#here it’s like I get looked at like I’m crazy for acting like Snow is an absolute joke

[lintsins]

This is unsurprising to me considering the focus on aesthetics over substance that has ALWAYS plagued these movies. From the books being about the crass media circus around the death of children leading to movies that BUY INTO the in-universe shipping propaganda with their stupid “Gale vs Peeta” marketing.

To the way the fandom absolutely does NOT care to interact with the way Coriolanus represents all the worst parts of the imperial core EXCEPT for the ways it helps them write totally toothless memes and “dark romances” about privileged, domineering, possessive man.

To the way the producers of The Ballad signed the fucking Pro-Israel Hollywood letter to Biden! This has been one of my most disappointing fandoms, and it disgusts me how much the aesthetics of Americana and glamor seemed to have totally rotted people’s brains!

This video does a great job breaking this aspect down at 34:30 seconds.

do people really just wanna be fans of the hunger games and not mention palestine at all? like honestly? do you really wanna just support fictional uprisings and fighting back against fictional oppression but don't actually give a shit about it in real life? did y'all genuinely learn and internalize nothing from this series????

[bouncybongfairy]

Hello! Could I request some dark smut with Lip? I can also be more specific if you'd like! No worries if you don't want to write it! Also I just found your blog and love your writing! 💕

Fucked Back Into Reality

Lip Gallagher x Fem Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend Lip, hadn't talked to you in a couple of days. After having several conversations about this reoccuring problem, you decied to give him the cold shoulder. He reminds you why doing this is a riskey game.

Word Count: 2.0k+

TW: Rough Smut, Brat Kink, Masocism.

Ref Account: @kaionyx

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

It’s a bitterly cold day in Chicago’s south side. The type of cold where everyone at school is more concerned about staying warm than fashion. You were walking to school, both your parents left for work before you woke up. The school was too close to home for bus services so walking was really the only option. After trying to get in touch with Lip for the past two days, you were now on strike from being nice to him. You weren’t ignorant, Lip had a lot going on at home which meant his undivided attention was rare. Sometimes you wished he would just shoot you a text like: hey super busy day, love you / shits been crazy, talk to you when i can. Having this conversation in the past, you weren’t going to bother having it again. It surprised you to see Lip sitting on the front steps of the school; early which he never was. You started walking up the steps, he stood up and flicked his cigarette bud into the snow. 

“Hey,” he said, you just looked at him and kept walking to your locker. 

“Oh come one, you’re ignoring me?” he asked, leaning up against the mental lockers as you emptied your things into the locker. 

“Seems familiar doesn’t it,” you say, referencing him not reaching out for the past couple days. 

“Yeah but mine was accidental not bratty,” he chuckled. Maybe it was because you haven't eaten or smoked that morning but that comment enraged you. Slamming your locker and walking toward first period, leaving him in the hall. 

Just your luck to have chemistry as the first class of the day. The teacher took 20 minutes to calm the class down. Kids play fighting with each other or flirting in the back of the room. Groups of students in their cliques, not paying any mind to the instructions given. You felt bad for the teacher, I'm sure she thought an education career would help so many teens. Only to be placed in one of the most poorly funded schools in the state. You didn’t feel too bad though, it only meant less work for you. Lip liked the fact that you cared about your grades, that you had a plan after highschool. As stupid as Lip was acting, you also liked how smart he was. You complained about it alot but you liked how he didn’t fall for your little tricks and games. He doesn’t chase you, or let you push him over. Most guys were just so emotionally unintelligent, not to mention Lip was more mature when it came to sex. The last couple guys you were with didn’t even talk while you fucked. Didn’t know what foreplay was or understand a woman's body. Lip had a really good understanding of when to be gentle or rough. When he would whisper things in your ear it always felt so natural and smooth. There were times when your stomach would randomly flip when thinking about the nasty things he’d told or done to you. Maybe part of the reason you had some animosity towards Lip was because you had been sexually frustrated. For the past couple weeks you felt like you were practically throwing yourself at him and he wasn’t in the mood. Of course you respected that, you just missed him was all; maybe a specific part of him. At lunch he came up to you from behind and hugged you. Still feeling quite stubborn, you allowed it but acted like you didn’t care. 

“You still mad?” he whispers into your ear which makes your skin break out with goosebumps. He slides his hands down from your waist to your hips.

“I know we haven’t talked but I’m here now, let’s ditch for the rest of the day,” he said, pressing his lips against your neck. As much as you wanted to give in and agree, you still wanted to make a point. Pushing his hands away, you grab your backpack and walk away without acknowledging him. If he wanted to brand you as a brat then you’d give him his money's worth. 

It was the last period, and everyone was waiting for the bell to ring. Some kids just left when they were ready and the teacher didn’t care. He just sat there, staring with cold dead eyes at his computer. Daren was consistently trying his best to spark conversation with you, all he talked about was how he ran track but he was trying his best. The heaters were blasting inside the school because it was snowing. The classroom windows were wet with condensation which made you feel sticky. Becoming overstimulated you decide to leave early, excusing yourself and walking out. Daren followed you into the hallway, 

“Hey I was wondering if you wanted to stay after school and watch me practice? Maybe I can take you out after, or something?” he asks. 

“Oh sorry I can't. I actually have a ton of homework so, maybe next time?” you say walking away, happy that you’re avoiding the rush of people flooding out the front gates. 

Normally Lip would walk you home but you didn’t see him. Your willpower that was fueling your grudge was weakening. Pulling your phone out of your pocket and seeing if he texted you; he didn’t. Looking back you were feeling silly about your actions because look where they led you. It was really cold, snow sticking to your hair and eyelashes. Once you finally got home, Lip was waiting on the porch which took you by surprise. You went to greet him, this is when you noticed he looked angry. He didn’t even say anything to you, even after opening the door and letting the both of you in. 

“How’s Daren?” he asks, once you both get to your bedroom. 

“What?” you asked confused. 

“Well you talked to him all last period and even after you left,” he said, sitting on your bed and lighting a cig. 

“Okay first of all, I only talk to him for like two seconds. He asked me to watch him practice and I said no,” you defend yourself. 

“That’s two seconds more than you talked to me today,” he remarked. 

“Lip that’s not even fair,” you say, which made him smirk and shake his head as he took a drag. 

“Do you even hear yourself? ‘tHat’s nOt fAiR’ whining like a baby who didn’t get their way. Why were you so offended that I called you a brat even though you’re acting just like one,” he said.

“What are you trying to scare me?” you ask while laughing.

“Trying?” he asked rhetorically. 

You rolled your eyes and started to change into comfortable clothes. While you were only in your bra and underwear, Lip came behind you and ripped the lace material of the panties. You gasp and go to turn around but he presses you against the closet door. Intertwining his hand into your hair, gripping it so tight strands of hair were being pulled out. His dick was extremely hard and feeling it pressed against your ass immediately excited you. Moving your head slightly so he can start kissing and biting your neck. His breathing was hard and with his chest pressed against your back, you could feel his heartbeat. As he marked your neck, whimpers and moans were escaping your mouth. 

“Since you were feeling so brave today let’s hope you keep that energy,” he growled into your ear. 

“You gonna try and teach me a lesson?” you asked with a patronizing tone.

He chuckled and led you to the bed by your hair. Your heart was racing, your sexlife was by no means bland however, this was the first time he was this rough. It felt like the two of you were breaking the rules or something. Like discovering new and daunting territories. He reached his hand down and started feeling you through the hole in your panties he made. He let out a moan once he felt how wet you were. 

“You are such a fucking slut, good to know being put in your place is all it takes for you to soak your panties,” he said, letting go of your hair. 

He sat up onto his knees, instead of fully stripping his clothes, he just pulled his dick out of his zipper. Rubbing the tip against your pussy. Your chest was pressed against the mattress but your ass was pressed against his shaft. You start to rock your hips back and forth against him but he starts spanking his hands against your ass. The pain was so bad it burned, you thought he’d stop after a couple times but he kept going. Wanting to show you were handling the smacks, you try your best to take them without complaint. He was unrelenting and you finally begin to squirm away, which seemed to humor him,

“The more you fight and squirm, the more I wanna fuck you,” he said, running his nails down your now bright red ass. 

“Fuck just do it already then,” you whine, in response he spits at your face. 

“Cum slut’s don’t speak unless spoken to,” he said, pushing himself into your twitching and leaking pussy.

The feeling was enough to make your eyes roll back. After weeks of Lip blue-balling you, the sensation of being filled by him was pure bliss. He was going at a painfully slow rate, pulling himself fully in and out of you after every thrust. As pleasurable as it was, you’d do anything to get him to speed up. Unable to rock your own hips, you kick your feet a little in protest. This made him laugh and slow down even further. He grabbed your wrists and pressed them against your lower back, taking full control of your body. You were dripping down both thighs and tears pooled in your eyes. You were at your limit with his teasing, tightly clenching around him. He pulled out and flipped you onto your back, feeling too embarrassed to look him in the eye. Tears had stained your cheeks and your hair was in complete disarray from being yanked and pulled. He crawled on top of you and started pushing his tip in and out. You were bucking your hips up, tears coming back as he teased relentlessly. 

“You’re sensitive here? Perfect spot to abuse huh?” he asked sarcastically, using one hand to smack his cock against your pussy.

In your own little world, trying to cum with what little friction he was giving you. He finally stops and instead wraps his hands around your neck. Then starts pounding into you, slowly tightening his grip over time. You were feeling dizzy and foggy, letting out a moan every time his length fully pressed into you. He was grunting and groaning, a couple beads of sweat dropping onto the bed from how much he was exerting himself. The closer you got to your orgasm the tighter his grip on your throat became. Your face was bright red and a wheezing sound came out of your mouth with every inhale. He seemed to be hummored by this and started to mock you. 

“Can’t breathe? Good,” he chuckled. 

The mixture of degradation and the fast paced abuse on your cunt was enough to send you over the edge. Shockwaves of pure pleasure began to ripple throughout your body. Legs trembling and eyes rolling back. He was chasing his own climax, seeing and feeling you cum around his cock was enough for him. Rutting into you with no regard for you, as if you were nothing but a toy for him. Seeing how he turned you into such a slutty mess made him feel feral. It wasn’t until he was fully finished that he removed his hands from your neck. After a small coughing fit, you began to come too. Lip was already up, using his shirt to clean you up. Pulling your hair out of your face and into a messy bun. You were half dead, completely exhausted and worn down. He laid down next to you, rubbing your back and whispering affirmations into your ear. You wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to be as close to him as you could. 

“I’m glad I could fuck the attitude out of you,” he said, as you fell asleep.

[world0fmadness]

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ✩ ˚ LOVELY VOICE

lando norris x voice actress! reader

featuring: a bisexual reader and lando being obsessed with reader

faceclaim: assorted

୨୧ i know pride month has just passed but let me be! the timing for all of the games is completely wrong but once again, it’s fanfic, just let me be… i’m really just sticking with this short and sweet formula, i like short and sweet things, i no longer care about trying to stretch them to be as long as possible because longer ≠ better

୨୧ related hc available here and here

reading music recommendations: in the flood by ariana gillis - blood upon the snow by hozier - warning call by chvrches

ynln: had an incredible time at the game awards last night! met so many amazing people, the event had a great energy and oh! i won best voice actress for my role as aloy in horizon forbidden west! holy shit! thank you so much to everyone who voted for me and congratulations to the other winners ♥️

landonorris ✔️: there goes my girl!

❤️ liked by ynln

landonorris✔️: so so so proud of you love, your awards outshine mine ❤️

❤️ liked by ynln

> ynln ✔️: thank you lan but don’t make me laugh <3

> landonorris ✔️: what? i’m telling the truth

ynlovevoice: DESERVED! your voice acting in this game in particular was insane

lewishamilton ✔️: congratulations yn! was watching the event, your speech was great ❤️ here’s to many more wins, i’m sure! 🥂

❤️ liked by ynln and landonorris

> ynln ✔️: thanks lewis! means a lot coming from you ♥️

loveuyn: oh my god her and lando looked so good 🫣

> lanyn: hottest couple there and they knew it

oldf1lvr: when the camera panned over to her after she won, you could literally see lando cheering SO loud right in her ear 😭

> lanyn: i hope her hearing is okay lmao

> seyloy1: he was hyping his girl UP 💔 he had a facebook mom moment with his phone too, taking pictures of her on stage when there was literally like 10 professional cameras doing it for him 😭

oscarpiastri ✔️: you both looked terrible, truly… congratulations on the win yn!

> landonorris ✔️: i know you’re jealous oscar but there’s no reason to lie, is there?

❤️ liked by ynln

> ynln ✔️: because i’m feeling nice tonight, i’ll just ignore that first part! thank you oscar…

ynln: behind the scenes of my upcoming game, judas! i’ll be voicing a very different character to my usuals so stay tuned 👀

loveuyn: ANOTHER YN VOICED CHARACTER? she is spoiling us this year guys omg…

landonorris ✔️: can’t wait for this one, love ❤️

❤️ liked by ynln

> lanyn: he’s so supportive of her i can’t 😭

> iluvf1: supportive? he’s downright obsessed with her! he literally has every figurine ever released of all of her characters lmao

> ynln ✔️: can’t wait for you to play this one ♥️

> landonorris ✔️: …dotface 🙃

> ynln ✔️: i thought we were over this…

> landonorris ✔️: i can hear you laughing in the kitchen

❤️ liked by ynln

> oscarpiastri ✔️: why are you commenting back and forth when you’re in the same house? christ…

> landonorris ✔️: leave us alone oscar, we’re in looove, something you will unfortunately never experience

> oscarpiastri ✔️: whatever…

> landonorris ✔️: ohhh someone is salty 💔

> ynln ✔️: lando enough omg 😭

seyloy1: are we getting yn as a major antagonist for once? i’d dieee 🫣

> loveuyn: no but really… she’d make such a hot major antagonist… she already went crazy as bela in resident evil village and that was a minor antagonist…

ynlovevoice: she’s so cute oh my god…

> loveuyn: there really is two sides to yn fans, the people that find her cute and the people that find her hot… i’m the latter 🫢

landonorris: my girl has been working so hard for her next game! took her karting as a reward ❤️ check out the trailer here, i’ll be playing it on stream so tune in then!

ynln ✔️: ah yes, MY reward!

> landonorris ✔️: you loved it!

❤️ liked by ynln

> ynln ✔️: i guess i did, thank you lan ♥️

❤️ liked by landonorris

> oscarpiastri ✔️: you guess? you were bouncing off the walls begging to keep going even as the place was closing…

> ynln ✔️: this is why you’re always a third wheel and it’s never a double date, no one likes a sourpuss

❤️ liked by landonorris

lanyn: they’re so so cute together… when will it be my turn? 💔

oscarpiastri ✔️: never coming karting with you two again, she nearly took my leg off and you egged her on

> landonorris ✔️: sounds like you should’ve kept your legs inside the kart

> ynln ✔️: yeah, sounds like another you problem

> oscarpiastri ✔️: it’s always a me problem…

❤️ liked by landonorris and ynln

ynln: happy pride month! as a member of the lgbt+ community, the importance of genuine representation in media is something i hold dearly to my heart ♥️ here’s to all of the wonderful wlw characters i’ve voiced 🏳️‍🌈

oscarpiastri ✔️: happy pride, loser

> ynln ✔️: loser? well at least that means i’m still miles cooler than you oscar ❤️

> landonorris ✔️: ohhh burn, oscar, go cool off in a ice bath

> oscarpiastri ✔️: wasn’t even a good “burn”… i hate it here

loveuyn: i wouldn’t be surprised if they named their future child clementine, given how much that character means yn 🥹

> iluvf1: i’m not a gamer, can you explain why?

> loveuyn: it was the first character yn ever voiced at age 9, then 11, then 13 and finally 16! she basically grew alongside her character and has expressed how much she loves her

landonorris ✔️: happy pride, love! SEYLOY FOR LIFE ❤️

❤️ liked by ynln

> lanyn: lando being a #1 seyloy shipper will always be the absolute cutest thing to me 😭

> landonorizz: right? instead of being a weird ass bf that gets stupidly jealous, he ships her characters with other characters

lewishamilton ✔️: happy pride month yn, sending lots of love your way ❤️

❤️ liked by ynln and landonorris

> ynln ✔️: love from lewis, what everyone wants but only some can have, thanks lew!

> ynln ✔️: oh and happy pride right back at you

> oldf1lvr: omg 😭

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ ˚ NEW ADDED BONUS ˚ ୨୧ ⋆｡˚ ⋆

lando has some trauma

[lyyhyuck]

fluff; bestfriend!haechan x reader, words: 565.

🎧 chasing cars - snow patrol and there is a light that never goes out - the smiths

“every time i’m here, i get jealous of your blanket. seriously what material is this? its crazy how its so soft. i’ve never had bed sheets this soft”, your best friend, haechan, said, truly sounding amazed. you looked over and saw that he completely buried himself in your blanket, only his head sticking out.

it made you laugh lightly, but you didn’t answer. you focused on your homework while haechan just enjoyed doing nothing and lying around. the room was filled with the smell of tea. your cup freshly refilled and hot, while haechan‘s cup was only half full and already cold, standing on your night stand.

“and im jealous of you because you can lay there stress-free”, you replied, but facing him with your back since you’re sitting at your desk. he watched you doing your assignment for a minute or two, not wanting to interrupt you because he knew you get the most amount of stuff done when you’re in a ‘flow’ like now.

you apologized to your best friend for having to work first and put on headphones and finished your work in about thirty minutes. when you turned around on your desk chair, you see haechan has dozed off. a soft smile spread on your lips and you decided to let him nap for a while. you packed your bag for the next day, then grabbed your phone and made yourself comfortable on the space that was left of your bed, being careful not to wake him up.

another twenty minutes passed before haechan woke up, stretching and yawning. “rise and shine!” you greeted him. he laughed quietly, “shut up”.

“i’d really like to have my bed back”, you said. “too bad it’s mine now”, hyuck sticked out his tongue at you. you shrugged, “not like we haven’t shared a bed before”, and lifted up the blanket to get under it too. “hey, move!”, you told haechan, who just stared at you at first but then did move. you snuggled into your sheets, which were indeed very cozy - haechan did not exaggerate this time - and didn’t even notice how your best friend tensed up next to you.

“sorry”, you mumbled, “you probably expected a more exciting hang out than this.”

“no”, haechan said, “i knew what i signed up for when i texted this morning.”

you had to laugh, “why would you want to hang out here when i would be busy studying? are my sheets really that great?” haechan smiled “well yeah they are great. but-“, he paused, “i just wanted to spend time with you”. your heart melted at the way he looked at you. the moment suddenly felt very intimate.

your body acted before you could think and you snuggled into haechans side. he wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on top of yours.

the room fell quiet for a while and you just enjoyed the moment, butterflys dancing around in your stomach.

“you know”, you hesitantly said, “i just wanted to spend time with you, too.” haechan kissed the crown of your head then. immediately, your cheeks turned red but you turned around to look him in the eyes nonetheless. you grinned, “i would always choose your company over anything even if it means that i study while you sleep”.

haechan kissed you.

masterlist

[pnk-spiderr]

Symbolism and foreshadowing in Re:Rescue

So I kinda went crazy looking at all the little things in this opening animation and what they symbolise: character positioning, scene layout, etc. I’m not going to go into the basic things, like the animation progressively getting more disturbing (I think that’s a good symbol for the story in general though, LOL) but here are a bunch of things I saw:

The angling of the twins’ eyes:

So when the screen splits to show Shiro with one twin on one side while the teen/current other twin’s eye is in the other side, Rin’s eye widens while Yukio’s begins to shut. Because while Rin has seen his brother as a source of strength since he was young, Yukio believes he’s weak because Rin could always do things he couldn’t. Because he had to fight, learn how to wield a gun, while his brother was allowed to remain ignorant for fifteen years. (Keep this idea of the twins doing the opposite things in mind, it’ll come up again later)

Hachiro’s snakes:

Yeah this one’s pretty simple, the snakes surrounding Shura look like a cage. Pretty obvious symbolism for her being trapped in a contract with Hachiro. And then she’s reaching for Shiro, the one who initially got her away from Hachiro and allowed her to become her own person in the first place. (And then Shiro is replaced with Rin, because he’s the one who manages to defeat Hachiro. The one who first separates her from Hachiro versus the one who stops him from interfering in Shura’s life anymore or something like that)

The Illuminati shot:

It’s the character positioning here that’s important. Most characters, including Lucifer (who’s much further back in the shot) is facing towards the center of the screen, like they’re looking at the viewer. Except Shima. Shima’s facing the opposite direction, partially hidden behind Homare. He’s hiding in the background, as is the role of a spy. But also, he isn’t facing the same direction as the rest of the Illuminati. He’s not fully devoted towards their cause or ideals, he has his own motivations. He’s not acting for any organisation, but for himself.

The Kamikakushi key:

(This is the best shot I could get. lol)

But yeah this is just foreshadowing the role the key plays. It’s an important symbol but is also simple enough of an image to not spoil anything. As it’s used later on(in volume 25), you can also interpret this as a representation of Rin deciding where he takes himself: he has the key, it’s up to him what happens next. And then the key’s glow envelops the screen, the next shot being this:

Yuri.

That’s where the key takes Rin. To Yuri, in the past. So the key takes the animation there as well. (Again, subtle enough that you won’t get it unless you know where the plot goes. Yuri appears in flashbacks this arc, we get a face to her name. To those unaware, this shot seems to simply reference that.)

Split Screen/lighting:

Two things here:

1/ The divide in the screen, representing how the twins feel that they no longer understand each other. 2/ Rin’s looking up into the light, and Yukio down into the shadows. Represents the opposite directions of their arcs at this point, Rin working on accepting himself (though this arc proves that’s harder than it seems, and his reliance on avoidance behaviour means he hasn’t actually solved the root of his problems) while Yukio spirals more and more.

Demon Rin:

he is (already) here. what who said that not me

no actually I like that the opening contrasts Rin “looking into the light” with his deep-set fears of monstrousness and the consequences of his existence.

The snowflake:

Ok we can agree this represents Yukio right. It’s in his name (“Yuki” literally means “snow”) , “beyond the snow” itself is a reference to Yukio’s downward spiral and Rin’s inability to understand him. The snowflake represents the same thing: Rin trying to understand Yukio, who’s been his source of strength since he was young.

More split screen:

This is the same as the above split screen, representing the divide between the twins while the day/night effect does the same thing as the lighting in the earlier shot. But I think them walking in separate directions at the end of the opening is also important since it shows the different directions they end up going in at the end of the arc: one towards the past and one towards destroying it all.

Also:

I like that the side the twins are on isn’t consistent throughout the opening. There may be a literal split between them in a lot of shots, but they aren’t confined to certain sides of the screen. Because in reality, the two are more similar than they realise.

..And yeah that’s it! There’s more I could go into but this is what I found the most interesting/important. Sorry for the homestuck reference. It will happen again.

[turcott3]

six thirty

tj hughes x fem! reader

warnings?: cursing, jealousy, smut!!, fluff

positions fics masterlist

~act so possessive and crazy but i know that’s just cause you love me~

-

“baby it’s just for a project i’ll be back soon.” you say putting on your shoes.

“i don’t like the way your partner acts though. i don’t want you to go without me.”

“tj you’ll be no help. it’s for a class you’ve never taken.” you say standing up.

“i will sit there in silence.” he replies.

“why don’t you trust me?” you say crossing your arms, a little hurt at the way he’s acting.

“i do trust you, i don’t trust him.” he stresses to you.

“that’s basically the same thing.”

“okay whatever, have fun doing your god damn project y/n.” tj says walking away from you and shutting his bedroom door. you sigh, stepping out the door. you hated leaving your boyfriend angry like this but you were already running behind. you scrape the snow off your windshield as quickly as you could and drove to the coffee shop the two of you had agreed upon.

“hey.” you say walking in and sitting down.

“hey what’s up?” he says and you sit down across from him.

“yep, i shared the document with you already.”

“okay awesome.” you reply, the two of you sat working together, having great small talk over the course of the next two hours.

“so y/n.”

“hmm?” you say looking up from the screen.

“can you come look at this?” he asks.

“yeah of course.” you say getting out of your seat and sitting next to him in the booth.

“i can’t tell if this looks right.” he states, placing a soft hand around your waist. you ignored the gesture, hoping he would back off, not wanting to make it awkward.

“um yeah, id say it looks right.” you smile at him, standing up going back to your seat.

“okay perfect thanks.” he says, the two of you going silent again.

“hey y/n.”

“hmm?” you hum looking up from your screen.

“how have you been?”

“i’ve been good, how are you?”

“i’ve been great. there’s just something i wanted to ask you.” he says.

“okay?” you continue, fearing tj may have been right.

“well we have great chats and we work well together, i feel a little something between us. so i was wondering if i could maybe take you out sometime?” he asks, fully knowing you are with the hockey player. the same one you’ve been with for almost a year.

“oh uh, well i’m flattered but i can’t. i’m sorry if ive given you the wrong idea. i have a boyfriend.”

“that’s never stopped me before.” he says, shocking you to the core. you laugh nervously and shut your laptop, putting it back into your bag.

“it’s been great to get this project done but i think it’d be better if we finish on our own time, i shouldn’t be here.” you say standing up and pushing in your chair.

“okay?”

“sorry.” you say exiting quickly. you sped home eagerly waiting to get back home to tj. guilt washed over you as you got closer and closer. when you pull into the driveway, you practically sprint inside.

“tj!” you call out, seeing his door open.

“kitchen.” he says blandly and you walk in after scrambling to remove your shoes.

“project done?” he asks taking a bite out of an apple.

“kind of? sort of?”

“you were there for hours what do you mean ‘kind of?’” he says, his voice raising slightly. he was already mad and you knew what you were about to say would send him off the rails.

“i don’t know. listen, tj i’m sorry. you were right and i should’ve listened to you.”

“what the fuck did he do y/n?” he asks, his tone growing tenser.

“please don’t be upset.”

“tell me.”

“he asked me to check his work to see if it was right, so i did because it’s both of our grades and he wrapped his arm around my waist but i ignored it because i didn’t wanna make it awkward before the project was finished but then he asked me out and i said no i have a boyfriend and he goes on to say that it’s never stopped him before, so i packed my shit and i ran out of there. i’m so sorry tj, please don’t be mad.” you say, your eyes pricking with tears.

“i told you not to go without me. i told you so many god damn times and you just didn’t listen. why didn’t you listen?” he says running his fingers through his hair stressfully.

“i know im sorry, i just tried to make the best decision for me to get my work done and now i feel awful about it. im sorry.” you say finally letting the sobs escape your mouth.

“oh y/n.” he says placing the apple down on the counter and rounding the corner, his tone changing instantly, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

“it’s my fault this happened. i feel horrible.” you sob.

“baby i know you meant well, you always see the best in everyone. please don’t cry.”

“its a fucking curse and it always bites me in the ass, i don’t like it when you’re mad at me teej.”you say sniffling into his chest.

“i know i know, i can’t stay mad at you honey. look at me,” he says and you pull away slightly, looking up at him with your face stained with mascara, “you didn’t expect it to happen, it’s gonna be okay. i’m sorry that i freaked out on you.” he continues softly, brushing your hair out of your face.

“you freaking out on me was justified, how stupid could i be to not listen to you? nothing good ever happens whenever you warn me and i ignore you. i don’t know why i thought this would be different.”

“you’re a good person y/n/n. you’re so sweet and pure, and you just love people. there is no shame in that. i love you, and i will always stand behind you no matter what okay?”

“okay.” you smile lightly as he kisses you on the forehead.

“come on let’s go clean you up.” he says, guiding you into his bedroom, tossing you one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers. you remove your clothes, putting his on while he turns the bathroom light on. you walk in and he has all of your night routine products sprawled on the counter.

“come here.” he says and you walk over to him. he lifts you onto the counter gently and smiles. he grabs the cotton rounds and micellar water, soaking it generously and begins to delicately wipe away the mascara that stained your cheeks.

“you should consider buying a mascara that doesn’t run so much, especially in the winter with this wind. i know it makes your eyes water, you always have little black smudges in the corner of your eyes.”

“noted.” you giggle as he kisses you on your freshly cleaned face.

“there’s my beautiful girl.” he says causing your heart to flutter. tj was a sweetheart and you never failed to melt at his kind words.

“now i’m gonna moisturize you and run us a bath yeah?” he suggests and you nod vigorously.

“okay.” he smiles, gently rubbing in the moisturizer as you shut your eyes. his care for you went beyond words.

“i’ll start the water and you grab some candles?” he says backing away as you open your eyes. you simply hop off the counter and walk back into his bedroom, grabbing all the candles you had bought for the room, which was a lot. you ran into the kitchen and grabbed the lighter, walking quickly back to the bathroom. you lit and placed candles around the room and flipped off the lights. the room was now lit dimly and intimately.

“i added lavender and bubbles.” he smirks and you laugh.

“my favorite.”

“i just know you so well.” he laughs as the two of you removed all of your clothes. as much as being naked around tj usually led to sex, you’d never been less horny. in fact you had no desire to touch him in that way, all you felt was romance, but in the purest way. he climbs into the bath, getting situated before waving you in, positioning yourself between his legs, laying your back onto his chest. he presses a light kiss to the back of your head as the two of you sat in a comfortable silence.

“i’m sorry again for yelling at you baby. it’s not right, i should never raise my voice at you.” he says wrapping his arms around you.

“it’s okay, i don’t ever wanna feel like i’m invalidating your feelings by ignoring your warnings. i hope I’ve never made you feel like i was pushing your feelings aside” you reply as you lean your head against his cheek.

“you haven’t.” he simply states, leading into more silence.

“i love you tj.”

“i love you more.” he says, nudging his head into the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking on the sensitive skin. the sexual energy in the ring going from zero to one hundred within seconds.

“baby.” you whisper as he continues, his hands find their way onto your tits, you placing your hands on top of his. your eyes shutting at the sensation that had you seeing stars. he presses one final kiss to your neck before leaning back up. his hands gliding down your torso, your hands following on top of his.

“my beautiful beautiful girl, i could never stay mad at you. not for more than a second.” he says lowly.

“i don’t deserve you.”

“yes you do, and so much more.” he says quietly kissing you on the shoulder.

“tj.”

“what baby?” he asks.

“need you.” you say simply and he sighs.

“we have all night love. i’ll show you everything you deserve. tonight is all about you.” he says interlocking your fingers.

“okay.” you smile to yourself.

“i love you.” he whispers kissing you on the cheek.

“i love you too.”

-

once the two of you drained the tub and moved all the candles to your bedroom, you laid on the bed with your robe tied loosely. tj stepped out of the bathroom, a towel hung loosely around his hips as he smiles at you.

“come here.” you beckon him over as he leans over to kiss you, his lips lingering on yours for a moment before backing away slowly. he climbs onto the bed next to you, shedding the towel.

“baby.” he mutters and you roll over, your robe now untied.

“yeah?”

“you’re so gorgeous.” he smiles, a blush creeping onto your cheeks.

“thank you.” you reply as you shimmy out of your robe. he finds his way on top of you, his hips between your legs as he looks over you, scanning every inch of your face.

“what are you doing?” you giggle.

“just looking at you.” he smirks kissing you on the cheek.

“if i had a shot for every time you’ve made me blush in the last hour, id be dead from alcohol poisoning.” he giggle, a smile spreading on his cheeks.

“because i wanna make sure you know how much i love you.” he says, two fingers dragging through your already soaked folds.

“fuck tj.” you say arching your back as his lips find their way back to your neck, latching on like a vampire. he backs away looking at you again before looking down, lining himself up with you, pushing in slowly, forcing a moan out of your throat.

“my baby.” he says, his hand finding its way to your chest as he connects his lips to yours. his thrusts smooth and slow at a pace that was unforgiving.

“fuck that feels amazing.” you say practically in a whisper, his hands now on either side of your head, his damp hair brushing your forehead as you lock eyes. in that moment, you saw in him something you’d always known deep down. he was the only one that could love you how you deserved to be loved, even if you had your occasional differences.

“you’re so fucking perfect.” he says, attaching your lips hastily, picking up his pace slightly.

“oh fuck i’m close.” you say, your arms wrapping around his back, tightening your walls around him with each thrust.

“let go baby, let go.” he says as the pressure that had built in your abdomen fizzled away in an instant. he fucked you right through your high before spilling his own climax deep into you.

“oh my god tj.” you say breathlessly as he pulls out of you, running to the bathroom to grab a damp towel to clean you with.

“that was the best sex i’ve ever had.” you giggle as he lays down next to you.

“maybe that’s because i actually love you and i will for the rest of our lives.” he suggests.

“that might be the difference between this and my first time.” you giggle and he kisses your cheek.

“i’m sorry again for freaking out on you. i don’t know what got into me.” he says with your arm draped over his chest.

“it’s okay honey. you were worried and you had every right to be, he was sketchy. i should’ve listened to you and from now on i will never ever question your judgement. okay?”

“okay.” he smiles, kissing you softly.

“i love you.” you say smiling.

“i love you more.”

[artist-issues]

A little late, but reading your take on Enchanted made me remember how much I love that movie. What are your thoughts on the rest of it? Like say, what do the Prince and Nancy represent? What about the villains? I’m curious how they fit into the allegory

Prince Edward is just like Giselle in the sense that he does what people accuse Disney Princes of doing, and it's funny--but it's rewarded by the narrative, because it's actually a good thing.

People think a Disney Prince is just some dumb hunk with no personality, because he's "just there to be the obligatory love interest so the girl can't save herself." But that's a twisted, hollow way to look at it.

Prince Edward is

Active -- he actually does something, not just in his spare time but when faced with a problem or a dilemma. Doesn't matter if it's troll-hunting or braving a strange world to rescue his bride or turning on a dime to fight his own step-mother when she turns out to be evil. He actually acts.

Keeps His Commitments -- When Prince Eric commits to Ariel he commits; jumps in the water to fight a sea-goddess single-handedly. When Prince Charming says he'll give his heart to Snow White but then she disappears, he won't rest till he's found her. When Prince Edward's fiancée disappears, he won't stop searching for her, either.

Genuinely Cares About the Princess -- People act like Princes in Disney movies are just obligatory--they don't actually care about the girl, there's no real tension or getting to know each other or whatever. That's such bull, obviously. In fairy tales, you cram a lot of nuance into a little scene. The Prince meets Snow White singing at a well and promises his heart to her; but it's after he hears her singing about her heart's fondest desires, after he observes that she's surrounded by doves that aren't afraid of her, after he notices she's just a scullery maid; and he still chooses her. Disney appeased everybody by adding in more rom-com moments with later Princes, like Aladdin and the Beast, but truthfully, Princes do what Princesses do; they know what virtues they're looking for in a good soulmate, so they don't need much to recognize it when it crosses their paths. Then they commit. Edward is willing to go on a date with Giselle. When she grows, he's confused, but he'll go with her. She doesn't sing with him anymore but that doesn't mean he ditches her. When she's cursed and be can't wake her he's 100% onboard with Robert doing it--because it doesn't have to be him, he just cares about her.

Has Just As Much Faith As the Princess -- One of the things Princes and Princesses use as the litmus test of whether or not they're soulmates in Disney movies is if they're both believers in the same Idea. Ariel and Eric are the perfect example. They both believe in something that everyone around them thinks is totally crazy. Eric believes in the fated, Right Girl. Ariel believes the Surface World can be worth loving. Those two things get united when they meet each other. Prince Edward longs to find the woman who's his other half, a companion who fits into his heart and makes his life more than just one quest after the other. (And he's so sweet about it.) He's very romantic. Giselle's been dreaming of her true companion, too. They have that in common, that faith that somebody right for them is out there. It just...so happens that that person isn't each other. But they're not wrong that someone is out there, which is why he is rewarded by winding up with Nancy.

Anyway. If Giselle is the Disney movie, so is Prince Edward.

And yeah, he's not quick on the uptake, he's super confident that everything he's doing is right, and he's definitely convinced that Nathaniel actually likes him. But that is okay. Because Edward is uncomplicated. He knows that what he's setting out to do is Right, so what bothers him is never "people here are mean" or "I'm not the hero in this world." Did you notice that? He's never bothered when he finds out he's not the hero. He's only bothered when the idea that Good won't win is threatened.

He's the first one to turn and look at Robert and go "unless...!" excitedly when he realizes his own kiss isn't working. No trace of bitterness. No suspicion. Just eager to solve the problem.

That's why he's great. His confidence came from being the champion of Goodness. Doing the right thing. He doesn't care if he's not the one who wins. He just cares that it's someone Good who's winning.

Then you have Nancy, who is the first of the "normal" people from our world to really give in to the idea of "True Love's Kiss" being a viable solution, right on the spot. Meaning there was space in her brain to believe in it.

I guess if I had to try to distill it, I'd say Nancy is just the reverse-Giselle. In the allegory (it's not all one-to-one) I would say...if Giselle (and to a lesser extent, Edward) is the Disney movie, and Robert is the skeptic, Nancy is us. She's not quite Giselle, not quite Robert...she's someone who wants to believe that the Disney Philosophy is true, but the problem is, nobody in our world believes it or acts like it.

She's looking for a fairy tale but she's stuck in our world. The moments where she's happy with Robert are moments when he's doing something an open-hearted, genuine, selfless and chivalrous Disney Prince would do. The kind of guy who knows who he is and knows what's Good and values Love, so he isn't ashamed or insecure to come right out and declare it.

Gentleness is power, under control. A man in love should have no fear of vulnerability, which again, takes faith—because love isn't about you. It's selfless. Why worry about how telling a girl you love her will make you look, will make you feel? So what if she rejects you; you thought she was worth loving, you gave her that enormous compliment--so what if she doesn't return it? You know who you are. You didn't need her validation--that was never the point of the love-declaration--it was for her. You kindly gave her the world's best compliment, good job, now on to other worthy things. It would've been great if she wanted the same outcome of that love as you did, but she didn't, and that's great too, because it was never that much about you. So you don't have to be hurt, angry, embarrassed, jealous, or any of the anti-love things we associate with bogus unrequited "love."

But in our world, men don't act like that anymore. Because it's all about you. Can't tell the girl how you feel because she might hurt you. How would you be hurt? By finding out she doesn't feel the way you would prefer her to feel about you, by mocking what you've deemed precious, etc. It's all about you, you, you, fear fear fear, etc.

Still, you can tell Nancy thinks she got as close as she could to the fairy-tale guy with Robert because in her first scene, when she finds Robert and Giselle together, she goes on that rant about how she thought he was "sensitive" and "protecting Morgan." Those are the traits she's attracted to; the idea that he wasn't protecting himself, he was protecting his daughter--the idea that he was careful with emotions for other people's sake, not his own--that he cared about emotions at all.

But that's not what it was, it was self-protection, over-planning. Still, the second he's willing to send her flowers or make any kind of heart-on-his sleeve, straightforward gesture of affection, she is SO ready to believe in him again.

She's the grown up who wants to find the Disney fairy tale in "real life" and she's doing the best she can with what she can find. Kinda like a lot of us who grew up on Disney and didn't want to accept the derisive cynical mocking of Disney as we got older, but what could we do?

But good news! It's real! The Good, the Beautiful, the True, exists, and it comes for her.

Then you've got Narissa, the villainess.

She's interesting because she's totally the opposite of everything the movie says is Good. Giselle and Edward wear their hearts on their sleeves—Narissa manipulates people's fondest desires for her own gain. Robert needs to learn to have faith—Narissa believes everybody is out to take what's hers.

Edward gives the gift of love freely, first to Giselle, then, unshaken when she doesn't give him the same, to Nancy—Narissa takes the adoration of people like Nathaniel and treats them like garbage in return.

I also think Pip is important, and it's important that Narissa is defeated by him.

She's brought down by the tiny chipmunk who's been treated with true kindness and friendship by the Princess. The chipmunk who can talk and understand what's going on and be useful, even in a world where people like Robert think there's no such thing. Pip is the unlikely "something wonderful will happen" in our world that Robert didn't believe in. He's the little, fairy tale element that nobody could plan for or calculate or control, coming in to save the day.

How very Disney of him. Ya'll get off of Wish. Disney's tribute to 100 years of fairy tale animation? It has nothing on Enchanted.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

If you were to be roommates with any of the NRC boys, who would you wanna be roommates with? Who would you not want to be roommates with?

Ooh, what a fun prompt 😂 I’ll split them into categories and then comment on my reasoning for them! (I’m responding for myself, not for my OC by the same name confusing, I know)

Side note: I know this question was limited only to the NRC boys but for funsies I’m going to comment on Neige, the Dwarves, Chenya, and Rollo who are also students 😂 just at different schools… Let me have this—

Absolutely NOT

♥️ — I would drop kick this kid the moment he starts to mouth off to me 😤 I also don’t trust him to not pollute our shared spaces with Axe body spray. Ace is basic enough to do that.

🦈 — Not a fan of people who flake on me or act fickle. It would be a massive inconvenience if Floyd promised to do something (for example, cleaning or making dinner for us roomies) but didn’t because he suddenly “didn’t feel like it”. I’d be forced to pick up after him or to change my schedule to accommodate, and that can very easily annoy me. Plus, if his own room in the game is of any indication, he doesn’t seem very tidy… @.@

🏹 — Too extroverted. I don’t want to be greeted with his dumb ol’ smiling face or French/j when I come home every day. I’d also live in fear of him watching me sleep at night or him just reciting details about me that he shouldn’t reasonably know (clothing sizes, what I did while I was out, etc.)

👑 — Look, I don’t want to deal with paparazzi or crazy fans following Vil home or something. That’s too much stress for me to take. On top of that, there’s nothing stopping an idiot reporter from printing shady gossip about Vil’s roomie being his secret lover… which could, in turn, attract hate from his followers. Please let me just live without worrying about this.

🦇 — MAN LIVES LIKE A HOARDER 😭 There are other characters with messy rooms, but Lilia literally has tons of miscellaneous stuff everywhere... Living with him also means I have to do the bulk of the cooking or risk playing gacha with my life when Lilia's allowed to be in the kitchen. Not only that, but I'd likely be spooked by him dropping on in at random times of the day--I don't think my heart could take it. Too much trouble for me to deal with on a daily basis.

***Bonus: Neige*** — Same reasoning as Vil. I’m sure he’d be cute and peppy + help out with the chores a la Snow White, but I still don’t want to deal with the stress of living with a celebrity and having to deal with potentially super parasocial fans coming at me just for the association.

***Bonus: The Dwarves*** — … I’m not running a daycare here 🤡

I’ll tolerate them

♦️ — Cater avoids being on my shit list as long as he doesn’t start begging me to be in his selfies and twisted Tiktoks or to do internet challenges with him. I’ll tolerate him if he gives me free food he got for pics but doesn’t feel like eating because it’s not to his tastes.

🦁 — Judging from how Leona has Ruggie doing a lot of his housework 💦 I feel like I'd also have to do the bulk of the housework to make up for what Leona doesn't do... Aside from that, I think I could tolerate his personality pretty alright??? I can force him to play tabletop games with me :v and get free veggies off of his plate... (He can have my extra meat, too much protein makes me feel sick.)

☀️ — With his kind of wealth, I don’t need to worry about Kalim paying his share of the rent and for shared items (in fact, he’ll probably just buy everything for us both) 😭 but I wouldn’t like Kalim always inviting a shit ton of people over to party… Another major con is that he probably needs to be taken care of since Jamil or other servants usually fulfill his every need, and I’m NOT about that. Him paying for everything somewhat balances out these grievances, but I have pride to maintain and I don’t want to 100% live off of someone else’s money.

🍎 — Nothing overtly offensive about Epel immediately comes to mind, but if this is pre-book 5 Epel then I don’t want to deal with his toxic masculinity. I could leech free apple products off of whatever his family sends.

💀 — I just KNOW this nerd would be up gaming late until like 3 am and loudly raging as he does it, but I'm a pretty heavy sleeper so I think I could put up with it (not that I want to, only if I have to). Idia wouldn’t be that much of a bother to me during the daytime (he probably just holes up in his room anyway)... And hey, free gaming partner, tech consultant, and someone to watch anime with (and then we can argue about who the best character is).

⚡️— Sebek is punctual and loud, so he's useful to have as an alarm clock (I have a tendency to sleep in). He can do laundry, move heavy furniture, and (most importantly to me) brew tea, all things which contribute to the household. But I swear, I SWEAR, if he opens his mouth to tell me why I should like Malleus, I'm going to move out ASAP.

***Bonus: Chenya*** — Chenya definitely feels like the kind of roomie that eats the food you left in the fridge and then claims he has no idea where it went (while there are incriminating crumbs around his mouth). His UM also has potential to make me feel uneasy in the same space (like… he could be anywhere x.x). The only reason I’ll tolerate rooming with Chenya is because he’s a cute cat boy.

Acceptable

🌹 — Riddle’s just... okay. I can see myself getting irritated whenever he's being a stickler about certain rules being followed or things having to be done a certain way (since I hate being told what to do). Then again, I'm also a stickler for certain things (like no outdoor shoes inside the house; always wear house slippers instead). If we can compromise and avoid shouting (assuming this is post-book 1 Riddle), that would be great. If it’s book 1 Riddle… yeah, I’m tiptoeing around him and/or he gets lowered into “Absolutely NOT”.

♠️ — Nothing that notable about Deuce or how he lives, he’s just not a very strong contender for what I’d like in a roommate. Phone calls to his mom aren't so long or so frequent that they'd be an annoyance.

🐙 — Pro: Azul does all the math for us when it comes to the bills. Saves me a lot of hassle. Con: he’ll ask for compensation for every little thing he does. It balances out, I guess.

🐬 — As much as I'd love to have a live-in butler, I don't trust Jade for one second to not be plotting something behind my back. Sure, he's polite and does all the usual malewife things, but I never know when this man has slipped a new breed of mushrooms into dinner to test the effects of its consumption on me (BRO DID THIS DURING MASTERCHEF AND I'LL NEVER LIVE THAT DOWN). Jade also seems like the type of roomie to smile to your face but shit talk you when you're not around 🤡 It's fine, I'm a masochist so I'll let it happen/j

🐉 — I mean. He's acceptable as a roommate, but Malleus feels like the kind of person you rarely even see in the apartment??? And whenever he does show up, you're shocked that you've spotted him. That means I'd basically have the place to myself for most of the time, which is great for an introvert like me.

Omg pls

🐆 — Ruggie’s got tons of experience looking after Leona, I’m sure those skills will transfer over nicely to rooming with me. I guess my only concern here would be fighting with Ruggie over small savings (like maybe a spare coin or the last of the leftovers), because we’re both frugal and want to hoard whatever he can get our grubby little paws on.

🐺 — Jack keeps to himself and wouldn’t bother me 😌 Good boy!!

💤 — He’s quiet when he’s awake and/or half asleep (and honestly, what a mood). Silver would be such a peaceful roomie… plus, all his woodland creature friends basically provide free animal therapy. Since Lilia often left Silver home alone while he embarked on worldly travels, Silver’s already got experience in homemaking and a willingness to pitch in.

🐱 — Grim is this high up only because he is cat-shaped and therefore he is basically a Real Cat. He is my pet now. I will feed him and bathe him and take good care of him. If he shreds the furniture or sets it on fire though, he’s being put in time out.

***Bonus: Rollo*** — Listen, think of the entertainment value of this 😳 Rollo would be that roommate that looks very collected and unassuming, but every so often goes on these outrageous rants once his anger is stockpiled and he can’t contain it anymore. I’d sit there listening to him go off about how magic is evil, how we’d all be happier without it, etc. And like… while I don’t necessarily agree with his rhetoric, the complete character shift to being unfiltered and unhinged is just so fascinating to observe. (… Oh yeah, and Rollo would be pretty good at cleaning since NBC students as fastidious about that kind of thing.)

You’re my new best friend

♣️ — If you give me free food then I will love you forever and ever. Trey gives free food. Therefore, I suddenly love Trey. Jokes aside though, I do see him as someone who has his shit together and wouldn’t stir the pot. He’d do his fair share of chores (including the cooking) and doesn’t have an abrasive personality that would make it difficult to be around him. Bonus, I can ask him for free dental hygiene advice and we can geek out about teeth together.

🐍 — Jamil has a similar domestic skillset as Jade, but the difference is that Jamil doesn’t go out of his way to deliberately cause problems or to enable others to act out. If I let him do his own thing and don’t get on his bad side, I think Jamil would be respectful to me as well. I’ll be happy to eat any of his delicious cooking 🤤 and in return, I’ll be his bug slayer—it’s a good deal!!

🤖 — It’s like having all of the household tools you need in one, plus a security system and a new little bestie 😌 I’d trust Ortho with my life 💕 We also save on the food and water bill since he doesn’t need those things to function, just electricity every so often to charge!

[mashithamel]

When I first heard Rand would be working in a sanitarium in season 2 and he’d have a friend named Errol, I was kind of annoyed. Why would they spend precious time in a location and on a character that aren’t in the books, when there is so much ground to cover and so many characters to introduce?

But they used this setting and this character so economically, and so efficiently, that I have been completely converted. They didn’t waste a moment of screentime for Errol, and in only a few minutes justified his creation as a terrific vehicle for exposition and to introduce so many important concepts.

As soon as Rand walks in the door we’re introduced to the Aiel War (specifically—I means we got Blood Snow last season but it wasn’t put in a lot of context). We get a personal view into how much Cairhein specifically was affected by it (the effects of which are mentioned a couple more times this season), as well as giving it a relative timeframe—Errol is much older than Rand, so it wasn’t just a few years ago.

We are reminded that Rand looks like the Aiel even with shaving his head, reminding us about his adoption and that he’s an outsider. Here in Cairhein, even when people know and like him, the citizens are likely to have a gut reaction of surprise or fear when they first see him, something that may contribute to his difficulties ruling the place down the road. We are reminded that they are considered fierce fighters, and introduce that their women also fight and are considered deadly.

We are introduced to sword forms! We didn’t get Lan training Rand in either season (although it sounds like we will finally get it next season!), so it’s nice to learn he’s been getting at least some introductory training if he’s going to be a blademaster eventually. It’s also very consistent with the books for Rand to take advantage of opportunities to learn whatever and from whoever he can. We’re reminded about Rand’s heron-marked blade (before it does its important thing and melts in episode 8) and make the connection that it is carried by blademasters.

So importantly, we see how kind Rand is. He clearly knows and likes this crazy old man who’s calling for the guards. He speaks to him kindly without a trace of annoyance that they’re having the same conversation they do everyday (anyone who cares for people with dementia can probably understand that is really hard at times!). He puts Errol’s shoes on for him. This isn’t quite washing feet, which Biblically speaking is an act of humbling one’s self, but it’s definitely the sort of thing you wouldn’t expect the Promised One to be doing routinely. Right now it’s his job to do, but he does it with the care and compassion you might have for an elderly family member. He defends and comforts Errol when another employee is cruel. At heart Rand is kind and loving. Killing, ordering executions, sending people into danger where some will definitely die are all things he will need to do as Dragon Reborn, and his struggle with this will inform a large part of his arc over the next few seasons.

We see the inequality of the Cairheinin system (and then more blatently at the dinner party). Unsurprisingly the Cairheinin separate their health care by wealth and power, and it sounds like the poor ones may not even have a garden to walk around in? The Two Rivers doesn’t really have this type of inequality, and some of the first things Rand does in the books as the Dragon Reborn is make the elite start treating the poor and lower classes more fairly.

And of course we get PTSD and mental illness. Both PTSD and fears of going mad are important for Rand later, so this early introduction helps define the stakes for him.

It was such a short scene, and I’m sure there are other details those with more skill could expand on (the horse that Rand sets upright? the color palate?). I just really appreciated how much the writers crammed into an original character to help lay the groundwork not just for this season but for seasons (hopefully) to come.

[sweetlves]

pov: daddy issues…

synopsis. for some reason you can’t fathom this strange feeling towards your teacher gojo satoru.

characters/pairings. gojo satoru x fem! student reader (platonic)

genre. fluffy fluff, angst

tw. implied past sa, thoughts of illegal relationship

a/n. *cue daddy issues playing*, ngl this was kinda lazy…also was inspired by me having crushes on random dilfs i see in public…

the snow looks as beautiful as ever.

it reminds you of a special someone. specifically your teacher. the worlds strongest jujutsu sorcerer.

walking down the campus, trailing behind your classmates. thoughts cloud your mind.

gojo satoru.

what is gojo to you? you don’t know yourself. he’s your teacher at jujutsu high. a strong man who wouldn’t hesitate to side with you, even if it means going against the jujutsu world.

but something is off. you can’t quite put your finger on it. just on the tip of your brain, getting you frustrated as time passes.

looking ahead you realized you had stopped walking. everyone is already far ahead. and suddenly a deep familiar voice speaks up from behind you.

“hey y/n, what’s up? something on your mind?” yes actually, specifically him.

“oh uh- well… yeah i guess….” you sigh out, slightly taken aback from his sudden appearance.

“wanna share? i promise i’m not that bad of a support system!”

“ah…it’s alright, you know, it’s… personal,” fiddling with your thumbs under the sleeves of your sweater.

“no problem, you can tell me if you feel the need to though. you’re my responsibility after all.” he says with his usual smile.

after being escorted back to your dorm room by gojo. you flop on your bed, head still puzzled with the thought of gojo. why can’t you stop thinking of him?? why is he so sweet?? why do you feel this strange feeling towards him???

is it normal to feel this way? for some reason he brings out this feeling in your heart, it’s suffocating yet warm and very hesitant. like it’s wrong to feel this way but another side of your heart makes it feel so right. is this love? or simply something platonic?

for some reason, you can’t tell. he is attractive. but would you date him? you don’t know? after all he’s your teacher; an adult and you’re still a minor. is it wrong to think like this??

there’s so many questions you want to ask yourself, but can’t answer.

you’ve been cooped up under your blankets, feeling like you’re going crazy from all this confusion. romantic and platonic racing across your head like a never ending war. why is it suddenly so hard to tell the difference?

you’ve never felt this way with itadori or fushiguro. why gojo, out of everyone why did it have to be him? a dark feeling of disgust and shame with yourself forms in the pit of your stomach. guilt being stuck in the middle of your throat, feeling like it’s suffocating and burning.

suddenly a knock interrupts your thoughts from spiraling even further. while taking deep breaths, trying to compose yourself, you get up and open the door.

and low and behold, it’s satoru gojo. the very man who has been driving you crazy for the past few weeks. he surely has felt your cursed energy going crazy from where ever he was earlier. that’s probably why he’s here.

“hey y/n”

“oh, hi gojo-sensei” you say meekly, trying to hide the obvious emotions displayed on your face.

“not to be nosy or anything, but i sensed your cured energy from the building over. just wanted to check up on you.” he says in his casual tone, a slight concern showing.

“mm, thank you, im okay though”

“your cursed energy says very different…” he pauses and his voice becomes softer, “you know you can talk to me about anything right? I promise. even though i may act childish, im still an adult at the end of the day…I’m always gonna be here for you.” you can feel his caring gaze through his blindfold. it feels almost piercing.

your mind pauses for a second. suddenly a warm flush spreads over your heart. it skips a beat. you stand there just staring at gojo, confused at how his words affected you so much.

“I…uhm…” you struggle to find the words on how you would even explain this situation to him.

“mhm, it’s alright..go ahead…” he ushers you on gently.

“uhm…” you feel claustrophobic, chest feeling tight and hard to breathe.

“can we go outside first…?” you sigh out a breath you were unconsciously holding.

“of course!”

you rub your hands against each other under the sleeves of your sweater. gojo and you are currently outside on campus, no one else around. you both settle on a bench in a small isolated, yet beautiful area.

“you alright?” he looks to his side at you.

“yeah thanks..” you look down and hold and rub your hands in an attempt to get used to the sudden cold temperature.

“cold huh?”

“yeah”

“c’mere, I could try to warm you up”

you face him in curiosity. he softly grabs both of your hands and rubs them in his own. they are much bigger than yours, envolping you whole. so strong looking and manly yet gentle and soft to the touch.

he brings your hands up to his mouth and cups them while he huffs out his warm breath.

“warmer now?”

“y-yeah…” if only he knew what that would do to you. your heart is racing. an indescribable feeling overcomes your whole body, it’s so warm and exciting, like fireworks. is this love or are you being delusional??

“..so…what is it you wanted to tell me?” he starts curiously, sitting back in his usual position.

“oh yeah…” you pause and sigh out in preparation for his reaction.

“I…uh…”

he leans back on the bench with his arm along the topside of it behind you. his fingers slightly grazing you. that small touch makes your body feels like it’s burning up.

“I uhm…have this weird feeling…” you shift in your spot slightly.

“mhm…” he nods along. judging by his silence and body language, you can tell he’s furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

“i mean, i don’t know how to explain it….”

“well, what’s this feeling of yours?”

“it’s about…you….” you say the last part hesitantly. you can feel his arm behind you move slightly. he shifts in his seat in anticipation.

“hm…about me huh…?”

“yeah…” you look at the ground and curl your body to yourself.

“why specifically me?” he slightly tilts his head, still looking straight at you.

“i don’t know….” you say in a small voice.

“alright…then what about this feeling you have..?” he asks inquisitively.

“that’s the problem…i don’t understand it.”

“well, is it…hate?”

“oh, no no. it’s nothing like that.” you counter him, worried about the misunderstanding.

“oh that’s good then!” he says in a giddy voice then pauses, “so? if it’s not that then what is it?”

“…uhm, before i say it, promise you won’t be mad?” you fidget with your fingers, staring at the ground.

“i promise y/n, there’s nothing i could be mad at you for.”

“mm…i…i think…” he shifts up in his seat more.

“i think…i like you…” you say flushed and with hesitation in your voice. you feel his arm pull away from you and retreat back to himself.

you immediately regret the words that came out of your mouth. a hot, suffocating guilt piling up in your throat again.

there’s silence for a couple of seconds but you don’t dare look at him. not after what you just said. what does he think of you? he must think you’re disgusting, or some girl with crazy daddy issues. awful thoughts fly through your mind. you can feel the shame of tears threatening to pour out of your eyes.

“i-im..i’m so sorry…” you say quietly with shame in your voice. you try to swallow the intense emotions blocking your airway.

“y-you must think i’m disgusting…i’m so sorry…” you can feel your heart and voice crumpling down. you cover your face on the verge of completely breaking down from shame and embarrassment.

you feel a big hand wrap around your wrist and gently pull it down.

“…y/n”

you glance at him. he took his blindfold off. his bright blues stare right back into yours. but his beautiful eyes are filled with…a sad expression? why does he look sad??

“…i told you i won’t be mad…and I’m not. just..a little shocked…”

“…no no, it’s not ok…I’m disgusting for thinking like this…im so sorry…”

“y/n” he says firmly, “you’re not disgusting. you’re a beautiful, strong, ambitious young lady. there’s nothing to be ashamed about with these feelings. it’s not your fault, don’t you ever blame yourself.”

you feeling tears running down your face. he brings his hand up to your cheek and wipes away the tears gently.

lifting up your chin to look at him, he says, “and don’t you ever apologize for something that’s not your fault…”

those words were all it took for you to completely break down. you sigh out sharply from the pain of all the emotions in your chest.

gojo pulls you into his chest and holds you full of care. you cry into his shoulder and neck clinging onto him as if you’ll die the second you let go.

the noises and cries of agony and shame you held for years, come pouring out all at once. he never loosened his grip around you for even a second. rubbing small, reassuring circles in your back.

after almost half an hour of sobbing, you pass out with your face nuzzled in his soaked, tear stained neck.

he gently picks you up princess style and carries you all the way back to your dorm. even in your sleep you clinged to him like there’s no tomorrow.

he sets you on your bed and takes of your shoes and sweater. after tucking you in, he chuckles quietly, seeing you hug your pillow peacefully.

he moves your hair out of your face and squeezes your arm affectionately. he leaves your room, sauntering down the hall with a genuine smile on his face. you’re the first person who’s ever needed him before in way he’s never had been before. he has to admit, it's a nice feeling.

he could get used to taking care of his new found favorite student.

© sweetlves. all works belong to me, please do not copy, translate, and repost on other social media platforms.

[cuttergauthier]

Snowed In

Jacob Truscott x Female Brindley Reader

Warning: against, Cussing, Fluff

word count: 0.7k

let me know what you guys think🤍

I’m supposed to meet my brother at his captain’s house. Everyone was supposed to go there after class to hangout since there was a snow storm starting and they all wanted to hangout. I'm friends with everyone on the team except for Jacob, for some reason he never liked me.

It’s already snowing pretty bad when I got there, so I ran for the door and knocked. A few seconds later Jacob answered

“Why are you the first one here?” He asked, annoyed, making me roll my eyes.

“My classes finished earlier and I didn't want to be stuck alone at my place in case the storm got worse. Can I come in? It’s freezing out.” I say, he opened the door wider so I could walk by him.

“Thank you” I said before taking my boots and coat off.

“Yeah, whatever” he replied making his way to the living room

I followed behind him and sat down on the couch.

“What are you watching?” I asked when he sat down on the other end of the couch.

“Hockey highlights”

We both sat there in silence waiting for the boys and his roommates to come over.

About 30 minutes later, my phone rang. I looked over and saw that Gavin texted me that the roads were really bad so none of the boys were going to be coming over, and he suggested I just stay at the seniors house since he didn’t want me to drive in the storm.

“For fuck sakes” i said sighing, Jacob looked at ne confused.

“What now?” He ask annoyed

“None of the boys are coming over, apparently the roads are really bad, and he suggested I stay here… is that going to be a problem?”

“Fuck sakes… I’m texting Phil and Steve to see if they're coming home.” He said taking out his phone and sending a text to the guys.

His phone rang right away.

“Dammit!”

“What?” I ask

“Steve’s staying with the sophomores and Phil is staying with his girlfriend, apparently Gavin was right the roads a pretty bad”

“So i’m really stuck here alone… with you” i asked annoyed

“ Yes you are, is that going to be a problem princess?” He said smirking

“Don’t call me that” i said angry

“Why not? You basically are one”

“I’m not a princess Jacob”

“You always act like you are”

“ How the hell would you even know, we never talk, you’re just always rude”

“I’m not always rude”

“You know what, I don’t care if i have to walk, i’m not staying here with you” i said angrily, i got off the couch and started making my way to the door so i could leave.

I felt Jacob grab my wrist, I turned around to look at him.

“Jacob, let me go”

“No, and you are not going anywhere, the roads are bad you’re crazy if you think i’m letting you leave in that” he said worried

“Fine… but stop being an ass” i say and he chuckles

“I promise i’ll try” he said, i nodded and we made our way back to the couch

We both went back to being quiet and watching the hockey highlights

I don’t know why he has to tease me all the time. Why does he hate me so much? I've always had a crush on him, I just wish he wouldn’t always be rude when it comes to me, and for him not to see me as Gavin’s older sister.

After a while I thought I might as well talk to him, since we are going to be stuck together for a while.

“Why do you hate me so much?” I asked him.

He looked at me surprised.

“I don’t hate you, i just deal with Gavin enough i don’t need to have to deal with you also being annoying” he said making me scoffed

“What? Jacob, maybe if you’d actually make time to get to know me instead of being rude all the time, you would know i’m nothing like my brother” i said annoyed.

“I guess you’re right, i shouldn’t have assumed”

“Yeah, you really shouldn’t have”

“Okay then, I'm sorry… how about we actually get to know each other then, since we’re going to be stuck here together for a while” he said smiling

“That would be great,” I said smiling.

Jacob and I talked. He told me what made him choose Michigan, he talked about his life back home, I did the same.

He’s pretty great when he isn’t an ass to me.

“I guess you were right. I shouldn’t have made assumptions just because of Gavin, you really are nothing like him.” he said chuckling. I smiled at him.

“Told you” i said

“When the storm is over, is there any chance you’d let me take you out on a date?” he asked nervously. I smiled shyly.

“On one condition” i said

“What’s that?” he asked, smiling.

“You don’t tell Gavin, he’ll freak out” I said. Jacob laughed.

“Agreed” He said.

“Perfect”

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

spring snow, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: In memory of you, the one I should have loved when it counted. But I didn’t. I’m sorry. To the backdrop of the black sky and white flakes falling down, you and Jeon Jungkook learn that you are far more connected than you could ever believe. I miss you.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; slow burn - struggles with letting go of the past, ponderings of adulthood, and feels; smut (fem reader, heavy making out, f and m-receiving oral, penetrative sex); non-idol!AU - JK walks reader home every day after work; switches between Jungkook’s POV and yours

this is a very different format from my usual. i let my hands do whatever they wanted to do. about people and relationships... and porn with feelings XD

--

I miss you.

It’s crazy that I think that now. Back then, I couldn’t wait to get out.

I miss you.

Sometimes I stay awake on purpose. I don’t want to fall asleep and see you. If I see you in my dreams, I miss you more. I remember what each season with you was like. Warm nights lit up by fireworks and bites of crushed-up watermelon from strong but unstable hands. Cold afternoons with warm breath against my palms, watching the leaves tumble down. Endless nights surrounded by white flakes tumbling from the sky.

I fill my days with the way it was, and I fill my nights with broken dreams.

I wish I could say I wrote that but, actually, I read that from my hyung’s notebook. He’s good with words. I’m not. Or maybe it’s from a song. He likes writing down lyrics that stick with him. Anyway, you you would have liked him. He might have inspired you back then. You always liked intelligence since you felt like you lacked it.

Now I know that was precious too, those moments of innocence.

I miss you.

I should have held onto you more closely back then.

I should have but I didn’t know.

I’m sorry I didn’t. That’s what I wanted to say.

-

I miss you.

I see you clearly when I close my eyes. It’s spring. The trees have flowered and the petals are being blown by the wind. Your hair flies up from the breeze. That expression you make, mild surprise and wonder as the pink petals surround you in a halo and then disappear into the sky and the horizon.

I like your eyes.

They’re so pretty.

It’s not realistic, but I like to pretend it is.

But you’re right. Spring is usually a lot of rain. Blue moods and grey days. You were always right about those things. I bet you’re still right about them now. You have to be, huh? Always realistic. Did you ever think you should pretend a little more? Just a little bit. Maybe, if you did… back then.

I miss you.

I try to forget about you.

I try to lose myself so I can forget about you. I don’t think it’s working though.

Fuck, I miss you.

-

I thought about you today.

Do you remember that there was a time you thought kissing was so important? You acted like it was super gross, but the truth was that you couldn’t imagine kissing just anybody. It had to be someone really important.

That’s weird, you know.

That’s so weird. It’s only a kiss.

Just a kiss.

Would you tell me not to kiss her?

Would you tell me she’s not important enough? That I’m wasting something really important? I thought about it. I thought about you, so I didn’t do it. I almost got close. But I couldn’t do it. I thought about your face looking back at me. And I couldn’t do it.

I still want to, though.

The night was really cold. I wanted to hold her hand, at least. But she just smiled at me and tucked her hands in her pockets. She told me to hurry home so I didn’t get sick.

Maybe I should have kissed her.

-

Fuck.

I’m not holding on. I’m not. Look. You’re only in my head. That’s it. I have a lot of things in this head of mine, not just you. You’re not the only one here. I remember a lot of things from back then, not just you. There’s lots of people in here. Not just you.

Blurry faces, sure.

But still there.

Not just you.

I don’t want to think about you. I hate it. You remind me of bad things. Of cold days. Of blue and grey, of dark nights and missed mornings. Of empty feelings and grasping at nothing. I want to forget. I want to forget those obsidian nights with pearl-white flakes falling from the sky, forget those frozen palms and dead leaves under the feet of passerby, forget those humid, sticky summer nights most of all, those nights were I looked up and saw no stars.

I want to forget the rain and the flower petals that I made up, yeah, those ones that surround your curious face and pretty eyes.

Please.

I want to forget.

Let me forget.

-

I think everyone feels this. I’ve thought about it. This feeling can’t be exclusive to me, right? For instance, people talk about how they miss their high school friends. They wonder what they’re up to. If they would still be friends now. Would they still like the same things? Or would they move on to different interests? Adults are like that. They talk about back then, school days, carefree vacations, and that hot girl they had a crush on, wondering if they’re still hot now.

I don’t really think I’m an adult, but I do miss you and I do think about back then.

School days.

I was so ready to become an adult, but now that I’m here, and I’m pretty sure adult is a fake word. I don’t think you would have believed me if I told you back then. You just wanted to be an adult and do all the things adults can do. Stay up as long as you want. Not have homework anymore. Adults are free to do whatever they want, right?

Who knows.

I know you wanted to find that real kiss more than anything.

I saw her again.

I think I’m just going to kiss her the next time I get the chance. I don’t really care if she’s important enough or not.

Maybe that’s what adult means.

-

This is a mistake.

I know you would tell me it is. I don’t care though. I don’t care anymore what you think.

I don’t.

I’m not going to let myself be dragged down by the ghost of you for no reason. What’s the point of the past? To learn from past mistakes, of course. There’s no point in dwelling on those dark nights lying awake with music pumping through earbuds to drown out all the sounds. Look at you. You’re stuck back then and you can’t escape.

Because you’re in my memory and you’re not here.

Don’t drag me down with you.

I’m sorry.

But I can’t think about you anymore, you know?

I really can’t.

I can keep trying to romanticize the past but it’s killing me slowly and I can’t romanticize you any longer because it’s all I can think about and I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating from the thoughts of you and your smile that I can’t seem to remember. I hate that I can’t remember. I should have made you smile. Is it my fault that I can’t remember or my fault that I could never make you smile and that’s why I can’t remember?

Fuck.

I miss you.

I am sorry.

It means nothing now but I don’t know what else to say.

And I know I’m making a mistake. This that I’m chasing now, this is a distraction. You know all about those. I know you do, because you had a lot of hobbies and they were all distractions. I remember those at least. You had your nose in books. You drew a lot. You collected Pokémon cards and hid them in tins in the back of your closet. Yeah. I remember that too.

I know it’s mean of me, but he’s a distraction.

He’s a distraction from you and those memories.

I’m going to kiss him.

And I’m going to forget about you.

-

I feel guilty.

I thought about you when my lips touched hers.

It was right before she was about to go up to her apartment building. Weirdly cold tonight once again. I could see my breath in the air, right between us. She said it would be a god night for ramyeon. I thought that was funny. I said that she should come over and eat ramyeon.

She just smiled at me and tucked her hands in her pockets.

I thought, ah, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn’t that close the other night. Maybe even though I wanted to kiss her, she didn’t want to kiss me because I wasn’t important enough. Maybe she was sure even though I wasn’t. Is that what being an adult means? I wondered.

But then she stepped a little closer.

I could see my breath in the air, white and foggy, right between us.

She said to me, “I’m going to kiss you.”

I thought about you and then her lips pressed to mine.

They were soft.

She sighed a little and I could taste her breath, sweet and warm.

I feel guilty, because I wasn’t sure, but it still felt nice. I still wanted it. Maybe it was a mistake.

Maybe, but it was a beautiful one.

It’s okay to make mistakes though, isn’t it? I think you would say so. You made a lot of them. Well, that was what being young was about. You used to beat yourself up over them. I wish I could tell you not to do that, but you were really stubborn and you probably wouldn’t listen. You used to think, “When I’m an adult, I won’t make mistakes.”

Maybe that means I’m not an adult yet, because this is probably a mistake.

But.

I want to kiss her again.

-

I did it.

I kissed him.

He liked it. I’m pretty sure. When I backed up, he had a dropped jaw and big wide eyes. It was kind of funny. Almost like a kid. But that’s okay. It’s no fun being an adult. You understood that, even back then. Even in blue moods and grey days, you didn’t think that being an adult would make it better.

So, when he looked at me with those big round eyes and parted lips, I thought, maybe, maybe you wouldn’t say it’s a mistake.

Maybe.

I thought about taking him up on his offer. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what that not-so-subtle “come over and eat ramyeon” meant. Heh. I thought about it.

But then I thought about you, even though I didn’t mean to.

Maybe you wouldn’t say it’s a mistake, but.

You would shake your head at me, for sure. You would say, don’t.

So, I just kissed him and left him there.

And now I’m here, wondering if I should have just ignored the thought of you. I’m mad at you. I hate you sometimes. But I miss you. I wish I could erase you, because then it wouldn’t hurt as much.

And anyway.

You can’t erase your past.

I wonder if he was happy that I kissed him. Maybe. I feel like he might like that kind of thing. He always reminds me it’s not safe to walk alone. I always tell him it’s a short walk, but he reminds me that he lives only a few blocks away and it’s not a big deal. I let him walk me home, because sometimes I can forget about you when I’m focused on someone else. We don’t always talk, but he’s there. I think he gets off work a little earlier than me, but he always waits.

He waits for me, like the future.

He probably only wants to get laid.

Well, that’s okay too. If he wants me to be his distraction, then maybe he can be mine, even if only for a short while. Maybe he can help me forget about you and I don’t have to miss you anymore.

He had a nice kiss. Soft, with a little gasp, like he was trying to breathe me in.

I want to kiss him again and forget about you.

-

Do you remember the first time someone held your hand?

She held my hand.

It was very quick. I was fixing the earbud in my ear and then I felt her hand close around my wrist, slipping down because she was walking around me, tugging me into the convenience store. She was saying something about how me mentioning ramyeon the other night reminded her she was almost out, but I didn’t catch all of it.

I was too busy realizing how cold my hand was and how warm hers was.

It’s still cold these days, especially when the sun sets. The day is okay, but I still have to bring my coat to work because I wait for her to get out so I can walk her home.

Anyway, she let go once I started following.

It feels weird telling you this. Maybe you don’t want to hear it. But I was reminded of you.

The radio station was playing an old song. You know, the one that was super popular in middle school and they had to ban it during exams. Haha, yeah, that one. I recognized it right away. She recognized it too and started singing along. Then she noticed that I noticed and I think she got embarrassed.

But.

You know how in the movies, there’s that moment?

I think today was like that.

Because I started singing too and she started backing up really fast and dashing around the aisles and I was following her around and I started dancing as she ran and she was laughing and, I don’t know, it reminded me of you and back then. It was dumb and didn’t really make sense, but that’s how it was back then, wasn’t it? Moments of pure joy, unblemished. We got yelled at and we were told to get out. She didn’t even get to buy any ramyeon. Still, we rushed out and she was laughing and I was laughing too.

It reminded me of you and back then.

But this was different.

She smiled up at me and I kissed her, just like that. I wouldn’t have done that, back then. But I did it without thinking and it felt like the thing to do, because she kissed me the other night and I…

I wanted her to know that I wanted to kiss her too.

It was really nice.

Better than any kiss you had, I know.

If I close my eyes right now, I can still see the way her eyes opened slowly. The way golden hour lit up her face, the way the cold turned her cheeks pink, the way her lips parted.

The way she looked at me.

It reminds me of back then, of you and your innocence.

I miss you.

-

It’s too fucking cold. Isn’t spring supposed to be coming soon? Why is it so fucking cold?

Hah.

I think I’ve done it now.

I didn’t really mean to. It just kind of happened. Him and I, we were in front of the apartment building and I think he meant to lean forward and give me a good night kiss and, I don’t know why, I just… I just grabbed him by the shirt. Yanked him close.

You used to do things like that too.

I don’t want to be like you, but.

I looked up at him and he seemed surprised, but his arms wrapped around me. I could see his breath when we were that close. He was wearing a big fluffy white coat. It made him look like a cloud. Or a bunny.

I asked him if he would come up with me.

I don’t know why I thought he would say no. He was already holding me. I guess you always prepared me for failure and rejection. That was your specialty, always finding for rock bottom.

That moment seemed like forever, but it was a warm forever of soft breath and that fluffy coat.

He said that he would accompany me upstairs.

I don’t know why I thought he would disappear if I didn’t hold his hand.

It might have been a mistake, but. It didn’t really feel like one. Maybe that’s how beautiful mistakes are. I didn’t even turn on the light. We were in the dark when the front door closed. I pushed him against the wall and slipped my hands under that fluffy coat to that orange shirt. I was surprised. He has a manly body under that cute face.

In the dark, I leaned forward to kiss him but my lips were against his neck and I kissed his throat instead.

He moaned.

I thought about you, but this was different.

I could smell him, I could feel him, and I thought about you, and I thought I would be upset or maybe even afraid, but he was holding me and my lips were pressed against his skin, and I forgot to be upset or afraid.

He smelled nice.

Tasted nice too.

I said I can’t think about you, but I might have been wrong. Because I thought about you and I kept going, kept kissing him and holding him in the dark. Felt his lip ring against my cheek and his gasp against my lips when my fingers touched his waist and gripped his shirt tight. I asked him if he felt good, if it felt nice to be this close, told him I wanted to see if he still felt that way when we were alone and no one was looking.

He said he still felt the same even though no one was looking.

It’s so cold outside after the sun goes down, but, in that moment in the dark, it was warm in his fluffy coat and his arms around me. It didn’t even bother me that it didn’t go further than that. I told him he should go home before it got too cold. Kissed him before I let him go, reminded him that he had to walk me home tomorrow too.

He seemed happy.

I like his smile. There’s a small mole under his lips. It gives him an innocent look.

I’m sorry I said I can’t think about you.

I miss you.

-

Wow.

The way she tasted.

I think I’ll remember that taste forever.

-

I fucked up.

How did I fuck up so bad?

Ugh, I’m so stupid.

Let’s call a spade a spade. I fucked him in attempt to forget about you. I fucked him because I miss you, because I hate you, because I am nothing without you and he is collateral in this fucked-up mess, which makes me a shit person.

I fucked him and it felt good.

Better than good. Was fantastic. Yeah, you heard me. And I don’t care either, I don’t care that I liked it, I don’t care that he took me out to dinner and I paid for his drinks knowing full well what I was doing, knowing that I went to work in a sexy dress on purpose, knowing that he would say yes at my front door the second I asked him if he wanted to come in. I see the way he looks at me.

I can pretend I didn’t but you know me. I’m no liar.

I knew what I was doing.

I know what I’m doing and it’s awful.

Fuck.

His hands on my face. That little smile. He way he pauses a little bit before kissing me. I can taste it, his excitement when I reciprocate. I come on strong and he likes it, either because he likes that kind of attention or because he likes being wanted. Doesn’t matter. I’m doing this to forget about your effect on me. I touch his face and trail my fingers down his chest to forget how you have a chokehold on my mind. I unbutton his floaty black and white dress shirt to forget how you know everything about me and see right through me. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, make him moan, trace his muscles with my fingertips and feel his heartbeat at the tip of my touch to forget all about how you keep me dead when I’m supposed to be alive.

He tastes good.

Like innocence and a desire to be loved.

I hate how I’m like this, but I can’t stop. I was only going to touch him a little, maybe just frustrate him and back off. Take it slow. Promises for next time and all that shit. Ugh.

God, I’m so full of it.

His hands drifted down to the hem of my dress and what did I do? Shove my right leg between his and hook my left around his hips and grind on his jean-covered thigh. Right. That’s taking it slow. Yup. Of course, he took it as a sign to yank up my dress. Wasn’t like my hands pushing his dress shirt off his shoulders giving him any other choice. I shouldn’t have taken it so far. He would have stopped if I said so. He would have listened if I put up the red light.

Should have put up the damn red light.

Instead, I took off his clothes and he took off mine and I found myself halfway crawling up my own apartment wall with my legs on his shoulders and his mouth on my pussy with those big brown eyes staring up at me.

Jeez.

What am I doing?

I even had the gall to send him back home after fucking him on my own bed. Couldn’t even think about waking up next to him in the morning. That’s well and truly fucked, isn’t it?

The way he looked at me.

Don’t look at me like that.

Don’t look at this black hole with stars in your eyes, because all I’ll do is suck them into this darkness and kill them, leaving nothing left of you, and that’s unfair for someone like you.

It is.

And yet you walked me home today, asking if I was busy this weekend.

And, like an idiot, I said I wasn’t.

-

I wanted to write this down because I wanted to remember.

She said something to me as we sat on her bed, right before the first time. She had turned her bedside lamp on. One of those silicone touch ones in the shape of a round cat. The color it was set on – red. I remember because when she sat in my lap and stared into my eyes, the red shadows between us were so… sensual. Alluring. Erotic. I don’t know. There’s probably a sexier way to say it.

But anyway, she whispered against my lips and looked into my eyes.

“The stars in the sky are already dead.”

I remember being confused.

“The stars in the sky. The light you see from the stars is already dead by the time you see them.”

I think I remember reading that in a book. Or maybe in class when I was in high school or something. I was never good at astronomy. I should have asked you to pay more attention for me. Then she said…

“But the stars are in your eyes.”

I remember looking into her eyes and seeing mine reflected in them.

When she said that and when I saw myself in her eyes, I realized I felt something that I’ve never felt before. Her warm breath drifted over my lips, a weird feeling prickling all over my skin, her fingers caressing my cheeks, and, I knew, this was a moment.

From her to me, a moment.

“The light I see in you is right here, right now, and it is alive.”

No one has ever said anything like that to me.

Never.

I wanted to remember it, so I wrote it down here.

I wish I said something just as beautiful back to her, but I couldn’t think of anything then. I could have asked her to explore the stars. I could have said that the stars weren’t there until I looked at her. I could have said she’s the whole galaxy and I’m only a small cluster of stars in her vast galaxy.

But I didn’t.

I hope she could tell how happy I was just looking into her beautiful eyes.

-

I need to tell him the truth.

He’s sleeping in my bed and I need to tell him the truth but instead I’m writing to you because I’m too fucked up to say anything when I need to say something, because I’m sad and lonely and dead inside knowing that I failed you and I wasn’t better and I couldn’t be strong enough to make sure you were okay, because I am the worst, the worst, the worst.

It’s supposed to be spring.

It’s still so cold.

-

There’s something about her.

I don’t think you would like her, mostly because she knows who she is and because you don’t. You’re insecure and you look up to others to secure you and tell you where to go and what to do. It’s because you were afraid to live life, lest you do it wrong or imperfectly.

But.

There is no such thing as wrong or imperfect when it comes to life, is there?

I can feel it.

The way she keeps me as close as she can, but I look up and there’s still a shrouded sky with snow falling even though it’s supposed to be spring. We’re close and yet the sky remains dark, the clouds stay gray, and I can see my breath. Life is supposed to be growing. Instead, there’s soft white flakes floating down and it’s cold.

And yet.

It’s beautiful.

She’s beautiful to me.

I wish I knew a pretty way to tell her that, like how she said my eyes were full of stars.

---

The moment in life where everything changed was when you read those words.

You wished you could say that you didn't read them. That you were polite, kind, and respected his privacy. That you were fast asleep beside him in this bed of yours, a place where you had nightmares or, worse, hopeful dreams that shattered every morning as you were forced to face reality. Dreams where you felt fully and completely alive, only to wake up and realize it was all a lie. 

But, no.

You were awake. 

Sometimes being asleep was the true torture. 

You turned the page, going backwards in time. 

I wanted to write this down because I wanted to remember.

The little book had fallen out of his jacket. A plain black notebook with a leather-texture hardcover and scribbles in it. Pocket-sized. There was an elastic strap that was meant to go around the book and hold it shut, but it hadn't been put back on properly, causing the pages to fall open and land on where the ribbon bookmark had been placed.

You read the entry. 

He had nice handwriting. Clean. Neat. Thoughtful. Your original guess was that this notebook was for his work. Notes into his creativity, perhaps? He did video editing for a living, he said. Maybe it was a planner to organize his days. Or ideas for projects he wanted to pursue on his own. A brainstorming space.

You turned the page. 

Beside you, his body moved, restless. You wondered if he would wake up, but instead he threw an arm around your waist and continued sleeping, his breathing long and steady. 

You read the entry. 

Wow.

It was very short. 

This little book was none of the things you thought it was. It was something else, something you could scarcely even believe at first, something that made your heart stop, and that wasn't because those words were about you. 

It was because the entries were letters.

All of them. 

All letters, addressed to the same person, the same individual, over and over again. Some long, some short. Some vague nonsense, some intimately revealing. All for one person.

Not you.

No. 

You couldn't believe it.

It was so surreal that you read the addressee twice. Three times. Not because you thought it was strange or crazy. 

No.

Because you understood. 

To young Jeon Jungkook. 

Mechanically, you reached over to the side of your bed, the pocket between the mattress and bedframe, and pulled out a small, slightly squashed, black leather soft-cover notebook. Thinner and longer than his, but similar enough. 

You opened to the ribbon bookmark. 

To young me, I miss you.

You understood these letters all too well.

-

He was just a big kid, that Jeon Jungkook. Tattooed because people told him not to. Pierced because people told him not to. Not in the spotlight because people told him he totally had the face for it. No, no, Jeon Jungkook didn’t like all these people telling him he should do this or that. He wanted to do only what he wanted to do. Stubborn and defiant, sticking his spoon into his ice cream covered in too many toppings, maybe more garnishes than chocolate ice cream, having the cold sweet even on the cold night, all because he wanted to.

“What is it that you want to do?” you had asked him.

He shoved he spoon into his mouth and shrugged.

But you could see it in those big brown eyes. The uncertainty, the fear, the maybe despite my desire to be myself I’m just like everyone else, the maybe I will never know, the and if I don’t, am I stuck like the rest of them? The questions that came, and perhaps that was youth, that was becoming an adult, that was the beautiful blunders that became the formation of life.

You sipped your hot chocolate, the lingering taste of peppermint trapped in the liquid even though Christmas was long over. You had asked for it and the employee had given you a weird look.

“Upset stomach,” you lied. A flimsy explanation to make the weird look go away.

“Can I have a sip of your hot chocolate?” Jungkook now asked.

You handed it to him and he drank a bit, his face fluttering with comfort.

“You’re gonna ruin your digestion going from cold to hot like that,” you commented.

“Yeah, my mom always tells me that, but I’m still eating, right?”

He grinned, all mischief, silver ring at the edge, and underneath pink lips and white teeth he was blessed with a dot of dark perfect imperfection.

You held your hand out.

Jungkook was about to give your to-go cup back, but then he darted forward, placing a light kiss on the opening. Then he handed it back to you, still smiling.

You raised your eyebrows and continued sipping at the hot liquid.

He continued eating his ice cream, scooting closer to you on the public bench. You didn’t move away. It was cold at night, even now. Supposed to be spring already, a time for rain and sun and blooming flowers, but it was cold and biting, reminding everyone winter hadn’t yet gone away.

“When do you think a spring day will come?” Jungkook murmured between enormous bites of ice cream.

“I don’t know, but I know the weather forecasters will probably be wrong,” you answered dryly.

-

She said to his lips, “I missed you.”

It was so soft and so quiet that he almost didn’t hear it, but he felt the words being formed, her lips brushing against his and then the fervent press of forget what I said to his lips, her hands framing his jaw and up into his hair, long delicate fingers twisting into the strands. The ghost of sweetness between their tongues, a shared taste, and those words flowed into the thoughts that became one with his own, as if he himself said them, I missed you, because he did.

He did.

Jeon Jungkook couldn’t explain it, but he wished he could.

He reached up himself and mirrored her touch, across the jaw and up to the temple, his fingers in her hair, strands curling in his hold and he wished this moment was as permanent as the tattoos inked to skin, maybe not her if that wasn’t what she wanted, but at least this feeling. This feeling. Something he knew he couldn’t get again. Maybe that was because this was him now and this was her now, lips to lips and the fire between them, but he wished, he wished to keep this feeling in his memory, wished to make it last forever.

He wished, he wished he could tell young Jungkook, cherish it, all those days back then, don’t go chasing for what becoming an adult means, because it means being lost and sad and lonely.

But he couldn’t.

She tilted her head, traced his lips with her tongue, and Jungkook shuddered.

He wished, he wished he could say, please stay with me, please stay a little longer with me, I am not perfect but I swear there is something here, in your taste and in my heart, and, if I am your mistake, please let me stay your mistake a little longer, but they were such ugly words, such horrible words, and he couldn’t say it, no, because… what if he was right?

What if he truly was her mistake?

She took his jacket off, pulled up his turtleneck, and he pushed down her furry coat, slowly undoing the laces at the collar of her dress, exposing skin to his searching fingertips.

What started as recklessness continued to be recklessness. Perhaps it was his fault, believing in nothing, or it was really there, the something, kisses again, his jacket falling to the floor, a thunk and Jungkook vaguely registered the little black book falling out of his jacket again, but he paid it no mind, remembering she had found it but left it on top of his folded clothes, making breakfast as he slowly woke up, smelling eggs and fragrant oil.

He had glanced at his journal, the elastic over the front cover, resting on top of his folded clothes.

Jungkook thought he would feel panic, fear, embarrassment.

But then he realized he didn’t care.

He never had the perfect words, but the ones written in there were his honest ones. Ones of that moment, and if she read them, then she read his honest words and not some dressed-up version in some vain attempt to make himself better than he was.

He wondered if she did, but she simply greeted him like normal, chuckling at his messy hair and running her fingers through it, telling him to hurry and eat so he could get back to his place and change, otherwise his co-workers would think he’s dirty for wearing the same clothes over again.

So Jungkook let the notebook fall, knowing the elastic wasn’t all the way on, forgetting all about it to tangle himself in that touch, that skin, that scent. Exploring tongue following dancing fingers, and he could feel it sear across his skin, inexplicable but undeniable, like the feeling one got from looking up to a black sky and falling white snow, on the cusp of sad but it was just so beautiful, so beautiful, so he couldn’t bring himself to be sad.

She was a scriptwriter, she said.

Her specialty was dialogue.

But Jungkook found she spoke to him the loudest like this, in the form of trailing kisses and soft breath over his chest, kissing the mole on the right side of his ribcage, this silent dialogue so real and so raw that even even though he had no idea what they meant, he believed in them. Every spoken word had intent behind it, intentional or not, but this, this was pure on a different level, pure as her tongue drawing down the center of his abdomen, creating a wet line, half-lidded, sultry eyes peering up at him.

This was the present, without the weight of the past.

And the past weighed heavily on those that held onto it, I miss you, young him, at first oblivious everyone’s expectations, I miss you, young him, foolishly believing everyone had the best intentions for him, I miss you, young him, running and weighed down with expectations. Thinking that he was chained but that when he was adult he would have freedom, except he got older and he still felt chained, so did that mean he was still young or did that mean that he was now an adult and this was everyone’s fate?

Jungkook had these thoughts when he was alone, but not here.

Not here, not within the confines of hands fanning over his thighs, tongue to taut skin, in her eyes glittering in the low light. Like snow from a black sky, but he was comforted and then elated, radiating bliss mounting his senses, skillful tongue sliding down his length and his hands gripping the sheets, memorizing the lush quality of the fabric, memorizing the way his nerves seemed to shimmer and brim with so much pleasure that it was nearly unbearable. Every detail precious – the wet, the pressure, the depth, controlled tightness. Saliva dripping down his balls and then quickly lapped up, sending a spark up his spine, a strangely playful sensation he came to crave and it happened again, jarring and gratifying him, like hot chocolate between bites of ice cream, sweet on sweet.

Something out of nothing.

Black sky full of falling white flakes.

He should be afraid, he should be hesitating, he should be chained by the past, but he was free, free here in the moment of erotic high and in those eyes in the low light. Glittering amusement in those irises, something out of nothing, or something out of…

She crawled back up his body, her dress on the floor, and kissed him, salty, but to him it was sweet.

Something out of something?

Maybe.

-

How long will you punish yourself for something you didn’t do?

Sometimes you thought about writing down that question, but it was too honest and your pen would pause every time, poised to make the strokes, and you didn’t. It was too honest. You kept thinking, I’m not ready, but that was an excuse just like any other, as if you would ever be ready, as if you would ever know, all this time chasing for that one you should have loved when it counted, but you didn’t. You didn’t, and now you were sorry.

Sorry.

So pointless to be sorry, the maybe if I, the it could have been better if I, the if only I just, who cares, who cares, who cares. This kind of thinking was just as much a broken home as it was back then, these thoughts like closed shutters to keep out the light, forever in winter because you never dared to look out and find summer. A prison of the past you built to hold in the fragile young you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, tried to embellish the past and make it as pretty as it was tragic, all to try and erase the fact that you were holding onto nothing.

In this decrepit broken home of your thoughts, apologizing to the past. Writing letters to the one that always ran from, to the one you hated for making you into what you were now, to the one that never tried to appreciate what little good there was because it was always easier to believe everything was bad. Easier to think that, when you were an adult, you could make it all go away.

But it just wasn’t true.

I’m sorry, young me.

The sky was still black and the snow still fell and the spring day never came.

I don’t really think I’m an adult, but I do miss you and I do think about back then.

He was just a big kid, that Jeon Jungkook.

You closed your eyes and inhaled, the soft, clean scent mixed with sex, slipping into the sensation of being filled, easy after his fingers and the lingering buzz of his kiss. A heavy weight, and you should have felt crushed, suffocated, caged, but you were so used to the broken home of your thoughts that this felt like freedom, like a hopeful dream that couldn’t be broken by reality.

Because you opened your eyes and there was Jeon Jungkook.

His teeth were sunk into his lower lip, and he was struggling not to be overwhelmed. The mole underneath bobbing uneasily, silver lip ring quivering, and you clenched around his hard cock, making him flinch and frown at you, his eyes connecting with yours.

His eyes glittering in the low light. Stars. And the ones in the sky were dead, but these were lit by the fire within, lit by a past determined to feel the present even more, and your lips parted to take a breath.

There was none to be taken.

Jungkook breathed out your name.

If the sky was black and too covered with gray clouds of falling snowflakes, well, then maybe the stars could be right beside you.

You whispered his name in the dark.

It was like he was catching snowflakes on his cheeks, his expression melting with your reply, his face flushing pink, and you gripped your thighs, lifting them up. He got the hint, moving his arms and then your legs were on his shoulders. Slow. You smacked your hips up to deepen his thrust, earning another frown and furrowed brow, greeting it with your smile.

This should make you feel fake. This should make you feel wrong, like you were using him to distract from something bigger, but somehow it didn’t, and that was so strange, because you were pretty sure that was what this was, right, but then his words came back to you, I miss you, written in those tight scribbles, I hope she could tell how happy I was just looking into her beautiful eyes, and you looked into his eyes now, shortened breath, shivering from pleasure, racing heartbeat leaping to your throat and Jungkook noticed your gaze, shaking his head like a dog to brush the black hair out of his eyes so he could look back, his shaking exhale matching yours, warmth drifting between you and him.

And it was true.

You were afraid to leave the broken home of your thoughts, because what if it was worse out there?

He searched your eyes.

You let him, not knowing what he was searching for.

He lowered slightly, changing the angle. Deeper, his dark brown irises catching the light, glittering, alive stars, these not light-years away, but right there, right there, and you reached out to touch, your fingertips ghosting his cheek and jaw, his low moan cutting through the haze of the high, your hand reaching back and clutching his hair, tugging lightly. His eyes closing, lashes fluttering, harder, faster, your hips rising, tighter, more resistance, increased depth and intensity, Jungkook, his name leaving your lips again and he shuddered, spellbound by your voice, his tongue flicking against the top half of his lower lip, struggling to open his eyes again but the weight of lust kept them half-lidded, so close, fluttering breath, almost, holding him back with another tug of his hair, letting your tongue trace the inside of your open lips.

There.

It ate you up so fast, so fast, a whirlwind of compounded sensation and sparks shooting down to your core and vicious throbs sinking into your hips, gasping as you came around his jerking cock, ecstasy unbound, his own moan in an arc, his head tipped back to the ceiling, your hand still in his hair, him burying deep into constricting wet warmth and succumbing to it, his shivers traveling from his chest to your thighs, and you felt your eyes closing, lost in the reality and being okay with it.

I miss you.

For once, these words were not directed at your past self.

You drew a breath, your hand in his hot, sweaty hair, and you missed Jungkook already even though he wasn’t gone.

-

“I read it.”

You admitted it plainly, clearly.

His little black book between you two, you wrapped in a blanket and him wrapped in another, staring down at it.

Jungkook nodded slowly.

“Okay.”

It sounded defeatist.

“You think I’m a weirdo, huh?” he mumbled softly, pulling the blanket around him tighter.

You reached to the side of the bed, in between the mattress and the bedframe and smacked down your own black, leather-bound notebook.

“That makes two of us.”

His eyes widened, and he stared down at it as you pushed it to him, your hand on top of it, determined, because it was time. You spent enough time being a coward. No more, firmly pinning your notebook in front of Jeon Jungkook, I fill my days with the way it was, and I fill my nights with broken dreams, and if this was it, if you were the broken dream, then he deserved to know how broken, he derserved your honesty, and you thought you would be afraid, and yet…

Jungkook lifted his head and stared at you.

You weren’t.

He shook his head.

“Not today.”

You blinked at him.

He looked back down at your notebook and the blanket opened, his larger, tattooed hand reaching out, placing his hand over yours. A weight but somehow not heavy.

“I will read it if you want me to read it,” he said, and he lifted his head, breathing out slowly, holding your hand tighter, and you could see he was waiting for you to run, waiting for you melt and disappear into nothing. As if he was trying to grasp a snowflake. “But… I don’t want you to think you have to show me just because you read mine.” He smiled, rueful and sheepish. “Actually, I wanted you to read my journal. I hoped you would, so I kept leaving it open and letting it fall out. I was too nervous to… I kept trying to think of the right words to…” He shook his head rapidly, lost even now. “But they sounded insincere. I like you so much and if only I was enough…”

You laughed dryly and Jungkook looked up, confused.

“That’s why you should read my musings,” you countered. “Because we are one and the same, Jeon Jungkook.”

You lifted your hand and took your notebook, placing it into his lap, closing his hand over it.

“Both held down by an idea in the past, because that’s all it is, you know,” you shivered, keeping his hand over the soft leather cover. “I thought, if only, if only, if only, if I changed this or that, if I tried a little harder, if I hadn’t been so focused on becoming an adult, if I loved myself a little more, then maybe young me wouldn’t have been so miserable, maybe young me wouldn’t have let so many people walk over her, maybe the me of now wouldn’t be stuck and haunted by what it was, so I could…”

You suddenly realized you were staring into his eyes, running your mouth.

Stars.

Not light-years away.

Right here.

Be honest.

“I let her get hurt, no, I hurt my younger self on purpose, because I wasn’t brave enough to believe I had a future.”

The stars looked back, and they burned bright.

“I let everyone else decide my life and when I realized I no longer had control of my future, I ran away and became a nobody,” he breathed, and you could hear the guilt, the weight of having let them all down. “I was too scared to speak up for myself, because I couldn’t trust my own dedication when everyone else had always so confidently made choices for me.” His tone stricken, torn between the possibility of him being ungrateful or worse, selfish. “I pretended like it wasn’t happening and continued acting like a kid without responsibilities until it all fell apart and I had to choose.”

It was almost shameful, saying it out loud.

“I sometimes miss who I was back then,” you mumbled, distorted, feeling weak for saying so. “Even if it was the worst… I was a kid, and I could forgive myself for not knowing who I was, but now I’m an adult and I still don’t know.”

You looked up and Jungkook was looking back. It was like two lights meeting in the darkness. No. It was like...

-

Like snow falling from a black sky.

Jungkook gazed into her eyes and the spring day was already here.

The rare snow in spring, right here, in front of his eyes and holding his hand, and he realized that didn’t mean that winter clung on. This was something new, something unique, something he would regret to forget, so he turned his hand around and held hers, her book pressed to his thigh.

“I used to think I wanted to go back to the way it was,” he said softly. “But I don’t want to. Not anymore.”

Her expression softened.

“Why?”

So small but with so much emotion behind the simple question. An intricate snowflake tumbling down, down.

“I wouldn’t have met you.”

He grinned, and he knew for sure now, that he believed in this.

“Life is so much more fun with you in it.”

He moved the books aside, the past in the past, and closed the distance between them, blanket to blanket, wrapping his around hers, insistently nudging her into his lap, and she resisted, albeit weakly, since it seemed that she couldn’t quite look him in the face, tucking her head under his chin, saying nothing.

But then her lips brushed against his skin, right by his collarbone.

“Don’t make me miss you,” she whispered.

He didn’t have to think twice, kissing the top of her head.

“I won’t.”

--

masterpost

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

WIP- new series Steve H. x reader, Eddie x reader

Working on a new series - reader and Eddie have been in a two year committed relationship. When Eddie's band books a six month tour, he breaks up with her. Steve is there for her, but he holds feelings that he can't bring himself to act on.

Would anyone be interested?

The winter air hit your bones hard as you shuffled out the car towards the small apartment complex. Boots hit the ground, tears on the verge of escaping the idiotic head of yours. Thoughts swirled as you took out the spare key from your coat pocket and approached the front door of the two-bedroom home. It didn’t belong to you, but to two of your best friends – Steve and Robin. Unlocking it, you weren’t expecting an empty living room. Maybe Robin was at work, but you were certain it was Steve’s day off.

It was only a little past noon, and he must still be asleep.

In crisis, you didn’t fathom the idea that he could have had a female over; so, you marched to his bedroom and barged in. Steve was shirtless, in boxers only. A brunette was straddling his waist, the two of them on the edge of his bed. Stunned, you stood there for a moment until Steve locked eyes with him.

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry!”

Embarrassed, you fled the bedroom and hurried back to the living room. Steve yelled out to you, cursing as he rushed down the hall – he emerged with a pair of jeans on, but left his lean chest exposed. Again, you apologized and started for the door, but he gently grabbed a hold of your elbow and asked what was wrong.

“It’s not important…you have company over…”

“No, it’s fine. What happened?”

Your eyes lingered for a second, but you shrugged with a smile. “Eddie again. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here…I fucked up your thing.”

Steve flicked his hand in the air. “It’s nothing, she’s just…it doesn’t matter. What happened with Eddie?”

He pulled you by the elbow to the couch and the two of you sat, but all you could do was think of the woman in Steve’s room. Who were you to barge into his apartment, ruin his good time? He worked hard for this apartment, Robin, and him, they both did. They deserved privacy and you just violated his personal affairs. God, you could be so selfish sometimes, but you obliged and told your friend what happened. Eddie didn’t come home last night, but you didn’t think much of it because he was preparing for the tour – his band was leaving soon for the next six months. He had been working odd hours, but he always came home.

“He didn’t show up until an hour ago, I asked him where he was, and he broke up with me…”

“Asshole,” Steve murmured, reaching down for your hand.

“Two years, Steve,” you cried, rolling your eyes as the tears fell. “I was with him for two fucking years, and this is how he’s going to end things. No explanation, just see you later. Now I have to go through all his shit and pack everything up.”

“Robin and I will come over to help,” he promised, giving you a small smile. Your body relaxed and you squeezed his hand.

“I fucked up your sex thing, didn’t I?”

Steve made a face. “Please don’t ever call it sex thing again and no, it’s fine. It’s nothing, okay?”

“Sex isn’t nothing,” you smiled and got up from the couch, your hand slipping from his. “I work tonight, can you guys come over tomorrow and help me sort all his shit out?”

Steve stood up and walked you to the front door. “Yeah, we’ll come over. Don’t drive crazy, it’s supposed to snow. Did he at least check your oil like I told him?”

The look you gave answered his question and he sighed. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it tonight. See you then?”

“Tonight.”

You managed a smile and the two of you said goodbye, he watched from his front door as you walked to the car – only closing it when he saw you get in. Your heart seemed to relax and the anxiety, hurt, it was all there but it simmered down.  

[cosmicpearlz]

baby, it’s cold outside

summary: you convince your boyfriend to play in the snow with you after curfew hours.

pairing: xavier thorpe x reader

a/n: welcome to the 7 days of ficmas! cheers to day 1 (december 19, 2022)

…………………………………………………………………………….

xavier sat by his desk working on a sketch for you while soft music played in the background. he wanted to add it to your christmas gift knowing that you loved when he drew you anything. the picture was of your favorite flowers. the knock on the door brought him back to reality. he closed his sketch book and walked to the door of his dorm room. there you where dressed in oversized pajama pants (more than likely his), a hoodie (also his) and your boots. he’s quick to pull you in the room and shut the door quietly.

“hi my love, to what do i owe this great pleasure of a visit?” he smiled rubbing your arms before placing a kiss on your head.

“let’s go play in the snow!”

“wait, it’s snowing?”

“yes! look,” you enthusiastically pulled his hand to his widow to show him the snow that made the dark sky look bright. it covered the ground and was still falling down.

“so you snuck out of your room pass curfew hours, made it all the way over here without getting caught just to get me to play in the snow with you?”

“well yes. what else are boyfriends good for?” you grinned up at him.

xavier playfully put his hand on his heart like you hurt his feelings, “ouch, you wound me.” you push his shoulder with a laugh still waiting for his answer.

“of course i’ll go with you honey. but you’re not going just like that,” he points down to your outfit.

“what. why not?”

“you don’t have a coat on.”

“babe it’s fine. i’m sure it’s not that serious.”

he looks at you like you’re crazy. in no way was he letting you get sick because you didn’t have a coat on. he silently walked to his closet and pulled out two of his winter coats handing one over to you.

“please put the coat on love.” you put on the winter coat and zipped it up. the coat was almost drowning you but you didn’t mind too much. slipping into his boots and throwing on his coat, he nodded at you.

“see now we can play in the snow,” xavier grabbed his phone placing it in his pocket and holds his hand out to you. you smiled and latched your hand with his.

-

sneaking out was too easy being that everyone was truly sleeping or just didn’t care enough. you guys made your way to the quad uninterrupted. you immediately took off running into the snow. xavier laughed at you and followed you.

“c’mon xavi!” you threw the first snowball at him. he chases after you without a beat to miss throwing a snowball right back at you.

the two of you continued to act like children. just throwing snow and chasing one another. xavier was happy that he was able to make you happy. he lived to see your beautiful smile, he’d do anything to make it stay like that.

“come here!” he rushes up with a grin to finally catch you and grab your waist. you shrieked as he picked you up and spun the two of you around.

“baby! stop it!”

“you gotta surrender honey.”

“never!”

“never? okay,” he sets you down and then falls back first into the snow but not before pulling you with him. he pins you down and rolls to hover over you.

“you surrender now?”

“yes, i feel snow sinking into my pants and now i’m cold. my fingers are cold too,” you pout at him gazing into his beautiful green eyes.

“well baby it is cold outside and we unfortunately didn’t put on gloves,” he brings your cold hand up to his lips and kisses it.

“can we do movie night?”

“i’m down for a movie night,” he gets up and then bent down to pull you with him. you took one last look at the snow and xavier took the time to take a picture of you on his phone. you weren’t facing the camera but you were dressed in his clothes and looked absolutely beautiful. he made a mental note to remember to draw this picture, so it can hang in the art shed.

“shall we my darling?”

“we shall,” you grabbed his hand and lead the way back to the dorms.

-

you both take off your shoes and coats as soon as the two of you were safely in his warm room.

“first order of business is getting out these wet clothes,” xavier finds some spare pajamas for you and lays them on his bed along with some pajamas for himself.

“lift your arms up baby,” you lifted your arms up for him to pull the hoodie off of your body. once he tossed the hoodie on the floor, he goes to pull your pajamas pants down and tosses them on the floor too.

you had learned very early on that one of xavier’s love languages was acts of service. he loved doing little things like this to help you just because he loves you.

“now you lift your arms up pretty boy,” you smiled up at him still in your undergarments.

“you don’t have to do that babe.”

“you get to do it for me and i don’t get to do it for you? not fair at all.”

“okay okay,” he lifts his arms up and allows you to pull his shirt off. although, you had to stand on your tippy toes to fully pull the shirt completely off. you then helped him out of his pants just had he had helped you earlier.

“i’m starting to think you just wanted to get me naked.”

“yeah love, i totally wanted get you naked,” you walked to the bed and throw the pjs at him and it hit him square in the face. you let out a loud laugh.

“no need to get violent.”

“just put on your pjs, so we can watch the movies nerd.”

both of you got cozy on his bed wrapped up in the blankets with his laptop playing a christmas movie. these were your favorite nights and now it was better because of the snow. snowy nights and cuddles from your loving boyfriend.

“thanks for hangout with me in the snow my love.”

“sweetheart you don’t have to thank me. i love hanging out with you. plus you looked so cute in my jacket,” he smiled brightly at you and kissed your nose. you smiled back at him and placed a matching kiss upon his nose too. what a perfect night.



[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (65)

*How to ruin a solemn event* Read [this] first.

Prof.Sickle: Why can’t my children just act normal for one day?!😭

Felix: Professor-

Prof.Sickle: Am I cursed?! Is that too much to ask?! Did I do something wrong to deserve this?! Should I just quit my job and become a freelance actress?!

Felix: Professor, please-

Prof.Sickle: Just leave me alone!

Felix: Can I have your lamb stew-

Prof.Sickle: F*ck the lamb stew!

Coryo: *is still sitting on Sejanus Plinth’s lap* Can I have another plate? I’m still hungry.

Sejanus: Hey, Heavensbee!

Hilarius: What?

Sejanus: Get my dear darling another plate for me.

Hilarius: Is that an order?

Sejanus: Duh.

Hilarius: You can’t just order me around like some peasant, Plinth-

Sejanus: 20 bucks.

Hilarius: I- I’ll go get that plate for you, Mr. Plinth!

Coryo: *whispers to Sejanus* I love it when you do that, Babe.

Sejanus: Anything for you, my love! Anything for you!😍

Coryo: Do you want a kiss?

Sejanus: Yes! Yes, please! I would like one or two or three or more-

Clemensia: Not on Reaping Day, you idiots!

Sejanus: But I want a kiss from my darling Coryo!😫

Coryo: I also want a kiss-

Clemensia: Then you can kiss, make out, and f*ck inside Highbottom’s broom closet later!

Sejanus: But-

Clemensia: After today’s program!

Coryo: Clemmie-

Clemensia: Far away from me!

Festus: *is still sitting on Persephone’s lap* Percy Baby, do you want me to get you another plate too?

Persephone: Did you find my missing Maid Stew?🥺

Festus: I- I’ll find your missing stew later.

Persephone: Thank you, Baby. You’re the best!

Arachne: Lol. Good luck finding a willing maid, you two.

Persephone: You better watch out, Crane. You better watch out!

Arachne: What? Are you gonna eat me too, loser?

Persephone: You better lock your doors, Crane! You better lock your weak ass doors tonight!

Arachne: Are you gonna cry to dear old mommy, Percy?

Festus: Arachne, you’re the worst! Stop bullying my Percy Price before she summons her werewolf wannabe father on you again!

Arachne: You think I’m afraid of fighting some crazy old man wearing a fursuit?!

Festus: Nero is a werewolf wannabe, you uncultured swine!

Arachne: I freaking bought silver bullets, you idiot!

Festus: Your silver bullets are sh*t! You can’t even fire a pistol!

Arachne: My stupid brother will shoot him for me!

Festus: Your stupid brother is a coward! He’s not even the favorite!

Coryo: *randomly joins the conversation* But why isn’t Aeneas Crane the favorite?

Felix: *also joins the conversation* Isn’t Aeneas smarter and more accomplished than you, Arachne?

Arachne: True. But my parents only wanted a beautiful daughter to spoil and love forever. So here we are.☺️

Coryo: So you’re saying that your borderline abusive parents just straight up hate poor Aeneas for not being born like you?

Arachne: Yup! That’s why my loser older brother sleeps inside my mommy’s tiny doghouse-

Coryo: Come again?

Arachne: He sleeps inside a tiny doghouse, Snow. A tiny tiny ugly doghouse.

Coryo: Then where do you sleep?

Arachne: I sleep in a luxurious spacious pink and gold bedroom with two king size beds.☺️

Coryo: What the actual duck and buck, Crane!

Arachne: I also have my own cozy looking bathroom and a huge gold encrusted walk-in closet.

Coryo: That’s child abuse!

Arachne: Aeneas doesn’t mind. He was “trained” by my parents to love his tiny doghouse.

Felix: That’s so cruel! Your parents are evil! My Gran Gran’s Bichon Frisé puppies don’t even sleep in a doghouse. They sleep like royalty!😭

Persephone: And I genuinely thought that Dr. Gaul was the only heartless monster I know.

Coryo: Now I feel sorry for that poor down-to-earth guy.

Felix: Me too.😔

Coryo: Even Creed’s freaky pet rats have better living conditions.

Festus: True. My precious dumpster is more cozy and spacious.

Arachne: Don’t be sorry. It’s not like our government will step in and arrest my parents for favoring me over my brother.

Festus: That’s also true. My crazy mama wasn’t even questioned or arrested for abandoning me and my father at the height of the war.

Felix: And this is why we all have irreversible war traumas.😞

Coryo: Sorrows and prayers.

Festus: His odds are sh*t.

Felix: So be it.

Dr.Gaul: Ugh. Why can’t I just put all of them in the Hunger Games and be done with it?😑

Drunk!Casca: *is waving across the hall* Yo, when is my introduction?!

Dr.Gaul: Ugh. I forgot about him. Um- I am honored to introduce to you the creator of the Hunger Games themselves, Dean Casca Highbottom-

Drunk!Casca: Finally! I have been waiting here for hours listening to my students talk sh*t about how ugly Creed’s sunflower suit really is!

Festus: That’s fake news! My sunflower suit is beautiful! It glows in the dark!

Drunk!Casca: It’s ugly! End of story.

Festus: Why you-

Drunk!Casca: *ignores Creed* I have summoned you all here today for the 10th annual Reaping Ceremony-

Persephone: The games are an annual thing?!

Androcles: Lol. I thought they’re only held every 4 years-

Urban: And I’m starting to believe that Anderson lives under a rock-

Androcles: I was just kidding, Ban Ban.

Urban: Don’t call me that.

Androcles: Turban then?

Urban: I hate you.

Androcles: It’s an honor-

Drunk!Casca: Be quiet! I’m still talking!

Androcles: Don’t shout. I’m baby.

Drunk!Casca: No. I’m baby! Isn’t that right, my Crassus?🥺

Coryo: Why is Highbottom looking at me like that?

Androcles: I think that’s his best way of flirting-

Coryo: Ew. No. That’s illegal.

Sejanus: Well, I better put him on my hit list.

Coryo: Thanks.

Drunk!Casca: Crassus, honey-

Dr.Gaul: Casca, focus!

Drunk!Casca: Fine! Um- In which we choose 2 children from each District to throw into the Capitol Arena to fight to the death in the Hunger Games-

Juno: Ew. Whose bright idea was that?

Drunk!Casca: I know right! My darling Crassus and I just wanted a little singing contest! Not a killing contest! But crazy Dr. Gaul changed our beautiful thesis paper-

Dr.Gaul: Casca, do shut up.

Drunk!Casca: I just wanted to sing ✨Snow On The Beach✨ with my darling Crassus, you monster!

Dr.Gaul: Crassus is dead!

Drunk!Casca: No, he’s not! My precious Snow Bae is literally sitting on stupid Plinth’s lap right now!

Dr.Gaul: That’s Coriolanus-

Drunk!Casca: That’s my gorgeous husband!

Sejanus: Coryo is mine!

Drunk!Casca: He was mine first, you boyfriend stealer!

Sejanus: He was mine since we were in grade school!

Drunk!Casca: I was my Snow Angel’s first kiss and first fu-

Clemensia: *suddenly stands up* Will you guys shut up?! This is the Reaping Ceremony! This is a solemn event! There are a lot of students watching us! Heck! All of Panem is watching us right now!

Sejanus:. . .

Everyone:. . .

Drunk!Casca: Crassus Snow lost his precious virginity to me-

Coryo: What the f*ck-

Sejanus: That’s kinda hot.

Dr.Gaul: I didn’t expect that.

Drunk!Casca: Just saying.

Strabo: *at the back* Who the f*ck cares, Cassy! My Crassus always said that I was better in bed!

Coryo: I will ignore that.

Drunk!Casca: Go away, you loser!

Strabo: You’re the loser!

Hilarius: *enters the scene with a plate* Yo, what did I miss?😀

Clemensia: I’m going home.

Urban: You can’t-

Clemensia: I’m going home!

[spicyric333]

keep me a secret, keep me in mind

Steve Harrington & Jonathan Byers !! angst and undisclosed desire.

✯Taken place a tiny bit after the events of season three + my own made-up crap.

Steve has a falling out with the party after the death of his mother and begins to stay for Murray. Jonathan can't help but think selfishly Steve was running away rather than toward anything tangible. After their summer together entangled in each other's company he feels more than angry at Steve’s sudden disappearance but when he finally sees him again he can't help but be sweet.

--------------------

There’s a sting, deep down in Jonathan’s gut when he sees him. He heard a whisper of his guitarist mingling with the other band, he didn’t try to listen, to be nosy but he heard his fucking name and he’s looking for him in between the bodies desperate to get addicted to sound. 

He’s eyeing the perimeter and almost as he left him. There he is. Steve Harrington.

“You’re staring Jon’” Mack shoves at his shoulder–The guitarist. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He says a little embarrassed now to be caught in the act. 

“Sure, should I go say something, not exactly my type but who knows we could just talk about your wondering eyes and lack of speech?” Mack was an asshole, well he was a mean drunk but Jonathan always attracted mean people. 

“I can embarrass myself.” Jonathan shot back to get Mack to leave it alone and without putting any more thought into it he made a straight shot to the guy he’s been obsessed with. If he thinks about it any harder he’ll puke up the rest of his courage. 

fuck fuck fuck fuck

“Hi there, I was gonna ask to join you but you seem to be doing a good job keeping yourself company” Jonathan Byers is standing in front of Steve with that little uncertain smile, he almost feels caught, wanting to hide under the bed because he doesn’t have the guts to address any of their old wounds. 

    “I’m working tonight--it’s just a virgin surely temple didn't mean to worry--” It’s all coming out and he doesn’t know if it’s going to stop and then Jonathan moves to take off his jacket and he can’t help himself from looking. There he is. Jonathan Byers in a worn-in white t-shirt and jeans with holes that scatter like moles and cigarette burns. 

“‘S okay, mind if I sit?” Steve nods, there’s still some sense of distrust he feels from everyone else, having to defend himself, placing blame and shuffling it on like snow. Maybe he knows it too, that leaving without a word was ugly.

    “Sure,” He says because he doesn’t know how else to take this, he misses the other so selfishly he allows the past to not become a wall between them for tonight. Even if it’s disingenuous, it feels good. 

      “What is little Ms. Hair doing in a place like this?” Jonathan continues on with the teasing and Steve cannot stop thinking about their almost kiss in his bedroom before he ran away. Here he is, in a lame t-shirt and his pants with little holes, found again with this alone he and Steve share. 

     “Enjoying the view. Steve gestures to the stage, his friend Mal had recommended the place and he was fucking ecstatic to listen to music live again, his hearing had been mostly washed and wasn’t all there but he loved how the venues just made him feel. 

     “Went a little crazy and got their CD for my kitchen.” Guard Dogs the spine read in these angry and scratchy letters that appeared handwritten. 

      “I can see that, you work for the band I suppose or are you a crazy fanboy who I should keep an eye on?” Jonathan asks in reference to the merch table they sit behind, shoulder to shoulder and a little closer than one would be comfortable with but they do not mind. 

    “I like having your eyes on me.” Steve lifts a brow and Jonathan laughs scooting over so their legs are touching. “Why’re you here Joanie?” There’s that nickname covered in salt and sugar.

     “My band played earlier and wanted to see if the others were any good. Did you like it? The show?” Did you like me? He means. Steve almost indulges it. Almost.

      “Bass guitar right?” There’s something carved out under him, he saw Jonathan on stage, he practically couldn’t get his eyes off of him, all shy and awkward he kept pouring out anything he was thinking. “Yeah. You were God--so good” He wants to bury himself. You were god? 

     “God?” Jonathan laughs. Steve dies a little. Maybe more if he feels so inclined. There’s something about the guy he’s been obsessed with all summer becoming a stuttering mess that he could get used to. It’s somewhere long buried. Maybe he’s twisted. 

    “Yeah--uh couldn't look away.” Jonathan breaks the contact they’ve held, mouth a little dry, and god he wants to run his hands over Steve and kiss him until he promises to come back but he can’t cage something meant to run.  

     “We’re playing a show tomorrow night, would love if you would grace me with a stop.” Fuck he should’ve stopped, he should’ve shut up. Steve wouldn’t—

     “I’ll be there.” It nice in its own strange way. Steve had made a promise to keep and the world isn’t ending, they sort of move until their hands are touching and there isn’t death looming over any of their decisions instead it’s just them. 

     “So..I heard from Murray about you working at the record store a town over.” Steve freezes a little scared because yeah he packed everything and slipped away like a secret. He was sick and wasn’t getting better, and Steve being Steve was not going to drag anyone with him when he couldn’t see himself getting out. “I had to beg him for something since you're a bit off limits..” Steve nods slowly. 

     “After everything, it's been difficult for me to…come back. It's not you—” Steve begins to explain but Jonathan stops him. The explanation was as good as rejection.

      “It's not my place to pry Steve, I’ll survive the middle man.” That’s always the way Jonathan’s been it’s as irritating as it is endearing, he never puts himself at the center of a topic. 

     “Murray is a bit more mad than middle.” Jonathan covers his teeth as he laughs but Steve wishes he didn't, he likes his smile. 

     “He’s…interesting but somehow seems to be right..” Not about me and Nancy he thinks. “...mostly.”

     “He’s like a grown-up Dustin.” Jonathan makes a gag sound and knocks his knuckles against the table. 

“Don’t wish that on the poor kid.” Steve turns to interject. To say Dustin deserves it and that kid has an ego problem but he catches Mal in the corner of his eye. 

     “Steve?” There’s a voice that cuts whatever this was and Steve’s jumping to separate them, to create distance, he’s trying to at the very least. “We’re gonna get going…..” They turn to face Jonathan. “Hi..”

     “Hi, sorry I didn’t mean to be a distraction.” Jonathan stands to his feet quickly, trying to be a little mean about it because god he can’t get over this, he’s spent months under Steve. 

     “Don’t tell anyone I’m here? I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Steve pulls Jonathan’s hand into his chest, flicking off the pen cap to scribble down his number. “I’ve gotta go.” 

“‘Course,”

"Sweet dreams Byers.” Steve mutters on his send-off. 

God, he’s so fucked. 

Steve disappears behind the curtain and it’s all coming back to him. 

Jonathan doesn’t sleep that night, god he’s just thinking about all the girls who came and went that summer they almost kissed, and he wonders if they felt anything close to this because god this feels so embarrassing that he still wants it. Wants to unravel Steve and maybe stitch him back together because he doesn’t know if he forgives him, if he hates him, if he’s still just a stupid guy who let Steve pull along. 

・・・

The heat of the venue is killing him. The bright bold lights and crowd of bodies making Jonathan’s palm run over with sweat, he tried rubbing it out on his jeans but he was anything but steady. 

   “Jonathan.” Melony taps on his shoulder, tugging a little too on his sleeve. “You're freaking me out man.” She says now placing the back of her hand to Jonathan’s forehead. “You’re just spacing out on me here.”

Melony had a way with her concern that liberated the burden. She felt genuine. Jonathan had only known her for about a year bouncing around as a singer without a band to dedicate herself to and they sort of fell into one another. She liked this girl who moved away to chase a guy and Jonathan always listened. Sometimes when he was drunk enough and there was that sweet tilt in her voice asking what was wrong he'd whisper about Steve. The one who got away. 

Their bond was strange, and their relationship was unconventional too, sometimes when they were lonely enough they’d sneak a kiss. It wasn't romantic or primal, toeing the line of pathetic. She’d wrinkle her nose and say kissing a girl was gentler, had a tang of knowing before jumping straight in that Jonathan never had with Steve. He'd chase and guess and maybe he felt deserving of it too. That love wasn't supposed to be easy, that it was supposed to hurt otherwise it wasn't good cuts it was just blood. 

“You can kiss me like I'm Steve.” She whispered one night but it felt too cruel and wrong. Her hands digging into the fabric of his shirt for some sort of purchase and plea. Jonathan ran his hands through her hair anyway, gentle gentle gentle trying to picture it. Steve sat before him ever pliant and sweet in his striped shirt and low-rise jeans, legs thrown over Jonathan’s like an invitation. Their noses bumping into one another and it's tense, they’re saying I’m sorry, I'm selfish, I want this, I need this, and it all comes undone. 

“Steve’s here.” He whispers, unsure how else to say his skin is prickled and he feels like he's dying. Melony only quirks her lip and pulls away. “Gonna give him a hell of a kiss?” She says like its funny, like it's possible. 

     “Going to say goodbye I think.” He says before he finishes his work on the tangle of cables that slither along the ground and down his arm. One of the tech guys signals a two-minute countdown down and Jonathan’s heart picks up again. Melony joins him a moment later, mic’d up and giggling as she stumbles over. 

      “I found your pretty boy.” She says and she's beaming. “Right up front, hanging onto the barricade for dear life, poor thing.” She says a little mean and Jonathan’s cheek flushes an uncertain pink, daring to look past her he sees it. Steve stares up at him like he's something interesting. 

The night splits in half. 

He's sparing Steve a glance every chance he gets, feeling risky with it too when his hand slips but he can't seem to care because there he is. 

The Steve who climbed through his window with a huff, snickering to Jonathan about bad influences when he’d found his stash in his sock drawer and Jonathan dared to ask: “‘s any worse for me than you?” and Steve pinned him to the mattress, hands tickling and pinching his side demanding he takes it back.

The Steve he's fucking crazy for, dreading when he’d sneak into his room after hours. There’s a habit that began to fester. Steve was there to patch up his heart for the next mistake and quick touch he could get and Jonathan was always going to let him. Sometimes Steve lead them on for a week, if Jonathan really looked he could see them, the stranger who’d caught Steve’s attention hand and hand waltzing into his too big house just to leave him crying later. 

Jonathan's face churns and his gaze drops to Melony, they’re halfway through the last song and she's looking at him like she's daring him to make a move so he does, his first bold stroke unhooking the strap on his shoulder to hold the bass with one hand as he grabs her arm to tuck her into his side. 

They’ve done this before, there's no risk behind it but he was methodical about the whole mess anyway as though it was the first. She tucks the mic into Jonathan’d shoulder and she bends backward, they’re close enough that she can feel the tickle of his hair on her cheek and he's seeing her for the first time again. 

Jonathan wonders if this is what he's always wanted or what he’d settled for. If it's bigger than him, the kisses and secrets, the lonely nights and understanding apologies. 

If Steve saw it as pathetic when the music died and glitter left his cheeks.  

Melony says Steve ’ll be eating out his palm. Everyone wants to fuck a rock star she argued. 

Jonathan doesn't catch a break from the band for about an hour after his set, he doesn't make an honest effort to look for Steve really, he's guilty of that. He left his name and description with security in case Steve really did run backstage the moment he could but Jonathan knew him better than that. He quickly hugs Melony goodnight and there's sadness behind it. He's saying he can't do it anymore. That he hopes she understands he cannot carry his sorrow forever and instill his appetite into their drunken touches. He says he hopes she understands. 

“Am I interrupting?” Steve says with a small rasp in his throat. Melony pulls away and Jonathan’s mouth drys.

“Call me.” She says just loud enough for Steve to catch and mimes a phone before she's skipping away to meet someone by the door. She's always been a little mean like that.

“Ignore her. She's not a huge fan of my kind.” Jonathan tries to explain with minimal harm. Doesn't want to flat out say she's like Robin when he's gotten no official notice besides his own speculation. Steve seems to laugh at that. 

“I don't mind your kind.” Steve says slotting Jonathan’s hands into his own, rocking them to some rhythm Jonathan can't seem to pin down. 

“You hungry Stevie?” Jonathan slips his fingers to push the hair that's fallen on Steve’s cheekbone up and out of the way. It's indulgent but he allows it, he deserves at least this he tells himself. 

“Just starved.” Steve giggles into Jonathan’s palm, letting him run his fingers wherever he wants. 

“We can't have that.” And it's a little suggestive but the moment dissipates when Jonathan drags Steve to the nearest diner hands still molded, sharing a booth in the farthest corner by the bathrooms. 

“Loved your set.” Steve mumbles through the straw of his chocolate milkshake. “Loved the theatrics too, you practice that bend?” 

Jonathan shrugs hoping to cover the blush in his ears.

“Sort of just happens Melony had a habit of doing whatever she wants.” He picks at a fry before placing it back down again. “Half my fault, I let her.”  

“You're hopeless, you’d let any pretty thing run you over,” Steve says with an accusing hand. 

Not anyone. Just you

“You play with them long? You and Meredith.” Jonathan clicks his tongue. 

“Melony sort of found me after..” He pauses trying to keep himself composed. “Everything… it's awkward being around people who don't know why I don't sleep long, why I avoid malls and any sign of sailor memorabilia.” He says the last line with a pointed grin and Steve seems pleased to be referenced. 

“I think it's weird too. Murray understands but he wasn't there you know. Sometimes I listen to the CD you left in my car before bed. The mic picked up a few seconds of you talking to Will and it's stupid but I-I don't sleep without it.” Steve’s whole face prickled and he tried to scoot away but Jonathan’s hand catches onto his thigh. His expression dazed when he pulls Steve back into his space. 

“You listen to me to go to sleep?” And he’s saying it back to himself, mind fuzzed over at that confession. 

“Gosh Jonathan that’s what you got from this–” Steve tries to be funny because god does nothing make his skin burn more than Jonathan’s hand on his leg. 

“Sorry–sorry…I just didn’t think you’d be using me to go to sleep dude.” He’s kept his hand where it was but his whole expression is distant. 

“Yeah man, I–I’ve missed you, I’m allowed to aren’t I?” Steve says with a huff, tapping on Jonathan’s chin to get his eyes back on him.

“I suppose I just, I thought you’d call. When you…left everyone was convinced you’d gone for good but I thought you’d call. At least me—so forgive me for being a little surprised.” Jonathan tries to explain, trying to be gentle but there’s buried hostility.

“I wanted to. I didn't feel I deserved it but—-the way I left, you didn't deserve that either. I can't say I'm sorry, I’m trying to learn and unlearn. I was so fucked up in the head Joanie, I was going crazy in that house alone.”

 “I would've come, every night if you asked, if you wanted.”

“I don't know what to do with that. I..I was crazy about you Joanie, maybe I didn't realize then but fuck—I thought about you every day when I left, missed sleeping in your bed.” And Jonathan can’t take it anymore. He runs his hand over Steve’s waist and he’s kissing him. It's not romantic, it's not gentle and sweet. Jonathan’s admitting he's pathetic, that he's a rabbit chasing Steve holding a stick. 

   “Stevie..sweetheart tell me to stop.” And Steve’s whining high in his throat like he's been made fun of. Jonathan’s palm works over Steve’s knee and shushes him down.

    “I think about you all the time, seeing you with that—that girl drove me crazy. She as good as me Joanie? Huh? She get you off like I could?” And his mouth is filthy but Jonathan’s already gone, can barely breathe when Steve finally gets his mouth on him and it's chaste. They’re trying to get close close close, Steve’s teeth digging into Jonathan's bottom lip and he's pulling off of him. 

    “There’s nobody else.” Jonathan interrupts when he feels Steve freeze. “Steve. There's no one else.” And Steve looks so fucking guilty, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“There’s nobody else..” Steve repeats and it tastes foreign and wrong but Jonathan’s kissing him again he’s starved and selfish and the truth gets lost in Jonathan’s small sigh.