#heyyyy so i am super bad with updates lately

[withlovewriting]

Mixed Drinks and Smoke Rings 24: Be Still and Steadfast, My Broken Soul

Chapter Twenty-four: Be Still and Steadfast, My Broken Soul

Ouch, I have lost myself again, Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, Yeah, I think that I might break, Lost myself again and I feel unsafe, Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up, unfold me, I am small, and needy, Warm me up, and breathe me.

Summary: New to town, you didn’t need a friend, you needed a dealer. Thankfully, a girl from your Narcotics Anonymous meetings knew just the guy.

Characters: Fezco (euphoria) x Non-descriptive Reader

Words: 3,517

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of addictions, vague mentions of previous threats, violence (soz cal), withdrawal 

Series Warnings: Addiction, sexual themes, cursing, abuse (various), smut, drug use, teenagers being fucking idiots. 18+ only, minors DNI

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Your skin crawled, and the desperate desire to scratch it off until you were nothing but bloody muscle and bone itched away at your brain. Rubbing a hand over your clammy forehead, you tried to ignore how warm you felt with Fez's chest pressed against your back as Rue's watchful eyes studied you for just a moment.

"It is fucking so because... I came up with an amazing fuckin' plan."

"And what would that be, Rue?" He asked, hands settled on your hips as you stood between his open legs, the boy perched on the counter as he sent Rue a dubious look. He knew his friend, therefore he knew whatever was about to come out of her mouth was not going to be a good idea, regardless of how genius she thought it was.

"Alright, so..." Rue cleared her throat, moving into the center of the kitchen when Faye finally shut the fridge door, a plate of leftovers in her hand, "All you would have to do is front me like, $5,000 worth of drugs, okay? And-"

"Hell the fuck no." Fez interrupted, his thumbs rubbing small circles onto your hips.

The two continued to argue as you ignored them, uninterested in Rue's self-proclaimed genius endeavor and much more interested in keeping whatever food you had left in your stomach down.

Truth was, you were currently in the middle of withdrawal, your body aching for more drugs that you couldn't bring yourself to ask from Fezco.

His supply was much broader now, and although he wasn't comfortable selling hard shit, he had a suitcase to get rid of and more than willing to pay customers. Something told him that whilst Mouse was one scary mother fucker, Laurie was somehow worse.

Laurie -- much like his grandmother -- didn't need the big, scary attitude to be the best in the business. Her respect wasn't necessarily earned, but it was there. And Fezco wasn't about to fuck it up because Rue suddenly decided she was a genius. He didn't even want to hear her plan.

Chest heaving, you pushed yourself from Fez's grip, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible as you strode toward the bathroom, knowing all you'd be able to bring up was acid from your empty stomach.

"Uh, is she okay?" Rue questioned, thumb pointing in your direction when she heard the distant sounds of your gagging.

Fez's brows were drawn in a quiet concern, but he'd learned the hard way that you didn't want him fussing over you as you were puking your guts up when he tried to comfort you the previous night, and you'd all but slammed the door in his face.

You'd told him it was a stomach bug, offering to head home in case you infected him, Ash, or Faye, but the boy wouldn't have it. You couldn't help the guilt that bubbled under the surface of your skin when he brought you in a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

That one definitely wasn't fun to bring back up.

"She's just a little under the weather," Fez sighed, running a hand over his head.

Faye, who was picking through the left-overs nodded, "She's been sick for a few days."

Rue didn't quite believe them. Or rather, she didn't quite believe you.

"I'll go check-"

"I wouldn't if I were you. She damn near ripped me another one when I tried to check on her last night."

Making her way into the kitchen and grabbing a glass to fill with water, she ignored her friends grumble, making her way to the bathroom and knocking twice,

"It's me. Can I come in?"

Rue took your noncommittal grunt as a yes, pushing the door open gently before slipping in and locking the door. Her watchful gaze was on you as she handed you the glass of water, your hands shaking as you tried to press the glass to your lips.

In a low whisper, she leaned in, "It's not a bug, is it?"

"Rue, I don't-"

Rue's eyebrow lifted as you placed the glass onto the floor, spilling a little in your unsteady grip, "I know withdrawal when I see one. Why don't you ask Fezco-"

"He doesn't know, Rue. And I don't intend for him to. Plus, it's nothing he'd sell to me anyway."

Blinking for a moment, realization hit Rue like a train, "Holy shit. The heroin we found... You're still doing that shit?"

"Keep your voice down," your eyes were wide as you pressed your hand against her mouth, your whispered shout not much quieter than hers. Running a hand over your forehead, you took a deep breath, the overwhelming threat to vomit ready to make good on it's promise, "Just... Just a few times, alright? It's nothing though. I just... I don't need it, alright? It was just-"

"Pretty fucking good?" Rue smirked.

"Pretty fucking great," you stressed, your elbow propping your head up on the toilet seat, "Fuck, Rue. I just... If I just had one more hit, then I'd be done. I could wean myself off and-"

"You know the whole 'one last time, I promise' spiel doesn't really work on other drug addicts, right?"

Releasing a sigh, you shrugged. The fact you didn't have to lie to Rue felt like a blessing, and a curse. Because although she understood, she had also relapsed, and if there was one thing worse than a relapsed drug addict, it was two of them.

"I mean, since Fez isn't gonna listen to my plan -- which really is genius, by the way, like it's literally my best plan to date -- maybe you could help me with it?"

"I don't even have $5 worth of drugs to give anyone, Rue."

"Oh I know," Rue smiled, handing you the glass once more, "But we both know someone who might..."

You stood, watching Rue stutter as she tried to explain her business plan to Laurie, distracted by Bruce as he stood, staring into the fridge, as naked as the day he was born.

It should've been funny, and if you were so badly craving your next hit, you might've found it in you to laugh.

"Uh, I'm in high school, right. Uh, and I have a GPA of 3.95, and let's say, you know, all my friends Jamie, Amy and Lanie also have a GPA over 3.7,"

Laurie hummed, nodding for you both to follow her as she made her way down the few stairs to sit in her armchair.

"And, and, Laurie, these are, these are girls that you would never expect in a million years to be selling. Look, I'm a dreamer, you know, and Steve Jobs is my hero. And, I was just thinking, you know, what if there was a foolproof system to sell... you know, without anyone snitching."

Pressing a few buttons on her chair and raising her legs, Laurie still only hummed, as if she was only half paying attention.

"So, let's say... that uh, hypothetically, of course, uh, we were able to pay Jamie, Amy and Lanie $500 a month to be runners. Now as collateral, we would upload their phones to a cloud that I own."

"Why would you want that?" She shrugged, her eyes focused on the bird in front of her.

"Ah, that's a good question, Laurie," joining you on the sofa, Rue patted down her suit jacket nervously, "Well, you see, even though Jamie, Amy, and Lanie have stellar GPAs, there's also things on their phones that they don't want the world to know about because it would probably jeopardize their ability to get into Yale, Columbia, Harvard, my top choices... Uh, plus, if they ever got busted, we're looking at 6 to 12 months in juvie."

"Intent to sell is a way bigger sentence," Laurie finally turned her attention toward Rue, still poker-faced.

"Not if you're under 18. Which is nothing to having your entire life released and ruined on the internet, so their incentive to snitch is basically reduced to zero."

Closing her eyes, Laurie seemed to relax, "This is an amazing plan, you're a genius. I'll front you a 50k suitcase."

Your eyes almost popped out of your head as Laurie casually walked past the both of you, "Rue, don't do it. I know it seems like a good idea, but-"

"Maybe we should start smaller?"

"10k?"

Your eyes were still wide as you shook your head at her, knowing Laurie was only around the corner, unlocking the cupboard.

"Deal."

Remaining on the couch, Laurie sent a thinly-veiled threat toward the girl, promising that if she screwed her over, she'd get some awful people to do some real awful things. You weren't even sure you'd heard her correctly as you gnawed on your bottom lip, eyes still wide and desperate.

Laurie turned toward you, as if it was the first time she'd noticed your presence, "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, uh, no... Nothing. I just came for, you know, moral support."

Her smile was nothing less than sweet, but after the words she'd uttered to Rue, you could almost see the threat in her eyes as she nodded, "Okay. Well, don't forget what I said. Either of you."

Rue dropped you off near Fez's house, chatting non-stop as she gave you a ride, declining your offer to hold the suitcase so she wouldn't crash, and by the time you'd arrived back at Fezco's, you felt worse than you did before.

Pushing open the door and ready to excuse yourself to bed, you practically skidded as you saw a familiar man sat at the dining table, Ash's shotgun pointed at his forehead.

Four sets of eyes turned to you as you stood there, eyes and mouth wide, trying to take in the sight before you.

"God, your family's like a wart. No getting rid of you." You mumbled, finding it harder and harder to keep your eyes open.

"Nice to see you again too, young lady. My eldest son sends his well wishes-" his voice cut off as Ash pressed the barrel against his temple a little more force, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Turning his attention back to Fez, he silently watched as you sat down on the couch next to Faye, accepting the joint she offered, "You beat up my son."

"Yeah, well, he deserved it, man. He's a fuckin' bitch."

You should've known Fez would go for the honest answer, refusing to back down, even to someone like Cal,

"Oh, okay, tough guy."

Ash's movements were so quick, you barely had time to realize he'd turned the gun, hitting Cal in the side of the head with it before resuming his previous stance. The boy wasn't here to fuck around.

"Ow, fuck! Why did you do that?"

"Cause you're in no position to talk shit," Ash replied simply, ignoring Cal's threat as he hit him again, "Why don't you call the cops?"

Through clenched teeth, Cal glared at the boy, and despite knowing firsthand that Ash could protect himself, it still made you feel uneasy to see a grown man threatening a kid, "The Chief of police, Will Greenwood-"

Ash barely hesitated, hitting the man a handful of times as everyone stood around watching. Fez, who was perched on the back of the couch placed a hand over yours, linking your fingers together as you watched the scene unfold with an obvious unease, "Alright, Ash. Chill out man."

"This guy don't want the fuckin' cops involved." Ash huffed, barely flinching as he watched the trail of blood run down the side of Cal's face, "Watch."

Placing his phone on the table in front of him, Ash told Cal to call the cops.

"Dial, bitch."

Ash hit him again, knowing damn well there was something bigger here than Cal's sudden protectiveness over a child that he didn't really even like, "If you got nothin' to hide, call the fuckin' cops."

Ash continued to goad the man, and with a few more hits, Fez finally sighed, "All right, man. I get it."

"I know that you and your little drug addict friends are trying to extort my son."

Cal rubbed the blood from his vision as best he could, his eyes focusing on Fez's hand wrapped around yours, "What?"

"Because of what I did to her friend."

"The fuck you talkin' about, man?"

Cal's random admittance to a crime none of you had even known about caused your brow to furrow as he explained that he didn't even know Jules age. If you didn't feel horrific before, you definitely did now.

"You tellin' me you had sex with Jewel?" Fez seemed almost as shocked as you did, his brow pushed up toward his hairline.

Even worse, he'd recorded it.

"Yo, you recorded that shit?"

"I didn't know-"

"You didn't know that you were recording? Did she know that you were recording?" Your voice was slightly higher, unable to hide your shock. When Cal's head dipped, you huffed out a humorless laugh, "Ash?"

Without hesitance, the boy hit Cal one last time, causing him to cry out in pain. Sure, it didn't help matters, but the piece of shit -- at bare minimum -- deserved it.

"God, I fucked up."

"Obviously, man. Who the fuck even told you I gave a shit about this anyway?"

"My son," Fezco's ocean blues turned toward you, but you simply shrugged, "Not Aaron."

"Nate? The one that's in love with Jewel? What kind of weird-ass father-son shit is goin' on around here, bro?"

"I'm extremely confused,"

"You're confused? I'm fuckin' confused, bro."

"Me too." Faye spoke up as she blew out a breath of smoke.

"I don't even know what the fuck you're doin' here."

"Do you mind if I just leave? I'm not gonna say a word about anything, I swear to God. Let's just pretend like... none of this ever happened."

Ash was shaking his head, gun still pointed at the man, but with a reassuring squeeze to your hand, Fez released it and made his way out of the room, calling for Ash to join him.

Sitting in an uncomfortable silence, you squeezed your eyes shut. Was this really happening? God, fucking hell, you knew you should've just got something from Laurie. Weed wasn't enough in this situation.

"Do you and your son, like... Do you like, fuck people together?"

Thankfully, Fez and Ash returned, putting Cal out of his misery.

"I'mma let you walk up outta here on one condition. You'll keep your bitch-ass son out of our fuckin' life. And Rue's, and Jewel's. Til the end of fuckin' time. You understand?"

"I promise."

"Now I don't know shit about no fuckin' disc, man. That's not my problem," turning his attention to his brother, Fez walked toward the couch, sitting down as he threw an arm over your shoulder, "Now get this motherfucker up outta here, Ash."

You didn't go to the NA meeting that night. Shit, you could barely get out of bed by 6pm, let alone sit in an hour long meeting as people talked about their shitty lives and the reasons they'd turned to drugs. You just couldn't stomach it.

You knew Fez was concerned, but you were hoping he didn't try to push it as he did the previous night. He wouldn't stop fussing over you, which if you were actually sick, you would've lapped up like a kitten with milk.

But you were clammy, uncomfortable, nauseous and agitated. The last thing you wanted was to be baby'd, yet you couldn't force yourself to pack up and head home.

Sure, your father was sober, but you felt as if your presence -- especially a non sober presence would either push him back into his own addictions, or make him realize your own. Neither of those options were favorable, so instead, you buried down in Fez's bed, trying to shut out the pain.

Fez joined you a few hours later. The boy had been watching TV with Faye, counting down the minutes until it was deemed an acceptable bedtime and neither you, or his brother, would give him shit. Ash wasn't necessarily coming around to the idea of Faye staying with them, but he at least didn't always leave the room whenever she entered.

It was progress.

You had been in and out of consciousness for a while, waking up shaking, yet covered in sweat. Your body felt weak, and it was a never-ending struggle to push yourself up out of bed and away from the human-heater that was Fez's body.

Pushing your way into the bathroom, you felt almost instant relief as your bare feet met the cool floor tiles.

A dull pain spread across your abdomen, almost like cramps, and you found yourself gasping out in pain, arm flailing forward and knocking off some of the body care necessities that lined the bath as your weak knees finally crumbled, leaving in you a shaking pile on the floor.

And that was how Fez found you only a few seconds later, stumbling in as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. Brain and body still fuzzy from sleep, he fell to his knees next to you as you curled up in a fetal position.

"Ma, what's goin' on?" As if seeing you in this state ripped Fez out of his half-asleep demeanor, his voice was loud, too loud, as his hands roamed over your body, checking for any signs of injury.

Unable to respond, you let out a long whine as your arms tightened around your abdomen, hoping it would somehow ease the pain. Your tears were free flowing by this point, and Fez's warm had wiping them away did little to sooth you.

"C'mon, I'mma take you to the hospital, this shit aint normal-"

"No," your voice was feeble and barely above a whisper, "It's not... I'm not-"

You were cut off by a groan, the pain radiating throughout your entire body. Every bone, every muscle, every nerve, felt like they were on fire.

Fez was silent for a moment, watching you with his hand against your face, mid-way through pushing some hair off your sweaty forehead, "What you mean, Ma?"

You knew that at the hospital, you'd get pain relief. Good and legal pain relief. But one look at your previous medical history, and the most they'd offer was some shitty Tylenol. You'd rather just remain curled up on Fez's bathroom floor. Somehow, that felt less embarrassing.

"Shit man, she good?"

Fez looked up, seeing his brother -- shotgun cocked but now at ease -- and Faye, arms wrapped around herself as she peered down at you.

Before Fez could respond, you tried to swallow another wail, your body jerking slightly. Faye's eyes were wide for a second, watching you in silence before she finally spoke up, "She's not sick, is she?"

As if she held the last remaining piece of a puzzle that Fez just couldn't finish, everything seemed to slot together. He could finally see the bigger picture.

"Everything's good, just, uh... go back to bed. She's gonna be fine."

Hesitantly, the two returned to their respective beds, Ash heading back to his room as Faye settled back onto the couch.

Once he heard Ash's door shut, Fez placed his hand under your cheek, lifting it slightly to look you in the eyes, voice barely above a murmur, "Baby?"

Unable to hold yourself together, you didn't bother to hold in the tears as you watched him finally catch on. It was phrased as a question, almost as if he needed you to admit it, to say those words, but he already knew.

Despite popular belief, Fezco wasn't an idiot. And if there was anything he knew about well, it was drugs. He almost wanted to hit himself for not realizing sooner. It was staring him in the fucking face for so long.

Crying only caused your aching body more pain, but you were unable to control it. You were a blubbering, shaking mess as you tried to apologize to Fez, barely able to actually speak as pained groans escaped your lips.

His eyes softened as he watched you, heart bruised, but still beating, and although he knew you would eventually have to talk about it, Fez knew now wasn't the time. Or particularly the place.

Instead, he grabbed a face cloth from the side, dampening it with cold water before squeezing out the water. Lowering himself, he placed it across your forehead before laying down on the floor behind you, his chest pushed into your back. Body curling around yours, he lifted your head onto his bent elbow, keeping you comfortable from the hard floor.

His hand stroked down your arm, tracing the goosebumps until he pushed his hands under yours, shifting your knuckles from your stomach, where you were trying to ease the pain.

Pushing up your shirt, his hand slowly began to rub along your stomach in small circles, pressing in gently as he whispered soft, soothing coos at you, kisses placed against your shoulder blade,

"It's okay, baby. I gotchu. I always gotchu."