#his stupid hat doesn��t fall off

[undertale-writing-times]

For the outcodes !:3 s/o have chosen to give a Christmas gift for then and it was a handmade gift (a really well crafted one ,for each one can be something different like a hat or a shirt or a hodie or a scarf)

Thank you for the cute ask! I'm really sorry it took me so long to get to it ^^'

it's past Christmas... I had so many other things to do >n<

Echo: When Echo opened the gift to see a sweater on the inside, he would rub his thumbs together on the fabric. He didn't really expect to get a gift, or even to do something like this, though his datemate told him that they wanted to do gifts and Christmas things, said that he deserved it. He didn't think so... he agreed though, just to make them happy. The sweater caught him off guard, he could tell that it was handmade. He liked sewing things himself, he started to make toys based off his old family. He changes into the sweater, keeping on his scarf, and leans against them shutting his eye sockets mumbling out a soft thank you. It made him really happy, he never expected them to ever do something like that for him, he wasn't worth it, but if they're going to do it... he's going to love it. He wears it really often, the 'blood' soaks into it though which makes him a little upset. Hopefully, it's red! Expect to see him sometimes nuzzling the fabric whenever he gets bad thoughts. It happens... often.

Error: Error thought that the idea of gifts was stupid until he opened the one that he got from them and he sees two plushies. One of himself, and the other of his datemate. He rubs his thumb over the fabric of his datemate's plushie then sees his own. There were even some small strings on his own. Ha... how cute. "t...tHaNkS" he mumbles, and pushes his own gift over to them embarrassed. More often than not, his datemate could see him playing with the plushies, and more often than not, he would fall asleep hugging onto the plush of his datemate, it was nice to be able to hold onto them and cuddle with them, even if they're just a plushie, it isn't like he could cuddle the real one, and then he'll make his datemate cuddle his, and he won't get jealous... unless they start to pay too much attention to the plushie instead of him. Then he's going to have a problem with plushie error because they're his datemate, not the damn plushie.

Ink: Ink found the idea of Christmas so sweet and cool! He drank a few different colors of his paint to get his emotions settled, then lay down quickly with his datemate "I'm so excited!" he was really happy. They smile, and push him a box, it wasn't the biggest box but big enough compared to him, damn him for being so tiny. He opens the box, peeking into it then opens it wider blinking a few times. The colors changed each time he blunk. Inside was a hoodie with way too long sleeves that were rainbow and would most likely reach the floor "Oh my gosh!" He grins, bouncing a little, and pulls on the hoodie starting to flap the sleeves. This was his new favorite thing! When he learned that they made it for him, making it from scratch he gasps, then grins and hugs onto them tightly, nuzzling his cheek against theirs, while saying how much he loved it! He gives them their gift, then starts to roll around on the floor in his multi-colored hoodie.

Fresh: Fresh didn't quite understand why his datemate wanted to go and do gifts. Sure, they're nice and all that, he just didn't really get it. Even so, he's going to make sure that he gets them a gift that he thinks that they would like. When he opens his gift and sees a scarf he tilted his head to the side. The scarf had eye-bleeding colors that mixed together too much. He grins a little and laughs looking over at them "Aw dang brah, this is bodacious. How much cheddar ya spend on this?" They laugh, shaking their head and tell him that they made it themselves! For him... it caught him a little off guard. Huh, there's that weird feeling in his chest again... he looks down, rubbing his thumb on the fabric nodding. He doesn't wear it, he wants it to be safe. Keeps it on him all the time though. He just doesn't want it to get messed up or anything, and if it did, he'll get sad. It's a comfort item now just like his shades!

Rad: When Rad's datemate told him that they wanted to share Christmas, and give gifts, he got flustered and said that that was a stupid idea. He was just embarrassed, and that was normally how he reacted to things like that... yet now they were here, and he was holding the gift that they gave him. The strange feeling was shooting through his body, and he slowly opens it. There was a pair of fingerless knitted gloves that were supposed to look like maybe leather gloves. They were so soft "Ha where'd ya find these things?" then they went and said that they made it for him. They made it themselves just for him. He opens his mouth, then shuts it again, blushing brightly the color spreading across his face. "That's real... real freakin' gnarly" He clears his throat, turning his head away, taking off his own gloves to change into the other ones "I'd have ta haul ass to show em off to all the freaks that ain't got nobody" they laugh, kissing his cheek, looking amused. He's gonna die from being so embarrassed, damn them. He loved them so much.

Drain: Normally, he would be using this time to go and get different emotions from the different AU's. Though, he wasn't, because his datemate asked him to stay with them for the holiday of Christmas. He agreed, and he had to go into his secret stash of different emotions. He kept them in jars in the anti-void where he lived. They don't get cluttered up or anything, which is good. He ate the yellow ones, those are the happiest emotions. When he got there, and they spent time together, and he got the gift that they gave him. When he opened it, he saw that it was a beanie that was sewn together. He hums, and pulls on the beanie, smiling brightly "wow this is so nice, thank you Y/n! That's so sweet of you" he leans over, nuzzling his cheek against his datemate's. He really does enjoy the hat, he just won't wear it too often. He doesn't want to lose it or anything while going to different AU's.

Glitch: Gifts are something that Glitch doesn't quite understand, though that didn't mean he wasn't excited to try it out! He would fix his glasses often, because they slip down and he doesn't have enough tape right now anymore. He might have used it way too much on the gift that he wrapped up for his datemate. He tried his best to figure out a way to help Drain not have to kill and break AU's to get happy, or just to feel emotions. There were different ways to do that. Drain didn't listen, luckily since it was Christmas they were both not fighting each other. He put his 404 air pen away, and was happy to spend time with his datemate. When he opened the box that they gave him, and he saw that they gave him a scarf that they made, he gets so excited! He loves it! He puts it on, seeing that it said 404 in white against the blue, which he thought was just adorable, and kisses over their face, hugging them around their neck. He was often someone that would be way too touchy, and the reason being was because he was left alone for so long in an empty place that he grew so touch starved. He found it funny how different he was compared to the other Error.

[fallingappleshurt]

Do y’all wanna see the VERY BASIC outline for my AU based off the Project Pink story, this shit that I wrote while sleep deprived

Too bad have it anyways

(I will be adding a lot more to this AU and might change some stuff but here are just the basics, god I’m tired)

ANYWAYS Finding a Home

There aren’t really any set age ranges or stories in place for this yet, it’s more just a brain dump word vomit thing

Techno:

-A really good student even though he procrastinates all of the time

-He really likes to read

-Has really big boxy glasses that are too big for his face (He’ll grow into them eventually)

-He has claimed himself to be Wilbur’s protector of sorts, making sure he doesn;t do anything too reckless or stupid and overall just trying to help him

-He has stopped Wilbur from doing so much stupid shit, you don’t even know

-They have been through about 6 foster homes before being placed with Phil

-They were split up once but after a few weeks Techno got sick of his home and met up with Wilbur, who hid him for two days before getting busted

-They put Techno back in the same home but he ran away again, he saved up money and stayed in a gross motel for a day then in a park for another before being found

-Finally he was placed back with Wilbur and they were put with Phil

-Techno is obsessed with space, absolutely star-struck (haHA) by it

- The different planets and their environments, stars, comets, he thinks it’ll all super interesting

-He has those shitty glow in the dark stars on the wall next to his bunk

-Once he and Wilbur snuck out to the woods at night and climbed up a tree to star gaze away from city lights

-(Majority of their ‘delinquent stuff was before they met Phil)

-He and Wilbur would spray paint animal faces on water tanks and abandoned properties

-They spent half of their childhood in a kind of crappy neighborhood with weird streets, trashy houses, and the town was overall just dumpy

-They would wander around and explore some of the closed off or abandoned houses just to see what was there

-They couldn't do this any when they were placed with Phil, who lives in the suburbs

-They can still cause chaos, somewhat, where he works

-Techno and Phil go to the library everyone, it’s become a tradition

-Techno likes pigs, enough said

Wilbur:

-Dirty crime boy

-Has definitely hidden from the cops before, nothing that serious

-Really likes to play the guitar

-He has fairy lights hanging around the top bunk of his bed, there was nothing to hang them on so he taped them to the wall

-He is actually really good with spray paint

-Phil got some old wooden boards for Wilbur to paint on instead of private property, cause, ya know

-He gets is paint from some rando at school

- He really likes to adventure and sneak around

-Half of the stuff he does gives Techno a heart attack

-Wilbur is okay at school but he doesn’t really like it but for some reason he is really good at science

-He’s mad there isn’t a guitar option for the band or orchestra

-At an old foster home he would steal an older siblings guitar to practice with, he did this so much to the point where they would have to lock it away so he couldn’t get to it

-So he learned to pick locks

-So they had to hide it in different places

-He really likes the ocean, especially coral reefs and sea animals

-He wants to scuba dive some day!

-Techno learned a bunch of ocean facts and will randomly spew them at Wilbur

-He enjoys it

-Wilbur likes to listen to Techno talk about anything like books, shows, movies, anything that he is interested in and will listen to Techno talk about it for hours, it’s especially interesting when he’s passionate about the topic and Wilbur can see him getting more excited and into it

-Techno has books that’d read outloud to Wilbur when they were younger, sometimes when they can’t sleep, he’ll read out loud again

-Wilbur really likes stickers and has a box of them but doesn’t know where to put them so they just stay in the box

-He keeps collecting them though

-He teaches Tommy the guitar every Thursday

-He will randomly walk up behind Techno and rest his chin on Technio’s head

Phil:

-He is the manager of a mall (BEAR WITH ME)

- He has fostered kids before but never adopted before Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy

-He is good at handling chaos, thank god, and isn’t really phased by half of the stuff his kids do

-He gardens, he randomly started one day and found out he has a green thumb

-He also is a good cook and spends time trying to teach the boys how to cook, or at least not set the kitchen on fire

-Techno and Tommy show promise but Wilbur might be a lost cause for cooking

-He has a heart tattooed on his left wrist

-The bucket hat is something he wears when gardening

-He bought Wilbur his first guitar and a song book to go with it, later on he got Wilbur a notebook so he could write songs or anything he wanted to

-He takes Techno to the library every week, the first time they went Techno only got a few books but the next time he got like 16 and some of them were thick boys and Techno couldn’t carry them all

-He has taken all of them to the aquarium and Wilbur almost lost his shit trying to see everything

-Techno read all of the fish information tablets and Tommy liked the interactive pool where you could poke rocks and shit

-He brings them to work with him sometimes and lets them wander around the mall, praying to god they don’t set shit on fire

-He is really patient with Tommy but once they got comfortable with each other he had no problem teasing him, all of the boys really

-He really likes birds and has a bird feeder in the tree in their backyard

Tommy:

-Gremlin

-That’s it

- He is super energetic and bouncy

-He has trouble falling asleep sometimes because of this

-He is loud and can be rude but means well

-He wasn’t super interested in a lot of things but he loves legos, even if there aren’t any specific things he has to build, he just likes to make giant towers with them and sets them up around the house

-They have all stepped on so many legos, oh so many legos

-He’s really smart but has a hard time focusing so he gets help from Techno and Wilbur, and Phil, sometimes

-His knees are constantly scraped

-He made friends with a kid named Tubbo from school, they became close friends really quickly

-Tubbo and Tommy switched bandanas, Tommy gave Tubbo his red one and Tubbo gave Tommy his green one (YES I’m going THERE)

-Tommy doesn’t let anyone else touch it

-None of the others actually knew about Tubbo, they’d ask who gave him the bandana and he’d say some girl from school or something

-After awhile Tommy wanted to see Tubbo outside of school so he lied and said he joined a club then would go hang out with Tubbo after school at a park

-This went on for weeks until Techno and Wilbur got suspicious, Wilbur actually cut class and followed Tommy, who was still in elementary, like 5th grade, at the time and got out earlier, and saw him meeting at a park

-He didn’t find this to be that bad and told Techno but not Phil

-Eventually Tubbo got to meet the rest of the family but that wasn’t until sixth grade or so

[jitterbugjive]

Live Action Dumbo

So I saw the Tim Burton Dumbo in theaters recently and I thought I’d save everyone the pain of watching it by pasting my summary of it here. I wish I was making this shit up but this movie is exaggerated so far beyond the cartoon that everything about it is less believable than the flying elephant it’s about.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

So, basically the plot revolves around 3 people, 2 personality'less kids, one girl who's personality is "I like science but the only way I show that is by saying I like it and acting like no one understands me while all my lines are delivered like i'm smart but traumatized to have no emotions because my mom is dead" while the brother's only defining line is "I can stand on my head for ten seconds" basically to show he's a talentless useless nothing. which he remains throughout the whole film. Then there's the dad, the only really decent character of the three, a war veterin who lost an arm and used to ride horses in the circus, reduced to tending to the elephants because it was the only job he had so the circus is going out of business and the ringleader sold all the horses because no one was around to perform with them any more, and he buys a pregnant asian elephant from fuck knows where because he wants to market the baby baby is born, he gets mad that the baby is a mutated hideous freak and insists it wont sell

there's also a shitty guy taking care of the elephants who abuses them for no damn reason other than to be a bad guy anyway circus leader tells the dad to hide the ears, and they decide to put him in a weird baby hat that tucks his ears in now the kids just for some reason decide to blow a feather at him and he likes playing blow the feather with them, but he snorts the feather up his nose, sneezes, and flies for a moment but for some stupid reason they think it was him eating a peanut that did it so they cant convince him to fly again but now he's addicted to snorting feathers i guess because he snorts one off a lady;'s hat when he';s being paraded around as a baby, and he sneezes, ears come loose, but he doesn;t fly the ENTIRE circus starts laughing at himn and throwing food at him the other elephants spook because he's scary i guess??? his mom gets antagonized by asshole going "hur hur they laughing at your ugly baby" she gets mad, comes out to defend him, dad calms her down, asshole runs out screaming MAD ELEPHANT and pisses her off again so she tears the circus down on accident and kills the asshole circus leader lies to the cops i guess so they can keep the elephant locked in a mad elephant cage, the circus troupe for some reason sing baby mine together then circus leader decides "i was ripped off, i'm gonna sell her back to the guy but keep the freak baby as a clown because people laughed at him" the kids meanwhile try to comfort him by dumping peanuts on him but he's too depressed to eat, and then a feather just happens to get in so once again he snorts it up like a coke addict and sneezes and flies and starts flying all over the place and snorting the feather over and over until just snorting the feather and not sneezing lets him fly i guess

dad gets forced to be a clown because he was ashamed of himself having 1 arm and didn't want to be seen, they do the clown scene but with a monkey at the top of the building and dumbo as a firefighter to snort water and put out the controlled fires jackass mcgee controlling the fires doesn't do his damn job and a clown throws a thing that activates a lever to make EXTREME FIRE OH NO little girl risks her life going up the ladder to make dumbo snort a feather and fly now people see him flying and basically shit themselves, the circus begins advertising their flying elephant then the BIG BAD CIRCUS catches wind and is like 'let's make a coownership contract for the elephant and i'll hire your whole troupe and give them a place to live' This guy is so obviously scummy it's not remotely subtle, down to collecting girls as trophies one said woman he claims is her queen who does the trapese obvious love interest for lonely dad because disney i guess and they decide let's make her fly ON the baby elephant for some reason figure it out in less than a week or so help me the bank is gonna fund this but only if she flies perfectly on this BABY elephant because big circus is actually secretly going bankrupt and relying on dumbo to fix it

i forgot to mention the kids promised dumbo if he performed well and earned enough money they'd buy his mom back also the girl constantly points out the obvious. constantly, at the worst times too so the performance day comes, they dont think they're ready but they gotta do it anyway cuz big bank guy is watching

We get Pink elephants but it’s people blowing bubbles that somehow come to fucking life and all Dumbo does is bob his head to the music and watch them, I guess the whole theater is tripping because everyone sees this shit going down but no one questions how in the hell bubbles are doing all this. This scene is short and it’s just dancing bubbles, for a Tim Burton movie you’d think of all scenes PINK ELEPHANTS would be trippy as balls but nah. nah it’s just bubbles and repetitive music and a baby elephant nodding his head to the beat

anyway it’s time for the performance but then jackass circus owner is like lel no nets no matter that it's illegal and puts lives in danger and may traumatize people no nets because it makes it a better show (he doesn’t get in trouble for this at all btw, just the lady getting mad at him and him like ‘hey it’s show biz hur hur’ so lady is nervous, dumbo hesitates, performance goes to shit when lady falls and barely catches a rope and dumbo almost falls off a platform but he gets a feather somehow and weee flying ppeople are like oooh aah but then he hears his mom

because APPARENTLY the big bad circus bought her and put her on display as a spooky scary elephant in nightmare island dumbo is emotionally nuzzling her, everyone follows him, everyone is there as the big bad circus guy is like GET THE BABY ELEPHANT AWAY FROM HER and no one does a damn thing no one protests they all just stare as he's taken away and then only after he;s taken away this fucking girl goes "i think that's his mom :0" big bad circus guy is pissed and goes on about how it's better to do things alone and to seperate them, and asks that the mom be killed the next day to sever the problem also bank guy is like "well the elephant was flying but not with the lady so fuck you i';m not wow'd at all you fail, get it right next time or no money" big bad circus guy then goes "oh by the way ther troupe are all useless and do what our troupe already does so i fired them, send them away" so everyone's pissed and comes up with a plan to rescue the elephants and get them out of the circus

circus freaks use their circus freaky powers to bust mama jumbo out, while dumbo and lady distract people with a performance and the dad climbs the tent to cut it open with one arm because i guess no one else in the troupe could fucking climb i guess so dumbo can fly out with the lady

they fly out and go to a control tower to open a gate for mama jumbo in a truck to be free, they restrain the lady but are too scared of the baby elephant to stop it from SWITCHING ALL THE SWITCHES AND TURNING OFF THE POWER OF THE PLACE big bad circus guy busts in to the control room knowing they are there somehow and just starts trying to flip the switches back and a dude is like "wait nooo you have to let it reboot first or it'll short circuit" \big bad circus dude doesn;t listen and goes apeshit on the controls, even whacking them with his cane until they spark whole circus catches fucking fire kids are being chased by big bad circus dude's henchman in to the burning tent dad has to ride a horse in to save them but then they all get trapped in the burning tent

dumbo is about to be reunited with his mom when he realizes o no they are in the tent and flies off to rescue them, grabbing a bunch of water in his trunk he gets them out but oh no the feather burned how can he fly i know, a dumb speech about how he doesn't need the feather and an allusion to a stupid keyt around the girl's neck from her mother which she throws in a fire to prove "i dont need it like you dont need the feather" \and he;s just okay and flies them out dad steals another horse to get out

they drive jumbo and fly dumbo to a big cargo boat where they just kinda.... walk the elephants on no questions asked to be shipped to india now the little circus is doing a new thing where they no longer have animals because they dont believe in keeping animals captive for entertainment, and everyone jsut dresses as animals instead

and mom and dumbo get united with wild elephants who foir some reason give 0 shits about a flying elephant with huge ears unlike the circus elephants which freaked out the end oh and science girl does one science thing supposedly which is making her dad a metal arm when we see her not making anything ever the entire moviue and she has her own science tent where it';s just a projector showing a video of lady flying on dumbo???? idfk it was fucking stupid groan what a piece of shit

[ticknart]

Second Summer: School

Summer school sucked. That's all there was to it. However, it was the only way Wendy Corduroy could finish enough credits to come to school half days her senior year. Six more weeks of school. She wanted to ring the neck of the groundhog that made that happened. It would be worth it, she kept telling herself. She'd get to work more and put away the extra money. She'd get into a good school and leave Gravity Falls for a while.

She popped her locker open and dropped the Algebra II book inside. One good thing about summer school was very little homework. The teacher basically gave them an assignment and they worked on it all morning. At the end they turned it in and would see their grades the next day. Class moved fast, but the days dragged on forever.

Days outside of summer school weren't much better. Ever since the whole Weirdmageddon thing last summer and then the "Never Mind All That" policy things had settled down in Gravity Falls. Well, actually, things had gone back to the way they were before two kids from California had shown up. It was those two kids who kept finding strange things in Gravity Falls and not forgetting them.

It was with those two that Wendy had learned that the people of Gravity Falls had memories targeted and removed. Wendy never knew if she had lost memories to The Society of the Blind Eye. When she and Soos had gone back to the museum to look for the memory canisters in the Fall, they were all gone. She assumed that everyone in town had been taken by The Society at some point.

Which was too bad because at least then people simply couldn't remember what was going on around them. Now they all choose to ignore the amazing things around them. Although, many of those had become normal, too. There are only so many times you can watch gnomes1 root through the trash or hear the manotaur war cry before it becomes normal and boring. She wondered what had been wiped from her mind. Had she dated a man/beaver? Did she have tea with a sasquatch? Had a meteor crashed to Earth bathing her in radiation and granting her superpowers that she could no longer access because the memories of using them were gone? There was no way to know unless those canisters were found. Unless she moved the canisters and wiped her own memory clean before going home. That was a questions that would sit with her for a while.

Also, it didn't help that she only had semi-regular work at the Mystery Shack. For the time when the Shack was run by Soos and Abuela, Wendy worked the weekends. (Really worked. Abuela had no time for relaxing at the counter.) Ever since Melody had moved to Gravity Falls, though, Wendy had been knocked off the schedule. Not fired, but not working, either. She thought she'd be able to pick up some hours during the summer, but that hadn't happened, yet. Hopefully soon. She didn't want to work at The Royal Ragtime Theater, but her in with Thompson could get her hired. Ugh, she should probably head over there now that school was out.

She sighed as she walked toward the doors of the school. If the rest of the year was anything to go by, this was going to be a long, boring summer. Nothing but watching gnomes go through trash and sweeping up popcorn for Wendy Corduroy. The sun blinded her as she pushed out of the building. She blinked away the brightness walking down the steps. When her eyes cleared, she stopped, causing one of her classmates to bump into her.

There, on the sidewalk in front of the school, ringing his hands and pacing back and forth, was a kid in a fur hat. Dipper Pines. Wendy smiled. Summer suddenly got a lot more interesting. He wouldn't be content with the normal weird things in Gravity Falls, no way. No matter what he thought about himself, he was a fearless hunter and he'd root out all the new weird.

She straightened the blue pine tree cap she traded him for last year and increased her pace. He hadn't noticed her and still didn't notice her as she approached. He looked a little green around the edges. And nervous. Why did he look so nervous?

"Dipper," Wendy said, stopping near the pacing boy.

He jumped, looked up at her, and blushed.

Dipper hadn't changed much over the last year. He'd grown a little, maybe, but she still felt like she towered over him. He wore the blue vest he'd worn all last summer, probably stuffed with everything he'd need to find new and interesting things in Gravity Falls; he was such a scout. On his head sat the furred ushanka she'd given him when she took his cap. His brown mop of hair stuck out in all directions from under the hat. He still wrung his hands. Also, he looked like he wanted to puke.

Smiling, she said, "Welcome back to Gravity Falls, man."

"You, too," he said and then looked down at his feet. "I mean... Well... It's good... You know?"

She put her hands on his shoulders and he stopped fidgeting. "It's good to see you, too," she said. She gave him a huge smile when he looked at her again. He smiled back, shyly.

There it was. He still had a crush on her. And it was worse than ever. She hoped she had settled things with him last summer, after the run-in with the shape shifter, but wasn't surprised that things hadn't settled. As they say, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." He was a really sweet guy who had avoided picking up his great uncle's worst habits when it came to women. He would make someone very happy, one day, but it probably wouldn't be her. She'd have to work hard this summer to make him understand and make it stick. Though, she wasn't sure how to do that without being cruel, yet, because she still wanted to be his friend, running through the woods or chasing down monsters. Friends like Dipper were important to have, and rare, because the only thing they expected of you was to be you. That was probably the greatest gift a friend could give.

"How was the bus ride?" she asked.

"Long," he said. "I didn't sleep. I was too excited to get here. I could barely eat. Mabel thought I was being stupid."

"Stupid about what?"

"About coming here," he said, "back to Gravity Falls. It's like... Look I was born in the Bay Area and have lived there my whole life, but coming back to Gravity Falls is like coming home."

She watched him as he spoke. The nervousness had disappeared. He'd stopped wringing his hands. He had a dreamy look in his eyes. This was a Dipper she could work with.

"Dang," she said. "That's not stupid."

"Yeah, but it's okay," he said, taking off his hat and running his fingers through his hair. "Mabel fits everywhere. She doesn't know what it's like to constantly be where you don't fit. She doesn't get what it's like to finally find a place where you fit."

"Dang," Wendy said, again.

This was some deep stuff. Especially from someone so young. He had gone through some pretty intense stuff last year and she could understand how that could lead to some serious thinking. Wendy remembered how felt and thought when all that stuff with her mom happened. She was younger than Dipper at that time.

"Not that it isn't great to see you," she said, hoping to force away any thoughts of her mother, "but what are you doing here? At school, I mean. We could have gotten together later."

"Yeah, well, when we first got here and were loading our stuff into Soos's truck, I heard a couple of guys talking about weird frogs wandering the high school. One of them thought they might be leftovers from dissections. I thought, maybe, we could check it out?"

Every school year there were stories about living animals being dissected in the biology classes. Worms wriggling as a student made an incision down the length. Fish gasping for breath as they're placed on the dissection tray. Frogs hopping away before their feet could be pinned. The same old stories year after year. Wendy had never seen anything that made her believe the stories, though. It would probably be a waste of time, but summer was totally for wasting time, wasn't it?

"Absolutely," she said, grinning. "Where do we start?"

Dipper pulled a notebook from his pocket, tugged off the elastic band, and opened it to the book-marked page. Wendy noticed that there was a large "4" written on the cover because of course he would create his own journal. What she thought was most interesting about this new journal was that he hadn't opened it to the first page, which meant that he had found some interesting things near his home. That, or he was being an angsty teen filling up the pages with his worries and bad poetry. She doubted it, though.

"Okay," he said, as his finger traced down the page, "one of the guys said that he'd heard that his friend's girlfriend's sister saw one near some barn by the baseball diamond."

"The Barn2? Where the custodian keeps his stuff? Isn't that friend-of-friend thing kind of a stretch?" she asked.

"Maybe," he said, closing the notebook, "but some of the best tips that I've gotten came from hearsay, like this, or drunks."

"Good enough for me," she said, feeling happy because he had kept up his research, if that was the right thing to call it, while he was at home. "This is your show. Lead the way."

"Wendy?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know where The Barn is."

"Right. Sorry. I'm used to you taking the lead on these sorts of things. Follow me."

She led him up the walk to the entrance. She pulled the door open and, like the gentleman she was, Wendy held the door for him. He flushed and muttered a thank you. She darted in behind him.

"How was your school year?" she asked.

"Okay," he said, "we got to go to the..."

It was a shame that he still had a crush on her. Sure, she was flattered and he was cool and smart and fun, but, as she told him last summer, the age difference was just too big. Yes, there had been a larger age difference between her parents, but, come on, he had been 12 and she was 15. Three whole years apart. Three seemed like a small number, but it was a huge chunk of life. Three years had been a fifth of her life and a quarter of his. Not to mention the grade difference. She couldn't help it if she'd finished her sophmore year before they met. It wasn't her fault that she'd started kindergarten at four. She didn't get to pick her birthday. It wasn't her choice to turn five just before the cutoff. No one wanted to be the youngest one in the class. She was, though. Lucky her.

Whe she tried to let him down easily, he seemed to understand that they were friends -- great friends -- and that's what counted. They could watch movies, eat pizzas, go on adventures and it was the best. Better than it was with any of the boys she had dated. How do you explain to a kid, who'd never held hands with a girl, that things change when you start dating? Boys might say that they like that you can throw a hatchet and hit a target from 20 feet away and beat them in a contest, but once you start dating, suddenly it's a problem. Suddenly you don't dress pretty enough. Suddenly you're too tall. Suddenly you hang with too many other guys. You don't change anything that they said they liked about you and suddenly you were all wrong. If they every really liked you at all.

It's why she never should have agreed to go out with Robbie. They'd been pretty good friends since starting high school, but after they started to date, he expected her to do everything he wanted to do without a question. He knew who she was before they dated. Why did he expect her to be any different because they smooched some at the arcade instead of arguing over who could change a tire faster in Pit Stop Mayhem3? Kissing was nice, but fleeting. Arguing with a friend could last forever.

Also, though she hated to admit it, Dipper was so smart it scared her sometimes. He messed up like all kids do, but he knew so much about how the world around them worked. He actively went out to learn more. When he didn't know something he did everything he could to research. He wanted to understand. He seemed to remember everything. Wendy knew that she was smart enough, decent grades in school and all that, but she wasn't on his level. Even if he wasn't a GENIUS genius, like his uncle, Dipper was still awfully smart. If he had been her age when they met, she didn't think that she would have been able to speak to him like a person. She would have been too worried about looking like an idiot and feeling dumber than dirt.

"...gull just reached up and snatched it from her hand." Dipper laughed. "She chased after it and when it started flying she yelled, 'I'll find out where you live, you flying rat, and then you'll be sorry.'"

Wendy laughed, too. She hadn't heard any of the story, but since he was laughing she did it too. There wouldn't be a quiz about the story later on, right?

Dipper broke away from her side and ran to the small stone building they had been walking toward. He stood by the wall for half a second and ran back to her.

"Is that thing 'The Barn' you were talking about?" he asked. "'Cause if it is, it stinks. I mean it really stinks."

"You think they'd give the custodian some place that nice to work in? That's the bathroom. The Barn's behind it."

"All of the smell without the charm?"

"Exactly."

"I guess it's nice to know that some things in high school will be the same as middle school."

Wendy scoffed then said, "It's all the same, dude. The only difference is that people are taller and growing more hair in weird places. I mean, armpits? Seriously?"

"You don’t have to talk to me about weird hair. I've seen Grunkle Stan in his underwear."

They both laughed as they walked around the bathroom. As they curved around the corner, they stopped. There was The Barn. It was about the size of a two-car garage. It had two large doors. Behind one was the riding mower, she assumed. On the short end closest to them was a window, perfect for peeking through.

"The door is on the far side. I think we should take a look here," she said.

"I," said Dipper, "agree."

The ground beneath them was squishy as they snuck toward the window. Small rectangles of something were scattered everywhere. Dipper picked one up, so Wendy picked one up, too.

"It's leathery," said Dipper. He smelled it. "It smells like... kerosene? I'm not sure."

"Formaldehyde."

"How do you know that?"

"I think these are the skin flaps you get when you open up a frog to dissect them."

"What?"

"You know, you take a scalpel and cut through the chest" -- She used her finger to cut horizontally across his chest. -- "then the bottom of its belly" -- She swiped at him again, much lower this time. -- "then you go right up the middle" -- Her finger moved up the center of his body. -- "so you can pull it open" -- She pretended to rip him apart where she had traced the last line. -- "and get at the frog's insides."

Dipper's eyes were as big as his opened mouth.

"I guess you haven't dissected a frog yet."

"No."

"Look. It’s nothing. It's way easier than field dressing a deer."

"I guess... So, what are these exactly?"

"You kinda pull the skin back and pin it down. You don't cut it off 'cause the teachers gonna get pretty pissed if it ends up floating around the classroom. I think someone's been cutting the skin flaps off."

"Why?"

"That's what we're here to learn, right?"

"I... yeah, but it just so" -- Dipper shivered. -- "blargh."

"Totally blargh," Wendy said.

They dropped their skin pieces and continued to sneak to the window.

Once underneath, Dipper found the dried out body of a dissected frog and showed it to her. She shrugged back at him. Ever so slowly, they stood up just enough to peek through the window. It was open and the screen was missing. All they could see through it was an odd green glow. They rose up more. When they were standing tall enough, Dipper practically at his normal height, to see the floor, they saw a small pit surrounded by eleven candles with green flames4.

A large rectangle of light appeared at the far end of The Barn. Wendy and Dipper ducked down fully before raising up so that just their eyes peeked over the window. They watched as the light disappeared and heard heavy steps. It was the custodian. He unzipped his jump suit, pulled his arms out, and let the top part hang. He wore a white t-shirt with a messy, multicolored, eleven-pointed star, with a swirling design in the center, drawn on it. It looked like he took several Pokeys5 from classrooms and drew the star himself. He pushed a bright yellow mop bucket with his feet.

When he reached the pit, he picked up the bucket and carefully placed it inside.

"Okay. Okay. Okay," he said, puffing out his giant, drooping mustaches when he breathed out. "Here we go."

He walked around, chose a candle to stand near, and faced the pit. He spread his arms out wide and, with a loud whoop, clapped his hands together. He took a step, turning around and facing away from the pit, then took another step, turning again to face the pit and stretching his arms out. He step-turn-clapped his way around the circle until he faced the first candle, where he dropped to his knees, picked up the candle, and spoke:

"Sú to posvätný dar? Dokážem svojho najlepšieho priateľa. Neodpovedal si môj posledný hlas, ale nezáleží na tom. Viem, že ste veľmi zaneprázdnení. Všetka tráva vyrastie a bábika je hovno. Dúfam však, že máte čas, aby ste mi pomohli. Naozaj nenávidím každého, kto tu pracuje. Prineste ďalšiu žabu a strávite celý deň v sobotu, aby ste dokončili erotický román založený na živote Nevillea Chamberlaina. Dúfam, že vaša rodina uspeje a starší ľudia nevadí, že meranie je prázdne. S dobrou láskou som."

The flames on the candles surged and went out. Nothing else happened, but the custodian continued to hold the candle out in front of him. Dipper and Wendy held their breath and strained to see and hear any changes in The Barn. Wheezing. Wendy heard wheezing. Wheezing with a croak at the end of it? She heard a second wheeze-croak. A third and fourth. Soon there were too many wheeze-croaks to count.

"What the heck?" she said.

The custodian whipped around and asked, "Who's there?"

Wendy and Dipper had ducked before he saw them.

"Your not going to live to tell the world what you saw here!"

They heard a clatter and soon frogs came flying out of the window, covering them and the ground.

"GET 'EM OFF!" screamed Dipper.

Wendy reached over and brushed frogs off of him. They fell with no resistance. They didn't hop or squirm. The frogs just wheezed and croaked. The barely moved.

She stood and pulled Dipper to his feet. The frogs fell with no resistance. He kneeled and picked a frog up off the ground.

She turned to the window and said, "What the heck, man?"

He puffed out his mustache in frustration.

"You shouldn't go around dumping undead frogs on people," she said. "What did you hope they'd do?"

"Well," the custodian said, his sun browned skin blushing, "I hoped that they'd, uh, eat you?" He grinned at her sheepishly. "Or at least your brains."

"Frogs!?"

"They are zombies."

"Yeah, but... FROGS!?"

"It’s not like I could have gone digging up the cemetery, or the pet cemetery to get bodies. People visit those places all the time. I would have been caught. And there are so many frogs thrown out during the school year. I thought it was a good use of resources. Recycle, reduce, reuse, you know?"

Dipper popped up, holding a wheezing frog in his hands and asked, "How did you expect frogs to get to our brains?"

"With their... With their teeth?"

"Frogs don't really have teeth like we do, see?" -- Dipper forced the mouth of the frog in his hand open. -- "It's this hard gum thing. It kinda crushes bugs and stuff, but it doesn't cut. It pinches, but that's about it."

"Plus," said Wendy, "we live in small town Oregon. Frogs and toads are always hopping through lawns and getting squished on the roads. No one around here is afraid of frogs."

"This kid screamed pretty loud," said the custodian, pointing at Dipper.

"Hey!"

"That was the shock of frogs being dumped on him," she said. "He's not scared of frogs."

"Yeah," said Dipper, puffing out his chest.

"Whatever," said the custodian. "Now I gotta clean up this mess."

"Before you do that," said Dipper, "can I come in and sketch your ritual's design?"

"Kid, you don't want to get into this stuff. It'll mess you up."

"It's only for science. I swear. I just want to take notes. I don't want to summon ancient evils."

The custodian shook his head and rolled his eyes as he said, "Fine."

"Great," said Dipper, hopping up to hoist himself through the window. Wendy put her hand on his butt and gave him a boost. He tumbled in.

As he stood up, Dipper started to ask questions. "What's that symbol in the middle of your shirt? And the colors of the star? What do they mean? Are they to please a god or a demon? Oh, and those candles, tell me how their made. And do they have to be green?"

As Dipper continued to pepper the man with questions, Wendy turned around, placed her back against the wall, and slid down to the ground. She sat cross-legged among wheezing, undead frogs. She leaned back against the wall and smiled.

Since Mayor Cutebiker6 had announced the "Never Mind All That" police, the gnomes learned the most humans simply ignored them. Soon after, the gnomes went to war with the local racoons, they won the right to scavenge the trash cans within Gravity Falls.

There is a fear in the gnomish community that the raccoons will one day regroup and perform terrorist acts on the gnomes in preparations for a new war. Jeff, the current leader of the gnomes, does not believe the remaining raccoons to be a credible threat. ↩︎

Why it is called "The Barn," Wendy never learned. She heard the older students had called it "The Barn" when she started school, so that's what she called it. Students aren't permitted to go as far as "The Barn," so everyone did.

The truth behind the name has been lost to history and only exists in legend. ↩︎

Pit Stop Mayhem is a first person shooter (FPS) where players are members of a pit crew fighting their way through enemies, using a crowbar, their fists, or one of many different attachments for an air gun, to get the parts needed to repair the race car. When they get the part back to the pit they play puzzle mini-games to attach the parts and repair the car.

The sequel, release date undetermined, is expected to be a multi-player FPS. Pit crews will be no larger than seven team members and one pit boss, who is the only member with access to the track map. Crews will still have to repair the cars as quickly as possible, but crews will now be able to raid other pits for additional parts and weapons. A rumor persists among fans that players will be allowed to drive the car as well as repair it. Developers have neither confirmed or denied this possibility. ↩︎

It has been long understood that green flamed candles (GFC) are the creepiest and, therefore, the most likely candle to help when performing an ancient ritual that many deem "unholy." However, many "holy" deities enjoy the minty grass smell given off by the highest quality GFCs and will respond favorably to most rituals that use GFCs as well.

The highest quality GFCs are made in Edmonton, Canada by a family that has been crafting GFCs, and other candles, for more than a thousand years. This is the last Great Candle Dynasty (GCD) in North America. Many other GCDs have married their children into this North American GCD hoping to learn the secrets to their GFCs. There have been no reports of the secrets of the GFCs being stolen or leaked. ↩︎

Pokey is an off-brand dry-erase pen popular with the school districts of Central Oregon. The pens are cheap and don't completely erase off of white boards, leaving the boards in all the classrooms muddied with former lessons. The pens are odorless, which discourages students and faculty from sniffing them to distract from reality.

Pokeys are not recommended for use on fabrics. ↩︎

Mayor Tyler Cutebiker is currently considered to be Gravity Falls's greatest mayor since the accidental election of a headless squirrel dropped by a passing bird of prey.

Mayor Headless Squirrel is well remembered for keeping a light hand on businesses regulation and refusing to pass a bill that would have banned dust motes and dust bunnies. Many mote and bunny owners across Gravity Fall cried when Headless Squirrel did not win a third term. ↩︎

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Bubbles The Blue”

Written by: Haley Mancini

Written and Storyboarded by: Caitlin Vanarsdale, Angela Zhang

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

No Eiffel 65 jokes here. Or Lord of the Rings.

This episode deals with a serious topic. While I had this interpretation since I first watched this episode, one of the head writers outright said it on their Twitter.

But anyway, here's a dolphin running into a wall. It is not that indicative of the rest of the episode.

Blossom: (with no sarcasm) Dolphins are sooo smart!

The joke is that animals are stupid. Buttercup gets into an argument with Blossom over whether or not dolphins can speak Spanish. Blossom and Buttercup decide to go to the animal expert: Bubbles. This may be a reference to Bubbles' ability to talk to animals, which I can appreciate. Also forgotten: this scene.

Just like the title says, Bubbles is blue. Not just in a "crying a lot" kind of way, but in a "lying in bed, circles under eyes, permanent frown" kind of way. Buttercup makes the assumption that she must be having a staring contest with the ceiling, but Bubbles corrects her and says that she's just sad today. The very thought of any emotion that isn't considered "bubbly" makes them shocked.

As in, "make another silly face inspired by those silly storyboards" shocked. At this point, it's just the show's style to have these faces. It does give PPG 2016 a style not a lot of cartoons have, but I would say there is a reason for that. They ask Bubbles various questions to why she's so sad. Is she tired? No. Is she bored? No. Is she hungry? No.

To be more specific, Buttercup pulls out a living chicken and a blowtorch. See, since Bubbles is too busy moping throughout the entirety of this episode, Buttercup gets to take over the job of doing the "so random" jokes. I didn't think this one was that bad, but I prefer the line that comes right after this.

Blossom: Are you sad because you keep thinking about your place in society, as the eyes of everyone looking to you for guidance begins to weigh heavily on your young soul, only to realize you were just one of the many leaves bending to the will of the wind in a never-ending race with the cruel mistress that is time, an illusionistic prison created by man, shackling us all to the dream we call life?

If you needed a signature quote for some social media site that still uses them, here's the best attempt at one I've seen out of this show. Bubbles just answers no to this, while Buttercup's jaw is dropped. One of the few subtle jokes with Buttercup, as I can now appreciate. Eventually, they get scared. Not because Bubbles has a serious medical condition I did not think this show was capable of portraying...

...but because the Professor randomly pops up out of nowhere. He's here to show off his "soundless slippers". The episode grinds to a halt so they can show an informerical. Does it have anything to do with the plot? Will it actually amount to anything? Is it even funny? Much like the Powerpuff Girls' questions, the answer is no.

Before the Professor can contribute to the actual plot, the hotline-cellphone rings. I am glad to say this season uses the cellphone often enough that I can count episodes that actually use it on two hands rather than one.

We cut to what should have been the opening scene for this episode: a giant armadillo having anger issues threatening Townsville. This comes complete with helicopters trying to stop him; I'm actually kind of surprised Townsville even bothers with funding for that. Well, maybe they have some reason now considering the Powerpuff Girls' success rate with monster punches, but still. Blossom and Buttercup show up to give him the old punch that needs to be covered up with a hit flash. The Harmadillo rolls up into a ball, and they get an idea seemingly pulled straight out of the original.

They then play catch with the rolled up armadillo. The original would have had them use a telephone pole and a baseball mitt sign, which would be more creative, but they have aura powers now. Buttercup uses a baseball bat aura, because you can use that as a weapon. Blossom uses a pillow aura, because they still have to stick with Blossom's theme of "things you can find at HomeGoods and/or Office Depot".

They call out to Bubbles to join in on the fun, but she’s still on the ground, still sad. Blossom and Buttercup wonder why she can still be not bubbly if Bubbles is her name, because how dare she have any other emotions! To be fair to them, this is no ordinary sadness, as we'll soon see.

We go into a musical segment, where Blossom and Buttercup try to woo that “sadness” with her favorite things. Blossom shows her Octi, a tea party, and other cute things…

...while Buttercup shows gross things like lint from a laundromat. I'll give them credit for the use of stock images this time; it enhances the contrast between the sensible items and the one from the new wacky girl.

This also plays into a theme with the episode. Both of them don't understand Bubbles' sadness, and try to use their own ways to try to "cure" it. What they do is not too far off from examples of what not to do when trying to help someone with depression. This doesn't seem out of character to me, because this could show their inexperience. I mean, they are just little kids, after all.

With the mindset of a little kid, their next assumption is that someone did this to her. Buttercup goes to Discount Jojo's place, and punches him right out of the shower. This scene reminds me that I could be watching Telephonies instead. Jojo does interrupt his lines to remind the viewer that while it's not his fault, he does think it would be a great idea. There's no foreshadowing here, it's just for the viewer to know that Jojo is still a villain, despite everything else.

Blossom also uses the idea that someone did this to Bubbles, but does it in a different way. She falls a little more into the example that these symptoms must be the result of something personal, which it is not.

Specifically, Blossom thinks it is her own fault as she gives her apology letter after apology letter, despite Bubbles outright telling her that she didn't do anything. This "I'm sorry for remaking the bed" one is the only one we actually see; either that one was the only idea they could think of, or they wasted all of their talent on the wacky Buttercup jokes.

Speaking of which, Buttercup then shows up with a happy ray gun. Thankfully, it doesn't work like the happy rays from the dancing lobsters from Painbow, it just puts a silly costume on whoever it shoots. Essentially, it's an attempt to try to hide the problem, and it doesn't work.

In an unrelated note, Blossom asks her where she got the ray gun in the first place, and we cutaway to a scene where Buttercup threatens Discount Jojo with a knuckle sandwich. This is far beyond "rascal" and more into "Him possession". In fact, how come Discount Jojo was the first villain they thought of when it comes to playing with people's emotions? It could have been Him, or Alle...yeah, maybe it was Jojo.

The Puffs in the wrong continue to ramble to Bubbles until they get interrupted by that running gag of the soundless slippers. We finally get to see the payoff to that, and it is just as great as the gag was.

Buttercup: (zaps the slippers) No.

Professor: Aww! My slippers!

Annoying thing happens constantly, Buttercup makes it go bye bye, joke over. It is better than nothing, which is how most of the running gags seem to end in this show, so at least I could give it that.

Blossom starts complaining to the Professor about her sad sister, and even pulls out the “she’s only doing this for attention” line. Unlike Buttercup's antics, Blossom's terrible reasoning of someone suffering from depression is realistic. Honestly, it shows that she is just as terrible as the new wacky girl when dealing with this. Who can possibly do something good with this?

Ultimately, it's the older and wiser that ends up being the voice of reason in this. This episode features a sadly rare occurence that the Professor actually acting like the respectful father figure he should be, being the voice of reason to his children. Even the soundless slippers gag plays into the "inventor" angle they have been, which is far closer to his character in the original than the "out of touch Sitcom Dad" I am far too familiar with.

Unfortunately, Blossom and Buttercup aren't there to witness this, as they are too busy with the Harmadillo again. Having been fed up about his constant whining, they decide that the best way to deal with him is to have Blossom tie him up in an aura net. Maybe it's a hammock, I don't know. They then make a combined aura of a stapler with a knife attached to the end. Considering we can't even show someone getting punched in this series unless its the girls getting punched, someone has to stop them.

It just so happens to be Bubbles, having her spirits slightly lifted from "not doing anything" by what is implied to be a speech from the father figure. Because the Harmadillo is having some emotional issues of his own, they are able to bond with each other. It may seem like this was a missed opportunity for the "talking to animals" power, but it would have done more harm than good.

Because Buttercup can't let a touching scene be, she starts to panic over the disease spreading. She then makes a chainsaw aura, persumably to cut both the armadillo and her own sister into little bits. I stand corrected: there is a worse way to deal with depression than telling them they're only doing it for attention. Blossom stops her, and tells her that maybe the real problem is that they decided not to listen to her. What an understatement.

This episode almost ends with this shot, which is a very good way to end an episode about feelings. It’s a quiet moment of them looking at the ocean. Before this episode, PPG 2016 seemingly had no clue on how to end an episode with a calm moment. Unfortunately, this episode does not disprove that.

Buttercup: I’m bored, what are we looking at?

(Blossom punches Buttercup into the water)

A deserved punishment, sure, but it was completely unnecessary. We can only hope the oceans also acts as holy water.

Does the title fit?

The title works as a pun; Bubbles happens to be the blue one, and she’s feeling blue.

How does it stack up?

I knew we were going to get some sort of "special episode" on a serious topic, and even the original can fail at such episodes. In the case of this episode, Bubbles The Blue actually handles the topic rather well, far better than I would ever expect out of this show.

There are problems that prevent this from being among the absolute least worst episodes; the episode had a tendency to repeat itself, the soundless slippers gag never amounted to anything, and Buttercup's antics are disturbing at worst and unnecessary at best.

Despite that, this episode goes in directions few reboot episodes do, and I have to commend it for that.

Next, I don't think Mary Poppins could fix this reboot's problems.

← Derby Dollies ☆ Deb O’Nair →

[holyshitwriting]

Crash

Gasoline soaks the bottom of John's ratty jeans. He sits up with his arms behind him. His head is dizzy, but the roar of the violence around him comes to a quiet standstill. John wipes his dirty hands on the side of his pants and pulls his Freightliner Trucks hat off. His other hand passes through his long greasy hair. The flavor of his Hubba Bubba gum has long gone. A car passes by on the highway behind him. John turns his head and looks at the car. Where there was a driver's door, there is a nylon car seat with a floor covered in crusty mud and beef jerky wrappers. The steering wheel has exploded and it is covered with bloody face and hand prints. In the passenger seat, there is a man.

"Ya'll right, Darryl?"

Darryl grunts. He's fine. He's reclined in the passenger seat looking through the tint of the cracked windshield. A fine line of red dribbles down his ear. He touches it and his fingers drag the blood across his cheek. His finger is wet, and he wipes it on the side of the car seat. The glass has thunder like lines; it's amazing it's still in one piece.

John looks back to the skyline. The sun will set in a few hours, but a nice breeze pushes its way through the wheat field. John recognizes that this is the old Gerald estate. He can tell by the pair of broken down grain silos. The moment is as mundane as the moment they decided to go to pick up another twenty-four rack. This moment seems to be full of meaning. Some kind of meaning that defines a man; a moment that says: here I am, world, try your best. He spits his gum out.

"Ya kno, Dar, it's funny. Ain't wasn't until we flipped that everything did made sense."

Darryl doesn't respond. John knows that Darryl knows him well enough to ignore his pseudo-philosophical rants.

"Maybe it's sumtin' like this that'll make me realize that I ought to be doin' more with my life."

The sun beat down on his dark arms and neck. His father would not be happy about this, but the old man should be happy that he isn't dead. A whopping crane flies across the sky in the distance. Not a cloud in the sky; it may be humid, but it will make for good sleeping.

"If I had a lick o' sense in my head, i'dda never let you drive, you stupid piece of shit."

That shut John up. He was used to being called a piece of shit, but never stupid. This was not like Darryl at all to say that about him. If anything, John was the smart one. He reaches behind his ear and cannot find the cigarette he left there. He pats his chest, and feels the pack of Camels. He takes a deep breath and the smell of gasoline fills his lungs. Maybe the world had gotten the better of him. His eyes widen and his hand falls to his lap.

[81scorp]

Constructive criticism: Fantastic Four

(Originally posted as an editorial on Deviantart Aug 3, 2015. It has not been changed from how I originally wrote it.)

In 1961 Martin Goodman, the editor of Marvel Comics (Which back then was called Atlas Comic.), called writer Stan Lee to tell him that their competition, DC Comics (Which was called National Comics back then.), had created a team of superheroes called the Justice League, and it was a big seller. "I want us to get on the bandwagon too. Cook me up a book which stars a whole team of heroes - and do it yesterday!" So. Stan Lee and Jack Kirby created Fantastic Four, Marvel`s first Superhero team which not only sold great, but also introduced the idea of relatable superheroes. Plus: unlike most Superheroes they didn`t have secret identities. In 1986 Constantin Film acquired the film rights to Fantastic Four and a low budget movie was made by producer Roger Corman in 1994... only to never see the light of day. Except in the form of bootlegs. The movie was only made so that the company could keep the movie rights. Probably waiting for a time when special effects had improved so that it wouldn`t look stupid and they could do the source material justice. In 2005 a new Fantastic Four movie was made and unlike the previous one this one was released in the cinema. And it wasn`t that good. The CGI on Reed Richards didn`t look good, Ben Grimm`s rock-body looked very rubbery, Dr Doom`s motivation was copied from Norman Osborn`s from the Spider-man movies and it took the team till the third act to realize that they could use their powers for good. (Yes, there was that scene at the bridge, but after that their biggest priority, which took up an unnecessary large amount of time, was to get rid of their powers.) Unlike Phantom Menace and Transformers, revenge of the fallen I don`t feel that listing a few points is enough, I`d change most of the story. Here`s how it could have been better. At the beginning of the movie the four are already training and preparing for their journey into space. Their backgrounds and relationships to each other is revealed through dialogue and interactions. Reed and Sue has been in a relationship for at least six months and Reed is already kind of a celebrity in this world (kinda like Stephen Hawking) and he`s nicknamed "Mr Fantastic". He sees a science magazine with him on the cover and a headline that says: "Smartest man on earth?" It makes him think that under different circumstances it could have said "Smartest men on earth?" He tells his story to Johnny who has never heard it before. Reed had always been very intelligent for his age, the only one of his age that he felt was his intellectual equal was a guy he met at college: Victor Von Doom."Hold it." Johnny interrupts. "His name was actually `Doom`?" "Well, he was born in a european country, I think it was called Latveria. Maybe it`s a common name there that means something different in their language. Anyway..." He continues his story about how Victor was brilliant but also very hard to work with and eccentric. One day he did an experiment that literally blew up in his face. Reed doesn`t know what happened later. Some said that Doom died others that he was kicked out. Then comes the day. The four go out into space, Reed notices that he has miscalculated, they get bombarded with cosmic radiation and crashland on earth. They discover their powers, John thinks it`s cool, Sue and Reed are cautiously optimistic but they all feel sorry for Ben who got the worst part of the deal. A military team comes to get them, sees Ben, thinks he`s a monster, gets ready shoot him but the rest of four go: "No no! don`t shoot! he`s with us!" Reed is troubled by guilt and the four are driven home in silence. Back at the base the four are quarantined for a few days. Reed examines and tests their powers to make sure their condition doesn`t get any worse, and to see if there is a cure for Ben. Late one night Reed is up working hard, the radio is on in the background. The music is interrupted because of news: there has been an accident somewhere, many are injured. Reed stretches his arm to reach the radio so he can switch to another station because he`s too tired to listen to bad news. But then he stops himself, the reason he got into science is because he wanted to change the world for the better. If he turns the radio off now he`s no better than all those other people who turn a deaf ear to all the bad things in the world. With his powers he could actually do something. So he listens to the news. Somewhere in an Latverian town at night, three activists are running down the streets. They are caught by authorities. Cut to: a cell, the three activists are being interrogated by a man who talks to them in a kind, yet condescending way. They were protesting against their ruler and spreading propaganda against him. The man tells them that they can avoid punishment if they take back what they have said, they refuse. The ruler himself enters, a man in cloak and armor (because of the light and shadows we don`t see his face but from the sound of his voice we can guess that he`s wearing an iron mask). He gives them the chance to apologize to him in person, they still refuse. The ruler charges his glove and fires. Reed has managed to get his friends out for a walk in the nearest city in civilian clothes. Ben is fully clothed with hat, trenchcoat, scarf and everything but still feels like a freak on display. Reed has a special radio that allows him to hear 911-calls. A building is on fire near where they are. The four run to it and use their powers to help people. Ben is at first reluctant to get into the fire because he knows his clothes will burn and people will see his body, but he knows he can`t put that over human lives. The people are saved, the four are heroes, people see Ben`s body. Some react in fear, others don`t care (because he saved their lives), but Ben still doesn`t like being exposed. They get famous, TV wants to interview them, media calls them "The Fantastic Four", they move into the Baxter building, Sue designs their FF costumes Reed makes them out of unstable molecules, Johnny is OK with the media circus, Ben is not. He feels that Reed has been too distracted by the publicity and has abandoned his research. Ben never says it out loud but Sue can see it and talks to Reed who feels guilty and goes back to working on a cure for Ben. Then I figured there could be a montage of FF doing Superheroic stuff and Reed searching for Ben`s cure. Ben does all the Superhero stuff because he knows it`s the right thing to do (the needs of the many and all that), but he gets no joy from it. Near the end of the Montage we can see that the hooded ruler has been following their adventures on the news. After the montage Ben could have mixed feelings about his situation: sure, he`s helping people and making a difference, but he still has his body issues. He goes out late one evening to clear his head and meets Alicia Masters who makes him feel better about himself. That same night Reed has made great progress in his research, he should be able to reverse Ben`s condition within a few days. Things look good for Johnny too, he`s gotten the phone number of a hot girl he likes: Frankie Raye. The next day a ship lands on top of the Baxter building. The ship`s autopilot tells them to come aboard, it`s master has important things that he wishes to discuss with them. The FF suspect a trap but get on the ship which takes them to Latveria. The ship takes them to a castle where they are shown to a dining room and are soon introduced to their host: Dr Doom! Dr Doom removes the lower half of his mask to eat and we can see that at least half of the lower half of his face is scarred. He tells them what happened after the explosion at the university. He was kicked out, wandered the world, learned meditation in tibet, had an epiphany where he realized that he was the right man to rule the whole world, created his armor, returned to his birth country which was in a horrible state, made it better but also turned it into a dictatorship. He and Reed wants the same thing: to make the world a better place, he just thinks that Reed approaches it from the wrong angle: he only treats the symptoms and doesn`t go to the root of the problem. Doom uses his own country and the (real life) benevolent yugoslavian dictator Tito as examples of the positive sides of fascism. Doom wants the FF to assist him in uniting the countries of the world and create a Utopia. FF refuses, Doom locks them up in cells and starts preparing a trip to U.S.A. With them out of the way It`ll be easier for him to take over U.S.A and force his "benevolent" dictatorship on it. Doom: "At first they will resist, but in the long run, they will be grateful." FF breaks out of their cells, gets by the sequrity systems, fight a few guards and fights Doom who turns out to be a Doombot. (F.Y.I: The Doom they talked to in the dining room was the real Doom.) The real Doom is on one of three ships that has just lifted and are headed for U.S.A. The FF manages to get on board, fight a few robot guards, manages to take down the other two ships and fights Doom (for realz this time). The ship gets wrecked and falls. It is headed for a Latverian town but the FF manages to aim it at a nearby lake. The ship sinks, Reed wants to save Doom but can`t find him. FF escapes in an escape pod. Next day they celebrate in the Baxter building. Ben has brought Alicia as his date and Johnny has brought Frankie Raye as his. Reed tells Ben that he should be able to restore his humanity by the end of the week. Ben, who has learned to accept himself, respectfully declines. Reed then proposes to Sue, everybody is happy. Or?... Mid or post-credit scene: A group of Latverian citizens have gathered in a building. Now that Dr Doom has been de-throned they can turn Latveria into a democracy that respects human rights. Things can only get better from here. Cut to: the lake. Dr Doom walks out of the water and onto the shore. He has an apparatus in his armor that allows him to breathe underwater. He is alive and he is pissed. The end Not perfect but it`s the best I could come up with. It doesn`t have to be super faithful to the source material to be good, but the source material was the only better alternative I could think of. Thing: Mocap or practical? I could go either way. A practical suit wouldn`t be bad if it was a good practical suit. (They did it well in The neverending story which came out 1984.) and I wouldn`t mind Mocap if was good and the actor got to interact with the other actors at least half of the time. Characters Johnny should be a little bit smarter and mature than he was in the 2005 movie. He could be an adventure seeker and the funny guy. Ben could be a tragic figure that turns into an everyman who`s a bit of a loveable brawler and the funny guy. Almost like Johnny except he`s older and wiser. Sue could be the diplomat of the FF. When the team starts to fall apart she`s usually the glue that holds them together. She could also be the one who translates Reed`s technobabble to John and Ben (to the best of her abilities). Reed is the egghead of the group, but also leader, idealist and slightly asperger-ish. (Sometimes Sue has to translate subtle hints from others that Reed doesn`t always pick up.) Dr Doom is a megalomaniac who should be based on real life dictators, wants to rule the world and not some CEO who is pissed because Reed and friends messed up his face.        

[cherryloons]

Hocus Pocus pt. 2 || Seokjin x reader

1k+

HocusPocus! au

a young virgin must protect a 300-year-old spell book for one night after resurrecting Salem`s  infamous coven of witches with the help of an immortal cat, a seven year-old  Wednesday Addams and an amateur good witch. 

From the sudden quietness of the crowd, grows a huge roar of whistles and clapping--accepted graciously with cheeky grins and waves to the unsuspecting victims. In this sea, Seokjin spots the Madonna who told him not to have Yoonji out past 8:30 before she left out the house with her pirate husband.

Before he can run up to the center of the floor to warn everyone of the danger they’re actually in and save his own parents, a hand grips his shoulder.

You shake your head at him.

“We gotta go.” It`s blunt, short yet speaks a whole elaborate sentence.

 No adult is really going to listen to a kid about the supernatural--just like he didn’t listen to his sister and got the whole town into his mess now...

They're on their own now. A band of skeletons begins to play backup for the song of their doom-- a jazz/rock number.  It seems the sisters have rehearsed over and over in the fiery pits to pass the time as they waited ever so anxiously for their revival.

Just before you leave finally flee through the back door, they’ve slyly inserted a spell into the song. The party will not end until sunrise when the witches have been returned back to the ashes they became after the gallows. If, however, you can keep the book hidden.

“See what you did, Jin?” Yoonji is choking back tears, her face red with strife. She squeezes the cat tighter against er stomach.   

“Our parents just got cursed to sing and dance until they died with a bunch of other sweaty old people in costumes. That's worse than hell!” she yells into the night. ‘Hell’ echoes to her ignorant brother’s ears just like the blood curdling cries that come from that lake of fire.

She rants and she raves, screaming and kicking at his knees, clawing at the cloak material.

“Yoonji, stop.” you pull her away from Seokjin. She pulls away from you, almost ripping one of her sleeves. “Stop.”

You turn her to look at you, someone who she's grown to greatly respect in a matter of hours.

“It’s my fault. I was the one who said we should come here. I thought being with a bunch of people would be better because it’d be impossible to single us all out in that crowd. But it only put your folks and everyone else there in danger. Don't be mad at Seokjin for this. This was all on me.”

"Don’t blame yourself,__.” Jimin assures. “One of them has an incredible sense of smell. We really can't hide anywhere for too long.”

“It doesn`t matter.” You object. “You called me to help you, not to hide. Blame me, Yoonji. I brought us out here.”

But the girl will not simmer in her anger. She whips a accusatory finger at her brother, eyes now red and puffy.  “He’s the one who lit the candle! He’s the one who opened up the book in the first place.”

“Yoonji, I’m sorr-”

"No! You’re a stubborn, stupid, stupid virgin! You're only sorry because your actions had consequences!” she shrieks

Before you can try to calm her down, the back door swings open once more.

"Well, well, well.” a familiar voice squeals out with condescending delight.

The redheaded witch forwards towards the four of you, her sisters shadowing right behind. Yoonji is quick nestle herself behind you, gripping your sweater for her protection.

“Three young souls and that insolent cat. What a lovely combination!” ‘Lovely’ stretches as far as her two hideous buck teeth, perhaps the only ones connected on her upper set.

“I believe you have something of ours, young boy?” out stretching her hand, curling her long claws.

“Um.. Whitney.” her blonde sister  cranes her head over the eldest’ shoulder. She was what you thought was probably the prettiest of the three despite her trashy rose eyeshadow and too-red rouge.  In a different time, when she wasn't wicked and down right horrible and your age, you’d find it in your heart to pump differently for her directly that wasn't fear for her and her sisters.

“I believe that you are mistaken. That boy wears a cloak. The virgin who freed us and stole the book had a hat and-”

“You twit!” Whitney slaps her sister at the back of her head and makes her wince in pain. The black haired sister cowers back at the awful exchange.  “This is the same boy!-” before she can fix her sister's gaze toward Jin, make her observe how his lips pucker naturally the same way, how wide his brown eyes are, you all  are gone into the distance.

In the dim light of the street lamps, these trees look like they have eyes all on you, rushing away. It isn't too long before the coven is screaming after you, Yoonji, Jin, and the cat.

“Hold up!” Jin hollers. He halts to the trunk of a thick and tall oak, holding it for support as he pants.

“What now, Suckjin?”

“You three go ahead.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Jimin asks “Stopping right here, in the open is actually suicide!”

“No. I recognize this tree! We’re nearby the school. So I’ll lead them there, to the furnace and burn them. ”

“...And that is somehow better than just acting like a sitting duck?”

“Yeah.” he sighs. “I think sacrificing myself is the best choice for the group. All I’ve done is ruin your nights, bringing you into my own mess. The least I can do for you is be an expendable.”

There’s complete quiet. Underneath the light of the moon you all can see his eyes trail down from his Jordan's to the end of the tree root.

There’s complete quiet. Underneath the light of the moon you all can see his eyes flicker from his Jordan's to the end of the tree root.

“Okay. Well...bye!” Yoonji and Jimin start to run off again.

“Can y’all wait a second? Jesus.” they and murmur something of an apology like two kids caught for violating dinner etiquette.

You walk toward the tree. “Jin,” He lifts his head. And you toss him a little pouch of summon/repelling salt. “If they get close to you, take a pinch and throw it in their eyes."

He thanks you and looks closely as he can in this light at the little details of the small sack. An irregular stitch pattern across the makeshift draw string pocket, the string, some cut up tee shirt material close to the same the pouch itself is made from. 

“Stay safe.”

 And that, the virgin who lit the black flame candle is left alone. In the darkness in front of him, he hears wild laughter and  screams coming closer and closer.

-

A good thirty minutes later, you’re racing down the hallway of  your empty school’s first floor. If Jin wasn't  successful in defeating the witches alone, you’d have a fight to get into and your friend to help out. But you trusted him. Mans had an ability to at least act in defense.

Still, as you put one foot down on one step, the other three more down, you’re bracing yourself for whatever chaos you could come to see.

Seokjin is pressed against the wall, legs spread out as he tries catching his breath with sweat spilling down his forehead mixed with ash and soot. At the contraption behind him, there's a fire burning, making the whole room warming from the radiating heat. Inside, the coven is shrieking and screaming in bloody murder. Their flesh melting and charring while the flames nip at their dresses.

Upon hearing you come in with his sister and her new cat, he gives a big smile while his chest and shoulders still rise and fall.

--

Screams can still be heard on the front lawn of the school while smoke rises into the sky.

Yoonji skips out the front door and runs around shouting “Victory!” at the top of her lungs.

Her brother is relieved that he’s finally defeated the witches. He has a very genuine sense of pride, shooting a grin up to the moon.

But had he watched the smoke recede back into the school, he’d know the relief off his back would be too soon.

A/N- this was supposed to be posted two whole days ago. :/ sorry about that. mostly bc it was a matter of posting than anything

[pinkandyellowstories-blog]

“Hollow Windows”

        “Did you close your windows?” My father asked, his tone almost casual from repetition, but I could hear the underlying concern.

        “Yes,” I responded, exasperated from his lack of trust in me. He shot an upturned eyebrow and thin lips my way and I regretted my tone of words. “Yes.” I repeated in a much more patient tone.

        “Clara, you know I’m only looking out for you. And I trust you to make the right calls, but I have to double check. Night is falling and we know better than anyone the terrors of the darkness.” My father scolded. Once upon a time, we had lived in peace, safe from the monsters of the night, when my father served as one of the elders in our village. He had been a man of great power and respect. Then my mother was taken and suddenly power and status meant little to my father. We’ve lived in the woods ever since.

        “I know,” I responded in a small voice. “But I closed them.”

        My father glanced into my room anyway, nodding his approval. We moved to the common area after that, sealing and locking those windows, pulling the curtains closed. Finally, my father closed the door, shutting it tightly and sliding the locks into place. “A storm is brewing.” He stated.

I looked through the window, moving the curtain I had just secured into place. My eyes revealed the dimly lit skies above and I could barely make out the dark gray clouds next to the dark grey sky, but they were there, looming, threatening.

“Good. It’ll keep Them away.” I remarked bitterly, tasting my sour mood on my tongue.

“We both know nothing can truly keep Them away.” My father said, sending a chill through my body that had nothing to do with the crisp fall air. “You should wash up then go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow. Winter is coming, the days are getting shorter already.”

He didn’t have to tell me about the loss of light. I worked out in the field same as him, nevertheless, I nodded my understanding and retired to my room. Sometime later, as I was pulling up the covers to my chin, the last light from the lamp long since extinguished with the fading light, I heard Them. The curtains were drawn tightly over my window, but it merely blocked light from escaping, not noise from entering.

They moved silently, but there was something hollow about Their presence. They sucked the life from wherever they moved. The hum of the world ceased to exist when they were near. I held my breath and I knew my father was doing the same in the room over. I swore in those moments I become more stone than flesh and blood. Fear smothered me as Mothers did sometimes to their babies to hush their cries until They passed.

Gradually, life returned to the forest. Crickets once again sang their song. Other insects joined in with their own harmony; and I could breathe again. As soon as They pass, we know we can rest easy. Sleep finds me quickly after.

We rise with the sun, I awake suddenly to the rooster’s cry, grateful for the disturbance to a restless sleep. Nightmares seemed to plague me from not only the outside world, but the world inside as well.

As my father cooks breakfast, I open the windows again, letting the warming air trickle into the chilly house.

“This winter could be worse than the last.” I say, letting the sun’s beginning rays warm my face. “Last winter we barely survived through the nights without a fire. We can’t do that again.”

“I know.” is my father’s only response.

I want to speak again, but I know I can’t say anything my father isn’t already aware of.

“We will manage.” He says to my back.

 The next night we do the same, and then it repeats again the next, and then the next. It’s a cycle I’ve repeated since I was old enough to remember my own name. Then, one night the cycle breaks. As my father ushers me to bed, deciding to finish the night routine himself, we hear a bang on the door.

We both freeze and I see my father’s eyes dark to the lingering light outside. Still day. I see his brief relief turn to panic as another bang hits the door.

“Please!” A male voice implores outside the door. He bangs again, desperate.

Doesn’t he know he will damn us all with banging like that? I think to myself.

“I’m begging you! Don’t leave me out here in the dark!” The voice calls out.

“Father, he will draw Them to us!” I hiss in a quiet voice, my eyes flickering between the door, my father, the fading light, the door, my father, the fading light, repeat.

“I know.” My father whispers back.

Finally, when what feels like hours later, but in reality is only seconds, my father quickly unbolts the door and pulls the stranger inside. Whatever danger the stranger possibly posed, it was nothing to the danger They promised. The dim light reflected off his shiny blond hair and the lingering gold rays complimented his blue eyes. I could see him taking me in as I did him. He was tall and well-built, my hand inched for my dagger at my side. He noticed my movement. He was sharp despite his absolute stupidity.

As soon as my father bolted the door once more, I strode forward with murder on my face. “You idiot! You could’ve gotten us all killed!”

“Clara,” My father warns in a low voice.

Huffing, I march to the common windows and pull the curtains shut, taking a long look at the sunset. “We have about 21 minutes.” I stated, my anger still burning hot in my chest.

“Till the Night Crawlers come?” The stranger asked. If I wasn’t so furious, I would have regarded him as handsome with his exotic looks and foreign accent, but currently, I only wanted to throw him back to the darkness.

“Yes.” My father responded in a much more patient tone than I would have used. “What’s your name, son?”

“Luca.” He whimpered, fear laced in his voice. His eyes flitted about the room, taking in its rustic furnishings and rushed construction. I scoffed. A city boy. Probably out exploring the big bad woods as a joke then got too turn around to know which way was home. I had heard boys like his’ screams before.

“Well, Luca, there is much to be done.” My father explained briefly our night ritual. How we know They’re coming, what we do when They pass. Luca didn’t need the danger we were in to be spelled out for him.

“Hold your breath until the silence ends? That simple?” He almost sounded unimpressed.

My anger flared up once more. “We’re not the high and mighty village, City Boy. We don’t have the luxury of sacrificing our own people to keep Them away. So, yes, we hold our breath. If it’s too easy for you, you can take your chances out there.”

“Clara!” My father exclaimed. He opened his mouth to chastise me, but then a look of fear crossed his face. I looked over my shoulder, following his gaze. It had been 17 minutes. “Blow out the lamps and double check the windows. Now, Clara!”

I hurried to action. Together, my father and I plunged the house into complete darkness. Luca opened his mouth to once again prove his idiocy but I placed a finger over his lips to stop it. Slowly, the forest went silent.

They had arrived.

I felt our collective intake of breath as we all waited for Them to pass. It took longer than usual, but They finally abandoned us in search of more obvious prey.

Luca didn’t release his breath until we did. Something he had managed to do right for once. He looked lost for words. Neither my father nor I had any for him. I found a blanket in the darkness and threw it at him. He caught it with a loud “Emph” and a shadow crossed his face as he looked up at my father and I. He must have still believe we were in danger from Them. City boy.

I retired to my room, pulling my blankets to my chin to keep the monsters away, and fell asleep.

When I woke the next morning, Luca was still passed out on the floor, using his arm for a pillow. He had curled up into a ball for warmth overnight. I supposed I could have given him a thicker blanket, but I guessed I had thought his head would have sufficed.

“Why is he still here?’ I asked my father in a normal volume. My father glanced at the unmoving figure, still fast asleep.

“Clara, he is our guest. Besides,” my father’s voice dropped in volume, “you heard the screams.”

My mood darkened even still. I had in fact heard the screams my father mentioned. Presumably they were the screams of the boys who were not fortunate enough to have found our cottage. For a brief moment, I pitied the sleeping city boy. Stupid as he and his friends most likely were, stupidity does not warrant a death sentence.

“He still needs to leave.” I said plainly.

“I agree. When he wakes up, we’ll send him on his way.”

I nodded, my eyes still on the sleeping stranger.

 Turns out our guest didn’t wake until about noon. Ruffling his hand through his hair, he stepped out into the light casually. He doesn’t see me immediately which gives me a chance to study him in the light. Blond hair, pale skin, tall build. He looked more like a foreigner than a city boy.

“Where are you from?” I call, startling him from his thoughts and alerting him to my presence. He briefly laughs as he realizes he was only spooked by a girl in an oversized gardening hat.

“A land far, far away.” He responds.

I stand, brushing the dirt off of my knees and press my gloves under my arm. Putting my fingers to my mouth, I whistle loudly, twice in the same pattern then wait. I could feel the city boy eyeing me strangely. Moments later, I hear it repeated and I know my father was on his way.

“Father wanted to see you off before you left. Something about food and directions back to the village so you didn’t come banging on our door again at dusk.”

Luca laughs but his smile does not reach his eyes. I do not join his humorless laugh. I had decided I did not like the way him. I didn’t like the way his eyes drank in every detail of the house, of the garden, of me. It was almost like he was searching for weaknesses. And from the way we gazed back at me, I could tell I was not a particular favorite of his either. “You don’t like me.” He said suddenly.

“No.” I responded even though it was not a question but a statement.

Luca was saved from having to answer as my father appeared from the clearing, a smile on his face. “You’re up.” he said. “Well, let’s get you on your way home, Luca.”

Luca nodded, sending a complicated look over his shoulder back at me. I returned it with a complicated look of my own.

 That night went as routine until we came upon the last window. The window in the corner, out of the way of everything, facing away from the kitchen and garden. The window with a crack in it. I knew immediately Luca had to have had something to do with it. That damned city boy had broken it.

Panic seized my chest. My father pulled the window closed, sealing it, then stuffed the opening with whatever he could find. I just watched him, my mouth agape in shock. How could the city boy have done this? We saved him. Everything moved in slow motion and without any noise due to the loud buzzing in my ears.

I was going to die.

Because we had let some idiot into our house.

My father sealed and bolted the door. I hadn’t moved from the window in the corner. Night was falling and I still couldn’t hear anything except for that buzzing.

My father dragged me into my room, pointing his finger under my bed. With a numb mind, I crawled under my bed like we had practiced in case an emergency like this ever happened. My father locked the door behind him and clarity finally slapped me in my face. The buzzing disappeared. My father was going to try to trick Them. I could see the glow of the lamps from under the door.

Blow them out. I thought desperately, pleading with my father with merely my thoughts. Blow them out, Dad. Blow them out.

He didn’t.

I wanted to crawl from out under the bed to stand brave with my father, but I couldn’t. Fear kept me rooted in place, stuck to the ground as if something sticky had lingered under my bed.

They came for him. They left me be. I hadn’t even bothered to hold my breath, too consumed by my father’s muffled screams. He had tried to be brave for me, even in the end.

The next night, They would come back with more. But I had my own plan.

My father’s body was not there the next morning, as I knew it wouldn’t be, but I spent a moment by the lamp he left, clutching it in my hands. It was the last thing he touch.

Through my pain, it was a stab to the heart to remember I had been too scared to even say goodbye. But then my pain sharpened into anger and I knew what I had to do.

 A group of them arrived just before dusk, jeering and laughing like the savages they were. Luca was at the head of it all, throwing cocky smiles over his shoulder as he led these group of men to my home. Delicately, he unbolts the door, preserving it in a way that confirmed my suspicious. They were there to steal our cottage and use it as their own. It was a group of four, probably deviants from the local village banished because of bad behavior. I had heard of this tactic being used from local merchants at the village market that this was the new mode of survival for exiles. I hadn’t believed it then. I should have.

Luca rebolted the doors behind him once the entire crew had emptied into my cottage. Gently, I closed the door to the shed, relying only on sound that made its way through the cottage walls to me. I could hear them as they clattered around our cottage, not bothering to lower their voices or their laughter. It disgusted me that they could ignore the reason they had access to the house in the first place.

But as the night fell, a silence hushed over the cottage. I heard them reslam and relock the door, but the real noise came once they noticed the missing window panes. It was an uproar of total panic when they realized not a single window in the house was anything other than empty air. I could almost sense their fear from here.

Good.

I hope they were terrified.

I could hear the telltale sounds of an argument that lasted well longer than they could afford. Their voices raised, each trying to make their point heard. But, then a silence settled over the woods and they and I both knew They were coming.

One decided to run. I heard his screams only seconds later. They breached the cottage soon after. I held my breath and waited. Screams filled the night air that was so dead with an eery silence otherwise.

Then, it all stopped. And once more the crickets sang their song and the other insects joined in with their harmony. Sleep finds me quickly after.

 The End

[dontdropthattuturu]

Normal morning, normal thoughts and normal problems

I finished this at 3 am this morning so it's probably Really bad and i want To apoligize but Please suffer through it. Day 7 of soukoku week Prompt: Free Day Warnings: slight language, in the end i Really didn't know what i did anymore Summary: Fluffy morning and then my creativity barged in and set everything on fire.

Slowly blinking Dazai awoke. Smiling content as he takes in the sight in front of him. Even as a normal occurrence Dazai was still stunned at the sight of his petite partner sleeping beside him. The brunet had made it a habit to wake up before Chuuya. He loved peppering Chuuyas serene sleeping face with soft kisses, languidly combing through russet locks and to relish in the tiny noises of comfort uttered by the redhead. This went one for a few more minutes until blue eyes slowly cracked open. The redhead blinked a few times, bathing in the light touches of his lover. Tiredly he looks up to meet two warm brown orbs scoffing as he sees the lazy smile painted on his partners face:” Were you watching me sleep again pervert?” Dazais laugh floats through the air:” My, my why so grumpy so early in the morning Chuu-Chuu?” Chuuya just grumbled angrily in his pillow for a few seconds until he decides now that he is awake he might as well get up and make breakfast since the mackerel sure as hell won´t do it. Just as he tries to move out of the bed a bandaged hand grabs his wrist and pulls him back down. Now again cuddling with Dazai he sights:” Shitty Dazai let go of me.” “Nope Chuuya´s so tiny your degraded to my personal snuggle item!” At this the smaller one cried out frustrated and struggled to rid himself off Dazais dead weight. Sadly Dazai had him in a death grip and after a few futile seconds of struggling he gave up his resistance, it wasn´t as if he didn´t enjoy this clingy side of his lover. The smaller men almost dozed off again when suddenly a loud noise interrupted their docile morning, laughing he wheezed out:” Now, if you would let go off me I could go and make us breakfast and your stomach wouldn´t need to scare me this much again.” With that he gave his lover one last push and ventured off to the kitchen. All the while the brunet gulped down his slight embarrassment and decided to instead let his gaze follow Chuuyas retreating figure, appreciating his mussed hair and beautiful figure clad only in one of Dazais shirts and his boxers. The brunet wasted more time laying in bed until his stomach decided to remind him that he was supposed to join Chuuya for breakfast. Sighing he gets up and follows the delicious smell to the kitchen, where he finds Chuuya making French Toast for breakfast. Upon his entering the redhead looks up with a faint smile, which only intensifies when he sees Dazai struggling to keep in a yawn. The taller men ventures over to Chuuya unable to keep his hands to himself. So instead he snugs them around the smaller ones waist and rests his head atop Chuuyas.” So small and comfortable!”, he coos. Not dignifying this with a response Chuuya just keeps cooking, happily humming some French song and somehow managing to brew some coffee for Dazai and himself while doing so. Eventually the redhead finishes and the two men settle down for breakfast, their playful banter never dying down. Shortly after breakfast they both finish their morning routine and part ways right outside their apartment complex with a chaste kiss. Chuuya walking towards the headquarters of the port mafia thinking about their domestic morning, how he wishes they could stay like that forever. It pains him to admit it to himself but Chuuya still can´t trust Dazai again completely. Not so shortly after four years of separation. Something dark, spiteful still saying that Dazai will just leave him again, that he wasn´t enough last time and still won´t be enough. He couldn´t go through something like this again, not after last time. Painful memories swell up, memories of him trying to pick himself up again after Dazai left. Crying himself to sleep, waking up from nightmares, drinking until he passed out, sleeping with random strangers in search of comfort and this cruel voice in his head telling him that he isn´t good enough, that Dazai never felt anything for him, that he was stupid and got used, that this is payment for the sins he committed and that he should subdue to darkness inside of him. Still Chuuya had struggled and fixed himself again, but he wasn´t sure if he could do so again so he kept a tiny bit of himself guarded and didn´t let himself fall for Dazai completely again. It doesn´t help that Dazai refuses to tell him why he left. He doesn´t trust you the voice in his head crackles but he decides that he wants to trust Dazai for now. At the same time Dazai heads for the ADA, also lost in deep thoughts. The brunet thinks about how many more lazy mornings he will be able spend like this with his little hat rack, the truce will come to an end eventually and then what? They would be working against each other. Can a relationship really work under such circumstances? And there where other factors to be regarded as well, what if Mori finds out and uses Chuuya against him. Dazai shakes his head he could find solutions to those problems when they worked together and put their minds on it, far more dangerous to their relationship where his insecurities eating him inside out. He didn´t deserve Chuuya not after he what he put him through. He shouldn´t question Chuuyas dedication to him after all this but still he can´t help himself but to think that someday the redhead won´t put up with his quirks anymore and that he will leave him. The brunet doesn´t know if he could take that now when he finally learnt to admit to himself that he was human.That he had emotions. That he loved Chuuya. Again he shakes his head and decides to go for a refreshing drowning to get his head free, maybe the lovly maiden walking before him would even join in?

    Later that day when they where in their home again Chuuya and Dazai sat down and decided to discuss their relationship seriously. No more hiding, if this should work they had to work out their issues. Even though there had been screaming, fighting, tears and breakdown the next day they woke up next to each other and maybe their relationship wasn´t magically perfect but now they both believed in a future together,

Notes: I am so sorry. Kill me Now!

[mattved]

On Biggest Evils

On a lighter note, even though the title might confuse to expect otherwise, I feel that my rants that run throughout the almost three year history of blogging, I haven't expressed my opinion on what the three all-time greatest evils are. Mind that this stance is firm and is to never change regardless of the stupid shit humanity might come up with.

And because of the popularity of list shows and because of how many list-like articles are there on sites from BuzzFeed to CollegeHumor, I shall structure it in the same way. Not to generate space for more clickbait ads like they do, rather for the sake of going with the trend. To alter the trend. And rend the mentioned evils.

Ready? Let us begin!

3: Hoovers

You might be calling it a vacuum cleaner if you live in the US, Dyson if you're posh richass, Henry or Hetty if you live in the UK. I call them ultra-loud passive-agressive suckers. Because that is exactly what they are.

The part about their loudness is more than obvious. Some go up to over a hundred decibels, creating a vortex inside their tube, pretending to be carry-on tornadoes, some even claim to be cyclones. But cyclone is an everpresent epicenter of most winds, most often located in the middle of oceans, where the air literally falls down to and collides with all the other wind, creating an upstream and getting blown away again. Usually enriched by all the water vapor, that then comes to England or Chile or wherever the clouds crash into a mountain and bounce even higher. How confident must the hoover manufacturers be to compare their product to one of the greatest forces of nature?!

It's true that the air-enrichment process occurs, with dust and biscuit crumbs rather than water, but it isn't even natural. There is always an electric engine powering an air pump that sucks on the one side and blows on the other. There are filters on both sides, which is unfortunate, because it would end up looking far more dramatic and cyclone-ressembling, haven't these been there. Just dispersing all the crap from your floor in the air, creating impression of Martian sandstorms whenever you move onto cleaning the carpets. This way, the duststorm happens in the chimenies of power plant and further above.

The energy loss that takes place in the process is not small, being about 10% just inside the engine and further 25% comes from the filters and areas where the engine sucks air that doesn't go through the hose, which is a must for them, since clogging the tube would otherwise make the engine create low-pressure capsule, which would result in suction force in direction against the engine. That generates heat, which could set the hoover on fire. But again, that's energy inefficient. Why not use some petrol and matches instead, huh?

The passive-agressive part, on top of the object of hoover itself being a piece of crap, is multiplied by my personal experience. I know more than one person who would start the hoover whenever they get pissed off, move around the house with it, start conversations in the process, shouting at you as loud as they can, who would proceed to moving stuff out of the hoover's way while leaving it on, so it can actively make the world far worse a place on their own.

Solution? Easier than you might think. Broomsticks and floor sweepers or, if you're lazy like I am, buy a Roomba, because that is basically a battery powered floor sweeper that only has a tiny auxilary suction engine designed primarily to clean the air and keep the dust in and hence suck far less. And you can place them in the room you are not using at given moment. They don't shout, they don't idle-suck, they don't consume as much energy. And they run around like a dog.

2: Hitler

This one is far more serious. And you most likely know more about him than I know about hoovers. He was a butthurt turned evil manipulator. He was an underdog who took things personally. As a human being, he was the exact opposite of the icon we remember today. Sad, bitter, and most of all fake. He played a role, proving to us that controlling an enormous mass of equally bitter nation suffering from post-lost-war hunger can lead to serious danger. Moving the obedient suckerups to the top and enforcing the revenge sought for by him and them was a move that caused deaths that would not be a result of a war alone.

WWII should be abbreviated WG for The World Genocide, so we could reserve term "The World War" for that of 1914 - 1918, since it deserves being called a war. And Adolf Hitler should not be referred to as a dictator, because the word murderer suits him more. About the hitler memes? Drop them, I say. They render the scum of a man make an impression that never belonged to him. Learn about his evil, read a random chapter from Mein Kampf so that you get to know the degree to which his mind was twisted. Also, should you find yourself agreeing with him, kill yourself. Do not mock him. Do not overrate him.

1: Umbrellas

Finally, worse than Hitler and all the things in the world, are umbrellas. They barely make you any drier since you wear a raincoat or a waterproof jacket anyway. Bit of a drizzle won't hurt you and heavy rain accompanied with strong wind will destroy the portable roof wannabe. They break. Literally all the time. Throughout my life, I've seen more umbrellas broken, placed in trashcans, flying around, lost, or dispersed in pieces, than intact. They are waste of resources we don't need to make. They have no value to us. If you want to keep your head warm and dry in the rain, buy a good hunting hat and a pair of glasses that fit in your handbag. (Handbags are scary, too, but they did not make this list.)

One exception from this are lightbox umbrellas. They usually have solid construction, don't require frequent closing and reopening, are portable, easy to use, and most of all, they succesfuly fulfill their purpose. Photographers are the only people with legitimate right to own a brolley.