#he's a ho ho ho

[dustymagpie]

[shotmrmiller]

the trope of you accidentally catching a peek of someone having sex with another and instead of fucking off you stick around and hope they don't find out except they already know but:

you're roommates with active military soap and it works because he's hardly there, he's real easy to be friends with and when his hands wander it's not totally repulsive because he's hot.

and then he brings his boyfriend over and you'd only meant to get some ice cream from the freezer but they left the door cracked open. you, as the good friend he doesn't fucking deserve, close the door while keeping your eyes glued to the ceiling and go about your day.

(you're so teasing him about the fact that he sounds like a bleating sheep while getting rawdogged lmaoooo)

but the one that catches you in the kitchen minding your own business isn't soap. it's his boyfriend. and his boyfriend is as forward as a freight train on a downhill slope.

"saw ya lookin' at us."

? you did no such thing.

"if ya were lookin' for a fuck, coulda just said so."

you were doing no such thing but it doesn't matter because you're but a simple hot blooded individual and having two doting meat heads fighting over who gets to taste you first is something out of a romance book.

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[ghostbsuter]

Very much inspired by this !!

—

Phantasm crashed into the side of a building, the rest of his team- the TeenTitans- stayed back. They were otherwise occupied, with the rest of the H.I.V.E. five attacking them.

They'd gotten a new member, one with a similar, nearly identical power set of their own new member.

Phantom.

Phantasm and Phantom, two mirror look alikes, they went absolutely feral whenever one was in sight. It was driving Robin mad, Beast Boy had joked about cloning but after they started to actually consider that option.

"Well, well, well." Phantom mocks, glowing green to Phantasm's red.

"Shut. The fuck. Up." Phantasm charges again, throwing the other into windows with a growl.

They kept bickering, hitting and injuring each other, until—

"Stop being so annoying!" Phantasm shouts, baring his fangs. Phantom, in return, stuck his tongue out.

"You're just jealous I got the Villain role!!"

At this point, their respective teams had called a draw and watched them fighting.

"You're a lousy villain!"

"I'm having the time of my life beating the shit out of you actually."

"I'm calling jazz."

At that, Phantom starts glaring. "I thought we agreed on not bringing this up to our sister?"

[ghostreblogging]

Ok ok so hear me out Twins au. Danny and Damian are twins. And you know the whole story. Danny gets "killed " moves in with the Fenton's and becomes phantom. Ad Damian doesn't know that. Well the magician summoning Damian's dead brother to enact his revenge on him has a very bad timing

"Oh robin. Dont you know the dead can have fangs. I've heard of a little tale. Of how you killed your own brother. Your twin in a quite a cruel and merciless way don't you think?" The magician drawls on over the horribly over used repetitive lines.

But it still stops Damian in his tracks. He can see as his family stop and look at him. With the look of horror and well concern. And he hates it. He can feel their gazes on him and it burns his skin.

He stops and tries to yell at them. To do something. To stop dawdling around.

Until a right flash of green stopped him. The circle lit up as a clawed hand grasped the edge from inside.

Unfortunately the magician wasn't a phony.

The being slowly crawls itself out. It's wearing striped prison clothes with conically oversized shackles? Huh.

Damian muses to himself as he prepares for battle . Must represent his or rather their lives in the league of assassin's.

The being finally looks up and shouts

"HAHA YOU CAN SUC MY DIC WALKER. I MAY BE OUT NOT ON MY OWN VOLITION BUT IM GONNA DO GHOST CRIMES AGAIN . And there's nothing you can do about it. "

"Ghost crimes exist? What even are ghost crimes???" Dick whispered to Jason

"I don't know but I am so angry at the implications of ghost cops. " Jason replies

[time-woods]

he want me deaaaad man

[honig-dachs]

9-1-1 hall of shame 7/?

[mioakem]

i stand with my canceled wife.

[murderofravens]

COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK PLEASE I NEED HIM TILL I CRY NEED HIM TILL I VOMIT NEED HIM TILL I PISS MYSELF PLEASE PLEASE IM GONNA BE SICK PLEASE I NEED HIS COCK OR I'LL DIE NEED IT NEED HIM TO FUCK ME SO BAD HIS COCK POPS OUT THROUGH MY THROAT PLEASE JUST ONCE PLEASE JUST ONE CHANCE I KNOW ITS HUGE I NEED IT SO BAD

[healpimp]

welcome to my heavyscout mind

[nibbelraz]

How long does Luo Binghe and Mobei Jun need be be gone for before Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua get desperate enough to both draw their husbands on the biggest pillow they have to make there own husband body pillows

[beesarekindaswag]

Jazz says fuck the Joker

“To conclude, your honour, the defendant shows clear understanding of their crimes and the consequences of them as well as, no remorse coupled with a severe lack of empathy. Overall, I would conclude that the complex nature of the crimes committed along with behaviors displays suggest that the defendant is not psychotic and thus, capable of standing trial and facing the verdict.”

The red head delivered her analysis with devastating confidence, the glint in her eyes unwavering - a woman who knows she’s right and by god, you will know it too.

When was the last time anyone actually attempted to legally charge the Joker with his crimes? Honestly, most had forgotten it was even a possibility. The grandiose schemes and fights with the bats had elevated him beyond a mere criminal, more than a man and yet, that’s all he was - a man. A man who had been forcibly dragged back to reality by a determined Jasmine Fenton - budding psychologist and one of the newest idols for young Gothamites (the other being her brother who had been videod absolutely bodying the Joker on the street just a week prior - Joker was still nursing his wounds)

The deliberation of the court was unsurprisingly short - Miss Fenton had been clear with the facts and people were more than happy to utilize and opportunity to FINALLY punish the Joker. Joker’s lawyers couldn’t do much to stop the inevitable after all that the clown had done.

“The defendant is hereby found… guilty of all accused crimes & as such, sentenced to execution by the state.”

Gotham was free.

———

Based off of the idea that the Joker is only escaping proper legal punishment by being declared not guilty by reason of insanity. Jazz would not stand for that.

[sualne]

something i wish i'd see more in trigun fanarts is people having vash speak their native/non-english languages completely unprompted, ive seen folks have him speak french, which he canonically knows, but i really do believe he's a polyglot. mostly because of that one time in the desert when he saw the samurai and wanted to greet him in japanese but struggled to remember how to even say hello.

my headcanon is that rem had them learn as many languages as possible but with the big fall and so many people dying, which i think is what led english to became No man's land main (or even only?) language, means that vash (and knives!) both got horribly out of practice and are various sort of rusty in every others languages.

what im saying if there's any pun or joke you've been dying to write but just doesn't work in english vash (and knives!!) are right there!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

me Omw to annoy you about more Francesca content 😼😼

you and my entire inbox my friend strap in everyone this is gonna be The Francesca Mega Collection. part one The Bed Collection ft You HAVE To Click/Tap To Read Anything ESPECIALLY The Asks

thank you for joining me for the Francesca Bed Collection im going to pass out

[sturnioloho]

this ain’t no sub y’all

[sibylsleaves]

he got dumped and he went straight to his best friend. he got dumped by his boyfriend who said “i know how this ends” and “im your first not your last” and he went straight to his best friend and it was filmed like a confession.