#help i just want to connect to someone on some intimate level i want a bit of electricity and a healthy amount of mutual obsession is that

[softerwider]

Response: I need help. I have to think deeply and I do not know anybody who will help me. It is uncomfortable to think, and especially so when one must make oneself vulnerable to do so. But here it is: I'm trying to be vulnerable and explain myself clearly; writing my thoughts. I'm reposting this here because it gave me hope. It gave me pause. It spoke to me deeply. It is kinky--but it really carried a level of introspection about the nexus of kink and shame and power and disgust and pain and pleasure and arousal. Paperfeedee laid a finger on how these all share in a close connection to one another. Her post describes perfectly the insane network of social signifying practices and intuitions that I have, and that I always imagine other people have. Not everybody as I am. I mean to say that this post of hers was, is, and shall continue to be enlightening. I have been a part of the feedist kink scene since some time in the early 2000's. Scary to think of myself wandering all over the internet like that. But anyway, even so, all this never once thought that I have internalized fat phobia. And, just like is described in Paperfeedee's post, there are elements of my kink that I am now realizing that I might have to disentangle from that fearful place. I caught a glimpse of what that might be like. There's a complex story about why my kink is closely tied to fat phobia, and maybe I'll get to speak it someday, but I have always wanted to gain weight. I've always considered myself a feeder switch, but I've had some v e r y intense sex dreams about being fed and fattened--none have been about feeding others. And yet, for as much as I enjoy overeating, indulging in fattening foods, and the idea becoming fatter and fatter, I've never been able to do so. I've blamed my bad (very efficient) metabolism; I've blamed my inability to buy enormous quantities of fast food on the regular; I've blamed my partner for being unwilling to be my feeder. I never looked to myself. Each of these things (enjoy overeating; love fattening food; want to be fat) is also tied in significant ways to formative, stressful, and traumatic times in my life. I won't get into them now. Suffice it to say that each thing, for as desirable as it is, is also overloaded with shame, discomfort, and is incredibly connected to my libido. Here is the nitty-gritty. I do not want to demonize anybody, least of all myself, for having the particular flavor of fetish that they do. I think that shame, discomfort, and arbitrary over-significance play crucial roles in the way that I experience sexual pleasure. Fear and helplessness is singed onto the texture of my jouissance. But what I think is most salient about Paperfeedee's post here is that it makes the case for the way that identification in phobia is sustained by the fascination it makes of the object of its fear. Identification is a process whereby a relationship between more than one thing and itself is defined, sustained, and elaborated. So, when I see someone in the store buying groceries and I notice how fat they are, that they have a lot of junk food, and my mind goes racing as it is wont to do about what an unrepentant glutton this person must be (etc.), I have participated in the process of identification. Phobia is a kind of identification that places the thing that is desirable at as far a distance from the self as possible. This distant relationship is a relationship nonetheless. The "Subconscious Hint" that Paperfeedee mentions here indicates precisely the way that this distance is a relationship, and one of the most intimate kind. My most intense sex dreams (or maybe just all my sex dreams) are about getting fat. Yet I'm afraid of what people will think if I get fat; frustrated that I can't do it; worried for the consequences; don't have the right body for it; etc. SO I think that I have been afraid of getting fat. I have neglected to examine the ways that my interest in feedism and fat fetishism have sustained these fears. I have never looked at the way that these fears could sustain the fetish.

I think that I have gleaned something about how the 'subconscious hint' leads to the inversion of the phobic dynamic in my personal case. I PROMISE that I will be thinking about this post for a very long time to come. I'm sorry if you are already tired of hearing me go on and on about this shit, because I am going to be on this for...ever? But to come back to the main point of this thread: I need help. I would like to use what I've learned here in order to examine the way that I sabotage my weight gain. I may try to gain weight, I may just allow myself to identify with the fear-object in a way that is emancipatory and also erases the fear from the relation. I can let someone else be afraid of my fat ass! I can hear that shitty fat-phobic comment that someone makes about how much I am eating and feel butterflies or go find a room and jerk off about it. I have become that which I rejected. I have embraced the part of myself that I shunned. I do not want to use my fetish as an excuse to sustain fat phobia. The point is that I will need help in thinking about this. (And also maybe tell me I'm looking fatter.) Thank you, and have a good night.

back when I was still thin and had yet to discover the whole "really into making myself unrecognizably fat" fetish, I still had like, a preoccupation with fat people that usually alternated between being super judgemental and being terrified that I'd get fat, which was like, definitely some kind of subconscious hint at like, man, I'm going to find out something crazy in a couple of years, but anyway

I distinctly remember grocery shopping with one of my friends in college, and seeing a woman who was pretty fat buying like, little debbie cakes and whatnot and just like, could not stop talking about it to my friend, could not let go of it, could not stop harping on "how does a person let themselves get that fat? how can you be that fat and not be trying to lose weight? how are you not embarrassed to be that fat and be seen buying those?" Even my friend had to ask like, what is your damage with this random woman?

anyway, obviously that wasn't cool of me and I've clearly gone on my own ✨️journey✨️ with confronting internalized fatphobia since then, but like knowing now that I have fully become that woman in the grocery store is like, part self actualization, probably part karmic retribution, and all like, getting to live a peak horny fantasy for me now, and I'm so here for it

(especially since my favorite grocery store is right next door to this really big, really nice gym, so it's just me and all the Lululemon wearin ass pilates baddies at the grocery store together)

[frankensteinmutual]

god when I was still feminine presenting it was truly pretty easy to get people to fall in love with me or at least want to fuck me but now it feels impossible to get someone to just find be a bit interesting. like was it really only ever the tits or what

[notherpuppet]

Do you think there's a right and/or wrong way to handle QPR? I know it's a tricky relationship, but it feels like most/some people kind of just slap the label onto a ship while depicting the ship as just romantic/having no difference with a romantic relationship. (this is why I was a little surprised when you said you do radioapple qpr when it reads a lot more like normal romance). Not meant as an attack or anything on anyone, just genuinely curious more than anything. Again, tricky relationship

So Imma put this link to info at the top of this post: https://taaap.org/2022/07/16/qprs-part-one/

Alright, so please take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's exactly what it is. One small bit of perspective in a mass of many people who experience QPRs in their life and/or are on an aro/ace spectrum. I also have NO QUALIFICATIONS on gender/sexuality theory, so my opinions are shaped by what I've learned and experienced personally. While people may identify with the same term, we are all still individuals with our own experiences. Words can help describe a phenomenon, but it doesn't make everyone who identifies with the word into a monolith.

So I've stated a few times that I navigate shipping Alastor similar to my own experiences as an aroace person. (I guess I'm sharing about myself with this post, but I think that can be helpful to just spreading awareness of an "alternative lifestyle"). So I'm romance-repulsed and sex-repulsed LOL but I'm also "positive" about those things. Like I view romance and sex as lovely, fun experiences people can have, but I've never been into it personally. It's fun for me to consume media about romance/sex, but yknow, it's also fun for me to consume media about violence or isolation. Doesn't mean I want to experience or engage in any of those things lol.

Anyway, I'm a huge people person and I love to party and yknow it seems most people are really wanting to fall in love or fuck or whatever pretty much all the time, but especially at parties hahaha. Normally, I'm pretty touch-averse, but I love dancing so much and it's a blast to dance with a partner (salsa especially!! i don't care for grinding for probably obvious reasons). And to connect the two previous sentences, people (whatever gender they are) would be very kissy-touchy on the dancefloor. Which i honestly dont really give a fuck about hahaha. I don't really get anything out of kissing but I also don't mind it. I just like to dance. It's all a pretty superficial--but still genuinely fun--experience for me.

When it comes to my deeper or more intimate connections, I have had friendships that have felt SO on the line of what was viewed as a romantic relationship. They were exceptional friends and we connected on a level that was deep and true, but it wasn't romantic. Sometimes we'd slow dance, sometimes we kissed, and it rocked. But it wasn't more than that, it was all that it needed to be. I didn't want more and neither did they (except one situation and so we had to stop being friends lol whoops). From the outside, people would even refer to us as partners in a half joking way, but we really were just friends. And I love those friends!! And a huge part of what made those relationships (which at the time were described as 'situationships' because we didn't know any of these terms haha) was their convenience. We either lived in the same building, worked together, or were neighbors LOL. I'm still friends with those absolutely lovely folks, but we don't live around each other, so our QPR just appears a lot more like any ole regular friendship. But it's not like there was a feeling that we transitioned into something different than before. It twas what it twas! (Had to take a pause while I was typing to reminisce fondly for a second, okay back to hazbin hahaha)

SO, whenever someone asks or it comes up, MOST OF THE TIME I do ship alastor through an aroace lens and experience with QPRs (specifically, MINEE because they were fun and I've never felt like doing this before I met a character like Al). And my XP is: "this isn't gonna be a partnership and we ain't fucking" LMFAO. so yeah!

When it comes to using a queer term like QPR, I just hope folks are considerate in their writing, but I also am inclined to just believe them if they say that's their intention because QPRs can look very different. Again, aroace and ace folks are not a monolith. The terms help to describe a human's experience. I'm inclined to think people are writing in good faith.

And all this being said, I want to just emphasize that I really don't think it's necessary to consider any of this shit if you want to ship a fictional character. I understand wanting to be protective of a character who shares an identifier with you (I personally don't wanna see romance/sex with Al in canon). But shipping is a fun thing a fandom does that often does ignore canon. Tale as old as time. I don't think anyone needs to be beholden to canon when they're writing fanfiction or having fun. If we did, I would have like--5 artworks on this blog hahaha. These characters are like dollies, do whatever you want. It's cool if people don't like it and I think it's cool if people do. It's just not that serious. There are ships I'm not particularly into or dynamics that I am not enchanted by, but whatever. I can just scroll or close my eyes.

TLDR; shipping in fandom doesn't need to be taken seriously at ALL. It can just be fun way for someone to play with fictional characters they like. That being said, I think it's good practice to use queer terms thoughtfully.

[uyuforu]

Astro Observations: Uyu's Solar Return Chart for 2024-2025

My birthday is very soon, so I thought of doing an analysis of my solar return chart, which starts the day before my birthday, so August 5th. I hope you can enjoy this post! I will focus on conjunctions or important aspects mostly here, I don't want the post to be too long. If you see an aspect that hasn't been mentions and would like to give your opinion, feel free to do it in the comments ^^

All pictures were found on Pinterest

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Chart I

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Chart II

જ⁀➴ Uranus in the Solar Return

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A Solar Return Chart (SRC) is an astrological predictive tool that enable you to discover what will happen for you during the year of your birthday. It is based on the return of your Sun, so your Sun will have the same exact position as in your Natal Chart.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Sun 10H means focus on this year is on career, popularity and success in those areas. I can be more popular and achieve a certain level of fame this year. I can also be more successful in my career and perhaps more known in it too. I can make a name for myself.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Moon 10H means I'll be more connected to my work emotionally. But that also means caring more about my work. I'll be very focused on my career. I can also be prone to stress more about my career this year. This placement also suggests emotions based on work. But it means my emotions will be public too. Also working from home.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Mercury 10H means I can write more for work, I can communicate more also at work or for work. I'll talk a lot about work, or ideas perhaps too. A time to work online a lot, and I can also communicate a lot with clients. I can be talked about more this year for my career, or even reputation matters too.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Virgo Mercury can mean expressing ourselves in a very logical and analytical way this year. Mercury in Virgo makes us talk in a more serious tone, or just more detailed one too. There are less emotions, meaning we also express ourselves based on what is more logical to do, and less based on how we feel.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Venus 10H means big success in my career this year! Recognition will def happen. It can mean also I will love what I do for living this year. This can also mean meeting more people related to my job, and make more friends who are coworkers. And this can also mean having more connections too.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Mars 8H can be a sign of having s3x often this year, and to be more intimate than before too. This can be a year you'll have a lot of steamy moments. It can also indicate some people being "obsessed" with me. I can manifest more easily this year too.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Jupiter 8H also is an indicator of having a lot of s3x this year. It can also be an indicator of some people having a crush on me. This is also an indicator of being able to manifest more. But it can also mean receiving an inheritance, or someone will give me a lot of money this year. I can also buy a big thing, such as a house for example.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Saturn 5H means this year I can learn lessons about being more mature. But also knowing when to have fun, and knowing when to be serious. I won't be pregnant this year too.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Uranus 7H means having unexpected events happening in your love life. Meeting people unexpectedly. I could also meet people I never thought I would meet. Ruler tells a lot. My Ruler is in 10H, so I could meet people for work or who will help me in my work. I can also have a sudden contract for work. Uranus also represents change, so sudden change and transformation happening in my love life, and a contract can also transform my career suddenly.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Neptune 5H means embracing my creativity this year, having a lot of ideas, perhaps being inspired by dreams. But it can also mean being very unique with this, and people might copy me lol. I can also tend to romanticize life or my hobbies this year, and I can discover and have more hobbies!

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Pluto 3H means people can gossip a lot about me, and I wouldn't be surprised since I have a 10H stellium. Pluto opposite my sun, this could also be a sign of talking behind my back. Pluto 3H is also a sign of transformation related to my voice, how I think, some of my opinions, my siblings, I can also obsess about things more easily. This is also an indicator of discovering secrets or truth. Since Pluto is in Aquarius and so ruler is Uranus, my Uranus is in 7H in this SRC, this can be discovering truth or secrets about a romantic partner.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Vertex 8H means a transformative experience in general, and it's destined, Vertex is all about things that will eventually happen. And it's also a sign of getting proposed to ;-; It can be a sudden proposal. It can also be an indicator of studying more esoteric or occult matters.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Part of Fortune 1H can be an indicator of a glow up, or just feeling blesses, happy and content with our appearance. It can also mean having good opportunities related to our looks.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Chiron 6H can mean a pet in my family can pass away. Ruler is also in 8H, so this can happen. Otherwise, it can be a sign of having a weak health or just some problems with health due to overworking. It can also mean healing health issues.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Scorpio Rising 0° means a huge transformation is coming. I can change physically but also mentally this year, and it can actually be drastic. The last time I had this placement, I lost weight, and I also had a glow up. This can mean the same thing, and POF being in my 1H, conjunct my rising, it can mean the same. It can also mean attracting jealous people.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Taurus DSC can be a sign of entering a long term and serious relationhsip, and attracting people who want the same.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Leo MC is a sign of success and fame potential in career this year! Also excellent reputation. Can be noticed and known easily this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 1H Ruler in 3H can mean people can gossip about me because of how I look. People can also talk a lot about me this year just because of me, my aura, no real reasons can be there tbh. I can be talked about a lot this year, people talking a lot about me, what I do, etc. This can be a year where I'll travel, learn, write, and just want to know more.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ SRC 1H Ruler in Natal 2H means I can attract more money this year, and I can make a lot more than I used to have. I can also change my aesthetic. I can also shop more!

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 1H Ruler conjunct IC can mean living alone, or moving, detaching from family.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 2H Ruler in 3H can mean I'll talk a lot about my possessions, but it can also mean people gossip about what I own, and what I buy.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 3H Ruler in 5H can be a sign of doing or receiving a love declaration. I can sing more perhaps this year. This can also be a sign of going on vacations more this year. I can also dance more this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 4H Ruler in 7H is a sign of moving in with a romantic partner. Also the sign of starting a long term relationship.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 5H Ruler in 5H is a sign to enter a romantic relationship this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 6H Ruler in 8H perhaps means to be obsessed with work and to work so much it can become unhealthy. It can also be an indicator of falling sick because of busy schedule.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 7H Ruler in 10H is a major sign to enter a serious and long term relationship!

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 8H Ruler in 10H is another indicator of being obsessed with work, working a lot, and perhaps also my career having a huge transformation.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 9H Ruler in 10H means if I travel, I can travel for work mostly. I can also learn more for my career. Make more researches, etc.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 10H Ruler in 10H can be a sign of more fame or a better reputation in my work, being more known.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 11H Ruler in 10H means using more social medias for my career this year, or just being more seen online?

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Groom 8H can mean being more intimate with my FS this year! It can also means there will be a transformative experience happening with him. It can also mean that I can have hot moments with him this year lol.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Juno 11H can mean talking with someone I love/ have a crush on online a lot, or long distance relationship. Calling and texting your lover a lot. It is also an indicator of being in a relationship this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Natal Venus conjunct SR Venus means this is a very important year for my love life. Not the main focus, but there will be major events happening in this area too. Usually it can be a time when something big will happen. And Venus is entering in Virgo in August 2024, and it's my Venus return, so it's starting right away! Last time I had a Venus Return was when I met my FS.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ 10H Stellium is a big indicator of success in career, recognition in career, and just being in the spotlight. It is an indicator of having a major success in our career that can makes us level up in our life and reputation. Also an indicator of fame.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Sun conjunct Moon means feeling stable emotionally speaking this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Mercury conjunct Venus can be a sign of having a love declaration this year, or doing one. But it's also a sign of writing love letters, or being very romantic usually. It can also mean getting more compliments this year! Also a sign of being proposed to.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Juno conjunct Union can mean meeting or being in union with a romantic partner.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Venus sextile Boda, this is a wedding indicator lol, but if I see something related to wedding happening that year it's more a proposal than an actual wedding ;-;

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Saturn conjunct Neptune can be a sign of self doubt, and I have this placement in 5H, so this can make me insecure related to my love life, or I can feel insecure and it can create obstacles in my love life. It can also mean me being doubtful or my imagination and creativity. And I can also doubt about things in my love life.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Uranus conjunct DSC means something will change about my love life.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Venus conjunct Juno is a sign to be in a relationship this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Mars conjunct Jupiter can be a sign of have a lot of steamy times this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Jupiter conjunct Groom can mean something good will happen with my FS this year, perhaps also Groom or me can travel to the other, but I feel like Groom more. this can be an indicator of being in a relationship or being proposed to.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Mars conjunct Groom can be a sign of having s3x with your FS. But it can also mean there will be fights with them too.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Vertex conjunct Groom can be a sign of meeting FS but also of having some important moments happening with FS. Usually the years where you have that placement, you can encounter and spend time with your FS.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Sun conjunct MC means being the center of attention this year, being seen and noticed a lot. People will just focus on me.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Scorpio 2H can mean spending more money or making more money this year. I can either be obsessed with my belongings, or I can just spend more because I make money.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Capricorn 3H can mean being more serious about the way I speak and express myself, but also more dedicated too. I can also speak a lot about work.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Aquarius 4H means relationship with family members can change, evolve. I can also move, something will be different about my home and family than the previous years. Something will change, and perhaps a new family member can come (marriage, in laws, babies, etc.)

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Pisces 5H can mean very creative and romantic this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Aries 6H means more energies to my routine, and being very busy this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Taurus 7H means finding love is more possible, since I have a Venus sign over the 7H. But it can make me attract serious and long term relationships this year.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Taurus 8H can mean I can be less worried about money this year. I am also more chill.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Cancer 9H, I don't think I'll travel much this year. I could still, but it won't perhaps be too much in foreign lands. If I do travel in foreign lands, it can be perhaps related to homes, so I could live in foreign lands eventually. But it doesn't seem like a big placement.

Thank you for reading!

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[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

theorizing

It's still early in the event, but I'm already trying to think about what Hot Topic Issue this year's Halloween event might tackle (assuming it follows the precedent set by GloMasq and Playful Land). Here's the theory I present to you: the conflict will be about escapism and where to draw that divide between fantasy and reality. Why do I think that? Because there are lots of parallels between our shiny new guy on the block, Skully, and us, Twst fans.

Book 7 presents a similar idea when Lilia and Malleus discuss the life cycle of Gao-Gao Drago-kun, how short it is, and how convenient it would be if the virtual pet could live forever in a fantasy world. In the same book, Yuu has finally found a potential route home... meaning an end to their story and their time in their current world. Read another way, it can be said that we, the Twst fans/players, are like Malleus, not wanting anything about our lives in Twisted Wonderland to change. We want to stay here among these characters we have come to love and grow close to, not return to our boring mundane lives in our original worlds... in reality. Likewise, similar points of comparison can be drawn between these themes and Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas, even as early as part 1.

Now in this allegory, Skully represents us, the average Twst fans. Here's the parallels I noted:

Skully is notably a first year, which matches up with the grade level that Yuu (the player self-insert/POV character) is assigned to

Skully attends a school where his peers don’t understand him or his interests. This mimics the experience of some Twst fans, who may be misunderstood even within the anime fandom. How many times have people joked “Oh, you like the Disney dating sim?”/assumed that Twst is cringe? Can you talk to fans of traditional Disney about Twst? Twst may be somewhat niche in your immediate area. Chances are, you have to retreat to online avenues to find like-minded fans. In this way, Twst fans may feel isolated or not understood.

He does not like to talk about school because he doesn't have many people who understand him, perhaps due to his eccentricities. Again, this may not directly translate to all Twst fans, but rather it can be very relatable to those who lack social connections and seek to fulfill that through fandom or escaping into a fantasy world.

Skully is an otaku for Halloween. And what are we, as Twst fans, if not also otaku?

He looks mysterious but has excitable reactions. The behavior reminds me of someone who can be very sociable online or in special circumstances but might come off completely differently in real life or initially due to how their face looks and how they dress.

The strongest parallel, however, is the fact that he, like Yuu (again, the player self-insert character) ALSO gets isekai'd... into the world of The Nightmare Before Christmas. And what happens in this world that Skully gets isekai'd to? He... 1) meets lots of new people--people that don't know him in the "real" world, so he is free to act however he wants around them, maybe even befriend them, 2) gets to meet his Halloween idol, Jack-sama, 3) gets to be praised by his idol, and 4) (presumably) helps out his idol with putting together this year's Halloween. THESE LINE UP ALMOST EXACTLY WITH WHAT YUU DOES WHEN THEY'RE ISEKAI'D INTO TWISTED WONDERLAND... Yuu, who represents you, THE TWST FAN. You, as a Twst fan, 1) meet and potentially befriend these new characters (and maybe even explicitly made an OC to act however you like in your place as the one meeting these characters), 2) hone in on your favorite(s), 3/4) hyperfixate on the intimate voice lines and the moments you have with your favorite(s). It's total wish fulfillment for both Skully and the average Twst fan. In other words, Skully will get lost in living the fantasy that is literally being transported into the world of his Favorite Thing Ever, just like we, the Twst fans, escape to Twisted Wonderland. In the book/Twst, you can be yourself or whoever you want to be. But what happens when that peace and comfort is about to be taken away? Perhaps that's when Skully will snap 🤔 refusing to return to his old life, where he was awkward and misunderstood... wanting to stay in this endless Halloween night forever and ever. Maybe he even tries to prevent the NRC students from leaving too, since he has now formed a friendship (?) with them? Like, he's trying to keep them trapped in this fantasy of his (very Malleus-core of him, honestly). Then it would be up to us to try and knock some sense into Skully, reminding him that there are things in the "real" world to look forward to as well.

Looking back at previous Halloweens, the conflicts presented usually tie back to something relating to the Disney counterpart's own identities. For example, Frollo (in the stage version) lost his younger brother to sin and pinned the blame on an entire group of people. Rollo lost his younger brother to sin and now seeks to eliminate that sin (magic) from the world. Honest John and Gideon worked for a shady guy and lured away children, even though they themselves were terrified of what would become of those kids. Fellow and Gidel are similarly forced to do this dirty work because they are so impoverished they need the job, even if their boss disrespects them. I think my theory about what Skully's whole conflict will be could work from this angle too. The character he is twisted from, Jack Skellington, is known to be somewhat naive and an idealist. Jack pursues Christmas with all of his undead heart, sure that it will return the "spark" that Halloween has since lost. This could be reflected in Skully, our twisted!Jack, in his desire to pursue Halloween--or, more specifically, this novel world where his passion is reinforced and he has a place in it. He would be naive to the world he snubbed in favor of this new one, deeming this new world superior (like how Jack thought the "new" Christmas would enhance the "old" Halloween).

as3gro8yvq ;ngqemf; KJLBFIsIFSLFS ANYWAY, that's my game theory 🙂 Not sure if it'll actually be this, but figured I'd throw my guess out there since my previous "lmao Skully will kidnap Crowley" crack theory ended up being shot down...

[loveofdetail]

Let's talk about Gale's sex scenes

I love the astral sex scene and it means so much to me, and I have some problems with the way I've seen it talked about.

I should start by saying this post is not intended to critique anybody's personal preferences. The license to do Whatever The Fuck in an rpg is sacrosanct and there are no wrong choices. But I’ve also seen people imply that the astral scene is not “real” sex, or that Gale romancers “deserved more.” I hope I do not have to explain why that's kinda fucked.

Additionally, I think it is a saddening misread to call the astral scene “performative” in contrast to the bed scene (which gets correspondingly framed as “showing Gale that you want the real him.”) But doing a grandiose magical gesture IS the real him!

I know I'm not alone in viewing Gale as autistic; for me the astral sex scene is a big contributor to that. For one thing, it resonates with the concept of having unusual sensory wants. For another, it reads to me as Gale opening up and showing his passion for magic to the PC in a way he’s never been able to with another mortal before. What neurodivergent person has not had someone view their passion as too weird or too over the top? Have you ever been at a level of enthusiasm that wraps back around into seeming “performative” to others? Ever wanted to show a loved one something that matters to you, but worried they’d never understand—or, worse, they’d actively cringe?

In the astral sex scene, Gale shows the PC how much he loves the Weave (which is not the same as loving Mystra), and the PC does not cringe.

If all the glowing merging translucent bodies, the nebulae, the multiplying limbs, the spinning, the trippiness, the celestial music—if all these trappings made you, the player, cringe: there is nothing wrong with that. But I do think it is a misread to say that the bed version constitutes “helping him heal from his trauma.”

Maybe I have a hair-trigger for anything that implies “becoming more sexually normative = character growth.” Or “vanilla sex = a more intimate connection.” But they are just such tiresome concepts.

I understand that some of the dialogue in the game also suggests that idea, but all that dialogue is coming from the PC. What Gale says is that having bodily sex is “a small gesture toward your comfort.” This has been widely glossed over, imo.

Ultimately the two versions of this scene fulfill two different narrative functions: the bed version is to show the player that Gale will set these wants aside for you should you ask him to. But the astral version is there to show the player who HE is and what HE wants. And I think it is sad to write off this beautiful, lovingly crafted, unique and creative approach to a sex scene as merely something “performative” that he only does because Mystra made him think he had to.

“Stay with me now. There are endless worlds out there. Countless ways to declare love. Infinite ways to express it. Too much for one night... but we shall try.” I've admittedly got a ways to go in the game, but so far this is my single favorite line of dialogue. I genuinely don't understand how people can hear this line, the way it’s acted, and think it's just for show. He knows he's about to get weird but he longingly, vulnerably asks you to stay there in his weirdness with him.

Many writers, when they are writing something kinda out there, have doubts of the form Who is this even for? If the astral scene just isn’t for you I don't have beef with that. But the people who saw the astral sex scene and went "Oh, my god, now THIS is FOR ME"—are perhaps people who only very rarely get to watch a sex scene and have that reaction.

I'm glad Baldur's Gate brought something this beautiful to this particular table and I think it deserves consideration as a serious element of Gale’s characterization.

[gojoonsaturn]

Let's talk about love?

pairing: Satoru Gojo x fem reader

wc: 1992

a/n: When Satoru Gojo appeared at your doorstep with two little children five years ago, you were stunned. The smug, cheeky and selfish Gojo, who was a narcissist (in fact, there are many other adjectives that could be used to describe him), decided to take care of other people's children. At first, you were skeptical, but over time, the four of you became close, and they have become an integral part of your life.

warnings: dialogues, because i love them; fluff, a bit angst, mentioning the death of the reader's parents, grumpy Megumi, cute Tsumiki, loving Satoru, you are parents of Fushiguro! and something more that you'll find (yes, i hate writing warnings)

english is not my first language, nor even second, so there may be mistakes, but i really spent a lot of time proofreading and improving my works.

“What is love?”

Tsumiki was lying next to you late at night, you were reading books together, and at some point, the girl put hers aside and turned to you with a question.

“Love? It depends on the type of love you are talking about. For example, we both love to read, so in that case, love could be seen as a hobby. It’s about enjoying the process of getting lost in another world and getting to know the characters. Or you love Megumi, that’s a different kind of love - a love for a family member.”

“Or how you and Gojo love us, right?”

“That’s right.” You nodded and smiled at Tsumiki.

“And what about the love between two people?”

“Ugh, that’s more complicated, I think. I guess it’s like a friendship that takes on a special level.”

“And how to distinguish a strong friendship from love?”

“Well…” You said, scratching your head and thinking about it. Tsumiki gave you some time to gather your thoughts and waited silently for you to continue the conversation. “I think that, apart from the emotional connection, love is mostly based on physical interactions. When you hug, kiss, or do even more intimate things, it creates a strong bond between you. It’s like there’s something inside us that makes us feel special when we’re with the person we love.

“Like butterflies fluttering in our stomachs?” Fushiguro suggested.

“Yeah, that’s right!”

“And how do you understand that a person loves you, and not just friends with you?”

“I guess it’s hard to tell sometimes, but I think it’s important to listen to your heart. If you feel a strong connection and a deep love for someone, then that’s probably how they feel about you too. To be honest, I’m not sure. People say that if someone loves you, they want to be close to you. When they’re laughing, they’ll look at you. Sometimes, you look at people in love, especially if they try to hide their feelings. They might act awkwardly, but it’s still fun to watch. Of course, caring is also important. Friends care for you, but when you’re in love... It’s a deeper level of caring you feel instinctively. Do you understand what I mean?”

“Not yet, but I think I’ll figure it out in time, don’t you think?”

“Of course! You have your whole life ahead of you. You will definitely find someone who will bring you true love.”

“And you? Have you ever been in love?” Miki asked thoughtfully.

You sighed and fell silent.

“Probably, yes.” You said after a brief pause.

“Is it Gojo?” Tsumiki jumped up and approached you.

“What makes you think so?” You frowned and tried to hide your smile.

“I think he’s in love with you!”

“Miki, unfortunately, love isn’t always mutual. Sometimes, one person loves another, but the other doesn’t feel the same way.”

“You don’t like Gojo?!”

“No, I like him as a friend. Like your dad.” You made air quotes. “I like him as a sorcerer. He’s incredibly powerful, and during our studies, he helped me more than once with my techniques. But sometimes, he can be unbearable!”

Tsumiki laughed and looked at you with a barely suppressed smile on her face.

After a few weeks of busy schedule and constant work, Gojo and you had a few days off. Satoru suggested everyone go to Okinawa, and the children happily accepted, while you seemed slightly tense.

“Is something wrong?” Satoru asked casually.

You rubbed your forehead and forced a smile.

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s actually a good idea. We’ve all been working hard lately, so it would be good to take a break.”

The next day, the four of you boarded the plane and waited for takeoff. You tried to avoid looking out the window, instead of listening to music with your eyes closed. Suddenly, you felt a gentle touch on your arm and opened one eye to see Megumi encouragingly smiling at you. He winked, quickly realizing that you were scared of flying. You smiled gratefully at him and intertwined your fingers with his, closing your eyes again. This time, the fear inside you partially eased.

Once you arrived in Okinawa, you checked into the hotel and headed to the beach. While the children played in the water, you read a book, with Satoru resting on your lap. Gojo lay there, sipping a cocktail.

���Are you okay?” You asked, putting down the book and sensing that he was lost in thought.

“Yes, it’s just a place…” He got up from your lap and sat next to you, watching Miki and Megumi play in the sea. “By the way, I noticed Fushiguro comforting you during the flight… You never mentioned that you were afraid of flying.”

“I don’t think that’s information that needs to be shared.” You scratched your forehead.

“Why not?”

“My parents died in a plane crash.” You overcame the lump in your throat and managed to say the words in a calm tone. “I was 8.”

Gojo took a deep breath and moved closer to you.

“Do you understand that it’s okay to grieve? You don’t have to act like an adult and pretend that you’re not worried about it.”

You felt tears welling up and buried your face in your knees. When you thought the tears had stopped, you looked up to see Satoru smiling softly. You wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come, so you simply looked at him.

“I’m so grateful to have you. I guess for me, you are the family that I have never had.” You said, and Satoru took your hand and kissed the back of your palm.

Miki watched this interaction and smiled at herself.

A couple of hours later, Satoru was playing in the sea with the children. He picked Tsumiki up on his shoulders and chased after Megumi, who was splashing water at him. As you watched this scene, you felt all the tension in your body melt away. Against the backdrop of the setting sun, Satoru and the joy of the children brought a sense of calm to your heart. You stood up from the deck chair and walked towards the group. Megumi ran towards you and hid behind you from Gojo and Miki. You waved your hand, and a small wave washed over Satoru and Tsumiki, causing both of them to squeal.

“That’s not fair!” Satoru removed Tsumiki from around his neck and pouted, crossing his arms over his chest in a show of displeasure.

“Come on, it’s fun!” You patted the guy’s head as you approached him, brushing the sand from his shoulders.

After a few minutes, you noticed that the children were starting to get tired. You led them to their rooms, tucked them into bed and decided to return to the beach for the sunset.

As the sun was setting, Gojo took you to the sea. The water was quite cool, but Gojo’s warmth kept you comfortable. Satoru refused to let go of your hand until you were up to your chest in the water. The sun had nearly set when the man pulled you towards him and gently kissed your lips. He felt you both needed it, but was still afraid you would push him away. Instead, you snuggled closer and returned the kiss with equal intensity.

The next morning, the four of you were sitting at breakfast. Your smiles were subtle, but Tsumiki noticed something had changed. Gojo was rambling, and you smiled at every word he said. Later, at the beach, you were all playing in the water. Satoru kept touching you, and you responded eagerly.

“Something has changed between them.” Miki said to her brother, as they relaxed on the deck chairs, watching you sit by the sea.

“What do you mean?” Megumi replied, frowning in confusion.

“Their smiles, their touches... they weren’t like they were before.” The girl said with confidence.

Fushiguro turned his gaze towards his parents and looked at them for a long time. Previously, you avoided unnecessary touching, but now you were sitting with your shoulders leaning against each other and your back relaxed, while Gojo’s hand was still holding onto your waist. Megumi watched this, not noticing how you and Gojo approached him.

“Would you like to try riding a banana-boat?” Satoru suggested.

“A banana?” Fushiguro was still lost in his thoughts, so he didn’t immediately understand what the guy was talking about.

“Or we could look for a kiwi or a watermelon!” Gojo said and laughed.

Megumi rolled his eyes at the joke, but you laughed loudly and put your hand on his shoulder. Miki looked at her brother pointedly, but he turned away, muttering something under his breath in displeasure. You noticed it quickly and took your hand away from Satoru, stopping your smile.

“Why don’t you go first, just the two of you, then Megs and I?” You said, raising your eyebrows and pointing at the boy.

Gojo immediately understood what was going on and took Tsumiki on the water attraction.

“Is everything okay?” You plopped down on the blanket next to Megumi and gently nudged him on the shoulder.

“You and Gojo are together now?” The boy deliberately emphasized the last word.

“I think so.” You realized it was pointless to hide it from him, so you decided to just admit it.

“I see.” Megumi tried to avoid eye contact with you.

“Is something wrong?” You placed your hand on Fushiguro’s shoulder.

“I just thought that... Gojo is not good enough for you.”

“Wow!” You even pulled away from Megumi and frowned. “It seemed to me that everyone should decide for themselves who is suitable for them and who is not. Besides, you know, sometimes you can’t control love. Your body reacts to a person physically, while your brain isn’t even aware of it.”

Megumi turned to you and saw a smile on your face. He could tell from the look in your eyes that you were partly in your thoughts and probably thinking about Gojo.

“Do you really love him?”

“I’ve known him for five years. During that time, he has been by my side 80% of the time and has always supported me. I think what I feel for him could be described as love. I don’t know what he feels, but I feel comfortable with him. In general, I am calm around you. You are like a family to me, which I have never had before.

Megumi went through a complex thought process in his head. After thinking for a while, he nodded to himself.

“Where is your banana-boat?”

The next morning, Megumi knocked on Gojo’s door. After a long wait, Satoru opened it, but he seemed annoyed and wanted to slam it in Megumi’s face. The man quickly left the room and closed the door firmly behind him.

“Has something happened?” Gojo asked, rubbing his eyes to wake himself up.

“Do you love her?” Fushiguro asked suddenly, taking Satoru by surprise.

“Yes, I have loved her since she came to Tokyo Jujutsu High.” Gojo answered.

He realized that he did not want to deny his feelings and confessed immediately.

“It’s good that you weren’t hesitant. But if she gets hurt because of you, I will kill you.” Megumi replied.

If Gojo had heard this from another nine-year-old boy, he might have laughed and patted him on the cheek. But looking at the serious expression on Fushiguro’s face, he didn’t move a muscle and simply nodded in agreement. The man knelt down in front of Megumi and placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Listen, Megumi, she is not going to suffer because of me or because of anything else. I promise you."

“What is it?” You mumbled sleepily, pulling Satoru back to bed.

“It’s just that... The staff wanted to check if we need any extra cleaning.”

You smiled through your sleep and hugged Gojo, pulling him closer to you.

[multifandom--mess]

Hannigram Fic Recs! pt.3

part 1 | part 2

here's some fic recs for youuu (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆ definitely took me way too long to add a part 3 to this but whatever, enjoy a variety of fics in no particular order that i've read the last few months that deserve to be shared and enjoyed ♡

old-fashioned divinity candy [series, ongoing]

Explicit, 115k+ | the relationship between old money, med student hannibal lecter and his newly rich sugar daddy, will graham

Like a Lucid Dream

Explicit, 75k | In the days following Will's fateful fall from the bluff, Molly Graham begins to understand the extent of her ignorance regarding Hannibal and Will's relationship. The discovery of her husband's deceit leads her to seek refuge and escape in their cottage in the mountains. There's only one problem: she's not the only one who is looking for a place to hide.

you swallow my heart and flee (but i want it back now)

Explicit, 65k | After they killed Francis Dolarhyde, Will was certain he pulled Hannibal off the cliff with him, but when he wakes up, he’s still on the edge of the bluff, surrounded by FBI agents and paramedics. It’s apparent Hannibal got away safely, and Will is put on the job to help find him. When Will finds Hannibal’s journal in his old cell, filled with entries about, and drawings of, himself, he sneaks it into the waistband of his pants and takes it home. It forces Will into dealing with his own feelings, and figuring out what he wants. Will can only hope the journal gives him the answers he seeks.

And the Winter Sheds His Grief in Snow

Mature, 4.5k | On a car ride, Will spots something... abnormal. And it somehow breaks the normality of their relationship, in ways neither of them expected.

According to Winston

Mature, 7.9k | Winston this, Winston that — everyone in Will Graham’s life is now privy to his new stray, the lucky seven of his pack of dogs. It comes as a surprise when Winston isn’t what anyone expected, and this new light sets a backdrop to Hannibal’s carefully manipulated plans to make Will into his full and whole self.

Mundane Madness

Explicit, 104k | After a traumatizing experience, Will decides that maybe he deserves a shot at a normal, healthy life. It just might be nice to have Hannibal at his side too.

Leviathan

Mature, 24k | Three years after they fell into the Atlantic, Hannibal and Will have made a new life for themselves in the sun-soaked Douro Valley. But old hurts and unaddressed fears lurk beneath the idyllic pretense, threatening to consume all semblance of peace.

Between Black and White: Crimson

Explicit, 9.6k | After surviving the fall and undergoing a proper treatment, Will and Hannibal moved to a place from the past to start their future together. Till death knocked at their door...again.

Suffer A Sea Change

Mature, 29k | Hannibal meets Will, a fisherman with something oceanic lingering behind his eyes, one stormy summer in coastal France.

Omnipotence Paradox

General Audiences, 14k | The trap springs too quickly in Florence. Will and Hannibal adapt.

There's Something So Lonesome About You

Explicit, 90k | When will Graham is released from the BSHCI, he realizes that there is little left for him with the FBI. He packs up the essentials (and Winston, of course), and leaves. Hannibal has to deal with the sudden loss of Will, and he is not very happy about it.

Leila Isabella

Mature, 11k | Will has been utterly miserable in the long months since Hannibal turned himself in, but he gave Hannibal an unexpected gift in the last hours before everything fell apart.

Hidden Place

Not Rated, 5.5k | Two years after the fall, Will and Hannibal share a heated evening in Cuba.

More Myself Than I Am

Explicit, 9k | Everyone has a soulmate. Someone they will connect with on such an intimate level that they are like one mind in two bodies. It comes on the cusp of adulthood, a shared link between two minds. It will start with feelings, emotions shared across the connection. Some people claim senses; smell and sound. Those who are thoroughly, intensely intertwined can claim to send their very thoughts towards each other, although it’s generally considered bad luck to use the connection to find each other sooner than you are meant to. It is a wonderful thing, to know that no matter who you are or what you’ve done, somebody out there will understand you. Or at least, it’s supposed to be.

In the Darkest Recess

Mature, 12.7k | As a child, Hannibal has problems making friends. A therapist gives him a doll to practice social skills on. Hannibal calls him Will, and quickly becomes obsessed with his new best friend. He never leaves it, even when he begins to hear Will's voice in his head, promising that he will never leave Hannibal, as long as Hannibal is willing to give him 'life to live'. Great love, after all, requires great sacrifice.

[samarecharm]

People who really like shuake also seem to write themselves into a corner wrt Akechi and his relationship to Akiras team. Contrary to popular belief, the team, including Haru, does not hate Akechi. At worst, they tolerate him and deal with his attitude. Hes a good teammate and respectable fighter and the team recognizes that at the end of the day, he was a teenager who was manipulated and abused by a man who saw him as disposable. Just about every thief understands this intimately. They have the same mindset wrt adults who take advantage of the people beneath them. Under different circumstances they wouldve been friends. And if u approach it from that angle, it becomes less about Akechi being the sole person who ‘gets’ Akira, and more about the thieves being the only people in the world who ‘get’ Akechi.

When you expand your thoughts to include the thieves as members of his Team and not roadblocks that get in the way of your ideal shipping dynamic, you allow urself to give Akechi and Akira more depth and nuance to their own relationship.

Akira and Akechi are wildcards; both of them struggle with the face they choose to display to the world. Its the first time Akira interacts with someone who is, at a literal, technical level, his ‘equal’. But Akechi is one of many firsts for Akira yeah? Every thief has their bond with Akira thats completely unique and personal. Akechi will never be the person who witnesses Akiras Awakening, hes never the person who watches Akira have his restless nights alone in the attic, and hes never the person who realizes in real time that the teenager hes housing is just Some Kid, not the delinquent hes been warned about. Hes not Ann or Yusuke, or any of the thieves; he doesnt have the time or experience that they have with Akira, and I think its interesting to explore that part of their relationship, shippy or not.

Akechi is someone who is incredibly lonely and self depreciating despite his cockiness and attitude. He has no positive bonds to speak of save for his connection with Sae. To have him see a team that works together and cares for each other, how do you think he would feel? Out of place? Inferior in some way? Angry about how hes been alone for so long in this single minded quest for revenge? Wouldnt that be a point of struggle between the two of them? I think what makes shuake good for me is knowing that Akechi needs alot of time to heal, and the thieves would want to help with that process. They do it bc they care, bc Akira cares, and bc they trust Akiras opinion (and he trusts theirs in return); if Akira feels like Akechi is someone who can be trusted Now after everything thats happened, then the thieves would do their best to help. And how would Akechi feel about that? Angry about the show of pity? That even now, he has no real say in what happens to him? Or begrudgingly grateful that they are cordial with him? Because they do care, he KNOWS they care, they care TOO MUCH actually; but the one thing he values over brawn and wits is honesty- fighting for what you believe in without having to use soft words to justify it.

[neetily]

↳ EVENT 34. M!Alex DoL (Breeding & Hybrids)

— ✧ warnings: Breeding, Creampie, Hybrids, pregnancy mention, Heats, dubcon, Size Difference, Mating — ✧ word count: 3,959

— ✧ A/N: reposting from my old account since i was asked to! formatting might be off, but it's still readable.

There are certainly times that being a hybrid benefits him. Namely when it comes to his raw strength, and how it ties nicely into his career. Farm work ain't easy, y'know! But for him, and his natural born durability, difficult tasks are a lot easier to complete. It's nice to be not have to worry about the sheer amount of manual labour involved in his line of work, waking up each and every morning with the sure knowledge that whatever the day throws at him, he'll be ready for it. Lifting, weeding, fixing, building— thanks to his bull-like strength, nothing can even hope to stand in his way.

Another benefit is how much he can relate to his livestock. Sure, some may give him funny looks considering that he's a hybrid just like them, why should they bow to his feet? But he makes it abundantly clear that he only intends to care for them, a mutually beneficial understanding shared amongst beasts; not in the least because he can empathise on such an intimate level with them. Able to better help, attend to, and look after his stock as compared to a non hybrid farmer. Really, they should be thankful that it's his feet they must abide by, and not some unknowing, unhelpful human farmer. He understands their struggles like no other, because he experiences them in kind.

There are, of course, cons to the whole ordeal. One of which being his temper, or was it temperament? He never was the brightest, couldn't never get the difference to stick. How it can rise to terrifying heights, surprisingly fast, too. Stubborn as, well... As himself. As a bull can be, huffing and snorting and aiming his horns at anyone, or anything, that steps out of line. Innate intimidation working both for and against him, though he'd rather admit the former. Because a tall, imposing, intimidating presence is good around the farm, especially inside the barns. Tail swishing behind him, nostrils flared knowing that his mere existence is enough to get all the other hybrids back in line in a moments notice.

However, perhaps the greatest con of all, in spite of all the amazing positives, is that: he's just an animal at the end of the day. Just like the stock he cares for daily, a primal beast, a slave to his instinctive chains just as much as the rest of them.

Try to hide it all he wants, it's no use when he has someone as pretty and small as you near him at all hours of the day, helping on the farm as much as your little human hands can offer, leaving him feeling all fuzzy and thankful inside of his chest at the way you wipe the sweat off your brow. A pretty little thing like you is all it takes, really, for the animal within him to buck and gnaw and chew at his willpower until it's all too late. The immediate attraction he felt towards you hidden at the back of his mind resurfacing from a mere glance from you, a connection so strong that he's been unable to look away since your arrival on his farm.

It's that time of year again, isn't it?

He'd tried to keep himself contained. As naturally as possible— ain't got time to head into town for anything like medication or the likes, left to seethe by himself in private, avoiding your usual kind conversation in favour of petting himself into oblivion when he thinks you can't see him, or when you're too busy with one of the many useless tasks he's sent his favourite little farmhand on today. Anything to get you out of sight, though unsurprisingly, never out of mind.

Compared to him, you're tiny. A soft bodied little girl he can't help but to stare at, a yearn so deep in his heart to claim you as his own once and for all— and that's not just his instincts talking, though they certainly aid his drive. Over the course of your time spent on the farm, days and nights spent with him, he's came to appreciate you as a person, too.

One of the good ones, he promises his stock.

And while he can fuck around with his hybrids on any given day—he's done so before, particularly before you entered his life— there's just something about you. An intrinsic understanding that though he could break you in a mere second, still you cling to him for support. Staring up at him with those big puppy eyes he oh so adores; not that he's ever said as much before, often rendering him a blushing mess despite your smaller than his stature, build, and overall presence on the farm.

You're a good worker too, which gets to him. Honest with a strong work ethic, better than some hybrids he's came across. Like you're trying to prove yourself to him or something, which would be cute if that was the case. Y'need not prove yerself at all, sweetheart. He wants to coo softly at you often, fisting his fat cock to completion every night to the thought of his favourite little human between his meaty thighs with the look of adoration on your face. God, how long he's wanted to see you just there, those doe eyes fluttering back up at him, struggling to take his hybrid cock down your throat as— Well. You get the point.

Mans smitten, though the pill is a difficult one to swallow. Him, with a human? Look, he's not got anything against you per se, it's just not something he's ever considered possible in his lifetime. Resolved to picking a cute little hybrid all for himself one day once the farm was settled, and yet here he sits on his porch pining for someone half his size and half his breed. But that's just it, isn't it? The fact that you're so tiny compared to him, so easily picked up and thrown down, unable to escape his too big cock as his heat creeps up on him in the golden hour. It's too enticing, to see you prance around his farm without a single clue of the things you do to him. A curiosity, he lies to himself. Fate, his heart corrects.

"Fuck..." Escapes him, petting at his cock some more as you finish up tending to the plenty plots around the farmhouse, his brows knitting together in concentration, of you walking his way with that big cheesy grin on your face that he silently loves, or his big open palm stroking the outline of his bulge? He's not so sure. All that he knows for sure is that his cheeks feel a little warmer when you're around, that your scent invades his senses the closer you get to him, almost clouding his judgement as you take to sitting beside him, his cock twitching privately in response to the loud sigh you let out upon finally being able to relax.

You're so... God, so fucking annoying. The way you so effortlessly overwhelm his senses, his nose twitching with frustration as he huffs in your intoxicating scent. Can fucking smell your cunt from your side, tip leaking all over his pants with need. It's— sure, he's in heat. Breeding season and all that, not that you're fucking aware given how carelessly you bring up your shirt to reveal your soft tummy to him— oh, just a little bite? Just a small one, just to get a taste? Cleaning up the rest of your sweat that he'd rather lick off for you, exhaling heavily through his nose at the innocent look you wear when regarding him. But it's embarrassing how down bad he is for you, how out of all the perfectly good hybrid options presented to him throughout his life, a weak little thing like you gets to him the most.

"You good, Alex?"

Part of him wants to laugh, barked down at you with utter disrespect for how fucking stupid you're being right now. Dumb little girl, exposing yourself to his bull side so easily, on a silver platter up to his grinding teeth. But he's only half the animal he's acting right now, choosing instead to clear his throat before responding, staring you down with hazy eyes. He doesn't want to frighten you, really.

"Yup." Is all he allows himself to admit, tucking his cock into the waistband of his pants when you take a gander at all of your hard work; impressive, he thinks to himself. You're skilled, and it annoys him for some reason.

"You sure? You don't look too hot..."

The amount of worry in your tone irritates him, worsens his already agitated state as he goes to stand out of your way, intent on taking care of the tight ball of need nestled deep in his tummy until you reach out for him, little hand burning an imprint on his tense arm from the fire coursing through him.

It's craving. Longing to make you his. He's never truly felt so fucking heated before though... Even when fucking his stock when his heat got too strong to bear, he's never felt so vulnerable, and then it clicks in him. He wants you to depend on him too, to look for stability in his arms, to mark every inch of your pretty skin as his so that he never has to worry about another heat again. Unable to ignore the growing creep of want in his chest with every inhale of your scent— the best he's ever smelled, annoying in how sweet and perfectly suited it is to his tastes. He knows what it means, he's been avoiding it for as long as he can. But the way your hand comes up to his forehead, the back of it gently resting against him, as if checking your child's temperature— you just don't know when to quit, do you?

Not that he's any better, immediately sat upon your tugging request, allowing you to touch and poke and prod at his warm cheeks, concern lacing your expression at the way he huffs and puffs before you. Look, see how he's trying to hold on to the last remnants of control he's got, but you just keep pushing. Leaning closer, pouty kissable lips just begging for a tongue shoved between them, his eyes rolling back and shut when you hum in sincere thought for him.

And it's like something snaps in him when he feels your hand on his thigh. Propping yourself up to assumedly get a better look at his flushed complexion, unwinding the tight ball of restraint within him in a mere second as his hands fly out to your waist, easily pulling you onto his lap to show you exactly what's wrong with him. Let you feel the way his big fat cock throbs against your tummy, nails digging in to your hips and arms flexed to keep you pinned in place on his lap.

You've got to know that wrapping your legs around his waist only encourages him, right? Even if you've only done so out of assumed obligation, his clouded mind and rock hard cock take that as an invitation to thrust against you. Just once or twice, the sopping tip of his cock fucked out of his cock in the movement, much to your surprise apparently as a rushed gasp escapes you.

"'M sorry..." He mumbles, though nevertheless pushes your body back, letting you perch precariously at his knees so that he can unzip his pants and free his cock. "Jus'... Um, gotta mate with you."

Not once has he worded it like that, carrying you up to his bedroom without waiting for your answer because of how downright desperate he is to show you how serious his intentions are, undressing you on the way and discarding your clothes recklessly across the old house until he's able to toss you onto his bed.

You unlock something so needlessly primitive within him, the bed dipping under his weight as he removes his top, revealing his tight and toned body for your glassy eyes to gawk at. Fuck, and the sight of you under him like this? How easily and readily he towers over you, safely twice your size as he hovers above, bull tail swinging back and forth in piqued interest at the way you seem to cower under him.

He'd like to look after you properly, wants to treat you the way you deserve, but that'll have to wait. He's unfortunately too fraught with uncontrolled need right now, greedy for his first fuck, to empty his taut balls into your little cunt to make it all creamy for him.

"It's— ah..." Automatically, he starts to jerk at his exposed cock. Letting his precum drip all over your front, a puddle of pre soon forming at your belly button from just how strong his heat is, how strong you've made it, your scent screaming breedable even as he looms over you, leaving him a little dizzy with desire. "It's because you smell so good, I can't— I mean, I tried to hold back but..." but the lust pooling in his tummy is too much to bare, and the way you're looking up at him with such expectation only encourages him to continue, and just seeing you submit so pliantly under him triggers his impulsive behaviours, and—

Mm... There's no use making excuses now. His inhibitions lowering with every passing second that his big cock hovers above you, the wide eyed look you give him back as he slaps his tip against your tummy a little, pressing it right against you, hissing at how good it feels just to even glide his tip against your skin and; "Look," He implores, following your vision down to his heavy cock as he continues to stroke pre out for you. To mark you up with his stink. "Look how big it is. Don't think it's gonna fit all inside..."

And when he looks back up at your pretty face, he's greeted to the sight of your adorable pout. As if you were just as saddened by that fact as he is, nonetheless drawing his hips back to give in to his baser instincts with a final stroke of his cock.

"S'okay. Will stretch my mate out real good, jus' give it time." He promises you, and despite the lewd intentions behind his heat stroke ridden words, he means it. For someone as soft, pliable, easily throwable, and sweet as you, he's willing to wait and train you to take his full size. After all, he's decided that you're his mate now, so you're gonna have to learn eventually. Or rather, nature has willed it so. A scent so alluring, so entrancing? He's but a man, after all. Giving in to his desires as he threatens to shove his cock all the way in at a moments notice.

He'd just rather you wanted too, is all. But it's not that important.

Not like you can escape him anyway, one hand on your hip, the other by your head to keep himself steady. He's much too strong for you, and so much bigger too in every respect. Try to escape his iron grip and he'll easily be able to tug you back down to meet his cock, letting his tip rest against you for just a moment as he steels his nerves.

A shaky sigh later, and his mind is settled. To prove how serious he is, he gives you a concerned look. Pained, almost, from how eager he is to prove himself to you.

"You're gonna be such a good mommy, little mate."

No time to fully recognised your confused expression, already pushing his cock inside of your perfect little mate cunt without warning. Just the tip, really, soaking your insides with his plentiful pre and you're already clawing at him. Nails digging into his tensed up arms, stroking his ego so well, just like how your cunt massages his tip expertly, little cunt sucking him off just the way he likes, like you were fucking made for him, attempting to drag him in further and further despite the way your walls struggle to stretch around his fat girth. Too fucking big for little girls like you, instinctively dipping his head low with a wince when your cunt squeezes him unfairly well. Fucking into you raw feels too fucking good, it's almost embarrassing how much he loves it already. Just the tip, and he's a mess. Panting heavily, periodically squeezing at your side to keep himself focused enough to feel every single clench of your insides.

"Here," He hums, almost begs for you to hear his words in spite of the pheromone haze settling thick in the room. "Hold on t'em. It'll help."

Not only in keeping you grounded enough to feel every agonizing inch of his fat cock splitting you in two, but also more selfishly, he likes it when his horns are grabbed. Feels like you're relying on him a little more, little fists wrapped around his tough horns as he hunches over you like some sort of predator, his body completely encasing your own in the sheer size difference as he humps his tip into you a little too fast for his liking. He doesn't mean it, he doesn't wanna hurt you, it's just that you feel so fucking good, fuck. Like he always knew you would, your hole eagerly doing her best to accept his throbbing cock, the tip finally popping all the way inside with a sickly squelch thanks to his dominating efforts, your cunt soaking his cock with every tiny thrust he offers your small, frail body.

And it's difficult for him to hold back like this, to keep himself in check when you're whining so pretty for him like that. All shy and choked, a mix of pain and pleasure as he takes to rocking your body up and down his cock rather than thrusting inside, the hand on your hip doing all of the work for you as you hide your enjoyment in the sheets below.

He'd love to see you struggle to take his cock, but he understands your reaction. Some hybrids have difficulty, too. The first time can be overwhelming, fucking you selfishly over every throbbing vein of his heavy cock, got him all twitchy and leaking inside of you, doing his best to help ease the glide inside but he only ever truly manages to stuff half of his cock in you before you're tapping out.

"Okay, okay," He grits his teeth at your surrender, allowing you some leeway for managing to even take half of him, a soft cooing tut escaping him at the affection he harbours for you. Pretty little mate, you'll get there eventually. Especially considering it's only the first night of his heat; he'll break you in soon enough. "I'm gonna— Ah, fuck, sorry—"

What he tries to tell you is that he's gonna move, provide you with ample opportunity to fully stop before the point of no return; but his body has other ideas. Pulling his hips back mid speech only to fervently thrust forward again, a brutally unfair pace settled from the get go as his instincts truly take over and he simply cannot fucking help himself from indulging in your meagre, shivering frame. A true treat to a bull like him, pampering himself with heady thrusts and loud grunts, every fast fuck into your over stretched cunt matched with tandem tugs of your pretty body down, made to meet him in the middle, his bed squeaking under the sheer weight of his fucks forwards.

He knows he's made the right choice in mating with you as soon as you start to squirm under him, gasping his name like some sort of mantra for him to drink up, his usual cocky smirk now replaced with an open mouth for him to moan and groan just for you. Drooling precum into you, saliva pooling in his mouth at how tasty your smell has become, how fucking strong it gets now that he's fucking you so full, the knowing that he's only half way inside understandably leaving you a little on edge given how just half his cock is all it takes to have you creaming so well around him. A little ring of it half way up his cock, your relatively tiny hands tugging on his horns as if asking for something else, but you're too stuffed with cock to voice it, aren't you baby?

It's okay, he's a good mate, he can intuit what you want. What you so desperately need, just like him, right? Like a good bitch in heat, you want the same thing he does.

A nice, warm, sticky creampie, huh?

And oh, the way you're sobbing for it so nicely, begging wordlessly with half babbles for more, allowing him to rock your body up and down with every greedy thrust his hips roll into you automatically, driven to impregnate you out of pure need. Like a reflex, or impulse. His tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek as you pull his face closer to your own by way of his horns, his tail flapping behind him in impatience.

Someone as nice and tight as you was made for breeding, right? Little breeding bitch, all for him. Rubbing his nose against your own, taking a greedy inhale of your sickly sweet scent before imprinting his own with opposingly gently nuzzles against your cheek— always mindful of his horns.

"Look at me." He commands, voice rough and throaty from the amount of effort it takes not to just ram his whole fat cock into your perfect little pussy like how he wants to, lifting his head up just a little so that his forehead rests against your own and you can see just how much he wants this. Wants you.

"Want ya t'look at me when I get'cha pregnant."

And to prove his suspicions, it only takes another greedy stoke inside your cunt for your walls to clench down hard around him, mommy body begging for his strong bull seed, yeah? Feel so good cumming around him like that, God, he's not long to follow. Finding it difficult to continue thrusting into your tightly squeezing hole, and yet nevertheless allowing her to milk him as his full, thick seed shoots against your walls. Dumping a fat load right against your cervix, fucking it back into you with relentless thrusts— unintentionally, he just can't stop himself from seeking the too good feeling your cunt swallows his cock with. Thick cream seeping out from around his cock as it gushes out of you, turning your ass and thighs all tacky with his seed when he lowers his body further, keeps you as close to him as possible so that his load is more likely to stick to its intended purpose.

And like that he remains. Heaving against you, he keeps you there for a good minute or so until the wave of pleasure rolls over him and he's offered a miniscule amount of clarity. Enough to view your battered body, how sloppy and messy and stupid you look under him, a silent beg for more on the tip of your tongue as you smile dumbly up at him.

"Already?" He sneers down at you, rubbing his thumb across your cheek with a chaste kiss to the tip of your nose. "Fucked stupid? Oh," His cock twitches inside of you again, warming in your stuffed little hole, keeping his cum plugged inside for your own benefit. Still, he wants.

"We've only just started m'afraid."

[tavyliasin]

Disability Pride Essays - Karlach and Terminal Illness

So to start the Disability Pride Month essays, I’m going to open with one of the heaviest topics of all - terminal illness. So, please be warned this discussion will include topics around euthanasia and will to live, such as they are reflected in Karlach’s story. I will also be mentioning a few terminal illnesses and their treatments by name. There is additionally some NSFW content in the discussion of how Karlach’s early game romance can relate to sex and intimacy for those with chronic conditions. So with this in mind, if you’re not in the right place to read this right now, please do feel free to skip it entirely. These topics are heavy and may be a lot to read for someone who has a connection to them. It is also not suitable for those under 18.

What Is Karlach’s Disability?

Karlach is one of the clearest examples of a disability parallel to me, and also one of the most complex. Of course there are choices in her story that affect the outcome, but those are strikingly similar to the choices people often make with real chronic, degenerative, and terminal illness. On the surface level, Karlach has a heart problem. Although it might not prevent her from performing a lot of day to day tasks (she can walk, run, and even fight just fine for the most part) the condition can still flare up causing her short periods of intense physical and psychological distress. We can also interpret some of this as being similar to mental health symptoms in which emotions are felt to a greater intensity and most people might experience them.

The other issue Karlach has in day-to-day life is around intimacy. Of course there aren’t really people who catch fire just for being close to someone they like, or who are literally too hot to touch, but there are those who find touch too painful. Those who, much as they might like to, can’t enjoy an intimate physical relationship due to pain. 

How Do We See The Disability In The Game?

We see a longer progression with Karlach, and this reflects a lot of what we have in the real world with these situations. First she experiences the symptoms, then learns about them from Dammon who offers a temporary treatment to relieve some of it. Which is similar to a medical treatment, one that helps some of the symptoms but isn’t a cure. It buys time, but we know that her heart isn’t fully fixed, that she still can’t do everything she wants to. There are moments we see her emotions take over, or the physical aspects of the condition “flare up” as she struggles with it. Moving in to Act 2, we see another treatment, another sliver of hope, but it’s one that comes at a cost. We know that it will help her for now, the short term hope and joy that Karlach can actually enjoy intimacy and touch, but…it arrives with the knowledge that long term, there is no guaranteed cure. By Act 3, she is learning to live with it, finding more control over some of the outbursts (for example, she will hold off from attacking Gortash at the first meeting even though she’s clearly feeling a lot of intense emotions in that moment, compared to not holding back in the fight with the false paladins in Act 1.

How Does This Reflect Real Life

Really what we are seeing here is similar to a terminal illness like cancer, and other degenerative conditions that have a variable outcome. Treatments like chemotherapy or radiotherapy for some can offer hope at first, a test to see if it can treat the illness, often even with some initial positive results. At the very least, these can slow down the progression and buy time - much like the initial heart upgrades buy more time for Karlach. 

Karlach, Sex, and Intimacy

We can take a closer look just at the intimacy side for a moment too, and how it’s handled within the game. Karlach’s early romance scene, it’s not safe for her to be intimate with a partner, much as she might want to, it would hurt them. One more direct real world parallel for this could be a condition called vaginismus, which can make vaginal penetration too painful for a sufferer to endure, and mean they are unable to enjoy a lot of sex acts. Similar to Karlach’s scene, some might look to different forms of intimacy with a partner like talking about fantasies, or other lighter and different types of partnered sexual pleasure. There are treatments for it, but they take time and patience, and might not be suitable for everyone. There are also, of course, conditions that can make sex acts painful or impossible for those with penises too - so again looking at these other forms of intimacy like sharing fantasies in conversation can be validating to see for people who aren’t able to (or even who simply don’t wish to) engage in a physical sexual relationship with a partner (or partners). There are plenty of disabilities that change how we approach sex and sexual intimacy, which in my opinion can make these scenes more impactful to those who might relate or may not have thought about this as an option in the past.

The Hardest Choices

The ending of Karlach’s storyline really is the most heartbreaking turning point. It’s a crossroads that many reach - a difficult decision between keeping on fighting a much harder battle like Karlach does if she goes to Avernus, not knowing if she will win, or choosing to stop fighting on their own terms. Karlach’s speech on the docks, and even several times she talks before that, really echoes some of the intense feelings and experiences of terminal illness. It’s a constant fight, and choosing to keep going - to keep hoping for a cure that might never come, to buy time - is to lose a lot of quality of life too. Because you can’t just take a day off from intensive treatments (or in her case, from fighting for her life in the hells), and although there are good things worth fighting for, and still some positives within it like the friends or partner who might travel with her to Avernus, sometimes…sometimes for people they don’t feel it’s worth it. They would rather choose a peaceful end, to lay down their sword and stop fighting, instead of continuing to struggle against the tide. Just like for the other characters - and for us as the players - this can be really hard for loved ones to accept. But at the end of the day it is the choice of the sufferer as to what they’re willing to endure. We can’t - and shouldn’t - force anyone to go through more than they genuinely want to. Of course they often want to live, and it is never an easy choice for a patient or for their family to know their time is coming to an end sooner than we would like, but the best we can do is to be there for them. To accept that living isn't quite so easy, that there is a balance to be struck and a toll to be paid. To listen, to make sure they aren’t there alone “on the docks” even if it’s hard. 

What We Can Learn From Karlach’s Story

The main takeaway here is that terminal illness is going to affect people in all kinds of ways that might be unpredictable. They might act in ways that seem irrational to us, they might fall to despair or they might continue to hope and be an upbeat influence trying to support their loved ones. Often, it’s a mix of things. Our role as people who love them is to give them the space to talk, to be heard, and to respect their decisions even if it’s hard on us.

There will often be a choice to be made between quality of life and quantity of life, and much as everyone’s usual instinct is to live as long and as much as they can, it isn’t fair to expect someone to endure an endless battle that might have nothing at the end other than an even less kind passing. We can also be more aware of different kinds of intimacy with partners who have difficulty with physical sex acts, and find the things that might be enjoyable instead. So perhaps next time you’re playing through the game, take a moment to listen closer to the lines between the lines, hear the echoes of real world voices from the heartfelt and impassioned speeches we hear from this complex and beloved character.

With Thanks

I’m going to round this one off with my deepest gratitude to Larian Studios for the wonderful writing and production in the game, and to Sam too for their absolutely unforgettable performance as Karlach. I have seen several people in my life go through stages of terminal illnesses, as well as others fighting their "battles through Avernus" with hope in their hearts. Whether it was intentional or not, I feel like Karlach’s story is a truly beautiful and heartfelt mirror to these experiences, as we see her struggle with everything it means and all the decisions to be made along the way.

My love, as always, goes out to all of you who have been affected by chronic and terminal illness, whether in yourselves or in those around you.

[theelkmaiden]

So I've been thinking.

If Captain Marvel is the Champion of Magic, does that mean he has to play by the rules of all magic? Demon, fea, pixie etc.? Because if you owe something to one of those, things tend to go wrong. Fae can take your children, pixies can make your life hell, demons can literally take your souls.

So what if Billy Batson, being the sweet boy he is, keeps doing people favours? Now, he'd never take a child or cause someone chaos, as that means actually interfering, but souls? That boy could definitely be having people sign their souls away to him and he has no idea.

The first time he did someone a favour after the wizard granted him his powers, Billy was overtaken by a surge of tingles that tasted vaguely of rotten eggs. The feeling only lasted a second, but he couldn't stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. All he did was help Old Linda from the block over carry a bag of food to her place of residence. That was it. But after the tingling, Billy felt like he was connected to her in some way, on a deep and intimate level that didn't make sense.

And then it kept happening.

Helping to paint his neighbours room. Helping a girls cat from a tree. Letting a lost child sleep in his abandoned apartment overnight.

And later, bringing Batman a coffee after a long mission. Teaching Green Arrow the basics of pickpocketing. Spotting Flash on his running form.

Anytime someone said "can I ask you a (quick) favour" the tingling and eggs would come and Captain Marvel had no idea what it was or why it happened.

That is.

Until Old Linda died.

It had been a long patrol for Captain Marvel. There was a crime wave almost every year around July, like clockwork. Mainly teenagers getting in with gangs and trying to prive their worth now that school was out (or, at least, that was Cap's theory).

He was just touching down near his building to transform when he felt an entirely unique sensation. The tingling he was so familiar with came crashing over him in a wave so intense the demigod found himself wobbling where he stood, garnering a few concerned stares by citizens. The part of him that had been connected to Linda had snapped into place and, without even having to doue check, Billy knew for a fact that Old Linda was dead.

He also knew where to find her.

Drawing on his magic, Captain Marvel opened a portal to a corner of the Rock of Eternity ans stepped through.

There, on the otherside, stood the kind old woman who would often give him food if she had any left over.

"Excuse me, sir?" She asked, looking rather fearful, "would you mind telling me where I am?"

With eyes already misting, Marvel closed the portal and stepped towards her with his arms out in a calming manner.

"Linda. I'm so sorry. You're in the Rock of Eternity. You shouldn't be here but I think it's my fault you are," he was swallowed thickly, putting every ounce of self control he had to the test to bit show how distraught he was with this development.

Clearly seeing his distress, Linda calmed and gripped the Captains arm in a consoling manner. "I'm sure it's quiet alright, dear. Why don't you tell me what happened and then you can return me home. And then you can explain to me all about this place, hmm?"

Her small smile fell when the captain did not immediately react to her request.

"Miss Linda," Billy tried, not feeling very much like a superhero at that moment I time, "I'm so so sorry! I shouldn't have helped you with the food. But I just wanted to do something good. And now you're stuck here forever and I don't know how to free you and there's so many people that are going to come here and I didn't mean to!"

The hulking form of Captain Marvel was now a kneeling, sobbing mess as the twelve year old realised what he had done. The feeling of rightness that sang in his magic at Linda standing within the Rock of Eternity. The pull of what he now knew to be souls pulling him in different directions. The fact that he had only been trying to help.

"Now dear," Linda kneeled next to him, patting his shoulder in confused concern, "I assure you I have no idea what you're going on about. I've seen you flying overhead and fighting monsters, but we've never met officially past today. But if I'm stuck here forever, then at least I'll have company. Now, come, dry your eyes and get up. You need to explain to me what's going on." The mum of four in her seemed to have taken over as she dragged the massive man up to his feet and the stood on her toes to wipe his cheeks with the sleeve of her cardigan.

Taking a deep breath, Captain Marvel nodded. "Miss Linda. You are dead. I'm sorry. I accidently own your soul and I don't know how to release you to go somewhere better. And you're only the first person that's going to arrive here. This is completely new for me and I'm not sure what to do. This place is my home so you are welcome to explore and make yourself comfortable. But it's not much."

The silence that followed was deafening as Linda contemplated her situation. It stretched on until a look of resolve made its way onto the old souls face.

"Okay."

"Okay? Is that it?"

"Well you are obviously very distressed so it was definitely an accident. But I am not staying somewhere that looks so dull for the rest of Eternity. You and I are going to be doing some redecorating. How big is this place?"

"Infinite."

"Then this shan't be an issue. We can build a lovely garden where we can all stay until you get this figured out. Besides, it'll give me something to do."

So, he did. Captain Marvel (who Linda learned to be Billy Batson) got to work and transformed a large section of the Cave into a garden, with strict directions from Linda.

Over time, more people joined and Linda took it upon herself to greet the newcomers and explain what had gone on. Many people were unhappy, but soon settled into their afterlife and making friends.

After awhile, Billy took Linda aside and granted her a Boon. One of her choosing. She chose "to be the peacekeeper of this little afterlife. I want to help comfort those here who miss their old lives. I try, I do, but a little magical help wouldn't go amiss." And so she became the Peacekeeper.

In the outside realm, when Captain Marvel explained to Batman, Green Arrow, and The Flash that he accidently owned their souls, well, let's just say that shitshow lasted a while.

[saintmachina]

Hello! I hope this isn’t a stupid question but as someone who just finished evocation (and loved it) and is writing fiction that also features polyamory, what,if any, advice could you give to writing a well rounded polycule in fantasy fiction? Thank you for your time!

Hi there! This isn't a stupid question at all, it's a great question with some very kind words!

I'm still figuring this out as I go along, but when I see polyamory done well in sff by other writers, and when I feel like I'm really locked in with the relationships in my own work, it when I see it treated with the same complexity and care as monogamous relationships.

Even though polyamorous romances can create truly unparalleled juicy drama in fiction, it's important to remember that polyamorous romances are no more inherently volatile or sensational than monogamous romances, and even though polyamorous stories can create truly unparalleled moments of tender care and intimate connection, it's important to remember that polyamorous romances are no more inherently wholesome and pure of heart than monogamous romances.

Anyone in love is all sinner all saint, all wounded animal and compassionate healer, all messy human being trying to figure out how to treat other messy human beings well in a complex, sometimes merciful, often hostile environment. That's the starting line for everyone. That's the north star I align myself with when I feel the story going off the rails towards melodramatown or tweecore country. And your rails are different than my rails of course, so ymmv.

On a technical level, from one writer to another, give yourself more time and more talking than you think you need to tell the story! You don't need to belabor every milestone or draw out every conversation, but more people in a romance means that you will probably need more scenes (or more scenes pulling double-duty at least) to establish everyone's growing connection to each other and then nurture those connections both individually and as a unit.

As far as conversations go, some Big Relationship Conversations (are we boyfriend/girlfriend now? do we feel ready to have sex without a barrier? do you want to summer with me in Italy?) should probably be had with multiple people, or multiple times. It can be challenging laying that groundwork without repeating yourself too much, but it's worthy work. To that end, the more people you add to a polycule, the longer the wordcount can get in drafting. Not necessarily a problem or a prescription, just something to notice!

And this is just small tip, but it can be really helpful to give characters who are linked in a polycule but not themselves dating something in common that is not just the person they are both dating. It will help you so much, I promise!

I hope this was helpful to you in some way big or small! I'm excited to hear you're writing polyamorous fantasy. I think committing to writing polyamory to the best of your ability in a story where it fits and feels natural is really commendable.

Best of luck!

[ayeeedomino]

Ateez 9th member

Roux and her dates

Ryujin:

Roux and Ryujin were talking via SNS, about their tour plans and countries they will be in the future. The two have been to unofficial dates before, but never a formal one at that. Ryujin sent a a flirt message:

“Why don’t you come have dinner with me and then we talk more? 👀”

“Sure babe😉”

With that settled, at a Friday they met up in front of a famous trendy restaurant in Seoul. As the night went by, they got talking about their time together at JYP, their dreams and goals, and their personal life.

"You know, Jinnie, there's something I've been wanting to share with you. Ive been seeing your performances and I really admire your confidence on stage and how effortlessly you command attention. It's truly captivating, as if you cast a spell on them.”

"Wow, thanks babe. That means a lot coming from you, you’re gonna make me blush. Honestly, I've always been in hypnotized by your stage presence! You really evolved, it’s like a whole different girl from the one I met back then.”

"Thanks darling. It's not always easy, but when I'm up there, it's like I'm in my element. And being able to connect with fans through music, it's a feeling like no other. And the guys been helping me build my confidence. But what have you been up to in your rest days??”

Ryujin gives her little charming chuckle and proceeds saying; "In my rest days? Well, you know I like to rest at home, like binge watching some new tv show, listening to music, and cooking! You know is like a therapy for me!”

As Roux smiles, she throws a shot; “You know, next time you rest you can call me to cuddle, right?”

"Yeah, I will, it sounds nice. You know, you continue being fearless. You're not afraid to be you, and that's a rare quality.“

Roux looks into her eyes and says; "Thank you, but it’s not hard when I’m around you, you are captivating.”

Ryujin smiles and reaches to hold Roux hands; "You know, you mean a lot to me..and also,we could be a very hot pair…”

“I know right?..” as she giggles, they both continue enrolling through the night, wondering about what could be their future together…

Yves:

They don’t really know each other, but one day Roux sent a message complimenting Yves a story she posted. Yves replied complimenting her back and they started talking. A few weeks later Yves decided to invite her to a night out.

They first meet up at a trendy bar known for its lively atmosphere and creative cocktails. As they chat over drinks, they discover shared interests in music, fashion, and travel, sparking a sense of excitement for the night ahead.

After a few drinks, they move to a nearby club where they start dancing, they feel free. As they lose themselves in the music, dancing together with uninhibited joy and passion, their laughter blending seamlessly with the rhythm of the crowd.

As the night passes, they take breaks from dancing to share intimate conversations in quieter corners of the club, getting to know each other on a deeper level amidst the vibrant energy of the night.

"Roux, can I be honest with you for a moment?"

Roux smiles and says; "Of course, unnie. What's on your mind?"

After a deep breath she said; "I just want to say that I've really enjoyed getting to know you. There's something about your presence that's so captivating and genuine. I feel like I can be myself around you."

Roux blushes; "Thank you unnie. I feel the same way about you. It's rare to meet someone at first sight who understands you on such a deep level, you know?"

Yves nods; "Yeah, it is rare. But with you, it feels natural. I admire your strength and your passion for life. You have this inner light that shines so brightly, and it's impossible not to be drawn to it."

"Wow, thanks unnie. That means a lot to me. And you, there's a kindness in your eyes that speaks volumes. It's like you see the beauty in everyone and everything around you."

Yves looks away into the crowd before proceeding; "I try my best. But with you, it's easy. There's something about you that brings out the best in people. I feel like I can open up to you in ways I never thought possible."

Roux looks down to Yves hands, looks up where their eyes meet, and gently takes her hands; "I'm glad you feel that way. Even thought we only met personally today, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time."

As Yves squeezes her hands, she said; "Me too. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I want you to be a part of it. You've captivated me."

Roux leans very close to Yves, before whispering; "Then let's make the most of every moment we have together. Whatever the future may bring." before pulling her back to the dance floor.

As the early hours of the morning approach, they decide to call it a night, their hearts racing with adrenaline and their faces flushed with excitement. With promises to do it all again soon, Roux and Yves part ways, their spirits lifted by the unforgettable memories they've created together on this exhilarating date.

Giselle:

Giselle and Roux met back in 2020, when their schedules overlapped. Since then they kept talking and going out. Roux just called Giselle and asked her to come over.

They start by watching random tv shows, before watching the movie “Carol”. The movie is pretty intense, and made them cry at the end. As it ended they started discussing their favorite scenes, moments and critics of the movie. That lead to an intimate conversation.

“You know Roux, I really connect with you! We share similar struggles, issues, and moments. I feel you and I match.”

“I feel that way too! I guess we both dealt with bad comments from the media..”

“Yes! Talking about that, how are you dealing with that scandal? I mean, it’s bad enough to have people eyeing your personal life, but something so intimate as sexuality must be shit.”

“I mean, I guess I’m fine? Yeah it’s annoying, but that’s nothing really I can do? Dealing with this industry have so many problems, but also have me the ability to share my music, my passion, something so dear to me…and have so many supporters feels nice, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Feels nice to not feel alone.”

After a moment of quiet, she said:

“I don’t mean to be weird or make you uncomfortable, but is it true?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Oh, hope you don’t let anything bad get to your head, because you are a really amazing person, intelligent and gorgeous at that.”

“Oh stop you’ll make me blush.”

“You know, I’ve never really thought of myself being with a girl…I guess I never gave myself the time to really think. All of my life I just thought I had to like men, before I even stop to think what I really like..”

“Oh I know that feeling. I guess you just have to have some introspective moment with yourself, do you see yourself with a woman? With a man? Or both? Do you see yourself settling down with all of them? Or just one of them? Guess you should just really think, and don’t pressure yourself with it! Everyone have their own time!”

“Thanks….though I feel like I wouldn’t mind doing any of that with you…of course, slowly, but if you are open to it, I wouldn’t mind…”

As they cuddle together, they spent the rest of the night talking and just being comfortable with each other.

Yunjin:

This year 2024 Coachella happens to have both Le Sserafim and Ateez performing. What a better excuse to have more time together? First they meet backstage and go out to see other head liners. But at their day off they decided to go to an amusement park.

They arrive early, eager to beat the crowds and make the most of their time. Hand in hand, they start with the roller coasters, laughing and screaming as they race through loops and twists, adrenaline pumping through their veins.

Afterward, they explore the various attractions, from the dizzying heights of the Ferris wheel to the exhilarating drops of the Tower of Terror. With each ride, they bond over shared excitement and occasional nervousness, reassuring each other with comforting words and playful nudges.

As they stroll through the park, they indulge in classic carnival treats like cotton candy and funnel cakes, savoring the sweetness of the moment as they exchange stories and inside jokes.

Feeling adventurous, they challenge each other to games of skill and chance, determined to win each other stuffed animals as souvenirs of their unforgettable day.

As the sun sets and the park lights up with colorful displays, they find themselves on the carousel, riding side by side on majestic horses, feeling like carefree children lost in a whirlwind of joy and wonder.

As the night comes to a close, they share a quiet moment on a bench, watching the fireworks paint the sky with bursts of light and color. With hearts full of happiness and memories to last a lifetime, they share a tender kiss, grateful for the magic of their day at the amusement park.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about life, you know? A few years ago I thought I would just become a lawyer, but now I am here, traveling the world, seeing so many different cultures, exploring the world.”

“I get it, seeing all of this make you feel so accomplished."

“You know, whenever I’m with you, it’s like the world stops, the sounds fades, it’s just you and me.”

“That's exactly how I feel too. You just always manage to make so comfortable, so nice."

"And I love that. I love how we can just be ourselves with each other, no pretenses, no expectations."

"Me too. It's like we have this special connection that's just ours, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. And I never want to take it for granted.."

“I'm truly grateful for tonight. It was a cool way to rewind."

“You’re right.” With that they share an embrace watching the sun go down.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Duet, Pt. 5

Next, we finally meet Katie Brown. Having been forced to vacate the hangar lab with his own damn staff, McKay would really rather be alone but alas, Cadman is there talking his ear (brain) off. While we know that McKay left the hangar with the wraith dart, we don't actually know where he was going, or if he even had a destination in mind. It's possible he was heading straight to Heightmeyer, as ordered by Weir, anxious to get that over with. But more than anything, it seems like he just wanted to get away from under the eyes of all the people that had been looking at him like he was crazy. And the fact that he was now here, seemingly talking to himself, did not make him look less crazy. What's more, Cadman was really starting to rile him up:

Cadman: Oh, stop sulking. You're acting like a two year old. McKay: This is your fault, you know. Cadman: How do you figure that? McKay: All you had to do was keep your mouth shut while I was working. Cadman: You have no idea what it's like in here, OK? McKay: Yes, yes, I do. I know exactly what it's like in here because I live in here. I like it here!

While it's probably not Cadman's intention to pass judgement on his body (this time), McKay interprets her words as an all-around condemnation of his physical condition. Most people have some hang-ups about their appearance and shape, and no one is healthy and young perpetually. The human condition is to start dying the moment we are born, death is the first gift given to us by ours mothers. But even so, McKay seems to be all around an average guy with nothing to be ashamed of, and yet he has terrible self-esteem that has only been reinforced by negative feedback he gets from the abrasive way he usually meets other people.

He already feels like he's the most unlovable man in the world, and having met John Sheppard, someone that he sees as representing physical perfection up to and including on the genetic level, having fallen in love with him, has really only made him feel worse about himself. Having grown so intimate with the man, he can't help but compare the two of them and feel like he falls short. Now, while he may have some genetic advantages, Sheppard isn't perfect by any means. At the very least he feels his age, as we see shortly. There are many ways in which Sheppard, too, feels like he falls short of what McKay represents to him. But again, even though they are able to read each other's thoughts right off of each other's faces, neither of them see the way the other looks at them. They can't see each other through the other's eyes.

But, and again make note that he doesn't really care what a woman thinks about his body, McKay does stand up for himself, does challenge what he feels is her wholesale condemnation of his physical condition. He says that he likes being in his body. The earnest way in which he says it tells us that he must have had some good experiences in his body in recent times. His body has given him joy, and likely pleasure. Now, since McKay is not precisely a gourmand and known for deriving pleasure from food, his pleasures must come from other sources.

This line has a connection to Sheppard in that it's one of the first things we ever hear him say. He tells Gen. O'Neill "I kind of like it here," which O'Neill later abbreviates into "He likes it here."

They're talking about the Antarctic. O'Neill does not like it there because he has several bad memories connected to the place. Sheppard likes it there because he has no bad memories attached to it. Now, McKay very likely does have bad memories attached to his body, but it seems as though for him, at this time, the good memories far outweigh the bad memories. What ever has happened recently, he has enough good memories connected to his body to like it there. And since Cadman has not experienced these things in his body, she has no way of knowing what it is like to be him. McKay's voice breaks as he says "I like it here!", revealing just how deeply this is affecting him.

As they are walking and smack in the middle of this existential conversation, they are interrupted by Katie Brown, who calls out for McKay as she comes up from behind (relevant for later):

Brown: Rodney? Cadman: Be cool! McKay: Katie! Hi. Brown: Is everything OK? McKay: Yes! Yes! Everything is just fine. I was just... Cadman: Talking on the radio! McKay: ...talking on the radio. You're well, I take it?

From this initial meeting, we can conclude a few things. First, Katie Brown is much more interested in McKay than McKay is in her. McKay is not happy to see her and were he a man falling in love, a man with a crush, a man just enjoying the company of a woman, he would not look like he'd just swallowed a bitter potion upon seeing her. The situation and the fact that he is trying to conceal his current condition from her is making him anxious, which Cadman (and possibly the audience, as well) interprets as nervousness. Obviously he's rendered into a stuttering fool because he's just so into her. She's just so special, you know. He can (performatively) flirt with women like Samantha Carter with confidence but when it's the real deal, he turns into a teenage boy. Right? He just has too many feelings, they're overwhelming him and making him into a nervous wreck. It's easy to interpret his anxiety as nervousness due to his inexperience with women, and that it is the sheer loveliness of this lady that is making him act this way. Or how ever people explain this.

Regardless, she is the one trying to get his attention, she is the one that maintains eye contact with him, she is the one that steps into his personal space, she is the one who smiles and attempts to flirt with him. She's the one who is trying to secure a date with him (that he has apparently already canceled multiple times), she turns to look at him as she leaves.

Now, her interest in McKay seems genuine, albeit superficial in the way that she never gets to know him and when she is finally forced to look at him as he is, she does not like him very much. All throughout their... involvement, it seems as though Katie does not really even see McKay, she only sees what she projects onto him. But there may be other reasons beyond finding him cute that she could be pursuing a relationship with him. As mentioned previously, Katie Brown likely was chosen by McKay, as a representative of the senior staff, for the expedition. She is a member of the science team of which he is the leader. More than one female member of the science team actually has expressed interest in him, and as a brilliant scientist in a position of power, he does have qualities that many women find desirable even in spite of certain short-comings.

McKay's position in the expedition alone is enough for some women to overlook some of his more charming qualities. And Katie Brown likely is feeling grateful for having been chosen for the expedition, she is likely lonely because a lack of attachments to Earth seems to have been one of the qualifications they looked for in people that were chosen for the mission, and she didn't know many people there beyond McKay, whom presumably had interviewed her on Earth, and who ever attended ladies' poker nights. The new arrivals were all probably looking to get to know people, and in particular to befriend people who had been in the city longer. And hey, if they happened to be cute, brilliant, seemingly harmless and had a lot of sway in how things got done in the city, they might be quite the catch.

So even if none of these were among the reasons Katie Brown had originally developed an interest in him (and they probably were), these reasons are certainly behind her sustained interest in him even when he seems to be expressing a lot of trepidation toward dating her, and this certainly explains why she kept on "dating" him even when he wanted to take things reeeeaaal slow since, as far as we know, they never got past first base and the only time they got to first base was in this very episode, and that wasn't even him.

It might be that she either enjoys the status of dating the head scientist or there's something deeply wrong with her, and we never find out enough about her to know which is the case (and we never find out that much about her because McKay is not interested in her, is not interested in finding out who she is, is not interested in spending time with her enough for us to get to know her). Even here, as McKay inquires about her wellness, he's doing it to shift attention away from himself to her, not because he is particularly interested or even cares how she is. For him, she's a prop. For her, he's probably a trophy, or otherwise a pet or a houseplant that she feels the need to take care of (and note that when McKay asks how she is, she does not actually share anything about herself with him, she wants info on him). Either way, Katie Brown and McKay never form a couple in the definition given for a couple in this episode.

Now, likely bored out of her mind by not being able to do anything, Cadman gets the idea that she's Cyrano de Bergerac and that she's going to help poor McKay who just has no game with women to score living out her romantic comedy plot, where McKay feels like he's caught in The Puppet Masters or "a very strange Outer Limits episode". She thinks it's real clever to give him the excuse that he was talking into his headset so that he might look less crazy for having just been caught arguing with himself, and hence decides to become his woman-whisperer. While from Cadman's perspective, she's trapped in a prison of flesh wanting to connect with the outside world, from McKay's perspective his body is being invaded by an alien consciousness, not unlike the Go'auld.

Now, it's also noticeable that it is Katie Brown who attempts to keep the conversation going here. McKay clearly would rather be anywhere else but stuck in this conversation with her. And let's not gloss over the fact that he lies to her several times during this very short exchange. Not only is not a good foundation for a relationship, it also tells us that he's not particularly keen on sharing himself with her, in letting her get to know him. He is being evasive, and his evasiveness is not just because he has another woman on his mind... literally. And yet in spite of his rather obvious evasiveness, she keeps pursuing (and clearly, has been keeping tabs on his whereabouts):

Brown: I heard you ran into some trouble off-world today. McKay: Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes, but everything's fine now, it's all been sorted out. Back to normal.

So, the way McKay sounds here is exactly like when Han Solo was trying to get an imperial officer to ignore them on the Death Star:

Han Solo: Everything's under control, situation normal. Imperial officer: What happened? Han Solo: Had a slight weapons' malfunction but everything's perfectly alright now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

This is to say, McKay is very obviously full on lying to her here. And he's not lying to spare her feelings, he simply does not deem her worthy of the truth. McKay, like Han Solo, is also trying to get rid of her. He's trying to get out of this conversation that he does not want to be in. But whether or not Katie Brown can sense this, she seems insistent on getting that date with him:

Brown: Good. So we're still on for tomorrow? McKay: Yes, yes. Yes, actually, I'm... very much looking forward to it. In fact, I'm sure it'll be a... you know, a wonderful... evening, and what not. Brown: Right! Well, I'll see you then. McKay: Mmm.

Note the noncommittal answer McKay gives her, and also the way her smile vanishes as she takes off and has her back to him. Again, he has apparently cancelled on her multiple times (even if the intention was for "two adults to simply share some friendly..." conversation?) already, and given his current condition, he very likely was going to cancel on her again. Even if he was going have dinner with her, he was damn sure not going to do it now. But apparently, he had been putting this off for a while, possibly ever since they returned to Atlantis. Because he doesn't want to have dinner with her. He doesn't want to go on a date with her. He doesn't want to get to know her. That much is obvious just from this short interaction.

Like Sheppard, McKay is trying to exercise good leadership, and being seen with a woman that seems harmless besides would really be really good for his reputation and the cover he is trying to maintain, all things considered, but he still seems really, really reluctant to go through with it. And since he had already established a pattern of canceling on her obvious enough for her to have discussed it at ladies' poker night, it has nothing to do with his current condition. And it has nothing to do with being shy and nervous around women, either, as he had no trouble telling Cadman off earlier on the field and he literally started his flirting with Samantha Carter by calling her a dumb blonde right to her face. He's not shy and nervous around women. He's... just not that into her. Because she's a woman. Because he's not into women. Is the thing. But Cadman, like a part of the audience, are going to think that it's just because he's bad with women and has absolutely no game:

Cadman: You really know nothing about women, do you? McKay: I know plenty.

McKay has a sister but they are estranged and she seems considerably younger than him. We know that he went on two dates with a woman in college. He works with women and under women, and probably has done so in the past. And he would probably tell you that he knows as much about women as he wants to know. He's not interested in getting to know how women work. There is precious little he wants or needs from women and none of which has to do with the fact that they are women and hence, he's not really bothered about this. And it doesn't even occur to Cadman, who seems both young and naive, that not all men are into women like that.

Furthermore, Cadman's idea that all women are some kind of a hive mind that respond the same way to the same stimulus is sexist. If he really wanted to do McKay a favour, he might help him see Katie Brown as an individual person with individual needs rather than as a representative of a category because that is already how McKay views her. He never does learn to see her as a person but that's all the same, as Katie does not see him as he is either. Perhaps unwittingly and even unintentionally, they are both using the other. But they're not there yet, and the way McKay describes his feeling during these early stages of their getting to know one another tells us all we need to know:

Cadman: Maybe this is a good thing. McKay: Excuse me? Cadman: I could teach you a thing or two about the opposite sex, McKay. Lord knows you need it! McKay: This is hell! This is my own personal hell!

McKay literally describes this as his personal hell. Sheppard later describes what Cadman went through as his "worst nightmare" but this, having to pretend to be straight to a military officer who is a) a woman, b) under the command of his former lover and the man that he still loves, c) stuck inside his brain and d) under the impression he wants to hook up with women and decides to take it upon herself to make sure that it happens is his personal hell. He is in hell.

Now, it was only because Cadman pushed Beckett away instead of McKay that this happened to him but it could easily have been Beckett this happened to. And the experience would likely have been much easier for a (mostly) straight guy like Beckett--straight both in the sense of sexual orientation and not hiding as many secrets for himself and others as McKay does. Likely, Beckett would have taken the opportunity to get to know Cadman through conversation and waited patiently until McKay fixed the situation, and then gone about his day. With McKay, it's different. If this episode teaches us anything, it is that Rodney McKay does not like women and he barely tolerates to be around them.

Now that we have this very heterosexual scene here to make sure that everyone thinks McKay is interested in women, the show can safely present something extremely homoerotic with Sheppard. If the audience has been convinced that McKay is pursuing a woman, it casts an effective "no homo!" on the subsequent scene. And oh boy.

Both testing Ronon and trying to integrate him as part of Atlantis, Sheppard is watching him spar with four young marines in the gym. He's leaning on a rubber torso used for practicing strikes, a body opponent. We've never seen it before and it's at least never featured prominently again, so the prop has been inserted into this particular scene for a reason. And the thing is, Sheppard leaning with his pelvis out, resting his arm on the shoulder of the naked man doll is doing nothing to make this less homoerotic.

The entire composition of the scene is meant to make us think about sweating, grunting and heaving man bodies tangled together in the throes of physical activity. And as we watch them, so does Sheppard.

For sure, his lean is going for nonchalant. Like it's no big deal, he's just here to check out the new recruit and test out his skill-set. Like he can barely be bothered to watch this but he might as well, since he's already here. But it's really not necessary for him to be thrusting his dick out like that for it.

Now, Sheppard certainly seems turned on. A freshly single guy that has (probably) not had sex for months, he's allowed to be turned on by this. Ronan is a fine physical specimen, and the young marines are the best of the best they've got. But even so, Sheppard would never actually pursue any of them. Young soldiers under his command are off limits to him, and he counts Ronon among these men. And make no mistake, his age is a factor here. Watching them, he seems very much to be feeling his age. Although his age and trying to maintain his authority are probably not the only reasons he turns down the opportunity to throw down with Ronon himself:

Sheppard: Alright. Let's try that again. Marine: How about you try that again? Sir. Sheppard: Maybe that's enough for today.

For Sheppard, this is a purely look-don't-touch situation. He's just window shopping for the briefest moment because one, it's damn hot and two, he needs something for how his life has been going recently. Watching them tussle for a moment doesn't hurt anybody, and if any of this is going in his mental bank for later, that's no one's business but his own.

But as hot as this is, he is also looking at it with a professional eye. He likes what he sees when it comes to Ronon's skill-set and he's more convinced than ever that he's the man for the job he needs him for.

But what's really important is this: Sheppard came here directly from watching McKay having what can only be described as a mental break down in front of his own staff. McKay was clearly injured by what ever happened to him inside the dart, and that was all Sheppard's fault. He had not been there to protect McKay, he had paired him up with a rookie Lieutenant, he had taken him with to the planet in the first place, he had shot down the dart holding him. In so many ways, what had happened to McKay had been his fault, and it had clearly exerted a heavy toll on the man. He was so fucking tired of not being able to keep McKay safe.

And that's why he's here, now.

Back in the commissary probably less than an hour ago, he had told Ronon to take his time deciding whether to join them. And then he went right back to Ronon from having watched McKay's breakdown. Because he needs to make this happen. Having witnessed that, he needs Ronon to join them more than ever. And so, he's doing the hard sell. He's not going to take no for an answer from this man. The reason he's working so hard to get Ronon to join them in this episode has everything to do with the McKay situation. He needs this man, and he while he would like to give him time to make his decision, right now he has none to give.

What's also interesting is that Sheppard looks down at the ground while the scene is playing out before him, seeming lost in his thoughts for a moment. The ground has a mat used in combat training. These kinds of mats are used, for example, when practicing forward rolls. That McKay had been learning. That Sheppard probably had been teaching him. Very likely in the gym. On a mat such as this. Perhaps on this very mat. And if he managed to do that and not have sex with him on the mat, he's made of stronger stuff than most men. As mentioned previously, there was no way for them to actually show us Sheppard teaching McKay forward rolls because it's not possible to disguise the touch of a lover as collegial. It's not possible for him to disguise touching McKay as the touch of a friend, or a team leader, because he knows that body far too well. All he can think to do is to keep a distance between them.

Continued in Pt. 6

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

But what if we wanna do the dirty dirty with another man, or even with yandere big bro himself, does he say "no" politely? Is he shocked? Does he go feral? Does he spiral? I want to see him spiral.

TW: reader cheatingz, mentions of incest, grooming, violence

Depending on what was agreed between the two of you, the rules on that can be very lax. Usually, people don't discuss their bedroom activities with someone in the family. Quite uncommon to hear sons describing how their girlfriends want them to moan in the bedroom, to their mothers and daughters mentioning that their boyfriends have them in a mating press to their fathers. The same goes with Yves. If you don't agree to be romantically involved, he will instantly assume a role similar to a guardian. It will feel weird telling Yves you want to have sex with another person. It will feel just like telling your parents or your siblings about it.

It doesn't mean Yves won't know about your desires. He just has no intention of ever discussing your private tendencies unless it is regarding your safety.

If you go ahead and tell him (while he isn't your boyfriend/husband), his reactions depend on your intentions. Yves will sit you down and talk about sexual safety and assure you that he will support you no matter what happens, this is if you're telling him because you're unsure, scared, or feeling forced by your partner. He will offer to talk to your partner privately, to come to a 'compromise'. Regardless of whether you accepted or rejected his help, he will have a meeting with them anyway. No way in hell is Yves letting anyone hurt his precious darling.

If your intent was to spite him or just to see what he would do, Yves will give you a spine-chilling stare before bluntly asking what your motive is. He knows. He absolutely knows. Yves just wants to see you squirm in discomfort just like how you wanted him to. He will keep grilling you until you shy away from embarrassment and apologize to him with a level of sincerity he expects.

If you're telling him nonchalantly, like this is a topic as mundane as the weather, Yves will state that this isn't a comfortable subject to him; as well as to a lot of people. He wouldn't cast judgment, Yves would set a boundary with you and explain how speaking about such matters to strangers, friends or family could be inappropriate. Parenting you, in a way.

Regardless of your aim, mentioning that you carnally desire your own older brother would get an entirely different response. You were groomed and he knows that this is a delicate situation, he cannot simply scold some sense into you, it must be a combination of compassion and self-realization on your part. Yves would choose his words, tone, and body language very carefully before asking questions with increasing levels of specificity, to try and drive you to see it from his perspective; or anybody else's lens, just not yours or your brother's. Needless to say, he will be paying a visit to your brother soon with a vial of some mysterious substance tucked in his sleeve.

The situation changes entirely if you are in a relationship together. Yves is strictly monogamous, he will make sure you understand he doesn't want you to bring up the idea of polyamory later in the relationship. But, if he predicts that you cannot keep your hands off other people and he isn't fulfilling enough for you that you have to cheat, Yves will automatically fill a platonic position in your life instead. He will be the closest to you, but he will not be your Husband, boyfriend, or even a fling. Yves will even reject your love confession if you ever happen to have one.

Yet, he is a constant presence in your life. It is undeniable how much he meddles with your marriage. Just like previous posts described, he is a true monster in law to your partner(s).

However, if you manage to bypass all his oracle-like forecasts and commit adultery with another person long after you and he agree to keep the intimate connection only between the both of you, his composure will have a fissure. He wouldn't be overly explosive, but he will absolutely traumatize you with tears running down his cheeks. Yves almost never cries genuine tears outside of his manipulative tricks, but you will see true pain leaking out of his eyes when you betray him like this. It will take a very long time until you get to have your freedom back, you will be a witness to a brutal murder after all, he can't have you running around with that loudmouth of yours. Neither will he trust you to remain celibate for him without his active intervention.

This is one of the few ways that will lead Yves to reveal his information vault to you. Expect him to be a lot more restrictive and controlling than ever, divorce or separation is not an option at all. It will be the first time Yves will force you to be in a condition without being discrete or tactful about it, he will finally put himself first.

The consequences are less severe if you merely suggest doing it. Yves will be calm and collected, crossing his legs and gracefully resting his hands on his lap. Inviting you to talk about it further, discussing your intent and disrespect towards him, he will be giving you the benefit of the doubt. So use this opportunity to either back down, present your case, or ask for help. His actions and words seem poised and peaceful, but the tears dripping down his eyelashes tell you otherwise. Maybe he isn't noticing that he's crying, too focused on pulling the cracks of his control together; He never once brought a hand up to wipe them away, blurring his vision and ruining his expensive coat.

Humans cannot control how they feel, they cannot control what they think most of the time; and Yves understands that, he was human once after all. He will help you through it if you're saying such hurtful things to him to release and eradicate unwanted degenerate thoughts. Almost everything will return back to normal once the issue is dealt with.

Yves will be colder, and more distant for a few months, yet he will be around you much more. He is still deeply ruined and would weep to himself several nights, he needs to update his database too with anything he can observe, anything he can record. Everything and anything to correct this major oversight, it affects him so much that he cannot trust you and his logic.

If it's the other possibility where you simply want to see how he will react, if it's a show you want, then a show you shall get. You will feel the pain you unnecessarily inflicted on him, you will realize that you get back what you put out in the world, and you will learn that if you play stupid games you win stupid prizes.

You will learn that Yves is not someone to be fucked with. You will soon discover that he has been nothing but a saint to you, how lucky you were to never have seen this side of him, you only saw the most merciful and considerate Yves.

Don't forget, he has an almost complete collection of what makes you cower and whimper in fear. All your traumas, even genetic from ancestors that you never met. Yves can easily utilize and expand that list by a vast number. Do not test his patience.