#he gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘self harm’

[otome-corner-cafe]

If Scien got a tumblr account, he’d be ahead of the game with Anon hate.

Anon: kys

Scien: Already did that. Thanks for the suggestion though.

[0ceanic-cosm0s]

To the Hellfire - chapter 2

[Josh Washington x F! Reader]

6.1k words

masterlist - one - two - three

chapter wrote by @sharkology & @xghostcr0wx

⚠️chapter warnings⚠️

[mature language, mentions of self harm, mentions of mental health issues, sexual tension]

"What the hell were you doing on the trail with Em, huh?" Matt tilts his head waiting for a response from Mike. This is not what you were expecting before meeting the last friends of Josh.

"What?" Mike asks in confusion but Matt's glaring gaze doesn't go away.

"I saw you and Em. Through the telescope." Matt replied shortly with clear agitation. Now you know why Matt was in such a sour mood before you, Chris, and Sam got to the lodge. You were still sitting next to Josh by the fire watching everything unfold. You want to look over and see Josh's reaction, but before you could Mike responded to Matt.

"Before? We just ran into each other. It'd been a while so we hugged and I said hello. Is that against the law?" Mike asks in the most laid back tone, as if there wasn't much to be worried about. You honestly didn't know what to make of Mike yet. This interaction between Matt and Mike is kind of weird and you have yet to introduce yourself to the latter.

"Right.. Yeah, duh." Matt doesn't sound so convincing but he continues, "Sorry. It's been kind of a long day, I overreacted." You're glad it didn't continue and you hear a sigh of relief next to you, coming from Josh. You look at him and give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, earning a small smile from him. You feel your throat dry a bit, reminding you of how little water you drank today. You remember Sam offered to hold your water bottle in her bag on the bus for you since it didn't fit in yours.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to get my water bottle from Sam." You inform Josh and he nods.

"Don't keep me waiting too long," He jokes and you give him a lazy smile.

Once you're over to Sam, who's sitting on the stairs near Chris and Ashley, she gives you back your water bottle.

A new girl you have yet to see walks in. 'Must be Matt's girlfriend?' you think to yourself. She was a beautiful girl with short black hair, dark eye makeup, a leather fur lined jacket, and some expensive jeans. Just from her presence you can tell she means business, giving off an intimidating aura. You definitely didn't want to get on her bad side.

Before you can thank Sam, you're interrupted by a voice from across the room. You look to see the girl everyone refers to by 'Em'.

"Oh my God. That's so gross." She says while walking into the main area of the lodge, crossing her arms, a clear look of disdain on her face directed at Jessica and Mike's PDA. "Are you trying to swallow his face whole?"

All you can think about is how weird this is becoming. You're pretty sure there's much to the story you're missing, either way you can't help but think about how much Josh's friend group doesn't really seem to be on good terms with each other. Clearly something to do with messy relationships and friendships thrown in.

"No one wants in on your territory hunny." Emily continues.

"Excuse me, did you say something?" Jessica asks with sass, puts a hand to her ear, and gets up from the couch.

"Oh did you not hear me? Was your sluttiness too loud?" Emily rhetorts.

"I'm sorry, was someone bitter she didn't make the cut?" Jessica countered. This is what causes you to get the bigger picture of the situation. You start to disassociate from what's going on, mostly waiting for this to be over. You look at Sam who's on your left, sitting on the stairs next to you and she just shakes her head in disappointment at the situation. At this point you're pretty much stuck where you are, because there's no way you're going to walk back to Josh during this cat fight. You aren't trying to get caught up in it.

"Whatever, I don't give a shit what you think." You hear from Jessica after you tune back into the conversation.

"At least I can think. 4.0, bitch. Honor roll." Emily claps back with no hesitation. Matt's interjections only make things worse and before it seems like everything's about to come to a climax, you see Josh stand up to break everything up.

"Stop it!" Josh yells which is enough to catch everyone's attention. "This is not why we came up here. This is not… helping. It's not what I wanted." His tone lowered, no longer yelling.

"If we can't get along for ten minutes then maybe we need a little bit of a break, right? Mike, why don't you go check out the guest cabin. The one I told you about."

You feel bad for Josh, it seemed like everything wasn't going the way he'd planned. It's a shame that there's still some unresolved tension in the friend group that can't be put aside for one night.

"Yeah...Yeah alright. " Mike says in agreement, clearly just going along with whatever. He holds his hand out to Jess. "You want to go do that?"

She takes his hand mumbling, "Any place without that whore." Then Jess and Mike leave the lodge.

Matt does a mind exploding motion with a vocal sound effect. "Man, glad that's over." He says and Josh agrees. You overhear something about Emily losing her designer bag, so she and Matt end up leaving the lodge to go find it.

You start talking with Sam while you were waiting for Josh, presumably giving Mike the keys to the cabin. You ask her what she has planned for the night and she mainly just wants to take a bath and relax, which you find understandable. Afterwards she takes her leave to start a bath, leaving you, Chris, and Ashley.

"Alright, peanut gallery, you know what? I got an idea for you two." Josh turns to Chris and Ashley.

"What?" Ashley asks curiously and you look at Josh, interested in what's going on.

"Okay well, I am pretty sure that somewhere in this crazy place we used to have.. a spirit board." Josh claims.

"A what?" Ashley inquired in a worried tone while Chris was asking if he was serious.

"Yeah they're fun, right?" Josh replies and grins in response, but there was no way you were going to mess with a spirit board.

"Josh, you're kidding! You're not actually gonna use that thing, right?" You push him on the shoulder and he just laughs at your worried antics. "You can't mess with those." You continue to tell him.

"No, those things are a joke, man. They don't do shit." Chris brushes it off.

"No way, bro. We used to do it all the time. Me and..." Josh's voice trails off, "Well-" He's cut off by Sam returning from the bathroom upstairs, and maybe it's for the best. You could tell that the conversation was slowly leaning towards a sensitive topic; his sisters.

"Hey Josh,” she catches his attention, “No hot water's kinda major oversight dontcha think?" Sam reaches the bottom of the stairs and walks over to the rest of the group.

"Yeah yeah, just gotta fire up the boiler, it's in the basement." He responds, "You guys see if you can find the spirit board." Josh suggests, giving Chris and Ashley the task.

"Chris, let's go find it! It'll be like a scavenger hunt!" Ashley exclaims with Chris following right behind her.

"Just wait upstairs in the bathroom and I'll get the boiler working for you." Josh tells Sam and she nods, thanking him. “[Y/n], would you mind helping?" He turns to you, his eyes capturing yours and making you feel instant nervousness. It was something small, but it was Josh asking you to help him. And it made you feel useful to him.

"Of course!" You say, but you felt like you sounded a little too enthusiastic. You didn't want to seem too incredibly down bad, even though you kind of were.

“Alright, rad.” He gives you his signature lopsided grin, and to your surprise, grabs your hand in his and leads you from behind him. Your heart thumps wildly and your stomach fills with nervousness but also excitement. His larger hands were rough-in a sort of comfortable way. You didn’t mind though. He squeezes your hand gently as you both begin to walk, and it makes your body ignite with eagerness.

His actions did confuse you though, making you wonder if this was just a friendly gesture to help guide you through the dimly lit lodge or maybe something more. You wanted to say something, anything, but decided to just let it happen. You wanted to enjoy the moment.

He heads over to a desk, and pulls out a flashlight while he talks, still holding your hand firmly, “Hey, notice how I gave Chris and Ash a mission together? Yeah, I was thinking they could use some ‘alone time’~” He says the last part in a somewhat suggestive way. You roll your eyes, not too surprised Josh would do something like that

“They do seem very sweet together, they’d make the cutest couple.” You reply. Josh nods to your words. “I swear they just need, like, something to bond over, ya know? Some sort of traumatic event to send them into each other's arms. I mean at this rate they’ll be in the geriatric ward before Chris makes a move.” You softly scoff at his words, and he starts to walk with you hand in hand in the direction to the basement doors.

But before you two head in, he stops in front of you for a brief moment, a slight hint of seriousness in his tone as he talks, “Ya know [Y/n]..”

“Yes, Josh?” You say in a hushed tone, looking up at him curiously. Your mind was spinning from the eye contact, and it didn’t help that his fingers were still intertwined with yours. You mentally try to calm yourself down as he starts to walk again and continues, “I just wanted to say.. I…” He trails off, huffing out a sigh. You grow a little worried at his actions.

“What?” You inquire. He stops you and turns to face you once more. “It really means a lot to me that everyone came back this year and you know, that..You agreed to come along. Even without knowing anything about these people and seeing how they were a bit ago..” Your heart swells with warmth at his words. The way he was so sincere made a small smile appear on your lips.

“Josh, we’re here for you. Whatever you need, whenever. Just let us know. You can make it through this. All of us, together.” You give his hand a reassuring squeeze, and he nods-continuing on down the stairs to the basement as he quietly responds. “Um, I just want us to have a good time, ya know?” You hum in acknowledgement.

You guys finally arrive at the breaker, and Josh lets go of your hand. You felt a small sting of disappointment from the loss of the heat between your guy’s palms, but you quickly brushed it off, reminding yourself it was most likely a friendly gesture.

“Hey sorry to drag you down into the bowels, I know it’s kinda dark and creepy.” He says as he leans down a bit with his flashlight, looking at the switches and buttons. You shrug, looking around at the old movie props and other stuff lying around. Probably from his dad. “Nah, it’s all good. I’d rather be stuck with you anyways.” You admit. He smiles, a playful glint in his eyes as he glances over. “Oh yeah? Did you have some sort of activities planned for us?” You scoff, gently smacking his shoulder.

“In your wildest dreams.” you say and he hums, looking back at the breaker with that adorable smirk.

“I mean they can get pretty wild, if you’d be a willing participant in them, Marbles?” He says jokingly, but there was a tone behind his words that suggested otherwise-though you didn’t pick it up. “Yeah right, you just keep dreaming.” You walk behind him, patting his back as you look around some more.

You spotted a baseball bat and grew curious of it, picking it up and swaying it around slowly. You turn to Josh with it. “Be pretty rough playing baseball out in all that snow.” He stands up straight and takes the bat from your hands as you gesture it to him.

“No it wasn’t in the winter, silly. I mean we’d come up for the summer and we would have the best time-the whole family was there Mom, Dad,…” His voice grew a little sad, and his expression dropped a bit as he continued, “... my sisters– It was some serious competition out there on the big lawn…I don’t know.”

Your smile fades to a small frown at his words, feeling a little guilty for picking up the baseball bat and having him talk about his sisters.

“Can’t go back..New reality, right [Y/n]?” You nod, and you want to say something, to at least comfort him-but he continues on and switches the subject quickly, putting down the bat. “Anyway, I’m supposed to be fixing this old guy, right?” He fiddled with the switches but no luck. He hands you the flashlight and you hold it for him as he fixes the breaker.

You were hearing some strange noises though, but thought it was just the old pipes in the lodge and ignored it, for now. Afterwards, Josh heads over to another switch panel and you follow.

“Alright just turn this knob for the water pressure while I flip the switch, think you can handle that?” You roll your [e/c] colored eyes at him, which he always found so cute; your little sassy side. “Pretty sure I can, I’m not five.”

He shrugs, walking back to the breaker. “Could’ve fooled me.” You shake your head at his snarky retort and turn the knob. Loud noises come from it once you hit the turn on button, signaling the boiler was up and running.

“Alright, good job Marbles! Gimme five.” You laugh as you give him a high five, finding it adorable yet the corniest thing. He closes the doors to the breaker, but again you hear a strange noise. “What the hell was that?” You question as you look towards the sounds. “Could be a lot of things..And none of them nice..” He says the last part in a deep sultry voice as he caresses and tickles your shoulder. It sent fiery shocks through your body at his touch, but you were a little scared.

“C’mon Josh, be for real.” You say as you turn to face him, slightly serious. “I’m just.. Just ’Joshing’ ya.” He jokes. You give a sarcastic laugh at him, earning a small one from him. “You were really freaked out huh?” You thought for a moment, thinking on what you should reply with. You decided to get back at him. You look over his shoulder, putting on a serious expression of worry and concern.

“Oh my God..” You whisper quietly. “Don’t move-“

“What?” He asks, mimicking your hushed tone.

“Something’s behind you..” He smirks, raising a brow in disbelief. “Yeah right.”

“Holy shit, Josh..Seriously. There’s something back there.” He slowly turns around, and you let out an amused laugh. He turns back to you and scoffs, a sweet smile on his lips. “Alright alright I see your point.” Just after he said that, another bang came from somewhere in the basement.

“Okay, so I’m not tripping. You hear that shit too?” Josh slowly moves in front of you, looking towards the area of where the sound is coming from. “Josh..?” You ask, a little nervous. “..What?” He retorts back.

“The rhythm is weirdly regular..” You whisper.

“Not..No..Nothing regular about it.” he responds back.

You walk closer to him from behind. “Maybe we should, you know, check it out?”

“Why?” He questions as you two cautiously walk over to the sound.

“I dunno, what if it’s like, a pipe that’s about to burst or some problem with the furnace?” You say, reaching out to his arm to hold for emotional support. You were getting a little freaked out, and needed something, anything to hold onto. “Unlikely.” He replies.

Josh pretended not to notice your hands wrapped around his arm, but on the inside his heart was racing rapidly, his anxiousness from your touch ought weighing the anxiousness from the mysterious banging. You responded, “If it were me I wouldn’t want this place to burn down on my watch.”

“..Yeah, right.” He replies. You let go of his arm and walk further to the strange sounds. And just then, a figure in a dark robe popped out of the corner. “NOPE!” You turn around so fast it almost makes you dizzy and sprint away, making sure to grab Josh’s hand in the process to drag him along with you. You two bolted from the stranger as they chased you, while you knocked down objects in front of them to slow them down.

You two made it to the door leading out of the basement, but for some reason it was locked? ”Now why the FUCK is this locked?” You yelled. “T-To keep out strangers!” Josh stuttered out. He turns around and protectively sticks his arm out in front of you as the clothed figure approaches you two.

“Hey..” It mumbles.

“..What?” You breathlessly question.

“Heyyy!” It repeats, sounding like a man’s voice. It was oddly familiar.

“..WHAT THE HELL??” You shout.

“Boom!” They removed the hood of their cloak, and it was Chris. “You just got monked!” He proclaimed proudly.

”WHAT??” You exclaimed, feeling your fear and shock turning into anger and frustration. Josh only chuckles, “Nice. Nice one, that was good.”

You stutter for a second, the anxiety you were having building up. “Why w..Why would you do that?” As you start to lay into Chris, you see out of the corner of your eye Josh looking you up and down. His green eyes drinking up your frantic form, and the way you were scared to death. It was almost like he enjoyed it. He bit his lip a little as he continued to stare at you while you tore Chris up like chopping up a fruit.

You try to ignore the way Josh is basically fantasizing about you right then and there and turn to him angrily. “Was your ass in on this putz??” You shove his shoulder slightly.

“Nope. But I wish I was! That was too fuckin’ good.” Chris and Josh high five each other, while you watched in irritation.

You guys opened the door and left. Your annoyed state calmed down a bit, and you started to reflect on the events of what happened. “Alright I’m ready to admit that your dumb little prank may have had a slight whiff of humor to it.” You say to Chris. “Jokemaster!” He exclaims back. As you two bicker, Josh locks the basement door.

“Well I said nothing about jokes, I said your prank, which was dumb-“ You continue but Josh cuts you off.

“Holy shit you were scared. Admit it.” Josh says as he places the flashlight on a desk. “I was NOT.” You protest. “Oh come on, you totally pissed yourself.” Your face was starting to get red from being flustered at being the only one who was actually the most freaked out.

You hear Sam call up from the bathroom, “Hot water’s running! Thanks guys.” Finally, you hear the voice of an angel, the only person who you could tolerate at this moment.

You and Josh call out a ‘You’re welcome’ to her as Chris and Ashley were talking to each other. You stand in front of the staircase while Josh tends to the fire. Ashley asks if Chris found the ‘thingy’ and he pulled out an ouija board from the robe he was wearing, making a goofy ass cartoon sound effect as he did.

You shake your head, “Nooope nope nope, I refuse to take part in that. You guys can have fun getting possessed and getting featured in the next Conjuring movie, but I’m out.” Chris laughs at your skittish behavior towards the board. “Aww, is someone getting scared again?”

“No, I’m being smart. It’s basic knowledge not to fuck with spirits. You’re not always gonna have Casper the friendly ghost come through. And this is Native land, so I’ll continue to be respectful of that thank you very MUCH.” Chris raises his hands in defense, turning back to Ashley.

You start your way up the staircase after grabbing your bag, but Josh really wanted you to stick around. As you make your way up the second floor, he jogs from the fireplace to the stairs, and to you, gently grabbing your arm. “Oh c’mon, you can’t be that freaked out [Y/n].” You huff, closing your eyes and lifting your head up in a mock snobby manner as you ignore him-continuing down the hallway to a vacant room.

“Wait-are you still mad?” He asks, following behind. You enter a cozy room, the moonlight casting a beautiful glow. You turn on the bedroom light and set your bag down as Josh joins you. “Matter of fact, I am. That ‘prank’ scared me to death.” You reply and sit on the bed, removing your snow boots. He kneels down in front of you and helps remove your shoes, and you let him. It was the least he could do.

“Hey I know that was pretty terrifying, I mean hell I was scared there for a second. But that’s just how my friends and I are. We just like playing stupid and goofy tricks on each other. Sorry you got caught up in it, I should’ve warned you.” His gaze was focused on your shoelaces as he talked, untying them and then slipping off the boot-going to work on the next one. But you could tell he was sincere.

You give yourself a moment to take in the view of Josh kneeling before you, giving you thoughts that aren't innocent at all. It's almost like he's in a worshiping position, just for you. Once he is finished with your shoes, he leaves you with your socks, his beautiful green eyes looking up at you. You thought for a moment what it would've been like if he just kept going and started taking off your clothes, and from the looks of it Josh was thinking the same thing. But you knew his friends were out there waiting for him.

"It's okay, I just really scare easily. I may have overreacted a bit." You admit, trying to shake away the lewd thoughts from your mind. However, you couldn't help but stare at Josh's lips. You can only imagine what it would feel like kissing him.

“No, I get it. You were scared, it's understandable.” he gives you a smirk before adding on, “but I will keep the first thing you said in mind.”

“Hey, you ass!” You lightly kick him in the chest in a playful way and Josh just laughs at you.

“Seriously though, you really don't wanna join in on the spirit board?” Josh asks, rising from his kneeling position and now towering over you from where you sit on the bed.

“I don't know.. I'm scared of those things, like giving unknown evils a way into my life.” You bite your lip and look away, remembering all the horror movies, legends, and so-called rules of the ouija board that you've grown up hearing.

“Hey, it'll be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. I've done it many times before.” He reassures you, putting a warm hand on your shoulder. You relish in the physical contact, craving more.

You ponder for a moment, wondering if you're really about to risk having a spirit haunt you over a hot man. But it's Josh, so how could you not give in?

“Alright, fine,” you relent and Josh lets out a childish ‘yesss!’, “I'm not going to play it though, I'll watch.” You add on at the end in a matter of fact tone.

“Okay okay that's fair,” He agrees, and you're glad he doesn't push you on it. Josh's hand that was once on your shoulder, glides down your arm to your hand, holding it in his. The feeling of his hand inconspicuously stoking down your arm sent shivers down your spine, making your stomach tingle with the need for more. You knew that Josh knew what he was doing. “Let's go.” He says, leading you up off the bed.

And Josh did know what he was doing. He has everything planned out, planned out as much as he could. Him kneeling on the ground to take off your shoes? He wanted a better look at you from below, in an intimate position. His light touches and stroking your arm? Hopefully it would send a big enough message that he's interested and down bad for you. He really does want you and from the looks of it, it seems like you're feeling it too.

When Josh was at the mental hospital, he just thought he was gonna be bored out of his mind and have to stay in that hellhole for a whole month with nothing to do besides having constant breakdowns and therapy sessions. But then you came along, and instantly he felt intrigued. You were breathtaking, even when you looked like you just got out of a fight with the embodiment of depression. You still had this vibe to you, like you still had this luring confidence and uniqueness to you under all that anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

As he grew to know you, he was even more infatuated. The way you would smile, the way your eyes would travel around while you disassociated, how your small little scratches to your arms would indicate that you were thinking of your self harm scars, he would take note and observe everything about you. He wanted you, he wanted to know everything going on in your head. And he wanted to know what you thought of him too. That’s why he invited you here, to his lodge.

Yes, he wanted to make all those fantasies he’s had about you come to real life after months of longing and having to stroke himself out to the thoughts to relieve his frustrations. But he also wanted to genuinely know more about you and your mentality. Overall, he just wanted time with you. He was, for the lack of a better word, obsessed with you.

With your hand in his, you both leave the guest room to regroup with Chris and Ashley. By the time you're in the room with him, Josh lets go of your hand and you find yourself craving more of his warmth.

“So you changed your mind?” Chris asks in a playful mocking tone, you just roll your eyes and smile.

“Nope, still not playing. But I'll watch.” You state and sit down at the table where the spirit board is getting set up. Josh is on your left, Chris is on your right, and Ashley is right across from you. You can't help but steal glances at Josh on your left, especially with how hot he looked with the candle light on him.

“To free yourself from the spirit world you must free your mind of all preconceptions, drop all inhibitions, and generally give yourself over entirely to the will of others, sublimating your every desire to the whims of the ‘spirit master’, which is me.” Chris reads the instructions but jokingly adds what he wants at the end.

“It doesn't say that.” Ashley responds to his antics.

“Aaanndd all present will remove their garments at my discretion-” Chris is cut off by Josh.

“Come on Chris, this is serious.”

“Oh I am deadly serious.” Chris says in a funny voice impression and puts his hands on his hips.

“Shush it, let's try this.” Ashley says, ready to get on with it and Josh adds a ‘Yes please’.

“Okay then, let's see what happens.” Chris surprisingly listens to them and continues, “Ashley, since you're a recent convert, why don't you be our medium for today?”

Even though you're just watching, you're starting to feel anxious and nervous about what could happen. You're worried if anything can happen to you from just being in the same room as people playing the spirit board. And you knew you were already making the wrong choice by choosing to put yourself around one. All those horror movies you grew up on really left an impression on you.

“Okay um.. Anyone there?” Ashley calls out, ”Will you reveal yourself to us… If you're there..?”

After a few seconds of waiting, you see the planchette start to move. “Oh my God, guys!” You exclaim and point in disbelief.

“Wait a minute.” Chris responds in a skeptical tone.

“Did you do that..?” Josh turns and asks Ashley but she immediately responds with denial.

“Oh it's moving again!” Chris comments before the planchette starts spelling out a word.

“H-” Ashley reads the first letter.

“Are you guys just messing around?” You ask, but your question remains unanswered. You aren't fully convinced, considering the jokes this friend group pulls on each other all the time.

“What's it spelling?” Josh is starting to sound more urgent, no longer emitting his laid back attitude which is starting to make you worry a bit more too. You shift in your chair from an uncomfortable and eerie feeling.

“Hold on-” Ashley tries to wait for the planchette to stop moving.

“How is this happening?” Josh continues sounding a bit more frantic, making you panic on the inside more. This is no longer feeling like a joke, and if it is one, it's a bad joke that's starting to mess with Josh. You thought Josh used spirit boards all the time?

“Are you moving it?” Chris asks as the planchette proceeds to move from letter to letter. He isn't convinced that this is actually real, probably due in part to not believing in the supernatural.

“I swear! It's just moving.” Ashley denied, but right as she said that, the word finished spelling.

“Holy shit…” Josh utters out and you sit in silent shock.

‘H - E - L - P’

“How are we supposed to help?” You questioned. you're clearly scared at this point, especially since it's your first experience with a spirit board.

“I don't know, what does it mean?” Ashley asks in response.

“We need to know who it is if we want to help them.” Chris adds on, and you look over to Josh to see his reaction which is unreadable at the moment.

“Who are you..?” Ashley questions the spirit board, waiting for an answer.

The pointer starts moving again and chaos ensues once more. Everyone started talking over each other in confusion, worry, and disbelief.

‘S - I - S - T - E - R’

This revelation makes your mouth open in shock. You don't know how to react so you just look over to Josh.

“Who’s sister?!” Josh asks in a firm voice, looking like he was trying to decipher what was going on.

“Oh c’mon is this for real?” Chris inquired, not believing what was going on.

“Shut up.” Josh snaps at Chris, “Ask who's sister.” You can tell Josh is getting serious, and you've never seen him in this type of way.

“Josh… it's.. it's gotta be-” Ashley is cut off but everyone here knows what she's insinuating.

“Yeah, okay well,” Josh turns to Ashley, “ask it which one!”

You put a comforting hand on Josh's knee. You don't know if it can really help, but it's the thought that counts, right? He gives you acknowledgment by sending a glance your way, almost analyzing your features.

“Ashley, ask who it is.” Chris says, dropping his playful attitude.

“Who are we speaking to…?” Ashley asks before continuing again, “Beth, is that you?”

Another wave of anxiety washes over you as you wait in anticipation. The planchette moves to confirm Beth's presence.

“Oh God.” Ashley utters in scared shock.

“This is messed up.” Chris shakes his head in disapproval.

“Josh, you don't need to play anymore..” You bring up, trying to get everyone out of the uncomfortable situation. Josh didn't look like he was doing too well.

“I'm fine.”

“Are you sure because we can stop-” Ashley is cut off by Josh, his eyes fixed at the spirit board.

“No.”

“Dude, it's cool-” Chris starts, but is interrupted before he can even suggest anything.

“I want to hear what it says.” Josh affirms, his eyes meeting Chris.

You're glad Chris and Ashley aren't trying to push him to continue playing, it's quite the opposite. However, you're surprised Josh wants to keep going in the first place. He's used spirit boards before though, so you assume it's for some sort of closure. His sisters are still technically missing, even though he told you he believes they’re dead.

“Think about it. If this is actually Beth, I mean, we can find out what happened that night.” Chris suggests.

“Beth… Oh Beth we want to apologize for what happened last year with Hannah and,” Ashley's voice starts breaking with sorrowful emotion, “if you can hear this, please please know that we are all so sorry.”

“You and Hannah. We're really sorry Beth, to both of you.” Chris adds on, taking accountability for something he had no control over and wasn't apart in.

You decide to stay silent. You didn't want to overstep any boundaries and you weren't involved with his sisters enough to have a say on anything. All you could do is observe and hope that anything doesn't trigger Josh in any way, but you think you're far past that point by now. His sisters were a triggering topic in general. The pointer starts to move again.

‘H - A - N - N - A - H K - I - L - L - E - D’

You let out an audible gasp, and Ashley follows suit. “I don't know if I can keep doing this.” Ashley admits.

“We have to.” Josh urges, not ready to give up just yet. You could tell this was important to him.

“Just- just stay calm. I think it's saying to us that someone killed Hannah..” Chris speculates.

Ashley asks how Hannah was killed. The tension in the room is thicker than ever and everyone seems to be on edge. The planchette spells out something about proof in the library before completely flying off board. You jump and let out a little yelp in response, covering your face to not get hit by it. Luckily, it flies past your face.

“You know what? This is bullshit. This isn't real.” Josh stands up from his chair with a distressed and shocked look on his face. He gives Chris and (mainly) Ashley an accusatory look. Probably because she was the only one out of all of them that was in on the prank last year. You stand up at the same time as him, ready to go after him if need be, but he doesn't pay too much mind to this, still freaked out by the current events. Hell, you don't even know if Chris and Ashley were joking. But from the looks of it, they wouldn't joke about something so serious. Especially such a touchy subject like his sisters. This had to be real.

“Josh, I don't know what's going on.” Ashley instantly claims and puts her hands up, voice shaky.

“Listen, I don't know– I don't know if you think messing with me is somehow going to help me deal with my grief or water but this is not cool.”

“Josh, no! You wanted to use the spirit board–” Ashley denies and tries to explain, but he clearly isn't having any of it.

“Josh..” You try to interject but It doesn't make too much of a difference.

“Hey calm down, it's not Ash’s fault.” Chris tries to reason with him to no avail, he's already making his way out of the room.

“I don't need this right now! Okay?! You guys are full of it!” Josh shouts, clearly upset before stomping down the stairs to leave the room.

“Should we go after him??” Ashley turns to ask you and Chris with a worried look.

“Don't worry about it, I got him.” You answered, gaining a nod from Chris and Ashley.

You leave down the same stairs Josh did, hoping to find him and somehow help. If he doesn't want help, you'll give him his space. You can hear Chris and Ashley’s discussion of the events that just took place growing further and further away as you look for Josh. You just hope you can make a difference.

[a/n]: next chapter is gonna be supper juicy and smutty so get ready 👌🏽

- 🦈&🦇

[hitlikehammers]

time for that age old question: is love enough to beat back the apocalypse?

Because Steve's right there to protect everybody like the self-sacrificing asshole he is help Eddie make the music he's not strong enough for yet help them all put Vecna in the ground for good this time, right?(!??!)

or: what's the song for your walkman, baby? does it even matter?

I Could Be Your Nurse (or something)

Or: Five Times Eddie Has To Ask For Help, Plus One Time He Doesn’t Need It Anymore (but asks anyway) ✨ for @penny00dreadful 💜

<<< three: sleep 🌗

🎧 🎹 four: play 🎶 🛡️

To tell the whole truth of it: it comes too quickly—Vecna’s last stand. Of course it does.

But probably, if he’s being fair: they’d never have been really ready. Not for this, and so maybe it’s best that they’re not fully healed, not at full strength when it all comes to a head, not least because that means Vecna and his petal-toothed brigade aren’t at full strength either. And that choice, for their side, is sloppy; the Party stands on the right-side-up against the attack because they have to. Vecna makes his move because—or else, Eddie’s fairly sure—because the sadistic ballsac is losing his fucking mind.

Which is terrifying, sure, but fuck if it doesn’t help their cause.

It’s actually over pretty quick, even compared to Spring Break which, while it felt like a lifetime for how much it changed Eddie’s own, it’s only been those handful of days—but it’s kinda like the grand finale at a fireworks show: everything all at once then, done. In the everything’s though: he might not like it, but Eddie’s not so foolish as to believe he’s not still too tender, still too deep in healing the finer points of being gnawed alive to be anything but a burden in the thick of it. He refuses to be sidelined, though, and he thinks it says a lot for the long-term health of this glorious impossible thing he’s…building? Yeah, he, umm, he, Eddie Munson, is building a real goddamn thing where he doesn’t even just let someone into his heart and treasures them there, no, he’s building a thing where he gives his heart and gets on new and soft and trembling in kind and they both get to work at the treasuring of something more precious than just their own vulnerable insides, but yeah, yeah:

Eddie thinks it bodes really fucking well for the hopes he has that lean hard toward forever, already, in Eddie’s chest at least when Steve looks his way as they’re planning the teams and he locks eyes with Eddie and Eddie doesn’t even get his mouth open to breathe, to plead don’t cut me out, don’t send me to Wayne to be ‘safe’ or ‘out of harm’s way’ or whatever, don’t leave me so fucking far from you my heart hurts just because it’s beating in the middle space unmoored and shaking around all bruised up with it for not knowing and I know I can’t do what everyone else can but it’ll be bad enough not being next to you please don’t push me far enough that I won’t know the moment you’re safe, just—

Steve meets his eyes, and Eddie’s breath catches before his heart trips, and then Steve speaks up—and he doesn’t, not all that often when the nerdiest among them are shoring up the battle plans—but he watches Eddie without blinking when he pipes up:

“Eddie’s on medical and audio, with Erica and Jon.”

And maybe it’s his tone—this almost wholly novel thing in Steve that’s steely and unquestionable but no one pushes, they nod and get back to work, totally seamless and, and…yeah. That’s all Eddie wanted. Best he could hope for. Just outside the gate they go through. Close enough to hold a hand on the way down, and reach for purchase on the journey back.

Steve swallows hard, and nods at Eddie before he looks away and starts gearing up, twirls his fucking nailbat so it catches the sunlight even thought the metal’s mostly rusted, now and just…Eddie hadn’t needed to say a word. And Steve wanted to send him to safety, the way his throat had bobbed made it real clear there was something heavy he’s held back but: he’d said what he said. He’d laid the line in Eddie’s favor. Eddie wants to hold him, wants to pull him close and feel him breathe, and—

Yeah. Eddie kinda feels like the way it goes is a really good sign for their future as a couple. A couple. Them. Together.

With an always on the other side of all of this that could be kinda fucking magnificent, maybe. Given the chance.

Point being: Eddie gets himself set up with at least a full ambulance’s supplies for first aid, definitely not acquired legally, and a stereo set up he really wishes someone had been kind enough to outfit him with in not-the-apocalypse, holy shit is it gorgeous, but since the strength in his hands is still a work-in-progress, he’s gotta be ready to crank up the noise as a distraction from arm’s-length. It’s actually driving him fucking crazy—or, was; it was, pre-active return to the regularly scheduled world ending—the whole not being able to make music, to translate the noise in his head into sounds on the strings but even that, even that’s been tolerable, survivable because of Steve—who he loves, he gets to love Steve Harrington holy fuck—but Steve’s not just there to be everything and more than the air Eddie goddamn breathes, to become the music just by existing, nope, he one ups that shit: he asked Eddie if it’d be enough to learn the chords he needs. So Eddie could match the words with the notes right, so Steve could be a—

“—kinda piss-poor substitute but,” Steve had shrugged for it with a crooked grin; “but even a bad translator gets a message across, and you’d know when it’s wrong so we can figure out how to fix it and—“

And Eddie’d grabbed Steve’s chin and yanked his mouth close to fucking consume that man like a soul goddamn starved.

“I’d be a shit teacher,” Eddie had mouthed against Steve’s lips after they were sucked well-swollen; “if I still can’t lift the fucking neck for more than a minute,” but Steve had heard none of it, just shot right back:

“You don’t think we’ve beat steeper odds than that?”

And in the face of that raised brow, those red lips parted, that pulse in that neck still a little bit visible like a tease: the fuck was Eddie supposed to do but dive back in and love on the man who’d somehow agreed to be his, and to claim Eddie of all people in turn?

Which is a whole other reason why everything’s gonna be fine: Steve’s gonna make music with him. Steve’s gonna be Eddie’s muse and the vessel for what he inspires. It’s gonna be like Greek fucking poetry, except it’s gonna be them.

So Eddie’s all stocked up, s’got everyone’s floaty-bone-breaky songs queued up on blast for immediate deployment as necessary, and Steve’s the last to go through—he always is, in Eddie’s experience, waits for everyone to be safely accounted for before he spares a thought for himself and it might kill Eddie one day but not fucking today, because it’s gonna be fine—

“Eddie.”

It feels a little like history repeating itself, the way Steve huddles him in a little. Henderson’s through, with Lucas and Hopper and the weird stray Russian, but it’s not like history repeating, because Eddie’s got different words to see him off with; so fucking different.

“Last time I didn’t have,” and Steve reaches, cups Eddie’s cheek, drags down to press on his chest as his voice strains hard: “and it almost killed me,” and Steve usually pinches between his eyes to keep his feelings in check but instead of using his free hand to hold back the tears he reaches for Eddie’s and laces their fingers as his voice cracks and he chokes out:

“Please,” and it’s for everything. For all the almosts from last time; for all the possibilities rife this time. For all the hopes Eddie thinks they share beyond how this shakes out.

“Exceptionally underqualified field med,” Eddie breathes, and squeezes Steve’s hand so, so hard like a promise, because it is; “exceptionally overqualified DJ,” and Steve chuckles, wet but real and it’s enough, because:

“I got it, Stevie,” Eddie bends his forehead to Steve’s to say better than with words that he’s not in this to be a hero, he’ll be right here the whole time, but that doesn’t mean he…that doesn’t mean he can help but to ask this time:

“Just,” and the breath in him punches out unexpectedly as he damn-near begs:

“Only bring me back the little things, yeah? That I know how to fix?”

And they both hear what’s said underneath it:

Don’t turn around and die down there, and kill me in kind..

And—if anyone’s keeping track—they turn out not to need it but: the way the kiss is a wholeass wartime farewell, man.

And then: Eddie waits, and fucks with the speakers for less than an hour before the earth shakes, and his heart drops, but then he hears it.

The fucking whooping of those shitheads echoing through the cracks.

And then he sees it, runs, grabs the first hand that’s clinging to the rope this time and pulls with strength he doesn’t have, is probably more a hindrance than a help but he steadies them each back on the ground and hugs them so tight, kisses more than one of them on the head or the cheek as he doesn’t pretend not to be sobbing through the laughter because they did it, they fucking did it, somehow it’s over and he loves these people and he’s so fucking happy they’re alive and safe and here and—

And the person he loves more, loves most, brings up the rear, a little bloodied, a little scratched up, dingy with the fucking air down there but smiling and Eddie…

Eddie falls into him so fucking hard they both hit the ground and just, just grab onto one another. Just hold and breathe and catch lips every few seconds like an afterthought because they feel each other’s heartbeat where their chests are pressed tight and it’s, they’re…

Steve’s got four broken fingers across both hands. None in a row. He’s basically giving a Vulcan salute by default for how they’re taped.

Eddie loves him so goddamn much it hurts.

And Eddie’d obviously known—once things start to settle in the days that’ve followed—that teaching Steve guitar with those Spock-y hands was on the back burner, but he does ask Steve to sit, and to rest, and to help hum back the tunes in Eddie’s head while Eddie jots lyrics with a hand that’s still shaky but steadying out more every day, and it’s kind of perfect, and Steve adds some things into the melodies either on purpose or by accident but they’re better for it every time and—

Muse and vessel, man. The light of Eddie’s whole goddamn life.

With fucking Vulcan hands still, though, so: excuse Eddie for being…bewildered when his boyfriend—boyfriend, that’s his boyfriend—but his taped-up-healing-Vulcan-handed boyfriend is propping the front door open and lugging in a long, not-recovery-friendly thing that looks close to dropping on his toes and—

“The fuck are you doing?” Eddie asks with a little more panic in his voice than he’d hoped for as he rushes as best he can to where Steve’s kicking the door shut behind him, fluttering his hands around uselessly as Steve maneuvers past him, leans across for a peck at the corner of Eddie’s mouth and calls—“It’s fine, it weighs, like, nothing”—over his shoulder as he settles the, the thing down on the coffee table in the living room they’ve started actually using for, y’know.

Living.

Eddie follows him in, though, because of course, he’s half-a-dog on that man’s heels, whole-caught-in-the-gravity-of-his-everything: but Eddie follows as Steve tosses himself backward with something in his hand, rolls and rucks up his fucking absurd Hawking Middle tee across the sweet curve of his hips, the way the soft give of skin tempts Eddie to run his tongue over the trail of almost-curls, like baby-curls where they lead under the waist of his jeans: Eddie would happily volunteer to survive on the taste of that musky-delicate space until the end of goddamn time—

But then Steve’s huffing a breathless ha from behind a chair where he’d been stretched to reach and a light catches Eddie’s eye from his periphery where he’d been staring unblinking just at Steve: the big long black thing on the coffee table. It takes a genuine concerted effort not to keep at the Steve-staring—not an uncommon state of Eddie’s existence, in all fairness—and check what’s glowing on the table: something turned on. Was plugged in, right, that’s what had Steve rolling on the floor without Eddie on top of or being deliciously pinned down by him.

The something being the big long black thing that Eddie takes in for the whole of it, now: a keyboard.

“Jon picked it up for me second-hand from the place next to Fox Photo when he drove down for his camera, and Rob vouched that it’s a good brand and like, really good condition,” Steve’s raised up on his knees, now with his hands braces on his thighs as Eddie studies the keys, fingers the ends of a every few of the naturals.

“Rob helped with those, too, so I’d know the right, like, chords,” and yeah: they’re stupa of masking tape stuck to the keys with letters in blue, black, and red pen, alternating so they don’t get mixed up, some with and arrow, Eddie assumes, to indicate a sharp.

“I only remember like half of one song from when my parents thought it would look good to have me take piano lessons,” Steve huffs in whole-ass judgment; “my mom wanted the endorsement of the guy who was stepping down from city council, and his wife taught private lessons, so, y’know,” Steve rolls his eyes; “super convenient leading up to the election.”

“What song?”

Steve blinks, tips his head in askance for what Eddie recognizes very clearly as something closer to a croak than a question, his throat all tight. He tries to cough, to clear it.

“What song do you remember?”

Steve snorts at that, leans back on his palms, and fuck is he beautiful.

“Clair de Lune,” Steve grins crooked; “the one song I was allowed to pick, instead of just being assigned.”

“Why’d you pick it?” Not that Eddie doesn’t like it or anything. It’s more that…he knew Steve could more than just drum fingers on keys, if only just, and that a baby grand used to sit in the corner where there’s a stereo cabinet now, but.

But: see, there’s like a whole half of his heart that’s dedicated to collecting new knowledge about everything Steve: his favorite food when he was 12 versus the now. How his favorite color became his favorite color. The story behind all the polos. The nitty-gritties about why he’s in a big-ass house alone for approximately 360 days a year, and how long it’s been that way. Eddie’s whole heart is basically Steve’s but every day that half overflows a little, and Eddie’s only keeping it relegated to parts filled with Steve-lore so he can feel the collection break containment every other day, this grand and joyous bursting under his ribs as everything spills over again, and again, and again until it’s all just Steve, and his heart has to burst or stretch, or both.

Eddie thinks both will be amazing.

And right now, in the interest of building toward that amazing-both: he wants to know why Debussy.

Steve chuckles to himself—better music than any dead French guy by a country mile—and eyes Eddie almost slyly.

“Do you remember Claire Reynolds?”

Vaguely. Like, very vaguely. He remembers…uneven pigtails. Very actual-cult-like vibes about her family as a vague impression and now that he’s bringing it to mind he feels a new wave of indignation: those Children-of-the-Corn motherfuckers were just fine but Eddie liked a board game and he was probably a murderer.

“When we were in like, first grade,” Steve’s continuing on; “she asked me every, single, day, to come over and see her sheep.” Steve looks up at Eddie and bites his lower lip, lets his gaze dance and lets Eddie fall into it for a few dazed seconds before he spells it out.

“She had these crazy eyes about it, it was kinda unsettling,” Steve nudges, but Eddie’s doesn’t get it until:

“And it’s not like I do now, because obviously I don’t, but I definitely didn’t speak a lick of French when I was eight.”

It takes Eddie a hot second before he snorts hard enough to hurt:

Claire, da Loon.

“I was eight,” Steve protests Eddie’s laughter halfheartedly even as he joins in, reaches to slap at Eddie’s upper arm which honestly: just makes him laugh harder.

“Anyway,” Steve fights through the last of the chuckling as it peters out between them, drags himself to sitting next to the coffee table and taps his hand to the top of the keyboard.

“I know it’s not the same as learning guitar to help, and I can probably only get the top and bottom notes with these,” he lifts his Vulcan-fingers his a shrug; “but I was hoping that’d be better than nothing?”

And, like, how Eddie was talking about his heart having to swell, for all the things he gets to tuck inside of it that come with loving Steve Harrington?

He might crack a rib, just now, because—

“This is for me?”

Steve purses his lips, lifts a brow:

“Well, technically it’s for me,” steve singles his fingers, which looks absurd with the splints; “but yeah. To help you get the songs out. I mean, once these are free again, you can help me with the guitar like we talked about, until you’re—“

And Eddie cannot be blamed, see: he cannot be fucking blamed for tackling Steve to the floor and kissing him hard enough to bruise because…

“You got hurt,” Eddie half-breathes between kisses; “you got hurt and I was so afraid I was gonna lose you,” and Eddie reaches for those taped fingers and kisses them, too: so gentle and Steve’s expression softens so quick:

“I was scared, too,” he whispers between them, cups Eddie’s face with his unloaded hand; “you were as safe as I could make you within the fucking city limits but I was still so goddamn scared.”

Cue more rib-cracking for the heart-swelling, because Jesus fucking Christ.

“And you,” Eddie exhales, slow and shaky; “you’re hurt, but you went and got,” he nods to the keyboard;

“I know it’s not ideal,” Steve’s quick to, to what, apologize? For being insane and perfect and—

“Shut up,” Eddie says, voice low and watery and he’s still kissing at Steve’s fingers, holding his wrist delicate but also like a lifeline.

“You’re hurt,” Eddie maybe kinda moans it because he hates it, as much as he’s so fucking grateful that’s it’s just this, no worse than this; “and you still—”

“I promised, didn’t I?”

And that…that’s one thing Eddie’s learned beyond reproach; that even to his detriment, Steve keeps his goddamn promises.

And he’d promised to help Eddie get his words out, to place the lyrics to the notes and help unclutter his brain so he didn’t lose his mind.

Holy fucking hell.

“Steve,” Eddie starts, shakes his head, needs to find the right words. “You’re alive,” the most important thing. “You are healing,” another most important thing, for Eddie to oversee and make sure of, even as Steve keeps an eye on the last lingering threads of the long haul on Eddie’s road to recovery in kind, his beloved mother hen.

“This is,” and he runs his fingers too light to draw sounds across the keys, hopes he sounds as awed and grateful as he feels; “but you, you’ve gotta test, you have to,” and Eddie shakes his head and lifts his eyes to just fucking ask it:

“Why?”

And Steve: Steve just studies his face for a few seconds, reads what he needs before he smiles kinda exasperated, mostly fond and answers so simply, while also breaking a few more of Eddie’s ribs when he just says:

“Because I love you.”

And Eddie’s heart’s not so overfull yet of all of Steve, it’s not fair that it just bursts right then and there, Eddie propelled into Steve’s arms to kiss him deep this time, like he’s searching out Steve’s soul to taste and maybe he is, save that he needs his heart to not have exploded for feeling if he’s going to keep the memory of it safe in his chest for always, he needs to patch his heart back up first but he’s too distracted, too drowned in the way love actually fucking feels, fucking shifts his cells around and makes a new version of him, lets his heart grow bigger except it went and blasted apart with the unprecedented immensity of loving and—

And then Eddie’s got Steve’s taped up hands on both his cheeks, and he remembers that night, in the shower, where Steve ripped the seams from his shirt so taking it off wouldn’t hurt him; notices how Steve is wearing that same fucking shirt in this very moment, all in one piece, like it never split apart in the first place.

Master seamstress, tried and tested and true; truer than anything.

So Eddie just dives back in and kisses with everything in him, thinks maybe when Steve tastes the pieces of Eddie’s blowout heart under his tongue while Eddie goes diving for the sweet lick of Steve’s soul:

Eddie thinks Steve’s mouth might know how to stitch up torn things, too. Especially the kinds that are ripped at their seams wholly for the sake of loving that fucking hard.

✨permanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland @dreamwatch @perseus-notjackson @estrellami-1 @bookworm0690 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @nerdyglassescheeseychick @swimmingbirdrunningrock @goodolefashionedloverboi @sanctumdemunson

divider credits here & here

👾 title credit here

💫 ao3 link here

[aliteralchicken]

The way that it’s canon that Babs, Cass, Bart, and Kon lectured Tim about being mean to Steph haunts me in the cringing sense. It sounds so Steph-Centric fanfic like but… it’s canon… (Why would Kon & Bart even care about Steph??? 😭)

I will always defend Megan Firzmartins work (with the exception of YJ:DC) because a lot of male writers have got a lot less shit for much worse writing, I defended this issue in particular when it first came out because 90% of the complaints I saw were people being mad that Stephanie wasn’t *being homophobic* towards him

listen I get why she did it, she got slaughtered by Steph fans and timsteph fans for breaking them up despite the fact that Tim and Steph have broken up many times before and had many other love interests

to be completely fair to her she wasn’t the one to change Steph’s personality, she just gave her the same personality ever other writer has been giving her in recent years, if she gave Steph a more classic Steph response of reacting with anger and jealously there would be people absolutely crying out about it

And I partly blame young justice 2019 for the young justice being Steph’s friends plotline, because there’s no reason Steph and Kon should be anything more than frenemies especially after the whole Superboy vs robin teen titans issue

but overall, I would’ve loved it if they allowed Steph to be pissed off like she would’ve been pre new 52, it adds conflict in the batfamily, gives her back personality flaws that were very interesting, it’s adds something to the story especially since Cass would have to pick a side

I would’ve loved to see bart and kon trying to be there for Tim because breaking up with his girlfriend, not talking to his family and joining a self harm cult in order to take it down is very concerning and he’s not exactly the face of mental health (side note I do actually quite enjoy how she writes Bart)

overall, everyone being so insistent Tim talk to his ex after their breakup, not on his own terms, without this being shown as a bad thing, is not what I wanted to read, especially given that Tim ends up forcing himself out of the closet as an explanation rather than doing it naturally, I would’ve much preferred him going to her, rather than everyone forcing her one him

[red-water-dragon]

Raren demonstrating a suspicious spell in front of the royal court.

visual storytelling notes:

The bg was left blank until I started painting and the elements added to the bg were designed around the character. I didn't go into this with a little synopsis of what I wanted to convey. Only an abstract idea that Raren was going to be talking to someone, figure it out later. I decided he'd be presenting a new spell in front of a political chamber because he wears a crown and a blue crystal. So he has to be of some form of nobility and magical prowess. He also has blue eyes meaning he is an ice dragon and thus its a blue spell wow. The monarchs he's addressing are left dark and disapproving in the corner while Raren powers a statue beneath them. He could be demonstrating how the spell effects the world around them, maybe it freezes the stone? maybe it brings the statue to life? Either way its primed to eat Raren's opposition. Two of the bg guys are red one is blue maybe he's an arch nemesis who knows.

Art process and wips under the cut

I'm trying and failing to get better at visual story telling while keeping things simple. My long term goal is to have a frequent and consistent posting schedule. Most of the art would be stylized and simple like this and the rest could be fully rendered.

Art has been more of a "draw what's in you head and make it look pretty/ cool to hang up later" thing to me w/ the benefit of being a good source of self reflection as I create. Writing has more so been my go to for expressing that meditation. Writing I don't share because im unnecessarily cagy abt my emotions and my harshest critic lol. I want to tell stories with my art , convey tone, feeling, etc. and right now my paintings don't do that. I don't have the technical skill yet. This painting is the first of many to come that will hopefully change this.

The texture in this is chaotic and the line work is rough. Raren is the only part of this with a full sketch. All other line art was added to create the illusion of detail. There is less attention on rendering each section and more being put into the placement of characters and props. I had hoped this would make the painting go faster and...it has the potential to do so in the future. Sooo a piece that could have taken a couple hours took a whole day.

While im not overly thrilled with the final image im still happy about the process. Normally the dragon would be the only real focal point in my painting with the bg being a gradient, or a simple theme added last second. Conveying a message is more work but it gives more cool things for the eye to look at and the mind to ponder. So in theory even if the final result is aesthetically unappealing the theme can still salvage the work a bit.

what this taught me:

sketchy line work is passable in the final image

it can even add character to the art

plants are a great way of filling space without actually doing so

(hence the wip of the room looking empty af with out them)

the more clothing and eye candy you put on your character the more clutter you have to add to the bg to balance it out

the main oc was sketched the bg was painted on the fly

doing so saved time but harmed the natural flow of the piece

all of the storytelling is happening in quarters and it is almost abrasive to look at

what ill try in the next piece:

perspective guides

less shading and rendering

find a color palette to stick to

or work in greyscale first

write a little picture synopsis

or pick a theme

just find something that acts as a story guide

sketch out bg elements

toy around with the sketch more before moving to painting

[dragontamer05]

Emil and Ratatosk and complicated relationship;

Here is kind of a headcanon/thought I had of an alternate ending for these two after talking with @lady-quen

---

As Emil was originally formed by and from Ratatosk as a way to hide from Richter while they regained strength, and to remain hidden administered self amnesia and false memories of a life not lived.

With the unfortunate consequence of this new personality growing and becoming their own separate being no longer feeling a part of Ratatosk, yet still a part of them none the less.

Because of such trying to separate into their own beings would likely be dangerous even with the powers of a such a god / god like being as Ratatosk himself nor is he ready to just give up this body and form they created.

However Emil has more then proven their capabilities and impressed Ratatosk who is willing to admit that they have earned their respect and a right to keep their life, for now. They've created their own real memories, friends and relationships and while they may not be the nicest fellow they can acknowledge they've earned the right to keep what they've gained on their own.

They are of the same body and soul at their core (cores) after all, Emil would not exist if were not for him so it's only right that in time they will become one again but, perhaps not soon but eventually. It's how its meant to be.

Besides being of Ratatosk means that even with a body of his own there's know guarantee he'd age or change like everyone else, while everyone else grows old and dies they may still remain unchanged barely touched by the sands of time maybe not immortal but living in a different frame of time from everyone else.

So he remains silent and patient, an old deity who doesn't mind waiting until the time is right knowing full well it would cause more harm to the both of them to forcibly assimilate and become one again but that their souls still cry out and need each other, one can not survive without the other.

For the most part Emil keeps control, while Ratatosk sits back allowing Emil to tap into their shared power at anytime its needed though he can be fickle and every so often should the need arise Ratatosk will be the one to come forth and take over- Everyone knowing when the change happens do to the Red eyes, his voice deepening and becoming louder brimming with a confidence not held before.

Ratatosk is far less merciful so you best hope not to come facing them in a fight as they hold no qualms against killing.

Now Emil of course is the only one to see or hear Ratatosk although some like Marta who's made a contract with them might be able to sense his presence in some way.

As Lord of Monsters it also allows Emil a strong connection and control over beasts barely needing to create a pact to get them to listen.

Both Ratatosk and Emil rather dislike being misnamed / called by the other's name and will correct you.

Ratatosk would never be that cowardly he argues and Emil will quickly deny that he's nothing like that monster.

In some way Emil has become accustomed to Ratatosks power and while still not fully to terms with the fact that they are in a sense Ratatosk/part of them perhaps finds the idea of not having them around strange. They are two halve of the same whole.

Emil's kind and gentler demeanor helps to tame and reel in Ratatosk brutality and violent nature, however the confidence and aggression of Ratatosk does help bring out a boldness in Emil not had before and helps push him to fight when he otherwise wouldn't.

[callmegaith]

You’re not boring me! With just a peek into the fandom with its writers and artists like you, I could never be. It’s a good thing that blogs can give new perspectives that make media feel fresh again. I asked about David out of sincere interest, especially since the eilander siblings always seemed so tragic

Thanks for the link though! I never knew that he wrote a apology letter to Dale though! The fact that David is remorseful for his actions makes me realize I should have given his character more introspect. Hopefully in the next game, Dale can come to terms with his parents death by reconciling with David, or at the very least understand why he did what he did—That poor detective boy deserves closure. And maybe David knew that something about Dale would be different. They're both special cases of corrupted souls (You explained with David in your link, and Dale seems to switch in and out of his normal self and corrupted soul when leaving the Lake). When he gets the golden cube to hopefully save himself from repeating the same cycle of violence and tragedy by changing his future, maybe he can change David's future too from forever being a wandering corrupted soul This is long and let me know if I have any facts wrong, but aaaa I just love all this

Yeah he did write a letter to Dale :D

Here it is:

He is remorseful but he also wanted to save himself so I totally get it. I wouldn't wanna be a corrupted soul either

And I agree that the Eilander siblings are so tragic. They were simply born into this sorta life, none of them asked for this but alas. They are just doomed by the narrative. It hurts me to think about them, of how Jakob and David never got the chance to form a bond because they didn't have the time to be brothers and David never really knew him. The only truly innocent collateral I feel tho is Elizabeth. She never harmed anyone. Tho she did get to be reborn as the Lady of the Lake now I suppose while David is the one out of the three siblings who for whatever reason was never allowed his reincarnation.

But David is resilient and has escaped death before. I'm sure he has more tricks up his sleeve. He's a magician after all.

As for him and Dale... Boy, that's a whole new can of worms you're opening up. They're my fav and the idea of them reconciling is the topic of most my art and comics of them. A slowburn with so much angst and pain but also hopefully healing, because a part of me thinks that's what Rusty Lake is all about... Healing from traumas. If the two of them just had the chance to meet again and work things out 😭

Dale IS special. He is meant to be the successor of Mr. Owl. And I suppose we will see if he will repeat the cycle or do something different. Mr. Owl wants Dale to get rid of the corrupted souls underneath the lake so I assume that means it's his fate to... Idk? Kill them?? Cleanse them??

But do hope on his journey to do that, that he can meet David one last time for them to put their differences aside... Or idk Dale has the upper hand here, if he wants revenge at that moment he could probably have it.

Tho I hope he doesn't. I hope they make amends, cuz at the end of it all, they're both just pawns for the lake and victims of it all the same. They were both put into these situations under unforgiving and unfair circumstances and they sorta just have to play the hands that they are dealt. 😔

I did talk about this before too but a part of the tragedy of Dale and David is David grew up with a lot of trauma without a mother. He knows what it's like to be in the position he later puts Dale in. Hurt people hurt people, and he repeated the cycle of trauma by putting Dale through it. They'd have an understanding but it would be funny to go "yeah I know how it feels" WHEN YOURE THE ONE WHO PUT THE OTHER PERSON IN THAT SITUATION!

Or maybe all this is just my wishful thinking 😩 I just know I want them to reconcile so bad cuz Dale tried killing David but it didn't fix him. If not revenge, then maybe forgiveness is what he needs to truly heal and move on.

[kindheart525]

Blue Velvet was normally one to brush off the opinions of others, but she couldn’t get Brackish’s words out of her head. He made her feel gross, unclean...heartless. Did he really think she was using Varmint as a fling? Was that what she did in all her relationships and she just didn’t realize it? Was she really a dirty little slut?

She thought she could unwind by spending time with her sisters, watching some Cedar-approved rom-com like they always did. But apparently she wasn’t good at hiding her feelings as her little sister Violet nudged her in concern.

“Blue? Are you okay? You haven’t touched your popcorn.”

Blue took a few seconds to respond, but this time it wasn’t because she was messing with her hair or daydreaming but because she was deep in thought. So she was almost startled by her sister’s inquiring.

“Oh! Well...of course, I’m okay. Just daydreaming!”

She twirled her mane and forced out a chuckle, but it was clearly not convincing enough as Red Cedar paused the movie and both sisters focused their attention on her.

“Are you sure about that? You know you can talk to us. What’s going on?”

Blue couldn’t lie to her sisters anymore, she was desperate to talk to somepony and Cedar’s question seemed to open a gate as all her worries poured out. She recounted everything—her relationship with Varmint, brunch with the Apples, the run-in with Brackish afterwards, the whole story. It honestly felt good to finally get it all out.

When she was finished, Cedar shook her head almost regretfully. She’d once had feelings for Brackish after all, and she was disgusted even more hearing about more of his vulgar displays.

“That was plain rude of him. Exposing you at a family event in front of everypony! Nopony needs to hear about that, especially not in such a vulgar manner!”

Violet nodded in agreement.

“He sounds like a meanie.”

But then Cedar’s expression shifted, she became more...judgmental.

“But he wouldn’t have been able to bring all of that up if you hadn’t been so public with it. Nopony needs to hear about-“

She grabbed Violet and covered her ears.

“-how you’ve had sex with half the town! You should have a little more self respect and keep that information to yourself.”

Blue’s stomach twisted. Cedar was being her usual prudish self but Blue didn’t have the heart to brush her off this time, she was questioning herself enough already.

“It’s really not half the town...”

“I’m just saying, you seem to have a new partner every month so it’s hard for ponies to keep up. Of course ponies who don’t know you are going to make assumptions, when you have 20-something failed relationships that tends to say something about you.”

Cedar was making so many gross exaggerations that Blue felt humiliated. She attempted to stand up for herself before she went on. 

“They’re not failed. Communication has always been important to me, we’ve only ever broken up on good terms. And it’s my life, not theirs, why is there any harm in it?”

“It’s the example you’re setting! For foals who see you flaunting around town, for your future nieces and nephews, for our sister!”

Cedar removed her hooves from Violet’s ears, gripping her tightly like she was protecting her from something dangerous.

“Do you want her growing up thinking that she can just give herself away to anypony and everypony?”

Blue and Violet stared at each other, Violet too afraid to speak and Blue too ashamed. Neither of them agreed at all with what their sister was saying but they couldn’t stop her when she was on one of these tangents.

Cedar’s expression softened a bit. She genuinely believed she was doing this from a place of love as she placed a hoof on Blue’s shoulder.

“I just don’t want to see you hurting yourself or anypony else, even if you don’t mean to. It’s okay to choose one pony and settle down. It’s what Rainier and I did and we’ve never been happier. And you will be too once you find your forever.”

But Blue was barely listening to Cedar’s well-meaning plea. In fact, she felt worse now. Her fears had only been affirmed. She couldn’t bear to think that the ponies in her life were ashamed of her, that she was setting a bad example for her dear little sister. And Cedar made it sound like everypony thought this.

Was she in the wrong here?

~~~~~~~~~~

Previous: Big Brother Best Friend Next: Sad Eyes

Background by EvilFrenzy

[danidrawsstuff]

Sorry if this is a dumb question, but what exactly do you mean by orphans in your last post? Like the lost both parents kind of orphan or some other type? I've loved all of your weird supernatural nations art and headcanons (really scratches an insatiable itch about their natures) and I was wondering if I was missing anything.

Hey there!! It's not a dumb question at all! First off, thank you for the compliments!! I'm really glad that you like my silly little headcanons ;w; This is gonna be a little bit of a long one, so everything will be under the cut!

Before I get into what Orphans are specifically, I feel like it's important to give a little bit more background on my meta! In my headcanon, nations are called the Devai ( from the tagalog word Diwata and its root sanskrit form, Devata. devas is the singular form of the word ). "Nation" is just one of the many names that humans refer to them by. The Devai were created by The Mother, who embodies the Earth's spirit. They were made to serve as protectors and knowledge keepers of the humans the Mother grew quite fond of.

The original group of Devai, known as "The Ancients" or "The First Ones" to contemporary nations were made from the Earth, but the ones who came after them could be created either by being born to two devai parents or by being born to a devai / human pair. A devas whose parents are both devai are normally already born bonded to a particular community and are immortal, while those who are half-human don't become immortal unless they are "turned".

Anyone with devai heritage somewhere down the line can be turned, but the more distantly related you are means you're far less likely to be turned. Devai who have been turned are called "newborns". These newborns have to be mentored by another devas and taught how to adjust to their new life as immortals bonded to a community of people. If a newborn isn't mentored within a year of being turned, they turn into what's known as an "Orphan".

Orphans, also called the "Misguided" or the "Maladjusted" (the latter is considered to be a derogatory term, however), never fully settle into their new identity. They suffer from a whole host of problems which includes having trouble differentiating between their own thoughts and the inner voice of their people. They often lack a grounding sense of purpose and are overly reliant on humans to define their sense of self. Orphans also have great difficulty regulating themselves in battle, which has unfortunately made them notorious for being indiscriminate killers among their kind and susceptible to exploitation by humans.

They are also vulnerable to the creatures that lurk in the spirit realm. An important skill mentors teach newborns is how to create a "mindspace". This place acts as a barrier between a Devai's mind and the broader spirit realm, which is considered a dangerous place to be even for the likes of them. An orphan's mindspace is poorly constructed, which means creatures from the other side can often creep in. Not all of them are harmful and some can even be tamed and adopted as a sort of familiar, hence why Rahela has her lil many eyed worm creature!

Orphans are not viewed favorably by other Devai. They are often pitied at best and outright reviled at worst. Some known Orphans in my world are Gilbert (Prussia), Rahela (Romania), Ezekiel (Knights Hospitaller), and Sanson (Knights Templar). Gilbert is much better adjusted now compared to how he was when he was a kid thanks to Reiner becoming a mentor to him later in life. Rahela, on the other hand, insists that she has learned to live with her condition and doesn't seek to be mentored.

I tried to keep this as short as possible but hopefully that answered your question!!

[aqua-grunt-c137]

TW: Self-Harm, Suicide

“I’m telling you, Gaz, I’m serious. I need your help on this.”

“What you’re asking is insane, I wouldn’t even know where to start”

“You’re good at figuring things out, I’ll leave you the handbook and I’m sure you can take things from there.”

-

As I walk down the streets of New York, I’m reminded of all the deals I’ve made here. Dancers and singers dreaming of Broadway, brokers tryin’ to hit it big on the stock game, everyone wants something and nowhere is it more present than the Big Apple. So how does this guy want nothin’?

I walk into the apartment building and climb to 14th floor. Normally I’d take the elevator, but being here on angel business means not freakin’ people out with the whole ‘empty elevator’ gag. I get to 1417 and phase through the door, I won’t get into the gruesomes but let’s just say he needed something to snap him out of it. I cause the belt to break and he falls to the floor, gasping for air as I start to undo the buckle. “Paulie, kid,” I say sympathetically as he tries to figure out what’s goin’ on.

“Who the Hell are you?” He asks.

“Bingo, kid” I reply

I won’t lie that I’m a little intimidating at first glance. 7 foot tall, greyish-green complexion, and some pretty gnarly hooves. I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but people’s attention is usually drawn to what most refer to as a ‘gaping maw’ in my stomach. I take offense to that as I usually keep it closed around those who ain’t used to it, but imagine having to keep your pinky curled into your hand 24/7, it ain’t exactly a reflex.

“Are you a monster? Am I dreaming? Am-am I dead?” Paulie stutters

“Not a monster, just your standard demon.”

“A demon? Are you going to drag me to hell?” The kid says, quakin’ in his boots.

“You got lucky kid, not today. Sit down and let’s have a chat.”

He sits on his stained sofa and rubs his temples trying to make everything make sense.

“So here’s the deal. I am Rol’gazul, your guardian angel-“

“But you’re a demon?” He asks, confused

“Yeah, it’s a long story, but I’m here on angel business and I don’t like to mix up terms. You’ve had it rough kid. I’ve gone through your file and there’s some pretty dark stuff. Between your mother passing when you were 5 and you’re dad never being that emotionally available, I understand why you been strugglin’.”

“Yeah, it’s been hard, never feeling like anybody’s been there for me.”

“Your feelings are valid, kid, but this ain’t the way to go about fixin’ it. Trust me when I say that your time on earth is precious, a lot of people don’t get that.”

“I’ve heard it all before, Rol’gazul.” He brushes me off.

“Yeah, but have you ever heard it from someone who knows what comes next?”

“I guess not” he says as he sits back.

“You got a lot of stuff left to do here, trust me, you’re young and in the city of opportunity-“

“The city of rent hikes and wage cuts.” He butts in.

“Fair, but I looked at your file and you got quite a few opportunities coming your way kid.”

“Like what?” He crosses his arms

“I’m really not at liberty to say. Not supposed to give away the future and all, but there’s a certain special someone you’re supposed to meet on the subway soon.”

“Wait, really?” His eyes light up

“Yeah, but there’s a few stipulations.”

“What? You want my soul?” He asks

“No, no, nothin’ like that. Angel business, ‘member? There’s some recommended guidelines for how to come back from this little episode. First off, you gotta take better care of yourself kid, you got childhood trauma and a chemical imbalance in your head. So look into getting a therapist and a psych, getting on some meds and starting to work through on your stuff.”

“Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Next, you’re gonna wanna work on a little self-improvement. You got a few talents you can monetize. I know you haven’t DMed since high school, but I’ve met a lot of folks who would wanna run your campaigns themselves, so take some time for self-care and when you’re ready, dip back into some Pathfinder, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan” he says, a little half smile finally breaking his frown.

“You know what to do kid, I’ll be around if you need me.” I tell him as I head out the door.

You are a demon, one of the top ranked ones at that. One day you get a call from an angel you used to be friends with. “Look, i hate to ask this, but i trust you. Can you cover for me for a couple years?” The Guardian Angel asks.

[saezurufeels]

Chapter 47

It's always only a matter of time until I break while waiting for a translation, so I figured a summary is good enough to base my interpretations on 🤡

Anyways, my reaction's under the cut

So in 4 years Sugimoto went from looking kinda dusty, to possessing the jawline of a Greek God. ok

I'm falling at the perfect, upside-down triangular constellation of his freckles 🥰 🔭

University educated and street smart. Lay me to rest

And on top of that he has a good intuition and teases Nanahara with such precision. Truly the son of Yashiro.

The gossip and speculation about Doumeki's alleged woman and dating situation has me cackling. In the next chapter they're gonna start discussing his favourite sex position over some cakes

Mentally inserting myself into that blunt rotation

But, if there's anything I've learned reading Saezuru, it's that you shouldn't trust the tales and gossip in town

The timeskip has not been forthcoming about Doumeki's motives. We're seeing contradicting scenes and behaviours from him

It's clear he is after Yashiro, but he may be dealing with different matters concerning the group, or his lady friend

I mean, when has this manga ever neglected its context?

On to Yashiro

I feel like I don't have much to say. I'm just absorbing and waiting for what's next

The biggest takeaway for me is that unsurprisingly Yashiro doesn't have a defence mechanism to shield him from his own self-perception, which is manifesting itself in severe self-loathing

It's out. It can't be undone. I think it's important to talk about how and why this should have been prevented. But that's a topic for another day

That aside, let's look to the future

The point that Yashiro is at right now: 1) he is reflecting on his life with dread and disdain, and 2) he realized that the people who have done him harm are wrong for what they did

So, at least we have number 2. The tricky part is obviously building up a sense of self-worth

I think that it's absolutely possible to hold both beliefs at the same time. You can hate yourself and blame yourself, and still recognize that someone has harmed you. Our minds are sporadic like that

It's interesting to see that Yashiro no longer connects rape with a hot fantasy, but rather, with real, devastating consequences. But again, this realization isn't a victory for him, as it stands right now. I feel like he needs to be on suicide watch

Yashiro thinking about Doumeki while he's having sex with Inami is a strategy he's always used to distract himself from the pain. When he's hit in bed, he thinks about the last person that was nice to him. He even used to think about Misumi.

His fantasies of Doumeki are cute, but it's also up to Doumeki's next move to see how things unfold

Thus, I'm not really a believer that Yashiro needs to make the next move. Y's "next move" was having sex with Inami. Clearly, not what Doumeki had in mind lol. It's up to Doumeki to let Yashiro trust him not vice versa

Also, I'm not sure if I got this right, but Inami was ok with just exchanging information with Yashiro? Like, sex was not on the table until Yashiro substituted giving out info with sex? If yes, that's telling

You know what's underrated? Doumeki showing up at Yashiro's apartment the next day 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

I mean, Yashiro didn't even have to lift a finger and this grown, self-assured, attractive, and admired man, is rushing to his feet

The sexual and romantic tension between them when they're face to face beside Inami's car....you could cut it with a knife. It's my new favourite panel

I honestly can't even describe how much this whole scene pleases me. If I'm ever gonna use the term alpha male non-sarcastically, it's when I talk about Doumeki in this scene

Doumeki's confidence in this chapter has me quivering, honestly

Judging from Yashiro's facial expression at the end, I wouldn't be surprised if he got goosebumps from D's self-assured attitude

[mahounekos]

So, a while ago I finally got around to reading Tokyo Mew Mew Re-Turn! I really loved it, and it got me super excited for the new anime! 

And the extra chapter... I have things to say about it!

TL;DR I love how Tasuku effectively cuts down Masaya’s budding toxic masculinity with the power of Love Your GF 

(spoilers for Re-Turn and the extra chapter under the cut)

Look, I won’t lie, a lot of why I love the extra chapter so much is because I absolutely LOATHE the whole trope of “uurrrgh, I must Leave all who love me and completely self-isolate lest I Harm them with my Awesome Powers” that men in fiction often go through. And when Masaya starts to do that exact thing after literally saving a train full of people with some leftover Deep Blue powers, Tasuku basically hits every single reason why it’s bs.

(look how scandalized Masaya looks to be called out on his brooding lmao)

First off, the fact that Tasuku gets Masaya to open up to him in the first place by essentially saying “I have exactly one brain cell, and it’s devoted solely to loving my girlfriend, so therefore you can vent to me about literally anything and I promise you that I will absorb none of it” is absolutely amazing, even more so that it actually works. Masaya does open up to him, precisely because he thinks he isn’t really being listened to. It’s one of the first indications of his toxic thinking, really, the fact that he wouldn’t have opened up if he thought someone was actually going to Listen and Care About It. Because he’s not really reaching out for a connection, he wants to wallow in his own despair over still having some of the Big Bad’s powers and whether or not that makes him Dangerous and Morally Opposed to his girlfriend. He’s really just venting, and Tasuku is just supposed to be a passive listener. 

So that’s why he’s so shaken when Tasuku reveals that PSYCH! He WAS actually listening THE WHOLE TIME! And he tells Masaya in no uncertain terms that he thinks that sort of angsty self-serving brooding is BORING. 

Tasuku is the The Normal Best Friend/Boyfriend, and he knows it. He has no powers to speak of, but it doesn’t really bother him! The fact that he can just be around Berry is more than enough for him. But here’s Masaya, who DOES have powers, and just used them to save a bunch of peoples’ lives, and he’s complaining about it. And not just that, he does so in a way that commits the worst sin possible in Tasuku’s mind: disregarding his girlfriend’s feelings. 

Masaya is lamenting about how these powers MUST mean that he’s still this Very Dangerous entity, and so therefore he MUST stay as far away from Ichigo as possible for the rest of all of time because he Loves Her and will Definitely Kill her or something if he doesn’t leave her immediately. It’s super melodramatic (especially when you remember this kid is like, a high school freshman), which is why its so refreshing to see Tasuku, a middle-schooler, immediately shut that all down. 

It’s not some cool mindset to look up to, to be aloof and distance yourself from your loved ones because you think you might have the capacity hurt them some day. That’s not being strong or selfless, that’s just giving up because you’re afraid of some hypothetical possibilities. There is no real indication that Masaya is going to become Deep Blue again. Both he and the other aliens even acknowledge that his show of powers was more of a residual after-effect than anything else. Masaya leaving wouldn’t necessarily protect Ichigo from any sort of definitive, immediate threat. 

But it WOULD definitely, immediately hurt her if her boyfriend just left her side forever like that! And Tasuku bluntly points that out to him. 

And maybe there is some resentment there too. Because like I said, Tasuku is completely super-powerless (he is, of course, absolutely overflowing with the power of LOVE FOR BERRY, but he can’t concentrate that into a laser beam or float people with it, so). Tasuku knows his role as the Normie Boyfriend is to be the support, the cheerleader, the one who’s there to give his Magical Girlfriend a hug after a battle because she needs one. And he doesn’t mind that at all! He loves any excuse to hug Berry, and if it helps her to save the world, all the better! Buuut, if he DID have superpowers, he’d definitely be using them to do Cool Shit!! Showing off for and impressing his girlfriend! Helping her out in battle! Maybe even swooping in to save the day or something! Who cares where it came from, superpowers are superpowers, and he knows how he would use them, and it would be to HELP his girlfriend.

So seeing Masaya act like it’s some horrible thing, that this means that he must exile himself, is like a slap to the face. Masaya is so lucky to have any sort of ability to do more than just watch and worry from afar. His powers can be used to help, that is literally what just happened, but all Masaya does with this revelation is start assuming it’s actually a Bad Thing. All he sees is the capacity these powers have to cause harm, completely overlooking that they have the exact same capacity to be helpful. Tasuku sees it though, and has no qualms about pointing all of that out to him!

And the best part? Tasuku absolutely succeeds in getting through to him. Masaya doesn’t argue against him (beyond an initial >:O kinda reaction at first), he listens and realizes that this kid is right. 

Ichigo is the love of Masaya’s life. And she is constantly being thrown into danger by nature of her job already, so instead of giving up and assuming he could only be a burden to her, he realizes that he’s far more helpful to her when he’s there for her, to support her and love her. It’s what she wants from him, and it’s what he wants to do for her! So he makes his decision. While he still has to go back to school, he resolves to always, always come back to Ichigo. Just like he can’t undo the acts he committed when he was Deep Blue, he can decide on what path he will take for his own future. And he will always choose to be there for Ichigo.

[likealittleheartbeat]

I deeply appreciate how ATLA depicts all the main characters responses to trauma. Aang’s, for me, however, stands out for its rareness in media. And we are not hammered over the head with the idea that Aang (or any other characters) repeatedly act certain ways because of a single traumatic event. Sure, there are key moments in our lives when a certain event comes to the forefront, but no one experiences the world as constant flashbacks. Rather, we see only in retrospect the way our sarcastic sense of humor or our heightened friendliness were protective responses to a deep emotional injury. Being able to understand Aang’s approach to loss is essential for the show. The structure of the series is founded on his arc (despite an incredible foil provided by Zuko). Our little air nomad initially confronts the loss of his people with a full-on meltdown in the episode “The Southern Air Temple,” where Katara’s offering of familial belonging soothes him. But this kind of outburst is not Aang’s primary response (and actually the literally out-of-character apocalyptic tantrums align with Aang’s overall process of grieving). Instead of constantly brooding (hey Zuko!), Aang leans heavily toward the monk’s pacifist teachings and toward his assumed destiny “to save the world.” He becomes overtly accommodating and joyful, constantly trying to see “the good” in everything with a perfectionist’s zeal. This is not to ascribe his bubbliness only to his trauma. Rather, he comes to emphasize this part of his personality for reasons related to the negative emotions he struggles to face.  Book 1: Water

In the first season, Aang is simply rediscovering his place in the world. “Water is the element of change. The people of the water tribe are capable of adapting to many things. They have a sense of community and love that holds them together.” This is vital to Aang as he initially faces his experience. He won’t get through this if he is not prepared for his life to change. Even if he hadn’t been frozen for 100 years, his world would never be the same. This fact involves eventually finding new people that he feels safe with. After such a massive loss, he’s learning who to trust, and also often making mistakes; not only does he find Sokka and Katara (and I’d argue he’s actually slow to truly open up to them), this is the season where he helps save a fire nation citizen who betrays him to soldiers, befriends the rebel extremist Jet, and attempts to befriend an actively belligerent Zuko (his moral complexity had only JUST! been revealed to the kid!). He’s constantly offering trust to others and seeking their approval in opposition to the deep well of shame and guilt he carries as a survivor of violence. This is also the season where Aang swears off firebending after burning Katara in an overeager attempt to master the element (one will note how fire throughout the series is aligned with, above all else, assertiveness and yang). Aang is so eager to be seen as morally good to others that he refuses to risk any possible harm to them.  And asserting himself carries a danger, in one sense, that he might make a mistake and lose someone’s positive regard, and, in another sense, that he is replicating the anger and violence he’s witnessed. He has no relationship to his anger at this stage of his grief, so it comes out uncontrollably, both in firebending and the Avatar State. It’s through the patience of his new family that he can begin to feel unashamed about his past and about the ways his shame is finding (sometimes violent) expression in the present. Book 2: Earth In the second season he begins to trust himself and stand his ground. Earth, after all, is the element of substance, persistence, and endurance. The “Bitter Work” episode encapsulates how Aang must come to a more sturdy sense of his values. First, there is the transition of pedagogical style. While Katara emphasized support and kindness, Toph insists on blunt and threatening instruction, not for a lack of care towards Aang. Instead, it’s so Aang learns how to stop placing the desires of others above his own--to stop accommodating everyone else above his own needs. Toph taunts Aang by stealing one of the few keepsakes from the monastery that he holds onto. This attachment to the lost airbending culture is echoed in the larger arc with Appa. And, by the end of this episode, it is Aang’s attachment to Sokka that allows him to stand firm. This foreshadows the capital T Tragic downfall in the “Crossroads of Destiny.” Aang gives up his attachment to the other member of his new found family, Katara, despite his moral qualms. Although he has access to all the power of the Avatar state, his sacrifice is not rewarded. Season 2 illustrates Aang coming to terms with his values. He is learning about what he stands for, what holds meaning to him. Understanding himself also includes integrating his grief, and there’s a lonely and dangerous aspect to that exploration. We see Aang’s anger and hopelessness over longer stretches rather than outbursts in this season. It’s hard to watch and hard to root for him. That depressive state leads to actions that counter his previous sense of morality, as he decisively kills an animal, treats his friends unkindly, and blames others for his loss. Letting these harsher feelings emerge is an experiment, and most people discover their boundaries by crossing them. Finding ways to hold compassion for himself, even the harm he causes others, is the other side of this process. Our past and our challenging emotions are a part of us, but they are only a part. Since Aang now has a strong sense of community and is learning to be himself rather than simply seeking validation, we also see him having more healthy boundaries with new people. He’s no longer befriending villains in the second season! He’s respectful and trusting enough, but he’s not putting himself in vulnerable situations nor blindly trusting everyone. Instead, he’s more likely to listen to his friends’ opinions or think about how the monks might’ve been critical towards something (they’re complaints about Ba Sing Se, for example). By knowing what he cares for, he can know himself, the powerful, loving, grief-struck monk. And he can trust that, though he might not be everyone’s favorite person, he does not need to feel ashamed or guilty for who he is or what he’s been through. Book 3: Fire However, despite a sense of self and a sense of belonging, Aang and the group still find themselves constantly asking for permission throughout their time in Ba Sing Se. It’s in the third season, Fire, that initiative and assertiveness become the focus. And who better to provide guidance in this than the official prince of “you never think these things through,” Zuko. It’s no longer a time for avoidance or sturdy defensiveness. It is the season of action. Fire is the element of power, desire, and will, all of which require us to impact others.  We see the motif of initiative throughout the season: the rebels attempt to storm the Firelord on the Day of the Black Sun; Aang attempts to share his feelings and kiss Katara; Katara bends Hama and a couple of fire nation soldiers to her will. In each of these examples, the initiators face disgrace. Positive intent does not bring forth success, by any means, only more consequences to be dealt with. This is perhaps Aang’s biggest challenge. He is afraid that his actions will fail, or worse, they will succeed but he will be wrong in what he has chosen. The sequencing in the series, here, is important. We have already seen how Aang has worked to care for (and appreciate) the well-being of others and how he has learned to care for his own needs. With this in mind, he should be able to trust that his actions will derive from these wells of compassion. But easier said than done. Compassion can also trap him into indecision, hearkening back to his avoidant mistake in the storm, in which the whole mess began. Aang’s internal conflict, here, becomes more pronounced as the finale draws nearer. I think it’s especially significant that we witness Aang disagreeing with his mentors and friends. He must act in a way that will contradict and even threaten his sources of support if he is to trust his own desires. Even the fandom disagrees about the choice Aang makes, which further highlights the fact that making a decisive choice is contentious. There is no point in believing it will grant you love or admiration or success. For someone who began (and spent much of) the series regularly sacrificing himself just to bring others peace, Aang’s decision to prioritize his own interests despite the very explicit possibility of failure is the ultimate growth his character can have and the ultimate representation of him processing his trauma. (This arc was echoed and made even more explicit in many ways with Adora in the She-ra finale.) The last significant time Aang followed his desire, in his mind, was when he escaped the Air Temple in the storm. To want something, to trust his desire and act on it, is an act of incredible courage for him, and whether it succeeded or failed, whether anyone agrees or disagrees with it, it offered Aang a sense of peace and resolution. Now I appreciate and love Zuko’s iconic redemption arc, but Aang’s subtler arc, which subverts the “chosen one” narrative and broke ground to represent a prevalent emotional experience, stands out to me as the foundation for the show I love so much.

[tempestaslokni]

Tej and Zaid had been together? Blinking stupidly, Lokni tried to wrap his head around this new revelation. When it sunk in, his ears went hot as blood rushed to his face. Oh Creator, Zaid and Tej had fucked- Suddenly Lokni's phone felt heavier in his pocket, as if Tej would suddenly give him a call, informing the world that Lokni knew exactly who Zaid's ex was. Suddenly Lokni felt stiff with guilt. He thought Tej was a great guy, a little prickly, but every cactus had its own vibrant flowers. At the same time, Zaid hadn't done any harm to Lokni, quite the opposite in fact. Maybe Lokni would keep his connection to both of them as his dirty little secret. They were both decent people from what Lokni gathered, and he didn't want to cut ties unnecessarily. Then again, why had they broken up in the first place? But that was none of Lokni's business.

When Zaid analyzed Lokni's lack of love-life, he felt put on the spot in a way. Unable to meet Zaid's intense eyes, Lokni toed the ground with his boot, as if maybe if he did it enough, eventually he'd make a hole deep enough to disappear into. "Maybe it was- a bit of two of those things. I've been a bit shy- and I'm not quick to notice things like that. I couldn't even tell you what my coworkers thought of me if I tried, and I've been working with those same knuckle-heads for more than a decade now." As he was admitting all of this, his face began to grow almost painfully hot as he remembered a certain person who had expressed interest in him- quite recently in fact. "The only person that I know has been interested me was a man-" he mumbled out, suddenly feeling too vulnerable for his liking. Alex was a looker,' that was undeniable, like most folks on the island. Despite Lokni's own lack of self-confidence and experience, his body had responded. What did that mean? Any extra thoughts that Lokni had were shattered as the columns of flame began to lick up the trees after the deafening crash. With the sudden eruption of chaos, Lokni needed Zaid now more than ever to help quell this wildfire. Visions of the burning plains flared within Lokni's mind, that same sense of panic threatening to bubble over. "What about you- your plasma- Can it put out fire?" Lokni shouted over the roar of the flames. It hadn't seemed flammable when he had witnessed it before, and at this point, he needed all the help he could get. There was no way in hell that he could extinguish this all on his own. Lokni had to hand it to Zaid, the delivery was great. Maybe all that time as a chef calling the big shots had helped him embrace his inner Gordon Ramsey. But now was not the time to thinkin' about that.

Zaid's words stung, echoing throughout his mind. It was true, Lokni led an existence of a whole lot of self-pitying and at the same time accomplishing nothing. Always too preoccupied with staying on neutral ground. Even now, Lokni was keeping secrets, trying to stay on good terms with Tej and Zaid. Pathetic. Damn right, this wasn't high school anymore, and yet there Lokni was, sitting on the bleachers letting life pass by listlessly. Would he ever wake up? The emotion welled within him, his chest felt constricted, as if his bones were made of glass so that if he inhaled too deeply they would shatter and pierce him internally. The baleful bleating of the deer echoed in his ears, reminding him that there wasn't much time. He had to grow the fuck up. Zaid's fingertip against his arm was the only thing he felt for a brief moment, and then it began. An intense stinging rain began to fall with indiscriminate vengeance. He focused on the sensation, letting the pain wash over him. Taking slow steps to not interrupt his concentration. As he walked, the rain followed as if connected by an invisible tether. Carefully, Lokni led the rain over to where the pitiful deer was attempting to escape. The rain began to pelt at the flame-enveloped trees, eliciting little hisses as the rain fought to extinguish the columns of flame. It was beginning to quell the inferno, but it wasn't enough. "Zaid- I could really use some help if you got any fuel in you!" Lokni called out, trying to focus on the rain, but feeling it waver even as he spoke to Zaid.

"You're joking," Zaid's tone thick with British disbelief as Lokni self-deprecated about his own appeal towards others. Unable to stop a bit of 'nosy uncle-ji', Zaid broke down Lokni's lovelife - or lack thereof. "You, not popular among the women? No offense mate, but unless you're rampantly shy or a monster back at home, I find that hard to believe. Might be you just never noticed, ey? Too caught up in your work to realize when some pretty thing was trying to flirt with you."

Now that, Zaid would believe of Lokni. He didn't think Lokni was innocent exactly, but certainly nowhere close to a player. Zaid wasn't either, honestly; but when he saw what he wanted, he went and got it. Case in point. "Mate, my 'someone' is on this island. If you ever run into a Tej Virani, tell him...actually don't tell him you know me. No doubt he'll count that as a strike against you, and you don't deserve that." A small harrumph. "If you haven't guessed, we're exes."

Lokni tried to be kind. An impromptu vacation indeed. The longer they were all stuck here, it seemed less chance of going home; but Zaid just let it go. Lokni had his own problems, his own people wondering where he disappeared. Perhaps the big man hoped the same, for them. He didn't correct Lokni about the 'Cheeky' part of Nandos, instead nodding in approval. "Sounds like you know how to appreciate a good meal, mate. That's a good thing."

Lokni seemed a very young 30, but didn't most younger people these days? Tej wasn't that much older than Lokni. Zaid felt forever-35, himself, if he was honest. The new decade hadn't clicked in yet. And their fennel and mashua discoveries were summarily cut short at the arrival of the stranger, which then led to the circle of fire.

"Honestly if I didn't know any better..." Zaid started to mutter, but stopped himself from speculating. In truth, the fate of one tiny deer shouldn't matter. Technically it didn't, Zaid told himself - but a fire in the wilderness was dangerous. If it caught and spread, they'd have a forest fire on their hands, which was an absolutely terrifying thought. They were so deep in (the top of Tower was still visible to their left, but nothing else), Zaid could only hope that odd kid had found Lindi or Elijah and was organizing a water-train right now. (with what buckets? and from where? The beach seemed so far away...)

Lokni was their only hope - and he met Zaid's eyes with his own urgent warm ones, and asked for the one thing Zaid had gotten raked over the coals for trying before.

With Selin, ironically. Zaid's attempt to prompt her 'powers', get her to shrink by being an absolute dickhead to her had backfired spectacularly. And now, here was Lokni, somehow asking the same? What was with these two, asking things of him, and Zaid getting things wrong? With, Selin anyway; but Selin hadn't asked for it. Lokni was. Zaid stared at him. He couldn't fuck up with Lokni now.

"Mean...mean and honest. Mean and honest...." Zaid repeated, and the deer's little bleating was heartbreaking (reminding Zaid forcefully of the cries of -- no. Never mind that). A buzzing filled the air, which Zaid wasn't sure if it came from the fire or the sky. No matter - he had to focus on Lokni.

"Right. We need to get that rain going, or that poor little thing is going to die. Only you can save it, yeah? Too much pressure for you, is that what the hold up is? Might be you're not built to save anything, or anyone for that matter. If - if your horse was in trouble, you what. You'd just shrug and walk away? Yeah, I could see that, if I'm honest. You can't always rely on others to be your brains and tell you what to do, Lokni. Sometimes you've got to actually think for yourself, even if it's hard for you. You - you're a slow, thick-headed, self-pitying, useless little sod who don't know his tight arse from his donkey-brained head, yeah. Can't stick to the middle-of-the-road, forgettable, poor little unpopular Lokni, not this time. This isn't fucking high school anymore, so grow a bloody pair. False modesty innt a good look on you, mate. Save that fucking thing or piss off."

The timid prod of Zaid's slim fingers against Lokni's muscled bicep was barely a match for Zaid's sharp tongue. "....Yeah?"

[douxie-casperan]

Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

~

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart 

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

[ldss-interactive]

At Alter’s End: A CYOA Novel

Overview:

Trentworth, Maine. A town of ten thousand southeast of Ellsworth and North of Bayside. Its only bragging point since its conception in 1867 was being a shoreline city and cheaper than any of the other big tourist towns. Nothing ever happened here, besides the occasional drowning or fishing trip accident, until the killings started. They lasted five years in total and 48 people were lost to the killer’s sick desires. Robert Hall terrorized this small town, slipping under the radar by focusing on those considered “undesirable”; sex workers, orphans, drug addicts, and the like. Now ten years later, ten years after the killer has been put behind bars, murders have begun again. A copycat killer has come to Trentworth. And they seem to be targeting the ones left behind, still trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives…

You take the role of a highschool senior; your parents having died in a home fire shortly before the killer was put behind bars and now under the care of your workaholic aunt. Make allies of your classmates or attempt to go it alone, clear your parents’ name from their believed involvement with the killer or fight to put the past behind you, deal with the skeletons in your closet and mind or bury them deeper... Oh, and make sure your history project is turned in on time. With two young siblings depending on you and a whole host of problems a highschool student should never have to deal with, can you survive this nightmare made real?

Trigger Warnings: This game will go into very heavy topics including the following; murder, death, various mental health issues (such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety), abandonment, gambling, various types of drug addiction, self harm mentions (not happening to the MC or shown in graphic detail), suicide, sex work, child abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), and dangerous situations. This is a murder mystery/thriller, it is NOT intended for audiences below 18.

Hello! Thank you for showing interest in At Alter’s End. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure style novel in the Thriller and Murder Mystery genres. It would also fit nicely in the Drama genre as well, but Drama is not the focus. This will be a rather lengthy project, with fifteen chapters plus a prologue and epilogue planned.

You take on the role of a senior at Trentworth High. Join an after-school activity, take care of your younger siblings, prepare for finals, get a part time job, find a date to homecoming, and survive your worst nightmare come to life. The copycat killer is targeting the students of your school and no one is safe. With the police dragging their feet, no help coming any time soon from any higher up law enforcement, and the locals refusing to acknowledge the possibility of a copycat killer, it’s up to you and your classmates to find the person responsible...before it’s too late.

- You can play as female, male, nonbinary, or trans!

- You can be straight, gay, or bisexual!

- A highly customizable MC including hair color, eye color, skin color, hair length, height, and personality and interests!

- The ability to choose which mental illness the MC suffers from due to the trauma of their past from the following:

Anxiety, Depression, or PTSD.

- The MC is deaf in their right ear ear due to the way in which their parents died; this is not something that can be changed.

- Choose from 7 different official after-school activities! Trentworth Volunteers, Up and Coming Artists, National Debate Society, National Honors Society, Co-Ed Varsity Basketball, Creative Writing, and Trentworth Gardeners!

- Bond with your classmates, explore your town, and help raise your younger siblings!

- Rescue your parents’ bakery from corporate clutches or let it go!

- Find the killer, stop the murders, and put a stop to the rumors that have plagued your every step for 10 years!

Vanya: Oldest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive siblings, 6 years younger than MC. Strong-headed, intelligent, and always getting into trouble. She looks after her brother and MC in the ways she can.

Ajay: Youngest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive sibling, 6 years younger than MC. Nearly completely blind since birth, he enjoys painting and other artistic endeavors. Obedient yet opinionated.

Aunt Emma: The workaholic aunt that takes custody of MC and their younger siblings after the death of their parents. Well meaning but absent most of the time on business trips or at the office.

Kwan Hall: An adoptive relative to Robert Hall; aloof, intelligent, and completely ostracized by Trentworth as a whole. When the killings start again the town’s attention is immediately turned on Kwan. He’s the first to begin investigating the killings when the police prove their incompetence. He is of Korean descent, standing at 5’6” with dark hair and dark eyes. His most notable feature is the long scar that stretches from his forehead’s hairline, down his left temple, and ends just below his jawline and the constant disinterest on his face. He is asexual in that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction at all. He is also bisexual.

Alessia D’Agostina: Trentworth High’s school president. She’s clawed her way tooth and nail up to earn the respect of both the school faculty and her fellow classmates; she’s strong-willed, dependable, and always looks at things through a logical lens. When she sees her classmates dying, she takes it upon herself to try and stop this once and for all. With dark skin, deep brown eyes, long braided hair, and standing at 5’8” her confidence and sense of self always make sure she stands out from the crowd. Alessia is bisexual.

Georgiy Kuzmin: Twin brother to Anastasiya Kuzmin; he is, in the kindest way possible, not the brightest bulb in the box. Yet he always means well and is more than willing to offer a helping hand. As the co-captain of the basketball team, captain of the baseball team, and the star of the swim team, Georgiy is one of the most popular and well beloved students at Trentworth High. When he realizes his friends are in danger, he willingly throws himself into the investigation to do all he can to help. With fair skin, dirty blond hair, bubbly green eyes, and standing at 6’1” he cuts an approachable figure to anyone who knows him. Georgiy is gay.

Anastasiya Kuzmin: Twin sister to Georgiy Kuzmin: she and her brother are alike in so many ways apart from just appearance. Anastasiya, who goes by Ana more often than not, is head of the Co-Ed Varsity Basketball team, the Girls’ softball team, and the Tennis team. Just as popular and loved as her brother, Ana may not be the smartest but she makes up for it with passion and dedication. Like her brother, she has fairer skin, dirty blond hair, and bright green eyes. Also like her brother, she felt she couldn’t just sit around while her friends were put in danger and agreed to join the investigation. Ana is gay and demiromantic, meaning she only gains feelings for someone after having a strong relationship with them.

Lillian Triano: A quiet, withdrawn girl who mainly keeps to herself. Due to the fact that Trentworth High demands for every senior to be apart of an elective, she is mainly seen in afterschool reading club run by Ms. Habeeb. She’s MC’s closest friend, having been one of the only people who didn’t believe the rumors that MC’s parents were assisting Robert Hall in his murders. She has an olive complexion, brown eyes, a heavy dose of freckles, and stands at 5’1”. Lillian is gay.

Jasmine Abernathy: Jasmine is Trentworth High’s self proclaimed “Best news source!” After the school newspaper was disbanded, Jasmine took it upon herself to keep freedom of the press alive. She’s fierce in her pursuit of the truth and never one to back down from a fight, though her rash attitude can get her into some sticky situations on occasion. With vibrant red hair, dark brown eyes, and standing at 5’3” she puts the term “fire” in Fire Signs. (She’s an Aries in astrology!) When the copycat killings began, it was no surprise when she took the case head on. Jasmine is bisexual.

Asa San Nicholas: Asa is the oldest of a set of triplets; they’re the type to march to the beat of their own drum, often not listening to what anyone has to say about themselves or their interests. Asa is a firm believer in the paranormal and it isn’t uncommon to find them indulging in their interest in various ways. “The spirits are distrubed. These deaths aren’t meant to happen.” Asa’s reason for getting involved seems to tie directly back to their “connection” with the spirits of the town. Asa has black hair, most often tied in a ponytail, hazel eyes, and an olive skin tone. At 6’4” they tower over most everyone...something they seem to enjoy a great deal. Asa doesn’t see gender and is interested in people regardless of how they present.

Leo San Nicholas: The middle of the triplets. They are genderfluid, okay with any pronouns. Leo is, for lack of a better word, eccentric. A bit of an adrenaline junkie, you can often find them cliff diving or giving their siblings heart attacks by playing russian roulette with a chocolate gun. To them, it isn’t fun if there isn’t a little danger involved; naturally, an investigation into a serial killer scratches that itch quite nicely. Their black hair is clipped short, multiple piercings visible on each ear, and their heterochromatic hazel and green eyes are often stated to stare through a person. Although Leo is genderfluid, they are only interested in people who present as female.

The demo is upcoming! When it is available I will make a post announcing it! I will also update this post with the link! This game is written in choicescript; the demo will be published on Dashingdon and the final game will be published for free on itch.io. I am open for questions regarding this game/novel and once the demo is published I will also be publishing a link to my Ko-fi! Until then, please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions!