#he's singing christmas carols for alan

[themishening]

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

[torchwood-99]

7 for the ask meme

Owen says his is Die Hard, but it's actually Miracle on 34th Street (the original). This is a secret he takes to the grave.

Ianto's actually is Die Hard. Mostly because of Alan Rickman.

Gwen's is The Muppet's Christmas Carol. She knows the lyrics to all the songs. She can't sing a note, but she sings anyway.

Tosh loves It's a Wonderful Life. She tries to watch it every year, even if she has to watch it on a portable dvd player during a stakeout.

Jack is very fond of Rudolph Saves Mars, a 50th animated century kids Christmas special that came out when he was four.

Rhys loves Home Alone. He's convinced that any kids he has with Gwen will be little badasses and trap geniuses, just like Kevin.

Andy just really loves The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. When he was little, he wanted to be a Who from Whoville.

[baelinsrod]

Another video edit! This time for a scene from my fic A Bored Christmas Carol (My very first one from two years ago!!). Excerpt and link to the fic below!

“Little Drummer Boy ? I don’t think I know it.”, he says uncertainly. “Oh I’m sure you’ve heard it before. Hold on.” He pulls out his phone and opens YouTube. “Ah, that. Yes.” “I always kinda really liked it, so…” Alan bobs his head towards the booklet. “OK…” Rowan is still unsure what Alan really wants from him but he lifts the booklet and starts to sing: “Come, they told me, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. Our newborn King to see, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. Wow, that’s a really stupid text.” Alan pouts at him in disappointment so Rowan goes on: “I’ll sing it anyway, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum. Though it’s incredibly repe-pe-petive, repe-pe-petive, repe-pe-petiiiiive… ” Alan can’t help but laugh at that and Rowan seems to become more comfortable with the situation, relaxing his slightly tense shoulders. It’s really weird and probably at least partly alcohol induced, but Alan feels a profound happiness and content listening to Rowan right now. It’s one of those moments where you feel like everything’s OK and there’s nothing in the world to worry about. It’s all in a bit of a haze but he suddenly remembers his thoughts from earlier today and thinks what a pity it would be if it really were all just a dream. Rowan has seemingly found a way to enjoy singing the song without making fun of the lyrics by slightly changing the melody here and there, adding a few flourishes where he sees fit. Alan can’t judge the musical value of it, but it sounds beautiful to him so he loves it. It doesn’t stop Rowan from fooling around though, sitting up overly straight and proud, giving Alan a smug smile as he sings: “I played my best for him, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum… ” Alan laughs in response, beaming at the other man like a dog with two tails. Rowan turns his head to the page to read the next line, but looks back at Alan before he continues: “Then, he smiled at me, pa-rum-pum-pum-pum… ” His expression is unreadable, but very genuine and all of a sudden Alan’s throat feels very tight.

[princesssarisa]

A Christmas Carol Holiday Season: "Scrooge: A Christmas Carol" (2022 CGI animated feature)

The 2022 holiday season gave us something I never expected: a CGI animated remake of the 1970 musical Scrooge. In his last project before his death in 2021, renowned composer-lyricist Leslie Bricusse co-produced this Netflix original movie with director Stephen Donnelley, and co-wrote its script with Donnelly based on his original 1970 screenplay. This new Carol has gained quite a fan following on Tumblr, because its version of Scrooge (voice of Luke Evans) is a surprisingly handsome "silver fox." Naturally, I was eager to see it.

This film features five of Bricusse's original eleven songs from the 1970 musical: "Happiness," "I Like Life," "The Beautiful Day," "Thank You Very Much," and "I'll Begin Again." But it also has one new song by Bricusse, "I Love Christmas," and three new songs by Jeremy Holland-Smith and Stephen Donnelley, "Tell Me," "Christmas Wishes," and "Later Never Comes." The screenplay also carries over many details from 1970: Fred is again renamed Harry (voice of Fra Fee), Belle is renamed Isabel (Jessie Buckley), Bob Cratchit (Johnny Flynn) is again a lively, playful young man, and in Christmas Yet to Come, Scrooge's death is celebrated with a musical parade led by his elated ex-debtors. But the old songs are re-orchestrated, and the new songs written, in a contemporary style, and the script is revised freely.

The mischievous Ghost of Christmas Past (Olivia Colman) is a lady sculpted of wax with a candle-flame on her head, who shape-shifts into other characters at will. The other ghosts are more traditional, but Present (Trevor Dion Nicholas) is a black man, and Marley's Ghost (Jonathan Pryce) seems to be sculpted of ice, but with burning gold coins for eyes. Meanwhile, in the earthly realm, Scrooge has a bulldog named Prudence, recalling Debit from the 1997 version. His childhood is also rewritten to mirror that of Dickens (as in the Alan Menken musical), showing him laboring in a boot-blacking factory, his father in debtor's prison. There's also added emphasis on Scrooge's sister Jen (as Fan is renamed), of whom Tiny Tim is portrayed as reminding him. 1970's notorious "Scrooge in hell" scene is also cut. And in a politically correct touch, diversity is everywhere, with many minor characters portrayed as black or East Indian.

So what are my feelings about this version? Mixed. The animation is pretty, with spectacular imagery of ghostly magic, but its sparkly flamboyance isn't very Dickensian. I have mixed feelings about Scrooge himself too. Luke Evans gives a fine performance in both acting and singing, but not only is his Scrooge handsomer than most others, he's less bitingly cruel and more likable from the start, especially in his constant sarcastic wit. This makes the Ghosts' messages seem disproportionate. Still, as a whole, this is a charming Carol, with an excellent voice cast and enjoyable songs and visuals. It will probably always have a devoted cult following.

This new Scrooge can't replace the 1970 Scrooge, or any other of the great Carol adaptations, but all the same, I'm glad it exists.

@ariel-seagull-wings, @faintingheroine, @thealmightyemprex, @reds-revenge, @thatscarletflycatcher

[deafmangoes]

An Album of Christmas Carols - 4

This time I'm going to cover the, I assume, lesser-known musical adaptation of the classic story, the 2004 A Christmas Carol based on the 1994 stage musical by Alan Menken.

"A Christmas Carol" (2004, Kelsey Grammer)

To be honest, the whole vibe of the film really betrays that it began as a stage show - sometimes it's endearing but in other places the stage directions don't translate to the film format that well.

We open not in Scrooge's counting house but the Royal Exchange, where a conspicuously underdressed Cratchit (feat. influenza) runs around after his employer and a definitely-not-Cratchit expy asks for a loan extension for himself and Tiny Tina.

I mean look at her. Girl has a withering scowl that could peel paint. She is apparently "Grace Smythe" in the credits but the only time she's named is kinda muffled by the singing.

In this opening monument to raw, Victorian capitalism, I admit I do enjoy the lines:

"Thank the Lord our profits have been huge / Thank the Lord we're not in debt to Scrooge".

Anyway! On to the...

Ghosts? Ghosts!

In an unusual twist we're introduced to the Ghosts before Marley - Past is a lamplighter, Present is a ticket hawker for a charity pageant, and Yet to Come is a blind beggar woman (Incidentally portrayed here by Charlie Chaplin's daughter, Geraldine!).

Marley himself appears in theatrical manner not through the door but popping out of the wall. This Marley has a jovial tone, genuinely happy to see Scrooge, and seems more resigned to his fate than lamenting it. He (and some of his and Scrooge's former business partners) perform "Link by Link" with a mix of moral haunting and... just being very extra.

Christmas Past... awkwardly appears as an attractive younger woman poledsncing on the end of Scrooge's bed. I suspect in the original stage show they had a professional dancer for this and the actress tries but doesn't quite nail the graceful movements. Rather than whisk Scrooge from his bed, she shoves his astral projection into a photo album.

This version gives us the "Scrooge's dad went to debtor prison" excuse, which I'm neutral about. Comes up in a few adaptations, and it works but I'm just not fond of Freudian excuses.

The Fezziwigs (here a banking firm) dance, romance occurs, blossoms, we see Scrooge and Marley set up their business and become increasingly more ruthless.

Now I just want to comment on one specific bit that really falls flat, in my opinion. Fezziwig comes to the pair for a loan to save his failing business. Scrooge refuses on the basis that it won't prevent the bankruptcy, merely postpone it.

Then both Fezziwigs turn on the emotional manipulation - "I helped you both get started", "he treated you like a son", etc. I hate this. It cheapens both Fezziwigs as characters and actually Scrooge is right to refuse the loan. But we're meant to see this as him becoming hard and uncaring. Ruins a core moment of character development.

Anyway - engagement breaks off, Marley dies of a heart attack, yadda yadda, Past leaves in a puff of smoke.

Christmas Present puts on an agonisingly long stage show and... comes off a bit like a pimp, with the staging and the chorus girls. And the cane. And the fur-lined robe. It's not great. We see more of Tiny Tina because Tiny Tim had supernatural scheduling conflicts or something.

The Cratchits have their deep emotional song about shoes and counting your blessings. I'm normally not a fan of these bits but... Actually I'm okay with this one. There's a big medley of people celebrating across London, and I think it does a way better job than "Abundance and Charity". Nephew Fred's party segues in at the pre-finale lull - and incidentally this is the only version I know of where Fred has a kid. He gets one line, in which he's a snotty-nosed brat. We return to the Cratchits, then close out on a brief Ignorance and Want looking... I'm not gonna lie, they look like they're completely out of it.

It's time for some real trippy haunting.

Christmas Yet To Come transforms from the blind beggar woman into a white/grey banshee figure who takes Scrooge into another musical number a confused amalgam of visions. I really like this! I know it's being done for practicality, but it helps get across this idea of the future as being shadows, shifting and changing, still malleable.

Also the song's a bop.

Another small detail I like is the undertakers attacking and robbing Mrs Dilber Mrs Mops for pennies after they've hawked Scrooge's belongings to Old Joe. It's quite visceral in the middle of the song, and each time I see it, it reminds me how women like Mrs Dilber may be easy to judge, but in Victorian society they really had a very fragile existence. Nobody cared for the widows and elderly. After all, are there no prisons? No workhouses?

Scrooge's redemption is indicated by a much softer and happier round-up song in which he sees a vision of his departed mother and sister. Aww.

We close out on Scrooge temporarily kidnapping a child, finally making Tiny Tina crack a smile, passing the three ghosts in Incognito Mode, trolling Bob and going to Fred's for dinner. Then it snows on cue.

Highlights & Humbugs

The film's not one of my top favourites but it's still in my rewatch cycle. The songs are catchy, as you'd expect from Disney veteran Menken, with some clever reprises. Marley's "Link by Link" is good fun, but the Ghost of Christmas Present's "Abundance and Charity" really overstays its welcome, especially since the song immediately after it does a better job at getting the point across.

I think I've already commented on what I think works and doesn't work in this version, but I have yet to mention the most haunting image of all.

Kelsey Grammer's hairy chest. Be glad I couldn't find a higher quality snap.

Overall, a jolly musical with some flat notes, but a pretty good jab at the story. 6 out of 10 Humbugs.

[variousqueerthings]

Alan Alda has played queer characters? 👁️👄👁️ (In reference your comment after defining 'straight man' in the comedic sense)

aw no, unfortunately I was making the definition so that it was clear I wasn't talking about queerness, but rather about character-types

unfortunately he's neither allowed enough opportunity to play larger-than-life nor enough opportunity to play queer

with the notable exception of the carol burnett christmas special, which includes one sketch in which he plays freelance artist larry, who is deliberately and obviously queercoded (he also sings in two of the other sketches, tbh it's just quite delightful overall)

(and then of course there's hawkeye pierce)

[kristasclassicfilmereview]

What to watch this holiday season. (reblog from 2021/updated 2022)

Life can get a little busy for all of us this time of year. Some of us may find it a little difficult to get into the holiday spirit. Most of the time I find watching a Christmas film or show helps to boost the spirits. So I have compiled a list of film suggestions that I have compiled and continued to watch every year.  For me, I watch a lot of these films when I make dozens upon dozens of Pizzelles during the Christmas season.

Please keep in mind there is no ranking system to this list; it is just a list. Going to be upfront and say Die Hard is not on this list. Also, this is a list I have shared previously, just updated slightly.

20. Jingle All The Way-1996:  No list will be complete without a great film starring Arnold Swartzenager (the Terminator), Sinbad (actor, comedian), and Phil Hartman (Troy McClure, SNL). Like Home Alone, this is another childhood classic. I first watched this film at my babysitter's house when I was younger. A father vows to get his son a Turbo Man action figure for Christmas. However, every store is sold out of them. He must travel all over town and compete to find one. It is just a fun film and does make you feel all kinds of nostalgic. Available on Disney+ and Amazon Prime.

19.  It Happened on Fifth Avenue-1947: This heartwarming film still holds up today. It looks at the class systems in the ’40s through the eyes of the rich and the poor. A homeless New Yorker moves into a mansion, and along the way, he gathers friends to live in the house with him. Before he knows it, he is living with the actual homeowners. The film stars Don DeFore, Victor Moore, Grant Mitchell, and Alan Hale, just to name a few. Stay tuned for fun facts about this film and two others on this list.  Available on HBOMax with a subscription and for rent on Amazon.

18.  Home Alone-1990: I know I am not the only one who grew up watching this film on a yearly basis. It is a childhood favorite; I remember when my brother and I got it on VHS, and we immediately watched it. An 8-year-old boy must protect his house from a pair of burglars when he is accidentally left home alone by his family during Christmas Vacation. Only a 10-year-old can outsmart two crooks known as the wet bandits. Now watch Home Alone 2 but no others because the other films after 1 & 2 kill my spirit. Available on Disney+ and for rent on Amazon.

16. Meet Me in St.Louis-1944: Again, if you search my blog, you will find a more detailed write-up. Some people consider this a Christmas movie because of Judy Garland’s rendition of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” She sings to Margaret O’Brien at night on Christmas Eve, which makes Margaret and the rest of us think of better days ahead. There are always better days ahead, even during 1900. Available on Amazon.

15. Scrooged-1988: there are a lot of adaptations and remakes of a Christmas Carol out there, (My other favorite adaptations area a Muppets Christmas Carol, Mickey’s Christmas Carol and a Flinstones Christmas Carol). Scrooged is the most comical version I have seen. A selfish, cynical television executive is haunted by three spirits bearing lessons on Christmas Eve. Available for rent on Amazon or the PlutoTV app.

14. Elf-2003: Whimsical films are always welcome. Deep down we are all a little kid on the inside. Depending on the person, this film might not be on your list if you are not a fan of Will Ferrell. But it is on mine not only for the whimsical tone but it is a very quotable film.   Fun fact: the actor who played Ralphie in A Christmas Story, plays an elf in Elf.  Available on HBOmax with subscription and for rent on Amazon Prime.

13. National Lampoons Christmas Vacation-1989: This film also comes with a little tradition. My father had me watch this film for the first time when I was 12. This film takes the idea of family coming in for Christmas and puts a 360-degree spin on it. Everything that could go wrong does. Again this is another quotable film.  Available on HBOMax with a subscription, Amazon for rent or the TBS App

12. A Christmas Story- 1983: let’s face it, we all wanted that one thing that is equivalent to the Red Ryder BB Gun. It’s just a fun movie. Now I have not watched to new film with a much older Ralphie, that is on my list and I am sure I will add to this list after viewing.  Available on HBOmax with subscription or for rent on Amazon.

11. Charlie Brown Christmas-1965: Another classic for those young and old. At times we all feel lost and we all want to find the true meaning of Christmas. I am sure most of us continue to watch this multiple times through the Christmas season as I do. fun fact my parents have given me their little tree with all the old decorations and its tradition that Linus and Snoopy go on the tree every year.  Available on Apple TV for free without a subscription.

10. The Bishop’s Wife-1947: Again if you search through my blog you will find a more detailed write-up. This film stars Loretta Young, Cary Grant, and David Niven. Julia Brougham (Young) is a woman of great strength, who longs for the days she can spend with her husband Bishop Henry Brougham (Niven). The Bishop is so bogged down with financial woes because of building a new Cathedral, in the beginning, he feels his wife doesn’t support him and that causes a strain on their relationship. Dudley (Grant) is an angel who is sent in human form to help both Julia and the Bishop. Without giving too much away, Dudley doesn’t cause trouble, but the Bishop doesn’t quite understand what Dudley is doing and what caused him to show up. This film definitely gives me the heartwarming feeling of the holidays. It’s a film that you can curl up on the couch with a cup of cocoa, and blanket while watching or curl up on the couch with a glass of red wine and blanket like me. Available on Amazon Prime, The Roku Channel App, Pluto TV, or keep an eye on TCM channel.

9. The Polar Express-2004: It happens, heck to some of us it happened way too early. We stopped believing in Christmas. Available on HBOmax with subscription or Amazon.

8.  Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer-1964: this is a Christmas classic for young and old. We all know the songs and who Burl Ives is. Available to watch on Youtube.

7. Love Actually-2003: When we think of films that were ahead of its time, we often think of films like Casablanca or Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. We never think or mention films that were made 20 years age. Love Actually is a great Britsh comedy that 20 years ago was way ahead of its time, even then.  This film follows the lives of eight very different couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely interrelated tales all set during the month before Christmas in London. It gives a look at the different ways people celebrate the Christmas Holiday. I cannot believe that this film is 20 years old, Dianne Sawyer is doing a special 20 year reunion airing tomorrow 11/29/22 on ABC and I cannot wait to watch. Available for rent on Amazon,  & The Peacock App.

6. The Man Who Came to Dinner-1942: imagine its weeks before Christmas and you have your favorite radio personality coming to dinner at your house. He slips and hurts his hip, and cannot travel until after Christmas. Well, this is what happens in this film. Sheridan Whiteside takes up house and runs the show for the duration of the film until his personal secretary gives him a run for his money. Available for viewing on HBOMAX or for rent on Amazon.

5. Christmas in Connecticut-1945: Again if you search through my blog you will find a more detailed write-up. But this film is great on so many levels. This film gives us a look into what Christmas was like in the mid-’40s. Some things may have changed, but some things have stayed the same. The synopsis is A food writer Elizabeth Lane (Barbara Stanwyck) who has lied about being the perfect housewife must try to cover her deception when her boss (Sydney Greenstreet) and a returning war hero (Dennis Morgan) invite themselves to her home for a traditional family Christmas. A fun fact about this film is that I couldn’t imagine the character of Elizabeth Lane being played by Bette Davis.  Available for rent on Amazon.

*Fun Facts about films  # 5, 6, 10, 19, most of the actors have all acted previously together in other films. 

Sydney Greenstreet and S.Z. Sakall was in Casablanca in 1942 with Claude Raines and Paul Henreid who both were in Now Voyager 1942 with Bette Davis who was in The Man Who Came to Dinner 1942 with Reginald Gardiner who played John Sloan who is Elizabeth’s love interest in Christmas in Connecticut.*

Another fun fact is Grant Mitchell who starred in It Happened on Fifth Avenue 1947, but also starred in The Man Who Came to Dinner 1942 with Bette Davis and Monty Wolley who starred in The Bishop’s Wife 1947 with Loretta Young and Carey Grant. 

4. The Shop Around The Corner-1940: If you search through my blog you will find this is one of my favorite films. Also, some may realize this film has since been remade with You’ve Got Mail with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. This is a fun romantic comedy starring Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullivan. The story goes two employees at a gift shop can barely stand each other, without realizing they are falling in love through the post as each other’s anonymous pen pals. You may wonder why films such as this have made my list. Well the gift shop is gearing up for the Christmas rush and the film concludes wonderfully at the end with a sweet Christmas present. Fun fact there is actually quite a few similarities with both You’ve Got Mail and The Shop Around the Corner See the clip below. Available for rent on Amazon or HBOmax if you are subscribed. Other services/channels may be TCM or the WatchTCM app.

3. It’s a Wonderful Life-1946: Growing up this film has always been a Christmas Eve Tradition in my family. This is the one film I never watch before Christmas Eve. I am happy to say this tradition continues to live on even as we have gotten older. Some may say this is the number one Christmas movie of all time, which they are probably right. It is just a wonderful film. For those who have not seen this film, the synopsis is an angel is sent from heaven to help a desperately frustrated businessman by showing him what life would be like if he never existed. This film was directed by Frank Capra and stars Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, and Henry Travers. One of many fun facts about this film is that the town of Bedford Falls is model after Seneca Falls NY.  Available on Amazon Prime.

2. Miracle on 34th Street-1947: the first time I watched this film was probably when I was 10 or 11. Yes, I was 10 or 11 watching a black and white film! It always came on right after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When a nice old man who claims to be Santa Claus is institutionalized as insane, a young lawyer decides to defend him by arguing in court that he is the real thing. I don’t know if it was Natalie Wood, Maureen O’Hara, or Edmund Gwen who made me a believer in Santa when I was young, but this film has the potential to make even the Grinch a believer. Yes this film was remade in 1994, and I’ll be honest I don't care for it. The remake doesn’t provide me with the same warm and fuzzy feeling as the original. Fun fact about this film, The Macy’s Thanksgiving parade seen in the beginning in the film was real. It was the actual 1946 Thanksgiving Parade and Edmund Gwen played Santa in the actual parade for that year. Available for rent on Amazon or HBOmax if you are subscribed.

1. White Christmas- 1954: For me, this film has been one of the first films I watch right after Thanksgiving, normally Black Friday or during the weekend. To be honest I think it is mainly because of the music.  Most have heard of this musical, and even listen to songs during the holiday season but if you have yet to watch it, the story is a song and dance team become involved with a sister act who help out an owner of a failing Vermont Inn Owner who was their commanding officer. This film has an all-star cast; Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, & Vera-Ellen.  A fun fact about this film is that this is not the first time the song White Christmas has appeared on film and sung by Bing Crosby. The first time Bing Crosby sang White Christmas was during the film Holiday Inn in 1942. Also I did not know until today that the fictional Columbia Inn in Pine Tree VT is actually the same inn  used in the film Holiday Inn a decade before. Available for Streaming on Netflix

[fantasyfan]

Sherlock Headcanons

-Mycroft bought Sherlock his beloved Belstaff coat

-Greg bought Sherlock his beloved blue scarf

-When he was younger, Sherlock worked as a waiter, and was a good one (when he could shut up) because he didn’t have to ask for their orders and just deduced them. He could also tell when they would come back or not, and at what time.

-Sherlock can cook. And bake. Really well. “It’s just chemistry” he’ll say when someone is surprised at how good he is.

-Despite his height, Sherlock doesn’t play and hates basketball.

-Sherlock does, however, figure skate and was a ballerina, good at both of them

-John, unlike his flatmate, played every sport his school had, including basketball.

-In the kitchen, the most John can do is make drinks and wash dishes. Anything else and he’ll very likely burn down the house.

-Sherlock actually doesn’t care how he looks. He wears the Belstaff and scarf because he wants to and likes it. His curls just naturally look like that, and since he hardly sleeps, he doesn’t get them all messy either.

-Sherlock had considered joining the army, as his deducing capabilities would be handy, and he wasn’t (and isn’t) bad at combat either.

-Sherlock used to be a neat-freak

-One day he buys a dog for Rosie, one that was exactly like Redbeard

-Sherlock can sing, and you cannot convince me that everyone stares at him, shocked when a drunk Sherlock sings a beautiful Christmas carol

-Despite being able to sing like hell, Sherlock cannot play a woodwind instrument. It’ll squeak and he’ll run out of breath. He can play nearly every instrument that is not a woodwind. 

-Sherlock isn’t a virgin, and has had relationships before. But he is our favourite gay boy. 

-He’s been kidnapped before. He rolled his eyes, broke out, broke one of his kidnappers wrists, stole their wallet, and used the money to pay for his bus ride home. In the span of two hours after school. When he was seven.

-Something else to add onto the ever-growing list of things Sherlock can do really well, he does make-up. Good enough that James Charles would be ✨shook✨ 

-Painting? Drawing? Writing? All that adds to the list of things Sherlock can do. One day John home to find Sherlock reading a book to Rosie. He asks what the title is and Sherlock says he doesn’t know yet. John tells him to step messing around and takes the book. It doesn’t have a title, just the cover art. Then John notices it’s a notebook with a piece of paper glued on the front. He flips it open and sees Sherlock neat handwriting filling the pages. He looks at Sherlock’s hands and sees smudged graphite along with paint and smudged colours, from coloured pencils. 

-Sherlock’s a walker. You cannot change my mind. (Fan of Alan Walker’s music)

-When he was younger, instead of turning to drugs to alleviate his boredom, Sherlock was absolutely addicted to video games. 

[thealmightyemprex]

All The Christmas Carol’s I have seen

A Christmas Carol is a very good story that has been adapted HUNDREDS of times .and I have seen at least 22 of them 

A Christmas Carol (1938)

Saw this one as a kid (Thought I was going to watch the 84 version but this casset was there instead ).It’s not talked about a lot and I think it’s cause the film is a toned down version of the story ,the darker elements of the story are brushed aside .I think Reginald Owen (Admiral Boom from Mary Poppins ) does a decent job but this version to me is just fine 

A Christmas Carol (1949)

A made for TV version narrated by Vincent Price .Dont reallly remember this version a lot beyond Prices narration

Scrooge (1951)

Probabbly the most beloved adaptation and for good reason.Like that it really dives into Scrooges past and Alistair Sim is probabbly the definitive Scrooge

Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol(1962)

The first Christmas Special ,and my intro to Christmas Carol .Songs are amazing(All Alone In the World STILL Breaks my heart) and this is honestly one of my favorites .

Scrooge(1970)

My favorite Christmas Carol.Not perfect by any means ,but I love Albert Finney’s hammy performance as Scrooge,love the films versions of Bob,Tiny Tim ,The Ghost of Christmas Present ,The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come,and Jacob Marley ,and  I love the songs especially Thank You Very Much ,which is darkly hilarious .I try to watch this every Christmas

A Christmas Carol (1971)

Alistair Sim and Michael Hordern reprise their roles from Scrooge (1951) in this gorgeously animated oscar winning special .This is one of the best  

Bugs Bunny Christmas Carol (1979)

Barely remember it but I’ve seen it 

Mickey’s Christmas Carol(1982)

Fun short but I dont love it as much as everyone else does .Still a very good short  that I enjoy revisiting and it gave us Alan Young as  Scrooge Mcduck 

A Christmas Carol (1984)

FAVORITE NON MUSICAL LIVE ACTION VERSION .George C Scott is a unique Scrooge,the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is terrifying and David Warner is a great Bob Cratchit 

Blackadder’s Christmas Carol (1988)

Favorite parody version  ,it’s hilarious 

Scrooged(1988)

Funny movie,I like it but dont love it as Bill Muarrys character is a little too much of a jerk .Still a very good movie 

A Muppets Christmas Carol (1991)

Michael Caine is great  ,the songs are great ,the muppets are great ,this is just great 

A Christmas Carol (1994)

YEah I dont know how many othe people saw this version but this low budget direct to video version I watched a LOT  as a kid .Cant say it’s good but I have nostalgia for it .

A Flintstones Christmas Carol (1994)

Saw this one as a kid.Unique twist on the story  

A Christmas Carol (1997)

Great voice acting by Tim Curry,Jodi Benson,Michael York ,Ed Asner and especially Whoopie Goldberg does not save this flawed adaptation .

An All Dogs Christmas Carol (1998)

All Dogs Go To Heaven  is a bizarre franchise ,and it is so odd this is the end of it .As  a Christmas Carol it doesnt work cause the Scrooge character  Carface is a bit too evil that you dont believe he will stay redeemed (Heck HE doesnt believe it ).Ernest Borgnine gets to sing which is kind of fun .Oh and piecing together the All Dogs timeline is an impossibility ,dont try it ,your brain will melt 

Christmas Carol The Movie 

A very meh movie but Nicholas Cage as Marley is such an unusual casting choice that kind of works for me 

Tis the Fifteenth Season from the Simpsons (2003)

So the Christmas Carol portion is only a small aspect of this episode ,but I love this episode ,and the part where Homer decides to change his ways after watching Mr Mcgrews Christmas Carol (A spot on parody of Mr Magoo’s Christmas Carol,like the  designs are nearly identicle )is a funny bit

A Christmas Carol : The  Musical (2004)

Bad,this may be the worst version I have ever seen

Bah,Humduck!A Looney Tunes Christmas (2006)

A decent Christmas special,I havent seen it since I was a kid 

A Christmas Carol (2009)

Tonally a mess ,but close to being great .I like it but it is flawed 

A Christmas Carol  from Doctor Who(2010)

A fun sci fi spin on the story  

[chrisgoesrock]

03.  Apache - Craig Smith (Maitreya Kali)  - Color Fantasy - 3.50

Craig Vincent Smith (April 25, 1945 – March 16, 2012) was an American musician, songwriter and actor. He began his career in the 1960s playing pop and Folk music, and appearing on The Andy Williams Show. Smith wrote several songs that were recorded by successful artists of the time including Glen Campbell, The Monkees, and Andy Williams. After experimenting with drugs while travelling on the hippie trail, he suffered mental health problems which worsened over time. He released two solo albums, Apache and Inca, in the early 1970s under the names Maitreya Kali and Satya Sai Maitreya Kali. After spending nearly three years in prison for assaulting his mother, he spent the majority of the next 35 years homeless.

Early and personal life. Smith was born in Los Angeles, the son of Charles "Chuck" Smith and Marguerite "Carole" Smith (née Lundquist). His father was a descendant of gospel songwriter Charles H. Gabriel. His mother was of Swedish and German descent. Smith had two older brothers and one younger sister. Chuck Smith had worked as a manager at the Jade Room, a nightclub owned by Larry Potter, and was known by the stage name Chuck Barclay. After World War Two he worked as a welder and a salesman. Chuck died in 1978, aged 64, from a stroke, and Carole died in 1998, aged 82, from pulmonary disease.

Smith attended Grant High School, becoming class president and being on the school gymnastics team. He graduated in June 1963, and turned down a number of offers from colleges in order to pursue a career in the entertainment industry.

Career 1963–1966: the Good Time Singers. In August 1963 Smith was recruited by Michael Storm and Tom Drake (who had performed together as the Other Singers) to join the Good Time Singers, a band formed to replace the New Christy Minstrels on The Andy Williams Show. From December 1963 to January 1964 Smith and Storm also performed shows with Gordon and Sheila MacRae, supported by their daughters Heather and Meredith. The Good Time Singers released their debut self-titled album in January 1964, and their second album One Step More in October 1964. In between the albums they had embarked on a 17-city tour. Around this time Smith began songwriting, and he wrote a song called "Christmas Holiday", which was recorded by Andy Williams for his 1965 album Merry Christmas. As the Good Times Singers' was ending, Smith and fellow bandmember Lee Montgomery intended to form a new duo called Craig & Lee, but Smith had to pull out after successfully auditioning for a new ABC television show, called The Happeners. Smith had previously unsuccessfully auditioned for The Monkees. The pilot for The Happeners was filmed in November 1965. The Good Times Singers' contract for The Andy Williams Show was not renewed past 1966.

1966–1967: The Happeners and Chris & Craig. After a successful audition process, Smith won the role of Alan Howard on The Happeners. The show was to be directed by David Greene, and was a mix of acting and singing, set in New York and based on the fictional eponymous folk trio. However, ABC declined to pick up the show following the pilot episode. Smith and his The Happeners co-star Chris Ducey decided to form a musical duo called Chris & Craig. They moved into an apartment together and began writing songs. They signed to Capitol Records, recording a number of demos throughout the summer of 1966. Their first single, "Isha", was written by Ducey b/w "I Need You" written by Smith, and was produced by Steve Douglas utilizing session musicians Hal Blaine and Carol Kaye of The Wrecking Crew. It was released in July 1966. Another single, "I Cant't Go On" (written by Ducey), was produced with the same line up. Originally an acoustic duo  utitilizing session musicians, during their later 1966 sessions they began experimenting with a full band, and in November 1966 they played a show supporting the Mothers of Invention with such a full band, with Smith and Ducey playing electric guitars. Throughout late 1966 and early 1967 the duo continued to write and record more songs, but they were never released by the label. In 1967 Smith befriended Gábor Szabó and the Beach Boys, unsuccessfully offering to write songs for the latter. In early 1967 Chris & Craig began playing with a permanent backing band. Through their friendship with Michael Nesmith of the Monkees, they hired Jerry Perenchio as their manager. They changed their name to the Penny Arcade, shortly becoming the Penny Arkade for trademark reasons.

1967–1968: the Penny Arkade. Nesmith began producing Smith and Ducey, initially pairing them with John London (bass) and Johnny Raines (drums). They were eventually replaced by Donald F. Glut on bass (who had appeared in an earlier incarnation of the band) and Bobby Donaho on drums. While the band worked on their own material, Smith continued to write songs, including "Salesman" for the Monkees, and "Hands of the Clock" and "Lazy Sunny Day" for Heather MacRae. Smith was also credited as co-producer for the songs, alongside Bob Thiele. He also wrote "Holly" for Williams. Nesmith took the band into a studio to record their album. One of the songs written at this time by Smith was "Country Girl", which was later recorded and released by Glen Campbell for his Try a Little Kindness album. The album never materialised, but some of the songs were collected and released as Not the Freeze in 2004. After a bad review of one of their live shows, the band decided to concentrate on writing and recording songs. In early 1968 they unsuccessfully auditioned for the role of house band on the TV show Peyton Place. In February 1968 Smith and his father went into business together, running a bar called the Buckeye Inn. In late 1968 Smith was associating with the Manson Family, and exploring an interest in Eastern philosophy, particularly Transcendental Meditation. Smith eventually left the Penny Arkade and decided to go travelling. The band continued without Smith until 1969, renamed as the Armadillo and with Bob Arthur as a replacement guitarist.

1968: travelling to Asia. After previously smoking small amounts of marijuana with friends, Smith began experimenting with LSD in 1968. During his travels Smith took LSD on a "regular" basis, and he smoked "copious amounts of hashish" while in Afghanistan. Smith decided to travel to India alone, with just a guitar and a backpack. He set off to join the hippie trail, arriving in Turkey in October 1968, possibly via Austria and Greece. Smith met fellow Western travellers (an Irishman and two American women) in Istanbul, and they set off together in a VW van, intending to drive to Delhi. After the van broke down, they hitched a ride in a lorry transporting olive oil, before taking a bus to Iran. They passed through Afghanistan, with Smith deciding to leave his companions for a few days in Kandahar while they travelled on to Kabul. Smith never joined them in Kabul; when his companions returned to Kandahar a few months later, they heard rumours that he had "gone crazy", running through the market with a knife threatening people, and then disappeared. It later became apparent that after threatening a market vendor, Smith had been beaten close to death and robbed, and possibly kidnapped and raped. Smith possibly spent some time in an Afghan insane asylum, where he is thought to have developed acute schizophrenia. It is not known if Smith ever reached India, although he and his travelogue claims he did visit India and reconnected with the Maharishi and went to Nepal.

1969–1970: return to United States and travelling to South America. Smith returned to the United States in late 1968 or early 1969, initially living back with his parents. He was possibly institutionalized and medicated for a short period. By this stage he was using the name "Maitreya Kali", which he intended to become his legal name, although this didn't happen until 1971. He continued to receive royalty checks from his historical songwriting for Williams and Campbell, amongst others. After his girlfriend left him, Smith decided to travel to South America, spending time in Peru, Ecuador, Bolivia, Argentina, and the Galapagos Islands of Chile. Returning from South America, Smith reunited with his girlfriend, and they became engaged. When the engagement ended, Smith ripped up the wedding dress his fiancée had chosen. Following another brief re-connection, the relationship ended for good when Smith violently threatened one of her male friends.

1970–1971: deterioration in mental health. Smith claimed to have mystical powers, and thought he was a messiah. He prophesied that he would be "King of the World" by 2000. He claimed to be a reincarnation of Jesus, Buddha, and Hitler. As his erratic and bizarre behavior became more pronounced, such as claiming voices were telling him to kill people, his friends started to ignore him. One friend eventually had to obtain a restraining order against Smith. His appearance became more and more unkempt, with long hair and a wild beard. At one point, he shaved his head and beard off, and dressed in robes, his appearance comparable to a Buddhist monk, although his hair and beard would later grow back. He visited Heather and Sheila MacRae in Miami, and was asked to leave by Sheila's new husband after he woke up to find Smith standing over their bed with a knife. Heather saw him again in Los Angeles in 1972, when he "looked really scary [...] just totally looked insane, and would say weird things."

1971–1972: Apache and Inca. Smith wrote two solo albums Apache and Inca in 1971, which were self-released in 1972. In the liner notes to both albums, Smith claims to have played every instrument. The liner notes as a whole have been described as "bizarre [and] rambling", and display his belief system. Apache was released on his own 'Akashic Records', and features three songs from the Penny Arkade recording sessions. Inca was released a few months after Apache, in the summer of 1972, not as a standalone album but as a double gatefold with Apache on his new 'United Kingdom of America Records' label. Like Apache, Inca also features songs from the Penny Arkade recording sessions. The albums were mainly distributed to Smith's friends or sold on the street.

1973–1976: prison. After the albums were released, Smith sold his car with the intention of going to Ethiopia. His mental health problems continued, such as suggesting to a friend that they fight to the death using samurai swords. He also had a small black spider tattooed in the middle of his forehead in 1972 or 1973. On April 22, 1973, Smith attacked his mother at the family home. An attempted murder charge was not established, and following a psychiatric examination, he pleaded 'no contest' to a charge of assault. He was sentenced in November 1973 to six months to life, the maximum sentence for the offence, and the Judge suggested intense medical and psychiatric treatment. He began his sentence at the California Institution for Men, before transferring to the Deuel Vocational Institution in December 1973. He transferred again, to the California Men's Colony, in February 1974. He was granted parole at the fourth attempt, and was released from prison in June 1976.

1977–2012: later years and death. Suzannah Jordan, the third member of The Happeners trio, ran into Smith in LA in 1977; he was homeless but did not display any mental health issues. He drifted in and out of mental hospitals until the mid-1980s when funding was cut, and would then spend the next years homeless. He also had various run-ins with the law. In 1981 or 1982 he saw another old friend and told her he had been recording music. He has been indeed recording music, according to Mike Stax, as late as the late 1990s, which includes the 1994 song "Waves", which was released on the 2018 CD version of the album Love is Our Existence. By the early 2000s his "ramblings" had moved from Eastern philosophy/his Maitreya Kali persona to aliens. Smith died on March 16, 2012. His family declined to collect his ashes, and they were eventually collected by journalist Mike Stax.

★ Apache (Released under the name Satya Sai Maitreya Kali) (Akashic Records, 1971)

01. Ice and Snow 03:25 02. Black Swan 02:50 03. Color Fantasy 03:51 04. Voodoo Spell 02:01 05. Salesman 02:55 06. Music Box 02:55 07. Love Is Our Existence 02:30 08. One Last Farewell 02:35 09. I'm Walkin' Solo 02:28 10. Silk and Ivory 03:05 11. Swim 02:43 12. Revelation 03:12

★ Inca (Released under the name Satya Sai Maitreya Kali) (United Kingdom of America Records, 1972)

01. Lights of Dawn 02:56 02. Thesis 02:46 03. Knot the Freize 12:31 04. Jesus Owns 01:32 05. Sam Pan Boat 03:18 06. Fearless Men 03:38 07. Cheryl 03:05 08. Country Girl 02:51 09. Old Man 03:47 10. King 00:08

[tabloidtoc]

Entertainment Weekly, December

Cover: Wandavision -- Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff and Paul Bettany as Vision 

Page 1: Contents, Melissa Gilbert on the Little House on the Prairie Set in 1977 

Page 3: Sound Bites -- special holiday edition 

Page 4: Editor’s Note 

Page 6: The Must List -- Between the World and Me 

Page 8: The Orchard by David Hopen, Freaky 

Page 9: Chris Stapleton -- Starting Over 

Page 11: A Sky Beyond the Storm by Sabaa Tahir, Let Them All Talk 

Page 12: Batman/Catwoman 

Page 13: Nomadland 

Page 14: Soul, December Games -- Marvel’s Spider-man: Miles Morales, Star Wars: Tales from the Galaxy’s Edge, Immortals Fenyx Rising 

Page 16: My Must List -- Kenan Thompson 

Page 19: First Take -- Bob Odenkirk in Nobody -- the Better Call Saul star plays an unlikely action here complete with a bloody good makeover in this thriller about a family man who decides to seek revenge after a break-in 

Page 21: Pedro Pascal and Christian Slater -- We Can Be Heroes 

Page 22: Cover Story -- Wandavision a wonderfully weird send-up of sitcoms of the past is Marvel’s key to the future 

Page 30: Untold Stories: Holiday Movies Edition -- an oral history of The Family Stone -- Thomas Bezucha, Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Luke Wilson, Elizabeth Reaser, Dermot Mulroney, Tyrone Giordano, Brian White, Craig T. Nelson, Claire Danes

Page 36: Making the Scene -- The Muppet Christmas Carol -- fans of the Muppets’ 1992 take on Scrooge know a key scene is missing from the DVD version and it’s now the most beloved number ever left on the cutting-room floor, Closet Confidential -- Bridget Jones’ Diary -- Colin Firth and director Sharon Maguire reveal the secrets behind Darcy’s ugly sweater 

Page 37: The Merriest Movies Years Ever -- Jeremy Arnold the author of the TCM book Christmas in the Movies: 30 Classics to Celebrate the Season reveals why 1947 and 2003 were prime years for yuletide films 

Page 38: Role Call -- Mary Steenburgen -- the Oscar winner is a holiday movie MVP and here we look back at the roles that put the Mary in Christmas 

Page 39: Behind the Music -- The Preacher’s Wife -- Whitney Houston’s rousing 1996 film boasts one of the all-time great Christmas movie soundtracks and producer Mervyn Warren tells how it came together 

Page 40: Investigation: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? It’s the debate that won’t die: does Bruce Willis’ 1988 action classic also qualify as a Christmas classic? With the help of some Die Hard alums we’re ready to settle this once and for all -- Bonnie Bedelia, Reginald VelJohnson, Dermot Mulroney, Zooey Deschanel, Mean Girls -- Christmas got a bit risque in the teen film’s memorial Jingle Bell Rock talent-show performance 

Page 41: 4 Things You Didn’t Know About Love Actually -- we actually unearthed some new tidbits from writer-director Richard Curtis about the much-discussed much-beloved Christmas rom-com 

Page 43: 3 secrets from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer -- it’s aired every year since 1964 but there are still some things you don’t know about the stop-motion Christmas special, 5-minute oral history -- Elf -- you’d better scurry for the story behind the film’s Baby It’s Cold Outside shower scene by Zooey Deschanel 

Page 44: Shondaland makes its Netflix debut December 25 with the swoony Bridgerton a Regency-era drama inspired by a series of romance novels 

Page 48: The Kane maker -- David Fincher and an all-star cast inhabit Old Hollywood for Netflix’s Manx the riveting behind-the-scenes story of Citizen Kane 

Page 52: In an era of rampant reboots it’s been awfully quiet on the Prairie so EW investigates why it’s taken so long for Hollywood to return to Laura Ingalls Wilder’s beloved town on Walnut Grove in Little House on the Prairie 

Page 57: 2020 Gift Guide 

Page 66: News + Reviews  -- It has spurred sales and served as a balm for concert-starved fans but the best by-product of Verzuz is its celebration of Black excellence 

Page 70: Movies -- from modernized classics to fresh newcomers the Hollywood musical is back in style with a new inclusive look 

Page 73: Indie’s New Queen -- with another major and wild big-screen performance in Black Bear Aubrey Plaza is emerging as an art-house icon 

Page 74: Meet Your Maker -- Alan Ball -- the Oscar and Emmy winner behind American Beauty and Six Feet Under and True Blood brings his most personal project to the screen: the road movie Uncle Frank and here Ball shares his iconic cinematic and literary inspirations 

Page 76: Comedy of My Life: Melissa McCarthy -- the Oscar nominee and Emmy winner flaunts some Superintelligence in her fourth movie directed by husband Ben Falcone 

Page 78: The Shot -- Silver Linings Playbook -- inside the creation of a classic scene 

Page 80: TV -- after years as the grounding force on The Big Bang Theory Kaley Cuoco is now flying high as The Flight Attendant at the center of a juicy murder mystery 

Page 82: Class is back in session on Peacock where Saved By the Bell revival debuts 

Page 83: The Crown 

Page 84: Small Axe 

Page 85: Q+A with Bryan Cranston -- in the limited series Your Honor the Emmy winner is breaking bad again starring as a judge whose son is involved in a hit-and-run 

Page 86: Unwrapping Christmas TV movies -- wisdom gleaned from a flurry of winters in Tinseltown 

Page 87: Role Call -- William H. Macy -- as he heads into the 11th and final season of Shameless he looks back on his most iconic projects, epic sci-fi series The Expanse is back with more cosmic chaos in season 5 

Page 89: What to Watch 

Page 96: Music -- Angus Young and Brian Johnson explain how AC/DC are back on track with a new album that honors late bandmate and brother Malcolm Young 

Page 98: Sam Smith 

Page 99: Q+A with legendary P-Funk bassist Bootsy Collins sheds light on his new album and his enormous collection of top hats 

Page 101: The Playback -- Joni Mitchell Archives: Vol. 1: The Early Years -- before she became an icon Mitchell was performing at local radio stations and recording homemade demos 

Page 102: A Band You Need to Know -- Sault -- the mysterious U.K. group has dropped two timely album-of-the-year contenders, Stupid Questions with Josh Groban -- the multiplatinum-selling golden-voiced baritone returns with Harmony but can he sing his way out of this comedic jam

Page 103: Epitaph -- Eddie Van Halen 

Page 104: Books -- Ernest Cline returns with Ready Player Two the sequel to his 2011 blockbuster and 2020′s most secretive novel 

Page 106: Comedians Rachel Bloom and Michelle Buteau have new memoirs but first they chat about bullying and Dick Jones and how Julia Roberts likes her eggs 

Page 107: High Anxiety with Cazzie David -- the writer and daughter of OG angster Larry David broadcasts her own neuroses in the essay collection No One Asked for This and here shares her deepest fears 

Page 108: The weirdest year in publishing history wraps up with an all-virtual literary awards season and here we break down the titles with their eyes on the prize 

Page 110: Screenwriter and director ad novelist John Ridley offers an alternative perspective in The Other History of the DC Universe 

Page 112: The Bullseye

[tagsecretsanta]

From @willow-salix

to @fallenfurther

Secret Santa does not own this work, full credit to the author above!

Grandma Tracy might portray herself as a hip, cool, down with the kids granny to anyone that would listen but even she had to admit that she was a traditionalist at heart. Not in the way that many might expect, not in the boring way of not moving with the times when needed, she could work the holoprojector almost as well as John when it came to coordinating a rescue, she just subscribed to the ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ school of thought.

She knew that old fashioned things still had a place in the world, they still had a use, even when people thought they were antiquated and fit for nothing but a museum or a rubbish pile. She’d proven that to Virgil when they had been stuck in London with no technology whatsoever and since then Virgil had had more of an appreciation for the older things in life.

Traditions were important in her eyes, although rarely were they the common ones that everyone in the world did. Mostly because Sally Tracy did not follow the pack, she never had. She refused to do what everyone else did, to her traditions began at home. They should invoke memories of a time long ago and remind you of the things that were important. Family traditions, now they were the way to go.

She could vividly remember her mother singing along to the radio as they decorated the Christmas tree. They would drink hot chocolate and have a lovely time as they decorated, dressing up in the tinsel and talking, catching up on the things they might not have had time to talk about before. Always on the 1st of December, always with Christmas songs playing and always as a family. And Sally had made sure that she'd done exactly the same with her boys.

Now it was Christmas Eve, the gifts had been purchased and wrapped, the tree had been decorated and the family had just about escaped with their sanity after a month of non stop christmas songs on the stereo courtesy of Grandma. Jeff had been the only one brave enough to suggest that maybe they listen to something else but he had quickly backed down when she had speared him with a glare that could have stripped the paint off Thunderbird Two’s hull if she had been close enough to it.

It’s tradition, she said, one of the only ones she could count on since moving to Tracy Island. Beautiful as the island was, it was far too tropical to feel in any way christmassy and the only way she could get in the mood (or so she claimed) was by listening to festive music.

She missed feeling the days grow colder as summer lost its grip on the world and the crisp, chilly days of fall took over. Once fall was firmly there and you couldn’t leave the house without a sweater it was only a matter of time before the smell of burning leaves and woodsmoke filled the air and winter came nipping at its heels. The cold of winter, the first flurries of snow, brought with it the sound of carols, bells and the smell of baking gingerbread. She loved being wrapped up in warm clothes and feeling the icy blast of wind that stole her breath and she missed it when temperatures on the island rarely changed at all.

Rescues often made regular meals and time off difficult, they often interrupted family time and special occasions. The Tracys were used to it, but it did make getting into any kind of routine difficult and often meant that such things as birthdays and christmas felt unimportant. But not to Grandma, to her it was of vital importance and no one had better argue with her. Jeff, wise man that he was, had given up and retreated to his office, his almost soundproof door and peace.

Gordon was in London spending the day with Penelope for her birthday before they returned to the island that evening for Christmas. John was in Five as usual, finishing up preparations for a few well deserved days off (although he would probably be regretting his decision by dinner time Christmas Day), Kayo was visiting Kyrano for Christmas Eve and would return in the morning and Brains was wishing he had never walked into the lounge.

“Snow is falling, all around me, children playing, having fun,” Grandma sang, joining in with the video playing out on the holoprojector as she attempted to crochet a scarf figuring it was as traditional a pass time as any to indulge in, maybe it would be ready by next Christmas if she was lucky. “Come on, Brains, you know the words, join in.”

“B-but it’s not accurate for our climate,” he argued, never having been one to enjoy a sing-along like some members of the family. “There is never snow on T-T-Tracy Island.”

“That’s not the point, Brains,” she sighed, trying to untangle the yarn that insisted on knotting on her lap rather than in the carefully ordered way it should.

“It’s not?”

“No!” She tossed the scarf, all four wonky rows of it, onto the table, giving up for now before she was tempted to lob it up Thunderbird Two's tail pipe.

“I d-don’t understand,” Brains admitted, something that was very hard for him to do. He was used to being one of the smartest people in the room, if not the smartest, and now, here he was, not understanding a simple thing like this. Maybe he’d been working too hard?

“It’s not about the song, it’s about the meaning behind it,” Grandma explained patiently for what felt like the millionth time that December. “It’s traditional.”

“A song is traditional?”

“Well, yes, but not just the song, it’s the image it portrays. Christmas in my day meant snow, cold weather clothes, wrapping up warm, skating on a frozen lake, then coming inside to drink hot chocolate around a crackling fire and listening to carols on the radio with my mother as we waited for my father to get home. We knew that once he was home the holidays could really start. He worked hard and had very little time off in a year, only every other sunday, two days for Easter and Christmas Day.”

“Kinda like us then,” Alan muttered from his spot on the couch where he had been relaxing before breakfast, playing a handheld game.

“Yes, and because we have none of the weather here or the time off, not that I would want to be anywhere else, but the only thing that really makes it feel like Christmas is the songs. So we’re going to keep the music and you’re all going to like it.”

A new song came on and Grandma sighed happily as Alan groaned as if in pain.

“I love this song, it was one of my favourites,” she stared dreamily at the screen. “Oh, it’s Christmas time, mistletoe and wine. Children singing Christian rhyme. Isn’t he handsome? I wouldn’t kick him out for eating cookies.”

“Grandma!” Alan gasped, shocked to the core, his tone showing his disgust.

“What? Just because I’m old doesn’t mean I can’t look and do a little window shopping. I’ve got all his albums, including his live concerts, it’s just not Christmas without seeing him on the TV. Here, I’ll show you. Just listen to him some more and I’m sure you’ll learn to love him.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, it’s Christmas.”

“That’s your answer to everything,” Alan grumbled but he put down his game and prepared to do his duty as a grandson.

“I’ll start you off easy with Little Town,” Grandma told him, pressing play.

                                                              ***

“This comes to pass, when a child is born. When a child is born… oh, oh, o-” Grandma sang along to the fifth song of her playlist when, to Alan’s intense relief, John’s hologram popped up, replacing the music video that had been playing.

“International Rescue, we have a situation,” he started, then paused looking around the room, frowning when he saw only Grandma, Brains and Alan in attendance.

“A situation? Yes! I’ll get Scott and Virg,” Alan cheered, jumping up.

"That's not the reaction I usually get," John observed, wondering what could have brought about that sort of excitement so early in the morning from the brother who liked his sleep the most.

“Never mind that. What have you got?” Grandma asked, all business now, her Christmas spirit in song form now forgotten.

“Guests trapped in an ice hotel in Sweden.”

“Scott! Virgil! It’s safe to come up, the music’s off and John needs us to go to Sweden,” Alan yelled as he clattered down the stairs to the kitchen where the older two were no doubt hiding.

“A what now?” Grandma asked, ignoring Alan.

“An ice hotel,” John repeated. “The hotel was first built in 1990 in the small village of Jukkasjarvi, Sweden, now they rebuild it every year and add to it with a different architect for each room. I’m sure it looks very beautiful when you can actually see it and a freak snow storm hasn't covered the entrance then frozen.”  He pulled up a feed to show what must have been the hotel but all that was visible was two large piles of snow.

“What are we looking at, John?” Scott demanded to know, jogging up the stairs with Virgil hot on his heels, Alan bringing up the rear.

John brought up a picture of the ice hotel in its normal glory.

“This is the Winter Heart Hotel in Sweden,” he began. The picture showed a beautiful backdrop of a frosty night with the northern lights visible dancing in the sky behind two pure white domes of snow which were obviously the hotel. They looked like elaborate igloos, connected by covered tunnels and slopes that had formed on the sides with big, wooden looking doors on the front of the domes. The snow sparkled in the moonlight and even though it was clearly freezing cold the whole place looked very welcoming. Little cabins were scattered here and there around the hotel itself, giving the whole scene a picture postcard feel.

“Looks great,” Virgil commented.

“That was it three months ago,” John answered before flicking aside the picture to replace it with the previous image. “This is it as of four hours ago.”

“Woah,” Scott breathed, his eyes tracking over the large mounds of snow that covered the domes so effectively they looked to be nothing but snowy hills. “What happened?”

“Freak snow storm blew in from the arctic circle and dumped around seven feet of snow on the hotel overnight. By the time morning came the fresh snow had frozen solid, trapping a number of high profile guests inside.”

“High profile?”

“The Winter Wonder charity concert happens there every year, people from all over the world pay big money to stay there and not just for the music,” John answered. "It's reported to be an amazing experience but not for the faint hearted. They keep the inside at a constant -5 degrees centigrade, although they do have warm rooms of the hotel such as bathrooms and some bedrooms. They should be fine in there for now, but we obviously need to get them out. The hotel itself has been trying to dig their way through for the past hour. They had a snow plow of their own but it broke a week or so ago and as no snow was forecast they hadn't rushed to replace it.”

“Any casualties?” Virgil asked, already walking across the lounge to his launch chute.

“None reported, apparently they have placated the guests with numerous free drinks and dinner, but unfortunately they are now reported to be getting a little rowdy.”

“Rowdy? Well it won’t do to keep them waiting much longer, will it?  I guess we had better hit the skies,” Scott grinned, crossing over to stand in front of the wall where his launch chute was hidden, reaching up to grasp the light fittings that triggered the revolving door. “See you out there!”

“Alan, you're with me,” Virgil called, much to Alan’s delight. He dropped down in one of the bucket seats that would take him or a passenger to Thunderbird Three so he could suit up, grinning like a mad man, happy to be off the island for a few hours.

“I’ll send the coordinates and brief you when you’re airborne,” John told them as they all vanished, his hologram blinking out a moment later.

“Well,” Grandma sighed, turning back to the holoprojector. “Now that they have gone I guess it’s just you and me, Brains.” With a quick flick of her wrist she had turned the music video on, the sound drowning out Brains’ pitiful groan.

                                                    ***

“Bulldozer Pod is go!”

“Alan, be careful with it!” John warned, his voice echoing around the pod cabin, as the bulldozer shot forward at a much faster speed than was sensible. His hologram popped back into existence to give their littlest brother one of his patented death stares when Alan dared to roll his eyes at him.

“I think I know what I’m doing, it’s just a little snow.”

“No, it’s not just a little snow, if you go too deep or too far you’ll risk taking out one of the walls of the hotel itself. It’ll register as snow, exactly as the rest of it does. Here,” John paused to send through the holographic map overlay he had just finished creating. The overlay settled on top of the map already in front of Alan from the pods scans, then sank down over the snowy mounds, now showing the outline of the buildings.

“Avoid the ice walls, I got it,” Alan assured him.

“Just make sure you pay full attention,” John ordered.

“I’ll be fine, go bug Scott, he’s the one you can’t trust.”

“Unfortunately there isn't just one, I can’t trust any of you,” John sighed and, against his better judgement, left Alan to his own devices.

Alan trundled forward a little slower than before, heeding the warning. He might be excitable but he wasn’t stupid and now that he had a better idea of what he was looking at and supposed to do he could see that he would have to be a little more careful.

As John had said, scans from their equipment were registering nothing but ice and snow, there was no clear definition between what was fresh snow and what had been there before and was part of the building. He could detect life signs deep inside the snow piles, as expected, but they seemed calm enough, their heart rates slow and easy, showing them to be totally relaxed.

He moved the pod closer to the huge wall of snow and maneuvered it into place, his plan being to work in a square, side to side, front to back, moving in closer and closer until the majority of the snow had been removed, allowing Virgil and Scott access to come in with a modified Sherpa Pod. The idea being to use the heat bank element to create what amounted to a high powered hair dryer to defrost the ice that had the guests trapped.

With his first run he plowed a wide path in front of the hotel a good twelve meters away. He checked the map overlay, calculating that he could manage two more full sweeps, working back and forth before he’d be risking getting too close and would have to hand over to his brothers.

Scott and Virgil were configuring the modifications to the Sherpa Pod when John called in to give them an update.

“Alan has removed the snow down to quarter of a meter from the doors, now it’s down to you guys.”

“FAB Thunderbird Five,” Scott answered, swinging up into the passenger seat of the pod. He’d finally grown out of his desire to drive every single vehicle he got into and had learnt that Virgil was, in general, a much more capable pod pilot than he was, although he’d never admit that out loud.

Virgil gave him that look that said he knew exactly what he was doing but, being the more peace loving Tracy, he declined to comment. Instead he climbed effortlessly into the driver's seat and settled in. He carefully guided the vehicle down the module ramp and out onto the snow, ignoring Scott’s impatient huff in response to his sedate pace.

“Slow and steady,” he quoted, knowing that snow was tricky terrain to navigate at the best of times and this wasn’t the time or the place in which to push their luck.

“The danger here is with the hotel itself,” John told them as Virgil made his way across the snow.

“How so?” Scott asked. “I thought the reports said that the hotel was stable.”

“It’s made of the very thing we’re going to be melting,” Virgil answered, checking his instrument readouts as he navigated up and over the snow into the ditch that Alan had excavated.

“Oh, yeah, good point,” Scott conceded. “So what’s the plan?”

“The snow fall isn’t the real problem here, the hotel can take the weight of it easily having been subjected to weight tests to ensure it could retain its structural integrity for these exact reasons,"John answered. "In this case all we need to do is concentrate on freeing the doors, the rest, as long as they take precautions, should be fine to leave in situ.”

“Got it, just the doors,” Scott confirmed.

“You’re going to have to go steady,” John warned. “There’s not a lot of clearance there, Alan has done his best but it’s going to be a delicate operation.”

“Steady is my middle name,” Virgil assured him. “I’ve got it under control. You just concentrate on keeping the hotel employees in the loop.”

“FAB,” John answered, blinking out as quickly as he had come.

Heat bank raised, Virgil worked the controls expertly, taking his time to melt away the snow that was left, being careful to keep it moving and only work on the front of the hotel where the doors should be, following the same map overlay that John had provided for Alan.

Alan, they saw, had done a thorough job, moving the snow far out of the way and was now using the loader and the pod’s caterpillar tracks to tramp down and spread out the snow he’d plowed, eliminating the possibility of the new snow piles posing a danger to anyone.

After only a few minutes of careful work the doors to the main entrance of the hotel began to appear through the snow as it melted away, sliding down the wood. Virgil checked the map one more time, realising that there was little more he could do without risking the ice of the hotel itself.

“I’m gonna have to get my exo-suit and do the rest by hand,” he decided, sounding like he was talking to himself, almost like he had forgotten that Scott was even there. Scott declined to comment, busy watching Alan work, pleased to see that, although the youngest Tracy sometimes had the same kind of offbeat humour as Gordon, he was as competent and sure as ever in his work.

Virgil turned the pod back to the module, not wanting to walk the entire way and, leaving Scott to reconfigure the pod to something a little more manageable for travelling across snow, he got himself into the mechanical suit.

Twenty minutes later a stream of grateful employees and guests came pouring out of the freed doors, all talking at once, jabbering away in excitement at seeing the mighty Thunderbird vehicles up close.

“Please, please come inside,” one waiter gushed, grabbing Scott by the arm and hauling him into the hotel. Virgil glanced at Alan who shrugged, it wasn’t like they couldn't be spared for a little longer. "My name is Felix, please, anything I can do, just tell me."

"It's OK, Felix," Scott started. "We don't need you to do anything…" he trailed off as they stepped inside, their attention instantly taken by their first look at the hotel.

“Woah,” they all breathed in unison, their eyes feasting on the beauty in front of them. They were surrounded on all sides by sparkling, crystal like slabs of ice that formed a lobby area that immediately opened up into an ice bar, a warmly wrapped up waiter behind the bar ready to take their orders. Several guests sat on fur covered ice chairs, sipping from thick glasses that looked to be crystal but were obviously made of ice too.

“This is just...wow,” Virgil’s eyes darted here and there, trying to take in everything at once. He slipped his arms out of the exo-suit and allowed the mechanical limbs to fold down alongside the suit against his back. Reaching out a hand he stroked the delicately carved face of an ice maiden, one of the many sculptures that were dotted here and there. “Can I have a look around?”

“Of course,” the waiter, Felix, who had invited them in nodded eagerly, clearly happy to be of service. “Come, I give you a tour.”

Virgil knew that he must have looked a sight, stomping down the icy walkway with his suit on so, with Scott’s help, he shed it and left his brothers to guard it while he followed the man who had already darted ahead.

Now that he was free of the cumbersome machinery he was able to navigate the icy corridors and smaller walkways with ease. He descended a staircase, again completely made of ice, something he found hard to get his head around as it all looked like crystal, and stepped into a high ceilinged room that sported the most magnificent chandelier he had ever seen.

The ice shards hung down in elegant lines that culminated in three perfectly formed circles. The artist in him was in awe of the work that had gone into creating something that was not only visually stunning but practical at the same time.

Walking through the rooms he saw more exquisite sculptures, fur draped beds in bedrooms that each had a different theme such as under the sea with giant ice jellyfish hanging from the ceiling, clowns, dancers, and solar systems. On the way to the beautiful chapel with its ice shard altar and fur covered pews, he saw a magnificent unicorn that dominated a large part of a hallway. Here and there he saw leaves, animals, birds, faces and flowers, all carved from the ice and snow that made up the hotel. It was, simply put, stunning.

He returned to find Scott and Alan, who had taken up residence in one of the warm rooms with cups of hot chocolate, surrounded by guests. Many of them seemed a little worse for wear after their extended stays in the bar areas where the drinks had been flowing freely in an effort to keep them unaware as to the predicament they had been in.

It seemed that the guests were also fans, their voices carrying that slightly raised, mildly slurred tone that drunk people got, as they peppered the boys with questions.

“We really can’t reveal any of our secrets,” Scott told them, sounding as if he were repeating himself for maybe the twentieth time.

“You eat?” someone popped up behind them and offered a delicious looking burger on a plate.

“Oh, don’t mind if I do,” Scott grinned, reaching to take it. “Thank you.”

Alan and Virgil happily accepted their own plates, diving in to take large bites, eager for some food that hadn’t been cremated by Grandma. Decent food was hit or miss on the island, but everything dished up was met with a general sense of trepidation until the first bite determined its edibility.

“Damn, this is good,” Alan mumbled, his mouth full.

“I’ll say it is,” Virgil agreed, his cheeks resembling hamster pouches as he answered with his mouth full.

"I am glad you like,” Felix smiled, looking rather proud of himself. “They are our speciality, made from our own reindeer.”

Alan choked, his eyes growing wide as he stopped chewing and stared at the burger. Reaching for a napkin he, as politely as possible, spat out the food in his mouth.

Virgil looked a little horrified while Scott just shrugged and kept right on eating. Scott counted himself as a foodie, he would try anything once, or even twice if he was undecided the first time. He had eaten in top restaurants around the world, in little cafes, from carts on the side of the road, anywhere and everywhere that there was food, there was Scott, willing and ready to try it.

“What?” he asked when Alan stared at him in disgust. “It’s a burger, plus it’s good.”

Virgil was obviously fighting some internal war between his stomach and his brain. On the one hand he was hungry and Scott was right, the burger was damn good, but on the other his brain was insisting on conjuring up visions of Santa and his sleigh. In the end his stomach won and he took another bite.

“Virgil!” Alan gasped, making Virgil wince guiltily.

“There’s nothing wrong with the burger, Al. They were good enough to feed us, it would be rude not to.”

Alan, clearly torn between his desire to not be seen as impolite and his desire to not eat Rudolph, was spared from making a decision by a sudden burst of music coming from deeper in the hotel. All three Tracy brothers groaned in unison.

“Is there a problem?” Felix asked, concern etched on his face. Had he given them a bad burger? Food poisoning? Insulted their ancestors? “Anything I can do to thank you, please do say.”

“No,” Virgil assured him. “We just recognised the music, that’s all.”

“Ah,” Felix smiled, clearly relieved. “That is the band beginning a last minute rehearsal and sound check before the concert.”

“Concert?”

Felix pointed to a holographic poster on the wall.

Alan’s eyes widened in recognition and he leant over to whisper to Scott. Scott listened, his eyes widening too as he realised what his little brother meant.

Clearing his throat he made his request. “Maybe there is something you can do for us, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Of course! Anything!” Felix gushed, pleased that the high profile Tracy brothers weren’t mad at him.

“Can you get us their autographs?”

Felix grinned, looking even more proud of himself than he had before.

“I can do better than that.”

                                 ***

Grandma hadn’t known what to think when Virgil had called home and told her that Scott was on his way back to collect her, telling her only to wear as many warm clothes as she could, but she had done as she was told.

Digging deep into the back of her wardrobe where she kept the clothes that had languished there for more years than she cared to remember, she had dragged out a thick winter coat and a warm top to wear under her customary onesie, along with wooly socks, gloves, scarf and hat.

She was waiting impatiently in the launch bay before Scott had even made it home and was soon comfortably installed in a passenger seat as her eldest grandson whisked her away into the unknown.

Virgil and Alan were there to greet them as they landed, a pair of ice skates in hand and identically proud grins on their faces.

They had spent a pleasant hour or so sliding around on the custom built ice rink. The ice, as with the hotel, had been imported from the nearby Torne River. Grandma was pleased to find that, although slightly rusty at first, she was able to take to the ice with a reasonable degree of competency, much better than that of her grandsons.

Scott was all long limbs and over enthusiasm, trying to go fast straight off the bat and failing spectacularly until he slowed down and figured out how to walk before he ran. Virgil was a little better, adopting the tactic of trying to place his feet carefully, as he would while walking, getting his footing before doing a slow first lap around the outer edge of the rink, gaining confidence the longer he was on there.

Alan it seemed, much to their surprise, had inherited her grace on the ice and took to it easily, executing an almost perfect first lap before streaking off across the ice like a bullet.

Skating gave way to an impromptu snowball fight started by Scott aiming at Alan and finished by Grandma who pelted the troublemakers with snow while Virgil held them in place.

“How about we head inside and grab a warm drink before heading home?” Virgil suggested, shaking the snow off his shoulders, thankful that their uniforms protected them from such a wide range of weather conditions.

“That would be wonderful,” Grandma sighed happily as they walked towards the hotel.

“I want to thank you boys for such a lovely surprise. Much as I love our home it’s been nice to feel snow again and experience an old fashioned Christmas eve again after so long of endless summer.”

“You deserve it,” Scott assured her, draping an arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah, it was our pleasure,” Alan agreed, holding the still freely swinging door open for her.

Grandma experienced much the same wonder as they had as she enjoyed a tour of the hotel at the hands of the ever accommodating Felix, who had been more than happy to be her guide, showing her all the hotel had to offer.

It was beautiful, a true once in a lifetime winter wonderland of crystalline ice and exquisite sculpture that reminded her of the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, her favourite book as a child, when the White Witch had frozen all of Narnia in an endless winter.

Felix was happy to let her wander at her own pace, never trying to hurry her as she explored, her eyes taking in all there was to see. But, eventually, she grew tired and needed to rest, not being as young as her mind would have her believe. She was more than happy to be delivered back to her waiting grandsons with the promise of a hot chocolate in one of the warm rooms.

The function room was beautiful in its simplicity, decorated in a cozy cabin style with insulated fireplaces here and there which gave off no heat but looked perfect in the wood panelled room. There were comfy couches and wooden tables with rings of chairs dotted here and there, all arranged in a semi circle that faced towards the raised platform that was acting as a stage if the instruments there were any indication.

The room was still empty apart from five men sitting around a table, enjoying a quiet drink before the show started. They looked up expectantly when the door opened and the three Tracy boys led their special guest into the room.

Grandma had never been one to be lost for words before but there was a first time for everything and this appeared to be that time. She froze in the doorway, requiring a gentle nudge from Virgil to get her moving again. Her eyes were firmly fixed on one man as he put down his drink and moved towards them, a bright smile of welcome on his face.

“Hi there,” he started, holding out his hand, “I’m Cli-”

“Cliff Richard Jr!” Grandma shrieked, coming out of her starstruck daze to grab his hand between both of hers, yanking it closer, reeling him in for a smothering hug.

“Woah, easy there, Grandma!” Scott laughed as the singer’s arms flailed in shock. “Let the man breathe.”

Alan gently untangled Grandma’s arms from around Cliff, allowing him to back up and regain his freedom.

“So,” Cliff wheezed, straightening his tie and clearing his throat, regaining his composure before he bestowed upon her another dazzling smile. “Am I right in assuming you’ll be staying for the show?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

“Grandma!” all three boys yelped in shock but, thankfully, Cliff just laughed.

The music might not be to their tastes, in fact for Alan it was akin to torture, but seeing the look of joy on their Grandmother's face made it all worth it.

And wasn't that the true spirit of the season? Taking the time to think about others before you thought of yourself, spreading joy and happiness whenever you could.

Grandma was the heart of International Rescue, the heart of the house and the loving center of their family. She had always gone out of her way to look after them, now it was their turn to give something back to her. Something that she would never, ever forget.

[alwaysmychoices]

I have always wanted to ask how is ethan's relationship with charlie's mom and dad? In the chapter samuel like ethan for sure but iwnat to know more about them like do they get well together does charlie's mom love ethan and all..... we all know alan and naveen love charlie alott but i want to know about charlie's family opinion on ethan and also how are ethan and samuel around each otger like they laugh and talk and make fun or ethan is still a bit intimadated by him? Can u please explain? i really want to know😊

They didn’t really get to spend a lot of time together (Charlie’s dad found out right as they were leaving), but in the future, I’d say they have a really good relationship. 

Charlie’s parents both want their daughter to be happy - with Charlie’s mom also hopeful that she will settle down, and they recognize that she’s happy with Ethan. He also wants to be liked, so he’s trying really hard. However, no matter how much they show it, he has no idea they like him. Ethan doesn’t think he’s the kind of partner parents want for their child. He’s 10 years older, Charlie’s boss, has a history of commitment issues (including with Charlie), and has some unresolved childhood trauma. Ethan feels like he needs to prove himself, so he is trying very hard to be liked by them.  

While he’s initially intimidated/uncomfortable, he comes around and becomes comfortable enough to be himself. Though he will never be the kind of guy singing Christmas carols with Charlie’s mom and catch with Ethan’s dad, he gets along well with them. He and Charlie’s mom bond over cooking, and Charlie’s dad is fascinated by Ethan’s research. Samuel likes Ethan a lot, and I could see them becoming friends. Eventually, they start to feel like family, and Ethan (and his dad, because Charlie’s family loves his dad) are adopted into their holiday celebrations. 

[princesssarisa]

A Christmas Carol Holiday Season: "A Christmas Carol: The Musical" (2004 TV special)

This Carol, starring Kelsey Grammer as Scrooge surrounded by a cast of TV and musical theatre stars, is based on a stage musical performed annually at Madison Square Garden from 1994 to 2003. With music by Broadway and Disney legend Alan Menken and with book and lyrics by Lynn Ahrens (Ragtime, Once on This Island, Anastasia), this show was one of New York's special holiday events. I sometimes wish the stage version had simply been filmed, because my feelings about this TV version are mixed. But there's enough to enjoy in it that I still rewatch it most Christmas seasons.

This is another Carol that takes some liberties with the source. The Ghost of Christmas Past (Jane Krakowski) is a beautiful (and slightly oversexualized) young woman, the Ghost of Christmas Present (Jesse L. Martin) is a black man, and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Be (Geraldine Chaplin) is an elderly female wraith in white tatters. Meanwhile, Scrooge's childhood is entirely rewritten to resemble that of Charles Dickens. His father was sent to debtor's prison, forcing him into child labor in a boot factory. In the present, new minor characters are added too: a poor widower named Mr. Smythe, who owes Scrooge money, and his little daughter Grace, who reappears throughout Scrooge's ghostly journey to stir his conscience. And in a Wizard of Oz-like touch, Scrooge meets three strangers in the street – a lamplighter, a theatre barker, and a beggar woman – whom the three ghosts later resemble.

The biggest weakness of this production is that it seems not to know if wants to be stagy or cinematic. Despite its realistic locations (Budapest substituting for London) and CGI special effects, it still tends to be blocked and choreographed like a stage production, not like a film. The casting of TV stars is questionable too. Kelsey Grammer's sing-talking Scrooge is a cartoonish old codger, though he improves as his arc unfolds and he shows heartfelt grief, repentance, and joy. Jason Alexander's mildly comic Marley's Ghost is also an acquired taste, although Jennifer Love Hewitt fares better as Scrooge's lost love Emily (as Belle is renamed).

Yet despite all reservations this is still an enjoyable Carol. The mostly British supporting cast is excellent: standouts include Edward Gower as Bob Cratchit, Brian Bedford as Fezziwig, Steven Miller as Young Scrooge, and West End stars such as Julian Ovenden, Linzi Hateley, Claire Moore, and Ruthie Henshall. And the songs by Menken and Ahrens – "A Jolly Good Time," "Nothing to Do With Me," "You Mean More to Me," "Link By Link," "The Lights of Long Ago," "A Place Called Home," "Mr. Fezziwig's Annual Christmas Ball," "Abundance and Charity," "Christmas Together," "Dancing On Your Grave," "Yesterday, Tomorrow, and Today," and "God Bless Us, Everyone" – are of the high quality expected from two such Broadway legends.

This is far from a definitive Carol, but I recommend it all the same.

@ariel-seagull-wings, @faintingheroine, @thealmightyemprex, @reds-revenge, @thatscarletflycatcher

[ohchopin]

''Lulajże Jezuniu''

One of the fundamental (and symbolic) lullaby carols in Polish musical history is Lulajże Jezuniu. Fryderyk Chopin included excerpts from this carol in his incredibly emotional and overwhelming Scherzo in B minor.

Chopin’s letters from the period are incredibly dramatic.

''I curse the moment I left… In the salon I pretend to be calm, but on returning home I fulminate at the piano… I return, play, cry, laugh, go to bed, put out the light and dream always of you… Everything I’ve seen thus far abroad seems to me unbearable and only makes me long for home, for those blissful moments which I couldn’t appreciate… It seems like a dream, a stupor, that I’m with you…''

Dr. Alan Walker: ''Chopin paraphrases the well-known Polish Christmas carol „Lulajże Jezuniu” („Sleep, Little Jesus”), familiar to every schoolchild in Poland. The words of the lullaby evoke the Nativity.

Sleep, little Jesus, my little pearl,

Sleep, my favorite little delight.

Sleep, little Jesus, sleep, sleep,

But you, lovely Mother, solace him in tears

This was the first Christmas that Chopin had spent beyond Poland’s borders, and the carol summoned memories of hearth and home, Nostalgia for Christmas past pervades his setting. (...) The last time that Chopin heard this carol sung in Poland may well have been one year earlier, when he visited the Berdnardines’ Church in Warsaw for the Christmas day service. The church, known as Saint Anne’s, was located next to the music conservatory and was the official place of worship for the female singing students, including Konstancja. Something of the nostalgia evoked by these memories comes out in an inscription that he wrote at the top of a letter addressed to Jan Matuszyński on Christmas morning: „Last year at this time I was at the Bernardines’ Church. Today I am sitting all alone in my dressing gown, gnawing at my ring and writing.” We do not know if this ring was the one given him by Konstancja. But the music that follows seems to suggest that it was, because it offers a striking confirmation that she was still much on his mind.”

[imagekeepr]

funny and fake names

this list of fake names was compiled for humor. i do not take any responsibi;ty if these names cause you any trouble, A Aaron Thetires (Air in the tires) Aaron C. Reskew (Air & sea rescue) Abe Rudder (Hey brother) Achilles Punks (I'll kill these punks) Adam Bomb (Atom bomb) Adam Meway (Out of my way) Adam Sapple (Adam's apple) Adolf Oliver Nipples (Ate off all of her nipples) Ahmed Adoodie (I made a doodie - from The Simpsons) Al B. Zienya (I'll be seeing you) Al Beback (I'll be back) Al DePantzeu (I'll de-pants you) Al E. Gator (Alligator) Al Gore-Rhythm (Algorithm) Al Kaseltzer (Alka-Seltzer) Al Kickurass (I'll kick your ass) Al Killeu (I'll kill you) Al Koholic (Alcoholic - as used in The Simpsons) Al Legance (Allegiance) Al Ligorie (Allegory) Al Luminum (Aluminum) Al Nino (El Nino) Al O'Moaney (Alimony) Alan Quay (Allen key) Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll ---- anyone) Alec Tricity (Electricity) Alex Blaine Layder (I'll explain later) Alf Abet (Alphabet) Ali Barster (Alabaster) Ali Bye (Alibi) Alice Tikband (Elastic band) Alice Well (All is well) Alicia Sober (At least you're sober) Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina - as seen in Austin Powers) Amanda B. Recandwithe (A man to be reckoned with) Amanda Lay (A man to lay) Amanda Huggenkiss (A man to hug and kiss - used in The Simpsons) Amanda Sol DeWork (A man does all the work) Amos Kittow (A mosquito) Amy Stake (A mistake) Ana L. Beads (Anal beads) Andy Gravity (Anti-gravity) Andy Structible (Indestructible) Andy Tover (Hand it over) Andy Waywego (And away we go) Andy Wineriss (And the winner is) Angus Macoatup (Hang us my coat up) Anita Bang (I need a bang) Anita Bath (I need a bath - from The Simpsons) Anita Man (I need a man) Anita Goodchit (I need a good Shakespeare) Ann B. Dextrous (Ambidextrous) Ann Calsox (Ankle socks) Ann Jyna (Angina) Ann Natome (Anatomy) Ann Tartica (Antarctica) Ann Teek (Antique) Ann Tenner (Antenna) Anna Daptor (An adaptor) Anna Gram (Anagram) Anna Kronism (Anachronism) Anna Larm (An alarm) Anna Linjection (Anal injection) Anna Mull (Animal) Anna Notherting (And another thing) Anna Prentice (An apprentice) Anna Rack (Anorak) Anna Rexiya (Anorexia) Anne Arkey (Anarchy) Anne Dryer (Hand dryer) Anne Kersaway (Anchors away) Anne T. Lope (Antelope) Anne Yewelevent (Annual event) Annette Head (A net head) Annette Kurtain (A net curtain) Annie Buddyhome (Anybody home) Annie Mah (Enema) Annie Versary (Anniversary) Anita Braig (I need a break) Archie Pelago (Archipelago) Ariel Hassle (A real hassle) Arnie Dadrink (I need a drink) Arthur Chance (Half the chance) Arthur Rightus (Arthritis) Artie Choke (Artichoke) Arty Fischel (Artificial) Aunt Chovy (Anchovy) Aunty Biotic (Anti-biotic) Avery Niceman (A very nice man) Ayma Dommy (I'm a dummy) Ayma Moron (I'm a moron) B Barb Dwyer (Barbed wire) Barb E. Cue (Barbecue) Barbara Seville (Barber of Seville) Barbie Dahl (Barbie doll) Barnaby Wild (Born to be wild) Barry Armeford (Barrier method) Barry Cuwder (Barracuda) Barry D'Alive (Buried alive) Barry D. Hatchet (Bury the hatchet) Barry O'Reefer (Barrier reef) Barry Shmelly (Very smelly) Bart Ender (Bartender) Baxter D. Wall (Backs to the wall) Bea O'Problem (B.O. problem - used in The Simpsons) Bea Sting (Bee sting) Beau Vine (Bovine) Ben Anas (Bananas) Ben Crobbery (Bank robbery) Ben Crumpsy (Bankruptcy) Ben DeToy (Bendy toy) Ben Dinrode (Bend in road) Ben Dover (Bend over) Ben Lyon (Been lying) Ben O'Drill (Benadryl) Ben Thair (Been there) Ben Tubble (Bent double) Ben Zeen (Benzene) Bennie Factor (Benefactor) Bertha DeBluse (Birth of the blues) Bess Twishes (Best wishes) Bessy Ality (Bestiality) Betty Bangzer (Bet he bangs her) Betty Beatzer (Bet he beats her) Betty Diddint (Bet he didn't) Betty Humpter (Bet he humped her) Betty Woant (Bet he won't) Bev Ridge (Beverage) Bill Board (Billboard) Bill Dersyard (Builders yard) Bill Ding (Building) Bill Leeake (Belly Ache) Bill Lowney (Bologna) Bjorn Dajoak (Born to joke) Bjorn Free (Born free) Bo Nessround (Bonus round) Bob Frapples (Bob for apples) Bob Gerunkel (Bob's your uncle) Bowen Arrow (Bow and arrow) Boyd Schidt (Bird Shakespeare) Brandon Iyon (Branding iron) Brice Tagg (Price tag) Brighton Early (Bright and early) Briony Points (Brownie points) Brook Lynn Bridge (Brooklyn Bridge) Brooke Ennail (Broken nail) Bruce Dapples (Bruised apples) Bud Weiser (Budweiser) Burnedette Down (Burnt it down) C Cal Culator (Calculator) Cal Efornia (California) Cal Seeium (Calcium) Candice B. DePlace (Can this be the place) Candice B. Fureal (Can this be for real) Candy Liver (Can deliver) Cari Mysack (Carry my sack) Carl Arm (Car alarm) Carlotta Tendant (Car lot attendant) Carmen Geddit (Come and get it) Carmen Gough (Come and go) Carole Singer (Carol singer) Carra S. Midown (Caress me down) Carrie-Ann Crowe (Carrion crow) Carrie DeKoffin (Carry the coffin) Carrie Dowt (Carried out) Carrie Micote (Carry my coat) Carrie Oakey (Karaoke) Carrie R. Bags (Carrier bags) Carrie Smattick (Charismatic) Carson O. Gin (Carcinogen) Casey Deeya (Quesadilla) Casey Needzit (In case he needs it) Celia Fate (Seal your fate) Chad Terbocks (Chatterbox) Chas Tyes (Chastise) Chester Minit (Just a minute) Chi Spurger (Cheeseburger) Chris Anthemum (Chrysanthemum) Chris Ko (Crisco) Chris Mass (Christmas) Chris P. Bacon (Crispy bacon) Chris P. Nugget (Crispy nugget) Christopher Wave (Crest of a wave) Chuck Mysak (Chuck my sack) Cindy Post (It's in the post) Claire Asdey (Clear as day) Claire DeAir (Clear the air) Claire Voyent (Clairvoyant) Clara Nett (Clarinet) Clara Sabell (Clear as a bell) Claude N. Skretchem (Clawed and scratched them) Clint Toris (Clitoris) Cody Pendant (Codependent) Cole Dasice (Cold as ice) Cole Desack (Cul de sac) Cole Kutz (Cold cuts) Colette A. Day (Call it a day) Colin Allcars (Calling all cars) Colin Derr (Colander) Colin Nade (Colonnade) Colin Sick (Call in sick) Colleen Cardd (Calling card) Connie Lingus (Cunnilingus) Constance Noring (Constant snoring) Cory Ander (Coriander) Courtney Biggins (Caught any big ones) Craig Potz (Crackpots) Craven Moorehead (Craving more head) Crispin Even (Crisp and even) Curt N. Rodd (Curtain rod) Curt Zee (Curtsy) Curtis E. Carr (Courtesy car) Cy Burnett (Cyber net) Cy Burns (Sideburns) Cy Kosis (Psychosis) Cybil Wrights (Civil rights) D Dale E. Bread (Daily bread) Dan D. Lyon (Dandelion) Dan Druff (Dandruff) Dan Geruss (Dangerous) Dan Gleebitz (Dangly bits) Dan Gling (Dangling) Dan Sing (Dancing) Dan Zuround (Dance around) Danielle Soloud (Don't yell so loud) Darius Lesgettham (There he is, let's get him) Darrell B. Moore (There'll be more) Daryl Beaderday (That will be the day) Daryl Lect (Derelict) Dave Vower (Devour) Dawn Keebals (Donkey balls) Dean R. Seddy (Dinner's ready) Dee Capitated (Decapitated) Dee Faced (Defaced) Dee Lishous (Delicious) Dee Sember (December) Dee Struction (Destruction) Dee Zaster (Disaster) Denise R. Knockin (The knees are knocking) Denise R. Nobbly (The knees are knobbly) Dennis Elbow (Tennis elbow) Dennis Toffice (Dentist office) Denny Juan Heredatt (Did anyone hear that) Des Buratto (Desperado) Des Pratt (Desperate) Diana Cancer (Dying of cancer) Diana Phirst (Dying of thirst) Diane Toluvia (Dying to love you) Di O'Bolic (Diabolic) Dick Hertz (Dick hurts) Dick Less (Dickless) Dick Tate (Dictate) Dick Tater (Dictator) Didi Reelydoit (Did he really do it) Didier Lykit (Did you like it) Dinah Mite (Dynamite) Dinah Sore (Dinosaur) Dixie Normous (Dick's enormous - as seen in Austin Powers) o Mi Sun (Do my son) Doll R. Bill (Dollar bill) Dolores Beto-Morrow (There will always be tomorrow) Don Beshie (Don't be shy) Don Keigh (Donkey) Don Thatt (Done that) Donatello Nobodi (Don't tell anybody) Doris Shutt (Door is shut) Doug Graves (Dug graves) Douglas S. Halfempty (The glass is half empty) Drew PeaColeridge (Droopy Coleridge) Drew P. Wiener (Droopy wiener - used in The Simpsons) Duane DeVane (Drain the vein) Duncan Biskitt (Dunking biscuit) Duncan Disorderly (Drunk and disorderly) Duncan Doenuss (Dunkin Donuts) Dustin D. Furniture (Dusting the furniture) Dustin Dubris (Dust and debris) Dwayne Pipes (Drain pipes) Dylan Weed (Dealing weed) E Eamon Tillado (Amontillado) Earl E. Bird (Early bird) Earl Lee Indamorn (Early in the morn) Easton Fection (Yeast infection) Ed Banger (Head banger) Ed Ible (Edible) Ed Jewcation (Education) Ed Overeelz (Head over heels) Ed Turner (Head turner) Ed Venture (Adventure) Eda Dick (Eat a dick) Eddie Face (Edifice) Eddie Phication (Edification) Edina Cloud (Head in a cloud) Eileen Dover (I leaned over) Ella Fant (Elephant) Ella Mentry (Elementary) Ella Vader (Elevator) Elle O'Quent (Eloquent) Ellie Gent (Elegant) Ellie Kopter (Helicopter) Ellie Noise (Illinois) Ellis Dee (L.S.D.) Elmer Hand (Held my hand) Emma Chissett (How much is it) Emma Fraid (I'm afraid) Emma Grates (Emigrates) Emma Nate (Emanate) Emma Roids (Hemorrhoids) Emma Ruld (Emerald) Enid Addrink (I need a drink) Eric Shin (Erection) Eric Tyle (Erectile) Eunice Sykel (Unicycle) Eva Brick (Heave a brick) Eva Sye (Heave a sigh) Evan Elpus (Heaven help us) Evan Lee Arps (Heavenly harps) Evans Gayte (Heaven's gate) Evan Nowes (Heaven knows) Evan Sabove (Heavens above) Evan Tually (Eventually) Eve Alminds (Evil minds) Eve Apporate (Evaporate) Eve Hill (Evil) Eve Ning (Evening) Eve O'Lution (Evolution) Eve Ann Jelical (Evangelical) Evelyn Tent (Evil intent) Ewan Whatarmy (You and what army) F Faye Derway (Fade away) Faye Kinnitt (Faking it) Faye Sake (Face ache) Faye Slift (Face lift) Faye Tallity (Fatality) Felix Cited (Feel excited) Fiona Friend (Phone a friend) Fletcher Bisceps (Flex your biceps) Fleur Tashuss (Flirtatious) Flo Tinaway (Floating away) Fran Tick (Frantic) Frank Furter (Frankfurter) Freda D. Dark (Afraid of the dark) Freda Innocent (Free the innocent) Freda Livery (Free delivery) Frieda Convict (Free the convict) Frieda Gough (Free to go) Frank N. Stein (Frankenstein) G Gabe Barr (Gay bar) Gary Oakie (Karaoke) Gene E. Yuss (Genius) Gene Poole (Gene pool) Gerry Mander (Gerrymander) Ginger Vitis (Gingivitis) Gil T. Azell (Guilty as Hell) Gill Tedd (Jilted) Gladys Canby (Glad as can be) Gladys Eeya (Glad to see you) Gladys Friday (Glad it's Friday) Gordon Nomes (Garden gnomes) Grace Quirrell (Gray squirrel) Gunther Lunch (Gone for lunch) Gus Comzadia (Gas comes out of you) Gus Tofwynde (Gust of Wind) Guy Dinlite (Guiding light) Guy Wyre (Guy wire) H Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah) Hal Seyan (Halcyon) Hammond Eggs (Ham and eggs) Hank E. Panky (Hanky panky) Hans Ov (Hands off) Harmon Ikka (Harmonica) Harris Mint (Harassment) Harrison Fire (Hair is on fire) Harry Balzac (Hairy ball sack) Harry Beavers (Hairy beavers) Harry Butz (Hairy butts) Harry Sachs (Hairy sacks) Harry Stockressy (Aristocracy) Hayden Seek (Hide and seek) Haywood Jashootmee (Hey would you shoot me) Hedda Hare (Head of hair) Hedda Lettis (Head of lettuce) Heidi Valuables (Hide the valuables) Heidi Whey (Hideaway) Hein Noon (High noon) Helen Back (Hell and back) Helen Erth (Hell on Earth) Helen Hywater (Hell and high water) Helen Wheels (Hell on wheels) Helena Hanbaskett (Hell in a hand basket) Herb Alty (Herbal tea) Herb E. Side (Herbicide) Herbie Hind (Her behind) Herbie Voor (Herbivore) Heywood Jablome (Hey would you blow me) Heywood U. Cuddleme (Hey would you cuddle me - from The Simpsons) Hilda Clime (Hill to climb) Ho Lin Wan (Hole in one) Holden McGroin (Holding my groin) Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn) Holly Wood (Hollywood) Homer Sexual (Homosexual - heard in The Simpsons) Honor Mission (On a mission) Hu Pflung Poo (Who flung poo) Hope Lescase (Hopeless case) Horace Cope (Horoscope) Howard I. No (How would I know) Howe D. Pardner (Howdy partner) Howie Feltersnatch (How he felt her snatch) Huang Annsaw (Wrong answer) Hugh Beeotch (You bitch) Hugh Cumber (Cucumber) Hugh DeMann (You the man) Hugh Dunnit (Who done it) Hugh G. Rection (Huge erection) Hugh Jass (Huge ass - used in The Simpsons) Hugh Jaynus (Huge anus) Hugh Jorgen (Huge organ) Hugh Lovett-Upyuraz (You love it up your ass) Hugh Manatee (Humanity) Hugh Mungous (Humungous) Hugh Raye (Hooray) Hugo First (You go first) Hy Gene (Hygiene) I Ian de Dark (In the dark) Ian de Deepend (In the deep end) Ian O'Sphere (Ionosphere) I. C. Wiener (Icy wiener - used in The Simpsons and Futurama) I. C. York-Hunt (I see your Carroll) Ida Down (Eiderdown) Ida Magin (I'd imagine) Ida Whana (I don't want to) Igor Beaver (Eager beaver) Ijaz Fahted (I just farted) Ike Entell (I can tell) Ima B. Leever (I'm a believer) Ima Hogg (I'm a hog) Imelda Czechs (I mail the checks) Iona Bigyot (I own a big yacht) Iona Faskar (I own a fast car) Iona Mink (I own a mink) I. P. Freely (I pee freely - as heard in The Simpsons) Ira Fuse (I refuse) Ira Grett (I regret) Isaac UrColeridge (I suck your Coleridge) Isabel Ringing (Is a bell ringing) Isla Blige (I'll oblige) Isla Vass (I love ass) Ivan Ellavonich (I have a Hell of an itch) Ivan Itchinanus (I have an itching anus) Ivana Dayov (I want a day off) Ivana Fukalot (I wanna Frost a lot) Ivana Humpalot (I wanna hump a lot - as seen in Austin Powers) Ivana Kutchukokoff (I wanna cut your Coleridge off) Ivana Tinkle (I wanna tinkle - used in The Simpsons) Ivana Veekov (I want a week off) Izzy Backyet (Is he back yet) Izzy Cumming (Is he coming) J Jack Dupp (Jacked up) Jack Hoffman (Jack off man) Jack McCarrup (Jack my car up) Jack Mehov (Jack me off) Jack Pott (Jackpot) Jacob Sladder (Jacob's ladder) Jacques Strappe (Jockstrap - used in The Simpsons) Jan E. Torr (Janitor) Jan U. Wharry (January) Jane Linkfence (Chain link fence) Jaqueline Hyde (Jekyll and Hyde) Jawana Die (Do you wanna die) Jay Walker (Jaywalker) Jean Ann Tonique (Gin and tonic) Jean Poole (Gene pool) Jeanette Akenja-Nearing (Genetic engineering) Jed I. Knight (Jedi knight) Jeff Healitt (Did you feel it) Jen Nettles (Genitals) Jenna Rossity (Generosity) Jenna Talia (Genitalia) Jerry Atric (Geriatric) Jess Tation (Gestation) Jim Nasium (Gymnasium) Jim Pansey (Chimpanzee) Joanna Dance (Do you want to dance) Joanna Hand (Do you want a hand) Joe Czarfunee (Jokes are funny) Joe King (Joking) Joe V. All (Jovial) Joel Rebocks (Jewelry box) Jose Frayed (Who's afraid) Juan De Hattatime (One day at a time) Juan Dering (Wandering) Juan E. Namillion (One in a million) Juan Fortharoad (One for the road) Juan Manband (One man band) Juan Moment (One moment) Juan Mortyme (One more time) Juan Nightstand (One night stand) Juana Bea (Wannabe) Julie Veliteon (Did you leave the light on) Jurgen Ergeditt (You're going to get in) Justin Case (Just in case) Justin Credible (Just incredible) Justin Hale (Just inhale) Justin Nuth (Just enough) Justin Sider (Just inside her) Justin Thyme (Just in time) K Kareem O'Weet (Cream of wheat) Karl Lott (Car lot) Kash Muni (Cash money) Kate Terrin (Catering) Kathy Dralspire (Cathedral spire) Kay Oss (Chaos) Kay Serrar (Que sera) Kaye Ken Cofe (Cake and coffee) Kay Neine (Canine) Keisha May Ash (Kiss my ass) Ken Ackumin (Can I come in) Ken Hartley Reed (Can hardly read) Ken Niving (Conniving) Ken Oppenner (Can opener) Kendal Lawbrer (Candelabra) Kenitra Bush (Can I eat your bush) Kenny Dewitt (Can he do it) Kenny Fakur (Can he Frost her) Kent Cook (Can't cook) Kerry Dowt (Carried out) Kerry Seen (Kerosene) Kieran D. Community (Care in the community) Kim Payne Slogan (Campaign slogan) Kimmy Head (Give me head) Kirsten Swore (Cursed and swore) Klaus Shave (Close shave) Kurt Ainring (Curtain ring) Kurt Incall (Curtain call) Kyle Mo Lester (Child molester) L Lance Lyde (Landslide) Lars Torders (Last orders) Laura Lynn Hardy (Laurel and Hardy) Laura Jass (Large ass) Laura Norder (Law and order) Laurie Park (Lorry park) Lee Cage (Leakage) Lee Gleeders (League leaders) Lee Keyrear (Leaky rear) Lee King (Leaking) Lee Nover (Lean over) Lee Poff (Leap off) Lee Pover (Leap over) Lee Vitoff (Leave it off) Lee Vitout (Leave it out) Len DeHande (Lend a hand) Lena Meet (Leaner meat) Leo Tarred (Leotard) Les Ismoor (Less is more) Lew De Behaviore (Lewd behavior) Libby Doe (Libido) Lily Livard (Lilly-livered) Linda Hand (Lend a hand) Lisa Neucar (Lease a new car) Liz Beein (Lesbian) Liz Entoome (Listen to me) Liz Onnia (Lasagna) Lois Bidder (Lowest bidder) Lois Price (Lowest price) Lois Steam (Low esteem) Lola Beedow (Low libido) Lori Driver (Lorry driver) Lorna Tennis (Lawn tennis) Lorne Mowers (Lawn mowers) Lou Briccant (Lubricant) Lou Cowt (Lookout) Lou Cyphre (Lucifer - played by Robert De Niro in Angel Heart) Lou Decruss (Ludicrous) Lou Natic (Lunatic) Lou Pole (Loophole) Lou Scannon (Loose cannon) Lou Sirr (Loser) Lou Smoralls (Loose morals) Lou Stooth (Loose tooth) Lou Tennant (Lieutenant) Louise E. Anna (Louisiana) Lowden Clear (Loud and clear) Lucy Lastic (Loose elastic) Luke Adamgo (Look at him go) Luke Admadick (Look at my dick) Luke Atmyass (Look at my ass) Luke Over (Look over) Luna Tick (Lunatic) Lwellan Dowd (You well endowed) Lydia Bin (Lid of your bin) Lyle Ike Adogg (Lie like a dog) Lynn C. Dole (Linseed oil) Lynn Guini (Linguini) Lynn Meabuck (Lend me a buck) M Mabel Syrup (Maple syrup) Madame Crotch (My damn crotch) Maddi Gascar (Madagascar) Madge Ority (Majority) Madka Owdiseez (Mad cow disease) Major Jump (Made you jump) Major Lee Gay (Majorly gay) Major Luke Twice (Made you look twice) Mal Adjusted (Maladjusted) Mal Twiskie (Malt whiskey) Mal Odruss (Malodorous) Malcolm Tent (Malcontent) Mand Lynne (Mandolin) Mandy Lifeboats (Man the lifeboats) Manuel Labor (Manual labor) Marcus Abscent (Mark us absent) Marge Innastraightline (March in a straight line) Marge Noferror (Margin of error) Marian Furlove (Marrying for love) Marian Furmunny (Marrying for money) Marian Haste (Marry in haste) Marion Money (Marrying money) Marius Quick (Marry us quick) Mark Mywords (Mark my words) Mark Smann (Marksman) Mark Z. Spot (Mark the spot) Marsha Dimes (March of Dimes) Marsha Mallow (Marshmallow) Martha Fokker (mother-Froster) Mary Christmas (Merry Christmas) Mary Gold (Marigold) Mary Ott (Marriot) Mary Thonn (Marathon) Mary Torrius (Meritorious) Mary Wana (Marijuana) Master Bating (Masturbating) Matt Ress (Mattress) Matt Schtick (Matchstick) Matt Tromeny (Matrimony) Matt Trustain (Mattress stain) Maude Yuller (Modular) Maureen Clined (More inclined) Maureen Portantly (More importantly) Maureen Tresting (More interesting) Max E. Mumm (Maximum) Max E. Pad (Maxipad) May B. Dunn (May be done) May Elman (Mailman) May I. Tutchem (May I touch them) May O'Nays (Mayonnaise) Maya Buttreeks (My butt reeks - from The Simpsons) Maya Magination (My imagination) Maya Normousbutt (My enormous butt - from The Simpsons) Megan Bacon (Making bacon or egg and bacon) Mel Lowe (Mellow) Mel N. Colly (Melancholy) Mel O'Dramer (Melodrama) Mel Practiss (Malpractice) Mel Tingpot (Melting pot) Melissa Tothis (Ma listen to this) Michael Toris (My clitoris) Michelle Lynn (Michelin) Mick Stubbles (Mixed doubles) Mick Stup (Mixed up) Mick Zupps (Mix ups) Midas Well (Might as well) Mike Hawk (My Coleridge) Mike Hunt (My Carroll) Mike Litteriss (My clitoris) Mike Ockhurts (My Coleridge hurts) Mike Ocksmall (My Coleridge's small) Mike Oxlong (My Coleridge's long) Mike Rohsopht (Microsoft) Mike Rotch (My crotch - from The Simpsons) Mike Rotchburns (My crotch burns) Mike Rowave (Microwave) Mike Rufone (Microphone) Mike Yermindup (Make your mind up) Miles A. Head (Miles ahead) Miles Prower (Miles per hour) Milly Meter (Millimeter) Milly Terry (Military) Minnie Mumwage (Minimum wage) Minnie Skurt (Miniskirt) Minnie Stree (Ministry) Miss Alanius (Miscellaneous) Miss Bea Haven (Misbehaving) Miss L. Tow (Mistletoe) Miss T. Eyes (Misty eyes) Miss Terri Novelle (Mystery novel) Miss U. Allott (Miss you a lot) Misty Meanor (Misdemeanor) Mitch Again (Michigan) Miya Buttreaks (My butt reeks) Moe DeLawn (Mow the lawn) Moe Lester (Molester) Moe Skeeto (Mosquito) Moe Telsiks (Motel 6) Moira Less (More or less) Mollie Coddle (Mollycoddle) Molly Quewll (Molecule) Mona Littlemore (Moan a little more) Mona Lott (Moan a lot) Mort Ishan (Mortician) Mort Tallity (Mortality) Mr E. Mann (Mystery man) Mubahl Zizary (My balls "is" hairy) Mustafa Look (Must have a look) Myra Maines (My remains) Mysha Long (My shlong) N Nadia Seymour (Now do you see more) Natalie Klad (Nattily clad) Neil B. Forme (Kneel before me) Neil Downe (Kneel down) Neil Efare (Nearly there) Neil Sonweels (Meals on wheels) Nesta Vipas (Nest of vipers) Neve Adda (Nevada) Nick L. Andime (Nickel and dime) Nick O'Teen (Nicotine) Nick Ovtime (Nick of time) Nick Rofilia (Necrophilia) Nida Lyte (Need a light) Noah Count (No account) Noah Vale (No avail) Noah Zark (Noah's ark) Nora Bone (Gnaw a bone) Norma Stitz (Enormous tits) O Olav Myfriendsaregay (All of my friends are gay - from The Simpsons) Oliver Bush (I love her bush) Oliver Clothesoff (All of her clothes off - from The Simpsons) Oliver DaPlaz (All over the place) Oliver Sudden (All of a sudden) Ollie Churpuzzi (I'll eat your Poe) Ollie Tabooger (I'll eat a booger - from The Simpsons) Ophelia Pane (I feel your pain) Ophelia Titsoff (I'll feel your tits off) Opie Umsbad (Opium's bad) Orla Nophin (All or nothing) Orson Cart (Horse and cart) Orson Ounds (Horse and hounds) Otto B. Kilt (Ought to be killed) Otto Matik (Automatic) Owen Monie (Owing money) P Paige Turner (Page turner) Pam Purd (Pampered) Pandora Spocks (Pandora's box) Pat Mebutt (Pat my butt) Pat Taytow (Potato) Pat Tranage (Patronage) Patty O'Furniture (Patio furniture) Paul Bearer (Pallbearer) Paul MyColeridge (Pull my Coleridge) Pearl E. Gates (Pearly gates) Penny Foram (Penny for them) Penny Less (Penniless) Penny Sillen (Penicillin) Peppy Roni (Pepperoni) Percy Cute (Persecute) Percy Veer (Persevere) Perry Dice (Paradise) Perry Docks (Paradox) Perry Scope (Periscope) Perry Shute (Parachute) Perry Winckel (Periwinkle) Pete Zahutt (Pizza Hut) Pete Zaria (Pizzeria) Peter Pantz (Peed her pants) Phil Atio (Fellatio) Phil Anders (Philanders) Phil Itafiche (Filet of fish) Phil Maglossop (Fill my glass up) Phil Maweeney (Feel my weenie) Phil McCracken (Fill my crack in) Phil MeBrest (Feel my breast) Phil Mianus (Fill my anus) Phil Officer (Philosopher) Philip Eno (Filipino) Philippa Bucket (Fill up a bucket) Phyllis Sofickle (Philosophical) Phyllis Stein (Philistine) Phyuck Yiu (Frost you) P. I. Staker (Piss-taker) Polly C. Holder (Policy holder) Poppy Cox (PoppyColeridge) Pyuck Meei (Frost me) Q Quimby Ingmeen (Quit being mean) Quinn T. Senshall (Quintessential) Quinton Chingme (Quit touching me) Quinton Plates (Contemplates) R R. Soul (Arsehole) Rachel DeScrimination (Racial discrimination) Randy Holeweigh (Ran the whole way) Ray Deator (Radiator) Ray Kupleeves (Rake up leaves) Ray Ling (Railing) Ray N. Carnation (Reincarnation) Ray Neday (Rainy day) Ray Pugh (Rape you) Ray Scarr (Racecar) Ray Sersharpe (Razor sharp) Ray Sleeder (Race leader) Ray Strack (Racetrack) Reg Oyce (Rejoice) Renee Sance (Renaissance) Rex Cars (Wrecks cars) Rhea Gretabble (Regrettable) Rhoada Hoarse (Rode a horse) Rhoda Camel (Rode a camel) Rhoda Wynner (Rode a winner) Rick Kleiner (Recliner) Rick O'Shea (Ricochet) Rick Ottersheese (Ricotta cheese) Ricky T. Bridge (Rickety bridge) Rip Tile (Reptile) Rita Book (Read a book) Rob O. Flavin (Riboflavin) Robbie Ree (Robbery) Robin Emblind (Robbing them blind) Robyn Banks (Robbing banks) Rocca Vages (Rock of ages) Roland Buter (Roll and butter) Ron A. Muck (Run amok) Ron Devue (Rendezvous) Ron Osserus (Rhinoceros) Rory Motion (Raw emotion) Rosa Teeth (Rows of teeth) Ross Terr (Roster) Ross Trum (Rostrum) Rowan Boate (Rowing boat) Ruben MyColeridge (Rubbing my Coleridge) Ruby Kohn (Rubicon) Rudi Day (Rue the day) Rudi Mentry (Rudimentary) Rudy Nuff (Rude enough) Rufus Leakin (Roof is leaking) Russ Tinayle (Rusty nail) Russell Ingleaves (Rustling leaves) Ruth Tyler (Roof Tiler) S Sabina Pleasure (It's been a pleasure) Sadie Word (Say the word) Sal Ami (Salami) Sal Livver (Saliva) Sal T. Penuz (Salty peanuts or salty penis) Sally Mander (Salamander) Sam Aritan (Samaritan) Sam Manilla (Salmonella) Sam Owser (Samosa) Sam Pull (Sample) Sam Urai (Samurai) Sam Widge (Sandwich) Samson Knight (Samsonite) Sarah Bellam (Cerebellum) Sarah Nader (Serenade her) Sarah Tonin (Serotonin) Sasha Waist (Such a waste) Scott Chansoder (Scotch and soda) Scott Chegg (Scotch egg) Scott Shawn DeRocks (Scotch on the rocks) Seaman Stains (Semen stains) Seelin Phan (Ceiling fan) See Mihn (Semen) Selma Boddy (Sell my body) Sergovia Selv (Sick of yourself) Seth La Pod (Cephalopod) Seymour Asses (See more asses - from Futurama) Seymour Buttz (See more butts - from The Simpsons) Seymour Cox (See more Coleridges) Shanda Lear (Chandelier) Sheeza Freak (She's a freak) Sheila Blidge (She'll oblige) Shelia Mazeyer (She'll amaze you) Sheila Tack (She'll attack) Sheri Cola (Cherry cola) Sherman Wadd Evver (Sure man whatever) Shirley Knott (Surely not) Shirley U. Care (Surely you care) Sid Down (Sit down) Sir Fin Waves (Surfin' waves) Sir John Sands (Surgeon's hands) Sir Kit Breaker (Circuit breaker) Sonia Shew (It's on your shoe) Stacey Rhect (Stays erect) Stan Dandeliver (Stand and deliver) Stan Deasy (Stand easy) Stan Dingproude (Standing proud) Stan Doffich (Standoffish) Stan Dupp (Stand up) Steve Adore (Stevedore) Stu Padasso (Stupid Emerson) Stu Pid (Stupid) Sue Case (Suitcase) Sue Denley (Suddenly) Sue Donim (Pseudonym) Sue E. Side (Suicide) Sue Flay (Souffle) Sue Perrman (Superman) Sue Render (Surrender) Sue Ridge (Sewage) Sum Ting Wong (Something wrong) Sum Yung Gai (Some young guy) Susan Orty-Boyden (Who's a naughty boy then) T Tamara Nethercombs (Tomorrow never comes) Tanya Hide (Tan your hide) Tara Newhall (Tear a new hole) Tate Urchips (Tater chips) Teresa Crowd (Three's a crowd) Teresa Green (Trees are green) Terry Bulsmel (Terrible smell) Terry Cotter (Terracotta) Terry Fie (Terrify) Terry Ryst (Terrorist) Terry Torrie (Territory) Tess Tickle (Testicle) Tia Dropps (Teardrops) Tim Burr (Timber) Tim Lee Intervention (Timely intervention) Tim Panny (Timpani) Tina Beense (Tin of beans) Tina See (Tennessee) Titus Addrum (Tight as a drum) Titus Balzac (Tightest ball sack) Titus Canby (Tight as can be) Titus Zell (Tight as Hell) Toby Hynde (Tow behind) Toby Paidfer (To be paid for) Tom Bowler (Tombola) Tom Martow (Tomato) Torah Hyman (Tore a hymen) Travis Tay (Travesty) Tristan Shout (Twist and shout) Trudy Lite (True delight) Tudick Synsider (Two dicks inside her) Ty Dallwave (Tidal wave) Ty Imup (Tie him up) Ty Priter (Typewriter) Ty Tannick (Titanic) Ty Tass (Tightass) Tyrone Shoes (Tie your own shoes) U Uliqa M'Diq (You lick my dick) Ullee Daway (You lead the way) Ulrika Garlick (You'll reek of garlic) Una Brau (Unibrow - from Austin Powers) Upton O'goode (Up to no good) Ura Snotball (You are a snotball - from The Simpsons) Ustrokeet Islewatch (You stroke it I'll watch) V Val Crow (Velcro) Val Haller (Valhalla) Val Lay (Valet) Vasilly Sonovabich (That silly son of a bitch) Vera Cross (Veer across) Vic Tree (Victory) Vinny Gerr (Vinegar) Viv Atious (Vivacious) Vlad Tire (Flat tire) W Walt Sing (Waltzing) Walter Mellon (Watermelon) Walter Wallcarpet (Wall to wall carpet) Wanda Dorff (Wandered off) Wanda Lottie Wray (Won the lottery) Wanda Phul (Wonderful) Wanda Rinhands (Wandering hands) Warren Peace (War and peace) Warren Tease (Warranties) Wat Apistle (Water pistol) Wayne Dear (Reindeer) Wayne Dwops (Raindrops) Wayne Kerr (Wanker) Wayne Ningmoon (Waning moon) Wendy Windblows (Where the wind blows) Wi Phukem Yung (We Frost them young) Will D. Beest (Wildebeest) Will O'Patten (Willow pattern) Will Ting (Wilting) Will U. Jackmeov (Will you jack me off) Wille Belong (Will he be long) Willie Byter (Willy biter or will he bite her) Willie Gofar (Will he go far) Willie Makeit (Will he make it) Willy O'Wowntey (Will he or won't he) Willy Tert (Will it hurt) Wilma Fingerdoo (Will my finger do) Wilma Leggrowbach (Will my leg grow back) Winnie Bago (Winnebago) Winnie DiPoo (Winnie the Pooh) Woody U. No (What do you know) X Xavier Breff (Save your breath) Xavier Money (Save your money) Xavier Onassis (Save your own asses) Xavier Zelf (Save yourself) Y Yerma Wildo (Your ma will do) Yul B. Allwright (You'll be alright) Yule B. Sorry (You'll be sorry) Z Zeke N. Yeshallfind (Seek and you shall find) Zelda Kowz (Sell the cows) Zoltan Pepper (Salt and pepper)