#he doesnt have a death wish
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(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)
i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!
okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again
your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#little kid with a big death wish#my art#forgor all my tags its ok ill come back later <3 anyway#god theres legit so so so much more i wanted to say but i cant get. the words right augh#i kinda tried to put some of it in the comic though so. yeah. the emotions anyway#idk idk i just have a Lot of feelings abt this fic and how real it feels and just . man. it hits so so hard /pos#just... the fact that dw leo has been through everything he has and is capable of recovery and living. even if he doesnt want to live just#yet. hes getting there. makes me feel like i can too as cheesy as that sounds lajfd;lajlfkl#anyway ive rambled enough i spent ten (10) full days on this comic i am setting it loose into the world. be free#suicide attempt cw#dissociation cw#<- just to be safe. ask to tag if theres anything else lafj;dljsafkl
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the synonym of companion is:
#spuffy#spuffyedit#buffysummersedit#spike btvs#btvs#btvsedit#buffy the vampire slayer#it's terribly simple#you know you want to dance#this edit came about because of that post that is linked and how it is SO painfully buffy and spike it makes me physically ill but also#because i paused chosen during the hand holding bit (As One Does) and i got it right before their hands light on fire as buffy's fingers#are curling around spike's palm and it made me feel. some kind of way. the moment before the magic when its just them#the whole ''i love you'' ''no you dont'' thing has been analyzed to DEATH but ive always taken it as them knowing they love each other#they know that. theyve been knowing that. they knew that yesterday. thats not what its about#buffy is saying ''i am here with you now in your last moments on this earth and i will not leave you''#and spike is saying ''i know. but you dont have to. so get your pretty ass out of here before the ceiling falls in''#buffy is telling him that she respects him as a man and he's telling her to respect his last wish (that she get out safely)#(i think he's also saying ''you dont have to say it if it doesnt come naturally. i can feel it i dont need to hear it from your lips'')#anyway!! thats just my Too Sense#idk if i'm entirely happy with this but ive spent too much time on it to not post it so. here ya go
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telling myself to continue on like normal and write like normal but how am i supposed to do that when i know my world is ending in 24 hours?
tw for tags: i accidentally rambled on and aired out all my grief for my dog
#ive known since the moment we got the cancer diagnosis id be losing him#it doesnt make it easier#tw pet loss#ive experienced a dog dying unexpectedly and now a planned death#i have decided there is no death thats easy. you'll always wish it went the other way.#in 24 hours ill be loading him into my car one last time#ill be joking about how heavy he is as i lift my 'heavy baby' into the backseat#i'll be babytalking him the entire drive and nearly dislocating my arm just to pet him at the red lights for the last time#i bought him reese's peanut butter cups. because he loves peanut butter and deserves to taste chocolate before he goes#i got him all his favorite treats. been feeding him all the meals he'd beg for that id say 'dogs cant have'#i just. this is hard. im losing my baby. my best friend.#the 'aggressive' boy no one wanted for 2 years until i came upon him and said 'hes coming home with me'#people keep telling me i dont have to be in the room when it happens but how could i do that?#how could i leave him alone this last time (arguably the most important time) when the day i brought him home#i made the promise that he'd never be alone again?#how could i do that when every time hes sick he wants me near him? puts his head in my lap?#how could i when during my roughest times he protected me so fiercely?#the only time he's been anything but a gentle giant has always been when he protects me#how could i not protect HIM one last time?#im sorry. im in my feels. this fucking sucks.
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House's tendency to rationalize feelings away and being frustrated at himself for still feeling them. It's hurting me 😢
At the end of 05x04 Birthmarks he did a paternity test... And even after it turned out that John wasnt his father, he was still drinking his whiskey, because it didn't mean anything that John wasn't his biological father, because things are still the same.
He's still sad, he's still depressed. The dipshit of a man passing still made him sad. And the thought that he can't even rationalize it away as hatred upsets him. And so he drinks.
And to that Wilson said no one can choose their parents... Because House rejects John as his paternal figure and yet deep inside, House still called him his dad.
#i think everything he said at John's eulogy was real. he meant every word#of course if his mother wasnt there he would be a lot meaner#but he meant it.#house pushes people away because hes scared of being hurt#hes an asshole because nobody connects with an asshole and thus everyone is at arms length at best#and yet when people leave him he still mourns#his ducklings from season 3#wilson in season 5#and even that dipshit of a man john house#and idk its. it makes me sad#it just doesnt have to be this way#i want him to chase happiness and i want him to be happy#instead he just refuses it because happiness is associated with pain#because everyone leaves him in the end#im so sad#house md#gregory house#greg house#doctor house#not to say that people cant reject their parents and feel no remorse for their death#its just that house... that sensitive man#that depressed fearful man#he cant do that. because deep down he craves that connection#he wishes his father were better. he wishes he was the man his father wanted him to be#which makes it even more painful to observe
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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world
#im talking about griffith btw#guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him#and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me#but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings#like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too#and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon#so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn#he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv#and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not#ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities#more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well#also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read#there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom#i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read#also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note#light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into#and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead#and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol#so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well#berserk spoilers#p
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its @wh0rehound 's birthday and since he is the gaymer to my mafia slut obvs i had to draw our boys 🍫💕🎮 everyone say hbd sam!!! 😤🎉🎂
#death note#mellodramattic#mihael keehl#mello#mail jeevas#matt death note#my art#i was listening to the foundations and marvin gaye and four tops and such... frankie valli. stevie wonder. sam cooke etc. u get the vibe#matt and mello can have little a OOC cute bullshit. as a treat#one thing abt me. i love to split one set of pjs between a ship... its a top tier trope#another thing abt me. i love 2 draw ppl who love each other dancing 2gether#i fuckin SPED thru this btw (by my standards at least lol) this was like 10.5hrs of work and 9 of those were consecutive hsdfghjkl#which. me calling 10 hrs fast is not an exaggeration... thats so quick to finish for me. & it was a STRUGGLE to make myself call this done#but im CALLING IT. its super cute and it doesnt have to be perfect... the crunchy coloring is charming and adds 2 the aesth#i do wish id put more hearts but ITS DONE ITS FINISHED AND IM NOT GONNA MESS W IT ANY MORE. IT IS COMPLETE#drawing other ppls headcanons is always so fun... sams matt is so different from mine but so dear to me. scrawny little git#hes also very dear to my mello obviously <3#AND OUR RP IS ROUGH AND SAD RN SO I WANTED 2 DRAW SMTHNG EXTRA CUTE AND SWEET. AND I DID!!! THEYRE IN LOVE#sketch
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metalhead ghost who’s been in moshpits since he was a kid and is now a veteran of the scene and the self appointed look out. he keeps an eye out for anyone falling or passing out, kicks the shit out of anyone crowd killing or putting their hands where they shouldn’t
and he’s been keeping an eye on the punk in the kilt since he saw him throw himself headfirst into the wall of death
he looks like the type to start shit - loud and aggressive as anyone else here but a punk doesn't end up at a metal show for no reason - but there's also something niggling at him that he's gonna end up getting himself hurt. and ghost can’t tell if he’s going to do it on purpose
if he does, ghost needs to know. he uses these places as an escape - the music, the violence, the community - always has and he knows all to well how easily an escape can curdle and become destructive. he’s seen too many people lost to the darker parts of the scene, almost lost himself to it; he doesn’t want it to happen to anyone else if he can help it
so when he sees the punk sweating his mohawk off, his movements becoming looser and uncoordinated, he has no issues with yanking him out of the pit and pulling him away from the crowd; pushing him up against the venue wall and ordering him to open his mouth
the glaze that falls over his eyes concerns him even as he obediently lets his mouth fall open. he was right; the punk’s severely dehydrated, tongue and gums far to pale and along with the look in his eyes, he half-thinks he’s about to drop
he reflexively tightens his hold on his jaw to keep him up and the punk shivers, a flush creeping up his neck. an almost confused arousal joins the haze in his eyes and ghost smirks beneath his mask
looks like metal shows aren’t the only thing the punk is new to
#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#ghost has a split tongue bc i said so#and soaps mohawk is overgrown and fluffy as hell running down the back of his neck#once ghost forces water down his throat soap comes back online and is his usual self and ghost starts to like him even more#he likes having someone that can go toe to toe with him#i wish i knew more about the scene so i could expand this but i dont know shit about punk or metal culture lmao#i do know itd be mid 20s soap and late 30s early 40s ghost and soaps just self destructing#wanting to be an artist but hes being strangled both by his family who think its a waste when hes so mathematically smart#and by the artistic community who hate his pieces for being too chaotic and non traditional#ghost keeps running into him at shows and he recognises that self destruction all too well#and he sees him declining and knows if he doesnt step in no one will#he was a drug addict after getting caught up in abusive relationship with roba#and it was only his brothers death that pulled him out of his spiral#he doesnt want death to be the end of this spitfire punks story#soaps also got that classic catholic guilt internalised homophobia going for him#hes only ever known the bad parts of the scene he didnt know there was anything different#until ghost introduces him to price and nikolai whove been together longer than hes been alive#and to gaz and farah and alex who make no secret of their love for each other and soap realises just how deprived he is of healthy love#not when his parents barely stand him not when his sister only got married when she fell pregnant and they forced her into the church#with a man she hardly knew just so they could keep their reputation#just ghost showing soap theres more to life than violence and hatred and theres so much love for him to discover#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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Him and Mari go so well together..
#power couple fr. except they separated#when the parents divorce: *muffled screams*#they still love each other its UNFAIR#i wish theyd have their happy ending but who knows with this genre..#the fact they both see and remember the other as Good but they got fked up similarly by 1)Kiri's death 2)well. their divorce and separation#give that man a break. but also - give this man the information!! poor dad doesnt deserve to live thinking he caused his son's suicide when#its really - really not the truth#draft i forgot to post lol#maria no danzai
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Cannot imagine whatever is going on through Mr Leonard Echowatcher's head. You spend your life yearning for a world where you lived differently, where the day wasnt soaked in war, blood, and battle. Where you could envision a future where you have a partner and a family with friends to live gracefully with. But then you are given such opportunities only to find you were never taught to be gentle, you have a gentle, empathetic nature and yet the physicality of it is a stranger to you. You are expected to raise a child with gentle hands so that she saves the world, What does that even mean? How can you accept your growing love for your friend when you were never taught how to love, that intimate love is a luxury best left forgotten, there are no need for such things in war. He has to learn to become the things he wanted bc he grew too old to develop it naturally. He becomes a father to taimi fumbling his way into learning how to care and parent, he is defensive of Aurene bc he is from a culture where they arent expected to raise their own young and yet has to do so with a dragon. It feels like a test, He has to prove both to others and to himself he is capable of being a father, of nuturing, that calloused, stained hands can still be gentle. He has to accept that love is a terrifying leap of faith in vulnerability in order to gain a partnership that is considered a rarity. I love the idea that he spent 30 years yearning for things he thought he would never have and when he is actually given those opportunities (albeit admittedly through unusual circumstances) he has to learn how to actually live in them, becuase they were always just Concepts until now. Ohhhh my god Mr. Leo you are my everything
#rambling about my guy at 3am#its so so sos so important to leo's lore that he wishes he had freedom from the legions while still being inherently loyal to them bc he#cannot break the loyalty that is so fervent in his culture's belief so he doesnt leave and instead tries to be the change he wants to see#in savoring life and preventing reckless deaths and maybe one day allowing for more connections between the charr re their relationships#while also battling with the fact now that he has these chances hes not actually prepared for him#hes defensive about Aurene and he takes a while to admit his feelings for rytlock because of these#does this makes sense me shaking the camera do you see my vision he makes me insane#hes so tired hes sooooo tired but theres this constant weight on him at all times its just not a world ending one but a personal one#javi gw2#leonard echowatcher#this isnt even ABOUT being diallusioned with how the legions disregard lige and treat their soldiers as a numbers game bc thats an entire#different problem this is just abt his more personal struggles.#god i remember describing all his interactions with rytlock (intimacy wise) were all very passionate bc he didnt know how to allow himself#to be vulnerable and gentle#or rather hes scared to be bc its not natural to him#so when they see each other again and leo IS more gentle with him in private that is a huuuge deal#also im definitely not conflating romantic and platonic relationships bc those can be just as important#so im directly speaking about more intimate relationships or regarding whatever leo viewed himself wanting#which was like a partner and a family#sound the alarm this hardened soldier secretly dreams of a domestic fantasy he will never have#is esentially what it is#leo was made to be bbq dad who cleans gravestones and plants flowers for the feceased and is forced into [the entire plot of gw2]#sorry im rambling okay bye
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his ass should be at the club
#you know. actually. when you put it into perspective as lunatic and incelly he is hes a decent person outside of the stalking and murder#and we know he's there in woodbrook for sam but as far as we see he isn't just taking care of his mom to get brownie points#and like. unlike sam who's doing this just to save her skin this guy does have some boundaries as to who gets killed and who doesnt#while sam will just kill Anyone. Anyone below her in the food chain.#anyway i wish there was like more issues bc i like his stupid ass#idk if its a filipino family thing too but considering how close sam and lola are. isnt he like her nephew.#beneath the trees where nobody sees#cringe ass nae nae baby (shot to death 1986)
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god i hate everyone
#who thought it would be cute to immediately start ribbing me about how hairy and bald and ugly im gonna be when i go on t#one. im taking minoxidil. two. i wanna be hairy. and three. im not transitioning to attract you guys im transitioning to attract other trans#people! other trans guys find it hot come on!#like ok so dads brother is out here rn right#so first mom tells me hes gonna ask me questions about being trans. ok fine.#second she starts going on about how i had to be emotionally vulnerable with like 3 different therapists for this. whatever.#then when i start participating in the conversation she immediately asks “so how are you feeling about losing all your hair”#THEN she has the audacity to say to my uncle “yeah its sort of a gamble hes either gonna end up hairy like the italian side or fairly#baby smooth like yall“ when she fucking KNOWS that im dysphoric about my lack of body hair#and this happens every time! and its out of nowhere constantly!#all the while the cis men in the room are fucking bullying me with all this toxic masculinity bullshit!#sometimes i just wish i had never come out is all im saying#kept this a secret until i became an adult yknow. yeah i would have to do everything myself but it wouldn't be like this#just because i told you that you could call me a fag doesnt mean youre suddenly allowed to do microagressions constantly#shes tickled to fucking death with calling my future bottom growth my “teenie weenie” what the fuck! what the fuck!!!#and meanwhile every time i try to say words or make a joke my dad and grandpa jump on the fucking opportunity to correct me! or cut me off!#sorry im fucking exhausted i barely slept at all the night before last and got i think maybe 7 hours of sleep at most last night#and i just got out of therapy which always wears me out
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I wonder if the star wars writers understand why we like characters like Anakin and Ben more than Luke and Leia..
They've spent nine movies now telling us that the rigidity of the Jedi/sith set up is the root of all their problems, how balance is crucial, how people aren't entirely one or the other, they're some ratio of both light and dark.
Deciding that Ben didn't get a chance to live after he finally sheds the last of his shame and fear and embraces himself is kinda silly no? The whole set up of the fight with palp was kinda silly no? Rey suddenly can't kill one very bad guy when she can whoosh whoosh a hundred faceless stormtroopers because then she might be haunted by/inherit some ghost dude??? Even though she ends up killing him anyway and isn't the sith reincarnated or something? What actually was the point of that fight? What was the point of Ben dying at that moment?
They spent the past couple movies talking about these supposed visions both Ben and Rey had about their futures together, so were they not visions, just dreams? Or did the writers just sort of give up on the concept of follow through? I thought the whole point of their COLLECTIVE journeys in this trilogy was overcoming their pasts and obstacles and then returning balance to the galaxy hand in hand? They did a whole thing about hands for three movies that was clearly important was it not?
But he dies, in her arms, after giving his entire life force to her, and she just moves on? Keep it chugging along? The other half of her is dead and she's gonna what? Be on the committee to restore peace to the galaxy? She's just gonna keep living, with a new love interest or whatever else they imagine? Like, realistically what is it they imagine comes next? That's not a happy or hopeful ending
#i need someone smarter than me to say im clearly dumb and not looking at it right i guess#what was the point of calling them dyads. introducing the concept of forcebonds to me the casual audience and then just killing him lol#it doesnt actually make sense and it doesnt seem productive#he needs to live to carry on after leias death... and be at reys side. like that was what they built up to for three movies#he and rey have very similar wishes for the future of the galaxy and they will rule equally and balanced#or whatever#not saying they wouldnt have a council or anything else but still#even if we accept the whole rey palp situation that only further tells me they want her to have a big role in the galaxy after all this#shes a figurehead as a jedi but also as a resistance fighter a pilot etc#a living legend like luke was#star wars#reylo#rey from nowhere#rey of jakku
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hunter zolomon, what in the ever loving fuck is going on in your head.
i absolutely fucking love the way he spent so much time working with thawne, had access to every single bit of info in the museum's archives, claims to be an even better flash expert than thawne, SURELY has to KNOW how much of a time altering genius he is from numerous examples (and i doubt any of the 2 epic cringefails are now known to anyone but thawne himself) but still questions eobard's intellectual abilities even more than me here.
hunter. bestie. please name one single thing you were right about besides the clown. please
#insert wii music#his parallel with barry doesnt work A SINGLE BIT. TF WAS HE ONNNNN#yeah sure your own mistake=some rando from the future who got mad at you for 1 phrase and made it your problem. sure hunter. totally same.#AND HIS DADDY FUCKING ISSUES PROJECTED ONTO THE BLACK FLASH?? OF ALL THINGS????#my poor sweet speedster personification of death you did NOT deserve to put up with all this bullshit with those 2 yellow assholes :(#i wish i had the mental capacity to check out other comics including him. the guy is fucking hilarious#he has so SO much potential both comedic and tragic which is practically never discussed#and his main point about having to know pain to act properly heroic makes sense!! i could even agree with that!!#he DESERVES to be obsessed with and have every panel and word of his overanalyzed like i do with thawne#i mean. thawne is at least explainable by his brainrotting crush. HUNTER HAS NONE OF THE SORTS. HES MOTIVATED PURELY BY IDEOLOGY.#PURELY BY HIS DELUDED ASS BELIEFS ABOUT FLASHES AND HEROING AND TRAGEDY TM (and thawne ig??). HES JUST LIKE _THAT_ __RATIONALLY__.#but alas he has his f*nish l*ne moments with wally and im NOT experiencing them. may non-rebirth hunter zolomon remain a mystery to me#i will forever be mad at cw for changing his wonderful amazing and absolutely insane character to a random maniac from earth 2#people who know hunter only from that were ROBBED AF. THIS IS SO UNFAIR#in conclusion i want him on my desk with an open skull for the brain worm examination. NOW.#hunter zolomon#zoom#the black flash#the flash#dc
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Apparently the 19-year-old who died on the Titan only joined to impress his father and because it was father's day. and was terrified before the trip.
which is just fucking awful
#i am so glad that the ship imploded because the alternative would have been so much worse#and you can wish death on rich people all you want but a teenager. a fucking teenager. who didnt even want to go#death#oceangate#titan submersible#fuck his dad i hope he doesnt rest in peace
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chiaki is such a good and interesting character. wish she was in a better game
#personal#do you ever wish danganronpa was better gkdjfjskkfks#literally the only interesting thing that the anime ever did. To Me. was make chiaki a real person#because if you just take the game on its own its basically. she was just a computer program. you cared about a person who wasnt real.#hajime fell in love with a computer isnt that fucked up#but. with the added context of her being a Real Person who Existed. and the reason the program looks like her is that deep down#they all just Wanted Her Back. like that fuckin HURTS DUDE#her death was the last straw it was the final thing. that grief is what drove them all into despair in the end#fuck the brainwashing bullshit. losing chiaki broke them.#like so few of them had anyone in their lives that just. unconditionally cared. without any strings.#but she Did. she loved them all so much. she wanted them all to be so happy. for themselves#and then junko drove them all into their own heads. and then she took chiaki away from them.#no wonder they didnt give a shit about anyone else’s lives. if this is a world that can take something as unconditionally caring and bright#as chiaki nanami and Break Her and Tear Her Apart and Throw Her Away. it doesnt deserve kindness. fuck humanity.#its definitely something they all have to reckon with for a Long time going forward#like. junko haunts the halls of the island’s facilities. but so does chiaki.#not nearly in the same way but shes there all the same#theres definitely a time early on when they finally feel up to talking about her and the other four are discussing who she was before#the Real chiaki yknow#and hajime has to be like. No I Know She Was Different. I Knew Her Too.#and just him having to tell the others that chiaki was basically his only friend when he was in the reserve course#they really have to mourn her twice. fuck dude
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the fun thing about luoch.a is the realisation of how his defense isn't donning a mask, he's more of an actor instead. the version of him that you meet is typically the version of him that you, as a person, have interpreted in your head - and one in which he, in turn, will continue to play off as and, effectively complete that role.
like please think complete angelina joli.e girl interrupted rn: i'm playing the villain baby, just like you want.
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#this was supposed to be a longer meta but chat its 9pm i was supposed to be here but ive been in and out of places all day helping out with#a family emergency ...#now i am hopefully getting settled in for the evening (WE HOPE)#lore enthusiasts hate luo.cha's CQ. but man do i LOVE it for the fact it proves this interpretation in a heartbeat.#when you listen to everyones about: luo.cha. youll note that NONE of them match up to one another.#hany.a mentions his coffin. eludes to him as someone who seems wary / chased by death#jing yu.an labels him as suspicious. but comments of his merchant appearance ...#jingl.u talks about how .... empty he is and how he doesnt wish to be.#qingqu.e accuses him of being an outsider who is simply seeking the possibility of being immortal#susha.ng calls him weak and someone very likely to get robbed#tingy.un mentions not remembering him ... nothing else#xeu.yi only comments on him being able to heal her#yangq.ing only recognises him as someone with battle prowess.#the identity of 'luo.cha' isn't always the business travelling merchant he dons.#did you know that the first time that dan hen.g ACTUALLY is told about this information is after luo.cha gets confirmation from him that th#luo.fu is his home and that he is IL's reincarnation?#i looked through all the scenes on my replay and was shocked to have this confirmation#he will be whatever role he has to be to ensure a level of trust with who he speaks to#hell let you judge him and play the role as much as he needs to. doesnt matter where it ends up#ill write more on this soon. trust me!
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