#he misses his mom so fuckin much. he doesn't know how she'd feel about Everything he's done.... it scares him

[funkbun]

please unleash the inspekta hecta thoughts please please

yesterday went into a bit of a frenzy over him. wait no ive been crazy over him since november somebody help.

also love your art!!

bear my hectspek blast

Anyways I'm constantly just sitting here thinking about Hector’s whole situation. Obviously he fucked up severely; that’s clear as day, we’ve all played the game we know this, but I just like thinking about his life before godhood/his early years as Inspekta and how it all lead up to Everything and just, wuugh goddddd…

Like think about The Drain for a moment. In the game, it’s “located” between The Grove (this super important, mystical place where you can Literally Go Talk To Gods) and the Earth (you know this place). Whenever it’s mentioned, it’s just used as a negative euphemism, a place of nothing good. But it is still a place, people /live/ there, all the bizzyboys you see are /from/ there. And apparently it’s just hell, based on what we can infer about it.

And there’s something about how the Bizzyboys (INCLUDING HECTOR, ESPECIALLY HECTOR, THE FOUNDER OF THE BIZZYBOYS) are a bunch of lonely people trying to make a name for themselves, trying to find purpose in their lives, find something out of nothing. Even if they’re all from Literal Hell, they still tried finding a life outside of that. And Hector made them feel special, important, and loved and cared for and just….. auuugggghhhhhh I like to think that he really did do that. That he really did try his hardest and attempt to make their lives better for all of em. He didn’t want anyone else to go through what he’s been going through in all his loneliness and fears……….

I (personally) don't subscribe to the whole “Hector/Inspekta was ALWAYS evil and ALWAYS wanted to take over The Grove” idea, since I (personally) think that’s a pretty uninteresting way to view his character (personally). I think he truly wanted to make the world a better place, that he wanted to use what he had to help people and also change the way The Drain/Drainfolk are viewed to the rest of the world. His main fault comes with how he just didn’t know how to be vulnerable about his feelings and fears, especially going into godhood.

He probably thought that becoming a god would solve all his issues, but instead he just let his own destructive tendencies to both himself and others fester inside him for 33 years. I feel like King being elected as the new god right after his own ascension was sort of the breaking point there. Bauhauzzo mentions that it’s unusual for a new god to be elected right after another. To me, Inspekta probably interrupted that as the people of The Grove already grew tired of him and are ready for a new, more interesting god. Bro’s jealous! Bro’s pissed off! Bro’s scared! Bro’s insecure! It’s all pretty obvious in this line right here:

You already know about that final fight with him, the ultimate crash out, he’s going through it all so fuckin badly, fucked up evil creature experiences remorse, he realizes everything he’s done and is about to do, he’s surprised that people Actually care about him, they dont want to see him like this, they want him to understand everything.

Hector’s back, wuagh. And now what is he gonna do after everything? What’s his plan, his goal, how is he gonna live out the rest of his life? It’s absolutely warrented, obviously, but fuckin imagine trying to enter back into society knowing you almost caused an end to all of it? How you almost killed the very figures you’ve looked up to for so long, how much they’ve inspired you to become the person you wish you were, and how you could’ve put an end to all of that? And everyone’s going to remember what you’ve done! Your public perception is going to be changed forever! There’s no hiding that fact!

And connect it back to his original plan, his original goal for himself and the bizzyboys. Trying to make the world a better place for lonely people like him, and it all really just crashed and burnt. He lost everything, he really did. His life is ruined, and I feel bad for him a bit, a Bit honestly, but this is also really the most fitting punishment he deserves. He’s going to live on with the weight of everything he’s done, he’s gotta bear it allllll. Anyways I think it works well for Hector to both be super miserable, sad, and remorseful for everything he’s done and even if he tries his hardest to make it up to everyone, he understands if nobody would ever forgive him for what he’s done. AAAAAND I think he should also be a little piece of shit, still trying to make up for everything but also being unbelievably frustrated and bitter when people still refuse him to give the time of day. Like what’s the point of getting better if nobody’s going to be willing to give him the chance to grow? Obviously his anger probably isn’t warranted after everything he’s done, but I highly doubt he’s going to stop being a petty piece of shit anytime soon. He constantly flips between these two mindsets all the time in my mind.

I hope you enjoy my (mostly) Hector bomb. Hope it was comprehensible lol. Kill grandpa.

[hellmastermiller]

I’m sorry about your mom. As far as coping goes, I’m pretty emotionally stunted but here’s some (admittedly quite common) stuff I use which you’ve probably heard of:

Make a checklist of things you should/could do in a day to keep yourself from skipping out. It’s easy to just sink into the floor and not do anything, and the checklist hold you slightly accountable. Start off with more easily attainable daily goals (ex. today I will clean my desk) and then begin to add some things (ex. today I will clean my desk + bed).

Talk to people: they say this one helps the most, and I’m sure you know this. Think about how you’d feel talking to a stranger in a support group V.S a friend. If it sounds more appealing, you can take a step toward finding a free group/one you can afford. Hell, if you post this ask giving me the green light, I could even DM you if you’d like. We’re mutuals but we’ve never directly spoken

Know that maybe even a year from now, the grief can hit you in an unexpected way, and that’ll be okay. A close family member of mine died about 10 years ago and sometimes I wind up feeling sick with how much I miss them. I don’t think the feeling ever leaves, you just learn to sort of… accept that it’s there and always will be

And as everyone always says, be nice to yourself. Have a sweet treat. Try to go on a short walk around your block. Seek new emotional experiences— maybe go see a movie you’re excited about or rewatch one that you love. Pick up a hobby you haven’t recently indulged in and try it out again.

Grief is weird, and it sucks. But it’s natural and it’s okay to always feel a little bit sad over losing someone. I wish you nothing but the best.

thank u so much. i'm emotionally stunted asf too so the last three months has been absolutely crazy LMAO. i'll dump more dramatic stuff under the cut so ppl don't have 2 listen to my whining

but thank you. this means a lot to me, i'll fucking print this out n glue it to my screen to force myself to remember. feel free to dm me if you want, but only if you want to; i'll probably just bitch and sob and whine a lot, so don't feel pressured at all. listening to someone go on and on can be so mentally draining, but your offer means the world to me. thank u <3

but yeah, i heard that grief is just forever. i guess it's like mental illness in a way. it never goes away, but you learn to cope. i hope you have people there for you when you miss your family member.

TW DEATH!!! TALKING ABT DEATH1!!! SOIRRY!!!!

i was the one who found my mom dead so i feel like that just added another layer 2 the insanity. i forced myself to see her a few times before the cremation too, hoping it'll make everything click, but it's that adhd "out of sight out of mind" type beat. it makes grief so stupidly hard.

i've been the glue keeping my dad n bro together too. i still remember being the one to clean her fluids from the wall and the carpet while they sobbed and it was so fucked up. answering questions from the cops and paramedics. dealing with funeral arrangements.

my father and i found a fucking dent in the wall from where her head hit too. it's the fucking outside wall too, so she hit her head on it so fucking hard that the plaster came off. it breaks my heart. we had such a difficult relationship too so it just makes everything all the more painful. the regret is so real.

i found so much out about her too after she'd died. so many little things i could've used to talk to her, to bond, to help her. drives me up the fuckin' wall, man. makes me fucking crash out.

and not to sound like an idiot, but one of my guinea pigs fucking DIED like a few weeks after her too and it actually broke me LMAO. my mom bought those pigs, so to lose one of them just fucking shattered me.

even worse is that his brother doesn't give a shit, so i have one guinea pig who is absolutely thriving because he gets the entire room to himself now. (for anyone who knows my guinea pigs, IT'S DAVID THAT DIED. ELI LIVED. rip solid snake :( )