#holy shit there is so much text

[melissa-titanium]

GUYS CONSIDER. imsorry id write more but i I Think thisis enouG;h + i gotta zeep uGH.

[nova-rpv]

a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)

[hotandnonbinary]

Doctor and Doctor Wilson | Vow Renewal (5x18)

for @bpdbuck who needed more henren in their life <3

+ Bonus Madney Wedding (7x06)

[urfavcrime]

CCLINGY: birds of a feather <3

im sick of the angst EVERYONE LOOK THEYRE BEST FRENS AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH :>

overall im pretty proud of this!!! not bad for my first capcut edit

[silver-horse]

TREVOR MORRIS I want you back 😭😭😭😭😭

[sixxxer]

trop would've probably been as popular as hotd if they shipbaited silvergifting instead of saurondriel lmao

[scramble-crossing]

HAPPY HE DOESNT FUCK FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

[seanettlles]

barely-adults in fandom are starting to become Real Scary with their black and white rules and moral purity schtick 💀 glad my fandom interaction is 99% on discord these days

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[copia]

TICKETS ‼️ BUT AT WHAT COST

[where-the-water-flows]

What are 3 things that are nice around you? We gotta remember that positives exist

tagged by @howlingmoonrise - <3

bingley! the sweetest, stupidest little guy. traded all his braincells for soft; definition of eyes closed three paws can't lose.

my fancy bitch (not really)(kinda) mechanical keyboard, which has a set of lotus ink painting caps from aliexpress and delights me immensely.

a tin of danish butter cookies, which actually (currently) contains cookies, and not sewing supplies.

no pressure tags: @qilingxiong, @lianhuajing, @bettercostume, @junemermaid

yes pressure tags: @a-memory-a-distant-echo

Cat tax: mr beeps himself, asleep in the plush cat bed,apparently unbothered by the heat despite the fact it's like 34 fucking degrees °C

[hungerpunch]

the amount of whatsapp and discord notifications i have makes me nauseous to look at. i wish someone would figure out a way to just burst the guilt bubble and get back into texting without having to face such a clear indicator that you're super depressed

[extraterracetrial]

"what chu gonna do about it champ?" Isn't Antinous not that much older than Telemachus??

[fallenspirit]

never not thinking about how adorable ross butler looks with dogs

[mcdennis]

not the dead name and misgendering in the family group chat where everyone calls me charlie and is actually understanding of my transition

[raayllum]

we don't talk enough about the philosophical/social ramifications that comes in TDP's world from knowing beyond an absolute doubt that a person's soul literally, tangibly exists and can be extracted/messed with through magic. elves and dragons are (until we get an example of otherwise) born with their primal connections, indicating that it is something innate and part of a great primal (hence why it can be extracted through their body parts), thereby also connected to their souls, possibly? which means callum is conceivably changing/expanding his by attaching primals to it manually and spiritually (or at least might be how some schools of thought see it).

are their debates about primal vs soul connection, if there's a difference at all? since the soul exists, all religious systems would have to decide where it goes (which isn't too different from how it works in theory now, but having proof is still wild). are there texts about the ethics of magic that exclusively touches the soul? how often are soul fang serpents taken and dissected from study? are there restrictions in place for experiments you can do with the soul in either the pentarchy or xadia? could you split a soul in half or is it like an atom and indivisible? is the soul considered the inherent essence of self hood, or does the self build and the shape your soul takes, depending on the branch of philosophy?

just... proof of souls