#he l***s her ok!!! no jokes about floating off allowed sorry

[newb0rn]

* ♙ . @crestazul said " who will keep me tethered while you’re gone? aren't you afraid i’ll float off? "

" you  won't  float  off. " affirmation spoken  ever  so  softly,  yet  his  blue eyes  burned  with  urgency.  he  had  never  believed  so  strongly  in  anything before.  of course  he  was  afraid -  but  he  refused  to  let  fear  taint  his  belief  in  her.  " who  kept  you  tethered  before  you  met  me?  who  kept  you  afloat  when  the  flood  came? " he  pressed  a  hand  to  her  chest,  his  palm  aligning  perfectly  with  her  heart  for  a  moment  before  travelling  upwards  to  caress  the  back  of  her  head. " find  her  in  you  when  i'm  not  here  to.  she's  who  will  keep  you  tethered  when  i'm  gone. "  would  the  absent  of  him  truly  be  so  terrible?  what  a  terrifying  thing . . . to  be  needed. to  be  missed. " and if  that's  not  enough,  then  let  the thought of my  return  be  what  keeps  you  tethered.  it will  be  just  a  week,  dé.  promise  me  you'll  be  here  waiting  for  me  when  i  return.  prométeme. "

[gazeboeddiespaghetti]

Panic Attack! At The Quarry Pt 2

Part One

Title: Panic Attack! At The Quarry only bad puns here y’all

Fandom: IT (taking elements from both the book and 2017 movie)

Ship(s): Reddie, billverly, Stanlon,

Tags/Warnings: none for this chapter 

Summary: It has been two years since the summer of IT, but some demons still chase the Losers. Eddie still can’t shake his inhaler, Bill’s stutter is worse in Summer, Stan still can’t talk about his bar mitzvah. Mike still can’t go to the water’s edge alone, Beverly feels phantom touches if her hair is past her shoulders, Richie refuses to play loogie anymore, Ben avoids bridges if possible, yet somehow, in all of this there is healing and love and friendship.

Reddie centric (for now. Who knows, this might turn into something of a series? It was suppose to be two pages you guys.)

Tagging: @star-light30 @beepbeep-losers

Eddie had been holding his fanny pack when he went over the cliff, but lost it during the fall, along with whatever calm he had left inside him; and while he knew he would hit the water and be fine, maybe a little harder than usual but not by much, he couldn’t stop screaming the whole way down. He fell in the water head first, still screaming. He struggled break the water’s surface but now he was panicked and his body wasn’t listening to his head, his arms and legs useless as they allowed him to simply sink down. He was sure he was going to die in this pathetic way,all because his fight or flight reflex decided floating in any form wasn’t acceptable, when he felt the water wave around him then arms surround his middle.

Richie pulled Eddie out and onto the rocks, panting as he looked the boy over. Eddie was gasping for air, choking on water and air and fear.

It only took a few moments for the others to notice that something was wrong and soon there were five dripping bodies surrounding Richie and Eddie as Eddie struggled for air. He gasped out, fingers fisting together and releasing and fisting together in an endless cycle at Richie’s wrist, “I-In- fuck.. My inhal…” he managed to get out, even though his logical brain pointed out that he didn’t need it.

“W-wheres your fa-fanny pack?” Bill asks, kneeling beside the two boys. Mike, Beverly, and Ben turn and look at the ground as Stan frowns, face twisted with concerned, “I think he left it on the cliff.”

“Drop…” shaky inhale, labored exhale. He feels Richie’s hand on the back of his neck, he closes his eyes and leans into it slightly, “Dropped it… the fall…”

Bev curses at this, and Mike mumbles something that Eddie can’t hear over his own breathing but it earns him a glare from everyone and an elbow from Stan. Eddie feels Richie tense up beside him and this sends a whole new wave of panic to run through him. He wheezes.

“I-I can go get S-Silver and rid-ride to the ph-pharmacy.” Bill says and beside him Ben nods, a little too eager.

“Just like the day we met,” Ben adds softly, encouraging

“No. He’s fine.” Richie says, stopping Bill in his tracks as he starts to make his way up the cliff. Eddie turns, giving Richie a pathetic smack to his chest.

“I..beg.. Your-” Eddie is cut off, and he whimpers when a voice overpowers his own.

“You’re fine, Eddie. I promise you that you are fine. You just need to fucking breathe.” Richie says, voice much too serious.

“Richie….” Bev says, softly, and there is a warning in her voice that makes Eddie shiver.

“He’s fine, Beverly. I’ve got him, ok? You all go swim and I’ll-”

“If...If I die.. I’ll kill you… you..-” Eddie says between wheezing

“Eddie, look at me. Look at me,” Richie cups Eddie’s cheek in his hand and gently forces his head to the side until they’re eye-to-eye, “I’m really sorry I pushed you into the river but you do not have asthma. Ok? You need to remember you don’t have asthma and just breathe for me, ok?”

“I don’t think it’s that easy for him….” Stan says, softly and matter-of-factly, eyes trained on Richie.

“Just- please, guys. If it doesn't let up I’ll fucking carry him to the pharmacy myself, ok? But you all need to back the fuck up and just go swim. I’ve. Got. This.” Richie is clearly talking to the group, but his eyes stay on Eddie’s face, eyebrows drawn together and he only borrows a glance their way for a moment.

There is a long pause in which the only sounds are the lapping water from the river and Eddie’s labored breathing. Finally, Bill speaks, slow and calm, “You sure about this,” another pause, as he swallows, “Richie?”

“I hate when you make things too important to fucking stutter over it,” Richie says back, not unkindly, followed by, “I’m sure. I’ve got this.”

.....

“You’re…. You’re going.. To… kill… me.” Eddie says, hand shaking as he reaches for the place where his fanny pack would usually lay. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice calls him weak and his lungs close up a little more.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Eds,” Richie says, shifting so he was sitting even closer to Eddie. Bill’s question rings in his head but he pushes it away because he knew Eddie, maybe better than anyone, and he knew how fucking strong the shorter boy was and he knew that if he would only get him to listen him long enough to breathe that everything would be ok. He moves some wet hair from Eddie’s face, smiling at him a little, “Come on now, you’re just going to let me get away with calling you that? Getting soft on me, Eddie Spaghetti?”

“Can’t…. Breathe… yo-you.. Asshole….” Eddie says, and he wants to cry but can’t. His lungs feel like they are on fire.

“No one ever taught you how?” Richie jokes, but it sounds empty, and even almost cruel even to his own ears. He sighs softly when it gets no response and he shifts even closer to Eddie now, one hand coming up in rest on Eddie’s bare chest. He can feel the boy struggling to make his body work under his the skin and it makes his own chest heavy. “I know how hard this-” He shakes his head, corrects himself. He recalls when Ben showed him where in the library to find books about breathing exercises and getting frustrated only a few chapters into the second one. He curses himself now, himself but also the knowingly way Ben had looked at him when he walked Richie down the aisles until they arrived to the right section.

“Ok, so I don’t know. Ok? I don’t know how hard this is or how this must feel for you, Eddie. I have no fucking idea. But I can imagine it and I’m so sorry, but this isn’t real. You need to-” He’s cut off by Eddie’s hand coming up to his face, covering his mouth and nose and Richie gasps in surprise. Then he gasps for air, but Eddie’s hand is blocking most of it from entering and Richie feels a burning in his chest. He tries to inhale but can’t.

Richie swears in the next few seconds he is going to die. After another moment that feels like an eternity, Eddie drops his hand and whimpers a little. Richie inhales deeply, mumbling out a curse and fighting his initial urge to push Eddie away and call him an asshole but when he finds Eddie’s eyes, they are wide and so close and utterly terrified that it makes Richie’s chest hurt for a whole new reason.

Eddie’s voice cuts through the space between them, “Feels… l-like.. That… feel like.. That...but...forever…”

Richie curses again, softer this time, and part of him wishes he had let Bill go on ahead to get another light blue inhaler for Eddie, but he pushes the thought away, nodding a little, “Ok, ok, fair enough.”

“But… its.. It's not.. Real.”

“No. It isn’t real.” Richie agrees, “But it also is. You just need to try and relax. You panicked and now you just need to breathe.”

“Easy… for… you...to..say…” Eddie says, but he knows Richie is right. He also knows that no matter how many times he tells- screams- at his lungs to just do their job and his body to stop fucking with him, nothing changes. He starts to feel lightheaded and reaches out for Richie, who comes closer easily and quickly, letting Eddie grab onto his shoulder and side, nails digging into flesh uncomfortably. Eddie drops his head a little, closing his eyes tight as he tried to will his body to behave.

“Eddie, you are the strongest fucking person I know,” Richie says, chuckling softly at Eddie’s whimpered protest, “Shut up, you are. And I’ll even list out the reasons if you want later but right now I need you to get out of your own fucking head and just breathe with me, ok? Just- just try, Eds, please.” It’s how soft and genuine and serious and, mostly, how worried and scared that one word sounded - please- that made Eddie snap his head up to look at Richie. He nods once and Eddie can feel the sigh that escapes Richie’s lips on his cheek.

Richie closes in, impossibly close, and leans his forehead against Eddie’s, his wet curls making Eddie shiver as the hand on his shoulder moves to behind him neck, shaking less now, but still noticeable against Richie’s skin. “Breathe with me, ok? In…. and out….” Richie says, slowing down his breathing, hand pushing Eddie’s chest in gently with every exhale he tried to get the other boy’s body to listen in some small way, “Just like that gross birthing video Mr. Morses showed us in Sex Ed, yeah?” This earns Richie a whimpered chuckle and he beams at that, still breathing slowly and as surely as he could manage. Behind them somewhere, Richie could hear splashing and talking, but he knew the others were still watching as they put on an act of playing.

“There you go,” Richie says after a few moments when he can feel Eddie’s breathing change just slightly. Still labored, still making Richie worry and adding fuel in the fire that was Richie’s hatred of Eddie’s mother, but his inhales were more even now, and Richie smiled, “Chicka Chicka, Boom Boom, Will Eddie’s lungs have enough room?” He jokes, and Eddie opens his eyes at that, frowning.

“I… hate you.” He says, but he was smiling a little and Richie sticks his tongue out, laughing a little when it touches grazes Eddie’s upper lip and makes the shorter boy recoil a little, “Gross…” He rasps out, and Richie rubs Eddie’s back as he laughs harder.

“I’m going to write an actual children’s book, copyright and all, with that title. I’ll get rich off of your pain, little Eds. I’ll be living it up in New York or LA or anywhere but Derry, milking it off of your phantom pains. Then you’ll sue me and all the Losers will have to take sides and it will rip our entire group apart. It’ll be magical, Eds, just you wait.”

“You… have a fucked… imagination..” Eddie responds, eyes closing again as he tries to breathe in rhythm with the flow of Richie’s words. He can feel his head again, but his chest still feels heavy and the changing of Eddie’s breath ghosting on Richie’s lips make something click in him and a silence falls over the two as Richie returns to his slow breathing, trying still to guide Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few minutes Eddie’s breathing gets worse instead of better and Richie is getting worried, thoughts of bailing and admitting he was wrong, begging Bill to please go ahead and get Eddie his stupid inhaler starting to blossom in his head when Eddie’s voice surprises him, making him jump just a little, “Not… working. This isn’t….”Eddie drops his head a little, forehead falling to Richie’s shoulder now and Richie feels the shaky air on his neck, feels his heart drop and is about ready to pull away when Eddie takes a shaky inhale and counties, “talk. It was… fuck… it was.. Was.. helping when… when you ...were…talking.”

“You’re usually telling me to shut up,” Richie jokes, fingers combing through Eddie’s still damp hair, followed by a softer, “What do you want me to talk about?”

“An-anything… just… spilling non- nonsense.. Is t...the one...thi-thing...you’re…. Good… at.”

“God, you’re stuttering worse than Bill on a full moon,” Richie jokes before letting out a shaky breath and letting his mouth take over. He talked about how much he hated the summer project they were assigned and how he got into his father’s liquor cabinet with Bev when she returned from Portland last winter break and they both had the worst  hangover ever and he told Eddie about how Stan tricked him into bird watching with him the weekend before and how boring it was and how many times Stan snapped at him and he told Eddie about every little thing he could think of, even repeating stories that he knew Eddie knew, a few that he was even there for, and slowly Eddie started to breathe close to normal again.

It took almost 20 minutes after Richie started talking, but finally Eddie felt ok, and he knew that Richie could feel his lungs working again because the taller boy trailed off, his words dying out as his hands kept on playing with Eddie’s hair. Richie places a kiss, ever so lightly to the top of Eddie’s head, making sure Eddie wouldn’t be able to feel it, but from where they were sitting at the water’s edge, both Bev and Stan notice, looking away when Richie spots them. He clears his throat.

At the sound, Eddie tenses before pulling away a little, hands dropping from Richie’s skin. His lungs felt fine now, breathing only a little shaky, but in the place of sheer panic and burning of a moment ago, Eddie now feels embarrassed. He can’t look at Richie, he feels so silly and small and weak.

“I’m sorry-” Eddie says, at the same time that Richie says, “Thank God you didn’t die.” Their words overlap then hang between them. Eddie starts to stand but Richie takes his arm, stopping him.

“You sure you’re ok?”

“There was never anything wrong…” Eddie says, still not looking at Richie. He hates himself, more than a little bit, and he feels an itch to pull away from Richie and run for his house and his bed where he can hide away for a while

“Eds-”

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie fires back on instinct and while he can’t see it, a smile pulls at Richie’s lips at the words, “And I’m breathing fine. You can stop babysitting me now…”

“Eddie…” Richie says, softer than Eddie would like. In fact, thinking it over Richie has been so much softer than Eddie was used to this whole time and instead of making him feel warm, like it usually does, it makes Eddie feel like a fragile child. A whimper leaves his lips without his permission and Richie shushes him, a hand rubbing at Eddie’s arm, “You didn’t answer my question.”

Silence, followed by a defeated sigh.

Eddie wants to tell Richie that he is fine, that it was stupid and they are wasting daylight, to shove Richie away before racing him to the water, but Richie’s hand is still moving up and down Eddie’s arm. The same way Eddie’s hands sometimes worked on Richie’s when he climbed in Eddie’s window at 3 am, hiding from his parents’ drunken negligence, “No. I don’t think I’m ok. But I am better. A little bit. I’m better than I was when I fell in the water, better than I was two years ago. I’m not fucking like critically not ok.”

Richie nods, but doesn’t say anything right away. Behind them, there is a loud splashing followed by Stan cursing and then Beverly and Mike’s laughter fill the air. Eddie turns to look at them and when Ben spots him, he waves, beaming. Eddie waves back.

“Ready to get your asses kicked in Chicken?” Mike shouts their way and Richie looks to Eddie, question in his eyes.

“In a little bit, but be sure to save me a game!” Eddie says back and turns to Richie, smiling at him a little, “You can go ahead, if you want. I promise I’ll be fine.”

“Bullshit,” Richie says, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pulling him closer, “Billy there put me in charge of your heres health, he sure did! I ain't leaving you alone to die in this harsh wilderness all by your lonesome!” Richie says, voice changing, causing Eddie to roll his eyes.

“I hate you, I hate all  your voices, and I was right here, Rich, you are the one who went and took charge of making sure I didn’t die. All on you.” Still, Eddie leans into Richie, side pressed flush against his chest. The skin contact makes Eddie heat up a little.

“You love them, you fucking liar. Besides, there is no way I’m leaving you here when you just admitted to not being ok.” Richie’s voice takes that serious air again and Eddie feels most of the fight inside of him die.

“Can you please just drop it, Richie? It hardly matters.”

A long, comfortable silence falls over them. They stay like that for a few minutes before getting up to join their friends in the water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sky is starting to darken as the Losers all lay out on the rocks, drying off. Stan and Mike were the only ones dressed yet, Stan having brought a towel with him and now the two were laying together, not a whisper of space between them as Mike brings Stanley’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles softly as Stan talks, something soft and quiet and clearly just for Mike. Richie ruins the moment by walking past and ruffling Stan’s hair and Stanley tosses his rolled up swim trunks at him.

Richie catches them and whoops, earning groans from nearly everyone, “Look at this, I’ve got myself a pair of Stanley’s pants, newly wet. I’m the luckiest man alive!”

“Sit down and shut up, Tozier,” Beverly says back, and Richie pouts but listens, tossing the pants at Bev before finding a place next to Eddie on the rocks.

Softly, Richie turns to Eddie, “Is that really what it feels like?” Richie asks, and his question is met with a look of confusion from Eddie, so he goes on, waving his hand out between them, “Before, when you stopped me breathing. Is that really what it feels like for you?”

Eddie swallows hard, biting his lip guiltily before nodding, “I’m sorry for doing that.”

“But that is what it feels like? When you’re having one of your attacks, is that what it feels like?”

Eddie nods again, “Only it’s not a hand. It’s like that without knowing the source.”

“That really fucking sucks.” Richie says, and Eddie doesn’t disagree.

Richie snakes an arm around Eddie’s middle, pulling him close and the smaller boy comes easily, resting his head on his shoulder.

A small silence falls over them again. Richie thinks maybe Eddie fell asleep when suddenly he speaks, and Richie has to bite back a shocked scream, “There’s a word for it.”

“For what?” Richie asks, frowning down at Eddie.

“For….. um, for the kind of not ok I am,” He starts, and sighs. Richie shifts his arm to better look at Eddie as he speaks again, “Psychosomatic,” Eddie breathes out, the word cranking at the end. It feels heavy, to say out loud and he finds his body curling into Richie’s all on its own. 

When he looks at the other boy’s face he finds a puzzled expression. Richie is unnaturally silent against the sounds of  their friends speaking and the crashing waves on the riverbank somewhere behind them. “That’s what it is. It means when you’re not sick but you are. When your body has no illness but you get all the symptoms of being sick. It means- mans in your head. It means crazy.” He is whispering now, voice flat, factual.

Eddie had read all about it after he remembered the time he was in 3rd grade and left the gym red faced with his mother. He had forgotten about it until the day at the pharmacy and then again, this time almost on purpose, until a few months ago. He had gone to the library and took book after book to a hidden corner between the adult and children’s wings. He spend five hours reading about it, hands shaking and lungs useless by the time he left.

He thought there would be a relief in knowing, in having a word and definition for all of it. He was wrong. It made things so much worse, somehow.

He wants to tell Richie all of this, wants to say how he wants to blame his mother but that doing that feels too easy and too mean, that it would mean admitting to failing, in some way. It would mean admitting to falling for her lifetime of lies, even after the lie was exposed.  Instead, he lets out a sigh, resting his forehead against Richie’s shoulder again, where it is warm and safe.

Eddie feels tired, ashamed. Mostly, he feels like he did when he first learned about the falseness of his life, like everything was made out of paper and was on the verge of crumpling. He swallows, “There are people who get so sick- fake sick- that can never leave their house again. That they get send to loony bins or convince themselves they’re dying and then just do it- they crazy themselves to death. I don’t- I don’t feel crazy, Rich. I feel like I’m- I know I’m ok. I saw the test results. My body is fine. But it feels like my lungs are....”

His voice gets a little high pitched and frantic before he trails off, and his throat is sore from all the heaving and the yelling in the water, and the talking. Mostly the talking. He wasn’t use to talking so much. He thinks for a moment how Richie isn’t use to listening this much, that being still is as hard for Richie as breathing is for himself. However, he knows Richie is listening by how Richie’s hand is rubbing his back when his words get heavy, he knows he’s so fully there that it scares Eddie a little. He keeps waiting for a punchline. When none comes he hushes out, “I’m not ready to be crazy. It’s so much easier to have asthma than be a nutter. I- does that make sense? Is that- is that ok, Richie?”

There is a heavy and painful silence  before Richie asks, “Did I ever tell you about why I pushed you that day on the playground?”

“You mean when you fucking shoved me off the swing set into the mud pile below like a jerk?” Eddie asks, confused at the turn of the conversation, and his tone makes Richie laugh a little.

“In my defense, I was 6.”

“Still a jerk move. And I don’t understand what-”

“- shut up. It all connects, I promise. Also, if I had known you were going to cry for a half hour or that I was about to be chewed out by stuttering kindergartener I would have pushed you in the other direction.” Eddie laughs but hits Richie all the same before Richie talks again, quieter this time, “Anyway, that day I was so mad. Stan couldn’t hang out and my dad was too drunk to take me to the park. I threw the biggest tantrum, but my mom just turned the TV up-”

“-God, I just want to slap your parents…” Eddie cuts in, but Richie waves him off.

“Yeah, well, your mom is her own bundle of issues I would like to slap, so just shut up and listen to the story, Eds. So, I just wanted to go to the park. I just wanted them to notice me. So I thought that maybe if I hurt myself that they would turn the TV off. But I was a chickenshit and also 6, so I wasn’t about to actually hurt myself. Instead I went into my room, threw a few books on the floor and screamed. Nothing. So I did it again. Finally my mom comes running it, all redfaced and shit. And I pretended to have hurt my foot. Only I wasn’t a good liar. And my mom saw through it and was pissed. So she told me to fuck off and go to the park. Which, you know, sucked but I did get what I want.”

“I’m so sorry, Ric-”

“-Don’t you dare. And besides, you’re missing the point.”

“You have a point?” Eddie teases, shifting closer to Richie’s embrace without meaning to

“The point is that I wanted them to notice me. I wanted them to notice me and so I pretended to be hurt. And the funny thing is that, walking to the park I swear that my foot was hurting. I started to limb, even.” Richie’s voice got this high and flowy quality it sometimes did when he was getting into a story he was telling and Eddie frowns a little as he listens to him, eyes locked on his face now, “I was mad and upset and somehow I had convinced my body that my foot was hurt even though it was fine. I wanted so badly for someone to just fucking notice me that I yelled at a random grown up at the park and pushed a kid off his swing, but before that I made up a pain that my body mistook for real, you know?”

There is a long beat of silence before Eddie replies, “Yeah, I know…”

“My point is that there is clearly something wrong, Eddie.” Eddie makes to cut him off, but Richie rightfully assumes what he’s going to say and is faster, continuing, “I know that you don’t know what it is. That whatever is wrong isn’t- that you don’t really know what it is. But my point is that you don’t have to fucking try to figure it out by yourself. You have the Losers, Eds. You have me.”

Another beat of silence. “Because you made me cry when we were six?”

Richie laughs, full and loud enough to draw the attention of Bill and Stan from a few feet away, “Yes, Eds, you have me because I was a jerk at six years old.”

There is something in Richie’s voice that Eddie can’t trace, and it makes him turn to look at him more fully, frowning slightly. Being this close to Richie wasn’t new for Eddie, the two of them never being shy about their affection, but there was something so very jarring about the way Richie looked at him now. It makes his breath hitch, which Richie catches, echoing Eddie’s frown back at him. There is concern in that expression and it takes Eddie a second to realize where Richie’s head has gone, “I’m not having another attack. You can relax.”

Richie doesn’t look convinced, “Your breathing got all weird on me…”

Eddie is about to reply when Ben’s voice cuts through, somehow both amused and annoyed, “The rest of us are heading out but you guys are free to stay.”

“You fuckers aren’t leaving us behind like that!” Richie says, pulling away and Eddie tries to ignore the strange ache in his chest at the emptiness that filled the space Richie used to sit

[im-way-too-many-fandoms]

A Little Fall Of Rain (Benjamin Tallmadge x Reader)

Masterlist    Ask

Request from @remember-me-as-i-was :“I was wondering if you could do a Ben Tallmadge fanfiction where a modern girl ends up in the Turn time period, works as a nurse in the camp, she becomes good friends with Caleb, and Ben starts to develop feelings for her. But she fights her feeling for him because she knows what happens. thank you :)”

Trigger Warnings: Panic Attack, Mention of Death, Timetravel(?), War, Blood, Somehow Sad Letters, Angst,  Death, Grieving over dead People, Crying (like, a lot)

Words: 3155 (a long one, folks!)

Y/N ... Your Name

Y/L/N ... Your Last Name

H/C ... Hair Color

H/L ... Hair Length

E/C ... Eye Color

A/N: So, this was a challenge, but I want to thank @remember-me-as-i-was for this awesome request! And, yeah, I hope you like it! If you do, a reblog/like would be awesome!

 ~Mia <3

Ugh…Where am I?

Your head is spinning as you sit up.

Wait, this isn´t my bed!

Your eyes widen.

“And this isn´t my room… Where am I? ,” you wonder aloud.

“You, Miss, are at Yorktown.”

“Yes, in the Revolutionist´s Camp.”

Your whole body freezes from hearing the two voices, your eyes slowly wander to the two men standing at the entrance of the tent.

“Caleb, don´t say that! She could be a spy! ,” the taller man in a blue uniform whispers to the smaller man (apparently Caleb) next to him.

“Oh Benny Boy, such a beautiful woman couldn´t be a spy.” Caleb answers with amusement in his voice as he comes closer to you.

“Or are you one, sweetheart?”

With eyes still wide and mouth slightly open, you´re still staring at them.

“Um, no? I-I´m not a spy. Why would you think that? Who are you?”

There´s panic rising in your voice and the two men seem to notice it too. The smaller man comes with a grin in his face to you and answers,

“Well, I´m the handsome, strong, athletic, elegant, good-look-“

“Ok, ok, you can stop, Caleb!” The taller man interrupts Caleb.

“I´m Major Benjamin Tallmadge and this is Lieutenant Caleb Brewster. Now, since you know our names, what´s your name?”

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N. And I swear I´m not a spy! I-I just remember walking over the street and hearing loud honking and a car and-and screaming and blood and a loud siren… This must be a dream! It´s all just a dream, c´mon Y/N just wake up!”

You are pacing around in the tent, stammering, Caleb and Benjamin wearing worried looks on their faces.

Suddenly, your head snaps in their direction.

“Caleb!”

“Yes?”

“Punch me!” You ask him.

“Wait, what? I can´t punch a lady!” He protested.

“Fine, then you, Benjamin! Punch me!” You ask, your voice getting more demanding.

“I´m sorry Miss Y/L/N but I have to join Caleb on this. I can´t punch you. But, would you answer me another question? What is a ‘car’?”

Your brow creases and you look at their faces. No jokes, just honesty. They really don´t know what a car is.

This can´t be! No no no, this is just a bad dream!

Your breathing quickens and you’re feeling dizzy again. You can feel yourself falling and wait for the impact with the ground, but it never happens. Instead, there are strong arms holding you in bridal style. You look up and are able to make out Ben´s face, all blurry.

“Miss Y/L/N? Y/N? Hey, stay with us!”

You can hear his voice, but it sounds like it´s coming from far away. You try to stay awake, but can´t help but fall into unconsciousness.

Still in Yorktown…

By now, you are working as a nurse at camp. The boys believed that you aren´t a British spy. You realized, it wasn´t a dream, you assume that you died in your time period and somehow landed here… Of course you´re heartbroken about the fact that you´ll never see your family again, but then you remember that you probably died anyway and that maybe something higher wanted you alive, but, well, here.

Thank goodness the boys long forgot their question about what cars are. You know, you can´t tell them anything, it would change the course of history and you can´t risk that. On the other hand, if things would change, no one would notice.

But, still, if I say anything about the future, they either think I´m insane or they believe me and don´t make the mistakes they did the first time, which would make new problems and then maybe the Revolutionists don´t win the war…

“Hellooo… Earth to Y/N!”

Caleb waves his hand in front of your eyes and you focus on him again.

“Sorry Caleb, what did you say? I was thinking about… stuff.”

A smirk starts to grow behind his beard. He comes closer and whispers,

“Were you thinking about Ben?”

Yes, you were able to develop a crush for THE Benjamin Tallmadge and of course, you smartass told Caleb everything!

“Wha- No, I-I wasn´t!”

Your stammering shows Caleb he´s right and he wiggles with his eyebrows.

Well, at least he hasn´t told anybody yet.

On the other side of Camp, Benjamin can´t stop thinking about you, about your H/L, H/C hair, about your E/C eyes, about your intelligence, but also the mystery that floats around you. He´s been harboring a crush on you, but he knows that he can´t tell you, at least not yet. You´ve only known him for a few days and you probably don´t feel the same.

The next morning, you jumped out of bed, hearing the trumpets, signalizing a battle was about to begin. You quickly change into your nurse-outfit, before running to the medical tent.

There are loud, bloodcurdling screams from across the battlefield. Soldiers are carrying other soldiers into the tent, everything is happening so fast. You try to help the other nurses by holding the wounded men´s hands or passing the supplies to the other nurses.

Then, an all too familiar face comes inside the tent.

“Caleb?”

You notice the blood trickling from his shoulder.

Caleb smiles, though it doesn´t entirely reach his eyes.

“ ’Ello Y/N, could you help me with this little thing?”

He nods to his bleeding shoulder.

“Oh my goodness! How did that happen? Please, lie down. A-And hold this!”

You give him a stick, to hold onto, so you have both your hands free to get the bullet out. He tries not to scream, but can´t help himself. You´ve never saw him cry out in agony like this.

Finally, the bullet is out. You wrap bandages around his shoulder and his torso to stop the bleeding. His breathing slowly begins to get back to normal.

“Thank you, Y/N!”

“First, that is my job and second, that´s what friends are for, right?”

He nods, his eyes are drooping and he yawns.

“I´ll let you rest.”

You are relieved that Caleb is okay again, but you´re also afraid of what´s happening in the battle. You are afraid that something could happen to Ben. You know, that he won´t die or get hurt in this battle, still there is this small voice in the back of your head quietly shouting:

He´s going to die, already your presence changed the course of history!

Later that evening, the battle is over and the soldiers are coming back from the battleground. You´re standing outside the medical tent, waiting for a specific person to come back.

“Y/N!” You hear Ben shouting.

You turn around to see him riding his horse towards the tent you´re in front of. He jumps off of his horse and runs to you. He hugs you and you´re surprised by his happy demeanor.

“Ben? W-What happened?” You laugh and hug him too.

“Y/N, where´s Caleb? We won the war! Clinton´s army capitulated!” He almost shouts.

“What? That´s amazing!” You shout too.

Now, both you and Ben are laughing and hugging each other.

“Did I hear we won the war? Without me?”

A raspy voice says, followed by the pale, yet smiling Caleb. Ben releases you and steps over to Caleb to hold him up, before he collapses.

“Caleb, I said you should rest!” You urge him.

“Y´know Benny Boy, Y/N saved my life! You should tell her about your feelings.” He whispers to Ben as he helps him back into the tent.

That night, the whole Camp celebrates the victory over Britain, even George Washington shows himself. Everyone is having fun and there are a few drunk people, but the work for you and the other nurses isn´t over yet. The bandages from the soldiers have to be replaced again and you have to bring them their food and drinks.

“Y/N?”

You smile hearing Ben´s voice say your name.

I could listen to him for eternity.

“Yes? Is everything alright?”

You ask, without turning to him.

“Oh, yes. E-Everything is alright, but-“

Your brows knit together, hearing the insecurity in his voice.

He never is like this… What´s wrong?

You turn around and look into his eyes, there is something in there, you can´t describe it, but it triggers a butterfly-like feeling in your stomach.

“But- What?” You wonder.

“Um… Could you come outside?”

Ben scratches his nose and lets out a breathy laugh. You tilt your head, but then shrug and follow him outside.

“So, um… This is harder than I thought it would be.”

Ben begins, the both of you standing further away from the tents now. You smile at him to encourage him.

“Hey, it´s okay. Whatever it is it´s going to be okay!” You tell him.

He lets out a shaky breath.

“Okay, this is it! No going back now.” He smiles at you and takes your hands in his.

“Y/N, I know we haven´t known each other for very long, but there is something about you. The way you look at the world, even during the war. How you take care of the soldiers and-and-God, there are so many things about you, if I would try to tell you everything, I wouldn´t be able to stop. You´re beautiful beyond imagination, even if you´re covered in blood! And you´re just…just… I don´t even have words to describe you! So, I have to tell you like this…”

His hand cups your face as he leans down. Your eyes flutter shut as your lips meet for a passionate, but shy kiss. You break apart when you need to breathe again. Your faces are just inches away from each other and you can feel Ben´s breath on your lips.

“I love you, Y/N.”

He whispers in such a quiet voice, you wouldn´t have understood him, if he was only a few feet away.

“And I want to court you, if you allow me to. But please, tell me your decision tomorrow morning, so you have time to think about this,” He gestures between the two of you, “I´ll see you tomorrow. Good night!”

He gives you another short kiss and walks back towards the tents. You´re standing there with your mouth slightly open and your fingertips gently touch your lips.

“He-He loves me?”

That night you are pacing in your small tent. You are thinking about Ben and his confession and about the choices you could make.

You want to stay here with Ben, but you also know that he´s supposed to marry someone else.

You are still debating about this dilemma for hours, until you make a choice, even though you don´t like it, but it´s meant to be like this.

You sit reluctantly down and begin to write a letter for Ben. You are going to tell him everything.

My Dearest, Benjamin.

When you read this, I´ll be on my way to New York City, maybe even farther.

I know, this isn´t how you hoped you would get an answer to your question, but here it is.

I love you, yes, I do. But I can´t court you, because I´m from the future. I know, this sounds like I´m insane or a very cheap excuse, but it´s true.

Do you still remember the first question you asked me after I gave you my name? It was: What is a ‘car’?

Well, I think you deserve an answer. It´s like a carriage, but without horses. Yes, that´s all there is to it Now you know it.

I´m crying while writing this letter, because it breaks my heart to know that I can´t be with you. I know all about your life, everything before, during and after the war. After the war you´re going to be wed to a wonderful, beautiful woman and I know I´m not her. Even though I knew this, I couldn´t help, but fall more in love with you every single day I was here. Her name is going to be Mary Floyd.

So, please, forget me and fall in love with her like you fell in love with me.

I love you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

You step out of your tent, with letter in your hand and tiptoe over to Ben´s. You step inside and put the letter on his desk. There´s quiet snoring coming from his bed and you turn around to see him lying in his bed. You smile as more tears find their way down your cheeks. You try to hold back sobs and kneel down next to his bed. You softly kiss his forehead and whisper:

“I love you, Benjamin Tallmadge.”

As you stand back up, he turns in his bed and you hold your breath, scared that he might wake up. But, he continues to sleep. You get out of his tent, turn around and blow a kiss in his direction.

Before you leave, you go to Caleb´s tent and wish him a quick goodbye while  he´s sleeping. The sun is rising and you start going your way upstate.

It feels like you´ve been walking for hours in the dirt and mud. That wouldn´t matter so much, if it wouldn´t have started to rain about an hour ago. You can´t see anything through the pouring rain and the only thing you can hear is the thunder growling. Then there´s a shout!

“Hey! Watch out!”

Suddenly, there´s something heavy running over your body. The pain is unbearable and you let out a bloodcurdling scream.

You´re lying on the ground and can´t move anything, except your head.

Was that a carriage? Why didn´t he stop? Am I going to die now? Why can´t I move?

The rain and hot tears are running down your face while those and many more questions shoot through your brain, when you hear another shout.

“Y/N!”

Ben? It can´t be! He can´t be here. Oh, please, let it be him!

Two men are riding towards you on their horses and stop next to you. They both jump off their horses and kneel down next to you.

“Y/N! Stay with us! Please! You have to stay with us!”

You can make out the men´s faces. It´s Ben and Caleb!

“Ben! Caleb! I-I can´t move.” You cry out.

Both of them try to help you sit up, but you aren´t able to.

“Come on, Y/N. We have to bring you to Camp!”

There´s panic in his voice and tears slipping down his face.

“Ben, listen to me! There isn´t anything you can do for me, okay? I assume you read the letter I wrote you?”

Ben lets out a sob and nods. He´s sitting on his knees, holding you close to his body. You turn your head to Caleb.

“And you know about it too?”

He has tears in his eyes and nods too.

You let out a weak laugh and the boys look at you.

“Y´know, I´ve never seen you cry before…”

Ben shakes his head and presses it to your forehead.

“I love you and I don´t want to lose you.” He manages to tell you through his quiet sobs.

“I love you too.” You whispered.

“Hey, Ben?”

“Yes?”

“Don´t you fret, M´sieur Tallmadge, I don´t feel any pain.

A little fall of rain, can hardly hurt me now.”

You begin singing. Ben stares at you and starts singing too. You quietly sing together.

“I`m here.”

“That´s all I need to know.

And you will keep me safe”

“I´ll stay with you.”

“And you will keep me close.”

“ ‘Till you are sleeping.”

You sing the last verse together,

“And rain… Will make the flowers…”

Your eyes flutter shut and everything turns black.

Ben´s POV…

“And rain… Will make the flowers…”

“…grow.”

Those are her last words. She couldn´t even finish the song, before… before…

“Y/N? Y/N? No, no, no, this can´t be! No! Y/N! Stay with me! Please!”

My voice cracks at the last word as I pull Y/N´s body closer to mine. More tears are flowing down my face. I look over to Caleb, his face is buried in his hands. I hear cries coming from him too.

I can´t get myself to look at you, cold and limp in my arms. If there wouldn´t have been the carriage, you´d still be alive. I could kiss you, I could hold you, we could´ve had a long, happy life! But no! That man on that carriage didn´t even stop, he could´ve helped you! He could´ve at least brought you to Camp or into the city, to a hospital.

My tears by now are angry tears, as I press my head into the crook of your neck.

“I love you, Y/N” I whimper.

It seems like hours until the sun comes out again. Caleb and I carry Y/N back to Camp, to give her a burial she deserve.

We didn´t think the whole Camp would come, considering Y/N was only here for a few weeks, but they came. Many people tell stories about her and at the end a young soldier comes up to me and without saying a word, he hands me a beautifully, detailed sketch picturing my Y/N. I thank him and go back to her body. It seems like she´s sleeping. My hand finds its way to her cheek and I kiss her forehead. I whisper a small ‘I love you’, before I take out a small scissor and cut of a lock of your H/C hair.

I go back to my tent and get a small necklace with a locket on it. I fold the sketch and put it inside the locket with her hair strand.

“I´ll keep you with me, forever” I whisper as I pat the locket.

(Reader´s POV) Epilogue…

It´s the 28th of October, 2017. You´re sitting at your desk to complete your work about Benjamin Tallmadge and the Culper Ring.

“…and that´s it!”

You slump back against your chair, happy about completing your work. You save everything and walk downstairs to your Mom.

“Hey Mom? I´m gonna get a coffee from the bakery down the street. You want anything?”

“No thanks, honey! Did you finish your assignment for College?”

She asks, turning away from the kitchen counter to you.

“Of course, Mom.”

You laugh and give her a kiss.

“Love you!”

“Love you too!” She calls after you, while you shut the door.

You skip across the sidewalk, no worries in mind. The birds are chirping and the leaves are falling, you love fall!

Usually, you always look before you cross the road, but today, well, you are too happy to remember.

That´s a big mistake.

Suddenly there´s a shout and honking, you look around, see a car, but you can´t react fast enough.

There is a loud crash, people are shouting, you are lying on the ground. You look over to your right, there´s blood everywhere.

Suddenly, you feel very dizzy and the world around you becomes blurry. The last sound you can hear, is a siren…