#heist caper

[jeffcross5000]

Come learn how not to get rich quick!

[canonical-transformation]

A little character introduction I was poking around at a few months ago.

[The young man] disappears from existence. It takes a little over a second. First to go is his his gait. From one step to the next, the skittish footfalls become forgettably generic. His centre of gravity drops, and what once appeared a lanky frame is revealed to be much shorter than average. Next, his face. The muscles of his jaw uncoil, shattering the illusion of a chiseled chinline. He wipes at his brow, which loses all definition, and his sandy blonde hair takes on a dark brunette. When the hand comes away, his cheeks are round and childish, accentuated by matching moles beneath each eye. The shirt and slacks are the last to go, flipped inside out by some sleight of hand to become a little red sundress. The man no longer exists. He has been replaced with a kurogo, a stagehand, a thing that exists outside of the story, a thing the audience has been collectively trained to ignore. It is a great power, being able to step outside of the story, even if only for a moment. Seeing the shape of an oncoming plot point, nudging the pieces this way and that: creatures of Story can ripple through worlds as devastatingly as one of Lan's arrows. It is for this reason that Fictionologists and Masked Fools are reviled and feared across the known universe. The creature in the red sundress is not at the height of its power. But it is still dangerous, the way an ember is dangerous if it is actively seeking out the right powder keg to float onto. In keeping with this metaphor, seeing as the creature has no name, we will call it EMBER... ⟨Bzzt! What is this, an epilogue? Bad name. Try for less passive.⟩ ...in keeping with this metaphor, we will call it SPARKLE.

[theoscarsproject]

A Fish Called Wanda (1988). In London, four very different people team up on a jewel heist, then try to double-cross one another for the loot, complicated by their efforts to fool a very proper barrister.

I was really expecting to love this one - particularly as a big Monty Python fan - but I don't know. It didn't really do all that much for me. I didn't mind the silliness or the hijinks, and Kevin Kline really is pretty funny in it, but to me it just felt like it kept changing its mind about what it wanted to be in a way that didn't charm me as much as it seems to have others. So yeah. Just not for me, I guess. 4/10.

[nachtsoklein]

it was rlly sweet how excited kurt was for his moms' vow renewal though <3 he got to officiate for them it's cute

[lensinski]

Rififi (1955) dir. Jules Dassin

"I liked you. I really liked you, Macaroni. But, you know the rules."

[schlock-luster-video]

On April 26, 1967, Catalina Caper debuted in San Diego, California.

Here's some new art inspired by the cult classic!

[herosstoic]

The Queen Caper -Ch 6: Reconnaissance

New chapter posted!

Pushback on both Oliver's personal and professional fronts + some old-fashioned crime scene reconnaissance

(Don't know whose gif that is but it was too close to pass up!)

[joncronshawauthor]

Capers and Castles: A Guide to the 10 Must-Read Fantasy Novels Featuring Thieves

Fantasy novels often offer a unique twist to traditional crime stories, and tales about thieves are no exception. Whether it’s a heist gone wrong, a daring escape, or a cunning scheme, these stories are full of action, suspense, and thrilling twists. Here are ten must-read fantasy novels about thieves that will keep you on the edge of your seat: 1. “The Lies of Locke Lamora” by Scott…

[sloshed-cinema]

Judex (1963)

Halloween, or indeed any costume party, is among other things a measure of one’s character and moral fiber.  Most folks are content to phone it in, whether with something from the local Spirit Halloween or what have you.  But everyone has that one friend who is VERY into Halloween and puts A LOT of effort into their look.  Bless them, because for every one of those, there are six generic hot girls who think putting on cat ears and making a dot on their nose and mascara whiskers counts as a fun costume.  I deride Marie Verdier for her pathetic attempt at a heist disguise, but honestly she kills it through the rest of the film, turning a lewk whether she’s an evil nun or an evil mod suit gal pulling it off even better than the likes of Tilda Swinton could ever hope to do so.  My gal has her cat eye on point whether she’s breaking into mansions, swindling ambulance drivers, or plummeting off of rooftops.  That said, nothing is quite so striking as Judex’ entrance into the film.   A man in a bird mask which outdoes anything anyone else at the pageant could hope to do—the masquerade is 90% boring pedestrian shit, 10% BIRB SQUAD RISE UP—enters, does dove-based magic tricks, and then slays the host with a gesture at the stroke of midnight.  The obvious comparison to draw here (or one of the front-runners, at least) is to Batman.  But here, Judex does everything the Adam West Batman series could do, but better.  A more based socialist agenda: he kills an evil venture capitalist banker and then apparently fucking resurrects him once his daughter proves she has a conscience.  A better persona and a more hilariously impractical commitment to the bit: make a really well-crafted mask for your big reveal, but then lean on… carrier pigeons for your instant alert signal.  Could there not be some kind of Bird Signal in the sky?  In a world where buggies need candles as headlights, I suppose that would be a tough ask.  We also get more enjoyable campy villains in Marie and her cadre of ghouls, Marie slipping into the catsuit and exploiting every possible angle as she hustles her way to riches, paired off with incompetence on the part of Judex: he’s a genius and yet somehow still places faith in the bumbling detective Cocantin who would much rather be reading something.  Pure rip-roaring fun through and through.

The film closes with an intertitle reference to the silent serial to which it is paying homage, acknowledging its source as something as a product of a darker time.  But truly, this sort of entertainment is evergreen and always needed.  This is a cousin of the likes of Adéla ještě nevečeřela and Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro, reaching back to a bygone era to realize that, yeah.  Sometimes we just need unhinged nonsense where the bad guy is an unambiguous monster and a little magic and circumstance can get you a long way. 

THE RULES

SIP

An intertitle appears onscreen.

Marie is a style icon.

Sci-fi shenanigans.

Cocantin is utterly useless, but at least he likes his stories.

Someone faints.

BIG DRINK

A clock starts chiming.

Someone gets conked over the head.

Someone is introduced.

[flannelepicurean]

Had a dream that I was watching an episode of Cobra Kai, in a timeline where Johnny and Kreese were working together for real, because they'd...I dunno, gone to family counseling and patched things up, and also I guess Johnny finally stumbled onto the right part of the internet and rolled up one day and was like, "Hey, have you heard about this new 'toxic masculinity' thing?" And Kreese was like, "Are you gonna try and sell me a juice cleanse? Because I already know about multi-level marketing."

They had also become fairly positive and reliable male presences in Robby's life, and Johnny was more or less his full-time Dad, and Kreese was his almost-kinda granddad-figure, although both Johnny and Robby were kinda weird and ambiguous on that point.

Anyhow, they were doing...something???...not exactly above-board in Europe that had them temporarily based in Portugal, and they had snuck into Spain for a couple days to do something. They got into a big fight, OF COURSE, and were able to karate their way back out, but the heat was gettin' too hot, and they decided to haul ass back to the U.S., but they had to go back to Portugal to get their stashed stuff. But they'd lost their gear in Spain, including their papers, and Robby had gotten knocked the fuck out, so Johnny and Kreese were tryna figure out how to sneak their way across the Portuguese border and back to their hotel.

The plot they'd cooked up was that, for some reason, they were gonna pretend that Kreese was Robby's dad (I guess because they needed to throw people off of their actual identities, and they thought that would help???), and Johnny was...relationship unclear. But the border situation was, incomprehensibly, kind of an outdoor pavilion on a beach, and the guy interviewing them at a little table with an umbrella over it, while they jointly supported a very unconscious Robby, was Rufus from Supernatural.

Now, Rufus knew who they were. They had, in fact, worked with Rufus peripherally on whatever thing they were doing that was not exactly above-board, or he at least would look the other way about it. But they all had to be super careful, lest they tip off the authorities.

So they're in a real pickle. And they all know it. And Rufus is giving them his best bureaucratic box-ticking act while also giving them the death-glare of, "Guys, you have screwed the pooch, tread carefully, don't eff this up, I like this job." And Kreese is kinda sitting back, stoically monitoring Robby to make sure he's not freakin' dying, because he's been unconscious for an alarming amount of time at this point, and Johnny's motor-mouthing away, getting increasingly nervous, because he knows they're being monitored in some way other than just Rufus.

And he slips up. Invents a surname for Robby, without being prompted. And Rufus just kind of gently squinches his eyes shut and informs him that, well, since he's naming names now, it's mandatory that he call it in and run checks on all three of them. But GOSH, THAT KID SURE LOOKS CONCUSSED. SERIOUS BUSINESS, THAT. IF HE WOKE UP FOR EVEN A MINUTE OR TWO AND GAVE AN INDICATION THAT HE NEEDED AND WANTED MEDICAL ATTENTION, THEY'D BE LEGALLY REQUIRED TO ESCORT HIM AND A CAREGIVER TO A MEDICAL STATION. SEEING AS RUFUS CAN'T TELL IF HE'S A MINOR, WITHOUT HIS PAPERS, AND ALL. And it could take him a while to run the background checks, system gets jammed up all the time, slow-ass government computers, filing system shot to hell, oh goodness...

And they do manage to get Robby conscious again, and explain the gist of what's going on, and he's like, "Wut? Y'all are fucking stupid, WTF..." And Johnny's like, "WE KNOW!" and Kreese is like, "Who do you mean, 'we?'" and Johnny's like, "That's beside the point! Can you act concussed? Like, tell 'em you're confused or nauseous or something?" And Robby's like, "I actually do legit feel like I'm gonna throw up, though..." And Johnny's like, "OKAY, WE GOT IT! Holy shit, sorry kid, legitimate emergency, we're gonna get you outta here, it's gonna be okay. EXCUSE ME? AGENT SINGER? SIR???" And Rufus is like, "You rang?"

They did make it into and then outta Portugal, I'm pretty sure. And Robby was fine later.

[ellieellieoxenfree]

i devastatingly failed to pace myself on bad monkey because i didn't realize it was ten episodes, not seven (side note: everyone who isn't watching bad monkey is a philistine; it's got the snappy ridiculousness of kiss kiss bang bang married to the surreal florida trashiness of claws and florida girls (double side note: RIP queen 2 good 4 this sinful world)) and i need something to fill its spot in the rota when i just really want the last three episodes now. this is the true torment nexus. i have played my own ass in the desert. my suffering will never cease, or at least it will not until the finale drops in october.

[jeffcross5000]

Chapter 2 of my heist caper satire Gumrunners is now available.

[prokopetz]

One-shot tabletop RPG where you play as a bunch of medieval English peasants trying to trick the royal tax-collectors into believing that your village has no taxable assets. It plays out exactly like a new-school heist caper RPG, except in reverse, with the players devising and carrying out the scheme which they must then prevent the NPC "party" from uncovering. Do you fake a plague? Pretend to be mad? Construct a second, much shittier village and try to keep the tax collectors so distracted they never think to ask what's behind that hill?

[whoslaurapalmer]

although okay i will concede. perhaps fitzwilly was not a heist movie per se but more of a caper. my point still stands though

[monicascot]

Car Drive thru 7-Eleven funny video | Caught on camera | Uncovering thieves

Witness the epic Car Drive-thru adventure at 7-Eleven in this hilarious funny video! The whole escapade is Caught on Camera as two bumbling thieves attempt their daring heist. Prepare to laugh uncontrollably as the comedic chaos unfolds, revealing the Uncovering Thieves in action. Don't miss this rollercoaster ride of laughter and unexpected twists as the keyword "funny video" takes on a whole new level of hilarity!