#his stinkee side eye | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wychive · 4 years ago

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𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph) sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:)

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me..

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you.

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people.

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them.

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog.

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine.

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were.

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar.

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio , @neo-shitty

reply to be in my gen taglist!

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talkbykhalid · 5 years ago

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𝐓𝐎: 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐆

༘ ✎ ◃ to: c.s | to:p.sh ▹ [ navi ]

༘ ✎ words: 10k +

༘ ✎ member: kim hongjoong

༘ ✎ warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption

༘ ✎ as you may notice in this installment of t:atbilb, im a bit of a fashion whore and that i have no experiences with parties and drinking whatsoever, i based it all on research and i initially chose hwall instead of dongyeol but the ages didn’t work well (: also my brain had a really stinkee fart worth this many words. enjoy ((:

To: Kim Hongjoong

Hi, I really don’t know how to write love letters… but it’s the effort that counts, right?

Your eyes roam around your room in search of something to do, anything. You were desperate at this point, Lei and San were out -probably on a date, and Yeosang was supposedly ‘busy’ making an english essay and that he needed peace and quiet or else he will, quote/unquote, “boil your teeth and force you to drink the broth.” Sometimes you missed the shy Yeosang who you first met in your summer workshop. After years of being his friend you learned that Yeosang wasn’t as sweet as you first perceived him as. He was a bitch, through and through. With his words that were sharp and snarky, he always left salty comments on basically anything he could think of. But to be completely honest, you wouldn’t have it any other way. No matter how much of a bitch he is, you know for a fact that Yeosang cares for you and that underneath all the bullshit he says, he doesn’t intend to hurt you.

Finding nothing to cure your boredom, you fall back onto your bed. “Ow, fuck.” you curse out and sit back up, grabbing the mobile device your head just made contact with. You lift up your phone and check the time when the screen lights up, 2:07 pm, your eyes fall onto Yeosang’s smile on the picture you set as your lockscreen. His light brown locks cascaded down his forehead and ended just below his eyebrows. You stood beside him, face contorted into an extremely wacky one. Your pupils pulled together, fingers tugging at the corner of your lips and your tongue sticking out at the camera.

That day, Yeosang appeared on your doorstep and dragged you out the pop up carnival in town. You two had a great time, the rides making your adrenaline rush and increasing the release of dopamine in your brains. At the end of the day, you suggested going into a photobooth and taking a few silly pictures in memory of this spontaneous outing. You contorted your face into foolish expressions during every photo and only realizing that Yeosang wasn’t following your lead when you step out of the confines of the booth. You now had two strips of film in your hands and a look of irritation spread across your face. Yeosang only laughed as you cursed at him, his husky laughter that usually made your heart flutter, did not have the same effect this time. For every image you took you had a ridiculous face on while Yeosang flashed a dazzling smile to the camera.

Your shoulders sunk, it has only been two minutes since you last checked your phone and you were this close to dying of boredom. You tossed the gadget to the end of the bed and fell onto your pillows, your pupils staring up at your plain white ceiling. What to do, what to do… you were bored out of your mind, a nap maybe? Again? I had about four naps in the past hour. You stood back on your feet, only to fall back on the bed. You repeated the action a few more times before deciding that you were a total idiot and may or may not have lost your mind. “Yeosang, I’m losing my mind.” you whined, already knowing what Yeosang’s reply would be, ‘you can’t lose something you don’t have.’ You threw yourself onto the floor and rolled around on the carpeted surface, at one instance you found yourself rolling under the bed and coming out of the other side, you needed medical help.

A growl erupted from your stomach and you whined once more, I don’t wanna get up, you pout. Alas, you had no choice but to crawl out of your room and down the stairs, kitchen bound. Your grandma spotted your hunched form trot towards the kitchen and paid no mind, it’s not like there was anything out of the ordinary. You made your way towards your snacks cabinet and blindly grabbed whatever made contact with your skin. In this case, it was a bag of honey butter chips, the yellow bag getting knocked down by your wrist and falling into your face. You expected that, a disappointed sigh escapes your lips and you head back up to your room.

Everything remained the same, except this time with a snack; you fell back on your bed, but with a snack. You rolled on the ground but with a snack. You checked your phone for the hundredth time, but with a snack. When you were through with the bag of potato slices, you went back to moping and whining about being bored. After an hour of doing nothing, you finally had enough, essay or not you were going to call Yeosang, he could never resist you (spoiler: he did). Your eyes scanned over the multiple apps displayed on your screen before finally landing on the green phone icon, the pad on your index finger made contact with the screen and tapped Yeosang’s contact (eboy 🤡) at the top of your list. Right after the first ring started the call was declined, followed by you receiving three consecutive messages in one second.

Interesting. Stock images (with watermarks) of teeth, pliers, and a pot of boiling water. Regarding how fast he sent them, you were sure he prepared those beforehand, were you really that predictable? You purse your lips and puff out your cheeks, slowly lowering your phone onto your bed, genuinely concerned for your wellbeing if ever you continued. Your lifeline just declined your call and you were so close to giving up, almost all of your hope was gone… that was until your bedroom door burst open and Lei barged in, the whole room lighting up with her bright aura. “Yes, I have returned, my dear sister.” You immediately get up and cry out in relief. Finally, a cure to your current disease.You rush to your sister and wrap your arms around her waist, your face pressing onto her belly. “I was so bored.” you drag out the last syllable to emphasize just how much pain you went through. She raises a brow and notices the absence of a certain brunet from the room, she asks about Yeosang’s whereabouts and you tell her about his english essay. “I thought you said he couldn’t resist you.” Lei raises a cheeky brow at you while she undoes the braid in her hair. “English over y/n, I guess.” you sigh dejectedly and look up at your sister with puppy dog eyes, silently asking for her to entertain you. She all but sighs and pulls you onto your feet and out of the house.

Your eyes were illuminated by the various fairy lights that hung between each streetlamp as they roamed around the street. The scent of numerous delicacies wafted through the air, a different one coming from each stall and coming together to create this delicious aroma. Lei watches you out of the corner of her eye, it’s been a while since you two visited this place. You always try to come here every fall break because the scenery was stunning, the amber and ochre leaves on the trees slowly glide down to the pavement. Especially during this time of the day, it was nearing dusk, the sun slowly starting to set and everyone scrambling to get their lights on. Lei smiled at your blissful expression, your wide orbs wandering from stall to stall.

After a few minutes of walking, you finally made up your mind and approached a hotdog stall. You asked for a mozzarella corn dog and potato corn dog for Lei, but before you could pull out your wallet, your sister was already handing the vendor her money. You look at her with soft eyes and a tiny smile, she playfully rolls her lovely caramel eyes and takes the box from your hands. “You can thank me by buying the drinks.” You, being the angelic little sister you were, agreed willingly. Oblivious to the devious smirk that formed on Lei’s pink lips.

You were unsure of what you should be feeling right now. Should you be shocked at the prices? Or should you be mad at your sister who brought this upon you. You weren’t surprised Lei pulled one of these on you right now, she just stood there looking triumphant. If she wasn’t your sister, you would have stomped her in the face-- wait no. If your grandma wouldn’t murder you then you would do so, without hesitation. You look over the prices one more time, hoping that they would lower (even just a bit) when you look back at them. It was no good, the numbers stayed the same, the eights didn’t become threes and the nines didn’t flip into sixes. With a rub of your temples, you pull out your blush coloured wallet and take out a few paper bills. In exchange of your five paper bills was just a handful of silver coins.

Lei happily sips on her bubble tea and stops to chew on a boba. You stalked behind her with a sour expression, the blue lemonade in your hands not giving the same amount of joy as the bubble tea did to Lei. You could feel the plastic cup turn sad at your thoughts. At least it saved you a couple of bucks, so your lemonade can stop being blue about it (pun intended). Lei found a bench on the sidewalk and decided that you two should take a seat. You two sat there for a while, talking about your classes while munching on your snacks. “San asked about you, by the way.” Lei mentions, taking the final bite on her corn dog and dusting off her fingers. Ah San, you remember how whipped you were for him. And how much it hurt when they broke the news to you. You remember those nights when you cried yourself, using your palms to seal in your sob as to not disturb your household. Thoughts of not being enough for the only boy that mattered in your life, it was too much for your little sixteen year old heart to take.

“And what did you say?” Your words unclear as you were biting into your stick of cheese and withdrawing, watching the cheese connecting your lips and the treat. “Oh you know, the usual: you, still being single, etcetera.” You were so done with her, you considered moving away and finding a real family, one that cares for your wellbeing and emotions.You once shared your master plan with Yeosang but he only replies with, “sorry to burst your bubble, but no family would want you.” You swear, once you get a sexy big tiddie boyfriend you’re going to make Lei eat her words. You take in a deep breath and slowly turn to Lei, “I swear to God, Lei, when the world’s hottest CEO asks for my hand in marriage, I won’t ask you to be my maid of honour.” Lei faux a look of hurt and wipes her nonexistent tears. She whines about how she thought you loved her and blah blah blah just dramatic Lei things. “But really though,” she looks up at you, no trace of the previous drama she just showed on her face, “I’d do so well as your maid of honour.” You roll your eyes and scoff, “as if, we all know I’d be getting Yeosang as my maid of honour.” She shoots you a knowing smirk as she gets up from her seat and starts walking, with you following suit. “We all know Yeosang’s gonna be the one waiting at the altar.” she sniggers as your face explodes into a deep shade of scarlet.

At your silence, Lei continues her remark. “You two have been friends for about four years now, it’s about time you ask him out.” Your face turns crestfallen, “Again? You know what happened last time…” your voice quivered as memories of that fateful night resurfaces from the back of your mind. Your sister notices the melancholic shift in the atmosphere and quickly reaches an arm out to hold onto you. “People change, y/n, you just have to try again.” You nibble at your bottom lip and contemplate your sister's words before finally coming to a conclusion that you couldn’t make the same mistake again.

“By the way,” Yeosang looked up at you from the curb as you sat on his skateboard and rolled back and forth. “Yeri invited me to this party,” you start slowly, observing his expressions. Yeri was this really pretty girl you shared english class with. She just so happens to sit beside you and you two share a few friendly conversations before your lectures begin. Apparently, friendly enough to have her invite you to a party her sister, Joohyun, was holding this weekend. “And you’re telling me this, why?” Yeosang looks up at you confused, “if you’re asking for my permission, you don’t need to.” You huffed and shifted your position, the denim of your jeans rubbing against the rough surface of his skateboard. “No, idiot, I’m asking you to come with me.” Yeosang plants his hands on the asphalt and leans back on his arms, eyes squinting as he considers the thought. “It’s not that far, just a couple streets from campus.” you add on in hopes of convincing him. The brown-haired boy in front of you shakes his head no and you whine out in defeat. “Please, I need a ride.” you pout at him, revealing your true intentions. Your friend breaks out a mischievous smile, showcasing his set of pearly whites, “So you admit that you only needed my car.” Your pout and straighten your legs to lightly knock him on the shin. “Yes but, you could join if you want.” Yeosang gets up and dusts off his pants, holds out his hand and pulls you onto your feet. He kicks the board up into a vertical position and holds it upright, “I don’t wanna go, but I’ll give you a ride.” Your eyes brighten at his words and you immediately pull him into an embrace, blurting out many ‘thank you’s.

Your eyes scan over your figure in the mirror and nod in satisfaction at your current fit. The baby blue mesh top (one you bought from an instagram fashion store) you wore complimented your complexion and the high-waisted baggy jeans you paired them with accentuated your waist greatly. You were pretty proud of yourself. “I’m back.” Lei ran to you with a pair of black leather creepers in hand and instructed you to get your sheer socks. Maybe you had a little bit of help from Lei… Okay, Lei put together the entire outfit, because, admit it, you’d be a mess if she didn’t. Initially, you decided on putting on a plain black shirt and tucking it into some white shorts you found lying on the ground. Luckily, Lei entered your room just in time to save you. “This won’t do.” she exclaimed and started a dialogue about how first impressions are important, especially since this would be your first college party.

“You look great.” Yeosang comments as you hop into the passenger seat of his 2016 ford focus and pull out the seatbelt. You lean back onto the white seats of his car and sigh out a thanks before giving credit to your sister’s hard work. Yeosang starts driving down the street and with your directions, the sleek black sedan pulls up in front of a large house. Your eyes were basically glued at the scene in front of you, music blasting through the walls and a kaleidoscope of colours pouring out of the windows of the residence. “Remember,” a soft deep voice pulls you out of your trance, “always keep your cup up to your chest and never accept anyone’s invitation upstairs.” Your best friend warns you as he looks at you with strict eyes, “and just ring me if anything goes wrong or if you need a ride back.” Your heart flutters at his words and you chuckle softly, you’re so cute, Yeosang. “Don’t worry, I’m a responsible person.” The brunette in the driver’s seat doesn’t believe you, not one bit, so you roll your eyes at his expression. “Alright, dad. I’ll take care.” your voice dripped of sarcasm, making Yeosang’s glare harden and you raising your hands up in defeat. You promise to keep his warnings in mind and hop out the car after giving him a tight hug.

Yeri met you at the door right after you sent her a simple ‘hey’, she led you through the mass of people in the living room and into the kitchen where an array of finger foods and drinks were displayed. “I’m glad you came,” she smiles at you softly before gesturing at the table and telling you to help yourself. “You look great by the way.” You smile sheepishly and tuck a stray lock of hair behind your ear, you return the compliment and motion at her oversized sweater and thigh high boots, she looks effortlessly stunning in her simple attire. Yeri opens her mouth to say something, but a voice from behind you calls out her name. You turn around and your heart speeds up when your eyes meet a pair of sharp dark ones. “Oh Joohyun, this is y/n. I told you about her earlier.” The woman in front of you enchants you with a dazzling smile and your heart stops beating all together. Her pale skin contrasting her all black ensemble that fit her curves perfectly and the faux fur jacket that hung on her elbows. You were absolutely speeches, only managing to watch the two extremely pretty siblings exchange a few words before Joohyun eventually drags Yeri away. The latter, telling you to enjoy yourself for the time being.

You look around the kitchen and spot a bright red cooler on the floor beside the counter. Reaching into the cold pool of ice and water, your fingers come in contact with a cool metal surface. Grasping the can, you pull it out and inspect the white and blue exterior. Michelob Ultra, you hum to yourself and nod in content, Joohyun had good taste. Having turned nineteen, you were finally legal to drink in Korean terms, and so far, the best you’ve tasted was Miller High Life but Michilob Ultra came right after that. You pop open the can and listen to the satisfying fizz that came along with it. The can is lifted up to your lips and you take a sip out of the fermented drink. The smooth and refreshing taste washing over your tongue as you gulp down the mouthful and releasing a gratifying ‘ahh’ right after. Your legs keep you where you are, chugging down the can and fetching another one. A couple people from your class approach you and strike up a decent conversation, but it’s either you run out of topics or they’re called to other places when your chat ends.

We met in a really uncomfortable circumstance. It was hot, suffocating, and my mind was hazy.

A tall figure approached your hunched form on the counter, disguising themselves by pretending to grab a can of beer. You look over and eye him curiously, he wore a bright red flannel jacket over his Gucci shirt and honestly it was hurting your eyes. The contrast between the extremely vibrant colour and the dim lights of the kitchen is doing something to your retinas, he looked great though. The male notices your stare and shifts his eyes to meet yours, his deep onyx ones trapping yours in an intense gaze. “Hey,” he places an elbow on the counter and nods at you casually and you pay heed to his thick eyebrows that starkly juxtaposed his pale complexion. “I’m Dongyeol.” he clinks his now opened can with yours following his introduction. You introduce yourself and take a sip of your beer, eyes refusing to meet Dongyeol’s stare. “Why’s this pretty lady standing here all alone?” a corner of his lip lilts up with a suggestive undertone to his voice. Oh so he was that type of guy, “Nothing in particular.” you shift your weight from leaning onto the counter and onto your feet. “So you wouldn’t mind if I took you upstairs and,” his eyes roam down your body pausing near your chest area before continuing their journey. You felt disgusted and violated, you scowled at his act and saw yourself out the kitchen.

“See people like you are the reasons why I stay in kitchens.” Dongyeol follows you and doesn’t seem to get the hint that you were telling him off. “So you want me to have you in the kitchen?” His eyes glint at the change of scenery and lighting. The audacity of this bitch, you roll your eyes and huff. “No, Dongyeol, leave me alone.” He then pulls the most fuckboy line with the most fuckboy tone known to man, “you don’t mean that, baby.” The urge to slap a bitch is strong, but you hold back and settle on trying to lose the man behind you. Somehow you managed to find yourself in the middle of the crowd of dancing people, sweaty bodies rubbing against each other in an attempt to move to the beat of the EDM music played on the bluetooth speaker, at least you lost Dongyeol. You try your best to sway your hips with the music, you really did, but you just couldn’t seem to go thirty seconds without a sticky figure bumping into you. It was getting suffocating, being in the middle of a horde of clammy bodies, you struggled to keep your head up above the heads of those around you but to no luck. At this point you desperately wanted to leave this crowd, pushing against other people’s perspiring skin just to find a way out of this swarm of drunken young adults trying their best to bust a move. Despite your efforts, you didn’t seem to be getting closer to egressing instead you were being swept even deeper into the crowd.

A warm hand suddenly shot out from somewhere and grabbed your elbow, your eyes widened in panic as it started to pull you out of the crowd. Part of you was thankful that you were finally leaving this mess of hormones, but the other (predominant) part of you was scared, regrets starting to flood into your mind and your heart racing as you struggled within the stranger’s grasp. “Woah calm down.” a calming voice filled your ears once you were free from the mob of college students and the hand on your elbow shifted onto your shoulder. Your back pressed against his chest and you feel the thick corduroy of his jacket through your shirt. You slowly turn your head towards the male behind you still partly shaken, but that quickly dissipates at the sight of his beautiful smile. You were in awe at how endearing his smile was, it felt as if angels come down from heaven only whenever he smiles. He was absolutely heavenly. “You looked like you needed some help.” His voice was absolutely charming and it went straight for your heart, your mind fizzed out for the second time this night, and this concerns the man.

Ring embellished fingers come up to run through his vibrant red locks, he chuckles awkwardly and asks if you were okay. Out of all the red things you saw today, his hair is most definitely the best. From the lack of response, he assumes that you didn’t hear anything he said due to the loud music. Obviously he was wrong, you hear every word but you couldn’t speak, your mouth refusing to form words and only mustering a small nod when he gestures to get the hell out of there. “I thought you needed some help, so I pulled you out.” The man laughs his angelic little laugh that does a number on your heart when you two end up on the front porch. “I’m Hongjoong, by the way.” he holds out his hand for you to shake and you take it while introducing yourself in return. He tests out saying your name and your heart absolutely loves the way each syllable rolls off his tongue. “So y/n, I saw what happened in the kitchen.” Just mentioning that gave you a headache, making you comb your fingers through your hair and massage at your scalp. Hongjoong chuckles and your heart does another flip. “Ignore Dongyeol, he was probably drunk off his ass.” “You know him?” you question with your eyes widening just a fraction. “Yeah, he’s in my department.” Unconsciously, you nod at his words even though none of his words was processed by your mind. You notice the absence of a metallic can in your hands and you remember that you left it on the counter. “Damn, I need a beer.” you move to get up on your feet but Hongjoong stops you and pulls out a pack of Miller High Life. “Tada~” he sang, presenting it to you. “No way, this is my favourite.” The red head beside you places a hand on your forearm and exclaims that you two share a favourite.

You held back my hair while I retched out the contents of my stomach that night. You listened to my drunk rambles and kept it all a secret.

You two stayed there for the majority of the night, talking about anything that came into mind. At one point you two talked about astrology and how stupid it was, neither of believed it but you two agreed that they were accurate sometimes. And by midnight, you two seem to have gone through two six-packs of Miller High, you having finished about five cans and considering that you were pretty tipsy when you came out here, you were downright wasted now. Giggling at whatever Hongjoong said (or did he actually say anything?), you fell onto the grass face first. The red haired man cackled at your stupidity before falling onto the ground himself. “Say,” you manage to say through your fit of giggles, “why is your hair an annoying red colour?” Hongjoong gets up on his elbows and looks at the back of your head insultedly, “Annoying? Excuse you my hair is the most calming sight there is.”

“Sure because firetrucks are bright red to tell people to ‘calm down’ and not to ‘get the fuck out of the way’.” You roll your eyes and flip over to lie on your back. The male beside you lets out a tiny chuckle, he tells you that he impulsively dyed his hair such a distracting colour because in his friend group he was the smallest and so many people overlooked him. Such a shame really, he was exceptionally handsome, his jawline was sharp and defined, the bridge of his nose complimented his profile perfectly and those scorching eyes. Damn. So now, his bright red locks attract the most attention in his circle of friends and sometimes manage to overshadow them. It was a really great story about doing your best to get the recognition you deserve, but your drunk ass had to choose this very moment to bring up the snacks you gulped down in the kitchen. Scrambling to your feet, you ran to the bushes and hunched over the wedge Hongjoong was right behind you and held your hair and patted your back.

You stayed by my side until the sun rose up. I feel kind of bad though, you spent your time babysitting a first time party goer rather than enjoying the party. Sorry.

You passed out on Hongjoong after throwing up and he has to carry you all the way back into the house in search of Yeri. Which leads us to present time, you waking up to pristine white walls and crisp white sheets, this isn’t my room, you look around and notice that you were still in your outfit last night but your face felt light, as if the makeup Lei put on you was washed off. But that wasn’t important, you were having a splitting headache and you just wanted God or whatever being is up there to either heal you or open up a you-sized sinkhole to end your suffering. A knock came from the door and it only made your headache worse, but since you were in uncharted territory you had to answer nicely, “Who is it?” “It’s me, Hongjoong.” Hongjoong? What the fuck is a Hongjoong? You didn’t go down on anyone did you? Your eyes widen in panic and you peek under your shirt to check if there were any marks or sore areas, luckily, there were none. “Who?” The doorknob then twisted and in came a bright red strawberry, the abominable colour triggering something in your mind and all the memories of last night came flooding in. “Oh Hongjoong it’s you.” He snickers and wordlessly hands you a glass of water and some ibuprofen. You swallow the pills and lay back onto the bed, “What time is it?” you groan out and reach for your phone that was conveniently placed onto the bedside table.

“Eight something.” The strawberry offers you a hand and gets you up and off the bed. You’re met with numerous notifications from both Lei and Yeosang, oh look San texted you a couple times too. Your fingers blindly dials your best friend's contact and presses the device to your ear. “Are you still at the house?” Yeosang’s concern filled voice reaches your ears and you groan out a ‘yes’, the male on the other side of the call tells you to stay still and hangs up. “Listen, I’m sorry for ruining your night, Hongjoong.” You finally remember his presence in the room and give him an apologetic smile. He waves it off and reassures you that he had a fun night. “But really though, you should have enjoyed the party inside. I made you babysit me.” a pout forms on your lips and Hongjoong reaches over and pats your head. “It’s fine, the party was kind of boring anyway.” You weren’t convinced, “Are you sure?” The male rolls his eyes and, with a hand on his hip, he sighs, “If you really feel bad, then go get lunch with me.”

You pause at his straightforwardness, mind completely sober, and your eyes drift to Hongjoong’s face. The corner of his thin lips lift up into a smug smirk, knowing that you couldn’t turn him down. You run your tongue across your teeth and scoff, “Sure, it’s not like I have a choice.” your phone then pings and its a text from Yeosang, telling you that he was in front of Yeri’s house. You make your way down the stairs and meet the aforementioned female. “Y/n, are you okay?” She comes in for a side hug, which you hesitantly return because you probably reek of alcohol and bile. “Hongjoong said you were as good as dead last night.” So much for good first impressions, you were positive that people labeled you as the lightweight freshman after last night. “It was that bad?” you wince before expressing your gratitude towards your friend and quickly excusing yourself out of the house.

“You didn’t accept anyone’s invite upstairs did you?” your best friend eyes your haggard appearance, eyes instantly filling with worry. “I wasn’t invited, per se.” That didn’t help the emotions in Yeosang’s eyes as they turned angry, the restrained rage burning within his dark irises. “What do you mean?” he seethes between clenched teeth, the grip on the steering wheel tightens and the veins in his arms become more prominent. “It’s nothing, I passed out last night and someone took me upstairs.” And Yeosang absolutely loses it. “Oh my fucking god, are you okay?!” he practically shrieks and grabs your shoulders from the driver's seat. “They didn’t touch, did they?” One of his hands made its way to your jaw, holding your face oh so gently. His deep umber eyes start quivering, worry evident on his handsome features. Unconsciously, you lean into his touch and your hand reaches up to rest on the back of his own. “I’m okay Yeosang,” you reassure him, somber eyes gazing into his fierce ones, “nothing happened. I promise you that.” The brunette huffs and falls back into his seat, arms going limp beside him. “You better not be lying. I swear to God, if I found out that somebody laid a finger on you,” his slim fingers find their way onto the steering wheel and aggressively grasps the leather, eyes looking straight ahead into the pavement, “I will commit a crime.”

A small smile creeps up onto your chapped lips and you let out a quick chuckle, leaning your forehead onto the window, “That’s sweet but take me home first.” The soreness begins to settle into your muscles and the fatigue knocks you right back to sleep. “We’re here.” Yeosang announces as if he was an uber driver, at your lack of response, he turns his head to you and sees you dead to the world. Your best friend clicks his tongue playfully, “What am I going to do with you?” After a few moments of melancholy, Yeosang decides to finally shake you awake. “Wake up, ugly, we’re here.” Your dark orbs flutter open and groggily look out the window, “So it seems.” you hum in acknowledgement but fall back into the seat. Yeosang was a couple steps ahead of you, knowing that you wouldn’t leave the vehicle without any assistance. Now, with an arm around his shoulders, you two limp over to your front door and Yeosang calls out your sister’s name, given that he’s got his hands full now.

Of course, your neighbour just chose this moment to walk by your house, and by neighbour I mean San. “Oh shit, what happened to her.” he ran up to your staggering form and threw your left arm over his shoulders. “God decided that he's finally had enough of her.” Yeosang huffs, thankful that part of the weight on his shoulders has been lifted. “Fuck you.” you sneer at the boy and get up onto your feet, shrugging your arms off their shoulders, “I can stand, thank you very much.” Lei busts open the front door and throws her body onto yours, “You bitch, I was so worried.” Her wide caramel eyes peer into your darker ones before grabbing you by the shoulders and violently shaking you back and forth. “You stupid wet sock! Why didn’t you contact any of us!” Yeosang grabbed your hips and San at Lei’s shoulders, successfully pulling you out of the older’s grasp. You stumbled in Yeosang’s arms, a little woozy from your sister’s actions before falling onto the ground completely.

Yeosang, San, and Lei stood in the living room while you were knelt by your grandmother’s feet, arms held straight up in the air. “I’m so tired.” Your grandma massages her temples with one hand and holds a slipper in the other, “I already have one raging college student,” she gestures at Lei who looks insulted, “I definitely don’t need another one.” The elderly woman turns on her heels and makes a beeline for the kitchen, yelling out “five more minutes and you can put your arms down” over her shoulder. “So, you went to your first ever college party, got blackout drunk, and went home in the morning.” San plops down on the carpet beside you, a cat like smirk imprinted on his thin lips. “Wonderful, San. Thank you for summarizing my experience.” You roll your eyes at the blonde male who just snickers at your misfortune. “I expected more from you, y/n. Grandma almost filed for a missing person report.” Lei looks down at you and shakes her head disappointedly, as luck would have it, Yeosang came to your rescue. “As if you didn’t go through worse.” Your best friend retorts and approaches you.

When Lei attended her first college party, she was at a frat house and had gotten blackout drunk, when she woke up she was face down on the front lawn, her body twisted in a way your muscles would have nightmares from. Plus she happened to misplace her phone and what followed was the worst month of her life. She had to wait for nearly two weeks to get a new phone and while that happened, a scandalous video of your sister circulated around social media. When you reviewed the video, San was in shock, well all of you were but San mostly. He couldn’t believe his eyes, Lei was there on the carpeted floor squirming at what seems to be an attempt to do the worm. Instead she looked like a fish out of water, that wasn’t all, she later attempted to B-boy, her slender limbs flailing around aimlessly, whacking various people in the face. The room erupted into a fit of laughter, San having fallen off your bed after laughing too hard; Yeosang nearly suffocating himself with the pillow he used to muffle his cries and your eyes were tearing up, accompanied by your high pitched wheezing and cachinnation. Lei stood at the foot of your bed pouting angrily at the three laughing lots.

Lei now holds the same scowl she had the year prior and mocks Yeosang’s words in a high pitched whine. The latter pulls you onto your feet by your arms, “Listen, I know it hasn’t been five minutes yet,” and theatrically pinches his nostrils closed, “but, sweetie, you’re stinking up the whole place.” Your shoe comes into contact with Yeosang’s denim clad shin making him yelp, “Go to hell.” you stomp up the stairs and into your bedroom and shutting the door, your eyes leering at each corner of your room before picking up your collar and taking a whiff inside. Wow I really need a bath, one by one, your clothes end up in the hamper and you whisk yourself into the shower; lathering up as much of your jasmine body wash to scrub on your skin. After your quick shower, you put on a pair of cotton shorts and a sweater you found strewn on top of your desk chair, your hands absentmindedly drying your hair with a towel. Your orbs land on your phone on top of the covers but the small piece of paper slipped inside your phone case is what catches your eyes. From between the pressed flowers, you could make out black ink scribbles on it.

Out of curiosity, you pop your phone out of the clear casing and find out that it was a number, more specifically Hongjoong’s number, or that’s what the writing said; ‘call me when you find this (;’ was scrawled onto the paper in his semi messy penmanship. You fall onto your bed and start typing out the written number and hitting the call button. It rings for a few moments before Hongjoong’s charming voice fills your ears, “I was wondering how long it would take you to notice.” he says with a chuckle, the smirk on his lips radiating through the screen. “Well I had to go through a grey haired goblin first, so…” You two share a quick laugh and once it dies down, Hongjoong speaks again. “So how does tomorrow sound?” Your mind, still in slight shambles, fails to pick up what the male was referring to so you respond with a confused hum. “Lunch? How about we go out tomorrow for lunch.” the puzzle pieces in your mind fit back together and you smack yourself upright in the head, “Oh yeah, right. Sure tomorrow sounds great.” Your cheeks were beginning to gain a bit of colour as Hongjoong chortles and comments on how cute you were, before bidding adieu and hanging up. You just scored yourself a date with a cute guy nonetheless.

Your bare feet padded down the carpet as you rushed down the stairs and into the living room where three people sat chatting on the sofa. They all turned to you, startled at your excited state, and you pounced onto your older sister. “Lei, I scored myself a date!” You announced, receiving mixed reactions from the group. Lei’s shocked face morphed into one of unsure happiness. You filled them in on all the details, but you somehow miss the worried glances San and Lei throw at Yeosang, and him having a tight smile on his lips.

You were always so sweet and caring, your heart is honestly one of the purest things there is.

The weather was wonderful, the sun was shining bright in the clear sky and the air around was fresh. You enjoyed the scenery as you strolled along the sidewalk, mostly in an attempt to calm your rapidly beating heart. You felt like it was going to burst out of your chest and soak your crisp white dress in blood. Well that wouldn’t be too bad, that would definitely lower your heart rate. But you really couldn’t just leave Hongjoong on his own thinking that you’ve ditched him, when in reality you just died on the sidewalk. Your nerves that were already unsteady, worsened when you reached the glass doors of the restaurant. You took a deep breath and clenched your fists by your side, pushing open the doors with your whole body. The entire space felt cozy and gave off a rustic vibe, the cedar coloured walls calming your nerves instantly.

The moment your eyes make a slight shift, you see him. How could you not? He had such striking red hair that even if people who weren’t looking for him would find him. A bright smile makes its way onto Hongjoong’s face when you two make eye contact and it’s as if his wide almond shaped eyes had you on a line and are gradually pulling closer. “Hey.” you say with an awkward chuckle when you’re in front of him. He looks up at you with such adoring eyes, his palms holding his jaw and he returns the ‘hey’ but less awkward. “Did you wait long?” As if he was snapped out a trance, he blinks rapidly and gets up to pull your chair out. Oh I didn’t expect that. “Not really, I just got here too.” that was a lie, he was fifteen minutes early because he wanted to give you a good first date.

Throughout the entire meal, Hongjoong’s eyes had the same exact glint in them from when he first spotted you; all hazy and trance-like. “By the way, I saw this painting and it reminded me of you.” he started, eyes gazing at you like you were the most dazzling thing he ever laid his eyes on. You, of course, sat there dumbfounded, holding a spoonful of ginseng soup up to your lips. “Oh uhm…” you struggle to find the correct reply to his sudden comparison and quickly gulp down the liquid on your utensil, “thank you…?” The male in front of you beamed softly and continued. “Yeah, when we first met at the party.” In your head, you were thinking that he saw a painting of angels, considering the top you wore that night were covered in them, and so you thought: awh how sweet, you remember mentioning that you were into arts that night and it really warmed your heart that he remembered such a trivial thing. “It was a mess and it reeked of alcohol, just like you.” The metal spoon clattered against your ceramic bowl-- other customers turning their heads over at you and wondering what was happening, you bit the inside of your cheek and swore at him from under your breath. “You’re a bitch.” Hongjoong responds with a mocking smile and scrunch of his nose.

The date went pretty well, if you say so yourself. Hongjoong was a sweet person and took care of you the entire afternoon. He took you around the area and talked about so many things. Just like in the party, minus the alcohol. It was like you knew him for so long now, when in reality, you met him while you were drunk off your ass just the other day. The bells above the store door jingled when Hongjoong pushed it open, excitement coursing through his veins. Before he was going to walk you home, he suggested that you stop by his favourite place in the entire town. An array of guitars was mounted on the white walls and various shelves ran along the wooden floors, holding a wide selection of CDs. “I come here a lot, when I feel down in the dumps.” He tours you around, as if he owns the place, and you’re somewhat believing it. He knows where each genre is, each artist; he knows the system like the back of his hand, the names of each aisle flowing out of his lips with practiced ease. “Oh Hongjoong, you’re back!” The woman from behind the counter calls out at him, leaning her inked arms onto the glass display filled with various items. “Yeah, I came to show y/n, around.” the red head wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you to his side, your cheeks flushing at the action. The woman shifts her eyes at you and smirks, “Hongjoong never brings friends here. I’m guessing you’re more than a friend?” You quickly shake your head and hold your palms up, “N-no, we just met the other day.” The woman (whose name was never mentioned to you) rubs her chin thoughtfully, “First date, huh. And you already brought her here, Hongjoong?” You were confused at what she meant by that, but you couldn’t inquire for more because Hongjoong was dragging you out the door and chuckling nervously, saying a quick goodbye and throwing a threatening glare at the woman.

Music was always your passion and I love that about you. You always had this fire in your eyes whenever you talked about your favourite song or the beats you were working on. But that doesn’t mean that you should disregard your health! Why are you so hard headed? I know that many of your friends told you to take care of yourself, PRIORITIZE YOUR HEALTH, SIR, PLEASE. No matter how important that thing is, you have to drop it when it comes to self care.

Hongjoong has been inviting you out throughout the past month, and at this point, the line between friends and lovers was somewhat blurred. On your sad days, Hongjoong would intertwine his fingers into yours and give them a reassuring squeeze, wordlessly saying that ‘it’s going to be okay’ while you two cuddle on your sofa. When he was blue, you would take him to that music shop he loves and take him out for some ice cream while peppering little kisses all over his face, effectively cheering him up. You two acted like a pair of newlyweds, yet nothing was official. You two have been flirting back and forth throughout the entire month but neither of you had the balls to ask each other out. It was obvious that your feelings were mutual, so why didn’t you just smooch him? Frankly, you didn’t know either. You were too pussy, and mayhaps your grandma taught you that men always made the first move. But come on, it’s 2018 that shit’s old now.

You learned Hongjoong absolutely adores music, he basically lives for music. His being is surrounded by music 24/7. You knew this, he has shown you multiple times how dedicated he was composing and you genuinely looked up to that. But at this moment, you despised it. For the past week, Hongjoong hasn’t been answering your calls or replying to your texts, and he was notorious for suddenly going MIA at random times due to work and studies. “What do you think happened to him?” You nibble at your nails nervously while Yeosang just rolls his eyes, he was currently driving you to Hongjoong’s dorm because you bribed him to take you there. He was actually quite against the idea but you looked so desperate and it did something in his heart, so he settled with a week's worth of dinner. “I don’t know, the mafia got him?” he teases, you respond with a smack on his arm closest to you and whining that it wasn’t funny. You rush up to his dorm room while Yeosang calmly trails behind you. Your knuckles rap at his door and it worries you even more when you don’t get a response. “Hongjoong?” you call out through the door and Yeosang winces at the volume of your voice. “Hey, he might not be home.” Your hands don’t stop knocking, not until you get at least a single sign of life from inside. And fortunately, before anybody from in the hall can start complaining, the wooden door opens and reveals a shaggy haired Hongjoong.

“Oh my god, Joong.” You leapt forward when his body suddenly went limp, barely catching him into your arms. His breathing was ragged and his skin pale, dark circles hung from underneath his eyes and yet he still managed to greet you with a weak hey and a soft chuckle. Yeosang pulls the male out of your arms and brings him back into his room with you following suit. After your best friend tossed him onto the bed, you absentmindedly took your place beside him. “What the fuck have you been up to?” you whisper, worried that even the slightest raise in volume would harm him; he looked so fragile and weak, as if a gentle breeze would knock him over and smash him into pieces. “Dude, how long have you been working?” Yeosang speaks up from Hongjoong’s desk, picking up one of the papers scattered all over the surface, ink blotches splattered on the polished wood. “Ah, don’t touch that.” The red haired male weakly scolds the younger, who immediately puts the piece down. “I’ve been working on it all week, but it doesn’t sound right.” Oh, he was working on a song, the one he told you about.

“Hey, can I have a listen?” You lean onto Hongjoong’s shoulder one day on the campus field. The sun was shining brightly and there was a gentle gust of fresh air that cooled your skins. “I don’t know…” Hongjoong bites his lip as he pulls one bud out of his ear, “it doesn’t sound that good.” You roll your orbs at that, “Oh shut up, whatever HJ Studio produces must be fire.” You grab the earbud and plug it into your ear. Hongjoong looks at you in disbelief with a silly smile on his lips. “HJ Studio?” His finger presses on the play button and soon a soft melody sounds from the earphones, whisking you out to a new world; one covered in grass and butterflies flying about from flower to flower, a little stream tinkles in the distance. The piece made your heart feel so light, it was as if it was soaring through the air.

Hongjoong was truly a talented man and he worked so hard to get there. He has accomplished so much at the young age of twenty, there will be plenty in store for him in the future. But if he doesn’t take care of himself he would never get to that point, knock on wood. It hurt your heart to see him in such a state, so brittle and debilitated. “Yeosang, could you run over to the store and get him some food?” You plead to your best friend with the best puppy dog eyes you could muster. “Why me?” his shoulders sag when he whines and dangles his arms down beside him. “Would you rather stay here with him?” You raise an eyebrow at him and he just pouts before stomping away, gently slamming the door on his way out. “You really don’t have to do this.” The bedridden male puts his hand over yours, his thumb caressing the skin of your hand. “I want to do this, Joong.” He smiles and brings a hand up to your cheek, resting it there. You lean into his touch and the man beneath you lets out a dramatic sniffle. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen, especially in front of you.” He uses his other hand to wipe away nonexistent tears and you couldn’t help but let out a little giggle. “Please remember me.” “Bitch stop acting like you’re dying.” you smack his arm and he too giggles softly. He says nothing afterwards but you see it in his eyes, a thankful glint that shines through his umber irises.

But I didn’t expect that your own passion would take you away from me…

Another week has passed since that fateful event, Hongjoong said that he has been taking care of himself and although they’re getting lighter, you could still see the dark bags under his eyes. On this day, Hongjoong called you in the middle of the day and asked if he could see you. Of course, you being the heart over mind person you were, you came running to Hongjoong. He walked with you all the way to his favourite music store while talking about minor things, such as ‘how was your day?’ etc. He politely opened the door for you with a bow and you teasingly curtsied back at him. “So why are we here?” you turn to Hongjoong and you notice, for a quick moment, that his shoulders tense before relaxing and motioning his arm to the interior of the building. “Why don’t you go ahead and pick whatever you like.” Your eyes widen at his suggestion and you shake your head ‘no’, you could never do that. But he insists. Pushing your shoulder forward and into the aisle of your favourite genre. Your eyes skim all over the CDs but still you refuse his offer. The strawberry rolls his eyes and grabs your hand to drag you down the aisle, “Listen, I know you’re stubborn but please just this once,” He stops in his tracks and turns to stare into your eyes, his pupils dilating at the sight of you. “Accept my offer, for me.” And you give in, your fingers running over the plastic cases of the CDs.

Your eyes catch onto a CD by your favourite band but before you could reach for it, you notice the price. Yikes, that ain’t happening, so you grab an older release by them, one that you already have, but at least this doesn’t cost much. You twist to look at Hongjoong meaning to hand him the disk, but he already has one in his hands. “So you like this band.” he nods and says something about having taste, but you reach out and grab his arm before he heads to the cashier. “I don’t want that, I chose this one.” You extend the casing to him and wiggling it moments after he doesn’t take it. “If this is about the price, don’t worry about it.” you stand firm and keep the case out to him, to which he just shrugs and takes the CD. “I guess I’m buying two then.” You try to stop him but he’s already at the cash register and when you reach his side, the woman (whose name was Yerin) was already packing the items into a plastic bag. When you two left the store, Yerin combed a tattooed hand through her long jet black hair.

“Okay, Joong, what’s going on?” I mean it was totally sweet how Hongjoong bought you two albums of your favourite artist and took you out for a walk in one of the most beautiful places you’ve ever seen; he also bought you a huge cup of gelato from that really expensive shop just off campus, but he was doing this so suddenly. He must have something special in mind. Your heart quickened at the thought, is he finally going to ask me out? Oh my god I’m not ready. “Can’t I just treat you to things like this because I care for you?” He looked at you with eyes full of intent, everything went quiet after that. The park has gone silent, most of the people seem to have disappeared but you don’t mind. “Well,” he rubs his palm against the nape of his neck nervously, aaaah this is it, I won’t be single anymore, “Remember that song I was working on?” huh? Oh maybe he was bringing it up because the song was about you and that he was going to sing it to you right now and a huge musical ensemble will jump out of the bushes and start playing their instruments. Wow I need medical attention. “I submitted it to my professor and he liked it!” He beamed down at you, it wasn’t the new you were expecting but it was great nonetheless. You smiled back at him with equal fervour and jumped up into his arms.

“Hongjoong! That’s great!” you exclaim, I could kiss you, “I’m so proud of you, Joong.” He spins you in his arms for a brief moment before putting you down and looking into your eyes seriously. “That’s not all, he showed his friends, who showed to their friends,” You nod, eyes still bright with joy and giddiness even without knowing where this conversation was headed. “And they liked it so much that they referred me to Berklee College in Boston.” Boston? As in like America Boston? The park fell silent again, but this time the atmosphere was tense and gloomy, the only noise was coming from the ducks in the nearby pond. Your ears were ringing, blocking out all the sounds the world offered. You wished you could unhear his words, wished for him to yell out that it was a joke and kiss you senseless, but that wasn’t the case. You stood there in front of Hongjoong, motionless. You couldn’t even feel your heart anymore, was it even there? It seems like your heart has fallen into the pits of your stomach but you couldn’t feel it inside you. You doubt it was still beating. “I’m leaving in three days.”

Oh great he just had to rub salt all over your wound. Your mind goes blank, you remember neither congratulating him on such an achievement nor the walk home with your hands entwined with each other. But you vaguely remember the chaste kiss he places at the corner of your lips before leaving. When you enter the house, you see Yeosang seated on your sofa, “How’d the date go?” and with that the dam behind your eyes shatter and you collapse onto the floor. Yeosang’s heart breaks at the sight and he immediately runs to your side; you weep to him and tell him everything that happened. You went brain dead, going through the next three days numbly and only regaining consciousness when you’re standing in front of Hongjoong at the lobby of his dorm building. He towed a big nave case behind him and a black backpack hung on his shoulders. Hongjoong’s umber orbs land on your form but before he can run to you, he spots Yeosang protectively standing behind you with a protective look on his face. He decides to calmly approach you and give you a tight hug without words, completely disregarding your best friend’s disapproving eyes. He digs through his backpack and pulls out a clear case and an unlabelled CD before handing it to you. “Remember me.” he plants a brisk kiss onto your lips and runs away before Yeosang could beat him up.

I’m glad you were there for me. I thank my lucky stars that it was you who found me that night.

I miss you,

y/n of freshman year

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