK. BETTER.

I understand that different people ship different things, see fiction in their own ways, support and like stuff someone else might  dislike, but what I do not understand and will never be able to accept is people who feel the need to bring others down for the sake of lifting something they think is right and true up???

I have been in the Darvey fandom for a long time yet I had never ever seen someone say shit about Scottie to make Darvey sound better. I had never seen people hating on Mike because of “Marvey” (I don’t like Mike’s character, I have expressed that a million times but it has less than 0 to do with any sort of fictional ship he is a part of. I dislike him because I find his personality unattractive and I don’t appreciate people who aren’t prepared to work fair and square to reach their goals or think they are saints whenever they do the right thing ETC ETC. Again, 0 to do with any ship in any way shape or form. I had disliked him looong before I knew what “marvey” is.) and the reason I don’t do that (besides wanting to not be a disgusting human being and not wanting to waste my breath on pointless stuff) is because I don’t have to and would never like or support anything on TV that requires of me to bring a character down for the sake of making my ship look better.

And this brings me to Donna. I have seen a few people lately saying that she is pathetic, attention seeking, egoistic, narcissistic ETC ETC and sad enough, all of these “labels” come without any other justification (I mean actual stuff, not just taking shit out of context.) than wanting to portray her in a bad way to prove their cases that Harvey should be with Mike / Scottie. She has literally supported Harvey (AND MIKE FOR THAT MATTER. MEANWHILE SCOTTIE HATES HIS GUTS. Another random fact Marveys who are now supporting Scarvey just because half of the ship isn’t Donna are ignoring but not surprised, they seem to ignore every actual storyline anyway.) since day one selflessly and with faith for him and his actions and called him out on his bullshit yet THAT seems to make her pathetic?

And she is attention seeking, egoistic and narcissistic because she isn’t afraid to show confidence and self-love? We literally live in a world where EVERY SINGLE DAY people hate on each other and try to make u feel less worthy than you actually are YET when a strong, female character that inspires so many people to be more confident is portraying how to be self-loving and believe in yourself, people like that try to give it bad connotation for the sake of making her less appealing in some lame attempt to make her unworthy character of Harvey’s heart and time? Not to mention the fact that Harvey himself has been called narcissistic by a psychiatrist and is, by far, a lot more vocal about his love for himself than Donna ever was (nothing wrong with that, just saying), yet he is amazing and worthy more than her?

Every time Harvey does anything nice for Mike he is suddenly in love with him (while he literally voiced a million times in s6 that he “owes him” or that he “feels guilty”, but whatever) and I strongly disagree with the idea that being someone’s support system, fighting for them, being a good friend always implies romantic feelings, YET when Harvey does stuff for Donna, when he fights for her while having 0 to do with her mess, dreams about her, tells her he loves her, its never about love? Hilarious.

Marveys talk about being examples of supporting gay community and call anyone who stands in your way homophobic for disliking a ship of two characters you are forcing to be something they aren’t and accusing the writers of being homophobic for not putting them together PLUS trying to bring down a woman because half of your ship happens to be in love with her and try to reduce her whole personality to NOTHING. And then YOU CALL US awful people and then say you think Donna was only good in s1 where she was her own person YET NOW THAT SHE IS TRYING TO FIND HERSELF AND THE SHOW IS SHOWING HER FOR HER, NOT JUST SOMEONE’S SECRETARY OR A SHOULDER TO CRY ON AND IS TRYING TO FIND WHAT SHE WANTS OUT OF LIFE FOR REAL U ANALYSE A SCENE PORTRAYING THAT AS A LAME ATTEMP TO MAKE HARVEY INTO HER?

I have 0 trouble at admitting that I am far from perfect and have a lot yet to learn to improve my personality and generally views on life but, man, I really wonder how bad your personality must be to do all that? She literally went to Harvey to give her LEGAL ADVICE on whether she should take the deal that would determine HER OWN FUTURE and then she OPENED UP TO HIM ABOUT HER LIFE AND WHAT SHE HAS BEEN THINKING ABOUT (literally what Harvey has been doing to her for half of the show, yet then it’s never pathetic or lame…) and when she said “I want something more” the actual translation of that wasn’t her wanting to get some sort of love confession out of him???????? AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED HER WHAT SHE MEANS BY MORE AND SHE SAID SHE DOESN’T KNOW. You can say that maybe a part of her was talking about Harvey but that scene was about her life in general and she wasn’t freaking trying to have him say something or beg her to stay. It isn’t about that (NOT TO MENTION that she broke up with a guy she described as perfect because she realized he wasn’t the one for her despite the fact that he was smart, funny, asked her to move in with him and all that, BUT NEVER WENT TO HARVEY WITH THE INFO. She never asked anything from him. SHE is doing the things she does for herself. Not anyone else.) They are best friends since always. They trust each other. They lean on each other. She went to him for advice. That’s what people do.

And to say that his face in that moment was disgusted or YIKES about the idea of her wanting more with him?? LOL, seriously? He literally had a dream about her not working for him anymore because of them having more in 6x11 (while kissing her in bed, he must really be disgusted and soo not into her right?) and this scene was her saying she might want to do something else and he was so freaking shook about it + what is he supposed to say other than be supportive and understand where she is coming from? I honestly love that scene with all my heart. I don’t think it was important for him to say something in that moment. I don’t think it was important to Donna to hear him say something. That scene was about her. About her life and future. It wasn’t about Harvey and his feelings. NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HARVEY.

And I would also like to say another thing- even if you don’t see Darvey as romantic for whatever reason, you can’t deny they have been a team for over 12 years and have a strong bond and partnership and she admitted to him that at this point in her life having this job isn’t enough to her. IT’S HUGE. Even if you choose to look at in that way. HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO THAT? HOW DOES ONE (EVEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE ALL THE ISSUES HARVEY HAS AND HIS LOW EQ) FIND THE RIGHT WORDS TO THAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE MESS THAT WAS HAPPENING TO HIM IN THAT MOMENT? I would have HATED it if he said something like “Please don’t leave me” or “Please stay here” or “Don’t” OR WHATEVER CERTAIN PEOPLE THINK THE MAJORITY OF DARVEY FANS WANTED HIM TO SAY? He has no right and she has supported him through everything in his life and it’s time for him to give her the same and I would bet my life that he will do that in season 7, you will see.

Bottom line is- you ship whatever you want to ship, love whatever you want to love, you don’t need reasons to. BUT when you are trying to criticise something / someone, show real arguments and don’t take things out of context and maybe try to think about what kind of world you want to live in. I most certainly don’t want to be a part of something that requires me to shit on an amazing, strong, ambitious and supporting character that is trying to find her place in the world. Whether you think Harvey is in love with her or not, or you know he is and don’t want him to, I DO NOT CARE, I COULDN’T GIVE LESS SHIT about it. It just makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to have to live in a world where I have to see a girl bring another girl down for the sake of her ship.

I have 0 doubts Harvey will be supportive and loving, continue to be her rock, just like she is his and I WILL ENJOY WATCHING THAT whether you choose to see that or not, it’s only making your experience worse, not mine. But what I will not shut up about is saying shit about Donna and making her into something she is not, so you can feel better about a concept of a ship that is long dead, or never existed in the first place for that matter.

That’s all.

Bye.

(I understand and I am aware that there are perfectly nice and awesome Scarvey and Marvey shippers somewhere out there too, I am not trying to generalize you all to the same thing. Just addressing those who fit the descriptions I just gave.)