#he's supposed to be a more passive character that just says “fuck it” and “moves past things” but. fuck man

[jayorsaiic]

Am I the only one who feels like Viktor should've had a moment to lose his cool or just get mad about SOMETHING. Like, I know he's a passive character, but fuck me there's no way I'd have to deal with thie shit he had to deal with pre-corruption ON TOP of being disabled and NOT want to curse a bitch out. Frustration would truly be my best friend.

[urlovebot]

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ Too close

closeted bada, bf-to-ex howl, secret gf y/n.

c/w: angst. angry howl, homophobia, minor and very, very minor physical harm done to bada. closeted bada, out and proud reader. its alooooot of angst. some comfort at the end though so don't worry!

a/n: the characters depicted are not related nor based off of their personalities in real life. this is purely fiction. also shout out to @wrosie-writes. they wanted to see anti howl fic. they ask, they shall receive. enjoy!

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"are you okay?"

bada hears howl, but she's more concerned with the contents on her phone than she is with him.

"i'm fine." bada tries to make it sound as believable as possible.

“i don’t get you.” howl glares at her, eyes boring into the back of her head.

“...what are you talking about?”

“you and y/n. you’re just really close with her. you confide in her, you trust her. it kind of pisses me off if i’m being honest.”

bada moves her focus from the tv to howl who stands behind the couch she sits on. she looks at him incredulously. why is he bringing this up now?

“what prompted this?”

“you. i know you’re texting her right now.”

bada challenges him, “and if i am?”

howl rolls his eyes and runs a hand through his hair. he was so fucking fed up with you. every chance you got, you were with howl and bada. howl felt like you were intruding all the time, meanwhile, bada told you to not be a stranger. he was angry.

“i want you to stop talking to her.”

bada fully turns around and blinks up at him, “what?”

howl’s eyes narrow, “you heard me. stop talking to her.”

bada shakes her head, “i shouldn’t have to choose. don’t make me choose.”

howl stands firm and bada almost caves. a part of her loves howl. another part of her loves you, deeply.

bada stands up and tries to walk around him. what the fuck was she supposed to do? why was he putting her in this impossible position?

“lets go to bed and talk about this in the morning. please.”

bada continues walking towards their shared bedroom but howl stops her. he grabs hold of her wrist and pulls, “don’t walk away from me. you’re avoiding this.”

she wrenches her hand out of his grip and rubs at her wrist. he’d never done that before and it hurt. it hurt.

“i just don’t want to talk about it right now.”

howl frowns and tries to grab at her again but bada dodges his advancement toward her. she shifts to the other side of the island in their kitchen.

“i dont like this.”

she felt scared. small.

howl raises his voice, “you know what i don’t like? watching my girlfriend be mentally intimate with another person. you’re not even fucking her, you just care too much about her. you pour yourself into her instead of me. god, bada, we havent had sex in weeks! you barely let me hold your hand. Is it y/n? is she forcing you to do something you don’t want to do?”

bada’s jaw drops momentarily. but her shock is replaced with anger and frustration. distress and confusion. “what did you mean by that last part?” she leans forward and places her hands on the surface in front of her.

“you heard me. i know y/n likes women. is she coming on to you? you know i don’t like that and i can make her stop if you want me to. just say the words.”

bada shakes her head, confusion still drawn on her face, “you can make her stop? how? and what do you think it is that she could possibly be doing? what’s so wrong with her liking women?”

howl puts his head in his hands. he couldn’t believe how dense bada was acting. it’s like she didnt understand that-

“i don’t like that about her. you know that doesn’t sit right with me. i can take care of it. of her.”

fear pools in the bottom of bada’s stomach. she gets nauseous and thinks carefully about her next words as they mean alot for your own personal safety. she did not want to compromise that. she… she did not want to compromise herself either. she tries to act passive and pulls out her phone. she sends you a quick “sos” and sets her phone on the counter.

“you don’t need to take care of anything. stop worrying about it. about me. about her. everything is fine. i’m tired baby, can we please just let this go for the night?”

she glances down as she sees the texts coming in from you.

are you okay?

please answer me.

are you at howls?

its late, i need to know if you’re safe

i see your location, i’m on the way

*y/n has shared their location with you*

i’ll be there in 10 minutes. if it’s howl messing with you again, i swear to god i’ll take that fucker out tonight.

howl rounds the corner of the island and takes steady strides to bada and she stumbles back, praying that you show up sooner rather than later.

“you don’t see how she’s fucking with your head? she doesn’t love you like i do, bada.” howl reaches a hand up to bada’s face.

bada shakes in fear, its creeping up her spine and she can feel his breath on her face. he’s too close.

he’s too brave.

bada takes his hand in hers and places it back down by his side,

“you don’t love me howl. I’m something for you to show off like a trophy to your friends. I have no real meaning to you. you dress me up and make me out to be whoever you want me to be, but i’m not her. I’m not the girl you want me to be so desperately.”

bada straightens up for the first time in a couple months and she laughs as she realizes - her and howl stand at the same height. it makes her chuckle in his face. she advances towards him instead and now, the tables turn. howl looks almost… disturbed? shocked? he’d never seen bada be so… firm. so confident.

“y/n lets me be myself. fully. she accepts every part of me without question. her love is unconditional with no limit. no ceiling. there are no dealbreakers- she just loves me. howl i cant even wear sweatshirts around you without you saying i’m not being feminine enough. i’m not pretty enough. but y/n? it doesn’t matter what the fuck i have on because its me. and she loves me regardless.”

bada’s phone dings again and as she looks down at it, its you.

i’m parked, i’m in the elevator going to your floor now

bada walks around howl to their bedroom, he follows.

“where do you think you’re going?” howl crosses his arms.

bada grabs her emergency bag, only needing a couple items since you already had half of her wardrobe at your apartment. “i’m going out. i’m not sure when i’ll be back.”

she exits the bedroom and makes her way to the door,

“and let me just tell you this, howl. If it came between you and y/n, i will always choose y/n. without question.”

and as if on cue, the doorbell rings. bada swings the door open to reveal you in a pair of sweatpants and one of her sweatshirts draped on your body. bada tries her best to shield howl from your sight and exit as swiftly as she possibly can given the situation, but howl grabs her arm and yanks. you hear bada hiss, and as soon as you lay eyes on howl, you feel rage encompass your entire being. you step into the door and remove his hand from her arm, pulling bada from out of the door frame and behind you.

“how dare you lay your fucking hands on her? are you kidding me?” you take a step forward but bada pulls you back and intertwines her hand with your own, “let’s go y/n. please”

howl’s body is slumped, insecurity swallowing him whole. you can't help but laugh at him. he was such a fucking idiot. you turn around and scan bada for any harm, luckily, she seems fine other than being a little shaken up. you lean up to give her a kiss on her cheek and take one last look at howl. pathetic. you both turn to walk away and howl hopes bada turns around to look at him, show any waver of uncertainty. but she never looks back, she just moves forward. with you.

──⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

your fingers twirl through bada’s hair. she’d changed into comfy clothes once you guys got home and now she’s sprawled out on top of you, head laying on your chest.

“you okay?” your hand pushes the hair out of her face. you feel her nod. she shifts so that her head is resting upright.

“i am now.” she grins up to you, pressing her lips against your own. she really meant it this time.

[mrhowells]

Smallville 4x14

I love this episode a lot🥹

THAT'S ADORABLE😭😭

"You're gonna be fine. I know you're gonna be fine. Everyone I've ever hit was alright."

Lois -everyone I've ever hit was alright- Lane:

Clark really sleeps on the couch now that Lois lives there? LMAOOOO

the way he immediately smiles when he sees the dog I can't🥹🥹

"You hit him? With your car?" "No, with my fist🙄🙄"

CLARK YOUR FACE-

"Actually, I think it might be fun to have a dog around."

HE'S A MENACE, HE'S A DISGRACE, HE'S A FUCKING CLOWN, I LOVE HIMMMMMMMM

I'm crying

"I don't know. It's just kind of hard to be myself with her around."

that's so ironic though because apart from hiding his powers he is VERY himself around her

I need Tom Welling to stop smiling on my screen please and thank you, I'm not strong enough for this😭

ugh😩

Chloe helping Clark with his excuses, love to see it🥹 He's so bad at them he needs all the help he can get💀

Let me introduce you to my parents who have been married for about 30 years now:

"Let's see. He's annoying, and I can't get within ten feet of him without getting sick. I think we should call him Clarkie."

have I mentioned how much I love them before?

"I spent all morning on these."

they're both so cute🥹🥹

LMAOOOOOO he finds her so annoying

hsajaksjaksj LOOK AT HIS HAND IN THE SECOND IMAGE, HE'S SO DONE I'M SCREAMING

No because if I keep going like this I'll screenshot every single time they say something or even look at each other💀

Lois: You could be Skipper😇

Clark: *fake ass smile* anyway-

STAHP I'M SCREAMING

he's about to throw hands💀

This is so confusing, I thought Jason's mom orchestrated the entire meeting with Lana but now she wants him away from her?

"Paranoia is not a very attractive quality in a woman."

Umm okay, AND? I mean I don't give a shit about Genevieve but this is such a dumb statement, as if she's supposed to give a fuck about what's "attractive" to Lex or others, like what?

Sometimes he sounds like one of those "pick up artists" that the internet makes fun of all the time, I'm sorry💀💀

I. LOVE. THIS.

That's the way someone talks to their own kid, not their guest and I love that because Lois clearly lacks parental love. Martha & Lois will always be so special to me😭😭

"Remember when Clark did that? He was only... three." LMAOOOO

Lex is clearly losing patience with Clark😬

Can I join this family pls look at themmmm

Martha is such a badass actually

I'm glad Lana overheard that whole conversation between Jason and his mother, now I'm just hoping they'll give her more agency instead of making her a passive character and her own storyline.

(edit: so she did NOT hear what they were talking about🤡🤡 At least she saw it)

Clark is such a little shit😭

Still arguing about dog names🤡

"Hold on there Forrest Gump, what are you gonna do, run?" LOL

She's like nuh uh, get in the car dude AND HE LISTENS💀💀💀

How are they acting like they're been married for decades???

NOT AN ACTUAL QUESTION BC I KNOW HOW AND I'LL TELL YOU: they're comfortable around each other even if they don't realize it

🎶and I will go down with this ship🎶 (EXCEPT I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING SAILING, IT WILL NEVER GO DOWNNNNN)

let's move on

"What is this, another one of your famous hunches or are we just on a little scenic route?"

"Okay, stop here."

"Wha- where??"

"HERE. Stop here."

"OKAY."

>>>MARRIED.

they sound like my grandparents💀

LOOK AT MY LIL POOKIES INVESTIGATING STUFF TOGETHER🥺

YEEEEET

I need to know where Clark gets his clothes bc that stuff withstands literally anything💀

AKJASJKAKSL STAHP😭

"He (the dog) saved my life. I'll take my chances on his loyalty." Ooof, is he calling out Lex👀

what is Lionel trying to do?🧐

CUTE.

CUTE.

Clark is happy = I'm happy, it's really that simple

this episode is premium, top tier chef's kiss EXCELLENT

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 03

You know, I hate to say it, but this show's been pretty friggin' boring so far. I mean, the animation's excellent, and the character designs are really top-notch, but there's these long stretches where nothing actually happens. The dull parts are probably intended to make the robot battles more exciting, but Shinji kind of sucks at fighting, and this whole show seems designed to make me feel guilty about his predicament, so it's hard to enjoy the action, you know?

This one opens with Shinji doing some target practice with his Eva. Ritsuko talks him through the drills, reviewing the technical details of the unit. For example, that cable coming out of its back is a power line, because their battery technology sucks in this world. If the cable gets cut, the Eva has 5 minutes of battery life before it shuts down.

Shinji just sort of exists through these drills like he's in a trance. Ritsuko observes that he seems to go through life just doing whatever he's told.

Misato got him a cell phone when he moved in with her, and she expected him to use it a lot when he started at his new school here in Tokyo-3, but she hasn't heard it ring even once, and she suspects that he has no friends.

The two women consider the Hedgehog's dilemma: the notion that hedgehogs have trouble socializing with one another, because the closer they get the more likely that they'll hurt each other with their quills. Pretty sure that's not actually how hedgehogs work, and I'm pretty sure that's not Shinji's problem.

So far, all I really know about Shinji is that he doesn't particularly like himself very much, and he's adapted to his life in such a way where he just passively accepts everything that happens to him. I'm pretty sure this has a lot to do with the way his dad just sort of glares at him instead of interacting with him like a normal human parent.

I suppose, in theory, Shinji could find some common ground with Rei Ayanami, the other Eva pilot, but he just stares at her while she stares out the window. This is what I mean when I say this show is getting boring. Everyone just sort of keeps restating the premise. The world's in danger from these Angels, the Evas are the only thing that can stop them, and Rei and Shinji are the only ones who can pilot the Evas, so they're desperately needed, but they're also completely distant and isolated from the rest of society. This seems like a really major problem that someone should try to solve, but we're on Episode 3 and everyone just keeps staring at this mess waiting for it to clean itself up.

Let's talk about Shinji's school, because apparently that's incredibly fascinating. Yes, I sure am interested in school. Just the other day I was thinking to myself that there aren't enough animes about schools. They should make... a thousand of them, all set in schools, and everyone could wear the same clothes, even the ones that take place in the future, when you'd expect them to have come up with new social customs. Argh, fuck this.

After the battle in episodes 1 and 2, a lot of people just moved out of Tokyo-3, so it looks like the classes are nearly deserted, except there's a packed house once the classes actually begin. The teacher just happens to give a lesson on the backstory of this world. In 1999 a meteor hit Antarctica, setting off disasters and climate changes that wiped out half the human population. He doesn't get into the Angels, although if I understand correctly, the last one showed up 15 years prior to the start of this show, and the second one showed up in Episode 1. So maybe there's not much to tell.

Anyway, Shinji gets a text message on his laptop asking him to respond to rumors about him being the Eva pilot who saved the city three weeks ago. He says he is the pilot, and the whole class starts asking him questions, ignoring the teacher completely. Everyone thinks Shinji is pretty cool, even though he can't actually tell them anything about his pilot work, and he just sort of murmurs all of his dialogue like a drugged kitten.

Well, one kid doesn't like Shinji, because his sister was crushed by falling debris during the attack, and she's been hospitalized ever since. He blames the Eva pilot for fighting the Angel inside the city, and now that he knows it's Shinji, he punches the shit out of him. Shinji mutters that he didn't pilot the Eva by choice, so the kid punches him again.

Then Rei stands over him like the spectre of death and informs him that they got an emergency call. She says she's going to report for duty, but this is the last time we see her this whole episode. I'm pretty sure Rei does something in this show, but I don't understand why it's taking this long to get to that.

It's another angel and... wow. This is a serious downgrade from the last one. NERV mobilizes the Eva, which seems kind of obvious since that's literally the only thing that works. Apparently this is the fourth Angel, so the third must have been the one from Episode 1 three weeks ago, and the second must have been the one they talked about from 2000.

Misato remarks that NERV's commander, Gendo Ikari, is away, but what difference does it make? All he did the last time was stare at the monitor and smirk occasionally. I think they can manage without him.

Shinji wonders why he's still doing this when his dad's not around to see it. I get that characters don't always understand their own motivations. They're not always honest with themselves, or they act impulsively, or whatever. But I feel like if you put on a leotard to sit in the cockpit of a robot about to do battle against a giant monster, you ought to have some vague idea of why you're doing it.

Anyway, Tokyo-3 goes into battle-station mode, and Shinji engages the Angel, and... immediately goes to pieces. The Angel kicks his ass and severs his power cable, so now he's only got five minutes left before the Eva shuts off completely.

Shinji continues to take a beating, and eventually falls near his two classmates, who snuck out of the bomb shelter to see the battle. The one of the left is fascinated by this Angel/NERV conflict, and the one of the right is the kid who beat Shinji up earlier. Seeing them makes Shinji freeze up, which is impressive because I thought he was already freezing up earlier in the battle. What, is he double-freezed up now? How much does this Angel suck that it still hasn't managed to kill him?

I guess he sort of pulls it together long enough to keep the monster busy while Misato orders the hatch open so the other kids can get inside the robot with him for safety. Ritsuko objects to this, but Misato seems to be in charge, so she gets her way.

Apparently just having passengers on board the Eva can screw up its delicate interaction with the pilot, so this further disrupts Shinji's ability to defend himself. I thought he was already incapacitated from his initial fear, and then again from worrying about his classmates, and now this. Next some guy is gonna show up and stab Shinji in the throat just to make this extra difficult.

But then Shinji goes berserk just like he did in Episode 2, and he manages to kill the Angel before his battery runs out of power. So it all works out.

Three days later... Rei's still staring out that window. Thanks for coming out tonight, Rei.

Shinji hasn't been back to class since the battle, and the kid who beat him up before feels bad about it, now that he understands what Shinji's job is really like. His pal gives him Shinji's phone number to call him and apologize.

And he goes to a phone, but I'm pretty sure he chickens out for some reason. Or maybe Shinji doesn't answer. Whatever.

And that's it. Wow, that sucked. Business will probably pick up later, but I hope it doesn't take too long, because this really isn't doing it for me.

Misato does the next-episode preview segments and she promises "lots of fan service" in Episode 4. Yeesh.

[red-flagging]

⭐ would love to hear any director commentary on consider the hairpin turn and/or that one post quali sewis tumblr flashfic you did this year!!

(director's commentary ask meme)

some consider the hairpin turn for you! commentary on seb's first time blowing lewis under the cut:

Vettel’s legs have barely stopped shaking before he’s shoving himself up onto his knees, almost tripping over the console as he crawls over to Lewis. “Fuck,” he breathes. “Your turn,” and then before Lewis can react, is unbuttoning Lewis’s pants and dragging them down past his hips. Lewis jerks his eyes away, but not before he sees the wet stain on his own stomach, the way his own legs are shaking; how he’s so hard that it’s poking out of the waistband of his boxers, flushed dark and heavy. one trick that i like to use for getting into a character’s headspace is to give myself somewhat arbitrary restrictions about certain words that they can’t use in their dialogue/internal narration. for this fic specifically i decided early on that i didn’t want lewis to use any explicit sexual language (cock, come, etc.) - so in the earlier scene where he’s blowing seb he never actually references any of seb’s genitals, and the closest that he gets here is describing himself as hard (which imo was like. toeing the line but i truly could not think of a different way to talk around it). i really like it as a technique because not being able to use certain words not only forces me to talk around the idea (and in doing so almost draw more attention to its purposeful absence than it would if i just wrote the word), but also pushes me to hone in on the details of what lewis’s body is actually experiencing in the moment, instead of being able to just use “he’s hard” as a shorthand for him being turned on.

Vettel’s hands are on his legs, pulling his pants down to his knees, spreading them open. There’s a hot puff of air over his skin. Lewis’s breath catches in his throat. Wait, he wants to say, to grab Vettel by the shoulders and say wait, this wasn’t supposed to happen tonight. to be clear - lewis's plan for the night was to go out and purposefully have a really bad sexual experience with a stranger, in order to essentially try to condition himself out of wanting to have sex with men. the main reason this prompt hooked me was because i remember reading it and being like “2005 lewis would NOT say that (be secure enough in this own sexuality to have sex with a mostly-random man in his car),” which then immediately made me ask – well, what would it take to make him say that? and i am quite proud of the little subversion of the usual “young lewis being too closeted to even look at a man let alone think about him sexually” storyline (although to be clear i LOVE AND CHERISH all deeply homophobic lewis stories so much lol. and have written many myself! it was just fun to challenge myself to do a different take that is antithetical to how i typically view early lewis characterization) His hands feel numb; he can’t remember how to move them– 

Heat floods through him. Feeling rushes back into his body like blood, so fast it almost hurts. He barely clamps down on the sob before it slips past his teeth. Vettel’s elbow is digging into his thigh. He makes a frustrated noise, leaning harder against it as he pulls himself further forward towards Lewis, and the terrible hunger roars back, snapping at his heels and tugging him down into the pit in his stomach. lots of switching back and forth between active and passive voice in lewis’s internal narration throughout the fic to try and capture the way he’s fighting to detach from what’s happening in his body / getting pulled back into himself despite his best efforts. there’s a lot more active voice here than there was, for instance, when he was blowing seb and could make himself dissociate from what he was doing - he’s starting to lose control. The panic catches in his throat, fuzzing out his brain. He’s going to–with Vettel's mouth on him, he can’t stop it– 

Lewis digs his nails into his palms, as hard as he can, until the knife-edge of pain cuts through the fog in his head. Forces himself to breathe through his nose, fast and harsh. No. He isn't. He forces his breathing to slow down. He isn’t. He’s kept it at bay for so many years already. (he has not.) He can do it tonight. (he cannot.)

Vettel’s mouth makes a wet sound. Lewis twitches, his hands jerking convulsively. He forces his attention away and up, tipping his head back and searching the inside of the car. The lining on the roof. The leather of the headrest next to his face. Five, six, seven, eight stitches in the seam. The windscreen is fogged up. He presses his fingertips against it, the cold sending a shock down his spine all the way to the soles of his feet. please imagine the titanic car sex scene but if rose was having a massive dissociative panic attack the entire time. Nineteen stitches, twenty. In the distance, a car honks. Thirty-two, thirty-three. random observations about the setting around a character my beloved. maybe my favorite narration trick of all time to get across that a character is distracted and/or trying to distract themself but also in this case, for a fic whose mood is very much driven by the setting it takes place in, a nice way to sneak in extra exposition about some tactile and sensory details that would be unreadable in large paragraph form. 

“Are you even paying attention?” Vettel suddenly snaps, as he pulls off with a wet sound. [affectionately] attention-thirsty BRAT.

Lewis jerks. “What?” he croaks, clearing his throat. “I–obviously–”

“So then why aren’t you doing anything,” Vettel snaps back. “You aren’t even looking–” for the most part, this version of lewis is not particularly concerned about seb’s internal life (much like this version of seb isn’t concerned with lewis’s whole deal - they’ve never really interacted as people outside of racing at this point, remember), but i also didn’t just want seb to come off as a blank wall that only exists in-story for lewis to bounce his repression off of. imo, it’s important that seb is also working through his own stuff - not just because that makes him more interesting as a character, but also because it puts him and lewis on more even footing - for all of seb’s bravado and (imo genuine) greater comfort with his sexuality, he by no means has all his shit figured out, and the fact that he’s so in his head about wanting to be good at sex, wanting to be taken seriously and not seen as a child, wanting to be genuinely desired, etc. that he ALSO pulled the “find a stranger who will face-fuck me, a barely-legal adult, in a bathroom at a random bar” move, just like lewis, points to them not being all that different, even if at face value seb seems far less bothered by lewis about all of this.

“That's your problem, not mine,” Lewis answers. He forces his hands open, wincing at how stiff his fingers are. His breaths feel damp, like he’s just run ten kilometres or cried for an hour. The skin all over his body feels so tight that he thinks he might burst. lewis’s plan b for the night truly was like 1) suck seb off and don’t enjoy it (failed step 1) 2) don’t let seb suck your dick just get out of the car and go (failed step 2) 3) okay if he really wants to he can but you’re going to have the most self control of any person in the world and not come and eventually he’s going to get bored and give up and you will have achieved your goal of having mediocre gay sex and proving to yourself it's not all it's cracked up to be and can go home in peace (about to fail step 3)

He needs to get out of the car. He needs to get Vettel’s mouth off of him. He can feel the two of them flying around the corners, wheel to wheel, trying to force each other wide; pushing the braking point further and further, edging closer to disaster every lap. Lift off, he hisses to himself desperately. broadly one of the things i wanted to explore in this fic is lewis’s relationship to his own drive and hunger, and the parallels between his own desire to win, which propelled him to that GP3 title, and his sexual desires. a lot of this fic is about him trying to pretend that those two things are separate when in reality (and he knows this on some level) the thing that he hates and wants to rip out of himself is the same thing that will push him to greatness and let him achieve all that he has achieved (and will achieve)! and trying to nourish that desire in one part of his life and stamp it out in another does not work. 

Vettel’s mouth is still hanging open, panting. His pupils are so wide that they’ve almost swallowed up the blue. In the low light, Lewis can barely see the shine of spit on his lip. He looks ravenous. Lewis’s mouth waters. [f+tm voice] WE ALL! HAVE! A HUNGER-

but actually. once again. even if they don’t know it yet - they are more similar than they are different. in the way they’re hungry for the things they want – wholeheartedly, ravenously, undeniably, and beyond reason – maybe more so than anything else. 

He forces himself to drag his eyes back up to meet Vettel’s, digging his nails back into his palms. Quietly, he hears himself say: “Give me something worth looking at, then, if you’re so upset.” 

Something shifts in Vettel’s expression, and all of a sudden it hits Lewis, too fast and too late, how monumentally stupid that was to say; to think, even for a second, that there's any universe where Vettel would ever brake first. a little bit of projection on lewis’s end, imo, because this is also definitely true about him. in the same way that neither of them would ever brake early to play it safe and let the other overtake them through a corner - even if lewis knows it’s a bad idea, there was never any way that he was going to let seb win gay chicken tonight. and so there was no other way that this could have ended.

The heat crashes into Lewis, full-force. Before he can say anything, do anything about it, Vettel pushes his legs back open and swallows Lewis back down.

[msviolacea]

So yeah, I watched this week's Critical Role. And wow, I have a lot of thoughts and feelings.

To start with, I've also been watching a series on YouTube by supergeekmike where he's gone through the Vox Machina episodes one at at time and talks about what we can learn about GMing and playing TTRPGs from how the CR cast does it. Which is very interesting overall, but the most recent episode has a surprising amount of synergy with this week's CR. He reached the Umbrasyl fight, and talks about how some of the awkward tension in this fight stems from the fact that the players, at this point, tended to keep Matt in the dark about big battle plans they wanted to implement, presumably because they didn't want him to plan a counter for them. This is partly seeing it at least a little as an us vs them, players vs GM sort of game, which can be a valid way of playing if everyone's on board, but doesn't super work for something like CR. But it's also a way players try to exert what little control they have over the situation, especially in very tense situations in which their characters are in serious danger.

Anyway, that sense of control is something I thought about again while watching this most recent episode. Spoilers ahoy!

99% of the time, I'm on team Marisha does nothing wrong fuck you Reddit, but in this one I think that, in her panic and desire to control the situation, she overstepped a couple of times. First with the scryball thing - yes, she mentioned it earlier in the episode, but if you want to assume you have it up and are staring at it 100% of the time you have to say so. Also, knowing Otohan was that close wasn't going to give them any kind of real advantage - there wasn't time or space to create an ambush or do much of anything that would improve their position when she arrived. Looking at the scryball earlier told them that Otohan was there and getting closer - realistically, that was about as much warning as they needed or were going to get. I think the thing to take away here is that sometimes, you can't make plans for everything as a player. Sometimes, the best you're going to do is "big shit's coming, at least you're aware." If you want more than that, especially in a very high-stress situation, you have be specific. "I have the scryball in my hand and will look at it every minute or so." "I am keeping very, very aware as we run so can we just use my passive perception against anything in the area as we move forward?" "I have specifically taken X weapon out of the bag so I don't have to spend an action when we inevitably get ambushed." The more info you can give your GM, the more control you can have, however little it may be. But at the same time, sometimes you're just going to be surprised or get caught in a suboptimal situation, and sometimes that's what the story needs.

As an aside, it did feel like Otohan was a little overtuned - 4 attacks PLUS two action surges PLUS legendary actions? And that's without her crazy shadow backpack? But there's also the fact that the party had used so many of their spells for the infiltration. But still. I wonder if Otohan was meant to be an even later boss fight, and they were meant to flee again, maybe with the teleport back to Exandria. But that wasn't clear, so maybe this really was just supposed to be a brutal deadly fight. It just didn't feel like fun for the players for a good chunk of time.

(I struggle a lot figuring out how to make a fight hard for a large group of fairly overpowered players myself. I haven't figured out how to make it work. But it's a little comforting to realize that Matt might not even quite know how to do it all the time even after all these years.)

But anyway. The second time I started to get irritated with Marisha was when she started trying to bargain/beg after they all realized what Sam/FCG was doing. Thankfully Travis brought out the dad voice to shut her down - I get it, I understand the impulse to want to find something, anything that will change this inevitable outcome, but at the same time, this show is as much a piece of improv theater as it is a D&D game, and there comes a time when you have to just let your fellow actor have their moment. And while Sam will make ridiculous snap decisions to commit to the bit, when it comes to the serious, important stuff, he's clearly a player who knows exactly what he's doing and why he wants to do it.

Ultimately, I think this is why I continue to appreciate CR's no-editing approach to their episodes, even though finding 5 hours to watch one episode can be a pain sometimes. I like seeing these awkward moments, these missteps, the times when it becomes clear that even veteran players and GMs, even professional improv actors don't get it right all the time. It's validating, as a GM and player who feels like she sucks at both things, even after playing for like 7-ish years.

[ghooostbaby]

i wonder where the interpretation for the whole “he xuan’s revenge failed” thing came from... (jk i know it’s beefleaf fanon :P)

as far as i could tell, there was no indication that he xuan was determined to immediately kill shi qingxuan as part of his revenge, and that not killing him along with shi wudu is a “failure” of his revenge. are you all such vicious revenge perfectionists you DEMAND beheading or bust?? in fact, he xuan already stripped shi qingxuan of his heavenly powers, exposed his brother’s corruption to him, forced him to live out his days without his brother as a mortal in abject poverty without the possibility of reincarnating (as mxtx said in an interview, once someone ascends to the heavens they are taken out of the cycle of reincarnation so shi qingxuan won’t reincarnate) - seems pretty revengey to me ???

there’s also the part when he xuan’s still in disguise, but after shi qingxuan has found out the truth of how he became a god and lost his powers, he xuan gives him the chance to go stay with the rain master while they are going after shi wudu. maybe he was faking it, maybe he genuinely hoped shi qingxuan would go, but it seems like his main interest was shi wudu.

and if he xuan decided not to rip shi qingxuan’s head off ... he xuan was the one that decided that? he wasn’t outsmarted or strong-armed out of it, he was perfectly capable of doing it and didn’t. yeah, i suppose this is where beefleafers could say he doesn’t behead shi qingxuan because he has conflicting feelings.. and this is why it seems that reading beefleaf into the black water arc requires reading he xuan as disempowered. It only works if he isn’t capable of doing what he wants for some reason, but why in the world would that be? is it more likely that he xuan is actually capable of doing things he wants to and not doing things he doesn’t want to do, or that he is rendered incapable of action by romantic feelings? (but i really don’t think what he did to shi qingxuan could be considered “going light” or not taking action... true romantics over in the beefleaf ship, if it’s not a beheading it must be love! XD) I wonder if it’s because he is so defiantly silent, and maybe some readers can’t see agency in introversion, or if maybe if some people who ship them see themselves in shi qingxuan and he xuan is a convenient absence that can be filled with a tragically passive longing. or some people just like shipping things that are nothing but pain... that’s definitely true ...

but it’s such an unfortunate waste of he xuan’s character to read him this way. try reading the black water arc assuming that everything he xuan does, he intentionally chooses. i find it much more interesting. he is a furious, silent, powerful ghost king with a strong sense of justice who has shown himself capable of doing whatever the fuck he wants. if he is in love with shi qingxuan, wouldn’t he do something about it? or maybe even the black water arc was him doing something about it. if he WAS in love with shi qingxuan before he stages the black water arc and this was a test to see if he xuan could really trust him, shi qingxuan so utterly fails him and fails his own commitment to justice, i can’t imagine he xuan would still feel the same by the time they come to the reveal. (and shi qingxuan CERTAINLY doesn’t feel the same way about he xuan as he did for “ming yi” when they see each other again in the imperial city.)

does it really make more sense that he xuan makes all these convoluted moves to avoid murdering shi qingxuan because he has fallen in love with him while hating himself for falling in love with him, so he spares him while also destroying his last family and condemning him to a slow death as a mortal while tortuously watching him from afar for the rest of shi qingxuan’s days ... or that ... he doesn’t want to murder shi qingxuan, doesn’t, punishes him, kills the villain who destroyed his family’s lives, and then gladly gets the fuck out of the heavens, and never appears to shi qingxuan again except that one time his bb gurl (hua cheng) asked him. this feels like a very “he’s just not that into you” scenario. sometimes if someone murders your brother and leaves you to ruins and other than one time where they acted extremely angry never appears to you again, it’s NOT because they secretly harbour an eternal flame for you. !!

the simplest explanation is likely the right one! and also this is an explanation that assumes he xuan is capable of acting on his own desires. i mean ... did you READ his backstory?! he is THE character of desire and determination!

[yallemagne]

This year, I'm not doing Dr*cula D*ily

Or any other substack but DD is the biggest. I have numerous reasons for this decision that none of y'all are gonna particularly care for, but ya know, just so we got our expectations in order: I'm not gonna participate in DD this year (maybe never again), I'm probably not gonna reblog many posts related to it (doing so would be counterintuitive), but I am holding myself to finishing Orice (at LEAST the base fic).

Now, why?

TL;DR: Mental health crisis brought on by internet harassment and overprioritizing social media. It's not fun anymore, folks.

DD just... it completely ruined the novel for me.

It was a nice phenomenon, but it took a wrecking ball to my mental health and self-worth. Now, I'm not saying DD's creator personally did something to spite me (or maybe I am, he knows what he did /j), but this whole thing? It wasn't good for me. It was never good. It was sometimes fun, but most of the time it made me want to end it because of thumblr notes.

That's fucking stupid. My life is not worth internet validation. My art is not worthless just because my numbers are not as big as the biggest big shots in the fandom. I'm not a horrible person when other people handle personal disagreements regarding headcanon with defaming rumours and impersonation. But hell! My view of reality was horribly skewed.

A while back, I unfollowed all the gothlit tags I previously followed because 1) Some people (active and popular members of the fandom, mind you, not bots or trolls) were posting honest-to-god name-dropping harassment in the tag because "it's a popular tag so more people will see my callout post" and 2) I reached a point where seeing anything related to the novel on my dash just set me off. It didn't even need to be drama-related anymore. Mentions of the characters, mentions of popular AUs, just the very content of this book became triggering to me, and I really didn't miss the content when it was gone, as sad as that is.

And the kicker? I've come to realize that I probably dislike more things about the novel than I actually like about it. Not only is it tied to some of my darkest moments in recent memory, but it's also just... a book with many flaws that I could go on and on and on about. Sometimes, it straight-up made me furious, like seething mad, and I think I'd rather just be happy. But even when I would try to channel that energy into being happy, I always felt I had to over-clarify or else I’d get bombarded with anonymous messages. If you’ve seen any of my posts from during that time… chances are there is a passive aggressive “btw people can have opposing opinions from you about an old book and it doesn’t give you leave to stone them” or several tags of “#this is a joke #a jooooooke #for the love of god #if y’all don’t stop”. I bet it was as annoying for y’all as it was for me.

P.S. Mutuals/friends, do not worry. Y'all keep doing y'all. I can and will block tags if seeing your posts triggers me. So, I suppose my only request is to properly tag, but I've been saying that from the very start.

I just want to move on to other things.

I took a break for Lent. I needed it terribly. And... not gonna lie? I almost didn't want to return. I never got an itching to just log on and "check in". I very successfully avoided tumb altogether. I came back because "I gotta come back eventually" and also like, this is my main hub where I update when I've written a fic, and ya know... I'm not gonna let toxic fandom bs rule my shit.

During my break, I got back into gaming. More specifically, I started playing Hades again. And listening to Epic the Musical. Aaaand boyyy did that bring me back to my Greek mythology phase. I have a Greek mythos/Hades sideblog btw: @areopagusimp. It's cringe, if you can't tell by the blog name.

Back when I was into Hades game and general Greek mythos, my expectations were so much smaller, but yet, my goals and will to create seemed so much bigger. I made art that no one gave a single solitary shit about (except for my friend), but I was happy. Maybe I'm wearing rose-tinted glasses, but... even if I wasn't as happy then as I remember being... haha at least I wasn't receiving threats and insults in my inbox back then :))). That was the most fun thing about the gothlit fandom. I hope every single chickenhearted angry anon is proud of their behaviour.

But yeah, whatever I end up doing, I’m striving to not let it run me into the ground.

But... What do I do now?

I have so many WIPs (art and writing) for the novel, and it's very disappointing that I didn't get to finish them before it all turned sour. Hopefully, I can still finish them, it just won't be with the same distress I worked with before. Hopefully, I can post that stuff and fully manage my expectations, not crash and burn when only a few people like it. Because hell! A few people liking my stuff? That's amazing, really. I shouldn't take that for granted. At the same time, I'm setting a boundary for myself. Placing my self-worth into the hands of people who I don't know, who don't know me, and who aren't even paying for the art? I need to stop that. Who the hell is that gonna serve? Absolutely no one.

My number one goal is to finish Orice. It is somehow untouched by my aversion to the novel; it is my safe space. I want to honour it and honour the longtime readers who have stuck with me. It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it for me.

This feels attention-seeking, and it kinda is. I'm not tagging the main subject and I'm not allowing reblogs because I want this to stay isolated (and hopefully prevent backlash/misunderstandings), but ya know, no matter how much I try to keep this small, I'm still posting it online. But I just feel like I needed to get this off my chest. I don't really owe everyone an explanation, but I want there to be one for my own sake... also it's much easier to generalize and make a post than contact each of my friends/mutuals on here and unload stuff onto them that I'm not sure is too personal or not.

For those of you who are reading: I love y'all. I love the good people I've met through all this mess. I want to keep the good apples, not throw out the whole harvest, alright? Dunno how much you'll care for my art when the subject is different, but... eh. If y'all are willing to try?

[m00nj3w3l]

Well here I am (ONS chapter 128)

Ok I'm finally writing out my thoughts about ONS' 128. Idk how long it'll come out (extremely long as I'm writing it it seems...) and also as always I want to hear others' opinions on this, but as a warning it will be mostly negative. I actually did a similar post back at the start of the year with BSD, but BSD at least managed to bounce back full force and do what it needed to do while ONS shows no signs of that.

I'll break it down into the following points:

>I'm also getting tired of the flashbacks (as many already did)

>I miss the Shinoa squad (will touch upon Mitsuba specifically and y'all probably know why)

>The belief that MikaYuu fans are getting much better content and why I think that's bs (will probably mention my theorem of "Mika, along with literally all the women of the franchise, got hit with the mysoginy stick")

So let's go I guess, under the cut so I don't clutter my non-ONS followers' dash.

>The flashbacks: I... Did not mind them up unti now, if I've got to be honest. Let's be serious here everyone probably expected a batshit crazy backstory for the characters, ESPECIALLY Yuu and Mika, and that's what made me not really complain. Now it has been like? 8 chapters of ONLY flashbacks??? Only things of the past with NO break and NO POV switches to at least let us know wtf is going on in the outside world. Christ. The fact that irritates me the most is that all of this adds nothing to the plot either!!! What are the MCs supposed to do now that they've seen one of them (WHO HAS BEEN 4 DIFFERENT SPECIES TOO SINCE THE START OF THE SERIES???) sacrifice for the 3rd time!!!! AND IN THE PAST AT THAT!!!! HOW IS THIS USEFUL FOR THEM OR ANY OF US AGHHFHGHHG. We got other gays going at it tho and that's just funny to me. This is just a BL masked as a battle shonen lmaoooo.

>The Shinoa squad: I feel like this is obvious. Where tf are they? They obviously are looking out for where Mika and Yuu are, how did we not see them again yet??? Some progress in their hunt (let's call it that) for those two??? Shinoa literally threatened to kill Mika (and, for a number of reasons, let me say this: ew.) I'd at least like to see her and how she's doing. And didn't Kagami promise us Mitsuba would get more screentime soon? THIS IS LITERALLY A PERFECT SETTING. SHOW ME HER AND SHINOA BEING IN CONFLICT CUS SHE WORRIES ABOUT HER FRIEND AND WANTS HER TO COME TO HER SENSES!!! SHOW ME HOW THEE LITERAL KIDS ARE DOING AFTER BEING ASKED BY A FULL ON 24 Y.O TO CHOOSE THEIR FAMILIES OR THE WORLD LIKE BE SO SERIOUS THE SETTING WAS *DECENT* (wouldn't say perfect cus I'm not the biggest fan of the "bring everyone back" plot but ok) FOR IT ALL I'M *explodes*

>MikaYuu: Oh boy ok here we go. So since I came back after my rewatch and catch up to this manga which resulted in hyperfixation again I noticed that the narrative of MikaYuu shippers getting better content cus a lot of the chapters now focus on them is... common. And for a while I just thought "ok" and moved on but now I'm fully on convinced it's just. Not true. Not because the content isn't there, I would be lying if I said that, but because it's... Not good. Good content, for me (as someone who clearly loves these two if you scroll for even 2 minutes down my fucking tag), would be seeing actual growth between them, some actual substance in what they are doing as of rn, and we are not getting any of that. Since when did we see them actually DO something? Last time we saw Yuu in his actual body and actually saying something was last chapter and he was EATING. Then we went back to them just passively staring at everything that went on. And to add onto this, I dislike demon Mika as a plot IN GENERAL because it recessed any development both for HIM and for Yuu himself. Yuu acts stupid (wtf happened to him after Nagoya I'm being so serious Nagoya Yuu I miss you so much) as shit cus anyway Mika IS strong enough to let him get away with it but not enough to oppose Yuu at some point and this was addressed as a problem for like 2 seconds and then nothing. Oh my God. And not only that but this fucking thing also shows that Mika did, indeed, also get hit with a mysoginy beam, but that's another topic I want to talk about in another post if anyone even really cares about it.

So... Yeah. I'm not tired (I only started catching up in March after my rewatch, so I'm still curios about how this will go), but I AM sad. I really miss the earlier arcs and the potential they all had that now seems like a long lost memory. Can we all collectevely just go back to the Nagoya one like if the series stuck to that path I would be able to excuse its flaws up until a point because GOD. The eyeball with its Seraph shit or whatever the hell it was doing was cool tho.

As always y'all can tell me what y'all think, but I'm mostly expecting this to get lost in the void given how dead the fandom is. So yeah, see ya.

[edwarddominicemilio]

"HESITATION IS DEFEAT": PERSEVERANCE, DISCIPLINE, AND THE ONE-ARMED WOLF

After almost three years since my initial playthrough of Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, I finally beat Sword Saint Isshin. It took me that long because I had been uninstalling and re-installing the game many times, often out of frustration.

I first played Sekiro on the second half of 2021. Back then, I was still in law school so I just wanted to have fun with what I thought was a button-masher. Oh, how wrong I was.

I barely got past the first miniboss, General Naomori Kawarada. When I beat him, I jumped out of excitement and exhilaration.

However, I did not know how or why I beat him. I was mashing deflect like a madman, causing my character to flail his sword every which way. It was totally uncharacteristic of the graceful shinobi Wolf was supposed to be.

Unsurprisingly, my inability to learn why I succeeded (or failed) hindered me. I could not get past the Chained Ogre. I was angry. "This is not why I play video games," I told myself, "it's just stressing me out."

I quit playing Sekiro the first time.

I tried Sekiro again after I graduated from law school. This was around early 2023. I just took the Bar Exams and I had been waiting for the results. The discipline I developed throughout the Bar Review season taught me to persevere. I treated the game like a personal challenge.

I also learned how to strategize and to "play the game the way it is meant to be played". This meant abiding by that humorous description of Sekiro: "Sekiro is not an action game, it is a rhythm game with swords." How witty!

So, I practiced timing my deflects properly. I treated each fight like a dance. The opponents swings and I deflect. Then, I listen to that glorious CLANG! that everyone who plays this game knows and loves. Once I hear it, I swing my own sword. CLING! CLANG! CLING! CLANG! Deathblow!

Heavenly.

But there is a final roadblock just before the end. Sword Saint Isshin Ashina, back from the dead upon necromancy of his grandson Genichiro Ashina, killed me more times than I can count.

In fact, I became so disheartened. Was I not playing the game correctly? That can't be. In fact, I can see my improvement! Genichiro was impossible to beat in the beginning, he was a challenge in the middle, and a pushover by the end. I was improving, was I not? Why don't deflects work?!

I quit playing Sekiro for the second time.

After a year, I started playing Sekiro again on March 2024. It was a new save file. Unsurprisingly, everything before Sword Saint Isshin was a breeze. It was objective proof that I was improving.

But when I reached him, I was still at a loss. What was I doing wrong?

Then, I took to heart what he said every time he killed me, his ubiquitous boss dialogue: "Hesitation is defeat". This is not him mocking me, this is him genuinely trying to give me advice. "Remember Sekiro," he says, "hesitate and you lose."

So, I changed my ways. I stopped being a passive partner in this magnificent sword dance. I became aggressive, I chased him, I did not allow him any chance to breathe. He swings, I deflect. He prepares a big wind-up attack, I dodge. He thrusts, I Mikiri. But after each move, I swing back.

I made it a point to be the attacker and to stay as the attacker. Hell, when he hit me, I didn't heal. I just told myself, "Fuck it. He's not gonna hit me again. I can deflect the next ones. Retaining this offensive momentum is worth the risk."

Then, everything clicked.

See, the best thing about Sekiro is how much faith it has in the gamer's indomitable will. You had to beat the game straight up. No, you cannot summon other players or spirits to fight for you. No, you cannot find an exploitable grinding spot to level your character up. No, there is no easy cheese. You just had to "git gud".

And "git gud" I did.

A year ago, landing a hit against Phase 1 Isshin was a miracle. Some days ago, I got Phase 1 Isshin to almost broken posture. Yesterday, I killed Phase 1 Isshin the first time. This morning, I beat Phase 1 Isshin effortlessly. This afternoon, I reached Phase 3 for the first time after spending an entire day learning how to beat his dreaded Phase 2.

In a sense, the strategy to beat his Phase 3 is almost metaphorical. Jumping to meet the lightning and throwing it back at him is symbolic of how you should meet his aggression head-on.

When I beat him, I did not jump for joy in the same way I did when I beat General Naomori Kawarada. Instead, I just whispered, "Fuck. I did it," to myself.

I trusted the process and applied the learnings. Beating him was inevitable. I was not surprised when I did.

That's the way life works too, isn't it? One has to stand up straight and meet life head on. One has to take action.

Thank you, Kensei, for teaching me not to hesitate.

[kakushino]

Who I am - What I feel - How I feel

Tw: depression, passive suicidal thoughts, gore imaginery

This is something very personal to me. I have been struggling with mental health problems for years until it all came to a head two years ago. I've been on medication since then, and am able to somewhat manage the symptoms.

This is not a call for help, nor do I want pity. This is simply how it is for me during my episodes of depression, which still do happen. Everyone experiences it differently, this is just my version.

I like to say "It is what it is," because there is no other way for me to be.

The 'he' is my comfort character. I've never been comforted during my lows, but I wanted to be, once upon a time. I don't think I'd be able to handle it now.

At times, I felt unworthy.

The warmth inside of me didn’t feel natural. It didn’t feel like my organs worked to keep me alive with each breath, each beat of the heart; instead it felt like rot, like decay of my flesh from the inside out. 

It felt like I couldn’t breathe too deep for the fear of ripping myself apart. 

I curled closer around the blanket, it serving as a substitute for someone, anyone, who could hold me in this time. 

I felt alone, lonely.

I’ve been laying in the bed since morning, it was dark outside now.

I didn’t move except to roll over to the other side or check my phone for notifications. There were none.

I didn’t know if I could handle any notification either.

I didn’t know if I could handle any one person seeing me like this. Maybe I could, but I wouldn’t want to talk to them; I just wanted quiet and I wanted this to end - I wanted this feeling to end.

My mouth was dry, I didn't feel any hunger, I shouldn’t feel any hunger.

Why was I taking up space?

Why was I even… alive?

I knew deep down that I was too much of a coward to do anything about it though. There was simply no will; there was apathy and the sickly and wrong warmth of a slowly-rotting body on a too hot and too cold bed at the same time.

The oversized t-shirt felt too rough on my skin. The mattress was too soft, too hard, too much. The blanket I was hugging was too warm, too-

I was too much and not enough at the same time.

A teacup cracked and spilling everything it was supposed to hold. A useless teacup. A teacup that should not be.

The door opened.

“I’m home.”

Fuck.

He shouldn’t be home now. I should get up. I should go greet him as I always do.

“Dear?”

Move. Get up.

His steps came too close and I knew he saw me. I tried not to move, imitating sleep.

"I know you aren't sleeping."

I exhaled softly and hummed. 

"Is it one of those days?"

Warm hand touched my shoulder, but stayed there. I was grateful for that, anything more intimate would make me cringe and feel like I'm tainting him with myself, with my filth.

I couldn't handle touch at all right that moment.

"What do you need?"

The softness of his voice created a lump in my throat; my breath hitched, moisture gathering in my eyes. I couldn't answer. The only reaction I could give was my ragged breathing, suddenly too emotional, when before, I was just a sludge of apathy.

His hand disappeared, and he walked away.

I suppressed a sob, tears slipping one by one. 

Did I want him close? Or did I need to be alone?

I didn't know.

I felt so fucking guilty.

He didn't deserve this. He deserved someone who could support him always, who would love him with everything they have - not a walking corpse, spreading ruin to all she touched.

I heard the shower running for a time, laying there, crying, gasping for breath.

When it shut off, I shut off myself too. He didn't need to see this pathetic thing I was. 

I calmed down my breathing while he rummaged in the kitchen. My stomach hurt a little, reminding me I didn't eat all day, nor did I drink anything.

I was too tired to get up.

I would just eat something tomorrow.

It wasn't like I deserved to eat anyway.

His steps neared me again. The bed dipped. He set something on the night table and then I felt his warm hand again, turning me over. I rolled onto my back, but I was too ashamed to look him in the eye, staring at his clavicle instead.

"Are you with me?"

I blinked. "Yeah," I whispered, voice breaking. It echoed strangely. I should have stayed quiet, my presence was too disturbing, too wrong.

"Did you take your pills this morning?"

I couldn't remember.

I'm sorry, I wanted to say. I shouldn't be your burden to bear. I shouldn't be.

Rough calluses scraped against the skin of my cheek. A thumb swept over my lips, making me open them instinctively.

A sigh. 

I closed my eyes. I wouldn't be able to watch his pity.

He helped me sit. Embarrassment flooded me.

The crinkle of pill platter.

I'm just a burden, aren't I?

Two pills were pressed past my lips; then a glass with water.

His thumb traced my lips again, collecting the drop of water stuck there. 

I still couldn't open my eyes. I still felt too hot and too wrong. I still felt rotten and rotting.

"Let's get something in you."

He hand-fed me, piece by piece. Sweet grapes, my favorite snack. We didn't have those yesterday.

It felt too much.

Tears fell one by one, and he hugged me, he pulled me to lay in his embrace, not speaking and not judging.

I snuggled close to his warmth, exhaustion weighing down my muscles, my bones, my soul. Each breath felt like a chore, empty and not refreshing at all. 

But it was a breath.

I didn't know if I needed this or if I needed something else, but it was what was given, and I couldn't do anything about that. I didn't deserve it, but I was going to take it anyway. 

Like a little thief.

[soundofseclusion]

13. Harold Halibut

Release: 2024, PC/PS5/Xbox Series Beaten: May 1st, Xbox Series S (Game Pass) Playtime: 13h 20m

This'll be a long one.

As I write this, I last played Harold Halibut three days ago. I'm still finding my mind wandering to the game's beautiful set design, poignant scenes, and unique characters. The game advertises itself with a slogan to the effect of "a hand-crafted adventure," and I think that does come across by how meticulously put-together everything is. Clear consideration was put into just about every element, which I say even while believing that some beats fell flat, that it didn't always follow through with its own messages, and that the game is not always very well-constructed from a technical standpoint. Still, I think that they made something they were wholly proud of.

The game itself is slow. It's dull. But I never felt like dropping it. Sometimes I found myself wondering why Harold was being forced to move at walking speed across an environment, following a character with zero dialogue to accompany the trek. But usually I found myself not minding the fact that there isn't much to it. You're not really solving puzzles, well, ever. You're doing a lot of back and forth around a station which will sometimes make you do two warps just to get to a place that could have taken one. In between menial tasks, I found myself often navigating to areas to see if there were new interactions, and about half the time I was rewarded for that curiosity, which made the other half the time more frustrating. But, again, I didn't feel discouraged. I didn't feel, necessarily, like my time was being wasted.

And I believe there's a definite reason for that. In my opinion, it makes narrative sense that everything is so slow. It makes sense that you're tasked with doing simple things and plodding from one area to the next. Harold Halibut (the game) wants to push the fact that Harold Halibut (the character) doesn't do things for himself. He lives in service of others, following orders or just making it aimlessly through the day. And when he interacts with people, it's an effort. An effort often in vain, one that might result in him being mocked or made a fool. But also an effort that often uplifts both parties, that changes someone's direction, that provides purpose to a group of people who feel mostly aimless.

So when Harold Halibut (the guy) does something for himself, when he expresses philosophical thought or makes genuine connection with others, when he gets sad or angry or fucks up immeasurably and feels remorse, it means so much more. Because you've been Harold. You've seen his aimlessness and his passiveness and you've seen the abuse he suffers just for being a bit odd. You've experienced the exasperating nature of just putting yourself out there, and you've been rewarded and punished for it in kind. You've done exactly what you thought you were supposed to and still screwed it up.

This is a story about finding your way. About connecting against all odds. About love, but not really, and about humanity, but not really that either. About living a life primarily in service of others, feeling like you never reach your potential, if you even have any idea what your "potential" might be. And about coming to terms with that life and accepting it. Or maybe even about finding what it is you are meant for, and accepting that despite how fucking hard it is, and how much wasted effort you'll have to cope with once you've found it, and how nothing will ever be the same or ever feel easy again.

It's about living in the moments of aimlessness, knowing that there will eventually be moments of purpose. And about being okay with both.

[beevean]

If Netflix Hector found and used a Behelit I'm not sure whether he'd get easily tricked within 5 seconds, or be so passive the God Hand would be like "Dude just fucking sacrifice already!"

On the other hand I'd love to see Death, Void and Skull Knight in the same room

I think I can perfectly explain one of my biggest problems with N!Hector by saying this:

I can pinpoint the moment he would cross the despair threshold necessary to activate the Behelit (when Lenore tells him he has become her pet). I can't, however, think not only what he'd want from it, but what he'd sacrifice. N!Hector has no loved ones - absolutely zero people who even respect him, in fact - and he himself doesn't love anything, he's only fond of animals. Don't tell me he'd sacrifice a random fox to the Godhand?

Even the idea of him sacrificing his powers, which conceptually would be really cool and lead to some poignant character development, doesn't hit as hard as it should, because N!Hector simply doesn't display much passion for what he does! I know he knows all the intricacies of putting cursed souls into corpses (for example, the bodies have to be undamaged), but I'm not sure if he loves it enough that becoming a normal human would interest him!

... actually, I think this would be a great prompt for both Hectors and Isaacs. Would they sacrifice their very nature to get what they want? (happiness, freedom, a place to live undisturbed, getting back to those who hurt them, etc.)

But yeah, going back to our man, he only suffers, but he doesn't really want anything until S4. If Dracula never came to him, he would have rotted on a rock in Rhodes, like the man who became the Egg of the Perfect World but by his own choice. He then spends the rest of the show going basically "sure why not" to everyone who tries to manipulate him, until he gets somehow convinced that resurrecting Dracula would atone for his mistakes. I... guess I have to be happy that at least he found something to aim for, even if it's a dipshit move that makes zero sense for him? Oh, and then by the end his great goal becomes writing a book, I suppose to tell others "don't stick your dick in crazy". Woohoo.

N!Hector is not a real character. He could have been, if the writing spent less time torturing him for the sake of being edgy and cruel and more time actually respecting the source material.

[dusterson]

11, 12, 13 for the questions left unanswered mun edition (imtheircleric)

11 : What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to RPing?

Hmm. Honestly it's kind of hard to peeve me off in RP; not a whole lot of passive stuff i.e. writing style/skill or canon character portrayal gets on my nerves unless it's just outright illegible or moves nothing in the story we're writing together as RP partners. And even then I'm more likely to be driven to give advice than be annoyed. I guess when people just plop a ship on me. EspECIALLY when it's with my older characters, which is where it happens most often. I'll be writing one of my miserable grandpas with someone's younger character and I'll be like, "Aww I'm so happy my character has a son/daughter figure in their life :'D" and I kid you not they IMMEDIATELY will go "They should get together 8)" The kicker's when, if I agree, they go straight to the Smut. Don't even ask me, don't take no time to see what kind of dynamic they have in said relationship, just getting straight to the goddamn point. Don't spring intimate relationships on my characters. OH MAN and if someone does then gets mad at whatever kind of relationships my character's in (someone tried to smut my OC and then read his info and cHEWED ME OUT BECAUSE HE WAS POLYAMOROUS???), I'm out. I might also bite your face off, then I'm out.

12 : What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to the fandom you RP in?

NOBODY WRITIN WITH DOUBLES OF THE CANON THEY PLAYYY! It's a silly and pointless peeve I know, but I really really want Dustin to meet another Dustin and then they can COMMENCE

THE

CHAOS.

Ok but for a more serious one I would like to Complain and I am sorry ahead of time but I have a lot of Feelings about my boy.

Note, I enjoy Billy as a character, I really do. BECAUSE he's not a decent person!

And I. Love. Jason. And feel horribly bad for him.

He was written to be doomed from the start and condemned for doing what he thought was right. But Billy is a better person despite TRYING TO RUN OVER KIDS??? even if he didn't intend to actually hit, do you think Max knew that??? what if he’d messed up and HAD hit one or more of the kids? think you that risk crossed his mind? Clearly not long enough for him to think twice about traumatizing his little sister. also it's tOTALLY not racist for him to say "hanging out with THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE--” or whatever like. didn’t dacre like, BEG the duffers to make billy LESS racist? in my books that intention’s still there and it was still pretty,, blatant to me that he didn’t like Lucas SPECIFICALLY.

Everyone saying they were frightened for Erica’s safety because he forced the door open? I getchya. I’d rather a door than a fuck-you-miles-per-hour vehicle. I can kick someone holding my door open. You don’t think she would have kneecapped Jason in the nads if he tried? Also he was in the middle of a psychotic breakdown and You Do Not Act Right during those. Y’all have no idea how upset I was that Jason didn't even get a respectful death. People are all like "duffers said 5 people died well that was a lie lol" INCORRECT. 5 PEOPLE DID DIE. They just didn't give a shit about them. They're both racist because THAT'S HOW THEY WERE RAISED and they were both traumatized teenagers but the one that's less forgivable is the one that was TRYING TO PROTECT HIS FRIENDS? TWO OF WHICH WERE BLACK? Also anyone else notice the cops broke the fucking law and didn't take down his statement which you're SUPPOSED TO DO NO MATTER HOW OUTLANDISH THE STATEMENT IS?? (Also anyone else notice how GODDAMN RIGHT JASON WAS EVEN THOUGH HE HAD ZERO! CLUE!! WHAT WAS HAPPENING!!!)

(Also he brought a gun because he was p sure he was going up against Satanists in the middle of summoning said goddamn-literally Satan. I’d fucking gear up like that if I thought someone could mutilate me just by looking at me. Did we all forget that he also saw that happen? Not just the blorbie morbson? He saw his best friend fucking die but hey you know)

Just. He wasn’t written to be a person. He was written to be an inconvenience that was swept under the rug-- ALSO I WANTED TO SEE A MOB. WHERE WAS MY HELLFIRE CLUB OUTRUNNING THE YUPPIES. If I don’t get more Satanic panic next season I’m mutineering.

So in conclusion: hypocritical interpretation and demonisation and/or woobifying. Keep it away from me. Keep my boy's name outta your mouth if you're gonna slander it then turn around and be all googoo eyed at the other, arguably shittier boy. Conclusion of conclusion: I love Jason and I will braid Billy's mullet. Also Jason was right to call Eddie out for harassing ppl in the cafeteria :P ok done being a bastard

13 : Who is your least favorite character in the fandom you RP in? List three admirable traits about them.

UHM. I love all of them, your honour. WAIT-- Except that lady Hopper slept with in season 1. CAN'T YOU TELL A BITCH BE DEPRESSED? give him a hug or smth don't nag him for the D and get huffy that he don't wanna give you the D 'cos a KID JUST WENT MISSING AND HIS FRIEND SUPPOSEDLY KILLED HIMSELF like jesus murphy No admirable traits no sympathy get outta jimbo's house

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 193 Rundown

The Witch from Mercury: So this is a “shit hits the fan episode” Guel is gunning for Shaddiq with the Witch Hunters backing him up. This causes Shaddiq to hit the ‘fuck it we ball’ phase of his plan and goes out to confront Guel to stall until they can move his father to a new location. He also lets everyone out of the closet of hostages, leaving Norea to go on a rampage and try and destroy the school while Fake Ceres #2 tries to stop her because he’s suddenly developed empathy thanks to relating to someone that just doesn’t want to fucking die. The school goes into lockdown and Suletta is surprisingly passive during all this since yeah her main weapon is currently literally on another planet, and Petra gives off every death flag in the world so she can die tragically in front of her. Chuchu concludes her struggle with relevance by getting a new mobile suit to fight off Norea’s Gunbits and even reunites with Nika to get it tuned up. Guel and Shaddiq air their grievances and talk about how they’ve always hated each other and Guel’s brother kinda accidentally overhears how he killed their father so yeah. Shaddiq’s just mad that his bloodless coup has become a lot less bloodless and Miorine’s now the scapegoat for all of it and Guel’s sick of his ‘you know if you’d behaved I wouldn’t have had to make you kill your stupid father’ bullshit and the fight ends in a draw with Guel’s suit destroyed and Shaddiq and his supports’ being incapacitated with the Witch Hunters surrounding them. Meanwhile in the school Fake Ceres is trying to talk Norea down and gets her to calm down and think life might be worth living just enough for a sniper to take her out, they don’t call this episode “The End of Hope” for no reason. Ceres goes berserk and everything’s basically neutralized at this point but like half the school is fucking dead so that sucks. The gang tries to talk to Suletta about it but Suletta is the kind of person who processes trauma better through action than communication so they all get to work to help the relief effort. I really liked this one, Fake Ceres’s feelings for Norea kinda came out of nowhere but their moment was nice and the fight between Guel and Shaddiq is really cool and shows how Guel’s grown as a character and has taken his own variation of Suletta’s message to heart.

Castlevania: Lenore continues her griping about not being useful once war is the norm, and how Carmilla’s just gonna keep grabbing until her whole kingdom collapses, the basic stuff we’ve heard before and instead of talking to someone who can do anything about it, she tells Hector which granted he makes her feel heard and shit but he’s literally the only person who physically cannot resist the methods of this place. Alucard leads the town survivors to his castle and we kinda get the speedrun version of him sharing his story with the head lady and them hitting it off but I’m willing to accept he just kinda gets it up for anyone that’s not afraid of him, like father like son I suppose. Sypha’s observing how shitty everyone’s been about putting their lives back together and realizes it’s because they’re still being fucking taxed despite literally not having a bucket to shit in and stands up to the court lady about it before Trevor wakes up a bat demon who plants the court lady with a magical homing device to lead the vampires to the king since they’re probably staying in the same maze of catacombs. Also Isaac is finally here at Carmilla’s place and ready to ransack it and get revenge on Hector. I like how Carmilla’s kind of an afterthought despite her being the one that had to shit in Dracula’s pudding, like it really says a lot about Issac that betrayal pisses him off more than active malice.

Delicious in Dungeon: Kabru and Shura’s group finally get back to the surface and discover the elves are already here to discuss taking the dungeon from them and destroying it by force, not only to get their hands on the soul-trapping spell but also to stop it from doing the eldritch shit dungeons tend to do when they get too big and dangerous. Kabru was apparently orphaned by such a dungeon extermination plan and warns against just rushing in and makes a convincing enough case that the elves decide to slow their roll a little, mostly because Kabru’s smooth and definitely scheming something and they wanna fuck around and find out. Like if the elves can destroy dungeons that easily why don’t they do it sooner before the local genocide shit starts happening? Either way back with the main group, Izu senses Laios’s partner ghost that’s been following him since they saved Falin and that running gag is finally done as he agrees to listen to the ghost and the whole group is teleported to a town that’s been around for a thousand years, coexisting with dungeon monsters and immortal people. Izu’s kinda nerfed and is basically Nezuko during this arc thanks to the monster-pacifying barrier and the group just kinda run around checking out all the cool town shit like the first episode of a One Piece arc. They go on about how Laios is the prophesized hero to conquer the dungeon and beat the mage which will undo everyone’s immortality which they’re fine with because they’re in the later stages of Who Wants to Live Forever. A neat touch is that Delgal who the Mage is currently looking for was originally from this town and received instructions from a chimera to go out and spread word of the dungeon which he was the one who started the whole “Beat the mage and find the One Piece” prophecy but he’s also who the Mage is currently looking for despite the fact we confirm here he died. Now we establish people who leave the town die and become ghosts so he may be looking for his ghost but given Delgal died on the surface that’s probably where his ghost would be and it’s been a few hundred years so it’s probably been exterminated by now. We get some navelgazing about how without death or hunger these guys have no reason to do anything and are just pantomiming living their daily routines so they don’t go insane and it’s really unnerving but also maybe it’s just because I grew up in a modern and overstimulated society but with free time if you’re a whole community there’s gotta be all sorts of shit you can do to entertain yourself like this isn’t Jinako Catagiri getting stuck in a skyboulder for thousands of years, this is a whole town that can evolve however it wants without fear of death or age like they literally have each other and can write libraries of books or invent new technology since they don’t have to put all their resources into just surviving but the “they don’t need to suffer so they don’t have to grow” philosophy never really sits right with me, like I get where it’s coming from but I think people can grow without being on the brink of starvation and death all their lives and that moral’s always dangerously close to saying that suffering is the point of life and that’s not something I’m willing to accept.

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End: So we actually get a followup on Fern’s staff being broken and her being mad Frieren told her to throw it away since it’s basically a jigsaw puzzle where all the answers are stick. However after Denkin visits Richter’s shop to tell him to rally himself and try again for the next test in three years, Frieren also visits him and gets Fern’s staff repaired. The gesture reminds Fern of Heiter telling her that even though Frieren’s not good with people, having no natural aptitude for socializing does make her extra sensitive to hurting people’s feelings so she’s really quite caring. Meanwhile Serie takes on the proctoring of the final exam, taking over for her student who became the first one to pass the test under her, Serie lamenting that he grew as a match to Frieren but is too advanced in age to be her equal and noticing that even he can’t see she’s holding back her mana just like Frieren does despite it being a huge pillar like hers. It’s kinda interesting that Serie asserts Frieren basically carried everyone through the tests resulting in a weak crop larger than they intended but like Frieren actively made the second test harder for everyone and kinda jacked up everyone’s chances on the first, if anything Denkin’s the one getting everyone to band together and improve their chances. The last test is basically having everyone walk into a room and Serie telling at a glance that they can’t pass because they’re frozen by her power. Frieren comes up and despite not being afraid of Serie, she still fails because Serie’s butthurt that Frieren just goes around doing whatever she wants instead of mastering useful magic, though Frieren gives the story of how she met Himmel as a child and showed him the field of flowers spell and tells her not to underestimate where useless things can get you since her dumb flower spell literally saved the world. Meanwhile Fern comes in and immediately recognizes Serie’s holding back since she’s watched Frieren do it her whole life, impressing Serie enough to try and take Fern off Frieren’s hands, though Fern obviously refuses but still passes overall. Kinda fitting since Frieren didn’t care about titles and shit anyway just kinda funny that Fern outranks Frieren now and is the reason they’ll get to go further North, I mean I guess she always outranked Frieren since Frieren literally doesn’t have a rank since she’s older than the system but yeah.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: It’s a Nanami episode so yeah we’re basically in for the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen in my life. Her new Team Rocket plot to humiliate Anthy and Utena is to… make really spicy curry and for some reason this… makes them swap bodies… like they don’t even pretend this makes sense in any way. Either way Nanami has to go to India to find the spice she used in the curry and the gag of her getting chased by elephants in increasingly improbable ways just fucking breaks my brain, this show is the stupidest fucking thing ever and I love it. Meanwhile Utena and Anthy have to walk a mile in each others’ shoes and it’s kinda neat, they don’t swap voices or anything so it’s just the VAs doing impressions of each others’ inflections and I would never call the voice acting in this show great or anything (it doesn’t help that the sound quality makes it sound like these lines were recorded in a closet so that’s not the actors’ fault) but they do a pretty good job of conveying the difference in personality with just their tone. Utena!Anthy gets approached by Saiyonji and experiences the genuine love he has for Anthy that almost makes her forget what an abusive jerk he is until he sees him making fun of her in his diary and she rightly tells him off in a hilariously gleeful way, very demure. Nanami returns with the spice (there’s a Dune joke in there somewhere) but thanks to slapstick shenanigans it gets destroyed. Later they discover they never used the super rare spice (because yeah why would they sell something that takes 200 years to make in a fucking store and put a label on it that’s like ‘super spicy, doesn’t swap your bodies at all’) and it turns out Anthy’s cooking just… does that? Like idk if this is plot shit because she’s the Rose Bride Reincarnation of Dios or if it’s just like that because this plot makes no sense and Nanami had to get trampled by elephants six times but I could see it going either way. Anyway everything’s back to normal and ChuChu and Saiyonji swap bodies next, truly the best timeline.  

[imaseawitch]

Ok so I haven't read much fiction lately and my sisters have been begging me to read the Throne of Glass series. I'm 50 pages in and so far I think it sucks so much ass. If you like it, please just ignore this post and move on. I would like to have a discussion with the haters, please.

Also, can someone please suggest good fantasy books that are just like...the opposite of this book, please? Long descriptions of magic systems, wildlife, history, political factions, and trade of various regions...you know...fantasy stuff?

Like, the characters talk about how hot they are constantly, which is frustrating. Please describe the characters and I will decide if they are hot.

So far I'm not grasping anyone's motivations...like, why hasn't Celaena killed someone and made a break for it yet? She certainly talks enough about how she wants to and how she totally could. And they even say she made a suicidal escape attempt, so it's not like she's afraid to die...and why is she willing to work for the same people she was previously assassinating?

Anyway, here's a collection of some of the lines I hate the most so far:

"It was true that she had been attractive once, beautiful even, but--well, it didn't matter now, did it?" Barf. Vomit. This is on page 2.

"Yet there was something in his eyes, strikingly blue--the color of the waters of the southern countries--and the way they contrasted with his raven-black hair that made her pause. He was achingly handsome, and couldn't have been older than twenty.

Princes are not supposed to be handsome! They're sniveling, stupid, repulsive creatures...this one...this... How unfair or him to be royal and beautiful." I'm trying so hard to kill the part of me that cringes, but I am cringing. This feels like I'm reading a kid's diary.

"Beneath her nightgown, her ribs reached out from inside of her, showing bones where flesh and meat should have been. And her breasts! Once well-formed, they were now no larger than they'd been in the midst of puberty." I almost quit reading at this line. Barf. Hard. Truly the worst line.

"...the captain stepped behind her, so close that his knees grazed the folds of her forest-green velvet cape. It would take all of two movements to disarm him." And then she doesn't. She has moments like this often. I would diagnose them as delusions of grandeur if she were a real person. It's like the author has to keep reminding me that she's super badass, but can't actually show me her doing anything badass? Why doesn't she just do something badass??

"However, the unbearable urge to splatter someone across the wall lessened when they brought her a piebald mare to ride." This one is confusing because I really can't tell throughout the book so far if she enjoyed being an assassin or was forced into it? Also it's just...childish? Surface level emotions. Again, she does not actually do anything.

"Celaena couldn't keep her eyes from the castle. She felt so small, even from far away. She'd forgotten how dwarfing the building was." I just hate the phrasing of that last sentence so much, with the passive voice, and especially the use of the word "dwarfing." Let me tell you, if there are dwarves in this world, this line is gonna piss me off even more.

"There was something sad about her--sitting so still with her legs against her chest, the moonlight coloring her hair silver. [...] He found her beautiful, if a bit strange and sour. It was something in the way that her eyes sparked when she looked at something lovely in the landscape. He couldn't understand it." Barf. Ugh. I hate every character so far. Is this fantasy? Or romance? I thought I was getting fantasy.

"She knew how she appeared, seated atop a horse like some prize lady being brought to the castle. So Celaena only smiled at them, tossed her hair, and batted her eyelashes at the prince's back." Barf. Why? Also, is she not chained? Why doesn't she fucking run?

"'I don't know how you can sleep at night with only a wall of glass keeping you from death.' [...] 'Then you're like me.' Dorian chuckled. 'Thank the gods I gave you rooms in the stone castle. I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable.'" God even without the stilted dialogue...a castle of glass is just patently stupid. Tell me, why isn't your home made of glass? Because you don't want your neighbors to see your peepee. That's what a real character would say: "I don't know how you change clothes at night with only a wall of glass keeping your neighbors' eyes from your peepee."

"She beheld the billiards cues along the far wall, and the heavy colored balls stacked on the green felt table, and grinned. Chaol wasn't nearly as smart as he thought he was." Right before this she literally made a shiv out of old hairpins she found in the back of a drawer. She didn't even bother to look in the next room where they left her actual weapons. Have you ever hefted a pool ball? They're fucking weapons. And pretty much every movie with a biker bar scene has proven that pool cues are weapons. So yeah, Chaol is fucking stupid. But not as stupid as fucking Celaena for not actually using any of these fucking weapons!!!

"Celaena pivoted, the yards of cumbersome fabric twisting with her. Her corset--the stupid, cursed thing--pushed on her ribs so hard the breath was sucked from her. This is why she mostly preferred tunics and pants." Historically inaccurate corset depiction! Also she's Not Like Other Girls TM. Barf. Like, what did she do back before her breasts shrunk in prison? She was just assassinating people with her "well-formed" breasts flapping around? As someone with "well-formed" breasts, you gotta contain those things to maintain an active lifestyle. Enter the corset. Don't get me fucking started.

"But Dorian, tall, toned, and elegant, bore no resemblance to [his father] [...] And then there was the matter of Dorian's sapphire eyes--not even his mother had his eyes. No one knew where they came from." You can't figure out my eyes rn either because I'm rolling them so hard. I wonder if the crown prince looking nothing like his father the king will have any significance later on. I'm probably the first person ever to think anything of it.

"'If you court her, the consequences will not be pleasant. Not from her, and not from me.'

'And if I condescend to associate with her, what would you do, father? Throw me in the mines as well?'" Barf-o-rama. The language is like a parody of old-timey language. Just the fact that they're just so obviously going to bang that even the prince's wicked 'father' (wink wink, see above) already knows. God. Disgusting.