#hey what happen d to my fucking readmore 😑 well sorry

[ghostcrows]

Tumblr cmon put my freaking readmore back 😑😑

i think itd be nice to be able to be more 'openly' nonbinary (i talk about it sometimes or i mention it but thats different from really letting other people in on what at this point i consider a private experience for the sake of my own self preservation) but i feel i have to be outwardly rigid not only to the outside cis world but also the trans world because i always have this feeling that others want to detrans me without calling it that. which could totally be paranoid and irrational but its how i feel. they want me to continue broadcasting even an inkling of connection to the remnants of my innocence womanhood so they can feel good. and every part of me says, no matter who you are, im not doing a single thing for your comfort. unfortunately the cis world also has major problems with many aspects of my not actually gone forever into the ether femininity, or my masculinity as it passively translates into femininity from the other side of the equation (every excess on one side is an absence on the other), so it becomes this weird very much internal mental back and forth where i feel like i have to be seven steps ahead of everyone

and once youre nonbinary in a more than just incidental way you might as well start introducing yourself genitals first again, because if you cant be categorized into one gendered ~experience~ or another then nobody knows what to do with you politically or which specific ways in which to treat you badly

I just feel sometimes like 😑 there was once a window where I felt comfortable to explore that side of me and "play around" like I see others do but the ship has sailed now. Which is so stupid because yeah I can do whatever I want I know that. But too many things just make me feel like I can't let other people in in that way. Like you can feel yourself getting mentally sorted into whichever someone else finds more convenient in real time so why should I make that easier to do. Even the stuff like fagdyke etc, the putting two 'contradictory' labels together - you already know people r only seeing you as one of them, whichever you're pouring more into yk. Just sucks. Stupid cringe ass gender world