#he really was that bitch at the last moment

[drowninginblox]

Thank you @possumtion for allowing me to make a drabble out of your work! You rock and keep up the amazingness!!

"Hey, furball?" Logan growled from the front passenger's seat. It was late. Really, really late when the X-Mansion had to be evacuated. Something something mansion’s rubble.

Everyone got out okay and you called a cousin to house all these displaced mutants, but after the hustle and bustle of everything that's happened in the last 7 hours... Yeah. You weren't surprised to see Kurt curled into himself. "Logan, he's out cold." You whisper through a smile. "We're thirty minutes away from the safe house," Logan warned before returning to the front window.

You take a moment to look at the passing terrain. All of you were bordering the Maine and the Canadian. To the point where the woods where to the two blurred served as a great hiding spot. The dark blues and blacks of night where lightening with the up coming dawn. Yet they couldn’t distract you from the masterpiece you’ve been sharing the backseat with. A small smile and contemptuous sigh ease you back into the comfort of knowing that he’s safe.

You've been pining for Kurt for a long time. Honestly, it's impressive. All the X-Men know outside of the object of your affection. And given your history with relationships, you were absolutely fine with that being the case.

Pinning has been your closest friend and that bitch is back to hold you through the feelings while your eyes lingered on him. The peaceful demeanor, the way his chest rose and fell in a subtle but smooth rhythm, even the reactions of his tail flicking between the crevice of his toes in response to his sweet dreams. If he even was dreaming... you hoped that he was. He deserved to dream.

Eventually, you broke away from him just to see the soft light of a… well… “Well look at what being a Potts can do for you…” Morph said a little too loud as they got closer to the property. You can only tap them as a way to get them to shut up. “One, by marriage. And Two, distant.” You gritted “Do not get used to this.” Logan chuckled lightly as he cracked open a window, allowing the soft crunch of the driveway to make itself known.

While he lit a cigar, you noticed Kurt stirring out of the corner of your eye. You leaned back in your seat as he slowly opened his tired eyes “Mmm…” he mumbled. You can only smile softly. As sad as you were to see his sleep interrupted, the sight before you was nothing less than adorable.

You watched as he stirred, eventually putting a hand on his knee and shake it a little “Hey,… hey Kurt… cmon… we’re here.” You say softly. His eyes slowly open while you move your hand away. “Hey hero. Cmon. We got room and board. No need to sleep in the car.” Morph snorts “Little bit of an understatement, huh Y/n?” You give Morph an even look from the mirror, making them raise their hands in defense as they park.

“Hey, hey- sor-ry!” You roll your eyes as you, Logan and Morph head out. Kurt meanwhile, takes his time to stretch. You do the same once you’re out, glancing over to Kurt through the still open door. “Hey Kurt, ya alright?” He only gives a heavy yawn, to which you chuckle “You want some help big guy?”

He shakes his head with another large yawn, showing off those fangs of his. You laugh again and close your door, making your way to his side of the car. Once you get there, you open his door to see his eyes still closed. “Cmon man,” he sighs “Y/n-“

“Don’t start with me Kurt. I will carry you.” He manages to partially open eyes “You would?” You nod. “Just cus I’m not an XMan anymore dosent mean I can’t pick ya up.” He smiles softly. “Ok okay… let me get out…” you offer your hand, to which he takes, guiding him out of the car. “Princess, jump up, or fireman?” You offer even though you already know the answer. He laughs “Is that even a question?” You smile and ready your arms.

His arms immediately wrap around your neck while you ready for his legs “One, two,…” he jumps and you hold his thighs with ease. “Okay spider monkey, let’s get ya to bed.” He only sighs against your chest as you walk inside.

Tony Stark’s house shouldn’t be as surprising to you by now. But every time you step into a different iteration, there’s always a new surprise. “Smaller kitchen… bigger living room… of course the wine cabinet is next to the flat screen…” you mumble as you take note of the accommodations. Kurt traces shapes into your back and arms as you do so, humming loosely to your notes “Ah… sorry Kurt. Don’t worry, just a quick trip up the stairs…” you mumble into his hair. “I gotcha. Just close those eyes.” You glance to see Morph covering their mouth while Logan glances knowingly. You send them a look, gaining a knowing smile from Morph and a shake of the head out of Logan before both turn away.

You lifted Kurt up a little more and cautiously made your way upstairs. Most of the guestrooms are on the lower level and all of which are filled, knowing your coworkers. You bypass Tony’s/Pepper's room, and head to the guestroom across from it. Peering inside allowed you to ensure that no one was in, entering as soon as the coast was clear. “ Okay, Kurt… we’re here, buddy.” You whisper “‘Time to get off the Y/n express.” You say with a chuckle. He matches it sleepily. “My hero…” he mumbled, loosening his hold on you when you carefully set him down. He hums and yawns at the mattress while you start to take your leave.

When he notices you leaving, he gets up “Mmm? Warte, hey- wohin gehst du? Where are you going?” You turn back. “Oh, uh… the couch. Or another guest room. Why?” He wakes up a little at that “Habe ich etwas falsch gemacht? Why would you?” He asks into the thick air. A blush creeps onto your face as his question stops everything. “What?” You whispered.

He pulls his legs up and sits on the edge of the bed “Y/n, you don’t have to leave…” you struggle to find your words, leaving a dense silence in the wake of his quiet offer. “Y/n, I trust you. I know we've never been in a situation like this before, and you obviously don’t have to if you don’t want to, but…” his tail disrupts the sheets on the bed from its gentle flicks back and forth. “Gott, das ist vielleicht egoistisch von mir, but I wouldn’t mind if you did. ” You hesitate but take a step away from the door. “Would this… is this platonic or…?”

Kurt’s eyes widened a little at that, processing the question in kind. Eventually, he holds the back of his neck and looks away “I- well Scheiße, … what would you want it to be?” You look down. You know you can be honest with him, always. Yet this is… “I don’t want to change anything,” he BAMFs to you, standing not even a foot away. “Y/n, nothing will change if you don’t want it to…” he assures as he takes a half step forward.

Now you’re only a few inches apart. It felt like every inch was just another painful reminder of the barrier you may be breaking. You can only hold yourself in your arms “Kurt…” you mumble “If you want what I want, then-“ “Then what Liebling? Tell me…” a hand ghosts and elbow. The room seems to get warmer.

“I-I want this, I do, but…” his gase faulters “Y/n… I-“ you swallow “Kurt… I don’t want this to be situational or… or fun… this is- I-“ you swallow your nerves and take a deep breath “It’s okay, It’s just me Y/n.”

“You say that like it’s supposed to assure me..” you chuckle while he smiles sheepishly. “We don’t have to talk about the implications or… whatever we want this to be if you don’t think you can. Or if you don't want to right now.” He hesitates but ends up holding your arm. “That can be for tomorrow. But if we do that, I need to say- that nothing. Truly, nothing will change if you don’t want it to. We could stay friends,” a hint of uncertainty laces his words “Or… we could be more… I-i would like that but,” you look up to him. “Yeah?” He moves his gaze from his arm to your eyes. “Yes… yes, I truly would. If you want to, of course. I swear Y/n, do not settle for me-“

“Wait wait- hold the fuck on, rewind?! What do you mean ‘settle for you?’” You say in a more normal tone, finally meeting his gaze. “If anything you would be settling for me!" His eyes widen "Wie bitte?" he breaths, but that doesn't stop you. "And do not say that I would be settling for you when you are the most attractive X-Man!" He takes a nervous step back "What?" Shock gives way to laughter as Kurt keeps his eyes on yours, seeing your genuineness not as delirium or a potential joke. Rather for what it is, the truth.

You smile and hold his cheek “Kurt, I’m not stupid. I know what beautiful is and I'd be lucky to have even five minutes with the most gorgeous man this side of the universe.” He chuckles as a light shade of violet peaks through his fur. “Well… then I think we should head to bed, Ja?” You can only kiss his cheek, making his face heat up more.

This was going to be the best night of his life.

Sleepy 😴😴😴

[megalony]

It's Me

This is a new Bobby Nash imagine, requested by a lovely anon. I hope you will all like this, please let me know what you think.

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Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: Bobby likes to keep his personal life private, therefore he doesn't tell the team his girlfriend works with them. But the truth comes to light when (Y/n) gets shot on shift and they have to call their Captain with the news.

Enjoy.

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"Morning sweetheart," A grin settled on Bobby's face as he walked up behind (Y/n).

Both hands settled down on her waist and his chest pressed down into her back while he pecked the back of her head. His fingers skimmed up and down her waist while he closed his eyes, keeping his lips merged into her hair.

When a small hand curled around Bobby's sleeve and gave a little tug, he opened his eyes and leaned his head around to look at the toddler huddled up against (Y/n)'s chest.

"Morning buddy." He curved his left arm around (Y/n)'s lower waist and moved his right hand to cup the back of Jack's head.

The four year old leaned into the touch and smiled up at Bobby with that matching grin and vibrant, bright eyes that matched Bobby look for look. Jack didn't like to feel left out.

When he started to riggle in her arms and stretched his arms out, (Y/n) turned around so Bobby could take him instead. He curled up against Bobby's chest straight away with his arms bound tight around his neck and he stretched up to kiss his dad's cheek.

Bobby smiled brightly when his boy tucked up into the crook of his neck while he had (Y/n) curved into his left arm with her cheek on his shoulder. It was as if Jack thought he hadn't seen his dad in days when really, it had only been a day since Bobby got home last night after the four year old went to bed.

"Morning." (Y/n) wrapped her arms tightly around his torso and squeezed him into her chest. Her fingers danced across his belt and the top of his trousers just to watch him tilt his head down at her with one brow raised. She felt his hand squeeze her hip as if giving her a warning sign before he leaned down and stole a kiss.

It almost looked strange to see Bobby in his everyday clothes when both their shifts had lined up at the station and (Y/n) was used to seeing her partner in uniform.

(Y/n) was happy to steal a few moments with Bobby this morning before she went to work. She was on the morning shift and would finish before tea time tonight, whereas Bobby's shift started at lunch since he had been on the late shift yesterday. At least they both had a few days off together after this shift.

It was getting hard to be at work and play professional. (Y/n) didn't like walking past Bobby and not being able to wrap her arms around him or steal a kiss or brush up close against him. All she could do was give him a subtle wink or rest her hand on his arm just a bit too long when she walked past him.

(Y/n) hadn't long transferred to the 118 and although head office knew she and Bobby were in a relationship, the 118 staff didn't. They wanted to keep things professional and not have anyone make remarks or think Bobby was favouritising his girlfriend or giving (Y/n) preferrential treatment.

Bobby pecked her lips again before he looked down at Jack who was strangely quiet and it made him wonder if his little boy was still tired and possibly half asleep. But when he looked down at him, he noticed there was a distant look in Jack's eyes like he was drifting off in his own world.

"Are you spending the morning with me, hm?" He jostled his boy in his arm and moved to make him a drink when (Y/n) finally unravelled from his chest and finished making the mugs of coffee that had been forgotten on the counter.

"Mummy work?"

"Afraid so."

(Y/n) snook a glance over her shoulder but she grinned when she watched the way Jack looked up at Bobby with that beaming smile and kissed Bobby's cheek. It was more routine for Jack to spend the mornings with (Y/n) and see his dad go off to work. Bobby was the Captain, he had more demands to his job and a lot of the time he had to go in for office time rather than actually being on the station floor.

So it was nice for Jack to be able to spend the morning with Bobby and have some one to one time with him.

Once he'd made him a drink, Bobby held the beaker out to Jack and headed over to sit down at the kitchen table. He loved the way Jack snuggled down into his chest and squirmed to get comfy with him. His head slouched against Bobby's arm with his cheek pressed into his bicep and his beaker clasped between his hands.

Tilting his head down, Bobby pressed a kiss to the top of his boy's head. Sometimes, it still seemed unreal that Bobby was having this experience all over again. That he had a family, a loving partner and a little boy to look after.

After losing Marcy and the kids, he didn't think having anymore kids would ever be in his future. But Bobby didn't realise how much he missed and needed this until that first moment when Jack was placed into his arms. He would take all the sleepless nights, playdates and nursing Jack through sickness bugs, Bobby would take it all with a full heart and a smile.

He murmured a quiet "Thank you," when (Y/n) placed a coffee down on the table beside him and her hand gripped his shoulder so she could lean down and kiss his temple.

"What will you boys be doing this morning then?" (Y/n) sat down opposite them and reclined in her seat. She nursed a cup of coffee between her hands and stretched one leg out so she could brush her foot against the inside of Bobby's leg which made him grin in her direction.

"Baking?" Jack lifted his head to look up at his dad with those big round eyes that could get him anything he wanted.

"You wanna do some baking? What about a cake for mummy?"

A grin spread across (Y/n)'s face when Jack nodded and clapped around his beaker. She had a feeling he wouldn't be smiling this afternoon when Bobby had to tell him that he would be spending the rest of the day with Lola, the babysitter. As much as Jack got along with the elder lady, he wouldn't like Bobby leaving him. (Y/n) had a feeling Bobby would have a hard time getting to work on time and tearing himself away from their boy.

"What time are you coming in?" (Y/n) lifted her foot a bit higher until she could prop her ankle on his thigh next to Jack. And when she did the same with her other leg and reclined in her chair so she was effectively laying out across Bobby, he laughed.

He took a sip of coffee and looked down at his watch to see what time it was now.

"I'll be in around one, think you can stay out of trouble until I get there?"

"Hm, I'm not too sure about that."

Four hours unsupervised, that didn't sound great. (Y/n) knew the rest of the team didn't particularly like it when they had to be on shift without Bobby or when he was only at work for his audits and he didn't join them on calls. It was like marching into battle without a leader.

Whenever Bobby wasn't at the station, there was always someone appointed as shift lead to try and keep a sense of balance and command. But everyone secretly preferred Bobby to be there.

(Y/n) felt safer when he was around. Not that she didn't trust the team or that she didn't think them capable, it just always felt better with Bobby there in charge. His presence was calming and he seemed to give off a natural wave of authority.

Bobby tilted his head back and his eyes followed (Y/n) when she sighed and got up from her seat after a few moments. He watched her walk towards him and seat herself happily on his right thigh while he kept Jack tucked into his left side.

She pressed a kiss to Jack's temple to make him smile before she looped both arms loosely around Bobby's neck. She felt his firm hand pressing into her lower back and his head angled up in her direction, his lips curved into a smile that broadened when she pushed down into his chest.

"Four hours without you, I could get into a lot of trouble, you know." (Y/n) whispered the words against the shell of Bobby's ear before she pressed a tender, shallow kiss to the tip of his jaw.

"Try not to, please. Wouldn't want to reprimand you in front of the team." He began feathering his fingers up and down her back while he felt one of (Y/n)'s hands move to cup his face. He loved the feeling of her thumb tracing his cheek and the way she grinned down at him like he was the only person worth looking at.

The way she kissed him made him smile against her lips and groan at the thought of her leaving him in precisely ten minutes.

It was easier when their shifts lined up. It meant they got to see more of each other both at work and at home and it was easier for arranging child care for Jack. They didn't have to have one parent with him and then switch to another, they could just get Lola or (Y/n)'s parents to watch him after nursery or daycare until they finished shifts.

It also meant they didn't have to miss the other and say goodbye like this. Although, when they headed to work together, they tried to make sure it wasn't obvious they were arriving together. They both trusted the team, but it was easier, for now, not to tell anyone they were involved romantically.

"Oh no?" (Y/n) whispered into his mouth before she captured them completely in a searing kiss.

"Hm, no. That would have to wait until we got home." His hand travelled further south until his hand held her bum. While Jack cuddled up into his arm, oblivious as he faced the other direction to look out the window.

"I'll have to cause some mayhem then while I wait for you."

She felt Bobby tutting against her lips and shaking his head in her hand before he leaned up and captured another kiss. He dreaded to think what sort of mayhem would ensue while he spent the morning at home with their boy.

It didn't bear thinking about.

"Alright, let's get back so we can grab some lunch."

"You know you'll have to cook, right? Cap probably won't be in until later." (Y/n) moved her hands to her hips and tilted her head to one side as she looked up at Buck.

Her words weren't strictly true. She knew for definite that Bobby wouldn't be back at the station yet. She knew he would be coming in at around one o'clock which meant that he wouldn't be back at the station or there in time to cook them lunch, since he seemed to be the designated chef. But she couldn't go telling the team that unless she wanted them to ask how and why she knew Bobby's exact schedule.

It would be down to Buck to make lunch, as he was the next person besides Bobby who showed an interest in cooking.

Buck groaned and rolled his eyes in a teasing manner but he nodded, he was more than happy to cook. He just wanted to eat.

"So, what are you cooking for-" Eddie's teasing voice abruptly cut off when a horrid crack pelted through the air.

A gunshot.

For a second when the noise hit their ears, almost everyone closed their eyes and shuddered. None of them knew where it had come from, but they all found themselves cowering down and curling in on themselves in case they got hit.

But when Eddie opened his eyes, panic was all he could register as he looked across at (Y/n). She had been standing right across from him. Her body turned slightly to the side as if she were trying to look around and find out what was happening. It didn't look like she registered that it had been her who took the bullet. She didn't seem to be feeling any pain or shock or terror, just pure, unfiltered confusion flooded her eyes.

It made Eddie unsure whether he was just seeing things, whether he was imagining the blood that was starting to soak through her dark blue cotton shirt.

But then she stumbled.

Everything seemed to hit (Y/n) all at once. Her feet bent beneath her, her upper body tilted backwards and she seemed to lose her sense of balance. As soon as her back hit the floor, a steady trickle of blood flowed from the exit wound in her back and created a dark, sticky puddle beneath her on the concrete road.

Another shot rung out through the air and had all the team cowering down together, trying to get as small as possible so they too didn't receive a bullet.

Eddie felt Chimney's hands on his shoulders, pulling him towards the truck to keep him safe and hidden from any other shots. He could see Hen was crouched near the back of the truck, hands plastered to the metal and her head bent down near her knees.

And poor Buck was being pinned to the floor by the Captain of the other team that had been here on the scene with them.

No one was with (Y/n).

She was on her own, bleeding out right before their eyes and there was very little her team could do for her.

"Shots fired! Repeat, we're being shot at! Firefighter down, back up needed now. Send help!" Eddie screamed into the radio clipped to his shoulder while he hunkered down closer to Chimney. He repeated his words again and shouted their location down the radio, waiting impatiently for some sort of response to let him know someone had heard them.

All of their eyes kept going back to (Y/n). They couldn't just leave her there in the middle of the road. If she took another bullet that would be it, she would be a gonner. And laid out, struck down and unmoving like that made (Y/n) a lot easier of a target to hit again if the shooter fancied aiming for her.

She was the newest one on the team, she had been with them a few short months. They couldn't lose her so suddenly and quickly when she had gelled with them and become part of their team. They couldn't have their newest friend be shot down and lost on the job like this.

"I- I'll get her!" Buck army crawled beneath the truck, scraping his chin against the floor to stop from bashing his head up against the metal.

"(Y/n)! Hey, I got you." He poked his head out from under the engine and took a quick look round for the shooter but he couldn't see anything. His vision was blurred and hazy and his eyes were moving too rapidly to take anything in. All he could see was (Y/n).

Blood was forming a river beneath her chest and her dark blue shirt was turning black from the rouge blood dribbling down it. She had been shot in the chest, but she was still conscious. Her head slowly lolled to the right to look at Buck and he saw the manic fear and the pain dwelling in her eyes as a meek 'help' bubbled past her lips.

"It's okay."

He didn't know where to grab her or how to reel her back but he had to be quick. His fingers dug into her shirt just near the collar and his right hand pressed into the floor to steady himself when he started to pull.

A violent scream tore from (Y/n)'s lips when her chest ignited like knives were ripping through her skin. Tears blurred down (Y/n)'s face and her wet lips parted to let out another tepid, meek cry when the tarmac scraped against her back that felt like it was on fire.

When (Y/n) was under the truck with him, Buck took a split second to try and breathe and think how they were going to get her down to the hospital from here. His arm was shaking and the muscles were tightening from dragging her with one arm, but he couldn't stop now. He had to keep moving, they had to get her in the truck and down to the hospital before she bled out here on the road.

It was a relief when Buck felt Eddie leaning under the truck with him and he grabbed onto (Y/n) so the pair of them could hastily drag her back to safety with them.

"Everyone in the truck!" Chimney pointed his thumb behind him and swung the back door open.

If they were doing this they had to move now, (Y/n) needed their help and they were going to lose her at this rate.

Trembling took over (Y/n)'s body and she could feel her head spinning around in large circles. She could barely register Buck's voice in her ear telling her to keep her eyes on him and Hen hurrying over, reassuring her that they would look after her. She just wanted the pain to stop.

A burning scream pounded through the air when Eddie leaned over her and lifted her up. He looped one of her arms around the back of his neck, gripped her thigh tight and heaved her up onto his shoulder and chest.

The moment her chest pressed into his shoulder, (Y/n) scratched her nails down his back and screamed, spitting and dribbling onto his shirt as tears poured from her eyes. Her fist weakly bashed into Eddie's back and he groaned as he turned and grabbed the door to help get himself up.

He wasn't sure what (Y/n) was trying to say, her words were muffled and blubbering into his back and she scratched him deeper as he climbed up the steps into the back of the truck. While Buck got in the driver's seat and both Hen and Chimney followed Eddie into the back. The three of them were medics, they would look after (Y/n) as best as they could.

"Sorry (Y/n)." He mumbled as he lowered (Y/n) down onto the row of seats and moved to kneel in the footwell.

Her body writhed and jolted up and down like she was starting to have a seizure and her eyes rolled to the back of her head when it became harder to get a deep breath. All she wanted was to rewind time. She wanted to go back home; go back to this morning and be with her boys where she was safe and the agony was non-existent.

Relief overtook Chimney when he noticed the medic bag was still sat on the backseat, unused and ready for action.

They left the truck door swinging open as Buck got the truck into gear took a sharp turn and jolted the truck to life, juttering down the street to get away from the scene.

"Let's take a look," Chimney sounded awfully calm, too calm for this kind of situation, but (Y/n) could barely hear him. She couldn't even look at him properly when he opened up the medic bag and grab the scissors. He cut a long strip up (Y/n)'s shirt and tossed each loose tendril of fabric over her shoulders to expose her injury.

The black bra (Y/n) wore was starting to soak through with blood and all three of them tried to force calm expressions on their faces. This wouldn't be nice for (Y/n), having her team see her partially undressed, but they had to help her.

The gunshot wound was two inches below her bra on the left side and it was pouring blood like a tap. Blood coated all her chest, trickled down her abdomen and started to pool beneath her on the seats. It was lathered all over Eddie's shoulder and chest too and made him feel sick.

A horrid grunt left (Y/n)'s lips when Chimney pressed a handful of gauze against the wound so deeply it was like he was trying to give her CPR. Her chest shuddered and pushed up from the seats like she was being revived by a defibrilator. When Hen held her hand out, (Y/n) weakly flapped her hand out and took it, gripping as tightly as she could which didn't seem to be very tight at all with how low her energy levels were becoming.

Spit bubbled past her lips and her blurring eyes locked on Hen who leaned over her and tried to smile to keep her calm.

"You're okay, we're taking you to hospital now."

"I sh- I'll be in t-trouble," The words coughed past (Y/n)'s lips so quietly all three of them had trouble figuring out what she was trying to say. And her words confused them. They shared worried looks before determining that it was the confusion and bloodloss making her say that.

(Y/n) told Bobby she would cause mayhem while he was at home, but this isn't what she meant. This isn't what she had in mind.

Bobby was going to be so upset when he found out. (Y/n) was going to be in a Hell of a lot of trouble when her partner next saw her. He told her not to cause trouble and to be good while he wasn't there to supervise and look what had happened now. She had gotten shot. She hadn't been aware of the situation and didn't move in time and now she had been injured, possibly fatally.

"I c- ca…" (Y/n)'s fingers pulled at Hen's hand and her eyes closed when she tilted her head back into the leather seat and pushed her chest out. Her breaths turned to struggling gasps and her body started to convulse up and down, unable to take a proper breath.

"Lung's collapsing, she's breathing into her chest cavity."

Eddie leaned forward, pushing in between Hen and Chimney so he was level with (Y/n)'s torso. He rummaged around in the medical bag until he found a puncture needle and tried to steady himself. He never did this in the back of the ambulance, let alone in the fire truck that was swerving side to side and shaking like they were driving over an earthquake.

His fingers pressed down on two of (Y/n)'s ribs and with a deep breath, Eddie imbedded the needle in the space between her ribs just a few inches to the right of the gunshot wound. He saw the moment he had pushed it deep enough because (Y/n)'s chest inflated up and her lung popped back up to maximum capacity again.

Hen pressed her free hand to (Y/n)'s neck to try and check her pulse which was thready and faint, but at least she was back to breathing now.

All of them winced when they watched (Y/n)'s chest convulse and a cough spluttered past her lips. But it was the blood dribbling down her chin and tainting her lips that made them all feel sick to their stomachs. They could lose her. They could lose the newest member of their team because some stranger decided to take a shot at them in broad daylight.

When (Y/n)'s eyes started to roll up and her head lolled to the side, Hen patted her cheek and tilted her head back.

"(Y/n)? Hey, you stay with us alright? Talk to us."

"Think of your boy, come on, tell me about him. What's his name?" Eddie grabbed some more gauze and packed it against her wound which caused (Y/n)'s chest to slam back down into the chest and start to jutter.

He knew she had a son, she had mentioned him once or twice, considering how private (Y/n) seemed to keep her life. Eddie gathered her boy was a few years younger than Chris and he had seen the lockscreen on her phone which was of her kid.

They had to keep her awake somehow and talking about her family and thinking of them might be enough to push (Y/n) through this and keep her awake and talking to them.

"Jack," (Y/n) gulped and murmured his name again, but tears started to trickle down her face and mingle in with the blood coating her lips and chin.

Was this morning the last time she would ever get to see her baby boy? What had been the last thing she said to him? Was this morning the last time she got to see Bobby too? Was she going to die here, with her team, without her partner beside her? If she was dying, (Y/n) wanted Bobby to be here to hold her hand and see her through this.

She didn't want to die.

"I wan- I want… my…" The words wouldn't pass her lips. All (Y/n) could do was splutter more and more blood while her head felt like it was going to explode from the pressure building up inside of her.

She wanted Bobby. She wanted someone to ring him and get him to her, she wanted him to be the one holding her hand and his face to be the last one she gazed at if this was going to be her last moments.

"We'll call your family for you, don't you worry." Chimney patted her thigh and handed Eddie some more gauze. If (Y/n) wanted her folks at the hospital they could arrange that. They would find out her emergency contacts and get her family to be waiting at the hospital for when she was out of surgery.

"We're here!" Buck jumped down from the truck and slammed his hands against the side of the truck before he pulled the door wider and waved them all down.

Chimney hopped down from the truck and held the door wide open for Eddie and Hen to get (Y/n) out.

Eddie slid his arms beneath (Y/n)'s frame while Hen held her neck and pressed down on the wound to try and prevent anymore blood loss. They carefully climbed down from the truck just as a stretcher and three doctors ran out to meet them. They got the call to be on standby, and they were ready.

He carefully doubled over and settled (Y/n) down as one of the doctors applied pressure back to the wound and another got her head stuck in a neck brace.

"Gunshot wound to the chest, her lung collapsed on-route and she began breathing into her chest cavity. She's lost roughly two pints of blood already."

The team hurried inside after the stretcher but they all faltered when (Y/n) was wheeled through the no-admittance doors. She would be taken straight to surgery. They couldn't go with her, they couldn't reassure her or tell her she would be okay. All they could do was sit and wait around like useless ornaments.

They all seemed to share panicked looks while Buck knotted his hands together behind his head and Chimney stood to one side, hands on his hips and panic in his eyes.

Hen looked between the three men as a thought suddenly dawned on her. "Does anyone know her partner?"

Blank faces stared back at her and the men all shook their heads. (Y/n) never mentioned a boyfriend or a husband. She said she was in a relationship, but she never mentioned a name or a job or a contact number. None of them were close enough to (Y/n) to know that information. They didn't even know how old her son was.

"Who do we contact?"

"I- I'll call Bobby, he'll be on shift soon. He should know her emergency contacts, right?" When the team nodded back at him, Eddie fished his phone out his pocket and took a few steps to the side to be out the way of reception.

Bobby would have (Y/n)'s emergency contact details on file if he too didn't know who her partner was. They could leave it down to him to give the bad news and bring her family down here.

"Cap? We have a problem… we need your help."

"A problem, why what's happened?"

Bobby tilted his head back on the sofa and leaned his elbow on the back of the cushion. While his right arm gently dragged up and down Jack's back to try and keep his boy calm and asleep. He was having a power nap since they had finished baking.

At the moment, Jack was curled up like a little bunny, his arms coiled into his chest with one hand scrunched up in Bobby's shirt. His face was burrowed down into Bobby's chest and he had a pacifier in his mouth as he breathed softly, now sound asleep which was the way Bobby wanted to keep him.

What kind of problem were they having? Bobby had exactly twenty minutes before the babysitter would be here and he would have to say goodbye to Jack and meet the team on shift. Couldn't they wait half an hour for him to get there?

"We were on a call, some crazed idiot nearby had a sniper, he started firing at us. We're down at the hospital, (Y/n) got shot, but none of us know her family or who to call. Can you find out her emergency contacts?"

"(Y/n)?" Her name drolled past Bobby's lips so quietly he wasn't sure he even heard himself, let alone if Eddie did or not.

That couldn't be possible. She couldn't be hurt. Not (Y/n), not Bobby's girl. Not while he wasn't there to protect her.

***

Bobby's frantic eyes scanned around the waiting area while his hands twitched and curled into fists at his sides. He could barely contain the anger and panic surging through him in large waves as he tried to find his team. He was two seconds away from rushing over to reception and slamming his hands down on the desk until his eyes landed on the familiar sight of his team.

They were sitting in the otherwise empty waiting area, right over in the corner.

"Where is she?" The words tumbled past his lips with such a dangerous tone that all four members of the team jumped, unsure who was talking to them for a minute.

Buck slouched back in his seat and started to run his hands up and down his thighs to rid himself of the excess energy rattling through him in great waves. He wasn't the best at sitting still and doing nothing and at the moment, all they could do was sit and wait.

"They took her straight to surgery, we haven't heard anything yet."

They had a long wait ahead of them and none of them were going to hear anything until after surgery was complete and the doctors knew whether (Y/n) was stable or not. The longer the surgery took, the better (Y/n)'s chances. If a doctor came out now, they knew the only news they would receive would be devastating.

"What happened?" Bobby looked across at Chimney who had his hands entwined together behind his head like he had done for the last hour.

Someone had to tell him what on Earth they had been doing for one of their own to get shot.

Being shot at on the job was never something that they feared. Only if they went into a hostage situation with a shooter or someone was armed in a robbery. And they rarely got dispatched to those kind of scenes. This just wasn't normal for them.

"We were about to leave the scene, just a routine call… we were outside and shots got fired."

"We couldn't even see which building they were shooting from. We couldn't do anything," None of them had even seen anyone in a building or noticed someone close by with a gun. They couldn't see anything until (Y/n) collapsed and more bullets bounced off the truck. It was like they had been ambushed but they didn't have any knowledge why.

"(Y/n) got hit… bullet tore through her left lung, clean through. She went straight to surgery, they'll come get us when it's over." Eddie could barely believe it. This could have been him. Or Buck. They had been closest to (Y/n). It could have been either one of them who got that bullet, but fate seemed to decide (Y/n) would take the hit.

Bobby felt like he was going to pass out.

He should have been there. He should have gone in early. He should have been on the scene, maybe if he was, (Y/n) would have been standing somewhere different. She could have been standing beside him rather than in the line of fire. She could have gotten hit, but Bobby being there would have made some sort of difference.

He would of helped her, looked after her, brought her here himself. He would have taken the bullet instead of (Y/n) if he could. Why did it have to be her who got hurt?

"Bobby, did you manage to get hold of her partner? We didn't know who to call for her." Hen rung her hands out together in front of her as she took a step closer to their Captain who seemed to be drifting into his own world.

He was looking at the far wall like it was a movie screen he was so interested in. Both his hands were balled up into fists at his sides and his chest was rising and falling so deeply his lungs might be at risk of bursting.

"Yeah."

"Is he coming down? Hey, who's gonna be with her kid?" A depressed look flooded Buck's face as he straightened up in his seat. Who would be looking after (Y/n)'s little boy if her partner came down here? Who would tell her son that she had been hurt?

"It's me."

Bobby didn't bother to look at any of them while his quiet yet gritty voice filled the air.

What was the point in hiding it now?

Formality had been tossed out the window the moment (Y/n) got shot. Bobby couldn't hide this from the rest of the team any longer. He was (Y/n)'s emergency contact. He was her boyfriend, the father of her child. He was the one who needed to be here and had to speak to the doctors once they knew what was happening.

Bobby was the person who had to deal with this, the one who needed to hold (Y/n)'s hand when she woke up from this mess and who would be looking after her.

He wouldn't be able to hide his worry or his love for (Y/n) from the team if they were waiting with him for news. They would find out sooner or later and it seemed like it had to be now.

"What is?"

"I'm her partner."

Panic flooded each and every one of their faces when they looked up at their Captain. His eyes were hollow. His jaw was set firm, his upper lip was curled and his arms and shoulders were now trembling.

He was (Y/n)'s partner? Why on Earth hadn't he said anything? She had been with the team just over three months now. Why had neither of them told the team this news?

"You?" An edge of hurt layered into Buck's voice as his brows furrowed and his jaw dropped. "Wh- why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm the Captain. It might look like favouritism that I'm dating someone in my own firehouse." His response was snappy and he didn't look over at Buck as he spoke. He thought it was pretty obvious why he and (Y/n) hadn't said anything until now. They didn't want the drama of anyone trying to accuse Bobby of favouritising (Y/n) or picking on her because of her relationship.

But when Buck looked over at Eddie, something seemed to dawn on them, like they had both had the same sudden thought. Their eyes cast down to their attire and Eddie took a deep breath while Buck gulped and grimaced.

They were both drenched in (Y/n)'s blood.

Bobby craned his head to the right when he noticed Eddie take a step away from him. He thought for a moment Eddie was irritated at not being told this news, but Bobby suddenly realised why Eddie was stepping back. Both Eddie's hands scratched at his left shoulder and fisted around his shirt as he looked from his shirt back up to Bobby with panic written across his face.

Once Bobby's eyes locked on Eddie's shirt, his throat tightened and his stomach clenched, threatening to spill his guts all across the floor. That was (Y/n)'s blood. His girlfriend's blood was drenched into Eddie's shoulder, down his chest and lathered over his hands that were cracking with dried blood. And he was dismayed to see the same dark rouge colour lathered on Buck's shirt and caked on the back of his hands too.

Bobby's hand moved to cover his mouth and he scratched his nails into his cheek, dragging his hand down his face while his other hand curled tightly around his hip and he turned away from them.

"So, her little boy… he's yours?" Chimney knitted his hands together in front of him as he took a step closer to Bobby. He wanted to reach out for him and try and comfort him or calm him down, but he didn't know quite what to do.

Bobby nodded and closed his eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts, but it wasn't working so well.

"I took Jack to her parents."

After Eddie's phone call, things had been a bit scattered. Bobby gathered Jack's things and called the babysitter on route to tell her she didn't have to come down after all. He had no idea how long he was going to be here at the hospital, but Bobby suspected it would be all night.

He took Jack to his in-laws who had tearfully took him in when Bobby explained the situation and promised to ring them when he had any news about (Y/n)'s condition. They were prepared to look after Jack all night until Bobby could come and get him in the morning and take him to nursery.

He had called the Chief on the way down here to explain the situation and find cover for the rest of the shift and for the next week so Bobby could be here with (Y/n).

But he had no idea if he would be here at the hospital or not. Bobby had no idea how badly (Y/n) was hurt or if she was going to make it through this.

He couldn't lose another partner. He couldn't raise Jack on his own.

Bobby couldn't manage that.

***

It was usually one of Bobby's skills and traits to remain calm and under control in tense situations. It was part of the job of being in charge of a fire house and running a team on his own. He had to be level-headed and always think clearly under pressure.

Not today.

Today, Bobby couldn't sit still. He had gone from sitting next to Hen in the waiting room, to pacing around the length of the ward to then sitting in the corner with his rosary beads wrapped around his wrist and the cross clutched between his fingers.

He had spent a good hour or so praying that everything would be okay. He asked God not to do this to him again. He would do anything, Bobby would give anything for (Y/n) to be okay. God couldn't take her from him and render Jack motherless at the age of four. That was unholy and beyond cruel. Bobby had lost enough people, he couldn't face losing another.

He had gone back to pacing the waiting room with his rosary beads clasped tightly in his hand to try and keep himself grounded and calm.

He would have to ring (Y/n)'s parents soon and check on Jack and tell them he was still waiting for news.

For the last hour, Chimney and Hen had been sat nursing cups of coffee and speaking in hushed tones to pass the time. And Buck and Eddie were sat worriedly with one another. The pair of them had rushed to the toilets and spent almost twenty minutes scrubbing (Y/n)'s blood from their skin before they dared to face Bobby again.

"Family of (Y/n) (Y/l/n)?"

Bobby wasn't so sure he wanted to know this outcome, especially if this was going to be bad news.

But the moment (Y/n)'s name flooded his ears, something tore at his heart and he pelted towards the doctor while the rest of the team straightened up and leaned forward in their seats. They didn't want to eavesdrop, but they too were tired of waiting.

"How is she? Please tell me she's okay."

"A vein burst during the repair and she haemorrhaged a lot, but we managed to stop the bleed. The shot went through her lung which we've managed to repair, it was a clean shot between the ribs. No nerve or bone damage and surgery went well, she's in the ICU for recovery."

He could feel his knees quivering, desperate to cave in beneath him and let him flop to the floor in relief and prayer all at once.

She was in recovery. They hadn't lost her during surgery. There were no lasting complications they needed to worry about. She could get on the road to recovery now and then Bobby could bring Jack and her parents down to see her.

Tears started to flush Bobby's face again, although he felt like he had cried enough to flood the Atlantic ocean by now. But the relief he felt came with such an adrenaline burst that he wondered if he was about to pass out.

"Can I see her now, please?" Bobby jingled his wrist to loosen the rosary beads which felt like they were constricting his blood flow. And he tucked them back into his pocket. They had served their purpose now, his prayers had been listened to and answered, for once.

The doctor looked up at Bobby before leaning around him and peering into the waiting room where the rest of the team were anxiously watching. "Only immediate family, two at a time for now please."

With a glance over his shoulder, Bobby locked eyes with the team as a silent exchange passed over them. They would wait out here for a few minutes then poke their heads round (Y/n)'s door to get a glance of her and see for themselves that she was alright. None of them ever left a friend in need without seeing for themselves that they were okay. Once the doctor was gone, everyone would check on (Y/n) and then try and get sorted out.

They could all see from Bobby's expression that it was good news and he was sure that Buck was straining hard enough to hear a few words of the conversation.

Bobby followed the doctor down the hall, through the double doors on the right and into the intensive care unit.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been down in this unit, or who it had been for. He hadn't been here for a family member in such a long time, it was usually when something happened to one of the team and he stuck around to make sure they were okay.

(Y/n) had never been in the intensive care unit before. She had never needed surgery before. The only time she had been in hospital was when she gave birth to Jack, and that had been in the maternity unit.

Bobby quietly thanked the doctor when he showed him the right room and opened the door. He was glad the doctor left him alone, he didn't want someone hovering in the background as he checked on his girlfriend and sat with her.

He took his time dancing his eyes all over her frame while he dragged the blue chair closer to the bed and sat down.

(Y/n) had an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, an IV taped to the back of her right hand and monitors stuck just beneath her collar bone. And he could see there was a needle taped into the crease of her right elbow where she was receiving another blood transfusion. He didn't dare imagine what her chest would look like beneath the hospital gown. And he didn't need to look to know that there would be blue and white stickers stuck to her chest in case of a cardiac emergency.

Reaching over, Bobby gently took (Y/n)'s hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her knuckles and brought her hand up against his cheek, unable to fight off another fit of tears.

"Hi sweetheart, are you with me?" Bobby rolled his lips together and reached his right hand out to glide his fingertips along (Y/n)'s cheek when he noticed her eyes starting to flicker.

His thumb continued to stroke her skin encouragingly and he managed a teary smile when (Y/n)'s drowsy eyes finally landed on him. Her hands squeezed his and she dug her nails into the back of his hand as a croaky noise vibrated past her lips. But when her nose scrunched, Bobby could tell she realised she had a mask over her mouth. She wouldn't like that.

He carefully moved his hand from her face and reached out for her other hand, pushing it back down at her side before she could take off the oxygen mask. She had been through trauma which had damaged one of her lungs, she needed as much oxygen as she could get along with the blood transfusion she was on which would all boost her system and make her recover better.

"You need that on for a while, sweetheart. It's okay."

(Y/n)'s head slowly flopped to the left and she tightened her hand in Bobby's while she tried desperately to open her eyes and look at him.

Shivers tore down (Y/n)'s spine and made her arms jerk at her sides when she thought about where she was and why she felt so groggy. Her right hand tremored as she tried to ghost her fingertips across her chest but she pulled back before she could touch the sore patch beneath where her bra should have been.

"Got… got shot." Her voice was quiet and very croaky as if her throat was as dry as the desert and it made Bobby frown. He hated the panic mingling with pain that he could see across her face and it made him squeeze her hand.

He reached his free hand out to card his fingers slowly through her hair which seemed to help relax her a little. And he loosened his left hand in hers so he could slide his fingers in between hers and hold her hand better. It felt good to feel (Y/n)'s fingers pressing down between the grooves of his hand and have her fingertips tapping against his knuckles.

"I know baby, you got hurt, but you're gonna be just fine. I can't leave you alone for a few hours, can I?"

(Y/n) leaned her head into Bobby's hand and nudged her nose against his wrist as she tried again to blink and clear her vision so she could look at him. His eyes were watering, but his lips were curved into a lopsided smile while he turned his head to kiss the back of her hand.

"Am I i-in trouble?"

Bobby wasn't sure if she was joking with him or not until he saw the tears beginning to trickle down her face and how she bit down on her lower lip behind the mask to stop herself from crying out.

He pushed up from the chair so he could sit down on the side of the bed, leaning against her hip. He moved their entwined hands to press against his chest while his other hand cupped her cheek near the mask and he leaned down to attach his lips to her temple. He breathed softly against her skin and took a few moments to listen to her breathing, reassuring himself that she was here and she was going to be okay.

"No, sweetheart, you're not in trouble. You didn't do anything wrong, whoever hurt you is the one who needs to be afraid." Bobby couldn't believe she thought he or anyone else would be upset with her.

She hadn't been bunking off shift or messing around or doing anything wrong to warrant this. (Y/n) did everything she was supposed to on shift, she just happened to be stood in the wrong place at the exact wrong time to end up getting hurt. Whoever decided to shoot at her was the one who needed to be afraid because when Bobby found them, they would have Hell to pay.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there with you." It seemed awful timing that this happened while Bobby was supposed to be on the afternoon shift. If only he had gone in with her this morning, then he would have been there for her.

(Y/n) leaned into his touch, relishing in the feeling of his lips against her burning temple and his hand periodically squeezing hers. the sight of Bobby was enough to calm (Y/n) down. She thought she might just die without having him by her side and she had wracked her brain to try and remember how he and Jack looked when she last saw them.

Seeing him now calmed down her raging thoughts because if anything else happened, at least she had Bobby by her side, holding her hand.

"Jack?" It was hard to form proper words when her chest kept tightening and tensing and talking made her lungs hurt. But she wanted to know what was going on. If Bobby was here, then where was their boy?

"I took him to your parent's, he's fine sweetheart. If you're feeling better tomorrow I'll bring him down for a visit. Besides, the team want to meet him."

(Y/n)'s heart jumped and she wheezed as she looked up at Bobby with big, round eyes.

"You t-told them?"

"Yeah," His fingers tangled in her hair again as he leaned in to kiss her temple once more. "They wanted to call your partner, I had to tell them he was already here waiting for you."

[thebiggerbear]

i think i've seen this film before

Summary: When three certain little words escape him, you know them for what they are: a plea not to leave him alone with only his thoughts and whiskey for company. You've seen this song and dance before.

Warnngs: heavy angst, cheating/infidelity, light smut, dagger analogy (Idk if this is a thing but putting it here in case)

Word Count: 2202

Response to prompt from @me-writes-prompts

A/N: Yes, I'm still on writing hiatus but this came pouring out of me today from where I have no idea. Must be the holiday. I feel like this happened last year, too, with Something Real which was also a bucket of angst and heartbreak. So it definitely has to be the holiday then. All completely unbeta'd (and probably very messy quite truthfully, I'll have to come back and try to clean it up later tonight, there may be some switching around of tenses, sorry!). As an aside, I don't condone any form of cheating but this just came out as is and I was so relieved to be writing something, that I just kind of went with it. I was going to keep it as a blank character x reader but in the end, the muse overruled me and let a name slip of who it was imagined to be. She's a sneaky bitch who can't be trusted to keep anything resembling a secret, I swear.

“I love you.”

Those three little words, barely said in a whisper, make you freeze. After your heart starts beating again, after your brain has processed that yes, he really just said that, you continue slipping your shirt over your head. 

Once you pull your hair free from your neckline, you turn to where you left him moments earlier, sprawled out on his back on the bed, an arm behind his head with the mist of sweat drying on his skin, his hair a crime scene of damp wayward strands with your fingers having been the perpetrator. You find him watching you intently with those eyes that you swear can see down to the deepest parts of you zeroed in on your face, a faint trace of hope lining the irises you’ve so often found yourself lost in these past few months. You momentarily clench your jaw as you steel yourself to say what you need to. “You shouldn’t say that to me.”

Where you expected to see heartbreak or some vestiges of pain, you only saw determination, suddenly renewed. You then realize your mistake. You hadn’t said the one word he expected to hear, the one he needed to hear: No. So it doesn’t surprise you when you see the hope in his gaze flare brighter, perhaps believing he’s not alone in this after all. 

You watch as he moves aside the thin sheet covering the last traces of his modesty, fully revealing himself to you as he swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands. The irony of the action is not lost on you; he’s making himself vulnerable before you, letting you see every inch of him, even what’s beyond skin deep.

He is suddenly before you, this large man whose hulking stature had completely dwarfed you minutes ago as he had pushed your thighs back and pistoned in and out of you, groans escaping him as droplets of his sweat christened your bare skin repeatedly. And yet, despite the size of him, here he is, exposing himself in such a way that you feel like the tall one, even as you crane your neck to meet his intent gaze head on.

The tips of his fingers gently urge your chin up a little higher so he can see all of you, both of you laid bare to one another as his eyes swallow you whole. “Yes, I should,” he murmurs. “I love you.” You know what’s about to happen, especially as his eyelids lower slightly and he begins to dip his head. The insatiable monster inside you craves his lips on yours, his tongue tangling with yours in a tango that mimics the one your bodies just did, craves him, but you force yourself to pull away.

Ignoring the hurt lining his expression, you turn to look for your shoes that had been kicked off as you both stumbled into the room, glued to one another and tearing at each other’s clothes in your desperate need to have your skin meeting his. Once you spot them, you take a step in that direction when his hand on your elbow stops you.

“Baby,” he pleads. 

“Don’t,” you whisper, refusing to look at him like he’s begging you to.

When you attempt to move again, his hand releases you only for his arm to snake around your waist and prevent you from leaving. You’re not surprised when he pulls you closer and you can feel the scratchiness of his unshaven face against your neck as he burrows into you.

“I love you, Y/N,” he rasps into your ear. He’s begging again, though this time you know it’s more for you not to leave more than his insistence on your belief in his feelings for you. He doesn’t want you to leave him here, alone with only his thoughts to keep him company along with some top shelf whiskey the hotel staff stocks exclusively for him in the mini bar. 

It used to work, this heartfelt plea whispered against your skin, nuzzled against your cheek, pressed against your lips, until you gave in and let him lay you back down on the bed, giving yourself over to him completely for however long he wanted you. Now, though, you’ve grown stronger, smarter, and that’s why it’s easier than ever to push away from him and look him dead in the eye. “Then get a divorce.”

You see the expected pain magnify throughout his handsome face and you take the opportunity of his reaction to your response to finally move away and grab your shoes, slipping them on as quickly as possible. 

He quietly clears his throat before the familiar deep voice that has murmured the dirtiest and sweetest things you’ve ever heard into your ear tears through the quiet paper-thin hush of the room that usually exists once your frenzied lovemaking ceases. “Y/N, we’ve talked about this. You know I can’t—”

“Not my problem,” snaps out of you. You don’t even bother to roll your eyes anymore at the age-old response he gives you every time you dose both of you with reality like this. Except it is your problem, very much your problem. Hell, it became your problem the moment you allowed him into your apartment that one snowy night, fully knowing you were about to change your life forever and not necessarily for the better. When you finally found out how easily your scratches could be seen on his skin, how divine his lips tasted especially after they had drunk deeply from yours and your body still ricocheted with aftershocks from your orgasm, and how taut his back muscles became with every slow and hard thrust into you. When you found out how intoxicating the sounds of his groans in your ear were as he took pleasure in what your body offered his, how dry your mouth was afterwards from all of the loud panting you did as his mouth ghosted over yours while he repeatedly hit that one spot deep within you, and how tightly he held onto you once he came, unwilling to let you go until he had absolutely had to.

You tamp down the desire you feel unfurling underneath your skin at the memories of that night and grab your jacket and handbag from where you’d tossed them. You refuse to think any further about that night, about how he had begged you to let him in, his chest heaving and snowflakes rapidly melting in his short hair, his eyes darker than you’d ever seen them and glancing repeatedly at your lips. You absolutely don’t think about the way his mouth desperately claimed yours the moment you opened the door wider and he was on you, kicking the door shut behind him. Or about how only minutes later he had you backed up against the wall, your jeans and panties tossed away somewhere, and him on his knees with his head buried between your legs, making you grip his hair as you bit your lip so hard it bled. Or even about how you had clawed at the wall he had turned you to face as he pounded away at you, his hand turning your head so he could sloppily kiss you, grunting loudly into your ear with every thrust as the rough fabric of his coat sleeve rubbed against your neck. Or how the buckle of his open belt rattled with his movements, only to be rivaled by your own cries, both being surpassed by his loud drawn out roar of “Fuck!” as he buried himself to the hilt within you and burrowed his face into your neck. His hot and harsh breaths dampened your skin while you reached a hand up to run soothingly through his wet hair, struggling to regain the ability to breathe yourself. No, you weren't going to think about how he then moved you to your bedroom from where neither of you emerged until hours later in search of sustenance and electrolytes.

Instead of allowing yourself to get lost in the thoughts of that night, you take a small breath and start heading for the door.

“I love you, dammit.” He’s angry now, just as you knew he would be the closer you got to leaving, leaving him. “Doesn’t that count for anything?”

You stop and you hear him take a step closer. You don’t have to turn to look at him to know there is a cautious renewal of hope lighting his eyes. You had stopped after all. But you both have done this dance before and each time it ends the same way. 

“No, you don’t,” you answer him quietly, almost gently. Your aim is not to hurt him, never to hurt him. He’s been hurt enough and you will be damned if will be like her and add to his pain. But at the same time, you can’t lie nor will you continue to swallow any of his. So, like always, you spare him but not yourself. “You think you do, but you don’t. You don’t love me.”

“Yes, I do.” He’s closer now, his voice is cracking slightly…he’s a few moments away from coiling his arms around you like a snake and keeping you from walking out the door, again. 

And so you make it quick, you plunge the dagger of truth into your own chest and let the pain bloom within you, spreading quickly through your veins like wildfire. “You don’t because if you did, you wouldn’t keep me in a holding pattern like this.” You then force yourself to turn and face him, your eyes hard as diamonds and your face one of stone. “I’m purely a convenient fuck for you when you get lonely, or someone to call when it all becomes too much. This isn’t even an affair. I’m nothing more than a painkiller that comes with an orgasm or two. That’s it and you know it. So, no, you don’t love me, because if you did, you would never use me like this.”

As expected, his eyes widen and his jaw drops. You can see the protests building in his throat but you cut him off.

“And if I loved you, I wouldn’t let you continue to use me like this.” 

He stands there, staring at you, a small sadness growing in his deep gaze. This always happens. As much as you try to spare him and not bleed out your pain all over him, some tiny amount almost always splashes onto him. You can’t help that. One of you has to be the strong one and keep it real; it just happens to always be you.

So you don’t allow his crestfallen expression to get to you and you lift your chin slightly, rolling your shoulders back as you straighten your spine. “I’ll see you when I see you.” 

You spin on your heel and stride towards the door. When your fingers grab onto the door handle, you hear a broken plea of “Don’t leave…please.” You clench your jaw and force yourself to open the door, refusing to look back.

“Goodbye, Jensen.”

You walk across the threshold and pull the door closed behind you. You make your way to the elevators, unsurprised that he doesn’t quickly dress and run after you. He never has before; why would that change now? When the elevator dings and thankfully the car is empty, you step into it and hit the “close door” button. You wait and as expected, no calls of “Wait!” or chimes of your phone sound as the doors take their sweet time closing despite their directive. Once they’re shut, once there is no possibility of him seeing you or hearing you, you sink against the wall of the car and grasp at your chest, your breath loudly catching as the full weight of the pain you had denied yourself begins to flow through you anew. Tears mark your cheeks and you let out a sound akin to a strangled sob. 

Yes, you do love him and that is why you continue to let him use you in this way. That is why you opened the door that night and let him in, fully knowing what was going to happen. That is why you allowed him to take your friendship and mangle it into whatever dark and hopeless form it takes now. You fucking love him; of course you do.  In the same breath, though, you know he doesn’t love you and this last bit of pain is what finishes you as the elevator continues to descend: and he never will. You turn your body to face the corner and hold a hand over your mouth, beginning to cry outright. He will never love you the way you love him. No matter how many times you run to him when he calls, no matter how you let him take pleasure in you or comfort in your arms, no matter how many times you’ve begged him to end things with her and be with you instead…he will never love you. You loudly sob as the sharp tip of that truth dagger from before lodges itself into your heart, almost neatly fitting into the groove from all of the previous times. Your heartbreak is the only sound that echoes throughout the small space along with the glaring silence of your phone. And just like that, once again, the dance comes to its predictable end.

A/N: So yeah, sorry about that. As always, no disrespect is ever meant to Jensen, Danneel, or their family. I'm not suggesting or implying anything about either Jensen or Danneel, I just had him in my head while writing. Purely fictional.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

Jensen RPF: @ladykitana90; @lemonfreak97; @lacilou; @waynes-multiverse

Forever Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel; @hobby27; @impala67rollingthroughtown; @ladysparkles78

[karuvapatta]

buckle up, I'm gonna bitch about Arcane season 2 for a while.

disclaimer: the animation and art direction is absolutely stellar, writing and voice acting is mostly solid, music ranges from good to amazing, sound design is great, and it's a great show overall.

HOWEVER:

There were so many interesting subplots and ideas, but not one of them had enough room to breathe or time to develop organically.

(spoilers under cut)

Caitlyn - I love the subplot about her becoming a fascist dictator and Ambessa's pupil, I really do. But then it sort of fizzled? She faced no repercussions for installing a police state and using chemical weaponry against civilians? The last one got to me especially - her mother built this system claiming that "the people of Undercity deserve to breathe" and Caitlyn then turned it against them. Okay, Vi and Jinx both called her out and it left to her rift with Vi, but... she's still in charge at the end, having seemingly learned no lessons?

Vi - uh, she was there. Sort of. Most of the time. Again, she joined the Enforcers, and it led to SOME conflict, but... is she going back to being an Enforcer? how does she feel about that? Who knows - Vi was mostly there for Cait and Jinx's subplots than her own.

Jinx - her subplot with Sevika and Isha was my second favourite thing about this season. The idea of her becoming a symbol and uniting Zaun is great. That little moment in the prison was awesome. But, ultimately - it didn't amount to much. Her sacrificing her life for Vi (or not, I don't know if she actually dies) didn't hit as much because we already knew she was actively suicidal.

Isha - had the potential to be super annoying, but like I said, I ended up really liking her character. Her death rubbed me the wrong way, however - it was very emotional, but the framing was very strange. Were we supposed to find it inspirational? Tragic but beautiful? Proof that Jinx isn't irredeemable?

Sevika - again: loved her, loved her interactions with Jinx and Isha.

Silco - I found it weird how this season consistently framed him as a good guy. Jinx and Sevika remember him fondly, he was the only thing holding Zaun together, there are cute flashbacks / AU versions of him and Vander being happy... he's a complex character and we love him for it, but let's not forget his many, many crimes.

Singed - kinda weird that he got what he wanted with no repercussions.

Mel - all right, her subplot bothered me perhaps most of all. Mel is a joy every time she's on screen, true, but last season she had been established as a savvy politician and businesswoman, motivated by her mommy issues, and a corrupting presence on Jayce. She pushed for progress at all costs to fulfil her own ambitions and prove something to her mother. That's a great setup! But what we got in s2 is... random superpowers out of nowhere. Mel always had power - she was the richest woman in Pilltover and basically ran its Council - but now instead of confronting her with the potential side-effects of Hextech, the consequences of her ambitions, and the futility of proving herself to her abusive warmongering mother, she just gets... more power. Out of nowhere. And validation from Ambessa. It was just weird.

Jayce and Viktor - easily the most compelling part of this season, and my favourite subplot. And STILL - it felt rushed and incoherent. I thought at first that Viktor would become jealous and resentful because Jayce is everything that he isn't, and I am honestly so glad they didn't take that route. But instead, Viktor gets... brainwashed by the Hexcore I guess? Ascends to a higher plane of existence? His Jesus Days and his cults were fascinating, but I didn't get the philosophy behind them at all. I can see why Viktor would want to shed his physical body for a machine that has none of its weakness, and how he might convince others to follow that path, but instead he chose to brainwash his followers and then assimilate the entire human race? What? There were so, so many potential sources of conflict between himself and Jayce - the Hextech weaponry Jayce built, Pilltover's fascist takeover of the Undercity, Jayce reviving him against his will and not destroying the Hexcore, accidentally poisoning Ekko's tree through their irresponsible use of Hextech... but the conflict we got didn't built on any of that. And I don't understand why.

(But I get you, Jayce/Viktor shippers. You won this round.)

[kryptonian-puppy]

[reunioninn]

Daisuke's Notes on Venom's Concept and Design:

Like Millia, he was raised in the Assassin's Guild from an early age. He adores Zato.

He was set up to be a long-reach character and flier. I wondered what kind of character I should make. Originally, he had a cello. He actually had a fan for a weapon before Anji did. He also had a large cross, which I thought was the best concept, however, we were told that it was OK to have it as a part of his design, but not to hit anyone with it. When I was struggling, I went out to play games as a distraction. One time, as we were playing billiards, we talked about how interesting it would be to have a fighter who fights with a pool cue. But I thought the character would be too boring with just the cue alone, so I made it so that his hair also covered his face and added a mark on it with a bit of paint. Since the head had such a strong personality, I wanted to keep the body simple. However, I wanted to change the overall shape of the body to make it similar to Zato's, so that's why the legs are like that. As for the pants design, if I wanted to keep it simple, I would have made each leg the same color, but that would've made his figure appear more naked. To find a way around this, I made one leg light and the other dark to add more of a mysterious flair.

[bunnyboy-juice]

im ngl i think my favorite headspace to be in is "want to be annoying"

[quietwingsinthesky]

i must say. mr simm obviously makes every scene he’s in very fun and delightful. but. idk. this does not feel quite like my cat from end of time. there’s a weird sorta disconnect here. i guess to emphasize how different missy is from him?

[aropride]

im so fucking mad abt the therapy thing i cant even express it Im gonna make a zine abt it later i think

[opens-up-4-nobody]

God. One of my little sisters is such a bitch. She's done me some genuine damage in exacerbating my already social bad anxiety. But when I have dreams where she's been hurt or killed, it's so horrible bc she's still my lil sister :-(

[widevibratobitch]

i hate them with a passion

[todayisafridaynight]

time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist

[fexicoded]

just saw your recent post. the grief is hard and i feel the same way. i could just be carrying on with my day but i get reminded that he’s gone and all the anger, sadness, and guilt rushes in.

while i never knew him personally and i am a fan of his, i would like to think that he would want everyone to remember him in his happiest moments. that brings me comfort. it’s easier said than done but i believe we can eventually get to a point where we can celebrate his life and art. we can keep his legacy alive by talking about him in every context. i just hope he and his family find peace in all of this.

(this was also me venting too lol sorry)

I really appreciate you responding to my post, I was not expecting anyone to cause I was venting in the tags but I've always loved having anons in my inbox in general but also helping us all during this awful time.

But yea, I agree with you. I'll be going about my normal fucking day and doing what I need to do to move forward in my life and then have it hit me that this guy that impacted me, even tho I didn't know him, died and I'll never get to see him make an impact or grow from the pains he was dealing with at the moment.

And I do agree, he would be so fucking pissed we were being sappy and sad all the time and a bit embarrassed and yet geeked at the outpouring of love for him. I do feel like I can say I'm happy to have gotten to the point in my grieving that I've accepted what's happened and yet I can't say I do accept it... grief over a celebrity is tough and the parasocial relationship doesn't help either.

TLDR: I'm still here, I still grieve Angus and will for a long time, and idk where I'm gonna go with this account, my writing, etc.

[bunnyb34r]

Whelp I dont think I'm getting my meds (or any mail) today :/

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

i needed that episode to last at least five hours longer wtf i can't process anything

[chickadeeee]

I went on a third date and had fantastic sex with an extremely attractive, thoughtful, sensitive guy who I wanted to be in a relationship with and all I actually came away with were weird hickeys and a UTI 🥲🔫