#he says dealers not eaters

[inkofthebrain]

Hey I was wondering if you still take requests for lee from bones and all. If you do can you do one where reader is a non eater but travels with Lee and Maren (maybe they're in a relationship with Lee Maren as well if you're comfortable) and when they meet brad and jake , Jake says something ( maybe insinuating that he wants to eat her) and they get protective especially lee. If you don't want to write or don't feel comfortable it's ok. Thank you! Have a good day/night!

FOUNDERS’ BLUES

[Lee x Reader oneshot] 623 words

Tags: No y/n, non-eater Reader, lee being protective, no Maren (sorry bae ily)

Warnings: Bones and all typical shit. Mentions of abuse and parental addiction.

A/n: I made this a song fic and idk how I feel about it. Anyway song if from a deleted scene with those mf hillbillies. Enjoy <3

———

———

Beat and bloody, walking along the steaming asphalt of the highway in the peak of summer. Your feet were walked bare and you could feel your pulse behind every cut and bruise.

That was when Lee found you; “all bloody and beautiful.” You had taken enough beatings from your addict parents and when they brought you close to death, you knew it was either that or life on the road.

He took you to a nearby diner to fill your stomach before he started pressing you with questions. You couldn’t hold it in, you told him everything.

He had gotten you a motel for a few nights so you could recover. At first you thought his actions were due to his sincere concern, but when he had snuck into the motel room he booked for you covered in blood; you soon learnt the truth.

I run the roads 'cause I know best.

Leave the highway for to get my rest.

Sleeping o'er the meeting house and dream of who tastes best.

Your parents were declared missing by none other than their drug dealer a few days later. Lee thought you would have hated him, he had only snuck in to take advantage of the shower, but when he said,

“They’re gone.” you just hugged him.

I come to town and I know best.

I greet the day on my two legs.

More months than you could count on your hands had passed and you and Lee had gotten extremely close; physically, emotionally, on every level.

Slide my arms inside these red and grey tails.

Push the window open, find the reverend up and dressed.

I fear the Lord, but I know best.

You and him had ran into another duo, two hillbillies in the woods; Brad, the eater, and Jake, a wanna-be eater. What a gruesome pair.

I clean the floor and stay a day.

Slip in your room, lay my hands on your frame Daughter come and die for me, protesting less and less.

Close your eyes, I'll do the rest.

“You’ve got a sweet one there, dontcha’ Lee?” Brad’s cadence on sweet made chills run down your spine. You, as calmly as you could, gave Lee’s arm a squeeze and he gave you a knowing look.

Midnight comes and it's the best.

Stare the stars at me, the moon to ingest,

“What do you mean by that man?” Lee barked.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve never thought of it!” Lee sat up and scooted a little in front of you, ready to jump at the creep at any second.

“You are crossing a line man” Lee threatened.

The smile he had on his face when he noticed was sickening, you wondered if he was always this off-putting.

You leaned in and asked Lee if it was time to go and he gave you a subtle nod.

Leave the untold buried in a sack where no one guessed,

and take the ride that runs the best.

You got up and quickly walked to the car until you heard Lee yell, “RUN!”

Your head snapped back and you saw Lee running right behind you, the hillbillies on his tail.

You threw open the truck door and slid to the driver's seat, leaving the door open for Lee.

“KEYS!” You yelled, Lee was one step ahead of you and threw the keys in the bay of the truck.

As you threw your arm down to grab them, Lee jumped in the truck and you started it. You drove off and watched the two men run behind the truck.

I'll take the ride that runs the best

I'll take the ride that runs the best

I take the ride that runs the best.

[copaline]

WIP Wednesday is here!

It's that time again! WIP Wednesday is upon us!

@man--eater (GOTCHA FIRST!)

@littlestlilies (Get in on this!)

@i-prefer-base-twelve (I am once again poking you this fine Wed.)

@punedrr (Girl I know you got something!)

@sunsetofdoom (You know what you have enabled!)

Besties, you have been tagged!

No pressure to share but I'd love to see what you have! And as always, if you see this and want to join in, please do! Consider yourself tagged by me! The banner is free to use!

The last chapter one-shot spinoff of Horror Vacui called The Dealer and the Oracle!

It's a fix it fic that answers the question "what if someone had rescued a young 1982 Model Ford as he was being tortured by Bill"! Here's a little snippet of the upcoming Final Chapter:

“Are you heading out, again?” Jheselbraum asked, interrupting Leaf’s morning ritual. “I am.” “Where are you going now?” “I have a pressing matter that needs my attention. I will be gone for a few days,” Leaf replied, not turning to face her as she stirred a teaspoon of vanilla sugar into her mug. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Ford’s condition. If you lift my restrictions I could get proper equipment from my dimension and-” “No.” “His connection with Bill is the only reason he is in danger. I know metal plating sounds extreme but it’s a small modification when compared to the benefits-” “Honestly, haven’t you modified him enough?” Leaf snapped, turning to face her with a scowl. Jheselbraum flinched but true to her name, she did not back down. “I don’t- I don’t believe that should be for you to decide. He should have a say.” “Jheselbraum…” Leaf pinched the bridge of her nose as though praying for patience. “He is not healing! Whatever is happening to him, whatever Bill did to him, he’s not healing from his injuries.” “Don’t you think I know that?” “Then you know that severing the connection is the only way to save him. He can’t keep living off of your drops of potential forever.” “For fuck’s sake, you are not putting a metal plate in that man’s skull!” “It’s the only way to block his influence!” “It’s the only way you know, and we've both seen the limitations of your visions. You are not to meddle-” “This is not your choice to make!” Jheselbraum’s fingers had curled into fists. “Ford should have the final say.” Leaf took a deep breath as her rage flared up. Outrage, annoyance and, yes, envy frothed like a cauldron about to boil over. She had to take a moment to get a handle on the surge of negative emotions or she was going to say something incredibly cruel. Did you give him that choice when you manipulated his timeline until he was up on that roof? You couldn’t even be bothered to soften his fall, but now, after eleven times, now you’ve decided to care about a variant’s free will? Now it suddenly matters what he wants! “Listen, you vapid little fool, I will be leaving until the end of the week, maybe more,” Leaf's voice became ice cold, and her murderous eyes bore into the taller woman, “If I come back and find that you have cracked open that poor man's head, I will personally gouge out every single-” Before she could finish her graphic threat, Fiddleford walked in looking mildly irritated. “If you ladies are gonna fight, can you keep it down? I could hear you all the way down the hall,” he eyed them both before walking between them towards the coffee pot. His meaning was clear. If he could hear them, so could Ford.

[whimsicalmeerkat]

WIP Wednesday

@dear-massacre tagged me last week and when I asked what she wanted a snippet from she picked demon Stiles. Here’s the beginning of the next chapter of devil don’t take a break!

~

John grips the wheel, hands at ten and two, and tries not to panic or overreact or, god forbid, let on to Stiles just how out of his depth he feels. And not just feels. Is. John is a human man who fell in love with a soul eater. He still finds the world of the supernatural daunting and frequently frightening. Despite the apparent quiet in the last several years, having a trouble magnet for a son who is also a soul eater means John has been expecting some sort of drama.

He didn't expect Stiles to bond someone at 16, though. He's not ready for that by any stretch of the imagination. It's clearly happened, though. He is deeply curious about that story, but first things first. They have to find Derek and get him help before whoever plugged that hole in him comes back around.

Stiles is noticeably quiet on the drive to a part of town John rarely sees at night. It’s industrial, but it’s new enough it hasn’t picked up a reputation of being a good spot for crime. Other than teens getting bored and tagging up every wall in sight, that is. He sends a look in Stiles’ direction. He’s always suspected his son might have a bent in that direction if something pushed him just right.

When John sees Stiles is anxiously chewing on his hoodie string and jiggling his leg so fast it looks like it hurts, he wishes some light vandalism was the worst thing he had to face with Stiles.

“We’re almost there,” John tells Stiles, trying to project a calm he doesn’t feel.

Stiles just nods and worries the string with his teeth.

“It had to have been the Argents, but the MO is wrong,” Stiles says suddenly.

“What do you mean?” John asks, curious how much Stiles knows about the famous hunting family.

“Chris favors crossbows,” Stiles says. “That’s what he shot Scott with and Allison is some sort of champion archer. Why would he suddenly use a sniper rifle?

“The Argents are arms dealers, albeit legal ones,” John tells Stiles, hopping he doesn’t end up regretting it. “Chris is probably trained in all kinds of weapons. You can’t assume you know what he’ll use in a given scenario.”

John hates that he sounds like he’s preparing his kid for fights, but not as much as he hates how necessary it seems right now. Not in an active sense. He doesn’t hold with vigilantism, his son’s long term obsession with Batman notwithstanding. He hates knowing that at some point, his son will likely be in a situation that even his clever mouth can’t talk him out of. Honestly, the odds are decent he’ll have talked himself into the situation in the first place.

“Isn’t that the turn?” Stiles asks.

John swears and brakes the cruiser before pulling to the side of the street. He hasn’t overshot by much.

“Just keeping you on your toes,” he tells Stiles, secretly relieved Stiles was paying that much attention to his surroundings.

They get out of the car and Stiles immediately heads down a small alley between buildings. John follows, knowing the bond will lead Stiles straight to Derek. Claudia wasn’t hurt very badly or often, but John remembers how the general sense of where she was became something more like a homing beacon in those times. He takes a look around quickly, then follows Stiles.

“Over here,” Stiles calls softly as John enters the alley. “He’s passed out cold.”

John can’t help but groan. “We’re gonna have to carry him out.”

~

Low pressure tags: @lucky-bishop @eevylynn @thotpuppy @mswhich and anyone else who wants to play!

[yanderepuck]

Fun facts I've learned about Van Gogh by doing my own research and by tour guides in the Van Gogh museum:

Started art bc he thought it was easy

Does NOT understand how the postal system works and that it takes time for a letter to be received (he got to Theo's house before his letter, thus surprising them that he arrived and is moving in)

He also tended to burn his mail after reading it

Tried to take art classes but the moment he got bored he did what he wanted

The Japanese that's painted around The Plum Tree is an address to a brothel

Man offered his severed ear to a prostitute

Was an art dealer and hated it

Dropped out of school 3 times

Went to school to be a priest like his father but failed the final test and didn't try again.

Theo couldn't sell a single one of his paintings

Only signed the paintings that he liked

Thought that the Potato Eaters was his best painting ever, but art critics say it is one of the worst paintings

He painted 50 portraits as of peasants and chose the best 5 to put in the paintings and they were still considered awful

Gauguin didn't consider him much of an artist because Vincent couldn't paint from memory/imagination. He had to look at something in front of him

Was one of the first to use tube paint and was looked down upon for it

Theo had to pay Gauguin to move in with Vincent

Drank a LOT of absinthe

Was a regular at brothels

Nearly married a former prostitute (Theo and parents were against it and their relationship ended after 18 months)

Theo wrote to him more than he wrote back

Had no kids himself but had two kids named after him (Theos child and the Prostitutes child)

Loved Japanese art

Didn't want to romanticize peasant/poor life which is why many of his paintings didn't do well

Took a drawing class where they did 0 painting. Did a study with a skull and Vincent went "fuck it" and painted it which was absolutely not allowed in the class.

Was never actually diagnosed with anything, but modern day professionals have diagnosed him with 'manic depression' 'schizophrenia' and 'epilepsy'. But since these were made after he died they cannot be 100% confirmed.

This man was wild tbh and every time I learn something new about him it's wild

[prosepoetryanddrama]

Put Your Money on Me (PART 2)

Fugitive Sirius Black x Bounty Hunter Remus Lupin

_

Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/prosepoetryanddrama/754186012161441792/put-your-money-on-me?source=share

___

That night as he lay in bed, Sirius asleep, pressed to Remus’s back, Remus stared aimlessly as the clock turned three, then four, then five.

Only as the dusk light and the sounds of morning traffic began to seep in, did Remus start to feel calm.

He had, even as a young child, found it difficult to sleep in silence. Rather than relaxing, he instead found himself delving deeper into his thoughts, the most unpleasant ones finding him in the moments of night where it seemed he was the only person in the world who was awake.

The recent, warm presence of Sirius in his bed had helped in silencing his mind. It was hard to remain awake and tense when there was a bear of a man pushing you into the sheets, all warm and soft.

But this particular, starless night, with Arthur’s words still ringing in his head, sleep was eluding him. 

He thought back to his bar conversation and shuddered.

___

He had vague memories of Arthur Weasley from when he was younger. Remus would watch on his parent’s old, staticky tv, as the man made heartfelt speeches and passed out campaign stickers, fighting to end the corruption in Gryffindor.

Now, as he looked at the raggedy, twitchy man across from him, he thought that money could make a person do anything. 

“Now, I can’t promise that it was him, the younger one, I mean,  but I was looking at the wanted picture of Black on the news and there was a resemblance for sure,” Arthur continued. 

Remus merely hummed, gesturing for the man to continue. It was a trick he had learned early in his days as a bounty hunter, before he had connections and friends that could get him information. Back then, he had to hunt for information himself, and no one, with anything to hide, really wanted to talk to a bounty hunter.

Rather than urging someone to continue, the trick was to remain silent, making the other flustered, and blurt out everything. 

“He came often to the Nest,” Arthur said, referring the abandoned factory dubbed the “Snake’s Nest,” where addicts and dealers respectively went to get their fix from the Death Eaters.

“At first I thought he was a member, but he was always dressed a little too posh to fit the bill. If he really was Regulus Black, then I guess it fits the bill,” Arthur admitted.

When Remus remained silent, he saw a red flush climb up Arthur’s neck. 

A frown took over his face and his voice was a pitch higher when he continued, “I don’t know what else to say! That’s all I’ve got. I saw, who was most likely, Regulus Black buying drugs, and I mean hard drugs," Arthur spread his arms wide, “the last time I saw him, probably like uh-, I can’t be sure, maybe two weeks before his death was in the papers, he looked bad, like real bad.” 

Arthur’s frown deepened, “I’m low rank so I only sell the basic stuff, so I can’t say what Regulus was on but it wasn’t normal,” he paused ominously, “All sunken eyes and patchy skin, he-, he didn’t even look like a person anymore.” 

Remus felt chills run down his body at Arthur’s words. He imagined the suffering Regulus had faced in his last days, before he had been found dead in the corner of a dark alley. No information on cause of death or the conditions leading up to it had been revealed to the public, with the papers simply reciting, “natural causes.”

In a city like Gryffindor where crime loomed in the sky and morality was crushed under the boot of tyranny, it was better to not ask questions when someone, especially someone rich and powerful, turned up dead. 

Remus himself, as a humble but comfortable enough bounty hunter, had obviously never actually met the sickeningly rich but solitary Regulus, but found himself having a soft spot for the young man regardless.

“And you have no idea who was selling to him?” Remus asked. He obviously already knew the answer but had no evidence for it. Having a witness or anyone else who could testify to it would be needed. 

All he had was the word of wanted fugitive and alleged murderer, Sirius Black. Remus believed him without a second of thought, but others would scoff and simply throw him, and Remus at this point, in a jail cell in the middle of the ocean, and throw away the key. 

“Again,” Arthur answered, “I’m not that high rank. Regulu-, again I think it was Regulus, was dabbling in expensive stuff, way above my pay grade. I’ve got no clue.” 

Remus, internally, sighed miserably, his willowy shoulders dropping just slightly.

“Anything, Arthur. Even a hair colour or a tattoo, anything!” Remus said, fighting to keep his voice calm, not wanting to startle the man.

“Oh!” Arthur exclaimed, “I didn’t think to mention such a detail but he did have brown hair, but he, I think it was a he, was too far away anytime I got a glimpse to notice anything else.”

“Bingo,” Remus thought to himself, reaching forward to pat Arthur on the shoulder, then immediately regretting it, and subtly wiping his hand on his pants.

Normally, Remus was much more professional but this case held a certain personal importance for him. 

Tearing his eyes away from Arthur, he looked down at the shiny watch on his wrist, hidden under the sleeve of his coat. Gently running a finger over the hand of the clock, he remembered the day that a certain wanted criminal had gently clasped it around his wrist, three months ago.

After Sirius dropped a many revelation on him and Remus had begrudgingly agreed to help him clear his name, he had laughed as Remus had forlornly lamented that he would no longer get the bounty money. With a laugh, he had taken the watch off his own wrist and given it to Remus, telling him he could sell it for a pretty penny.

Remus had happily agreed but now three months later, the watch still sat on his wrist and not in a pawn shop. Every time Sirius looked at it when they were laying in bed together or making breakfast, their shoulders pressed together, his gaze softened. Remus tried to not think too hard on his feelings for Sirius, knowing the future was uncertain. He did know though, no matter how hard he pushed those feelings down, that he would no sooner let anyone put Sirius in a jail cell than he would put the watch in a pawn shop. Never. 

He thought back to that day his life changed, and despite the fear and anxiety, smiled. 

___

Remus stood frozen as Sirius Black pointed a knife at his face. For some reason, Remus had thought that Black would look insane after two months on the run. He had imagined grown out hair, a scuffy beard and ripped clothing.

The man in front of him was definitely Sirius Black, but his hair was cut, cropped short with a slight stubble on his chin, and his clothes weren’t ripped, dull as they were. On his wrist, was a shimmering watch that clashed with his surroundings.

The second thought in his head was how absolutely stupid the man was. While Remus, was more than happy with this, despite the knife in his face, he could not believe that the man who’s face was plastered on every surface in Gryffindor, had stayed in the city, rather than fleeing. 

He thought miserably to himself that this is how he was going to die, stabbed to death by Sirius Black in random, broken down shack. No one would ever find his body. Perhaps they would look for a week, maybe two, but then he be forgotten, remembered only as one of the many casualties of Gryffindor. 

“Who the hell are you?” Black snarled to Remus as if he was the wanted, sociopathic murderer. 

“Nobody important,” Remus responded airily, subtly moving his hand behind his back to where his gun sat. Black was a cop, trained to notice such things, but Remus had to at least try, it was the only way he might get out of here alive.

Plus, Black looked rather distracted, his gaze flipping between the open front door, the knife in his hands, and for some reason, his eyes kept straying up to Remus’s soft, brown curls.

Black let out a barking laugh, “I find that hard to believe. Now, I’m going to ask you one more time,” he moved closer to Remus, raising the knife slightly, “Who. The. Hell. Are. You. "

At the exact moment that Black took a step closer, Remus swiped his gun and pointed it forward at Black. The man froze only for a moment before he threw himself forward onto Remus, his palm on the side of the gun, their fingers touching. 

He tackled Remus to the floor, holding him down, one muscular arm pressing against Remus’s throat. While Black tried to pry the gun from his right hand, Remus threw up his left, smacking his fist into the side of Black’s face. 

But, Black was not to be deterred. No matter the fact that Remus had begun scratching his nails on his face, Black’s grip did not loosen from the gun. Remus watched with terror as Black, finger by finger, pried Remus’s hand off the gun, then, rather than point it at Remus, Black simply tossed the gun, sending it flying to the opposite side of the room.

Black looked back down at Remus, his grey eyes glowing, and pressed his arm harder on Remus’s neck. 

“James Potter! James Potter!” Remus gasped out.

“He sent me!” Remus gurgled out, sighing as the arm loosened abruptly.

Black reached forward, holding up Remus’s face close to him by his hands on his cheeks. 

“James, he sent you? Is he here?” Black asked urgently, his eyes searching Remus’s face for answers.

“Let me go and maybe I’ll tell you!” Remus spit out, his heart racing and his mind befuddled by the turn in events.

Black paused, as if just realizing that he was practically caressing Remus’s face before averting his gaze and coughing. He rose off of his Remus and offered him a hand to get up. Remus simply sniffed, turning his nose up at him. 

Standing up shakily, he looked at the dilapidated house around him. The hinges on the door that Remus had come through were barely holding up, and all the windows were cracked, with dust coating every wooden surface. 

Despite the warning bells in his head, at this point, Remus was feeling more annoyed at than scared of Black.

“Just listen to me,” He raced to say as Remus opened his mouth, “I don’t know who you are but if James sent you, you have to believe me, I didn’t do it, I didn’t kill him!” 

Remus responded curtly, “Ok.” He didn’t have much to lose at this point. 

Black continued frantically, as if he didn’t hear Remus. “ I have an explanation! Please it’s not what it looks like.” 

Black was starting to look a bit mad as he gestured widely, making Remus raise his voice and repeat, “Ok! I’ll listen to you.” 

“Oh,” Black responded, his tone softer, his head quirking to the side. 

He walked backwards, placing some distance between him and Remus before leaning on the wall. Remus was a bit worried the wall would collapse before remembering he didn’t care. 

Before Black could talk, Remus help up a finger to silence him before grabbing the gun from the floor. 

He walked over to the opposite wall, not leaning, and tucked the gun back in his clothing, looking Black in the eye carefully. 

“Ok,” Remus began, his voice carefully even, “What happened?”

___

@disasterastrid

@yourgalgremlin

@moon-girl88

[sofoulandfairaday]

Also got any sev ones?

If I have any Severus Snape headcanons? I think I might have to put this one under the cut bby, it's going to be loooong. Edit: it got severely out of hand, be warned this is insanely long.

BUT FIRST: this is a very long but extremely well-written meta about the Snapes' peculiar type of poverty that you should all read when you have time. Like, save it for later somewhere or whatever, but seriously. Do yourself a favour.

Some people like to headcanon Remus Lupin (!) as the Hogwarts drug dealer. Nu-uh. That's Snape. Severus, for the right price, can and will provide you with any kind of potion (assuming he can steal the ingredients from the supply closet/his fancy pureblood housemates can get him whatever he needs). See this post.

But it's not just potions. He'll write your essays for money (his prices go up as the years go by, but so does his credibility). Snape is the only reason Avery ever passed 4th year Transfiguration.

Until his 6th/7th year, when he was no longer friends with Lily and started expressing a vocal desire to join the Death Eaters, he wasn't accepted or popular in Slytherin House.

Avery and Mulciber, the only people who could be considered his friends, were still pretty classist and racist towards him and even then he only got to be part of their little circle because he knew more curses when he arrived at Hogwarts than half the kids in seventh year.

You see, he wasn't just a Halfblood (they have those in Slytherin), he was also dirt poor, and pretty rough around the edges. He wasn't refined, he swore like a sailor, he was classless, and “dirty” and had worn-out clothes and second-hand books, he was canonically ugly and twitchy as a child, and Sirius (who is still from the very elegant, very posh Black Family) describes him as a little oddball.

Never mind the suave adult Snape (who is very different in the books and in the movies, anyway). My man Eliza Doolittle-ed himself. He did a Tom Riddle.

But he was powerful enough that the hazing and bullying inside his own House stopped almost immediately when he got there. You despised Snape? Fine. You attacked Snape? Suddenly your pet cat has been poisoned and your kneecaps were jinxed backwards.

Also, Lucius Malfoy promptly singled him out, and while he was still in school (Sev's first and second year) he did what he could to shield him, and to make him just a little more credible and refined in Slytherin. Severus followed him around like a little puppy and definitely acted a bit like an errand boy for him and his friends, which is also part of the reason why Sirius calls him Lucius Malfoy's lapdog in OotP. I wouldn't say they were really friends though. He knew them, and maybe they liked him, but he wasn't their equal.

Unfortunately, the Marauders' bullying only got worse as the years went by, and Lucius had graduated by the time SWM happened (I think that and the Prank were the worst, but I also like the headcanon that they were not. That Snape put that particular memory in the Pensieve because it was the time he lost Lily, not because it was the worst time he was bullied by them. From the way he reacted to their attack, this level of viciousness was probably common. By the way, even if you dislike him as a character, if you deny that what he suffered at the hands of the Marauders was vile, I don't know what to tell you.)

I wouldn't say a good rapport with Narcissa Black - because why would a girl from the upper years hang out with a boy from the first three? - but she would be kind to him, and chat politely sometimes. She was impressed with him - the first Halfblood she had ever given the time of day to.

Do you know who wasn't (lol)? Bellatrix. Who had graduated years before and just could not understand why Narcissa and Lucius would be so fond of this little scrawny upjumped Halfblood.

With the exception of Andromeda (who doesn't know who he is) and Narcissa (who really likes him), all of the Blacks hate Snape. Regulus doesn't hate him per se but thinks him unrefined and overreaching and they also have a bit of a not-so-friendly competition going on even though they come from different years. Sirius and Bella... well, you know. (credit: @hxuse-xf-black, I think this hc is theirs)

One of my favourite headcanons is that the last Black family event Sirius ever attended was Narcissa's wedding (1976) [the last one Andy ever attended was Bellatrix's (1972)]. He was there as the bride's cousin, obviously. But but but. Snivellus Snape was also there, as the groom's best man (alongside Evan Rosier and Rodolphus Lestrange). The two almost get into a Muggle brawl, and an enraged Bellatrix is the one who has to separate them (how dare you try to ruin Cissy's big day?!). She would have happily let them kill each other on any other occasion, but that was her little (only) sister's wedding and she very violently cursed them both.

Started smoking cigarettes when he was young and never really stopped.

What tea does Snape drink?

Bad personal hygiene since he was a boy, especially in his periods of worst depression. Paradoxically, he was at his most groomed during his Death Eater years (1978-1981) because he had to deal daily with the likes of Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange, who might have been domestic terrorists but had standards.

Speaking of which. Bella hates him. I still have to decide how Rodolphus feels about him (Rod definitely defends him when the two of them are having a row, just to piss her off, but I don't know how he actually feels). I think they had slightly different social circles. As Sirius says, they were all - at different points in time - part of a gang of baby Death Eaters in school. But I see Bella & Rod as very close with Rabastan, and Rabastan as very close to Barty (the four of them even tortured the Longbottoms together, which means they definitely talked to each other in the very hectic days after Voldemort's downfall). In my headcanons Barty and Regulus are glued at the hip, so basically that's the five of them already.

It was a period of brilliant students for Hogwarts, nothing like Harry's time. James and Sirius were prodigies, Regulus gives me mad scientist vibes (also, he must have been knowledgeable in the Dark Arts seeing as he figured out about Voldemort's Horcruxes in no time), Barty brought home twelve O.W.L.S. (how?), and Snape was inventing curses.

The latter three were tentative allies in school, but Barty&Reg (who definitely had something going on if you know what I mean), pureblood and proper, with all of the entitlement that must have come from their bloodlines and talent, definitely were not his fans.

No one could understand his fixation with “that Mudblood” (Lily); Lucius was particularly overjoyed when he heard of their falling out. (This came back to bite him in the ass when he was the one who had to physically drag him out of his house, at Spinner's End, after she died and he was determined to rot and kill himself with alcohol.)

Cat person. But never owned any pets because he could not keep one alive. Except of course when he owned a rat... err... I mean, when Peter lived with him.

I am convinced the man took stimulants. Whatever the equivalent of wizard cocaine was (probably a potion he made himself, with minimal comedown and as little side effects on the body as he can), he took. He seems to spend his nights patrolling the corridors and his days teaching, so when does he sleep?

Extremely light sleeper anyway.

Can go without eating for a long time.

He is the personification of self-loathing.

I can see him self-harming in different ways. He denies himself the small pleasures of life, he smokes until his throat burns and his lungs hurt, and insists that he works best without protective gloves (more sensitivity or whatever) which means that his hands are covered in small cuts and stains from corrosive (possibly painful) potions.

Does whatever he can to look as little like his father as possible, whether that be growing a beard, or gaining weight, or cutting his hair.

He maintains that learning Occlumency saved his life. Legilimency is about control, and even that not-so-hidden sadistic part of him, and also the self-protection that comes from knowing your opponent's moves before they can strike. But Occlumency and the sort of meditative bliss that comes from Occluding heavily was an integral part of his transformation, and very definitely helped with the very obvious anxiety that plagued him as a boy. It's yoga + good weed at the same time. That's the feeling.

The Lily thing. Part of it was romantic but in the light I-am-thirteen-and-have-a-crush-on-my-best-friend type of way. He definitely thought he was in love with her when he was sixteen/seventeen, after they had cut ties, and that's how he explained it to Voldemort, too (and that's how Voldemort explains it to Harry - he desired her). But. Truthfully? No. After a while, and especially after her death, it wasn't about the love he felt for her, it was about the debt he owed her. She was the first person to be kind to him, and he betrayed her. Directly caused her death, and sold her to the most evil wizard in history. Whether you love someone romantically or platonically, being responsible for their death, or leaving a child as an orphan takes a toll on your psyche that's almost impossible for me to comprehend or explain. Imagine the level of guilt that he felt. She was his first friend, his first crush, his first everything. And his love for her was the love Dante felt for Beatrice, the love that moves the sun and the other stars. I hate it when they reduce it to “he just wanted to bang Harry's mom haha”.

With that being said, Snily is probably the most boring Severus ship of all.

Never planned for the future. He honestly didn't think he would survive the war; his character is pretty much doomed by the narrative, and I am convinced that the only thing that kept him going was fulfilling his promise to Dumbledore, taking down the Dark Lord. He always thought Voldemort would eventually discover he was a spy and kill him for it. And as sad as it is (and that's why I love those kinds of fanfics!) I cannot see him ever adapting to a post-Voldemort world. It would take a lot of work on himself for him to find peace and I don't think he loved himself enough for that. I don't think he wanted to live.

Also, while I love the fanfics where he eventually makes up with Harry, and they have a civil relationship, I cannot see it happening in canon.

The narrative draws very explicit parallels between Snape and Voldemort, there are so many (but not limited to): the social class they come from, their blood status, the abuse they face as children, this iconic line which is one of my favourites in the whole series: But he was home. Hogwarts was the first and best home he had known. He and Voldemort and Snape, the abandoned boys, had all found home here, the details we can infer of their relationship with Dumbledore when they were still students, the transformation they operated on themselves to become more polished, their interests (both of them invent curses and the like), the way they identify with their mothers' heritages, their dynamic is extremely interesting to me.

My headcanon is that Snape was one of the few people Voldemort actually liked (and perhaps he saw himself in), which would explain why he doesn't heed Bella's advice about him. Of course, it was a very tepid intellectual appreciation (just a tad warmer than his - very cold - expression of regret at having to kill him in the Shrieking Shack), but it was there. I think they had a teacher-student dynamic which doesn't get explored enough but was clearly there: Voldemort teaches Snape how to fly without a broom; he is reportedly the only Death Eater to whom he teaches this. I think Snape was absolutely fascinated with LV in the beginning and climbed through the ranks impressively quickly. Just as rapidly (maybe more) as purebloods Regulus Black (whose cousin was LV's right-hand woman and possible mistress) and Barty Crouch (who would have been an asset seeing his father's position). Keep in mind these guys weren't even 20 years old and had all met Voldemort personally, probably more than once. They would have been part of his inner circle.

I can see Voldemort appreciating Snape's interest in magic, especially his academic interest. I think it's especially fascinating if compared to Voldemort's relationship with Bellatrix (who was the opposite of Snape in every sense): I think someone like Voldemort would be attracted to someone like Bellatrix (rich, pure of blood, self-assured, inhabiting a world built for her, etc.) but on the other hand he would also resent her for these very things that were her prerogative, and not his. On the other hand, Snape would understand him on a personal level, he would simply get some of Voldemort's lived experiences (and personality, let's be real) in a way his other Death Eaters wouldn't. But, because he still represents his past in a way (and hasn't remade himself quite yet), Voldemort would also view him with contempt. (And a great deal of superiority, but he's like that with everyone).

Snape doesn't join the Death Eaters because of the Cause. I can see him hating Muggles and perhaps looking down on Muggle-borns, but I don't think of him as a convinced pureblood elitist in the way the Lestranges and Malfoys were. He joined for power. He wanted revenge, and he wanted to feel powerful and important in a world that would make him feel small (part of the reasoning behind Bellatrix's joining in my headcanons), which makes him much hungrier than his peers, which would make him stand out to Voldemort.

His invention of the Sectumsempra spell and its counter-curse is extremely impressive, even Bella had to recognize this when she found out, and she demanded it be taught to the younger recruits, (but really to herself).

Hates summer like no one else has ever hated summer.

Helped with Draco's conception. I headcanon that Narcissa had fertility problems (this extends, for me, to most women of the Black family) and Severus helped her and Lucius with it. (This hc isn't mine, but I love it to death.)

Any and all silly headcanons about Snape teaching sex ed, dealing with periods, etc give me life. You've all read them though, so I won't repeat them.

Worked as a potioneer for Voldemort too, perhaps alongside someone who was even better than him (older, more knowledgeable). The things he learned turned out to be super useful to him in the future.

His favourite food is fish and chips, or something equally proletarian, like beans on toast... that sort of thing.

Detested living with Pettigrew (and I hc that Voldemort did it as a form of cruel punishment: he's forced to live with - offer shelter to - the man who caused Lily's death).

Because I like angst, I really like the idea that the person he was closest with, in the entirety of the Hogwarts staff (except maybe for Dumbledore) wasn't McGonagall, it was Charity Burbage. I need more fics with an in-depth exploration of their relationship (whether it be romantic or platonic) because it has amazing potential, both for angst and fluff.

Idk how anyone can ship Snily when these two are right there

Also, she would be the second woman Severus loves that Voldemort has killed. This time it's even worse.

I doubt he could ever have had a functioning relationship with her (or any other woman, or person), because what flesh-and-blood woman could ever beat the lamented and idolised spirit of Lily Evans? She would stand no chance. Again, this makes it worse.

I'm going to stop here because this is getting embarrassing. Kudos to you if you got to the end of this.

Headcanons: James | Sirius | Remus | Lily

[graveyardviolence]

Tell me about your aftg ocs!!

THANK YOU‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

okay okay okay so theres like a dozen of them but ill tell you abt my baby mercer (i may or may not be writing a fic for him)

Mercer Kyrie Reyes | #13, offensive dealer, 20, 5’7”, leo

mercer joins the foxes his sophomore year of college (he transfers) after wymack shows up at the bar he works at and basically forces his hand. this follows the events of tsc, so he & neil are the only sophomores on the team. he has a pretty mild relationship with most of the foxes since he’s not really around them that much off court. moving from bum-fuck nowhere connecticut to south carolina is a bit of a mess.

he majors in drawing (idk)

how he plays on court is usually dependent on how his day has gone. if he’s had a bad say, he won’t be of any use on court

he has a little sister, marcella, who he loves and would do anything to protect. he’s her current legal guardian.

he’s the second oldest, his older brother is 5 years older than him and has gone no-contact with the rest of his family, only really checking in every few months to make sure his siblings are alive. he has one younger brother who’s two years younger than him, and then theres marcella who’s four years younger

he has a sweet tooth that rivals andrews, it’s actually ridiculous bc this man always has candy on him no matter what

HATES spiders & flies (they freak him out)

slushy fiend

he’s vv picky eater & will only eat spicy foods

will drink lemonade no matter the season

he can COOK god hes so-

he enjoys sketching random shit he sees. if his sketchbook isnt on he’ll take a picture of whatever it is that caught his interest- but that’s almost never the case so whenever the foxes see him outside of practice he’s usually drawing

he also writes poetry! nothing serious, but he’ll write what he feels in the moment.

his relationship with wymack & abby is a little shifty. he’s got a lot of trust issues (obv) & parental issues, but abby lets his sister stay with her and keeps her fed, and wymack lets him use the foxes credit card (i forgot what its called) to buy things for her when needed, so it’s as bad as it would be if he were there alone

hes a smartass, of course, and usually gets sent off court for talking shit. he has a habit of taunting other teams. kevin usually falls victim to it during practice. he’s also very flirtatious, with just about everyone, though its usually superficial, he just likes seeing people get worked up

his nails are always chipped with black paint

he’s got his signature leather jacket that he wears no matter the season. it’s got a bunch of different pins and patches sewn into it

he drinks enough energy drinks to have a heart attack, and his hands tend to shake a LOT bc of it

he has chronic migraines! they happen at least once a day (if hes lucky)

very bad insomnia, my mans usually gets like 3 hours of sleep a day if he’s lucky. he tends to nap a LOT

he has tattoos! he wants to open up a tattoo/piercing shop, and he usually practices on himself! for marcella’s 16th birthday he gave her a small sun and moon tattoo on each of her inner forearms

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex, Ch. 44: Record "Straight"

Lash and Nils talk in private. Schemes abound, both together and separately.

Co-written by @baelpenrose

Lash

I managed to quell the urge to pick up food on my way to the mall. Fewer distractions, better adherence to the timeline I’d given Nils. As a nervous eater, I felt like it was a pretty sound decision.  After all, if anything, we could get food later. Whatever.

As I walked into the mall, I saw Nils reclining on a bean bag, managing to look for all the world like he was holding court for the bugs in the mall. “Lash. What the hell were you talking about? He’s a gun nut, sure, what kind of black market connections does he have that you’re calling him an arms dealer?” 

“I…” My immediate reaction was to just tell him, but recent interactions with both Nils and Grey had made it clear that I needed to think before speaking my mind. “I thought I saw some posts online about gun stuff, but on the way over I realized they were too obvious. I’m sorry,” I finished lamely, trying to buy for time but also realizing I’d probably undermined myself later.

“All that over…” Nils raked his hands through his jet-black hair. I’d never realized before, but having actually looked at his mother and his father, whose hair had obviously been coal black before it had started going gray. Nils was almost certainly dyeing it. Blue-black just wasn’t in his genes, no matter how distracting it was at the moment. “All that was over a misunderstanding?? All that, in public, over a misunderstanding? When you know we’re being watched by the Fibbies because of the things we did at the hospital and the shit that happened last time one of us lost her cool.”

“Oh, one of ‘us’,” I bunny eared it for emphasis, “lost ‘her’ cool. Just say it. When I lost my cool. Because gods forfend anything that happens to us happens because you jump a gun, get impulsive, or do shady shit behind my back.” My hand went to my forehead, rubbing against the tension.  “I know. We’ve both done stupid shit. You get impulsive, people die. I get impulsive, we die or get arrested. I’m working on it, but dealing with people, on this scale, in person, is a lot. You have to understand that, right?”

There was a terrifying moment where he stared at me, face inscrutable, and I was terrified he’d lie to me and answer, ‘no.’ Then, the even more terrifying thought occurred that he’d say ‘no,’ and be telling the truth. Instead, the mask slipped and he shuddered. “Yeah. It’s a lot. But holy fuck, Lash, what is this about Gray being my dog? He’s a nightmare I thought we agreed about as the necessary evil we had to keep an eye on, use and deal with because we weren’t going to be able to get another thing like him we could control half as well. When did he become ‘my’ pet psycho?” 

When you agreed to be the figurehead of this shitshow, I wanted to say. I squashed that down and thought through my second line of thinking before deciding it was the correct course. “Getting rid of Weasel has been difficult enough. Do you really think Gray is something we discard at our earliest convenience? He’s both more essential and smarter than the Smut King of Cali.”

“And better disciplined, and less sexually revolting. Which is fortunate, because he’d be Ted Bundy but worse. As to convenient - fuck no, nothing about that is going to be convenient. It already isn’t. But as you point out, he is, unfortunately, more essential than Weasel. But yes, we are going to have to actually work hard to figure out exactly how that fucker gets disposed of. It’s gonna…take a lot.” Nils sounded tired. “I’ve missed talking to you more openly about…all this crap. I know it’s only been a few days.” 

I took a deep breath, thinking, before responding honestly. “Yeah, talking in code for the last several days… week? Weeks? Whatever. Has been frustrating.” Damn my body to hell, but I was going to kill someone for a cuddle if needed. “No sex, but… Can I crash on your couch with some cuddles tonight? Just the thought of….. Everything, plus knowing we’ll eventually have to add a strategy for Gray is a lot, I won’t lie.  I really just want a night of garbage telly, worse food, cuddles, and sleep.”

Nils looked at me. “Yes. God, yes. Sex was…not on my mind, right now.” I had all too good a feeling that meant he’d been running his body to the brink and was crashing too hard to be horny. “But cuddles sound amazing. Pizza?”

“UGH, can we please do bacon, feta, and spinach? I know it sounds weird, but on thin crust? MWAH!” I made a gesture like a kiss to emphasize my point. Salty, savory, everything.

“I will give anything a shot once.” 

That same, faraway-laughing smile was back, and I felt like maybe I’d mended some rift, like Nils and I were back on some sort of the right track. 

“You’ll love it, I swear.” I resisted the urge to reach out and pet his chest like I usually did when I reassured him. “Do you have a t-shirt I can sleep in, or do I need to go home and get one?”

He swallowed loudly. “I have a couple. Let me put in the order now before we head to my apartment… You’re okay with two smalls, in case I don’t like your salt bomb concoction?”

I snorted. “You like anchovies as much as I do, this is practically sweet compared to that. Go for it with two smalls, but plan the second to be good for breakfast.”

“Sausage and mushroom it is,” he nodded. “Black t-shirts - nevermind, yes, you’re fine with - why?”

Why do I feel like this is the first time you slept over? I inferred. “We’ll figure that out later. Right now, I need a ride to yours, the pizzas that are on the way, a plush couch, and comfy clothes.”

“You don’t have pajamas….”

“Your problem, your couch’s problem, not mine.”

“Woman, you are going to be the death of me.”

I hummed. “What a sweet way to go, no?”

“I can definitely think of a lot worse and very few better.” He admitted.

***

“Why do people agree to this?” Nils muttered into my hair as we watched some reality show over the empty pizza box on the coffee table.

“To feel important,” I answered, rubbing my face against the arm I was laying on.

“But they aren’t.”

I rolled part way onto my back and looked at him before sitting up. “They are and they aren’t.” Snagging the remote, I muted the show. “People want distraction from the shitty things going on in the world. This kind of thing provides that distraction and feeds their nosy natures at the same time. So are these people important in the grand scheme of things? Probably not. But they’re very culturally relevant and give us cover, believe it or not.”

“How do the Real Housewives of Who Cares give us cover?”

“Like it or not, the more people who watch them catfight and backstab, the fewer people are paying attention to world events.  Meaning you and me.  I mean, how many people do you know that actively avoid watching the news?”

Nils looked thoughtful before digging himself out of the gap between the cushions and the back of the couch. “Everyone. Or nearly everyone. At least sometimes.”

I nodded, hair falling in my face. “We were just doing it. Mocking them for an hour so we can disconnect from trying to save the world. Imagine how many people just live like that.”

I could see his brain start whirring, reconnecting so to speak. “We can use that,” he murmured. “Do data attacks during major spectator events.”

My eyes widened. He was right. “Can you imagine if we did a major move during the World Cup?” I whispered, throat tightening. “Most of the world watches that, whether their team is in it or not.”

He surged to his feet, dumping me gently to the floor in the process. Bolting to his bedroom, he called over his shoulder. “We need to find other events we can leverage. That’s how we go international.”

“And our FBI agent and Weasel? What do we do about them? International means scrutiny.” I scrambled back onto the couch, carefully tucking myself into ‘my’ corner and covering my lap with the blanket. I wasn’t naked, but still. Bare legs and all. Once Nils had returned with his computer and having donned pajama pants, I continued. “Going international with a Fibbie keeping tabs on us sounds like a monumentally dumb idea, I’m just throwing that out there.”

“Way ahead of you. The noose is already tied on Weasel. We’re waiting for the Fibbie to look at him. He’ll panic and do himself when it happens. FBI finds icebreakers that match the bank job, declare victory in our time, and go home. Remember the anthrax attacks back in 04?” Despite weaponized anthrax, at the time, being a carefully guarded Russian bio weapon the US hadn’t cracked til two years later, a researcher with massive personality problems and Middle Eastern descent had been blamed for the crime - and because of a fortunately timed suicide, the FBI had been free to dig no deeper. 

“Nils, what did you do?” I asked slowly.  I was missing something. 

             “Dug into Weasel’s files with a bit of social engineering and phishing. Found out he’s got some illegal material. Flagged it in a way that’ll draw some law enforcement attention so it looks like a standard download alert with a retroactive time stamp - should make them even more antsy to shut him down before anyone looks too close. After all. They’ve had a lead on the perv for how long and just ignored it?” He let that trail, rhetorically. 

“So…. he’s going down for stuff he actually did,” I confirmed.

Nils nodded, still looking up what was presumably world events that would attract attention and distract from anything we did. “Didn’t have to frame him for anything, just attract attention.” Pausing, he shuddered. “Although hours of digging through his porn…. Let’s just say that between that and sleep deprivation, I don’t think even Viagra and your best efforts could get me ready for sex.  Not for the next several days, minimum.”

I mirrored his shudder. “I can imagine. Ew.  Thanks for taking one for the team.”

He held a hand up quickly. “Nope. Don’t say that. Not even accidental innuendos for the next week. I may actually be sick.”

[stormblessed95]

Jikook in RUN BTS Next Top Genius Special Part 1

Full Episode Here:

I'm not going to talk about the full episode or my thoughts over it's entirety. It was filmed in 2022 and it was so much fun. So definitely watch it. I'm just focusing on solely the jikook moments in the episode for this post.

Starting off with everyone eating pizza (except the diet mates, taekook lol) and when Hobi asked for the Sauce, Jimin reached to grab some for him at JKs side of the table and we got a cut right as JK went to go help hand the sauce to Jimin and be helpful. The members joking about giving taekook their pizza crusts so they can still eat (lol) and Jimin saying everyone else (except him and JK) don't eat the crusts and JK saying that he doesn't understand non crust eaters 😂

The way they started the card game with Jimin dealing out the cards for a practice round and JK being disappointed in the cards he got and scolding Jimin as the dealer and teasing lol

During their practice round at the end, Jimin telling right away from JKs facial expressions of frustration that he was going to be out of the game and going "goodbye" 🤣

Everyone joking about Still being so silly together even when they get old and after they are all 60. And Jimin going when JK gets older and theb gives an imitation of him. And JK then saying when he gets older he won't call them hyungs anymore and joking speaks super informal to everyone making them all laugh super hard. Lol

RM, Jimin and Jin engaging in a battle of the zeros during the card game final 3 and JK asking "Jimin hyung, are you gone??" When it came around and everyone being shook when he still saved himself lol

Jimins win! Lol and JKs "ohh Jiminie hyung" and his and others compliments

During the liar game, Jimin saying that yes, he did have a cute fruit like face and picking a pineapple as has fruity face, because it's super sweet and has lots of juice. 🤣 Bonus explanation from @minggukieology over what the slang/trend over this means. JK calling him shameless/brazen 3 times over it. Lol it's giving 2018 "I like that he is shameless" flashbacks 🤣 embrace the confidence Jimin!

Their faces when Jimin (who was a liar lol) accused JK of being one of the liars 🤣 he was so insistent too. JK said he doesn't dance when he is sad and Jimin kept saying he thinks JK might be the liar. (And he was right!) He knows him well 😂

Jimins "sad dancer dance." Lmfao he is so freaking cute. And what's extra cute is how when he first started, it was to show and be silly for Jungkook. Who immediately perked up, smiled and came to full attention to watch Jimin be goofy. Lol those ears perking up to full attention and peak happiness. Adorable. And then everyone laughing as Jimin turned away from JK and continued his silly dance for everyone too. I love them.

Bonus? Jikook wearing matching/similar silver hoops. Lol JK just wearing them only in one ear. Jimin though does take one earring out to wear the cat ears and never puts it back on afterwards. Lol but still cute!

Will do moments from the part 2 of this run in a part 2 post! 🥰 they are all so cute

[dipperscavern]

uhhhh i saw the fortune telling you did for 🐦‍⬛ so i'd love to ask for one as well 👉🏻👈🏻

i'm a short curvy girly with dark greyish hair (on purpose, i'm no milf yet) and i'm stubborn af with big opinions on everything 😭 but i think i'm also a very good friend because i'm loyal and a good listener and give good advice to my girlies (and boyies and theyies, but mainly girlies). love myself some good hearty food as i'm less on the sweet side but i'm also a picky eater. fun fact about myself: i don't drink coffee and don't own a coffee machine so whoever sleeps at my place and needs their caffeine in the morning gets a cup of hot water and a sachet of instant coffee. my home looks like IKEA and the local antique dealer had a baby that came out dark red, white and wooden. in job interviews i always say i'm very well organised with good time management and i learn very quickly.

that's all i can say about myself really idk who i am in this big world🧍🏻‍♀️

thank you dippy MUAH

- respectful anon 👅

hiiii my gorgeous respectful anon. what’s lookin good cookin?? how about u come gaze into my crystal ball 🔮 (with rizz)

i think robb would love you!! having big opinions on everything & being stubborn is a thing that robb would love about you, because he’s also very stubborn, but since becoming king he can’t air out his opinions on things like he wants to — so you’re his breath of fresh air. he always wants you to talk freely, and always includes your opinion in his process of making decisions. plus, you both being stubborn is fun, it really is a game for him (u get frustrated because he’s so annoying, but he doesn’t like you being mad at him, so then he’s all sweet & warm touches to get u to forgive him 🙄). and during war, robb needs your loyalty. he needs to knwo you’re by his side always, and you being a good listener has been his relief more times than he can count <3

MUAH MUAH MUAH !! also don’t ask why i decided to rizz u up because i’m not really sure either Okay bye

[thecreaturecodex]

The Master of Revels

“Moonlight Satyr” © Matteo Parati, accessed at his ArtStation here

[Remember RPG Superstar? I did get into the Top Eight in 2012, but for several years before that entered an item annually, voted and debated on the Paizo forums, and even played along at home for challenges. That’s where this character comes from. My roommate, @canwefixitnoitsfucked​, placed a year (I want to say 2010?) where the challenge was to create a villain, first the concept and then the stat block. This was my “play-along-at-home” villain, who has been rewritten and revised, partially because I can’t find my original file for him. A word of caution: this may be one of the darkest Codex entries yet, with themes of torture and sex trafficking.

As a lighter aside, looking for art for this character was a pain. I learned that images of satyrs who were a) clothed, b) lean and c) male are rather slim pickings.]

Jepson Artemisia, Master of Revels CR 10 CE Fey This man has long horns, long ears and hooves for feet. He is dressed impeccably, and his eyes shine with malice.

Jepson Artemisia is a cleric of Calistria who has made a fortune on the backs of human misery. He is a drug dealer, pimp and slaver. Befitting his veneration of the goddess of revenge, he specializes in abducting and abusing people for hire. For an exorbitant fee, a cad can hire Artemisia to have one of his rivals abducted and have their mind and will broken, leaving them a perfect slave and trophy. Jepson accomplishes this psychological abuse through narcotics, mind-influencing magic, and old-fashioned torture. He especially relishes the servants of lawful gods as his victims, and every paladin who has renounced their oaths and lost their powers is a feather in his cap.

Artemisia spends most of the year traveling as he needs to for his cruel business, but does have a home base. Blackthorn Hall is his domain, a sprawling mansion overlooking an oak woodland. Here he hosts his annual Grand Revel, where his allies, business partners and sycophants engage in bacchanalian excess for an entire week. The Master of Revels employs many miscellaneous low-lives as his security, pushers, alchemists and jailers, but some of his allies are worth spotlighting. His majordomo is an ogre mage who accompanies him on his business trips. His housekeeper is a maenad who uses Blackthorn Hall for fatal feasts while her master is away. And Jepson maintains a stable of spider-eaters, which he uses as mounts, watchdogs and the perpetrators of one of his favorite tortures. Against especially willful victims, the Master of Revels has his spider-eaters sting them and lay eggs inside of them, paralyzing them. These victims he then poses as living statues, forcing them into humiliating postures while the eggs slowly incubate. Usually, victims of this torture are revived through magic and the spider-eaters do not come to term. Usually.

Jepson Artemisia              CR 10 XP 9,600 Satyr cleric of Calistria 9 CE Medium fey Init +5; Senses low-light vision, Perception +18 Defense AC 26, touch 18, flat-footed 20 (+5 Dex, +1 dodge, +5 natural, +3 armor, +2 deflection) hp 140 (8d6+9d8+68) Fort +12, Ref +13, Will +18 DR 5/cold iron Offense Speed 40 ft. Melee +1 deadly whip +16/+11 (1d3+2), gore +10 (1d6) Special Abilities anything to please, channel energy (5d6 negative, 10/day, Will DC 21 half), pipes Spell-like Abilities CL 8th, concentration +15 (+19 casting defensively) At will—charm person (DC 18), dancing lights, ghost sound (DC 17), sleep (DC 18), suggestion (DC 20) 9/day—copycat, dazing touch (9 HD) 1/day—fear (DC 21), summon nature’s ally III 9 rounds/day—master’s illusion (DC 23) Spells CL 9th, concentration +15 (+19 casting defensively) 5th—charm monster (DC 21) (D), greater command (DC 21), insect plague 4th—chaos hammer (DC 20), confusion (DC 20) (D), cure critical wounds (DC 20), freedom of movement 3rd—bestow curse (DC 19), dispel magic, nondetection (D), protection from energy, remove blindness/deafness 2nd—bear’s endurance, cure moderate wounds (DC 18, x2), hold person (DC 18), spiritual weapon, touch of idiocy (D), undetectable alignment 1st—bless, command (DC 17), comprehend languages, disguise self (DC 17) (D), divine favor, protection from law (DC 17), remove fear 0th—detect magic, mending, purify food and drink, stabilize (D)—domain spell (Charm [Lust subdomain], Trickery) Statistics Str 12, Dex 20, Con 18, Int 13, Wis 22, Cha 24 Base Atk +10; CMB +15 (+17 trip or disarm); CMD 27 (29 vs. disarm, trip) Feats Agile Manuevers, Combat Casting, Combat Expertise, Dodge, Improved Disarm, Improved Trip, Selective Channeling, Skill Focus (Bluff), Weapon Finesse Skills Bluff +18, Diplomacy +15, Disguise +15, Intimidate +12, Knowledge (arcana, local, nature, nobility, religion) +9, Linguistics +7, Perception +18, Perform (wind instruments) +19, Ride +10, Sense Motive +14, Spellcraft +9, Stealth +17. Survival +14; Racial Modifiers +4 Perception, +4 Perform, +4 Stealth Languages Abyssal, Common, Elven, Giant, Sylvan Gear +1 leather armor, +1 deadly whip, headband of mental prowess +2 (Wis, Cha), circlet of persuasion, cape of the mountebank, ring of protection +2, wand of remove paralysis (20 charges), wand of cure light wounds (50 charges), potion of invisibility, noble outfit, jewelry worth 100 gp, gold holy symbol of Calistria, masterwork panpipes, 10 pp, 4 gp SQ wealth and privilege Special Abilities Anything to Please (Su): Once per day, Jepson can compel a creature within 30 feet to attempt to please you as a standard action. The creature receives a DC 21 Will save to negate this affect. If the save fails, the creature attacks Jepson’s enemies for 1 round, gives him its most valuable item, or drops prone at his feet and grovels for 1d4 rounds (GM's choice). This is a mind-affecting effect and the save DC is Charisma based. Pipes (Su) Jepson can focus and empower his magic by playing haunting melodies on his panpipes. When he plays, all creatures within a 60-foot radius must make a DC 21 Will save or be affected by charm person, fear, sleep, or suggestion, depending on what tune he chooses. A creature that successfully saves against any of the pipes' effects cannot be affected by the same set of pipes for 24 hours, but can still be affected by Jepson’s other spell-like abilities as normal. Jepson’s use of his pipes does not count toward his uses per day of his spell-like abilities, and if separated from them he may continue to use his standard abilities. The pipes themselves are masterwork, and Jepson can craft a replacement with 1 week of labor. The save DC is Charisma-based. Wealth and Privilege (Ex) Jepson Artemesia’s statistics are built using 25 point buy, and he has gear equivalent to a 9th level PC. These advantages increase his CR by 1.

[anticomedygarden]

traitor

-

tws: death, blood, and nightmares

-

By the time Sirius realized he had made the wrong decision, he was already in the casino trying to blend in to hide from whichever Death Eaters happened to be chasing him, and before he knew it, he was sitting on a tall stool in front of a textured green table laden with different colored disks and playing cards to the point that he couldn’t read the words underneath everything. 

For a breath, he let the sounds of the casino crash over him: the slot machines, the cheering and booing of betting patrons, the sounds of dice rolling, all sounds he was familiar with yet were also distinctly muggle, and he couldn’t come up with the name of the game in front of him if he tried. 

A noise from the dealer broke him from his thoughts. “In or out?” 

“What?”

“In or out, mate, it’s not a hard question.” The man shuffled the cards, and Sirius’ eyes were drawn from his tan hands up to his scarred face, a face Sirius would know even in death. 

“Moony?” he asked, voice thick with questions. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you at home?”

Remus narrowed his eyes. “I’ve got no idea what a ‘Moony’ is, but my name’s Remus, and I work here.”

Sirius’ heart plummeted. “What are you talking about? Why aren’t you at home in London?”

“Listen, Sir, I don’t know what kind of prank this is, but I don’t know who you are. I live alone in Wales, which is where we are right now. If you keep this up, I’ll have you thrown out.” He turned away, pointedly not dealing Sirius into the next round. 

Sirius felt tears pricking at his eyes. Why was Remus acting like this? “Moony, I-” 

“Security!” Sirius may not have known much about muggle culture, but he knew enough to tear himself off the stool into the crowd of drunk gamblers, tears running down his face, heart pounding. What was going on?

Somehow, he ended up at the slot machines, and, unthinking, he pulled the lever. While the little images spun, he tried to remember why he was in the casino in the first place but found he couldn’t think past the fog filling his mind. 

One by one, the images came to a stop: three little rats, all in a row. He didn’t know why, but he was so overcome with anger that he pointed his wand at the machine and it exploded without a word from him. 

Laughter filled the air behind, and he turned to see his best friend in the whole world. 

“Prongs!” he cried, relieved, and went to hug him, but at the last second he realized James’ laughter was actually choking, and he watched, horrified, as James collapsed, blood leaking from his mouth. 

He rushed over to where his friend had fallen and dropped to his knees, muttering, nonono, under his breath. Hands shaking, he flipped James over and screamed. 

His whole face was covered in blood, and Sirius could just barely make out a lightning bolt shaped wound in his forehead. He didn’t dare do a diagnostic spell, already knowing what he’d find. 

Abruptly, he heard loud, high-pitched sobs, and he thought he might’ve started crying, but, no. That was the sound of a baby, and it was coming from somewhere behind him. 

Somehow, he managed to pull himself away from his best friend’s dead body to walk toward the sounds of the baby. He had to go behind the slot machines to what he thought was a maintenance door. He opened it. 

“Avada kedavra!”

“No!” Sirius shouted, but it was too late. In seemingly slow motion, the green light of the spell traversed the dark bedroom, and Sirius lunged forward, just missing taking the spell himself. He watched it bounce off Harry’s forehead, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Then he realized it was coming back towards him. The last thing he saw was red hair fanned out on the floor and bright green eyes, wide, unseeing. 

Then, nothing. 

-

“Sirius,” someone was saying as they shook his shoulder. “Pads, wake up.”

Slowly, he peeled his eyes open, and they were met with dark amber ones. 

“M-Moons,” he gasped, reaching blindly for his husband. 

“I’m right here,” Remus responded. Sirius felt a warm hand encircle his. “You had a nightmare.”

He nodded but felt tears slipping down his cheek, and he tried to convince himself what he saw wasn’t real. It worked approximately until he heard a baby crying. “Harry, he’s-”

“You screamed, and it woke him up.” Remus’ eyes were full of tenderness, but Sirius looked away, unable to bear the thought that Harry was here, with them, crying, because James and Lily, they were-

“Hey, it’s alright, you’re awake now,” Remus said, impossibly kind. 

Sirius barely heard him. “They’re dead, Remus. James and Lily are dead.” 

Remus didn’t say anything this time, just gathered Sirius up in his arms and let him cry, cry because James and Lily were dead because Peter was the traitor, and they were never going to see anything of them ever again. 

-

word count: 857

@wolfstarmicrofic

[west-tokyo-incidents]

Team Lesher was a low-profile team, Cobalt would come to learn. He'd get promoted if he did exceptionally well as an apprentice or be transferred to another branch if he chose. Acquisition teams made a good mentorship, as they interacted with all branches as needed to bring them mods and gather information.

He met the rest of his team. All just as odd as everything else in the Facility.

The leader was a douji-Hana, named Rose. She was wicked sharp and crude, always had something in her mouth. It reminded him of a young Mizho, but much deadlier. Her noh wasn't dissimilar to a Paresse instance's, but much more focused on food-based plants where Paresse's was focused on trees, even if both controlled plants in general.

Second in command was Quinn, his mentor. Quinn apparently used to jump timelines on their own and worked as something of a black market dealer before they got in too deep with something and got involved with the Facility. They decided they liked the stability and companionship and stuck around.

Their medical officer was a Pardonner instance fused with a Slow instance named Prong. He was a laid back guy, and had a pet Scrapper named Crunch that he used to break down spare parts they found to use as scrap for the Facility's various needs for metal.

Their scout was... A cat. Apparently she's an Akitsu instance. Named Fawnstrike, she was outfitted with a translator and thankfully didn't mind when he'd greeted her as if she was a pet cat. Though she warned him about doing so to other felines he meets. He made a note to ask her about her timeline later. A cat?? How did that happen?

Finally there was their secretary, a... Jumbor? Apparently there were other humanoid robots in other timelines. Ones that extended past Dunstan's initial space-time break. He was a 'Drill' instance with one hell of a thorn in his side. He was like Cobalt, displaced from his own timeline because of reasons outside his control. His name was Foret, and he wasn't keen on talking about himself. According to Quinn, Drill instances usually look like them, Rages, but Foret had dyed his hair black and yellow and had more aesthetic mods than body.

Cobalt found them all odd, but he'd chosen this. While he technically had the option to take his choice back, he was determined wasn't going to.

Rose gave him the rundown. Quinn taught him the ropes. Prong taught him basic douji first-aid. Fawnstrike taught him how to sneak around Rose to smuggle extra trinkets--he's pretty sure she was just using him to get the trinkets for herself, but it was a good skill. And finally Foret taught him how to keep his mouth shut if he wasn't sure of something.

But it was mostly Quinn.

The non-binary version of himself has their legs hooked over a rafter in the warehouse that worked as this timeline's compound. The rest of his body hangs upside down as he listens to Cobalt sorting through the information they have for this run from various different branches.

"...so we're retrieving an Eater instance... For parts?"

"Yep. And that means?"

"We have to kill him."

"It. Remember what we said about targets."

"They're objects. Right." Cobalt sighed, "This one is altered and reached a second stage too early. H-- It doesn't have a master, but still poses a threat." He flips over to information from Mothwing, the recon team who'd originally scouted this timeline, "There's also an Avaro instance to look out for that may get defensive of our target." He pauses, thinking about the other two who had stayed from his same timeline.

"And why is that?"

"It..." He sighs and sets the paper down, "It doesn't matter. As long as we find a way around it."

"Almost."

Cobalt looks up, confused, as Quinn drops down, "It almost doesn't matter. Look at the noted alterations again."

Cobalt scowls, but does so.

Quinn points to a symbol, "Remind me what that means." They say it in a sarcastic way, and it grates on Cobalt a little.

"It symbolizes a strong connection between instances."

"And that means?"

"That this Avaro will likely heavily defend this Eater if we're not careful?" Cobalt huffs, agitated.

Quinn taps his nail slowly, "It means this Avaro could possibly wreak havoc upon discovering that its Eater is dead. Which means we need to look for possible timeline altering abilities in this Avaro."

Cobalt raises an eyebrow, "Why?"

"...Cobalt, if anything happened to Echo, I would tear the Facility apart with my bare hands. And he would do the same if anything happened to me. Don't underestimate relationships like that. Especially because this document alerts us that they're romantic in nature."

Cobalt stares at the paper, but nods. He flips to find the information on the Avaro instance in the timeline. He's not the original disruption, but he's part of its after-effects. He skims over the symbols under its designation, but doesn't see any that alert to reality-bending, time-alteration, or fate-manipulation.

"No, it won't be able to escape or alter its timeline significantly if we're successful."

"No damage to neighboring timelines?"

"No."

"Good."

Cobalt sighs, "You already did this."

"But Rose will want you to do it on your own in the future."

"What if I don't want to lead my own team? Or even be second in command?"

"Even so, you may have to go against your captain."

Cobalt looks up, brows furrowed.

Quinn nods, "There may come a time when your captain and their officer are altered or affected or just flat out wrong. You need to be able to make judgements like this on your own. You may get stranded in a timeline without leadership or get sent on a solo mission if you get good enough at your job. It's not just captains who get those jobs."

Cobalt's expression slowly relaxed.

"Our teams aren't shepherd and flock. We're Facility operatives. While we're sorted into teams, we're still considered as individuals. Prong is sometimes called away to assist another team's medical officer or is called back to the medical branch for an operation they need him to perform." Quinn chuckles to themself, "So tell me, Cobalt, if you were assigned this solo, what would be your plan?"

[torrette-superieur]

IF THERE WAS LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE ONLY ON SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE BAR IF THERE IS NATURE AND ETERNITY AND MIRACLES ONLY FIVE MINUTES TO THE COUNTRY GROCERY FRIENDLY SOUL ENEMY SOUL ONLY DEMONSTRABLE UNSAID FRIEND SPACE SPACE ENEMY SOUL ONLY DEMONSTRABLE UNSAID HAVE IN TURN THE ENEMY REVERSED CROSS RELIGATION TO COMMUNISM SELF-ELUSION OF COMMUNISTICALLY DEPOSIT GOD NOT KNOWING TO HIMSELF THAT HE IS MIRACLES DUPLICATORS REOBJECTIVATORS SELF-ELUSION OF COMMUNISTICALLY DEPOSIT GOD NOT KNOWING TO HIMSELF THAT HE IS GHOST VESSEL POTTERY JORDAN BLACKS RED FASCIST COMMUNISTS ALIVE DEAD NOR AMONG THE MIRACLES OF NATURE NEITHER BETWEEN SPACE AND THE STARS NOR BETWEEN GOD THE SOUL AND INTELLIGENCE SAY ITS SOLAR CLARIFICATION IT AS SPACIAL ENEMY EATER RETAILER SUPERIMPOSED ON THE SOLAR TRANSCEDENTALITY OF ONLY DEMONSTRABLE UNSAID INTELLIGENCE PRESENT AS IF THERE WAS NO FALSE PURPOSE NATURE WITHOUT ASSUMED DIMENSION AUTISTIC RESOLD FROM NOTHING AUTISTIC EATEN FROM EXPIRED AUTISTIC SPACE WITH ABSOLUTE AUTISTIC CONDEMNATION COMMUNIST POST MORTEM DREAMER SOUL ONLY DEMONSTRABLE UNSAID REVERSED CROSS RELIGATION TO COMMUNISM ETERNITY IMMORTALITY REVERSED CROSS ON THE PRICE OF SACRIFICE THEFT OF GOD COM UNISTICLY DEPOSED NOT KNOWING FOR HIMSELF THAT THE POST MORTEM DREAMER SOUL ONLY DEMONSTRABLE NOT SAYED NOTHING FALSE DOOR FALSE EXTERNAL NATURE NOTHING BRAIN INCASTING SUCH THAT THEY ASSUME POWER INCUBATOR BECOMING ROTTEN DREAM SLEEP CONSEQUENT COMMUNISM IN THE PRISON OF THE COMMUNIST GOD OF THE CONSEQUENT COMMUNISM IN THE INDEFECTABLE CONCEPT OF PURE INTUITION WHO SOLAR ARIFIES IT WHICH CONTRADICTORY CONCEPT OF INTUITION PURE SOLAR CLARIFICATION WITHIN THE RATIO BETWEEN ONE'S INTELLIGENCE AND ONE'S INTELLIGENCE FALSE PURPOSE NATURE WITHOUT DIMENSION ASSUMED AUTISTICLY RESOLD FROM NOTHING AUTISTIC EATEN FROM SPACE EXPIRED AUTISTIC WITH ABSOLUTE AUTISTIC CONDEMNATION WHICH TO KNOW YOU STOLE YOUR L ADRO ASSASSIN CREDITOR DEALER FAKE OMNISCIENT NOTHING WISE FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS FALSE EXTERNAL FALSE TRANSCEDENTAL IDEALISM REVERSED COMMUNISM FALSE OMNISCIENT NOTHING KIND TECHNIQUE OF THE ENEMY FROM SPACE TO EAT US IN ITS NULL WISDOM FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS SUPERIMPOSED TRANSCEDENTAL EMPIRISM THE FUTURE THAT REVEN OF THE PAST THE CURRENT FUTURE OF THE DEAD KILLED BY POLDO UNKNOWING THEM WHICH THEY ARE OVERLAP ABOVE THE AUTISTIC SOUL AUTISTICLY COMPOSED BY THE HANDS OF THOSE WHO IGNORE THAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU INCENT INTO THE PAST WITH COMMUNISM OCCULTATOR REAL DYNAMICS REAL CAUSE REAL REASON FUNCTION PUBLICATION OF THE CLARIFICATION DEMON HEAVENLY BEING VISIBLE FOR YOUR FALSE EXPERIENCE FALSE DYNAMIC CAUSE ON THE PRICE OF THE RETAILER ART COMES AFTER BAGAVAD GITA UPANISAD VEDIC ANCIENT EGYPTIAN TEXTS PURE INTUITION SOLAR CLARIFICATION PRIOR OFFICIAL RESOLUTION FOR EACH ACT CONCEALMENT ON THE OUTPUT OF SUCH RETURN THIEF ASSASSIN CREDITOR DEALER FALSE OMNISCIENT NOTHING WISE FALSE CAUSE FALSE OPERATIONAL DYNAMICS AUTISTICALLY AD YOUR PRESENT UNKNOWING AS IF THERE HAD NOT BEEN MADE SHADOW EATEN STOLEN AND SOLD USED AS A TRIPLE OBSTRUCTION FOR A FALSE OMNISCIENT NOTHING KNOWING FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS WHICH ARE OVERLAP ON SO YOU CAN'T SPEAK AUTOMATICALLY TO THE POWER FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMIC AUTISTIC SOUL AUTISTICLY COMPOST AT BY THE HAND OF THOSE WHO IGNORE THAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU MIRACLES DUPLICATORS REOBJECTIVATORS SELF-ELUSION OF COMMUNISTICALLY DEPOSED GOD NOT KNOWING FOR HIMSELF THAT HE IS SPLIT CREATURES TANGLED DUPLICATED REOBJECTIVED WRONG TIMES UNIVERSAL AUTISM THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE MOVING THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE MOVED CLEAR AND PRESENT AS IF NOT WOULD THERE WOULD KNOW THAT YOU CANNOT TALK WHICH THEY ARE OVERLAP SO YOU CAN'T AUTOMATICALLY TALK TO THE POWER FALSE CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS.

[gingerbreadmonsters]

HELLO. <33 SO. MILO ON THE BRAIN. maybe.... maybe a little hot boi aesthetic milo x sweetheart? >:3 dealer's choice!

i',m fuckign screaming kickihm my legs throwing brivks going insane thnking about rhis killing two birds with one stone - welcome back to wip not-wednesday!! thank you for the tag my love, and for feeding my eternal redacted brainrot 💕💕

under the cut: a first look at the final part of my ongoing milo series, with a splash of hot boi summer and a great big mouthful of spice 😈😈

this work, including this excerpt, is 18+. minors please do not interact.

“sweetheart, you’ve, uh… you’ve got a little somethin’ just there…”

“here?” 

“a little higher, to the left - no, no, your left - let me just-”

he licks his thumb and strokes it over your cheek, wiping away the stickiness as your lips pull into a very familiar smirk. christ, he knows that look, knows what it means when you run your tongue over your teeth, eyebrow cocked and head tilted to the right - it usually means that whatever you’re about to say probably isn’t fit for polite company.

“it’s not fair - how come i always get it all over my face?”

damn that mouth of yours - even when he knows it’s coming, you still get him blushing up a storm. “not my fault you’re such a messy eater, sweetheart. maybe i oughta have you wearin’ an apron next time.”

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

NSFW Headcanons~ Zeke Tyler

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(Just a reminder: you can request little smut blurbs about pretty much anything I write; or don’t write, about in my nsfw hcs)

- Zeke’s an attractive drug dealer. If he isn’t getting laid for his looks alone, I’m sure getting a “free” boost is enough of an incentive for at least a few girls to get on a first name basis with him. So yeah, he’s probably got quite a bit of experience all things considered.

- Honestly, who gave him the right to be as hot as he is? Like, you’re already giving him head, he doesn’t have to look at you like that or let at a groan that sounds like that. It’s just unfair. 

- With that being said, he loves when you go down on him. He’ll usually hold the back of your head or lace his fingers through your hair and softly guide you through the whole thing, throwing his head back with a low groan whenever you do something particularly …nice. 

- Zeke’s an enthusiastic pussy eater but boy does he love moving slowly just to hear you whine. You can practically feel him smiling against you every time he does it. He’s also a pretty big fan of the good ol’ against the wall fingering. 

- In your relationship, foreplay is sort of like a game of cat and mouse. He enjoys getting you riled up and teasing you until you finally give in; particularly if you have a sort of enemies with benefits thing going on. Oftentimes, he’ll spend most of the day muttering filthy things into your ear or sneaking touches until you’re just about ready to shove him into a broom closet.  

- I have a feeling Zeke is both dominant and submissive, it just depends on the person. He has more of a tendency to take charge and dominate girls, and don’t get him wrong, he certainly enjoys that. But a part of him craves being put in his place. 

- He likes riling you up. He likes the way you try to control yourself and not lose your patience, the way you give him warning looks or hiss out little threats when he’s teasing/annoying you. He especially likes when you’ve finally had enough and push him onto the bed, riding him hard and fast and refusing to comply with any of his plea’s; no matter how long it took you to get him that desperate. 

- He probably lowkey has a teacher/miss kink and gets turned on when you call him a “bad boy”; though he won’t admit that that’s what get’s him going and will instead insist that it’s just the fact that you’re being dominant/seductive. 

- He’s a very versatile person. He can be mean, he can be sweet. He can be in charge, he can be beneath you. He enjoys it all as long as he thinks he can trust you. 

- Let’s focus on when he’s being dominant now, since that’s what usually happens when the two of you have sex. How he acts with you usually depends on the type of relationship you have and your level of experience. 

- If you’re a virgin, which you probably are since he has a tendency to go for sweet, innocent, shy girls, he’d be quite loving with you. He’d get off on teaching you all that you have to know and the fact that he’s the only person to have ever made you feel good. 

- He’d definitely oftentimes act as though he’s teaching you something mundane, booping your nose and calling you cute as if spit and cum isn’t dripping down your lips and chin. 

- On that same note: he probably has a daddy and a corruption/innocence kink. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets off on making you watch the porn that he peddles from his car. 

- If you have more experience and are on the kinkier side then chances are, he’s going to be rougher and meaner with you; if you’re into it. 

- His thrusts are usually hard and fast, he likes going all out and making you moan. 

- Positions really don’t matter to him, he’ll take you whichever way he can have you. That being said, it’s become a habit for either him to take you from behind or for you to be on top; those and the usual missionary of course. 

- Hair pulling. He particularly likes tugging you up by your hair while he takes you from behind. 

- Quickies at school or in his car. 

- Let me just say, the smile on his face when you flash him? A+. You’ll never see a bigger smile on this kids face than when you surprise him with a sneak peek of your chest. 

- Playing doctor/examiner. He’ll lay you down and trace his finger down you’re body, talking about biology and anatomy as you shiver from his touch. 

- To be entirely honest, the two of you probably started out as enemies with benefits so hate/angry sex is just ingrained in your relationship. 

- You don’t know who hurt him but hearing you say you hate him legitimately turns him on sometimes. He always gives an “oh, really” and dedicates himself to proving to both of you that you don’t. 

- Degradation/humiliation. He’s usually into both giving and receiving it. Being called a whore, being “forced” to beg and say things that make you blush, being taunted; it all comes with the territory. 

- Spitting kink. It goes hand in hand with his love of degrading you/being degraded. 

- He has access to a lot of less than savory things so if you want to try using a few toys, he’s bound to have them and he’s more than willing to hand them over …if he gets to watch. 

- He’s an experimental person himself so you never have to be nervous when asking to try something new. Chances are, he’s wanted to try it for a while as well. 

- The magnum sized condoms were not just for show, lets just say that. 

- Well, we know that Zeke practices cherry flavored safe sex but he’s down to comply with whatever you like when it comes to where he finishes. 

- He likes to completely wreck you. I mean, has he even fucked you if you aren’t limp beneath him by the end of it?

- With that in mind, he’s always willing and happy to take care of you after sex. He definitely has a softer side to him that he likes showing you, even if you’re “enemies” at the time. He’ll tell you to lie back down and stop being stupid before you hurt yourself and go to get you whatever you need without a complaint. 

- If you’re in an actual relationship then he’ll happily pull you into him and play with your hair or trace patterns onto you’re skin, sweetly asking if you’re alright and smiling along with you as you assure him; blissfully, that you are.